October 30, 2025 • 62 mins
Dating shouldn’t feel like guesswork, and reinvention doesn’t have to feel like failure. We unpack what it means to date with purpose beyond the usual destination of marriage—healing, confidence, and clarity count too—and why friendship first is the underrated foundation for honest love. You’ll hear how skipping the friendship stage fuels situationships, how to run progress checks in a relationship without turning it into a report card, and why identity work is the real glue that keeps two people moving in the same direction.
From a father-son lens, we get candid about evolving standards as your life shifts. When you level up—financially, spiritually, emotionally—your needs change, and so should your circle. We talk about pruning relationships with care, choosing environments that feed your goals, and refusing to chase validation over alignment. If your hometown no longer supports your growth, plan your exit. You’re not a tree; you can move. Starting over is not a collapse, it’s a chapter break. The right room, the right friends, and the right pace often lead to the right partner.
We also share practical steps you can use this week: build spiritual discipline with gratitude and quiet reflection, reshape your environment with intentional moves, and capture your growth through journaling. Those pages become a timekeeper for who you were, who you are, and who you’re becoming. Whether you’re fresh out, getting ready to enter, or deep in a relationship, the goal is the same—seek reciprocity, protect your energy, and align your choices with the future you want.
If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a push, and leave a review telling us your next step. Your story is still being written—let’s make the next chapter intentional.
Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc.
Keepingveteransfit.org
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
Welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun
Conversations.
And yes, it is your favoritesilver fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (01:58):
And Javen here checking in, Mr.
Check Three Times.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
And there it is.
Alright, what's up?
How you feeling, son?
What's going on?
SPEAKER_01 (02:06):
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling great.
How are you?
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
Hey, you definitely been in the A long enough, man.
With the outcast reference.
Hey, um, I'm thinking that uhthis episode, you know, we
always get a lot of requestsabout um certain topics, and
this topic keeps coming backover and over and over.
(02:32):
And you know, what we do here isis we give you guys a
perspective of a father and sonconversation.
And uh again, we keep hearingthis over and over.
Uh, they want us to talk aboutrelationships.
What you think about that, Jay?
SPEAKER_01 (02:47):
Hey, I'm down, I'm with it.
You know, relationships are sokey to so much that we, you
know, have to do in life, justgoing through life,
relationships are always key.
So it's never gonna be a dulltopic, it's never gonna be a
tired topic.
So yeah, we could do that allday.
SPEAKER_00 (03:05):
Okay.
So I'll tell you what, um, if weget to a point to where we have
to break this thing up a littlebit just because of the
different subtopics and thingslike that, then we'll give you
guys a part two.
But uh, as far as we'reconcerned, uh let's just you
know jump off this part one.
So if we start talking about,you know, love, relationships,
(03:26):
and and kind of the maturationof it, you know, the love is
more of the personal, you know,interactions with someone that
you know you're getting to know,uh, date, and you know, wherever
it heads to.
But relationships, you know,that is important too because
that's where friendships comeinto play, uh, whether it's a
(03:47):
platonic, uh, whether it youknow becomes a business, you
know, situation.
So we have to talk about that aswell.
And of course, the the maturityaspect of it is I I think it
gets real interesting becauseJay, you know, people are are
dating or people are out herewith different purposes, right?
You know, the the ladies arealways on some uh dating with a
(04:10):
purpose, you know, but thatpurpose isn't always marriage.
And I think we're gonna have toaddress that because think about
it, if if a woman has been in along-term relationship and she's
just going through a healingprocess and she's navigating
dating again, she may notnecessarily be uh be dating for
marriage.
So people have to take a look atthat, man, because you know,
(04:34):
dating with a purpose, peoplehave different purposes, right?
Some people are dating for, andI don't even want to get into
this part yet, but they're kindof dating to gain their
confidence back, right?
Some people are actuallyactually out here dating just
for uh just to kind of seewhat's out there, and so man,
(04:55):
we'll navigate through all thisand uh we'll do our best to get
through it, Jay.
But uh let's let's just go aheadand jump in with this thing.
Who you want to go first?
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
Yeah, um, I like I'm gonna piggyback off some you
said and just add, you know, alot of people just dating out of
boredom as well, you know.
They're dating out of boredomand loneliness.
Let's be real.
You know, let's be real for ameal.
SPEAKER_00 (05:19):
That might be a whole nother episode, man.
SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
Dating for a meal, man.
But yeah, but that's that'swhat's so crazy because you
know, when we talk aboutrelationships, and uh, you know,
you you this is one of your umone of your points you say, you
say, and and I correct me if Imess it up, but you you always
say you're either in something.
How does it how does uh remindme of that quote, Pops?
SPEAKER_00 (05:44):
Yeah, you you're in three places, man.
Either you uh just got out ofsomething, which a lot of people
can relate to, um, or you'reabout to go into something, so
you're preparing yourself, youevaluating, you're vetting, or
you are smack dab in somethingright now, and you're either
trying to get out or you'retrying to figure it out.
So uh those are the threeplaces.
SPEAKER_01 (06:06):
Exactly.
Right.
So when so when I think aboutthat in um in relationships,
it's like a lot of people, youknow, the they don't, they they
just can't be idle.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I think a lot of peoplehave um I don't know, it's maybe
like a uh a phobia, a lonelinessphobia or something.
SPEAKER_00 (06:29):
It makes sense, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:30):
You know what I'm saying?
So you'll see a lot of peoplethat that are dating and they
may not even be particularlyactually ready to do it,
actually ready to get intosomething.
So that's how a lot of thesesituationships and things like
that form.
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (06:47):
Hey man, look, you you uh you spitting fire early
in.
SPEAKER_01 (06:52):
I'm just you know, I'm just being, you know, pops,
because I I've I've sat back andI really thought about um, you
know, the dating game.
And you know, just of course,just relate relationships in
general.
And I just sit back, man, I seelike it's it's it's it's so
extreme.
It's like you could be eitherlike when you're single, you're
(07:13):
single.
You know what I'm saying?
Like people be talking aboutthey single, they lonely, they
don't got nobody.
There's like it's kind of likeno real in-between.
It's like you, like you said,you it's only three places that
you could be.
So, you know, once you when youwhen you interact with certain
people, and you could kind ofalways tell, like, kind of, you
know, what position they're inor what stage they're in.
(07:36):
And a lot of a lot of their um,not necessarily personality, but
just the way they come off isindicative of that.
Like you kind of tell, like, youjust got out of some, or are you
ready to get in or something?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't know who'salready, you know, involved with
somebody, but you know, I justthought it was always so
fascinating the differentcharacteristics that you could
(07:57):
pick out from somebody in thosethree different stages.
Like you could tell.
SPEAKER_00 (08:02):
That's good.
That's really good, Jay.
You know, and um I think thatit's also important, like you
mentioned, to kind of take sometime to take inventory of what
you've been through, you know,and what you want moving
forward.
Like you have to figure out whatyou want for yourself before you
look at what somebody can bringto the table to enhance what you
(08:26):
got going on because there's somany traumas, and you know, we
we've worked with um Dr.
Uh uh Cynthia Williams, Dr.
Curtis, um, you know, and andthey really talk about grief and
trauma, and that stuff carriesover if you don't deal with it,
(08:48):
and it can be 10, 15 years of uhof trauma, right?
And and uh and it and it windsup resurfacing because people
don't deal with it, and sothat's why I think it's really
important uh when we starttalking about you know love and
relationships to just kind oftalk about you know building
(09:11):
that authentic organicfriendship.
Because you know, when you'refriends with someone, man, you
don't really care uh about youknow judgment, you just go to
share because you know they gotsome stuff going on, you got
stuff going on, so you're notreally tripping, man.
And it's and it's a lot easierto be transparent with your
friends, and so when you buildthat that friendship first, then
(09:33):
a lot of times you could putyour ego aside because you don't
have to have all the answers,right?
You don't have to make um all ofthe perfect decisions, and
that's what you know it's allabout just kind of talking about
your imperfections, yourimprovements, you know, your
goals, your ideals, and you cando that a lot easier um when
(09:53):
you're building a friendshipversus someone you're trying to
impress.
Like you don't even really wantto talk about your past because
you embarrassed, right?
Right, so you know, you don'twant to talk about somebody did
you wrong, you don't want totalk about how you did somebody
wrong, what what residual stuffyou have going on, and you know,
when you can really betransparent, I think you can
(10:15):
make a lot more progress.
Number one, you're entrustingyour situation with someone, and
you know, you're building thatloyalty with someone, and and
even you know, not reallyknowing it, but just being free
to be yourself, man.
Um, and that's that's a that's apretty powerful position to be
(10:38):
in when you're getting to knowsomebody, Jay.
SPEAKER_01 (10:40):
Yeah, I agree, I agree.
Let me ask you this though,Pops.
Like, because you mentionedwhen, you know, you're trying to
impress.
SPEAKER_00 (10:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
Now, of course, naturally, it makes so much
sense to go the friendship routefirst, right?
Let's let's get to know eachother, this, that, and the
third.
Yeah.
But it doesn't always go likethat.
So what I mean, what do we call,like, what is that that other
outcome where I guess maybethings are rushed, or maybe
you're trying to skip thefriendship step.
(11:10):
Like, like, what is that?
And why do people why do peopleeven do that?
Like, it's it's that feels a lotmore unnatural to me.
Like, let's just go ahead andbe, let's, let's, let's couple
up, let's say we're an item andnot, and then we figure out
everything else afterwards.
Like, that doesn't make anysense to me.
SPEAKER_00 (11:29):
Right, right.
Shoot first, ask questions last,right?
SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
Yeah, like I don't I think that I think the people
that do that or those type ofrelationships, you know, I know
everything is different foreverybody, but I just don't see
how that dynamic can last fortoo long because it's almost
like you as as a relationshipprogresses, you uncover things
(11:54):
that you might dislike aboutthat person you didn't know.
That you you you may even findout things that you didn't know
that you wouldn't, you know,like about them, but it just
surfaces because y'all didn't gothrough that process of being
friends and really learning eachother.
So yeah, I just I just neverunderstood that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:13):
That's that's really powerful for you to even really
understand that entire dynamicbecause it happens all the time,
you know.
As a you know, uh dating afterdivorce coach, you know, one of
the things that that I sharewith my clients is identity.
And a lot of times, you know,those issues are because an
(12:36):
identity hasn't been establishedor re-established.
And so it's it's people that areliving off of the residual of
the previous relationship towhere there's unfulfillment.
So think about this.
If if a young lady was uh datinga young man, and let's say they
dated for about four years, andaround that two and a half,
(12:59):
three-year mark, you know, she'slike, hey, where is this thing
leading now?
Because initially we was like,okay, we like each other, we're
gonna get to know each other,we're gonna spend some time
together.
But ultimate, the ultimate goalis to, you know, of course,
establish uh a relationship andthen build on that to you know
(13:20):
being engaged and being married.
And so if if things happenaround that third year, whether
it is, you know, some challengesin there, but they decide to
stick together, she's stillgonna be focused on the end
result.
So the end result should be hey,you know what, we're supposed to
be engaged by now, we'resupposed to be married by now.
(13:40):
If we talked about kids, we'resupposed to be talking about
kids, you know, by now and whatour future is gonna look like.
But if he's been in a situationwhere it was either some type of
trauma that happened, sometimesfor for guys, man, we hit the
reset button.
Right?
So things start over because nowthat we've gotten through this
(14:01):
particular situation, we have tobuild back up to it.
And so those are dynamics,individual dynamics that have to
be addressed.
And the only way to do that isthrough that transparency, and
so it can become you knowreally, really tough for a
couple, and now they're talkingabout how they don't feel like
(14:22):
you know they're they're stillconnected, or you know, that
person is drifted a little bit,and that's because you know they
they haven't had any type ofprogress report in their
relationship that they can haveas a reference point.
And I'm not necessarily talkingabout grading every situation,
but I'm talking about what typeof progress has have we made.
(14:46):
And if we're not where we needto be, how can we get there?
You know, and that's kind of youknow, one of those situations
where people just kind of gowith the flow.
You can't do that, you actuallyhave to have a plan, you know,
in this relationship thing, man.
So I encourage people to uhreally pay attention to where
the relationship is going,especially if it's not going
(15:06):
anywhere.
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
Yeah, that's that's one of those things that I think
Tups comes with um a certainlevel of maturity.
Sure thing.
So so I want to ask you this.
You know, being that you are,you know, a a seasoned
gentleman, for sure.
Like, what do you are there arethere any similarities or or or
(15:31):
like stark differences between,say, when you were dating at 30,
well you were married, but inyour younger years versus now,
like are do you deal with thesame type of um, I guess, like
issues or or like are there anysimilarities or just a
completely different ball game?
SPEAKER_00 (15:51):
Yeah, uh there's gonna be some similarities, and
then there's gonna be somedifferences, and it's important
to know that uh both will happenand can happen simultaneously.
And you know, uh it's all aboutevolving as an individual
because as you evolve, as youpersonally grow and develop,
(16:12):
you're gonna have differentneeds and wants.
Now your desires may be thesame, but your wants and needs
may differ.
Uh, you may be in a situationwhere you're working on your
finances, you're working on yourhealth, you know, you're working
on uh your your status, but thenwhen you actually achieve some
of those things, now you'relooking at more of quality over
(16:34):
quantity, you know, so you don'thave to uh go to the places that
you you know used to go.
Um you may be a lot moreselective on who you're
associated with, you know, eventhe type of people that you're
around or you surround yourselfwith, like everybody can't go
where you go, especially whenyou're hitting different levels
(16:57):
in life.
Like some folks might like forinstance, you got some guys that
you know they all they want todo is just hang out.
(18:31):
Maybe they want to drink, uh,maybe they just want to uh you
know watch sports or somethinglike that.
But then you have guys that arelike, look, man, I'm I'm really
trying to establish myself.
Um, I'm I'm really looking tolearn, I'm looking at education
and things like that.
And then you may have a group ofguys that are established, and
(18:51):
they just they're talking aboutbuilding a legacy, you know what
I mean?
They're talking about takingthings to the next level,
they're talking about expandingbusiness, they're talking about
conglomerates, and so those arethree different types of
individuals.
Now, you can you know pick andchoose who you want to hang
with, who you want to associateyourself with.
Um, but when it comes down towhat you want to accomplish, you
(19:15):
have to look at what's going tobe best for you.
You have to prioritize is thisgood for my soul?
Is this good for my family?
Do these match with my goals andmy purpose and the things that I
want to accomplish individuallyand collectively?
And so, man, it's it's a avariance of those things.
And as you go through life, asyou experience different things,
(19:39):
Jay, that's where you learnwhere to actually put your
attention to.
You're gonna hurt a lot ofpeople's feelings, um, but it
kind of comes with the territorybecause when it when it boils
down to it, if you're notaccomplishing your goals, if
you're not reaching the featsthat you want, if you're not
making the connections that youwant, that's 100% on you.
(20:00):
And you can't blame anybodyelse.
And so that's why we have to uhyou know focus our attention
with like-mindedness and uh stayon task with our goals and uh
and purposes.
SPEAKER_01 (20:15):
Yeah, that was uh that was a word, Pops.
I hope they I hope they heardall that, absorb all of that
right there.
Yeah, for sure.
Um I feel that wholeheartedly.
But you know, like I said in thebeginning, like relationships
are so key.
You know, you have to you haveto be able to compartmentalize
(20:38):
those friends and really know,you know, like you said, who to
take with you and who to and whoto leave behind.
Right.
Um me personally, I know since Igot here to the A, I I like you
said, you know, I've been laserfocused.
So um I I wouldn't even saylike, what do you how do you
(21:02):
categorize like you got friends,acquaintances, you got maybe um
like business partners andthings like that.
What what do you think is thethe most valuable?
Would you rather have morefriends, acquaintances, or
business partners, or is it justlike a mix of all of them?
SPEAKER_00 (21:18):
Yeah, I I think a good mix, um, I think it's
important because you youdefinitely want to stay to your
roots.
There's certain people that areuh close to you that know who
you are, that keeps yougrounded, kind of let your hair
down, so to speak.
Uh it's good to have thosefolks, you know.
And when it comes to business,of course, you want people that
(21:40):
can get you to the next level,uh, people that you can elevate
with.
Uh, you can have mentors, youhave mentees.
And so that's a whole, you know,another dynamic when it comes
down to it.
But trying to trying to uhcreate a very purposeful uh life
balance.
Now, I don't mean balance likeeverything is equal, but balance
(22:02):
meaning as Libras, right?
Sometimes we might have to leana little bit to the left,
sometimes we might have to leana little bit to the right, uh,
depending on how things aregoing or where we want to go.
But just kind of knowing thatwe're gonna have that variety in
life and knowing how tocompartmentalize things.
I think that's really the key tolife because you can't always do
(22:24):
just one thing.
You know, you're gonna feelunfulfilled, you're gonna feel
like uh, you know, you need abreak from something.
So just knowing all those thingsare important, and when it boils
down to it, you know, of course,you want to take care of
yourself.
You know, you want to be awareof what you're ingesting or
digesting uh when it comes toyour physical, your spiritual,
(22:46):
your financial, your emotionaluh, you know, aspects of things.
And so trying to find that, um,that's what life is about, man.
That's why we we do this on adaily basis.
That's why you surround yourselfwith people that you know will
encourage and support you andgive you strong constructive
(23:06):
criticism.
You know, we we uh nobody hasall the answers, and it's not
cookie cutter, so that's why,you know, you learn from
experience on a daily basis,Jay.
SPEAKER_01 (23:17):
Yeah, I agree.
Constructive criticism is is soimportant too.
I used to, I'm not gonna lie, II admit, I I at one point I had
an issue.
I want to say an issue, but itwould it was hard for me to take
criticism.
I really had to learn how to sitback and and not take it so
(23:38):
personal.
But just use it to help to helpme grow because especially about
things, you know, that I createor or things I'm passionate
about.
It's like nobody could tell meanything about this.
I made it, it's the best thingon earth.
Yeah.
But it's like, no, it's it'snot.
Some of this, everything youmake isn't gold.
Some of it's trash.
And you need people to be realwith you and tell you, hey, bro,
(24:02):
you're you're creative, you'retalented, but that isn't the
best work.
You could do better than that.
And it's okay to, you know, tosay, oh man, well, you might be
right.
Let me let me give it anothergo.
So um, that's another thing.
I encourage people because I wasI was bad at it, man.
And I think that it hindered alot of my creative works because
(25:03):
I was just so focused on what Iliked or what I thought was was
the best.
But at the end of the day, ifyou're choosing to share it with
the world, now anything that youthink is the best, and it's it's
it's if you're gonna keep itprivate, yeah, it could be the
best thing to you, it's forever.
But once you release it to theworld, people have the the
(25:24):
autonomy to critique it.
They could say if they like itor dislike it.
I mean, that's art.
That's just that's just life.
Everybody has an opinion.
So, you know, being able to toextract the gems from people's,
even even back, you know,critical really critical um
comments or critiques and thingslike that.
You could you could find somelight in that and still be able
(25:47):
to take that and improve yourwork.
SPEAKER_00 (25:50):
That's really good.
Uh, I think in a sense, that'swhat that's what they call
emotional intelligence.
I don't really subscribe to allof that emotional uh stuff, but
I mean there's definitely somesome truth to it.
Uh, we do have to do a betterjob of uh just deciding when to
(26:13):
engage and and when something'snot worth uh our efforts, our um
our our uh mental bandwidth oremotional bandwidth, and we have
to make some better decisions onon just not being reactionary.
And we can we can do a betterjob, I think all of us, but
especially as as men, you know,we're we're in a an era to where
(26:37):
we're more vocal.
At the same time, we're attackedmore because of of being vocal,
right?
It's like uh I remember when Iwould post certain things and
and people would come on thereand say, Well, I don't agree.
It's like we don't have to agreeon my perspective.
That's that's wild to me, right?
(26:58):
And so uh, you know, we justhave to be more aware and more
focused on what the overall goalis and what we want to
accomplish in life, and andthose are the things, man, that
that's gonna really takepriority.
So we got to keep doing that,Jay.
Yes, sir.
Yeah, so look, I think we'regoing to need to to uh put a pen
(27:19):
in this, yeah, and and and lookat doing a part two, but I want
to be very intentional with thepart two.
Uh Jay, I think we need to, youknow, start talking about things
like uh, you know, umidentifying, you know, your
reality, your purpose, you know,that comes with like reinventing
yourself.
Like I think we should talkabout the reinvention.
(27:41):
You were mentioning somethingabout you know the difference
between you know uh things whenyou're when you're 30 or in that
age bracket, or maybe your 40s,50s.
And I do believe that uh makingsure that you have a strong
identity because you know,through your experiences and
you're learning through thosethings, you have to build upon
(28:02):
that.
So so let's do that, Jay Man.
Let's let's let's rock out anddo a part two for them.
SPEAKER_01 (28:08):
Okay, yeah.
I hope y'all ready for part two.
It's coming to you soon.
SPEAKER_00 (28:13):
There it is, y'all.
So uh we again always thank youfor your support.
We'll see you guys next episode.
Right here for you.
It's your favorite single foxrobbery.
SPEAKER_01 (28:25):
Check three times, check it out.
SPEAKER_00 (28:41):
All right, welcome back to another amazing episode
of Pops and Son Conversations.
And as always, it is yourfavorite father and son duo, Rob
Malloy, your favorite silverfox, and Javen, Mr.
SPEAKER_01 (28:55):
Check Three Times checking in.
SPEAKER_00 (28:58):
The flyers poet.
Now you know it.
Let's go.
I gotta mix it up for you, man.
Gotta keep you on your toes,baby boy.
SPEAKER_02 (29:08):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
Yeah, so so look, guys, uh, we are very
intentional about this episode.
I know a lot, we got a lot offeedback from uh the last
episode.
We said that we were gonna talka little bit more about
relationships, love, andmaturity.
And so, really, we're just gonnajump right in, Jay.
Um, what direction do you wantto go?
I know we mentioned some thingsabout uh you know finding your
(29:32):
identity and purpose andreinventing yourself.
Um, I'm gonna let you lead theway, man.
Let's go.
SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Well, I think we uh we'll start here because I can
relate to it um a lot.
Um and that's the courage topivot.
And we're talking about youknow, total life changes, moving
cities, changing your lifestyle,yeah, you know, getting into new
(29:59):
industries, creating, you know,new sources of income and
markets for yourself, meetingnew people, right?
So um for me, it was it was itwas I man, you know, I'm
thinking I'm always at a loss sofor for words sometimes when I
think about it, because I Ithink about the before.
(30:23):
You know what I mean?
I I think about the mindsetbefore, I think about you know
my surroundings before, and justto see the change, like I said,
it it does take my breath awaybecause I couldn't have, I mean,
um I could have imagined, but II needed that push or whatever
(30:45):
the case is.
So um, yeah, I mean that'sthat's that's the reinvention.
And it and it takes it can takea lot of guts, you know, it's
it's it can be scary, you know,jumping off that off that cliff,
so to speak, because you don'talways know where you're gonna
end up or what's gonna be on theother side.
(31:05):
And a lot of times you hear, youhear some great stories, but you
hear some horror stories too.
So, you know, you kinda you canyou can be anxious about it and
and it can get tricky.
But I think that the mostimportant thing about that when
you're thinking about, well,here, I'll start here.
If if you are a person and youwake up every day and you and
(31:29):
you're in a city, you know, thatyou don't particularly have, of
course, you got your memoriesand stuff, but everybody, you
know, they say they hate theirhometown, they want to get out
of their hometown, this and thethird.
If you're one of those people,you probably need to get out of
(33:30):
your hometown, first of all.
You know, if you if you're notthere and you don't feel like
it's fulfilling or you're havinga good time or your life isn't
the best it could be, move.
Like, I don't know why people weact like we are trees or
stationary.
You know, we have vehicles, wehave different modes of
(33:51):
transportation, buses, trains,all these different ways to get
up and go.
You know, so don't limityourself and be stuck somewhere
when you really don't have to,you really don't have to.
So that would be the firstthing.
Like just get up and go.
Of course, you you you want tomake a plan and you want to have
some type of roadmap for whereyou're going.
(34:13):
But I think number one is justis just making that move and
getting up and saying, you knowwhat, I'm about to make a
change.
I'm going to move.
I know I got friends here, Iknow I got family here, I know
they're gonna miss me.
But if they love me and they,you know what I'm saying, and
they really support me and andencourage me the way that they
say they do, then they won'thave you know any reservation
(34:35):
with me relocating.
They won't have any bitternessbehind me going to pursue a
better life for myself.
That's just the bottom line forit.
And if anybody does, they're notreally in your circle and it's
it's better off that you leftleft them behind.
SPEAKER_00 (34:50):
But it's flames on the mic, man.
Cool that off, man.
Cool that mic off.
I think that's really importantbecause even even from you know
your perspective as amillennial, as somebody, you
know, in their early 30s or justturning 30s, uh, that is a
beautiful mindset.
Uh I'm a genera, I'm ageneration Xer.
(35:11):
And so, you know, we we are thethe group of individuals that
trying things over and over andover and expecting you know
different results.
And so we have to take somepages um out of of your um
generation and apply thembecause you know we'll be
(35:32):
somewhere and and instead ofsaying, you know what, five
years is too Long will be like,okay, but it's five years that
I've invested.
And that's two differentmindsets because if you want
change, you have to make change.
If you can't change the thingsaround you, then change the
things around you.
(35:53):
Right?
And so those things are soimportant.
But but I love the fact that youtalked about um the importance
of not staying complacent withyourself, uh, not getting too
comfortable.
And if you're not getting theresults that you want, then try
something different.
Like it's not always you.
(36:15):
Sometimes it's it's what youhave uh around you that's not
helping you grow.
Sometimes that seed is notplanted in the right fertile,
uh, right fertile soil.
Uh or sometimes you gotta pickthat seed up, man.
Dig that seed up, man.
Dig that seed up and relocateit, man.
Reseed it.
Reseed it.
(36:36):
I love that.
So um, yeah, so you know, I I Ialso think that a lot of people
are afraid of of doing somethingdifferent, meaning uh, you know,
relocated and maybe doing doingsome things differently.
Like you can always get to thesame uh goal, you can get there
(36:58):
taking different routes, right?
So uh as long as you embracethat journey and you understand
that you have to take theexperiences for what it's worth,
you know.
Experience stop you, allow it tohelp guide you, reposition, and
like you said, pivot, man.
Those things are so important.
And I'm glad that you mentionedthat as a young man.
SPEAKER_01 (37:22):
Yeah, well, you know, Pops, I think I think that
uh what a lot of people comeacross too is the whole thing of
of starting over.
Like people are afraid to startfrom ground zero or they feel
like they've built up, you know,whatever it is in their
(37:42):
profession or you know, theircreative arts or whatever the
case is.
So they don't want to startover.
A lot of people look at that asfailure, but it's not, it's
really evolution.
As humans, we evolve and wecontinue to go through different
phases and changes.
Like I'm sure people listeningto this podcast think about who
(38:02):
they were five years ago or 10years ago.
They probably weren't wearingthe same clothes.
They may have they may have hada different hairstyle, you know
what I'm saying?
Different pairs.
Like we we evolve and we kind ofbecome this different version as
the days go on.
So I think another importantthing to do is to stay present.
Like don't dwell on the past.
(38:24):
Yeah, you accomplished what youaccomplished, but it's never
over because you got more daysto live, you got more story to
write.
So I don't even don't even lookat it as starting over.
You just close that chapter oryou close that book and maybe
you're starting a new book or anew chapter.
That's all it is, and it's it'sit's a continuous evolution.
(38:47):
So I think when people kind of,if they can reshape that thought
process around it, it won't beas scary because reinventing or
or just restarting, yeah, itsounds, it's it's it sounds like
a task.
But if you look at it just as,like I said, this is a whole new
(39:09):
version of me.
This is my new uh uh I'm I'm uhit's a new premiere, a new world
premiere of me.
You know, like coming back outto the world, y'all.
This is the new version, y'allhaven't seen this yet.
You know what I mean?
And that feels good too.
And people can people will seeyou with that new energy, and it
can ignite something in them.
(39:29):
It inspires something in thembecause guess what they're
doing?
Yeah, they back at home, likeyou said, complacent.
They're the ones that's sittingon the couch watching TV, afraid
to make a change in their lifeor make a you know uh just a
different, a different choice intheir life.
They don't want to move, theydon't want to go anywhere, they
they're cool with it, which I'mnot downing anybody, because if
(39:52):
you're cool with that, thenfine.
But if you're unhappy and you'redoing that, I mean it's it's on
you.
Like you said, it's it's it's onyou.
You're the reason behind thatbecause you got too many tools
to where you can make adifference in your life and
change something around.
So yeah, that's that's that's mybest advice.
(40:13):
Restarting is not as scary ifyou look at it as a new a new
chapter.
SPEAKER_00 (40:19):
That's powerful, Jay.
Uh, I do want to add, you know,uh context as well, because we
are talking about loverelationships, uh, maturity.
And when you when you put ittogether, um when we're talking
about love and relationships, Ithink it's important for people
(40:40):
to see, you know, their growth.
Um I think it's important forthem to see their development.
Because when you when you havethose things, then again, you're
going to have a differentstandard.
You're gonna have a differentstandard for yourself, you're
gonna have a different standardfor those around you when it
(41:00):
comes to love and relationship.
These people are gonna have tobe on a certain level in order
to get your energy, to receive,you know, your resources, uh,
your vibe.
And I think that sometimes weget caught up holding on to
people and things longer than weshould.
(41:23):
Not saying that you have tocompletely uh dismiss them, uh
disassociate, but when you startinvesting your time, your
resource, and energy, it has tobe where you can also be
refilled, yeah.
You have to be in in a putyourself in a position to where
you know that where you're at,you are being refilled.
(41:46):
Somebody is pouring into you.
It is not a lopsided situationto where you're giving all your
energy, all your resources, allyour love, all your time, all
your attention just for someonewho cannot give you reciprocity.
Now I know I'm preaching on thisone, but I think that this is
really crucial in order forpeople to understand you have to
(42:07):
move on.
Not only move on, but you haveto move up.
Right?
No lateral movements, man.
I'm talking vertical.
And my message uh will always beto make sure that number one,
you're taking care of yourself.
And by doing that, of course,you have your higher power where
you get your source from, butit's also about what you're
(42:30):
surrounding yourself with, whatyou're putting in your spirit,
man, what you listening to, whatyou putting in your body, what
you putting around your body,like what kind of residuals are
you getting?
No, no CB reference, but whattype of what type of residuals,
man, are you actually partakingin?
And uh for me, I found myselfelevating uh these last four or
(42:52):
five years to where a lot ofpeople that I used to rock with,
they they move themselves awayfrom me.
It wasn't something to where Istopped calling or you know, I
stopped inviting them to uh youknow certain things, and or you
know, they see on social mediawhat events I have.
They stop coming, they stopinboxing me, you know.
(43:13):
So uh what that lets me know isuh again, sometimes uh you need
to elevate, you need to separateto elevate, you know, um, and
that's what it's gonna take.
So, you know, I definitelyencourage people uh in this
journey to please understandthat you're not gonna be able to
make everybody happy.
(43:34):
We go through life worryingabout what people think,
worrying about what people aregonna say, worrying about if
people see us or not, lookingfor that validation, and that's
that's so real.
I don't care what people try tosay.
A lot of us are looking forvalidation.
Now, you may not be looking forvalidation everything in every
aspect in your life, but come onnow.
(43:56):
I tell you what, what if you puta post up or a video up and that
thing only gets five likes?
When you put that video up, Jay,that thing only gets 89 views.
You're gonna feel some type ofway.
So it might have to come backnow.
But at the same time, what youshould focus on is the message,
(44:18):
right?
Right, because the if thatmessage lands on good ground,
you've done your job.
If that message or that pictureinspires just a handful of
people, you've done your jobbecause that's how uh
duplication works, right?
And so you want to be able tohave a clear understanding, a
(44:39):
clear vision of what yourpurpose is, how you're gonna
execute it, and what is yourteam gonna look like because you
can't do it alone.
And so there's people that'sgonna be by your side, Jay,
that's actually going to elevatewith you and help you elevate.
Now, later on, they may havetheir own projects, they may
have their own dreams to whereyou know that they got to go
(45:03):
about their way, but thatprocess is so strong because now
they know what they're gonnaneed to be to someone else and
what other people will desireand have expectations from them.
So, man, I I just think that wekeep embracing our journeys and
(45:23):
not worrying about what's goingon to the left or right, Jay,
we're gonna be all right.
SPEAKER_01 (45:27):
Yeah.
That's that's a fact.
That is a fact, and that takes acertain level of self-awareness
too.
Sure.
Um, the people listening to thispodcast, we all sometimes need
those reminders.
You know, that's why I don'teven think there's um when you
think about redundancy andtopics and things like that, I
(45:49):
don't care because there'salways gonna be somebody that
hasn't heard it talked about inthe manner that that we're
talking about it.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't everybody doesn'thave the same type of examples
or life experience.
So self-awareness is soimportant.
So if you listen to this pod andyou connect with some of these
(46:10):
examples or or or even some justsome of the uh the phrases that
my pops is dropping, because hegot the quotables.
Pops, you got the we gotta startdoing them t-shirts with your
quotables, y'all.
I'm not lying.
So um it's it's so importantjust to to be able to look, step
back and take a look at yoursurroundings and see where you
(46:30):
are.
Let this, you know, let this bethat call to action to say, all
right, man, am I is my circlelike that?
Are people trying to help meelevate?
Am I stuck?
Am I on the couch?
Like, look, this could be that.
And it's and it's it's alwayswith love.
Like it's it's no negativity,it's always positivity because
(46:51):
this podcast is about pushingfathers and sons forward,
setting that example.
And, you know, I I would, youknow, as when my son gets a
little bit older, you know, hedoesn't really have that concept
now.
But of course, these are thingsthat I want him to understand as
early as possible.
You know what I mean?
Just kind of to allow him toalready know because he may be
(47:14):
dealing with people that thatdon't have that concept.
And like you said, any it justjust because you may not have
like the loudest megaphone, youstill can't set that example for
anybody, and it'll land where itneeds to land.
Yeah.
That's that's how we do it.
That's how we spread thatmessage, and that's how we make
(47:35):
sure that we good and ourpeoples is good.
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
That's powerful.
So look, this is what we'regonna do.
Uh, because you know, we couldtalk all day long, but let's
talk about some actionable stepsthat we can actually do uh
starting today, and and thenwe'll just you know, we'll we'll
end the this episode with thatbecause we love the feedback uh
and you guys uh always show usso much support.
(48:01):
But I think uh in in thismoment, let's talk about some
actionable steps that we canactually do.
So uh for one, I would say uhJay, uh building your spiritual
discipline.
And what I mean by that is a lotof times, man, we pray whenever
we we need something.
(48:22):
You know, we pray wheneverthings get tough uh to get out
of the situation.
We start negotiating with ourcreator.
Jay, you ever negotiate?
Say, hey God, if you get me outof this, I promise you I ain't
gonna go back this direction.
Everybody's done it, right?
Yes, everybody has done it.
But if we build some healthyspiritual habits, I didn't say
(48:44):
anything about religion, I saidspiritual habits, so that means
we're talking about the innerman, we're talking about the
inside, we're not talking aboutthe surface.
So if we could just kind of getback to meditating, I think
that'll be amazing.
And we can get back tointentional prayers of of
thankfulness, of gratitude.
Uh man, like we could we couldliterally change some things in
(49:08):
our lives when we just implementuh exercising our spiritual man.
How do you feel about that, Jay?
SPEAKER_01 (49:16):
I agree 100%.
I mean, you know, I'm a I'm abig proponent of that, of um,
you know, just whatever type ofself, self-therapy or self-study
that you could do because it'salways gonna be different.
Some people don't want tomeditate.
Maybe they want to, you know, gofor a walk, or maybe they just
want to sit and read a good bookor whatever it is.
(49:38):
But it's all, like you said,it's about that inside study of
yourself and really just takingtime from the outside world to
really understand yourself.
I mean, that's that's really allit is when we talk about, you
know, the the spiritual side ofthings.
It's when you remove yourselffrom the world, right?
(49:59):
Because everything worldly, youknow, it's a lot of
distractions.
So you have time with yourself,your time with your own mind to
understand where you are withinthe world.
You can't, you know what I'msaying?
You can only view yourself withthem.
So I think that a big part ofit, um, especially when we talk
about, you know, the reinventreinvention and just different
(50:21):
things like that, as I mentionedearlier, your environment is a
big, is a big part of it.
You know, take those steps,move, do what you gotta do, even
if it's um uh uh relocatingwithin, you know, within your
city, maybe just it's or or orwithin the state, I should say.
(50:42):
Like if you feel like you gottamove or you feel like you stuck,
stagnant, whatever the case is,don't feel like a plant, don't
feel like a tree.
You know, take those steps anddo what you gotta do to to move.
And then um another thing Iwould say was just like
reflection, which we kind ofalready talked about.
SPEAKER_02 (50:59):
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_01 (51:00):
That's a good, that's a good practice.
Daily reflections, like wastoday was the did the things I
do today go to help towards youknow the goal that I'm trying to
reach in the future, because yougotta remind yourself that every
single day because it's so easyto get off track.
SPEAKER_00 (51:18):
Yeah, oh boy, hey man, flame off, Jay.
Flame off.
SPEAKER_01 (51:23):
You say you said actionable steps.
I'm trying to let them know.
SPEAKER_00 (51:27):
All right, so look, uh, I know it's about time to
wrap things up, but there'ssomething that I I want you to
kind of finalize and kind ofbring to a close, which is
important.
Um, but before that, I do wantto mention uh we talked about,
you know, maybe relocating andkind of redefining some things.
Don't break your lease.
Okay, don't be out here and youknow you just moved somewhere
(51:48):
and you've been in there threemonths and you got a whole
one-year lease.
Don't don't talk about a popsand someone said I just need a
new, I need uh uh a newatmosphere.
So, you know, you just skip out,man.
Don't don't do that.
That ain't on us.
We're not responsible.
(52:09):
Oh man, but in addition to thatthough, Jay, so how do you feel
about when it comes to love,when it comes to relationship,
how do you feel if your maybeyour partner, your future
partner, uh is isn't in thearea?
Like, for instance, you know,you moved from Florida, now you
(52:30):
in Atlanta.
Like, how do you feel like maybeyour your partner is in your new
location?
Um, I I mean the clock at.
SPEAKER_01 (52:48):
I don't, you know, I I don't think there's I think
that's good.
The new location because I meanthat's is that is that not more
incentive or you know what I'msaying, to to relocate.
I don't know.
Like I feel like if you're inthat space of you want to
reinvent and and and do thesetype of things, that may be um
(53:09):
one uh another impetus because alot of people say they don't
even like the people in theirhometown.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't want the locals.
Maybe you went to high schooltogether, you see them at
Walmart all the time, you don'twant that.
So yeah, I think you know, youmove to to a new spot.
You actually, I think you'reprobably more likely to find
(53:32):
that romantic connection.
That's good.
That's a good point.
I think I think it's I thinkit's more likely, and it'll
probably happen a lot soonerthan you think.
SPEAKER_00 (53:41):
Especially if you're open-minded about it, right?
Oh, yeah.
You have to be, you know,open-minded.
Because sometimes when you'renot looking, you're gonna find
it, or it's gonna find yourather, right?
SPEAKER_01 (53:51):
It'll fall in your love.
SPEAKER_00 (53:53):
Yeah, so um I want you to kind of close things out.
Uh, one of the things that Ithink is extremely effective,
and we get away with, we we getaway from it at times, but
journaling, journaling yourlife, that's something that
obviously you're very uhefficient at.
Oh man.
(54:13):
And you you share it.
So uh as we close out, justshare the importance and some of
the benefits of just kind ofjournaling and what that may
look like.
SPEAKER_01 (54:23):
Okay.
So I have, yeah, I'm I'm an I'man avid journaler.
Um, I'm not gonna lie.
I have so many journals.
Okay.
Not even, I have physicaljournals, I have different
journal apps on my phone.
Um one of the things I reallylike about journaling is that
it's almost like a, it's likeyour own personal timekeeper or
(54:45):
reflection.
Because the thing aboutjournaling is if you do it daily
or even weekly, you don't see alot of people think that you
have to journal every day.
You don't have to.
You could journal once a month,you could journal once a week.
The goal of journaling isbasically just to express
yourself, how you're feeling inthat particular point in time.
(55:07):
And then it becomes a reference.
Okay, you go back, um, you know,a year later, you go back and
look at a journal, you know,from two, three years ago, and
you cross-reference, you know,what point or emotions you had,
you know, at that point in yourlife.
And it and it gives you justlike a sense of it gives you
(55:30):
like a sense of wholeness andmore understanding of yourself.
Because you gotta understandthat emotions are fleeting.
Like unless, unless you writethem down, even thoughts are
fleeting.
Like, unless you keep a trackrecord of it, you don't you
don't remember everything or howyou felt or how you thought
about a particular subject orhow you felt on a particular
day.
You're not gonna remember unlessyou write it down.
(55:52):
But once you're able to go andand look at that, you know, you
it it kind of answers some somequestions that you have about
yourself that it you that youdidn't even know you had.
Because like I said, like youmay feel one day today, then
tomorrow, you feel a differentway than tomorrow.
But once you keep a um a recordof that, it allows you to, um,
(56:15):
in a sense, like I said, it itjust it just brings you more
understanding of yourself.
So journaling is a big, uh, uh,um, uh, a really great way for
um you to get involved with likeuh what do they call it?
Your there's a there's a word,it's mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a word I'mlooking for.
(56:36):
Yeah, yeah.
It's really good mindfulness, itkeeps your brain sharp.
Um, of course, you know, if ifyou're a writer like me, you
know, it keeps your your vocaband your addiction and things
like that sharp.
So, you know, you keep a goodwriting hand.
But overall, man, it's just it'sjust therapeutic.
You know, therapy is one thing,but once when you, if you
(56:59):
especially like if you had likea rough day or something, I
promise you, you will feelbetter if you write it out or if
you type it out.
It's almost like a release.
There's a word for it, it'scalled um a catharsis.
And that means an emotionalrelease.
It's often used, um, it'sactually uh a literary term.
(57:20):
So, like in in different booksor plays or poems and things
like that, you'll have like thisum dramatic catharsis by one of
the characters where they justkind of like spill their heart
out or things like that.
So that's basically what itmeans.
But the point of it is to, youknow, bear everything and get it
out so that you can move on witha clean slate.
(57:42):
And like I said, a week later, amonth later, you go back and you
read it and you have arevelation about yourself, or
maybe you see why you felt thatway, or or you can make
connections on to um, you know,how you could change that
behavior.
It's it's just it's it's reallygood.
I encourage everybody to tojournal.
(58:04):
And like I said, I think a lotof people don't do it because
they think that it's somethingyou have to do every day, but
it's not.
You could do it once a week, youcould do it once a month.
Just write how you feel andjust, you know, just get it out.
It ain't got nowhere else to go,you might as well put it on
paper.
SPEAKER_00 (58:22):
Hey, that's so powerful because uh even with
mentioning that, it can buildup, and so you don't want to
really have a uh a conglomerateof different emotions, man.
You want to be able to journalthose emotions in real time
because it may be some momentsto celebrate, it may be
milestones, it may be some timesto where you have to reflect, it
(58:45):
may be some challenging times.
So those are a lot of powerfulbenefits of journaling.
Jay, you you just made me look,I got some composition books.
I'm gonna start there, man,until we get to get the pops of
sun journal books out there.
SPEAKER_01 (58:58):
Right on.
Hey, that hey, yeah, we will getthat easy.
SPEAKER_00 (59:02):
Yeah, we need that.
Hey, look, but by the time theyget to this uh uh pod, it should
be available, man.
We should have the linkavailable.
So uh man, look, uh this is thisis powerful.
Um, it's impactful.
Um, again, this is theperspective of a father and son.
I want to encourage not only thethe men out here that may be
(59:24):
fathers or may not be fathers,uh, may not have a relationship
with your father, uh, may be uhyou know curating a new
relationship.
I want you to continue to sharethe podcast, uh, give us some
feedback, give us some topicsyou feel like we need to ensure
that we we discuss, but also forthe ladies, for the mothers out
(59:46):
there, the soon-to-be mothers,the the ones that may have a
disconnect with their son, theones that may have a great
relationship with their son,these are the the messages that
we want to share because it goesbeyond us.
It goes beyond you.
So this is way bigger than us.
We thank you again for yoursupport.
And uh look, we want you guys tocheck us out next episode
(01:00:10):
because it they continue to getbetter and better.
As always, it's your favoritesilver fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (01:00:18):
And it is Javen Mr.
Check three times checking out.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:23):
That's it.
Pops in some conversations.
We'll see you guys next time.
Welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun
Conversations.
And yes, it is your favoritesilver fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (01:58):
And Javen here checking in, Mr.
Check Three Times.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
And there it is.
Alright, what's up?
How you feeling, son?
What's going on?
SPEAKER_01 (02:06):
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling great.
How are you?
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
Hey, you definitely been in the A long enough, man.
With the outcast reference.
Hey, um, I'm thinking that uhthis episode, you know, we
always get a lot of requestsabout um certain topics, and
this topic keeps coming backover and over and over.
(02:32):
And you know, what we do here isis we give you guys a
perspective of a father and sonconversation.
And uh again, we keep hearingthis over and over.
Uh, they want us to talk aboutrelationships.
What you think about that, Jay?
SPEAKER_01 (02:47):
Hey, I'm down, I'm with it.
You know, relationships are sokey to so much that we, you
know, have to do in life, justgoing through life,
relationships are always key.
So it's never gonna be a dulltopic, it's never gonna be a
tired topic.
So yeah, we could do that allday.
SPEAKER_00 (03:05):
Okay.
So I'll tell you what, um, if weget to a point to where we have
to break this thing up a littlebit just because of the
different subtopics and thingslike that, then we'll give you
guys a part two.
But uh, as far as we'reconcerned, uh let's just you
know jump off this part one.
So if we start talking about,you know, love, relationships,
(03:26):
and and kind of the maturationof it, you know, the love is
more of the personal, you know,interactions with someone that
you know you're getting to know,uh, date, and you know, wherever
it heads to.
But relationships, you know,that is important too because
that's where friendships comeinto play, uh, whether it's a
(03:47):
platonic, uh, whether it youknow becomes a business, you
know, situation.
So we have to talk about that aswell.
And of course, the the maturityaspect of it is I I think it
gets real interesting becauseJay, you know, people are are
dating or people are out herewith different purposes, right?
You know, the the ladies arealways on some uh dating with a
(04:10):
purpose, you know, but thatpurpose isn't always marriage.
And I think we're gonna have toaddress that because think about
it, if if a woman has been in along-term relationship and she's
just going through a healingprocess and she's navigating
dating again, she may notnecessarily be uh be dating for
marriage.
So people have to take a look atthat, man, because you know,
(04:34):
dating with a purpose, peoplehave different purposes, right?
Some people are dating for, andI don't even want to get into
this part yet, but they're kindof dating to gain their
confidence back, right?
Some people are actuallyactually out here dating just
for uh just to kind of seewhat's out there, and so man,
(04:55):
we'll navigate through all thisand uh we'll do our best to get
through it, Jay.
But uh let's let's just go aheadand jump in with this thing.
Who you want to go first?
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
Yeah, um, I like I'm gonna piggyback off some you
said and just add, you know, alot of people just dating out of
boredom as well, you know.
They're dating out of boredomand loneliness.
Let's be real.
You know, let's be real for ameal.
SPEAKER_00 (05:19):
That might be a whole nother episode, man.
SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
Dating for a meal, man.
But yeah, but that's that'swhat's so crazy because you
know, when we talk aboutrelationships, and uh, you know,
you you this is one of your umone of your points you say, you
say, and and I correct me if Imess it up, but you you always
say you're either in something.
How does it how does uh remindme of that quote, Pops?
SPEAKER_00 (05:44):
Yeah, you you're in three places, man.
Either you uh just got out ofsomething, which a lot of people
can relate to, um, or you'reabout to go into something, so
you're preparing yourself, youevaluating, you're vetting, or
you are smack dab in somethingright now, and you're either
trying to get out or you'retrying to figure it out.
So uh those are the threeplaces.
SPEAKER_01 (06:06):
Exactly.
Right.
So when so when I think aboutthat in um in relationships,
it's like a lot of people, youknow, the they don't, they they
just can't be idle.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I think a lot of peoplehave um I don't know, it's maybe
like a uh a phobia, a lonelinessphobia or something.
SPEAKER_00 (06:29):
It makes sense, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:30):
You know what I'm saying?
So you'll see a lot of peoplethat that are dating and they
may not even be particularlyactually ready to do it,
actually ready to get intosomething.
So that's how a lot of thesesituationships and things like
that form.
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (06:47):
Hey man, look, you you uh you spitting fire early
in.
SPEAKER_01 (06:52):
I'm just you know, I'm just being, you know, pops,
because I I've I've sat back andI really thought about um, you
know, the dating game.
And you know, just of course,just relate relationships in
general.
And I just sit back, man, I seelike it's it's it's it's so
extreme.
It's like you could be eitherlike when you're single, you're
(07:13):
single.
You know what I'm saying?
Like people be talking aboutthey single, they lonely, they
don't got nobody.
There's like it's kind of likeno real in-between.
It's like you, like you said,you it's only three places that
you could be.
So, you know, once you when youwhen you interact with certain
people, and you could kind ofalways tell, like, kind of, you
know, what position they're inor what stage they're in.
(07:36):
And a lot of a lot of their um,not necessarily personality, but
just the way they come off isindicative of that.
Like you kind of tell, like, youjust got out of some, or are you
ready to get in or something?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't know who'salready, you know, involved with
somebody, but you know, I justthought it was always so
fascinating the differentcharacteristics that you could
(07:57):
pick out from somebody in thosethree different stages.
Like you could tell.
SPEAKER_00 (08:02):
That's good.
That's really good, Jay.
You know, and um I think thatit's also important, like you
mentioned, to kind of take sometime to take inventory of what
you've been through, you know,and what you want moving
forward.
Like you have to figure out whatyou want for yourself before you
look at what somebody can bringto the table to enhance what you
(08:26):
got going on because there's somany traumas, and you know, we
we've worked with um Dr.
Uh uh Cynthia Williams, Dr.
Curtis, um, you know, and andthey really talk about grief and
trauma, and that stuff carriesover if you don't deal with it,
(08:48):
and it can be 10, 15 years of uhof trauma, right?
And and uh and it and it windsup resurfacing because people
don't deal with it, and sothat's why I think it's really
important uh when we starttalking about you know love and
relationships to just kind oftalk about you know building
(09:11):
that authentic organicfriendship.
Because you know, when you'refriends with someone, man, you
don't really care uh about youknow judgment, you just go to
share because you know they gotsome stuff going on, you got
stuff going on, so you're notreally tripping, man.
And it's and it's a lot easierto be transparent with your
friends, and so when you buildthat that friendship first, then
(09:33):
a lot of times you could putyour ego aside because you don't
have to have all the answers,right?
You don't have to make um all ofthe perfect decisions, and
that's what you know it's allabout just kind of talking about
your imperfections, yourimprovements, you know, your
goals, your ideals, and you cando that a lot easier um when
(09:53):
you're building a friendshipversus someone you're trying to
impress.
Like you don't even really wantto talk about your past because
you embarrassed, right?
Right, so you know, you don'twant to talk about somebody did
you wrong, you don't want totalk about how you did somebody
wrong, what what residual stuffyou have going on, and you know,
when you can really betransparent, I think you can
(10:15):
make a lot more progress.
Number one, you're entrustingyour situation with someone, and
you know, you're building thatloyalty with someone, and and
even you know, not reallyknowing it, but just being free
to be yourself, man.
Um, and that's that's a that's apretty powerful position to be
(10:38):
in when you're getting to knowsomebody, Jay.
SPEAKER_01 (10:40):
Yeah, I agree, I agree.
Let me ask you this though,Pops.
Like, because you mentionedwhen, you know, you're trying to
impress.
SPEAKER_00 (10:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
Now, of course, naturally, it makes so much
sense to go the friendship routefirst, right?
Let's let's get to know eachother, this, that, and the
third.
Yeah.
But it doesn't always go likethat.
So what I mean, what do we call,like, what is that that other
outcome where I guess maybethings are rushed, or maybe
you're trying to skip thefriendship step.
(11:10):
Like, like, what is that?
And why do people why do peopleeven do that?
Like, it's it's that feels a lotmore unnatural to me.
Like, let's just go ahead andbe, let's, let's, let's couple
up, let's say we're an item andnot, and then we figure out
everything else afterwards.
Like, that doesn't make anysense to me.
SPEAKER_00 (11:29):
Right, right.
Shoot first, ask questions last,right?
SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
Yeah, like I don't I think that I think the people
that do that or those type ofrelationships, you know, I know
everything is different foreverybody, but I just don't see
how that dynamic can last fortoo long because it's almost
like you as as a relationshipprogresses, you uncover things
(11:54):
that you might dislike aboutthat person you didn't know.
That you you you may even findout things that you didn't know
that you wouldn't, you know,like about them, but it just
surfaces because y'all didn't gothrough that process of being
friends and really learning eachother.
So yeah, I just I just neverunderstood that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:13):
That's that's really powerful for you to even really
understand that entire dynamicbecause it happens all the time,
you know.
As a you know, uh dating afterdivorce coach, you know, one of
the things that that I sharewith my clients is identity.
And a lot of times, you know,those issues are because an
(12:36):
identity hasn't been establishedor re-established.
And so it's it's people that areliving off of the residual of
the previous relationship towhere there's unfulfillment.
So think about this.
If if a young lady was uh datinga young man, and let's say they
dated for about four years, andaround that two and a half,
(12:59):
three-year mark, you know, she'slike, hey, where is this thing
leading now?
Because initially we was like,okay, we like each other, we're
gonna get to know each other,we're gonna spend some time
together.
But ultimate, the ultimate goalis to, you know, of course,
establish uh a relationship andthen build on that to you know
(13:20):
being engaged and being married.
And so if if things happenaround that third year, whether
it is, you know, some challengesin there, but they decide to
stick together, she's stillgonna be focused on the end
result.
So the end result should be hey,you know what, we're supposed to
be engaged by now, we'resupposed to be married by now.
(13:40):
If we talked about kids, we'resupposed to be talking about
kids, you know, by now and whatour future is gonna look like.
But if he's been in a situationwhere it was either some type of
trauma that happened, sometimesfor for guys, man, we hit the
reset button.
Right?
So things start over because nowthat we've gotten through this
(14:01):
particular situation, we have tobuild back up to it.
And so those are dynamics,individual dynamics that have to
be addressed.
And the only way to do that isthrough that transparency, and
so it can become you knowreally, really tough for a
couple, and now they're talkingabout how they don't feel like
(14:22):
you know they're they're stillconnected, or you know, that
person is drifted a little bit,and that's because you know they
they haven't had any type ofprogress report in their
relationship that they can haveas a reference point.
And I'm not necessarily talkingabout grading every situation,
but I'm talking about what typeof progress has have we made.
(14:46):
And if we're not where we needto be, how can we get there?
You know, and that's kind of youknow, one of those situations
where people just kind of gowith the flow.
You can't do that, you actuallyhave to have a plan, you know,
in this relationship thing, man.
So I encourage people to uhreally pay attention to where
the relationship is going,especially if it's not going
(15:06):
anywhere.
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
Yeah, that's that's one of those things that I think
Tups comes with um a certainlevel of maturity.
Sure thing.
So so I want to ask you this.
You know, being that you are,you know, a a seasoned
gentleman, for sure.
Like, what do you are there arethere any similarities or or or
(15:31):
like stark differences between,say, when you were dating at 30,
well you were married, but inyour younger years versus now,
like are do you deal with thesame type of um, I guess, like
issues or or like are there anysimilarities or just a
completely different ball game?
SPEAKER_00 (15:51):
Yeah, uh there's gonna be some similarities, and
then there's gonna be somedifferences, and it's important
to know that uh both will happenand can happen simultaneously.
And you know, uh it's all aboutevolving as an individual
because as you evolve, as youpersonally grow and develop,
(16:12):
you're gonna have differentneeds and wants.
Now your desires may be thesame, but your wants and needs
may differ.
Uh, you may be in a situationwhere you're working on your
finances, you're working on yourhealth, you know, you're working
on uh your your status, but thenwhen you actually achieve some
of those things, now you'relooking at more of quality over
(16:34):
quantity, you know, so you don'thave to uh go to the places that
you you know used to go.
Um you may be a lot moreselective on who you're
associated with, you know, eventhe type of people that you're
around or you surround yourselfwith, like everybody can't go
where you go, especially whenyou're hitting different levels
(16:57):
in life.
Like some folks might like forinstance, you got some guys that
you know they all they want todo is just hang out.
(18:31):
Maybe they want to drink, uh,maybe they just want to uh you
know watch sports or somethinglike that.
But then you have guys that arelike, look, man, I'm I'm really
trying to establish myself.
Um, I'm I'm really looking tolearn, I'm looking at education
and things like that.
And then you may have a group ofguys that are established, and
(18:51):
they just they're talking aboutbuilding a legacy, you know what
I mean?
They're talking about takingthings to the next level,
they're talking about expandingbusiness, they're talking about
conglomerates, and so those arethree different types of
individuals.
Now, you can you know pick andchoose who you want to hang
with, who you want to associateyourself with.
Um, but when it comes down towhat you want to accomplish, you
(19:15):
have to look at what's going tobe best for you.
You have to prioritize is thisgood for my soul?
Is this good for my family?
Do these match with my goals andmy purpose and the things that I
want to accomplish individuallyand collectively?
And so, man, it's it's a avariance of those things.
And as you go through life, asyou experience different things,
(19:39):
Jay, that's where you learnwhere to actually put your
attention to.
You're gonna hurt a lot ofpeople's feelings, um, but it
kind of comes with the territorybecause when it when it boils
down to it, if you're notaccomplishing your goals, if
you're not reaching the featsthat you want, if you're not
making the connections that youwant, that's 100% on you.
(20:00):
And you can't blame anybodyelse.
And so that's why we have to uhyou know focus our attention
with like-mindedness and uh stayon task with our goals and uh
and purposes.
SPEAKER_01 (20:15):
Yeah, that was uh that was a word, Pops.
I hope they I hope they heardall that, absorb all of that
right there.
Yeah, for sure.
Um I feel that wholeheartedly.
But you know, like I said in thebeginning, like relationships
are so key.
You know, you have to you haveto be able to compartmentalize
(20:38):
those friends and really know,you know, like you said, who to
take with you and who to and whoto leave behind.
Right.
Um me personally, I know since Igot here to the A, I I like you
said, you know, I've been laserfocused.
So um I I wouldn't even saylike, what do you how do you
(21:02):
categorize like you got friends,acquaintances, you got maybe um
like business partners andthings like that.
What what do you think is thethe most valuable?
Would you rather have morefriends, acquaintances, or
business partners, or is it justlike a mix of all of them?
SPEAKER_00 (21:18):
Yeah, I I think a good mix, um, I think it's
important because you youdefinitely want to stay to your
roots.
There's certain people that areuh close to you that know who
you are, that keeps yougrounded, kind of let your hair
down, so to speak.
Uh it's good to have thosefolks, you know.
And when it comes to business,of course, you want people that
(21:40):
can get you to the next level,uh, people that you can elevate
with.
Uh, you can have mentors, youhave mentees.
And so that's a whole, you know,another dynamic when it comes
down to it.
But trying to trying to uhcreate a very purposeful uh life
balance.
Now, I don't mean balance likeeverything is equal, but balance
(22:02):
meaning as Libras, right?
Sometimes we might have to leana little bit to the left,
sometimes we might have to leana little bit to the right, uh,
depending on how things aregoing or where we want to go.
But just kind of knowing thatwe're gonna have that variety in
life and knowing how tocompartmentalize things.
I think that's really the key tolife because you can't always do
(22:24):
just one thing.
You know, you're gonna feelunfulfilled, you're gonna feel
like uh, you know, you need abreak from something.
So just knowing all those thingsare important, and when it boils
down to it, you know, of course,you want to take care of
yourself.
You know, you want to be awareof what you're ingesting or
digesting uh when it comes toyour physical, your spiritual,
(22:46):
your financial, your emotionaluh, you know, aspects of things.
And so trying to find that, um,that's what life is about, man.
That's why we we do this on adaily basis.
That's why you surround yourselfwith people that you know will
encourage and support you andgive you strong constructive
(23:06):
criticism.
You know, we we uh nobody hasall the answers, and it's not
cookie cutter, so that's why,you know, you learn from
experience on a daily basis,Jay.
SPEAKER_01 (23:17):
Yeah, I agree.
Constructive criticism is is soimportant too.
I used to, I'm not gonna lie, II admit, I I at one point I had
an issue.
I want to say an issue, but itwould it was hard for me to take
criticism.
I really had to learn how to sitback and and not take it so
(23:38):
personal.
But just use it to help to helpme grow because especially about
things, you know, that I createor or things I'm passionate
about.
It's like nobody could tell meanything about this.
I made it, it's the best thingon earth.
Yeah.
But it's like, no, it's it'snot.
Some of this, everything youmake isn't gold.
Some of it's trash.
And you need people to be realwith you and tell you, hey, bro,
(24:02):
you're you're creative, you'retalented, but that isn't the
best work.
You could do better than that.
And it's okay to, you know, tosay, oh man, well, you might be
right.
Let me let me give it anothergo.
So um, that's another thing.
I encourage people because I wasI was bad at it, man.
And I think that it hindered alot of my creative works because
(25:03):
I was just so focused on what Iliked or what I thought was was
the best.
But at the end of the day, ifyou're choosing to share it with
the world, now anything that youthink is the best, and it's it's
it's if you're gonna keep itprivate, yeah, it could be the
best thing to you, it's forever.
But once you release it to theworld, people have the the
(25:24):
autonomy to critique it.
They could say if they like itor dislike it.
I mean, that's art.
That's just that's just life.
Everybody has an opinion.
So, you know, being able to toextract the gems from people's,
even even back, you know,critical really critical um
comments or critiques and thingslike that.
You could you could find somelight in that and still be able
(25:47):
to take that and improve yourwork.
SPEAKER_00 (25:50):
That's really good.
Uh, I think in a sense, that'swhat that's what they call
emotional intelligence.
I don't really subscribe to allof that emotional uh stuff, but
I mean there's definitely somesome truth to it.
Uh, we do have to do a betterjob of uh just deciding when to
(26:13):
engage and and when something'snot worth uh our efforts, our um
our our uh mental bandwidth oremotional bandwidth, and we have
to make some better decisions onon just not being reactionary.
And we can we can do a betterjob, I think all of us, but
especially as as men, you know,we're we're in a an era to where
(26:37):
we're more vocal.
At the same time, we're attackedmore because of of being vocal,
right?
It's like uh I remember when Iwould post certain things and
and people would come on thereand say, Well, I don't agree.
It's like we don't have to agreeon my perspective.
That's that's wild to me, right?
(26:58):
And so uh, you know, we justhave to be more aware and more
focused on what the overall goalis and what we want to
accomplish in life, and andthose are the things, man, that
that's gonna really takepriority.
So we got to keep doing that,Jay.
Yes, sir.
Yeah, so look, I think we'regoing to need to to uh put a pen
(27:19):
in this, yeah, and and and lookat doing a part two, but I want
to be very intentional with thepart two.
Uh Jay, I think we need to, youknow, start talking about things
like uh, you know, umidentifying, you know, your
reality, your purpose, you know,that comes with like reinventing
yourself.
Like I think we should talkabout the reinvention.
(27:41):
You were mentioning somethingabout you know the difference
between you know uh things whenyou're when you're 30 or in that
age bracket, or maybe your 40s,50s.
And I do believe that uh makingsure that you have a strong
identity because you know,through your experiences and
you're learning through thosethings, you have to build upon
(28:02):
that.
So so let's do that, Jay Man.
Let's let's let's rock out anddo a part two for them.
SPEAKER_01 (28:08):
Okay, yeah.
I hope y'all ready for part two.
It's coming to you soon.
SPEAKER_00 (28:13):
There it is, y'all.
So uh we again always thank youfor your support.
We'll see you guys next episode.
Right here for you.
It's your favorite single foxrobbery.
SPEAKER_01 (28:25):
Check three times, check it out.
SPEAKER_00 (28:41):
All right, welcome back to another amazing episode
of Pops and Son Conversations.
And as always, it is yourfavorite father and son duo, Rob
Malloy, your favorite silverfox, and Javen, Mr.
SPEAKER_01 (28:55):
Check Three Times checking in.
SPEAKER_00 (28:58):
The flyers poet.
Now you know it.
Let's go.
I gotta mix it up for you, man.
Gotta keep you on your toes,baby boy.
SPEAKER_02 (29:08):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
Yeah, so so look, guys, uh, we are very
intentional about this episode.
I know a lot, we got a lot offeedback from uh the last
episode.
We said that we were gonna talka little bit more about
relationships, love, andmaturity.
And so, really, we're just gonnajump right in, Jay.
Um, what direction do you wantto go?
I know we mentioned some thingsabout uh you know finding your
(29:32):
identity and purpose andreinventing yourself.
Um, I'm gonna let you lead theway, man.
Let's go.
SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Well, I think we uh we'll start here because I can
relate to it um a lot.
Um and that's the courage topivot.
And we're talking about youknow, total life changes, moving
cities, changing your lifestyle,yeah, you know, getting into new
(29:59):
industries, creating, you know,new sources of income and
markets for yourself, meetingnew people, right?
So um for me, it was it was itwas I man, you know, I'm
thinking I'm always at a loss sofor for words sometimes when I
think about it, because I Ithink about the before.
(30:23):
You know what I mean?
I I think about the mindsetbefore, I think about you know
my surroundings before, and justto see the change, like I said,
it it does take my breath awaybecause I couldn't have, I mean,
um I could have imagined, but II needed that push or whatever
(30:45):
the case is.
So um, yeah, I mean that'sthat's that's the reinvention.
And it and it takes it can takea lot of guts, you know, it's
it's it can be scary, you know,jumping off that off that cliff,
so to speak, because you don'talways know where you're gonna
end up or what's gonna be on theother side.
(31:05):
And a lot of times you hear, youhear some great stories, but you
hear some horror stories too.
So, you know, you kinda you canyou can be anxious about it and
and it can get tricky.
But I think that the mostimportant thing about that when
you're thinking about, well,here, I'll start here.
If if you are a person and youwake up every day and you and
(31:29):
you're in a city, you know, thatyou don't particularly have, of
course, you got your memoriesand stuff, but everybody, you
know, they say they hate theirhometown, they want to get out
of their hometown, this and thethird.
If you're one of those people,you probably need to get out of
(33:30):
your hometown, first of all.
You know, if you if you're notthere and you don't feel like
it's fulfilling or you're havinga good time or your life isn't
the best it could be, move.
Like, I don't know why people weact like we are trees or
stationary.
You know, we have vehicles, wehave different modes of
(33:51):
transportation, buses, trains,all these different ways to get
up and go.
You know, so don't limityourself and be stuck somewhere
when you really don't have to,you really don't have to.
So that would be the firstthing.
Like just get up and go.
Of course, you you you want tomake a plan and you want to have
some type of roadmap for whereyou're going.
(34:13):
But I think number one is justis just making that move and
getting up and saying, you knowwhat, I'm about to make a
change.
I'm going to move.
I know I got friends here, Iknow I got family here, I know
they're gonna miss me.
But if they love me and they,you know what I'm saying, and
they really support me and andencourage me the way that they
say they do, then they won'thave you know any reservation
(34:35):
with me relocating.
They won't have any bitternessbehind me going to pursue a
better life for myself.
That's just the bottom line forit.
And if anybody does, they're notreally in your circle and it's
it's better off that you leftleft them behind.
SPEAKER_00 (34:50):
But it's flames on the mic, man.
Cool that off, man.
Cool that mic off.
I think that's really importantbecause even even from you know
your perspective as amillennial, as somebody, you
know, in their early 30s or justturning 30s, uh, that is a
beautiful mindset.
Uh I'm a genera, I'm ageneration Xer.
(35:11):
And so, you know, we we are thethe group of individuals that
trying things over and over andover and expecting you know
different results.
And so we have to take somepages um out of of your um
generation and apply thembecause you know we'll be
(35:32):
somewhere and and instead ofsaying, you know what, five
years is too Long will be like,okay, but it's five years that
I've invested.
And that's two differentmindsets because if you want
change, you have to make change.
If you can't change the thingsaround you, then change the
things around you.
(35:53):
Right?
And so those things are soimportant.
But but I love the fact that youtalked about um the importance
of not staying complacent withyourself, uh, not getting too
comfortable.
And if you're not getting theresults that you want, then try
something different.
Like it's not always you.
(36:15):
Sometimes it's it's what youhave uh around you that's not
helping you grow.
Sometimes that seed is notplanted in the right fertile,
uh, right fertile soil.
Uh or sometimes you gotta pickthat seed up, man.
Dig that seed up, man.
Dig that seed up and relocateit, man.
Reseed it.
Reseed it.
(36:36):
I love that.
So um, yeah, so you know, I I Ialso think that a lot of people
are afraid of of doing somethingdifferent, meaning uh, you know,
relocated and maybe doing doingsome things differently.
Like you can always get to thesame uh goal, you can get there
(36:58):
taking different routes, right?
So uh as long as you embracethat journey and you understand
that you have to take theexperiences for what it's worth,
you know.
Experience stop you, allow it tohelp guide you, reposition, and
like you said, pivot, man.
Those things are so important.
And I'm glad that you mentionedthat as a young man.
SPEAKER_01 (37:22):
Yeah, well, you know, Pops, I think I think that
uh what a lot of people comeacross too is the whole thing of
of starting over.
Like people are afraid to startfrom ground zero or they feel
like they've built up, you know,whatever it is in their
(37:42):
profession or you know, theircreative arts or whatever the
case is.
So they don't want to startover.
A lot of people look at that asfailure, but it's not, it's
really evolution.
As humans, we evolve and wecontinue to go through different
phases and changes.
Like I'm sure people listeningto this podcast think about who
(38:02):
they were five years ago or 10years ago.
They probably weren't wearingthe same clothes.
They may have they may have hada different hairstyle, you know
what I'm saying?
Different pairs.
Like we we evolve and we kind ofbecome this different version as
the days go on.
So I think another importantthing to do is to stay present.
Like don't dwell on the past.
(38:24):
Yeah, you accomplished what youaccomplished, but it's never
over because you got more daysto live, you got more story to
write.
So I don't even don't even lookat it as starting over.
You just close that chapter oryou close that book and maybe
you're starting a new book or anew chapter.
That's all it is, and it's it'sit's a continuous evolution.
(38:47):
So I think when people kind of,if they can reshape that thought
process around it, it won't beas scary because reinventing or
or just restarting, yeah, itsounds, it's it's it sounds like
a task.
But if you look at it just as,like I said, this is a whole new
(39:09):
version of me.
This is my new uh uh I'm I'm uhit's a new premiere, a new world
premiere of me.
You know, like coming back outto the world, y'all.
This is the new version, y'allhaven't seen this yet.
You know what I mean?
And that feels good too.
And people can people will seeyou with that new energy, and it
can ignite something in them.
(39:29):
It inspires something in thembecause guess what they're
doing?
Yeah, they back at home, likeyou said, complacent.
They're the ones that's sittingon the couch watching TV, afraid
to make a change in their lifeor make a you know uh just a
different, a different choice intheir life.
They don't want to move, theydon't want to go anywhere, they
they're cool with it, which I'mnot downing anybody, because if
(39:52):
you're cool with that, thenfine.
But if you're unhappy and you'redoing that, I mean it's it's on
you.
Like you said, it's it's it's onyou.
You're the reason behind thatbecause you got too many tools
to where you can make adifference in your life and
change something around.
So yeah, that's that's that's mybest advice.
(40:13):
Restarting is not as scary ifyou look at it as a new a new
chapter.
SPEAKER_00 (40:19):
That's powerful, Jay.
Uh, I do want to add, you know,uh context as well, because we
are talking about loverelationships, uh, maturity.
And when you when you put ittogether, um when we're talking
about love and relationships, Ithink it's important for people
(40:40):
to see, you know, their growth.
Um I think it's important forthem to see their development.
Because when you when you havethose things, then again, you're
going to have a differentstandard.
You're gonna have a differentstandard for yourself, you're
gonna have a different standardfor those around you when it
(41:00):
comes to love and relationship.
These people are gonna have tobe on a certain level in order
to get your energy, to receive,you know, your resources, uh,
your vibe.
And I think that sometimes weget caught up holding on to
people and things longer than weshould.
(41:23):
Not saying that you have tocompletely uh dismiss them, uh
disassociate, but when you startinvesting your time, your
resource, and energy, it has tobe where you can also be
refilled, yeah.
You have to be in in a putyourself in a position to where
you know that where you're at,you are being refilled.
(41:46):
Somebody is pouring into you.
It is not a lopsided situationto where you're giving all your
energy, all your resources, allyour love, all your time, all
your attention just for someonewho cannot give you reciprocity.
Now I know I'm preaching on thisone, but I think that this is
really crucial in order forpeople to understand you have to
(42:07):
move on.
Not only move on, but you haveto move up.
Right?
No lateral movements, man.
I'm talking vertical.
And my message uh will always beto make sure that number one,
you're taking care of yourself.
And by doing that, of course,you have your higher power where
you get your source from, butit's also about what you're
(42:30):
surrounding yourself with, whatyou're putting in your spirit,
man, what you listening to, whatyou putting in your body, what
you putting around your body,like what kind of residuals are
you getting?
No, no CB reference, but whattype of what type of residuals,
man, are you actually partakingin?
And uh for me, I found myselfelevating uh these last four or
(42:52):
five years to where a lot ofpeople that I used to rock with,
they they move themselves awayfrom me.
It wasn't something to where Istopped calling or you know, I
stopped inviting them to uh youknow certain things, and or you
know, they see on social mediawhat events I have.
They stop coming, they stopinboxing me, you know.
(43:13):
So uh what that lets me know isuh again, sometimes uh you need
to elevate, you need to separateto elevate, you know, um, and
that's what it's gonna take.
So, you know, I definitelyencourage people uh in this
journey to please understandthat you're not gonna be able to
make everybody happy.
(43:34):
We go through life worryingabout what people think,
worrying about what people aregonna say, worrying about if
people see us or not, lookingfor that validation, and that's
that's so real.
I don't care what people try tosay.
A lot of us are looking forvalidation.
Now, you may not be looking forvalidation everything in every
aspect in your life, but come onnow.
(43:56):
I tell you what, what if you puta post up or a video up and that
thing only gets five likes?
When you put that video up, Jay,that thing only gets 89 views.
You're gonna feel some type ofway.
So it might have to come backnow.
But at the same time, what youshould focus on is the message,
(44:18):
right?
Right, because the if thatmessage lands on good ground,
you've done your job.
If that message or that pictureinspires just a handful of
people, you've done your jobbecause that's how uh
duplication works, right?
And so you want to be able tohave a clear understanding, a
(44:39):
clear vision of what yourpurpose is, how you're gonna
execute it, and what is yourteam gonna look like because you
can't do it alone.
And so there's people that'sgonna be by your side, Jay,
that's actually going to elevatewith you and help you elevate.
Now, later on, they may havetheir own projects, they may
have their own dreams to whereyou know that they got to go
(45:03):
about their way, but thatprocess is so strong because now
they know what they're gonnaneed to be to someone else and
what other people will desireand have expectations from them.
So, man, I I just think that wekeep embracing our journeys and
(45:23):
not worrying about what's goingon to the left or right, Jay,
we're gonna be all right.
SPEAKER_01 (45:27):
Yeah.
That's that's a fact.
That is a fact, and that takes acertain level of self-awareness
too.
Sure.
Um, the people listening to thispodcast, we all sometimes need
those reminders.
You know, that's why I don'teven think there's um when you
think about redundancy andtopics and things like that, I
(45:49):
don't care because there'salways gonna be somebody that
hasn't heard it talked about inthe manner that that we're
talking about it.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't everybody doesn'thave the same type of examples
or life experience.
So self-awareness is soimportant.
So if you listen to this pod andyou connect with some of these
(46:10):
examples or or or even some justsome of the uh the phrases that
my pops is dropping, because hegot the quotables.
Pops, you got the we gotta startdoing them t-shirts with your
quotables, y'all.
I'm not lying.
So um it's it's so importantjust to to be able to look, step
back and take a look at yoursurroundings and see where you
(46:30):
are.
Let this, you know, let this bethat call to action to say, all
right, man, am I is my circlelike that?
Are people trying to help meelevate?
Am I stuck?
Am I on the couch?
Like, look, this could be that.
And it's and it's it's alwayswith love.
Like it's it's no negativity,it's always positivity because
(46:51):
this podcast is about pushingfathers and sons forward,
setting that example.
And, you know, I I would, youknow, as when my son gets a
little bit older, you know, hedoesn't really have that concept
now.
But of course, these are thingsthat I want him to understand as
early as possible.
You know what I mean?
Just kind of to allow him toalready know because he may be
(47:14):
dealing with people that thatdon't have that concept.
And like you said, any it justjust because you may not have
like the loudest megaphone, youstill can't set that example for
anybody, and it'll land where itneeds to land.
Yeah.
That's that's how we do it.
That's how we spread thatmessage, and that's how we make
(47:35):
sure that we good and ourpeoples is good.
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
That's powerful.
So look, this is what we'regonna do.
Uh, because you know, we couldtalk all day long, but let's
talk about some actionable stepsthat we can actually do uh
starting today, and and thenwe'll just you know, we'll we'll
end the this episode with thatbecause we love the feedback uh
and you guys uh always show usso much support.
(48:01):
But I think uh in in thismoment, let's talk about some
actionable steps that we canactually do.
So uh for one, I would say uhJay, uh building your spiritual
discipline.
And what I mean by that is a lotof times, man, we pray whenever
we we need something.
(48:22):
You know, we pray wheneverthings get tough uh to get out
of the situation.
We start negotiating with ourcreator.
Jay, you ever negotiate?
Say, hey God, if you get me outof this, I promise you I ain't
gonna go back this direction.
Everybody's done it, right?
Yes, everybody has done it.
But if we build some healthyspiritual habits, I didn't say
(48:44):
anything about religion, I saidspiritual habits, so that means
we're talking about the innerman, we're talking about the
inside, we're not talking aboutthe surface.
So if we could just kind of getback to meditating, I think
that'll be amazing.
And we can get back tointentional prayers of of
thankfulness, of gratitude.
Uh man, like we could we couldliterally change some things in
(49:08):
our lives when we just implementuh exercising our spiritual man.
How do you feel about that, Jay?
SPEAKER_01 (49:16):
I agree 100%.
I mean, you know, I'm a I'm abig proponent of that, of um,
you know, just whatever type ofself, self-therapy or self-study
that you could do because it'salways gonna be different.
Some people don't want tomeditate.
Maybe they want to, you know, gofor a walk, or maybe they just
want to sit and read a good bookor whatever it is.
(49:38):
But it's all, like you said,it's about that inside study of
yourself and really just takingtime from the outside world to
really understand yourself.
I mean, that's that's really allit is when we talk about, you
know, the the spiritual side ofthings.
It's when you remove yourselffrom the world, right?
(49:59):
Because everything worldly, youknow, it's a lot of
distractions.
So you have time with yourself,your time with your own mind to
understand where you are withinthe world.
You can't, you know what I'msaying?
You can only view yourself withthem.
So I think that a big part ofit, um, especially when we talk
about, you know, the reinventreinvention and just different
(50:21):
things like that, as I mentionedearlier, your environment is a
big, is a big part of it.
You know, take those steps,move, do what you gotta do, even
if it's um uh uh relocatingwithin, you know, within your
city, maybe just it's or or orwithin the state, I should say.
(50:42):
Like if you feel like you gottamove or you feel like you stuck,
stagnant, whatever the case is,don't feel like a plant, don't
feel like a tree.
You know, take those steps anddo what you gotta do to to move.
And then um another thing Iwould say was just like
reflection, which we kind ofalready talked about.
SPEAKER_02 (50:59):
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_01 (51:00):
That's a good, that's a good practice.
Daily reflections, like wastoday was the did the things I
do today go to help towards youknow the goal that I'm trying to
reach in the future, because yougotta remind yourself that every
single day because it's so easyto get off track.
SPEAKER_00 (51:18):
Yeah, oh boy, hey man, flame off, Jay.
Flame off.
SPEAKER_01 (51:23):
You say you said actionable steps.
I'm trying to let them know.
SPEAKER_00 (51:27):
All right, so look, uh, I know it's about time to
wrap things up, but there'ssomething that I I want you to
kind of finalize and kind ofbring to a close, which is
important.
Um, but before that, I do wantto mention uh we talked about,
you know, maybe relocating andkind of redefining some things.
Don't break your lease.
Okay, don't be out here and youknow you just moved somewhere
(51:48):
and you've been in there threemonths and you got a whole
one-year lease.
Don't don't talk about a popsand someone said I just need a
new, I need uh uh a newatmosphere.
So, you know, you just skip out,man.
Don't don't do that.
That ain't on us.
We're not responsible.
(52:09):
Oh man, but in addition to thatthough, Jay, so how do you feel
about when it comes to love,when it comes to relationship,
how do you feel if your maybeyour partner, your future
partner, uh is isn't in thearea?
Like, for instance, you know,you moved from Florida, now you
(52:30):
in Atlanta.
Like, how do you feel like maybeyour your partner is in your new
location?
Um, I I mean the clock at.
SPEAKER_01 (52:48):
I don't, you know, I I don't think there's I think
that's good.
The new location because I meanthat's is that is that not more
incentive or you know what I'msaying, to to relocate.
I don't know.
Like I feel like if you're inthat space of you want to
reinvent and and and do thesetype of things, that may be um
(53:09):
one uh another impetus because alot of people say they don't
even like the people in theirhometown.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't want the locals.
Maybe you went to high schooltogether, you see them at
Walmart all the time, you don'twant that.
So yeah, I think you know, youmove to to a new spot.
You actually, I think you'reprobably more likely to find
(53:32):
that romantic connection.
That's good.
That's a good point.
I think I think it's I thinkit's more likely, and it'll
probably happen a lot soonerthan you think.
SPEAKER_00 (53:41):
Especially if you're open-minded about it, right?
Oh, yeah.
You have to be, you know,open-minded.
Because sometimes when you'renot looking, you're gonna find
it, or it's gonna find yourather, right?
SPEAKER_01 (53:51):
It'll fall in your love.
SPEAKER_00 (53:53):
Yeah, so um I want you to kind of close things out.
Uh, one of the things that Ithink is extremely effective,
and we get away with, we we getaway from it at times, but
journaling, journaling yourlife, that's something that
obviously you're very uhefficient at.
Oh man.
(54:13):
And you you share it.
So uh as we close out, justshare the importance and some of
the benefits of just kind ofjournaling and what that may
look like.
SPEAKER_01 (54:23):
Okay.
So I have, yeah, I'm I'm an I'man avid journaler.
Um, I'm not gonna lie.
I have so many journals.
Okay.
Not even, I have physicaljournals, I have different
journal apps on my phone.
Um one of the things I reallylike about journaling is that
it's almost like a, it's likeyour own personal timekeeper or
(54:45):
reflection.
Because the thing aboutjournaling is if you do it daily
or even weekly, you don't see alot of people think that you
have to journal every day.
You don't have to.
You could journal once a month,you could journal once a week.
The goal of journaling isbasically just to express
yourself, how you're feeling inthat particular point in time.
(55:07):
And then it becomes a reference.
Okay, you go back, um, you know,a year later, you go back and
look at a journal, you know,from two, three years ago, and
you cross-reference, you know,what point or emotions you had,
you know, at that point in yourlife.
And it and it gives you justlike a sense of it gives you
(55:30):
like a sense of wholeness andmore understanding of yourself.
Because you gotta understandthat emotions are fleeting.
Like unless, unless you writethem down, even thoughts are
fleeting.
Like, unless you keep a trackrecord of it, you don't you
don't remember everything or howyou felt or how you thought
about a particular subject orhow you felt on a particular
day.
You're not gonna remember unlessyou write it down.
(55:52):
But once you're able to go andand look at that, you know, you
it it kind of answers some somequestions that you have about
yourself that it you that youdidn't even know you had.
Because like I said, like youmay feel one day today, then
tomorrow, you feel a differentway than tomorrow.
But once you keep a um a recordof that, it allows you to, um,
(56:15):
in a sense, like I said, it itjust it just brings you more
understanding of yourself.
So journaling is a big, uh, uh,um, uh, a really great way for
um you to get involved with likeuh what do they call it?
Your there's a there's a word,it's mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a word I'mlooking for.
(56:36):
Yeah, yeah.
It's really good mindfulness, itkeeps your brain sharp.
Um, of course, you know, if ifyou're a writer like me, you
know, it keeps your your vocaband your addiction and things
like that sharp.
So, you know, you keep a goodwriting hand.
But overall, man, it's just it'sjust therapeutic.
You know, therapy is one thing,but once when you, if you
(56:59):
especially like if you had likea rough day or something, I
promise you, you will feelbetter if you write it out or if
you type it out.
It's almost like a release.
There's a word for it, it'scalled um a catharsis.
And that means an emotionalrelease.
It's often used, um, it'sactually uh a literary term.
(57:20):
So, like in in different booksor plays or poems and things
like that, you'll have like thisum dramatic catharsis by one of
the characters where they justkind of like spill their heart
out or things like that.
So that's basically what itmeans.
But the point of it is to, youknow, bear everything and get it
out so that you can move on witha clean slate.
(57:42):
And like I said, a week later, amonth later, you go back and you
read it and you have arevelation about yourself, or
maybe you see why you felt thatway, or or you can make
connections on to um, you know,how you could change that
behavior.
It's it's just it's it's reallygood.
I encourage everybody to tojournal.
(58:04):
And like I said, I think a lotof people don't do it because
they think that it's somethingyou have to do every day, but
it's not.
You could do it once a week, youcould do it once a month.
Just write how you feel andjust, you know, just get it out.
It ain't got nowhere else to go,you might as well put it on
paper.
SPEAKER_00 (58:22):
Hey, that's so powerful because uh even with
mentioning that, it can buildup, and so you don't want to
really have a uh a conglomerateof different emotions, man.
You want to be able to journalthose emotions in real time
because it may be some momentsto celebrate, it may be
milestones, it may be some timesto where you have to reflect, it
(58:45):
may be some challenging times.
So those are a lot of powerfulbenefits of journaling.
Jay, you you just made me look,I got some composition books.
I'm gonna start there, man,until we get to get the pops of
sun journal books out there.
SPEAKER_01 (58:58):
Right on.
Hey, that hey, yeah, we will getthat easy.
SPEAKER_00 (59:02):
Yeah, we need that.
Hey, look, but by the time theyget to this uh uh pod, it should
be available, man.
We should have the linkavailable.
So uh man, look, uh this is thisis powerful.
Um, it's impactful.
Um, again, this is theperspective of a father and son.
I want to encourage not only thethe men out here that may be
(59:24):
fathers or may not be fathers,uh, may not have a relationship
with your father, uh, may be uhyou know curating a new
relationship.
I want you to continue to sharethe podcast, uh, give us some
feedback, give us some topicsyou feel like we need to ensure
that we we discuss, but also forthe ladies, for the mothers out
(59:46):
there, the soon-to-be mothers,the the ones that may have a
disconnect with their son, theones that may have a great
relationship with their son,these are the the messages that
we want to share because it goesbeyond us.
It goes beyond you.
So this is way bigger than us.
We thank you again for yoursupport.
And uh look, we want you guys tocheck us out next episode
(01:00:10):
because it they continue to getbetter and better.
As always, it's your favoritesilver fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01 (01:00:18):
And it is Javen Mr.
Check three times checking out.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:23):
That's it.
Pops in some conversations.
We'll see you guys next time.
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