April 14, 2025 • 59 mins
Australian author Andrew Matthews transformed his understanding of happiness after discovering that the happiest people he knew faced bigger challenges than he did, inspiring his journey to help others cultivate resilience and joy regardless of circumstances.
• Born into an artistic family with a professional landscape painter father and language-loving mother
• Found success as an artist but wasn't truly happy despite doing what he loved
• Had a life-changing realization at 25 when he noticed people with bigger problems were happier than him
• Read over 200 books on happiness, attitude, and the subconscious to develop his philosophy
• Discovered that happy people focus on what they have while unhappy people focus on what's missing
• Created the bestselling book "Being Happy" followed by many others including "Bouncing Back"
• Explains that we create the life we feel we deserve based on our self-worth
• Teaches that most disasters are not total disasters – they often lead to better opportunities
• Outlines the keys to bouncing back: acceptance, breaking challenges into small steps, and maintaining hope
• Emphasizes that happiness is a choice we make moment by moment
• Advises giving your absolute best to whatever is currently on your plate
• Explains why focusing on what you want (not what you don't want) is crucial for success
• Demonstrates how visualization creates the mental pathway to your desired future
Visit andrewmatthews.com to sign up for Andrew's newsletter, find his books on Amazon and Audible, and watch his videos on YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to another episode of Playing Injured.
I'm excited for today's episode.
We have an author, anAustralian author, international
speaker, Mr Andrew Matthews.
Andrew, how are we doing today?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Nice to be here.
It's tomorrow.
Already here, josh, yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
It's Monday morning in Australia, and if you could
tell me the future and let meknow that it'll be a good monday
morning, then well, we got bluesky here, but I think it's
cooler where you are yeah, thisis a little bit different, so
we'll take it.
We'll take it, um, but, andrew,I always love starting things
(00:39):
off to give folks a visual ofwho you are right and I and I
love to ask who is Andrew andhow do you spend your time today
?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
You know, starting with me as a little kid, I was
born into a loving family, josh,so I was blessed.
I had a father who was aprofessional landscape painter
he used to paint oil paintingsof the Australian outback and
the mountains and the desertsand I had a mother who had a
(01:14):
real fascination for language,and so as I look at how I became
an author who illustrates hisown books, who illustrates his
own books I can see that I wasreally lucky to have parents
that encouraged me to do thingsthat I loved.
But it wasn't always a straightroad, and as a kid I was always
(01:40):
the smallest kid in school andI used to get thrown over the
fence and locked in cupboardsand held upside down and dropped
into puddles and things likethat.
I hated being small, buteveryone has something to deal
with.
And around about 15, I grewinto an average-sized human, not
(02:03):
tall enough to play basketball,but I was happy to make five
feet nine.
And after toying with the ideaof becoming a lawyer, I decided
that I was going to do what Ireally loved, which was study
classical drawing and paintingand become an artist classical
(02:23):
drawing and painting and becomean artist.
And, josh, I was making myliving doing what I loved.
Into my mid-20s I was teachingart and I was creating my own
art, but I still wasn't as happyas I thought I should be.
(02:45):
And at 25, I made a shockingdiscovery I discovered that the
happiest people I knew hadbigger problems than me.
Suddenly, I had no excuse.
I mean, I knew people who werestruggling their way through
cancer.
I knew people who had gonebroke or lost their job.
I knew people whose house hadburned down and they were like
(03:11):
the happiest family I knew.
I knew people who had lostloved ones way too soon, who
still had a better attitude thanme, still had a better attitude
than me, and I had to figureout how is it that happy people
(03:32):
think and how can I be like them.
So I went on this journey.
I read 200 books on thesubconscious, on happiness, on
attitude, on anything that Icould find that might be helpful
, anything that I could findthat might be helpful, and I
paid attention to the happypeople that I knew.
(03:55):
How did they talk?
What did they focus on?
And gradually I cobbledtogether a fairly simple
(04:20):
philosophy that helped me tomove from not being as happy as
I could have been to feelingpretty good about liking myself
better and feeling good about mylife and the future.
Yeah, and then, as many peopledo, I thought maybe I can write
a book.
That is the book that I wishedI'd had, and so I wrote a book
called being Happy.
So that was the beginning.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, and so I would love to hear this, because you
said that you were doing whatyou were passionate about Right.
I would love to hear thisbecause you said that you were
doing what you were passionateabout Right, and I think a lot
of people think that, hey, if Ido what I'm passionate about,
then I'll be happy.
What do you think was the thingthat was missing?
(04:58):
Was it just your attitude andhow you saw things?
What made people happy?
What did you find in yourstudies of researching folks who
were happy?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
The big difference between happy people and unhappy
people.
I've got a cartoon in my bookBouncing Back that explains this
a little.
There's a two-panel cartoon.
So the first panel you see avery happy guy and he's eating
one single slice of cake and hejust looks absolutely delighted
(05:33):
and the caption is happy peoplefocus on what they have.
And then the second panel,there's a very miserable-looking
guy and he's got a huge entirecake minus one slice, and the
caption to that panel is unhappypeople focus on what's missing.
(05:56):
I created that cartoon because Ithink it it shows it describes
the principal difference betweenhappy people and unhappy people
that happy people have a habitof asking themselves questions
like what do I like about mylife?
What do I love about my wife?
What do I like about my job?
(06:18):
My job may not be perfect, butwhat's good about it?
They're stuck in traffic.
They say I might be stuck intraffic.
What's good about being stuckin traffic?
Well, I can listen to Josh'spodcast.
For a start.
I'm not walking, I'm notgetting wet, that's good.
I can afford a car, that's good.
So we find in life what we lookfor, and happy people have a
(06:43):
habit of looking for things thatare going to make them happy.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, and you were just talking about the
subconscious mind and how thatworks.
Right, you talked about, hey,your brain is going to look to
find evidence of your thoughts,which is why we talk about why
it's so important to practice,and what you're mentioning is
gratitude and practicinggratitude and being more
intentional about being presentand looking at what do we have
(07:12):
and what do we love about wherewe're currently at, what we
currently have, who we currentlyare right and find acceptance
in it.
Right, I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I love it.
Beautifully said and in a senseit's about finding perspective
that even though our life isn'tperfect, well, has anyone else
ever survived the problems thatI have?
And more than likely we'regoing to find people who have
survived much more seriousthings and people who have a
(07:48):
better attitude who already havea tougher life than we have.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, and so in being Happy, that book that you wrote
I'm looking at the title here AHandbook to Greater Confidence
and Security.
Where does confidence andsecurity come in to play of
being happy?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, happiness is the starting point.
Well, gratitude and acceptanceof our situation is the starting
point for happiness.
But as soon as we find that wecan be happier within ourselves,
lots of things happen.
We have more energy, we'rehealthier, we solve problems
(08:30):
faster.
Happy people solve problems 20%to 30% faster than unhappy
people.
Even happy doctors diagnoseillness 30% more accurately.
So get yourself a happy doctor30% more accurately.
So get yourself a happy doctor.
As you've mentioned, when we'rehappy, we notice opportunities
(08:52):
because we're expecting goodthings to come along.
We're a magnet for other happyand uplifting people because
suddenly they want to be aroundus, and then we're more likely
to take a risk.
If we're happy, we say, well,this might work, I should try
this, I should start a podcast,I should write my book, I should
(09:15):
start my little online businessbecause, who knows, it might
work.
So all of those things stemfrom work.
So all of those things stemfrom being happy, and a part of
that is also we've got to atsome stage.
You say you know what is thefundamentals of this being happy
?
(09:35):
People say do you need to loveyourself?
You've got to at least likeyourself.
Why?
Because we create the life thatwe feel we deserve.
And if I don't like myself, Imay stay with a partner that
treats me badly.
I may work for a boss for 20years that treats me badly.
(09:55):
If I don't like myself, I mightlet my kids walk all over me
and say well, it's only me.
If I don't like myself, I mightpunish myself with what I eat
or what I drink.
It's not consciously, but it'sall a part of saying well, I
don't really deserve a life thatis that good and so much of it.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
As you said, josh, is the subconscious mind that is
serving things up to us that wefeel we deserve yeah, and man, I
want to re-say that for folkswho didn't catch it we create a
life that we think we deserveand it's subconscious.
It's not necessarily conscious.
(10:40):
We might say, hey, hey, youknow I want this fit body.
You know I want to, like yousaid, start this online business
, I want to start a podcast, Iwant to.
Whatever goals that we mighthave, we don't put consistent
(11:07):
action behind it and a lot oftimes it does come from.
What you just said is we createa life that we think we deserve
and it's subconscious, and sowe probably avoid the things
that we know will help us getwhat we actually want in life,
because we feel like we don'tdeserve we've all known people
who maybe ladies, who keep onfinding male partners that treat
(11:30):
them badly.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And we look at those ladies and we say they are so
beautiful and they are so smartand they have so much warmth to
offer they have, they are socaring and and they go and find
themselves partners that treatthem badly and they don't
(11:54):
consciously say I want to go outand screw up my life or or get
into a relationship but it isjust as bad as the last one.
But underlying all of that isthat I don't, at the heart of it
, feel that I deserve abeautiful life and I don't
(12:14):
deserve to be loved just for whoI am so how can folks start to
one and and I know folks whoprobably are sitting down
listening to this podcast rightnow they're like wow, is that me
?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
So awareness is key, but also, too, what can folks
start to do to grow theirself-image, kind of develop a
higher self-esteem?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
We can make a decision that from today, I will
never, ever say anything badabout myself.
I will never criticize myself.
If I can't think of somethinggood to say about myself, then I
won't say anything.
So that is one way that youknow how some people say oh, I'm
so stupid I always get all thebad luck.
Or if anyone's going to screwit up, it's me.
(13:03):
Just watch me screw it up.
We stop all of that.
So we don't even have to doanything.
We just have to stop doingsomething.
We make a decision that today isthe first day of a happier life
for me is the first day of ahappier life for me.
(13:30):
So happiness is very much adecision we make one day after
another.
We've all seen a toddler, atwo-year-old.
He may be playing around on thefurniture, he falls on his head
and the first thing he does ishe looks around to see who's
watching, but, depending on theaudience, he decides whether
he's going to laugh or cry.
And we may not realize it, butwe live exactly the same way.
(13:56):
We're out on the freewaycruising along and someone cuts
in front of us and we make aninstant decision Is this going
to ruin my day?
Or will I say maybe this guy'sjust having a tough day.
We're choosing happiness 50times a day.
Am I going to let this upset meor not?
(14:17):
So fundamental is anunderstanding that happiness is
really a choice we're makingmoment by moment.
We don't even have to decide tolive a happy life, but we just
say today, I choose to supportmyself, not criticize myself.
I choose to be happy and I doother things like.
(14:40):
I choose not to complain.
Five minutes complaining isfive minutes wasted.
Here's something that'sinteresting.
We all know that we we talkabout what we think about.
If I talk about, if I thinkabout food, I'm going to talk
about food.
But the reverse is also true ifI go talking about something,
(15:05):
I'm going to keep on thinkingabout it, which is a reason why
complaining is a really bad ideaif we want to live a happy life
.
So we just if we try to fix aproblem, that's one thing, but
otherwise just leave complainingout of it.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah, and so continue to focus in on the good.
That's really the root of it isjust making a choice to focus
on the good, even because wealways have kind of these two
voices in our head, right, thesethoughts and, like you said,
when you have these negativefeelings, when you feel like
complaining about your currentsituation, instead flipping it,
(15:44):
and eventually, subconsciously,you'll start to think more
positively, or start to thinkand it becomes a habit.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It becomes a habit when things don't go our way.
Our first thought is what'sgood about this?
There's something good aboutthis, and so that leads us into
acceptance, which is really thefirst step to happiness,
gratitude, acceptance when lifeknocks us down or when people
(16:15):
let us down.
Let's say we lose our job or weget to the end of a
relationship and it'sheartbreaking, or we break our
leg end of a relationship andit's heartbreaking, or we break
our leg.
Anyone is going to say thingslike you know, this shouldn't
have happened, or life doesn'tseem fair.
And we do that.
Maybe in a sense, we believethat if I don't accept this
(16:37):
rotten situation, I won't bestuck with it.
You know, if I don't acceptsomething I hate, then I don't
have to deal with it.
But the reverse is actuallytrue.
Acceptance allows us to move on, and acceptance is power, and
the sooner that we say well, Iwouldn't have chosen this, I
(17:00):
wouldn't have chosen to besacked or to have this broken
leg, or I wouldn't have chosento be sacked or to have this
broken leg, or I wouldn't havechosen to be alone at 55 years
old.
But that's what I've got, and Iunderstand that there's a
cartoon in Bouncing Back aboutthis.
What I thought was breaking meis probably making me.
(17:22):
I've got this cartoon of a guyclimbing a mountain and he's
sweating.
He looks like he doesn't wannabe there.
Even his dog is sweating andnot happy either.
And that's the caption "'Whatyou thought was breaking you is
probably making you'".
None of us are bornextraordinary.
We become extraordinary byfacing challenges we didn't
(17:47):
choose, and so that all wraps upinto that thing of acceptance.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yeah, and you talked about it and I actually looked
at some of your content and wetalked about disaster or you
know it could be relative to howwe see disaster or challenges
that come our way and seeingthem as good things, seeing the
good in the disaster, Right, andas you mentioned, these
(18:15):
disasters, these challenges,when you look back on life you
can see, oh, these things mademe who I am, They've changed the
course of my life for better,especially if you choose to see
it that way.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, we don't learn much from success.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
No, we just celebrate .
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, and maybe we're saying this is how good I am,
but it's failure.
That makes us think, okay, whatdo I need to learn here?
The other encouraging thing isthat most disasters are not
total disasters.
Yeah, in that sense, and we'veall had that experience of we're
(18:58):
at the airport, we're waitingto catch a plane and just before
boarding, they make thisannouncement your flight is
unable to leave.
The next flight leaves in sevenhours.
And you think, oh, this is thelast thing I wanted.
I hate this.
And then we're hanging aroundthe airport and we make a
lifelong friend.
Yeah, or we have thatexperience where we meet someone
(19:24):
and we think this is the personfor me, this is going to be my
lifelong partner, and six monthslater they dump us and we're
devastated.
And then we meet them in 10years' time and we breathe a
sigh of relief and we think ha,I dodged a bullet, yeah, so most
(19:51):
disasters are not totaldisasters.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
And the only problem is that you only realize that
looking backwards, right, and soyou might as well, like you
said, accept it now and realizethat, hey, you know, this is how
it's supposed to be and it's.
This is good.
Right, this is good, and evenwhen it's hard and and going
(20:16):
through challenges, goingthrough disasters in the moment
are extremely tough, dependingon how big it is, and practicing
to see the good in it issomething that is definitely
healing while going through it.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
And it's easier to tell other people to do it.
I understand that.
Yeah, yeah, other people to doit.
I understand that.
Yeah, yeah, it's easy to say.
Well, you know, I can see how adivorce is really going to be a
learning experience for him andhe'll come out of it better.
But when you're in it it's nofun at the same time.
If we pay attention, then wecan see how many times in life
(20:58):
something's happened that wethought was a disaster but
actually took us on a journeythat was so helpful and we never
want to go through the thingsthat we need to go through that
make us into the people we wantto become.
So, you know, it's the toughstuff that we say that's the
(21:19):
last thing I wanted thatgenerally turn us into quality
people yeah, yeah, that's thechallenges that shape us, um and
and so about bouncing backright, because that's that
that's the key.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, when we do face these tough times and it's the
rebound time, you know, nomatter how small or big, right
For me, I think I can thinkabout something small where, hey
, you had a goal for somethingand maybe the habits that you
had you kind of fell off and nowyou feel guilty, you feel some
type of shame about it, but it'slike, hey, let's bounce back
(21:56):
and get right to it.
Uh, maybe you know you loseyour job and so you're in a rut,
for, you know, a little bit,you don't feel good, uh, and so
you need to bounce back and lookfor the next chapter, right,
and so, um, bouncing back.
Why do you think this isimportant?
To write this to um, to talkabout this and help folks bounce
(22:19):
back from disappointment,disasters, different things like
that.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
All of us are bouncing back from something at
any time.
We're bouncing back from havingspent too much or eaten too
much, or we're bouncing backfrom not getting the promotion
that we thought was ours, orwe're bouncing back from a
relationship that started outwell.
Or we're bouncing back frommaybe we get to 50 and we
(22:49):
thought my life was meant to bebetter by now, or I thought I
would be financially secure bynow, or we're bouncing back from
illness.
So what I wanted to do was seeif I could learn from resilient
(23:09):
people.
I know, and resilient people weall know.
What is it that resilientpeople do?
Resilient people do?
So acceptance is somethingwe've looked at so critical that
early on we say I wouldn't havechosen this, but maybe I can
(23:32):
see some purpose in it.
But even if I can't, this iswhat I've got, and so the first
step is I accept where I'm at.
The next thing is that we breakdown what we need to do to make
our lives better into littlechunks, daily chunks that we
(23:55):
don't get overwhelmed by.
You know, now I'm broke, or nowI'm jobless, or now I'm alone,
or now I'm sick.
What can I do today?
It's like we talked aboutclimbing a mountain.
If you're climbing a mountainand you get stuck on a ledge,
(24:18):
then suddenly all of yourawareness, all of your focus
goes into getting off that ledge.
You're not worried about allthe bills you've got to pay over
the next 30 days, You're notworried about all the things
that could go wrong in the nextyear.
You're just saying I just needto deal with this ledge and
eventually you claw your way offthat ledge.
And then you deal with the nextbit and effective.
(24:43):
People live life in 24-hourcompartments and that's what
we're designed to do.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Take things one day at a time.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yep, and when one day is too much, then sometimes we
just need to bring it down tolet me just get through the next
hour.
All of us get challenged andhurt and wounded.
We're talking about beingwounded.
What can I do?
(25:13):
Just today to make it better,and then I'll deal with tomorrow
, when tomorrow comes.
Go on to make it better, andthen I'll deal with tomorrow
when tomorrow comes.
So we talked about acceptance.
We talked about chunking itdown into little things and
dealing with today, or even lessthan one day, maybe an hour at
a time.
(25:34):
And then the other thing thatwe need is we need a picture of
our better life.
A better life starts in ourmind.
We have to see it.
We say what is it that keepsresilient people going?
It is hope.
It is a vision that this is meas a more confident person.
(25:54):
This is me with money in thebank.
This is me with a lovingrelationship.
This is me being happy.
Even happiness begins as anidea we have.
We think I could be happier.
Okay, so what would that looklike?
And and what steps can I taketo be the happier me?
(26:15):
And so every step of progress,every aspect of a better life,
begins as an idea, and that iscritical.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Yeah, I don't think too many people realize how
amazing visualizing andimagining a better life can be
for you and how great of anexercise that can be to kind of
journal about you know, like yousaid, what do you want your
future you know to look like andvisualizing it, especially when
(26:52):
you're going through a toughtime, especially when you're in
a time of uncertainty.
Right, I think that's a lot oftimes for myself.
I know when I start to feel alittle bit anxious.
Um, and uneasy is when thingsare uncertain all right, I don't
have clear, and so able to lookfive, ten years later.
(27:12):
Um, make, brings a smile to myface, right, and it makes me.
It makes things clear, right.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And if we were to put a word on that, josh, we might
say what it is is hope.
We can get through almostanything if we have hope.
We say well, I'm dealing withthis divorce, I'm dealing with
this business that just wentbelly up, or I'm dealing with
(27:42):
this illness, this broken leg.
But I can see a time when I'mbeyond that and I'm healthy and
I can afford to pay my rent.
I can afford to travel where Iwant to my rent.
(28:03):
I can afford to travel where Iwant to.
I can see myself being moreconfident and being treated well
by my friends and family, andthat is where I'm headed.
That's hope.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, and then what the hope does?
It helps you kind of reverseengineer what you can do today,
right?
Because I think especiallyfolks who maybe are in a
situation where they don't havehope and it's like, hey, let's
visualize that and start tobreak down.
Hey, what can I do today to getthere, right.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yes, and for those of us who maybe think, well, this
visualization, it seems a littlebit dreamy, but there's not a
successful athlete, pilot, actor, dancer, educator, not a
successful anybody who didn'tdream and see themselves
(28:56):
succeeding at their chosenprofession.
We have to see it and wereinforce it.
And the more that we reinforceit, the more that we see that
picture, the more we move from aposition of this is a nice
dream to this is a nicepossibility, to this really
(29:24):
could happen, to this is goingto happen, but I don't know when
.
To this is my life, that iswhat I'm moving toward and
nothing is going to knock me offcourse yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
And then you know, everything was visualized.
This microphone I'm speakingthrough was first visualized
before it became a physical mic,right, I'm pretty sure the
books that you've written.
It was in your mind first.
Then, you know, as you putaction behind it, more things
came about and you were able to,you know, uh, refer, you know,
(30:06):
uh, refine it and grow it.
It came with time, but it wasin your mind first, right, and
so, um, everything that we seewas first in somebody's mind and
then it became reality.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So we need to make it a daily practice to see our
happy and prosperous future inour mind and it crystallizes, it
becomes more and more real, andeven to the point where, once
it happens, we just, in a sense,sometimes we say, well, I knew.
(30:45):
I mean, I've been living that,I've been seeing it, and now,
here it is.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Having said that, life is still sometimes
disappointing and whateverprojects we're working on, I
often share, when I'm speaking,that a lot of things that we do
don't work.
In fact, most things don't workas well as we hope they will.
(31:11):
We start a podcast and we'rehoping that we're going to have
10,000 followers after a monthand we don't.
Or we create a YouTube video andthink this is going to go viral
this is amazing and it doesn't.
Or we write an ad.
We think that's going to work,or we write a manuscript and we
send it off to a publisher myfirst manuscript.
(31:35):
I sent it to 60 publishers andI got 61 rejections.
One publisher wrote to me twiceand said forget it.
So a lot of things don't workas well as we hope they will.
But here's the thing if wemaintain a work rate and we keep
(31:56):
doing everything we can, thenenough things work to give us
momentum.
And one day, usually when weleast expect it, something
happens that is even better thanwe imagined, and it usually
doesn't come from where wethought it was coming from.
(32:18):
But that's the beauty of life.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's usually and, likeyou said, it's usually better
than what you even imagined itwould be right those you know
without those rejections I'msure things wouldn't have turned
out as great as it would haveif you didn't get those
rejections right.
You kind of go back to thedrawing board and figure it out,
(32:45):
yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Yeah, you just keep on refining what you're doing
and you say, well, with eachrejection, with each no, I'm
getting closer to a yes.
Yeah, that's what I always tellmyself.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
You mentioned and one of these things I want to
mention right, bouncing back,right, and it's a lot of things
that people bounce back fromright.
We talk about failure, we talkabout rejection, we talk about
all of these different things.
And number one, I'm looking atthe seven steps of bouncing back
(33:21):
finding purpose and, whateverhappens, Make what makes us
extraordinary right.
There's people out therelooking for their purpose,
looking for kind of what lightsthem up.
What advice would you give tothem?
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Now two things.
The first one that I think ishuge is whatever is under your
nose right now, put everythinginto what you're doing.
Give your all.
You may not be in the perfectjob, but while you're in that
job even though sure you've toldyour friends I'm not going to
(34:04):
be here forever, but while youare there, give it all.
You've got friends.
I'm not going to be hereforever, but while you are there
, give it all.
You've got.
Any small opportunity thatcomes along, crush it.
Give it everything you have.
And one thing will lead toanother and another, and it may
(34:25):
not be.
I mean, you know, maybe you'rea singer and you say to yourself
well, if I had an audience of100, then I'd really give a show
, but I've only got these threepeople in this cafe.
No, you give the show of yourlife to those three people, and
(34:45):
next week you'll have six, andin a month's time you'll have 20
.
And in two months' time, notonly are you still doing your
best, but you're doing betterthan you were a month ago, and
people are talking about you.
And in a year you've got 100and you go from there.
(35:05):
But you start with what you haveand where you can, and so if
you've got a dream to dosomething that is not a part of
your regular job, then make astart.
Do what you can, start learningabout it, Get your toe in the
(35:27):
water, do whatever you can.
That is going to get youlearning more and connected with
people who can teach you.
But make a start and then justdon't judge too much the
opportunities that are in frontof you.
Just grab them and do your bestopportunities that are in front
(35:50):
of you.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Just grab them and do your best.
So, a few things you mentioned,there is this like, whatever you
have on your plate right now,crush it and make sure you do
amazing work.
Change your attitude about it,because I think a lot of folks,
whatever they're currently doing, maybe it's not what they want
(36:12):
to do and they don't have a goodattitude towards it.
And I can definitely admitmyself, it's times where I've
had bad attitudes about certainthings and I have to check it.
I have to say, hey, no, youknow, let's actually go above
and beyond what we're doing.
Because, you know, I alwaysheard the quote how you do
everything is how you doeverything, and so if you don't
(36:34):
crush what's currently on yourplate, when you get another
opportunity or it's other thingsthat you have on your plate
that you want to put on yourplate, it's going to be hard not
to have a to have a badattitude for eight hours doing
this and then the next fivehours, when you work on
something else, justautomatically flip the switch
(36:55):
and have a good attitude.
It's like, no, you got to crusheverything and have a great
attitude about it all, becausethat's the only way it's going
to work.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, josh.
I mean, I might have a job thatI hate and I'm telling my
friends I hate it and I'm goingto quit at 4.30.
What's the only way for me tohave a happy day is to put my
heart and soul into my job until4.30, even though I'm going to
quit at 4.30.
The way to be happy at any jobis to give your best.
(37:27):
You don't give your best foryour boss's sake, you give your
best for your sake.
And, as you say, how you doanything is how you do
everything.
And the other thing is that,even if you're in a job that is
not ideal, when you put yourheart and soul into it, then you
develop skills that you may usein another job.
(37:48):
You develop confidence that youmay even end up using in your
own business.
Or you may be spotted bysomebody who says you're working
in this crap place, but youreffort is amazing.
Come and work for me and I'llpay you more.
So let's never underestimatethe importance of the current
(38:12):
moment, because we never knowwho's watching.
That may offer us anopportunity, and we never know
how important it is for us todevelop our skills for the next
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Yeah, for the next opportunity.
Yeah, you know, really, whatI've realized in our
conversation right is just ourcurrent state.
Right, when you talked abouthappiness, you talked about our
current state and focusing onthe good right, so that we can
have a great attitude about whatwe do.
You talked about looking at thepast right as well, learning
(38:51):
from it and realizing that, hey,the negative things that I've
went through in the past haveactually created you know who I
am today.
And then visualizing the futureto help you have hope and
understand what you need to dotoday.
But in all of it, it starts withthe current state and staying
(39:12):
focused, staying present.
Right, how do you stay present?
How do you stay in the currentmoment?
It can be tough, especiallywhen you're bouncing back.
It could be hard to not letpast situations affect the way
you think about a currentsituation that's negatively
impacting you, right, and it canbe hard for you to be worried
(39:36):
and be worried about the futureof like, hey, how am I going to
pay my bills?
How am I going to, you know,get this job?
How do you stay in the presentmoment?
Speaker 2 (39:45):
how do you stay in the present moment.
Well, if we underline theimportance of staying in the
present moment, let's imaginethat, for no particular reason,
you decided that you were goingto gather everything that you
need to eat in the next fiveyears and everything that you
need to wear in the next fiveyears, and you put it all in
this big sack and you carried itall around on your back.
(40:08):
At some stage you'd collapse.
I mean, we decide you're notdesigned to carry that kind of
load.
Similarly, if you were to makea list of everything that could
go wrong in the next five yearsand everything you need to do in
the next five years and carrythat all around in your head,
(40:33):
again you could collapse becauseyou're not designed to carry
that kind of load.
But you are designed to carry alittle load that's just 24
hours worth of things to dealwith or be concerned with.
So living life in 24-hourcompartments is so critical and
(40:58):
it's the only way that works.
We also need to perhaps remindourselves that we can get drawn
into this idea of well, the nextmoment is going to be better
than this moment.
So maybe we're having a toughweek and it's only Tuesday and
(41:19):
we say, well, I don't like thisweek.
Everything is really hard.
But Friday I've got this hotdate, so Friday evening I'll be
happy, right?
So come Friday evening you jumpin your car, you pull out onto
the freeway, you're stuck intraffic, you're not even moving,
so you're not happy yet.
But you say I'll be happy whenI get to the restaurant.
(41:42):
Well, you get to the restaurantlate, there's already this
lineup of people for tables.
So you say, well, I'll be happywhen I get a table.
And eventually you get a table,your date's not there because
she's stuck in traffic.
Then, well, I'll be happy whenall the waiters are busy.
I'll be happy when someonecomes and takes my order.
(42:02):
You finally get your food andthen you take a photo of it and
you put it on Instagram.
I'll be happy when someonelikes my chicken parmigiana.
You know, and thinking, alwaysthinking, that the next moment
is going to be better than thismoment, and the next moment is
(42:22):
never going to be better thanthis moment, especially if, when
the next moment comes, you'rethinking about the moment after
that.
So it is an understanding thatwe drag ourselves back to the
present.
We just say let me just focuson my chat with Josh.
I have everything I need.
(42:44):
I've got air to breathe.
Let me enjoy this.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Yeah, yeah, let's just bring our attention right
back here.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Let's bring it back.
I mean, you're an athlete, yeah, and the thing with high
performers and sportsmen beingin the zone is that you know
when everything is working sobeautifully and we're hitting
aces or we're hitting, you know,shooting hoops.
(43:17):
We are just there.
That is all that exists.
And if we could get inside theminds of the greats, we just
find that they're able to shutout all distractions and just be
in the moment, so much morethan the people who never.
(43:40):
Yeah, the other thing that isattached to that and I'd be
interested in your thoughts onthis, that is attached to that
and I'd be interested in yourthoughts on this is that we
cannot and this sort of leads tothe subconscious, we cannot
(44:01):
give our mind a message ofsomething not to do.
It's like Google Maps.
You can't say when Google Mapssays where do you want to go,
you can't say not the airport,right, you know, you've got to
say I want to go to thesupermarket.
You can't say and similarly, ifwe say don't drop this ball or
(44:22):
don't miss this shot, the minddoesn't understand that.
No, the mind doesn't understandthat.
No.
And the great players themichael jordans and the roger
federer's what sets them apartis that they are able to say
this is what I want, when thepressure of the moment leads the
(44:47):
also-rans to say don't screw itup.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Yeah, yeah, hey, don't mess this up, don't mess
this up.
And then you end up messing up.
So it's like you.
I mean that's so important.
You have to direct your mind towhere you want it to go right
or what you want it to think.
And so a lot of times, you knowwe talk about self-talk.
(45:11):
I couldn't tell you how manytimes, you know, on the court,
I'm telling myself hey, you know, lock, lock in, lock in, hey.
And it's never me reallytelling myself Positive.
Right, it's me telling myselfthe next direction, all right,
(45:35):
especially in a crunch timeperiod, right, it's like, hey,
you need to make sure when youfollow you, hey, just follow
through here, follow through,you'll be great, do your job.
It's easy.
Rebound.
It is so many different things,um, that going in your mind,
especially on the negative sideof don't miss this free throw,
oh, this is a tough pass, don'tthrow it.
(45:57):
No, I need to just tell myself,hey, follow through, breathe,
follow through.
Not.
And it's not even hey, you'regoing to make it, you're going
to make it.
It's like, oh, no, I need todirect it exactly what I want my
mind to do, which takes thepressure off.
Right, which, like you said,you become more present, right?
(46:20):
And it's like when I talk aboutflow, when I think about flow,
it's like control withoutthought.
It's subconscious, right.
Like you mentioned before,getting into the subconscious,
control without thought.
I'm not really consciouslythinking about it, my
subconscious has just taken overand it's flowing.
(46:42):
So when you mentioned thesubconscious before, towards the
beginning of the show, I waslike this is perfect, because
how can we start to control theway our mind thinks and thinking
(47:02):
in a more positive way?
Right, see life from a wholedifferent perspective than a
negative perspective.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
So much of it is about focusing on what we want,
and so you give the example ofwhen you're on the court.
At the same time, you get up togive a speech and so many
people will say don't screw itup, don't forget your lines.
At the moment we say I'mrelaxed, I'm enjoying myself.
(47:36):
This is a breeze, I'm born forthis the moment we're focusing
on what we want and enjoying theprocess I mean the closest I
came to sporting greatness wasNick Faldo, who was the world's
(47:58):
number one golfer in the 90s.
Yes, he won the British Open in91 in a very tight finish and he
was famous for being a bitgrumpy and unhappy on the course
.
And at the press conferenceafter his victory they said what
(48:22):
was different about you?
You just seemed like morerelaxed.
And he said I read this bookcalled being happy, um, which
was very kind of nick and andhelped our book sales because we
were just getting started atthe time.
But people have said to me whatcould you teach the number one
(48:44):
golfer about golf?
And the answer is nothing.
But here's the thing when wefeel better, we do better.
We feel better, we do betteryeah yeah yeah, we bring our
best self to the table right,yeah, yeah, and, and happy
thoughts flow from that andpossibilities flow from that,
(49:08):
and we focus on what we wantinstead of on what we don't want
.
I mean, I talked about thisthing about focusing on what you
don't want.
We've all been to a game whereour side is winning and they're
beating the city that we mostlove to beat, and this is heaven
(49:29):
.
We're just.
This is terrific.
And about 10 minutes before theend, they're so far out in front
.
They start focusing onprotecting their lead or not
losing, yes, and they go down,yeah, and we say you know, it
was all so good, all but thelast 10 minutes.
(49:50):
What happened?
And you can't win a game bytelling yourself don't lose, and
you can't win in life bytelling yourself don't lose, so
it always has to be.
What do I want here?
You know, we're walking onstage, we're going to a job
(50:10):
interview, we're playing tennis,we're about to serve.
What is it that I want, asopposed to don't hit a double
fault.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah, I think that's so key and I think in the more,
like you said, the more we focuson the good, the more it
becomes a habit and the more itbecomes kind of baked into our
self subconscious and we'llstart to feel better.
Right, we start to bounce backfaster.
You know we obviously.
(50:43):
Things will happen, challengeswill happen.
We'll bounce back faster.
We'll bounce back, we'll beable to change our perspective
on a lot of different things andso, um, it sounds simple, but
it is right, it is simple.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Yeah, simple is not necessarily easy.
So the reason we're eventalking about this, josh, is
because it's important, but it'snot always easy, and so we all
need encouragement, we need tobe reminded about things that we
already know.
I mean all of my books, it'snot rocket science, but what I'm
(51:25):
aware of is that sometimes, ifI can express something really
simple, like anything, you don'tforgive people for their
benefit, you do it for theirbenefit, and if I can put that
in a book and have a cartoonalongside it, somebody remembers
it and they then go and use it.
(51:48):
So, um, these things and thatwas just off on a tangent there
but but these these things, uh,they make sense.
They're simple but not alwayseasy, but the thing is they're
possible and that's why it'sworthwhile talking about it.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Yeah, 100%.
And you know, I'm looking atyour book, right, these are
things that people go through,right, you got things that could
have destroyed me, made mestronger, and I'm looking at
this picture and it's this guy.
He's on top of debt, rejection,loneliness, failure, bullying,
other stuff I choose to forget,right, and this is to be the
(52:26):
last thing, uh, that I chat withyou about.
Um, you know, I had a mentor,uh, about a week ago.
He was telling me hey, you know, you can choose not to think
about things, right, you canchoose not to think about things
, right, you can choose not tothink about troubles future
troubles, past troubles you canchoose not to think about it.
(52:47):
And so when I was looking at,you know, this copy of the book
that you sent me, that last rockthat this guy was standing on,
really stuck out to me.
Other stuff I choose to forgeton really stuck out to me.
Other stuff I choose to forget.
What made you write that as thelast round?
Speaker 2 (53:07):
Well, I like that because it was surprising in
creating that cartoon.
The other things like bullying,loneliness and failure.
Everyone might expect that, butit is such a big part that we
choose to let go of things thatdon't help us and don't support
us.
What I would say is that inforgetting stuff, our mind is
(53:30):
not a vacuum.
So if we want to get rid ofworries or resentments or
anything else that is nothelping us, we say how do you
empty your mind of somethinglike that?
And you just have to replace itwith something else.
So if you get up tomorrow andyou're angry with your
(53:50):
ex-girlfriend and you're angrywith your coach who sat you on
the bench for most of the game,then the way that you get rid of
that is you start thinkingabout all the good times you had
with your ex-girlfriend or howblessed you were to have spent
(54:11):
some time with her Obviously shehad some good points and what
you learned and and howmotivated you are for having had
to sit on the bench for thelast game.
We have to replace things.
We replace worries.
Also, taking action often helps.
(54:32):
If there's action we can take,then we take some action that
can get that stuff out of ourmind, but we were talking
earlier about you can't not dosomething and also you can't not
think about something.
Yeah, right, you know, if I sayto you, don't think of a pink
(54:52):
elephant, come on, josh, stopthinking about a pink elephant,
it's not going to help.
But if, if I say, well, let'stalk about kangaroos which I
have in the front yard here, bythe way, very cute suddenly
we're into kangaroos.
Yeah, yeah, you've got toreplace things, replace our
(55:18):
worries and replace our negativethoughts with something else.
That's why affirmations can bereally good Affirmation, because
affirmations can actually helpto bring in a new kind of
thinking and feeling.
Even when we think it's notpossible, we keep telling myself
you know, I'm happy and relaxed, I'm happy and relaxed, I'm
(55:40):
happy and relaxed, I'm happy andrelaxed.
And you do that for a fewminutes, you start to feel happy
and relaxed, when you startedout being anxious and stressed.
Speaker 1 (55:49):
Yeah, yeah, and over time it becomes self-conscious
and then also too, like you said, taking action behind those
affirmations as well.
Right, yes, you know, doingboth, before you know it, you've
started to replace that oldwiring that you have and you
(56:10):
upgrade kind of that softwarethat you have in your
subconscious mind.
Yeah, that was really neat.
I saw that last stone and I was.
I was scrolling down and I waslike, okay, bullying, failure,
what else?
Other other stuff I choose toforget?
Um, and this is great.
Um, where can folks find you?
Um, and find more of your work?
(56:32):
Um, and get in touch with you?
Speaker 2 (56:35):
well, I, I have a newsletter.
Uh, that's available.
You can sign up on my website.
So my website isandrewmatthewscom.
Matthews has two Ts, it's allone word andrewmatthewscom.
So that's where you'll find mynewsletter.
It's very short.
It's got a cartoon some joy inyour mailbox every two weeks and
(56:59):
if you become too happy, youcan unsubscribe at any time.
I have all my books on Amazon,so we've been talking about
being Happy, Bouncing Back,Follow your Heart.
They're available in hard copy.
They're available as e-books.
Two of the books Follow yourHeart and Bouncing Back are on
(57:23):
Audible If you like to listen toyour books with an Australian
accent that's mine.
Yeah, and I've got lots ofvideos on YouTube, tiktok,
facebook, instagram, and so youcan see my usually short little
videos where I'm talking aboutenjoying work or relationships
(57:45):
or happiness, things like that.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
Yeah you have so many books that I'm looking at on
your website how Life Works,being Happy in Challenging Times
, being Happy handbook togreater confidence and security.
Follow your heart.
Happiness in a nutshell.
Happiness now, stop thebullying.
(58:10):
Being a happy team.
So much work, one hundred andforty four strategies for
success and happiness.
You have a lot and, like yousaid, it's available on Amazon.
It's also you got you have iton Audible, so you have a lot
(58:30):
that folks can start to deepdive into to also help replace
some of those old thoughts thatthey have.
So, andrew, we appreciate you.
You added a ton of value to theaudience and, like you said
before, these are things thatare simple, not necessarily easy
(58:50):
, but some things that we canpractice in the 24 hours that we
have today, and so I appreciateyou adding all the value that
you showed.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
Josh, it's been a real joy to chat with you.
I'm just so grateful.
Thank you, a hundred percent,thank you.
Welcome to another episode of Playing Injured.
I'm excited for today's episode.
We have an author, anAustralian author, international
speaker, Mr Andrew Matthews.
Andrew, how are we doing today?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Nice to be here.
It's tomorrow.
Already here, josh, yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
It's Monday morning in Australia, and if you could
tell me the future and let meknow that it'll be a good monday
morning, then well, we got bluesky here, but I think it's
cooler where you are yeah, thisis a little bit different, so
we'll take it.
We'll take it, um, but, andrew,I always love starting things
(00:39):
off to give folks a visual ofwho you are right and I and I
love to ask who is Andrew andhow do you spend your time today
?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
You know, starting with me as a little kid, I was
born into a loving family, josh,so I was blessed.
I had a father who was aprofessional landscape painter
he used to paint oil paintingsof the Australian outback and
the mountains and the desertsand I had a mother who had a
(01:14):
real fascination for language,and so as I look at how I became
an author who illustrates hisown books, who illustrates his
own books I can see that I wasreally lucky to have parents
that encouraged me to do thingsthat I loved.
But it wasn't always a straightroad, and as a kid I was always
(01:40):
the smallest kid in school andI used to get thrown over the
fence and locked in cupboardsand held upside down and dropped
into puddles and things likethat.
I hated being small, buteveryone has something to deal
with.
And around about 15, I grewinto an average-sized human, not
(02:03):
tall enough to play basketball,but I was happy to make five
feet nine.
And after toying with the ideaof becoming a lawyer, I decided
that I was going to do what Ireally loved, which was study
classical drawing and paintingand become an artist classical
(02:23):
drawing and painting and becomean artist.
And, josh, I was making myliving doing what I loved.
Into my mid-20s I was teachingart and I was creating my own
art, but I still wasn't as happyas I thought I should be.
(02:45):
And at 25, I made a shockingdiscovery I discovered that the
happiest people I knew hadbigger problems than me.
Suddenly, I had no excuse.
I mean, I knew people who werestruggling their way through
cancer.
I knew people who had gonebroke or lost their job.
I knew people whose house hadburned down and they were like
(03:11):
the happiest family I knew.
I knew people who had lostloved ones way too soon, who
still had a better attitude thanme, still had a better attitude
than me, and I had to figureout how is it that happy people
(03:32):
think and how can I be like them.
So I went on this journey.
I read 200 books on thesubconscious, on happiness, on
attitude, on anything that Icould find that might be helpful
, anything that I could findthat might be helpful, and I
paid attention to the happypeople that I knew.
(03:55):
How did they talk?
What did they focus on?
And gradually I cobbledtogether a fairly simple
(04:20):
philosophy that helped me tomove from not being as happy as
I could have been to feelingpretty good about liking myself
better and feeling good about mylife and the future.
Yeah, and then, as many peopledo, I thought maybe I can write
a book.
That is the book that I wishedI'd had, and so I wrote a book
called being Happy.
So that was the beginning.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, and so I would love to hear this, because you
said that you were doing whatyou were passionate about Right.
I would love to hear thisbecause you said that you were
doing what you were passionateabout Right, and I think a lot
of people think that, hey, if Ido what I'm passionate about,
then I'll be happy.
What do you think was the thingthat was missing?
(04:58):
Was it just your attitude andhow you saw things?
What made people happy?
What did you find in yourstudies of researching folks who
were happy?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
The big difference between happy people and unhappy
people.
I've got a cartoon in my bookBouncing Back that explains this
a little.
There's a two-panel cartoon.
So the first panel you see avery happy guy and he's eating
one single slice of cake and hejust looks absolutely delighted
(05:33):
and the caption is happy peoplefocus on what they have.
And then the second panel,there's a very miserable-looking
guy and he's got a huge entirecake minus one slice, and the
caption to that panel is unhappypeople focus on what's missing.
(05:56):
I created that cartoon because Ithink it it shows it describes
the principal difference betweenhappy people and unhappy people
that happy people have a habitof asking themselves questions
like what do I like about mylife?
What do I love about my wife?
What do I like about my job?
(06:18):
My job may not be perfect, butwhat's good about it?
They're stuck in traffic.
They say I might be stuck intraffic.
What's good about being stuckin traffic?
Well, I can listen to Josh'spodcast.
For a start.
I'm not walking, I'm notgetting wet, that's good.
I can afford a car, that's good.
So we find in life what we lookfor, and happy people have a
(06:43):
habit of looking for things thatare going to make them happy.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, and you were just talking about the
subconscious mind and how thatworks.
Right, you talked about, hey,your brain is going to look to
find evidence of your thoughts,which is why we talk about why
it's so important to practice,and what you're mentioning is
gratitude and practicinggratitude and being more
intentional about being presentand looking at what do we have
(07:12):
and what do we love about wherewe're currently at, what we
currently have, who we currentlyare right and find acceptance
in it.
Right, I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I love it.
Beautifully said and in a senseit's about finding perspective
that even though our life isn'tperfect, well, has anyone else
ever survived the problems thatI have?
And more than likely we'regoing to find people who have
survived much more seriousthings and people who have a
(07:48):
better attitude who already havea tougher life than we have.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, and so in being Happy, that book that you wrote
I'm looking at the title here AHandbook to Greater Confidence
and Security.
Where does confidence andsecurity come in to play of
being happy?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, happiness is the starting point.
Well, gratitude and acceptanceof our situation is the starting
point for happiness.
But as soon as we find that wecan be happier within ourselves,
lots of things happen.
We have more energy, we'rehealthier, we solve problems
(08:30):
faster.
Happy people solve problems 20%to 30% faster than unhappy
people.
Even happy doctors diagnoseillness 30% more accurately.
So get yourself a happy doctor30% more accurately.
So get yourself a happy doctor.
As you've mentioned, when we'rehappy, we notice opportunities
(08:52):
because we're expecting goodthings to come along.
We're a magnet for other happyand uplifting people because
suddenly they want to be aroundus, and then we're more likely
to take a risk.
If we're happy, we say, well,this might work, I should try
this, I should start a podcast,I should write my book, I should
(09:15):
start my little online businessbecause, who knows, it might
work.
So all of those things stemfrom work.
So all of those things stemfrom being happy, and a part of
that is also we've got to atsome stage.
You say you know what is thefundamentals of this being happy
?
(09:35):
People say do you need to loveyourself?
You've got to at least likeyourself.
Why?
Because we create the life thatwe feel we deserve.
And if I don't like myself, Imay stay with a partner that
treats me badly.
I may work for a boss for 20years that treats me badly.
(09:55):
If I don't like myself, I mightlet my kids walk all over me
and say well, it's only me.
If I don't like myself, I mightpunish myself with what I eat
or what I drink.
It's not consciously, but it'sall a part of saying well, I
don't really deserve a life thatis that good and so much of it.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
As you said, josh, is the subconscious mind that is
serving things up to us that wefeel we deserve yeah, and man, I
want to re-say that for folkswho didn't catch it we create a
life that we think we deserveand it's subconscious.
It's not necessarily conscious.
(10:40):
We might say, hey, hey, youknow I want this fit body.
You know I want to, like yousaid, start this online business
, I want to start a podcast, Iwant to.
Whatever goals that we mighthave, we don't put consistent
(11:07):
action behind it and a lot oftimes it does come from.
What you just said is we createa life that we think we deserve
and it's subconscious, and sowe probably avoid the things
that we know will help us getwhat we actually want in life,
because we feel like we don'tdeserve we've all known people
who maybe ladies, who keep onfinding male partners that treat
(11:30):
them badly.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And we look at those ladies and we say they are so
beautiful and they are so smartand they have so much warmth to
offer they have, they are socaring and and they go and find
themselves partners that treatthem badly and they don't
(11:54):
consciously say I want to go outand screw up my life or or get
into a relationship but it isjust as bad as the last one.
But underlying all of that isthat I don't, at the heart of it
, feel that I deserve abeautiful life and I don't
(12:14):
deserve to be loved just for whoI am so how can folks start to
one and and I know folks whoprobably are sitting down
listening to this podcast rightnow they're like wow, is that me
?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
So awareness is key, but also, too, what can folks
start to do to grow theirself-image, kind of develop a
higher self-esteem?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
We can make a decision that from today, I will
never, ever say anything badabout myself.
I will never criticize myself.
If I can't think of somethinggood to say about myself, then I
won't say anything.
So that is one way that youknow how some people say oh, I'm
so stupid I always get all thebad luck.
Or if anyone's going to screwit up, it's me.
(13:03):
Just watch me screw it up.
We stop all of that.
So we don't even have to doanything.
We just have to stop doingsomething.
We make a decision that today isthe first day of a happier life
for me is the first day of ahappier life for me.
(13:30):
So happiness is very much adecision we make one day after
another.
We've all seen a toddler, atwo-year-old.
He may be playing around on thefurniture, he falls on his head
and the first thing he does ishe looks around to see who's
watching, but, depending on theaudience, he decides whether
he's going to laugh or cry.
And we may not realize it, butwe live exactly the same way.
(13:56):
We're out on the freewaycruising along and someone cuts
in front of us and we make aninstant decision Is this going
to ruin my day?
Or will I say maybe this guy'sjust having a tough day.
We're choosing happiness 50times a day.
Am I going to let this upset meor not?
(14:17):
So fundamental is anunderstanding that happiness is
really a choice we're makingmoment by moment.
We don't even have to decide tolive a happy life, but we just
say today, I choose to supportmyself, not criticize myself.
I choose to be happy and I doother things like.
(14:40):
I choose not to complain.
Five minutes complaining isfive minutes wasted.
Here's something that'sinteresting.
We all know that we we talkabout what we think about.
If I talk about, if I thinkabout food, I'm going to talk
about food.
But the reverse is also true ifI go talking about something,
(15:05):
I'm going to keep on thinkingabout it, which is a reason why
complaining is a really bad ideaif we want to live a happy life
.
So we just if we try to fix aproblem, that's one thing, but
otherwise just leave complainingout of it.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah, and so continue to focus in on the good.
That's really the root of it isjust making a choice to focus
on the good, even because wealways have kind of these two
voices in our head, right, thesethoughts and, like you said,
when you have these negativefeelings, when you feel like
complaining about your currentsituation, instead flipping it,
(15:44):
and eventually, subconsciously,you'll start to think more
positively, or start to thinkand it becomes a habit.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It becomes a habit when things don't go our way.
Our first thought is what'sgood about this?
There's something good aboutthis, and so that leads us into
acceptance, which is really thefirst step to happiness,
gratitude, acceptance when lifeknocks us down or when people
(16:15):
let us down.
Let's say we lose our job or weget to the end of a
relationship and it'sheartbreaking, or we break our
leg end of a relationship andit's heartbreaking, or we break
our leg.
Anyone is going to say thingslike you know, this shouldn't
have happened, or life doesn'tseem fair.
And we do that.
Maybe in a sense, we believethat if I don't accept this
(16:37):
rotten situation, I won't bestuck with it.
You know, if I don't acceptsomething I hate, then I don't
have to deal with it.
But the reverse is actuallytrue.
Acceptance allows us to move on, and acceptance is power, and
the sooner that we say well, Iwouldn't have chosen this, I
(17:00):
wouldn't have chosen to besacked or to have this broken
leg, or I wouldn't have chosento be sacked or to have this
broken leg, or I wouldn't havechosen to be alone at 55 years
old.
But that's what I've got, and Iunderstand that there's a
cartoon in Bouncing Back aboutthis.
What I thought was breaking meis probably making me.
(17:22):
I've got this cartoon of a guyclimbing a mountain and he's
sweating.
He looks like he doesn't wannabe there.
Even his dog is sweating andnot happy either.
And that's the caption "'Whatyou thought was breaking you is
probably making you'".
None of us are bornextraordinary.
We become extraordinary byfacing challenges we didn't
(17:47):
choose, and so that all wraps upinto that thing of acceptance.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yeah, and you talked about it and I actually looked
at some of your content and wetalked about disaster or you
know it could be relative to howwe see disaster or challenges
that come our way and seeingthem as good things, seeing the
good in the disaster, Right, andas you mentioned, these
(18:15):
disasters, these challenges,when you look back on life you
can see, oh, these things mademe who I am, They've changed the
course of my life for better,especially if you choose to see
it that way.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, we don't learn much from success.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
No, we just celebrate .
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, and maybe we're saying this is how good I am,
but it's failure.
That makes us think, okay, whatdo I need to learn here?
The other encouraging thing isthat most disasters are not
total disasters.
Yeah, in that sense, and we'veall had that experience of we're
(18:58):
at the airport, we're waitingto catch a plane and just before
boarding, they make thisannouncement your flight is
unable to leave.
The next flight leaves in sevenhours.
And you think, oh, this is thelast thing I wanted.
I hate this.
And then we're hanging aroundthe airport and we make a
lifelong friend.
Yeah, or we have thatexperience where we meet someone
(19:24):
and we think this is the personfor me, this is going to be my
lifelong partner, and six monthslater they dump us and we're
devastated.
And then we meet them in 10years' time and we breathe a
sigh of relief and we think ha,I dodged a bullet, yeah, so most
(19:51):
disasters are not totaldisasters.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
And the only problem is that you only realize that
looking backwards, right, and soyou might as well, like you
said, accept it now and realizethat, hey, you know, this is how
it's supposed to be and it's.
This is good.
Right, this is good, and evenwhen it's hard and and going
(20:16):
through challenges, goingthrough disasters in the moment
are extremely tough, dependingon how big it is, and practicing
to see the good in it issomething that is definitely
healing while going through it.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
And it's easier to tell other people to do it.
I understand that.
Yeah, yeah, other people to doit.
I understand that.
Yeah, yeah, it's easy to say.
Well, you know, I can see how adivorce is really going to be a
learning experience for him andhe'll come out of it better.
But when you're in it it's nofun at the same time.
If we pay attention, then wecan see how many times in life
(20:58):
something's happened that wethought was a disaster but
actually took us on a journeythat was so helpful and we never
want to go through the thingsthat we need to go through that
make us into the people we wantto become.
So, you know, it's the toughstuff that we say that's the
(21:19):
last thing I wanted thatgenerally turn us into quality
people yeah, yeah, that's thechallenges that shape us, um and
and so about bouncing backright, because that's that
that's the key.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, when we do face these tough times and it's the
rebound time, you know, nomatter how small or big, right
For me, I think I can thinkabout something small where, hey
, you had a goal for somethingand maybe the habits that you
had you kind of fell off and nowyou feel guilty, you feel some
type of shame about it, but it'slike, hey, let's bounce back
(21:56):
and get right to it.
Uh, maybe you know you loseyour job and so you're in a rut,
for, you know, a little bit,you don't feel good, uh, and so
you need to bounce back and lookfor the next chapter, right,
and so, um, bouncing back.
Why do you think this isimportant?
To write this to um, to talkabout this and help folks bounce
(22:19):
back from disappointment,disasters, different things like
that.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
All of us are bouncing back from something at
any time.
We're bouncing back from havingspent too much or eaten too
much, or we're bouncing backfrom not getting the promotion
that we thought was ours, orwe're bouncing back from a
relationship that started outwell.
Or we're bouncing back frommaybe we get to 50 and we
(22:49):
thought my life was meant to bebetter by now, or I thought I
would be financially secure bynow, or we're bouncing back from
illness.
So what I wanted to do was seeif I could learn from resilient
(23:09):
people.
I know, and resilient people weall know.
What is it that resilientpeople do?
Resilient people do?
So acceptance is somethingwe've looked at so critical that
early on we say I wouldn't havechosen this, but maybe I can
(23:32):
see some purpose in it.
But even if I can't, this iswhat I've got, and so the first
step is I accept where I'm at.
The next thing is that we breakdown what we need to do to make
our lives better into littlechunks, daily chunks that we
(23:55):
don't get overwhelmed by.
You know, now I'm broke, or nowI'm jobless, or now I'm alone,
or now I'm sick.
What can I do today?
It's like we talked aboutclimbing a mountain.
If you're climbing a mountainand you get stuck on a ledge,
(24:18):
then suddenly all of yourawareness, all of your focus
goes into getting off that ledge.
You're not worried about allthe bills you've got to pay over
the next 30 days, You're notworried about all the things
that could go wrong in the nextyear.
You're just saying I just needto deal with this ledge and
eventually you claw your way offthat ledge.
And then you deal with the nextbit and effective.
(24:43):
People live life in 24-hourcompartments and that's what
we're designed to do.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Take things one day at a time.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yep, and when one day is too much, then sometimes we
just need to bring it down tolet me just get through the next
hour.
All of us get challenged andhurt and wounded.
We're talking about beingwounded.
What can I do?
(25:13):
Just today to make it better,and then I'll deal with tomorrow
, when tomorrow comes.
Go on to make it better, andthen I'll deal with tomorrow
when tomorrow comes.
So we talked about acceptance.
We talked about chunking itdown into little things and
dealing with today, or even lessthan one day, maybe an hour at
a time.
(25:34):
And then the other thing thatwe need is we need a picture of
our better life.
A better life starts in ourmind.
We have to see it.
We say what is it that keepsresilient people going?
It is hope.
It is a vision that this is meas a more confident person.
(25:54):
This is me with money in thebank.
This is me with a lovingrelationship.
This is me being happy.
Even happiness begins as anidea we have.
We think I could be happier.
Okay, so what would that looklike?
And and what steps can I taketo be the happier me?
(26:15):
And so every step of progress,every aspect of a better life,
begins as an idea, and that iscritical.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Yeah, I don't think too many people realize how
amazing visualizing andimagining a better life can be
for you and how great of anexercise that can be to kind of
journal about you know, like yousaid, what do you want your
future you know to look like andvisualizing it, especially when
(26:52):
you're going through a toughtime, especially when you're in
a time of uncertainty.
Right, I think that's a lot oftimes for myself.
I know when I start to feel alittle bit anxious.
Um, and uneasy is when thingsare uncertain all right, I don't
have clear, and so able to lookfive, ten years later.
(27:12):
Um, make, brings a smile to myface, right, and it makes me.
It makes things clear, right.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And if we were to put a word on that, josh, we might
say what it is is hope.
We can get through almostanything if we have hope.
We say well, I'm dealing withthis divorce, I'm dealing with
this business that just wentbelly up, or I'm dealing with
(27:42):
this illness, this broken leg.
But I can see a time when I'mbeyond that and I'm healthy and
I can afford to pay my rent.
I can afford to travel where Iwant to my rent.
(28:03):
I can afford to travel where Iwant to.
I can see myself being moreconfident and being treated well
by my friends and family, andthat is where I'm headed.
That's hope.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, and then what the hope does?
It helps you kind of reverseengineer what you can do today,
right?
Because I think especiallyfolks who maybe are in a
situation where they don't havehope and it's like, hey, let's
visualize that and start tobreak down.
Hey, what can I do today to getthere, right.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yes, and for those of us who maybe think, well, this
visualization, it seems a littlebit dreamy, but there's not a
successful athlete, pilot, actor, dancer, educator, not a
successful anybody who didn'tdream and see themselves
(28:56):
succeeding at their chosenprofession.
We have to see it and wereinforce it.
And the more that we reinforceit, the more that we see that
picture, the more we move from aposition of this is a nice
dream to this is a nicepossibility, to this really
(29:24):
could happen, to this is goingto happen, but I don't know when
.
To this is my life, that iswhat I'm moving toward and
nothing is going to knock me offcourse yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
And then you know, everything was visualized.
This microphone I'm speakingthrough was first visualized
before it became a physical mic,right, I'm pretty sure the
books that you've written.
It was in your mind first.
Then, you know, as you putaction behind it, more things
came about and you were able to,you know, uh, refer, you know,
(30:06):
uh, refine it and grow it.
It came with time, but it wasin your mind first, right, and
so, um, everything that we seewas first in somebody's mind and
then it became reality.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So we need to make it a daily practice to see our
happy and prosperous future inour mind and it crystallizes, it
becomes more and more real, andeven to the point where, once
it happens, we just, in a sense,sometimes we say, well, I knew.
(30:45):
I mean, I've been living that,I've been seeing it, and now,
here it is.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Having said that, life is still sometimes
disappointing and whateverprojects we're working on, I
often share, when I'm speaking,that a lot of things that we do
don't work.
In fact, most things don't workas well as we hope they will.
(31:11):
We start a podcast and we'rehoping that we're going to have
10,000 followers after a monthand we don't.
Or we create a YouTube video andthink this is going to go viral
this is amazing and it doesn't.
Or we write an ad.
We think that's going to work,or we write a manuscript and we
send it off to a publisher myfirst manuscript.
(31:35):
I sent it to 60 publishers andI got 61 rejections.
One publisher wrote to me twiceand said forget it.
So a lot of things don't workas well as we hope they will.
But here's the thing if wemaintain a work rate and we keep
(31:56):
doing everything we can, thenenough things work to give us
momentum.
And one day, usually when weleast expect it, something
happens that is even better thanwe imagined, and it usually
doesn't come from where wethought it was coming from.
(32:18):
But that's the beauty of life.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's usually and, likeyou said, it's usually better
than what you even imagined itwould be right those you know
without those rejections I'msure things wouldn't have turned
out as great as it would haveif you didn't get those
rejections right.
You kind of go back to thedrawing board and figure it out,
(32:45):
yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Yeah, you just keep on refining what you're doing
and you say, well, with eachrejection, with each no, I'm
getting closer to a yes.
Yeah, that's what I always tellmyself.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
You mentioned and one of these things I want to
mention right, bouncing back,right, and it's a lot of things
that people bounce back fromright.
We talk about failure, we talkabout rejection, we talk about
all of these different things.
And number one, I'm looking atthe seven steps of bouncing back
(33:21):
finding purpose and, whateverhappens, Make what makes us
extraordinary right.
There's people out therelooking for their purpose,
looking for kind of what lightsthem up.
What advice would you give tothem?
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Now two things.
The first one that I think ishuge is whatever is under your
nose right now, put everythinginto what you're doing.
Give your all.
You may not be in the perfectjob, but while you're in that
job even though sure you've toldyour friends I'm not going to
(34:04):
be here forever, but while youare there, give it all.
You've got friends.
I'm not going to be hereforever, but while you are there
, give it all.
You've got.
Any small opportunity thatcomes along, crush it.
Give it everything you have.
And one thing will lead toanother and another, and it may
(34:25):
not be.
I mean, you know, maybe you'rea singer and you say to yourself
well, if I had an audience of100, then I'd really give a show
, but I've only got these threepeople in this cafe.
No, you give the show of yourlife to those three people, and
(34:45):
next week you'll have six, andin a month's time you'll have 20
.
And in two months' time, notonly are you still doing your
best, but you're doing betterthan you were a month ago, and
people are talking about you.
And in a year you've got 100and you go from there.
(35:05):
But you start with what you haveand where you can, and so if
you've got a dream to dosomething that is not a part of
your regular job, then make astart.
Do what you can, start learningabout it, Get your toe in the
(35:27):
water, do whatever you can.
That is going to get youlearning more and connected with
people who can teach you.
But make a start and then justdon't judge too much the
opportunities that are in frontof you.
Just grab them and do your bestopportunities that are in front
(35:50):
of you.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Just grab them and do your best.
So, a few things you mentioned,there is this like, whatever you
have on your plate right now,crush it and make sure you do
amazing work.
Change your attitude about it,because I think a lot of folks,
whatever they're currently doing, maybe it's not what they want
(36:12):
to do and they don't have a goodattitude towards it.
And I can definitely admitmyself, it's times where I've
had bad attitudes about certainthings and I have to check it.
I have to say, hey, no, youknow, let's actually go above
and beyond what we're doing.
Because, you know, I alwaysheard the quote how you do
everything is how you doeverything, and so if you don't
(36:34):
crush what's currently on yourplate, when you get another
opportunity or it's other thingsthat you have on your plate
that you want to put on yourplate, it's going to be hard not
to have a to have a badattitude for eight hours doing
this and then the next fivehours, when you work on
something else, justautomatically flip the switch
(36:55):
and have a good attitude.
It's like, no, you got to crusheverything and have a great
attitude about it all, becausethat's the only way it's going
to work.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, josh.
I mean, I might have a job thatI hate and I'm telling my
friends I hate it and I'm goingto quit at 4.30.
What's the only way for me tohave a happy day is to put my
heart and soul into my job until4.30, even though I'm going to
quit at 4.30.
The way to be happy at any jobis to give your best.
(37:27):
You don't give your best foryour boss's sake, you give your
best for your sake.
And, as you say, how you doanything is how you do
everything.
And the other thing is that,even if you're in a job that is
not ideal, when you put yourheart and soul into it, then you
develop skills that you may usein another job.
(37:48):
You develop confidence that youmay even end up using in your
own business.
Or you may be spotted bysomebody who says you're working
in this crap place, but youreffort is amazing.
Come and work for me and I'llpay you more.
So let's never underestimatethe importance of the current
(38:12):
moment, because we never knowwho's watching.
That may offer us anopportunity, and we never know
how important it is for us todevelop our skills for the next
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Yeah, for the next opportunity.
Yeah, you know, really, whatI've realized in our
conversation right is just ourcurrent state.
Right, when you talked abouthappiness, you talked about our
current state and focusing onthe good right, so that we can
have a great attitude about whatwe do.
You talked about looking at thepast right as well, learning
(38:51):
from it and realizing that, hey,the negative things that I've
went through in the past haveactually created you know who I
am today.
And then visualizing the futureto help you have hope and
understand what you need to dotoday.
But in all of it, it starts withthe current state and staying
(39:12):
focused, staying present.
Right, how do you stay present?
How do you stay in the currentmoment?
It can be tough, especiallywhen you're bouncing back.
It could be hard to not letpast situations affect the way
you think about a currentsituation that's negatively
impacting you, right, and it canbe hard for you to be worried
(39:36):
and be worried about the futureof like, hey, how am I going to
pay my bills?
How am I going to, you know,get this job?
How do you stay in the presentmoment?
Speaker 2 (39:45):
how do you stay in the present moment.
Well, if we underline theimportance of staying in the
present moment, let's imaginethat, for no particular reason,
you decided that you were goingto gather everything that you
need to eat in the next fiveyears and everything that you
need to wear in the next fiveyears, and you put it all in
this big sack and you carried itall around on your back.
(40:08):
At some stage you'd collapse.
I mean, we decide you're notdesigned to carry that kind of
load.
Similarly, if you were to makea list of everything that could
go wrong in the next five yearsand everything you need to do in
the next five years and carrythat all around in your head,
(40:33):
again you could collapse becauseyou're not designed to carry
that kind of load.
But you are designed to carry alittle load that's just 24
hours worth of things to dealwith or be concerned with.
So living life in 24-hourcompartments is so critical and
(40:58):
it's the only way that works.
We also need to perhaps remindourselves that we can get drawn
into this idea of well, the nextmoment is going to be better
than this moment.
So maybe we're having a toughweek and it's only Tuesday and
(41:19):
we say, well, I don't like thisweek.
Everything is really hard.
But Friday I've got this hotdate, so Friday evening I'll be
happy, right?
So come Friday evening you jumpin your car, you pull out onto
the freeway, you're stuck intraffic, you're not even moving,
so you're not happy yet.
But you say I'll be happy whenI get to the restaurant.
(41:42):
Well, you get to the restaurantlate, there's already this
lineup of people for tables.
So you say, well, I'll be happywhen I get a table.
And eventually you get a table,your date's not there because
she's stuck in traffic.
Then, well, I'll be happy whenall the waiters are busy.
I'll be happy when someonecomes and takes my order.
(42:02):
You finally get your food andthen you take a photo of it and
you put it on Instagram.
I'll be happy when someonelikes my chicken parmigiana.
You know, and thinking, alwaysthinking, that the next moment
is going to be better than thismoment, and the next moment is
(42:22):
never going to be better thanthis moment, especially if, when
the next moment comes, you'rethinking about the moment after
that.
So it is an understanding thatwe drag ourselves back to the
present.
We just say let me just focuson my chat with Josh.
I have everything I need.
(42:44):
I've got air to breathe.
Let me enjoy this.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Yeah, yeah, let's just bring our attention right
back here.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Let's bring it back.
I mean, you're an athlete, yeah, and the thing with high
performers and sportsmen beingin the zone is that you know
when everything is working sobeautifully and we're hitting
aces or we're hitting, you know,shooting hoops.
(43:17):
We are just there.
That is all that exists.
And if we could get inside theminds of the greats, we just
find that they're able to shutout all distractions and just be
in the moment, so much morethan the people who never.
(43:40):
Yeah, the other thing that isattached to that and I'd be
interested in your thoughts onthis, that is attached to that
and I'd be interested in yourthoughts on this is that we
cannot and this sort of leads tothe subconscious, we cannot
(44:01):
give our mind a message ofsomething not to do.
It's like Google Maps.
You can't say when Google Mapssays where do you want to go,
you can't say not the airport,right, you know, you've got to
say I want to go to thesupermarket.
You can't say and similarly, ifwe say don't drop this ball or
(44:22):
don't miss this shot, the minddoesn't understand that.
No, the mind doesn't understandthat.
No.
And the great players themichael jordans and the roger
federer's what sets them apartis that they are able to say
this is what I want, when thepressure of the moment leads the
(44:47):
also-rans to say don't screw itup.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Yeah, yeah, hey, don't mess this up, don't mess
this up.
And then you end up messing up.
So it's like you.
I mean that's so important.
You have to direct your mind towhere you want it to go right
or what you want it to think.
And so a lot of times, you knowwe talk about self-talk.
(45:11):
I couldn't tell you how manytimes, you know, on the court,
I'm telling myself hey, you know, lock, lock in, lock in, hey.
And it's never me reallytelling myself Positive.
Right, it's me telling myselfthe next direction, all right,
(45:35):
especially in a crunch timeperiod, right, it's like, hey,
you need to make sure when youfollow you, hey, just follow
through here, follow through,you'll be great, do your job.
It's easy.
Rebound.
It is so many different things,um, that going in your mind,
especially on the negative sideof don't miss this free throw,
oh, this is a tough pass, don'tthrow it.
(45:57):
No, I need to just tell myself,hey, follow through, breathe,
follow through.
Not.
And it's not even hey, you'regoing to make it, you're going
to make it.
It's like, oh, no, I need todirect it exactly what I want my
mind to do, which takes thepressure off.
Right, which, like you said,you become more present, right?
(46:20):
And it's like when I talk aboutflow, when I think about flow,
it's like control withoutthought.
It's subconscious, right.
Like you mentioned before,getting into the subconscious,
control without thought.
I'm not really consciouslythinking about it, my
subconscious has just taken overand it's flowing.
(46:42):
So when you mentioned thesubconscious before, towards the
beginning of the show, I waslike this is perfect, because
how can we start to control theway our mind thinks and thinking
(47:02):
in a more positive way?
Right, see life from a wholedifferent perspective than a
negative perspective.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
So much of it is about focusing on what we want,
and so you give the example ofwhen you're on the court.
At the same time, you get up togive a speech and so many
people will say don't screw itup, don't forget your lines.
At the moment we say I'mrelaxed, I'm enjoying myself.
(47:36):
This is a breeze, I'm born forthis the moment we're focusing
on what we want and enjoying theprocess I mean the closest I
came to sporting greatness wasNick Faldo, who was the world's
(47:58):
number one golfer in the 90s.
Yes, he won the British Open in91 in a very tight finish and he
was famous for being a bitgrumpy and unhappy on the course
.
And at the press conferenceafter his victory they said what
(48:22):
was different about you?
You just seemed like morerelaxed.
And he said I read this bookcalled being happy, um, which
was very kind of nick and andhelped our book sales because we
were just getting started atthe time.
But people have said to me whatcould you teach the number one
(48:44):
golfer about golf?
And the answer is nothing.
But here's the thing when wefeel better, we do better.
We feel better, we do betteryeah yeah yeah, we bring our
best self to the table right,yeah, yeah, and, and happy
thoughts flow from that andpossibilities flow from that,
(49:08):
and we focus on what we wantinstead of on what we don't want
.
I mean, I talked about thisthing about focusing on what you
don't want.
We've all been to a game whereour side is winning and they're
beating the city that we mostlove to beat, and this is heaven
(49:29):
.
We're just.
This is terrific.
And about 10 minutes before theend, they're so far out in front
.
They start focusing onprotecting their lead or not
losing, yes, and they go down,yeah, and we say you know, it
was all so good, all but thelast 10 minutes.
(49:50):
What happened?
And you can't win a game bytelling yourself don't lose, and
you can't win in life bytelling yourself don't lose, so
it always has to be.
What do I want here?
You know, we're walking onstage, we're going to a job
(50:10):
interview, we're playing tennis,we're about to serve.
What is it that I want, asopposed to don't hit a double
fault.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah, I think that's so key and I think in the more,
like you said, the more we focuson the good, the more it
becomes a habit and the more itbecomes kind of baked into our
self subconscious and we'llstart to feel better.
Right, we start to bounce backfaster.
You know we obviously.
(50:43):
Things will happen, challengeswill happen.
We'll bounce back faster.
We'll bounce back, we'll beable to change our perspective
on a lot of different things andso, um, it sounds simple, but
it is right, it is simple.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Yeah, simple is not necessarily easy.
So the reason we're eventalking about this, josh, is
because it's important, but it'snot always easy, and so we all
need encouragement, we need tobe reminded about things that we
already know.
I mean all of my books, it'snot rocket science, but what I'm
(51:25):
aware of is that sometimes, ifI can express something really
simple, like anything, you don'tforgive people for their
benefit, you do it for theirbenefit, and if I can put that
in a book and have a cartoonalongside it, somebody remembers
it and they then go and use it.
(51:48):
So, um, these things and thatwas just off on a tangent there
but but these these things, uh,they make sense.
They're simple but not alwayseasy, but the thing is they're
possible and that's why it'sworthwhile talking about it.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Yeah, 100%.
And you know, I'm looking atyour book, right, these are
things that people go through,right, you got things that could
have destroyed me, made mestronger, and I'm looking at
this picture and it's this guy.
He's on top of debt, rejection,loneliness, failure, bullying,
other stuff I choose to forget,right, and this is to be the
(52:26):
last thing, uh, that I chat withyou about.
Um, you know, I had a mentor,uh, about a week ago.
He was telling me hey, you know, you can choose not to think
about things, right, you canchoose not to think about things
, right, you can choose not tothink about troubles future
troubles, past troubles you canchoose not to think about it.
(52:47):
And so when I was looking at,you know, this copy of the book
that you sent me, that last rockthat this guy was standing on,
really stuck out to me.
Other stuff I choose to forgeton really stuck out to me.
Other stuff I choose to forget.
What made you write that as thelast round?
Speaker 2 (53:07):
Well, I like that because it was surprising in
creating that cartoon.
The other things like bullying,loneliness and failure.
Everyone might expect that, butit is such a big part that we
choose to let go of things thatdon't help us and don't support
us.
What I would say is that inforgetting stuff, our mind is
(53:30):
not a vacuum.
So if we want to get rid ofworries or resentments or
anything else that is nothelping us, we say how do you
empty your mind of somethinglike that?
And you just have to replace itwith something else.
So if you get up tomorrow andyou're angry with your
(53:50):
ex-girlfriend and you're angrywith your coach who sat you on
the bench for most of the game,then the way that you get rid of
that is you start thinkingabout all the good times you had
with your ex-girlfriend or howblessed you were to have spent
(54:11):
some time with her Obviously shehad some good points and what
you learned and and howmotivated you are for having had
to sit on the bench for thelast game.
We have to replace things.
We replace worries.
Also, taking action often helps.
(54:32):
If there's action we can take,then we take some action that
can get that stuff out of ourmind, but we were talking
earlier about you can't not dosomething and also you can't not
think about something.
Yeah, right, you know, if I sayto you, don't think of a pink
(54:52):
elephant, come on, josh, stopthinking about a pink elephant,
it's not going to help.
But if, if I say, well, let'stalk about kangaroos which I
have in the front yard here, bythe way, very cute suddenly
we're into kangaroos.
Yeah, yeah, you've got toreplace things, replace our
(55:18):
worries and replace our negativethoughts with something else.
That's why affirmations can bereally good Affirmation, because
affirmations can actually helpto bring in a new kind of
thinking and feeling.
Even when we think it's notpossible, we keep telling myself
you know, I'm happy and relaxed, I'm happy and relaxed, I'm
(55:40):
happy and relaxed, I'm happy andrelaxed.
And you do that for a fewminutes, you start to feel happy
and relaxed, when you startedout being anxious and stressed.
Speaker 1 (55:49):
Yeah, yeah, and over time it becomes self-conscious
and then also too, like you said, taking action behind those
affirmations as well.
Right, yes, you know, doingboth, before you know it, you've
started to replace that oldwiring that you have and you
(56:10):
upgrade kind of that softwarethat you have in your
subconscious mind.
Yeah, that was really neat.
I saw that last stone and I was.
I was scrolling down and I waslike, okay, bullying, failure,
what else?
Other other stuff I choose toforget?
Um, and this is great.
Um, where can folks find you?
Um, and find more of your work?
(56:32):
Um, and get in touch with you?
Speaker 2 (56:35):
well, I, I have a newsletter.
Uh, that's available.
You can sign up on my website.
So my website isandrewmatthewscom.
Matthews has two Ts, it's allone word andrewmatthewscom.
So that's where you'll find mynewsletter.
It's very short.
It's got a cartoon some joy inyour mailbox every two weeks and
(56:59):
if you become too happy, youcan unsubscribe at any time.
I have all my books on Amazon,so we've been talking about
being Happy, Bouncing Back,Follow your Heart.
They're available in hard copy.
They're available as e-books.
Two of the books Follow yourHeart and Bouncing Back are on
(57:23):
Audible If you like to listen toyour books with an Australian
accent that's mine.
Yeah, and I've got lots ofvideos on YouTube, tiktok,
facebook, instagram, and so youcan see my usually short little
videos where I'm talking aboutenjoying work or relationships
(57:45):
or happiness, things like that.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
Yeah you have so many books that I'm looking at on
your website how Life Works,being Happy in Challenging Times
, being Happy handbook togreater confidence and security.
Follow your heart.
Happiness in a nutshell.
Happiness now, stop thebullying.
(58:10):
Being a happy team.
So much work, one hundred andforty four strategies for
success and happiness.
You have a lot and, like yousaid, it's available on Amazon.
It's also you got you have iton Audible, so you have a lot
(58:30):
that folks can start to deepdive into to also help replace
some of those old thoughts thatthey have.
So, andrew, we appreciate you.
You added a ton of value to theaudience and, like you said
before, these are things thatare simple, not necessarily easy
(58:50):
, but some things that we canpractice in the 24 hours that we
have today, and so I appreciateyou adding all the value that
you showed.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
Josh, it's been a real joy to chat with you.
I'm just so grateful.
Thank you, a hundred percent,thank you.
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