July 11, 2025 • 22 mins
Theres's an often-overlooked root cause behind much of what we experience on the court: insecurity. From missed shots to disputes over line calls, in this episode I unpack how insecurity affects our mindset, behavior, and relationships in pickleball. Tune in to discover how recognizing it can transform your game to respond with empathy.
Show Notes: https://betterpickleball.com/252-the-root-cause-of-a-lot/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hello and welcome to pickleball Therapy,the podcast dedicated to
your pickle improvement.
Hope you're having a great week.
Came back from July fourth up in New York.
Got to check out some MajorLeague pickleball Action.
It was very fun.
Got to go see some art.That was amazing.
Obviously, the food, you're in New York.What's up?
It's a great place.
(00:25):
But back in the saddlethis week with a podcast.
I think you're really going to enjoy thatwe're going to explore the root cause of
what I think is a lot of what happens tous on the pickleball court, and not just
us, what happens to other players so wecan understand them better and have a
little more empathy forwhat's going on there.
And then in the Riff, I am going to talkabout something that happened
at Major League pickleball.
(00:46):
It has to do with the distraction thatI saw take place early in the match.
And just talk about distractionin general with this as our story.
That'll lock it down for us.
As we get into it, a couple ofhousekeeping notes
First of all, you may already know this,but we are partnered
with Pickleball Central.
They are our equipment, paddle supplierpartner, anything pickleball Ball, right?
(01:09):
You can get from pickleball central.
And shoes, we use tie rolls, We havetie roll as a separate partner there.
But for everything else, we're pickleballCentral is where we go for our stuff.
They have a code that you can use,which is basically, pickleballcentral.
Com/betterpickleball.Easy to remember, right?
Pickleballcentral.
Com/betterpickleball As you know,pickleball Therapy is part of
(01:31):
the Better pickleball family.
So if you go there and use that code,you'll get any applicable discount.
There are products on therethat have discounts available.
Use that, not code, I'm sorry, the link.
Use that link, you're going to be ableto access those discounts automatically.
They're just applied.
You also get basically creditstowards feature purchases.
(01:52):
So it's really cool.
And you get the best customerservice available in the industry.
And they're good folks.They partner with us.
The code also helps yousupport this podcast.
So if you use that, wewould appreciate it.
Let them know that we sent you there, andthey're our partner as well,
so we use them as well.
Another housekeeping note,if you're a pickleball system or TPS
(02:15):
student or alumni, be on the look out.
You're going to receive an email that'sgoing to come from us about a exciting
new program that we have on the TPS path.
It's basically TPS 2.0.
It's the next step in that process.
So if you're ready for that and want tojoin that, be on the look on your emails
and you're going to get an email invitingyou to a session where I'm going to
explain it to you and give you someadditional coaching content, some
(02:40):
ways of thinking about the game,really deep stuff, interesting stuff.
We've been sharing it with some playersrecently on one-on-ones
and things like that.
And I think it's reallymaking a difference.
It's really helping them frame out thesport in a more productive way that's
going to help them with their continuingdevelopment them in as pickleball players.
(03:01):
And then the last piece of housekeepinghere that I have is about the book.
I wanted to give youan update on the book.
So the team, Jeff, one of your fellowplayers and listeners to the podcast and
just friend of ours, is helping usget this across the finish line.
He and David and Michelle and Alan and thewhole team is in there
(03:24):
working on it, Penny.
And so we are making some reallygood progress in the final steps.
You would think the editing would bequick on a book like this, but it's not.
And I mean that in a very good way,meaning the final product is going to be
way better than the first and even seconddraft because of the feedback of the the
(03:45):
team able to reallyflesh out some concepts a little bit
better and present them in a way that'sreally going to make that
much more of a difference.
We're still planning for a launch thisyear, probably at the end
of third quarter here.
That's what we're hoping for.
So be on the lookout for that, and I'llkeep on sharing you updates on that.
All right, so let's talk about the rootcause of what I think is a lot of our
(04:10):
difficulty sometimes, or our difficulty inprocessing things on the court as well as
our opponents and friends,other players on the court.
And that premise, or that rootcause, I should say, is insecurity.
Plane and simple.Just Security.
(04:30):
And how it manifestsends, andwe're going to explore that.
But when you think about...
Let's talk first about us, right?
When we miss a shot, when we pop the ballup, when we miss a serve, when we
think that we lost the gamefor our partner, right?
Things like that.
Just think about that for a second, right?
(04:52):
Why do we feel the way we feel then?
Why do we react so negatively to whatis objectively not that big of a deal?
When you miss a serve, is it great?No.
Do you want it?No.
Is it part of the deal?Yes.
Is it going to happen fromtime to time to human beings?
(05:12):
Yes.Do the pros miss their serves?
Yes.
Objectively, it's justnot that big a deal.
But why do we sometimesfeel so bad about it?
Why do we feel likethe world's watching us?
The cameras are on, thespotlights are on us.
Everybody's pointing or things like that.
It's just insecurity.It's our insecurity.
Insecurity.
We feel that our worth in that moment isdetermined by the outcome of that
(05:37):
shot or the outcome of that match.
That's what says,you are a worthwhile member of our
group, or conversely, you're not.
You missed the shot.
You didn't perform, whatever it is.
Insecurity.And then also on how others behave.
(06:00):
Excuse me for one second here.
Apologies.
Had a little bit of allergies,you're kicking in a little bit.
But think about youropponents and your friends, right?
When you have those situationsthat escalate, an out call, right?
An out call, a lot of times, it'sjust insecurity by both sides.
(06:20):
And what I mean by that is you hitthe ball, you think it was in, right?
You think they called it out wrongly.
But instead of just accepting the call andmoving on, It's now it becomes this
personal debate between you and the otherplayer or them and you,
whatever, whoever's debating it.
And it then escalates.
And I would submit to you, partlybecause of insecurity, right?
(06:42):
Because who cares?
I just did a video breakdown, and Iwanted to try something different.
So I did...It's an unfiltered breakdown, literally.
I put a match on that I played in,but I played in a few weeks ago.
I don't remember the details of it, and Ijust analyzed it as I went, just cold, not
(07:03):
studying it, cutting it,things like that, right?
Very raw.I thought it was super cool.
I think it came out really well.
There's some really goodteaching points in it.
But one of the things I noted in there wasActually, it was back-to-back rallies
where there was balls that were close.
It could have been in,could have been out.
But I reminded the viewer there.
I'm like, Guys, this is a wreck.
(07:24):
We're hanging out, we're playing, we'rehaving fun with our friends, whatever.
Move on.
Just Give them the benefit of the doubtand just move on, which
is the rule anyway.But just carry on.
Let's go.
You'll see if you watch the video onAndrew Picker when it
drops, that's what we did.
There was a little bit of a couple ofplayers who were maybe not newer, but
(07:45):
We want to play a little bit newer, somaybe a little more, but
we're just like, It's fine.It's no big deal.
Let's carry on.
It's just a better way of addressing thosethings and not letting them escalate.
But when you look at...
Another area that's very common is youhave the area of
a player asking to play in another group.
So you're out there, you're playing withyour friends and whatever, and then you
(08:09):
have someone who you don't know or someonefrom another court that you may know an
acquaintance or someone you've seen comesover and ask if they can join or if they
can put their paddle downor something like that.
That interaction is justboiling, it's simmering, I should
say, simmering with insecurity there.
So obviously, if you say, Yeah, of course.
(08:30):
If you come in and join us, then thatinsecurity is going to be fine
because it's not triggered.
But if you suggest that it's a closedgroup, or if you suggest that for some
reason no or whatever, the reaction isprobably not going to be a good reaction.
And Why?Why not?
Insecurity.
Also, whenever you have a debate or aconversation about the way you play the
(08:54):
game, meaningsomeone on the court is doing something in
a way that another playerdoesn't think is how you do it.
And so there's a suggestion.
Let's assume the suggestion is absolutelycorrect, 100% correct, and no question
that it's incorrect, whichisn't often the case.
But let's assume that that'scorrect advice being given.
(09:15):
A lot of times, the reaction to thatadvice is driven by insecurity
of the player receiving it.
And listen, you don't have totake advice from another player.
You can say, I'm not interested.
You don't have to receive it.That's fine.
If you have your reasons fornot receiving it, that's great.
But if it's driven by insecurity, maybethat's worth exploring some.
(09:38):
Thinking about, maybeit's just insecurity.
And what's interesting is, insecurityapplies to both men and women.
It's not specific to a group.
But I do think that itmanifestsates more...
It may be felt more by the female player.
(09:58):
I'm not a female player, so I can't speakto that, but just based on
my observations anecdotally, whatever,they may be more aware of it, I guess.
Being not comfortable asking a thing orfeeling bad about
themselves, about their play.
I have had feedback like that, right?
That leads me to this conclusion.
But I will tell you that I think for maleplayers, the insecurity might actually be
(10:20):
more of an impedimentbecause for male players, 10, in my
experience anyway, what I've seen is notto acknowledge the insecurity, not
not deal with it head-on.
So when you see a fighton the courts, it's...
I mean, women do fight on the courts.
I'm not saying thatthey're not fights, right?
But who fights more on the court?
(10:41):
And why, right?
And I'm going to submit to you, I thinksome of it anyway is insecurity, right?
As a guy, we don't want to feel likewe're less than or we're being
We're challenged or we're being...
(11:02):
And that's also insecurity.
It's an interesting concept.
There's still something that I'm playingaround in my mind in terms of trying
to articulate it and put it together.
Not articulate it because I'm doing thatnow, but put it together
in a more cohesive manner.
But I wanted to share with you becausewhat I've been seeing, I've been
processing through that filter.
(11:24):
Is that insecurity?What about that one?
What about that one?
And a lot of times I'm finding theanswer is yes, or more likely, yes.
And so what that helpsme then with is empathy.
Because now, if Isee a behavior and I go, You know what?
I can understand that behavior betterthan I could have had I not processed it.
(11:47):
Because if it's insecurity, then I'm notgoing to get upset at the person, right?
And I'll give you guysa quick story, right?
I'll muddle it up and up so there's...
I don't know how am I going toname names and stuff like that.
But basically, It's a situation where agroup of players, another player wants
to come over and put the paddle in.
(12:08):
It's a closed group, andit becomes uncomfortable for the
player asking and for the other player.
The dynamic is then there's an exchangeof ratings and all these other things.
And not criticizing any of the actors inthis, it's a perfectly natural exchange
between sentient beings who don't knoweach other and they're trying to interact.
(12:31):
But when I thought about it, I go,I can't imagine the insecurity or the
feelings of insecurity of the playercoming over to ask, particularly this
group, is a good groupof players, whatever.
So it elevates the temperature iselevated in that situation already.
So when there's alittle bit of a pushback or a question or
whatever, then it candevolve pretty quickly.
(12:54):
And when I think about it, Ithink, Okay, was that insecurity?
But the immediate answer is yes.
And then it becomes easier todiffuse the thinking about it, to not get
upset about the way it panned outbecause you understand the root cause.
Anyway, hopefully that'll help you withunderstanding yourself a little bit
(13:14):
better, Ask that question about yourselfand ask your question about others.
All right, let's dive into the RIF.
So the RIF is something that happenedduring Major League pickleball,
and it happened in a match.
It was the Orlando squeeze againstthe Brooklyn pickleball Ball team.
It was a mixed doubles match.
It was Riley Newman, and I can'tremember if it was Jackie or Jay Kalmata.
(13:35):
I can't remember which of the Kalmatasisters was on the team, but one of the
Kalmata sisters against DylanFrazier and Samantha Parker.
What happened was this.
So it was early in thematch or in the game.
I don't remember if it was like1-0 or 1-1, something like that.
It was very early.
And Riley Newman hit an ernie,and it was close.
(13:56):
And the close wasn'tstepping in the non-bolish.
The close was whether you hit itbefore or after it cleared the net.
So the rule, if you don't know what it is,you're not allowed to hit the ball
on the other side of the net, so you haveto wait till it gets to your side of the
net, unless the ball bounces on yourside first and then goes over the net.
So if it spins and goesback, which is very rare.
(14:18):
It happened to me onetime, I got it on video.
I'll tell you that story another day.
But basically, that'sthe only exception to it.
So you have to wait till the ball crossesthe net before you hit
it, the plane of the net.And it did look like it was...
And it was close on the replay.I'll explain in a second.
But, Reilly jumped and hit theball very close to the net.
So was it on his sideor on the other side?
(14:38):
It's a question.
No fault was called.
And so that would have been, and Ibelieve it was a point or side-out.
I'm not sure.
Now, the captain of the team, FedericoSaxer, excellent player in
his own right and everything.
He's sitting around the net.
Now, remember, he's not playing.
It's Dylan and Samantha are playing.
And he's not sure what happened.
(15:00):
So he asked the ref, which he'sallowed to do an MLP as the captain.
There's nothing wrong with that question.
Then the ref said no or didn'tsee anything to call a fault.
And then Federico basically challenged it.
That's the way I sawthe way it played out.
Federico challenges it.
So now we have a challenge of a potentialnet violation by Reilly Newman
(15:25):
early in a mixed doubles match.
And it was an It's an important mix-up asa match because, as I
recall, Atlanta was down 2-1.
So if they lose this one,they lose the whole match.
And so you could see Dylan andSamantha come off, but it's confusing.
The vibe is off.It's just weird.
(15:46):
The dynamic is weird.
Plus, you're challenginga call on Reilly Newman.
Now, you can challenge calls on anybody.I don't have a problem with that.
But you got to know youraudience a little bit.
Read the room.
Riley is a Reilly feeds off ofcontroversial interactions.
He feeds off of noise.
(16:08):
He loves it.
If you want to chatter withhim, he'll eat that up.
He's going to enjoy that.
And it gives him energy.
And so what ends up happening isthe call is there's no violation.
And it was very close, okay?
So it was like he was maybe fourinches from the net.
I mean, he was very close to the net whenhe hit the shot, but
(16:30):
he hit it on his side.Very close.
Two frames of the ball, I think.Very close.
So they win that.
And so now what you've done is you haveempowered, energized your opponent, right?
Because he likes it anyway, andthen he wanted it on top of it.
So it's like, okay, it's a nightmare.
And we've disrupted Samanthaand Dylan and their flow.
(16:53):
And MLP is one game to 11,and that's the whole game.
You don't get two games.You don't get time to recover.
And they end losing.
Now, did they lose because of that?I don't know.
I can't say that, right?
But I can say this.
Did that decision to challenge that callat one, zero, or one, one hurt them?
(17:16):
I believe the answer tothat is yes, it hurt them.
Even if the call had been overturned,it interrupted what was happening,
their flow, and it wasn'tworth the cost of doing it.
And the reason I I share that with you isnot because you're going to be challenging
calls and replays and things like that inyour game, but the same exact thing
happens on out-call disputes,on score disputes, or score challenges,
(17:44):
serve illegal serve disputes,any of those types of things.
Right?
Mvc violations like, Oh, didyou step into the kitchen?
Right?Stuff like that.
All of those thingsinterrupt what's happening.
There's a flow to what's happening, right?
And they just throw amonkey wrench into that.
Potentially impacting your play,distracting you as well, because now
(18:05):
you're thinking about, Wait a minute,that can't be right because...
Let's play with the scoring for a second.
That's a common one, right?
The score gets called out, whatever,and you think it's a different score.
First of all, our advice there is just toplay on and fix it later, because
there's just no reason to stop a rally.
But okay, so you have a conversation andyou're not 100% sure, but you're pretty
(18:29):
sure, and they're thinking they're prettysure, and you're pretty
sure, and whatever.
And so you're like, Okay,let's play on then, whatever.
But now your brain is on thiswhole like, Wait a minute.
But I remember thatJohn started serving the whole match.
So he's the even server.
And it was Peggy wasserving from the thing.
(18:52):
And your brain is justso preoccupied with this stuff.
How are you hitting a ball?
How are you getting to the right spot?
How are you reading the Howare you reading the rallies?
I don't know.No, because your brain's busy.
You got your brain workingon some other stuff.
And I hate to tell you, but there's alwaysso much that you can do up there without
taking for something else.
(19:12):
So you're removing your bandwidth fromwhat's important, which is playing as
best you can, performing as best you can.
And I'm going to give you an even moreimportant one in a second,
but that's important.
And you're devoting it tothe John Surfer or the Peggy Surfer.
I don't remember exactly, butlet me think about it a second.
Let me just play that all in my head.
(19:33):
Who cares?Whether it's 8,7 or 7,8.
Let's carry on.
You're not 100 %.
You can't make your casequickly or whatever.
They think it's the other score.
Who knows?Move on.
Sothere's the performance issue of having
your bandwidth taken over,but there's also an enjoyment
(19:55):
issue, which is even bigger.
Because now what you've done is now you'vecreated this A tension
between you and your friendsabout something that who cares?
Alcohol, who cares?
Score thing, who cares?
And I've been guilty of this core thing.I'll tell you that.
I don't do it too often, but I have acouple of moments where
(20:17):
I question the score, ask aquestion, and then I feel bad.
And then I feel bad with myfriend because I'm like, Why am I?
And then after the game, I'malways like, I'm sorry, whatever.
But why am I creating that situation?
So it just doesn't make sense to createthat situation that's not really conducive
to why you're there anyway, which is tohave a good time, hit some balls, move
(20:40):
around a little bit,perform the best you can.
So what I would suggest you is this.
Am I suggesting neverto challenge anything?
No, not necessarily.
It's fine not to.
What I am suggesting to you is this.
Sway it appropriately.
Before you go out there andshoot off your mouth with some challenge
(21:02):
thing or whatever, process it for asecond and say, Is it really worth it?
Is the juice worth the squeezethat I'm going to get out of this?
The answer is, I'm going to bet you 99% ofthe time, the answer is going to be no,
it's not worth the squeezebecause there's really no...
You gameplay it a littlebit, it's not good.
Now, if there's a question about the scoreand you can give your idea, that's fine.
(21:25):
If they're not sure and you're not sureand you're working through it,
that's a different conversation.
I'm talking about where they're like,Score is 9-8, and you're like, No, it's
not because back in 1973,here's what happened.
Something like that.
Again, you do you, but my recommendationwould be both in terms of your performance
and your enjoyment, you're probably goingto be better off not proceeding with that,
even if you're right, and even if it costsyou the game, because at the end of
(21:49):
the day, is that why you're out there?
All right, that's this week's podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it.
It's a pleasure to be back in theseat giving this information to you.
As always, if you have a minute to rateand review it, please do so and
share with your friends, folks.
It'll make a difference in their gamebecause hopefully, it's making
a difference in your game.
See, I did a little bit different there.
(22:09):
Have a great week, and I'll see you nexttime on the next episode
of Think About Therapy.Be well.
Hello and welcome to pickleball Therapy,the podcast dedicated to
your pickle improvement.
Hope you're having a great week.
Came back from July fourth up in New York.
Got to check out some MajorLeague pickleball Action.
It was very fun.
Got to go see some art.That was amazing.
Obviously, the food, you're in New York.What's up?
It's a great place.
(00:25):
But back in the saddlethis week with a podcast.
I think you're really going to enjoy thatwe're going to explore the root cause of
what I think is a lot of what happens tous on the pickleball court, and not just
us, what happens to other players so wecan understand them better and have a
little more empathy forwhat's going on there.
And then in the Riff, I am going to talkabout something that happened
at Major League pickleball.
(00:46):
It has to do with the distraction thatI saw take place early in the match.
And just talk about distractionin general with this as our story.
That'll lock it down for us.
As we get into it, a couple ofhousekeeping notes
First of all, you may already know this,but we are partnered
with Pickleball Central.
They are our equipment, paddle supplierpartner, anything pickleball Ball, right?
(01:09):
You can get from pickleball central.
And shoes, we use tie rolls, We havetie roll as a separate partner there.
But for everything else, we're pickleballCentral is where we go for our stuff.
They have a code that you can use,which is basically, pickleballcentral.
Com/betterpickleball.Easy to remember, right?
Pickleballcentral.
Com/betterpickleball As you know,pickleball Therapy is part of
(01:31):
the Better pickleball family.
So if you go there and use that code,you'll get any applicable discount.
There are products on therethat have discounts available.
Use that, not code, I'm sorry, the link.
Use that link, you're going to be ableto access those discounts automatically.
They're just applied.
You also get basically creditstowards feature purchases.
(01:52):
So it's really cool.
And you get the best customerservice available in the industry.
And they're good folks.They partner with us.
The code also helps yousupport this podcast.
So if you use that, wewould appreciate it.
Let them know that we sent you there, andthey're our partner as well,
so we use them as well.
Another housekeeping note,if you're a pickleball system or TPS
(02:15):
student or alumni, be on the look out.
You're going to receive an email that'sgoing to come from us about a exciting
new program that we have on the TPS path.
It's basically TPS 2.0.
It's the next step in that process.
So if you're ready for that and want tojoin that, be on the look on your emails
and you're going to get an email invitingyou to a session where I'm going to
explain it to you and give you someadditional coaching content, some
(02:40):
ways of thinking about the game,really deep stuff, interesting stuff.
We've been sharing it with some playersrecently on one-on-ones
and things like that.
And I think it's reallymaking a difference.
It's really helping them frame out thesport in a more productive way that's
going to help them with their continuingdevelopment them in as pickleball players.
(03:01):
And then the last piece of housekeepinghere that I have is about the book.
I wanted to give youan update on the book.
So the team, Jeff, one of your fellowplayers and listeners to the podcast and
just friend of ours, is helping usget this across the finish line.
He and David and Michelle and Alan and thewhole team is in there
(03:24):
working on it, Penny.
And so we are making some reallygood progress in the final steps.
You would think the editing would bequick on a book like this, but it's not.
And I mean that in a very good way,meaning the final product is going to be
way better than the first and even seconddraft because of the feedback of the the
(03:45):
team able to reallyflesh out some concepts a little bit
better and present them in a way that'sreally going to make that
much more of a difference.
We're still planning for a launch thisyear, probably at the end
of third quarter here.
That's what we're hoping for.
So be on the lookout for that, and I'llkeep on sharing you updates on that.
All right, so let's talk about the rootcause of what I think is a lot of our
(04:10):
difficulty sometimes, or our difficulty inprocessing things on the court as well as
our opponents and friends,other players on the court.
And that premise, or that rootcause, I should say, is insecurity.
Plane and simple.Just Security.
(04:30):
And how it manifestsends, andwe're going to explore that.
But when you think about...
Let's talk first about us, right?
When we miss a shot, when we pop the ballup, when we miss a serve, when we
think that we lost the gamefor our partner, right?
Things like that.
Just think about that for a second, right?
(04:52):
Why do we feel the way we feel then?
Why do we react so negatively to whatis objectively not that big of a deal?
When you miss a serve, is it great?No.
Do you want it?No.
Is it part of the deal?Yes.
Is it going to happen fromtime to time to human beings?
(05:12):
Yes.Do the pros miss their serves?
Yes.
Objectively, it's justnot that big a deal.
But why do we sometimesfeel so bad about it?
Why do we feel likethe world's watching us?
The cameras are on, thespotlights are on us.
Everybody's pointing or things like that.
It's just insecurity.It's our insecurity.
Insecurity.
We feel that our worth in that moment isdetermined by the outcome of that
(05:37):
shot or the outcome of that match.
That's what says,you are a worthwhile member of our
group, or conversely, you're not.
You missed the shot.
You didn't perform, whatever it is.
Insecurity.And then also on how others behave.
(06:00):
Excuse me for one second here.
Apologies.
Had a little bit of allergies,you're kicking in a little bit.
But think about youropponents and your friends, right?
When you have those situationsthat escalate, an out call, right?
An out call, a lot of times, it'sjust insecurity by both sides.
(06:20):
And what I mean by that is you hitthe ball, you think it was in, right?
You think they called it out wrongly.
But instead of just accepting the call andmoving on, It's now it becomes this
personal debate between you and the otherplayer or them and you,
whatever, whoever's debating it.
And it then escalates.
And I would submit to you, partlybecause of insecurity, right?
(06:42):
Because who cares?
I just did a video breakdown, and Iwanted to try something different.
So I did...It's an unfiltered breakdown, literally.
I put a match on that I played in,but I played in a few weeks ago.
I don't remember the details of it, and Ijust analyzed it as I went, just cold, not
(07:03):
studying it, cutting it,things like that, right?
Very raw.I thought it was super cool.
I think it came out really well.
There's some really goodteaching points in it.
But one of the things I noted in there wasActually, it was back-to-back rallies
where there was balls that were close.
It could have been in,could have been out.
But I reminded the viewer there.
I'm like, Guys, this is a wreck.
(07:24):
We're hanging out, we're playing, we'rehaving fun with our friends, whatever.
Move on.
Just Give them the benefit of the doubtand just move on, which
is the rule anyway.But just carry on.
Let's go.
You'll see if you watch the video onAndrew Picker when it
drops, that's what we did.
There was a little bit of a couple ofplayers who were maybe not newer, but
(07:45):
We want to play a little bit newer, somaybe a little more, but
we're just like, It's fine.It's no big deal.
Let's carry on.
It's just a better way of addressing thosethings and not letting them escalate.
But when you look at...
Another area that's very common is youhave the area of
a player asking to play in another group.
So you're out there, you're playing withyour friends and whatever, and then you
(08:09):
have someone who you don't know or someonefrom another court that you may know an
acquaintance or someone you've seen comesover and ask if they can join or if they
can put their paddle downor something like that.
That interaction is justboiling, it's simmering, I should
say, simmering with insecurity there.
So obviously, if you say, Yeah, of course.
(08:30):
If you come in and join us, then thatinsecurity is going to be fine
because it's not triggered.
But if you suggest that it's a closedgroup, or if you suggest that for some
reason no or whatever, the reaction isprobably not going to be a good reaction.
And Why?Why not?
Insecurity.
Also, whenever you have a debate or aconversation about the way you play the
(08:54):
game, meaningsomeone on the court is doing something in
a way that another playerdoesn't think is how you do it.
And so there's a suggestion.
Let's assume the suggestion is absolutelycorrect, 100% correct, and no question
that it's incorrect, whichisn't often the case.
But let's assume that that'scorrect advice being given.
(09:15):
A lot of times, the reaction to thatadvice is driven by insecurity
of the player receiving it.
And listen, you don't have totake advice from another player.
You can say, I'm not interested.
You don't have to receive it.That's fine.
If you have your reasons fornot receiving it, that's great.
But if it's driven by insecurity, maybethat's worth exploring some.
(09:38):
Thinking about, maybeit's just insecurity.
And what's interesting is, insecurityapplies to both men and women.
It's not specific to a group.
But I do think that itmanifestsates more...
It may be felt more by the female player.
(09:58):
I'm not a female player, so I can't speakto that, but just based on
my observations anecdotally, whatever,they may be more aware of it, I guess.
Being not comfortable asking a thing orfeeling bad about
themselves, about their play.
I have had feedback like that, right?
That leads me to this conclusion.
But I will tell you that I think for maleplayers, the insecurity might actually be
(10:20):
more of an impedimentbecause for male players, 10, in my
experience anyway, what I've seen is notto acknowledge the insecurity, not
not deal with it head-on.
So when you see a fighton the courts, it's...
I mean, women do fight on the courts.
I'm not saying thatthey're not fights, right?
But who fights more on the court?
(10:41):
And why, right?
And I'm going to submit to you, I thinksome of it anyway is insecurity, right?
As a guy, we don't want to feel likewe're less than or we're being
We're challenged or we're being...
(11:02):
And that's also insecurity.
It's an interesting concept.
There's still something that I'm playingaround in my mind in terms of trying
to articulate it and put it together.
Not articulate it because I'm doing thatnow, but put it together
in a more cohesive manner.
But I wanted to share with you becausewhat I've been seeing, I've been
processing through that filter.
(11:24):
Is that insecurity?What about that one?
What about that one?
And a lot of times I'm finding theanswer is yes, or more likely, yes.
And so what that helpsme then with is empathy.
Because now, if Isee a behavior and I go, You know what?
I can understand that behavior betterthan I could have had I not processed it.
(11:47):
Because if it's insecurity, then I'm notgoing to get upset at the person, right?
And I'll give you guysa quick story, right?
I'll muddle it up and up so there's...
I don't know how am I going toname names and stuff like that.
But basically, It's a situation where agroup of players, another player wants
to come over and put the paddle in.
(12:08):
It's a closed group, andit becomes uncomfortable for the
player asking and for the other player.
The dynamic is then there's an exchangeof ratings and all these other things.
And not criticizing any of the actors inthis, it's a perfectly natural exchange
between sentient beings who don't knoweach other and they're trying to interact.
(12:31):
But when I thought about it, I go,I can't imagine the insecurity or the
feelings of insecurity of the playercoming over to ask, particularly this
group, is a good groupof players, whatever.
So it elevates the temperature iselevated in that situation already.
So when there's alittle bit of a pushback or a question or
whatever, then it candevolve pretty quickly.
(12:54):
And when I think about it, Ithink, Okay, was that insecurity?
But the immediate answer is yes.
And then it becomes easier todiffuse the thinking about it, to not get
upset about the way it panned outbecause you understand the root cause.
Anyway, hopefully that'll help you withunderstanding yourself a little bit
(13:14):
better, Ask that question about yourselfand ask your question about others.
All right, let's dive into the RIF.
So the RIF is something that happenedduring Major League pickleball,
and it happened in a match.
It was the Orlando squeeze againstthe Brooklyn pickleball Ball team.
It was a mixed doubles match.
It was Riley Newman, and I can'tremember if it was Jackie or Jay Kalmata.
(13:35):
I can't remember which of the Kalmatasisters was on the team, but one of the
Kalmata sisters against DylanFrazier and Samantha Parker.
What happened was this.
So it was early in thematch or in the game.
I don't remember if it was like1-0 or 1-1, something like that.
It was very early.
And Riley Newman hit an ernie,and it was close.
(13:56):
And the close wasn'tstepping in the non-bolish.
The close was whether you hit itbefore or after it cleared the net.
So the rule, if you don't know what it is,you're not allowed to hit the ball
on the other side of the net, so you haveto wait till it gets to your side of the
net, unless the ball bounces on yourside first and then goes over the net.
So if it spins and goesback, which is very rare.
(14:18):
It happened to me onetime, I got it on video.
I'll tell you that story another day.
But basically, that'sthe only exception to it.
So you have to wait till the ball crossesthe net before you hit
it, the plane of the net.And it did look like it was...
And it was close on the replay.I'll explain in a second.
But, Reilly jumped and hit theball very close to the net.
So was it on his sideor on the other side?
(14:38):
It's a question.
No fault was called.
And so that would have been, and Ibelieve it was a point or side-out.
I'm not sure.
Now, the captain of the team, FedericoSaxer, excellent player in
his own right and everything.
He's sitting around the net.
Now, remember, he's not playing.
It's Dylan and Samantha are playing.
And he's not sure what happened.
(15:00):
So he asked the ref, which he'sallowed to do an MLP as the captain.
There's nothing wrong with that question.
Then the ref said no or didn'tsee anything to call a fault.
And then Federico basically challenged it.
That's the way I sawthe way it played out.
Federico challenges it.
So now we have a challenge of a potentialnet violation by Reilly Newman
(15:25):
early in a mixed doubles match.
And it was an It's an important mix-up asa match because, as I
recall, Atlanta was down 2-1.
So if they lose this one,they lose the whole match.
And so you could see Dylan andSamantha come off, but it's confusing.
The vibe is off.It's just weird.
(15:46):
The dynamic is weird.
Plus, you're challenginga call on Reilly Newman.
Now, you can challenge calls on anybody.I don't have a problem with that.
But you got to know youraudience a little bit.
Read the room.
Riley is a Reilly feeds off ofcontroversial interactions.
He feeds off of noise.
(16:08):
He loves it.
If you want to chatter withhim, he'll eat that up.
He's going to enjoy that.
And it gives him energy.
And so what ends up happening isthe call is there's no violation.
And it was very close, okay?
So it was like he was maybe fourinches from the net.
I mean, he was very close to the net whenhe hit the shot, but
(16:30):
he hit it on his side.Very close.
Two frames of the ball, I think.Very close.
So they win that.
And so now what you've done is you haveempowered, energized your opponent, right?
Because he likes it anyway, andthen he wanted it on top of it.
So it's like, okay, it's a nightmare.
And we've disrupted Samanthaand Dylan and their flow.
(16:53):
And MLP is one game to 11,and that's the whole game.
You don't get two games.You don't get time to recover.
And they end losing.
Now, did they lose because of that?I don't know.
I can't say that, right?
But I can say this.
Did that decision to challenge that callat one, zero, or one, one hurt them?
(17:16):
I believe the answer tothat is yes, it hurt them.
Even if the call had been overturned,it interrupted what was happening,
their flow, and it wasn'tworth the cost of doing it.
And the reason I I share that with you isnot because you're going to be challenging
calls and replays and things like that inyour game, but the same exact thing
happens on out-call disputes,on score disputes, or score challenges,
(17:44):
serve illegal serve disputes,any of those types of things.
Right?
Mvc violations like, Oh, didyou step into the kitchen?
Right?Stuff like that.
All of those thingsinterrupt what's happening.
There's a flow to what's happening, right?
And they just throw amonkey wrench into that.
Potentially impacting your play,distracting you as well, because now
(18:05):
you're thinking about, Wait a minute,that can't be right because...
Let's play with the scoring for a second.
That's a common one, right?
The score gets called out, whatever,and you think it's a different score.
First of all, our advice there is just toplay on and fix it later, because
there's just no reason to stop a rally.
But okay, so you have a conversation andyou're not 100% sure, but you're pretty
(18:29):
sure, and they're thinking they're prettysure, and you're pretty
sure, and whatever.
And so you're like, Okay,let's play on then, whatever.
But now your brain is on thiswhole like, Wait a minute.
But I remember thatJohn started serving the whole match.
So he's the even server.
And it was Peggy wasserving from the thing.
(18:52):
And your brain is justso preoccupied with this stuff.
How are you hitting a ball?
How are you getting to the right spot?
How are you reading the Howare you reading the rallies?
I don't know.No, because your brain's busy.
You got your brain workingon some other stuff.
And I hate to tell you, but there's alwaysso much that you can do up there without
taking for something else.
(19:12):
So you're removing your bandwidth fromwhat's important, which is playing as
best you can, performing as best you can.
And I'm going to give you an even moreimportant one in a second,
but that's important.
And you're devoting it tothe John Surfer or the Peggy Surfer.
I don't remember exactly, butlet me think about it a second.
Let me just play that all in my head.
(19:33):
Who cares?Whether it's 8,7 or 7,8.
Let's carry on.
You're not 100 %.
You can't make your casequickly or whatever.
They think it's the other score.
Who knows?Move on.
Sothere's the performance issue of having
your bandwidth taken over,but there's also an enjoyment
(19:55):
issue, which is even bigger.
Because now what you've done is now you'vecreated this A tension
between you and your friendsabout something that who cares?
Alcohol, who cares?
Score thing, who cares?
And I've been guilty of this core thing.I'll tell you that.
I don't do it too often, but I have acouple of moments where
(20:17):
I question the score, ask aquestion, and then I feel bad.
And then I feel bad with myfriend because I'm like, Why am I?
And then after the game, I'malways like, I'm sorry, whatever.
But why am I creating that situation?
So it just doesn't make sense to createthat situation that's not really conducive
to why you're there anyway, which is tohave a good time, hit some balls, move
(20:40):
around a little bit,perform the best you can.
So what I would suggest you is this.
Am I suggesting neverto challenge anything?
No, not necessarily.
It's fine not to.
What I am suggesting to you is this.
Sway it appropriately.
Before you go out there andshoot off your mouth with some challenge
(21:02):
thing or whatever, process it for asecond and say, Is it really worth it?
Is the juice worth the squeezethat I'm going to get out of this?
The answer is, I'm going to bet you 99% ofthe time, the answer is going to be no,
it's not worth the squeezebecause there's really no...
You gameplay it a littlebit, it's not good.
Now, if there's a question about the scoreand you can give your idea, that's fine.
(21:25):
If they're not sure and you're not sureand you're working through it,
that's a different conversation.
I'm talking about where they're like,Score is 9-8, and you're like, No, it's
not because back in 1973,here's what happened.
Something like that.
Again, you do you, but my recommendationwould be both in terms of your performance
and your enjoyment, you're probably goingto be better off not proceeding with that,
even if you're right, and even if it costsyou the game, because at the end of
(21:49):
the day, is that why you're out there?
All right, that's this week's podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it.
It's a pleasure to be back in theseat giving this information to you.
As always, if you have a minute to rateand review it, please do so and
share with your friends, folks.
It'll make a difference in their gamebecause hopefully, it's making
a difference in your game.
See, I did a little bit different there.
(22:09):
Have a great week, and I'll see you nexttime on the next episode
of Think About Therapy.Be well.
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