April 10, 2025 • 37 mins
Breaking through the illusion of "leagues" in dating and relationships by understanding true confidence and self-worth. The concept of someone being "out of your league" is actually a mental barrier we create that limits our dating potential.
• Money doesn't determine compatibility - financial literacy and shared lifestyle values matter more
• Physical appearance becomes secondary when confidence and personality shine through
• Ambitious people attract other ambitious people - complacency can create relationship friction
• Confidence is contagious and makes others see your value beyond superficial qualities
• Self-perception determines your dating success more than external factors
• Timing matters - sometimes the wrong person at the right time can create unexpected connections
• Personal growth and development naturally attract the right people into your life
• The ultimate mindset shift: stop asking "Is she out of my league?" and start asking "Is she in MY league?"
Check out our social media platforms to join the conversation and share your experiences with dating "leagues" and confidence. We might do a live session dedicated to this topic!
Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc.
Keepingveteransfit.org
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
welcome to yet another episode pops and son
conversations.
It is your favorite silver fox,rob malloy and son is here.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Jayven aka check three times all right, man.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Hey, uh, it is april, it is financial literacy month,
and that's for.
That's not just pops and son,that's mama and them.
Yeah, that's your little sister, big sis, cousin, cousin Mama
and dad.
Yeah, so Financial LiteracyMonth, we've been talking about
(00:42):
a little bit of everything youknow some romance, some finance.
If you did not check the lastepisode, check that.
In fact, check it three times.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, that's right, let them know.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah, man, so we're going to keep it going.
Jay, what you thinking today?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah.
So for today's topic, it's agood one, just like the last one
.
If you missed it, you don'twant to miss it.
So today we're gonna go with umleagues.
Let's talk leagues.
Is she out of your league?
That's the question.
Is she out of your league?
Is she out of your league?
I don't, I don't wanna.
You know.
(01:23):
I ain't trying to make nobodyfeel no type of way.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
They're going to feel some type of way, man,
especially the ladies listeningto this one, because I know that
they want to be on the podcast.
I'm sure they got stories right.
You got stories.
I know that you want to sharethem and everything, and you
know what?
Just catch us on our socialmedia platforms and we can
actually talk about it.
We might do a live dedicated toif you know she's out of your
(01:48):
league or not.
Matter of fact, man, let'stable that man.
As far as using that for asocial media live or something
like that Signs that she's outof your league, I think that's a
good one, that would go crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, because I see you, you know you get that, uh,
that reaction from the ladies,like they'll be like, look at
you and look at me, make it makesense, and you're like, oh man,
that's cold, that's how youcrush your brother.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So it is now.
We're talking about when shedolled up and we're talking
about when she get out of bedbefore the lashes and all that.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Oh man, that's a.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
That's a good question that's a great question
that I still want to know it'sa song, it's go.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Uh why, when you take your makeup off, you don't look
the same?
Hey, man, it's a song.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I didn't make the song shout out to the all
naturales ladies, we, we loveyou.
Don't, don't feel so compelledto.
You know, go through all ofthat, because for some people
it's not an enhancement, it's atransformation oh, you know that
for a fact.
I'm not even capping, yeah yeah, it's facts yeah.
So what does, what does leagueeven really mean?
(03:01):
So we got to kind of definethat.
Uh, I guess for some let's,let's keep it superficial.
I I think it's fair to keep itsuperficial for every for, uh,
understanding purposes.
So league, uh, it can meanlooks, you know the aesthetics.
You talk about money, the money.
Uh, we can talk about status.
I mean, we start talking aboutwhy people pick on IG models so
(03:24):
much.
Why is that Like IG models insongs?
It's in topics all the time.
Leave them alone, man.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, leave them alone.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Leave them alone.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
They don't bother nobody.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Hey, they're using what they got what To get what
they want.
Man, who's mad at that?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
They're just posting photos.
Man, Just posting pics, that'sit.
Man who's mad at?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
that they're just posting photos.
Man, just posting pics, that'sit, man.
So you also got to talk aboutclout.
Yeah, that's a little bitdifferent, right, that's a
little bit different.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, all these qualifiers are different in
their own right.
We could really go in on that.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, yeah.
So let's go ahead and unpack it, man.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Leagues.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yeah, go ahead, yeah lee.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So when you talk about money, right, so is she
out of your league as far asmoney, financials?
I think that's, oh, man, that'skind of tough.
So I guess you know me.
I'm thinking like it kind ofwould be, and maybe not, but I I
don't know if that's asimportant for the guys, but I
(04:28):
know a lot of men feel stronglyabout it, um, because you know
they have a lot of men have anissue with a woman that is
making more, more money thanthem.
Um, for, for whatever reasons,I think some of the reasons is
just that there's maybe like alittle complex or a syndrome
(04:50):
that comes with when women arein the household and they feel
like I make the big bucks, I'mthe breadwinner.
They don't know necessarily howto lead with that the the same
way that men do.
So that could be a thing.
So if she's out of your leagueas far as money wise, um, I
(05:12):
think you probably will be ableto to tell that um pretty soon
on.
I don't know yeah, uh, money.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
You know that gets really interesting and it is.
It is a little layered because,again, if somebody makes a lot
of money or makes a substantialamount of money, it doesn't mean
that they're financiallyliterate.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
They may be bringing in 50K a month and spending
forty nine point, ninety, fivethousand a month.
So you, you, down to the fivedollars every 30th.
So again, you know, with itbeing financial literacy month,
(06:03):
you know, taking thatconsideration, you know, when
you talk about money, again, youhave to start adding some other
qualifiers, because making themoney, saving the money and
being good with your money, agood steward, is all three
different things, man.
(06:23):
So it also will depend onlifestyle, you know, when you
start talking about league,because some people that can
afford a certain lifestyle, butthey're minimalist, right.
So instead of having, you know,a high rise, 2.5 million, you
know they may be a little bitmore conservative but have that
(06:48):
money available.
They would rather have thatmoney available than tied up in
assets and a woman that may wanta little bit more luxury in her
lifestyle or looking for a manto help facilitate that, right,
they wouldn't be a good match.
(07:09):
If that's the only thing thatyou know.
They're looking at incommonality and that's kind of
where things get, you know, alittle tricky, because you have
to start looking at intentions.
You know, is this a person,someone that I want to come up?
Intentions, you know, is this aperson, someone that I want to
come up, or is this a personthat I want to actually connect
with and uh, and go from there?
(07:30):
Because, really, once you havethat connection, you start
looking at other things outsideof of, uh, the superficial and
the materialistic that we talkedabout before.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, so so she might .
She might not be out of yourleague.
Money wise, yeah, she might not.
But what about?
What about looks, though?
Man, she looks is.
Looks is different, becauseI've heard women say that they
want an ugly dude.
They'll be like and they'll be.
They'll be good looking, it'sgood looking women out here
(08:02):
saying I prefer ugly guys.
That's.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
I'm not making this up, no, that's been going on,
man, for centuries.
Man that you know, hey uglyguys, if that is what they truly
mean, right, because, come on,man, like, if he is quote
unquote an ugly guy, then he hasto have some other qualifiers
right, and a lot of times itcould be like we had mentioned,
(08:28):
you know, uh could be money,like there's a lot of ugly dudes
, they got some fine women rightthough, right, they can't get
them up.
And yes, of course, you knowthey go through their little
phase where you know I'm tired,I'm tired of dating potential.
You know they go through theirlittle phase where you know I'm
tired, I'm tired of datingpotential.
You know they want a man who,you know, all the fine man ain't
(08:51):
got their ish together, as theysay.
So they looking for somebodythat is stable and can help them
again.
You know, facilitate thatlifestyle, maybe upgrade or
maybe maintain, that's it.
So it has to be some otherstuff going on man Status,
ambition.
I think ambition.
(09:12):
Let's deal with that real quickso we can move on.
Yeah, I do think that that issomething that it should be a
non-negotiable.
The person that you areconsidering to get to know has
to be ambitious.
It has to be because either youneed some motivation and
(09:34):
inspiration and you know, haveaccess to that or they have to
be.
You know, somebody who was, whowas coachable or can be
motivated, but somebody that'sjust negative all the time and
not trying to themselves or notgrow and develop.
(09:55):
That's that's always going to bea problem and that's not even
in the relationship aspect.
That's just friendship.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, who you surround yourself with.
If you're not surroundingyourself, that's a good point.
Friends, even um, you know youwant ambitious people.
Anything less than that is isgoing to feel like a drawback.
That's not going to be goodenergy.
Now they could also be um, youknow, it doesn't have to be
(10:23):
negative.
There are some people that arecomplacent, right, so maybe
they're not as ambitious, butthey feel like they've done
everything they needed to do andthey good where they are at.
And that can also be a point ofcontention when you know you
have somebody that is ambitiousand wants more, like they're not
cool with where they are rightnow.
(10:43):
They want more.
So, yeah, I see a clash there.
But ambition when it comes tosaying you know, is she out of
your league?
Man brother, you need to be themost ambitious.
I just don't see a reason, youknow, not to be.
(11:04):
You know the way I feel about itis like we got this one life
that we live in.
If you don't want to maximizeeverything that you can.
That's just how I think aboutit.
Everybody has a differentphilosophy, but I think you
should be at least putting yourbest foot forward to try to
(11:25):
attain the things that you wantfor yourself.
Now, only you can determinethat, and so I guess it kind of
gets.
I don't want to sound judgybecause hey, maybe you know, is
there some people that don'twant the big house or the nice
(11:46):
car and things like that.
So you really just have todetermine that for yourself.
But honestly, there's alwaysgoing to be signs.
Oftentimes you can tell when aperson isn't meeting up to their
ambitions because it createsresentment in that person.
That's when you get the personthat's saying that's making
excuses all the time for whythey don't have what they don't
(12:07):
have.
Ooh man, yeah, that's it rightthere.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's some bars, man .
I like where you went there.
And let's actually pivot alittle bit and talk about A
person being, you know,confident.
You know, when you starttalking about a lead, you know
that is a little bit moreassertive.
(12:31):
But when you build thatconfidence and you know that,
(12:53):
hey, you know what I'm a goodguy.
You know I bring a lot to thetable as far as who I am as a
person.
Just get to know me and we can,you know, find that out.
She's going to feed off of thatenergy and she's going to
respect that energy, right?
So, even if your looks aren't upto par and I hate hearing this,
but I hear this a lot women arelike well, you know, he wasn't
(13:14):
really that cute, but hisconfidence made him cute.
Girl, what you talking to likethat right, watch your mouth.
But they, they say that.
I mean and I think that is auniversal thing when you see
confidence, it kind of it givesa person some extra points,
right, because, uh, you know,you've seen attractive women
(13:37):
that are like super shy andintroverted.
You're like girl, what's wrongwith you?
You're fine, you should besmiling and happy, as you find
that's a good point.
Yeah, you would think, youwould think, but it doesn't
always work like that.
But I also think the confidenceis it's contagious, right,
(13:59):
because when you're withsomebody who is confident, that
kind of brings your energy up.
You know, I'm with them, theywith me you know, up You're like
yo, I'm with them, they with me.
Let's also bring this to aforefront the less aesthetically
attractive men.
When they walk in the room witha fine woman, the fine women
(14:24):
are looking at him.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
He got a chance.
Now, I don't know what theythink.
In my professional and personalopinion mixed together, hybrid,
it's because they're thinkingokay.
So what is it about this man?
You know especially she walkingin and she's smiling and she
catering to him and wipingsomething off his lips and
(14:47):
holding on to him and wipingsome office his lips and and
holding on to him tight Likethey had to.
They like wait a minute.
There's gotta be somethingabout this brother Gotcha Just
making her feel like she oncloud nine the way she ain't
even looking at him in his, hisaesthetics.
That may be a littlechallenging.
He might be, you know, a littlechubby or complexion ain't all
(15:07):
that great and you know, areceded hairline, but but you
know, he, confident though, andhe, he's created the best
version of himself because thisis what he has created.
This is his, I was personalizedand he knows how to make her
(15:28):
feel good, you know, he knowshow to encourage her, he knows
how to make sure she feelsprotected and led and provided
for.
So that alone, man, that'sgoing to bump up, that's going
to bump up some points on your,on your personal Richter scale
man.
So get you up there on your, uh, on your personal richter scale
man, it's gonna get you upthere yeah, I think that you
(15:50):
mentioned the uh, the bestversion of yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
That's a.
That's a big key, right?
Because, uh, no matter whatyour condition is, your
confidence is only going to domore for you, as opposed to not
having that Anything less isonly going to work against you,
right?
If you already feel like yougot these negative stigmas on
(16:20):
you, or maybe you got a baldingspot or you overweight or
whatever the case, is thatconfidence a lot of times, like
you said, it can shine brightenough that it's not even
noticed Like that's, that's noteven you know the focus, right,
you gotta, you gotta be able tohave that, that amount of
(16:42):
charisma that's going to say,yeah, I mean, this is me, this
is me, right.
And not necessarily being a takeit or leave it type of stance,
but just understanding yourselfand owning who you truly are and
knowing once again that youknow there's nothing I'm going
(17:04):
to change about me.
I like who, I like how I am, Ilike who I am and, hey, at the
end of the day, it's somebodyout there right that is going to
respect and want to be in mypresence and want to appreciate
everything I have to offer.
You never down yourself orspeak lowly of yourself.
(17:28):
I hate to hear people do that.
I'm not an advocate of even youknow.
I don't even say like, like, Idon't think nobody should like.
Why are you calling yourselfugly?
Like you?
There should be nobody that'ssaying I'm ugly.
That sounds crazy to me.
You should look at yourself andbelieve in yourself as the
(17:49):
masterpiece and the version ofyou that you are, no matter what
society or whatever the outsidestuff says.
Because, hey, man, we are humanat the end of the day and we
got to walk this walk.
We got to live our life andnobody deserves to feel you know
whatever type of way aboutsomething they don't even have
the power to change.
You know, so be confident inwho you are.
(18:11):
That's yeah, that's, that's a,that's a good one.
Right there, confidence is key,always, always can never go
wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
That's a fact.
Now we're talking about is sheout of your league?
Now, of course, you know that'skind of like a buzz statement,
you know, uh, depends on how youfeel about things, but I do
want to talk about, you know,compatibility versus actual
fantasy.
So when I say, uh, you know, isshe out of your league?
(18:40):
You know there's some guys thatain't doing nothing Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Let's listen.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
You ain't doing nothing.
You don't really want nothing,right?
But you know how to identifyand find ambitious, beautiful
women.
Like you ever see a dude thathe gets shot down all the time
but all he goes for is the toptier women.
Like that's all he goes for,yeah but all he goes for is the
(19:08):
top tier women, like that's allhe goes for.
His standard is is so high thatit doesn't even necessarily
match what he has going on.
But I'm going to tell yousomething about that, though
that's that's.
That's a dangerous guy, becauseguess what man?
He don't care about the nose,he, he, he don't care about the
nose, but he is literallyrunning the numbers Right.
(19:28):
So you talking to 20, 25 highperformance, ambitious women a
day, at some point you won't getone.
You got to bite, if you will.
Hey, this is as real as it'sgoing to get, right, somebody
going to bite.
And let me tell you why.
The woman is going to bite, jay, because of where she's at.
(19:49):
Either she just went throughsomething, she just got out of
something, or she in the middleof it.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So that joke is going to catch her at the right time,
to where she's going to have alistening ear to what this fool
has to say.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Right Timing is everything.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
And let's be clear, man, the wrong person at the
right time is a dangeroussituation.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
That's a recipe for disaster, huh.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Every single time.
Hey, they say the right personcan't say the wrong thing, man,
but the wrong person can say theright thing.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yes indeed.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
You know, and that's wild.
So talk a little bit about thatman and how you feel people
kind of do get linked up.
That are true mismatches.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yeah, that's a good one.
So it can happen in so manydifferent ways, like the
scenario you just gave.
But I think what is importantand I kind of spoke about this
on the last pod as well is justabout the alignment factor right
, factor right, um.
(21:10):
So you don't, you don't evenhave to.
Of course, you know there needsto be a vetting process, but
you can escape some of thosehorror stories if you kind of,
um, look more into what thecompatible, compatible, the true
compatibility levels, right,what the alignment really is.
So, when we talk about leads,you know, when we talk about all
(21:33):
these different qualifiers, youknow, fellas, you've got to ask
yourself, you know, if youchasing something that you are
ready to handle.
You know, can you handle thatRight?
Are you disciplined enough?
You know, goal driven we talkedabout the uh, the ambitions.
(21:54):
You know, do you have youremotions in order with the
maturity and the intelligence?
You know, can you support thatwoman?
Can you match the energy, asthey like to say?
Yeah, I need a, I need, I needa man?
Can you match the energy asthey like to say?
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I need a man that's going to match my energy.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
That's what they say.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
And if not, then okay , can you consider that out of
your league, right?
I don't know, I just, you know,as we talk about this, I really
just I'm like the whole leaguething, you know, as, as, as we
talk about this, I really justI'm like the the whole league
thing, you know, you can reallykind of just see it as as um, a
construct, you know what I mean.
(22:37):
That's a barrier that we justthat, you know, as a man we just
place, because at the end ofthe day it's it's no woman.
That's really out your league,right.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Because we just literally went through
everything.
All right, the ugly guys, youcould get them Right.
The fat guys, you could getthem right.
You know there's nobody outyour league, but it's about it
starts with you and how you seeyourself.
Yeah, that's good.
(23:07):
Once you conquer that, there'sno woman that's going to be out
your league because you're goingto find you see the value in
yourself, right, and even youknow you spoke a little bit
about the shy woman and maybethat's a little indication, the
shy woman and maybe that's alittle indication that maybe
(23:29):
she's not manifesting her fullvalue or she don't see the
complete value in herself andthat's why she looks so good,
but she's shy, she's timid, he'snot completely aware because,
hey, whether it's by way of justnot discovering that true value
(23:50):
in yourself, or maybe you'vebeen devalued in the past and
now you just don't really fullycome to that potential.
But as men, as brothers, that'sthe first thing we got to work
(24:10):
on.
You work on, uh, understandingyour value right and not even
necessarily just saying likevalue in the dating marketplace,
but just value overall.
So we named all those thingsabout the um, the financials.
We named those things about thestatus, the clout, the ambition
, right, check, make you know,check into all of these things
and see if they're on the levelthat you think they need to be
on, and then double check andsee if they're on the level of
(24:33):
the woman that you want topursue, and I don't even really
want to say pursue, because youknow that's not even what we
really really own, right, it'sreally about attracting.
So, really, when you figure outall those values, you got
(24:55):
everything in order.
Yeah, there's not even a worryabout if the woman is out of
your league, right, because youhave.
It's like you got a littlemagnet on you, you just pulling
them in.
Now you just like, all right,is she in my league?
Right?
It flips, the question flips onitself.
(25:17):
So I think, you know, as men, wekind of got to just understand
and really find them.
And it's hard too, you knowit's hard because there's so
much working against us as blackmen that's telling us that you
know, we're not worth such andsuch and we don't do this, we're
not good providers and we, youknow, just a whole bunch of
(25:38):
noise.
It's only noise to distract youfrom, like I said, how you see
yourself and how you see us.
Because when we think about itas a community, as Black men,
yeah, one Black man doesn'trepresent the whole of the race
(25:58):
of Black men, but you got tounderstand that what you see can
be internalized, and then youtake that in and you think
that's you know.
You take on that persona of theand you, and you think that's
you know, you.
You take on that persona of theblack man because you think
that's you know, that's what yousee black men described as
right.
So you got to change that upand and and and re-envision how
(26:19):
you see yourself after that.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Amen, it's, it's, it's home runs after that I
think that you really hit thenail on the head.
Definitely, it's about levelingup personal growth and
development and not reallyworrying about leagues, because
if you're putting in the work,then you will attract.
(26:42):
You'll attract everything thatyou deserve, but you also will
attract some things that youhave to discern and make great
decisions.
So if you're constantly astudent in life and you want to
improve, then those are going tobe some key things, along with
mentorship and finding a solidtribe.
This is also going to keep youaccountable and responsible.
(27:05):
Also going to keep youaccountable and responsible, and
that's that's the key to having, you know, an amazing point of
view and an amazing journey,because you'll understand that
it's all.
It's all about growth.
You know, it's all about growth, impact and man that was that
was pretty good man.
(27:26):
We we may have to revisit thisagain, but what I do want is I
want to make sure that you knowthe listeners out there are
going to our social media andactually giving us some feedback
on topics like these, becausewe know that the guys need it,
but also think that it's equallyas important that the ladies
(27:50):
see that we address these thingsright, because I think that we
put together some solid bulletpoints and you know some just
great dialogue and perspectiveabout just the theory of
somebody being out of.
You know your league.
You know again.
You know we said that it waskind of like a buzz topic type
(28:12):
of thing, but we know that thereis somebody for everybody.
And then we also know that youcan level up.
You know, even if you're notthere where you want to be, you
can level up.
You know, even if you're notthere where you want to be, you
can level up.
And once you do that, a lot ofopportunities and doors will
(28:35):
really open up for you, becausenow you're able to contribute
properly and you're able to, youknow, receive properly.
And those are going to be somekeys, man, when we start talking
about just finding people,whether it be your tribe,
whether it be companionship,whether it be just being a
better person all around, that'swhat's going to get you there.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
That's it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
So, look, continue to rock with us.
We appreciate you guys.
Look, if you missed lastepisode, go check it out.
If you missed the episodebefore that, check it out.
But just know that we've puttogether a great month of topics
and subjects and just someencouragement, because we want
(29:22):
everybody to do better.
Do better physically,financially, spiritually,
emotionally.
But April is dedicated tofinancial literacy, and so we'll
continue to talk about that.
We even have some, you know,some tips on on some things that
you can do to improve yourselfprofessionally and create family
(29:43):
legacy.
So, with that being said, hey,we'll see you guys.
Next episode.
Pops and Son Conversations.
It is your favorite, silver Fox, rob Malloy.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
And the son here check three times.
We appreciate you guys forlistening.
Until next time, peace we out.
welcome to yet another episode pops and son
conversations.
It is your favorite silver fox,rob malloy and son is here.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Jayven aka check three times all right, man.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Hey, uh, it is april, it is financial literacy month,
and that's for.
That's not just pops and son,that's mama and them.
Yeah, that's your little sister, big sis, cousin, cousin Mama
and dad.
Yeah, so Financial LiteracyMonth, we've been talking about
(00:42):
a little bit of everything youknow some romance, some finance.
If you did not check the lastepisode, check that.
In fact, check it three times.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, that's right, let them know.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah, man, so we're going to keep it going.
Jay, what you thinking today?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah.
So for today's topic, it's agood one, just like the last one
.
If you missed it, you don'twant to miss it.
So today we're gonna go with umleagues.
Let's talk leagues.
Is she out of your league?
That's the question.
Is she out of your league?
Is she out of your league?
I don't, I don't wanna.
You know.
(01:23):
I ain't trying to make nobodyfeel no type of way.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
They're going to feel some type of way, man,
especially the ladies listeningto this one, because I know that
they want to be on the podcast.
I'm sure they got stories right.
You got stories.
I know that you want to sharethem and everything, and you
know what?
Just catch us on our socialmedia platforms and we can
actually talk about it.
We might do a live dedicated toif you know she's out of your
(01:48):
league or not.
Matter of fact, man, let'stable that man.
As far as using that for asocial media live or something
like that Signs that she's outof your league, I think that's a
good one, that would go crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, because I see you, you know you get that, uh,
that reaction from the ladies,like they'll be like, look at
you and look at me, make it makesense, and you're like, oh man,
that's cold, that's how youcrush your brother.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So it is now.
We're talking about when shedolled up and we're talking
about when she get out of bedbefore the lashes and all that.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Oh man, that's a.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
That's a good question that's a great question
that I still want to know it'sa song, it's go.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Uh why, when you take your makeup off, you don't look
the same?
Hey, man, it's a song.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I didn't make the song shout out to the all
naturales ladies, we, we loveyou.
Don't, don't feel so compelledto.
You know, go through all ofthat, because for some people
it's not an enhancement, it's atransformation oh, you know that
for a fact.
I'm not even capping, yeah yeah, it's facts yeah.
So what does, what does leagueeven really mean?
(03:01):
So we got to kind of definethat.
Uh, I guess for some let's,let's keep it superficial.
I I think it's fair to keep itsuperficial for every for, uh,
understanding purposes.
So league, uh, it can meanlooks, you know the aesthetics.
You talk about money, the money.
Uh, we can talk about status.
I mean, we start talking aboutwhy people pick on IG models so
(03:24):
much.
Why is that Like IG models insongs?
It's in topics all the time.
Leave them alone, man.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, leave them alone.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Leave them alone.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
They don't bother nobody.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Hey, they're using what they got what To get what
they want.
Man, who's mad at that?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
They're just posting photos.
Man, Just posting pics, that'sit.
Man who's mad at?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
that they're just posting photos.
Man, just posting pics, that'sit, man.
So you also got to talk aboutclout.
Yeah, that's a little bitdifferent, right, that's a
little bit different.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, all these qualifiers are different in
their own right.
We could really go in on that.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, yeah.
So let's go ahead and unpack it, man.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Leagues.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yeah, go ahead, yeah lee.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So when you talk about money, right, so is she
out of your league as far asmoney, financials?
I think that's, oh, man, that'skind of tough.
So I guess you know me.
I'm thinking like it kind ofwould be, and maybe not, but I I
don't know if that's asimportant for the guys, but I
(04:28):
know a lot of men feel stronglyabout it, um, because you know
they have a lot of men have anissue with a woman that is
making more, more money thanthem.
Um, for, for whatever reasons,I think some of the reasons is
just that there's maybe like alittle complex or a syndrome
(04:50):
that comes with when women arein the household and they feel
like I make the big bucks, I'mthe breadwinner.
They don't know necessarily howto lead with that the the same
way that men do.
So that could be a thing.
So if she's out of your leagueas far as money wise, um, I
(05:12):
think you probably will be ableto to tell that um pretty soon
on.
I don't know yeah, uh, money.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
You know that gets really interesting and it is.
It is a little layered because,again, if somebody makes a lot
of money or makes a substantialamount of money, it doesn't mean
that they're financiallyliterate.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
They may be bringing in 50K a month and spending
forty nine point, ninety, fivethousand a month.
So you, you, down to the fivedollars every 30th.
So again, you know, with itbeing financial literacy month,
(06:03):
you know, taking thatconsideration, you know, when
you talk about money, again, youhave to start adding some other
qualifiers, because making themoney, saving the money and
being good with your money, agood steward, is all three
different things, man.
(06:23):
So it also will depend onlifestyle, you know, when you
start talking about league,because some people that can
afford a certain lifestyle, butthey're minimalist, right.
So instead of having, you know,a high rise, 2.5 million, you
know they may be a little bitmore conservative but have that
(06:48):
money available.
They would rather have thatmoney available than tied up in
assets and a woman that may wanta little bit more luxury in her
lifestyle or looking for a manto help facilitate that, right,
they wouldn't be a good match.
(07:09):
If that's the only thing thatyou know.
They're looking at incommonality and that's kind of
where things get, you know, alittle tricky, because you have
to start looking at intentions.
You know, is this a person,someone that I want to come up?
Intentions, you know, is this aperson, someone that I want to
come up, or is this a personthat I want to actually connect
with and uh, and go from there?
(07:30):
Because, really, once you havethat connection, you start
looking at other things outsideof of, uh, the superficial and
the materialistic that we talkedabout before.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, so so she might .
She might not be out of yourleague.
Money wise, yeah, she might not.
But what about?
What about looks, though?
Man, she looks is.
Looks is different, becauseI've heard women say that they
want an ugly dude.
They'll be like and they'll be.
They'll be good looking, it'sgood looking women out here
(08:02):
saying I prefer ugly guys.
That's.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
I'm not making this up, no, that's been going on,
man, for centuries.
Man that you know, hey uglyguys, if that is what they truly
mean, right, because, come on,man, like, if he is quote
unquote an ugly guy, then he hasto have some other qualifiers
right, and a lot of times itcould be like we had mentioned,
(08:28):
you know, uh could be money,like there's a lot of ugly dudes
, they got some fine women rightthough, right, they can't get
them up.
And yes, of course, you knowthey go through their little
phase where you know I'm tired,I'm tired of dating potential.
You know they go through theirlittle phase where you know I'm
tired, I'm tired of datingpotential.
You know they want a man who,you know, all the fine man ain't
(08:51):
got their ish together, as theysay.
So they looking for somebodythat is stable and can help them
again.
You know, facilitate thatlifestyle, maybe upgrade or
maybe maintain, that's it.
So it has to be some otherstuff going on man Status,
ambition.
I think ambition.
(09:12):
Let's deal with that real quickso we can move on.
Yeah, I do think that that issomething that it should be a
non-negotiable.
The person that you areconsidering to get to know has
to be ambitious.
It has to be because either youneed some motivation and
(09:34):
inspiration and you know, haveaccess to that or they have to
be.
You know, somebody who was, whowas coachable or can be
motivated, but somebody that'sjust negative all the time and
not trying to themselves or notgrow and develop.
(09:55):
That's that's always going to bea problem and that's not even
in the relationship aspect.
That's just friendship.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, who you surround yourself with.
If you're not surroundingyourself, that's a good point.
Friends, even um, you know youwant ambitious people.
Anything less than that is isgoing to feel like a drawback.
That's not going to be goodenergy.
Now they could also be um, youknow, it doesn't have to be
(10:23):
negative.
There are some people that arecomplacent, right, so maybe
they're not as ambitious, butthey feel like they've done
everything they needed to do andthey good where they are at.
And that can also be a point ofcontention when you know you
have somebody that is ambitiousand wants more, like they're not
cool with where they are rightnow.
(10:43):
They want more.
So, yeah, I see a clash there.
But ambition when it comes tosaying you know, is she out of
your league?
Man brother, you need to be themost ambitious.
I just don't see a reason, youknow, not to be.
(11:04):
You know the way I feel about itis like we got this one life
that we live in.
If you don't want to maximizeeverything that you can.
That's just how I think aboutit.
Everybody has a differentphilosophy, but I think you
should be at least putting yourbest foot forward to try to
(11:25):
attain the things that you wantfor yourself.
Now, only you can determinethat, and so I guess it kind of
gets.
I don't want to sound judgybecause hey, maybe you know, is
there some people that don'twant the big house or the nice
(11:46):
car and things like that.
So you really just have todetermine that for yourself.
But honestly, there's alwaysgoing to be signs.
Oftentimes you can tell when aperson isn't meeting up to their
ambitions because it createsresentment in that person.
That's when you get the personthat's saying that's making
excuses all the time for whythey don't have what they don't
(12:07):
have.
Ooh man, yeah, that's it rightthere.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's some bars, man .
I like where you went there.
And let's actually pivot alittle bit and talk about A
person being, you know,confident.
You know, when you starttalking about a lead, you know
that is a little bit moreassertive.
(12:31):
But when you build thatconfidence and you know that,
(12:53):
hey, you know what I'm a goodguy.
You know I bring a lot to thetable as far as who I am as a
person.
Just get to know me and we can,you know, find that out.
She's going to feed off of thatenergy and she's going to
respect that energy, right?
So, even if your looks aren't upto par and I hate hearing this,
but I hear this a lot women arelike well, you know, he wasn't
(13:14):
really that cute, but hisconfidence made him cute.
Girl, what you talking to likethat right, watch your mouth.
But they, they say that.
I mean and I think that is auniversal thing when you see
confidence, it kind of it givesa person some extra points,
right, because, uh, you know,you've seen attractive women
(13:37):
that are like super shy andintroverted.
You're like girl, what's wrongwith you?
You're fine, you should besmiling and happy, as you find
that's a good point.
Yeah, you would think, youwould think, but it doesn't
always work like that.
But I also think the confidenceis it's contagious, right,
(13:59):
because when you're withsomebody who is confident, that
kind of brings your energy up.
You know, I'm with them, theywith me you know, up You're like
yo, I'm with them, they with me.
Let's also bring this to aforefront the less aesthetically
attractive men.
When they walk in the room witha fine woman, the fine women
(14:24):
are looking at him.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
He got a chance.
Now, I don't know what theythink.
In my professional and personalopinion mixed together, hybrid,
it's because they're thinkingokay.
So what is it about this man?
You know especially she walkingin and she's smiling and she
catering to him and wipingsomething off his lips and
(14:47):
holding on to him and wipingsome office his lips and and
holding on to him tight Likethey had to.
They like wait a minute.
There's gotta be somethingabout this brother Gotcha Just
making her feel like she oncloud nine the way she ain't
even looking at him in his, hisaesthetics.
That may be a littlechallenging.
He might be, you know, a littlechubby or complexion ain't all
(15:07):
that great and you know, areceded hairline, but but you
know, he, confident though, andhe, he's created the best
version of himself because thisis what he has created.
This is his, I was personalizedand he knows how to make her
(15:28):
feel good, you know, he knowshow to encourage her, he knows
how to make sure she feelsprotected and led and provided
for.
So that alone, man, that'sgoing to bump up, that's going
to bump up some points on your,on your personal Richter scale
man.
So get you up there on your, uh, on your personal richter scale
man, it's gonna get you upthere yeah, I think that you
(15:50):
mentioned the uh, the bestversion of yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
That's a.
That's a big key, right?
Because, uh, no matter whatyour condition is, your
confidence is only going to domore for you, as opposed to not
having that Anything less isonly going to work against you,
right?
If you already feel like yougot these negative stigmas on
(16:20):
you, or maybe you got a baldingspot or you overweight or
whatever the case, is thatconfidence a lot of times, like
you said, it can shine brightenough that it's not even
noticed Like that's, that's noteven you know the focus, right,
you gotta, you gotta be able tohave that, that amount of
(16:42):
charisma that's going to say,yeah, I mean, this is me, this
is me, right.
And not necessarily being a takeit or leave it type of stance,
but just understanding yourselfand owning who you truly are and
knowing once again that youknow there's nothing I'm going
(17:04):
to change about me.
I like who, I like how I am, Ilike who I am and, hey, at the
end of the day, it's somebodyout there right that is going to
respect and want to be in mypresence and want to appreciate
everything I have to offer.
You never down yourself orspeak lowly of yourself.
(17:28):
I hate to hear people do that.
I'm not an advocate of even youknow.
I don't even say like, like, Idon't think nobody should like.
Why are you calling yourselfugly?
Like you?
There should be nobody that'ssaying I'm ugly.
That sounds crazy to me.
You should look at yourself andbelieve in yourself as the
(17:49):
masterpiece and the version ofyou that you are, no matter what
society or whatever the outsidestuff says.
Because, hey, man, we are humanat the end of the day and we
got to walk this walk.
We got to live our life andnobody deserves to feel you know
whatever type of way aboutsomething they don't even have
the power to change.
You know, so be confident inwho you are.
(18:11):
That's yeah, that's, that's a,that's a good one.
Right there, confidence is key,always, always can never go
wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
That's a fact.
Now we're talking about is sheout of your league?
Now, of course, you know that'skind of like a buzz statement,
you know, uh, depends on how youfeel about things, but I do
want to talk about, you know,compatibility versus actual
fantasy.
So when I say, uh, you know, isshe out of your league?
(18:40):
You know there's some guys thatain't doing nothing Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Let's listen.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
You ain't doing nothing.
You don't really want nothing,right?
But you know how to identifyand find ambitious, beautiful
women.
Like you ever see a dude thathe gets shot down all the time
but all he goes for is the toptier women.
Like that's all he goes for,yeah but all he goes for is the
(19:08):
top tier women, like that's allhe goes for.
His standard is is so high thatit doesn't even necessarily
match what he has going on.
But I'm going to tell yousomething about that, though
that's that's.
That's a dangerous guy, becauseguess what man?
He don't care about the nose,he, he, he don't care about the
nose, but he is literallyrunning the numbers Right.
(19:28):
So you talking to 20, 25 highperformance, ambitious women a
day, at some point you won't getone.
You got to bite, if you will.
Hey, this is as real as it'sgoing to get, right, somebody
going to bite.
And let me tell you why.
The woman is going to bite, jay, because of where she's at.
(19:49):
Either she just went throughsomething, she just got out of
something, or she in the middleof it.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So that joke is going to catch her at the right time,
to where she's going to have alistening ear to what this fool
has to say.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Right Timing is everything.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
And let's be clear, man, the wrong person at the
right time is a dangeroussituation.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
That's a recipe for disaster, huh.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Every single time.
Hey, they say the right personcan't say the wrong thing, man,
but the wrong person can say theright thing.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yes indeed.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
You know, and that's wild.
So talk a little bit about thatman and how you feel people
kind of do get linked up.
That are true mismatches.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yeah, that's a good one.
So it can happen in so manydifferent ways, like the
scenario you just gave.
But I think what is importantand I kind of spoke about this
on the last pod as well is justabout the alignment factor right
, factor right, um.
(21:10):
So you don't, you don't evenhave to.
Of course, you know there needsto be a vetting process, but
you can escape some of thosehorror stories if you kind of,
um, look more into what thecompatible, compatible, the true
compatibility levels, right,what the alignment really is.
So, when we talk about leads,you know, when we talk about all
(21:33):
these different qualifiers, youknow, fellas, you've got to ask
yourself, you know, if youchasing something that you are
ready to handle.
You know, can you handle thatRight?
Are you disciplined enough?
You know, goal driven we talkedabout the uh, the ambitions.
(21:54):
You know, do you have youremotions in order with the
maturity and the intelligence?
You know, can you support thatwoman?
Can you match the energy, asthey like to say?
Yeah, I need a, I need, I needa man?
Can you match the energy asthey like to say?
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I need a man that's going to match my energy.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
That's what they say.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
And if not, then okay , can you consider that out of
your league, right?
I don't know, I just, you know,as we talk about this, I really
just I'm like the whole leaguething, you know, as, as, as we
talk about this, I really justI'm like the the whole league
thing, you know, you can reallykind of just see it as as um, a
construct, you know what I mean.
(22:37):
That's a barrier that we justthat, you know, as a man we just
place, because at the end ofthe day it's it's no woman.
That's really out your league,right.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Because we just literally went through
everything.
All right, the ugly guys, youcould get them Right.
The fat guys, you could getthem right.
You know there's nobody outyour league, but it's about it
starts with you and how you seeyourself.
Yeah, that's good.
(23:07):
Once you conquer that, there'sno woman that's going to be out
your league because you're goingto find you see the value in
yourself, right, and even youknow you spoke a little bit
about the shy woman and maybethat's a little indication, the
shy woman and maybe that's alittle indication that maybe
(23:29):
she's not manifesting her fullvalue or she don't see the
complete value in herself andthat's why she looks so good,
but she's shy, she's timid, he'snot completely aware because,
hey, whether it's by way of justnot discovering that true value
(23:50):
in yourself, or maybe you'vebeen devalued in the past and
now you just don't really fullycome to that potential.
But as men, as brothers, that'sthe first thing we got to work
(24:10):
on.
You work on, uh, understandingyour value right and not even
necessarily just saying likevalue in the dating marketplace,
but just value overall.
So we named all those thingsabout the um, the financials.
We named those things about thestatus, the clout, the ambition
, right, check, make you know,check into all of these things
and see if they're on the levelthat you think they need to be
on, and then double check andsee if they're on the level of
(24:33):
the woman that you want topursue, and I don't even really
want to say pursue, because youknow that's not even what we
really really own, right, it'sreally about attracting.
So, really, when you figure outall those values, you got
(24:55):
everything in order.
Yeah, there's not even a worryabout if the woman is out of
your league, right, because youhave.
It's like you got a littlemagnet on you, you just pulling
them in.
Now you just like, all right,is she in my league?
Right?
It flips, the question flips onitself.
(25:17):
So I think, you know, as men, wekind of got to just understand
and really find them.
And it's hard too, you knowit's hard because there's so
much working against us as blackmen that's telling us that you
know, we're not worth such andsuch and we don't do this, we're
not good providers and we, youknow, just a whole bunch of
(25:38):
noise.
It's only noise to distract youfrom, like I said, how you see
yourself and how you see us.
Because when we think about itas a community, as Black men,
yeah, one Black man doesn'trepresent the whole of the race
(25:58):
of Black men, but you got tounderstand that what you see can
be internalized, and then youtake that in and you think
that's you know.
You take on that persona of theand you, and you think that's
you know, you.
You take on that persona of theblack man because you think
that's you know, that's what yousee black men described as
right.
So you got to change that upand and and and re-envision how
(26:19):
you see yourself after that.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Amen, it's, it's, it's home runs after that I
think that you really hit thenail on the head.
Definitely, it's about levelingup personal growth and
development and not reallyworrying about leagues, because
if you're putting in the work,then you will attract.
(26:42):
You'll attract everything thatyou deserve, but you also will
attract some things that youhave to discern and make great
decisions.
So if you're constantly astudent in life and you want to
improve, then those are going tobe some key things, along with
mentorship and finding a solidtribe.
This is also going to keep youaccountable and responsible.
(27:05):
Also going to keep youaccountable and responsible, and
that's that's the key to having, you know, an amazing point of
view and an amazing journey,because you'll understand that
it's all.
It's all about growth.
You know, it's all about growth, impact and man that was that
was pretty good man.
(27:26):
We we may have to revisit thisagain, but what I do want is I
want to make sure that you knowthe listeners out there are
going to our social media andactually giving us some feedback
on topics like these, becausewe know that the guys need it,
but also think that it's equallyas important that the ladies
(27:50):
see that we address these thingsright, because I think that we
put together some solid bulletpoints and you know some just
great dialogue and perspectiveabout just the theory of
somebody being out of.
You know your league.
You know again.
You know we said that it waskind of like a buzz topic type
(28:12):
of thing, but we know that thereis somebody for everybody.
And then we also know that youcan level up.
You know, even if you're notthere where you want to be, you
can level up.
You know, even if you're notthere where you want to be, you
can level up.
And once you do that, a lot ofopportunities and doors will
(28:35):
really open up for you, becausenow you're able to contribute
properly and you're able to, youknow, receive properly.
And those are going to be somekeys, man, when we start talking
about just finding people,whether it be your tribe,
whether it be companionship,whether it be just being a
better person all around, that'swhat's going to get you there.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
That's it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
So, look, continue to rock with us.
We appreciate you guys.
Look, if you missed lastepisode, go check it out.
If you missed the episodebefore that, check it out.
But just know that we've puttogether a great month of topics
and subjects and just someencouragement, because we want
(29:22):
everybody to do better.
Do better physically,financially, spiritually,
emotionally.
But April is dedicated tofinancial literacy, and so we'll
continue to talk about that.
We even have some, you know,some tips on on some things that
you can do to improve yourselfprofessionally and create family
(29:43):
legacy.
So, with that being said, hey,we'll see you guys.
Next episode.
Pops and Son Conversations.
It is your favorite, silver Fox, rob Malloy.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
And the son here check three times.
We appreciate you guys forlistening.
Until next time, peace we out.
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