April 3, 2025 • 36 mins
"Romance or rebuilding?" That's the crucial question facing many men today when it comes to dating. As we explore during Financial Literacy Month, dating isn't just about having money—it's about having the complete package of resources: financial stability, emotional availability, time, energy, and creative effort.
The pressure on men to provide memorable experiences hasn't changed in centuries, but what if you're in a rebuilding phase of life? We dive deep into this reality check, exploring how transparency about where you stand financially and emotionally isn't a weakness but a strength. Authenticity attracts the right partner who appreciates your journey.
You don't need to be wealthy to create meaningful connections. Some of the most memorable dates cost very little—painting in the park, a thoughtful conversation over coffee, or exploring a local neighborhood. What matters most is alignment—finding someone whose expectations and values match your current position in life, creating space for growth together.
We share personal stories about expensive restaurant disasters and surprising revelations about what really impresses potential partners. The difference between flexing (which rarely works) and intentional dating (which builds real connection) becomes clear as we explore dating psychology. Even married men need to hear this—are you still dating your spouse with the same enthusiasm you once showed?
This honest, unfiltered conversation goes beyond typical dating advice, offering practical wisdom for men at every stage of life. Whether you're rebuilding or ready for romance, understanding the true affordability of dating—in all its dimensions—is the first step toward authentic relationships. Join us for this essential discussion that reframes how men approach dating in today's complex world.
Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc.
Keepingveteransfit.org
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to another episode of Pops and Son
Conversations.
It is your favorite Silver Fox,Rob Malloy.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And it's your favorite poet, Mr Check Three
Times.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Yeah, welcome to April.
It is the second quarter.
Jay, how are you feeling aboutthe second quarter?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
You know I'm feeling pumped up, I'm feeling ready,
I'm feeling motivated.
You know, yeah, it's that time,it's that season.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's a good season, man, it's a good season, so that
means we got to bring someflavor.
So it's financial literacymonth.
A lot of people didn't knowthat.
I did not know that we had toget some help to let us know
that.
I've never heard of andunfortunately I didn't know that
(00:58):
there was a financial literacymonth, did you, jay?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I had no idea.
Yeah, I'm not.
I'm not afraid to admit it.
I did not know um, but I knownow, so you know progress
progress, progress, all right.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
So, um, we want to just really kind of jump in with
the gratitude we thank you guysfor, you know, support for not
only listening to our podcastand celebrating and supporting
our brand with us, but also justbeing a great inspiration, and
(01:34):
folks keep telling us, you know,they're excited about what
we're doing, what we're bringing.
That is very needed, and man,we're just thankful needed.
And man, uh, we're justthankful.
Jay, I didn't know that we wasgoing to get this amount of
support um, internationally aswell as worldwide.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
yeah, yeah, it's, it's.
You know, it's been amazingjust outpouring from, you know,
people showing love, uh, acrossthe internet and in real life.
You know, I meet people andthey tell me, uh, you know, man,
I love what you and your dadgot going on, I love the podcast
and everything.
So, yeah, it's definitelysomething special and it makes
(02:12):
you feel good because it's like,all right, I know that this is
what needs to be happening rightnow, like this is.
This is this is somethingspecial, mm hmm, yeah, it has
been special.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
So again, thank you guys for your support.
Uh, thank you, you know, foryour wonderful energy and good
vibes.
Man, all that, all that makes adifference.
You know, even even the onesthat do a behind closed doors.
Right, you don't comment, youdon't like, you don't share, but
you know, you'll jump in there,maybe in the DMs or maybe a
(02:47):
text messages, and talk abouthow proud you are.
We, we appreciate that too.
It's OK.
Yes, indeed, yeah, All love isappreciated and welcome.
So, that being said, hey, let'sjump in.
With it being financialliteracy month, I think we have
to talk about money money, money, money.
we have to talk about money,money, money, money.
(03:07):
We got to talk about money.
So, you know, being that thisis a pops and son, a father and
son, a dad and his protege, Ithink we should just kind of
jump into dating.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Let's talk about.
You know, can you afford todate, mm, hmm yeah.
Let's talk about you know, canyou afford to date, mm, hmm yeah
.
And that's as a young man, as agrown man, that's whatever
stage you are in life, you know,can you afford to date?
So I think we should start outby just kind of define, defining
afford, right, because it's notalways about money, it's not
(03:44):
always about the cash.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I mean it is, but it ain't.
It is, but it ain't.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
It's also about you know.
You got to think aboutinvesting time.
You know energy and you knowone of the favorite words the
ladies like to use man, you haveto be emotional, emotionally
available.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Exactly, they love that word man, emotionally
available.
Exactly, they love that wordman.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Emotionally available in emotional intelligence.
Those are the two buzzwordsthat our sisters around the
world love utilizing man.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, so this is how I feel about it.
This is like it's such a greattopic because there's always
talks about, you know, the man'srole in dating and we already
know how that go.
But at the end of the day,dating isn't free, all right.
(04:38):
So I'm not just talking aboutsplitting the check.
Like you said.
It's time, energy, youremotional maturity, but it's
money too.
It's money too.
You can't leave out the money.
So this is what it is.
If your pockets hurt every timeyou go out or you're trying to
take somebody out, you know, oryou got to move some money over
(05:00):
here, like listen, you mightneed to ask yourself this hard
question.
I know you're gonna like thispart is this the season for
romance or the season forrebuilding?
Yeah, I know you like that, solisten that was right off the
top jay that's off the top.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Okay, okay, romance or rebuilding is boiling tonight
.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah, because I know.
You know we've hadconversations and you've talked
about how you know there couldbe a point in a man's life where
he's going through a stage ofrebuilding, Right?
So I think that once youidentify where you are at as a
man, you just make it easy onyourself, right?
(05:45):
You don't need to be out heretrying to spend hundreds of
dollars on dates and you ain'tgot it like that.
That's just the real, and it'sno shame in admitting that.
You know it's no shame, and Ithink that you're even more of a
man by saying, like yo, youknow, let me not even try to
fake it or flex, and let me justgo ahead and be straight up
(06:09):
with you.
I ain't got the money like that.
Now, there's a flip side tothat too, though, Pops, Because
you know people think you haveto be a millionaire to date.
That's not true either.
So you know you ain't gottaflex.
You could do something thatexpresses your creativity, right
(06:31):
?
Uh, women like that.
They like when men are creative,they like when you're honest
and present yeah but this isanother part too, and I know I'm
going on, but keep going I likethe man.
The main thing about it is and Iknow you're going to like this
too, because we didn't listenPops, I've been picking up the
gems you've been dropping, youjust didn't know.
(06:52):
So, listen, when it comes tothe can you afford to date the
question, it's one word thatpops in my brain Alignment, okay
, alignment, okay.
A lot of guys, I think, we tripup when we want to.
We maybe, we want to attain, ormaybe we want to, uh, try to
date women that aren't reallyaligned with us and where we are
(07:15):
at that point in our life yeahso, yeah, we know dating costs
money and for men, traditionally, the pressure is on us to
provide the experience.
That's not going to change.
It ain't changed in 100 years.
I don't think that it's goingto change anytime soon.
It shouldn't, and I don't thinkit should.
I think that I fully acceptthat responsibility and I like
(07:38):
to be able to provide that forthe woman I'm interested in.
It boosts my ego up a littlebit.
I'll admit that too, but Iain't mad at that.
I don't think she should be madat that either.
Let me get my ego on a littlebit.
I know you like this restaurant,I know you like the whip, but
nah.
So I think that it's reallyabout mindset and alignment and
(08:01):
just really recognizing whereyou are in your state of life.
So when you're saying, can youafford today, like you said, we
do have to define that right.
So are you emotionally mature?
Are you available enough rightnow?
Today, can you afford to expendthe emotions that it's going to
(08:21):
take?
Okay, can you afford the moneythat it's going to take?
You can't leave the money out.
The money is there.
Can you afford the energy?
Can you afford the, the, the,the honesty and the time of, uh,
um, really talking to somebodyand getting to know somebody,
because a lot of guys just go inthinking I got the, I got the
(08:44):
bread, I got the money.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
But you could fall into a downward spiral and back
to the millionaire point.
Right, you got evenmillionaires that might not even
have successful dating lives,because, yeah, they can afford
the money, but they're lackingin the emotional availability
and maturity, they're lacking inthe energy, or they may even be
(09:11):
lacking in the creativity andeffort too, because the effort
is another piece of the puzzle.
I like it the effort is anotherpiece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, you dropped a lot of gems.
Take a deep breath.
You did your thing, man.
That was very powerful.
Though, jay, I'm glad that youmentioned everything, I won't
even add too much to it, but onething that you did mention you
mentioned you have to really betransparent in where you're at
(09:43):
in your journey in life.
You have to really betransparent and where you're at
in your journey in life, becausedating may not be priority,
right?
Uh, like you mentioned, uh,rebuilding.
I think anything that has to dowith personal growth and
development should supersedeanything else going on, because
you have to.
You have to at least be workingto be the best version of
(10:04):
yourself and have thatunderstanding of what it takes.
Now I will be biased.
I do think that men have a havemore obstacles, mainly because
you know we're looked at asleaders and providers and
protectors, and so when youstart talking about money,
(10:28):
energy, emotionally available, Ithink those are going to weigh
a little bit more on on us men,because we do have to create the
experience.
There's a lot of expectationswhen it comes to dating.
Let's just be real about it.
Even if a woman finds a guyinteresting and wants to get to
(10:49):
know him, she still wants him toask her out on a date.
I like you, but you ask me out.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
That's something I'm not even going to get into that,
because I don't want to talkabout that too much on here.
I want to make sure we starttalking about being able to
afford to date.
Now, listeners, you know thatour podcast is Pops and Son, so
we're talking about men.
We're talking about men, can weafford to date?
So you're off the hook in termsof having to ask this question,
(11:24):
but, but we know that you feellike it's an important question
because historically, you know,quote unquote men shouldn't be
dating if they're broke, right,and I think that that really
goes directly in terms of money,right, and the thing about it
(11:46):
is, if a man doesn't have awhole bunch of money and he can,
you know, sustain his ownlifestyle and he's
self-sufficient, you know,there's really no reason why he
can't date.
He does not have to have, likeyou mentioned, a million dollars
in the bank, right, and thegreat part about it is it really
(12:10):
also allows him to find someoneand pursue someone that
understands that, thatunderstands what rebuilding is,
that understands what a journeyis, because everybody goes
through it.
I don't care how much money youhave.
You still went through sometype of physical sickness at one
point in your life, someemotional turmoil, and then you
(12:33):
had some low energy anddepression in your life.
So you got 200,000 in yoursavings and 500,000 in your
checking, but you areemotionally unavailable, should
you be able, to date.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Is that, you know, a wise decision to move forward.
And my answer is you know, aslong as you understand the that
particular journey, if youunderstand that the person that
finds you interesting is goingto have to be some transparency,
why not?
You know, we're just talkingabout money sometimes and people
(13:14):
go through money issues,especially even when it comes to
, you know, business owners andentrepreneurs and millionaires
and things like that.
You have to move money around,you have to invest your funds.
Sometimes money is tied updepending on what you have going
on and, to be honest, sometimesyou just want to do something
simple to see if she gets you.
(13:35):
Sometimes you just want to dosomething simple to see if she
gets you.
Like, who's not going to have agood time when it's a seven
star restaurant and you on thetop of the skyline or you're on
a boat or a yacht with yourfriends?
How are you not going to have agood time?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
It's hard not to Right.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Right, but what about when stuff is going on in life?
Or what about you having somechallenges and you doing some
transitioning and things likethat?
Can you date then?
Can you separate that andreally just to get to know the
person?
Because you want somebody thatunderstands that you're going to
(14:14):
need some support and thereciprocity is going to be key
and so let's not pretend likeit's always gravy.
No it's not always gravy.
So, realistically, man, youwant somebody who's going to be
real with you, and that's what Iwould add when we start talking
about.
Can you actually afford to date?
(14:35):
So you take all things inconsideration.
But man please, man please,about the money thing, like, let
me say this and then we'll moveon.
You know I always got storiesright.
So I remember two instances,man.
I'll say one tried to impressthis young lady and I'll be
honest with you, this was aminute ago.
(14:58):
I ain't like that, no more.
I'm beyond that.
I remember I was trying to takeher to this nice restaurant and
stuff like that.
Now, could I afford it?
Yeah, I can afford it, but it'sgoing to put a dent in your
pocket.
I don't care if it's $250, $200,$300, or gonna put a dent in
(15:19):
your pocket.
I don't care if it's 250, 200,300 or 75 dollars.
Sometimes when you got stuffgoing on, that's gonna put a
dent in your situation.
So, uh, so we went out to thisrestaurant.
Now here's the first thing thefood wasn't that good.
You know, the food wasn't thatgood.
It was like, uh, and all thestuff was was weird food.
You know.
I mean, it was like like weirdfood.
You know, when you start addingthe truffles, oh man and all
(15:43):
this and the snail man.
It was just weird food fancyweird right.
So you know.
Afterwards she was like um, I'mnot trying to be funny, but you
know we could have went and gotsome wings.
Wow, a lesson learned I waslike what I thought she was a
(16:03):
bougie chick man.
She said you know, I like to eat, so I want to eat food that I
like now, not experiment.
Right, I was like you know what?
Why you ain't say anythingbefore you.
You know, while looking at themenu, because I'll walk out,
I'll walk out a restaurant man,I am not obligated to stay there
, but, uh, you know, lessonlearned, that was definitely a
(16:27):
lesson learned.
And then the other experiencewas um, you know, I found out
that a lot of times women dolike simplicity, so it doesn't
have to be a well-known five,six, seven star.
But you know it could besomething to where the ambiance
is really cool and you know aslong as the food is good.
(16:50):
But you know really theambiance where you can talk, you
know even maybe get somedancing in.
Like just a whole high energyexperience will supersede a
super fancy situation where yougot to be stiff anyway.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You know you're looking crazy.
You can't really laugh.
Folk don't look at you crazy ifyou're laughing.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, you already feeling out of place a little
bit oh man.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Well, you know, in terms of being able to do what
you want to do to make the bestof the situation, yeah, yeah, so
, yeah, man, so I just, I justlearn, create the experience,
you know, have some conversationand really find out.
You know what that person'svibe is, because a lot of times
they'll tell you.
You know it's cool, we can goto the steakhouse sometimes, but
(17:37):
really sometimes I just want togo somewhere where you know you
can walk.
You know she might want afunnel cake, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Things or something like that, but just walk and
talk and hang out under somebeautiful lights and scenery.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Like the movies man.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Just like it man.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like scenery, like the movies, man, just like it.
Man, just like I do, like themovies they don't always do that
, you know.
Spend all them hundreds on thedates, like you.
Hey, they'll be out therefeeding the uh, the ducks and
stuff, throwing bread at themyeah then, it's different than
what you know know the averageguy would do.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The average guy's a dinner and a movie all day long,
right?
So imagine a woman you knowdoing that, uh, from 21 to 41,
like that's all the brothersdoing 10 in the morning in the
movie.
You know so, uh, you know,sometimes you got the the free
to low cost dates walks, and youknow cooking class and painting
(18:38):
classes oh, that's good.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, that's real good.
You know making prizes andcandles come on, yeah think
outside the box, even take it astep further and, just, you know
, just go and get the materials,Like, hey, I got a little setup
over here at the park, I gotsome canvas, I bought the paint,
everything that's a date rightthere.
That is Low cost, You're notspending hundreds or whatever
(19:03):
the case may be.
And number one, which should bepriority over everything, is
the experience.
I think if you just work towardhaving a good experience on a
date, then the money you forgetabout the money, right?
Don't put so much focus on it.
So it's really a lot ofdifferent layers when you talk
(19:25):
about can you afford a date, andI like how you mentioned.
You know, traditionally thisquestion is for the men and we
don't want to get to the otherside of it with dating.
If being broken dating, I knowwhere you were going, but you
know there's other ways totackle it right.
So you shouldn't feeldiscouraged if and I know I
(19:46):
mentioned about the timing of it, the timing and if you need to
be, but that's I still thinkthat's also a part like,
honestly, if you don't thinkthat, uh, um, you in that
position, it's okay to also sayyou know what?
Let me rebuild right now.
Yeah, you know, but don't alsojust don't think that today you
(20:08):
need to have money.
That's not the case.
I want to make that part cleartoo, because there's plenty of
ways to to, you know, to getaround that and then you just
find a woman.
That's, that's okay with it.
You know, look for what is, youknow, uh, uh, align with what
you can do, and what you havegoing on is people that are
(20:29):
falling in love, and you knowthey both aren't the richest you
know, and it goes all acrossthe board.
So, yeah, I think that you knowit's levels to dating, but
that's just what that means.
You know it's levels to it.
You just got to figure out whatlevel you're on.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
That's a fact and you have to also take in
consideration as we continue totalk about this, this topic.
You know, can you afford todate?
And we're asking each other,we're asking all men out here,
all fathers, all sons, you know,even if you marry me, can you
afford to date?
Are you dating your wife?
Are you dating your wife?
(21:10):
That's a good one.
Are you?
Are you taking the wife out,just like you you did, or even
more, when you guys was, whenyou was courting her?
Now, that's one thing that isuniversal, because sometimes
people say, well, what yousingle guys got to say about us
married folk, mind your business, mind your business.
But you know, when you look atit more so it's, uh, it's
(21:33):
universal principles, man, thatwe have to take in consideration
.
So I think that that's supercool, but but but again, you
know, you have to look at areyou actually trying to build
something with that person?
You know, are you or you guysjust vibe and like is it a
casual, casual situation?
Or is it somebody that you areconsistently getting to know,
(21:54):
someone that you are looking totransition from dating to
courting?
And so I think all those thingswill definitely be taken in
consideration, jay.
So let me ask you thisdefinitely be taken in
consideration, jay.
So let me ask you this what doyou feel when it comes to a
(22:17):
person that you have to ask him?
Are you trying to impresssomeone?
Are you trying to connect withthem?
What do you think is the bigdifference between somebody just
trying to flex or someone whois trying to be more intentional
with their efforts?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
just trying to flex, or someone who is trying to be
more intentional with theirefforts, right, yeah, so I think
, um, I think the person that'strying to flex, um, I think that
you know there may be uh, youknow it, it might be some things
going on.
You know on the inside thatthey need to to figure out
because, at the end of the day,the intentionality part about it
is really the crux of dating.
(22:51):
Right, you want to be, you know, working towards something,
unless you already have, youknow, stated like there's
different forms of dating.
Right, you could be datingcasually.
You might've just got outsomething.
You don't want to get tooserious too soon, but you want
companionship.
You still want the romance,like, you don't want to just be
lonely all the time.
So that's cool too, you know.
(23:13):
But I think there's just a hintof you know the the flexing part
about it is a little misguided,right, you don't, because you
only going to drain yourself,you know you're, you're only
fooling yourself when you are,you know, kind of putting up
this facade and maybe you'redoing it to try to to get women
(23:35):
that you feel like you weren't,uh you wouldn't typically be
able to get if you weren'tflexing like you are.
But that just goes to show,like we said, like you probably
lacking some other things,because those same women, nine
times out of ten and women willtell you like I'm not, the money
don't impress me, money doesn'timpress a lot of women, so you
(23:56):
have to have something else, youhave to have that creativity,
you have to have that substanceright.
That's the word I'm looking for.
So I think that the guys thatare, you know, doing it, the
flex, without really, you know,having good intentions behind it
.
They're just lacking substance,right, and that's probably what
(24:17):
you need to figure out.
Like you know, take some time toyourself, rebuild, you know,
read a couple of books, you know, maybe look at some financial
literacy courses, flip on thispodcast.
You know there's differentthings you could do to raise
your levels Right.
So, yeah, I think that's,that's the main difference to me
(24:39):
.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
I like that.
I do like that, and you know Ifeel like women set the standard
.
You know people talk aboutstandard and tone all the time.
But when I say women set thestandard, what I mean is, you
know she shares what herexperiences are meaning for
herself.
So if she's a you know, a fancy, fancy mama, you know that's
(25:05):
cool.
I think that that's it's coolto be real, because if you don't
know and then you get into asituation where you plan this
date and stuff like that and shegot the fake like she really
likes it, but she doesn't, youknow that that can be um a
little off-putting in the longrun because you know you didn't
set that standard.
I think both should set standard.
(25:26):
But, uh, as men, as we continueto lead and you know you didn't
set that standard, I think bothshould set standard.
But as men, as we continue tolead, and you know I feel about
leadership, the best way to leadis to serve, and so, as we
become better leaders andlisteners and having the ability
to serve, I think that it alsotakes some listening and
(25:46):
comprehending, so that we don'tget caught up in a situation
like me going to a super, superfancy restaurant.
She won wings and ranch RightLike hey look, you know how many
times we could have went out.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
This is about four or five days right.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
We could have had a little spot, man.
We could have had a little momand pop spot where they know us
and they know you know, man.
But you know I wasn't listeningand you know I really thought
that impressing a woman wasgetting, getting her or giving
her everything that she askedfor.
In all actuality, it's justtaking things in consideration
(26:28):
because even if she wants thisfancy experience, things like
that, if that's not what I'm onat the time for whatever reason,
then we're going to modify that, and if she don't understand
modification, then she ain't theone for me.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Right and and cause.
It's going to take some, somecompromise, some patience and
understanding on both parties,because we don't know each other
and the whole goal is to createsomething new.
We take some things from you,we take some things from me and
we create our own journey.
It ain't okay, I'm going to doeverything that you say because
(27:02):
you like it that way.
No, you had a guy that did thatand where he, at Exactly you
done, had the yes, did that, andwhere he at Exactly you done.
Had the yes man before he ain'tlast.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Fellas, don't fall into that trap, man.
Don't be that guy.
Do not be.
That's a great point.
Pops, I just want to say thisas a man when you're dating, you
should never have to changeyourself, right?
This isn't about becoming adifferent person, right.
(27:33):
This is about finding a personthat gels good with you and what
you already have, yourpersonality, what you bring to
the table.
If you chasing a woman, right,that's a no-go, right, because
then you altering.
Let me do like you say youbecome a yes man, you lose self,
you lose purpose, you lose your, your, your, your, your guide,
(27:57):
right, that compass is off atthat point.
So, yeah, you never.
You, you never conform or tryto mold yourself into into some
different.
I've never seen that work out.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah, man, Speaking of workout man, I think we
worked out a good episode.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah, this was good.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, it was solid.
You know we may revisit it alittle bit.
Folks, you can always go to oursocial media and you can drop
some.
Hey, I listen to you.
You podcast about.
You know, can men afford todate?
Drop some comments, drop someuh concerns, if you will, and in
anything that you feel likewould be um impactful to others,
(28:36):
cause that's what we're herefor.
We want to get the message outfrom a perspective of a pops and
son.
So look, uh, we'll see you guysnext episode.
We appreciate you.
Remember this is FinancialLiteracy Month of April, so it's
your favorite still Fox, robMalloy.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
That's right.
Check three times, we are out.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Out.
See you next episode.
Peace.
Welcome to another episode of Pops and Son
Conversations.
It is your favorite Silver Fox,Rob Malloy.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And it's your favorite poet, Mr Check Three
Times.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Yeah, welcome to April.
It is the second quarter.
Jay, how are you feeling aboutthe second quarter?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
You know I'm feeling pumped up, I'm feeling ready,
I'm feeling motivated.
You know, yeah, it's that time,it's that season.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's a good season, man, it's a good season, so that
means we got to bring someflavor.
So it's financial literacymonth.
A lot of people didn't knowthat.
I did not know that we had toget some help to let us know
that.
I've never heard of andunfortunately I didn't know that
(00:58):
there was a financial literacymonth, did you, jay?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I had no idea.
Yeah, I'm not.
I'm not afraid to admit it.
I did not know um, but I knownow, so you know progress
progress, progress, all right.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
So, um, we want to just really kind of jump in with
the gratitude we thank you guysfor, you know, support for not
only listening to our podcastand celebrating and supporting
our brand with us, but also justbeing a great inspiration, and
(01:34):
folks keep telling us, you know,they're excited about what
we're doing, what we're bringing.
That is very needed, and man,we're just thankful needed.
And man, uh, we're justthankful.
Jay, I didn't know that we wasgoing to get this amount of
support um, internationally aswell as worldwide.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
yeah, yeah, it's, it's.
You know, it's been amazingjust outpouring from, you know,
people showing love, uh, acrossthe internet and in real life.
You know, I meet people andthey tell me, uh, you know, man,
I love what you and your dadgot going on, I love the podcast
and everything.
So, yeah, it's definitelysomething special and it makes
(02:12):
you feel good because it's like,all right, I know that this is
what needs to be happening rightnow, like this is.
This is this is somethingspecial, mm hmm, yeah, it has
been special.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
So again, thank you guys for your support.
Uh, thank you, you know, foryour wonderful energy and good
vibes.
Man, all that, all that makes adifference.
You know, even even the onesthat do a behind closed doors.
Right, you don't comment, youdon't like, you don't share, but
you know, you'll jump in there,maybe in the DMs or maybe a
(02:47):
text messages, and talk abouthow proud you are.
We, we appreciate that too.
It's OK.
Yes, indeed, yeah, All love isappreciated and welcome.
So, that being said, hey, let'sjump in.
With it being financialliteracy month, I think we have
to talk about money money, money, money.
we have to talk about money,money, money, money.
(03:07):
We got to talk about money.
So, you know, being that thisis a pops and son, a father and
son, a dad and his protege, Ithink we should just kind of
jump into dating.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Let's talk about.
You know, can you afford todate, mm, hmm yeah.
Let's talk about you know, canyou afford to date, mm, hmm yeah
.
And that's as a young man, as agrown man, that's whatever
stage you are in life, you know,can you afford to date?
So I think we should start outby just kind of define, defining
afford, right, because it's notalways about money, it's not
(03:44):
always about the cash.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I mean it is, but it ain't.
It is, but it ain't.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
It's also about you know.
You got to think aboutinvesting time.
You know energy and you knowone of the favorite words the
ladies like to use man, you haveto be emotional, emotionally
available.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Exactly, they love that word man, emotionally
available.
Exactly, they love that wordman.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Emotionally available in emotional intelligence.
Those are the two buzzwordsthat our sisters around the
world love utilizing man.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, so this is how I feel about it.
This is like it's such a greattopic because there's always
talks about, you know, the man'srole in dating and we already
know how that go.
But at the end of the day,dating isn't free, all right.
(04:38):
So I'm not just talking aboutsplitting the check.
Like you said.
It's time, energy, youremotional maturity, but it's
money too.
It's money too.
You can't leave out the money.
So this is what it is.
If your pockets hurt every timeyou go out or you're trying to
take somebody out, you know, oryou got to move some money over
(05:00):
here, like listen, you mightneed to ask yourself this hard
question.
I know you're gonna like thispart is this the season for
romance or the season forrebuilding?
Yeah, I know you like that, solisten that was right off the
top jay that's off the top.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Okay, okay, romance or rebuilding is boiling tonight
.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah, because I know.
You know we've hadconversations and you've talked
about how you know there couldbe a point in a man's life where
he's going through a stage ofrebuilding, Right?
So I think that once youidentify where you are at as a
man, you just make it easy onyourself, right?
(05:45):
You don't need to be out heretrying to spend hundreds of
dollars on dates and you ain'tgot it like that.
That's just the real, and it'sno shame in admitting that.
You know it's no shame, and Ithink that you're even more of a
man by saying, like yo, youknow, let me not even try to
fake it or flex, and let me justgo ahead and be straight up
(06:09):
with you.
I ain't got the money like that.
Now, there's a flip side tothat too, though, Pops, Because
you know people think you haveto be a millionaire to date.
That's not true either.
So you know you ain't gottaflex.
You could do something thatexpresses your creativity, right
(06:31):
?
Uh, women like that.
They like when men are creative,they like when you're honest
and present yeah but this isanother part too, and I know I'm
going on, but keep going I likethe man.
The main thing about it is and Iknow you're going to like this
too, because we didn't listenPops, I've been picking up the
gems you've been dropping, youjust didn't know.
(06:52):
So, listen, when it comes tothe can you afford to date the
question, it's one word thatpops in my brain Alignment, okay
, alignment, okay.
A lot of guys, I think, we tripup when we want to.
We maybe, we want to attain, ormaybe we want to, uh, try to
date women that aren't reallyaligned with us and where we are
(07:15):
at that point in our life yeahso, yeah, we know dating costs
money and for men, traditionally, the pressure is on us to
provide the experience.
That's not going to change.
It ain't changed in 100 years.
I don't think that it's goingto change anytime soon.
It shouldn't, and I don't thinkit should.
I think that I fully acceptthat responsibility and I like
(07:38):
to be able to provide that forthe woman I'm interested in.
It boosts my ego up a littlebit.
I'll admit that too, but Iain't mad at that.
I don't think she should be madat that either.
Let me get my ego on a littlebit.
I know you like this restaurant,I know you like the whip, but
nah.
So I think that it's reallyabout mindset and alignment and
(08:01):
just really recognizing whereyou are in your state of life.
So when you're saying, can youafford today, like you said, we
do have to define that right.
So are you emotionally mature?
Are you available enough rightnow?
Today, can you afford to expendthe emotions that it's going to
(08:21):
take?
Okay, can you afford the moneythat it's going to take?
You can't leave the money out.
The money is there.
Can you afford the energy?
Can you afford the, the, the,the honesty and the time of, uh,
um, really talking to somebodyand getting to know somebody,
because a lot of guys just go inthinking I got the, I got the
(08:44):
bread, I got the money.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
But you could fall into a downward spiral and back
to the millionaire point.
Right, you got evenmillionaires that might not even
have successful dating lives,because, yeah, they can afford
the money, but they're lackingin the emotional availability
and maturity, they're lacking inthe energy, or they may even be
(09:11):
lacking in the creativity andeffort too, because the effort
is another piece of the puzzle.
I like it the effort is anotherpiece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, you dropped a lot of gems.
Take a deep breath.
You did your thing, man.
That was very powerful.
Though, jay, I'm glad that youmentioned everything, I won't
even add too much to it, but onething that you did mention you
mentioned you have to really betransparent in where you're at
(09:43):
in your journey in life.
You have to really betransparent and where you're at
in your journey in life, becausedating may not be priority,
right?
Uh, like you mentioned, uh,rebuilding.
I think anything that has to dowith personal growth and
development should supersedeanything else going on, because
you have to.
You have to at least be workingto be the best version of
(10:04):
yourself and have thatunderstanding of what it takes.
Now I will be biased.
I do think that men have a havemore obstacles, mainly because
you know we're looked at asleaders and providers and
protectors, and so when youstart talking about money,
(10:28):
energy, emotionally available, Ithink those are going to weigh
a little bit more on on us men,because we do have to create the
experience.
There's a lot of expectationswhen it comes to dating.
Let's just be real about it.
Even if a woman finds a guyinteresting and wants to get to
(10:49):
know him, she still wants him toask her out on a date.
I like you, but you ask me out.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
That's something I'm not even going to get into that,
because I don't want to talkabout that too much on here.
I want to make sure we starttalking about being able to
afford to date.
Now, listeners, you know thatour podcast is Pops and Son, so
we're talking about men.
We're talking about men, can weafford to date?
So you're off the hook in termsof having to ask this question,
(11:24):
but, but we know that you feellike it's an important question
because historically, you know,quote unquote men shouldn't be
dating if they're broke, right,and I think that that really
goes directly in terms of money,right, and the thing about it
(11:46):
is, if a man doesn't have awhole bunch of money and he can,
you know, sustain his ownlifestyle and he's
self-sufficient, you know,there's really no reason why he
can't date.
He does not have to have, likeyou mentioned, a million dollars
in the bank, right, and thegreat part about it is it really
(12:10):
also allows him to find someoneand pursue someone that
understands that, thatunderstands what rebuilding is,
that understands what a journeyis, because everybody goes
through it.
I don't care how much money youhave.
You still went through sometype of physical sickness at one
point in your life, someemotional turmoil, and then you
(12:33):
had some low energy anddepression in your life.
So you got 200,000 in yoursavings and 500,000 in your
checking, but you areemotionally unavailable, should
you be able, to date.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Is that, you know, a wise decision to move forward.
And my answer is you know, aslong as you understand the that
particular journey, if youunderstand that the person that
finds you interesting is goingto have to be some transparency,
why not?
You know, we're just talkingabout money sometimes and people
(13:14):
go through money issues,especially even when it comes to
, you know, business owners andentrepreneurs and millionaires
and things like that.
You have to move money around,you have to invest your funds.
Sometimes money is tied updepending on what you have going
on and, to be honest, sometimesyou just want to do something
simple to see if she gets you.
(13:35):
Sometimes you just want to dosomething simple to see if she
gets you.
Like, who's not going to have agood time when it's a seven
star restaurant and you on thetop of the skyline or you're on
a boat or a yacht with yourfriends?
How are you not going to have agood time?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
It's hard not to Right.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Right, but what about when stuff is going on in life?
Or what about you having somechallenges and you doing some
transitioning and things likethat?
Can you date then?
Can you separate that andreally just to get to know the
person?
Because you want somebody thatunderstands that you're going to
(14:14):
need some support and thereciprocity is going to be key
and so let's not pretend likeit's always gravy.
No it's not always gravy.
So, realistically, man, youwant somebody who's going to be
real with you, and that's what Iwould add when we start talking
about.
Can you actually afford to date?
(14:35):
So you take all things inconsideration.
But man please, man please,about the money thing, like, let
me say this and then we'll moveon.
You know I always got storiesright.
So I remember two instances,man.
I'll say one tried to impressthis young lady and I'll be
honest with you, this was aminute ago.
(14:58):
I ain't like that, no more.
I'm beyond that.
I remember I was trying to takeher to this nice restaurant and
stuff like that.
Now, could I afford it?
Yeah, I can afford it, but it'sgoing to put a dent in your
pocket.
I don't care if it's $250, $200,$300, or gonna put a dent in
(15:19):
your pocket.
I don't care if it's 250, 200,300 or 75 dollars.
Sometimes when you got stuffgoing on, that's gonna put a
dent in your situation.
So, uh, so we went out to thisrestaurant.
Now here's the first thing thefood wasn't that good.
You know, the food wasn't thatgood.
It was like, uh, and all thestuff was was weird food.
You know.
I mean, it was like like weirdfood.
You know, when you start addingthe truffles, oh man and all
(15:43):
this and the snail man.
It was just weird food fancyweird right.
So you know.
Afterwards she was like um, I'mnot trying to be funny, but you
know we could have went and gotsome wings.
Wow, a lesson learned I waslike what I thought she was a
(16:03):
bougie chick man.
She said you know, I like to eat, so I want to eat food that I
like now, not experiment.
Right, I was like you know what?
Why you ain't say anythingbefore you.
You know, while looking at themenu, because I'll walk out,
I'll walk out a restaurant man,I am not obligated to stay there
, but, uh, you know, lessonlearned, that was definitely a
(16:27):
lesson learned.
And then the other experiencewas um, you know, I found out
that a lot of times women dolike simplicity, so it doesn't
have to be a well-known five,six, seven star.
But you know it could besomething to where the ambiance
is really cool and you know aslong as the food is good.
(16:50):
But you know really theambiance where you can talk, you
know even maybe get somedancing in.
Like just a whole high energyexperience will supersede a
super fancy situation where yougot to be stiff anyway.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You know you're looking crazy.
You can't really laugh.
Folk don't look at you crazy ifyou're laughing.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, you already feeling out of place a little
bit oh man.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Well, you know, in terms of being able to do what
you want to do to make the bestof the situation, yeah, yeah, so
, yeah, man, so I just, I justlearn, create the experience,
you know, have some conversationand really find out.
You know what that person'svibe is, because a lot of times
they'll tell you.
You know it's cool, we can goto the steakhouse sometimes, but
(17:37):
really sometimes I just want togo somewhere where you know you
can walk.
You know she might want afunnel cake, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Things or something like that, but just walk and
talk and hang out under somebeautiful lights and scenery.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Like the movies man.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Just like it man.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like scenery, like the movies, man, just like it.
Man, just like I do, like themovies they don't always do that
, you know.
Spend all them hundreds on thedates, like you.
Hey, they'll be out therefeeding the uh, the ducks and
stuff, throwing bread at themyeah then, it's different than
what you know know the averageguy would do.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The average guy's a dinner and a movie all day long,
right?
So imagine a woman you knowdoing that, uh, from 21 to 41,
like that's all the brothersdoing 10 in the morning in the
movie.
You know so, uh, you know,sometimes you got the the free
to low cost dates walks, and youknow cooking class and painting
(18:38):
classes oh, that's good.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, that's real good.
You know making prizes andcandles come on, yeah think
outside the box, even take it astep further and, just, you know
, just go and get the materials,Like, hey, I got a little setup
over here at the park, I gotsome canvas, I bought the paint,
everything that's a date rightthere.
That is Low cost, You're notspending hundreds or whatever
(19:03):
the case may be.
And number one, which should bepriority over everything, is
the experience.
I think if you just work towardhaving a good experience on a
date, then the money you forgetabout the money, right?
Don't put so much focus on it.
So it's really a lot ofdifferent layers when you talk
(19:25):
about can you afford a date, andI like how you mentioned.
You know, traditionally thisquestion is for the men and we
don't want to get to the otherside of it with dating.
If being broken dating, I knowwhere you were going, but you
know there's other ways totackle it right.
So you shouldn't feeldiscouraged if and I know I
(19:46):
mentioned about the timing of it, the timing and if you need to
be, but that's I still thinkthat's also a part like,
honestly, if you don't thinkthat, uh, um, you in that
position, it's okay to also sayyou know what?
Let me rebuild right now.
Yeah, you know, but don't alsojust don't think that today you
(20:08):
need to have money.
That's not the case.
I want to make that part cleartoo, because there's plenty of
ways to to, you know, to getaround that and then you just
find a woman.
That's, that's okay with it.
You know, look for what is, youknow, uh, uh, align with what
you can do, and what you havegoing on is people that are
(20:29):
falling in love, and you knowthey both aren't the richest you
know, and it goes all acrossthe board.
So, yeah, I think that you knowit's levels to dating, but
that's just what that means.
You know it's levels to it.
You just got to figure out whatlevel you're on.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
That's a fact and you have to also take in
consideration as we continue totalk about this, this topic.
You know, can you afford todate?
And we're asking each other,we're asking all men out here,
all fathers, all sons, you know,even if you marry me, can you
afford to date?
Are you dating your wife?
Are you dating your wife?
(21:10):
That's a good one.
Are you?
Are you taking the wife out,just like you you did, or even
more, when you guys was, whenyou was courting her?
Now, that's one thing that isuniversal, because sometimes
people say, well, what yousingle guys got to say about us
married folk, mind your business, mind your business.
But you know, when you look atit more so it's, uh, it's
(21:33):
universal principles, man, thatwe have to take in consideration
.
So I think that that's supercool, but but but again, you
know, you have to look at areyou actually trying to build
something with that person?
You know, are you or you guysjust vibe and like is it a
casual, casual situation?
Or is it somebody that you areconsistently getting to know,
(21:54):
someone that you are looking totransition from dating to
courting?
And so I think all those thingswill definitely be taken in
consideration, jay.
So let me ask you thisdefinitely be taken in
consideration, jay.
So let me ask you this what doyou feel when it comes to a
(22:17):
person that you have to ask him?
Are you trying to impresssomeone?
Are you trying to connect withthem?
What do you think is the bigdifference between somebody just
trying to flex or someone whois trying to be more intentional
with their efforts?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
just trying to flex, or someone who is trying to be
more intentional with theirefforts, right, yeah, so I think
, um, I think the person that'strying to flex, um, I think that
you know there may be uh, youknow it, it might be some things
going on.
You know on the inside thatthey need to to figure out
because, at the end of the day,the intentionality part about it
is really the crux of dating.
(22:51):
Right, you want to be, you know, working towards something,
unless you already have, youknow, stated like there's
different forms of dating.
Right, you could be datingcasually.
You might've just got outsomething.
You don't want to get tooserious too soon, but you want
companionship.
You still want the romance,like, you don't want to just be
lonely all the time.
So that's cool too, you know.
(23:13):
But I think there's just a hintof you know the the flexing part
about it is a little misguided,right, you don't, because you
only going to drain yourself,you know you're, you're only
fooling yourself when you are,you know, kind of putting up
this facade and maybe you'redoing it to try to to get women
(23:35):
that you feel like you weren't,uh you wouldn't typically be
able to get if you weren'tflexing like you are.
But that just goes to show,like we said, like you probably
lacking some other things,because those same women, nine
times out of ten and women willtell you like I'm not, the money
don't impress me, money doesn'timpress a lot of women, so you
(23:56):
have to have something else, youhave to have that creativity,
you have to have that substanceright.
That's the word I'm looking for.
So I think that the guys thatare, you know, doing it, the
flex, without really, you know,having good intentions behind it
.
They're just lacking substance,right, and that's probably what
(24:17):
you need to figure out.
Like you know, take some time toyourself, rebuild, you know,
read a couple of books, you know, maybe look at some financial
literacy courses, flip on thispodcast.
You know there's differentthings you could do to raise
your levels Right.
So, yeah, I think that's,that's the main difference to me
(24:39):
.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
I like that.
I do like that, and you know Ifeel like women set the standard
.
You know people talk aboutstandard and tone all the time.
But when I say women set thestandard, what I mean is, you
know she shares what herexperiences are meaning for
herself.
So if she's a you know, a fancy, fancy mama, you know that's
(25:05):
cool.
I think that that's it's coolto be real, because if you don't
know and then you get into asituation where you plan this
date and stuff like that and shegot the fake like she really
likes it, but she doesn't, youknow that that can be um a
little off-putting in the longrun because you know you didn't
set that standard.
I think both should set standard.
(25:26):
But, uh, as men, as we continueto lead and you know you didn't
set that standard, I think bothshould set standard.
But as men, as we continue tolead, and you know I feel about
leadership, the best way to leadis to serve, and so, as we
become better leaders andlisteners and having the ability
to serve, I think that it alsotakes some listening and
(25:46):
comprehending, so that we don'tget caught up in a situation
like me going to a super, superfancy restaurant.
She won wings and ranch RightLike hey look, you know how many
times we could have went out.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
This is about four or five days right.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
We could have had a little spot, man.
We could have had a little momand pop spot where they know us
and they know you know, man.
But you know I wasn't listeningand you know I really thought
that impressing a woman wasgetting, getting her or giving
her everything that she askedfor.
In all actuality, it's justtaking things in consideration
(26:28):
because even if she wants thisfancy experience, things like
that, if that's not what I'm onat the time for whatever reason,
then we're going to modify that, and if she don't understand
modification, then she ain't theone for me.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Right and and cause.
It's going to take some, somecompromise, some patience and
understanding on both parties,because we don't know each other
and the whole goal is to createsomething new.
We take some things from you,we take some things from me and
we create our own journey.
It ain't okay, I'm going to doeverything that you say because
(27:02):
you like it that way.
No, you had a guy that did thatand where he, at Exactly you
done, had the yes, did that, andwhere he at Exactly you done.
Had the yes man before he ain'tlast.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Fellas, don't fall into that trap, man.
Don't be that guy.
Do not be.
That's a great point.
Pops, I just want to say thisas a man when you're dating, you
should never have to changeyourself, right?
This isn't about becoming adifferent person, right.
(27:33):
This is about finding a personthat gels good with you and what
you already have, yourpersonality, what you bring to
the table.
If you chasing a woman, right,that's a no-go, right, because
then you altering.
Let me do like you say youbecome a yes man, you lose self,
you lose purpose, you lose your, your, your, your, your guide,
(27:57):
right, that compass is off atthat point.
So, yeah, you never.
You, you never conform or tryto mold yourself into into some
different.
I've never seen that work out.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah, man, Speaking of workout man, I think we
worked out a good episode.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah, this was good.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, it was solid.
You know we may revisit it alittle bit.
Folks, you can always go to oursocial media and you can drop
some.
Hey, I listen to you.
You podcast about.
You know, can men afford todate?
Drop some comments, drop someuh concerns, if you will, and in
anything that you feel likewould be um impactful to others,
(28:36):
cause that's what we're herefor.
We want to get the message outfrom a perspective of a pops and
son.
So look, uh, we'll see you guysnext episode.
We appreciate you.
Remember this is FinancialLiteracy Month of April, so it's
your favorite still Fox, robMalloy.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
That's right.
Check three times, we are out.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Out.
See you next episode.
Peace.
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