November 27, 2025 • 47 mins
The best memories don’t come from perfect pies; they come from people who feel seen. We take a fresh run at Thanksgiving by reframing it as Family Day—an open door for those who love the gathering but not the old narrative. That small shift brings big wins: earlier meals so no one is hangry by 4 pm, gratitude circles that ground the room, and traditions that respect elders while giving kids a clear rite of passage from the kid table to the grown-up side.
We dig into fatherhood rituals that carry weight, like carving the turkey with intention and scheduling one-on-one check-ins as the year winds down. Co-parenting gets real, too. We share practical ways to plan holidays across homes without drama: mapping the calendar early, putting the child’s experience first, and staying flexible when travel or extended family enters the mix. If you’re hosting, we tackle space management, guest etiquette, and the unspoken rules everyone remembers but few say out loud—arrive when invited, introduce your plus-one, and let the cleanup be the kids’ time to shine.
Legacy threads through every scene. We challenge listeners to gather stories straight from the source, not the internet—ask grandparents about migrations, careers, and choices; let teens talk about their world without judgment. And yes, we face the “new boo” dilemma head-on: when to bring them, how to debrief them, and why timing protects your peace. We close with a heartfelt shout to Love from Afar and Dr. Cynthia Williams, celebrating youth who are navigating grief, choices, and growth with courage.
If this conversation sparked a new tradition or helped you rethink an old one, follow the show, share it with family, and leave a quick review so more people can find us. What tradition are you keeping—or cutting—this year?
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (03:33):
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun
Conversations.
And of course, it is yourfavorite silver fox.
SPEAKER_00 (03:40):
And it's me, son Javen, Mr.
Tech Three Times.
SPEAKER_02 (03:44):
There it is.
And we want to wish you guys ahappy Thanksgiving.
A lot to be thankful for.
SPEAKER_00 (03:51):
Oh, yeah.
I feel good.
I feel good, feeling thankful.
SPEAKER_02 (03:56):
Okay.
Well, we do have a lot to coverin a short amount of time, but
we always want to take a fewmoments and just be thankful.
It doesn't have to be the actualholiday to be thankful, right?
SPEAKER_00 (04:08):
No, no, you could be thankful every day.
You should be thankful everyday.
SPEAKER_02 (04:12):
I sure hope so.
Because things could bedifferent.
And so, you know, we're happy tobe able to bring this episode to
you guys uh for Thanksgiving.
And so we'll do something alittle bit different since this
is our official Thanksgivingepisode.
And you know what, Jay, this isgonna be uh our official
(04:34):
Thanksgiving episode, and it'sgonna be like our official
holiday episodes that we get toshare this year.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
Mm-hmm.
That's right.
That's right.
SPEAKER_02 (04:43):
Yeah, so we're gonna get right into it.
Uh, we're gonna talk a littlebit about Thanksgiving and you
know what it means to us, uh,what it means for you guys, and
uh, you know, from childhoodmemories to, you know, how
things have changed along theway.
So we're gonna tap in and uhlet's do it, Jay.
SPEAKER_00 (05:05):
Yeah, you know, I just go ahead and jump right in.
Thanksgiving, you know, aroundthis time, at least growing up,
it just was always so special,you know what I mean?
It's it's like this time of theyear.
Um, I just remember when I wasgrowing up, it's like I waited
for this.
That Thanksgiving food, thatfamily time.
(05:26):
Um, you already know the the uhthe board games coming out.
One of my favorite board gamesis categories.
I'm calling categories, so um,like we would play that every
year.
And uh Yeah, I just you know,it's it's it's that time of the
year where you just focus on onfamily, them old family stories
(05:48):
coming out.
Yeah, that's that's what Iremember growing up.
SPEAKER_02 (05:52):
Okay, all right, and um, you know, there's just so
many memories, you know,throughout the years, and and I
think things change.
I mean, obviously as adults now,it's a little bit different than
when we were younger.
I know for me growing up, youknow, my brother, sisters, you
know, mom and dad, um you know,being a little bit younger than
(06:15):
my siblings, man, I don't have awhole bunch of of Thanksgiving
memories just because I Iremember, you know, just just
being hungry.
Just being hungry.
And I know that that has changeda little bit, but one thing I've
always wondered, man, especiallyabout our culture, why is the
(06:38):
focus on Thanksgiving dinnerlike, why can't we have a
Thanksgiving breakfast?
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
You know what?
Um I've never thought aboutthat.
SPEAKER_02 (06:50):
But we should do it, we have to change the trajectory
of eating earlier, man.
We we gotta do that becausepeople will literally
non-voluntarily fast until aboutthree or four o'clock, depending
on your family.
Because I would say the numberone thing, Jay, would be you
(07:12):
don't want to eat before certainpeople get there.
Right?
So if you got an auntie or anuncle, or you waiting for
grandma and granddaddy to getthere, or you know, your
favorite cousin, them, you know,the folks will hold off.
SPEAKER_00 (07:25):
It's an unspoken rule, man.
Don't touch, don't touch thatmacaroni, don't touch that ham.
SPEAKER_02 (07:33):
Right, right, leave it alone.
SPEAKER_00 (07:36):
You're gonna look, you're gonna, you're not gonna
eat all day just so you cangorge yourself when the food is
ready.
Two, three plates, because youain't ate since yesterday.
SPEAKER_02 (07:46):
Oh my god, man.
Listen, but but I tell you what,also, though, you also got to
keep in mind that the kitchen,the space in the kitchen ain't
even available to get food.
Nah.
Auntie in there, your grandmamain there, your cousins,
everybody in there, man.
You can't even get into thekitchen.
You can't even get to thefridge.
So if you got to one of them oldschool homes where you know
(08:08):
there's a fridge in the garageor downstairs, hopefully you can
get something out of that.
But anyway, so uh that is oneone thing that I want to make
sure that we we mention is justthe waiting to eat is a problem
historically.
(08:29):
Historically, so we gotta dobetter, folks.
Like let's let's get some youknow, some Thanksgiving
breakfast going on.
I think that should be a newtradition.
SPEAKER_00 (08:37):
I like that.
SPEAKER_02 (08:37):
I like that tradition immediately.
All right, now it didn't happentoday, but you know, maybe next
time, man.
Or maybe even the next uhholiday, man.
Maybe we can get into that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:51):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:52):
Let's just add so we do have that.
We can have that right away.
SPEAKER_00 (08:56):
I sell.
Yeah, let's add breakfast intothe uh into the traditions.
I'm not mad at it.
SPEAKER_02 (09:02):
I'm not mad, man.
We gotta do it, man.
So look, so we'll get a littleserious because um there are a
few things that we want to makesure we cover this episode, and
uh a lot has to do with uhfamily.
You know, I know that there's alot of people that have uh
different interpretations,different translations of of
(09:22):
what the Thanksgiving holidaymeans.
Some people don't even celebrateit.
Okay.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm not forcing any specifictraditions or or values because
you know, you do what youbelieve in, you do what's right
for your family.
But I do consider theopportunity for family day.
And so that's kind of what I gotinto these last few years, you
(09:45):
know, not even looking at labelsor titles, but it's an
opportunity because you know, alot of people are off.
So that's a beautiful thing.
And so what are you gonna dowith that time opportunity,
right?
You're gonna try to spend sometime with family, hopefully.
So, Jay, historically, have youever ran into anyone that is
like, you know what, I don'teven celebrate that day as
(10:08):
Thanksgiving?
SPEAKER_00 (10:10):
Um, not so, no, not so much.
I I've pretty much, you know, II can only remember people, you
know, celebrate, hey, it's it'sit's Thanksgiving.
But I do like the concept of afamily day just to kind of get
because you know, we know thethe roots of of Thanksgiving and
the history behind it.
So I think Family Day makes alot more sense for a lot of
(10:34):
people.
But um honestly that's alwayskind of what it has has seemed
like to me.
Like it really was just aboutgetting with family.
And, you know, we would do thethe old tradition of before we
eat, everybody, you know, we umwe go around the room and
everybody say one thing thatthey're thankful for.
(10:55):
Like that was always the maincore focus, which is family and
what are you thankful for andsharing that.
SPEAKER_02 (11:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no doubt.
I think that's important aswell.
Um, you know, also when we thinkabout, you know, Thanksgiving
and we think about, you know,family, um, I'm just trying to
think, man, what what are someof the traditions that you
because, you know, we mentionedan idea.
I want to start the family, uh,the family breakfast, holiday
(11:23):
breakfast going on.
But what are some of the othertraditions, man, that you know,
you you want to make sure keepsgoing?
And then maybe some that you'relike, you know what?
I'm good on that.
Like, can we cut it out?
SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
Uh, what what can we cut out?
I don't know.
I definitely think um the time,you know, maybe we could get it.
But I know that that that man,it takes it takes so long to
prepare, man.
You know, it takes so long toprepare, so it's kind of like
you just never know when thefood's gonna be done.
(11:57):
But um I don't know.
I can't really think of any anythat I would want to let go, but
I know that one I definitelywant to continue is, you know,
we like I said, we just alwaysbefore you eat, everybody at
least say one thing that, youknow, they're thankful for.
That's the the main one I couldthink of.
What about you, Paul?
SPEAKER_02 (12:14):
Yeah, yeah, that that's a powerful one.
Um, I also think the traditionis making sure, you know, that
the that the elders are takencare of.
True.
Right?
Uh that's something that for meshould be lifelong, you know,
especially when you got a bunchof kids at the house, man.
Like, I think that we're at anall-time high where kids are at
(12:35):
the house, man.
Like a bunch good grief.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
It's like um snatches.
SPEAKER_02 (12:42):
It's like everybody got a bunch of kids that they
bring into the house, man.
Like, you almost need to have awhole nother house, uh, a whole
nother area just for the kids.
And I I remember that's kind ofsomething that I think it is uh
important too, is to have theadults at the adult table and
then have the kids and theyounger ones in their own area.
(13:05):
I think that that's pretty big,you know, when you're bringing a
bunch of families together.
Now, obviously, at your house,you do what you want to do.
But I think uh if if we cancontinue to do that, you know,
keep the adults, keep theelders, uh, because you know,
there may need to be some adultconversation, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (13:21):
Yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact, when youmentioned that, Pop, that, you
know, that kind of reminds me ofsomething, you know, what was
different about Thanksgivinggrowing up.
I remember that kid table, youknow, eating at the kid table
with all my cousins, and then,you know, growing up and kind of
(15:06):
transitioning from the kid tableto the adult table.
You know, now you sitting rightnext to Auntie with why they
playing dominoes or scrabble orwhatever the case is.
And I just always thought thatwas, you know, it's like one of
those coming of age momentsbecause now you looking at your
little cousin and telling themto go sit down somewhere.
So yeah, that's one, that's kindof one of those, I like that
(15:29):
that tradition, like makingsure, because it's kind of like
uh a rite of passage, you know.
Kids, y'all stay where you are,stay in y'all's place, and this
is where grown folks at.
SPEAKER_02 (15:39):
Yeah, yeah.
That's kind of how it's beenworking for a long time, you
know, especially in our family.
Uh, the only thing I would saythat that probably needs to go
is the uh the extended time toserve.
Like I think that we should bevery um intentional in starting
(15:59):
to eat a little bit earlierbecause think about this.
You know, you you have the guysthat probably want to watch
sports, right?
And so if you want everybody atthe table, then you probably
want to go ahead and startknocking that out before, you
know, football or basketballcomes on and things like that.
That way, you know, the the guysain't taking their plates going
(16:23):
into the to the living room,right?
Right.
So it if I think uh if we can ifwe can do that, just be a little
bit more intentional in thetime.
Now look, I'm saying that, but Iprobably don't really have any
say-so when it comes to it,because I'm not in there
cooking.
Right?
And I'm not trying to rush themacaroni not having that that
brown crust on the edges, right?
(16:46):
So I don't want to mess nobody'suh meal preparation up, but I do
think that we got to work on ongetting that done a little bit
earlier.
So whatever, whatever thattakes, because Jay, you also got
to remember that in somehouseholds, they they start the
the meal prep like one or twodays before Thanksgiving Day.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (17:07):
I know it.
You know, so uh again, you go inthat refrigerator looking, you
can get a snack, man.
All you see is greens, beans,tomatoes, potatoes.
You you name it.
You name it, right?
All right, so you know what?
I I do want to also talk about,you know, briefly, about some,
(17:28):
you know, some traditions thatwe either want to create, you
know, as fathers, or you know,some that you may remember, you
know, even as a father now, Jay.
So, you know, what do you thinkis something that, you know, you
want to create and something,you know, especially as being a
father, you uh you've enjoyed.
SPEAKER_00 (17:50):
Yeah, I think one of the traditions, um, Thanksgiving
tradition as a father, Iprobably want to just kind of
get like a good one-on-one likecheck-in, like check-in with
son, you know what I'm saying?
You know, being, you know, thetiming of Thanksgiving, kind of
wrapping up the year a littlebit, and just, you know, all the
(18:13):
experiences that, you know,you've been through throughout
the year.
I think uh uh it's a perfecttime to kind of check in, you
know, how how's everythinggoing?
How's you know, how's schoolbeen, how's your friend group,
things like that.
Just kind of like a lifecheck-in around Thanksgiving
time, I think is it's probablyappropriate to get tradition.
SPEAKER_02 (18:33):
Yeah, I think that's really good too.
Um, and that's really importantbecause it's it's one of those
times where family is aroundyou, you know, it could be a
nostalgic moment.
And uh, you know, you never knowwhat type of conversations can
come, you know, when you'regetting that time in with
family.
You know, you may reminisce, um,you you may get something from,
(18:54):
you know, another family memberthat makes you even appreciate
your relationship, you know, asa father.
So I I would also add to that, Ithink that the father should
carve the turkey.
Uh I I think that that issomething that is really a huge
milestone.
And I believe it it signifies alot more than people think,
(19:17):
right?
It's kind of like, hey, this isuh this is you know the father,
the man of the house, uh, thepatriarch, if you will, and he
will continue to you know lead,continue to protect.
And you know, he's about toslice and dice this turkey too.
So once that happens, is is on.
And so I think we uh we can kindof look at that as a symbolic
(19:41):
moment of uh appreciation, youknow, um of a father.
But addition in addition to whatyou were saying, you know, I
also think that it is anopportunity for uh us men to
even talk to the youngergeneration.
Like it should be a literally itshould be like a set aside and
uh have those conversations andand and get feedback and and
(20:05):
answer questions and see what'sreally going on, you know, in
these different households asthe young men navigate you know
through life.
SPEAKER_00 (20:14):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_02 (20:16):
Yeah, so we can we can do that.
Uh what what else we got, Jay?
Let's let's talk a little bitabout co-parenting um when it
comes to you know theThanksgiving, like sharing time.
Now, of course, of course, youknow, for me, it did transition
because you know I was marriedbefore, so there was times
where, you know, it was it was ahouse full, and then there were
(20:36):
times where uh it wasn't.
And so, you know, theco-parenting thing is you kind
of swap out, we you know,whatever the arrangements are
between those parents.
But uh I'll let you talk aboutthat because it's been a little
bit of time for me since ally'all grown now.
But yeah, you know, so so foryou, even navigating that or you
(20:59):
know, what what was your or whatare your current expectations
and then how have you been ableto navigate that in the past?
SPEAKER_00 (21:08):
Um, you know, like many things, it's always, it's
always just a conversation.
You know what I mean?
Holidays are always gonna be uhthose key events on, you know,
where is you know the childgonna be?
Is it gonna be with mom?
Is it gonna be with dad?
So uh hopefully, you know,you're able to to talk and
(21:29):
communicate with um with uh withyour uh co-parent and uh and
just you know just kind offigure it out.
But you know, for me, uh Ithink, you know, it's typically
we kind of just we just weigh,you know what I'm saying?
Like, yo, what's what y'all gotgoing on?
You know, I say what I got goingon, where I'm gonna be at.
And um this year, uh I'm I'mtrying to think about, I don't
(21:53):
even remember how it was lastyear.
I know this year I'll have I'llhave PJ this year.
Um Okay, good.
Um so you know, yeah, like Isay, it's just it's just it's
just one of those conversations.
It's it's never it's never anypressure, you know, it's just
like, hey, how we gonna do this?
Let's sit down and and and andhash that out, you know.
(22:16):
Well and and I think also it'simportant to kind of map it out,
because around this time, youknow, it's so many holidays back
to back.
Like, okay, how we doingThanksgiving, okay, how we doing
Christmas, okay, what are wedoing for New Year's?
Like, let's go ahead and and geteverything um road mapped so
there's there's you knownobody's surprised or there's no
(22:36):
and then also just so everybodygets the the time, you know what
I mean?
Um if it's possible in an idealworld, you know, it would, you
know, you could transition maybehalf the day here, half the day
there, but you know, it doesn'talways work out like that.
So um, you know, just have thatconversation and see what's
gonna work best for y'all.
SPEAKER_02 (22:58):
Yeah, and I think like many families, uh depending
on what's what's really goingon, because you know, one parent
may be going out of town tovisit some family that's out of
town or you know, taking sometype of road trip or vacation.
And then of course, you know,you want the you want that young
and uh to experience thosethings.
(23:18):
Um, if, you know, if that's uhwhat the arrangements are.
Um and so, you know, I Iencourage everyone to, you know,
those parents to to kind of workit out and keep the kid in mind,
(24:10):
though, right?
Allow the kid to experience somenew things if there's an
opportunity there to meet somefamily members that they may
have not met before, right?
Versus uh just being like, nah,last year you had her, last year
you had him, and then y'alldon't even do nothing.
Y'all just had the house.
SPEAKER_00 (24:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (24:30):
You know what I mean?
So keep keep that in mind.
Well, I remember them days, man,the to where, you know, you you
really almost had to plead pleadthe your case, you know, for the
child's sake.
Right.
You know, because you knowbetter.
So um, you know, definitely keepthat in mind.
SPEAKER_00 (24:49):
Yeah, well, you know, another thing about it too
is like, like we kind ofmentioned earlier, these around
the, you know, these holidaysand things are real, like core
memories in your childhood.
So you want to make thatexperience as as best as it can
be for your kid because it's oneof those things that they're
gonna remember.
If it was good Thanksgiving, itwas good Christmas, if it was,
(25:12):
you know, drama during, youknow, things like they're going
to remember that for, you know,until they grow up.
You know, what how was the thekid table?
Like I said, that right of past,all these things are gonna be,
you know, like core memories.
So it's it's definitelyimportant to plan and make sure
that you're doing what's what'sin the best interest for the
(25:33):
kid.
SPEAKER_02 (25:33):
Man, that's that's a strong point, man.
That's a strong point.
And uh, you know, we we gottathink uh about all angles
nowadays, man, just to be fairum to the kids.
So, you know, one thing I'm notgonna get into, but I do want to
mention, man, I imagine, imaginethe difficulty of somebody that
got multiple babies by multiplefolks.
(25:56):
Like, what does that look like,man?
SPEAKER_00 (25:58):
That's tough.
SPEAKER_02 (25:59):
Five, six kids, and then you know, you got four baby
daddies and four baby mamas, andyou know, you got different
drop-offs.
Man, imagine multiple baby mamasdropping the kids off, man.
SPEAKER_00 (26:11):
I cannot imagine it.
SPEAKER_02 (26:13):
You're gonna have to meet at the nearest grocery
store.
You know what I mean?
You can't have them come to thehouse, man.
Somebody wants to linger andhang out and see when the other
baby's mama coming.
Hey, man, I don't even want toget into that, but that's
hilarious.
SPEAKER_00 (26:28):
That's hey, that's that's somebody's life, man.
SPEAKER_02 (26:31):
Hey, that's somebody's real life, or should
I say trill life.
So speaking of speaking of thepressure though, like the the
pressure of hosting.
Now, um, I don't know if youhave or not.
You know, maybe you have in thepast, uh, but I I know for me,
I've I've had to do it a fewtimes.
And I'm talking about thepressure of hosting
Thanksgiving, you know, as anadult, as an adult man, like as
(26:55):
someone that, you know, you haveyour own apartment, you have
your own home, whatever the caseis, and and you're hosting.
Have you ever had to have thepressure of Thanksgiving being
at your house?
SPEAKER_00 (27:06):
Or uh yeah, but we didn't really, we kind of, it
was just kind of like uh just ustype of thing.
So we didn't really have anyguests, but you know, us as you
know, just as a family, we wedid that.
But nah, I I can't say I reallyhosted uh, you know, a
Thanksgiving where the folkscome over.
And that's definitely somethingI would I would know.
(27:28):
I'm looking forward to doingthough, for sure.
SPEAKER_02 (27:30):
Yeah, yeah.
You you know, um I would say notlast year, but the year before,
I did host.
Uh, you know, I hosted at thespot.
Uh everybody came through, youknow, with the dishes and stuff
like that.
Now I'm trying to think, whatdid I actually provide?
You know what?
I actually had the turkey.
Okay.
I I didn't cook the turkey.
(27:50):
I did have a friend put ittogether, you know, rhyme it and
and uh you know roast it for me.
So I did provide the turkey andeverybody else, you know,
brought a dish.
So it was a it was a success,man.
You know.
And it was just me though.
It was it was me, man.
And I had, you know, yourgrandparents there, um aunts and
(28:14):
uh uncle.
And uh it was a good time, man.
You know, I would say thebiggest part is um just having
enough food, you know, and thenyou know, kind of being able to
facilitate to where um everybodyhas a place, a place to eat.
So, you know, I think that'sbig.
It's it's almost like, okay, ifyou got a one-bedroom apartment,
(28:36):
you can't have you know 20people there.
No, you know, um some peoplewill have to be outside.
So hopefully you have, you know,some amenities to where you can
facilitate that.
But I think that's the I thinkthat's the biggest pressure,
man, is just having enoughspace.
And I'm saying that as a grownman.
That's all we're talking aboutfrom a father and son uh
(28:56):
perspective, man.
I think subconsciously, youknow, we're like, you know, I
want enough space whereeverybody's comfortable.
SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
Yeah, I think that that definitely would be the
main, you know, that's that'sthe main thing.
Because I know duringThanksgiving, you know, I'm at
my full spot.
Yeah, you might have to pull afold-out chair somewhere and
figure it out.
You know what I mean?
You definitely, the space islike the number one concern.
SPEAKER_02 (29:25):
Yeah, man.
Uh that's for sure.
Um, so you know, thinking aboutlike some of the etiquettes, uh,
and this is always a funny, uh,this is always gonna be a funny
chapter of uh conversation.
Like, what are some of theetiquette things, man, that
comes to mind?
(29:46):
Uh I'll go first.
Like, I think um bringing orbringing a to-go play or taking
a to go spot, uh uh, you know,uh when when you ain't bring
nothing.
Oh right?
Just you know, getting you aplate to go.
Now I understand sometimesthere's so much food and you
(30:07):
know that you're not gonna beable to get all the food, one
person, whoever's hosting.
But man, so how do you feelabout, you know, or do you even
care?
Because you you might be one ofthose guys, Jay.
SPEAKER_00 (30:19):
You wanna go plate with you?
No, I think you, you know, youdefinitely gotta, that's that's
that's a part of etiquette.
Like you just don't, just don'tgo, man.
You gotta be offered somethinglike that.
Like you wait until you knowwhat I'm saying, everybody in
the eight, and then okay.
SPEAKER_02 (30:37):
Yeah, what's left?
SPEAKER_00 (30:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Like what's what's left?
You can't you can't just go goin like that, man.
Somebody gonna say something toyou.
What are you doing?
SPEAKER_02 (30:48):
Hey, hey, I don't even care because you know I'm
from around the way.
SPEAKER_00 (30:53):
I'm leaving with something.
SPEAKER_02 (30:55):
I'm leaving with something.
SPEAKER_00 (30:57):
Nah, that is good.
I think I think another one isthough, Thanksgiving.
If you if you bring in a guest,you know what I'm saying?
That that the fam don't reallyknow like that, right?
You can't just let them walk inwith no introduction, you know,
getting their plate and stufflike that.
Nah, you got to you got to makeyour rounds.
SPEAKER_01 (31:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (31:17):
Hey, how you doing?
This is this is such and such.
Like, okay.
Because you can't just be all upin the crib during Thanksgiving
eating, and you ain't speak tonobody.
SPEAKER_02 (31:26):
Oh my God, man.
That's that's tough, man.
That that's tough.
Uh I want to address that, but Iwant to keep talking about the
etiquette.
But man, we're gonna have to puta pen in that because I do want
to talk about you know, invitinga new guest.
You know, I just want to talkabout a homeboy or homegirl,
because that's that comeswithout saying, right?
But dang, if you if you bring anew boo, oh boy.
(31:50):
Hey, but listen, let's finishthe let's finish the etiquette.
Uh, I'll I'll go next.
Uh I think um arriving on time.
SPEAKER_00 (31:59):
Oh, yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_02 (32:00):
Talked a little bit about that earlier, because you
know, nowadays folks are like,okay, when the food is gonna be
ready, you know, and then theywant to time it versus actually
getting there, spending sometime with the family, you know,
meet and greet, and repeat.
But, you know, a lot of timesfolks are trying to time when
the food will be ready, man.
So I think arriving, you know,on time, like when he was
(32:23):
invited, and that's what I wouldsay.
Like if you're invited to tocome at one o'clock, regardless
of when the food is ready, man.
Come at one o'clock.
There's a reason why people setthe time.
SPEAKER_00 (32:32):
Right.
Respect the time.
SPEAKER_02 (32:34):
Respect the time, man.
Uh what can we add?
Uh cleaning up.
SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
Oh, yeah, definitely.
You know, but but you know thatto me, I feel like that was
always the youngest time toshine.
You know what I'm saying?
This this time for y'all.
Y'all been running aroundplaying.
Yeah, it's it's the cleanupcrew.
Designated cleanup crew, man.
SPEAKER_02 (32:58):
That is a good point.
That that is the time to shinefor sure.
Like, you know, get on your bestbehavior and don't have your
handout at the end of theevening, though, either.
Right.
You're gonna get paid becauseyou it's not like you was
cooking.
No, you damn sure ain't buyingno groceries.
SPEAKER_00 (33:15):
But you ate good though.
SPEAKER_02 (33:16):
Ate good, probably took a nap or was at least
drowsy for the evening.
You had the itis and all that.
So, you know, kids, it's it'stime for you to clean up.
It's time for you to contributethe best way you can.
No doubt.
Oh man, you know, uh just justthinking about those times, man,
(33:37):
uh, of uh of opportunity tospend time, you know.
Um the elders, the uh, you know,the new generation, and you
know, just kind of having thattime to connect.
You know, I think that that'swhen the generations can
connect, and that's some of themost important time for the
(33:59):
youth to be able to get thatknowledge and wisdom and hear
different stories from uh yourlineage.
How do you feel about that, Jay?
How important do you think thatis when you start talking about
you know the roles of the youth,the the roles of the elders?
SPEAKER_00 (34:15):
You know, you know, thinking back, there's and I and
I hate to say it, I do feel likeI missed out on some wisdom
because I just didn't realizehow important um you know the
time is just to kind of to get abetter understanding of family,
of the uh the lineage, like yousaid.
(34:37):
Um ask questions, you know, askthis is the perfect time to ask
questions of um, you know, uh ofyour parents, your your
grandparents, your cousins,learn your different sides of
the family, you know what Imean, because it's almost um,
(34:58):
you know, this this is like amany mini family family reunion
um in a uh um you know adifferent way to look at it.
So definitely important to takethis time to ask questions
because the thing about it isyou you get older, time you know
goes goes on, and then you know,unfortunately you you lose the
(35:20):
different family members andthings like that.
And you know, some of that someof that is lost because that
information isn't passed down.
So um it's it's it's it's soimportant to just get.
And that that type ofunderstanding.
Those those stories will livewith you.
You know, we I still remember,you know, stories that I heard
(35:43):
from my childhood.
Some funny, you know, some, youknow, may you may learn some
family secrets that you didn'tknow.
Some things, some things, youknow, some things get said, but
um, you know, it's it's it's allin good faith, and it's all just
about those moments and thosememories.
Moments and memories soimportant.
SPEAKER_02 (36:02):
Facts, man.
Facts on facts.
You know, uh, you know, when Ithink about it, as my parents
are uh much older, uh, I justthink about some of the things I
want to make sure that I do, youknow, as you and your sisters,
you know, get older and andexperience things in life, you
know, I want to be able to have,you know, the holiday vacations
(36:24):
with everyone and, you know, uhholiday dinners and things like
that, you know, because peopleget spread out as uh as their
life, you know, goes on.
So people from different uh youknow, different states and some
may travel abroad and have tocome back, you know, to the
country to spend some time withfamily.
(36:44):
And you want to stay and keepthat you know connectivity, you
know, in the family tree.
And so I think that's importantbecause again, you know, those
are those are things that youcan never get back.
You can never get back time.
You can make it up with money,uh, you know, you can make it up
with things, you know, thosethings can be replaced, but time
is something that you can't getback.
(37:05):
So I think that that isimportant, man.
And just just getting thatwisdom, the legacy, because
you're a part of legacy, right?
You you have to think about itin this way.
You know, our elders, that'ssomething that they get a chance
to remember.
You know, I had a chance to seemy great-grandkids, and I had a
chance to spend time, you know,not only with my son, but my
(37:27):
son's son and my son's son'sson, son.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (37:31):
Yeah, that's powerful.
SPEAKER_02 (37:33):
Those those go a long way on on both ends of the
spectrum.
So we have to keep that in mindand uh and just keep those
stories.
Because you think about it, Jay.
What where is a lot of peoplegetting their information from
nowadays?
SPEAKER_00 (37:48):
Man, sources, though, the internet social.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
The internet, man.
The center net.
How about that?
SPEAKER_00 (37:54):
Can we like that?
That's a good one, right?
SPEAKER_02 (37:58):
The center net, center net, man.
So, you know, uh being able tohave that direct access, you
know, to family members in thefamily tree, because a lot of
times, you know, people have toread about it or they have to
hear stories that, you know,your great-granddad was uh uh
you know a chief in the in theuh military and was able to do
(38:20):
this and do that, and and youyour grandma, she was able to
you know accomplish these thingsand and you know show showed us
how to you know be a mother anda businesswoman, you know, and a
caretaker and have you knowtheir own career.
So these are things, man, thatyou want to be able to have
direct access uh with that, man.
(38:41):
And I think that's powerful.
But look, but before we wrapthis thing up, I want to talk
about bringing a new boo to yourThanksgiving, your family
Thanksgiving day.
Now, Jay, let's navigate thishere real quick, man.
We we got about two minutes justto navigate it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:00):
Yeah, let's do it.
SPEAKER_02 (39:01):
So, so for you, just go ahead and run through uh if
you do it, right?
Well, first of all, do yourecommend it?
And then number two, if you doit, please follow these
instructions.
SPEAKER_00 (39:13):
Right.
Definitely do it.
Do I recommend it?
Hey, man, that's gonna that'sdefinitely gonna be a personal
call.
You know your family the best,right?
You know what the outcome willbe, right?
I know you've seen at least oneexample growing up of somebody
in the fam that broughtsomebody, and and you know what
happened.
So I'll let you make thatjudgment, but I will say
(39:35):
definitely some steps you needto take is you gotta go with a
uh debriefing.
You gotta you gotta debrief yoursignificant on how your family
do, what to expect, and how andand the proper etiquette.
Because you don't want to havethem out there looking crazy and
giving your fam reasons, youknow what I'm saying, to uh
(39:55):
okay.
Nah, she can't come back.
Nah, you can't bring him back.
That's the last thing you want,you know.
But get him that debrief, and Idefinitely say is number one.
Just let them know.
What about you, Paul?
SPEAKER_02 (40:07):
Yeah, uh that's good, man.
I'm gonna say, don't do it.
I'm gonna say not to do it.
Um, this is what I recommend.
This is the reason behind it.
Depending on what you have goingon or what you had going on, and
your family knows about it,family members are gonna find a
(40:31):
way to get that new booone-on-one, right?
And they're gonna ask questionsyou don't want them to ask, or
your new boo might have someloose lips that will sink ships.
You understand?
So they may, they may give likea timeline of when you guys
started dating and hanging out,and you don't you don't want you
(40:51):
don't want them divulging thatthe family members because you
know they they may not alwayshave your back.
And then you got them familymembers that do too much, right?
You got the family membersthat's gonna say stuff without
even thinking and you know, saysomething like, well, you know,
last year, you know, uh sh hebrought somebody and we was
like, you know what I mean?
(41:13):
Yeah, you you just never know,but like you said, man, you know
um your family members, and butat the same time, you can't
control.
You can't control what they'regonna do.
You can't control you can'tcontrol what they're gonna do,
right?
So I would say do not bring anew boo to the holidays unless
you guys have somethingestablished, and unless you had
(41:36):
already made an introduction sothat you can have somebody
that's gonna have you back thisday.
Right, right.
So in case they need to run sometype of interference or
whatever, you know, but you gotsomebody on your side that's
gonna make sure that thingsdon't go too far left.
But you know, all off-rip, donot bring a brand new boo to
(42:00):
your family holiday uh dinner.
Now, if you guys are going to anevent somewhere or going to
hang, yeah, do it.
But your family members, man,nah, nah, man.
SPEAKER_00 (42:12):
Yeah, that's tough.
SPEAKER_02 (42:13):
Don't don't do that.
Don't don't be very cautiousbecause then the last thing that
I'll say is you never know if ifthey still like the old boo.
Look, and then somebody not evenknowing may be like, oh ra, what
happened?
What happened to you and uh andMelissa?
Oh, look.
(42:34):
They don't even know that yournew boo downstairs, you know, uh
uh having some uh sweet potatopie.
SPEAKER_00 (42:42):
Now you got some explaining to do.
That family got preferences,man.
The family has preferences.
SPEAKER_02 (42:49):
Hey, look, man, you guys know what to do, and now
you heard it voiced from thefavorite Pops and Son duo.
Look, we uh appreciate you guys.
We always love your comments andwe thank you for your feedback,
all the love you've shown us uhthroughout our time of not only
putting this podcast together,but just our branding of Pops
(43:13):
and Son conversations.
So before we go, big shout outto uh Love from Afar.
Uh Javen and I, we just was ableto participate in uh the uh
Broken Crowns Still Color, YouthSafety and Mental Health Summit.
Jay, just 30 seconds of whatthat experience was like.
SPEAKER_00 (43:35):
Uh the experience was extraordinary.
Um Dr.
Cynthia Williams put on um, youknow, just like a masterclass
and you know, teaching um youngkids really how to manage um,
you know, the the theconsequences and and grief and
(43:58):
decision making, just everythingjust wrapped up into one.
Um I personally witness uh thekids there, you know, leaving
with a with with uh a greatersense of understanding of the
gravity that a mistake can cancan uh be towards a family
member or somebody you don'tknow or yourself.
(44:18):
You know, life has consequences.
Um but uh overall it was good.
Got to speak on the panel, umgot to uh speak with some other
some young men and just kind ofsee like where the where the
youth is today.
And I gotta say that I actuallywas um impressed.
You know, there's a bad image,there's a bad rap that we get as
(44:39):
young black men, but um Idefinitely learned that even
even though we have to fightthrough that stigma, we are
young, we are self-aware, and weunderstand what we're up against
and how to combat that as well.
So extraordinary event.
Very happy that uh I got to be apart of that.
SPEAKER_02 (44:56):
Yeah, and you did a phenomenal job uh as you know
navigated just the the entiresummit speaking with the you, uh
sharing your thoughts on thepanel and even helping your pops
out, man, with with a lot of thethings that that I was uh
blessed to be able to do.
I hosted the red carpet,interviewed some amazing
(45:17):
individuals uh on the panel aswell.
And it, you know, we lovepartnering with Dr.
Cynthia Williams.
So big shout out to Dr.
Cynthia Williams, uh the CEOfounder from uh Love from Afar
Foundation, which actually is uhshe put that together because
her son passed away some timeago from uh a driver that was
(45:42):
distracted.
And so it's a whole entiremovement.
Uh we'll definitely have uh Dr.
Cynthia on uh one of thesepodcast episodes so that she can
kind of talk about that becauseit's something that not only you
know uh mothers go through, butfathers uh go through as well
when we start talking about howour children has uh been
(46:05):
affected through throughdifferent challenges in this
world.
So, you know, that being said,big shout out to everybody.
We thank you guys for yoursupport and uh happy
Thanksgiving, happy family day,and uh we love you guys.
So uh of course, as always, muchlove.
(46:26):
Thank you, Pops and SunConversations, your favorite
silver fox, Rob Malloyd.
SPEAKER_00 (46:31):
All right, it's fun, and we are checking out.
SPEAKER_01 (46:35):
See you next time.
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun
Conversations.
And of course, it is yourfavorite silver fox.
SPEAKER_00 (03:40):
And it's me, son Javen, Mr.
Tech Three Times.
SPEAKER_02 (03:44):
There it is.
And we want to wish you guys ahappy Thanksgiving.
A lot to be thankful for.
SPEAKER_00 (03:51):
Oh, yeah.
I feel good.
I feel good, feeling thankful.
SPEAKER_02 (03:56):
Okay.
Well, we do have a lot to coverin a short amount of time, but
we always want to take a fewmoments and just be thankful.
It doesn't have to be the actualholiday to be thankful, right?
SPEAKER_00 (04:08):
No, no, you could be thankful every day.
You should be thankful everyday.
SPEAKER_02 (04:12):
I sure hope so.
Because things could bedifferent.
And so, you know, we're happy tobe able to bring this episode to
you guys uh for Thanksgiving.
And so we'll do something alittle bit different since this
is our official Thanksgivingepisode.
And you know what, Jay, this isgonna be uh our official
(04:34):
Thanksgiving episode, and it'sgonna be like our official
holiday episodes that we get toshare this year.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
Mm-hmm.
That's right.
That's right.
SPEAKER_02 (04:43):
Yeah, so we're gonna get right into it.
Uh, we're gonna talk a littlebit about Thanksgiving and you
know what it means to us, uh,what it means for you guys, and
uh, you know, from childhoodmemories to, you know, how
things have changed along theway.
So we're gonna tap in and uhlet's do it, Jay.
SPEAKER_00 (05:05):
Yeah, you know, I just go ahead and jump right in.
Thanksgiving, you know, aroundthis time, at least growing up,
it just was always so special,you know what I mean?
It's it's like this time of theyear.
Um, I just remember when I wasgrowing up, it's like I waited
for this.
That Thanksgiving food, thatfamily time.
(05:26):
Um, you already know the the uhthe board games coming out.
One of my favorite board gamesis categories.
I'm calling categories, so um,like we would play that every
year.
And uh Yeah, I just you know,it's it's it's that time of the
year where you just focus on onfamily, them old family stories
(05:48):
coming out.
Yeah, that's that's what Iremember growing up.
SPEAKER_02 (05:52):
Okay, all right, and um, you know, there's just so
many memories, you know,throughout the years, and and I
think things change.
I mean, obviously as adults now,it's a little bit different than
when we were younger.
I know for me growing up, youknow, my brother, sisters, you
know, mom and dad, um you know,being a little bit younger than
(06:15):
my siblings, man, I don't have awhole bunch of of Thanksgiving
memories just because I Iremember, you know, just just
being hungry.
Just being hungry.
And I know that that has changeda little bit, but one thing I've
always wondered, man, especiallyabout our culture, why is the
(06:38):
focus on Thanksgiving dinnerlike, why can't we have a
Thanksgiving breakfast?
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
You know what?
Um I've never thought aboutthat.
SPEAKER_02 (06:50):
But we should do it, we have to change the trajectory
of eating earlier, man.
We we gotta do that becausepeople will literally
non-voluntarily fast until aboutthree or four o'clock, depending
on your family.
Because I would say the numberone thing, Jay, would be you
(07:12):
don't want to eat before certainpeople get there.
Right?
So if you got an auntie or anuncle, or you waiting for
grandma and granddaddy to getthere, or you know, your
favorite cousin, them, you know,the folks will hold off.
SPEAKER_00 (07:25):
It's an unspoken rule, man.
Don't touch, don't touch thatmacaroni, don't touch that ham.
SPEAKER_02 (07:33):
Right, right, leave it alone.
SPEAKER_00 (07:36):
You're gonna look, you're gonna, you're not gonna
eat all day just so you cangorge yourself when the food is
ready.
Two, three plates, because youain't ate since yesterday.
SPEAKER_02 (07:46):
Oh my god, man.
Listen, but but I tell you what,also, though, you also got to
keep in mind that the kitchen,the space in the kitchen ain't
even available to get food.
Nah.
Auntie in there, your grandmamain there, your cousins,
everybody in there, man.
You can't even get into thekitchen.
You can't even get to thefridge.
So if you got to one of them oldschool homes where you know
(08:08):
there's a fridge in the garageor downstairs, hopefully you can
get something out of that.
But anyway, so uh that is oneone thing that I want to make
sure that we we mention is justthe waiting to eat is a problem
historically.
(08:29):
Historically, so we gotta dobetter, folks.
Like let's let's get some youknow, some Thanksgiving
breakfast going on.
I think that should be a newtradition.
SPEAKER_00 (08:37):
I like that.
SPEAKER_02 (08:37):
I like that tradition immediately.
All right, now it didn't happentoday, but you know, maybe next
time, man.
Or maybe even the next uhholiday, man.
Maybe we can get into that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:51):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:52):
Let's just add so we do have that.
We can have that right away.
SPEAKER_00 (08:56):
I sell.
Yeah, let's add breakfast intothe uh into the traditions.
I'm not mad at it.
SPEAKER_02 (09:02):
I'm not mad, man.
We gotta do it, man.
So look, so we'll get a littleserious because um there are a
few things that we want to makesure we cover this episode, and
uh a lot has to do with uhfamily.
You know, I know that there's alot of people that have uh
different interpretations,different translations of of
(09:22):
what the Thanksgiving holidaymeans.
Some people don't even celebrateit.
Okay.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm not forcing any specifictraditions or or values because
you know, you do what youbelieve in, you do what's right
for your family.
But I do consider theopportunity for family day.
And so that's kind of what I gotinto these last few years, you
(09:45):
know, not even looking at labelsor titles, but it's an
opportunity because you know, alot of people are off.
So that's a beautiful thing.
And so what are you gonna dowith that time opportunity,
right?
You're gonna try to spend sometime with family, hopefully.
So, Jay, historically, have youever ran into anyone that is
like, you know what, I don'teven celebrate that day as
(10:08):
Thanksgiving?
SPEAKER_00 (10:10):
Um, not so, no, not so much.
I I've pretty much, you know, II can only remember people, you
know, celebrate, hey, it's it'sit's Thanksgiving.
But I do like the concept of afamily day just to kind of get
because you know, we know thethe roots of of Thanksgiving and
the history behind it.
So I think Family Day makes alot more sense for a lot of
(10:34):
people.
But um honestly that's alwayskind of what it has has seemed
like to me.
Like it really was just aboutgetting with family.
And, you know, we would do thethe old tradition of before we
eat, everybody, you know, we umwe go around the room and
everybody say one thing thatthey're thankful for.
(10:55):
Like that was always the maincore focus, which is family and
what are you thankful for andsharing that.
SPEAKER_02 (11:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no doubt.
I think that's important aswell.
Um, you know, also when we thinkabout, you know, Thanksgiving
and we think about, you know,family, um, I'm just trying to
think, man, what what are someof the traditions that you
because, you know, we mentionedan idea.
I want to start the family, uh,the family breakfast, holiday
(11:23):
breakfast going on.
But what are some of the othertraditions, man, that you know,
you you want to make sure keepsgoing?
And then maybe some that you'relike, you know what?
I'm good on that.
Like, can we cut it out?
SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
Uh, what what can we cut out?
I don't know.
I definitely think um the time,you know, maybe we could get it.
But I know that that that man,it takes it takes so long to
prepare, man.
You know, it takes so long toprepare, so it's kind of like
you just never know when thefood's gonna be done.
(11:57):
But um I don't know.
I can't really think of any anythat I would want to let go, but
I know that one I definitelywant to continue is, you know,
we like I said, we just alwaysbefore you eat, everybody at
least say one thing that, youknow, they're thankful for.
That's the the main one I couldthink of.
What about you, Paul?
SPEAKER_02 (12:14):
Yeah, yeah, that that's a powerful one.
Um, I also think the traditionis making sure, you know, that
the that the elders are takencare of.
True.
Right?
Uh that's something that for meshould be lifelong, you know,
especially when you got a bunchof kids at the house, man.
Like, I think that we're at anall-time high where kids are at
(12:35):
the house, man.
Like a bunch good grief.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
It's like um snatches.
SPEAKER_02 (12:42):
It's like everybody got a bunch of kids that they
bring into the house, man.
Like, you almost need to have awhole nother house, uh, a whole
nother area just for the kids.
And I I remember that's kind ofsomething that I think it is uh
important too, is to have theadults at the adult table and
then have the kids and theyounger ones in their own area.
(13:05):
I think that that's pretty big,you know, when you're bringing a
bunch of families together.
Now, obviously, at your house,you do what you want to do.
But I think uh if if we cancontinue to do that, you know,
keep the adults, keep theelders, uh, because you know,
there may need to be some adultconversation, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (13:21):
Yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact, when youmentioned that, Pop, that, you
know, that kind of reminds me ofsomething, you know, what was
different about Thanksgivinggrowing up.
I remember that kid table, youknow, eating at the kid table
with all my cousins, and then,you know, growing up and kind of
(15:06):
transitioning from the kid tableto the adult table.
You know, now you sitting rightnext to Auntie with why they
playing dominoes or scrabble orwhatever the case is.
And I just always thought thatwas, you know, it's like one of
those coming of age momentsbecause now you looking at your
little cousin and telling themto go sit down somewhere.
So yeah, that's one, that's kindof one of those, I like that
(15:29):
that tradition, like makingsure, because it's kind of like
uh a rite of passage, you know.
Kids, y'all stay where you are,stay in y'all's place, and this
is where grown folks at.
SPEAKER_02 (15:39):
Yeah, yeah.
That's kind of how it's beenworking for a long time, you
know, especially in our family.
Uh, the only thing I would saythat that probably needs to go
is the uh the extended time toserve.
Like I think that we should bevery um intentional in starting
(15:59):
to eat a little bit earlierbecause think about this.
You know, you you have the guysthat probably want to watch
sports, right?
And so if you want everybody atthe table, then you probably
want to go ahead and startknocking that out before, you
know, football or basketballcomes on and things like that.
That way, you know, the the guysain't taking their plates going
(16:23):
into the to the living room,right?
Right.
So it if I think uh if we can ifwe can do that, just be a little
bit more intentional in thetime.
Now look, I'm saying that, but Iprobably don't really have any
say-so when it comes to it,because I'm not in there
cooking.
Right?
And I'm not trying to rush themacaroni not having that that
brown crust on the edges, right?
(16:46):
So I don't want to mess nobody'suh meal preparation up, but I do
think that we got to work on ongetting that done a little bit
earlier.
So whatever, whatever thattakes, because Jay, you also got
to remember that in somehouseholds, they they start the
the meal prep like one or twodays before Thanksgiving Day.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (17:07):
I know it.
You know, so uh again, you go inthat refrigerator looking, you
can get a snack, man.
All you see is greens, beans,tomatoes, potatoes.
You you name it.
You name it, right?
All right, so you know what?
I I do want to also talk about,you know, briefly, about some,
(17:28):
you know, some traditions thatwe either want to create, you
know, as fathers, or you know,some that you may remember, you
know, even as a father now, Jay.
So, you know, what do you thinkis something that, you know, you
want to create and something,you know, especially as being a
father, you uh you've enjoyed.
SPEAKER_00 (17:50):
Yeah, I think one of the traditions, um, Thanksgiving
tradition as a father, Iprobably want to just kind of
get like a good one-on-one likecheck-in, like check-in with
son, you know what I'm saying?
You know, being, you know, thetiming of Thanksgiving, kind of
wrapping up the year a littlebit, and just, you know, all the
(18:13):
experiences that, you know,you've been through throughout
the year.
I think uh uh it's a perfecttime to kind of check in, you
know, how how's everythinggoing?
How's you know, how's schoolbeen, how's your friend group,
things like that.
Just kind of like a lifecheck-in around Thanksgiving
time, I think is it's probablyappropriate to get tradition.
SPEAKER_02 (18:33):
Yeah, I think that's really good too.
Um, and that's really importantbecause it's it's one of those
times where family is aroundyou, you know, it could be a
nostalgic moment.
And uh, you know, you never knowwhat type of conversations can
come, you know, when you'regetting that time in with
family.
You know, you may reminisce, um,you you may get something from,
(18:54):
you know, another family memberthat makes you even appreciate
your relationship, you know, asa father.
So I I would also add to that, Ithink that the father should
carve the turkey.
Uh I I think that that issomething that is really a huge
milestone.
And I believe it it signifies alot more than people think,
(19:17):
right?
It's kind of like, hey, this isuh this is you know the father,
the man of the house, uh, thepatriarch, if you will, and he
will continue to you know lead,continue to protect.
And you know, he's about toslice and dice this turkey too.
So once that happens, is is on.
And so I think we uh we can kindof look at that as a symbolic
(19:41):
moment of uh appreciation, youknow, um of a father.
But addition in addition to whatyou were saying, you know, I
also think that it is anopportunity for uh us men to
even talk to the youngergeneration.
Like it should be a literally itshould be like a set aside and
uh have those conversations andand and get feedback and and
(20:05):
answer questions and see what'sreally going on, you know, in
these different households asthe young men navigate you know
through life.
SPEAKER_00 (20:14):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_02 (20:16):
Yeah, so we can we can do that.
Uh what what else we got, Jay?
Let's let's talk a little bitabout co-parenting um when it
comes to you know theThanksgiving, like sharing time.
Now, of course, of course, youknow, for me, it did transition
because you know I was marriedbefore, so there was times
where, you know, it was it was ahouse full, and then there were
(20:36):
times where uh it wasn't.
And so, you know, theco-parenting thing is you kind
of swap out, we you know,whatever the arrangements are
between those parents.
But uh I'll let you talk aboutthat because it's been a little
bit of time for me since ally'all grown now.
But yeah, you know, so so foryou, even navigating that or you
(20:59):
know, what what was your or whatare your current expectations
and then how have you been ableto navigate that in the past?
SPEAKER_00 (21:08):
Um, you know, like many things, it's always, it's
always just a conversation.
You know what I mean?
Holidays are always gonna be uhthose key events on, you know,
where is you know the childgonna be?
Is it gonna be with mom?
Is it gonna be with dad?
So uh hopefully, you know,you're able to to talk and
(21:29):
communicate with um with uh withyour uh co-parent and uh and
just you know just kind offigure it out.
But you know, for me, uh Ithink, you know, it's typically
we kind of just we just weigh,you know what I'm saying?
Like, yo, what's what y'all gotgoing on?
You know, I say what I got goingon, where I'm gonna be at.
And um this year, uh I'm I'mtrying to think about, I don't
(21:53):
even remember how it was lastyear.
I know this year I'll have I'llhave PJ this year.
Um Okay, good.
Um so you know, yeah, like Isay, it's just it's just it's
just one of those conversations.
It's it's never it's never anypressure, you know, it's just
like, hey, how we gonna do this?
Let's sit down and and and andhash that out, you know.
(22:16):
Well and and I think also it'simportant to kind of map it out,
because around this time, youknow, it's so many holidays back
to back.
Like, okay, how we doingThanksgiving, okay, how we doing
Christmas, okay, what are wedoing for New Year's?
Like, let's go ahead and and geteverything um road mapped so
there's there's you knownobody's surprised or there's no
(22:36):
and then also just so everybodygets the the time, you know what
I mean?
Um if it's possible in an idealworld, you know, it would, you
know, you could transition maybehalf the day here, half the day
there, but you know, it doesn'talways work out like that.
So um, you know, just have thatconversation and see what's
gonna work best for y'all.
SPEAKER_02 (22:58):
Yeah, and I think like many families, uh depending
on what's what's really goingon, because you know, one parent
may be going out of town tovisit some family that's out of
town or you know, taking sometype of road trip or vacation.
And then of course, you know,you want the you want that young
and uh to experience thosethings.
(23:18):
Um, if, you know, if that's uhwhat the arrangements are.
Um and so, you know, I Iencourage everyone to, you know,
those parents to to kind of workit out and keep the kid in mind,
(24:10):
though, right?
Allow the kid to experience somenew things if there's an
opportunity there to meet somefamily members that they may
have not met before, right?
Versus uh just being like, nah,last year you had her, last year
you had him, and then y'alldon't even do nothing.
Y'all just had the house.
SPEAKER_00 (24:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (24:30):
You know what I mean?
So keep keep that in mind.
Well, I remember them days, man,the to where, you know, you you
really almost had to plead pleadthe your case, you know, for the
child's sake.
Right.
You know, because you knowbetter.
So um, you know, definitely keepthat in mind.
SPEAKER_00 (24:49):
Yeah, well, you know, another thing about it too
is like, like we kind ofmentioned earlier, these around
the, you know, these holidaysand things are real, like core
memories in your childhood.
So you want to make thatexperience as as best as it can
be for your kid because it's oneof those things that they're
gonna remember.
If it was good Thanksgiving, itwas good Christmas, if it was,
(25:12):
you know, drama during, youknow, things like they're going
to remember that for, you know,until they grow up.
You know, what how was the thekid table?
Like I said, that right of past,all these things are gonna be,
you know, like core memories.
So it's it's definitelyimportant to plan and make sure
that you're doing what's what'sin the best interest for the
(25:33):
kid.
SPEAKER_02 (25:33):
Man, that's that's a strong point, man.
That's a strong point.
And uh, you know, we we gottathink uh about all angles
nowadays, man, just to be fairum to the kids.
So, you know, one thing I'm notgonna get into, but I do want to
mention, man, I imagine, imaginethe difficulty of somebody that
got multiple babies by multiplefolks.
(25:56):
Like, what does that look like,man?
SPEAKER_00 (25:58):
That's tough.
SPEAKER_02 (25:59):
Five, six kids, and then you know, you got four baby
daddies and four baby mamas, andyou know, you got different
drop-offs.
Man, imagine multiple baby mamasdropping the kids off, man.
SPEAKER_00 (26:11):
I cannot imagine it.
SPEAKER_02 (26:13):
You're gonna have to meet at the nearest grocery
store.
You know what I mean?
You can't have them come to thehouse, man.
Somebody wants to linger andhang out and see when the other
baby's mama coming.
Hey, man, I don't even want toget into that, but that's
hilarious.
SPEAKER_00 (26:28):
That's hey, that's that's somebody's life, man.
SPEAKER_02 (26:31):
Hey, that's somebody's real life, or should
I say trill life.
So speaking of speaking of thepressure though, like the the
pressure of hosting.
Now, um, I don't know if youhave or not.
You know, maybe you have in thepast, uh, but I I know for me,
I've I've had to do it a fewtimes.
And I'm talking about thepressure of hosting
Thanksgiving, you know, as anadult, as an adult man, like as
(26:55):
someone that, you know, you haveyour own apartment, you have
your own home, whatever the caseis, and and you're hosting.
Have you ever had to have thepressure of Thanksgiving being
at your house?
SPEAKER_00 (27:06):
Or uh yeah, but we didn't really, we kind of, it
was just kind of like uh just ustype of thing.
So we didn't really have anyguests, but you know, us as you
know, just as a family, we wedid that.
But nah, I I can't say I reallyhosted uh, you know, a
Thanksgiving where the folkscome over.
And that's definitely somethingI would I would know.
(27:28):
I'm looking forward to doingthough, for sure.
SPEAKER_02 (27:30):
Yeah, yeah.
You you know, um I would say notlast year, but the year before,
I did host.
Uh, you know, I hosted at thespot.
Uh everybody came through, youknow, with the dishes and stuff
like that.
Now I'm trying to think, whatdid I actually provide?
You know what?
I actually had the turkey.
Okay.
I I didn't cook the turkey.
(27:50):
I did have a friend put ittogether, you know, rhyme it and
and uh you know roast it for me.
So I did provide the turkey andeverybody else, you know,
brought a dish.
So it was a it was a success,man.
You know.
And it was just me though.
It was it was me, man.
And I had, you know, yourgrandparents there, um aunts and
(28:14):
uh uncle.
And uh it was a good time, man.
You know, I would say thebiggest part is um just having
enough food, you know, and thenyou know, kind of being able to
facilitate to where um everybodyhas a place, a place to eat.
So, you know, I think that'sbig.
It's it's almost like, okay, ifyou got a one-bedroom apartment,
(28:36):
you can't have you know 20people there.
No, you know, um some peoplewill have to be outside.
So hopefully you have, you know,some amenities to where you can
facilitate that.
But I think that's the I thinkthat's the biggest pressure,
man, is just having enoughspace.
And I'm saying that as a grownman.
That's all we're talking aboutfrom a father and son uh
(28:56):
perspective, man.
I think subconsciously, youknow, we're like, you know, I
want enough space whereeverybody's comfortable.
SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
Yeah, I think that that definitely would be the
main, you know, that's that'sthe main thing.
Because I know duringThanksgiving, you know, I'm at
my full spot.
Yeah, you might have to pull afold-out chair somewhere and
figure it out.
You know what I mean?
You definitely, the space islike the number one concern.
SPEAKER_02 (29:25):
Yeah, man.
Uh that's for sure.
Um, so you know, thinking aboutlike some of the etiquettes, uh,
and this is always a funny, uh,this is always gonna be a funny
chapter of uh conversation.
Like, what are some of theetiquette things, man, that
comes to mind?
(29:46):
Uh I'll go first.
Like, I think um bringing orbringing a to-go play or taking
a to go spot, uh uh, you know,uh when when you ain't bring
nothing.
Oh right?
Just you know, getting you aplate to go.
Now I understand sometimesthere's so much food and you
(30:07):
know that you're not gonna beable to get all the food, one
person, whoever's hosting.
But man, so how do you feelabout, you know, or do you even
care?
Because you you might be one ofthose guys, Jay.
SPEAKER_00 (30:19):
You wanna go plate with you?
No, I think you, you know, youdefinitely gotta, that's that's
that's a part of etiquette.
Like you just don't, just don'tgo, man.
You gotta be offered somethinglike that.
Like you wait until you knowwhat I'm saying, everybody in
the eight, and then okay.
SPEAKER_02 (30:37):
Yeah, what's left?
SPEAKER_00 (30:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Like what's what's left?
You can't you can't just go goin like that, man.
Somebody gonna say something toyou.
What are you doing?
SPEAKER_02 (30:48):
Hey, hey, I don't even care because you know I'm
from around the way.
SPEAKER_00 (30:53):
I'm leaving with something.
SPEAKER_02 (30:55):
I'm leaving with something.
SPEAKER_00 (30:57):
Nah, that is good.
I think I think another one isthough, Thanksgiving.
If you if you bring in a guest,you know what I'm saying?
That that the fam don't reallyknow like that, right?
You can't just let them walk inwith no introduction, you know,
getting their plate and stufflike that.
Nah, you got to you got to makeyour rounds.
SPEAKER_01 (31:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (31:17):
Hey, how you doing?
This is this is such and such.
Like, okay.
Because you can't just be all upin the crib during Thanksgiving
eating, and you ain't speak tonobody.
SPEAKER_02 (31:26):
Oh my God, man.
That's that's tough, man.
That that's tough.
Uh I want to address that, but Iwant to keep talking about the
etiquette.
But man, we're gonna have to puta pen in that because I do want
to talk about you know, invitinga new guest.
You know, I just want to talkabout a homeboy or homegirl,
because that's that comeswithout saying, right?
But dang, if you if you bring anew boo, oh boy.
(31:50):
Hey, but listen, let's finishthe let's finish the etiquette.
Uh, I'll I'll go next.
Uh I think um arriving on time.
SPEAKER_00 (31:59):
Oh, yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_02 (32:00):
Talked a little bit about that earlier, because you
know, nowadays folks are like,okay, when the food is gonna be
ready, you know, and then theywant to time it versus actually
getting there, spending sometime with the family, you know,
meet and greet, and repeat.
But, you know, a lot of timesfolks are trying to time when
the food will be ready, man.
So I think arriving, you know,on time, like when he was
(32:23):
invited, and that's what I wouldsay.
Like if you're invited to tocome at one o'clock, regardless
of when the food is ready, man.
Come at one o'clock.
There's a reason why people setthe time.
SPEAKER_00 (32:32):
Right.
Respect the time.
SPEAKER_02 (32:34):
Respect the time, man.
Uh what can we add?
Uh cleaning up.
SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
Oh, yeah, definitely.
You know, but but you know thatto me, I feel like that was
always the youngest time toshine.
You know what I'm saying?
This this time for y'all.
Y'all been running aroundplaying.
Yeah, it's it's the cleanupcrew.
Designated cleanup crew, man.
SPEAKER_02 (32:58):
That is a good point.
That that is the time to shinefor sure.
Like, you know, get on your bestbehavior and don't have your
handout at the end of theevening, though, either.
Right.
You're gonna get paid becauseyou it's not like you was
cooking.
No, you damn sure ain't buyingno groceries.
SPEAKER_00 (33:15):
But you ate good though.
SPEAKER_02 (33:16):
Ate good, probably took a nap or was at least
drowsy for the evening.
You had the itis and all that.
So, you know, kids, it's it'stime for you to clean up.
It's time for you to contributethe best way you can.
No doubt.
Oh man, you know, uh just justthinking about those times, man,
(33:37):
uh, of uh of opportunity tospend time, you know.
Um the elders, the uh, you know,the new generation, and you
know, just kind of having thattime to connect.
You know, I think that that'swhen the generations can
connect, and that's some of themost important time for the
(33:59):
youth to be able to get thatknowledge and wisdom and hear
different stories from uh yourlineage.
How do you feel about that, Jay?
How important do you think thatis when you start talking about
you know the roles of the youth,the the roles of the elders?
SPEAKER_00 (34:15):
You know, you know, thinking back, there's and I and
I hate to say it, I do feel likeI missed out on some wisdom
because I just didn't realizehow important um you know the
time is just to kind of to get abetter understanding of family,
of the uh the lineage, like yousaid.
(34:37):
Um ask questions, you know, askthis is the perfect time to ask
questions of um, you know, uh ofyour parents, your your
grandparents, your cousins,learn your different sides of
the family, you know what Imean, because it's almost um,
(34:58):
you know, this this is like amany mini family family reunion
um in a uh um you know adifferent way to look at it.
So definitely important to takethis time to ask questions
because the thing about it isyou you get older, time you know
goes goes on, and then you know,unfortunately you you lose the
(35:20):
different family members andthings like that.
And you know, some of that someof that is lost because that
information isn't passed down.
So um it's it's it's it's soimportant to just get.
And that that type ofunderstanding.
Those those stories will livewith you.
You know, we I still remember,you know, stories that I heard
(35:43):
from my childhood.
Some funny, you know, some, youknow, may you may learn some
family secrets that you didn'tknow.
Some things, some things, youknow, some things get said, but
um, you know, it's it's it's allin good faith, and it's all just
about those moments and thosememories.
Moments and memories soimportant.
SPEAKER_02 (36:02):
Facts, man.
Facts on facts.
You know, uh, you know, when Ithink about it, as my parents
are uh much older, uh, I justthink about some of the things I
want to make sure that I do, youknow, as you and your sisters,
you know, get older and andexperience things in life, you
know, I want to be able to have,you know, the holiday vacations
(36:24):
with everyone and, you know, uhholiday dinners and things like
that, you know, because peopleget spread out as uh as their
life, you know, goes on.
So people from different uh youknow, different states and some
may travel abroad and have tocome back, you know, to the
country to spend some time withfamily.
(36:44):
And you want to stay and keepthat you know connectivity, you
know, in the family tree.
And so I think that's importantbecause again, you know, those
are those are things that youcan never get back.
You can never get back time.
You can make it up with money,uh, you know, you can make it up
with things, you know, thosethings can be replaced, but time
is something that you can't getback.
(37:05):
So I think that that isimportant, man.
And just just getting thatwisdom, the legacy, because
you're a part of legacy, right?
You you have to think about itin this way.
You know, our elders, that'ssomething that they get a chance
to remember.
You know, I had a chance to seemy great-grandkids, and I had a
chance to spend time, you know,not only with my son, but my
(37:27):
son's son and my son's son'sson, son.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (37:31):
Yeah, that's powerful.
SPEAKER_02 (37:33):
Those those go a long way on on both ends of the
spectrum.
So we have to keep that in mindand uh and just keep those
stories.
Because you think about it, Jay.
What where is a lot of peoplegetting their information from
nowadays?
SPEAKER_00 (37:48):
Man, sources, though, the internet social.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
The internet, man.
The center net.
How about that?
SPEAKER_00 (37:54):
Can we like that?
That's a good one, right?
SPEAKER_02 (37:58):
The center net, center net, man.
So, you know, uh being able tohave that direct access, you
know, to family members in thefamily tree, because a lot of
times, you know, people have toread about it or they have to
hear stories that, you know,your great-granddad was uh uh
you know a chief in the in theuh military and was able to do
(38:20):
this and do that, and and youyour grandma, she was able to
you know accomplish these thingsand and you know show showed us
how to you know be a mother anda businesswoman, you know, and a
caretaker and have you knowtheir own career.
So these are things, man, thatyou want to be able to have
direct access uh with that, man.
(38:41):
And I think that's powerful.
But look, but before we wrapthis thing up, I want to talk
about bringing a new boo to yourThanksgiving, your family
Thanksgiving day.
Now, Jay, let's navigate thishere real quick, man.
We we got about two minutes justto navigate it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:00):
Yeah, let's do it.
SPEAKER_02 (39:01):
So, so for you, just go ahead and run through uh if
you do it, right?
Well, first of all, do yourecommend it?
And then number two, if you doit, please follow these
instructions.
SPEAKER_00 (39:13):
Right.
Definitely do it.
Do I recommend it?
Hey, man, that's gonna that'sdefinitely gonna be a personal
call.
You know your family the best,right?
You know what the outcome willbe, right?
I know you've seen at least oneexample growing up of somebody
in the fam that broughtsomebody, and and you know what
happened.
So I'll let you make thatjudgment, but I will say
(39:35):
definitely some steps you needto take is you gotta go with a
uh debriefing.
You gotta you gotta debrief yoursignificant on how your family
do, what to expect, and how andand the proper etiquette.
Because you don't want to havethem out there looking crazy and
giving your fam reasons, youknow what I'm saying, to uh
(39:55):
okay.
Nah, she can't come back.
Nah, you can't bring him back.
That's the last thing you want,you know.
But get him that debrief, and Idefinitely say is number one.
Just let them know.
What about you, Paul?
SPEAKER_02 (40:07):
Yeah, uh that's good, man.
I'm gonna say, don't do it.
I'm gonna say not to do it.
Um, this is what I recommend.
This is the reason behind it.
Depending on what you have goingon or what you had going on, and
your family knows about it,family members are gonna find a
(40:31):
way to get that new booone-on-one, right?
And they're gonna ask questionsyou don't want them to ask, or
your new boo might have someloose lips that will sink ships.
You understand?
So they may, they may give likea timeline of when you guys
started dating and hanging out,and you don't you don't want you
(40:51):
don't want them divulging thatthe family members because you
know they they may not alwayshave your back.
And then you got them familymembers that do too much, right?
You got the family membersthat's gonna say stuff without
even thinking and you know, saysomething like, well, you know,
last year, you know, uh sh hebrought somebody and we was
like, you know what I mean?
(41:13):
Yeah, you you just never know,but like you said, man, you know
um your family members, and butat the same time, you can't
control.
You can't control what they'regonna do.
You can't control you can'tcontrol what they're gonna do,
right?
So I would say do not bring anew boo to the holidays unless
you guys have somethingestablished, and unless you had
(41:36):
already made an introduction sothat you can have somebody
that's gonna have you back thisday.
Right, right.
So in case they need to run sometype of interference or
whatever, you know, but you gotsomebody on your side that's
gonna make sure that thingsdon't go too far left.
But you know, all off-rip, donot bring a brand new boo to
(42:00):
your family holiday uh dinner.
Now, if you guys are going to anevent somewhere or going to
hang, yeah, do it.
But your family members, man,nah, nah, man.
SPEAKER_00 (42:12):
Yeah, that's tough.
SPEAKER_02 (42:13):
Don't don't do that.
Don't don't be very cautiousbecause then the last thing that
I'll say is you never know if ifthey still like the old boo.
Look, and then somebody not evenknowing may be like, oh ra, what
happened?
What happened to you and uh andMelissa?
Oh, look.
(42:34):
They don't even know that yournew boo downstairs, you know, uh
uh having some uh sweet potatopie.
SPEAKER_00 (42:42):
Now you got some explaining to do.
That family got preferences,man.
The family has preferences.
SPEAKER_02 (42:49):
Hey, look, man, you guys know what to do, and now
you heard it voiced from thefavorite Pops and Son duo.
Look, we uh appreciate you guys.
We always love your comments andwe thank you for your feedback,
all the love you've shown us uhthroughout our time of not only
putting this podcast together,but just our branding of Pops
(43:13):
and Son conversations.
So before we go, big shout outto uh Love from Afar.
Uh Javen and I, we just was ableto participate in uh the uh
Broken Crowns Still Color, YouthSafety and Mental Health Summit.
Jay, just 30 seconds of whatthat experience was like.
SPEAKER_00 (43:35):
Uh the experience was extraordinary.
Um Dr.
Cynthia Williams put on um, youknow, just like a masterclass
and you know, teaching um youngkids really how to manage um,
you know, the the theconsequences and and grief and
(43:58):
decision making, just everythingjust wrapped up into one.
Um I personally witness uh thekids there, you know, leaving
with a with with uh a greatersense of understanding of the
gravity that a mistake can cancan uh be towards a family
member or somebody you don'tknow or yourself.
(44:18):
You know, life has consequences.
Um but uh overall it was good.
Got to speak on the panel, umgot to uh speak with some other
some young men and just kind ofsee like where the where the
youth is today.
And I gotta say that I actuallywas um impressed.
You know, there's a bad image,there's a bad rap that we get as
(44:39):
young black men, but um Idefinitely learned that even
even though we have to fightthrough that stigma, we are
young, we are self-aware, and weunderstand what we're up against
and how to combat that as well.
So extraordinary event.
Very happy that uh I got to be apart of that.
SPEAKER_02 (44:56):
Yeah, and you did a phenomenal job uh as you know
navigated just the the entiresummit speaking with the you, uh
sharing your thoughts on thepanel and even helping your pops
out, man, with with a lot of thethings that that I was uh
blessed to be able to do.
I hosted the red carpet,interviewed some amazing
(45:17):
individuals uh on the panel aswell.
And it, you know, we lovepartnering with Dr.
Cynthia Williams.
So big shout out to Dr.
Cynthia Williams, uh the CEOfounder from uh Love from Afar
Foundation, which actually is uhshe put that together because
her son passed away some timeago from uh a driver that was
(45:42):
distracted.
And so it's a whole entiremovement.
Uh we'll definitely have uh Dr.
Cynthia on uh one of thesepodcast episodes so that she can
kind of talk about that becauseit's something that not only you
know uh mothers go through, butfathers uh go through as well
when we start talking about howour children has uh been
(46:05):
affected through throughdifferent challenges in this
world.
So, you know, that being said,big shout out to everybody.
We thank you guys for yoursupport and uh happy
Thanksgiving, happy family day,and uh we love you guys.
So uh of course, as always, muchlove.
(46:26):
Thank you, Pops and SunConversations, your favorite
silver fox, Rob Malloyd.
SPEAKER_00 (46:31):
All right, it's fun, and we are checking out.
SPEAKER_01 (46:35):
See you next time.
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