December 11, 2025 • 41 mins
December can turn a light vibe into a high‑stakes situation fast. We dive into the real dynamics of dating during the holidays—why the season pushes labels, how gift pressure skews judgment, and where family and office invites send signals you might not intend. From Pops’ mission-first “Santa season” schedule to Javen’s parent-first priorities, we map out sane boundaries you can borrow to keep your joy, your budget, and your peace.
We get honest about the pre‑holiday breakup phenomenon and the expectation trap that follows when December arrives. You’ll hear practical ways to set budgets without sounding cheap, scripts to reset assumptions (“thoughtful over flashy”), and the red flags hidden in tales of past luxury gifts. We also unpack office parties as low-pressure dates that still set a public narrative, and why family dinners are rarely casual—plus how to head off that nightmare scenario where a relative invites your ex to the cookie contest.
For parents, we outline a respectful, steady pace: protect memory‑making time with your kid, loop in your co‑parent, and use brief hybrid introductions only when the relationship shows consistency. For those in service or seasonal work, we validate a purpose‑first December and offer language that keeps partners aligned instead of resentful. The throughline: holidays can accelerate expectations, but they should not rush the process. If the connection is real, it will last beyond the lights and playlists.
If you’re navigating gifts, invites, or timelines right now, this conversation gives you the words and guardrails to make better choices. Listen, share with someone who needs calm in the chaos, and hit follow so you never miss a new drop. Got a holiday dating rule we missed? Leave a review and tell us what works for you.
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (03:38):
Okay, welcome back to another episode of Pops and
Sun Conversations.
And as always, it is yourfavorite Silver Fox Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (03:47):
And it's Javen, aka check three times.
SPEAKER_00 (03:52):
Yeah.
Alright, so welcome back.
We are still in December.
And we are having a lot of fun,man, with this holiday season.
All right.
Jay, uh, what you feeling liketoday, man?
How you how you doing, brother?
SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
I'm good.
I'm good, you know.
Cold, a little chilly, but buteverything is good, man.
SPEAKER_00 (04:15):
Yeah, here in uh, you know, we're we're here in
Georgia, and Georgia has some ofthe most um bipolar or tripolar
weather.
So, you know, you can wake up toa cold morning, and by the
afternoon, man, you got to uhtake off some layers.
SPEAKER_01 (04:37):
Gotta peel them off.
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
Gotta peel off the layers.
Uh, so look, uh, we're we'restill in December.
Uh, we're talking aboutdifferent things during the
holidays.
Uh, big shout out to the city ofStonecrest uh for having uh
welcome, Black Santa.
And you did a great job asSanta's helper this weekend,
yeah.
You did good.
SPEAKER_01 (04:57):
Well, thank you, Pops.
You know, I I I try, I try to domy best.
SPEAKER_00 (05:01):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
So definitely uh big thanks touh the city of Stonecrest as
always, uh Merrill Cobble asMrs.
Claus.
You know, what's weird aboutthat is you know, her husband
shows up every year and he kindof looks at me like, uh, you
know she's just your wife forlike three hours, right?
SPEAKER_01 (05:23):
Gotta make it known, huh?
SPEAKER_00 (05:25):
Yeah, gotta make it known, man.
Uh definitely respect, man.
Big respect.
Uh and good looking out, Nikki.
Nikki has always been a greatpart of the uh Stonecrest um
Christmas light and uh Santaexperience.
So big shout out to Nikki, man.
We appreciate you on that.
Um we also uh had a chance tohave uh a vehicle, a designated
(05:48):
uh vehicle.
So um big shout out to thedealership.
We'll talk about that a littlebit later.
Matter of fact, just go take alook at our social media because
we shouted out the dealershipthat was able to provide a
vehicle for uh Black Santa thisyear.
So uh starting the month outright, Jake.
SPEAKER_01 (06:07):
That's right.
That's right.
It don't get no better.
SPEAKER_00 (06:10):
Doesn't get any better.
As a matter of fact, it doesbecause today's topic is dating
during the holidays.
Now keep in mind this is aperspective of a pops and son,
you know, fathers, um uh men, ifyou will.
And uh dating during theholidays, now this has been the
most requested topic that we'vegotten in a short time, Jay.
(06:36):
So uh I guess we got to do whatwe have to do.
SPEAKER_01 (06:40):
Yeah, the people want what the people want, and
we are here to give them whatthey want, right?
SPEAKER_00 (06:45):
Give the people what they want, man.
All right, so so what directiondo you want to go when it comes
to dating during the holidays?
And and let me just put this outhere before we even start uh
digging in because we're gonnahave to dig in deep on this one,
right?
Um, have you ever deliberatelybroken up with someone before
(07:07):
the holidays to avoid just whatgoes on during the holidays,
man?
All the expectations of thegift, the spending money,
possible trips, and things likethat, man.
And no judgment, Jay.
Because I'm not, I mean, youyou're 31 years old.
So you might have went down, youknow, 17, 18, no judgment.
But have you ever, have you everplayed that part?
SPEAKER_01 (07:30):
Yeah, yeah, I gotta admit, you know, I I gotta be
real.
This is this is like high schoolstuff, you know, like you don't
wanna, you know, you you don'twant to be involved in all that.
I I was kind of more like um,especially with with the gifts,
because I never was really thatthat good with the gifts and
stuff, man.
(07:50):
I'm either over I'm eitheroverspending or underspending.
So I just, man, I'm I'm likeone, one uh, I remember one girl
I was dating.
I'm like, yo, you already notacting right.
Holidays coming up.
Yeah, let's just go ahead andthis this isn't working.
It's not you, it's me.
SPEAKER_00 (08:12):
Oh man, just go ahead and bust that all the way
up, man.
SPEAKER_01 (08:15):
You got to sometimes.
SPEAKER_00 (08:17):
Hey, you know what?
I but at the same time, I dothink that there's some ladies
out there that will hang aroundfor the gift giving.
You know, like a lot of timesthe guys, you know, they're
like, you know what, this ain'teven that serious, right?
So I don't even want to gothrough all this.
But then they like, you knowwhat?
Nah.
Nah, let's go through this.
(08:37):
And, you know, they they want toget through that, man, see what
they can collect.
Right.
Make sure that that happens uhas adults, you know, as well as
adolescents, man.
But we we're not gonna get intotoo much of that, but I had to
put that out there.
Me, yes, I've done that as anadult man by all means, because
you know, at times, you youknow, there's people literally
(09:01):
gonna be in your life for aseason.
unknown (09:03):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
Right.
And so you don't want to extendthat when it's not necessary and
it's not really progressing.
So you can have kind of likelandmarks to where, you know
what, around this time, let'sjust go ahead and sever ties.
Uh, and that way you can kind ofdo whatever you want to do from
there on out.
SPEAKER_01 (09:23):
Right, but okay, I I hear where you're coming from,
Pops, but I mean, the executionthough, like, how do we even get
into like do you make itobvious?
Do you just come straight forit, like, yo, holidays coming
up?
I'm not trying to get you none.
It's it's true.
Or is it like, do you like tryto sabotage?
(09:44):
Like, what's that process like?
SPEAKER_00 (09:45):
Like, I I don't I don't know.
I I think that you know,everybody definitely has to do
it their way.
There's some people that aredirect and some that are a
little uh ambiguous, if youwill.
You know, but uh but I tell youwhat, let's let's do this, let's
jump into this and we'll we'lluh spin the block, no pun
intended, uh a little bit later.
(10:06):
All right.
So I I do want to talk about uhwhen we when we say you know the
holidays coming up and and andyou know you're you're
navigating through uh uh gettingto know somebody.
Does the holidays actually speedthings up to where you know that
that person is like, okay, whereare we?
(10:29):
Like, because we're we're gonnabe doing some things to where
relationship stuff, you know,possibly vacation or meeting
family members or spending alittle bit more isolated time
together.
Like uh what do you think?
Do you think that it it actuallycan speed things up, the the
process?
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Yeah, for sure.
I think it does, just because ofhow family-oriented the holidays
are, you know, the the magic andthe love in the air and the gift
giving, all these differentthings, you know, are
especially, you know, it theseare these are strong bonds are
formed during these times aswell.
(11:08):
Like some a lot of people, youknow, with the mental toe, you
might kiss them the mistletoeand all these different things.
So like it's fun and it's coolto think about, but like say
y'all just started three monthsprior, you know, there has to be
a conversation before theholidays get there, or
somebody's gonna mention it.
Um like you said, like I, youknow, I guess it's everybody,
(11:32):
you know, has their own way ofdoing it, but expectations
definitely have to be managed,you know, if if y'all just
started talking previously, likeright before, you know,
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and allthat's hitting.
Yeah, you definitely need to uhhave that conversation.
SPEAKER_00 (11:49):
I think that that is key, but I also don't think that
that happens a whole lot.
Now, you know, there's a lot ofwomen out here that are saying,
I don't want to be the go withthe flow type woman.
I want you to be veryintentional.
I want you to know thedirection, I want you to lead.
Amen.
That's that's a strong statementto tell a stranger, right?
(12:14):
I want you to lead.
And the thing is, you're reallystill finding out what direction
you guys should go.
You're finding out whatdirection that she truly wants
to go from a personalstandpoint.
You're you're looking atyourself, you have your own
personal goals and you know whatyou want to do.
So now you have to take inconsideration what that looks
(12:34):
like collectively.
And I don't think women reallyunderstand what kind of process
that is for a man, because whenwe're getting to know someone,
it's almost like, okay, once weare officially together and from
then on, this is going to be thestandard.
So do we like what's happeningright now?
(12:55):
You know, we have to reallythink about that because you go
through ups and downs, and nowyou're like, okay, do I really
want to do this like long term,or do we just kind of navigate
and and see where this thinggoes, Jay?
So I I like to really say thatthere are some pressures, right?
(13:15):
Now, like, not just buyinggifts, right?
But but there are some pressureson um somebody thinking how
serious uh are we?
And and and I think it does, itaccelerates the expectations,
but I don't think that it shouldaccelerate the process.
I think you still go through theprocess, you still go through
(13:39):
the seasons, you still see whatuh conflict resolution looks
like, you still see what um youknow how much alignment your
lifestyles have, like you stillhave to do that because during
the holidays, man, it's it's ait's a cheerful time, right?
Oh yeah, ideally, it's acheerful time.
(14:00):
And so, you know, you wantthings to just be cool, you want
things to be nice, you wantthings to be fun, but there are
some navigations, man, that youreally, really have to deal
with.
So, you know, what what do youthink some of those those nav
you know navigating theexpectations when you don't know
each other so well, man, what doyou think that that that really
(14:21):
looks like?
SPEAKER_01 (14:23):
Um I think it I think it mostly just looks like
you know, understanding what youknow what's what's gonna happen.
You know what I mean?
I I don't think I think that youcould explain or just have the
conversation like, hey, youknow, we still getting to know
each other, we still dating.
Um I'm not about to go all outand get you uh um, you know, uh
(14:47):
a gold ring or a dime.
Like, you know, I'm not I'm notspending a lot on this gift.
You know, you know you well, butnah, man, nah, nah.
You I'll definitely get yousomething though, but it's not
gonna be anything too crazy.
Like, we still we still in this.
And if if we if we're onlydating and still getting to know
each other, it's like I don't Idon't want to put all this uh
(15:11):
you know too much stock into itbecause just because it's the
holidays, yeah, you know, Iexpect you to to kind of have
maybe have already, you knowwhat I mean, maybe have plans
with your family or or orwhatever the case is.
Like if we make it to the nextseason, you know, then we could
talk.
But you know, if if if we're ifwe're just dating right now,
(15:32):
then yeah, nah, nah.
And I I I don't I think that Ithink that's like is that real?
I think I feel like that'sreasonable though.
SPEAKER_00 (15:39):
That is fair.
Yeah, my personal opinion, Ithink that's fair.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yeah, that's fair.
Don't expect any extravagantgifts, yeah, you know, or or for
me to or for me to go all outlike that.
Like, I'll get you some forsure, but yeah, it's not gonna
be nothing too crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (15:54):
Nothing too crazy.
And you know what?
This is where the Mr.
Romance of Finance kicks in,right?
So so I think about just uh youknow those different types of
situations.
And you know, sometimes ladieswill they'll they'll let you
know some of the gifts they gotpreviously.
Like they may not tell you thatyou know it was their ex-boo or
(16:14):
you know, somebody like that,but they will give you uh some
type of idea of some of the mostextravagant gifts.
You know, they'll hey, you know,one one uh Christmas morning,
you know, I woke up to uh youknow a BMW in the driveway.
I mean I mean, I don't know.
I I've never heard that storybefore, but that is somebody's
story because it happened tosomebody, right?
(16:36):
Right, you know, or maybe a youknow, fur coat or a trip to New
York City and a shopping spree.
Like those stories do exist, andsome women have no issues
divulging that, right?
It's it's crazy to me, right, toeven give previous references of
gifts.
I think that's wild play, rightthere, man.
Because if you tell me thesethings right now, I'm looking at
(17:00):
you like, okay, well, well,where he at?
And how far did you guys get?
Because it's like the price isright, man.
You walk away with the gifts,you get to leave the showcase
with the gifts, man.
And and then all he got was uh astory of how you look crazy.
SPEAKER_01 (17:19):
Yeah, he probably don't want to tell that story
either.
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
No, those stories don't get out, man, and unless,
you know, unless he's he's he'stelling her about what he did
for her.
So uh I think that's wild, man,but I do think that a
conversation should be had.
Um, I think that it should be umuh an easy conversation because
oh yeah, you you shouldn't wantanybody to do anything that
(17:47):
they're not comfortable with,right?
That there's no, okay, well, youknow, if that's what you want to
do.
Nah, nah, nah.
Actually, I don't want to dothat.
All right, so I'm gonna behonest with you because I want
to know if you can appreciatethe simple things.
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (18:03):
Can you appreciate, you know, uh you know you was
talking about how you had wantedthis, you know, something for
you know your house, uh, or ifyou know you're a flowers
person, and or you know, thetrinkets and you know, little
statues or painting.
You know what I mean?
I think that you know, thosethings are very practical.
But ladies, if you say it's thethought that counts, yes, then
(18:27):
then come on with it now becauseyou shouldn't be thinking about
three K's.
And I mean, three strikes andthree thousand dollars.
SPEAKER_01 (18:38):
I agree 100%.
SPEAKER_00 (18:39):
Or three carrots, how about that?
Those are the three K's rightthere.
SPEAKER_01 (18:42):
Three carrots.
SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
Yeah, you should.
I don't think that you should bedoing that, and I think that the
brothers that are out there thatare overcompensating doing stuff
like that, you know, um theymake it a little bit more
challenging for other brothers,but it also makes it look like
there's a surplus of simps.
(19:05):
SOS, okay?
Surplus of simps.
All right, that's an SOS rightthere.
Uh so you know, we just gottakeep that in mind.
Obviously, every situation isgonna be different.
We know that.
But you know, moving on, man.
Uh, you know, we talk aboutspending the holidays with
someone.
Um, I think we also mentioned uhlast episode, you know, bringing
(19:25):
the boo to uh to the to thefamily gathering.
But also I want to throw in thisJay, how do you feel about going
to her or her coming to yourbusiness holiday party?
Now remember this this is freshlike a batch of collard greens,
(19:47):
right?
How do you feel you're just umyou're just a few months in
getting into each other, andshe's like, hey Jay, you know
what?
My company is having a holidayfunction.
I want you to come with a coupleof months in, man.
What you saying?
SPEAKER_01 (20:01):
Yeah, yeah.
Um, yeah, I'm cool with that.
I don't, I don't yeah, I feellike that's a lot less, a lot
less pressure, you know.
You know, people are gonna bringdates to the to that type of
function.
And yeah, you know, I'm going asa date, and that's I'm I'm cool
with that.
Yeah, I I think that's fine.
And I would bring I bring her tomy to my business function.
SPEAKER_00 (20:24):
Okay, okay, cool.
(21:52):
Um, I think that you shouldproceed with caution.
Okay.
Let me tell you why.
This should pop talking to you,right?
I I think that um it's importantto to really get to know that
person, kind of evaluate thesituation, but also keep in mind
that you are setting anexpectation, right?
(22:15):
So so that may mean if if if youalready letting them come or you
go into their function or youletting them come to your
function, now it's like, okay,well, when's the next function
and what colors are we wearing,Jack?
So it's gonna be hard to youknow reset, I think.
Uh, and I think the holidayparties are opportunities where
(22:37):
uh people kind of show off uhwhat they have going on.
Um, and it could be a situationwhere you know, Leon, Leon was a
date last year.
So it goes from Leon last year,it goes from Cleophys the year
before, year before that it wasMalik.
Year before that it was Daekwan,and now it's Javen's turn.
SPEAKER_01 (23:02):
Every every year it's a new one?
SPEAKER_00 (23:04):
That's I mean, if they're not with somebody, just
think about it.
Could be, you know, somebodythey're getting to know.
They're not trying to go bythemselves like that.
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Yeah, that's right.
That's true.
SPEAKER_00 (23:14):
So I would say proceed with caution.
Uh, of course, you know, whengetting to know somebody, you
can kind of get a good feel.
And uh, and I'm not gonna lie,man, it's hard to turn down some
good food.
Because these companies arehaving these spreads, right?
And it's looking real good.
But I'll say this, man, becauseI I haven't had that issue
before.
A lot of times I'm you knowhosting or I'm you know uh being
(23:40):
featured if I do the Santa, if Ido something, you know, really
cool.
Uh so I see it, you know, and Isee these corporations doing
these big things.
And, you know, it's interestinghow you know folks come in there
and they bring in a date and andsomebody's a little
uncomfortable.
Almost like, you know, uh, youknow, if I didn't come, then you
(24:03):
know, we might be over with.
Almost like they had like a 38slug to the to the noggin to
come, man.
It just never know, man, whatthose situations are and what
they look like.
So uh proceed with caution, dowhat you want to do, but don't
say that your favorites hill foxdid not warn you uh about that.
(24:30):
Fair enough, right?
Fair enough.
All right, so let's finish thisthing off, man.
I want to talk about um how youknow women may read the holidays
um as a sign of where therelationship is actually
heading, because I like talkingabout new experiences, getting
to know someone because youknow, if you're with somebody a
year, you know, a year and ahalf, two years, and then you
(24:53):
guys have already experiencedmaybe not being together that
first holiday because of thefamily obligations or things
like that.
So um, you know, in your thoughtprocess, Jay, what do you what
do you think a lot of women feelwhen they're like, you know
what, I want you to, you know,spend the holidays, you know,
(25:15):
with me, especially in a newrelationship.
You know, what message does thatsend?
SPEAKER_01 (25:21):
I think it, I think it can be tricky.
You know, I I think it can betricky uh because, man, around,
you know, around this time, it'slike I said, it's just the love
is in the air.
You got all the all theChristmas movies with the happy
endings and the happily everafter.
Um, so I think that that toneand just the atmosphere is um,
(25:44):
you know, definitely geared moretowards like, you know,
something serious.
You know, people don't want tobe alone during the holidays.
That's number one.
Like nobody wants to be alone.
So um, yeah, I think that I Ithink that, you know, women a
lot of times read they read thethe the holidays as a sign of
(26:06):
this is, you know, this is myboo.
This is my this we're an item.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't think that they want tospend the holidays with somebody
that they wouldn't want to spendmultiple holidays with.
Okay.
You know, I don't think it'stypically like a a one-off, but
hey, man, I don't know.
It might be some out therethat's like that.
Like, it's just my it's mywinner, my winter man, and then
(26:28):
I have me a summer, a summerguy, you know.
I don't know.
But I think for the most part,yeah, it's it's it can be real,
real serious around this time.
So you like you said, you got tobe careful.
SPEAKER_00 (26:40):
You do have to be careful, and let's be clear,
man.
A lot of ladies, they have hotgirl summers.
So this so they're not booed upduring the summertime, man.
That's when the options are wideopen, girls' trip, grapefruits,
and all kinds of stuff going on.
SPEAKER_01 (26:53):
Oh, yeah.
Hot girl, oh man, that's stillthey're still doing this.
SPEAKER_00 (26:56):
It still exists, man, at all in any ages.
All right, so so look, we we dohave uh we did have uh a
question from um a question, wedo have a question for the
listeners.
Um, I think that it's alegitimate one.
And so uh I try to talk aboutthis on our platforms every year
(27:18):
because I think that it'ssomebody's truth, and there's
always some type of illustrationon social media that that pops
up, and I think everybody canrelate.
So so the questions, uh thequestion for the for the uh from
the lit uh listeners is um howdo you control your family
inviting an ex or an old boo tothe family event when you want
(27:43):
to bring your new boo to thefamily event?
Like uh, you know, I don't know,uh what do they call it?
Judging uh the Christmas cookiesuh contest or something like
that.
So, Jay, I'll let you answerthat one, man.
How can you control your familymembers from inviting the
ex-boo?
SPEAKER_01 (28:01):
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if you can controlit other than just being like
being real strict and stern.
Like, y'all, don't do it.
It's not happening.
Like, you gotta you gotta go tothat family member.
And then you might even have tohit up the old boo, like, hey,
you know what I mean?
(28:22):
Even if y'all haven't talked tono, I'll be because there has to
be some type of relationshipthere if they still cool with
the family like that.
So you gotta hit them up, like,hey, I just want to let you
know, it might not be a goodidea.
I'm bringing, you know, someoneto the family function.
Um, and I don't know if, youknow what I'm saying, you want
to deal with that.
But yeah, you definitely wanna,you, you gotta get ahead of it
(28:44):
though.
If there's any inkling that thatmight be in the forecast, you
gotta, you gotta step, stepahead of that and just go ahead
and nip it because what youdon't want is, you know, the
surprise or the disaster at theat the family function.
Um but I would say also likedon't don't uh don't back down.
(29:05):
Like, don't think that becausethat might happen that you
gotta, you know, retract, youknow, your your boo.
Like, nah, y'all still step.
Y'all can still step.
Um, it just gotta be respect,thing, man.
And and hopefully the fan willrespect your wishes.
Hopefully.
I mean.
That's all I got, man.
(29:27):
A hope and a dream.
SPEAKER_00 (29:28):
A hope and a dream, man.
Uh oh man, I tell you what, man,that that can be um a
challenging situation.
Now, I don't I don't really havethat issue, man.
Once uh I'm done, she probablydon't want to be around me.
She probably don't want to bearound me anymore if we're not
(29:51):
together.
And the reason why I say that isbecause, you know, I'm very
family-oriented, right?
And so you're you're gonna feelawkward.
Like, you're not gonna get closeto moms like that.
You're not gonna get close tosis and stuff like that to where
y'all, you know, still talkingand okay, it's the holiday time.
Uh I'll see you there, sis.
(30:11):
It ain't gonna be none of that,right?
So um, if somebody was to dothat, that would be wild to me.
And guess what?
I don't even know who it wouldbe.
Like, who are you inviting towhere it would make sense,
right?
Like, you would literally haveto dig deep and and uh and pick
(30:34):
someone because you know I'mvery selective in the
introduction of the family likethat.
So and not saying that, youknow, that's uh I'm a tyrant or
um ruthless, but I just thinkthat when it comes to that, um
you don't want to have anyawkward moments, right?
Like, are you thinking about meor are you thinking about them
(30:56):
as far as what this will looklike?
You gotta be thinking, okay, ifshe's here, what is that gonna
look like?
What what type of energy is thatgonna be?
Right?
So so I have to think about itlike that, man.
And and the even if I if I wasrebooted up, you like that?
Reboot?
Reboot.
If I was rebooted up, she notgonna be the one uncomfortable.
(31:18):
I'm gonna be like, hey, I don'tknow what she's doing here,
right?
Right?
And so uh, and then whoever thefamily member that did that, I'm
gonna make them feeluncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01 (31:28):
Yeah, because that's wild, right?
SPEAKER_00 (31:29):
That's crazy.
That's wild.
It's like, come on.
So so I think that to yourpoint, you have to make it
known.
Like, if you have a new boo andthey're coming, go ahead and
make that clear.
Look, uh Beyonce will be herethis holiday uh weekend, and so
(31:49):
uh Ashante, don't talk to herand don't try to get her uh up
here because you know, Beyonce,Ashante, you remember gorilla,
uh man.
So uh yeah, I think you want toavoid that at all costs because
number one, it's about thefamily.
SPEAKER_01 (32:10):
Yeah, like this isn't a time for that.
SPEAKER_00 (32:14):
It's not about the extended.
So let's jump into thesequestions, man.
Um let's wrap this thing up,man.
I think that there's a question.
Uh you can read that one to me,and then I'll read the question
uh for you.
SPEAKER_01 (32:28):
Okay.
Um let's see what we got.
So, Pops, how do you handlespending time or date dating
during the holidays when you areSanta?
You know, you you you are Santa.
So, like what comes first,business or relationships?
SPEAKER_00 (32:49):
Okay.
Man, that that is an unfairquestion because it it puts me
in uh a situation to where Ilike to have this conversation
uh, you know, one-on-one versuspublic.
But I will say this um businessis gonna take precedence um
because you're not going to payme what I'm going to lose over
(33:13):
the holiday season.
Um, even though it's Santa, itit is still service, first and
foremost.
And then number two, it isbusiness.
And so we're talking about mehaving access to uh cheering up
and showing love andappreciation to children, you
(33:34):
know, to uh family members.
And you never know what theyhave going on to where, you
know, Santa popping out is gonnachange, you know, their
attitude, is gonna change theiruh, you know, the way that they
think about the holidays in apositive manner, especially if
they got stuff going on.
So uh the dating during theholidays, you know, not so much.
(33:58):
Um, and even if, you know, I amdating someone on a consistent
basis, uh, I'll go ahead and putthat out there.
Like December, it ain'thappening like that.
Like get in where you fit in.
I ain't trying to be funny, butliterally get in where you fit
in, because you know, if if shehas uh a purpose or mission of
service, she's gonna expect meto understand, right?
(34:21):
So if she has to go and and uhtalk to different communities or
she got to travel and go todifferent colleges or you know,
whatever her mission and purposeis, and I'm like, uh, baby, can
you, you know, uh stay over, youknow, this week, she'll be like,
excuse me, did you not see theflyer, sir?
(34:41):
I'm gonna be across the country.
You know, and so I'm not reallytripping off of that.
And I understand that.
And uh, and again, you know, itis business.
And if you really trust thatperson, you appreciate that.
Person, you understand thatthey're not going anywhere.
So there's gonna be a time andliterally a season for
everything.
(35:03):
So that's where I'm at withthat.
So let me just hit you.
All right.
So let me ask you.
So uh how do you handle holidayswith a baby boy and someone
wanting to spend time with youfor the holidays?
Um, but obviously, you know,father, father duties,
father-son relationship comesfirst.
SPEAKER_01 (35:24):
Yeah, so that's uh that's actually pretty easy.
Uh time, you know, time is soprecious.
Um so where where I'm spendingmy time right now, especially
because my son is the age he is,it's like, yeah, I gotta get
that time in with him.
Um and anybody, anybody that I'mdating, um, they already
(35:48):
understand that.
You know, so that that's noteven uh that's not even really
coming up.
They are they can already assumewhat's going down.
So, you know, the best you coulddo is wish wish us, you know, uh
happy holidays and things likethat.
But um you know Nah, I'm beingI'm just I'm just being real.
Like it's like, you know, um II'll be I'll be spending I'll be
(36:14):
spending my my my time with themlike during Christmas and things
like that.
Like it's it's it just goeswithout saying.
Um there can there can be therecan be you know other days and
opportunities, but around theholiday times, like yeah, we we
we locking in.
SPEAKER_00 (36:31):
Okay.
You know, I respect that.
Um I think that even for me whenI was much younger, uh, and
actually maybe around your age,uh, your uh younger sisters, you
know, were you know relativelyyoung, uh, maybe around Parker's
age.
Um and and it was reallyimportant that they understood
(36:54):
that their father's presence wasthere, and they did not have to
have undivided attention.
And so I think that that'sreally important that you do
have somebody that understandshow impressionable young kids
are, um, not only about theirfather, but those times where
(37:14):
you really cherish the momentsand you create those memories
of, you know, if you celebrateChristmas, obviously, just
getting that time in and uh justrelaxing, because that's that's
a really relaxed time, right?
No school, no work, you know, nopressure of having to do this
and do that.
And you can just really, likeyou said, lock in and and uh
(37:37):
enjoy those bonds with yourchild.
So I think that that's prettycool, man.
Uh I can I can respect that.
But I will ask you this as weclose up.
What about a hybrid?
Like, would you bring thatperson that you're dating in to,
hey, you know what?
I want to allow my child to seewho I'm spending time with.
(38:01):
Like, would you get like alittle peep in?
Like, hey, you know, how youfeel about that?
SPEAKER_01 (38:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
For sure.
Like, that's I don't I don'thave any issues with that at
all.
Um, you know, as and then also,you know, I'll bring the
co-parenting aspect into it aswell.
Like, okay, there's a there's aunderstanding there as well.
So um, nah, it's it's I don'thave a problem with that at all.
Now, I'm not I'm not gonna saylike it's gonna be straight out
(38:30):
the gate.
Like we get that's something wegotta we gotta work into um for
sure, but yeah, I'm not I'm notagainst it whatsoever.
I think that's I think that'ssomething that you you should
do, especially if things are uhyou know getting serious.
Um it's I mean that's that'sgonna that's gonna be a bridge
you have to cross eventually atsome point.
(38:52):
Um so yeah, yeah, I'm not I'mnot against that at all.
I think that's good.
That's good.
SPEAKER_00 (38:58):
Respect.
Respect.
Look, uh I think uh we wedefinitely hit some powerful
moments, some some great umideas of and some you know
realistic situations when itcomes to dating during the
holidays.
So obviously you do what's bestfor you, but just keep in mind a
few things that we had mentionedtoday, especially when it comes
to introduction to family, uh,when it comes to expectation of
(39:21):
time spent, money spent, andjust resources altogether,
because you know, you haveemotional resources that you
have to take in display, and youdon't want people getting the
wrong impression.
Uh at the same time, you don'twant them playing with you as
well.
So I think that all these thingsuh you have to definitely take
in consideration.
So, with that being said, look,that's our episode for uh what,
(39:48):
this the second week inDecember?
You know, like I'm literallygonna date this episode because
it's real time.
So, man, it's it's just one ofthose things, Jay, that I think
that we have to continue to umpush the envelope because these
conversations are literallylopsided.
Somebody's just saying, okay,this is what you better do.
(40:09):
And then the other person issaying, This is what you better
do.
And so I think we can be, youknow, very optimistic and and
helpful around these times whenwe're talking about the
holidays.
SPEAKER_01 (40:19):
Yeah, agreed, agreed.
SPEAKER_00 (40:22):
And there you have it.
Look, we'll see you guys nextepisode.
Thank you so much for yoursupport, love, and just giving a
damn about what we think andwhat we say in our perspective.
And so that being said, look,we'll see you next episode.
As always, enjoy your holidaymonth.
Yes, much love, peace, and joy.
(40:43):
Pops and sun conversations, yourfavorite silk fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (40:46):
Check three times, checking out.
SPEAKER_00 (40:49):
We'll see you next episode.
Okay, welcome back to another episode of Pops and
Sun Conversations.
And as always, it is yourfavorite Silver Fox Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (03:47):
And it's Javen, aka check three times.
SPEAKER_00 (03:52):
Yeah.
Alright, so welcome back.
We are still in December.
And we are having a lot of fun,man, with this holiday season.
All right.
Jay, uh, what you feeling liketoday, man?
How you how you doing, brother?
SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
I'm good.
I'm good, you know.
Cold, a little chilly, but buteverything is good, man.
SPEAKER_00 (04:15):
Yeah, here in uh, you know, we're we're here in
Georgia, and Georgia has some ofthe most um bipolar or tripolar
weather.
So, you know, you can wake up toa cold morning, and by the
afternoon, man, you got to uhtake off some layers.
SPEAKER_01 (04:37):
Gotta peel them off.
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
Gotta peel off the layers.
Uh, so look, uh, we're we'restill in December.
Uh, we're talking aboutdifferent things during the
holidays.
Uh, big shout out to the city ofStonecrest uh for having uh
welcome, Black Santa.
And you did a great job asSanta's helper this weekend,
yeah.
You did good.
SPEAKER_01 (04:57):
Well, thank you, Pops.
You know, I I I try, I try to domy best.
SPEAKER_00 (05:01):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
So definitely uh big thanks touh the city of Stonecrest as
always, uh Merrill Cobble asMrs.
Claus.
You know, what's weird aboutthat is you know, her husband
shows up every year and he kindof looks at me like, uh, you
know she's just your wife forlike three hours, right?
SPEAKER_01 (05:23):
Gotta make it known, huh?
SPEAKER_00 (05:25):
Yeah, gotta make it known, man.
Uh definitely respect, man.
Big respect.
Uh and good looking out, Nikki.
Nikki has always been a greatpart of the uh Stonecrest um
Christmas light and uh Santaexperience.
So big shout out to Nikki, man.
We appreciate you on that.
Um we also uh had a chance tohave uh a vehicle, a designated
(05:48):
uh vehicle.
So um big shout out to thedealership.
We'll talk about that a littlebit later.
Matter of fact, just go take alook at our social media because
we shouted out the dealershipthat was able to provide a
vehicle for uh Black Santa thisyear.
So uh starting the month outright, Jake.
SPEAKER_01 (06:07):
That's right.
That's right.
It don't get no better.
SPEAKER_00 (06:10):
Doesn't get any better.
As a matter of fact, it doesbecause today's topic is dating
during the holidays.
Now keep in mind this is aperspective of a pops and son,
you know, fathers, um uh men, ifyou will.
And uh dating during theholidays, now this has been the
most requested topic that we'vegotten in a short time, Jay.
(06:36):
So uh I guess we got to do whatwe have to do.
SPEAKER_01 (06:40):
Yeah, the people want what the people want, and
we are here to give them whatthey want, right?
SPEAKER_00 (06:45):
Give the people what they want, man.
All right, so so what directiondo you want to go when it comes
to dating during the holidays?
And and let me just put this outhere before we even start uh
digging in because we're gonnahave to dig in deep on this one,
right?
Um, have you ever deliberatelybroken up with someone before
(07:07):
the holidays to avoid just whatgoes on during the holidays,
man?
All the expectations of thegift, the spending money,
possible trips, and things likethat, man.
And no judgment, Jay.
Because I'm not, I mean, youyou're 31 years old.
So you might have went down, youknow, 17, 18, no judgment.
But have you ever, have you everplayed that part?
SPEAKER_01 (07:30):
Yeah, yeah, I gotta admit, you know, I I gotta be
real.
This is this is like high schoolstuff, you know, like you don't
wanna, you know, you you don'twant to be involved in all that.
I I was kind of more like um,especially with with the gifts,
because I never was really thatthat good with the gifts and
stuff, man.
(07:50):
I'm either over I'm eitheroverspending or underspending.
So I just, man, I'm I'm likeone, one uh, I remember one girl
I was dating.
I'm like, yo, you already notacting right.
Holidays coming up.
Yeah, let's just go ahead andthis this isn't working.
It's not you, it's me.
SPEAKER_00 (08:12):
Oh man, just go ahead and bust that all the way
up, man.
SPEAKER_01 (08:15):
You got to sometimes.
SPEAKER_00 (08:17):
Hey, you know what?
I but at the same time, I dothink that there's some ladies
out there that will hang aroundfor the gift giving.
You know, like a lot of timesthe guys, you know, they're
like, you know what, this ain'teven that serious, right?
So I don't even want to gothrough all this.
But then they like, you knowwhat?
Nah.
Nah, let's go through this.
(08:37):
And, you know, they they want toget through that, man, see what
they can collect.
Right.
Make sure that that happens uhas adults, you know, as well as
adolescents, man.
But we we're not gonna get intotoo much of that, but I had to
put that out there.
Me, yes, I've done that as anadult man by all means, because
you know, at times, you youknow, there's people literally
(09:01):
gonna be in your life for aseason.
unknown (09:03):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
Right.
And so you don't want to extendthat when it's not necessary and
it's not really progressing.
So you can have kind of likelandmarks to where, you know
what, around this time, let'sjust go ahead and sever ties.
Uh, and that way you can kind ofdo whatever you want to do from
there on out.
SPEAKER_01 (09:23):
Right, but okay, I I hear where you're coming from,
Pops, but I mean, the executionthough, like, how do we even get
into like do you make itobvious?
Do you just come straight forit, like, yo, holidays coming
up?
I'm not trying to get you none.
It's it's true.
Or is it like, do you like tryto sabotage?
(09:44):
Like, what's that process like?
SPEAKER_00 (09:45):
Like, I I don't I don't know.
I I think that you know,everybody definitely has to do
it their way.
There's some people that aredirect and some that are a
little uh ambiguous, if youwill.
You know, but uh but I tell youwhat, let's let's do this, let's
jump into this and we'll we'lluh spin the block, no pun
intended, uh a little bit later.
(10:06):
All right.
So I I do want to talk about uhwhen we when we say you know the
holidays coming up and and andyou know you're you're
navigating through uh uh gettingto know somebody.
Does the holidays actually speedthings up to where you know that
that person is like, okay, whereare we?
(10:29):
Like, because we're we're gonnabe doing some things to where
relationship stuff, you know,possibly vacation or meeting
family members or spending alittle bit more isolated time
together.
Like uh what do you think?
Do you think that it it actuallycan speed things up, the the
process?
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Yeah, for sure.
I think it does, just because ofhow family-oriented the holidays
are, you know, the the magic andthe love in the air and the gift
giving, all these differentthings, you know, are
especially, you know, it theseare these are strong bonds are
formed during these times aswell.
(11:08):
Like some a lot of people, youknow, with the mental toe, you
might kiss them the mistletoeand all these different things.
So like it's fun and it's coolto think about, but like say
y'all just started three monthsprior, you know, there has to be
a conversation before theholidays get there, or
somebody's gonna mention it.
Um like you said, like I, youknow, I guess it's everybody,
(11:32):
you know, has their own way ofdoing it, but expectations
definitely have to be managed,you know, if if y'all just
started talking previously, likeright before, you know,
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and allthat's hitting.
Yeah, you definitely need to uhhave that conversation.
SPEAKER_00 (11:49):
I think that that is key, but I also don't think that
that happens a whole lot.
Now, you know, there's a lot ofwomen out here that are saying,
I don't want to be the go withthe flow type woman.
I want you to be veryintentional.
I want you to know thedirection, I want you to lead.
Amen.
That's that's a strong statementto tell a stranger, right?
(12:14):
I want you to lead.
And the thing is, you're reallystill finding out what direction
you guys should go.
You're finding out whatdirection that she truly wants
to go from a personalstandpoint.
You're you're looking atyourself, you have your own
personal goals and you know whatyou want to do.
So now you have to take inconsideration what that looks
(12:34):
like collectively.
And I don't think women reallyunderstand what kind of process
that is for a man, because whenwe're getting to know someone,
it's almost like, okay, once weare officially together and from
then on, this is going to be thestandard.
So do we like what's happeningright now?
(12:55):
You know, we have to reallythink about that because you go
through ups and downs, and nowyou're like, okay, do I really
want to do this like long term,or do we just kind of navigate
and and see where this thinggoes, Jay?
So I I like to really say thatthere are some pressures, right?
(13:15):
Now, like, not just buyinggifts, right?
But but there are some pressureson um somebody thinking how
serious uh are we?
And and and I think it does, itaccelerates the expectations,
but I don't think that it shouldaccelerate the process.
I think you still go through theprocess, you still go through
(13:39):
the seasons, you still see whatuh conflict resolution looks
like, you still see what um youknow how much alignment your
lifestyles have, like you stillhave to do that because during
the holidays, man, it's it's ait's a cheerful time, right?
Oh yeah, ideally, it's acheerful time.
(14:00):
And so, you know, you wantthings to just be cool, you want
things to be nice, you wantthings to be fun, but there are
some navigations, man, that youreally, really have to deal
with.
So, you know, what what do youthink some of those those nav
you know navigating theexpectations when you don't know
each other so well, man, what doyou think that that that really
(14:21):
looks like?
SPEAKER_01 (14:23):
Um I think it I think it mostly just looks like
you know, understanding what youknow what's what's gonna happen.
You know what I mean?
I I don't think I think that youcould explain or just have the
conversation like, hey, youknow, we still getting to know
each other, we still dating.
Um I'm not about to go all outand get you uh um, you know, uh
(14:47):
a gold ring or a dime.
Like, you know, I'm not I'm notspending a lot on this gift.
You know, you know you well, butnah, man, nah, nah.
You I'll definitely get yousomething though, but it's not
gonna be anything too crazy.
Like, we still we still in this.
And if if we if we're onlydating and still getting to know
each other, it's like I don't Idon't want to put all this uh
(15:11):
you know too much stock into itbecause just because it's the
holidays, yeah, you know, Iexpect you to to kind of have
maybe have already, you knowwhat I mean, maybe have plans
with your family or or orwhatever the case is.
Like if we make it to the nextseason, you know, then we could
talk.
But you know, if if if we're ifwe're just dating right now,
(15:32):
then yeah, nah, nah.
And I I I don't I think that Ithink that's like is that real?
I think I feel like that'sreasonable though.
SPEAKER_00 (15:39):
That is fair.
Yeah, my personal opinion, Ithink that's fair.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yeah, that's fair.
Don't expect any extravagantgifts, yeah, you know, or or for
me to or for me to go all outlike that.
Like, I'll get you some forsure, but yeah, it's not gonna
be nothing too crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (15:54):
Nothing too crazy.
And you know what?
This is where the Mr.
Romance of Finance kicks in,right?
So so I think about just uh youknow those different types of
situations.
And you know, sometimes ladieswill they'll they'll let you
know some of the gifts they gotpreviously.
Like they may not tell you thatyou know it was their ex-boo or
(16:14):
you know, somebody like that,but they will give you uh some
type of idea of some of the mostextravagant gifts.
You know, they'll hey, you know,one one uh Christmas morning,
you know, I woke up to uh youknow a BMW in the driveway.
I mean I mean, I don't know.
I I've never heard that storybefore, but that is somebody's
story because it happened tosomebody, right?
(16:36):
Right, you know, or maybe a youknow, fur coat or a trip to New
York City and a shopping spree.
Like those stories do exist, andsome women have no issues
divulging that, right?
It's it's crazy to me, right, toeven give previous references of
gifts.
I think that's wild play, rightthere, man.
Because if you tell me thesethings right now, I'm looking at
(17:00):
you like, okay, well, well,where he at?
And how far did you guys get?
Because it's like the price isright, man.
You walk away with the gifts,you get to leave the showcase
with the gifts, man.
And and then all he got was uh astory of how you look crazy.
SPEAKER_01 (17:19):
Yeah, he probably don't want to tell that story
either.
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
No, those stories don't get out, man, and unless,
you know, unless he's he's he'stelling her about what he did
for her.
So uh I think that's wild, man,but I do think that a
conversation should be had.
Um, I think that it should be umuh an easy conversation because
oh yeah, you you shouldn't wantanybody to do anything that
(17:47):
they're not comfortable with,right?
That there's no, okay, well, youknow, if that's what you want to
do.
Nah, nah, nah.
Actually, I don't want to dothat.
All right, so I'm gonna behonest with you because I want
to know if you can appreciatethe simple things.
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (18:03):
Can you appreciate, you know, uh you know you was
talking about how you had wantedthis, you know, something for
you know your house, uh, or ifyou know you're a flowers
person, and or you know, thetrinkets and you know, little
statues or painting.
You know what I mean?
I think that you know, thosethings are very practical.
But ladies, if you say it's thethought that counts, yes, then
(18:27):
then come on with it now becauseyou shouldn't be thinking about
three K's.
And I mean, three strikes andthree thousand dollars.
SPEAKER_01 (18:38):
I agree 100%.
SPEAKER_00 (18:39):
Or three carrots, how about that?
Those are the three K's rightthere.
SPEAKER_01 (18:42):
Three carrots.
SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
Yeah, you should.
I don't think that you should bedoing that, and I think that the
brothers that are out there thatare overcompensating doing stuff
like that, you know, um theymake it a little bit more
challenging for other brothers,but it also makes it look like
there's a surplus of simps.
(19:05):
SOS, okay?
Surplus of simps.
All right, that's an SOS rightthere.
Uh so you know, we just gottakeep that in mind.
Obviously, every situation isgonna be different.
We know that.
But you know, moving on, man.
Uh, you know, we talk aboutspending the holidays with
someone.
Um, I think we also mentioned uhlast episode, you know, bringing
(19:25):
the boo to uh to the to thefamily gathering.
But also I want to throw in thisJay, how do you feel about going
to her or her coming to yourbusiness holiday party?
Now remember this this is freshlike a batch of collard greens,
(19:47):
right?
How do you feel you're just umyou're just a few months in
getting into each other, andshe's like, hey Jay, you know
what?
My company is having a holidayfunction.
I want you to come with a coupleof months in, man.
What you saying?
SPEAKER_01 (20:01):
Yeah, yeah.
Um, yeah, I'm cool with that.
I don't, I don't yeah, I feellike that's a lot less, a lot
less pressure, you know.
You know, people are gonna bringdates to the to that type of
function.
And yeah, you know, I'm going asa date, and that's I'm I'm cool
with that.
Yeah, I I think that's fine.
And I would bring I bring her tomy to my business function.
SPEAKER_00 (20:24):
Okay, okay, cool.
(21:52):
Um, I think that you shouldproceed with caution.
Okay.
Let me tell you why.
This should pop talking to you,right?
I I think that um it's importantto to really get to know that
person, kind of evaluate thesituation, but also keep in mind
that you are setting anexpectation, right?
(22:15):
So so that may mean if if if youalready letting them come or you
go into their function or youletting them come to your
function, now it's like, okay,well, when's the next function
and what colors are we wearing,Jack?
So it's gonna be hard to youknow reset, I think.
Uh, and I think the holidayparties are opportunities where
(22:37):
uh people kind of show off uhwhat they have going on.
Um, and it could be a situationwhere you know, Leon, Leon was a
date last year.
So it goes from Leon last year,it goes from Cleophys the year
before, year before that it wasMalik.
Year before that it was Daekwan,and now it's Javen's turn.
SPEAKER_01 (23:02):
Every every year it's a new one?
SPEAKER_00 (23:04):
That's I mean, if they're not with somebody, just
think about it.
Could be, you know, somebodythey're getting to know.
They're not trying to go bythemselves like that.
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Yeah, that's right.
That's true.
SPEAKER_00 (23:14):
So I would say proceed with caution.
Uh, of course, you know, whengetting to know somebody, you
can kind of get a good feel.
And uh, and I'm not gonna lie,man, it's hard to turn down some
good food.
Because these companies arehaving these spreads, right?
And it's looking real good.
But I'll say this, man, becauseI I haven't had that issue
before.
A lot of times I'm you knowhosting or I'm you know uh being
(23:40):
featured if I do the Santa, if Ido something, you know, really
cool.
Uh so I see it, you know, and Isee these corporations doing
these big things.
And, you know, it's interestinghow you know folks come in there
and they bring in a date and andsomebody's a little
uncomfortable.
Almost like, you know, uh, youknow, if I didn't come, then you
(24:03):
know, we might be over with.
Almost like they had like a 38slug to the to the noggin to
come, man.
It just never know, man, whatthose situations are and what
they look like.
So uh proceed with caution, dowhat you want to do, but don't
say that your favorites hill foxdid not warn you uh about that.
(24:30):
Fair enough, right?
Fair enough.
All right, so let's finish thisthing off, man.
I want to talk about um how youknow women may read the holidays
um as a sign of where therelationship is actually
heading, because I like talkingabout new experiences, getting
to know someone because youknow, if you're with somebody a
year, you know, a year and ahalf, two years, and then you
(24:53):
guys have already experiencedmaybe not being together that
first holiday because of thefamily obligations or things
like that.
So um, you know, in your thoughtprocess, Jay, what do you what
do you think a lot of women feelwhen they're like, you know
what, I want you to, you know,spend the holidays, you know,
(25:15):
with me, especially in a newrelationship.
You know, what message does thatsend?
SPEAKER_01 (25:21):
I think it, I think it can be tricky.
You know, I I think it can betricky uh because, man, around,
you know, around this time, it'slike I said, it's just the love
is in the air.
You got all the all theChristmas movies with the happy
endings and the happily everafter.
Um, so I think that that toneand just the atmosphere is um,
(25:44):
you know, definitely geared moretowards like, you know,
something serious.
You know, people don't want tobe alone during the holidays.
That's number one.
Like nobody wants to be alone.
So um, yeah, I think that I Ithink that, you know, women a
lot of times read they read thethe the holidays as a sign of
(26:06):
this is, you know, this is myboo.
This is my this we're an item.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't think that they want tospend the holidays with somebody
that they wouldn't want to spendmultiple holidays with.
Okay.
You know, I don't think it'stypically like a a one-off, but
hey, man, I don't know.
It might be some out therethat's like that.
Like, it's just my it's mywinner, my winter man, and then
(26:28):
I have me a summer, a summerguy, you know.
I don't know.
But I think for the most part,yeah, it's it's it can be real,
real serious around this time.
So you like you said, you got tobe careful.
SPEAKER_00 (26:40):
You do have to be careful, and let's be clear,
man.
A lot of ladies, they have hotgirl summers.
So this so they're not booed upduring the summertime, man.
That's when the options are wideopen, girls' trip, grapefruits,
and all kinds of stuff going on.
SPEAKER_01 (26:53):
Oh, yeah.
Hot girl, oh man, that's stillthey're still doing this.
SPEAKER_00 (26:56):
It still exists, man, at all in any ages.
All right, so so look, we we dohave uh we did have uh a
question from um a question, wedo have a question for the
listeners.
Um, I think that it's alegitimate one.
And so uh I try to talk aboutthis on our platforms every year
(27:18):
because I think that it'ssomebody's truth, and there's
always some type of illustrationon social media that that pops
up, and I think everybody canrelate.
So so the questions, uh thequestion for the for the uh from
the lit uh listeners is um howdo you control your family
inviting an ex or an old boo tothe family event when you want
(27:43):
to bring your new boo to thefamily event?
Like uh, you know, I don't know,uh what do they call it?
Judging uh the Christmas cookiesuh contest or something like
that.
So, Jay, I'll let you answerthat one, man.
How can you control your familymembers from inviting the
ex-boo?
SPEAKER_01 (28:01):
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if you can controlit other than just being like
being real strict and stern.
Like, y'all, don't do it.
It's not happening.
Like, you gotta you gotta go tothat family member.
And then you might even have tohit up the old boo, like, hey,
you know what I mean?
(28:22):
Even if y'all haven't talked tono, I'll be because there has to
be some type of relationshipthere if they still cool with
the family like that.
So you gotta hit them up, like,hey, I just want to let you
know, it might not be a goodidea.
I'm bringing, you know, someoneto the family function.
Um, and I don't know if, youknow what I'm saying, you want
to deal with that.
But yeah, you definitely wanna,you, you gotta get ahead of it
(28:44):
though.
If there's any inkling that thatmight be in the forecast, you
gotta, you gotta step, stepahead of that and just go ahead
and nip it because what youdon't want is, you know, the
surprise or the disaster at theat the family function.
Um but I would say also likedon't don't uh don't back down.
(29:05):
Like, don't think that becausethat might happen that you
gotta, you know, retract, youknow, your your boo.
Like, nah, y'all still step.
Y'all can still step.
Um, it just gotta be respect,thing, man.
And and hopefully the fan willrespect your wishes.
Hopefully.
I mean.
That's all I got, man.
(29:27):
A hope and a dream.
SPEAKER_00 (29:28):
A hope and a dream, man.
Uh oh man, I tell you what, man,that that can be um a
challenging situation.
Now, I don't I don't really havethat issue, man.
Once uh I'm done, she probablydon't want to be around me.
She probably don't want to bearound me anymore if we're not
(29:51):
together.
And the reason why I say that isbecause, you know, I'm very
family-oriented, right?
And so you're you're gonna feelawkward.
Like, you're not gonna get closeto moms like that.
You're not gonna get close tosis and stuff like that to where
y'all, you know, still talkingand okay, it's the holiday time.
Uh I'll see you there, sis.
(30:11):
It ain't gonna be none of that,right?
So um, if somebody was to dothat, that would be wild to me.
And guess what?
I don't even know who it wouldbe.
Like, who are you inviting towhere it would make sense,
right?
Like, you would literally haveto dig deep and and uh and pick
(30:34):
someone because you know I'mvery selective in the
introduction of the family likethat.
So and not saying that, youknow, that's uh I'm a tyrant or
um ruthless, but I just thinkthat when it comes to that, um
you don't want to have anyawkward moments, right?
Like, are you thinking about meor are you thinking about them
(30:56):
as far as what this will looklike?
You gotta be thinking, okay, ifshe's here, what is that gonna
look like?
What what type of energy is thatgonna be?
Right?
So so I have to think about itlike that, man.
And and the even if I if I wasrebooted up, you like that?
Reboot?
Reboot.
If I was rebooted up, she notgonna be the one uncomfortable.
(31:18):
I'm gonna be like, hey, I don'tknow what she's doing here,
right?
Right?
And so uh, and then whoever thefamily member that did that, I'm
gonna make them feeluncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01 (31:28):
Yeah, because that's wild, right?
SPEAKER_00 (31:29):
That's crazy.
That's wild.
It's like, come on.
So so I think that to yourpoint, you have to make it
known.
Like, if you have a new boo andthey're coming, go ahead and
make that clear.
Look, uh Beyonce will be herethis holiday uh weekend, and so
(31:49):
uh Ashante, don't talk to herand don't try to get her uh up
here because you know, Beyonce,Ashante, you remember gorilla,
uh man.
So uh yeah, I think you want toavoid that at all costs because
number one, it's about thefamily.
SPEAKER_01 (32:10):
Yeah, like this isn't a time for that.
SPEAKER_00 (32:14):
It's not about the extended.
So let's jump into thesequestions, man.
Um let's wrap this thing up,man.
I think that there's a question.
Uh you can read that one to me,and then I'll read the question
uh for you.
SPEAKER_01 (32:28):
Okay.
Um let's see what we got.
So, Pops, how do you handlespending time or date dating
during the holidays when you areSanta?
You know, you you you are Santa.
So, like what comes first,business or relationships?
SPEAKER_00 (32:49):
Okay.
Man, that that is an unfairquestion because it it puts me
in uh a situation to where Ilike to have this conversation
uh, you know, one-on-one versuspublic.
But I will say this um businessis gonna take precedence um
because you're not going to payme what I'm going to lose over
(33:13):
the holiday season.
Um, even though it's Santa, itit is still service, first and
foremost.
And then number two, it isbusiness.
And so we're talking about mehaving access to uh cheering up
and showing love andappreciation to children, you
(33:34):
know, to uh family members.
And you never know what theyhave going on to where, you
know, Santa popping out is gonnachange, you know, their
attitude, is gonna change theiruh, you know, the way that they
think about the holidays in apositive manner, especially if
they got stuff going on.
So uh the dating during theholidays, you know, not so much.
(33:58):
Um, and even if, you know, I amdating someone on a consistent
basis, uh, I'll go ahead and putthat out there.
Like December, it ain'thappening like that.
Like get in where you fit in.
I ain't trying to be funny, butliterally get in where you fit
in, because you know, if if shehas uh a purpose or mission of
service, she's gonna expect meto understand, right?
(34:21):
So if she has to go and and uhtalk to different communities or
she got to travel and go todifferent colleges or you know,
whatever her mission and purposeis, and I'm like, uh, baby, can
you, you know, uh stay over, youknow, this week, she'll be like,
excuse me, did you not see theflyer, sir?
(34:41):
I'm gonna be across the country.
You know, and so I'm not reallytripping off of that.
And I understand that.
And uh, and again, you know, itis business.
And if you really trust thatperson, you appreciate that.
Person, you understand thatthey're not going anywhere.
So there's gonna be a time andliterally a season for
everything.
(35:03):
So that's where I'm at withthat.
So let me just hit you.
All right.
So let me ask you.
So uh how do you handle holidayswith a baby boy and someone
wanting to spend time with youfor the holidays?
Um, but obviously, you know,father, father duties,
father-son relationship comesfirst.
SPEAKER_01 (35:24):
Yeah, so that's uh that's actually pretty easy.
Uh time, you know, time is soprecious.
Um so where where I'm spendingmy time right now, especially
because my son is the age he is,it's like, yeah, I gotta get
that time in with him.
Um and anybody, anybody that I'mdating, um, they already
(35:48):
understand that.
You know, so that that's noteven uh that's not even really
coming up.
They are they can already assumewhat's going down.
So, you know, the best you coulddo is wish wish us, you know, uh
happy holidays and things likethat.
But um you know Nah, I'm beingI'm just I'm just being real.
Like it's like, you know, um II'll be I'll be spending I'll be
(36:14):
spending my my my time with themlike during Christmas and things
like that.
Like it's it's it just goeswithout saying.
Um there can there can be therecan be you know other days and
opportunities, but around theholiday times, like yeah, we we
we locking in.
SPEAKER_00 (36:31):
Okay.
You know, I respect that.
Um I think that even for me whenI was much younger, uh, and
actually maybe around your age,uh, your uh younger sisters, you
know, were you know relativelyyoung, uh, maybe around Parker's
age.
Um and and it was reallyimportant that they understood
(36:54):
that their father's presence wasthere, and they did not have to
have undivided attention.
And so I think that that'sreally important that you do
have somebody that understandshow impressionable young kids
are, um, not only about theirfather, but those times where
(37:14):
you really cherish the momentsand you create those memories
of, you know, if you celebrateChristmas, obviously, just
getting that time in and uh justrelaxing, because that's that's
a really relaxed time, right?
No school, no work, you know, nopressure of having to do this
and do that.
And you can just really, likeyou said, lock in and and uh
(37:37):
enjoy those bonds with yourchild.
So I think that that's prettycool, man.
Uh I can I can respect that.
But I will ask you this as weclose up.
What about a hybrid?
Like, would you bring thatperson that you're dating in to,
hey, you know what?
I want to allow my child to seewho I'm spending time with.
(38:01):
Like, would you get like alittle peep in?
Like, hey, you know, how youfeel about that?
SPEAKER_01 (38:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
For sure.
Like, that's I don't I don'thave any issues with that at
all.
Um, you know, as and then also,you know, I'll bring the
co-parenting aspect into it aswell.
Like, okay, there's a there's aunderstanding there as well.
So um, nah, it's it's I don'thave a problem with that at all.
Now, I'm not I'm not gonna saylike it's gonna be straight out
(38:30):
the gate.
Like we get that's something wegotta we gotta work into um for
sure, but yeah, I'm not I'm notagainst it whatsoever.
I think that's I think that'ssomething that you you should
do, especially if things are uhyou know getting serious.
Um it's I mean that's that'sgonna that's gonna be a bridge
you have to cross eventually atsome point.
(38:52):
Um so yeah, yeah, I'm not I'mnot against that at all.
I think that's good.
That's good.
SPEAKER_00 (38:58):
Respect.
Respect.
Look, uh I think uh we wedefinitely hit some powerful
moments, some some great umideas of and some you know
realistic situations when itcomes to dating during the
holidays.
So obviously you do what's bestfor you, but just keep in mind a
few things that we had mentionedtoday, especially when it comes
to introduction to family, uh,when it comes to expectation of
(39:21):
time spent, money spent, andjust resources altogether,
because you know, you haveemotional resources that you
have to take in display, and youdon't want people getting the
wrong impression.
Uh at the same time, you don'twant them playing with you as
well.
So I think that all these thingsuh you have to definitely take
in consideration.
So, with that being said, look,that's our episode for uh what,
(39:48):
this the second week inDecember?
You know, like I'm literallygonna date this episode because
it's real time.
So, man, it's it's just one ofthose things, Jay, that I think
that we have to continue to umpush the envelope because these
conversations are literallylopsided.
Somebody's just saying, okay,this is what you better do.
(40:09):
And then the other person issaying, This is what you better
do.
And so I think we can be, youknow, very optimistic and and
helpful around these times whenwe're talking about the
holidays.
SPEAKER_01 (40:19):
Yeah, agreed, agreed.
SPEAKER_00 (40:22):
And there you have it.
Look, we'll see you guys nextepisode.
Thank you so much for yoursupport, love, and just giving a
damn about what we think andwhat we say in our perspective.
And so that being said, look,we'll see you next episode.
As always, enjoy your holidaymonth.
Yes, much love, peace, and joy.
(40:43):
Pops and sun conversations, yourfavorite silk fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (40:46):
Check three times, checking out.
SPEAKER_00 (40:49):
We'll see you next episode.
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