March 3, 2025 • 43 mins
This episode highlights the importance of embracing the journey of self-discovery while navigating societal pressures. Kim Egel elucidates the distinction between being stuck and being scared, urging listeners to confront their fears and pursue their truths.
- Introduction to Kim and her journey into therapy
- The significance of being a seeker
- Fear versus genuine obstacles in life
- The impact of codependency on self-worth
- Embracing discomfort as a pathway to growth
- Tools for managing feelings of rejection and validation
Where to find Kim Egel: Visit her website at kimegel.com for resources and to connect on social media.
Follow Playing Injured on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/playinginjured/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, welcome to another episode of Playing
Injured.
We have Kim Eagle, who is alicensed therapist.
I know you also have a wellnessblog as well.
How's everything?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Everything's good, everything's good.
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I love it.
I love it.
Well, I always love starting apodcast with who is Kim?
Right, I gave you the title,right, therapist, but who is Kim
?
And, kind of, how do you spendyour time today?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
So you know it's funny.
A word came into my brain whenyou first said that and I think
I would say seeker, like aseeker, because I think that
something that I've noticed justhistory says I don't like to
fit in just one box and I'vealways in my life have fit into.
Sometimes it's hurt me because,you know, sometimes people are
(00:54):
wanting you to be in a box sothey can define you and you know
, sometimes it's worked for mebut ultimately, kind of going
with what feels more organic andnatural for me.
It's like I'm betting on that,even in the times where it feels
really scary and dark and Idon't know where I'm going.
You shall find, regardless ifyou found it yet or not, even
(01:26):
though society says like, well,you should have found it by now,
or right.
There's so many parts of thepath that can get a little murky
, but I guess a seeker is what Iwould say.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I love that.
Have you always been that way?
You think as a kid you alwaysthat way.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
You know, you don't, you don't have that ability to I
mean, I don't know if youreally even knew what was going
on as a kid, because you're soput in a world that your parents
are kind of curating for youand society at school and all
those things.
But I think that the older Igot and the more I started
watching people go in kind ofthe same direction and I was
kind of standing waiting in theroom going where's every,
(01:58):
where'd everyone go?
Like why do we have to go thatway?
Like well, how about going thisway?
I think it's become a reallyobvious as I've gotten older
100%.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I love that.
So when you, when you saidseeker, and you also said not
being put in a box, and then youalso put on top of that, a lot
of people go this way and I amessentially going the other way
or kind of not following thecrowd, right.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
And so yesterday I was actually listening to a
podcast and Earl Nightingale Idon't know if you've heard of
him, but one of the kind of thegodfathers of personal
development he said that theopposite of courage is
conformity, conforming to themasses.
Is conformity conforming to themasses right?
(02:49):
And so when you said thatthat's what made me think of
courage right To be a seeker,you have to be courageous to
some degree, to kind of pickyour own path and go down that
path.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
about that.
I, I, I agree, because I mean a.
I know how I feel sometimes andit's just, it's like it's
uncomfortable and I also pickedthis and there's no going back
(03:20):
at this point, right?
So it's almost kind of likeyou're, you're, you're halfway
there and going back, you'regoing to die and going, you only
can go forward.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Right.
So, um, I do, I, I agree withthat, and and I also, I think,
the more I lean into reallyembracing that perspective of it
, versus what did I do?
I shouldn't have done this,getting lost in regret, because
that'll that'll really bring youdown and, believe me, I've been
caught there.
So, it's like it's really bringyou down and, believe me, I've
(03:47):
been caught there, yeah, so it'slike it's almost like you have
to choose the perspective thatallows you to see it in that
kind of a way.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
A hundred percent.
So what that leads me to is Iwas, you know, obviously looking
at.
You know some of your contentpeople feeling stuck right.
And honestly, you know peoplefeeling stuck Right, and
honestly, you know you talkedabout hey, are you actually
stuck or are you scared, right?
And so a lot of times we feelstuck because we've just
(04:14):
followed the path of um, youknow, hey, go to school, be a
lawyer, go to school.
You know, uh, you know, be adoctor, go to school, get this
corporate job, climb the ladder.
Not that any of that is bad,right, sure.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Sure Not if it's right for you.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Not right.
But a lot of times you know alot of these paths we've just
followed out of because otherpeople are doing it Right, and a
lot of times you've been verysuccessful and you can feel
stuck of like wait, I'm not evenwhere I want to be in life or I
haven't even created the lifethat I actually want.
And you feel stuck and I lovehow you put it it's are you
(04:59):
actually stuck in life or areyou scared?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
How can people understand those two?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
It's a little complex , because I also think that not
everybody's ready for the truth,Right, and sometimes there's
truths that we're not ready toface because it's too scary and
it would.
We're not ready to face becauseit would.
It's too scary and it wouldrequire us to have to really
(05:30):
look at something that we I mean, it's almost like hey, did you
know that the partner that youwith is like totally the wrong
fit for you and it's never goingto work out.
It's like you know, sometimeswe can't, we can't swallow that,
so we have to put the blinderson and black that, black that
notion out.
That's a little bit of where weget caught in distraction and
just all the things, theself-sabotage, all those kind of
(05:54):
things.
But you could argue that it'seasier to go the path that's
already been carved out.
(06:14):
But is it and I think everyonekind of has to have that moment
where they really ask that, Mm,hmm, everything the money, the
career, the partner and we'reseeing that those people aren't
happy and so it's like, okay,well, that's not the answer.
So what is the answer?
So it's like really tappinginto, like what do you really
(06:37):
want and what do you have toface in order to really go the
direction and what you reallywant and I think there's a lot
of layers to that to really gothe direction and what you
really want, and I think there'sa lot of layers to that,
depending on where you'restarting at.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
So I would love to start at the later of not
feeling ready right, I guess.
What does that mean for peoplenot feeling ready, and is it
valid?
Is that valid Right?
Speaker 2 (07:01):
So when you say that it's interesting because there's
always, there's always a a gapand it there's always a gap that
might be too far for you tojump right Like it might be like
too much of a leg jump, but youcould always start, take a
little step right.
So it's like we're, I thinkthere's a perspective of when
are we ever ready, truly with,for any big thing in our life,
(07:24):
or even any small thing?
It's just a matter.
It's kind of like what Nikesays like just do it, just do it
.
It's a little bit of that mental, just like getting out of your
own way, of all your storiesthat validate why you should
just stay safe, quote unquote.
I think when you startdestructing things around fear
and validation and really starttaking a hard look at yourself
(07:45):
and thinking about what truth isfor you like your own truth,
which is only something youwould know that is one of the
steps that just starts breakingdown the iceberg, for you to
start seeing with more clarity.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, yeah, man, so many layers, yeah, I love it so
in feeling.
And so how do you think whatare some steps people can start
to do to understand their truth?
I think that's.
Another thing is that peopledon't even really have that
awareness, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, I think that you know, I know some people
that just don't ever want tostop and don't like to be quote,
unquote alone.
And I think that when you areuncomfortable with being with
your own self, that sometimes isa could be a sign that you're
(08:42):
not comfortable with your ownthoughts and your ways of
thinking, that you're notcomfortable with your own
thoughts and your ways ofthinking.
And when we're avoiding that,we can't really do the deeper
work and the introspective workto get to more clarity.
So knowing that you can becomemore comfortable with yourself.
But it's almost like you haveto put work into establishing a
(09:02):
better relationship with you,just like if you started dating
someone, you'd need to like puttime and energy of getting to
know another person.
I always like to tell certainclients that struggle with like
codependency, stuff of like dateyourself, like date yourself.
Really give yourself space ofjust sitting in the discomfort,
as uncomfortable as that is.
But I think there is a truththat if you want to grow, it's
(09:25):
like growing pains Discomfort isa sign that you're expanding.
So sometimes when you have amore positive connotation of
something uncomfortable, ithelps us just get through it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Yeah, yeah, and those uncomfortable feelings.
How can you deal with that?
Because it's uncomfortablefeelings how can you deal?
With that, because it isuncomfortable being alone, right
?
Yeah, you know, yeah, how canpeople deal with?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
so you know it's cool because we talked a little
before just about being anathlete and right.
I think that when you practicediscomfort in another area of
your life, even physical, likelet's say you start honing into
just dealing with physicaldiscomfort.
I believe that everything'sconnected and I think when you
start learning the tools how toget an ice bath and tolerate the
(10:15):
pain and the discomfort thatthat brings your physical body I
think you can also starttranslating that into dealing
with mental discomfort, becauseyou're proving to yourself that
you're like you could do it.
You could do something.
You can do hard things.
So, whatever that means, juststart like what's something
really small that you can dotoday.
That's like kind ofuncomfortable, yeah, Like not
(10:39):
too uncomfortable where you'renot going to do it, but kind of
uncomfortable.
And the more and more you dothat, the more like your comfort
zone it expands.
So it's a practice.
Right, it's like anything,everything's a practice and I
think you have to practicesitting with your discomfort and
being able to expand it.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Yeah, you know, one of the things I think about,
like when being alone.
I think about meditation, andhow many people say, oh, I suck
at it.
Yeah, because I think it isuncomfortable to kind of sit
there, and then you have allthese thoughts pinging in your
mind and it's uncomfortable, soit's like, ah, I don't want to
(11:20):
do it anymore, you know, becauseI suck at it, or anything in
life when it is new to us, it'suncomfortable and we suck at it,
right, and so we stop chasingthat, that discomfort feeling,
and so it sounds like we need tomaybe go a little bit slower,
(11:42):
small, incremental steps ofchasing discomfort in all areas
of life.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Just in, maybe that area of resistance that we, that
we right.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Right.
I always say like, asuncomfortable as it is, go
toward your resistance, becauseon the other side of that is
like it's something good.
It's just something good.
I can't tell you what, but whenyou challenge yourself, there
has to be something good on theother end of that.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Yeah, 100%.
You said said something elsetoo, right Kind of fear and
invalidation from I guess youknow it could be from a
relationship.
Right, you know you getvalidation from a relationship.
You get validation from people.
You know you get validationfrom a relationship.
(12:35):
You get validation from peopleand that's also something that
kind of can hold us back fromyou know being uncomfortable.
Right, is the validation thatwe get from just being
(12:57):
comfortable, you know, andgetting you know, validation
from our friends or a partnerand kind of attaching our sense
of self to these exterior things.
How can folks start to kind ofdetach their sense of self to
kind of these exterior factorsthat we face on a day-to-day
basis?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Right, there's like two things, two answers.
Almost there's one of notattaching it in the first place
right Like what?
what do you?
Where do you have to be to like, not attach it in the first
place?
So let's talk about the personwho's single now, that's going
to have the partnership.
How do you not attach yourworth to that future person?
That's, that's coming in right.
(13:35):
And then there's if you'vealready attached your worth or
self to that person, what do youdo in that situation?
It's interesting because Ithink about when you talk about
attachment, I you know, Iautomatically think about
detachment, and it's likeBuddhism, right, it's.
I think you have to be awarethat you've attached something
(13:58):
that shouldn't have beenattached and really start being
able to sit with that truth andlook at it and admit to it in
order to start course correctingit.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
So it reminds me of some of the clients that I see
that have codependent tendenciesor are codependent, right?
And so a lot of times what I'm,course, correcting during our
sessions is there's a lot likewe'll be talking about them and
85 percent of the session it'slike within five seconds it's go
, it goes back to the otherperson.
(14:31):
It's like the conversationkeeps being redirected back to
that other person and whatthat's telling me is how much
they have attached their worth,their life, their being, their
energy to something else outsideof them.
So what I do to help them is Imodel how to redirect the energy
back to themselves, right?
(14:53):
So literally in our sessionI'll be like do you notice that
we're like talking about him now, like I know way more about
that other person her or himversus what's going on with you,
and so I have to keep doingthat and obviously, like my you
know, my prescription is reallynotice when your mind starts
like the cord literally startscoming out of your chest cavity
(15:14):
and going in and wanting to pluginto somebody else, and you
have to really, really activelytake that plug and plug it back
into you.
Sometimes I'll give my clientsvisualizations of literally
taking a cord and plugging itback into their core to ground
them down.
So I think I think you have tobe aware, but usually your life
(15:35):
starts giving you signs andsymptoms and consequences that
you're not tending to yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So what does that look like?
I guess I love first of all.
I love that visual of puttingthat plug into yourself.
And what do people start to dowhen they aren't kind of putting
that energy into themselves?
What does that look like whenyou start to see the symptoms?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
It's what it looks like when someone's lost
themselves in someone else.
It's just everything revolvesaround them, this other entity,
everything's about them.
So they stop their friendships,kind of stop.
They don't stop putting energyinto anything that was important
to them before thisrelationship came in.
Just things start going by thewayside that are important if it
(16:30):
would take away from time andenergy for them.
Working out, going to school,learning, achieving your own
goals, like all of that justgoes away when we're talking
about really severe yeah.
Right.
So part of that is helpingsomebody reconnect back to what
is healthy.
Like they're anchors, right.
We all have like anchors thatif we start like snipping the
(16:53):
cords that are holding us stable, we're going to get really
wobbly.
And so it's helping somebodyidentify and reconnect those
areas of their lives thatthey've let go.
And as you do that, you juststart like it's almost like you
start getting like vitamins backinto your body.
You start your friendships, youstart caring more about your
(17:16):
life.
It's just momentum startstaking place when you just start
giving vitality and energy backinto you.
So at first you don't want toand there's a lot of resistance
I get from these clients.
But when you just start goingtoward, like the friendship you
let go of, that was a goodfriendship and you start hanging
out with that, like just littleby little by little you just
(17:37):
start putting energy back intoyou because we're trying to
balance out the dynamic yeah,100 that is, and even giving
your kind of unplugging yourselfand giving it to somebody else
either.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
So that would be you just continuing to focus on your
routine, your anchors I lovethat word, I love that word
anchors in life.
That's something to think about.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
And again I want to bring this up because it's like
you're going to have resistance.
It's like anything that youstart you need to do differently
.
Like you're going to haveresistance.
It's like anything that youstart you need to do differently
.
Like you're going to haveresistance because you've gotten
in a habit of being all aboutthem.
So the dynamic needs to gettotally reconfigured and there's
going to be resistance to that.
There's also a lot of fear ofwhat happens if I don't like see
them all the time.
(18:28):
Are they going to go find likeright?
Usually, when we lost our senseof self you know, you kind of
asked this we lose ourself-confidence, we lose our
ability to feel good about whowe are.
So we need them around tovalidate who we are.
That's when it gets really,really tricky.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, yeah, and it's tough because it is something
that you have to work on, rightit is.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Absolutely, but everything is right.
Like if you don't water a plantit's going to die.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Like you have to tend to yourself yeah, 100, I love
that, um, and then also, too youknow this goes to to like
rejection, right, um, and even,like you said before, not
attaching your sense of self tosomebody or something in the
first place.
How do you kind of separaterejection of you know this is
(19:21):
separate from who I am, or thishas no barrier, you know of who
I am as a person?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Sure, I think generally, like generally
speaking, it's just, it's notpersonal.
It's just whether you have tojust imprint that into your
brain as, as personal as itcould seem, it's not, it's not
personal, and it's just whetheryou have to read the four
agreements again and readagreement number three, where
(19:48):
it's not personal whatever youneed to do to just sometimes
it's there are truths that wehave to just constantly have in
our backpack and know when topull them out because we need to
grab them and really hold ontothem and remind ourselves of it.
And so with rejection, I meanthat's just this general, like
it's not personal, and sometimesit's really untangling why
(20:13):
you've made it so personal.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
That's so key.
Yeah, I think in the past youknow cause I've definitely
struggled with rejection and youknow all, all through my life,
in very different areas of liferelationships, sport, rejection
it does hurt and I think foreverybody it has some type of
(20:39):
hurt.
I think now, kind of like thatbounce back power is faster, the
resilience of likeunderstanding that it's not
personal in some form or way,you kind of have to go through
it so that, like you said, youcan untangle why you think it is
personal.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
You just nailed it.
It's like the only way out isthrough with all this stuff.
Yeah, it makes me want to askyou like what do you?
How do you think you dealt withit?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Like, how did you deal with it?
So I think, especially inrelationships when I've been
rejected, what it did was whenyou said untangle why it's
personal.
What it did was when you saiduntangle why it's personal.
What it did was.
It made me realize theseunderlining beliefs that I had
about myself, that I didn'tnecessarily know that I had.
(21:26):
You know um.
You know, not being um.
It was always that my value wasattached to my performance,
especially being an athlete.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
You get treated differently for performing very
well, giving more effort, and sothe belief that I had about
myself was that me as I am isnot worthy for love or worthy
for the things that I want inlife, right.
And so when it comes toperforming an effort right,
(22:07):
especially in relationship youstart to your sense of self in,
like, the goal is I need to putmore effort, perform better, do
more, and you end up losingyourself and you kind of lose
the confidence of me as I am isnot good enough, right.
And so how I got out of it,obviously, you know, I think it
(22:32):
does take a long time, but I dothink that you have to, like you
said, get back to those anchorsin life calendar on a week to
week basis and scheduling it outand making sure that I have
things where I'm adding value topeople, um, where I'm, um, I
(23:00):
have active goals that I'mactually pursuing, and, before
you know it, you start to kindof build, build yourself back up
and realize that, hey, um, youknow you are good as you are and
you don't have to do anythingextra.
You as you are is good enough.
(23:20):
And so I think a lot of peoplewhen they take things personal.
It may be, as you know, I'm notcool enough, I'm not beautiful
enough.
You know I'm not tall enough.
You know, maybe I need to.
You know, lose weight, maybe Ineed to gain weight.
It's all these different thingsthat goes into your mind that
(23:44):
that person probably isn't eventhinking about at all when it
comes to choosing a differentpath than you, you know.
Um, so yeah, I would say that'show I kind of got a bad path.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I love it.
It's you know, you you spoke tosomething and it's almost the
answer of so many things andhaving this kind of lifestyle,
if you will, that you're justlike tending to yourself, right,
like it's.
It's just, it's a lifestyleLike you make sure you eat well,
you make sure you like sleepwell, you make sure like those
things and have some thingssprinkled in your week that
(24:19):
bring you value.
Yeah, like that's it, that'sactually it.
Like sometimes people want toover over complicate, like
therapy and psychology and allthis stuff, and if you just kind
of do those things, like it'salmost like if you're always
cleaning up, cleaning yourkitchen, it's never going to get
super messy.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Right.
So it's doing that duediligence also to with the
rejection you kind of nailed itis, you do have to.
Sometimes it has to sit in inthe seat right next to you for
like a week.
And it's there, it's in theroom, you're feeling it, but
it's also while it's there,while you're doing all those
good things for yourself, andthose things get momentum and
(24:58):
eventually, when you allowsomething to be there, that's
when it could dissipate.
When you don't allow somethingto be there.
I see people like reallywanting to fight their feelings,
like they don't want to feelrejection, they don't want to
feel uncomfortable, and it'slike when you don't look at
something in the face, it can'tgo away uncomfortable.
And it's like when you don'tlook at something in the face,
it can't go away because you'renot acknowledging it.
So you just really nailed thatit's like you have to
(25:20):
acknowledge the discomfort, justacknowledge it.
You don't even have to doanything about it, just kind of
sometimes you have to let it bethere but keep keeping on with
those healthy things that youknow you need to do for yourself
to be healthy to be healthy,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
And so now it's like whenever I feel cause, um, these
things, um, and and I wouldlove to get your opinion on this
, I don't know if theynecessarily go away Right, like
what things?
Um, I would say things like,maybe codependency, things like,
um, you know, being afraid ofrejection, it's almost just
(26:01):
realizing that, oh, I can startto.
I'm feeling these emotions andI need to put some action into
you know, putting the energyback into me, like I can slowly
feel myself getting off offtrack.
Let me get back on track.
That is faster now, as opposedto getting all the way, all the
(26:22):
way off the rails.
You know, maybe it's one day oftoday wasn't a good day.
I wonder why.
Why didn't I kind of do thehabits that I usually do and
kind of wrapped up in theopinions of others and different
things like that?
Oh, I need to get back to.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah.
You know, Yep, I agree, I agreewith you.
I think the sooner you catchyourself from going down the
rabbit hole, the easier it is toget back on track.
I also want to make sure tospeak to the difference between
something like rejection, whichis a human emotion that we're
all going to feel, and likecodependency, which is sometimes
not something everybody and youcan feel have like moments of
(27:00):
feeling you know jealous or thisor that, but that goes into
kind of attachment styles andwhen you have a general, healthy
attachment style, you're,you're not some, you're not
feeling the things that aregoing to come up with someone
that has a really anxiousattachment style or avoiding
attachment style.
But yes, they're all humanemotions to feel.
We're all going to feeluncomfortable feelings sometimes
and almost like the quickerthat you can rebound is that's
(27:26):
going to matter a lot.
I think you just that'sextremely important.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Yeah, I love that and you know, even with all these
areas that we're talking about,you know, mind, body, spirit how
do you think they all connectRight?
I think, like, for instance, Iknow a lot of you know men in my
life we're all focused on body,body, body, body, body, right.
(27:53):
I don't know if we put a lotinto the mental aspect of of of
life, you know, actively lookingto grow ourselves mentally, and
then obviously spiritual Rightthat is.
That is another deep realm,that is Right, something that is
(28:15):
uncomfortable for a lot offolks to really deep dive into.
That.
How do you think all of that isconnected to living our
healthiest life, of kind ofbringing it all together?
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I almost kind of want to like use you to make make
the point right, cause I'msitting here and I'm listening
to you and, yes, you're anathlete and it's body, body,
body.
You say and I'm also listeningto a very introspective, like
interesting, curious man.
So there you go.
So like, almost like how, howhave you done that?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, 100%.
I, um, I think it was justgoing through things right.
For me it was.
I grew up a kind of a short,chubby kid right, where I felt
that, okay, if I change my bodyit'll make me feel better, or,
(29:14):
you know, maybe I'll get moreattention from the girls that I
liked and different things likethat, or I would just feel
better about myself.
Then you change the body, youget a little taller and, yeah,
it makes you feel good.
(29:36):
I guess you're that validation,the validation of, oh, now you,
you know you have a, you know anice body, you're healthy,
you're fit.
You realize that it still didn'tdo it for you, right, and so
you start to want to understand,hey, how can I be more
confident?
(29:56):
And then you realize, oh, it'snot just from exterior things,
it's from actually kind of doingthings on a day-to-day basis,
habits and, before you know it,all this kind of, I guess, pain
that I felt as a kid.
I was just trying to find theanswers Right, and before you
(30:19):
know it, you know you end upreading a lot of books and you
listen to a lot of podcasts andyou go to different conferences
to hear people speak, and youknow you try to get mentors who
are further in life than you andthey, you know, pour into you.
And so it was just trying tofind the answers, very much like
(30:40):
what you said at the beginningof the podcast of being a seeker
to get over, you know,emotional pain of being that
short, chubby kid that reallydidn't find it in kind of the
exterior validations.
It was just, hey, how can Icontinue to find the answers?
So I don't know, it just kindof happened right on the way.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
It's it.
It almost sounds like it's sucha gift, though, because I you
know with having something thatyou had to struggle with, and it
is what pushed you to want todiscover what was going on and
to seek answers and to seekself-introspection yeah so it's
like it's.
(31:28):
It's a double-edged sword.
I've also seen people that youknow.
They got a lot handed to themand yeah you know everything's
working out until it's not goingto eventually like eventually
it's.
You know you could, maybe youcan make it through high school
and it's all good, you goteverything, you're the prompting
, you're the, you're everythingright.
But eventually what I've seenis when that person who's always
(31:50):
kind of got everything andgotten the response from the
world, that's really feeding, Idon't know, just not having.
You don't need to kind of workthrough anything.
That's a struggle.
I I'm concerned for that personbecause eventually you're not
going to, you're not preppingyourself to gain the skills and
(32:11):
tools to deal with the realityof life and, eventually, whether
it's something's going tohappen where things are not
going to go your way.
We talked about a little bitthis prior yeah and so I.
It's like those things that thehardships are often the north
star.
It's just a matter of notallowing them to take you down
(32:32):
and getting lost in the rabbithole of them.
Right, it's this balancing actof having hard things happen but
being really just mindful andintentional of how you're going
to deal with that thing.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah, yeah, how did you get into this space?
What made you kind of, becauseI know we both talk like both
former athletes.
Yeah, uh, because I know you,we both talk like both, you know
former athletes.
Um, yeah, yeah, what did you?
What made you get?
Speaker 2 (33:04):
into the mental space .
You know it's interesting, Idon't.
I don't say this a lot.
This is probably the first timeI'm going to lead with this
answer, but it's just.
It's what's coming up right nowbut, when I was growing up I'm
talking I was probably, believe,9, 10, 11 years old I had an
older sister she's about threeand a half years older and she
she had like a major eatingdisorder.
(33:26):
Meaning, you know, inpatientlike lived at UCLA Medical
Center through my sixth gradeyear.
So there was oh, and it kind oflasted for years, decades, and
so I saw a lot of struggle andyou know, even being from an
area where you know everything'sgreat and everyone's thriving,
and you know Hawaii onThanksgiving and just it was
(33:51):
almost a blessing for me to seesuch struggle in my family and
what it did to like the familyunit, like parents and my sister
and me, and it just I thinkthat at the time it's funny.
I look back on childhood and I'mlike childhood was great.
Like it was good, I was able tofigure it out, I had a lot of
friends, I was athletic, I hadthings that like kept me
(34:13):
balanced unbalanced.
But I think deep down when Ireally think about it, seeing
that kind of mental strugglewith someone that you're living
in a home with and you'regrowing up with, you just
realize that like it ain't, itain't like perfect for everybody
and that and that was that wasgood.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
That was good for me, but it was hard and it still is
hard right, kind of just copingwith the reality that you don't
come from the Joneses or youknow your family has issues.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, it is.
And because I think I had thatfeeling recently of, like you
know, once you become an adult,you realize, oh, my parents
aren't perfect.
Realize, oh, my parents aren'tperfect.
They also make mistakes too.
And the reason why that came upfor me is because you grow up
(35:06):
looking to almost that's whoyou're looking to, that's who
you rely on for survival.
You create these survivaltendencies for them, them and
you get older and you realize,wait, I guess I don't need to be
this perfect person.
I can let people down sometimesand it'll be, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
That's part of that like individuation right, when
you just you kind of like yourparents are your primary
influences.
They're teaching you abouteverything, about love and
relationships and how to dealwith your anger and right, so
getting to that point where youkind of can separate and you
don't have to choose the waythey've done it.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Even that, especially when you grew up with parents
that were a little challengingor more controlling or had stuff
going on with themselves, Ithink even more so you kind of
have to have that moment whereyou get to decide how you're
going to be to have to have thatmoment where you get to decide
how you're going to be.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Yeah, 100%.
So I guess you know, I guesswhat we've discovered is that it
comes from, especially when yousaid, when people are ready to
kind of go down the path of, Iguess, developing a healthy mind
.
You know healthy, you know bodyand spirit it is.
You know you have to actuallygo through something that opens
(36:27):
up that door for you.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Often, often right.
That's why you hear that likethey have to hit bottom, like
rock bottom right.
You hear that term a lot.
I don't think you have to to,but I think it's common that
because we're humans and becausewe don't like until we get
until like, the discomfort islike kind of just levels out
when this starts happening andyou're more uncomfortable than
(36:50):
it is, than your homeostasis isyeah that's.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
That's when we're almost forced to change yeah, so
that's when people are mostlyready, right?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Well, you're pushing the corner and life will do that
right.
We've all had something that wasa murmur starts becoming a
little louder and then it startsscreaming at you.
I think we all have, and Ibelieve life will do that to you
.
I see it all the time withdoing what I do and getting to
listen to life, people's lives,right?
You see that when people don'tlisten, you watch how it keeps
(37:22):
knocking on the door and it'llknock quiet and then it'll get
louder and then it'll startbanging and it's so interesting
on looking that like for 20years I've listened to countless
people and you're just, you'rewatching how that always is what
happens.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, 100%.
One thing I'm thinking about,especially with therapists, is
how do you stay on top of andobviously, how do you stay on
top of your game on a dailybasis?
And maybe you're not on top ofyour game, right, it's almost
impossible.
But to show up for other people, you almost have to take that
(38:02):
seriously, as opposed to youknow some people who can you
know.
Hey, I'm not on top of my gametoday and I can kind of get by
today.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
I hear you At like 60%.
How do you show up on aday-to-day basis, like with
energy, with enthusiasm?
Speaker 2 (38:18):
I love that question because I mean I completely do,
that's how I do this, like it'sa responsibility.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I feel like it's my responsibility for the people
who come to see me and pick meout, that I want to offer them
that and it's interesting.
I think that it's a way easierthing to do now that I work for
myself.
Yeah, that it's a way easierthing to do now that I work for
myself and that I get to create,you know, a, a lifestyle that's
(38:51):
just balanced.
And maybe this it's just it'snever been hard for me to stay
that balanced because I think Ithink you know, I don't know
that just that hasn't beensomething really hard for me.
I just I've always kind of likekept my physical up.
I've always kind of I'm not solike oh gosh, that that thing I
want to go to, that, you know,stay out so late, cause I just I
(39:12):
know how to like discipline.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Maybe it's it is like self-discipline, discipline,
maybe it's.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
it is like self-discipline and I think that
when I have the aim of doing myjob as good as I can and I know
the important things that Ineed to do for myself to give
that kind of a product or showup a certain way to my clients,
it's just a hard no yeah maybethat's why I balance it right.
It's just it's a hard no ifsomething gets in the way of me
(39:40):
being able to do my jobefficiently.
It's a hard no, and maybe thatwas something.
That's kind of something I madea decision about way back when
yeah, so it's having like verystrong boundaries but I think I
yeah like you working foryourself, you also give yourself
the opportunity to plan thesethings around 100% and I once
(40:07):
did not work for myself and Iworked in jobs that overloaded
me and that was part of thequest to like hustle to be able
to be here now, because that wasso I couldn't.
I couldn't have done that andcertain been balanced and done.
You know, in certainenvironments I couldn't have,
(40:28):
and that's when I knew that I Ihad to go and figure this kind
of a situation out for myself.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yeah, I love that.
I've always cause.
I think that's something we canbring into our lives of being
on top of our game.
Yeah, On a you know, on aconsistent basis, Right.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
From kind of the decisions you made, you know,
the night before, the weekbefore, yeah, and building
momentum to where it is justyeah, right, yeah, no.
I love that and I think we allcan use stronger barriers or
boundaries in our life for thosereasons, so that we can show up
(41:06):
as our best, not just so youcan stop being codependent,
right, no.
I love it.
Where can, where can folks findyou?
Where can they kind of followyour content?
And that nature.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Um, a good place to find me is just my website, so
it's kim eaglecom, and on thereyou can find my socials.
You can find me at Instagram atI am Kim Eagle and, pretty much
with my website, you'll be ableto contact me um my LinkedIn,
pinterest, all the all thesocial stuff.
And I also write a blog where Itry to really bring in the
(41:45):
topics that I'm hearing fromclients.
I just take in kind of what I'mlistening to and what I'm
hearing and I try to makecontent to help others of just
relevant stuff that I knowpeople are going through.
And I also have a YouTubechannel so you can find me on
YouTube.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yeah, I um, you know, obviously I you have a great
YouTube channel Um very easy tolisten to, um, very helpful for
even, like, if somebody is youknow first thing they can listen
to in the morning, very um kindof like a a quick punch of
value that people can get inlike five, ten minutes um to
(42:22):
listen to um.
I listened to a handful of thembefore we chatted oh cool I
appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And just to say this, like I almost want to call
myself out, like that'ssomething that I'm still kind of
like.
Oh god, really really, josh.
You thought they were like it'salmost just that like for me
and I, I think you might be ableto just like I don't know if
it's an athlete mentality, butit's almost just that like for
me and I, I think you might beable to just like I don't know
if it's an athlete mentality,but it's just like that, never
good enough yes like never goodenough, never good enough.
I personally like right now I'mlike battling that.
(42:48):
So just even getting thatfeedback from you, like I so
appreciate it, and I also saythat to just be like, hey, as
much as it sounds like ustherapists have it all together,
it's like we all have ourstruggles and that's real and
it's just moving through it.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
But yeah, no, I love it, and it's always hard to see
yourself from the outside in.
Yeah, for sure it doesn't feelyou know I'm like man, my voice
sounds different than what Iactually think it sounds like.
Yeah, different things, yeah,cool, I love that.
Yeah cool, I love that.
Well, kim, we appreciate you.
(43:22):
You added a ton of value to ustoday and this is just a really,
really just great conversationfor folks, so I definitely
appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Thank you, I appreciate you.
It was awesome talking to you.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
I love it.
All right, welcome to another episode of Playing
Injured.
We have Kim Eagle, who is alicensed therapist.
I know you also have a wellnessblog as well.
How's everything?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Everything's good, everything's good.
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I love it.
I love it.
Well, I always love starting apodcast with who is Kim?
Right, I gave you the title,right, therapist, but who is Kim
?
And, kind of, how do you spendyour time today?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
So you know it's funny.
A word came into my brain whenyou first said that and I think
I would say seeker, like aseeker, because I think that
something that I've noticed justhistory says I don't like to
fit in just one box and I'vealways in my life have fit into.
Sometimes it's hurt me because,you know, sometimes people are
(00:54):
wanting you to be in a box sothey can define you and you know
, sometimes it's worked for mebut ultimately, kind of going
with what feels more organic andnatural for me.
It's like I'm betting on that,even in the times where it feels
really scary and dark and Idon't know where I'm going.
You shall find, regardless ifyou found it yet or not, even
(01:26):
though society says like, well,you should have found it by now,
or right.
There's so many parts of thepath that can get a little murky
, but I guess a seeker is what Iwould say.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I love that.
Have you always been that way?
You think as a kid you alwaysthat way.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
You know, you don't, you don't have that ability to I
mean, I don't know if youreally even knew what was going
on as a kid, because you're soput in a world that your parents
are kind of curating for youand society at school and all
those things.
But I think that the older Igot and the more I started
watching people go in kind ofthe same direction and I was
kind of standing waiting in theroom going where's every,
(01:58):
where'd everyone go?
Like why do we have to go thatway?
Like well, how about going thisway?
I think it's become a reallyobvious as I've gotten older
100%.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I love that.
So when you, when you saidseeker, and you also said not
being put in a box, and then youalso put on top of that, a lot
of people go this way and I amessentially going the other way
or kind of not following thecrowd, right.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
And so yesterday I was actually listening to a
podcast and Earl Nightingale Idon't know if you've heard of
him, but one of the kind of thegodfathers of personal
development he said that theopposite of courage is
conformity, conforming to themasses.
Is conformity conforming to themasses right?
(02:49):
And so when you said thatthat's what made me think of
courage right To be a seeker,you have to be courageous to
some degree, to kind of pickyour own path and go down that
path.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
about that.
I, I, I agree, because I mean a.
I know how I feel sometimes andit's just, it's like it's
uncomfortable and I also pickedthis and there's no going back
(03:20):
at this point, right?
So it's almost kind of likeyou're, you're, you're halfway
there and going back, you'regoing to die and going, you only
can go forward.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Right.
So, um, I do, I, I agree withthat, and and I also, I think,
the more I lean into reallyembracing that perspective of it
, versus what did I do?
I shouldn't have done this,getting lost in regret, because
that'll that'll really bring youdown and, believe me, I've been
caught there.
So, it's like it's really bringyou down and, believe me, I've
(03:47):
been caught there, yeah, so it'slike it's almost like you have
to choose the perspective thatallows you to see it in that
kind of a way.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
A hundred percent.
So what that leads me to is Iwas, you know, obviously looking
at.
You know some of your contentpeople feeling stuck right.
And honestly, you know peoplefeeling stuck Right, and
honestly, you know you talkedabout hey, are you actually
stuck or are you scared, right?
And so a lot of times we feelstuck because we've just
(04:14):
followed the path of um, youknow, hey, go to school, be a
lawyer, go to school.
You know, uh, you know, be adoctor, go to school, get this
corporate job, climb the ladder.
Not that any of that is bad,right, sure.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Sure Not if it's right for you.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Not right.
But a lot of times you know alot of these paths we've just
followed out of because otherpeople are doing it Right, and a
lot of times you've been verysuccessful and you can feel
stuck of like wait, I'm not evenwhere I want to be in life or I
haven't even created the lifethat I actually want.
And you feel stuck and I lovehow you put it it's are you
(04:59):
actually stuck in life or areyou scared?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
How can people understand those two?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
It's a little complex , because I also think that not
everybody's ready for the truth,Right, and sometimes there's
truths that we're not ready toface because it's too scary and
it would.
We're not ready to face becauseit would.
It's too scary and it wouldrequire us to have to really
(05:30):
look at something that we I mean, it's almost like hey, did you
know that the partner that youwith is like totally the wrong
fit for you and it's never goingto work out.
It's like you know, sometimeswe can't, we can't swallow that,
so we have to put the blinderson and black that, black that
notion out.
That's a little bit of where weget caught in distraction and
just all the things, theself-sabotage, all those kind of
(05:54):
things.
But you could argue that it'seasier to go the path that's
already been carved out.
(06:14):
But is it and I think everyonekind of has to have that moment
where they really ask that, Mm,hmm, everything the money, the
career, the partner and we'reseeing that those people aren't
happy and so it's like, okay,well, that's not the answer.
So what is the answer?
So it's like really tappinginto, like what do you really
(06:37):
want and what do you have toface in order to really go the
direction and what you reallywant and I think there's a lot
of layers to that to really gothe direction and what you
really want, and I think there'sa lot of layers to that,
depending on where you'restarting at.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
So I would love to start at the later of not
feeling ready right, I guess.
What does that mean for peoplenot feeling ready, and is it
valid?
Is that valid Right?
Speaker 2 (07:01):
So when you say that it's interesting because there's
always, there's always a a gapand it there's always a gap that
might be too far for you tojump right Like it might be like
too much of a leg jump, but youcould always start, take a
little step right.
So it's like we're, I thinkthere's a perspective of when
are we ever ready, truly with,for any big thing in our life,
(07:24):
or even any small thing?
It's just a matter.
It's kind of like what Nikesays like just do it, just do it
.
It's a little bit of that mental, just like getting out of your
own way, of all your storiesthat validate why you should
just stay safe, quote unquote.
I think when you startdestructing things around fear
and validation and really starttaking a hard look at yourself
(07:45):
and thinking about what truth isfor you like your own truth,
which is only something youwould know that is one of the
steps that just starts breakingdown the iceberg, for you to
start seeing with more clarity.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, yeah, man, so many layers, yeah, I love it so
in feeling.
And so how do you think whatare some steps people can start
to do to understand their truth?
I think that's.
Another thing is that peopledon't even really have that
awareness, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, I think that you know, I know some people
that just don't ever want tostop and don't like to be quote,
unquote alone.
And I think that when you areuncomfortable with being with
your own self, that sometimes isa could be a sign that you're
(08:42):
not comfortable with your ownthoughts and your ways of
thinking, that you're notcomfortable with your own
thoughts and your ways ofthinking.
And when we're avoiding that,we can't really do the deeper
work and the introspective workto get to more clarity.
So knowing that you can becomemore comfortable with yourself.
But it's almost like you haveto put work into establishing a
(09:02):
better relationship with you,just like if you started dating
someone, you'd need to like puttime and energy of getting to
know another person.
I always like to tell certainclients that struggle with like
codependency, stuff of like dateyourself, like date yourself.
Really give yourself space ofjust sitting in the discomfort,
as uncomfortable as that is.
But I think there is a truththat if you want to grow, it's
(09:25):
like growing pains Discomfort isa sign that you're expanding.
So sometimes when you have amore positive connotation of
something uncomfortable, ithelps us just get through it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Yeah, yeah, and those uncomfortable feelings.
How can you deal with that?
Because it's uncomfortablefeelings how can you deal?
With that, because it isuncomfortable being alone, right
?
Yeah, you know, yeah, how canpeople deal with?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
so you know it's cool because we talked a little
before just about being anathlete and right.
I think that when you practicediscomfort in another area of
your life, even physical, likelet's say you start honing into
just dealing with physicaldiscomfort.
I believe that everything'sconnected and I think when you
start learning the tools how toget an ice bath and tolerate the
(10:15):
pain and the discomfort thatthat brings your physical body I
think you can also starttranslating that into dealing
with mental discomfort, becauseyou're proving to yourself that
you're like you could do it.
You could do something.
You can do hard things.
So, whatever that means, juststart like what's something
really small that you can dotoday.
That's like kind ofuncomfortable, yeah, Like not
(10:39):
too uncomfortable where you'renot going to do it, but kind of
uncomfortable.
And the more and more you dothat, the more like your comfort
zone it expands.
So it's a practice.
Right, it's like anything,everything's a practice and I
think you have to practicesitting with your discomfort and
being able to expand it.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Yeah, you know, one of the things I think about,
like when being alone.
I think about meditation, andhow many people say, oh, I suck
at it.
Yeah, because I think it isuncomfortable to kind of sit
there, and then you have allthese thoughts pinging in your
mind and it's uncomfortable, soit's like, ah, I don't want to
(11:20):
do it anymore, you know, becauseI suck at it, or anything in
life when it is new to us, it'suncomfortable and we suck at it,
right, and so we stop chasingthat, that discomfort feeling,
and so it sounds like we need tomaybe go a little bit slower,
(11:42):
small, incremental steps ofchasing discomfort in all areas
of life.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Just in, maybe that area of resistance that we, that
we right.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Right.
I always say like, asuncomfortable as it is, go
toward your resistance, becauseon the other side of that is
like it's something good.
It's just something good.
I can't tell you what, but whenyou challenge yourself, there
has to be something good on theother end of that.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Yeah, 100%.
You said said something elsetoo, right Kind of fear and
invalidation from I guess youknow it could be from a
relationship.
Right, you know you getvalidation from a relationship.
You get validation from people.
You know you get validationfrom a relationship.
(12:35):
You get validation from peopleand that's also something that
kind of can hold us back fromyou know being uncomfortable.
Right, is the validation thatwe get from just being
(12:57):
comfortable, you know, andgetting you know, validation
from our friends or a partnerand kind of attaching our sense
of self to these exterior things.
How can folks start to kind ofdetach their sense of self to
kind of these exterior factorsthat we face on a day-to-day
basis?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Right, there's like two things, two answers.
Almost there's one of notattaching it in the first place
right Like what?
what do you?
Where do you have to be to like, not attach it in the first
place?
So let's talk about the personwho's single now, that's going
to have the partnership.
How do you not attach yourworth to that future person?
That's, that's coming in right.
(13:35):
And then there's if you'vealready attached your worth or
self to that person, what do youdo in that situation?
It's interesting because Ithink about when you talk about
attachment, I you know, Iautomatically think about
detachment, and it's likeBuddhism, right, it's.
I think you have to be awarethat you've attached something
(13:58):
that shouldn't have beenattached and really start being
able to sit with that truth andlook at it and admit to it in
order to start course correctingit.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
So it reminds me of some of the clients that I see
that have codependent tendenciesor are codependent, right?
And so a lot of times what I'm,course, correcting during our
sessions is there's a lot likewe'll be talking about them and
85 percent of the session it'slike within five seconds it's go
, it goes back to the otherperson.
(14:31):
It's like the conversationkeeps being redirected back to
that other person and whatthat's telling me is how much
they have attached their worth,their life, their being, their
energy to something else outsideof them.
So what I do to help them is Imodel how to redirect the energy
back to themselves, right?
(14:53):
So literally in our sessionI'll be like do you notice that
we're like talking about him now, like I know way more about
that other person her or himversus what's going on with you,
and so I have to keep doingthat and obviously, like my you
know, my prescription is reallynotice when your mind starts
like the cord literally startscoming out of your chest cavity
(15:14):
and going in and wanting to pluginto somebody else, and you
have to really, really activelytake that plug and plug it back
into you.
Sometimes I'll give my clientsvisualizations of literally
taking a cord and plugging itback into their core to ground
them down.
So I think I think you have tobe aware, but usually your life
(15:35):
starts giving you signs andsymptoms and consequences that
you're not tending to yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So what does that look like?
I guess I love first of all.
I love that visual of puttingthat plug into yourself.
And what do people start to dowhen they aren't kind of putting
that energy into themselves?
What does that look like whenyou start to see the symptoms?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
It's what it looks like when someone's lost
themselves in someone else.
It's just everything revolvesaround them, this other entity,
everything's about them.
So they stop their friendships,kind of stop.
They don't stop putting energyinto anything that was important
to them before thisrelationship came in.
Just things start going by thewayside that are important if it
(16:30):
would take away from time andenergy for them.
Working out, going to school,learning, achieving your own
goals, like all of that justgoes away when we're talking
about really severe yeah.
Right.
So part of that is helpingsomebody reconnect back to what
is healthy.
Like they're anchors, right.
We all have like anchors thatif we start like snipping the
(16:53):
cords that are holding us stable, we're going to get really
wobbly.
And so it's helping somebodyidentify and reconnect those
areas of their lives thatthey've let go.
And as you do that, you juststart like it's almost like you
start getting like vitamins backinto your body.
You start your friendships, youstart caring more about your
(17:16):
life.
It's just momentum startstaking place when you just start
giving vitality and energy backinto you.
So at first you don't want toand there's a lot of resistance
I get from these clients.
But when you just start goingtoward, like the friendship you
let go of, that was a goodfriendship and you start hanging
out with that, like just littleby little by little you just
(17:37):
start putting energy back intoyou because we're trying to
balance out the dynamic yeah,100 that is, and even giving
your kind of unplugging yourselfand giving it to somebody else
either.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
So that would be you just continuing to focus on your
routine, your anchors I lovethat word, I love that word
anchors in life.
That's something to think about.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
And again I want to bring this up because it's like
you're going to have resistance.
It's like anything that youstart you need to do differently
.
Like you're going to haveresistance.
It's like anything that youstart you need to do differently
.
Like you're going to haveresistance because you've gotten
in a habit of being all aboutthem.
So the dynamic needs to gettotally reconfigured and there's
going to be resistance to that.
There's also a lot of fear ofwhat happens if I don't like see
them all the time.
(18:28):
Are they going to go find likeright?
Usually, when we lost our senseof self you know, you kind of
asked this we lose ourself-confidence, we lose our
ability to feel good about whowe are.
So we need them around tovalidate who we are.
That's when it gets really,really tricky.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, yeah, and it's tough because it is something
that you have to work on, rightit is.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Absolutely, but everything is right.
Like if you don't water a plantit's going to die.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Like you have to tend to yourself yeah, 100, I love
that, um, and then also, too youknow this goes to to like
rejection, right, um, and even,like you said before, not
attaching your sense of self tosomebody or something in the
first place.
How do you kind of separaterejection of you know this is
(19:21):
separate from who I am, or thishas no barrier, you know of who
I am as a person?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Sure, I think generally, like generally
speaking, it's just, it's notpersonal.
It's just whether you have tojust imprint that into your
brain as, as personal as itcould seem, it's not, it's not
personal, and it's just whetheryou have to read the four
agreements again and readagreement number three, where
(19:48):
it's not personal whatever youneed to do to just sometimes
it's there are truths that wehave to just constantly have in
our backpack and know when topull them out because we need to
grab them and really hold ontothem and remind ourselves of it.
And so with rejection, I meanthat's just this general, like
it's not personal, and sometimesit's really untangling why
(20:13):
you've made it so personal.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
That's so key.
Yeah, I think in the past youknow cause I've definitely
struggled with rejection and youknow all, all through my life,
in very different areas of liferelationships, sport, rejection
it does hurt and I think foreverybody it has some type of
(20:39):
hurt.
I think now, kind of like thatbounce back power is faster, the
resilience of likeunderstanding that it's not
personal in some form or way,you kind of have to go through
it so that, like you said, youcan untangle why you think it is
personal.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
You just nailed it.
It's like the only way out isthrough with all this stuff.
Yeah, it makes me want to askyou like what do you?
How do you think you dealt withit?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Like, how did you deal with it?
So I think, especially inrelationships when I've been
rejected, what it did was whenyou said untangle why it's
personal.
What it did was when you saiduntangle why it's personal.
What it did was.
It made me realize theseunderlining beliefs that I had
about myself, that I didn'tnecessarily know that I had.
(21:26):
You know um.
You know, not being um.
It was always that my value wasattached to my performance,
especially being an athlete.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
You get treated differently for performing very
well, giving more effort, and sothe belief that I had about
myself was that me as I am isnot worthy for love or worthy
for the things that I want inlife, right.
And so when it comes toperforming an effort right,
(22:07):
especially in relationship youstart to your sense of self in,
like, the goal is I need to putmore effort, perform better, do
more, and you end up losingyourself and you kind of lose
the confidence of me as I am isnot good enough, right.
And so how I got out of it,obviously, you know, I think it
(22:32):
does take a long time, but I dothink that you have to, like you
said, get back to those anchorsin life calendar on a week to
week basis and scheduling it outand making sure that I have
things where I'm adding value topeople, um, where I'm, um, I
(23:00):
have active goals that I'mactually pursuing, and, before
you know it, you start to kindof build, build yourself back up
and realize that, hey, um, youknow you are good as you are and
you don't have to do anythingextra.
You as you are is good enough.
(23:20):
And so I think a lot of peoplewhen they take things personal.
It may be, as you know, I'm notcool enough, I'm not beautiful
enough.
You know I'm not tall enough.
You know, maybe I need to.
You know, lose weight, maybe Ineed to gain weight.
It's all these different thingsthat goes into your mind that
(23:44):
that person probably isn't eventhinking about at all when it
comes to choosing a differentpath than you, you know.
Um, so yeah, I would say that'show I kind of got a bad path.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I love it.
It's you know, you you spoke tosomething and it's almost the
answer of so many things andhaving this kind of lifestyle,
if you will, that you're justlike tending to yourself, right,
like it's.
It's just, it's a lifestyleLike you make sure you eat well,
you make sure you like sleepwell, you make sure like those
things and have some thingssprinkled in your week that
(24:19):
bring you value.
Yeah, like that's it, that'sactually it.
Like sometimes people want toover over complicate, like
therapy and psychology and allthis stuff, and if you just kind
of do those things, like it'salmost like if you're always
cleaning up, cleaning yourkitchen, it's never going to get
super messy.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Right.
So it's doing that duediligence also to with the
rejection you kind of nailed itis, you do have to.
Sometimes it has to sit in inthe seat right next to you for
like a week.
And it's there, it's in theroom, you're feeling it, but
it's also while it's there,while you're doing all those
good things for yourself, andthose things get momentum and
(24:58):
eventually, when you allowsomething to be there, that's
when it could dissipate.
When you don't allow somethingto be there.
I see people like reallywanting to fight their feelings,
like they don't want to feelrejection, they don't want to
feel uncomfortable, and it'slike when you don't look at
something in the face, it can'tgo away uncomfortable.
And it's like when you don'tlook at something in the face,
it can't go away because you'renot acknowledging it.
So you just really nailed thatit's like you have to
(25:20):
acknowledge the discomfort, justacknowledge it.
You don't even have to doanything about it, just kind of
sometimes you have to let it bethere but keep keeping on with
those healthy things that youknow you need to do for yourself
to be healthy to be healthy,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
And so now it's like whenever I feel cause, um, these
things, um, and and I wouldlove to get your opinion on this
, I don't know if theynecessarily go away Right, like
what things?
Um, I would say things like,maybe codependency, things like,
um, you know, being afraid ofrejection, it's almost just
(26:01):
realizing that, oh, I can startto.
I'm feeling these emotions andI need to put some action into
you know, putting the energyback into me, like I can slowly
feel myself getting off offtrack.
Let me get back on track.
That is faster now, as opposedto getting all the way, all the
(26:22):
way off the rails.
You know, maybe it's one day oftoday wasn't a good day.
I wonder why.
Why didn't I kind of do thehabits that I usually do and
kind of wrapped up in theopinions of others and different
things like that?
Oh, I need to get back to.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah.
You know, Yep, I agree, I agreewith you.
I think the sooner you catchyourself from going down the
rabbit hole, the easier it is toget back on track.
I also want to make sure tospeak to the difference between
something like rejection, whichis a human emotion that we're
all going to feel, and likecodependency, which is sometimes
not something everybody and youcan feel have like moments of
(27:00):
feeling you know jealous or thisor that, but that goes into
kind of attachment styles andwhen you have a general, healthy
attachment style, you're,you're not some, you're not
feeling the things that aregoing to come up with someone
that has a really anxiousattachment style or avoiding
attachment style.
But yes, they're all humanemotions to feel.
We're all going to feeluncomfortable feelings sometimes
and almost like the quickerthat you can rebound is that's
(27:26):
going to matter a lot.
I think you just that'sextremely important.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Yeah, I love that and you know, even with all these
areas that we're talking about,you know, mind, body, spirit how
do you think they all connectRight?
I think, like, for instance, Iknow a lot of you know men in my
life we're all focused on body,body, body, body, body, right.
(27:53):
I don't know if we put a lotinto the mental aspect of of of
life, you know, actively lookingto grow ourselves mentally, and
then obviously spiritual Rightthat is.
That is another deep realm,that is Right, something that is
(28:15):
uncomfortable for a lot offolks to really deep dive into.
That.
How do you think all of that isconnected to living our
healthiest life, of kind ofbringing it all together?
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I almost kind of want to like use you to make make
the point right, cause I'msitting here and I'm listening
to you and, yes, you're anathlete and it's body, body,
body.
You say and I'm also listeningto a very introspective, like
interesting, curious man.
So there you go.
So like, almost like how, howhave you done that?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, 100%.
I, um, I think it was justgoing through things right.
For me it was.
I grew up a kind of a short,chubby kid right, where I felt
that, okay, if I change my bodyit'll make me feel better, or,
(29:14):
you know, maybe I'll get moreattention from the girls that I
liked and different things likethat, or I would just feel
better about myself.
Then you change the body, youget a little taller and, yeah,
it makes you feel good.
(29:36):
I guess you're that validation,the validation of, oh, now you,
you know you have a, you know anice body, you're healthy,
you're fit.
You realize that it still didn'tdo it for you, right, and so
you start to want to understand,hey, how can I be more
confident?
(29:56):
And then you realize, oh, it'snot just from exterior things,
it's from actually kind of doingthings on a day-to-day basis,
habits and, before you know it,all this kind of, I guess, pain
that I felt as a kid.
I was just trying to find theanswers Right, and before you
(30:19):
know it, you know you end upreading a lot of books and you
listen to a lot of podcasts andyou go to different conferences
to hear people speak, and youknow you try to get mentors who
are further in life than you andthey, you know, pour into you.
And so it was just trying tofind the answers, very much like
(30:40):
what you said at the beginningof the podcast of being a seeker
to get over, you know,emotional pain of being that
short, chubby kid that reallydidn't find it in kind of the
exterior validations.
It was just, hey, how can Icontinue to find the answers?
So I don't know, it just kindof happened right on the way.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
It's it.
It almost sounds like it's sucha gift, though, because I you
know with having something thatyou had to struggle with, and it
is what pushed you to want todiscover what was going on and
to seek answers and to seekself-introspection yeah so it's
like it's.
(31:28):
It's a double-edged sword.
I've also seen people that youknow.
They got a lot handed to themand yeah you know everything's
working out until it's not goingto eventually like eventually
it's.
You know you could, maybe youcan make it through high school
and it's all good, you goteverything, you're the prompting
, you're the, you're everythingright.
But eventually what I've seenis when that person who's always
(31:50):
kind of got everything andgotten the response from the
world, that's really feeding, Idon't know, just not having.
You don't need to kind of workthrough anything.
That's a struggle.
I I'm concerned for that personbecause eventually you're not
going to, you're not preppingyourself to gain the skills and
(32:11):
tools to deal with the realityof life and, eventually, whether
it's something's going tohappen where things are not
going to go your way.
We talked about a little bitthis prior yeah and so I.
It's like those things that thehardships are often the north
star.
It's just a matter of notallowing them to take you down
(32:32):
and getting lost in the rabbithole of them.
Right, it's this balancing actof having hard things happen but
being really just mindful andintentional of how you're going
to deal with that thing.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah, yeah, how did you get into this space?
What made you kind of, becauseI know we both talk like both
former athletes.
Yeah, uh, because I know you,we both talk like both, you know
former athletes.
Um, yeah, yeah, what did you?
What made you get?
Speaker 2 (33:04):
into the mental space .
You know it's interesting, Idon't.
I don't say this a lot.
This is probably the first timeI'm going to lead with this
answer, but it's just.
It's what's coming up right nowbut, when I was growing up I'm
talking I was probably, believe,9, 10, 11 years old I had an
older sister she's about threeand a half years older and she
she had like a major eatingdisorder.
(33:26):
Meaning, you know, inpatientlike lived at UCLA Medical
Center through my sixth gradeyear.
So there was oh, and it kind oflasted for years, decades, and
so I saw a lot of struggle andyou know, even being from an
area where you know everything'sgreat and everyone's thriving,
and you know Hawaii onThanksgiving and just it was
(33:51):
almost a blessing for me to seesuch struggle in my family and
what it did to like the familyunit, like parents and my sister
and me, and it just I thinkthat at the time it's funny.
I look back on childhood and I'mlike childhood was great.
Like it was good, I was able tofigure it out, I had a lot of
friends, I was athletic, I hadthings that like kept me
(34:13):
balanced unbalanced.
But I think deep down when Ireally think about it, seeing
that kind of mental strugglewith someone that you're living
in a home with and you'regrowing up with, you just
realize that like it ain't, itain't like perfect for everybody
and that and that was that wasgood.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
That was good for me, but it was hard and it still is
hard right, kind of just copingwith the reality that you don't
come from the Joneses or youknow your family has issues.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, it is.
And because I think I had thatfeeling recently of, like you
know, once you become an adult,you realize, oh, my parents
aren't perfect.
Realize, oh, my parents aren'tperfect.
They also make mistakes too.
And the reason why that came upfor me is because you grow up
(35:06):
looking to almost that's whoyou're looking to, that's who
you rely on for survival.
You create these survivaltendencies for them, them and
you get older and you realize,wait, I guess I don't need to be
this perfect person.
I can let people down sometimesand it'll be, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
That's part of that like individuation right, when
you just you kind of like yourparents are your primary
influences.
They're teaching you abouteverything, about love and
relationships and how to dealwith your anger and right, so
getting to that point where youkind of can separate and you
don't have to choose the waythey've done it.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Even that, especially when you grew up with parents
that were a little challengingor more controlling or had stuff
going on with themselves, Ithink even more so you kind of
have to have that moment whereyou get to decide how you're
going to be to have to have thatmoment where you get to decide
how you're going to be.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Yeah, 100%.
So I guess you know, I guesswhat we've discovered is that it
comes from, especially when yousaid, when people are ready to
kind of go down the path of, Iguess, developing a healthy mind
.
You know healthy, you know bodyand spirit it is.
You know you have to actuallygo through something that opens
(36:27):
up that door for you.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Often, often right.
That's why you hear that likethey have to hit bottom, like
rock bottom right.
You hear that term a lot.
I don't think you have to to,but I think it's common that
because we're humans and becausewe don't like until we get
until like, the discomfort islike kind of just levels out
when this starts happening andyou're more uncomfortable than
(36:50):
it is, than your homeostasis isyeah that's.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
That's when we're almost forced to change yeah, so
that's when people are mostlyready, right?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Well, you're pushing the corner and life will do that
right.
We've all had something that wasa murmur starts becoming a
little louder and then it startsscreaming at you.
I think we all have, and Ibelieve life will do that to you
.
I see it all the time withdoing what I do and getting to
listen to life, people's lives,right?
You see that when people don'tlisten, you watch how it keeps
(37:22):
knocking on the door and it'llknock quiet and then it'll get
louder and then it'll startbanging and it's so interesting
on looking that like for 20years I've listened to countless
people and you're just, you'rewatching how that always is what
happens.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, 100%.
One thing I'm thinking about,especially with therapists, is
how do you stay on top of andobviously, how do you stay on
top of your game on a dailybasis?
And maybe you're not on top ofyour game, right, it's almost
impossible.
But to show up for other people, you almost have to take that
(38:02):
seriously, as opposed to youknow some people who can you
know.
Hey, I'm not on top of my gametoday and I can kind of get by
today.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
I hear you At like 60%.
How do you show up on aday-to-day basis, like with
energy, with enthusiasm?
Speaker 2 (38:18):
I love that question because I mean I completely do,
that's how I do this, like it'sa responsibility.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I feel like it's my responsibility for the people
who come to see me and pick meout, that I want to offer them
that and it's interesting.
I think that it's a way easierthing to do now that I work for
myself.
Yeah, that it's a way easierthing to do now that I work for
myself and that I get to create,you know, a, a lifestyle that's
(38:51):
just balanced.
And maybe this it's just it'snever been hard for me to stay
that balanced because I think Ithink you know, I don't know
that just that hasn't beensomething really hard for me.
I just I've always kind of likekept my physical up.
I've always kind of I'm not solike oh gosh, that that thing I
want to go to, that, you know,stay out so late, cause I just I
(39:12):
know how to like discipline.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Maybe it's it is like self-discipline, discipline,
maybe it's.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
it is like self-discipline and I think that
when I have the aim of doing myjob as good as I can and I know
the important things that Ineed to do for myself to give
that kind of a product or showup a certain way to my clients,
it's just a hard no yeah maybethat's why I balance it right.
It's just it's a hard no ifsomething gets in the way of me
(39:40):
being able to do my jobefficiently.
It's a hard no, and maybe thatwas something.
That's kind of something I madea decision about way back when
yeah, so it's having like verystrong boundaries but I think I
yeah like you working foryourself, you also give yourself
the opportunity to plan thesethings around 100% and I once
(40:07):
did not work for myself and Iworked in jobs that overloaded
me and that was part of thequest to like hustle to be able
to be here now, because that wasso I couldn't.
I couldn't have done that andcertain been balanced and done.
You know, in certainenvironments I couldn't have,
(40:28):
and that's when I knew that I Ihad to go and figure this kind
of a situation out for myself.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yeah, I love that.
I've always cause.
I think that's something we canbring into our lives of being
on top of our game.
Yeah, On a you know, on aconsistent basis, Right.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
From kind of the decisions you made, you know,
the night before, the weekbefore, yeah, and building
momentum to where it is justyeah, right, yeah, no.
I love that and I think we allcan use stronger barriers or
boundaries in our life for thosereasons, so that we can show up
(41:06):
as our best, not just so youcan stop being codependent,
right, no.
I love it.
Where can, where can folks findyou?
Where can they kind of followyour content?
And that nature.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Um, a good place to find me is just my website, so
it's kim eaglecom, and on thereyou can find my socials.
You can find me at Instagram atI am Kim Eagle and, pretty much
with my website, you'll be ableto contact me um my LinkedIn,
pinterest, all the all thesocial stuff.
And I also write a blog where Itry to really bring in the
(41:45):
topics that I'm hearing fromclients.
I just take in kind of what I'mlistening to and what I'm
hearing and I try to makecontent to help others of just
relevant stuff that I knowpeople are going through.
And I also have a YouTubechannel so you can find me on
YouTube.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yeah, I um, you know, obviously I you have a great
YouTube channel Um very easy tolisten to, um, very helpful for
even, like, if somebody is youknow first thing they can listen
to in the morning, very um kindof like a a quick punch of
value that people can get inlike five, ten minutes um to
(42:22):
listen to um.
I listened to a handful of thembefore we chatted oh cool I
appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And just to say this, like I almost want to call
myself out, like that'ssomething that I'm still kind of
like.
Oh god, really really, josh.
You thought they were like it'salmost just that like for me
and I, I think you might be ableto just like I don't know if
it's an athlete mentality, butit's almost just that like for
me and I, I think you might beable to just like I don't know
if it's an athlete mentality,but it's just like that, never
good enough yes like never goodenough, never good enough.
I personally like right now I'mlike battling that.
(42:48):
So just even getting thatfeedback from you, like I so
appreciate it, and I also saythat to just be like, hey, as
much as it sounds like ustherapists have it all together,
it's like we all have ourstruggles and that's real and
it's just moving through it.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
But yeah, no, I love it, and it's always hard to see
yourself from the outside in.
Yeah, for sure it doesn't feelyou know I'm like man, my voice
sounds different than what Iactually think it sounds like.
Yeah, different things, yeah,cool, I love that.
Yeah cool, I love that.
Well, kim, we appreciate you.
(43:22):
You added a ton of value to ustoday and this is just a really,
really just great conversationfor folks, so I definitely
appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Thank you, I appreciate you.
It was awesome talking to you.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
I love it.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.