January 31, 2025 • 29 mins
"Have you ever experienced God’s presence? Today, Pastor Teddy, and Pastor Mark Crabtree explore relatable narratives of faith, identity, and resilience. Personal struggles, faith journeys, and transformative encounters with Christ are shared, emphasizing renewal and spiritual growth."
The episode delves into the profound transformation that faith can bring in one's life, illustrating how encounters with the risen Christ lead individuals from despair to hope. Through personal stories, the discussion with Pastor Marc Crabtree of Refuge Church, emphasizes the significance of understanding biblical narratives and their relevance in modern life, particularly focusing on the powerful story of James, the brother of Jesus.
• The connection between Christmas and personal demystification of biblical characters
• Personal journey of Pastor Mark Crabtree reflecting on identity struggles
• The importance of apologetics in understanding faith
• The transformational power seen in the lives of early disciples
• Real-life encounters with Christ and their lasting impact on believers
• Encouragement for listeners to explore their own faith narratives
Sr. Pastor, Refuge Church:
https://www.refugechurchnj.com/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/RefugeChurchNJ
Assistant Pastor, Young Adults & Families, GraceWay Bible Church:
https://gracewaybc.org/who-we-are/our-team/
Does any of today's podcast resonate with you? Let us know here:
https://playsonword.dm.networkforgood.com/forms/podcast-reviews
To Support Plays On Word Radio and Plays On Word Theater, please visit:
https://playsonword.networkforgood
The Plays On Word Theater team is setting up new performance dates! Reach out with inquiries: https://playsonword.dm.networkforgood.com/forms/event-submission-form
Plays On Word website
Plays On Word YouTube
Plays On Word Facebook
Plays On Word Instagram
Email us: team@playsonword.org
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lord you know.
Hey guys, you are now listeningto Plays on Word Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's the best, it was powerful man.
I mean, it's just doing theChristmas story in that way.
You know, just presenting it inthat form brings the story
alive in such a way that you'rereally able to connect with it,
right, like you can really putyourself in the place of Joe and
of Mary and what is going on,and it lets you think about what
(00:26):
would we be thinking in thatsituation?
We got to take the saints outof the stained glass, right?
That's what I call it.
What you guys do with Plays onWord really brings these stories
to life.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
You're the only name.
You're the only name.
You're the only name.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Hello and welcome to Plays on Word Radio, where we
discuss, analyze, work and playon the Word of God.
Thank you for joining us onthis excursion.
Today let's join Pastor Teddy,also known as Fred David Kenney
Jr, the founder of Plays on WordTheater, as he does a deep dive
into the Word of God.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Welcome Mark Crabtree to Plays on Word Radio.
Mark is the pastor of RefugeChurch in Robbinsville.
Robbinsville, lawrenceville andHamilton are the western side
of New Jersey, central westernside of New Jersey, and so yeah,
I lived in Hamilton for a quickminute too, so yeah, yes,
(01:45):
pastor at Refuge ChurchRobbinsville, new Jersey.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
And so yeah, I lived in Hamilton for a quick minute
too.
So yeah, yes, pastor at RefugeChurch Robbinsville, new Jersey.
And I also am the family andyoung adult pastor at Graceway
Bible Church in Hamilton.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Amen, that's where our dear brother Scott Teranski
is located.
I believe, yes, it is.
Yes, it is my very firstCalvary Chapel I ever went to.
Was, that's great.
He was pastoring that church,meeting in the school up in I
want to say LawrencevilleSomewhere.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yeah, somewhere in there.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Yeah, so that's and that's a.
That's a while back, yeah, man.
So we we came out and didChristmas, joe, yes, for you
guys at Refuge Church, yourchristmas event that you guys
host.
Any thoughts on that man?
Any thoughts?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It was powerful man.
I mean, it's just you knowdoing the story, the christmas
story, in that way, right?
I mean you are phenomenal, whatyou do but you know just
presenting it in that formbrings are phenomenal what you
do.
But, you know, just presentingit in that form brings I don't
even know the right word, impactis a good word, but it bring,
it brings the story alive insuch a way that you're really
able to connect with it, right,like you can really put yourself
(02:54):
in the place of joe and of maryand you know what is going on.
And it lets you think aboutwhat you know.
What would we be thinking inthat situation?
Because you know, I call it, wegot to take the saints out of
the stained glass, right, that'swhat I call it, because they
(03:17):
were real people, just like wewere, with the fear and anxiety
and unsureness.
You know, and I'm prepping forsomething for a sermon I'm doing
this week about the impact ofthe resurrected Christ right in
the first sermon I'm doing thisweek about the impact of the
resurrected Christ right.
And we read in scripture therewas a time that Mary didn't even
believe Jesus when he was anadult, doing these miracles, and
his brothers were like what areyou doing?
Come home with us and stopbeing crazy, right?
And so that's not to speakanything wrong about Mary.
(03:40):
She was human.
About Mary she was human, shewas a mother, she was a parent,
and so you know, how do youbalance being a mom of a son and
the steward of God on earth,right, how do you balance that?
How do you even wrap your headaround that situation?
So, anyway, you know, what youguys do with Plays on Word
(04:02):
really brings these stories tolife, so that not only do we
hear the story, but weunderstand the story in a way
that's different than when we'rejust reading it in scripture.
It's being told to us by aparent or a or an authority
figure at church, you know yeahamen.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
what?
What passage are you in whileyou're prepping for the sermon
here?
I'm just yeah amen.
What passage are you in You'reprepping for a sermon here?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I don't know if I ever really read it in the
perspective that he encounteredthe risen Christ.
Yeah, man, it wasn't that hehad this dream or this vision,
(04:51):
so to speak.
He encountered the risen Christand the people with him which
was his entourage of otherPharisees and aides and guards
encountered it too.
We often don't remember thatright, we often don't think of
that, and so I'm looking intothat, and then I'm also looking
into which I think is thebiggest and most radical change
is Jesus's brother, james.
(05:11):
Right, james didn't believe hisbrother and that's why I was
going into where it says youknow his brothers.
And Mary said come home, you'renuts, right Like.
And you know.
That's probably the mostradical change because God's you
know, jesus says in Scriptureto us that we can preach and
prophesy anywhere except in ourhometown.
Right, that's the hardest placeand even for Jesus it was the
(05:32):
hardest place.
I think the most radical change,the most radical and most
impactful change in someone'slife that the resurrected Christ
had, was in James.
And Paul tells us in the Creedin 1 Corinthians that he
specifically says Jamesencountered the risen Christ.
And then that's when we seethat change.
Right, it wasn't throughJesus's life, it was after his
(05:52):
death and resurrection.
So that's what I'm getting intoand it's a two-part series.
It's part two of New Year, newMe, and it started in Isaiah 43
about the Israelites and whereGod tells them remember where I
brought you, and then he tellsthem but forget all of that and
look forward to the future,right, so yeah, I actually just
just spoke about that with James.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
I uh, I went on a, which I often do on a, on a, uh,
on an OCD rant, um, uh.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I think that's a pastor thing.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yeah, we were.
We were finishing up the bookof Galatians and I forget how I
got to James, but I was like canyou imagine growing up with
Jesus?
What was going through his mind?
And then I went to Corinthianswhere it says he appeared to
Cephas and James and Paul andthen 500 people.
But that thing with James.
I sat on that for a secondbecause it was like can you
(06:43):
imagine growing up For him therealization of wait, now it's
all, wait a minute, now it'smaking sense.
Every time we play basketball.
He never missed and now I'munderstanding.
You know, now, can you imaginegrowing up with Jesus as your
older brother?
That's like a, what you know,yeah, so, and then I think that
the change I use that inapologetics to the, with the
(07:07):
looking at the resurrection,there's, there's an acronym of
its feet FEAT.
Fatally.
He was fatally wounded,absolutely.
Jesus died FEAT, so F isfatally wounded.
E is empty tomb.
The tomb was definitely emptytomb.
The tomb was definitely.
A is appearances and the T istransformation, the
transformation of Peter, paul,james, the disciples that all
(07:32):
went to their death saying Idon't care, you can kill me,
because guess what?
I saw that guy.
I ate one of them.
I touched him and then the endof the T the transformation is
us and for the last 2,000 yearsthis same risen Jesus has
transformed the lives of peoplethat don't even—some people
(07:53):
didn't even know his name.
There's a story about this ladywho was in a I want to say,
world War II prison camp.
She was a prisoner of war, Iguess of the Japanese, and this
is probably a morphed story overChristian Christianese or
whatever.
It's been morphed a bunch oftimes.
But she was in a prison campand then, after the war, some
(08:14):
missionaries came through, theone that was with me, the one
that got me through when I was aprisoner of war.
I knew him, but I didn't knowhis name.
Now I know his name, and sothis Jesus is transformed.
He's transformed Hopefullyeverybody listening right now.
(08:37):
If he hasn't transformed, youjust ask him.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
That's right.
That's right.
I mean I'll tell you, um, whathappens when we encounter the
risen Christ, right, I mean,there is.
You know, we're just finishingup a study with the young adults
at grace way, and I did, I'mdoing the study with the for the
case for Christ, with LeeStrobel, and the reason why I'm
doing that with the young adults?
Because we lay down not just afoundation for the young adults,
(09:06):
but a foundation that will givethem the confidence they need
to face conversations, to facequestions.
So apologetics, right, andthat's where Eli pulled out of
his book some of these things,and he goes over that fee.
Right, he doesn't call it that,but he goes through that line.
And it's not just atransformative power there is in
Christ, but it's also likeyou're taking jewish people and
in a matter of days and or amatter of a year, say, 10 000
(09:32):
jewish people abandon theirgenerations of training, of
faith, of knowing whatever lifeis is through this faith that
they have and they Completely Ihate to use the word, but I
don't know how to say buy intowho Christ is, and they are
fully, believe it with all theirhearts, enough to go to death.
(09:54):
Right, and another point hepoints out about that is not
only were the disciples willingto die for what they believed,
yeah, but they would have knownit wasn't true, right, right.
So no one's willing to die withfor what they know isn't true
people, people today.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
People today die for what is a lie, but they don't
believe nobody's going to diefor something they know is a lie
somebody's like guess what?
yo, we made that up.
Man, y'all don't kill me, youcan exactly.
You know, we cooked the wholething up in the upper room.
We were trying to get a taxbreak or whatever.
Somebody would have broken andsaid nobody, that doesn't strain
(10:31):
credibility.
It's absolutely ridiculous tothink that these dudes went to
their deaths, and what way theydied.
The way they died was gnarlyman most, every one of them, and
it makes no sense that theywould go to their deaths for
something that they know is nottrue.
Somebody would have been likeyo man, yo man, I was just
(10:51):
trying to.
I was here for the free food.
Peter said go along with it,but I don't want nothing to do
with this man.
Somebody would have broke,that's right.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
There's no accounts.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Nobody said wait a minute, hold on, get that vat of
boiling water oil away from me,or you know, I mean even peter
right, not just crucify me, butdo it upside down.
Yeah, like make it even worseand then you know, finding out
about crucifixion.
We just went through this studyabout um, the case for the
resurrection and crucifixion andall the word excruciating Comes
(11:25):
from the latin word from thecross.
Yes, comes from the latin wordfrom the cross.
Yes, that means the pain thatyou felt through crucifixion was
so bad they did.
They had to invent a word todescribe the level of pain that
it was.
That means it was sounimaginable.
They didn't even have a word todescribe the agony of
(11:46):
crucifixion.
And so, yeah it's.
You know, when you lay out allof that, even if you are an
atheist, even if you're askeptic, even if you are an
agnostic, even if you're notsure what to think, if you take
all of these things and justlook at them through a lens of
reason, you have to at least saythere's something more to this
(12:08):
than fairy tales.
You have to admit at least thatmuch Now.
If you're not willing to takethat final step yet, you have to
at least look at it from areasonable viewpoint right.
Lee Strobel says at the end ofhis book he realized that his
atheism collapsed under theweight of the evidence before
him.
That's a powerful statement.
(12:30):
It collapsed.
It wasn't strong enough to holdup under the weight of truth,
and that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
And I mean that works for me in my life too.
God's made it that way.
God's made it that way by givingus the evidence.
And we just talked about thedisciples, the people that
actually saw him and ate withhim.
What's even more fascinating tome are you and me and people
who have not ever seen him, andthere are brothers and sisters,
(12:59):
even today, to this day, thatare like you're going to have to
kill me.
You can take my life, becausemy life means nothing to me and
I know in whom I know myredeemer lives.
You can take my.
There are people you know.
You think about all thebeheadings that happen, that's
right and they're like yeah, I'ma Christian, yes, I'm a
Christian, yeah, yeah, I'm goingto die for Christ.
But you can, you can kill me.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And they're not old people at the end of their life.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
A lot of them are young young, who have never
stories, never seen Jesus, butthey've encountered the risen
Christ, and that, to me, is evengreater.
So tell me, how did, how didyou come to encounter this?
How did you come to meet Jesus?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
So I you know I I go all the way back.
I accepted Christ at a veryyoung age.
Um, I grew up in a home thatyou know my parents tried they
did the best they could withwhat they had.
Is what I tell them, you knowand I understand that.
But my parents divorced when Iwas seven.
But I went to, I had theopportunity to go to a Christian
school when I was young and Iwent to a school called
(14:04):
Matunchin Christian Academy outof the Assembly of God churches.
So at age six we were at chapelservice and you know they were
given who Christ is and why weneed him.
And even at six years old Iunderstood, and the spirit laid
upon me, the truth of who he wasand that I needed him Right.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
I didn't understand it to the level that I
understand it now.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I just knew that I needed him.
Him Often, as you say, like mydaughter Annabeth, you know it's
funny in our house because, asyou know, we have a flipped
paradigm in our house right, Iwas a stay-at-home dad.
Jen went into work, you know,and so but Annabeth, you know,
when she gets hurt she needs adaddy kiss right.
(14:44):
Even mommy's kiss doesn't do.
She needs a daddy kiss right.
And so that level of what weperceive as need as children,
that's how I felt Christ, and Iremember feeling that I could
tell you.
I was standing in the secondrow of chapel on the left-hand
side of the Sunshine ChristianAcademy in 1987 with my hands on
the back of the seat, thinkingthese things I remember, like it
was yesterday.
And I prayed that prayer likethe sinner's prayer, right, and
(15:06):
my life went the way it did.
And, as I grew up andencountered divorce with my
parents and, uh, death of lovedones and, um, you know, by the
time I got into, you know, myparents, the divorce was not
pleasant not that any of themreally are, but it was pretty
bad.
Um, there was a lot of thingson both sides no blame to one or
the other, but there was a lot,of, a lot of trauma.
(15:27):
We'll say, um, and so, goinginto grade school and going into
high school, I played football,um, and I ate, drank, slept
football.
Uh, football was my, was my keyout of my town, my key out of
away from my family, to get toschool, right, and I had a full
scholarship to go to a um levelthree school, tennessee.
(15:47):
And my junior year I shatteredmy left humerus bone Second game
of the season, yeah, or itwasn't, I'm sorry it broke and I
had to have steel bars put inmy arm and all, and I lost that
whole season.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Six months later.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I went into surgery without the use of, or out of
surgery without the use of myleft hand.
And they weren't even sure ifI'd ever get it back again my
hand laid like this for sixmonths and I was doing physical
therapy and physical therapy andI just gotten the use of my
hand back after six months.
Lots of work, uh, electric stimtherapy, the whole nine just
got the use of my hand back andI'm on the school bus and the
(16:23):
school bus stopped short and Iput my hand up on the seat to
stop me and my arm snapped.
Oh, six months later, no, sothrough.
I won't go into why it snapped,you know it's debatable, but,
uh, through that I didn't haveto have surgery again.
I went through recovery, againmore physical therapy.
So I was ready for my seniorseason and through political
(16:47):
things that happened at privateschools, because I was going to
a private high school, they wereactually not going to start me
my senior year with a fullscholarship still intact and so
I left that school and went toMatuchin High, which was the
public school that was in ourarea.
I was ready for the season.
Man, I was lifting, I was inbest shape that I had been in.
Second game of the season,opening kickoff, I ran down.
(17:09):
We were playing a team that hada football team in 50 years and
this kid, about a third my size, runs up to me and just stops.
And I'm thinking in my head manhighlight reel here we come,
and I was just gonna truck himand and I went to throw my hands
into him, he put his helmetright into my arm and my left
arm, the humerus bone, for thethird time in a year.
(17:33):
I mean that shattered.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I had to go in for surgery and the doctor said when
he went into surgery it lookedlike a hand grenade went off in
my arm.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
They had to take bones from a dead person,
cadaver bones, just toreconstruct my arm, and I was
told that if I ever injured myarm that level again that I
would never be able to use itagain.
And they pretty much told me my, my career in football was over
.
I bet, and so my identity wasin football.
My identity was in that my lifefell apart in my head.
(18:03):
My whole life was over.
Yeah, but shortly after thathappened, you know, I went
through high school and still mysenior year.
That's who you were.
You were, I mean football six,but through life circumstances
and situations I drifted rightand you know it's.
The ironic thing is I alwaysknew in my heart who Christ was.
(18:26):
I always knew he was the way toheaven.
I always knew he was the Messiah.
I never questioned that.
I remember even thinking in myhead why can't I let go of this
belief?
Why can't I just reject Christ?
Why can't I just fully rejecthim and go in a different way,
right, I just reject Christ.
Why can't I just fully rejecthim and go in a different way,
right?
(18:49):
And so after that, I found outthat was in 98, and I graduated
in 99.
But in April of 99, before Igraduated, I found out that my
oldest daughter was on her way,and so, after football was over,
I lost my identity.
There, I chased down everypromise, every empty, hollow
promise the world gave me.
Where happiness came from, lovecame from, fulfillment came
from because I had no identity.
(19:09):
And so I chased down every oneof them drugs, alcohol, sex,
women so many different areas.
So I found out my daughter wascoming in April and I went okay
and I failed my senior year inschool.
I had to go to summer school toget my degree and even then I
said to my dad I have nointerest in finishing summer
school, I don't care about mydiploma, I'm not my degree, my
(19:29):
diploma.
I don't care about my diploma,I'm just gonna go to work.
I can't go to college now.
Anyway, I lost my ride.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
I lost you know I lost all of that and I lost
football.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Anyway, you were in thes man.
So then, coming out of highschool and knowing my daughter
was on the way, I said, well, Icome from a military family.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And I said well, I'm going to go into military.
I'm going to get a military job.
I mean, it's good, I'm going toget money for college.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I'll be able to support my daughter.
I'll build a life for myself.
And then the military rejectedme.
Yep, the Air Force wouldn'ttake me because of my grades.
The Marines wouldn't take mebecause of my arm.
The Army wouldn't take mebecause of other medical things.
So I went to go on the Navy.
I scored 98 on my ASVAB, whichis one point from perfect.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And they said you can have any job you want in the
Navy.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
They convinced me to go into the nuclear program.
And the day we were on our wayto Mets so going to get my
physical to start, my recruiterand I are going in there.
And I turned to him and I saidI have to be honest with you,
number one, I don't want to bein the Navy.
Now he's freaking out becauseI'm like his top candidate.
They gave me a $60,000 sign onbonus just to sign on the line
(20:37):
because of going in the nuclearprogram.
And um, I said, not only that,but I actually sabotaged myself
by going and smoking weed thenight before my my um, yeah and
so, um and uh, he was besidehimself.
He didn't even know what to sayto me.
Of course I wait till we get tothe place.
He's getting ready to check usinto the hotel and I tell him
(20:57):
all this.
So he said well, what do youwant to do?
And that's when I said I wantto go into marines, I want to be
a marine.
I really didn't want to be inthe navy, but my whole family
was in navy.
I felt obligated.
So he said listen, mygirlfriend is a marine recruiter
, I'll get you set up with her.
Let's get you clean for 30 daysand then I said okay, and it
was after that.
The marines wouldn't even giveme a physical oh, my injuries,
they wouldn't even consider me.
(21:19):
Oh, so, yeah, um, so thathappened.
Um, all right, so I went towork with my dad doing heating
and air conditioning and stillchasing down all this stuff, and
, um, in 2006, I um tried to gointo the army national guard and
they accepted me.
I took my as that again.
I got like a high 80s, which,for being so far out of school,
(21:40):
was great.
And she had asked me.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Well, what job do you want?
And you know, I saw this guywalking in with a beret on and
gold rope around his shoulderwith the medals on his chest,
you know?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
and I said what does he do?
And she goes.
You don't want his job and Isaid no, no what does he do?
And she goes.
Mark, you're too him what youdo, he goes he goes I.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
I jump out of helicopters into third world
countries and blow them up, andI'm home in time for dinner and
I went.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I want his job.
He did air assault.
So if you ever saw the movieBlack Hawk Down, that's what his
job.
He's the one that was repellingout of helicopters into
Mogadishu.
So I said I want his job.
So three days before I leavefor Metz, I'm driving.
I just left the bar hanging outwith my buddies getting ready
to leave for boot camp.
And I'm on my way home and Iget into a car accident and my
(22:30):
right hand bounces off thesteering wheel and hits the
rubber shifter.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Let me tell you how it snapped the mid-metacarpal in
my hand.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
The most freak injury ever.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
For that way that accident and it broke in such a
way that I had to have a steelplate put in it and that ended
my military career before iteven began.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
And so another letdown, another crisis of
identity in my life, because nowI was all in.
I was going to be a military guy, you know yeah and um.
That destroyed my identitythere and so, anyway, went
further down into the pathway ofdrugs.
That culminated in 2013.
I was living in Philly, I wasengaged at the time and I was a
mess.
I was a mess, my identity wasflip flopped upside down and,
(23:14):
august 9th of 2013, I had endeda drug binge of Oxycontin,
percocet, oxycodone, valium.
There is no medical way that Iwas still alive.
It doesn't even make sense.
Right?
God is the God.
That doesn't make sense.
He is the God of restoration.
(23:35):
He is the God of reconciliation.
He is the God of everything.
He bent the rules for you.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Oh, he flip flopped the rules upside down.
Right, we talk aboutencountering the risen Christ.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Yeah, and let me tell you, Teddy, even in the light
of that.
I sat in my car ready to takemy life.
And I sat in my car outside ofmy apartment on August 9th 2013
and I took a hunting knife to mywrist.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Wow and Done.
You just wanted to be done.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
That was it.
I was just on my daughter.
At that point I didn't have arelationship with my older
daughter.
I wasn't a lot this year.
Everything was rocky.
I was.
You couldn't even recognize meif I showed you pictures of them
, which I Ironically don't haveany but I wouldn't even know who
I was.
Totally done.
My life was just in the toilet.
I put it there.
But either way, I sat in thatcar and I know for a fact that I
(24:33):
slit my wrist.
You know you can smell blood,right.
You know you got to have thatsmell.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
When I slit my wrist.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
I saw the blood start to seep out.
I smelled the powerful aromathat came from up, from being
stuck like you, like a bloodpouring out.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I felt the stickiness on my hand because, as I did it
, my fiance comes walking out ofthe apartment towards my car
and the last thing I wanted wasfor her to see this, so I took
my hand and I went like thisonto my wrist, I put it in my
lap and I started screaming ather to get back in the apartment
, leave me alone.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Wow, she turned around finally and just walked
away, and I took my hand off mywrist to just kind of lay there
and let the blood flow and just,and so I was Just like I was
just waiting for the relaxationof death.
Finally, everything that waslaying on me was going to be
gone, and as I took my hand offmy wrist, I looked down and it
(25:29):
looked like a cat had lightlyscratched me on the wrist so
even in the light of being savedthrough the drug binge and in
the light of the lord puttinghis hand on my
Speaker 1 (25:41):
wrist and healing it in a very real way.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I can't tell you how angry I became.
I bet I got out of my car withthe knife.
I slammed the door.
I walked up my stairs into myapartment, cursing god the whole
way.
How dare you save me, me, howdare you let me live, you cruel
God?
Because, again, I neverquestioned he was real.
I never questioned the realityof Christ.
(26:07):
I had reserved myself that ifsomehow I could save people from
the reality of hell by lettingthem see the destruction I
brought on my life, that I wasokay with going there.
I resigned myself and I washeaded for hell and I deserved
it and I was okay with that, andif I can save my brothers and I
(26:28):
can save my daughter and I cansave my parents from the
realities of hell by thenwatching what I did to my life.
I was okay with that, andthat's not to pat me on the back
.
That was just where I reservedmyself, and so you know, I go up
into this apartment and I takethe knife and I throw it into my
coat closet so hard that theknife stuck into the sheetrock.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
But as it went past, it went past my thumb.
I still have the scar on mythumb today.
That when it lightly brushed bymy thumb, opened up and poured
blood out of it.
Oh man, I got even more angry.
Oh man, I got even more angry.
Oh, no yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Like I thought God was mocking me, saying I could
have let this happen.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Look, your knife was sharp enough to cut Like I
thought he was mocking me.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
So that happened.
Three days later, I woke up tomy wife coming, or my fiance
coming home from work and theengagement ring was on our
coffee table and she said I'mgoing to Maryland with Jessica
when I come back on Monday.
I expect you to no longer behere.
I called my dad up and I saiddad, I don't know what to do.
This is what's happening.
(27:32):
He goes to me.
Mark, why don't you come tochurch with me tomorrow?
This was Saturday night.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
And I went, dad, it's always God with you.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Like God's the answer to everything.
And I hung up on him.
Yeah, he wasn't even fazed.
He was just like well, whydon't you join me at church
tomorrow?
Mark and I was.
That was the last thing I needto hear is to go to church to
honor and worship this God.
That just mocked me, that justrefused to let me have comfort
and relief.
And, um, so I wake up, finishthis job.
(27:58):
I am going to.
He's not going to stop me thistime, man, If I could have laid
down a bigger gauntlet to him, Iwould have Right, Right, and so
I literally um, I left myapartment to go to Wawa.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I'm in Philly and I left to go to.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Wawa, which was right down the street I drive.
There's a traffic light betweenmy apartment and Wawa Right and
so I'm sitting at that trafficlight right and I'm sitting here
and I'm thinking in my head andI'm even probably saying out
loud you're not going to stop methis time, I'm getting this
done.
Who are you to stop me?
I'll show you Right.
And like a ton of bricks, thespirit falls down on me and I
(28:34):
start weeping.
Yeah, his presence.
Weeping under the weight of thepresence of the Holy Spirit.
Not a weight of shame and guilt, right right, but the same
weight that crushed the atheismin Lee Strobel was crushing the
guilt and the shame that I wasfeeling.
It was, it was the weight ofrelief that he was bringing on
(28:55):
me.
And so so I'm at this light andI'm weeping.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Now, and the next thing I know I'm making a U-turn
to go back to my apartment, Iget changed.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I grabbed a Bible.
I don't even know where theBible came from and I take my
story behind to church Amen.
I remember pulling into theparking lot of the church and at
the marquee sign of the church,the sermon that's being
preached that day is rebuildingyour life, and I sat in the
second row of Edinburgh RoadChapel and I weeped for two
(29:26):
hours as the worship went on andI weeped under the reality of
the risen.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Christ.
Amen.
We're going to finish this nextweek, you guys.
Until then, the Lord bless youand keep you.
The Lord make his face to shineupon you and be gracious to you
.
The Lord lift up hiscountenance upon you and give
you peace.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
This program was made possible by the Plays on Word
family of supporters.
To find out more, check out ourwebsite at
Lord you know.
Hey guys, you are now listeningto Plays on Word Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's the best, it was powerful man.
I mean, it's just doing theChristmas story in that way.
You know, just presenting it inthat form brings the story
alive in such a way that you'rereally able to connect with it,
right, like you can really putyourself in the place of Joe and
of Mary and what is going on,and it lets you think about what
(00:26):
would we be thinking in thatsituation?
We got to take the saints outof the stained glass, right?
That's what I call it.
What you guys do with Plays onWord really brings these stories
to life.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
You're the only name.
You're the only name.
You're the only name.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Hello and welcome to Plays on Word Radio, where we
discuss, analyze, work and playon the Word of God.
Thank you for joining us onthis excursion.
Today let's join Pastor Teddy,also known as Fred David Kenney
Jr, the founder of Plays on WordTheater, as he does a deep dive
into the Word of God.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Welcome Mark Crabtree to Plays on Word Radio.
Mark is the pastor of RefugeChurch in Robbinsville.
Robbinsville, lawrenceville andHamilton are the western side
of New Jersey, central westernside of New Jersey, and so yeah,
I lived in Hamilton for a quickminute too, so yeah, yes,
(01:45):
pastor at Refuge ChurchRobbinsville, new Jersey.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
And so yeah, I lived in Hamilton for a quick minute
too.
So yeah, yes, pastor at RefugeChurch Robbinsville, new Jersey.
And I also am the family andyoung adult pastor at Graceway
Bible Church in Hamilton.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Amen, that's where our dear brother Scott Teranski
is located.
I believe, yes, it is.
Yes, it is my very firstCalvary Chapel I ever went to.
Was, that's great.
He was pastoring that church,meeting in the school up in I
want to say LawrencevilleSomewhere.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yeah, somewhere in there.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Yeah, so that's and that's a.
That's a while back, yeah, man.
So we we came out and didChristmas, joe, yes, for you
guys at Refuge Church, yourchristmas event that you guys
host.
Any thoughts on that man?
Any thoughts?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It was powerful man.
I mean, it's just you knowdoing the story, the christmas
story, in that way, right?
I mean you are phenomenal, whatyou do but you know just
presenting it in that formbrings are phenomenal what you
do.
But, you know, just presentingit in that form brings I don't
even know the right word, impactis a good word, but it bring,
it brings the story alive insuch a way that you're really
able to connect with it, right,like you can really put yourself
(02:54):
in the place of joe and of maryand you know what is going on.
And it lets you think aboutwhat you know.
What would we be thinking inthat situation?
Because you know, I call it, wegot to take the saints out of
the stained glass, right, that'swhat I call it, because they
(03:17):
were real people, just like wewere, with the fear and anxiety
and unsureness.
You know, and I'm prepping forsomething for a sermon I'm doing
this week about the impact ofthe resurrected Christ right in
the first sermon I'm doing thisweek about the impact of the
resurrected Christ right.
And we read in scripture therewas a time that Mary didn't even
believe Jesus when he was anadult, doing these miracles, and
his brothers were like what areyou doing?
Come home with us and stopbeing crazy, right?
And so that's not to speakanything wrong about Mary.
(03:40):
She was human.
About Mary she was human, shewas a mother, she was a parent,
and so you know, how do youbalance being a mom of a son and
the steward of God on earth,right, how do you balance that?
How do you even wrap your headaround that situation?
So, anyway, you know, what youguys do with Plays on Word
(04:02):
really brings these stories tolife, so that not only do we
hear the story, but weunderstand the story in a way
that's different than when we'rejust reading it in scripture.
It's being told to us by aparent or a or an authority
figure at church, you know yeahamen.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
what?
What passage are you in whileyou're prepping for the sermon
here?
I'm just yeah amen.
What passage are you in You'reprepping for a sermon here?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I don't know if I ever really read it in the
perspective that he encounteredthe risen Christ.
Yeah, man, it wasn't that hehad this dream or this vision,
(04:51):
so to speak.
He encountered the risen Christand the people with him which
was his entourage of otherPharisees and aides and guards
encountered it too.
We often don't remember thatright, we often don't think of
that, and so I'm looking intothat, and then I'm also looking
into which I think is thebiggest and most radical change
is Jesus's brother, james.
(05:11):
Right, james didn't believe hisbrother and that's why I was
going into where it says youknow his brothers.
And Mary said come home, you'renuts, right Like.
And you know.
That's probably the mostradical change because God's you
know, jesus says in Scriptureto us that we can preach and
prophesy anywhere except in ourhometown.
Right, that's the hardest placeand even for Jesus it was the
(05:32):
hardest place.
I think the most radical change,the most radical and most
impactful change in someone'slife that the resurrected Christ
had, was in James.
And Paul tells us in the Creedin 1 Corinthians that he
specifically says Jamesencountered the risen Christ.
And then that's when we seethat change.
Right, it wasn't throughJesus's life, it was after his
(05:52):
death and resurrection.
So that's what I'm getting intoand it's a two-part series.
It's part two of New Year, newMe, and it started in Isaiah 43
about the Israelites and whereGod tells them remember where I
brought you, and then he tellsthem but forget all of that and
look forward to the future,right, so yeah, I actually just
just spoke about that with James.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
I uh, I went on a, which I often do on a, on a, uh,
on an OCD rant, um, uh.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I think that's a pastor thing.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yeah, we were.
We were finishing up the bookof Galatians and I forget how I
got to James, but I was like canyou imagine growing up with
Jesus?
What was going through his mind?
And then I went to Corinthianswhere it says he appeared to
Cephas and James and Paul andthen 500 people.
But that thing with James.
I sat on that for a secondbecause it was like can you
(06:43):
imagine growing up For him therealization of wait, now it's
all, wait a minute, now it'smaking sense.
Every time we play basketball.
He never missed and now I'munderstanding.
You know, now, can you imaginegrowing up with Jesus as your
older brother?
That's like a, what you know,yeah, so, and then I think that
the change I use that inapologetics to the, with the
(07:07):
looking at the resurrection,there's, there's an acronym of
its feet FEAT.
Fatally.
He was fatally wounded,absolutely.
Jesus died FEAT, so F isfatally wounded.
E is empty tomb.
The tomb was definitely emptytomb.
The tomb was definitely.
A is appearances and the T istransformation, the
transformation of Peter, paul,james, the disciples that all
(07:32):
went to their death saying Idon't care, you can kill me,
because guess what?
I saw that guy.
I ate one of them.
I touched him and then the endof the T the transformation is
us and for the last 2,000 yearsthis same risen Jesus has
transformed the lives of peoplethat don't even—some people
(07:53):
didn't even know his name.
There's a story about this ladywho was in a I want to say,
world War II prison camp.
She was a prisoner of war, Iguess of the Japanese, and this
is probably a morphed story overChristian Christianese or
whatever.
It's been morphed a bunch oftimes.
But she was in a prison campand then, after the war, some
(08:14):
missionaries came through, theone that was with me, the one
that got me through when I was aprisoner of war.
I knew him, but I didn't knowhis name.
Now I know his name, and sothis Jesus is transformed.
He's transformed Hopefullyeverybody listening right now.
(08:37):
If he hasn't transformed, youjust ask him.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
That's right.
That's right.
I mean I'll tell you, um, whathappens when we encounter the
risen Christ, right, I mean,there is.
You know, we're just finishingup a study with the young adults
at grace way, and I did, I'mdoing the study with the for the
case for Christ, with LeeStrobel, and the reason why I'm
doing that with the young adults?
Because we lay down not just afoundation for the young adults,
(09:06):
but a foundation that will givethem the confidence they need
to face conversations, to facequestions.
So apologetics, right, andthat's where Eli pulled out of
his book some of these things,and he goes over that fee.
Right, he doesn't call it that,but he goes through that line.
And it's not just atransformative power there is in
Christ, but it's also likeyou're taking jewish people and
in a matter of days and or amatter of a year, say, 10 000
(09:32):
jewish people abandon theirgenerations of training, of
faith, of knowing whatever lifeis is through this faith that
they have and they Completely Ihate to use the word, but I
don't know how to say buy intowho Christ is, and they are
fully, believe it with all theirhearts, enough to go to death.
(09:54):
Right, and another point hepoints out about that is not
only were the disciples willingto die for what they believed,
yeah, but they would have knownit wasn't true, right, right.
So no one's willing to die withfor what they know isn't true
people, people today.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
People today die for what is a lie, but they don't
believe nobody's going to diefor something they know is a lie
somebody's like guess what?
yo, we made that up.
Man, y'all don't kill me, youcan exactly.
You know, we cooked the wholething up in the upper room.
We were trying to get a taxbreak or whatever.
Somebody would have broken andsaid nobody, that doesn't strain
(10:31):
credibility.
It's absolutely ridiculous tothink that these dudes went to
their deaths, and what way theydied.
The way they died was gnarlyman most, every one of them, and
it makes no sense that theywould go to their deaths for
something that they know is nottrue.
Somebody would have been likeyo man, yo man, I was just
(10:51):
trying to.
I was here for the free food.
Peter said go along with it,but I don't want nothing to do
with this man.
Somebody would have broke,that's right.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
There's no accounts.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Nobody said wait a minute, hold on, get that vat of
boiling water oil away from me,or you know, I mean even peter
right, not just crucify me, butdo it upside down.
Yeah, like make it even worseand then you know, finding out
about crucifixion.
We just went through this studyabout um, the case for the
resurrection and crucifixion andall the word excruciating Comes
(11:25):
from the latin word from thecross.
Yes, comes from the latin wordfrom the cross.
Yes, that means the pain thatyou felt through crucifixion was
so bad they did.
They had to invent a word todescribe the level of pain that
it was.
That means it was sounimaginable.
They didn't even have a word todescribe the agony of
(11:46):
crucifixion.
And so, yeah it's.
You know, when you lay out allof that, even if you are an
atheist, even if you're askeptic, even if you are an
agnostic, even if you're notsure what to think, if you take
all of these things and justlook at them through a lens of
reason, you have to at least saythere's something more to this
(12:08):
than fairy tales.
You have to admit at least thatmuch Now.
If you're not willing to takethat final step yet, you have to
at least look at it from areasonable viewpoint right.
Lee Strobel says at the end ofhis book he realized that his
atheism collapsed under theweight of the evidence before
him.
That's a powerful statement.
(12:30):
It collapsed.
It wasn't strong enough to holdup under the weight of truth,
and that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
And I mean that works for me in my life too.
God's made it that way.
God's made it that way by givingus the evidence.
And we just talked about thedisciples, the people that
actually saw him and ate withhim.
What's even more fascinating tome are you and me and people
who have not ever seen him, andthere are brothers and sisters,
(12:59):
even today, to this day, thatare like you're going to have to
kill me.
You can take my life, becausemy life means nothing to me and
I know in whom I know myredeemer lives.
You can take my.
There are people you know.
You think about all thebeheadings that happen, that's
right and they're like yeah, I'ma Christian, yes, I'm a
Christian, yeah, yeah, I'm goingto die for Christ.
But you can, you can kill me.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And they're not old people at the end of their life.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
A lot of them are young young, who have never
stories, never seen Jesus, butthey've encountered the risen
Christ, and that, to me, is evengreater.
So tell me, how did, how didyou come to encounter this?
How did you come to meet Jesus?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
So I you know I I go all the way back.
I accepted Christ at a veryyoung age.
Um, I grew up in a home thatyou know my parents tried they
did the best they could withwhat they had.
Is what I tell them, you knowand I understand that.
But my parents divorced when Iwas seven.
But I went to, I had theopportunity to go to a Christian
school when I was young and Iwent to a school called
(14:04):
Matunchin Christian Academy outof the Assembly of God churches.
So at age six we were at chapelservice and you know they were
given who Christ is and why weneed him.
And even at six years old Iunderstood, and the spirit laid
upon me, the truth of who he wasand that I needed him Right.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
I didn't understand it to the level that I
understand it now.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I just knew that I needed him.
Him Often, as you say, like mydaughter Annabeth, you know it's
funny in our house because, asyou know, we have a flipped
paradigm in our house right, Iwas a stay-at-home dad.
Jen went into work, you know,and so but Annabeth, you know,
when she gets hurt she needs adaddy kiss right.
(14:44):
Even mommy's kiss doesn't do.
She needs a daddy kiss right.
And so that level of what weperceive as need as children,
that's how I felt Christ, and Iremember feeling that I could
tell you.
I was standing in the secondrow of chapel on the left-hand
side of the Sunshine ChristianAcademy in 1987 with my hands on
the back of the seat, thinkingthese things I remember, like it
was yesterday.
And I prayed that prayer likethe sinner's prayer, right, and
(15:06):
my life went the way it did.
And, as I grew up andencountered divorce with my
parents and, uh, death of lovedones and, um, you know, by the
time I got into, you know, myparents, the divorce was not
pleasant not that any of themreally are, but it was pretty
bad.
Um, there was a lot of thingson both sides no blame to one or
the other, but there was a lot,of, a lot of trauma.
(15:27):
We'll say, um, and so, goinginto grade school and going into
high school, I played football,um, and I ate, drank, slept
football.
Uh, football was my, was my keyout of my town, my key out of
away from my family, to get toschool, right, and I had a full
scholarship to go to a um levelthree school, tennessee.
(15:47):
And my junior year I shatteredmy left humerus bone Second game
of the season, yeah, or itwasn't, I'm sorry it broke and I
had to have steel bars put inmy arm and all, and I lost that
whole season.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Six months later.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I went into surgery without the use of, or out of
surgery without the use of myleft hand.
And they weren't even sure ifI'd ever get it back again my
hand laid like this for sixmonths and I was doing physical
therapy and physical therapy andI just gotten the use of my
hand back after six months.
Lots of work, uh, electric stimtherapy, the whole nine just
got the use of my hand back andI'm on the school bus and the
(16:23):
school bus stopped short and Iput my hand up on the seat to
stop me and my arm snapped.
Oh, six months later, no, sothrough.
I won't go into why it snapped,you know it's debatable, but,
uh, through that I didn't haveto have surgery again.
I went through recovery, againmore physical therapy.
So I was ready for my seniorseason and through political
(16:47):
things that happened at privateschools, because I was going to
a private high school, they wereactually not going to start me
my senior year with a fullscholarship still intact and so
I left that school and went toMatuchin High, which was the
public school that was in ourarea.
I was ready for the season.
Man, I was lifting, I was inbest shape that I had been in.
Second game of the season,opening kickoff, I ran down.
(17:09):
We were playing a team that hada football team in 50 years and
this kid, about a third my size, runs up to me and just stops.
And I'm thinking in my head manhighlight reel here we come,
and I was just gonna truck himand and I went to throw my hands
into him, he put his helmetright into my arm and my left
arm, the humerus bone, for thethird time in a year.
(17:33):
I mean that shattered.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I had to go in for surgery and the doctor said when
he went into surgery it lookedlike a hand grenade went off in
my arm.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
They had to take bones from a dead person,
cadaver bones, just toreconstruct my arm, and I was
told that if I ever injured myarm that level again that I
would never be able to use itagain.
And they pretty much told me my, my career in football was over
.
I bet, and so my identity wasin football.
My identity was in that my lifefell apart in my head.
(18:03):
My whole life was over.
Yeah, but shortly after thathappened, you know, I went
through high school and still mysenior year.
That's who you were.
You were, I mean football six,but through life circumstances
and situations I drifted rightand you know it's.
The ironic thing is I alwaysknew in my heart who Christ was.
(18:26):
I always knew he was the way toheaven.
I always knew he was the Messiah.
I never questioned that.
I remember even thinking in myhead why can't I let go of this
belief?
Why can't I just reject Christ?
Why can't I just fully rejecthim and go in a different way,
right, I just reject Christ.
Why can't I just fully rejecthim and go in a different way,
right?
(18:49):
And so after that, I found outthat was in 98, and I graduated
in 99.
But in April of 99, before Igraduated, I found out that my
oldest daughter was on her way,and so, after football was over,
I lost my identity.
There, I chased down everypromise, every empty, hollow
promise the world gave me.
Where happiness came from, lovecame from, fulfillment came
from because I had no identity.
(19:09):
And so I chased down every oneof them drugs, alcohol, sex,
women so many different areas.
So I found out my daughter wascoming in April and I went okay
and I failed my senior year inschool.
I had to go to summer school toget my degree and even then I
said to my dad I have nointerest in finishing summer
school, I don't care about mydiploma, I'm not my degree, my
(19:29):
diploma.
I don't care about my diploma,I'm just gonna go to work.
I can't go to college now.
Anyway, I lost my ride.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
I lost you know I lost all of that and I lost
football.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Anyway, you were in thes man.
So then, coming out of highschool and knowing my daughter
was on the way, I said, well, Icome from a military family.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And I said well, I'm going to go into military.
I'm going to get a military job.
I mean, it's good, I'm going toget money for college.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I'll be able to support my daughter.
I'll build a life for myself.
And then the military rejectedme.
Yep, the Air Force wouldn'ttake me because of my grades.
The Marines wouldn't take mebecause of my arm.
The Army wouldn't take mebecause of other medical things.
So I went to go on the Navy.
I scored 98 on my ASVAB, whichis one point from perfect.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And they said you can have any job you want in the
Navy.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
They convinced me to go into the nuclear program.
And the day we were on our wayto Mets so going to get my
physical to start, my recruiterand I are going in there.
And I turned to him and I saidI have to be honest with you,
number one, I don't want to bein the Navy.
Now he's freaking out becauseI'm like his top candidate.
They gave me a $60,000 sign onbonus just to sign on the line
(20:37):
because of going in the nuclearprogram.
And um, I said, not only that,but I actually sabotaged myself
by going and smoking weed thenight before my my um, yeah and
so, um and uh, he was besidehimself.
He didn't even know what to sayto me.
Of course I wait till we get tothe place.
He's getting ready to check usinto the hotel and I tell him
(20:57):
all this.
So he said well, what do youwant to do?
And that's when I said I wantto go into marines, I want to be
a marine.
I really didn't want to be inthe navy, but my whole family
was in navy.
I felt obligated.
So he said listen, mygirlfriend is a marine recruiter
, I'll get you set up with her.
Let's get you clean for 30 daysand then I said okay, and it
was after that.
The marines wouldn't even giveme a physical oh, my injuries,
they wouldn't even consider me.
(21:19):
Oh, so, yeah, um, so thathappened.
Um, all right, so I went towork with my dad doing heating
and air conditioning and stillchasing down all this stuff, and
, um, in 2006, I um tried to gointo the army national guard and
they accepted me.
I took my as that again.
I got like a high 80s, which,for being so far out of school,
(21:40):
was great.
And she had asked me.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Well, what job do you want?
And you know, I saw this guywalking in with a beret on and
gold rope around his shoulderwith the medals on his chest,
you know?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
and I said what does he do?
And she goes.
You don't want his job and Isaid no, no what does he do?
And she goes.
Mark, you're too him what youdo, he goes he goes I.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
I jump out of helicopters into third world
countries and blow them up, andI'm home in time for dinner and
I went.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I want his job.
He did air assault.
So if you ever saw the movieBlack Hawk Down, that's what his
job.
He's the one that was repellingout of helicopters into
Mogadishu.
So I said I want his job.
So three days before I leavefor Metz, I'm driving.
I just left the bar hanging outwith my buddies getting ready
to leave for boot camp.
And I'm on my way home and Iget into a car accident and my
(22:30):
right hand bounces off thesteering wheel and hits the
rubber shifter.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Let me tell you how it snapped the mid-metacarpal in
my hand.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
The most freak injury ever.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
For that way that accident and it broke in such a
way that I had to have a steelplate put in it and that ended
my military career before iteven began.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
And so another letdown, another crisis of
identity in my life, because nowI was all in.
I was going to be a military guy, you know yeah and um.
That destroyed my identitythere and so, anyway, went
further down into the pathway ofdrugs.
That culminated in 2013.
I was living in Philly, I wasengaged at the time and I was a
mess.
I was a mess, my identity wasflip flopped upside down and,
(23:14):
august 9th of 2013, I had endeda drug binge of Oxycontin,
percocet, oxycodone, valium.
There is no medical way that Iwas still alive.
It doesn't even make sense.
Right?
God is the God.
That doesn't make sense.
He is the God of restoration.
(23:35):
He is the God of reconciliation.
He is the God of everything.
He bent the rules for you.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Oh, he flip flopped the rules upside down.
Right, we talk aboutencountering the risen Christ.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Yeah, and let me tell you, Teddy, even in the light
of that.
I sat in my car ready to takemy life.
And I sat in my car outside ofmy apartment on August 9th 2013
and I took a hunting knife to mywrist.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Wow and Done.
You just wanted to be done.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
That was it.
I was just on my daughter.
At that point I didn't have arelationship with my older
daughter.
I wasn't a lot this year.
Everything was rocky.
I was.
You couldn't even recognize meif I showed you pictures of them
, which I Ironically don't haveany but I wouldn't even know who
I was.
Totally done.
My life was just in the toilet.
I put it there.
But either way, I sat in thatcar and I know for a fact that I
(24:33):
slit my wrist.
You know you can smell blood,right.
You know you got to have thatsmell.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
When I slit my wrist.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
I saw the blood start to seep out.
I smelled the powerful aromathat came from up, from being
stuck like you, like a bloodpouring out.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I felt the stickiness on my hand because, as I did it
, my fiance comes walking out ofthe apartment towards my car
and the last thing I wanted wasfor her to see this, so I took
my hand and I went like thisonto my wrist, I put it in my
lap and I started screaming ather to get back in the apartment
, leave me alone.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Wow, she turned around finally and just walked
away, and I took my hand off mywrist to just kind of lay there
and let the blood flow and just,and so I was Just like I was
just waiting for the relaxationof death.
Finally, everything that waslaying on me was going to be
gone, and as I took my hand offmy wrist, I looked down and it
(25:29):
looked like a cat had lightlyscratched me on the wrist so
even in the light of being savedthrough the drug binge and in
the light of the lord puttinghis hand on my
Speaker 1 (25:41):
wrist and healing it in a very real way.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I can't tell you how angry I became.
I bet I got out of my car withthe knife.
I slammed the door.
I walked up my stairs into myapartment, cursing god the whole
way.
How dare you save me, me, howdare you let me live, you cruel
God?
Because, again, I neverquestioned he was real.
I never questioned the realityof Christ.
(26:07):
I had reserved myself that ifsomehow I could save people from
the reality of hell by lettingthem see the destruction I
brought on my life, that I wasokay with going there.
I resigned myself and I washeaded for hell and I deserved
it and I was okay with that, andif I can save my brothers and I
(26:28):
can save my daughter and I cansave my parents from the
realities of hell by thenwatching what I did to my life.
I was okay with that, andthat's not to pat me on the back
.
That was just where I reservedmyself, and so you know, I go up
into this apartment and I takethe knife and I throw it into my
coat closet so hard that theknife stuck into the sheetrock.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
But as it went past, it went past my thumb.
I still have the scar on mythumb today.
That when it lightly brushed bymy thumb, opened up and poured
blood out of it.
Oh man, I got even more angry.
Oh man, I got even more angry.
Oh, no yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Like I thought God was mocking me, saying I could
have let this happen.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Look, your knife was sharp enough to cut Like I
thought he was mocking me.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
So that happened.
Three days later, I woke up tomy wife coming, or my fiance
coming home from work and theengagement ring was on our
coffee table and she said I'mgoing to Maryland with Jessica
when I come back on Monday.
I expect you to no longer behere.
I called my dad up and I saiddad, I don't know what to do.
This is what's happening.
(27:32):
He goes to me.
Mark, why don't you come tochurch with me tomorrow?
This was Saturday night.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
And I went, dad, it's always God with you.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Like God's the answer to everything.
And I hung up on him.
Yeah, he wasn't even fazed.
He was just like well, whydon't you join me at church
tomorrow?
Mark and I was.
That was the last thing I needto hear is to go to church to
honor and worship this God.
That just mocked me, that justrefused to let me have comfort
and relief.
And, um, so I wake up, finishthis job.
(27:58):
I am going to.
He's not going to stop me thistime, man, If I could have laid
down a bigger gauntlet to him, Iwould have Right, Right, and so
I literally um, I left myapartment to go to Wawa.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I'm in Philly and I left to go to.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Wawa, which was right down the street I drive.
There's a traffic light betweenmy apartment and Wawa Right and
so I'm sitting at that trafficlight right and I'm sitting here
and I'm thinking in my head andI'm even probably saying out
loud you're not going to stop methis time, I'm getting this
done.
Who are you to stop me?
I'll show you Right.
And like a ton of bricks, thespirit falls down on me and I
(28:34):
start weeping.
Yeah, his presence.
Weeping under the weight of thepresence of the Holy Spirit.
Not a weight of shame and guilt, right right, but the same
weight that crushed the atheismin Lee Strobel was crushing the
guilt and the shame that I wasfeeling.
It was, it was the weight ofrelief that he was bringing on
(28:55):
me.
And so so I'm at this light andI'm weeping.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Now, and the next thing I know I'm making a U-turn
to go back to my apartment, Iget changed.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I grabbed a Bible.
I don't even know where theBible came from and I take my
story behind to church Amen.
I remember pulling into theparking lot of the church and at
the marquee sign of the church,the sermon that's being
preached that day is rebuildingyour life, and I sat in the
second row of Edinburgh RoadChapel and I weeped for two
(29:26):
hours as the worship went on andI weeped under the reality of
the risen.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Christ.
Amen.
We're going to finish this nextweek, you guys.
Until then, the Lord bless youand keep you.
The Lord make his face to shineupon you and be gracious to you
.
The Lord lift up hiscountenance upon you and give
you peace.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
This program was made possible by the Plays on Word
family of supporters.
To find out more, check out ourwebsite at
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!