December 10, 2025 • 21 mins
The question addressed in this episode pertains to the perennial question: "Are our loved ones happy on the other side?" This matter weighs heavily on the hearts of many who have experienced the profound sorrow of loss. I assert unequivocally that yes, your loved ones are indeed content in the realm beyond our earthly existence. As we navigate the complex terrain of grief, it becomes paramount to acknowledge that while we yearn for their physical presence, they have returned to their true essence, unencumbered by earthly trials and tribulations. In this exploration, we will delve into the nature of our spiritual existence, the experiences of those who have crossed over, and the comforting notion that our loved ones thrive in a state devoid of suffering. Join us as we unravel these insights, fostering a deeper understanding of the connection that transcends the veil of life and death.
Amidst the complexities of grief, the question of our loved ones' happiness in the afterlife emerges as a pivotal theme. Throughout the episode, we explore the inherent human desire for reassurance regarding the well-being of those who have departed. With a firm conviction, we assert that our loved ones are indeed at peace in their spiritual abode, liberated from the trials that once defined their earthly existence. This reassurance serves not only to alleviate the anxieties of the bereaved but also to foster a deeper understanding of the nature of life itself. By emphasizing the spiritual dimension of our existence, we invite listeners to cultivate a perspective that honors their loved ones' journey, encouraging a shift from sorrow to celebration—a recognition that life is fundamentally about experiences, love, and interconnectedness.
Takeaways:
- The notion of happiness for loved ones in the afterlife is a common inquiry among those experiencing grief.
- It is essential to recognize that our loved ones, once they pass, return to a state of happiness and peace.
- Grief is a natural process, and understanding that our loved ones are content in the spirit world can alleviate some of our suffering.
- The connection we seek with our departed loved ones can be fostered through meditation and personal reflection.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hi, my friends, this is Jock here.
This is the Pillars of Grief.
And this is the next questionthat I get asked a lot regarding
the afterlife and obviously grief.
So when we come right back,we're going to answer the biggest
question.
Well, actually one of thebiggest questions we get all the
time that I get all the time,and that says, you know, is my loved
(00:26):
one happy on the other sidethey happy.
So when we come right back,we're going to answer that straight
away.
God bless.
Grief is a natural part oflife and we all experience it at
some point.
By becoming aware of ouremotions in the process of grief,
we can begin to accept andmove through our pain.
(00:50):
Acceptance doesn't mean thatwe forget or stop feeling the loss
of, but it allows us to cometo terms with it.
And finally, we can choose tohonor our loved ones by celebrating
their life and finding meaningin our grief.
Join me as we explore thesepillars of Grief and how they can
help us navigate the journeyof grief.
(01:10):
We will explore this journeytogether and you will hear from experiencers,
experts and researchers.
I'm Jock Brokis and this isthe Pillars of Grief.
Okay, guys, welcome back.
(01:31):
As I said, this is a questionI get asked an awful lot and sometimes
I find it quite.
Shocking that anybody wouldreally ask it.
But I get it.
You know, when we lose a lovedone, we, whether it's a son, a daughter,
a husband, a wife, anybody, afriend, relative, anything, mom,
(01:54):
dad.
We always want them to be happy.
We want to know in ourselvesthat while they're on the other side
that they're happy.
And I've lost countless.
I've lost countless.
Really, I can't count amountof times that someone has asked me
(02:17):
the same thing.
And only just recently,someone approached me and sent me
a message and wanted to knowif their daughter was happy on the
other side.
And so here's the thing.
I mean, it's a very simple.
It's not gonna be a long episode.
It's a very simple thing.
Yes, your loved one on theother side is going to be very happy.
But what I want you tounderstand is that remember that
(02:40):
we're here.
This is our temporary home.
Where we come from, we arespirits in human form.
We are not humans in spirit form.
Right?
So what I mean by that is thatwe are part of the animating force
that animates all of life.
We come from spirit.
(03:02):
We are only animated becauseof the animating force that animates
everything.
The same force that animatesthe flower and the seed to sprout
or Animates the flower tobloom, animates the butterfly to
emerge from the chrysalis.
(03:24):
The same animating force thatcreates the moisture in the air,
that creates the clouds that click.
We are all part of thatanimating force.
We only exist because itanimates us, because it animates
us in our life, gives us life.
And so the reality is thatfundamentally we are spirit energy,
(03:45):
that we come from the world of spirit.
And so when our loved onescross over, when our loved ones,
this is why we want to thinkabout them.
They go home to what theirreal home is.
We are here having thisspiritual experience.
We're here.
This is not a place just whereyou just come to be at school, as
(04:07):
so many old New Age ideas willsay, that we come to this world because
it's a school and we have tolearn things and we have to pass
our school.
That's not true.
We come for experience.
Life is about experience.
We experience love.
Rubbish on my T shirt there.
(04:27):
We experience love, weexperience emotions, we experience
anger.
We experience being.
I mean, at the moment I'mexperiencing being cold.
You're going to think of that,you know, coming from Scotland and
the Highlands of Scotland andbeing here in North Carolina, you
would think I'd be used toinclement weather, but.
(04:48):
I must be getting old agebecause I'm feeling it.
It's cold.
It's bloody cold today, actually.
And mind you, in my office, Idon't have a of lot, little heater.
So I'm digressing.
I'm kind of changing the subject.
But at the end of the day, wefeel all these emotions.
We feel these experiences.
We experience things in ourphysiology, in our biology.
(05:09):
We experience health, weexperience illness.
Life is about experience.
And so when we come here, it'sall about that experience.
But here's the thing.
Some people who have losttheir loved ones may have lost their
loved ones through to suicideor to them taking their own lives.
They may have lost onesthrough murder.
They may have lost loved onesthrough people that I know, friends
(05:32):
that I know, people in thebattlefield, soldiers, operatives
that lose brothers and sistersin arms.
We lose people through illness.
But I want to kind of talkabout this idea that people think
if we lose someone in ashocking way, then they automatically
think that they're not goingto be happy on the other side, whether
(05:55):
that's through a misalignedmisunderstanding of spiritual law,
divine law, or even dogmaticreligion, where in some dogmatic
face they would say suicide iswrong and you would go to purgatory
or you would go to hell.
And all of this is just reallythings that are made up.
(06:21):
In all honesty, are made up tocontrol the population of the day,
like politics is.
And like, you know, back inthousands of years ago, it was the
same thing.
And so a lot of these ideas,they come from human nature.
They come from our desires,perceptions, expectations.
And so even in dogmaticreligion, where they would say that
(06:41):
this person goes over at thewrong hand and they're going to be
trapped, or in some new agebeliefs, they would say they would
get trapped in between livesand things like that, I mean, there's
no evidence for it, that's not true.
And it causes more problemsthan anything else.
It causes us to question life,causes us to question faith, it causes
(07:05):
us to even question our own existence.
But our loved ones, when theygo home and for the thousands and
sit ins and connections that Ihave had, I know without a shadow
of a doubt that they're happy.
Even.
Let me give you an example.
Even in our own losses lastyear, as you know, many that know
(07:25):
me, my wife and I, we lostmany people last year, one after
the other, in fact last thisin a few days time, two days time,
it's an anniversary of one ofour closest.
People that we lost.
My mother in law, my wife'smum, and then our best friend Sheila.
(07:46):
And they're always in our mind.
But of course we still havethose questions.
Many times my wife would say,is mum happy?
Is mum happy?
And some things I found thatshocking because she knows they're
happy.
But we want to hear it.
We want to hear that they'rehappy because.
And the reason is, even thoughwe kind of know they're happy, even
(08:10):
though my wife can know thather mom's happy, even though I know
my mother in law's happy, Iknow my uncle Robyn's happy, I know
they're happy.
There's something still insideus that even though we know this,
we just want to hear it fromsomeone else.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But if I could say one thingto you, ladies and gentlemen, to
take away is that to know thatyour loved ones are happy on the
(08:31):
other side, because this isour world of experience.
And where they've gone isthey've gone home to where they came
from, where there's noillness, where there's no pain.
They don't need to worry aboutwhere the money's coming up to the
next bill, or they don't needto worry about their.
(08:52):
They can still experiencedifferent things in there, but they
don't need to worry abouttheir health.
And a lot of people will say,well, are they just worried about
us?
Are we holding them backbecause of our fears, because we
want them to be happy andbecause we don't think they're happy
or we're worried that they're happy?
Do we hold them back?
Absolutely not.
No, you don't.
You don't hold them back at all.
(09:12):
You perhaps hold yourself backbecause of your own fears or because
of your own judgments.
Remember, I've always said,ladies and gentlemen, that we create
our own suffering by our judgments.
Right?
The way we judge somethingcreates the suffering in us.
And so when we think about ourloved ones that are on the other
(09:33):
side, even though in our heartof hearts we know that they're happy,
we want to hear it fromsomeone else.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
And I realized that.
I realized that when my wifeasked me sometimes, I've said, oh,
of course, of course Mom's happy.
You know, don't be ridiculous.
Of course.
But no, I get it, I get it.
(09:54):
The woman that contacted merecently, I think in her heart she
knows that her daughter'shappy on the other side.
Is it God's will that someonetakes their own life?
No, it's not.
Is it God's will that someoneis murdered?
No.
And I don't like this wholeidea as well.
They're saying, well, they hadto come here and they had to learn
(10:16):
that, and that's part of thewhole process.
I don't accept that.
Right.
I don't accept.
There are some things that wedon't understand and we're never
going to understand until wecross over.
But I don't think it's meantto be.
In fact, no, I don't say no.
Think I know it's not meant to be.
Nobody's meant to take the wrong.
My best friend that took hislife years, years ago.
(10:38):
That wasn't meant to be partof it.
That was his free will choice.
And I'll go into anotherlesson, actually, probably more about
free will in my community whenI talk, more when I develop.
I'm in the process ofdeveloping a really in depth course
for everybody.
Not only just in grief, but indeeper, deeper aspects of it.
So you can learn a lot moreabout it.
(11:00):
Philosophical aspects of it,the empirical aspects of it, the
scientific aspect, all of itreally, really in depth.
So.
And if you're interested inthat, then you can reach out to me
or you can wait until Iannounce it and then come and join.
But I kind of don't go forthis whole new agey idea.
As a medium, and not only as amedium, but as a researcher and my
(11:24):
curiosity, I dive deep into things.
And not only my contemplation,but I'm also looking for evidence
in the connections and thecommunications that I have from the
other side as well.
Not just from when, if I'mdoing a sitting on reading for someone,
but even from my owninquisitive, my own curiosity.
(11:45):
So I know that our loved onesare happy, but I don't subscribe
to this whole idea thatsomeday it's meant to be, that they
take their life so thatsomebody can learn that.
Yeah, I don't go for that.
And I know there's books outthere that support that and there's
supposedly gurus that do that.
But I have never come acrossin any of my time in development
(12:05):
and study.
Of someone on the other sidesaid it was meant to be and I was
supposed to do it so that Icould teach you this lesson that
never came across this.
And there's never any evidencefor it in any way, shape or form.
And so I want you to get allthat out of your head.
I'd rather that you kept inyour mind, in your head, that your
(12:28):
loved ones are really happyand you'll ask it less and less.
Because if you understand itmore, if you understand that yes,
they're happy, you won't needto seek that validation from someone
like me or anybody else oryour friends.
Because when you're askingthat question, even when my wife's
asking that question, she'slooking for that evidence, she's
(12:50):
looking for that reassurance.
And that's because in normalhuman nature, we need to be reassured
things.
Taking the spirituality aside,when we just look at our psychological
framework, our psychologicalmakeup, we have a hierarchy needs.
Anybody who's ever studied.
Abraham Maslow's hierarchy ofneeds, you know, you understand that
(13:12):
there's physiological needs,there's security needs.
But if we break this down in apsychological component, right, we
have needs, emotional needs.
And so when we ask thesequestions, it's not cause we disbelieve
it.
It's because we really need.
We need that validation.
We need to be able to receiveit for someone else so that we feel
(13:41):
free enough to be able to say,okay, I accept that, I accept that.
And it gives us a little bitof comfort.
I'm no different from anybody else.
I look for validation the sameas anybody else does.
I'm lucky that I maybeunderstand things deeper, that I
don't have to seek thatvalidation enough.
But then again, it's not forme to judge how many times someone
(14:01):
had asked, if you come and askme, my wife has asked me plenty times.
If mom's happy on the otherside, then she knows deep down that
she is.
Your loved ones are definitelyhappy on the other side.
The truth is that we are nothappy about it because we miss them.
There's nothing wrong with that.
We miss their touch, we missthe vocal connection, we miss their
(14:24):
energetic connection.
We miss them being in our lives.
So another way of us askingand seeking that reassurance is it's
a way of us trying to connectagain as well.
It's a way of us going, youknow, okay, are they happy?
Yes, they're happy.
And so we feel a connectionthere again.
Because some things we feel so disconnected.
(14:46):
And by asking if they'rehappy, there's a little subconscious
connection there.
We're trying to make that connection.
Nothing wrong with it.
And keep asking.
I'm not here to turn aroundand say, stop asking, they are happy.
I'm here to teach you to understand.
What it really means and thatthere's nothing wrong with it as
(15:09):
same as there's nothing wrongwith you crying in public about your
loss.
I want you just to understandthat you can ask it as many times
as you want.
There's nothing wrong with it.
But I want you to come fromthe point of, of recognizing, having
an awareness.
Of the philosophical aspectsof it, of the psychological aspects
(15:29):
of it and why you do it, whyour behavior is the way it is, why
we need to seek the validationand the reassurance.
That's what I want you to understand.
And it doesn't.
Those of you who are out therethat have messaged me in Instagram
or through my email, anythinglike that, ask me as many times as
(15:52):
you want.
I'm going to tell you the same thing.
I'm going to tell you, yes,your loved one is happy and yes,
there's another thing.
You can communicate with them.
You just need to learn adifferent language.
It's like going on an app andtaking an app to learn a language.
All you're doing is.
(16:13):
You'Re not learning a newlanguage, you're remembering a new
language.
So when you remember thelanguage language, you start to pick
up these signs of your lovedones around you.
You pick up the changes in the energy.
And here's the other thing Iwant you to think about when you're
thinking about asking thatquestion, is my loved one happy on
(16:36):
the other side?
I Just want.
And I've heard that so manytimes, I just want them to be happy.
If I knew that they werehappy, it would help me.
I get it.
But maybe what you need to dois to go into the quiet.
Maybe what you need to do isto go into the silence, meditate
a little.
You don't have to get any bigfancy lighting candles or doing anything
like that.
You just need to meditate,meditate in silence.
(16:59):
Meditate with a bit of music,whatever, Visualize your loved one.
You'll feel that they're happybecause you will make that connection.
There's no doubt about it.
I've got no doubt.
You can make that connection.
You can in prayer.
You can just sit in silentprayer and just pray and you'll see
in your mind's eye, you'llfeel that they're happy.
(17:20):
It is just us who miss them,and we're not happy because they're
not in our lives.
But it helps us, to reassureus, to maybe do that meditation,
to do that prayer, tovisualize them, to hold their image
in our hand or whatever it isthat you do that helps you to, to
(17:41):
cope with your grief.
Even speaking to someone, youcould even change, you could change
the whole dynamic there bysaying, you know what?
I've lost my son, I lost mydaughter, but I know they're happy.
And instead of saying to thatperson, I want to know if they're
happy, you can say, I knowthey're happy.
And so you're reassuringyourself as well.
(18:02):
That allows you to start toget through that fog of grief so
that you can, that fog canlift, the sun can shine through and
you can feel the connectionfrom your loved one.
That's all I want to saytoday, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, it is the season.
You might be listening to thisnext year.
This is coming up, theChristmas season, holiday season.
(18:23):
And I know it's in our heartsa lot, but you can listen to this
message at any given timeduring the year.
Message is the same now aswe're in my community.
Before the holidays, beforethe Christmas, I'm going to be planning
to do a little remembrancetype service in our group where we'll
(18:44):
remember our loved ones, lighta candle, say a prayer, share some
stories.
If you're not a member of thepillars of grief community, then
please come and join us.
It's free just for the generalcommunity in there.
And you can connect, you canask me questions as well and you
can take part on anythingthat's coming up.
Now, I'm not in there as muchas I would really want to be.
(19:08):
But I am there and I domessage and I do get back to people
and you're just, you know,you're more than welcome to come
in and get that support.
And of course, that event thatwe're going to be having before Christmas
time, where we're just goingto have a little meditative session,
a little prayer, maybe you'lllight a candle, share some words.
(19:30):
I'm going to be doing it formy loved ones, and whether it's just
me on my own or whether it'smembers of our community, it will
be going ahead.
So you're more than welcome tojoin again.
Ladies and gentlemen, thankyou for joining me today.
If you've got any questions,then reach out.
This is another questionanswered about the afterlife.
We've got an We've got loadsmore coming up, as I mentioned before,
(19:52):
so make sure you subscribe.
Make sure you share it outwith anybody who's lost a loved one
that might need to hear this.
And again, have a beautifulday, have a beautiful evening, have
a beautiful morning, and justremember your loved ones are happy
on the other side.
(20:13):
It is only our judgment andour fears that cause us that suffering.
God Bless.
Thank you for tuning in to thePillars of Grief with me.
If you found this podcasthelpful, please consider subscribing
so that you never miss an episode.
Subscribe Also, leaving areview can help others find the show
(20:35):
and receive the guidance theyneed on their journey through grief.
I appreciate your feedback andlook forward to hearing from you
all.
Join my free online supportcommunity for those grieving and
connect with others who.
Understand what you're going through.
I offer you a spiritualblessing and hope you will join me
on the next episode.
Till then, open your mind and allow.
The power of the divine totransform your grief to spiritual
(20:58):
realization.
God Bless.
Hi, my friends, this is Jock here.
This is the Pillars of Grief.
And this is the next questionthat I get asked a lot regarding
the afterlife and obviously grief.
So when we come right back,we're going to answer the biggest
question.
Well, actually one of thebiggest questions we get all the
time that I get all the time,and that says, you know, is my loved
(00:26):
one happy on the other sidethey happy.
So when we come right back,we're going to answer that straight
away.
God bless.
Grief is a natural part oflife and we all experience it at
some point.
By becoming aware of ouremotions in the process of grief,
we can begin to accept andmove through our pain.
(00:50):
Acceptance doesn't mean thatwe forget or stop feeling the loss
of, but it allows us to cometo terms with it.
And finally, we can choose tohonor our loved ones by celebrating
their life and finding meaningin our grief.
Join me as we explore thesepillars of Grief and how they can
help us navigate the journeyof grief.
(01:10):
We will explore this journeytogether and you will hear from experiencers,
experts and researchers.
I'm Jock Brokis and this isthe Pillars of Grief.
Okay, guys, welcome back.
(01:31):
As I said, this is a questionI get asked an awful lot and sometimes
I find it quite.
Shocking that anybody wouldreally ask it.
But I get it.
You know, when we lose a lovedone, we, whether it's a son, a daughter,
a husband, a wife, anybody, afriend, relative, anything, mom,
(01:54):
dad.
We always want them to be happy.
We want to know in ourselvesthat while they're on the other side
that they're happy.
And I've lost countless.
I've lost countless.
Really, I can't count amountof times that someone has asked me
(02:17):
the same thing.
And only just recently,someone approached me and sent me
a message and wanted to knowif their daughter was happy on the
other side.
And so here's the thing.
I mean, it's a very simple.
It's not gonna be a long episode.
It's a very simple thing.
Yes, your loved one on theother side is going to be very happy.
But what I want you tounderstand is that remember that
(02:40):
we're here.
This is our temporary home.
Where we come from, we arespirits in human form.
We are not humans in spirit form.
Right?
So what I mean by that is thatwe are part of the animating force
that animates all of life.
We come from spirit.
(03:02):
We are only animated becauseof the animating force that animates
everything.
The same force that animatesthe flower and the seed to sprout
or Animates the flower tobloom, animates the butterfly to
emerge from the chrysalis.
(03:24):
The same animating force thatcreates the moisture in the air,
that creates the clouds that click.
We are all part of thatanimating force.
We only exist because itanimates us, because it animates
us in our life, gives us life.
And so the reality is thatfundamentally we are spirit energy,
(03:45):
that we come from the world of spirit.
And so when our loved onescross over, when our loved ones,
this is why we want to thinkabout them.
They go home to what theirreal home is.
We are here having thisspiritual experience.
We're here.
This is not a place just whereyou just come to be at school, as
(04:07):
so many old New Age ideas willsay, that we come to this world because
it's a school and we have tolearn things and we have to pass
our school.
That's not true.
We come for experience.
Life is about experience.
We experience love.
Rubbish on my T shirt there.
(04:27):
We experience love, weexperience emotions, we experience
anger.
We experience being.
I mean, at the moment I'mexperiencing being cold.
You're going to think of that,you know, coming from Scotland and
the Highlands of Scotland andbeing here in North Carolina, you
would think I'd be used toinclement weather, but.
(04:48):
I must be getting old agebecause I'm feeling it.
It's cold.
It's bloody cold today, actually.
And mind you, in my office, Idon't have a of lot, little heater.
So I'm digressing.
I'm kind of changing the subject.
But at the end of the day, wefeel all these emotions.
We feel these experiences.
We experience things in ourphysiology, in our biology.
(05:09):
We experience health, weexperience illness.
Life is about experience.
And so when we come here, it'sall about that experience.
But here's the thing.
Some people who have losttheir loved ones may have lost their
loved ones through to suicideor to them taking their own lives.
They may have lost onesthrough murder.
They may have lost loved onesthrough people that I know, friends
(05:32):
that I know, people in thebattlefield, soldiers, operatives
that lose brothers and sistersin arms.
We lose people through illness.
But I want to kind of talkabout this idea that people think
if we lose someone in ashocking way, then they automatically
think that they're not goingto be happy on the other side, whether
(05:55):
that's through a misalignedmisunderstanding of spiritual law,
divine law, or even dogmaticreligion, where in some dogmatic
face they would say suicide iswrong and you would go to purgatory
or you would go to hell.
And all of this is just reallythings that are made up.
(06:21):
In all honesty, are made up tocontrol the population of the day,
like politics is.
And like, you know, back inthousands of years ago, it was the
same thing.
And so a lot of these ideas,they come from human nature.
They come from our desires,perceptions, expectations.
And so even in dogmaticreligion, where they would say that
(06:41):
this person goes over at thewrong hand and they're going to be
trapped, or in some new agebeliefs, they would say they would
get trapped in between livesand things like that, I mean, there's
no evidence for it, that's not true.
And it causes more problemsthan anything else.
It causes us to question life,causes us to question faith, it causes
(07:05):
us to even question our own existence.
But our loved ones, when theygo home and for the thousands and
sit ins and connections that Ihave had, I know without a shadow
of a doubt that they're happy.
Even.
Let me give you an example.
Even in our own losses lastyear, as you know, many that know
(07:25):
me, my wife and I, we lostmany people last year, one after
the other, in fact last thisin a few days time, two days time,
it's an anniversary of one ofour closest.
People that we lost.
My mother in law, my wife'smum, and then our best friend Sheila.
(07:46):
And they're always in our mind.
But of course we still havethose questions.
Many times my wife would say,is mum happy?
Is mum happy?
And some things I found thatshocking because she knows they're
happy.
But we want to hear it.
We want to hear that they'rehappy because.
And the reason is, even thoughwe kind of know they're happy, even
(08:10):
though my wife can know thather mom's happy, even though I know
my mother in law's happy, Iknow my uncle Robyn's happy, I know
they're happy.
There's something still insideus that even though we know this,
we just want to hear it fromsomeone else.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But if I could say one thingto you, ladies and gentlemen, to
take away is that to know thatyour loved ones are happy on the
(08:31):
other side, because this isour world of experience.
And where they've gone isthey've gone home to where they came
from, where there's noillness, where there's no pain.
They don't need to worry aboutwhere the money's coming up to the
next bill, or they don't needto worry about their.
(08:52):
They can still experiencedifferent things in there, but they
don't need to worry abouttheir health.
And a lot of people will say,well, are they just worried about
us?
Are we holding them backbecause of our fears, because we
want them to be happy andbecause we don't think they're happy
or we're worried that they're happy?
Do we hold them back?
Absolutely not.
No, you don't.
You don't hold them back at all.
(09:12):
You perhaps hold yourself backbecause of your own fears or because
of your own judgments.
Remember, I've always said,ladies and gentlemen, that we create
our own suffering by our judgments.
Right?
The way we judge somethingcreates the suffering in us.
And so when we think about ourloved ones that are on the other
(09:33):
side, even though in our heartof hearts we know that they're happy,
we want to hear it fromsomeone else.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
And I realized that.
I realized that when my wifeasked me sometimes, I've said, oh,
of course, of course Mom's happy.
You know, don't be ridiculous.
Of course.
But no, I get it, I get it.
(09:54):
The woman that contacted merecently, I think in her heart she
knows that her daughter'shappy on the other side.
Is it God's will that someonetakes their own life?
No, it's not.
Is it God's will that someoneis murdered?
No.
And I don't like this wholeidea as well.
They're saying, well, they hadto come here and they had to learn
(10:16):
that, and that's part of thewhole process.
I don't accept that.
Right.
I don't accept.
There are some things that wedon't understand and we're never
going to understand until wecross over.
But I don't think it's meantto be.
In fact, no, I don't say no.
Think I know it's not meant to be.
Nobody's meant to take the wrong.
My best friend that took hislife years, years ago.
(10:38):
That wasn't meant to be partof it.
That was his free will choice.
And I'll go into anotherlesson, actually, probably more about
free will in my community whenI talk, more when I develop.
I'm in the process ofdeveloping a really in depth course
for everybody.
Not only just in grief, but indeeper, deeper aspects of it.
So you can learn a lot moreabout it.
(11:00):
Philosophical aspects of it,the empirical aspects of it, the
scientific aspect, all of itreally, really in depth.
So.
And if you're interested inthat, then you can reach out to me
or you can wait until Iannounce it and then come and join.
But I kind of don't go forthis whole new agey idea.
As a medium, and not only as amedium, but as a researcher and my
(11:24):
curiosity, I dive deep into things.
And not only my contemplation,but I'm also looking for evidence
in the connections and thecommunications that I have from the
other side as well.
Not just from when, if I'mdoing a sitting on reading for someone,
but even from my owninquisitive, my own curiosity.
(11:45):
So I know that our loved onesare happy, but I don't subscribe
to this whole idea thatsomeday it's meant to be, that they
take their life so thatsomebody can learn that.
Yeah, I don't go for that.
And I know there's books outthere that support that and there's
supposedly gurus that do that.
But I have never come acrossin any of my time in development
(12:05):
and study.
Of someone on the other sidesaid it was meant to be and I was
supposed to do it so that Icould teach you this lesson that
never came across this.
And there's never any evidencefor it in any way, shape or form.
And so I want you to get allthat out of your head.
I'd rather that you kept inyour mind, in your head, that your
(12:28):
loved ones are really happyand you'll ask it less and less.
Because if you understand itmore, if you understand that yes,
they're happy, you won't needto seek that validation from someone
like me or anybody else oryour friends.
Because when you're askingthat question, even when my wife's
asking that question, she'slooking for that evidence, she's
(12:50):
looking for that reassurance.
And that's because in normalhuman nature, we need to be reassured
things.
Taking the spirituality aside,when we just look at our psychological
framework, our psychologicalmakeup, we have a hierarchy needs.
Anybody who's ever studied.
Abraham Maslow's hierarchy ofneeds, you know, you understand that
(13:12):
there's physiological needs,there's security needs.
But if we break this down in apsychological component, right, we
have needs, emotional needs.
And so when we ask thesequestions, it's not cause we disbelieve
it.
It's because we really need.
We need that validation.
We need to be able to receiveit for someone else so that we feel
(13:41):
free enough to be able to say,okay, I accept that, I accept that.
And it gives us a little bitof comfort.
I'm no different from anybody else.
I look for validation the sameas anybody else does.
I'm lucky that I maybeunderstand things deeper, that I
don't have to seek thatvalidation enough.
But then again, it's not forme to judge how many times someone
(14:01):
had asked, if you come and askme, my wife has asked me plenty times.
If mom's happy on the otherside, then she knows deep down that
she is.
Your loved ones are definitelyhappy on the other side.
The truth is that we are nothappy about it because we miss them.
There's nothing wrong with that.
We miss their touch, we missthe vocal connection, we miss their
(14:24):
energetic connection.
We miss them being in our lives.
So another way of us askingand seeking that reassurance is it's
a way of us trying to connectagain as well.
It's a way of us going, youknow, okay, are they happy?
Yes, they're happy.
And so we feel a connectionthere again.
Because some things we feel so disconnected.
(14:46):
And by asking if they'rehappy, there's a little subconscious
connection there.
We're trying to make that connection.
Nothing wrong with it.
And keep asking.
I'm not here to turn aroundand say, stop asking, they are happy.
I'm here to teach you to understand.
What it really means and thatthere's nothing wrong with it as
(15:09):
same as there's nothing wrongwith you crying in public about your
loss.
I want you just to understandthat you can ask it as many times
as you want.
There's nothing wrong with it.
But I want you to come fromthe point of, of recognizing, having
an awareness.
Of the philosophical aspectsof it, of the psychological aspects
(15:29):
of it and why you do it, whyour behavior is the way it is, why
we need to seek the validationand the reassurance.
That's what I want you to understand.
And it doesn't.
Those of you who are out therethat have messaged me in Instagram
or through my email, anythinglike that, ask me as many times as
(15:52):
you want.
I'm going to tell you the same thing.
I'm going to tell you, yes,your loved one is happy and yes,
there's another thing.
You can communicate with them.
You just need to learn adifferent language.
It's like going on an app andtaking an app to learn a language.
All you're doing is.
(16:13):
You'Re not learning a newlanguage, you're remembering a new
language.
So when you remember thelanguage language, you start to pick
up these signs of your lovedones around you.
You pick up the changes in the energy.
And here's the other thing Iwant you to think about when you're
thinking about asking thatquestion, is my loved one happy on
(16:36):
the other side?
I Just want.
And I've heard that so manytimes, I just want them to be happy.
If I knew that they werehappy, it would help me.
I get it.
But maybe what you need to dois to go into the quiet.
Maybe what you need to do isto go into the silence, meditate
a little.
You don't have to get any bigfancy lighting candles or doing anything
like that.
You just need to meditate,meditate in silence.
(16:59):
Meditate with a bit of music,whatever, Visualize your loved one.
You'll feel that they're happybecause you will make that connection.
There's no doubt about it.
I've got no doubt.
You can make that connection.
You can in prayer.
You can just sit in silentprayer and just pray and you'll see
in your mind's eye, you'llfeel that they're happy.
(17:20):
It is just us who miss them,and we're not happy because they're
not in our lives.
But it helps us, to reassureus, to maybe do that meditation,
to do that prayer, tovisualize them, to hold their image
in our hand or whatever it isthat you do that helps you to, to
(17:41):
cope with your grief.
Even speaking to someone, youcould even change, you could change
the whole dynamic there bysaying, you know what?
I've lost my son, I lost mydaughter, but I know they're happy.
And instead of saying to thatperson, I want to know if they're
happy, you can say, I knowthey're happy.
And so you're reassuringyourself as well.
(18:02):
That allows you to start toget through that fog of grief so
that you can, that fog canlift, the sun can shine through and
you can feel the connectionfrom your loved one.
That's all I want to saytoday, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, it is the season.
You might be listening to thisnext year.
This is coming up, theChristmas season, holiday season.
(18:23):
And I know it's in our heartsa lot, but you can listen to this
message at any given timeduring the year.
Message is the same now aswe're in my community.
Before the holidays, beforethe Christmas, I'm going to be planning
to do a little remembrancetype service in our group where we'll
(18:44):
remember our loved ones, lighta candle, say a prayer, share some
stories.
If you're not a member of thepillars of grief community, then
please come and join us.
It's free just for the generalcommunity in there.
And you can connect, you canask me questions as well and you
can take part on anythingthat's coming up.
Now, I'm not in there as muchas I would really want to be.
(19:08):
But I am there and I domessage and I do get back to people
and you're just, you know,you're more than welcome to come
in and get that support.
And of course, that event thatwe're going to be having before Christmas
time, where we're just goingto have a little meditative session,
a little prayer, maybe you'lllight a candle, share some words.
(19:30):
I'm going to be doing it formy loved ones, and whether it's just
me on my own or whether it'smembers of our community, it will
be going ahead.
So you're more than welcome tojoin again.
Ladies and gentlemen, thankyou for joining me today.
If you've got any questions,then reach out.
This is another questionanswered about the afterlife.
We've got an We've got loadsmore coming up, as I mentioned before,
(19:52):
so make sure you subscribe.
Make sure you share it outwith anybody who's lost a loved one
that might need to hear this.
And again, have a beautifulday, have a beautiful evening, have
a beautiful morning, and justremember your loved ones are happy
on the other side.
(20:13):
It is only our judgment andour fears that cause us that suffering.
God Bless.
Thank you for tuning in to thePillars of Grief with me.
If you found this podcasthelpful, please consider subscribing
so that you never miss an episode.
Subscribe Also, leaving areview can help others find the show
(20:35):
and receive the guidance theyneed on their journey through grief.
I appreciate your feedback andlook forward to hearing from you
all.
Join my free online supportcommunity for those grieving and
connect with others who.
Understand what you're going through.
I offer you a spiritualblessing and hope you will join me
on the next episode.
Till then, open your mind and allow.
The power of the divine totransform your grief to spiritual
(20:58):
realization.
God Bless.
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