May 22, 2025 • 44 mins
What happens when mental health challenges intersect with romantic relationships? In this candid conversation, Rob and Javan explore the delicate balance between vulnerability and self-protection when dating while managing mental health concerns.
The father-son duo tackles one of the most challenging relationship questions: how much of your mental health history should you share with a new partner, and when should you share it? Through personal stories and thoughtful analysis, they examine the consequences of both disclosure and concealment, comparing withholding information about serious mental health issues to hiding an STD before becoming intimate—a breach of trust that can permanently damage relationship foundations.
Rob introduces a powerful metaphor, comparing relationships to building houses: you might want similar features in each relationship, but the style and construction will inevitably differ. This fresh perspective emphasizes the importance of creating a new foundation with each partner rather than carrying expectations or unresolved issues from previous relationships. "Nobody has the upper hand. Nobody has the lower hand," Rob explains, highlighting how this approach allows both partners to be vulnerable about their challenges from the beginning.
The conversation moves through practical discussions about anxiety in relationships, the value of couples therapy as a proactive tool rather than a last resort, and how to distinguish between green and red flags when dating someone who's actively working on their mental health. Throughout, they maintain that while complete healing before dating isn't realistic, self-awareness and transparency are essential.
Whether you're currently in a relationship affected by mental health challenges or hoping to build a healthy connection despite past trauma, this episode offers compassionate insights and practical wisdom. Listen now to gain perspective on navigating one of modern dating's most common yet least discussed challenges.
Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc.
Keepingveteransfit.org
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Okay, welcome back to another amazing episode of Pops
and Son Conversations, and ofcourse, it's your favorite
Silver Fox, Rob Malloy.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Double check and check again.
Check three times here.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
All right, that makes three.
Hey, Jay, how you feeling, man?
What's going on with you?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I feel good, feel good.
Yeah, I'm in a good mood.
What about you?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I'm feeling good, I'm really excited to tackle this
conversation.
You know it's still May and weare still addressing Mental
Health Awareness Month.
Now, mental health awarenessneed to be year round.
Let's just keep it a buck,right, I agree.
But we're going to be veryintentional with addressing
(00:56):
mental health and I think wehave something really special
this particular episode, jay,that we're going to give our
listeners out here, and wereally want you guys to tap in
like never before, because thesetopics are very crucial.
These are things that for somefamilies, for some generations
(01:16):
and for some communities andcultures, may be taboo to have
conversations about, and so,thank God, we have this platform
there that we can, you know,engage in a kind of break this
thing down, jay.
So, uh, how you feeling, man?
What direction you want to gothis episode?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah.
So for this episode I'mthinking we get, uh, into more
of the, you know, the romanticrelationship side when you're
dealing with mental health,Because I don't know about you,
pop, but I've been in somerelationships where I notice how
the mental health, the order ofit is like it can really weigh
(02:02):
down on the relationship and itcan affect it in major ways.
So I think we should kind oftalk about that.
Um, you know, maybe give someexperience and then maybe a
little bit of advice, maybe howwe dealt with that before man
that means we're gonna have tobe vulnerable man, the big v hey
, yeah, yeah, I got got to showsome vulnerability.
(02:27):
I don't mind that, though Icould get into it like hey, I
got, I got some stories man well, shoot man, we're gonna let you
pop it off then, all right yeahso yeah, so so with me, I think
, you know, coming from themental health angle, it's just
so many different things.
So for one, you know I talkabout.
(02:48):
I know we kind of spoke aboutdepression and things like that
before, but mental health is soimportant.
So between, like the difference, for me it's like the
difference between love anddependence.
Love and dependence right,because I feel like when you're
(03:12):
dealing with kind of um, you'renot in the highest spirits, or
maybe your partner isn't in thehighest spirits, a lot of times
they can kind of they feel likethey need to depend on you to
lift them up out of that ormaybe to, uh, you know, apply
some value in them.
It kind of becomes a thing whereit could weigh on the partner
as well.
It gets unhealthy, and Idefinitely have dealt with some
(03:34):
things like that before.
I don't want to get toospecific, but you know what I'm
saying.
It's almost like you may bewatching your partner have an
identity crisis or somethinglike that.
They might not be acting thesame or, um, there's also
painful to deal with.
So I think you know, one of themost important things is being
(04:10):
able to actually, you know,identify what's going on, like,
not not shrugging it off.
You know what I mean, becausewe don't always know what it
looks like.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, oh man, that is such a powerful statement that
we don't know Now.
The thing about it, though, is,I think, once you are in a
relationship, you know you can'tanticipate everything that's
going to happen.
Right, there's always going tobe the unknown that, when you
(04:41):
talk about relationships,especially romantic
relationships with your partner,you know there's going to be
some things, that, um, there'sgoing to be some expectations,
and not going all the way intothe marriage part, because in
the marriage part, man, you, yougot to do it, you got to stay
committed to the commitment.
So, whatever that looks like,it don't matter, you're in it,
(05:03):
right, but going through theprocess of being with someone,
you know learning that person,you know getting beyond the
exterior.
You know you're going to,you're going to uncover some old
bones, some old traumas, andyou know that comes with great
responsibility.
(05:24):
So, but to your point, you knowwhat is that going to look like,
and not everyone is equipped todeal with that.
So I think you know the firstthing that has to be identified
is, you know, do you loveyourself, do you have healthy
habits, do you have your outlets, are you transparent with your
(05:48):
wants and needs?
Because once you get into thatrelationship there's going to be
some compromise and sacrifice,but you don't want it to be at
the disposal of your identityand I think, man, that's one of
the one of the toughest thingswhen you're getting into
relationships.
You want to give the bestversion of yourself, but you
still want to be who you are, ifthat makes sense, jay.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Yeah, yeah, it makes total sense.
And you know I'm not sayingagain like you know nobody,
especially when it comes to, youknow, to mental health, like
it's an ongoing thing, it's aprocess, it's something that we
constantly got to work on.
So it's not to be saying yougot to be fully healed.
(06:32):
You know what I'm saying.
That's not realistic, or atleast just understanding maybe
what triggers your partner orwhat issues they may be dealing
with.
I mean, you know, at the end ofthe day, communication is
(07:07):
always going to those thingsthat you just kind of you know,
you just never know.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, yeah, you know, man, you know it's such a
challenging you know topicbecause you have to be
vulnerable and, like youmentioned, you know you have to
be aware or, ideally, you knowtopic because you have to be
vulnerable and, like youmentioned, you know you have to
be aware, or, ideally, you know,be aware, like, so let's, let's
just say that you know you'regetting to know someone and you
(07:36):
got having conversations.
You you've, uh, you know, brokesome barriers already.
It's almost like how much doyou divulge?
How much do you like, you know,do, do you share some of the
most traumatic experiences youknow with somebody that you're
(07:56):
getting to know, or do you guysare on the next level, and and
then you divulge it, cause atthat point it's no turning back
really rightthen, and so now it's like boom,
it's in your face, you got todeal with it, and I think that's
one of the most crucialexperiences in relationships
(08:18):
when you have to deal with thatand I'm not talking about you
know.
Well, you know, they say I'mcrazy, or I did some crazy
things, or yeah, I stalkedsomebody, whatever.
Even though that may be true,you know, people are at
different places at differenttimes.
So it's really important toidentify where you are, how far
you've come and what you stillneed to work on, and that, and
(08:40):
being transparent with that typeof information, that's what's
really going to take yourrelationship to the next level,
or at least give you a fightingchance to yeah, give you a
fighting chance.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
You know, I actually have a little story.
I was just recently talking tosomebody, you know, we were
conversing and she was tellingme about an experience that she
had with somebody that washaving some mental health issues
.
And it was crazy because wewere talking and she was like
the guy was, you know, he wascool, everything you know I
(09:15):
think I want to say they datedfor like a year, a year or two,
yeah, so he had been around thekids and things like that, was
doing for kids, all this stuff,but he never told her about
these mental health issues, thatthat he had, and then one day
he had an episode snapped andthat's when, you know, it became
(09:38):
apparent to her, but she feltlike she couldn't.
She couldn't move further withthe relationship because of that
, but more so because he didn'tdivulge that information prior
to Now.
I was asking her, like you know, so if he had told you, would
(10:01):
you have still considered it andyou could guess what the answer
is the answer was no she was.
She said no because that it wasa lot to deal with.
She was saying for thecircumstance.
I you know she didn't go intocomplete details, but whatever
happened she said she didn'twant to be around that, she
didn't want her kids around that.
So you know it, it it is hard,man, if, when you're going
(10:25):
through stuff, or if you, youknow, if you have, like, um,
you've been diagnosed withsomething you know kind of
teeter in that line of whetheror or not you should let
somebody know because you may beafraid of the reaction they may
have or if they'll consider youas a partner.
It's, you know, it's deep man.
So I definitely could feel forpeople who go through stuff like
(10:46):
that.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, you know on both ends, because somebody who
you know has been diagnosed, youknow, with any type of mental
health issues, to include PTSD,because there's a lot of people,
not only military, but there'sa lot of people that have
experienced, you know, you knowa lot of uh uh post trauma, you
(11:09):
know stress.
So, uh, it's like how much again, how much do you divulge Uh, if
, if you have gone on a path towhere you know you haven't been
majorly triggered, um, if youhave ongoing, you know, therapy
sessions and things like that?
You know, of course, to anextent, you know you want to be
(11:31):
able to confide in someone, butat the same time, it's almost
like you really don't wantpeople privy until you guys have
established something, a strongrapport, privy until you guys
have established something, astrong rapport.
And I think the biggest partwith that is if you know that
you have some issues, I don'tthink that you should move
(11:53):
forward on engaging in arelationship until you divulge
that.
You know what I mean.
To me, I mean that's likehaving an STD.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
You got an STD and you guys are, you know,
considering being, you know,physical and having intercourse,
and you don't say nothing.
You wrong, sis, you wrong yeahthat's wrong.
So I look at it like this Iremember my homeboy, stevie Bags
Jr man.
He said a lot of people sufferfrom stds and that's spiritually
(12:26):
transmitted diseases, you know,and that's one of the cool.
Well, it's not cool, but it'sone of the, I guess, most
thought-provoking thing thatI've heard, because there are
issues that you cannot see fromthe exterior and there's also,
uh, some issues that you stillhave to peel the layers in the
(12:50):
interior.
So it's really going to take meproperly going through the
process and the journey to makesure it makes sense for you guys
to be together.
And that's why I truly and Ialways will promote taking your
time before getting into arelationship, and I mean a real,
(13:12):
true relationship.
We are in a relationship weboth agree, one to break Right.
So it has to be that that clear, because if not, then that
leaves gray area to where you'redoing relationship stuff and
you're bypassing some thingsthat need to be discussed.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah, yeah, pops, doing the relationship stuff,
you got to come to thatagreement.
I am not with that.
We got to figure this out first, because it just never ends on
(13:52):
a good note for for anybody.
Nobody's happy that way becauseit's too much confusion, right.
But I wanted to talk about, uh,one of the things I wanted to
ask you if you ever, if you'vedealt with somebody like this.
So this falls under mentalhealth, right?
So a lot of people have likebad anxiety, right.
(14:13):
They, you know they getuncomfortable or maybe just in
like certain settings they, youknow they get the jitters and
stuff like that.
But I found, you know, whendating the anxiety thing can
play a role too because of like,there's like a paranoia aspect
to it as well.
You know what I'm saying.
(14:34):
So there's like some over overanalyzations.
There's some, you know, somesome spiraling and you may have
some triggers, like you know,like I might just be going out
to grab some groceries orsomething and it take me a
little bit longer, or I'm nottexting you, you don't receive a
text, and now you making allthese wild assumptions about
(14:57):
this and that.
That's kind of a turnoff to meand I don't know if, because I
know people do really have theseissues with anxiety and things
like that.
But that gets in the way for meLike that's.
I don't want to deal with that.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh, man, you know that happens.
You know that happens, you knowit happens and I think that
it's two, two factors that playinto that.
But both of them haveeverything to do with the past.
So you know, they may have beenwith someone that I, that maybe
(15:35):
you and I will consider overcommunicates.
You know, hey, babe, I'm goinghere at this time and then after
this I'm going to go here andI'm going to text you, I'm going
to FaceTime you so you can see,like you know, and that really
does exist, that's what I'msaying.
So you have someone that Iwould consider maybe over
communicates.
(15:56):
And then, of course, you alwayshave that trauma of someone that
has done some, you know,unscrupulous things.
You know in the past that thatwould definitely have you know
somebody on the other end.
You know feeling abandoned, uh,feeling that, uh, you know they
can't be trusted, and assumingthe worst.
So both of those things happen,man, and it's again, you know,
(16:19):
it's that process of getting toknow that person.
But I think that more importantthan those things are is you
have to create a brand newrelationship.
So you have to have the mindsetof OK, I have experienced some
things, I know that I come withsome things and I know that I've
(16:40):
been through some things, butthis is a brand new relationship
to me.
It's like it's like building ahouse like you can.
You can still get every.
You know four bedroom threebath looks different, but you
may want a four bedroom threebath.
So some of them come in a ranchstyle, some of them come in two
stories, some of them come in atownhouse.
(17:01):
So, again, at the end of theday, you still have to create a
new foundation, right?
You have to create a newfoundation and then you build it
according to your uniquerelationship, right?
So, okay, yeah, you was in aranch before, four-bedroom,
three-bath, but now you stillwant the four-bed three-bath,
(17:23):
but now you want a two-story.
So it's going to look different.
The building process is going tobe different.
It's going to take longer.
You're going to see some thingsthat you're familiar seeing.
Maybe some of the framework,maybe some of the appliances are
the same, but it's not.
It could be the samerefrigerator, but it's not the
(17:44):
same refrigerator.
And so, having that openmindedness, being real with
yourself and really goingthrough that process with that
person Like both of you guysstart over.
Nobody has the upper hand.
Nobody has the lower hand andif we could create and enjoy and
(18:08):
embrace that journey together,the newness, then I think we can
be a lot more vulnerable andshare a lot of our flaws and
faults that we typically hideuntil we are at that moment of
exposure.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah, I mean, and at the end of the day, that's when
you pursue pursuing arelationship with anybody.
That's all we really ask for isto be able to be vulnerable and
be accepted.
You know, in whatever flaws oryou know issues, however we want
to label it, whatever we havegoing on, you want somebody to
see you for you and still loveand accept you, no matter what
(18:52):
that is.
So, you know, going back tothat story, you know the little
story I was saying about the oneI was talking about, to who's
dating somebody.
Like in that instance, I dowonder you know what if she was
able to overlook that?
You know what I mean Likesomething you just never know.
(19:15):
Something beautiful could havestill come from that, you know.
So I want to encourage people,you know, whatever, whatever
mind state, mental state you arein, you know, don't stop
looking, don't stop dating,don't let that hinder you.
Of course.
Continue to work on yourselfand do whatever it is.
You can Therapy things likethat, you know, and you know if,
(19:38):
if, also, if it's medication orwhatever the case is.
You know, because I know peopledeal with all different types
of, of course, you know alldifferent types of things, but
don't, don't let that thathinder you from from day in and
trying to find somebody, um,because no doubt there's
somebody out here that will seeand accept you for whatever it
(19:59):
is you have to offer.
So, yeah, just always keep thatthought in mind.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah for sure, man.
One more thing, or maybe twomore things I want to address,
because I think it's reallyimportant, is actually
identifying, you know, if youneed therapy or if you guys just
aren't a match.
And I think that that has a lotto do with with the scenario
you gave, because that is anopportunity.
(20:27):
Maybe she didn't look at it asan opportunity, because if this
gentleman has been able to stepin and support her, step in and
kind of do some things thatwasn't being done before, then
now he's in need of support,right.
(20:49):
So it's almost like OK, well,that's your test, did you pass
your test?
Did you decide not to do yourtest at all and just move on.
You know, it's also a teachablemoment, it's also a learning
opportunity, and imagine if yougo through that process.
You know and get through that.
So now you have a method and atool to utilize when there are
(21:15):
instances like that and youdon't know, because those things
could also apply to otherthings in the household when
you're able to get some type ofhelp, but when you're also able
to have some support.
So you guys are now learningtogether, you know.
So therapy doesn't just reallyaddress one topic, but it gives
(21:37):
you.
It gives you tools, it givesyou strategies and it gives you
an opportunity to get to theroot and kind of reverse
engineer situations and allowyou to be a lot more effective
with your relationship and yourcommunication style.
As it is, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Pop hey man, you know I might have to go get that
cert.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I might have to go get that cert.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, coming up next.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Coming up next.
Man, I think you also made agood point about sometimes
people will self-sabotage, youknow, instead of being
vulnerable, instead of beinglike.
You know what this is me, thisis what I've been working on.
(22:31):
You know, can you handle this?
You know, willing to navigate,you know, together, you know.
So, again, I think that thoseare, you know, learning moment,
teachable moments, learningopportunities, and you know some
, some people, that's their way,that's their scapegoat.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Oh, yeah, yeah, self-sabotage, the isolation I
think it can.
It really can be easy to you,be easy to fall into those
things, especially when youdon't know.
None of us really have a viewof how we're perceived.
We can only see ourselves forwhat we see.
(23:10):
We don't know what other peoplesee.
So if in your mind you don'tfeel a particular way or you're
not confident or you feel likeyou're being held back by a
certain criteria or whatever,whatever the case is that you
have going on due to you knowthe effects of some some type of
(23:30):
mental health issues, then thatcan isolate you and make you
feel less inclined to reach outor to divulge or really just get
in communication or contactanybody about it.
But really that's the only wayto get through.
(23:50):
That is by connecting withsomebody else and talking to
someone else, because you knowalone you're only going to
continue to spiral and and andhow, these negative thoughts and
these, this, this negativeaspect.
So I encourage always no matterif you have mental health issues
(24:10):
or not or if you're goingthrough anything, just always
talk to somebody.
You know is I encourage peopleto talk.
I promise you it feels bettergetting stuff out than holding
it in.
I've never had an experiencewhere I held something in or
kept it away and I felt betterdown the line.
It's always that catharsis orthat release of energy and
(24:35):
emotions comes with that.
It comes with that liberation,that feeling of liberation.
Holding it in is never going tomake you feel better.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah, it is tough, you know.
It may be something that peoplehave shied away from only
because the other person lostinterest.
But I would have to agree withyou, it can also be off-putting
and feel like maybe somebetrayal, maybe not able to
(25:09):
trust that person, because it'sa big deal and people your
person may want to truly andgenuinely, you know, help you
get through it, not blame you,and, you know, say this is the
cause of all of our issues.
But they may be genuine andvery've talked about it before
(25:53):
that in the future you are open,once you're in a relationship,
even though you're not talkingabout marriage yet, do you think
that it is important orimperative to just have couples
therapy?
Yeah, how do you think thatwould?
(26:16):
That would change the dynamicor how it would influence, you
know, that process of of, youknow, seeing if this is really a
person.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, so just just without me.
Of course, you know I've neverbeen to couples therapy or
anything like that.
I actually haven't been totherapy before, but I was almost
there.
I was almost there and thereason we decided to do it is
(26:48):
because we were having issues inour relationship, so it was
kind of like a last resort thingto try to salvage what we had
going on.
So in retrospect, I think thatit would have been a much better
idea to, you know, just kind ofbeing able to talk through
(27:09):
things and seeing one another'sperspective without anybody
shutting down or anybody feelinglike, you know, they're getting
blamed or the finger pointed atthem or anything like that.
(27:33):
So imperative, you know, Ithink that would kind of be like
circumstantial.
I don't know if my nextrelationship or my potential
wife I don't know if we will wemay gel together enough that we
can kind of resolve our issuesone-on-one.
It may be that type of thing.
(27:54):
But if it looks like thetherapy is a good route, I, you
know, I have no qualms againstthat.
I think it could be healthy, Ithink it can be helpful and I
wish that I had, uh, consideredit, you know, earlier on, like
the next time in the future.
I definitely will that.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
That probably will be one of the first resort resorts
and not the last, for sure yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's uh,
you know that's powerful, thatyou felt that way, that you
express yourself that way.
You know, I would say that Ithink that therapy, um, is a
good thing.
I, finding the right therapistis as important as therapy
(28:40):
itself, because you, at the end,you really want to take away
tools that will be lifelonginstruments for you.
You know so, if you are havingissues or if you're not having
issues, you know you have astructure, you have reference,
you have, you know, the abilityto look back and say, hey, you
(29:02):
know what.
These were some things thatwere effective for me in my
personal growth and development.
So I think that therapy ingeneral could help.
I think that it'll give yousome options.
It'll give you some perspective.
Help, I think that it'll giveyou some options.
It'll give you some perspective.
It'll give you some tools againthat you may have not even
(29:23):
thought about because you're sobusy going through life, right?
So a lot of us are so busy goingthrough life that we don't sit
down on our own couch and writedown our thoughts and journal
our experiences and assess whatwe have experienced, what we've
learned, the adjustments that wemade.
So when you can get someonewho's going to be, you know,
(29:45):
extremely objective with what'sgoing on.
It'll help because we're alwaysin the thick of it.
But I would say that I rememberdating a young lady and we was
so early into just dating andyou know she was like, would you
(30:05):
do couples therapy with me?
And I'm thinking, why do weneed to do that?
We ain't even really a couplelike that.
But what I later learned isthat you know she did have some
major traumas and so it's almostlike well, let's talk about it
(30:26):
with someone before I have totalk about it to him.
Right, that's how I looked atit and I like that, jay.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
No, no, I wouldn't like that.
I would, because she made itseem like this is something that
we needed, like right away,versus this is something that
she really needed.
And if I agreed, it would belike a revelation for her.
Like, oh, you know, he agreed.
Like, maybe the guy who wascool with me didn't Right, and
(30:59):
so it was like a test.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
If he says that he's cool with couples, it was just
too early it was too early andthen it wasn't all the way
genuine, you know Right, becauseyou're not.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Because I'm thinking like atleast, if she's saying that
though, at least she was, atleast she didn't hide it you
know what I'm saying, at leastshe wasn't just never gonna you
know what I'm saying come outwith it.
So I'm thinking maybe she atleast put an effort to to show
(31:25):
you know that she got the trauma, because it can be hard to talk
about.
But if she was just using thatas kind of like a little, a
little factoring system, thennah, that's that, ain't that,
ain't what's up yeah, I don'tknow, man, it didn't even matter
, though it didn't even matterat that point.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Man, I'm seriously, I'm serious, because you know,
there's certain things that Ithink that, as we establish
ourselves, we can have thoseconversations.
Now she she didn't even divulgethat she was currently in
therapy.
Now, I think for me that wasthe bigger issue, if you like,
(32:04):
you know what.
There's some things that I'mstill dealing with.
You know, I'm still healingfrom and I'm still navigating,
and so you know, pleaseunderstand, now, if she would
have said that, then I wouldhave.
I don't know if you couldprepare for triggers, or, or you
know what.
You can't anticipate triggers,but you can kind of prepare that
(32:26):
.
Okay, you know what.
There may be some things thatshe's like okay, you know what,
this is too familiar, I don'tlike it, and you have a better
understanding.
Yeah, yeah, but you know,sometimes, again, you know, when
you start talking about thatrepresentative because I know
women talk about it more thanmen, but both have
representatives it's almost like, uh, you know, uh, what you
(32:51):
gonna do.
It's almost like, okay, I'mgonna give you a little bit, you
give me a little bit, I'm gonnagive you a lot, I'm gonna get
you know, you get me a lot andkind of those undiscussed
expectations, kind of get uhcertain you know uh, getting the
no process convoluted.
So if you're gonna, if you'regonna keep it, you know a buck,
(33:12):
keep it all the way above,because at least you can say
that I kept it above on my part.
Facts, big facts, man.
This was, uh, this was one ofthem.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Things, man, um yeah, good, good, healthy
conversation.
You know something that wedon't always, we don't always
talk about and we didn't evenget to, we didn't go in.
Really, you know cause?
Yo, this is supposed to be someissues out there for real, but
(33:45):
you know, we kept it light, keptit good.
I think that you know peoplecan really get a lot from this
and, at the end of the day, likeI said earlier, no matter what
you're going through, you know,be real with yourself, be real
with your partner.
Right and y'all will be allright.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
You're going to be all right.
You know, don't, don't bescared to show your true self.
You know you can't kind ofsneak that up on folks, man.
It's, it's going to hurt you onthe long.
But you know what, though?
But we do have a few moreminutes, let me.
Let me address this.
Let's talk about really brieflyhow you feel about the, the
(34:26):
healing work.
You know, do you?
Do you feel like if somebody istelling you straight up I'm in
this healing process, I'm intherapy, uh, and I'm navigating,
you know, personal developmentFor you, is that a red flag, jay
, or is that a green flag on howto move forward?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, to me that's a green flag If they're coming out
, if they're being forthcoming.
Well, actually, not only that,let me not be so quick to say.
I have to specify what thetraumas and the triggers, and
the therapy is right Becauseit's levels to it All right come
on.
You know it's levels to it, Likeif it's not, you know if you
(35:12):
may be dealing with you knowsomething light like it's and I
don't know.
I don't, I don't want to feelbad saying this, but I don't,
I'm not the person that's like,I don't want you to be.
You know trauma dumping on meand having way too too much
baggage because I don't.
I don't personally feel like Ihave that.
You know what I mean.
(35:32):
So I feel like we need to be alittle more balanced, you know,
uh, but if you're gonna beforthcoming and let me know, I
think I think that's a greenflag because it just kind of
helps me know you know how todeal with you and how to move.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, and please know and recognize where
you got a journey ahead of you.
Hey, you are going uphill.
Oh man, look, we appreciate youguys Again.
You know it's still May, mentalHealth Awareness Month.
It's your favorite duo, robMalloy and Javen Pops and Son
(36:09):
Conversations.
Hey, look, we're going to seeyou guys next episode.
Make sure that you catch up Ifyou missed last week's and the
week before, make sure that youcatch up and then tap in for the
next episode.
Look, man, we're going to seeyou guys later, all right, peace
.
Okay, welcome back to another amazing episode of Pops
and Son Conversations, and ofcourse, it's your favorite
Silver Fox, Rob Malloy.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Double check and check again.
Check three times here.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
All right, that makes three.
Hey, Jay, how you feeling, man?
What's going on with you?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I feel good, feel good.
Yeah, I'm in a good mood.
What about you?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I'm feeling good, I'm really excited to tackle this
conversation.
You know it's still May and weare still addressing Mental
Health Awareness Month.
Now, mental health awarenessneed to be year round.
Let's just keep it a buck,right, I agree.
But we're going to be veryintentional with addressing
(00:56):
mental health and I think wehave something really special
this particular episode, jay,that we're going to give our
listeners out here, and wereally want you guys to tap in
like never before, because thesetopics are very crucial.
These are things that for somefamilies, for some generations
(01:16):
and for some communities andcultures, may be taboo to have
conversations about, and so,thank God, we have this platform
there that we can, you know,engage in a kind of break this
thing down, jay.
So, uh, how you feeling, man?
What direction you want to gothis episode?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah.
So for this episode I'mthinking we get, uh, into more
of the, you know, the romanticrelationship side when you're
dealing with mental health,Because I don't know about you,
pop, but I've been in somerelationships where I notice how
the mental health, the order ofit is like it can really weigh
(02:02):
down on the relationship and itcan affect it in major ways.
So I think we should kind oftalk about that.
Um, you know, maybe give someexperience and then maybe a
little bit of advice, maybe howwe dealt with that before man
that means we're gonna have tobe vulnerable man, the big v hey
, yeah, yeah, I got got to showsome vulnerability.
(02:27):
I don't mind that, though Icould get into it like hey, I
got, I got some stories man well, shoot man, we're gonna let you
pop it off then, all right yeahso yeah, so so with me, I think
, you know, coming from themental health angle, it's just
so many different things.
So for one, you know I talkabout.
(02:48):
I know we kind of spoke aboutdepression and things like that
before, but mental health is soimportant.
So between, like the difference, for me it's like the
difference between love anddependence.
Love and dependence right,because I feel like when you're
(03:12):
dealing with kind of um, you'renot in the highest spirits, or
maybe your partner isn't in thehighest spirits, a lot of times
they can kind of they feel likethey need to depend on you to
lift them up out of that ormaybe to, uh, you know, apply
some value in them.
It kind of becomes a thing whereit could weigh on the partner
as well.
It gets unhealthy, and Idefinitely have dealt with some
(03:34):
things like that before.
I don't want to get toospecific, but you know what I'm
saying.
It's almost like you may bewatching your partner have an
identity crisis or somethinglike that.
They might not be acting thesame or, um, there's also
painful to deal with.
So I think you know, one of themost important things is being
(04:10):
able to actually, you know,identify what's going on, like,
not not shrugging it off.
You know what I mean, becausewe don't always know what it
looks like.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, oh man, that is such a powerful statement that
we don't know Now.
The thing about it, though, is,I think, once you are in a
relationship, you know you can'tanticipate everything that's
going to happen.
Right, there's always going tobe the unknown that, when you
(04:41):
talk about relationships,especially romantic
relationships with your partner,you know there's going to be
some things, that, um, there'sgoing to be some expectations,
and not going all the way intothe marriage part, because in
the marriage part, man, you, yougot to do it, you got to stay
committed to the commitment.
So, whatever that looks like,it don't matter, you're in it,
(05:03):
right, but going through theprocess of being with someone,
you know learning that person,you know getting beyond the
exterior.
You know you're going to,you're going to uncover some old
bones, some old traumas, andyou know that comes with great
responsibility.
(05:24):
So, but to your point, you knowwhat is that going to look like,
and not everyone is equipped todeal with that.
So I think you know the firstthing that has to be identified
is, you know, do you loveyourself, do you have healthy
habits, do you have your outlets, are you transparent with your
(05:48):
wants and needs?
Because once you get into thatrelationship there's going to be
some compromise and sacrifice,but you don't want it to be at
the disposal of your identityand I think, man, that's one of
the one of the toughest thingswhen you're getting into
relationships.
You want to give the bestversion of yourself, but you
still want to be who you are, ifthat makes sense, jay.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Yeah, yeah, it makes total sense.
And you know I'm not sayingagain like you know nobody,
especially when it comes to, youknow, to mental health, like
it's an ongoing thing, it's aprocess, it's something that we
constantly got to work on.
So it's not to be saying yougot to be fully healed.
(06:32):
You know what I'm saying.
That's not realistic, or atleast just understanding maybe
what triggers your partner orwhat issues they may be dealing
with.
I mean, you know, at the end ofthe day, communication is
(07:07):
always going to those thingsthat you just kind of you know,
you just never know.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, yeah, you know, man, you know it's such a
challenging you know topicbecause you have to be
vulnerable and, like youmentioned, you know you have to
be aware or, ideally, you knowtopic because you have to be
vulnerable and, like youmentioned, you know you have to
be aware, or, ideally, you know,be aware, like, so let's, let's
just say that you know you'regetting to know someone and you
(07:36):
got having conversations.
You you've, uh, you know, brokesome barriers already.
It's almost like how much doyou divulge?
How much do you like, you know,do, do you share some of the
most traumatic experiences youknow with somebody that you're
(07:56):
getting to know, or do you guysare on the next level, and and
then you divulge it, cause atthat point it's no turning back
really rightthen, and so now it's like boom,
it's in your face, you got todeal with it, and I think that's
one of the most crucialexperiences in relationships
(08:18):
when you have to deal with thatand I'm not talking about you
know.
Well, you know, they say I'mcrazy, or I did some crazy
things, or yeah, I stalkedsomebody, whatever.
Even though that may be true,you know, people are at
different places at differenttimes.
So it's really important toidentify where you are, how far
you've come and what you stillneed to work on, and that, and
(08:40):
being transparent with that typeof information, that's what's
really going to take yourrelationship to the next level,
or at least give you a fightingchance to yeah, give you a
fighting chance.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
You know, I actually have a little story.
I was just recently talking tosomebody, you know, we were
conversing and she was tellingme about an experience that she
had with somebody that washaving some mental health issues
.
And it was crazy because wewere talking and she was like
the guy was, you know, he wascool, everything you know I
(09:15):
think I want to say they datedfor like a year, a year or two,
yeah, so he had been around thekids and things like that, was
doing for kids, all this stuff,but he never told her about
these mental health issues, thatthat he had, and then one day
he had an episode snapped andthat's when, you know, it became
(09:38):
apparent to her, but she feltlike she couldn't.
She couldn't move further withthe relationship because of that
, but more so because he didn'tdivulge that information prior
to Now.
I was asking her, like you know, so if he had told you, would
(10:01):
you have still considered it andyou could guess what the answer
is the answer was no she was.
She said no because that it wasa lot to deal with.
She was saying for thecircumstance.
I you know she didn't go intocomplete details, but whatever
happened she said she didn'twant to be around that, she
didn't want her kids around that.
So you know it, it it is hard,man, if, when you're going
(10:25):
through stuff, or if you, youknow, if you have, like, um,
you've been diagnosed withsomething you know kind of
teeter in that line of whetheror or not you should let
somebody know because you may beafraid of the reaction they may
have or if they'll consider youas a partner.
It's, you know, it's deep man.
So I definitely could feel forpeople who go through stuff like
(10:46):
that.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, you know on both ends, because somebody who
you know has been diagnosed, youknow, with any type of mental
health issues, to include PTSD,because there's a lot of people,
not only military, but there'sa lot of people that have
experienced, you know, you knowa lot of uh uh post trauma, you
(11:09):
know stress.
So, uh, it's like how much again, how much do you divulge Uh, if
, if you have gone on a path towhere you know you haven't been
majorly triggered, um, if youhave ongoing, you know, therapy
sessions and things like that?
You know, of course, to anextent, you know you want to be
(11:31):
able to confide in someone, butat the same time, it's almost
like you really don't wantpeople privy until you guys have
established something, a strongrapport, privy until you guys
have established something, astrong rapport.
And I think the biggest partwith that is if you know that
you have some issues, I don'tthink that you should move
(11:53):
forward on engaging in arelationship until you divulge
that.
You know what I mean.
To me, I mean that's likehaving an STD.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
You got an STD and you guys are, you know,
considering being, you know,physical and having intercourse,
and you don't say nothing.
You wrong, sis, you wrong yeahthat's wrong.
So I look at it like this Iremember my homeboy, stevie Bags
Jr man.
He said a lot of people sufferfrom stds and that's spiritually
(12:26):
transmitted diseases, you know,and that's one of the cool.
Well, it's not cool, but it'sone of the, I guess, most
thought-provoking thing thatI've heard, because there are
issues that you cannot see fromthe exterior and there's also,
uh, some issues that you stillhave to peel the layers in the
(12:50):
interior.
So it's really going to take meproperly going through the
process and the journey to makesure it makes sense for you guys
to be together.
And that's why I truly and Ialways will promote taking your
time before getting into arelationship, and I mean a real,
(13:12):
true relationship.
We are in a relationship weboth agree, one to break Right.
So it has to be that that clear, because if not, then that
leaves gray area to where you'redoing relationship stuff and
you're bypassing some thingsthat need to be discussed.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah, yeah, pops, doing the relationship stuff,
you got to come to thatagreement.
I am not with that.
We got to figure this out first, because it just never ends on
(13:52):
a good note for for anybody.
Nobody's happy that way becauseit's too much confusion, right.
But I wanted to talk about, uh,one of the things I wanted to
ask you if you ever, if you'vedealt with somebody like this.
So this falls under mentalhealth, right?
So a lot of people have likebad anxiety, right.
(14:13):
They, you know they getuncomfortable or maybe just in
like certain settings they, youknow they get the jitters and
stuff like that.
But I found, you know, whendating the anxiety thing can
play a role too because of like,there's like a paranoia aspect
to it as well.
You know what I'm saying.
(14:34):
So there's like some over overanalyzations.
There's some, you know, somesome spiraling and you may have
some triggers, like you know,like I might just be going out
to grab some groceries orsomething and it take me a
little bit longer, or I'm nottexting you, you don't receive a
text, and now you making allthese wild assumptions about
(14:57):
this and that.
That's kind of a turnoff to meand I don't know if, because I
know people do really have theseissues with anxiety and things
like that.
But that gets in the way for meLike that's.
I don't want to deal with that.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh, man, you know that happens.
You know that happens, you knowit happens and I think that
it's two, two factors that playinto that.
But both of them haveeverything to do with the past.
So you know, they may have beenwith someone that I, that maybe
(15:35):
you and I will consider overcommunicates.
You know, hey, babe, I'm goinghere at this time and then after
this I'm going to go here andI'm going to text you, I'm going
to FaceTime you so you can see,like you know, and that really
does exist, that's what I'msaying.
So you have someone that Iwould consider maybe over
communicates.
(15:56):
And then, of course, you alwayshave that trauma of someone that
has done some, you know,unscrupulous things.
You know in the past that thatwould definitely have you know
somebody on the other end.
You know feeling abandoned, uh,feeling that, uh, you know they
can't be trusted, and assumingthe worst.
So both of those things happen,man, and it's again, you know,
(16:19):
it's that process of getting toknow that person.
But I think that more importantthan those things are is you
have to create a brand newrelationship.
So you have to have the mindsetof OK, I have experienced some
things, I know that I come withsome things and I know that I've
(16:40):
been through some things, butthis is a brand new relationship
to me.
It's like it's like building ahouse like you can.
You can still get every.
You know four bedroom threebath looks different, but you
may want a four bedroom threebath.
So some of them come in a ranchstyle, some of them come in two
stories, some of them come in atownhouse.
(17:01):
So, again, at the end of theday, you still have to create a
new foundation, right?
You have to create a newfoundation and then you build it
according to your uniquerelationship, right?
So, okay, yeah, you was in aranch before, four-bedroom,
three-bath, but now you stillwant the four-bed three-bath,
(17:23):
but now you want a two-story.
So it's going to look different.
The building process is going tobe different.
It's going to take longer.
You're going to see some thingsthat you're familiar seeing.
Maybe some of the framework,maybe some of the appliances are
the same, but it's not.
It could be the samerefrigerator, but it's not the
(17:44):
same refrigerator.
And so, having that openmindedness, being real with
yourself and really goingthrough that process with that
person Like both of you guysstart over.
Nobody has the upper hand.
Nobody has the lower hand andif we could create and enjoy and
(18:08):
embrace that journey together,the newness, then I think we can
be a lot more vulnerable andshare a lot of our flaws and
faults that we typically hideuntil we are at that moment of
exposure.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah, I mean, and at the end of the day, that's when
you pursue pursuing arelationship with anybody.
That's all we really ask for isto be able to be vulnerable and
be accepted.
You know, in whatever flaws oryou know issues, however we want
to label it, whatever we havegoing on, you want somebody to
see you for you and still loveand accept you, no matter what
(18:52):
that is.
So, you know, going back tothat story, you know the little
story I was saying about the oneI was talking about, to who's
dating somebody.
Like in that instance, I dowonder you know what if she was
able to overlook that?
You know what I mean Likesomething you just never know.
(19:15):
Something beautiful could havestill come from that, you know.
So I want to encourage people,you know, whatever, whatever
mind state, mental state you arein, you know, don't stop
looking, don't stop dating,don't let that hinder you.
Of course.
Continue to work on yourselfand do whatever it is.
You can Therapy things likethat, you know, and you know if,
(19:38):
if, also, if it's medication orwhatever the case is.
You know, because I know peopledeal with all different types
of, of course, you know alldifferent types of things, but
don't, don't let that thathinder you from from day in and
trying to find somebody, um,because no doubt there's
somebody out here that will seeand accept you for whatever it
(19:59):
is you have to offer.
So, yeah, just always keep thatthought in mind.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah for sure, man.
One more thing, or maybe twomore things I want to address,
because I think it's reallyimportant, is actually
identifying, you know, if youneed therapy or if you guys just
aren't a match.
And I think that that has a lotto do with with the scenario
you gave, because that is anopportunity.
(20:27):
Maybe she didn't look at it asan opportunity, because if this
gentleman has been able to stepin and support her, step in and
kind of do some things thatwasn't being done before, then
now he's in need of support,right.
(20:49):
So it's almost like OK, well,that's your test, did you pass
your test?
Did you decide not to do yourtest at all and just move on.
You know, it's also a teachablemoment, it's also a learning
opportunity, and imagine if yougo through that process.
You know and get through that.
So now you have a method and atool to utilize when there are
(21:15):
instances like that and youdon't know, because those things
could also apply to otherthings in the household when
you're able to get some type ofhelp, but when you're also able
to have some support.
So you guys are now learningtogether, you know.
So therapy doesn't just reallyaddress one topic, but it gives
(21:37):
you.
It gives you tools, it givesyou strategies and it gives you
an opportunity to get to theroot and kind of reverse
engineer situations and allowyou to be a lot more effective
with your relationship and yourcommunication style.
As it is, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Pop hey man, you know I might have to go get that
cert.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I might have to go get that cert.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, coming up next.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Coming up next.
Man, I think you also made agood point about sometimes
people will self-sabotage, youknow, instead of being
vulnerable, instead of beinglike.
You know what this is me, thisis what I've been working on.
(22:31):
You know, can you handle this?
You know, willing to navigate,you know, together, you know.
So, again, I think that thoseare, you know, learning moment,
teachable moments, learningopportunities, and you know some
, some people, that's their way,that's their scapegoat.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Oh, yeah, yeah, self-sabotage, the isolation I
think it can.
It really can be easy to you,be easy to fall into those
things, especially when youdon't know.
None of us really have a viewof how we're perceived.
We can only see ourselves forwhat we see.
(23:10):
We don't know what other peoplesee.
So if in your mind you don'tfeel a particular way or you're
not confident or you feel likeyou're being held back by a
certain criteria or whatever,whatever the case is that you
have going on due to you knowthe effects of some some type of
(23:30):
mental health issues, then thatcan isolate you and make you
feel less inclined to reach outor to divulge or really just get
in communication or contactanybody about it.
But really that's the only wayto get through.
(23:50):
That is by connecting withsomebody else and talking to
someone else, because you knowalone you're only going to
continue to spiral and and andhow, these negative thoughts and
these, this, this negativeaspect.
So I encourage always no matterif you have mental health issues
(24:10):
or not or if you're goingthrough anything, just always
talk to somebody.
You know is I encourage peopleto talk.
I promise you it feels bettergetting stuff out than holding
it in.
I've never had an experiencewhere I held something in or
kept it away and I felt betterdown the line.
It's always that catharsis orthat release of energy and
(24:35):
emotions comes with that.
It comes with that liberation,that feeling of liberation.
Holding it in is never going tomake you feel better.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah, it is tough, you know.
It may be something that peoplehave shied away from only
because the other person lostinterest.
But I would have to agree withyou, it can also be off-putting
and feel like maybe somebetrayal, maybe not able to
(25:09):
trust that person, because it'sa big deal and people your
person may want to truly andgenuinely, you know, help you
get through it, not blame you,and, you know, say this is the
cause of all of our issues.
But they may be genuine andvery've talked about it before
(25:53):
that in the future you are open,once you're in a relationship,
even though you're not talkingabout marriage yet, do you think
that it is important orimperative to just have couples
therapy?
Yeah, how do you think thatwould?
(26:16):
That would change the dynamicor how it would influence, you
know, that process of of, youknow, seeing if this is really a
person.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, so just just without me.
Of course, you know I've neverbeen to couples therapy or
anything like that.
I actually haven't been totherapy before, but I was almost
there.
I was almost there and thereason we decided to do it is
(26:48):
because we were having issues inour relationship, so it was
kind of like a last resort thingto try to salvage what we had
going on.
So in retrospect, I think thatit would have been a much better
idea to, you know, just kind ofbeing able to talk through
(27:09):
things and seeing one another'sperspective without anybody
shutting down or anybody feelinglike, you know, they're getting
blamed or the finger pointed atthem or anything like that.
(27:33):
So imperative, you know, Ithink that would kind of be like
circumstantial.
I don't know if my nextrelationship or my potential
wife I don't know if we will wemay gel together enough that we
can kind of resolve our issuesone-on-one.
It may be that type of thing.
(27:54):
But if it looks like thetherapy is a good route, I, you
know, I have no qualms againstthat.
I think it could be healthy, Ithink it can be helpful and I
wish that I had, uh, consideredit, you know, earlier on, like
the next time in the future.
I definitely will that.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
That probably will be one of the first resort resorts
and not the last, for sure yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's uh,
you know that's powerful, thatyou felt that way, that you
express yourself that way.
You know, I would say that Ithink that therapy, um, is a
good thing.
I, finding the right therapistis as important as therapy
(28:40):
itself, because you, at the end,you really want to take away
tools that will be lifelonginstruments for you.
You know so, if you are havingissues or if you're not having
issues, you know you have astructure, you have reference,
you have, you know, the abilityto look back and say, hey, you
(29:02):
know what.
These were some things thatwere effective for me in my
personal growth and development.
So I think that therapy ingeneral could help.
I think that it'll give yousome options.
It'll give you some perspective.
Help, I think that it'll giveyou some options.
It'll give you some perspective.
It'll give you some tools againthat you may have not even
(29:23):
thought about because you're sobusy going through life, right?
So a lot of us are so busy goingthrough life that we don't sit
down on our own couch and writedown our thoughts and journal
our experiences and assess whatwe have experienced, what we've
learned, the adjustments that wemade.
So when you can get someonewho's going to be, you know,
(29:45):
extremely objective with what'sgoing on.
It'll help because we're alwaysin the thick of it.
But I would say that I rememberdating a young lady and we was
so early into just dating andyou know she was like, would you
(30:05):
do couples therapy with me?
And I'm thinking, why do weneed to do that?
We ain't even really a couplelike that.
But what I later learned isthat you know she did have some
major traumas and so it's almostlike well, let's talk about it
(30:26):
with someone before I have totalk about it to him.
Right, that's how I looked atit and I like that, jay.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
No, no, I wouldn't like that.
I would, because she made itseem like this is something that
we needed, like right away,versus this is something that
she really needed.
And if I agreed, it would belike a revelation for her.
Like, oh, you know, he agreed.
Like, maybe the guy who wascool with me didn't Right, and
(30:59):
so it was like a test.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
If he says that he's cool with couples, it was just
too early it was too early andthen it wasn't all the way
genuine, you know Right, becauseyou're not.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Because I'm thinking like atleast, if she's saying that
though, at least she was, atleast she didn't hide it you
know what I'm saying, at leastshe wasn't just never gonna you
know what I'm saying come outwith it.
So I'm thinking maybe she atleast put an effort to to show
(31:25):
you know that she got the trauma, because it can be hard to talk
about.
But if she was just using thatas kind of like a little, a
little factoring system, thennah, that's that, ain't that,
ain't what's up yeah, I don'tknow, man, it didn't even matter
, though it didn't even matterat that point.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Man, I'm seriously, I'm serious, because you know,
there's certain things that Ithink that, as we establish
ourselves, we can have thoseconversations.
Now she she didn't even divulgethat she was currently in
therapy.
Now, I think for me that wasthe bigger issue, if you like,
(32:04):
you know what.
There's some things that I'mstill dealing with.
You know, I'm still healingfrom and I'm still navigating,
and so you know, pleaseunderstand, now, if she would
have said that, then I wouldhave.
I don't know if you couldprepare for triggers, or, or you
know what.
You can't anticipate triggers,but you can kind of prepare that
(32:26):
.
Okay, you know what.
There may be some things thatshe's like okay, you know what,
this is too familiar, I don'tlike it, and you have a better
understanding.
Yeah, yeah, but you know,sometimes, again, you know, when
you start talking about thatrepresentative because I know
women talk about it more thanmen, but both have
representatives it's almost like, uh, you know, uh, what you
(32:51):
gonna do.
It's almost like, okay, I'mgonna give you a little bit, you
give me a little bit, I'm gonnagive you a lot, I'm gonna get
you know, you get me a lot andkind of those undiscussed
expectations, kind of get uhcertain you know uh, getting the
no process convoluted.
So if you're gonna, if you'regonna keep it, you know a buck,
(33:12):
keep it all the way above,because at least you can say
that I kept it above on my part.
Facts, big facts, man.
This was, uh, this was one ofthem.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Things, man, um yeah, good, good, healthy
conversation.
You know something that wedon't always, we don't always
talk about and we didn't evenget to, we didn't go in.
Really, you know cause?
Yo, this is supposed to be someissues out there for real, but
(33:45):
you know, we kept it light, keptit good.
I think that you know peoplecan really get a lot from this
and, at the end of the day, likeI said earlier, no matter what
you're going through, you know,be real with yourself, be real
with your partner.
Right and y'all will be allright.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
You're going to be all right.
You know, don't, don't bescared to show your true self.
You know you can't kind ofsneak that up on folks, man.
It's, it's going to hurt you onthe long.
But you know what, though?
But we do have a few moreminutes, let me.
Let me address this.
Let's talk about really brieflyhow you feel about the, the
(34:26):
healing work.
You know, do you?
Do you feel like if somebody istelling you straight up I'm in
this healing process, I'm intherapy, uh, and I'm navigating,
you know, personal developmentFor you, is that a red flag, jay
, or is that a green flag on howto move forward?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, to me that's a green flag If they're coming out
, if they're being forthcoming.
Well, actually, not only that,let me not be so quick to say.
I have to specify what thetraumas and the triggers, and
the therapy is right Becauseit's levels to it All right come
on.
You know it's levels to it, Likeif it's not, you know if you
(35:12):
may be dealing with you knowsomething light like it's and I
don't know.
I don't, I don't want to feelbad saying this, but I don't,
I'm not the person that's like,I don't want you to be.
You know trauma dumping on meand having way too too much
baggage because I don't.
I don't personally feel like Ihave that.
You know what I mean.
(35:32):
So I feel like we need to be alittle more balanced, you know,
uh, but if you're gonna beforthcoming and let me know, I
think I think that's a greenflag because it just kind of
helps me know you know how todeal with you and how to move.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, and please know and recognize where
you got a journey ahead of you.
Hey, you are going uphill.
Oh man, look, we appreciate youguys Again.
You know it's still May, mentalHealth Awareness Month.
It's your favorite duo, robMalloy and Javen Pops and Son
(36:09):
Conversations.
Hey, look, we're going to seeyou guys next episode.
Make sure that you catch up Ifyou missed last week's and the
week before, make sure that youcatch up and then tap in for the
next episode.
Look, man, we're going to seeyou guys later, all right, peace
.
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