April 21, 2021 • 50 mins
This week we get down and personal with my personal story about dating as a fat girl. Join me and Vivian from Artelunamiami as we discuss and answer all your questions on dating and being fat.
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About Vivian
Cuban-American artist Vivian Estalella was born and raised in Miami, Florida in a family of strong independent women. As a little girl, she never played with dolls or toys. Instead, she preferred to spend her time coloring. She was always happier with a box of crayons or paints than a Barbie doll. Always creative, she enjoyed the arts from a very young age. At the age of 15, a trip to Mexico awakened her passion for painting. The intensely rich colors of Mexican art struck a cord and, together with her Cuban roots, formed a style that is both distinctive and uniquely vibrant. The sights, sounds, exotic tastes, and passionate people of the tropics, along with the sensuous female form, are all prevalent in her work
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Miss Pinup Miami (00:04):
Good day and welcome back to the pin podcast.
One, Episode Number 45. Oh, Ican't believe it. And here at
the pin podcast, we talk aboutmodern topics with a vintage
flair. And if it is your firsttime listening to us, I want to
give you a big thank you and Ihope you stick around. And if
(00:24):
you're a returning listener,whoo, you already know that I
love you guys. With all my heartwith my heart. If you haven't
followed us on Instagram, makesure to hit up the pin podcast
official. You could also hit upmine at Pinup Miami, and feel
free to send us a text at 183348pin up those messages go
(00:48):
directly to me, so I'll be ableto answer any questions. If you
have any suggestions, anyquestions for our guests, feel
free to send them on over onover. Before we get started with
today's episode I wanted to givea big thank you. To everyone
that supported me this weekend.
I had Friday night the radiorock and roll concert down in
gaja. ocho, it was a greatsuccess. And Saturday, I was
(01:11):
able to go to the first meetupfor pin Tampa. You guys met the
girls in last week's episode. Itwas an amazing turnout amazing
atmosphere. It's what it's whatI imagined the penta meetups to
be all about. And it wasamazing. I met new faces saw old
faces. I can't wait for the nextone. Maybe some of those ladies
(01:33):
will come down to South Floridafor the pin to South Florida
meetup. But that was reallygood. And then on Sunday, I
always forget to mention but onSunday, you could catch me live
on the rockabilly cue Facebookpage or on my YouTube channel. I
do a class it could be from hairto a craft to make up anything.
(01:53):
rockabilly, you know, anysuggestions there? reach out to
me I can teach you anything thatI can. Except I'm not separate.
Except like maybe
Unknown (02:10):
tattoo makeup.
Vivian (02:13):
I think you probably figure that out.
Miss Pinup Miami (02:17):
You're trying to find something in my head.
Well, as you heard ourcommentary today is a returning
returning guests. We have Vivianfrom out of the Luna Miami.
Yes, we're here to continue theconversation from two weeks ago
(02:38):
about being fat. I don't knowhow else to put it.
Vivian (02:43):
Hey, it's part of who we are. Right.
Miss Pinup Miami (02:47):
You get to own it and loving your body. Like we
said, it's about bodypositivity. You know, and we had
a couple of questions that werebrought up from the last episode
that we're gonna bring up here.
Are you red tea, Vivian.
Vivian (03:02):
I'm ready. I got my coffee. So I'm ready to go.
Miss Pinup Miami (03:05):
And I have my my boba tea. I've been obsessed
with boba tea without the boba.
Um, I just milk tea milk tea tobe specific. But let's start
with the first question. Andthese are all gonna revolve
around plus size dating. So forthe most part, today's episode
(03:26):
is gonna be amazing, because youhave Vivian that's dating, you
know that she's in the datingscene. And then you have me I've
been in the dating scene for along time, but I have been taken
in the last two years havetaken. So we have
Unknown (03:43):
to take you.
Miss Pinup Miami (03:45):
He took my heart. So you have two
experiences. And hopefullysomebody people that sent in
questions and you guys listeningout there? learn something new.
And if not, let's keep theconversation going, you know,
keep texting me. comment on thevideo. Let us know. So the first
(04:09):
question is, does your bodybecome a sexual fetish? As a
plus size woman we're diving
Vivian (04:16):
right in there we
Unknown (04:19):
are diving right in there. Okay,
Vivian (04:23):
there are there's a lot of talk about plus size women or
BB W's or whatever you want tocall them being fetishize. And I
said this a little bit in theprevious episode. I don't have a
problem with it. If you want to,you know, look at me and be
like, wow, you know, this pluseyed lady and you know, get all
(04:43):
excited about it. I have noproblem with that. If you find
me beautiful, that's fine. Youknow, that's just one of the
aspects of me. I'm not just afat woman. There's a lot more to
me than that. But um, I mean, Ireally don't have a problem with
that. I do have have friends whostate steer clear from that or
they try as soon as they kind oflike get the wave but it's like
(05:06):
a fetish thing. They're like outthe door. That's me. Um That's
just I don't have an issue withit. At the same time i don't i
don't think that I've ever datedsomeone who had a plus i Spanish
like they were with me justbecause I was plus one. So that
might be why I have a differentperspective on it. But I don't
(05:27):
have an issue with it.
Miss Pinup Miami (05:28):
Yeah, my perspective is to go the other
way. Like when I used to alllike day and you meet like
somebody for the first time, Ione time had this experience
that I met this guy at thisreally nice restaurant here in
like somewhere for Lauderdale.
And the whole time he was reallyquiet and my mentality when I
was online dating is to be like,honest about myself, because I
(05:49):
was over just doing the littleFrou Frou dating thing. So I put
all my weird stuff out there andif they liked it, you know, now
weird like kinky stuff, justlike, you know, I was an
embalmer, all these weirdthings.
Unknown (06:05):
But um,
Miss Pinup Miami (06:07):
but this guy in particular, he was super
quiet, and I didn't understandit. And then we walked me to my
car, he just confessed to methat like, he was really into,
like, porn and into like, bigwomen. And he just wanted to use
me for like his kink. And it waslike, I was like, a little too
(06:27):
much for me, because I was like,I could see that he didn't want
to date. So when I hear thatquestion, I think about men that
are just looking for, like that.
fetishizing because it'shappened to me many times, I
guess, is the way I dress or myhair. I'm pretty sure all the
girls out there that dress acertain way that's different
than the norm. guys think, Oh,she must be kinky because he's
out there. Yeah. Well, I
Vivian (06:52):
mean, like I said, I haven't had an experience like
that. So maybe that's why I seeit differently. I guess if it's
somebody that wants you just forthat fantasy, and that's it,
then, of course, that's notsomething that I would be like,
yes, let's jump into that. But,um, you know, it's just, you
know, like, I don't know. Like,for example, I love Tom and it's
(07:16):
just a preference that I have, Ithink a lot of girls have it.
Have I dated someoneexclusively, you know, tall or
for being taught? No, actually,like, I haven't been, but, um,
but I don't see it as a fetish.
So I get, I don't know. Dependson how far they take it or how
they treat you becausetreatments very important. You
(07:37):
know,
Miss Pinup Miami (07:39):
so and what you're willing to and what
you're looking forward tobecause I mean, if somebody for
in the situation I was in ifsomebody was just looking for
somebody to have, like, fun withand I guess that would be okay,
but I was looking for theopposite thing that this
gentleman was looking for. Yeah,this second question. I have it
(08:01):
Well, that was sent in was, dopeople automatically think you
put out because you're fat?
Vivian (08:09):
Um, again, I haven't had that experience.
Miss Pinup Miami (08:16):
Okay, um,
Vivian (08:17):
I've often been told that I'm unapproachable. Oh,
kind of give off that likestandoffish vibe. And the
resting bitchface people? Yeah,I do have a resting bitchface I
really don't
Miss Pinup Miami (08:29):
see it though.
Maybe it's because I make yousmile. But
Vivian (08:32):
that could be but I'm not daily. I do have a resting
bitchface Um, so I guess, youknow, guys that approached me or
that. You know, I dated in thepast, it's, it's a different
experience. By the time we getto that point, we've already had
conversation, we kind of got toknow each other a little bit. So
(08:53):
I haven't had that kind of thingwhere just because I'm
overweight, I'm going to put outyou know,
Miss Pinup Miami (09:03):
I've had this experience. I my sister and her
friends always went out clubbingand stuff, so I would always
join them and, and I was alwaysthe chubbiest one in the group.
And I felt like the guy thatdidn't get the other people's
attention. You know, like, therewas a guy at the club and let's
(09:24):
say my, one of the girls gotrejected from him, and then
another girl got rejected, andthen they've come up to me and
I'll never forget it. One guysaid, Oh, well, there's nobody
that would want you so like, letme buy you while it happened. It
happened. It was terrible. Ithappened at Blue Martini if
you're from South Florida.
Vivian (09:43):
Terrible.
Miss Pinup Miami (09:45):
And I also you know, I feel like that's really
a thing. There's this beautifulI won't say beautiful, but
there's this movie that I reallylove. It's not beautiful guys.
It's just I guess I love themessage behind it is called
Brittany runs a marathon. Haveyou ever seen it? No, I have it.
Oh, it's because one day I wantto run a marathon. So I saw this
movie thinking, a motivate me torun a marathon. But this movie
(10:08):
is about this girl, that she's aplus size. Well, they call her a
plus sized girl, she's not asbig, I would say, Well as you
and I, um, but she's like thefat friend. And like, she thinks
that she has to give men blowjobs in order for them to even
pay attention to her. This isnot the main topic of a movie,
(10:29):
but it was like a subtle messagein there that I felt like, Oh,
my God, does she feel like shehas to put out just because
she's fat, you know, until shestarted running and feeling good
about herself that she knew thatshe didn't have to feel that low
about herself that she had toplease a man like there was men
going up to her in this movie,like at a bar to tell her the
(10:50):
bathroom to like,
Unknown (10:54):
you know, get it on?
Miss Pinup Miami (10:57):
No, not get it on just get oral sex. Like they
didn't even want sex. It justwanted to use her oral, oral,
geez, you know, that's not aword. But go oral on them. Well,
but
Vivian (11:09):
you mentioned on important point, you said that
she had like low self esteem.
And that could be like, Is itjust because she was overweight?
Or is it because you kind of youcan kind of get that vibe when
you see someone that they havelow self esteem, or they kind of
look down on themselves. Thatcould be a combination.
Miss Pinup Miami (11:26):
When this movie it was because she was
overweight, because when shestarted running and feeling
healthier and being better. Shewas never she was never skinny
in the movie. Like she didn't gofrom being fat skinny, it was
more like being like fat tofeeling good, like a comfy
weight. You know? I really likeit. I recommend it to anybody. I
(11:49):
don't amazon prime.
Vivian (11:51):
Okay, well check it out.
Miss Pinup Miami (11:53):
Third question, can picking out an
outfit be a nightmare whenyou're going on a date?
Vivian (12:00):
Yes. But it might not be for the reason that you think it
is? Oh, let
Miss Pinup Miami (12:05):
me hear your reason.
Vivian (12:08):
Well, I can be a little much as you can tell. So when
I'm going to go on a on a,especially a first date, because
once I get to know me, then Idon't care. But I'm especially
on a first date, I like to toneit down a little bit. So instead
of my flowers being this big, itmight be a little smaller, or I
(12:29):
might wear a headband orsomething like that. Because I
feel like I kind of couldintimidate people. But I
honestly don't think about it interms of the of my weight. You
know, I guess I've learned toaccept myself and I'm okay with
it. You know, of course,sometimes, you know, I'll go
(12:49):
into my closet. And if I'vegained a little bit of weight,
things are feeling tight, youget frustrated, but I think it
can happen at any size, not justbecause I'm plus size. Um, so
that's why I think it could be anightmare. But
Miss Pinup Miami (13:06):
for me, I can't really talk today. Well,
we're giving both sides, it'salways have good to have like
different opinions. And, youknow, people had these
questions. So we were trying toput out what we know in the
world to help somebody.
Vivian (13:21):
Here's the thing, and I feel like every time you've had
me on, I always say how old I ama bully four years old. But, um,
the reason why we say it isbecause every kind of phase of
my life I've had like differentfeelings or different issues. So
when I was younger, that mighthave been a bigger issue for me,
(13:43):
where, you know, I hadn't fullyembraced myself and I was more
embarrassed about my way or Ifelt, you know, maybe, I don't
know, like the odd man out. Butnow I honestly and I say there's
100% of what I like to bethinner. Yes, I'm not gonna lie
to you and say no, but um, I'mokay with it. I you know, I have
(14:04):
a jam packed closet. As youknow, Jennifer, because I love
fashion and I love clothing. Um,so I mean, some people say that
it's really hard to findclothing at a larger size. I
don't I don't have a problem. Ilove vintage styles. So forget,
you know, true vintage is verydifficult on my size, but
(14:26):
there's a ton of reproductiondesigners. Lots of stuff on the
internet, I buy most of myclothes online, and I don't
really have an issue finding youknow, different outfits or the
styles that I like to wear likethings that are maybe a little
bit eccentric or a littlefashion forward sometimes. Um,
so in that sense, I don't havean issue with it. And again,
(14:49):
I've come to embrace all that isme and you know, I love you know
away things that are off, youknow, off the shoulder and
showing a little skin here andthere. tattoos are. So my
tattoos here. Um, so I don't Idon't find that as nerve racking
as, as I did maybe in my 20s. Iknow that when I was in my 20s
(15:12):
it was a little bit more nervewracking, and I would get more
nervous about it and stress outand it's like, you know, I work
girdles for most of my life. Idon't anymore because really how
much of this is going to behidden by a girdle? Not much.
But when I was younger, becausethat's what I grew up hearing,
you know, you have to wear thefather and the father's gonna
make you look thinner. And it'slike, really how much thinner
(15:33):
that I will look wearing it so.
So in that sense, I don't Idon't freak out about what I'm
gonna wear on a date orsomething like that. I just kind
of like to tone it down a littlebit when I first meet someone
and take it
Miss Pinup Miami (15:47):
the opposite in two ways. I don't tone it
down.
Vivian (15:51):
I mean, I love I love that about it too. I need to
embrace. I can't embrace it aswell.
Miss Pinup Miami (15:58):
Think about it, I can't turn down the
yellow. So I might as well notturn down anything else. And,
and I'm the opposite. I do getbody Conscious Dating people
depending on the situation. ButI'm always always I was always
body conscious. Even with myboyfriend. When I met my my
boyfriend. He was a swing dance.
Well, he's a see swing dances.
(16:22):
And that means that he has totouch me and he was smaller than
me. So in my head, it's alwayslike, Oh, what is it going to
touch? Or like sometimes when Iwear a corset on like, he's
gonna know that I'm wearing acorset like, I mean, now I'm
okay with it, because he knowsme. And it's just what I I felt
I felt like he was just touchingeverything. Because you know,
(16:43):
when you're dance, you liketouching, you know, your hips to
your belly, because he would dothis move. And I'll never
forget. And I used to tell himthat I did well, now I tell him
I didn't like it in thebeginning, was that he would
like put his hands over to flipme, but then I'll be facing him.
And then he pushes me on mystomach. And it was like, ah,
like I I didn't like it becauseI thought it's not that I didn't
(17:05):
like the move like now we do itall the time. But at least in
the beginning, I was like oh myGod, this guy's touching me like
it was just like, it was justweird. And then I would get self
conscious because then I'll seeall the other girls because the
swing dancing community or anydancing community that you're a
part of like everyone danceswith each other because they
love dancing. And I something Icouldn't comprehend. So much on
(17:31):
getting after code, hopefullysoon. But um, but everyone
dances with each other, like nomatter what, even the men dance
with the men, even the manliestmen dance with men like that's
how much they love dancing,right? And I would get self
conscious because everyone elsewas thinner. So he's dancing
with these girls so beautifullythat are thinner. That I feel it
(17:52):
was the first time Well, I'vealways had this like, body
consciousness when I went ondates like, oh, what do I sit
next to him and my thighs touchhim like, you know, or my you
know, I wear a petticoat on topof it. Like, it's always gonna
be poofy no matter what. Or wedo an activity. Like when me and
Tim, my boyfriend went to theEverglades. I was like, Oof, I
have to wear like, somethingdifferent because we're gonna be
(18:15):
on our boat. And then I'm like,What is like the boat? These are
all thoughts in my head. And I'msure some of you ladies out
there have felt like, Oh, I'mgonna go on this expedition. But
what if the boat like goes likethis? Because I'm sitting on it,
you know? But these are thingsthat we just have to realize
that like, it's not, it's justin our heads.
Vivian (18:33):
Why totally okay. When I said that I have any issues,
getting dressed and findingthings to wear is one thing. But
you touched on something, I'mlike, I was dating this guy who
loves to put his hands on mybelly. And he would just like,
like people do to pregnantwomen, and they just kind of rub
their belly. And that would makeme feel self conscious. Because
even though I'm okay with all ofthis, and I don't have an issue,
(18:56):
you know, taking it off, either.
But, um, like the rubbing of abelly if I was kind of weird.
You know, like, that just mademe feel a little self conscious.
Like, yes, I know, the belly isthere, do we need to touch it?
You know, so that Yeah. And Ialso had on one on one of my
first dates, I'm coincidentallythe same person. I'm wanting to
(19:18):
go to the beach. And again, I'mnot self conscious in the sense
like, I'll go to the beach andstuff. But like on a first date,
that's like a little much, youknow, like, I don't want to be
in a bathing suit in front ofsomeone on a first date. So
things like that do make me feelself conscious. Like you know,
Miss Pinup Miami (19:39):
like I feel subconscious wearing a bathing
suit in front of my family.
Vivian (19:45):
I don't have an issue with that or like my friends I'm
okay with that.
Miss Pinup Miami (19:48):
I've mentioned on my podcast before about my
family and, and I was that girlthat my mom would make fun of me
because I'd wear like shirts tothe beats like I'm sure some of
us have worn well I have wornYou know, when you wear your
bathing suit, you wear a Tshirt, one of those long t
shirts just because you're still
Vivian (20:06):
a kid. Yeah, right.
Well,
Miss Pinup Miami (20:07):
I did that until way into us.
Vivian (20:12):
And so now look at me
Miss Pinup Miami (20:13):
through a five day I wore like, a bathing suit
I made with my leg showing, youknow?
Vivian (20:19):
Oh, absolutely. Can you
Miss Pinup Miami (20:23):
two piece for a fashion show? So we're more
moving on?
Vivian (20:27):
Yes. Wait, do you get to your 40s we're gonna see you in
Miss Pinup Miami (20:35):
the next question. People think do people
think you don't have standards?
I guess thinking like, if you'refat, you know, you don't have
any standard. We just touchedupon that in the first question.
Vivian (20:48):
Yes, um, one of the things that I've always like
encountered is people assumethat because I'm big. I'm gonna
date a guy that's like me, or inmy case, a guy. Um, and I'm not
shaming anyone, because I don'twant to be shamed. You know, and
I would never do that tosomeone, but it comes down to
(21:08):
preference. And I've never dateda big guy. That's just not my
preference. And do I seeanything wrong with no,
absolutely not, I think everyonedeserves love, but it's just a
preference thing. Just like, youknow, a guy might be swiping on,
you know, whatever app andthey're just not interested in
somebody with brown hair, orblonde hair or something else.
(21:29):
Am I 100%? opposed to it? No.
But it's just, I just haven'tdated anyone like that. It just
hasn't happened. And people likethroughout the years have always
assumed, like, you're a biggirl, you need to date a big
guy. And it's like, well, maybemaybe that's not what I meant
to, you know, maybe I personallydifferent. You know, so that's
what in terms of standards thanalso the whole, like, how people
(21:52):
say, Well, you know, What, areyou what, 10? Are you an eight?
Are you a 72? Whatever it is?
And it's like, you can't goafter, like the heart good
looking guy, you know, becauseyou're a fat girl. Why not? Why
not?
Miss Pinup Miami (22:08):
I used to get, I used to get people that'd be
like, Oh, how can this personlove you if like, you're fat,
and they have muscles.
Unknown (22:19):
Exactly like what it's about.
Miss Pinup Miami (22:22):
force him, he just loves it.
Vivian (22:25):
And honestly, 100% and the older I get, the more I
realized that this is true. I'veheard this my whole life looks
are not everything. And theyreally aren't. It's what draws
you in initially, but it doesn'tkeep you you know, if you don't
have a good personality orsomething in common, or you
don't have chemistry, it doesn'tmatter how hard that guy is or
how beautiful you are, it's notgonna there's not going to be
(22:48):
much left, you know, after theinitial kind of lust is gone,
you know. So that that has a lotto do with it as well. The next
question is, do
Miss Pinup Miami (22:58):
people assume you're lonely?
Vivian (23:01):
Because you're fat?
Yeah. Well, I don't know if it'sbecause I'm probably okay. Let
me say, I don't know if it'sbecause I'm fat. But it because
I'm single. People assume thatI'm lonely. And do I get lonely?
Yes, of course. Yeah. I thinkeverybody feels lonely at some
point. But there's a lot ofpeople that are married or in
(23:24):
relationships or lonely, youknow, that has not, you know,
it's not the everything aboutit. So but people do assume that
I'm lonely alone. That is true.
Yeah, we have a loner. So maybethat's why
Miss Pinup Miami (23:40):
I've always been a loner, Tim is actually my
second relationship. And Idon't, I mean, I don't consider
myself a loner, because I neverfeel alone. Even when I'm alone.
If that makes sense. My brain isalways going I'm either sewing
or doing something or keepingmyself preoccupied. And
something I always tell peoplewhen they ask for, like any of
(24:03):
my advices is, you know, youhave to learn to love yourself
before you can let somebody elselove you. That's true. Because
when I hear people say that, Oh,I can't find somebody, you know,
I can't find the data orboyfriend or whatever. You know,
you have to think like maybeit's your negative energy. You
(24:25):
need to get
Vivian (24:27):
data for I have told you that before.
Miss Pinup Miami (24:32):
I mean, I didn't mean to use those words.
Vivian (24:38):
I say that all the time.
Miss Pinup Miami (24:43):
But like, for example, when I'm having a bad
day, I mean, I have bad days,but I have to remind myself, you
know that you know, we only livethis one life. You got to make
sure we take advantage. And soall we have are ourselves at the
end of the day. If you're a lastfan, did you ever See last? No,
I, I love the phrase, they usedto use coffee that was live
(25:07):
together die alone, because itwas always about working
together and being able tosurvive on this island. But at
the end of the day, you're gonnadie alone. So it was like this,
it was a great quote, becauseit's also true in life. You
know, while we're here, let'swork together. Because when
you're dead, you're gonna bealone, if you remember, or
(25:27):
whatever happens.
Unknown (25:29):
Now.
Miss Pinup Miami (25:35):
Next question, do people think you hate your
body? I don't like it.
Vivian (25:44):
I hate my body. But I think people are surprised when
you say that you love your body.
Or that you're happy with howyou look? Or that you feel
secure in your own skin. Youknow, I think that surprises
people. Um,
Miss Pinup Miami (25:59):
you think it surprises men, when you go on a
date with them, and they're, andyou tell them that you're
Vivian (26:04):
nobody surprises them, but I know that they find it
sexy. When you feel comfortablein your own skin. Because it
shows it's it's somethingdifferent specially, you know,
in the sexy time. When you feelconfident in your own skin and
you feel comfortable in your ownskin, it definitely shows that
(26:26):
it plays out a littledifferently. You know, again,
the older I get the morecomfortable in my skin I get
Miss Pinup Miami (26:35):
with age.
Vivian (26:40):
So, you know, that whole topic was different in my 20s.
And it was different in my 30s.
And in my 40s is different. Sowhen it gets better when the
Miss Pinup Miami (26:53):
next question is, how do you hold on? Have you
ever been told that you'recatfishing?
Vivian (27:04):
No,
Miss Pinup Miami (27:05):
I guess that you're the campus. But
Vivian (27:07):
I am one of those people that I overthink everything. And
I think about things way toomuch. And I just ponder and I'm
a Libra. So to make a decision,it takes me a little while. So
whenever I set up a new datingprofile, I'm I choose my photos
so carefully, because that's oneof the things that I've always
been worried about, is meetingsomebody in person and then
(27:30):
being like, wait a minute, Ididn't realize you were so even
though I have a big face. Soeven if it's like a selfie or
closer photo, they can tell thembigger. But um, so I I've always
been very honest with myprofiles, I'm honest about my
age, they can see my photos, Ialways have like a, you know,
full body photo, the picturesare recent. Because that's one
(27:53):
thing that I've always been,like worried about is that I'm
going to meet someone andthey're going to be like, wait a
minute, you know, this isn'twhat I thought you were so
thankful. catfishing
Miss Pinup Miami (28:04):
you're in a large photo of yourself. But I'm
sure it won't. I've come acrosson these like dating sites,
people that lie. Yes, I wascatfished lots
Vivian (28:19):
of people on dating sites. Like we could do a whole
other episode on that.
Miss Pinup Miami (28:24):
They live from their age, because it's all
target what they're looking for.
Or they lie about their load. SoI had this one guy, and you can
never trust pictures with fishon it. I always thought that
that was a joke that people saybut that's the truth. If there's
a man holding a fish just swipe
Vivian (28:44):
left. I thought that was like a Florida thing.
Miss Pinup Miami (28:46):
No, that's an everyday thing. Like they think
that they're like masculinity isholding a fish. I don't know. I
thought it was just a meme and ajoke but never went on a date
once with this man. It lookednothing like his photos. Like I
don't even think that guy fishever. He was like, he wasn't
tan. It was nothing about hissize. It was about like it
wasn't him it wasn't and theproblem is I don't think we care
(29:11):
if if the person look different,you know, I think people should
be true to themselves becausewhat are they expect? I
literally what do they expectwhen they need somebody? Like
they're just gonna be like, Oh,you weren't the same person but
who cares? Like you
Vivian (29:24):
look a little different in person like now that not
everybody's photogenic you mightyou know, look a little
different but somethingcompletely different person 100
pounds heavier or lighter thanYes, that's not okay.
Miss Pinup Miami (29:38):
I used to love the TV show catfish.
Vivian (29:41):
Yes.
Miss Pinup Miami (29:43):
I used to love it because but then you also
come to think like, I never Inever understood how people
could talk to somebody I guess.
Again, this goes with theloneliness and like not you know
and being comfortable justmeeting somebody neutrally and
talking to them for like threeyears without Like a video chat
or voice chat or falling in lovewith them through texts and
never meeting them. I found thatamazing. I'm like, no, no. You
(30:06):
gotta
Vivian (30:10):
watch 90 day films.
Unknown (30:12):
I have
Vivian (30:12):
lots of those cases on there too.
Miss Pinup Miami (30:16):
Now, the next question being plus size and you
and when you go on a date, doyou feel uncomfortable ordering
food? Yes. I was gonna say thesame thing.
Vivian (30:29):
Yeah, yeah. But I think not only dating just like what
anytime you meet someone new,even if it's like, a business
lunch or something like that,you know, I am a little bit self
conscious.
Miss Pinup Miami (30:42):
No, you say business? Yes. And Chris, like
the Christmas party, at least atmy job, they go go to one
restaurant. It used to be like aprefix menu, and everybody got
the same thing. But then oneyear, we got to choose and I'm
like, I mean,
Vivian (30:56):
I'm not. I mean,
Miss Pinup Miami (30:58):
I don't think I just want to stake now. But do
you like what if people aregonna judge me? Just because I'm
big. They think I'm gonna eatthe whole table. You know,
Vivian (31:10):
for example, like I live my life on a diet. I'm always on
a different diet. And usually,you know, at the office, if
there's like a birthday orsomething, and there's a cake. I
usually never eat cake, orwhatever the you know, is there
for the birthday celebration.
Like 98% of the time, I don'tneed it. Really? Hey, we had a
birthday in our office. And Iwanted a piece of cake. So my
(31:32):
coworker who knows I never AKwas, you know, handing out the
cake. She asked me politely.
She's like, would you like somecake? Which I guess she expected
me to say no, because I normallysay no. And today, I was like,
Yes, I would like a piece ofcake. And she wasn't so
surprised that it made me feel alittle bit self conscious. And
(31:53):
I'm like, I would like a pieceof cake. And I sat there and I
ate the cake. But but so youknow, things like that as much
as dating, I think and just ingeneral.
Miss Pinup Miami (32:03):
People get shocked when I tell them that I
don't like chocolate like I likelike maybe a little bit of
chocolate. But people getshocked when they when I tell
them. Check out my ad jobs whenthey have cakes for birthdays.
Thank you the example you gaveand it's a chocolate cake. I
always say no thank you not in amean way. I just say I don't
want any one year for mybirthday. They got me a
chocolate cake. Thank you, but Ididn't need it. But like, it's
(32:29):
Yeah, but then they assume likeWhy? You know and then they look
at you funny and I'm feelinglike are they looking at me
funny because I'm fat I theyautomatically are assuming I'm
gonna love chocolate. I don't
Vivian (32:40):
I think you know, there's a big girl that's always
gonna kind of be like in theback of your mind in any
situation is that because it's Ithink it's always that's like
the little worm inside you knowthat you're wherever whatever
it's always gonna be in the backof your mind is is this
situation affected? Because I'mbigger you know or
Unknown (33:04):
you're right.
Miss Pinup Miami (33:06):
Again is that mentality is that state of mind?
I feel like we've been cateredinto like see, I love how now
they're showing for example onsocial media like on tik tok on
even like on these like e newsstuff, showing how the 2000s
they idolize like the skinnybody. You know, like Paris
Hilton, you know I'm talkingabout those like thin skinny
(33:29):
bodies and now like it'snormalizing like the Ashley
Graham and you know, the morecurvaceous look and but in our
heads, at least for me, becauseI was a bad choice. Like,
growing up seeing those skinnyladies like, I am self conscious
because you know, I can't lieand say i'm not i'm just slowly
like you getting over it andjust not caring because y'all
(33:52):
know. But we do have thatengraved in our heads even as
being Hispanic. You have yourour leader telling you, Hey, you
know, you look so skinny Youhave to eat and then when you're
eating there, they wrote your
Unknown (34:09):
Yeah.
Miss Pinup Miami (34:11):
So it's like, it's always a struggle, and it's
a really hard but yeah, you readyou say what you said you just
have to find your headspace ofjust like your comfort zone and
just know like, you know, thisis me, skinny or not, and, you
know, you have to work on yourpersonality because that doesn't
change the diet.
Vivian (34:32):
Of course, you know, I grew up hearing from different
people in the family, like, youknow, you have to because I've
always been overweight. So, as akid I would hear sometimes, like
you have to be careful, you youyou know, you can't keep gaining
weight because nobody no man isgonna love you. If you're if
you're fat, you know, um, Iheard that in Spanish a lot. So
(34:54):
that was something that I had towork through like I'm single
Yes, still. The, you know, I amthe single girl, the perpetual
single girl my family. Um, butit has nothing to do with my
weight. I don't think it does. Imean, maybe I'm delusional, but
I don't think it does. I thinkit just hasn't happened for
(35:15):
whatever reason. And because Idon't want to settle. But I'm
glad we did grow up hearingthat, you know, and it's a
shame. You don't have to do thatto a child.
Miss Pinup Miami (35:30):
That's actually the next question you
just hit on. That just beingplus size mean that you'll
settle for just anyone?
Vivian (35:40):
I do not want to settle.
No, no, no,
Miss Pinup Miami (35:42):
no, nobody should settle. I'm telling you,
like I said earlier yet, we onlygot this one life, you're
looking at me saying y'all. Weonly have this one life. So you
might as well enjoy it. Like onething I told my boyfriend you
know, once we started gettingserious, I told him straight up.
Like, if you don't feel thatyou're in love with me or
enjoying your time, or that I'mnot enjoying our time, let's
(36:05):
help each other because we onlyhave a short time in this world.
You know, let's break it off.
Because that means I mean, oneof us will get hurt, but at
least we're doing you're notgoing on a charade. And we're
not just pretending. Absolutely.
Vivian (36:19):
And I feel that I have a lot to offer. Like I may be plus
size. But again, like I've saidmany times, that's just one part
of me. That's not my everything,you know, and I have another
reason i i've been single a longtime, which has taught me that I
don't need a man to live. I'mfinancially stable, I take care
(36:44):
of you know, have my shittogether. I i would love someone
to share my life withAbsolutely. Um, but it's got to
be someone that's worth, youknow what I have to offer so and
I hope that doesn't come off asbeing kind of conceited or stuck
up I came up in a wish more menmy age knew what they wanted.
(37:06):
Because sadly they don't want itI don't want to settle. So
that's funny.
Miss Pinup Miami (37:13):
So even men your age don't even know what
they want. Oh god, no, I
Vivian (37:17):
feel that men my age are worse than younger guys. Oh, I
really do. I don't know if it'slike a midlife crisis kind of
thing. Or if they're getting tothat point where they feel like,
you know, I don't know, I don'tknow what it is. Really. It's a
conundrum. I don't know if it'sa South Florida thing. I don't
(37:37):
know if it's a general mentalprocess, Lena states thing. But
it's pretty bad.
Miss Pinup Miami (37:45):
So overall, do you think it is harder to date?
Because you're plus size? Iwould say? I would say no. I
would say no. Because I thinkskinny people everything we just
said no skinny and average. Andall these I think all women go
through the same issues we justtalked about. I would say yes.
(38:08):
Oh, explain.
Vivian (38:11):
I would say yes. Because there's still such, um, so much
pressure in society to beperfect. And to look perfect.
And for men to have a trophywife, and to have you know, the
younger, hotter, you know,tighter BOD whatever. woman next
to them, that it does make itmore difficult. Because I do
(38:35):
think it takes a stronger man tosay this is what I like, and
this is what I'm attracted to.
And I don't care if it's it'snot what you think is beautiful.
I think it's beautiful. So thatin that case, I do think it's
more difficult.
Miss Pinup Miami (38:49):
Now I have personal questions to ask. It's
about sexuality. Like, do youthink that a fat woman cannot be
as sexual as a skinny woman?
Absolutely heard this, I heardthis somewhere else. And I was
like, No, I think like, ifyou're plus size, it doesn't
(39:11):
take away from you like either aexploring your sexuality,
enjoying sex or, you know,everything else that comes with
it.
Vivian (39:23):
Absolutely, um, that has nothing to do with your size. It
has nothing to do with yourappearance. It has nothing to do
with your hair color. I'm amiddle aged big woman with gray
hair. And I feel sexy and I'm avery sexual person. And that's
just part of me. You know,that's sexual. It has nothing to
(39:45):
do with your size, how you look.
If you're pretty, you're ugly orsociety thinks you're prettier,
you're ugly. That comes with theperson you know, there might be
like Victoria's Secret modelswho don't feel sexy. who aren't
very sexual, or you know, wantto express themselves? sexually?
So absolutely not. But I dothink that it takes some
(40:10):
confidence and self love to beable to kind of bring that out,
you know, it doesn't just happenovernight. You have to feel good
about yourself and feel good inyour own skin to be able to
bring out that, you know, thatsexy part of you or your, you
know, be able to explore yoursexuality.
Miss Pinup Miami (40:30):
How would you, if there's somebody listening on
here, and they're saying tothemselves, man, they keep
saying to like, love yourself,like, what do I need to do? What
What advice would you give?
Vivian (40:46):
Listen, like you said, we die alone, right? You come
into this world? Yeah, then youcome into this world on your
own, except you were a twin, ormost of us, this world alone,
and we go alone. Um, you're theperson that you are in a
relationship with the longestbecause you're not you're in a
relationship with yourself foryour entire life. It does take
(41:08):
time. I think it's reallyimportant to forgive yourself.
I've made bad decisions in thepast that have made me kind of
like, look at myself and belike, Vivian, what the heck were
you thinking? You know, and I,I've been very hard on myself.
But it takes a long time andkind of working at it. I
(41:28):
personally do a lot of selfhelp. I listened to a lot of
different life coaches andthings like that. And that's
helped me kind of move pastthat. Are there days where I
still look at myself, I stillthink like, what the hell were
you thinking? Yes, it happensall the time. But you know, you
do have to love yourself andaccept yourself for you know,
(41:49):
who you are all your flaws. Andonce you accept yourself, other
people do too, you know,absolutely.
Miss Pinup Miami (41:58):
Yeah. For me, it was just learning to live
with myself. And this happenedright after I graduated from us.
You know, from college, youknow, in college, I felt like it
was the first time I've alwayslived at home. I always was
like, the good child at home.
You know, I mean, I was alwaysmade fun of my my weight in my
own home. So when I went tocollege, I still had those same
(42:19):
things, but I was alone. Andthat's when I really got to get
to know myself because I wasliterally alone. So they're,
like you I made mistakes. Andyes, I was like, sheesh, what
did I do? You know, but you justlearn from it. And as long as
you learn from your mistakes,and don't like repeat them over
and over, like a broken record,then you know, that means that
(42:42):
you are getting better. Andthat's something that you should
be proud of. It might not beperfect, but you're getting
better. And I think people are alittle too hard on themselves.
Just like this could be a wholenother subject, but the hustle
culture like I find it crazypeople that are always idolizing
hustling, you know, and like,oh, hustle every day. 9094 724
seven a day. 2424 seven. Youknow, you gotta hustle, hustle,
(43:08):
hustle, like, yes, hustle. But Imean, analyzing, not realizing,
you know, like, like, what's theword I'm looking for. But making
it seem like that's the way tolive life will literally drain
you. And you'll be so hard onyourself that you'll just like,
let things go through the crack.
And then you'll feel even worse,and then it just get you down.
(43:28):
So I always believe in work lifebalance, and number and taking
care of number one, there's aperfect book, if you guys are
into self help books calledtaking care of number one, which
is basically you know, you haveto help yourself first before
you can help others because it'slike Vivian needed something.
Well, I'll give you a perfectexample, when you're on a plane.
(43:50):
And like they teach you aboutthe oxygen falling. What do they
tell you, the first thing theytell you is Help yourself.
Because if you don't put thatoxygen mask on yourself, you
won't be able to put the oxygenmask on the person next to you.
So just like remember to takecare of yourself first, because
then you'll be able to reallyhelp the next person that
Vivian (44:11):
sometimes, especially since our world is so fast
paced, there's so much going on.
And like you said, the hustleculture, like sometimes it's
really important to just stopand kind of like reconnect with
yourself. self care has becomekind of like a trending thing
lately, but I think it's areally good trend. You know,
it's important to take that timeto take care of yourself and do
(44:31):
things that you need and kind ofcheck in with yourself because
maybe what you needed last weekisn't what you need today. You
know, so that's, that is veryimportant.
Miss Pinup Miami (44:41):
True, true.
Vivian you have
Vivian (44:44):
and you touched on something actually, really
quick. Where you said when youthe first time that you were
alone, is when you kind ofstarted accepting yourself and
learning about yourself. I thinkthat's so important. I'm a
little bit of a loner like Ineed my space. I can't be with
someone 24 seven. Um, and Ithink that's so important to
(45:05):
take that time with yourself,like a lot of people I feel are
in relationships where theycling on to them because they're
afraid to be out there alone.
And being single is tough,especially when you've been
single a long time. Like, it canbe very difficult sometimes. But
um, clinging on to the wrongperson, just to not be alone
isn't the right thing that Ithink like drains you it wears
(45:28):
on your heart and wears on yourself esteem. And it's just not
healthy. So sometimes it's it'simportant to be on on your own
to be able to learn what youreally need, what you really
want.
Miss Pinup Miami (45:40):
And so true.
That's so true. Because with myex, he cheated on me. And I
found out quick story like infive seconds, I was scrolling
through his tablet looking forlike Pinterest stuff and saving
it onto his camera rolls, Icould send it to myself. And
then I found pictures of anotherwoman that wasn't me. And I
confronted him about it. Becauseit wasn't just like these, like,
(46:00):
such sexy images. It wasliterally like videos and
somebody saying his name. And hehad the weirdest name on this
planet. That like, when Iconfronted him about it, I was
single my whole life up untilthat point that he was my first
boyfriend. Um, but I kneweverything I would hear all the
other girls complain about whenmen cheat on them, and they go
(46:23):
back and then it was like avicious cycle. And I'd always
say like, are these girls dumbgoing back to this man that hurt
him and cheated on him because Ilearned really quick that these
men are not getting better. Sowhen this man lied to my face
telling me that like that girl,he didn't know the next day I
called out of work, and Ichanged all my locks and kick
(46:43):
them out. But that's justbecause I had the moment to
learn about myself because Irespected you know, like, he's
lying to me, why am I gonna keephim around just because I love
them, just because he's my firstlike no, on to the next
Vivian (46:59):
was also part of setting a standard for yourself. You
don't want to accept someonethat treats you that way, and
treats you poorly. And that hasnothing to do with size that any
woman at any point in her lifecan go through something like
that. And you know, that's astandard that you have to set
for yourself, whether you know,every situation is different.
Obviously, you have to look atwhat's going on and you make
(47:20):
your own decision. But you knowthat that is part of setting a
standard and what you will orwill not accept.
Miss Pinup Miami (47:27):
Vivian, do you have anything else you would
like to add to this episode? Orask me a question about plus
size dating?
Vivian (47:34):
Um, well, you know, everybody's experiences are
different. I'm like you, youhave completely different
experiences than I have had. Soeverybody has a different point
of view. But doesn't you know, Ijust feel like just being plus
size, maybe make things a littlemore complicated or make things
(47:55):
a little more difficult. Yes,there's still a lot of
fatphobia. And there's still alot of pressure in society to be
thin and perfect and beautiful.
But I think we're making a lotof strides and moving in the
right direction, I see a lot ofthings online about you know,
body positivity and being lovingyourself at any size. So that
gives me a lot of hope for youknow, the young girls growing up
now. Because they have morepositive role models and more
(48:18):
positive messages to grow upwith and what we had
Unknown (48:25):
any disabilities?
Vivian (48:27):
Yes, absolutely any size, any any issue. You know,
people with disabilities alsocan be very sexy, very sexual,
you know, and explore dating anddifferent things just like
anybody. Um, so I think we'vecome a long way. But I think we
still have a lot of work to doin that area. So it's good that
we're talking about it andbringing it to the forefront.
(48:52):
arena where we can talk aboutit. And
Miss Pinup Miami (48:54):
I know I said a lot of personal things in this
episode. But I want to say thankyou, Vivian, it's so it's always
an honor to have you on here andI know my listeners love having
you. Next week. It's going to bea totally different subject. But
we have Mimi from meetup, Meadowsweet money, and she like, knows
(49:19):
everything about finances andsavings, and her motto is saving
up for your joy. So very excitedabout some budget saving tips
next week. That extra saving anextra dollar so when we go
vintage shopping, we can belike, well, she'll probably say
not to buy it but let's waittill next week. I'm
Unknown (49:42):
gonna ask her.
Miss Pinup Miami (49:44):
If it's a fine that you can't find, like, come
on, I got it. I gotta justify bybuying it. You know, I've gone
visit shopping with Vivian.
Vivian (49:54):
We can do some damage very
Miss Pinup Miami (49:56):
quickly. Real quick, especially when we look
at each other and we're like Isthis cute? I can't find it
anywhere else. Alright guys, Iwant to say thank you again for
listening truly means the worldto me. Thank you. Thank you so
much and I will see you all nextweek.
Good day and welcome back to the pin podcast.
One, Episode Number 45. Oh, Ican't believe it. And here at
the pin podcast, we talk aboutmodern topics with a vintage
flair. And if it is your firsttime listening to us, I want to
give you a big thank you and Ihope you stick around. And if
(00:24):
you're a returning listener,whoo, you already know that I
love you guys. With all my heartwith my heart. If you haven't
followed us on Instagram, makesure to hit up the pin podcast
official. You could also hit upmine at Pinup Miami, and feel
free to send us a text at 183348pin up those messages go
(00:48):
directly to me, so I'll be ableto answer any questions. If you
have any suggestions, anyquestions for our guests, feel
free to send them on over onover. Before we get started with
today's episode I wanted to givea big thank you. To everyone
that supported me this weekend.
I had Friday night the radiorock and roll concert down in
gaja. ocho, it was a greatsuccess. And Saturday, I was
(01:11):
able to go to the first meetupfor pin Tampa. You guys met the
girls in last week's episode. Itwas an amazing turnout amazing
atmosphere. It's what it's whatI imagined the penta meetups to
be all about. And it wasamazing. I met new faces saw old
faces. I can't wait for the nextone. Maybe some of those ladies
(01:33):
will come down to South Floridafor the pin to South Florida
meetup. But that was reallygood. And then on Sunday, I
always forget to mention but onSunday, you could catch me live
on the rockabilly cue Facebookpage or on my YouTube channel. I
do a class it could be from hairto a craft to make up anything.
(01:53):
rockabilly, you know, anysuggestions there? reach out to
me I can teach you anything thatI can. Except I'm not separate.
Except like maybe
Unknown (02:10):
tattoo makeup.
Vivian (02:13):
I think you probably figure that out.
Miss Pinup Miami (02:17):
You're trying to find something in my head.
Well, as you heard ourcommentary today is a returning
returning guests. We have Vivianfrom out of the Luna Miami.
Yes, we're here to continue theconversation from two weeks ago
(02:38):
about being fat. I don't knowhow else to put it.
Vivian (02:43):
Hey, it's part of who we are. Right.
Miss Pinup Miami (02:47):
You get to own it and loving your body. Like we
said, it's about bodypositivity. You know, and we had
a couple of questions that werebrought up from the last episode
that we're gonna bring up here.
Are you red tea, Vivian.
Vivian (03:02):
I'm ready. I got my coffee. So I'm ready to go.
Miss Pinup Miami (03:05):
And I have my my boba tea. I've been obsessed
with boba tea without the boba.
Um, I just milk tea milk tea tobe specific. But let's start
with the first question. Andthese are all gonna revolve
around plus size dating. So forthe most part, today's episode
(03:26):
is gonna be amazing, because youhave Vivian that's dating, you
know that she's in the datingscene. And then you have me I've
been in the dating scene for along time, but I have been taken
in the last two years havetaken. So we have
Unknown (03:43):
to take you.
Miss Pinup Miami (03:45):
He took my heart. So you have two
experiences. And hopefullysomebody people that sent in
questions and you guys listeningout there? learn something new.
And if not, let's keep theconversation going, you know,
keep texting me. comment on thevideo. Let us know. So the first
(04:09):
question is, does your bodybecome a sexual fetish? As a
plus size woman we're diving
Vivian (04:16):
right in there we
Unknown (04:19):
are diving right in there. Okay,
Vivian (04:23):
there are there's a lot of talk about plus size women or
BB W's or whatever you want tocall them being fetishize. And I
said this a little bit in theprevious episode. I don't have a
problem with it. If you want to,you know, look at me and be
like, wow, you know, this pluseyed lady and you know, get all
(04:43):
excited about it. I have noproblem with that. If you find
me beautiful, that's fine. Youknow, that's just one of the
aspects of me. I'm not just afat woman. There's a lot more to
me than that. But um, I mean, Ireally don't have a problem with
that. I do have have friends whostate steer clear from that or
they try as soon as they kind oflike get the wave but it's like
(05:06):
a fetish thing. They're like outthe door. That's me. Um That's
just I don't have an issue withit. At the same time i don't i
don't think that I've ever datedsomeone who had a plus i Spanish
like they were with me justbecause I was plus one. So that
might be why I have a differentperspective on it. But I don't
(05:27):
have an issue with it.
Miss Pinup Miami (05:28):
Yeah, my perspective is to go the other
way. Like when I used to alllike day and you meet like
somebody for the first time, Ione time had this experience
that I met this guy at thisreally nice restaurant here in
like somewhere for Lauderdale.
And the whole time he was reallyquiet and my mentality when I
was online dating is to be like,honest about myself, because I
(05:49):
was over just doing the littleFrou Frou dating thing. So I put
all my weird stuff out there andif they liked it, you know, now
weird like kinky stuff, justlike, you know, I was an
embalmer, all these weirdthings.
Unknown (06:05):
But um,
Miss Pinup Miami (06:07):
but this guy in particular, he was super
quiet, and I didn't understandit. And then we walked me to my
car, he just confessed to methat like, he was really into,
like, porn and into like, bigwomen. And he just wanted to use
me for like his kink. And it waslike, I was like, a little too
(06:27):
much for me, because I was like,I could see that he didn't want
to date. So when I hear thatquestion, I think about men that
are just looking for, like that.
fetishizing because it'shappened to me many times, I
guess, is the way I dress or myhair. I'm pretty sure all the
girls out there that dress acertain way that's different
than the norm. guys think, Oh,she must be kinky because he's
out there. Yeah. Well, I
Vivian (06:52):
mean, like I said, I haven't had an experience like
that. So maybe that's why I seeit differently. I guess if it's
somebody that wants you just forthat fantasy, and that's it,
then, of course, that's notsomething that I would be like,
yes, let's jump into that. But,um, you know, it's just, you
know, like, I don't know. Like,for example, I love Tom and it's
(07:16):
just a preference that I have, Ithink a lot of girls have it.
Have I dated someoneexclusively, you know, tall or
for being taught? No, actually,like, I haven't been, but, um,
but I don't see it as a fetish.
So I get, I don't know. Dependson how far they take it or how
they treat you becausetreatments very important. You
(07:37):
know,
Miss Pinup Miami (07:39):
so and what you're willing to and what
you're looking forward tobecause I mean, if somebody for
in the situation I was in ifsomebody was just looking for
somebody to have, like, fun withand I guess that would be okay,
but I was looking for theopposite thing that this
gentleman was looking for. Yeah,this second question. I have it
(08:01):
Well, that was sent in was, dopeople automatically think you
put out because you're fat?
Vivian (08:09):
Um, again, I haven't had that experience.
Miss Pinup Miami (08:16):
Okay, um,
Vivian (08:17):
I've often been told that I'm unapproachable. Oh,
kind of give off that likestandoffish vibe. And the
resting bitchface people? Yeah,I do have a resting bitchface I
really don't
Miss Pinup Miami (08:29):
see it though.
Maybe it's because I make yousmile. But
Vivian (08:32):
that could be but I'm not daily. I do have a resting
bitchface Um, so I guess, youknow, guys that approached me or
that. You know, I dated in thepast, it's, it's a different
experience. By the time we getto that point, we've already had
conversation, we kind of got toknow each other a little bit. So
(08:53):
I haven't had that kind of thingwhere just because I'm
overweight, I'm going to put outyou know,
Miss Pinup Miami (09:03):
I've had this experience. I my sister and her
friends always went out clubbingand stuff, so I would always
join them and, and I was alwaysthe chubbiest one in the group.
And I felt like the guy thatdidn't get the other people's
attention. You know, like, therewas a guy at the club and let's
(09:24):
say my, one of the girls gotrejected from him, and then
another girl got rejected, andthen they've come up to me and
I'll never forget it. One guysaid, Oh, well, there's nobody
that would want you so like, letme buy you while it happened. It
happened. It was terrible. Ithappened at Blue Martini if
you're from South Florida.
Vivian (09:43):
Terrible.
Miss Pinup Miami (09:45):
And I also you know, I feel like that's really
a thing. There's this beautifulI won't say beautiful, but
there's this movie that I reallylove. It's not beautiful guys.
It's just I guess I love themessage behind it is called
Brittany runs a marathon. Haveyou ever seen it? No, I have it.
Oh, it's because one day I wantto run a marathon. So I saw this
movie thinking, a motivate me torun a marathon. But this movie
(10:08):
is about this girl, that she's aplus size. Well, they call her a
plus sized girl, she's not asbig, I would say, Well as you
and I, um, but she's like thefat friend. And like, she thinks
that she has to give men blowjobs in order for them to even
pay attention to her. This isnot the main topic of a movie,
(10:29):
but it was like a subtle messagein there that I felt like, Oh,
my God, does she feel like shehas to put out just because
she's fat, you know, until shestarted running and feeling good
about herself that she knew thatshe didn't have to feel that low
about herself that she had toplease a man like there was men
going up to her in this movie,like at a bar to tell her the
(10:50):
bathroom to like,
Unknown (10:54):
you know, get it on?
Miss Pinup Miami (10:57):
No, not get it on just get oral sex. Like they
didn't even want sex. It justwanted to use her oral, oral,
geez, you know, that's not aword. But go oral on them. Well,
but
Vivian (11:09):
you mentioned on important point, you said that
she had like low self esteem.
And that could be like, Is itjust because she was overweight?
Or is it because you kind of youcan kind of get that vibe when
you see someone that they havelow self esteem, or they kind of
look down on themselves. Thatcould be a combination.
Miss Pinup Miami (11:26):
When this movie it was because she was
overweight, because when shestarted running and feeling
healthier and being better. Shewas never she was never skinny
in the movie. Like she didn't gofrom being fat skinny, it was
more like being like fat tofeeling good, like a comfy
weight. You know? I really likeit. I recommend it to anybody. I
(11:49):
don't amazon prime.
Vivian (11:51):
Okay, well check it out.
Miss Pinup Miami (11:53):
Third question, can picking out an
outfit be a nightmare whenyou're going on a date?
Vivian (12:00):
Yes. But it might not be for the reason that you think it
is? Oh, let
Miss Pinup Miami (12:05):
me hear your reason.
Vivian (12:08):
Well, I can be a little much as you can tell. So when
I'm going to go on a on a,especially a first date, because
once I get to know me, then Idon't care. But I'm especially
on a first date, I like to toneit down a little bit. So instead
of my flowers being this big, itmight be a little smaller, or I
(12:29):
might wear a headband orsomething like that. Because I
feel like I kind of couldintimidate people. But I
honestly don't think about it interms of the of my weight. You
know, I guess I've learned toaccept myself and I'm okay with
it. You know, of course,sometimes, you know, I'll go
(12:49):
into my closet. And if I'vegained a little bit of weight,
things are feeling tight, youget frustrated, but I think it
can happen at any size, not justbecause I'm plus size. Um, so
that's why I think it could be anightmare. But
Miss Pinup Miami (13:06):
for me, I can't really talk today. Well,
we're giving both sides, it'salways have good to have like
different opinions. And, youknow, people had these
questions. So we were trying toput out what we know in the
world to help somebody.
Vivian (13:21):
Here's the thing, and I feel like every time you've had
me on, I always say how old I ama bully four years old. But, um,
the reason why we say it isbecause every kind of phase of
my life I've had like differentfeelings or different issues. So
when I was younger, that mighthave been a bigger issue for me,
(13:43):
where, you know, I hadn't fullyembraced myself and I was more
embarrassed about my way or Ifelt, you know, maybe, I don't
know, like the odd man out. Butnow I honestly and I say there's
100% of what I like to bethinner. Yes, I'm not gonna lie
to you and say no, but um, I'mokay with it. I you know, I have
(14:04):
a jam packed closet. As youknow, Jennifer, because I love
fashion and I love clothing. Um,so I mean, some people say that
it's really hard to findclothing at a larger size. I
don't I don't have a problem. Ilove vintage styles. So forget,
you know, true vintage is verydifficult on my size, but
(14:26):
there's a ton of reproductiondesigners. Lots of stuff on the
internet, I buy most of myclothes online, and I don't
really have an issue finding youknow, different outfits or the
styles that I like to wear likethings that are maybe a little
bit eccentric or a littlefashion forward sometimes. Um,
so in that sense, I don't havean issue with it. And again,
(14:49):
I've come to embrace all that isme and you know, I love you know
away things that are off, youknow, off the shoulder and
showing a little skin here andthere. tattoos are. So my
tattoos here. Um, so I don't Idon't find that as nerve racking
as, as I did maybe in my 20s. Iknow that when I was in my 20s
(15:12):
it was a little bit more nervewracking, and I would get more
nervous about it and stress outand it's like, you know, I work
girdles for most of my life. Idon't anymore because really how
much of this is going to behidden by a girdle? Not much.
But when I was younger, becausethat's what I grew up hearing,
you know, you have to wear thefather and the father's gonna
make you look thinner. And it'slike, really how much thinner
(15:33):
that I will look wearing it so.
So in that sense, I don't Idon't freak out about what I'm
gonna wear on a date orsomething like that. I just kind
of like to tone it down a littlebit when I first meet someone
and take it
Miss Pinup Miami (15:47):
the opposite in two ways. I don't tone it
down.
Vivian (15:51):
I mean, I love I love that about it too. I need to
embrace. I can't embrace it aswell.
Miss Pinup Miami (15:58):
Think about it, I can't turn down the
yellow. So I might as well notturn down anything else. And,
and I'm the opposite. I do getbody Conscious Dating people
depending on the situation. ButI'm always always I was always
body conscious. Even with myboyfriend. When I met my my
boyfriend. He was a swing dance.
Well, he's a see swing dances.
(16:22):
And that means that he has totouch me and he was smaller than
me. So in my head, it's alwayslike, Oh, what is it going to
touch? Or like sometimes when Iwear a corset on like, he's
gonna know that I'm wearing acorset like, I mean, now I'm
okay with it, because he knowsme. And it's just what I I felt
I felt like he was just touchingeverything. Because you know,
(16:43):
when you're dance, you liketouching, you know, your hips to
your belly, because he would dothis move. And I'll never
forget. And I used to tell himthat I did well, now I tell him
I didn't like it in thebeginning, was that he would
like put his hands over to flipme, but then I'll be facing him.
And then he pushes me on mystomach. And it was like, ah,
like I I didn't like it becauseI thought it's not that I didn't
(17:05):
like the move like now we do itall the time. But at least in
the beginning, I was like oh myGod, this guy's touching me like
it was just like, it was justweird. And then I would get self
conscious because then I'll seeall the other girls because the
swing dancing community or anydancing community that you're a
part of like everyone danceswith each other because they
love dancing. And I something Icouldn't comprehend. So much on
(17:31):
getting after code, hopefullysoon. But um, but everyone
dances with each other, like nomatter what, even the men dance
with the men, even the manliestmen dance with men like that's
how much they love dancing,right? And I would get self
conscious because everyone elsewas thinner. So he's dancing
with these girls so beautifullythat are thinner. That I feel it
(17:52):
was the first time Well, I'vealways had this like, body
consciousness when I went ondates like, oh, what do I sit
next to him and my thighs touchhim like, you know, or my you
know, I wear a petticoat on topof it. Like, it's always gonna
be poofy no matter what. Or wedo an activity. Like when me and
Tim, my boyfriend went to theEverglades. I was like, Oof, I
have to wear like, somethingdifferent because we're gonna be
(18:15):
on our boat. And then I'm like,What is like the boat? These are
all thoughts in my head. And I'msure some of you ladies out
there have felt like, Oh, I'mgonna go on this expedition. But
what if the boat like goes likethis? Because I'm sitting on it,
you know? But these are thingsthat we just have to realize
that like, it's not, it's justin our heads.
Vivian (18:33):
Why totally okay. When I said that I have any issues,
getting dressed and findingthings to wear is one thing. But
you touched on something, I'mlike, I was dating this guy who
loves to put his hands on mybelly. And he would just like,
like people do to pregnantwomen, and they just kind of rub
their belly. And that would makeme feel self conscious. Because
even though I'm okay with all ofthis, and I don't have an issue,
(18:56):
you know, taking it off, either.
But, um, like the rubbing of abelly if I was kind of weird.
You know, like, that just mademe feel a little self conscious.
Like, yes, I know, the belly isthere, do we need to touch it?
You know, so that Yeah. And Ialso had on one on one of my
first dates, I'm coincidentallythe same person. I'm wanting to
(19:18):
go to the beach. And again, I'mnot self conscious in the sense
like, I'll go to the beach andstuff. But like on a first date,
that's like a little much, youknow, like, I don't want to be
in a bathing suit in front ofsomeone on a first date. So
things like that do make me feelself conscious. Like you know,
Miss Pinup Miami (19:39):
like I feel subconscious wearing a bathing
suit in front of my family.
Vivian (19:45):
I don't have an issue with that or like my friends I'm
okay with that.
Miss Pinup Miami (19:48):
I've mentioned on my podcast before about my
family and, and I was that girlthat my mom would make fun of me
because I'd wear like shirts tothe beats like I'm sure some of
us have worn well I have wornYou know, when you wear your
bathing suit, you wear a Tshirt, one of those long t
shirts just because you're still
Vivian (20:06):
a kid. Yeah, right.
Well,
Miss Pinup Miami (20:07):
I did that until way into us.
Vivian (20:12):
And so now look at me
Miss Pinup Miami (20:13):
through a five day I wore like, a bathing suit
I made with my leg showing, youknow?
Vivian (20:19):
Oh, absolutely. Can you
Miss Pinup Miami (20:23):
two piece for a fashion show? So we're more
moving on?
Vivian (20:27):
Yes. Wait, do you get to your 40s we're gonna see you in
Miss Pinup Miami (20:35):
the next question. People think do people
think you don't have standards?
I guess thinking like, if you'refat, you know, you don't have
any standard. We just touchedupon that in the first question.
Vivian (20:48):
Yes, um, one of the things that I've always like
encountered is people assumethat because I'm big. I'm gonna
date a guy that's like me, or inmy case, a guy. Um, and I'm not
shaming anyone, because I don'twant to be shamed. You know, and
I would never do that tosomeone, but it comes down to
(21:08):
preference. And I've never dateda big guy. That's just not my
preference. And do I seeanything wrong with no,
absolutely not, I think everyonedeserves love, but it's just a
preference thing. Just like, youknow, a guy might be swiping on,
you know, whatever app andthey're just not interested in
somebody with brown hair, orblonde hair or something else.
(21:29):
Am I 100%? opposed to it? No.
But it's just, I just haven'tdated anyone like that. It just
hasn't happened. And people likethroughout the years have always
assumed, like, you're a biggirl, you need to date a big
guy. And it's like, well, maybemaybe that's not what I meant
to, you know, maybe I personallydifferent. You know, so that's
what in terms of standards thanalso the whole, like, how people
(21:52):
say, Well, you know, What, areyou what, 10? Are you an eight?
Are you a 72? Whatever it is?
And it's like, you can't goafter, like the heart good
looking guy, you know, becauseyou're a fat girl. Why not? Why
not?
Miss Pinup Miami (22:08):
I used to get, I used to get people that'd be
like, Oh, how can this personlove you if like, you're fat,
and they have muscles.
Unknown (22:19):
Exactly like what it's about.
Miss Pinup Miami (22:22):
force him, he just loves it.
Vivian (22:25):
And honestly, 100% and the older I get, the more I
realized that this is true. I'veheard this my whole life looks
are not everything. And theyreally aren't. It's what draws
you in initially, but it doesn'tkeep you you know, if you don't
have a good personality orsomething in common, or you
don't have chemistry, it doesn'tmatter how hard that guy is or
how beautiful you are, it's notgonna there's not going to be
(22:48):
much left, you know, after theinitial kind of lust is gone,
you know. So that that has a lotto do with it as well. The next
question is, do
Miss Pinup Miami (22:58):
people assume you're lonely?
Vivian (23:01):
Because you're fat?
Yeah. Well, I don't know if it'sbecause I'm probably okay. Let
me say, I don't know if it'sbecause I'm fat. But it because
I'm single. People assume thatI'm lonely. And do I get lonely?
Yes, of course. Yeah. I thinkeverybody feels lonely at some
point. But there's a lot ofpeople that are married or in
(23:24):
relationships or lonely, youknow, that has not, you know,
it's not the everything aboutit. So but people do assume that
I'm lonely alone. That is true.
Yeah, we have a loner. So maybethat's why
Miss Pinup Miami (23:40):
I've always been a loner, Tim is actually my
second relationship. And Idon't, I mean, I don't consider
myself a loner, because I neverfeel alone. Even when I'm alone.
If that makes sense. My brain isalways going I'm either sewing
or doing something or keepingmyself preoccupied. And
something I always tell peoplewhen they ask for, like any of
(24:03):
my advices is, you know, youhave to learn to love yourself
before you can let somebody elselove you. That's true. Because
when I hear people say that, Oh,I can't find somebody, you know,
I can't find the data orboyfriend or whatever. You know,
you have to think like maybeit's your negative energy. You
(24:25):
need to get
Vivian (24:27):
data for I have told you that before.
Miss Pinup Miami (24:32):
I mean, I didn't mean to use those words.
Vivian (24:38):
I say that all the time.
Miss Pinup Miami (24:43):
But like, for example, when I'm having a bad
day, I mean, I have bad days,but I have to remind myself, you
know that you know, we only livethis one life. You got to make
sure we take advantage. And soall we have are ourselves at the
end of the day. If you're a lastfan, did you ever See last? No,
I, I love the phrase, they usedto use coffee that was live
(25:07):
together die alone, because itwas always about working
together and being able tosurvive on this island. But at
the end of the day, you're gonnadie alone. So it was like this,
it was a great quote, becauseit's also true in life. You
know, while we're here, let'swork together. Because when
you're dead, you're gonna bealone, if you remember, or
(25:27):
whatever happens.
Unknown (25:29):
Now.
Miss Pinup Miami (25:35):
Next question, do people think you hate your
body? I don't like it.
Vivian (25:44):
I hate my body. But I think people are surprised when
you say that you love your body.
Or that you're happy with howyou look? Or that you feel
secure in your own skin. Youknow, I think that surprises
people. Um,
Miss Pinup Miami (25:59):
you think it surprises men, when you go on a
date with them, and they're, andyou tell them that you're
Vivian (26:04):
nobody surprises them, but I know that they find it
sexy. When you feel comfortablein your own skin. Because it
shows it's it's somethingdifferent specially, you know,
in the sexy time. When you feelconfident in your own skin and
you feel comfortable in your ownskin, it definitely shows that
(26:26):
it plays out a littledifferently. You know, again,
the older I get the morecomfortable in my skin I get
Miss Pinup Miami (26:35):
with age.
Vivian (26:40):
So, you know, that whole topic was different in my 20s.
And it was different in my 30s.
And in my 40s is different. Sowhen it gets better when the
Miss Pinup Miami (26:53):
next question is, how do you hold on? Have you
ever been told that you'recatfishing?
Vivian (27:04):
No,
Miss Pinup Miami (27:05):
I guess that you're the campus. But
Vivian (27:07):
I am one of those people that I overthink everything. And
I think about things way toomuch. And I just ponder and I'm
a Libra. So to make a decision,it takes me a little while. So
whenever I set up a new datingprofile, I'm I choose my photos
so carefully, because that's oneof the things that I've always
been worried about, is meetingsomebody in person and then
(27:30):
being like, wait a minute, Ididn't realize you were so even
though I have a big face. Soeven if it's like a selfie or
closer photo, they can tell thembigger. But um, so I I've always
been very honest with myprofiles, I'm honest about my
age, they can see my photos, Ialways have like a, you know,
full body photo, the picturesare recent. Because that's one
(27:53):
thing that I've always been,like worried about is that I'm
going to meet someone andthey're going to be like, wait a
minute, you know, this isn'twhat I thought you were so
thankful. catfishing
Miss Pinup Miami (28:04):
you're in a large photo of yourself. But I'm
sure it won't. I've come acrosson these like dating sites,
people that lie. Yes, I wascatfished lots
Vivian (28:19):
of people on dating sites. Like we could do a whole
other episode on that.
Miss Pinup Miami (28:24):
They live from their age, because it's all
target what they're looking for.
Or they lie about their load. SoI had this one guy, and you can
never trust pictures with fishon it. I always thought that
that was a joke that people saybut that's the truth. If there's
a man holding a fish just swipe
Vivian (28:44):
left. I thought that was like a Florida thing.
Miss Pinup Miami (28:46):
No, that's an everyday thing. Like they think
that they're like masculinity isholding a fish. I don't know. I
thought it was just a meme and ajoke but never went on a date
once with this man. It lookednothing like his photos. Like I
don't even think that guy fishever. He was like, he wasn't
tan. It was nothing about hissize. It was about like it
wasn't him it wasn't and theproblem is I don't think we care
(29:11):
if if the person look different,you know, I think people should
be true to themselves becausewhat are they expect? I
literally what do they expectwhen they need somebody? Like
they're just gonna be like, Oh,you weren't the same person but
who cares? Like you
Vivian (29:24):
look a little different in person like now that not
everybody's photogenic you mightyou know, look a little
different but somethingcompletely different person 100
pounds heavier or lighter thanYes, that's not okay.
Miss Pinup Miami (29:38):
I used to love the TV show catfish.
Vivian (29:41):
Yes.
Miss Pinup Miami (29:43):
I used to love it because but then you also
come to think like, I never Inever understood how people
could talk to somebody I guess.
Again, this goes with theloneliness and like not you know
and being comfortable justmeeting somebody neutrally and
talking to them for like threeyears without Like a video chat
or voice chat or falling in lovewith them through texts and
never meeting them. I found thatamazing. I'm like, no, no. You
(30:06):
gotta
Vivian (30:10):
watch 90 day films.
Unknown (30:12):
I have
Vivian (30:12):
lots of those cases on there too.
Miss Pinup Miami (30:16):
Now, the next question being plus size and you
and when you go on a date, doyou feel uncomfortable ordering
food? Yes. I was gonna say thesame thing.
Vivian (30:29):
Yeah, yeah. But I think not only dating just like what
anytime you meet someone new,even if it's like, a business
lunch or something like that,you know, I am a little bit self
conscious.
Miss Pinup Miami (30:42):
No, you say business? Yes. And Chris, like
the Christmas party, at least atmy job, they go go to one
restaurant. It used to be like aprefix menu, and everybody got
the same thing. But then oneyear, we got to choose and I'm
like, I mean,
Vivian (30:56):
I'm not. I mean,
Miss Pinup Miami (30:58):
I don't think I just want to stake now. But do
you like what if people aregonna judge me? Just because I'm
big. They think I'm gonna eatthe whole table. You know,
Vivian (31:10):
for example, like I live my life on a diet. I'm always on
a different diet. And usually,you know, at the office, if
there's like a birthday orsomething, and there's a cake. I
usually never eat cake, orwhatever the you know, is there
for the birthday celebration.
Like 98% of the time, I don'tneed it. Really? Hey, we had a
birthday in our office. And Iwanted a piece of cake. So my
(31:32):
coworker who knows I never AKwas, you know, handing out the
cake. She asked me politely.
She's like, would you like somecake? Which I guess she expected
me to say no, because I normallysay no. And today, I was like,
Yes, I would like a piece ofcake. And she wasn't so
surprised that it made me feel alittle bit self conscious. And
(31:53):
I'm like, I would like a pieceof cake. And I sat there and I
ate the cake. But but so youknow, things like that as much
as dating, I think and just ingeneral.
Miss Pinup Miami (32:03):
People get shocked when I tell them that I
don't like chocolate like I likelike maybe a little bit of
chocolate. But people getshocked when they when I tell
them. Check out my ad jobs whenthey have cakes for birthdays.
Thank you the example you gaveand it's a chocolate cake. I
always say no thank you not in amean way. I just say I don't
want any one year for mybirthday. They got me a
chocolate cake. Thank you, but Ididn't need it. But like, it's
(32:29):
Yeah, but then they assume likeWhy? You know and then they look
at you funny and I'm feelinglike are they looking at me
funny because I'm fat I theyautomatically are assuming I'm
gonna love chocolate. I don't
Vivian (32:40):
I think you know, there's a big girl that's always
gonna kind of be like in theback of your mind in any
situation is that because it's Ithink it's always that's like
the little worm inside you knowthat you're wherever whatever
it's always gonna be in the backof your mind is is this
situation affected? Because I'mbigger you know or
Unknown (33:04):
you're right.
Miss Pinup Miami (33:06):
Again is that mentality is that state of mind?
I feel like we've been cateredinto like see, I love how now
they're showing for example onsocial media like on tik tok on
even like on these like e newsstuff, showing how the 2000s
they idolize like the skinnybody. You know, like Paris
Hilton, you know I'm talkingabout those like thin skinny
(33:29):
bodies and now like it'snormalizing like the Ashley
Graham and you know, the morecurvaceous look and but in our
heads, at least for me, becauseI was a bad choice. Like,
growing up seeing those skinnyladies like, I am self conscious
because you know, I can't lieand say i'm not i'm just slowly
like you getting over it andjust not caring because y'all
(33:52):
know. But we do have thatengraved in our heads even as
being Hispanic. You have yourour leader telling you, Hey, you
know, you look so skinny Youhave to eat and then when you're
eating there, they wrote your
Unknown (34:09):
Yeah.
Miss Pinup Miami (34:11):
So it's like, it's always a struggle, and it's
a really hard but yeah, you readyou say what you said you just
have to find your headspace ofjust like your comfort zone and
just know like, you know, thisis me, skinny or not, and, you
know, you have to work on yourpersonality because that doesn't
change the diet.
Vivian (34:32):
Of course, you know, I grew up hearing from different
people in the family, like, youknow, you have to because I've
always been overweight. So, as akid I would hear sometimes, like
you have to be careful, you youyou know, you can't keep gaining
weight because nobody no man isgonna love you. If you're if
you're fat, you know, um, Iheard that in Spanish a lot. So
(34:54):
that was something that I had towork through like I'm single
Yes, still. The, you know, I amthe single girl, the perpetual
single girl my family. Um, butit has nothing to do with my
weight. I don't think it does. Imean, maybe I'm delusional, but
I don't think it does. I thinkit just hasn't happened for
(35:15):
whatever reason. And because Idon't want to settle. But I'm
glad we did grow up hearingthat, you know, and it's a
shame. You don't have to do thatto a child.
Miss Pinup Miami (35:30):
That's actually the next question you
just hit on. That just beingplus size mean that you'll
settle for just anyone?
Vivian (35:40):
I do not want to settle.
No, no, no,
Miss Pinup Miami (35:42):
no, nobody should settle. I'm telling you,
like I said earlier yet, we onlygot this one life, you're
looking at me saying y'all. Weonly have this one life. So you
might as well enjoy it. Like onething I told my boyfriend you
know, once we started gettingserious, I told him straight up.
Like, if you don't feel thatyou're in love with me or
enjoying your time, or that I'mnot enjoying our time, let's
(36:05):
help each other because we onlyhave a short time in this world.
You know, let's break it off.
Because that means I mean, oneof us will get hurt, but at
least we're doing you're notgoing on a charade. And we're
not just pretending. Absolutely.
Vivian (36:19):
And I feel that I have a lot to offer. Like I may be plus
size. But again, like I've saidmany times, that's just one part
of me. That's not my everything,you know, and I have another
reason i i've been single a longtime, which has taught me that I
don't need a man to live. I'mfinancially stable, I take care
(36:44):
of you know, have my shittogether. I i would love someone
to share my life withAbsolutely. Um, but it's got to
be someone that's worth, youknow what I have to offer so and
I hope that doesn't come off asbeing kind of conceited or stuck
up I came up in a wish more menmy age knew what they wanted.
(37:06):
Because sadly they don't want itI don't want to settle. So
that's funny.
Miss Pinup Miami (37:13):
So even men your age don't even know what
they want. Oh god, no, I
Vivian (37:17):
feel that men my age are worse than younger guys. Oh, I
really do. I don't know if it'slike a midlife crisis kind of
thing. Or if they're getting tothat point where they feel like,
you know, I don't know, I don'tknow what it is. Really. It's a
conundrum. I don't know if it'sa South Florida thing. I don't
(37:37):
know if it's a general mentalprocess, Lena states thing. But
it's pretty bad.
Miss Pinup Miami (37:45):
So overall, do you think it is harder to date?
Because you're plus size? Iwould say? I would say no. I
would say no. Because I thinkskinny people everything we just
said no skinny and average. Andall these I think all women go
through the same issues we justtalked about. I would say yes.
(38:08):
Oh, explain.
Vivian (38:11):
I would say yes. Because there's still such, um, so much
pressure in society to beperfect. And to look perfect.
And for men to have a trophywife, and to have you know, the
younger, hotter, you know,tighter BOD whatever. woman next
to them, that it does make itmore difficult. Because I do
(38:35):
think it takes a stronger man tosay this is what I like, and
this is what I'm attracted to.
And I don't care if it's it'snot what you think is beautiful.
I think it's beautiful. So thatin that case, I do think it's
more difficult.
Miss Pinup Miami (38:49):
Now I have personal questions to ask. It's
about sexuality. Like, do youthink that a fat woman cannot be
as sexual as a skinny woman?
Absolutely heard this, I heardthis somewhere else. And I was
like, No, I think like, ifyou're plus size, it doesn't
(39:11):
take away from you like either aexploring your sexuality,
enjoying sex or, you know,everything else that comes with
it.
Vivian (39:23):
Absolutely, um, that has nothing to do with your size. It
has nothing to do with yourappearance. It has nothing to do
with your hair color. I'm amiddle aged big woman with gray
hair. And I feel sexy and I'm avery sexual person. And that's
just part of me. You know,that's sexual. It has nothing to
(39:45):
do with your size, how you look.
If you're pretty, you're ugly orsociety thinks you're prettier,
you're ugly. That comes with theperson you know, there might be
like Victoria's Secret modelswho don't feel sexy. who aren't
very sexual, or you know, wantto express themselves? sexually?
So absolutely not. But I dothink that it takes some
(40:10):
confidence and self love to beable to kind of bring that out,
you know, it doesn't just happenovernight. You have to feel good
about yourself and feel good inyour own skin to be able to
bring out that, you know, thatsexy part of you or your, you
know, be able to explore yoursexuality.
Miss Pinup Miami (40:30):
How would you, if there's somebody listening on
here, and they're saying tothemselves, man, they keep
saying to like, love yourself,like, what do I need to do? What
What advice would you give?
Vivian (40:46):
Listen, like you said, we die alone, right? You come
into this world? Yeah, then youcome into this world on your
own, except you were a twin, ormost of us, this world alone,
and we go alone. Um, you're theperson that you are in a
relationship with the longestbecause you're not you're in a
relationship with yourself foryour entire life. It does take
(41:08):
time. I think it's reallyimportant to forgive yourself.
I've made bad decisions in thepast that have made me kind of
like, look at myself and belike, Vivian, what the heck were
you thinking? You know, and I,I've been very hard on myself.
But it takes a long time andkind of working at it. I
(41:28):
personally do a lot of selfhelp. I listened to a lot of
different life coaches andthings like that. And that's
helped me kind of move pastthat. Are there days where I
still look at myself, I stillthink like, what the hell were
you thinking? Yes, it happensall the time. But you know, you
do have to love yourself andaccept yourself for you know,
(41:49):
who you are all your flaws. Andonce you accept yourself, other
people do too, you know,absolutely.
Miss Pinup Miami (41:58):
Yeah. For me, it was just learning to live
with myself. And this happenedright after I graduated from us.
You know, from college, youknow, in college, I felt like it
was the first time I've alwayslived at home. I always was
like, the good child at home.
You know, I mean, I was alwaysmade fun of my my weight in my
own home. So when I went tocollege, I still had those same
(42:19):
things, but I was alone. Andthat's when I really got to get
to know myself because I wasliterally alone. So they're,
like you I made mistakes. Andyes, I was like, sheesh, what
did I do? You know, but you justlearn from it. And as long as
you learn from your mistakes,and don't like repeat them over
and over, like a broken record,then you know, that means that
(42:42):
you are getting better. Andthat's something that you should
be proud of. It might not beperfect, but you're getting
better. And I think people are alittle too hard on themselves.
Just like this could be a wholenother subject, but the hustle
culture like I find it crazypeople that are always idolizing
hustling, you know, and like,oh, hustle every day. 9094 724
seven a day. 2424 seven. Youknow, you gotta hustle, hustle,
(43:08):
hustle, like, yes, hustle. But Imean, analyzing, not realizing,
you know, like, like, what's theword I'm looking for. But making
it seem like that's the way tolive life will literally drain
you. And you'll be so hard onyourself that you'll just like,
let things go through the crack.
And then you'll feel even worse,and then it just get you down.
(43:28):
So I always believe in work lifebalance, and number and taking
care of number one, there's aperfect book, if you guys are
into self help books calledtaking care of number one, which
is basically you know, you haveto help yourself first before
you can help others because it'slike Vivian needed something.
Well, I'll give you a perfectexample, when you're on a plane.
(43:50):
And like they teach you aboutthe oxygen falling. What do they
tell you, the first thing theytell you is Help yourself.
Because if you don't put thatoxygen mask on yourself, you
won't be able to put the oxygenmask on the person next to you.
So just like remember to takecare of yourself first, because
then you'll be able to reallyhelp the next person that
Vivian (44:11):
sometimes, especially since our world is so fast
paced, there's so much going on.
And like you said, the hustleculture, like sometimes it's
really important to just stopand kind of like reconnect with
yourself. self care has becomekind of like a trending thing
lately, but I think it's areally good trend. You know,
it's important to take that timeto take care of yourself and do
(44:31):
things that you need and kind ofcheck in with yourself because
maybe what you needed last weekisn't what you need today. You
know, so that's, that is veryimportant.
Miss Pinup Miami (44:41):
True, true.
Vivian you have
Vivian (44:44):
and you touched on something actually, really
quick. Where you said when youthe first time that you were
alone, is when you kind ofstarted accepting yourself and
learning about yourself. I thinkthat's so important. I'm a
little bit of a loner like Ineed my space. I can't be with
someone 24 seven. Um, and Ithink that's so important to
(45:05):
take that time with yourself,like a lot of people I feel are
in relationships where theycling on to them because they're
afraid to be out there alone.
And being single is tough,especially when you've been
single a long time. Like, it canbe very difficult sometimes. But
um, clinging on to the wrongperson, just to not be alone
isn't the right thing that Ithink like drains you it wears
(45:28):
on your heart and wears on yourself esteem. And it's just not
healthy. So sometimes it's it'simportant to be on on your own
to be able to learn what youreally need, what you really
want.
Miss Pinup Miami (45:40):
And so true.
That's so true. Because with myex, he cheated on me. And I
found out quick story like infive seconds, I was scrolling
through his tablet looking forlike Pinterest stuff and saving
it onto his camera rolls, Icould send it to myself. And
then I found pictures of anotherwoman that wasn't me. And I
confronted him about it. Becauseit wasn't just like these, like,
(46:00):
such sexy images. It wasliterally like videos and
somebody saying his name. And hehad the weirdest name on this
planet. That like, when Iconfronted him about it, I was
single my whole life up untilthat point that he was my first
boyfriend. Um, but I kneweverything I would hear all the
other girls complain about whenmen cheat on them, and they go
(46:23):
back and then it was like avicious cycle. And I'd always
say like, are these girls dumbgoing back to this man that hurt
him and cheated on him because Ilearned really quick that these
men are not getting better. Sowhen this man lied to my face
telling me that like that girl,he didn't know the next day I
called out of work, and Ichanged all my locks and kick
(46:43):
them out. But that's justbecause I had the moment to
learn about myself because Irespected you know, like, he's
lying to me, why am I gonna keephim around just because I love
them, just because he's my firstlike no, on to the next
Vivian (46:59):
was also part of setting a standard for yourself. You
don't want to accept someonethat treats you that way, and
treats you poorly. And that hasnothing to do with size that any
woman at any point in her lifecan go through something like
that. And you know, that's astandard that you have to set
for yourself, whether you know,every situation is different.
Obviously, you have to look atwhat's going on and you make
(47:20):
your own decision. But you knowthat that is part of setting a
standard and what you will orwill not accept.
Miss Pinup Miami (47:27):
Vivian, do you have anything else you would
like to add to this episode? Orask me a question about plus
size dating?
Vivian (47:34):
Um, well, you know, everybody's experiences are
different. I'm like you, youhave completely different
experiences than I have had. Soeverybody has a different point
of view. But doesn't you know, Ijust feel like just being plus
size, maybe make things a littlemore complicated or make things
(47:55):
a little more difficult. Yes,there's still a lot of
fatphobia. And there's still alot of pressure in society to be
thin and perfect and beautiful.
But I think we're making a lotof strides and moving in the
right direction, I see a lot ofthings online about you know,
body positivity and being lovingyourself at any size. So that
gives me a lot of hope for youknow, the young girls growing up
now. Because they have morepositive role models and more
(48:18):
positive messages to grow upwith and what we had
Unknown (48:25):
any disabilities?
Vivian (48:27):
Yes, absolutely any size, any any issue. You know,
people with disabilities alsocan be very sexy, very sexual,
you know, and explore dating anddifferent things just like
anybody. Um, so I think we'vecome a long way. But I think we
still have a lot of work to doin that area. So it's good that
we're talking about it andbringing it to the forefront.
(48:52):
arena where we can talk aboutit. And
Miss Pinup Miami (48:54):
I know I said a lot of personal things in this
episode. But I want to say thankyou, Vivian, it's so it's always
an honor to have you on here andI know my listeners love having
you. Next week. It's going to bea totally different subject. But
we have Mimi from meetup, Meadowsweet money, and she like, knows
(49:19):
everything about finances andsavings, and her motto is saving
up for your joy. So very excitedabout some budget saving tips
next week. That extra saving anextra dollar so when we go
vintage shopping, we can belike, well, she'll probably say
not to buy it but let's waittill next week. I'm
Unknown (49:42):
gonna ask her.
Miss Pinup Miami (49:44):
If it's a fine that you can't find, like, come
on, I got it. I gotta justify bybuying it. You know, I've gone
visit shopping with Vivian.
Vivian (49:54):
We can do some damage very
Miss Pinup Miami (49:56):
quickly. Real quick, especially when we look
at each other and we're like Isthis cute? I can't find it
anywhere else. Alright guys, Iwant to say thank you again for
listening truly means the worldto me. Thank you. Thank you so
much and I will see you all nextweek.
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