Rediscovering yourself after divorce—especially during midlife and menopause—can feel overwhelming. When decades of partnership end, you're left asking: Who am I now? What do I really want? And if you're thinking about dating again, how do you navigate desire, boundaries, and intimacy in this completely new chapter?
Dr. Jasmonae Joyriel, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Ignite Anew, helps high-performing individuals and couples transform their relationships, friendships, and sex lives. A Spelman alumna with advanced degrees from Northwestern University and the University of Denver, she brings nearly a decade of experience across mental health centers, VA hospitals, and private practice. Specializing in how past experiences shape present needs, Dr. Joyriel offers a holistic, evidence-based, and embodied approach that goes beyond mindset to create mind-health. She delivers personalized therapy, couples work, and immersive retreats that empower clients to navigate sex, dating, friendships, and personal growth with depth and lasting fulfillment.
Highlights from our discussion include:
- Before entering the dating world, reconnect with who you are now—not who you were in your twenties or thirties. Explore what brings you to life, revisit shelved dreams, and give yourself permission to want what you truly desire. If you don't know how to date yourself, you can't authentically date someone else.
- You're ready when you're dating because it adds to your life (not anchors it), when you've identified your contribution to past relationship dynamics, and when you can articulate how you want to date—casually, for commitment, or somewhere in between. Dating should feel like "sprinkles on top," not the whole pie.
- Your values have likely evolved since your last relationship. Clarify what matters now: What does generosity look like in a partner? What inspires you versus deprives you? Defining these before dating ensures your compass points north every time.
- Menopause, body changes, and shifting desire call for a more expansive "erotic pantry." Move beyond penetrative sex to include sensual massage, kissing, touch, and varied forms of pleasure. Consent isn't binary—it's created fresh each time by asking, "What do I want to do today?"
- Have adult conversations about sexual health, testing, and relationship structures within the first few dates. Discuss these topics in non-sexual settings (over coffee, during a walk) so decisions aren't made in heated moments. Your safety and agency matter, and the right partner will respect that.
CONNECT WITH DR JASMONAE JOYRIEL:
CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:
The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.
Go to https://www.gabriellaespinosa.com/ to book a call.
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