September 24, 2024 • 26 mins
Can disappointment actually deepen your faith and improve your relationships? Join us in this enlightening episode of the Pleasing God podcast as we promise to equip you with a biblical framework for managing disappointment. We'll uncover how understanding the fallibility of humans, as first introduced in Genesis 3, can help set realistic expectations and prevent the pitfall of placing people on a pedestal. Especially in intimate relationships like marriage, learn how to articulate your expectations to foster healthier connections and glorify God amidst inevitable disappointments.
Guided by Paul's teachings in Ephesians, we'll explore how to respond to disappointment without letting it lead you into sin. Discover practical steps on transforming your disappointment into prayer, compassion, and a Christ-like attitude, and the critical role of forgiveness modeled after God's own forgiveness. We'll share personal stories about how even children can teach us pure forgiveness and the art of reconciliation. Finally, we’ll encourage you to remain faithful and true to God's Word, looking to Jesus as the ultimate role model, and reminding ourselves of His promise of a future without disappointments. Let’s finish our spiritual race well, inspired by those who have gone before us and received the crown of life.
Stock Music provided by wolfgangwoehrle, from Pond5
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hi and welcome back to the Pleasing God podcast, a
podcast focused on helpingChristians to think biblically,
engage practically and livefaithfully for the glory of God.
I'm your host, jonathan Soul,and on this episode I want to
talk on the subject ofdisappointment, dealing with
disappointment.
If you've spent any time onthis earth which I know you have
(00:30):
, this is a reality in your lifeyou will be disappointed.
You will be disappointed byothers.
You might and I'm sure it'strue as it is of me you might
cause disappointment in othersas well.
Some of it is avoidable, someof it is inevitable.
Disappointment comes with theterritory of being human in this
(00:54):
existence that we live in today.
So the question that I have ishow do we deal with
disappointment?
How do we handle and workthrough our own disappointments
in a way that's biblical, a waythat's practical and, ultimately
, a way that glorifies God?
The first thing I want toremind you of when we think
(01:17):
about dealing withdisappointment is that we need
to know and remember where weare.
We are living in a sin-cursedworld, we are living under the
curse and it is alive and wellin our world today.
So first things we need to dowhen dealing with disappointment
is recognize that we live in afallen world.
This came about in Genesis,chapter 3, when Adam and Eve ate
(01:40):
the fruit tempted by theserpent and humanity fell.
The human race fell into astate of sin and misery.
In fact, all of creation wascursed through this one act of
disobedience, this major act ofsin and disappointment.
And so everything in our worldtoday is affected through the
(02:06):
curse, through sin in this world, and we must recognize this
first and foremost.
We are not in heaven yet, but aday is coming when the new
heavens and the new earth willcome.
Jesus will return and renew allthings and he will get rid of
disappointment once and for all,but not today.
(02:27):
So our existence in asin-cursed world gives way to
disappointment.
That's a reality that we mustface.
You will not get through thislife without disappointing and
being disappointed.
It is impossible.
So that's the first thing thatwe must recognize Sin-cursed,
(02:47):
fallen world and kind of goingoff of that.
We need to recognize not justthe world but we ourselves.
Everyone is a sinner, whetheryou've been saved or not.
We all have the sinful naturewithin us and everyone can do
(03:12):
that which is evil.
The Bible says there's nonerighteous, no, not one For all,
have sinned and fallen short ofthe glory of God.
And even when we are saved andour lives are changed the heart
of stone replaced with the heartof flesh, we start walking in
the glory of God.
And even when we are saved andour lives are changed, the heart
of stone replaced with theheart of flesh, we start walking
in the ways of God and living alife of enabled life, of an
(03:33):
obedience to him.
That does not wipe us away fromthe battle of sin.
No, this actually kind of opensthe door for greater levels of
disappointment, because we startto expect more, and rightfully
so.
But I think it's important toremember everyone is a sinner,
(03:56):
and so when we're dealing withdisappointment whether it be
towards a spouse or maybetowards parents or a pastor or
religious leader or someone weadmire or look up to, and they
say or do something that seemsto let us down and we feel
(04:18):
disappointed by that action orattitude, whatever it might be
we need to remember that thosepeople are sinners.
Now, that doesn't give anexcuse for actions and attitudes
, but keep that in mind whendisappointment comes.
We do not want to ever elevatesomeone to Jesus status, and
(04:41):
what I mean by that is becareful of putting people on
certain pedestals.
Now, this happens a lot inreligious communities, whether
it be the man that's at thecenter of the church, the pastor
, the charismatic speaker, thatdynamic personality.
There's plenty of stories offailures and fallings and
(05:05):
disappointments that haveoccurred there, whether it be as
a child looking up to yourparents and you just think that
they're the greatest thing inthe world, come to find out
later in life they're sinnerstoo.
There's a danger in which wecan elevate men and women to a
status that they don't belong in, and so remember everybody is a
(05:30):
sinner and everybody can andwill sin in some form or fashion
.
So recognize we live in afallen world.
Recognize that everyone is asinner.
And thirdly, be realistic inexpectations.
Sometimes our disappointment isour own fault.
(05:54):
Sometimes we have placedunrealistic or unvocalized
expectations on another.
I know I did a podcast a whileback with Caitlin on Imperfect
Marriage and talking about justmanaging expectations.
(06:15):
Early on in the marriage therewas a lot of room for
disappointment because therewere some ideals going in and
thinking, hey, this is what it'ssupposed to be like.
And it didn't seem to beexactly like that and I think it
went both ways and there wasunrealistic expectations placed
(06:36):
on another and they weren'tsometimes even vocalized and
they were leading to internaldisappointments because those
expectations weren't being metand it's not necessarily the
other person's fault.
So what we need to do when weare dealing with disappointment
(06:58):
is to be realistic inexpectations.
We should not expect somethingof someone else that they aren't
necessarily aware of, or weshould be vocal in those
expectations.
It will help prevent us fromfurther disappointment, further
discouragement, and wouldproduce a more healthy lifestyle
(07:22):
and, ultimately, healthierrelationships.
So recognize we live in afallen world, remember
everyone's a sinner and berealistic in expectations.
Now, that's not saying have lowexpectations of everybody, no,
because then you're kind ofwalking around thinking like
everyone's going to fail all thetime, I'm going to guard myself
(07:43):
from everyone, I won't expectanything out of anybody, and
that will just lead to a cynicalattitude, lack of trust,
questioning everything,believing nothing, and you're
just going to actually yourselfbe a living disappointment.
You don't want to do that.
(08:04):
So realistic and expectationsnot too high, not too low, and
helping to manage those andevaluating those, because our
thoughts and expectations arefluid and not necessarily
stagnant.
So keep those three things inmind as an understanding, as
kind of a framework orfoundation for dealing with
(08:24):
disappointment.
And even in light of thosethree fallen world everyone's a
sinner realistic expectationswe're still going to be
disappointed and those threearen't excuses for
disappointment.
So as that's kind of ourworldview, our kind of our
backdrop, our framework, so asthat's kind of our worldview,
(08:48):
our kind of our backdrop, ourframework, how do we engage
biblically then, withdisappointment?
How do we think biblically,what's practical ways in which
the Bible can help us with thisreality?
Because since the beginning ofhuman existence, thousands and
thousands of years ago, in everygeneration there's been
(09:09):
disappointment.
So the Bible must speak on thisin some form or fashion, you
would think, and it does,through many, many commands and
many stories, talking aboutmajor disappointment, overcoming
this.
And I just want to think ofmaybe four or five practical
(09:35):
ways in which the Bible tells ushow we can and what we can do
and implement in our lives thatwould help us as we deal with
and go through seasons and timesof disappointment in our lives.
The first thing that I think ofis being quick to pray.
The Apostle Paul tells us topray without ceasing, and I want
(09:57):
to specifically focus in on notjust general disappointment.
But when someone that you love,someone that you care about,
someone that's close to you,someone that you admire,
somebody that you think is arole model, disappoints, how do
(10:19):
you respond in your heart and inyour actions to that person?
In your heart and in youractions to that person?
And the first thing I would sayis be quick to pray.
A disappointed heart and agrieving heart produces some of
the greatest prayers.
Just take a jet tour throughthe Psalms and see the emotion
(10:40):
of the psalmist expressinghimself in prayer, times of
disappointment, times ofgrieving.
And so be quick to pray.
One of the elders at my churchasks the question.
Often he says do you know wherethe best place for you to be is
?
Well, no, where he says insomeone's prayers, it is the
(11:03):
best place to be is in someone'sprayers.
And so, when dealing withdisappointment, be quick to pray
.
Pray for the person, pray forthe situation.
Specifically, if your heart'sdisappointed, if you're grieving
, cry out to the Lord Prayers ofintercession.
The second thing that I canthink of do not conceal your
(11:26):
disappointment.
Some people will never vocalizewhen they feel disappointed and
it's just internalized.
That's not healthy, that's notgood.
Now it doesn't mean you need toevery little thing that I mean
let's get back to realisticexpectations.
(11:48):
But you have realisticexpectations that say you know
you do remember everyone's asinner.
You recognize that we live in afallen world and disappointment
comes your way, not that youwere looking for it, no, someone
did something to you and it hasled to your disappointment.
Do not conceal it.
We were not made to internalizeall of our emotions.
(12:13):
God created us as emotivebeings to express emotion.
Some counsel that I've givensome people that find it hard to
express emotions Think about asoda bottle, maybe a two liter
(12:35):
soda bottle and as wecontinually suppress and
internalize our emotions, ourfeelings, our disappointments,
it's like shaking up that sodabottle that's full of soda.
And you know what happens themore you shake it, the harder
the outside of the bottle getsand the more walls that we will
(12:58):
build as we continue tointernalize emotions and
disappointment.
And it's a self-defensemechanism because internally
we're hurt but we're not wantingto show that.
So we get really hard, like thesoda bottle, and it comes to a
point where the more you shakeit up when it's time to open
(13:22):
that cap to release some of thatemotion.
You can't just do it in alittle bit, and as the cap opens
, what's inside begins to fizzup and explode out of the top.
And what happens a lot of timesand I've seen it through much
pastoral counsel is that peoplethat internalize disappointments
(13:44):
, emotions and they deal withthat without expressing it
somehow some way, they're likean exploding soda bottle and
everything comes out and it's amess.
We're not made to operate thatway, and so we need to have
those kind of pressure reliefvalves, so to speak, and we need
(14:08):
to do this by first bringingour disappointments before the
Lord and not in a silent,meditative prayer.
Okay, I would.
If this is something youstruggle with internalizing all
(14:29):
of these things I wouldencourage you to pray privately,
but out loud, audibly, andspeak your emotional
difficulties, speak yourdisappointments vocally to God.
It's not the difference thatGod only hears you if you speak
or don't speak, but it makes adifference to you by you having
to take words and articulate it.
(14:50):
It is helpful, it is a processof healing and overcoming and
dealing with disappointment.
So audible, private prayers tothe Lord, expressing your
disappointment in this situation, in this person, whatever it
might be, and let it be known toGod.
And this way you're castingyour burdens on him because he
(15:14):
cares for you.
This is what 1 Peter tells us,but not just that, and this is
where I want to be careful.
But if you are dealing withdisappointment, you're
concealing disappointment.
I want to be careful, but ifyou are dealing with
disappointment, you'reconcealing disappointment.
Share with someone close to you,have that confidant, or maybe
(15:38):
it's your accountability partneror someone that you know you
can trust and that you can becompletely you with and you can
share your feelings.
It might be spouse to spouse,but maybe, if your spouse is
that disappointment, you mightneed to talk with someone else.
That's fine as well.
It's not gossiping, it's caringand needing that brother or
sister to come alongside you andhelp you in the process of
(16:01):
dealing with disappointment.
Not only are we not tointernalize our emotions, we are
also not created to be alone.
God saw that Adam was on theearth, adam had perfect
fellowship with God, and stillGod said it is not good for man
to be alone.
And so it's not just yourone-on-one relationship with
(16:23):
Jesus, it's also therelationships with others.
It is important that we candeal with disappointment in
community, together withbrothers and sisters.
So again, audible prayers to theLord, share with someone close
to you, someone that you trust,that you know isn't going to go
(16:45):
turn this thing around, but justcan help you think through some
of your own disappointments andultimately, as Christians, what
we're supposed to do.
If there is an offense, ifthere is disappointment from a
brother or sister that isdirected towards us, we go to
that person.
We go to that person afterwe've gone through the pressure
(17:08):
relief valve, after we've spokenour disappointments audibly to
the Lord, after we have confidedin someone and been able to
process.
Then we need to talk to thatperson and say, hey, this is
what's happened and this iswhere I'm left and you know it
may or may not be a sin issue,but it still left you feeling a
(17:31):
certain way.
Talk to the person.
That's probably the hardest ofthe three steps, but do that and
help you deal with andunderstand and process and work
through disappointments,ultimately to resolution.
I know that was a long one notto conceal your disappointment.
I'm going to give you a couplemore.
Do not let disappointment inothers become sin in you.
(17:55):
I'm reminded of what Paul saysin Ephesians, chapter 4.
Be angry and do not sin.
Do not let the sun go down onyour anger and give no
opportunity to the devil.
Now Paul's talking about anger,but I think it's safe to say
you know, be disappointed and donot sin.
(18:18):
Do not allow yourdisappointment in a person, in a
person, in an action, anattitude, an event lead you to
sin.
Disappointment should not be thechannel to gossip.
Disappointment should not bethe avenue to despair.
(18:42):
Disappointment should not leadto bitterness, betrayal, malice,
hate, envy, strife.
Disappointment should lead usto prayer, should lead us to
compassionate hearts and adesire to treat others like
Jesus.
Don't allow your sadness, yourdisappointment, to cause you to
(19:05):
sin.
Do not kill that person thatdisappointed you in your mind.
Do not let a root of bitternesssprout up within you.
Later on, in Ephesians, chapter4, paul says let all bitterness
and wrath and anger and clamorand slander be put away from you
, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another,tenderhearted, forgiving one
(19:29):
another as God in.
Let that sink in.
That's verse 32 of Ephesians,chapter 4.
And that's the fourth thing Iwant to give Forgive, as you
have been forgiven and recognizethere will be times in your
life that you disappoint others.
(19:50):
You're only human Now.
That's not an excuse and weshould always be on guard to
seek to do well and do good toall people.
But the Christian ethic thosethat are following Jesus are
commanded to forgive one another, as God and Christ forgave you.
(20:12):
To withhold forgiveness is tolive anti-gospel.
To be a Christian who does notforgive is essentially claiming
Christ, but denying the power isessentially claiming Christ,
but denying the power God hasgiven you in Christ the ability
(20:36):
and the heart to forgive.
Christians are to be the mostforgiving people in the entire
world.
I think about small children.
I've learned so much fromlittle children, and one thing
as being a dad of five soon tobe seven is that children are
the most forgiving people I'veever met in my life.
So much so that I, you know,maybe I've gotten frustrated or
(21:01):
I've spoke out in a way that Ishouldn't have to them.
Over some minor thing, I made abig deal because either I was
having a bad day or I was notthinking right.
I was wrong.
And I've gone to them and say,listen, I should not have
expressed myself in this way.
I need to repent and ask yourforgiveness.
And they try to justify myactions.
(21:24):
Oh no, dad, you know, we shouldhave done that.
I said no, I was wrong and Ineed your forgiveness.
And they never once.
They never once hesitate.
In fact, when they say Iforgive you, dad, they have
immediately buried the hatchet.
It doesn't exist anymore.
(21:46):
They've never brought upanything that I've ever repented
to them of.
They've never brought it up tome a second time.
They've let it go.
They understand whatforgiveness is.
Then they put on their baseballmitts and say let's go outside
and play.
They want to have fellowshipagain.
(22:06):
Dealing with disappointmentforgive, as you've been forgiven
in your heart and in youractions.
And finally, and this kind ofcircle, back to realistic
expectations.
But when dealing withdisappointment, make sure that
that you idolize Jesus.
If anybody is going to be atthe top of your pecking order,
(22:30):
the highest of people that youadmire, that you're a role model
that you look up to, that youhave the greatest expectations
of you, make sure that that isJesus and not fallen people.
The greatest of men can let youdown.
Nobody on this side of heavenis incapable of sinning, is
(22:57):
incapable of producingdisappointment in you and in
others.
Keep that in mind.
Advice I heard a long time ago,as I was wrestling with the call
to ministry and beginning topursue what the Lord was leading
me to into pastoral ministry.
(23:19):
I was listening to a sermon,living in my parents' basement,
young 20s, and John Piper waspreaching a sermon and he was
talking about his father and howmuch he loves his dad and how
much he cared for his dad.
And in his very he got to hiskind of an emotional state and
(23:44):
he said but my dad is not myhero.
That kind of took me back for asecond and he went on to
explain and he says no heroesuntil they die.
And I just want to stand inthat line and say to all of you
who are listening do not makeanybody your hero until they die
(24:07):
.
You can have people you look upto, you can have people that
you admire, you can have peoplethat you seek to emulate in your
life, just as Paul says youdon't follow me as I follow
Christ.
But no heroes until they'redead.
And the reason why is becausewhen they die, you know how they
finish.
(24:27):
And all of us who desire to livea godly life, to follow Jesus,
the one, I believe, common traitof all of us is that we desire
to finish well, but we don'tknow how people are going to
finish, and there are plenty ofstories of people that ran a
good race.
There are plenty of stories ofpeople that ran a good race but
(24:50):
did not finish well, and in thelast leg of the race they
faltered, they fell, theydisappointed many, and it has
forever tarnished and left amark on their legacy.
Make sure your heroes are dead.
Make sure they have fought thegood fight, they have finished
(25:17):
the race and that they havereceived the crown of life.
There are many people that areon my list of heroes, but I'm
just waiting for them to die.
See, that's a life worth living.
That's a life that not onlylived well and ran well, but
finished well.
That's how I want to go out too.
Keep that in mind as you wrestlewith disappointment in people
and know people will disappoint,but ultimately, remember this
(25:42):
Jesus never fails, jesus neverdisappoints, Jesus exceeds the
greatest of our expectations,and when we see him on the other
side, he will be more lovely,more beautiful, more delightful
(26:07):
than we ever imagined, and so welook forward to that day, and
we look forward to beholding Himin a place where there is no
more disappointments.
But until then, let us learn tohandle disappointments well, in
a godly way that exalts Jesusand is faithful and true to
(26:27):
God's Word.
I want to thank you forlistening to the Pleasing God
podcast.
If you have any questions, Iwould love to hear from you.
You could reach out atquestions at
pleasinggodpodcastorg.
And remember 1 Thessalonians4.3,.
This is the will of God, yoursanctification.
Hi and welcome back to the Pleasing God podcast, a
podcast focused on helpingChristians to think biblically,
engage practically and livefaithfully for the glory of God.
I'm your host, jonathan Soul,and on this episode I want to
talk on the subject ofdisappointment, dealing with
disappointment.
If you've spent any time onthis earth which I know you have
(00:30):
, this is a reality in your lifeyou will be disappointed.
You will be disappointed byothers.
You might and I'm sure it'strue as it is of me you might
cause disappointment in othersas well.
Some of it is avoidable, someof it is inevitable.
Disappointment comes with theterritory of being human in this
(00:54):
existence that we live in today.
So the question that I have ishow do we deal with
disappointment?
How do we handle and workthrough our own disappointments
in a way that's biblical, a waythat's practical and, ultimately
, a way that glorifies God?
The first thing I want toremind you of when we think
(01:17):
about dealing withdisappointment is that we need
to know and remember where weare.
We are living in a sin-cursedworld, we are living under the
curse and it is alive and wellin our world today.
So first things we need to dowhen dealing with disappointment
is recognize that we live in afallen world.
This came about in Genesis,chapter 3, when Adam and Eve ate
(01:40):
the fruit tempted by theserpent and humanity fell.
The human race fell into astate of sin and misery.
In fact, all of creation wascursed through this one act of
disobedience, this major act ofsin and disappointment.
And so everything in our worldtoday is affected through the
(02:06):
curse, through sin in this world, and we must recognize this
first and foremost.
We are not in heaven yet, but aday is coming when the new
heavens and the new earth willcome.
Jesus will return and renew allthings and he will get rid of
disappointment once and for all,but not today.
(02:27):
So our existence in asin-cursed world gives way to
disappointment.
That's a reality that we mustface.
You will not get through thislife without disappointing and
being disappointed.
It is impossible.
So that's the first thing thatwe must recognize Sin-cursed,
(02:47):
fallen world and kind of goingoff of that.
We need to recognize not justthe world but we ourselves.
Everyone is a sinner, whetheryou've been saved or not.
We all have the sinful naturewithin us and everyone can do
(03:12):
that which is evil.
The Bible says there's nonerighteous, no, not one For all,
have sinned and fallen short ofthe glory of God.
And even when we are saved andour lives are changed the heart
of stone replaced with the heartof flesh, we start walking in
the glory of God.
And even when we are saved andour lives are changed, the heart
of stone replaced with theheart of flesh, we start walking
in the ways of God and living alife of enabled life, of an
(03:33):
obedience to him.
That does not wipe us away fromthe battle of sin.
No, this actually kind of opensthe door for greater levels of
disappointment, because we startto expect more, and rightfully
so.
But I think it's important toremember everyone is a sinner,
(03:56):
and so when we're dealing withdisappointment whether it be
towards a spouse or maybetowards parents or a pastor or
religious leader or someone weadmire or look up to, and they
say or do something that seemsto let us down and we feel
(04:18):
disappointed by that action orattitude, whatever it might be
we need to remember that thosepeople are sinners.
Now, that doesn't give anexcuse for actions and attitudes
, but keep that in mind whendisappointment comes.
We do not want to ever elevatesomeone to Jesus status, and
(04:41):
what I mean by that is becareful of putting people on
certain pedestals.
Now, this happens a lot inreligious communities, whether
it be the man that's at thecenter of the church, the pastor
, the charismatic speaker, thatdynamic personality.
There's plenty of stories offailures and fallings and
(05:05):
disappointments that haveoccurred there, whether it be as
a child looking up to yourparents and you just think that
they're the greatest thing inthe world, come to find out
later in life they're sinnerstoo.
There's a danger in which wecan elevate men and women to a
status that they don't belong in, and so remember everybody is a
(05:30):
sinner and everybody can andwill sin in some form or fashion
.
So recognize we live in afallen world.
Recognize that everyone is asinner.
And thirdly, be realistic inexpectations.
Sometimes our disappointment isour own fault.
(05:54):
Sometimes we have placedunrealistic or unvocalized
expectations on another.
I know I did a podcast a whileback with Caitlin on Imperfect
Marriage and talking about justmanaging expectations.
(06:15):
Early on in the marriage therewas a lot of room for
disappointment because therewere some ideals going in and
thinking, hey, this is what it'ssupposed to be like.
And it didn't seem to beexactly like that and I think it
went both ways and there wasunrealistic expectations placed
(06:36):
on another and they weren'tsometimes even vocalized and
they were leading to internaldisappointments because those
expectations weren't being metand it's not necessarily the
other person's fault.
So what we need to do when weare dealing with disappointment
(06:58):
is to be realistic inexpectations.
We should not expect somethingof someone else that they aren't
necessarily aware of, or weshould be vocal in those
expectations.
It will help prevent us fromfurther disappointment, further
discouragement, and wouldproduce a more healthy lifestyle
(07:22):
and, ultimately, healthierrelationships.
So recognize we live in afallen world, remember
everyone's a sinner and berealistic in expectations.
Now, that's not saying have lowexpectations of everybody, no,
because then you're kind ofwalking around thinking like
everyone's going to fail all thetime, I'm going to guard myself
(07:43):
from everyone, I won't expectanything out of anybody, and
that will just lead to a cynicalattitude, lack of trust,
questioning everything,believing nothing, and you're
just going to actually yourselfbe a living disappointment.
You don't want to do that.
(08:04):
So realistic and expectationsnot too high, not too low, and
helping to manage those andevaluating those, because our
thoughts and expectations arefluid and not necessarily
stagnant.
So keep those three things inmind as an understanding, as
kind of a framework orfoundation for dealing with
(08:24):
disappointment.
And even in light of thosethree fallen world everyone's a
sinner realistic expectationswe're still going to be
disappointed and those threearen't excuses for
disappointment.
So as that's kind of ourworldview, our kind of our
backdrop, our framework, so asthat's kind of our worldview,
(08:48):
our kind of our backdrop, ourframework, how do we engage
biblically then, withdisappointment?
How do we think biblically,what's practical ways in which
the Bible can help us with thisreality?
Because since the beginning ofhuman existence, thousands and
thousands of years ago, in everygeneration there's been
(09:09):
disappointment.
So the Bible must speak on thisin some form or fashion, you
would think, and it does,through many, many commands and
many stories, talking aboutmajor disappointment, overcoming
this.
And I just want to think ofmaybe four or five practical
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ways in which the Bible tells ushow we can and what we can do
and implement in our lives thatwould help us as we deal with
and go through seasons and timesof disappointment in our lives.
The first thing that I think ofis being quick to pray.
The Apostle Paul tells us topray without ceasing, and I want
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to specifically focus in on notjust general disappointment.
But when someone that you love,someone that you care about,
someone that's close to you,someone that you admire,
somebody that you think is arole model, disappoints, how do
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you respond in your heart and inyour actions to that person?
In your heart and in youractions to that person?
And the first thing I would sayis be quick to pray.
A disappointed heart and agrieving heart produces some of
the greatest prayers.
Just take a jet tour throughthe Psalms and see the emotion
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of the psalmist expressinghimself in prayer, times of
disappointment, times ofgrieving.
And so be quick to pray.
One of the elders at my churchasks the question.
Often he says do you know wherethe best place for you to be is
?
Well, no, where he says insomeone's prayers, it is the
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best place to be is in someone'sprayers.
And so, when dealing withdisappointment, be quick to pray
.
Pray for the person, pray forthe situation.
Specifically, if your heart'sdisappointed, if you're grieving
, cry out to the Lord Prayers ofintercession.
The second thing that I canthink of do not conceal your
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disappointment.
Some people will never vocalizewhen they feel disappointed and
it's just internalized.
That's not healthy, that's notgood.
Now it doesn't mean you need toevery little thing that I mean
let's get back to realisticexpectations.
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But you have realisticexpectations that say you know
you do remember everyone's asinner.
You recognize that we live in afallen world and disappointment
comes your way, not that youwere looking for it, no, someone
did something to you and it hasled to your disappointment.
Do not conceal it.
We were not made to internalizeall of our emotions.
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God created us as emotivebeings to express emotion.
Some counsel that I've givensome people that find it hard to
express emotions Think about asoda bottle, maybe a two liter
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soda bottle and as wecontinually suppress and
internalize our emotions, ourfeelings, our disappointments,
it's like shaking up that sodabottle that's full of soda.
And you know what happens themore you shake it, the harder
the outside of the bottle getsand the more walls that we will
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build as we continue tointernalize emotions and
disappointment.
And it's a self-defensemechanism because internally
we're hurt but we're not wantingto show that.
So we get really hard, like thesoda bottle, and it comes to a
point where the more you shakeit up when it's time to open
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that cap to release some of thatemotion.
You can't just do it in alittle bit, and as the cap opens
, what's inside begins to fizzup and explode out of the top.
And what happens a lot of timesand I've seen it through much
pastoral counsel is that peoplethat internalize disappointments
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, emotions and they deal withthat without expressing it
somehow some way, they're likean exploding soda bottle and
everything comes out and it's amess.
We're not made to operate thatway, and so we need to have
those kind of pressure reliefvalves, so to speak, and we need
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to do this by first bringingour disappointments before the
Lord and not in a silent,meditative prayer.
Okay, I would.
If this is something youstruggle with internalizing all
(14:29):
of these things I wouldencourage you to pray privately,
but out loud, audibly, andspeak your emotional
difficulties, speak yourdisappointments vocally to God.
It's not the difference thatGod only hears you if you speak
or don't speak, but it makes adifference to you by you having
to take words and articulate it.
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It is helpful, it is a processof healing and overcoming and
dealing with disappointment.
So audible, private prayers tothe Lord, expressing your
disappointment in this situation, in this person, whatever it
might be, and let it be known toGod.
And this way you're castingyour burdens on him because he
(15:14):
cares for you.
This is what 1 Peter tells us,but not just that, and this is
where I want to be careful.
But if you are dealing withdisappointment, you're
concealing disappointment.
I want to be careful, but ifyou are dealing with
disappointment, you'reconcealing disappointment.
Share with someone close to you,have that confidant, or maybe
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it's your accountability partneror someone that you know you
can trust and that you can becompletely you with and you can
share your feelings.
It might be spouse to spouse,but maybe, if your spouse is
that disappointment, you mightneed to talk with someone else.
That's fine as well.
It's not gossiping, it's caringand needing that brother or
sister to come alongside you andhelp you in the process of
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dealing with disappointment.
Not only are we not tointernalize our emotions, we are
also not created to be alone.
God saw that Adam was on theearth, adam had perfect
fellowship with God, and stillGod said it is not good for man
to be alone.
And so it's not just yourone-on-one relationship with
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Jesus, it's also therelationships with others.
It is important that we candeal with disappointment in
community, together withbrothers and sisters.
So again, audible prayers to theLord, share with someone close
to you, someone that you trust,that you know isn't going to go
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turn this thing around, but justcan help you think through some
of your own disappointments andultimately, as Christians, what
we're supposed to do.
If there is an offense, ifthere is disappointment from a
brother or sister that isdirected towards us, we go to
that person.
We go to that person afterwe've gone through the pressure
(17:08):
relief valve, after we've spokenour disappointments audibly to
the Lord, after we have confidedin someone and been able to
process.
Then we need to talk to thatperson and say, hey, this is
what's happened and this iswhere I'm left and you know it
may or may not be a sin issue,but it still left you feeling a
(17:31):
certain way.
Talk to the person.
That's probably the hardest ofthe three steps, but do that and
help you deal with andunderstand and process and work
through disappointments,ultimately to resolution.
I know that was a long one notto conceal your disappointment.
I'm going to give you a couplemore.
Do not let disappointment inothers become sin in you.
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I'm reminded of what Paul saysin Ephesians, chapter 4.
Be angry and do not sin.
Do not let the sun go down onyour anger and give no
opportunity to the devil.
Now Paul's talking about anger,but I think it's safe to say
you know, be disappointed and donot sin.
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Do not allow yourdisappointment in a person, in a
person, in an action, anattitude, an event lead you to
sin.
Disappointment should not be thechannel to gossip.
Disappointment should not bethe avenue to despair.
(18:42):
Disappointment should not leadto bitterness, betrayal, malice,
hate, envy, strife.
Disappointment should lead usto prayer, should lead us to
compassionate hearts and adesire to treat others like
Jesus.
Don't allow your sadness, yourdisappointment, to cause you to
(19:05):
sin.
Do not kill that person thatdisappointed you in your mind.
Do not let a root of bitternesssprout up within you.
Later on, in Ephesians, chapter4, paul says let all bitterness
and wrath and anger and clamorand slander be put away from you
, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another,tenderhearted, forgiving one
(19:29):
another as God in.
Let that sink in.
That's verse 32 of Ephesians,chapter 4.
And that's the fourth thing Iwant to give Forgive, as you
have been forgiven and recognizethere will be times in your
life that you disappoint others.
(19:50):
You're only human Now.
That's not an excuse and weshould always be on guard to
seek to do well and do good toall people.
But the Christian ethic thosethat are following Jesus are
commanded to forgive one another, as God and Christ forgave you.
(20:12):
To withhold forgiveness is tolive anti-gospel.
To be a Christian who does notforgive is essentially claiming
Christ, but denying the power isessentially claiming Christ,
but denying the power God hasgiven you in Christ the ability
(20:36):
and the heart to forgive.
Christians are to be the mostforgiving people in the entire
world.
I think about small children.
I've learned so much fromlittle children, and one thing
as being a dad of five soon tobe seven is that children are
the most forgiving people I'veever met in my life.
So much so that I, you know,maybe I've gotten frustrated or
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I've spoke out in a way that Ishouldn't have to them.
Over some minor thing, I made abig deal because either I was
having a bad day or I was notthinking right.
I was wrong.
And I've gone to them and say,listen, I should not have
expressed myself in this way.
I need to repent and ask yourforgiveness.
And they try to justify myactions.
(21:24):
Oh no, dad, you know, we shouldhave done that.
I said no, I was wrong and Ineed your forgiveness.
And they never once.
They never once hesitate.
In fact, when they say Iforgive you, dad, they have
immediately buried the hatchet.
It doesn't exist anymore.
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They've never brought upanything that I've ever repented
to them of.
They've never brought it up tome a second time.
They've let it go.
They understand whatforgiveness is.
Then they put on their baseballmitts and say let's go outside
and play.
They want to have fellowshipagain.
(22:06):
Dealing with disappointmentforgive, as you've been forgiven
in your heart and in youractions.
And finally, and this kind ofcircle, back to realistic
expectations.
But when dealing withdisappointment, make sure that
that you idolize Jesus.
If anybody is going to be atthe top of your pecking order,
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the highest of people that youadmire, that you're a role model
that you look up to, that youhave the greatest expectations
of you, make sure that that isJesus and not fallen people.
The greatest of men can let youdown.
Nobody on this side of heavenis incapable of sinning, is
(22:57):
incapable of producingdisappointment in you and in
others.
Keep that in mind.
Advice I heard a long time ago,as I was wrestling with the call
to ministry and beginning topursue what the Lord was leading
me to into pastoral ministry.
(23:19):
I was listening to a sermon,living in my parents' basement,
young 20s, and John Piper waspreaching a sermon and he was
talking about his father and howmuch he loves his dad and how
much he cared for his dad.
And in his very he got to hiskind of an emotional state and
(23:44):
he said but my dad is not myhero.
That kind of took me back for asecond and he went on to
explain and he says no heroesuntil they die.
And I just want to stand inthat line and say to all of you
who are listening do not makeanybody your hero until they die
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.
You can have people you look upto, you can have people that
you admire, you can have peoplethat you seek to emulate in your
life, just as Paul says youdon't follow me as I follow
Christ.
But no heroes until they'redead.
And the reason why is becausewhen they die, you know how they
finish.
(24:27):
And all of us who desire to livea godly life, to follow Jesus,
the one, I believe, common traitof all of us is that we desire
to finish well, but we don'tknow how people are going to
finish, and there are plenty ofstories of people that ran a
good race.
There are plenty of stories ofpeople that ran a good race but
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did not finish well, and in thelast leg of the race they
faltered, they fell, theydisappointed many, and it has
forever tarnished and left amark on their legacy.
Make sure your heroes are dead.
Make sure they have fought thegood fight, they have finished
(25:17):
the race and that they havereceived the crown of life.
There are many people that areon my list of heroes, but I'm
just waiting for them to die.
See, that's a life worth living.
That's a life that not onlylived well and ran well, but
finished well.
That's how I want to go out too.
Keep that in mind as you wrestlewith disappointment in people
and know people will disappoint,but ultimately, remember this
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Jesus never fails, jesus neverdisappoints, Jesus exceeds the
greatest of our expectations,and when we see him on the other
side, he will be more lovely,more beautiful, more delightful
(26:07):
than we ever imagined, and so welook forward to that day, and
we look forward to beholding Himin a place where there is no
more disappointments.
But until then, let us learn tohandle disappointments well, in
a godly way that exalts Jesusand is faithful and true to
(26:27):
God's Word.
I want to thank you forlistening to the Pleasing God
podcast.
If you have any questions, Iwould love to hear from you.
You could reach out atquestions at
pleasinggodpodcastorg.
And remember 1 Thessalonians4.3,.
This is the will of God, yoursanctification.
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