Stop Telling Your Kids to "Go Play"

Ever notice how your child stares blankly when you say "go play"? You're not alone. That simple phrase—one we all use daily—might actually be setting our kids up for failure rather than fun.

Through my work with both neurodiverse and neurotypical children, I've discovered a fascinating phenomenon: when we tell our kids to "go play" without specifics, we're unintentionally overwhelming them with too many choices. This creates what psychologists call "analysis paralysis"—that frozen feeling when too many options leave you unable to make any decision at all. Think about it: if someone told you to "go make dinner" with no further context, you'd have dozens of questions racing through your mind. Our children experience that same confusion with the seemingly simple instruction to play.

The solution I've developed transforms how children engage with their toys through a method I call "Go Play Forthwith." By specifying exactly what to play with and for how long, we eliminate the decision fatigue and give our children the structure they desperately need in our overstimulating world. Instead of "go play with your Legos," try "play with these specific Legos for 15 minutes and build a spaceship." The results are nothing short of magical—focused, happy children who know exactly what's expected and can fully engage in their play.

This episode unpacks why today's children need more structure than previous generations did, with practical examples of how to implement this approach for different ages, during playdates, and even during cleanup time. If you've been struggling with independent play in your home, this simple language shift might be the breakthrough you've been searching for. Subscribe for more practical strategies that make playtime easier and more joyful for everyone in the family!

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Episode Transcript

Charlene (00:00):
What if I told you the phrase you probably say to your
kids every single day couldactually be making them less
likely to play?
Welcome to the PlayroomChronicles podcast, where toys
spark imagination, learning andindependent play.
I'm Sharlee Deloach, a toy andplay expert, but a mom just like
you, navigating building blocks, puzzle pieces and snack crumbs

(00:22):
every day, ever wondered whichtoy will actually get played
with, or how do I keep my childengaged without a screen?
You're in the right place.
From ready-day rescues toskill-building superstars, this
is your go-to for honest toyrecommendations, real talk and
play ideas that work, ready toturn chaos into creativity.
One toy at a time, then.

(00:43):
Welcome to the PlayroomChronicles podcast.
Hey there, welcome back to thePlayroom Chronicles podcast, and
today I want to ask you thisquestion how often have you told
your child go play?
And then they'll look at youcompletely confused, more bored,
or don't even do it.
I want to talk about why sayingthe phrase go play might

(01:03):
actually be making things worse.
Sounds backwards, right, butstick with me in this episode
because I'm going to unpackexactly why that's true and what
you can say instead to helpyour kids play more and better.
Now let me take you back a fewyears I was working closely with
a neurodiverse child who wasincredibly bright and curious
and kind, but he was constantlystruggling at school and his

(01:26):
teachers frequently reported hewasn't following their
directions.
So one afternoon I visited hisclassroom and observed what was
happening firsthand, and histeacher would say things like
sit down and do your work or gowrite in your journal.
Simple enough, right.
But instead of starting hewould just sit there, frozen,
overwhelmed, seemingly unable tomove.

(01:46):
At first his teachers thoughthe was being stubborn or
difficult, but something told methere was more to the story.
So I sat down with him andgently asked what is happening.
When the teacher asked you towrite in your journal, and he
quietly told me I don't knowwhat she wants.
Write about what?
How much should I write?
How long do I have to do it?

(02:07):
For it was clear he wasn'trefusing to do the work.
He generally didn't understandwhat he was supposed to do, so
the teacher started reframingthe ask.
She would say to him go sitdown and write in your journal.
Write three sentences andcomplete it in five minutes.
Write about what you ate forbreakfast.
Once he had that clarity he didthe work.

(02:29):
But prior to that he wasbasically experiencing something
called analysis paralysis.
It's that feeling when you'refaced with too many choices, too
little guidance or unclearinstructions, seemingly at once
leaving you frozen becauseyou're unsure of how to move
forward.
In fact, you probably recognizethis feeling.
When the task is so vague andopen-ended, you don't know how

(02:49):
to begin.
And that's when the light bulbwent off in my head.
I realized how often we adults,myself included do the exact
same thing to our kids at home.
We say go play.
And then expect our kids tofigure out what to play with,
how long to play or even wherethey should play.
So let's try this example.
I want you to think about whatgoes through your head after I

(03:12):
say the following phrase youready?
Go make dinner.
Now.
What thoughts immediatelyflooded your mind?
Probably something like wait,what am I supposed to make?
Do I have the right groceriesfor it?
Who's eating dinner tonight?
What time does it have to beready?
That overwhelming feeling andall those questions that started
running through your head isexactly what our kids feel when

(03:34):
we say go play.
In fact, another example is ifI said to you go for a run, you
probably wonder okay, well,where am I running.
How long am I running for howmany miles do I have to do this
for?
Yet we say go play and expectour kids, especially those who
are neurodiverse, to magicallyfigure it out.
Now, realizing all this stoppedme in my tracks, because I had
been telling my kids go play foryears and never once thought

(03:57):
about how confusing thatactually might be for them.
So I knew something had tochange, and that's when I
created a simple yet powerfulnew phrase and I called it go
play forthwith.
It literally means tell yourchild exactly how long to play
for and exactly what to playwith.
Suddenly, my kids had clarityand confidence because they knew

(04:18):
exactly what I was asking.
There's no guesswork, there'sno overwhelm.
They just knew what to doduring that play period.
So, for example, instead ofsaying go play, or go play with
your cars or go play outside,I'd say go play for 10 minutes
with your police cars from thepurple basket or go play for 20

(04:39):
minutes with your basketball inthe driveway.
And the reason this works sowell was simple but powerful.
My kids knew exactly what theywere supposed to do, how long to
do it for and where to do it.
Suddenly, there was noconfusion and it completely
changed the energy in our house.
So let me give you an exampleof how go play forthwith looked
like in our life.

(04:59):
My son used to struggle withplaying independently,
especially with his huge Legocollection.
It was just too overwhelmingfor him.
So instead of saying go playwith your Legos, and he would
just wander around and then comeback and say he was bored, I
would set out one bucket and say, go play for 15 minutes with
these Legos and build me aspaceship, and instantly he was

(05:20):
engaged and happy and focused,and in fact, this also works
really well for telling yourkids, to quote unquote go clean
up right or go pick up your toys.
Use that same strategy, and Iused to do that with my daughter
, who hated cleanup time, butthen, when I changed that phrase
, she knew exactly what sheneeded to do and for how long,
and suddenly cleanup became easyand peaceful too.

(05:41):
I even started using thisstrategy during play dates.
Instead of telling the kidsjust to go play, I suggest
specific activity like go playfor 20 minutes with the sidewalk
chalk on the driveway and makea circus tent with five circus
animals, and the results weremagical happy, engaged kids who
knew what to do and they played,and I hope you're seeing how

(06:04):
this simple shift can help.
But let's talk about why itworks and why things kind of
changed, because you might bewondering why do we even have to
do this now?
Like when I was a kid, myparents would just to say go
play and off I'd go.
Well, here's the thing.
Our world has changed a lot.
When we were kids, life wassimpler.
We had fewer toys and fewerdistractions.

(06:26):
Hello social media, hellotablets and video games and all
the things and TVs and whatnot.
Our parents probably gave usmore freedom to roam around
outside to find friends to playwith or create our own
adventures with whatever was onhand.
We didn't have as muchconnection to technology, but
today our kids are surrounded bythat and endless choices and

(06:50):
this constant distraction, andtheir days are also structured
differently.
At school, their environmentsare very structured and they're
starting to need it at home aswell.
Plus, their environments aremore stimulating and, honestly,
it's a lot for young minds toprocess.
It's no surprise that they feeloverwhelmed when we simply give
them this very open-endedphrase go play.

(07:11):
So it's not like our kids areintentionally being difficult or
stubborn when they don't play,after you tell them to, or they
don't pick up after you tellthem to.
Often they just generally needclearer, simpler instructions
and direction.
So changing the phrase go playor even go pick up your toys
into specific directions makes ahuge difference.

(07:33):
So I want you to try it thisweek and here's your homework.
It's easy, I promise.
First pick a toy or activityand clearly state how long your
child should play with yourdinosaurs at the kitchen table
and then use a specific timer.
You can say like Alexa set atimer for 10 minutes.
Or hey, siri, set a time for 10minutes.

(07:54):
Or just use a basic kitchentimer or a clock that you have
around the house and then letthem do it, and when the timer
goes off, respect that the timehas ended.
Now, if your child does seembored with the activity but
still may be open to more play,you can gently offer something
like would you like another 10minutes with your dinosaurs, or

(08:15):
would you like 10 minutes withsomething else, like puzzles or
puppets?
If they say no, respect theirchoice immediately.
Building trust and clearexpectations here is crucial,
even if you're like, oh gosh, Icould just love it if they would
just play 10 more minutes,because I can get this one more
email out or get dinner on thetable.
But right now you're settingthese expectations and you're

(08:35):
setting the trust because if youdon't follow through with it
your kids won't trust the taskyou ask of them.
The next time It'll get better,I promise.
You can definitely expand theamount of time over time, but
for now this week very shortperiod of time and making sure
you honor that.
Now for older kids, you canplay around with it a little bit

(08:58):
.
You can write three short playtasks on a whiteboard that they
can do within a, say, 30-minutetime frame.
It allows them a little bitmore flexibility of what they
want to do, but still has theparameters of just those three
things in that 30-minute period.
It's something you can alsowork towards and scaffold
towards for kids who are youngerNow.
I hope today's episode helpedyou see playtime a little
differently and a lot moreclearly.

(09:20):
I hope you can hit subscribe sowe can keep making play easier.
But I really want you toremember that amazing play isn't
about having tons of toys.
It's about giving our kids theclarity they crave.
So let's promise right now nomore vague go play.
Starting today.
Let's say go play forthwith.
And you got this Until nexttime, keep playing.

(09:41):
Play used to be simple noscreens, no schedules, just kids
imagination and whatever wasaround.
So let's bring that back bythinking outside the toy box.
Until next time, keep itplayful and play like it's 1979.