May 29, 2025 • 47 mins
We explore mental health within family dynamics, examining how emotional processing, boundary setting, and generational patterns affect our wellbeing.
• Growing up without guidance on processing emotions leaves many of us ill-equipped to handle feelings
• Many families, especially in communities of color, prioritized survival over emotional health
• The "strong one" in every family often bears excessive emotional weight without proper support
• Setting boundaries with family members is possible without being disrespectful
• Taking mental health space from family is sometimes necessary and shouldn't cause guilt
• Breaking generational patterns may create temporary distance but leads to healthier family dynamics
• Communication is key to maintaining relationships while advocating for mental health needs
• Writing, sports, and creative outlets often serve as emotional processing tools when guidance is lacking
• Modern parents have opportunities to teach children emotional intelligence previous generations missed
• Mental health awareness should be year-round, not just during themed months
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
welcome back to another amazing episode of pops
and sun conversations.
It is your favorite silver fox,rob malloy and jayven check
three times, checking in allright, look, uh, not only are we
checking in live and direct atthe podcast studio, we just had
(00:28):
some amazing events this weekendor the past weekends Rather,
ace Honor Awards prettyincredible experience.
All of the amazing honorees,the icon award winners, the
(00:51):
nominees and the winners in allof the categories, and, as one
of the ambassadors, man, I trulyhad a good time.
Big shout out to Dr ShannonCarter.
Jay, how was your experience,man?
Was that?
Was this your first officialaward show in in terms of the,
the industry?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
yeah, yeah, man, uh, unbelievable experience.
Um, you know so many prominentfigures, so many stars in the
building, so much magic andtalent there.
Um, I truly felt like I wasamongst a brilliant crowd and I
(01:29):
felt like it was exactly where Ineeded to be.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time.
I thought it was a great show.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Yeah, yeah, you know I always get great feedback
about you.
You know they love yourmannerisms, your intellect.
You know you have greatconversation and you know you
know how to put that stuff onbrother.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Hey, you know.
Hey, look, where did I get itfrom Pop.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
You know what they say about the apples man.
Exactly Don't fall far, manDon't fall far.
So, yeah, I had a really goodtime, man.
Just big shout-outs to.
And I got to name some folks.
Man, mr Stan Shaw, yeah, iconIcon Icon 79 years old.
(02:27):
For some of you that don'trecognize that name.
If you watch Family Business,that's Uncle Larry.
If you remember Harlem Nights,he was the boxing champ with the
stuttering going on.
He's been in so many things,man, but just the actors of
(02:48):
those days are just so cerebral,they're so astute, you know,
they're so pronounced in the waythat they carry themselves, man
, it's amazing, you know.
When you go back and look, man,just the way that they carry
themselves with the excellenceis is incredible yeah, he also
(03:10):
gave an incredible speech aswell.
It's very, uh, very touching andvery inspirational yeah, yeah,
you're pretty amazing, but Iguess we have a show to go to,
right, oh, yeah, right, yeah,yeah, right, yeah, yeah, okay.
So it is still May.
Okay, this is the last Thursdayin May and we are participating
(03:33):
in Mental Health AwarenessMonth, one of the most important
months, because we have gottento a point to where now, in 2025
, we want to uphold, we want tocome together and we want to now
address the importance ofmental health.
(03:53):
Ain't that something, man?
It took a lot of trauma, uhbuild up to get to the point of,
okay, you know what Mentalhealth is a thing.
Yeah, people are reallystruggling.
They're not, they're not actinganymore.
You remember that little windowwhere they were saying people
playing crazy?
No, no, folks are really goingthrough some things yeah, it's
(04:14):
not an act it is not a gameeither.
So let's jump in, man.
I want to talk about um, mentalhealth.
When it comes to the family,you know the relationships in
the family, the dynamic of thefamily, and we'll just jump
right in, jay.
So even when you was youngerbecause you weren't with me when
(04:37):
you was young, you was withyour mom Did anyone you know in
that family dynamic?
Did they ever teach you how toprocess emotions or were they
like you know what?
Just be a man, don't show anytype of weakness and just keep
(04:59):
it moving.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, that was pretty much the gist of it.
Yeah, that was pretty much thegist of it, not crying and
throwing fits and stuff likethat.
It was just suck it up.
That was really it.
Get back up, scrape the dirtoff, it's all good.
(05:24):
So processing emotions, now Ican't.
I can't say I can't say thatwas.
That was really a big pointgrowing up.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Yeah, and I have to have to be honest on my behalf,
of course.
You know one brother, twosisters, mom and dad in the
house.
Even with that dynamic, westill did not really have any
education on how to processemotions.
You know, I mean the siblingsare going to tease each other.
(05:57):
What you crying for?
Stop crying like a baby.
You know that type of thing.
And then you know, even withthe parents, you know they had
so much on their plate it'salmost like they banked on us
teaching each other or orfiguring it out.
And you know, to whatever thatmeans, it's almost like well,
(06:20):
how did you handle it?
Are you just passing down themethodology through the
generations?
Or, you know, did you not knowyourself?
Were you still navigating?
You know, where was it in thehierarchy in the household?
Because you don't understand it.
(06:40):
A lot of folks, especially uspeople of color, we was in
survival mode.
We was more concerned about,you know, trying to get money in
the house, make sure that thelight stayed on that, um, you
know we had heat air.
You know a lot of thenecessities and basics, just as
(07:00):
a family, you know.
So it's almost like what do youdo with your emotions?
Do you suppress them, just tokind of get by?
You know what do you do?
And, man, I think that thatrepresents a lot of families.
I think it represents a wholelot of families.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, I definitely agree 100%.
I know for me personally,although I didn't I wasn't
specifically taught.
You know how to express theseemotions of anger, sadness,
stress, and really, now that Irecall you up, it was a bit
(07:44):
confusing.
You know what I'm saying Notknowing how to deal with anger
or not knowing, and a lot oftimes when you're a child, you
may be getting punishment orchastised for reasons that you
don't understand.
You know, just for something,that maybe you did something
that was out of line but youdidn't understand at the moment,
(08:06):
and so you have these emotions,you have these feelings of
sadness or whatever the case is,and I remember, you know days
where you know it would justkind of be like I would just be
upset, mad, sad or whatever,until it just subsided.
Maybe I took my nap and then Iwoke back up and it was all good
(08:28):
.
You know what I'm saying.
Time to eat, right, but it'slike that's dangerous because
you know that's not a good,healthy habit or a good way to
process.
But I will say one developmentthat came from me was writing.
(08:48):
I did always rely on writingthings like poetry or journals
or whatever the case is.
I would write a lot.
Growing up I had journals justfilled with whatever I was
thinking.
So I did use that as a vesselto express myself and kind of
(09:09):
get my feelings.
But I know everybody isn't,they're not writers or they
don't have that in them, but Ijust know.
For me that was one thing, butI think it's super important.
Family is so important becausefamily is your first exposure to
you.
Know how you're going toregulate your emotions.
(09:31):
You know mom, dad, brother,sister.
You're looking at them.
You're looking around andwatching other people react to
whatever situations you know.
So you, you, you're going tomimic that, or you're going to.
At least you know form a basisof all.
Right, it's okay to respond toX with Y, because I saw my
brother or my sister or my momdo it.
(09:53):
You know what I mean.
So that's going to be yourbasis and it's not always going
to end.
And, like you said, if theyhaven't, if they, if they're
just mimicking what they sawgrowing up and it just becomes
our anger, stress, sadness,happiness, when we want to, you
(10:27):
know, explode, or when we wantto go off on somebody, like
what's the best way to do it?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Yeah, man, that's so important and even in hindsight
it makes you think there weremoments that you probably went
through three or four feelingswithin a five minute period.
Right, you crying, now you'remad, now you're sad, and you
(10:56):
know once you kind of realizethat, okay, I can kind of get
over it temporarily.
Now you happy Right Within fiveminutes.
Man, isn't that incredible.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And then your mama gonna come to you and apologize,
or she.
Well, she might not apologize,but she gonna come in and tell
you the food ready or some typeof you know, that's what I'm
saying.
Like, I'm confused, Like youwere just mad at me a couple
minutes ago.
Now you shower me with love,and it was it's crazy, man.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Well you're talking about.
Well you know, I didn't reallywant to do it.
Well, I can't tell mama, right,I felt like you gave it your
all just now hurt me.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I'm hurt right now I got the marks to prove it man,
you know what?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
uh, one thing that I do believe people of color have
mastered is channeling theirenergy, whether it's the
frustration, whether it is, youknow, being super excited
through other things youmentioned.
You know writing, journaling,you know some people channel it
(12:02):
through sports, right?
You know some people channel itthrough sports, right, some
(12:30):
channel it through you-to.
So if you consistently mad,consistently sad, and you got
there shooting jumpers, you know, at eight years old yeah, you
keep doing that these 16, youprobably gonna make varsity
right, you channeled it rightman, hey, your jumper probably
going to be wet, right so, let'sjust be real about it, right so
?
but I do want to.
(12:50):
I wanted to mention that.
But at the same time, jay, howdo we actually set boundaries
with family without feeling likethe victim, you know, or even
not even a victim maybe, likethe villain, like how do you?
How do villain, like, how doyou, how do you?
How you set boundaries, man,yeah, like, look, I ain't no
punk.
(13:10):
But this is how I really feel,though right.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So, nah, that's, that's a good one.
It's like, uh, you know it's.
It's hard to say no to to yourparents.
It's hard to to try to protectyour peace and your emotions or
whatever, without feeling likeyou're a victim or like you're
betraying.
Always taught like you know.
(13:35):
Respect your elders.
You know respect mom, respectyou know any pretty much anybody
that was, you know, older.
So I really had issues.
I don't want to say I hadissues, but I definitely thought
(13:58):
twice before.
I was, you know, feeling like Iwas about to say something that
was sticking up for myself ormaybe that might have been out
of line or something like that.
Because I'm like man, I had toweigh my options first, because
it also could come with somepunishment if this ain't the
right multiple choice answerright here.
Rob Markman, yeah, yeah, youknow what I mean.
(14:19):
So I think it's definitely hard.
But as far as setting boundaries, I think you got to.
You know, you got to be able toidentify first.
You got to be able to know.
And how do we get to thatknowing?
Well, it's conversations likethis next generation that you
(14:49):
know what the difference isbetween, you know, setting a
boundary and being disrespectful, or setting a boundary and just
understanding that you'resetting the parameters for
something that's making youuncomfortable or that's
infringing upon your mentalstate.
It's going to have to, and itcan be a thin line.
(15:09):
I'm not going to lie.
It can be a thin line and itcould be something that also
could be misinterpreted, but atthe end of the day, you have to
make it concrete.
It has to be something concrete, you know it has to be some
concrete.
So, explaining basically yourfeelings right, you know, to a
child like your feelings, Ithink that's where it's going to
(15:31):
come from Setting boundaries onhow you feel and the manner in
how you express it, becausethere can be ways to do it to
where it's not disrespectful.
You get what I'm saying.
Like you can't, you can say allright, you know this is making
me feel a certain type of way orI'm not comfortable with that.
Basically, there's differentphrases that we could use, or or
(15:54):
you know that we could teachour children to use that aren't
going to count as disrespect butcan also signal all right, you
know, as a parent or as an adult, maybe I did overstep an
emotional boundary or some typeof boundary to make this child
feel uncomfortable, because atthe end of the day, that's not
(16:14):
what you want.
Like you know, we want to raiseour kids to believe in
themselves and to not ever downon them, right?
So you should never feel likeit's okay to overstep.
Of course, discipline is acompletely different thing.
We're just speaking on mentalhealth and things like that.
(16:35):
So I think just kind of havingthat conversation around
boundaries is eventually goingto, you know, kind of trickle
down to where we see, see itaccepted more later down the
line, or at least more parentsbeing more open to allowing
their children to, you know,express themselves in a
different kind of way.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, man, that's really good.
You know, when we talk aboutthe history and the dynamic of
family, you know there may belimited time and opportunities
to where they created astructure of openness to talk
(17:18):
about mental health, to talkabout the freedom to express
yourself, to talk about howeveryou're feeling.
It's OK to feel that way, butlet's navigate through that so
you can get some betterunderstanding, because that's
also an opportunity to see wherethere are some generational
(17:39):
situations that you can addressright away.
If you have, you know, peoplein the family that have always
been, you know, to themselves,you know, super anxious and
dealing with anxiety and stufflike that, and then you have
other people in there, it maymake them feel a lot more
comfortable to talk about it, sothey don't feel like they're
(18:02):
isolated, right, that somethingis just wrong with them or
something is wrong with themwhen, all actuality, you know
it's a thing you know andbecause there hasn't been
methods and tools and things inplace to deal with it, then you
just, you just cover it up foras long as you possibly can,
(18:24):
hopefully not until you snap.
But when you think about it,those things get repressed and
things happen later on in lifebecause it's been covered so far
deep down that when they becomeolder, that's when they're able
(18:44):
to express themselves in thatway, and that way could be, you
know, through anxiety or through, you know, fighting or whatever
the case is just kind of goingthrough.
You know different situationswhen it comes to that mental
health.
So creating a safe space for theconversation, I think is so
(19:07):
important, especially in ourcommunity, in our culture.
That's not something that I feellike, that's not something that
was common, because if it wascommon, it would.
It would, uh, we would havebetter results in our community,
exactly so we know whatfamilies actually do have those
(19:29):
conversations.
They do have a open door policyor open communication policy,
because it may be our friends orour friends of friends.
When we go over their house andyou know they sit down at the
table and at dinner they talkabout how they feel and what
they're grateful for, like, comeon now, you know there's some
(19:49):
households that do that and thensome you eating, watching TV
with the tray, and then somebodyelse in a room upstairs, mom
and dad, you know, on theirphone or on their laptop.
You know the difference in whenit comes to family dynamic, on
how they operate when it comesto, uh, just having healthy
(20:13):
habits of checking on thefamily's morale and mental space
, yeah, yeah, I think also, youknow one of the key things that
you mentioned is kind of likethis understanding or this kind
of like this cycle or this cyclebreaking.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Really you know what I mean being able to identify
and then speaking up so thatother family members will be
more comfortable, or you can atleast understand something.
Family members will be morecomfortable or you can at least
understand something.
You know what I mean.
Like we deal with at least forme from what I've seen you know
(20:56):
a lot of black households inparticular.
You know we're dealing withdifferent types of patterns.
You know like verbal abuse,things like that controlling
behavior A lot of folks dealwith.
You know some stuff likeaddictions.
You know emotional neglect it'slike there's a whole host of
different things when it comesto you know just these kind of
(21:18):
generational things that couldbe passed down but becoming
something like a break in thatcycle, which you know it's kind
of like cliche nowadays, but Istill feel like it's a good time
because, like I was speakingabout earlier, like the only way
to make that change is toinstill a new mindset and a new
(21:40):
paradigm in the generationthat's coming up, so they don't
even even, you know, think thatsame way they're not replicating
.
Uh, you know some of thosethings that they, that you know
that that we might have seengrowing up.
You know what I mean.
So, um, you know, on the subjectof just, you know how how do we
(22:02):
go about making that change?
It has to be somebody to tomake that, to bridge the gap and
really make that, make thatconnection and stay rooted in
the, in the healing.
You know, stay committed to it.
You know our family, we, wealways gonna love.
(22:23):
You know, we love them to death.
But got to stop making excusesand saying stuff like oh, that's
just how they are.
Or you know what I mean.
You know how they are.
No, it's not okay, because bysaying that you're teaching the
younger generation that you know, all right, well, if I, I'm
(22:44):
like this, then this is just howI am.
Well, no, if, if you behave ina particular way, there's ways
that you can assess yourbehavior, become self-aware, and
there's different things thatyou can do so that you know
you're not casting a negativelight moving forward.
(23:06):
You know people have to doself-assessments, especially
when you start to notice thatyou're affecting the family
members around you.
Friends, you know whoever, likeI know folks that you know they
just they live by that Likethis is who I am, this is how I
(23:27):
am, and they burn bridges andrelationships have suffered
because of it.
You know, and it didn't have tobe like that.
It doesn't have to get to thatpoint, because folks love you
and people are willing to giveyou a chance time and time again
.
But you know, you have to beconscious and you have to want
to do the work as well.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah, something that I thought would be extremely
important to talk about is thatstrong family member.
When we talk about mentalhealth, you have to address
having that strong family member, the one that is the go-to of
(24:10):
you know when it comes to okay,you know what they're going to
be, the one that I talk to abouteverything.
They're going to be the one tohave limited to no emotion when
everybody else is sad and theyhave to rally the troops.
Everybody else is sad and theyhave to rally the troops.
Man, that strong family memberoften can be neglected because
(24:31):
they're always strong that theydon't need to be consoled or
they don't need an opportunityto just, you know, release.
So I want to ask you what?
Because you know who thatstrong family member is.
It doesn't have to be oneperson, but having that strong
family member in your experiencewhen?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
did you see them break down?
Or how did you see them breakdown before?
Yeah, that's a good one.
You know I've seen a few strongfamily members break down.
You know, folks that Ipersonally would go to and, you
(25:24):
know, lean on at times, but ofcourse I was, you know, you know
, much younger, so I didn'talways completely understand,
especially at the time of seeingthese these, these kind of
these breakdowns of whateverstress and pressure they were
under.
But you know, I definitely haveseen it and at the time, you
(25:48):
know, I didn't really know, Ididn't really know what to make
of it.
You know it was hard for me topiece together what I was seeing
and in a few of the particularinstances I'm talking about it
was just kind of like, you know,like some yelling and some
screaming and some, you know,kind of like like, like you know
(26:09):
, that movie scene wheresomebody just look, they lose it
.
They didn't lost it yeah youknow that it's the, it's the
final straw, like I've had.
I've witnessed those type ofmoments, um, you know, in my
family by some strong peoplethat I never thought I would see
that from them.
You know what I mean.
(26:30):
But I haven't, you know, Ireally haven't went back and
spoke on it.
I feel like it's somethingmaybe I should do or maybe just
go back and kind of like, youknow, give flowers or, you know,
thank them for being strong inthat regard, especially for me.
You know, I never, like I said,I was so much younger so I
(26:50):
didn't really grasp it at thetime, you know.
But in retrospect, you know,with now being kind of one of
the first times, I'm really kindof thinking back on it like
dang, like I can only imagine,you know, I could only imagine,
you know what they were goingthrough.
So definitely important to reachout to those people and always
(27:12):
just check in.
You never know what somebody isgoing through, whatever family
member, especially the strongones you know, that are always
looking out for you, alwaysasking you how you doing.
You know what I mean Asking how, you know how, how everything
is holding up.
Those are always the main onesthat need to be, that need to be
(27:34):
checked on.
So if there's any reminder thatyou get, you know, always take
that one.
This is one of those remindersto to check in on, on those
people like that this is one ofthose reminders to check in on
those people like that.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah, it's a lot of pressure of being that go to
person that everyone relies onand you just never know when,
when, that moment of releasecomes your way, because there's
not always clear signs that youneed to release.
(28:06):
Sometimes it's certain moments.
Sometimes you know, you createit in your head and you start
processing and reflecting andthe next thing you know, you
know you're having a moment.
So, man, great words, man,great words.
So I think that this questionwas really interesting that I
wanted to discuss and ask you doyou think that it's okay to
(28:29):
take some space away from yourown folks, your own parents,
your kids maybe, let me add, thekids right for your mental
health?
Do you think that that's okayto do that?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
100%.
I am an advocate for hey, thismight not even be the right term
.
This was social distancing withmental health distancing.
You know I need mental healthdistance right now.
Now I think you know, I think Ihonestly think that's going to
(29:04):
be one of the key ways and yougot it.
I feel like you kind of have toidentify when the right time is
to do it.
It has to be in a state whereyou just know that there's not
going to be anything beneficialor healthy from being around.
Because, on the contrast, I doalso believe that in a lot of
(29:29):
ways to get over whatever mental, mental anguish, then, yeah,
you need some distance, healthydistance.
(29:51):
You know what I'm saying.
Don't go and leave.
You know, two, three weeks andcan't nobody find you, then
disappear somewhere.
But you know, I think a good 20, 24 hours, maybe two days, just
to kind of reset, come back toyour senses.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that.
I think that could be.
You know, that could be one ofthe things that stops the snap.
(30:14):
That could be something thatstops that.
You know that final straw thatbroke the camel's back, maybe a
lot of times.
If we can take time away fromall the noise and things like
that to help us reset the meterand all right, now we can come
back and you still may have todeal with some stuff, but at
(30:34):
least you're not about to boilover at that point.
So, yeah, don't feel guilty,don't feel bad.
If you need a break, you need abreak.
Everybody needs a breaksometimes.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
So, yeah, 100 agree with that one yeah, and
communication will be extremelyimportant because I think that
will help dismantle any type ofyou know, ambiguity or any type
of confusion, because it can bemisconstrued Like why don't you
(31:08):
want to be around?
You know I'm, I'm your parent,I'm your, you know, I love you,
I care about you, I want to bethere for you, and so sometimes,
you know, you just need somereprieve.
So I think it's super cool, man, to just be able to articulate
that.
I think that that would be moreeffective versus, like you
(31:29):
mentioned, just kind of dipping.
You know you're just MIA man,you pop back out, you happy, you
want to take folk out to dinnerand stuff.
What the heck you been doing,man, whatever you been doing, I
want some of it, right, right,but just kind of being able to
navigate that, and it may be anopportunity for other people to
(31:55):
take on that type of measures tosee if that works for them.
It's OK to take a break.
Don't feel forced to deal withthings that are beyond your
control.
And you know, with that beingsaid, man, do you think that we
can really like break this, whatthey consider generational
(32:20):
curses, without breaking somefamily connections?
You have the old school, youhave more old-fashioned, uh, old
, traditional um, methods, um,and things that people just felt
like you know this, this isjust what we do, you know.
We just, uh, we just, you know,smoke cigarettes or we just,
you know, go to alcohol, youknow, and that'll knock the, you
(32:44):
know that that'll knock off thesting, and you know, no, uh,
big deal with that.
So, man, so do you feel like wecan really break generational
curses, you know, withoutwithout losing some of those
family connections?
Speaker 2 (33:01):
yeah, I do.
I, as a matter of fact, I thinkit's inevitable.
I think that we've reached aparadigm shift where people
understand, you know especiallynow that we've created the
vocabulary around that we kindof understand.
You know how to identify, labelwhat it is people are going
through.
So, instead of you know callingsomebody, you know how to
(33:21):
identify and label what it ispeople are going through.
So, instead of you know callingsomebody, you know lazy or
unambitious or whatever the caseis, or crazy, just flat out
calling them crazy.
We kind of have a lot morenuance and understanding as far
as to what people are goingthrough and what could be going
on in their head.
But I do believe it's going tocome at a cost.
(33:44):
I feel like, like I said, thatshift, that split and just that
whole mindset, yeah, there'sgoing to be some people from the
older generation that justplain are not going to
understand and it's going to behard to explain or try to
(34:05):
convert.
But to be honest, and actuallynot even just from the older
generation, because there'sstill people that are
conditioned you know what I'msaying in this generation, that
still think that same way, whatI'm saying you know, and in this
generation that still thinkthat same way.
(34:26):
But I feel like the shift iscoming where, moving forward,
we'll have more thoughtconscious parents and children
that understand that.
You know there's more than oneway to skin a cat.
There's more than one answer,you know, to the problem.
So we kind of have to weigh it.
You know it's going to be hard,but communication, I mean, I
(34:52):
don't know it is tough, becauseI definitely could see scenarios
where that kind of can drive awedge, because there's a lot to
explain and there's a lot tounderstand.
But just, you know, justthrough faith, man, that's the
only way.
But at the end of the day, it'salready starting.
(35:14):
You know, we've already kind ofbegun to change and really
understand, to change and reallyunderstand.
So you know, I think that thedays of, like you said, what did
you say?
Sipping the alcohol, I thinkthat's kind of those are going
to become older sayings, olderadages.
(35:37):
So, yeah, we making it happen,though it's making it happen.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
The 90 babies.
We got it.
We doing this Black and brownfamilies.
(36:17):
Historically there's always.
Even in that methodology, youhave to do your due diligence
right, because therapists needbe a soundboard, being able to
just listen about differentperspectives, getting a better
understanding of how you becamewho you are and how other people
experience have molded them tothem being who they are and
(36:39):
understanding that, respectingthat and knowing that you know
we can coexist with, withdifferent perspectives.
But as long as we respect eachother and we know that there's
no wrong answer Right, you dothings your way, I do things my
way and as long as we respecteach other, we can continue to
(37:01):
communicate, we have a brightfuture and not shy away from a
(37:24):
lot of the tough topics, becauseI would rather learn about
issues that my family has hadwithin a family huddle than a
doctor walking out the room andsaying, hey, this is what's
going on and this is whathappened, this is why they broke
down, this is what we found tobe issues.
I would rather at least be ableto contribute in some type of
way for the family and do mypart.
And you know, keep it within,keep it tight.
I think that long term and thatthat's the answer.
(37:45):
And we can.
We can go way beyond beingsilenced and being shameful and
not willing to express ourselves, for the feel, fear of being
judged.
And so, man, I'm glad that wewas able to have this type of
conversation Not an easyconversation.
(38:05):
You know, this isn't anythingthat we rehearsed.
We didn't really have any notesor anything like that.
We just knew that there weresome things that we need to
address when it comes to thefamily dynamic and dealing with
mental health.
So, man, jay, how do you feel?
Man?
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Feels good.
You know, phil feels like I wassaying.
You know some of these.
I kind of had some flashbacksof my childhood some flashbacks
of, you know, some familymembers.
you know some things thatprobably might have been buried
in the you know in the memory.
So you know it's good to have aconversation about it and bring
(38:43):
it back to the forefront.
You know, I definitely feellike I need to check on some
folks and do my rounds and justmake sure I'm present and I
encourage people to do the samething.
Mental health is serious.
You don't know what somebody'sgoing through, but you know
checking in could make all thedifference.
Just make yourself available.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, absolutely so.
We appreciate you guys rockingwith us.
You know that's going to endour talk for May being Mental
Health Awareness Month and goinginto June.
You have to know and respectthat it's Men's Health Month.
It's Men's Month, so we aregoing to be having some special
guests next month, so just tapin, Let us know how you're
feeling.
If there's anybody that youwant us to chop it up with, go
(39:29):
ahead and let us know in thesocial media outlets and make
sure that you give us a shout onour website and get on that VIP
list.
Of course that's pops and sunconversationscom.
That's pops with an S and sunconversations with an Scom.
Look, we'll see you guys nextepisode.
(39:52):
Signing off.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Peace.
welcome back to another amazing episode of pops
and sun conversations.
It is your favorite silver fox,rob malloy and jayven check
three times, checking in allright, look, uh, not only are we
checking in live and direct atthe podcast studio, we just had
(00:28):
some amazing events this weekendor the past weekends Rather,
ace Honor Awards prettyincredible experience.
All of the amazing honorees,the icon award winners, the
(00:51):
nominees and the winners in allof the categories, and, as one
of the ambassadors, man, I trulyhad a good time.
Big shout out to Dr ShannonCarter.
Jay, how was your experience,man?
Was that?
Was this your first officialaward show in in terms of the,
the industry?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
yeah, yeah, man, uh, unbelievable experience.
Um, you know so many prominentfigures, so many stars in the
building, so much magic andtalent there.
Um, I truly felt like I wasamongst a brilliant crowd and I
(01:29):
felt like it was exactly where Ineeded to be.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time.
I thought it was a great show.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Yeah, yeah, you know I always get great feedback
about you.
You know they love yourmannerisms, your intellect.
You know you have greatconversation and you know you
know how to put that stuff onbrother.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Hey, you know.
Hey, look, where did I get itfrom Pop.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
You know what they say about the apples man.
Exactly Don't fall far, manDon't fall far.
So, yeah, I had a really goodtime, man.
Just big shout-outs to.
And I got to name some folks.
Man, mr Stan Shaw, yeah, iconIcon Icon 79 years old.
(02:27):
For some of you that don'trecognize that name.
If you watch Family Business,that's Uncle Larry.
If you remember Harlem Nights,he was the boxing champ with the
stuttering going on.
He's been in so many things,man, but just the actors of
(02:48):
those days are just so cerebral,they're so astute, you know,
they're so pronounced in the waythat they carry themselves, man
, it's amazing, you know.
When you go back and look, man,just the way that they carry
themselves with the excellenceis is incredible yeah, he also
(03:10):
gave an incredible speech aswell.
It's very, uh, very touching andvery inspirational yeah, yeah,
you're pretty amazing, but Iguess we have a show to go to,
right, oh, yeah, right, yeah,yeah, right, yeah, yeah, okay.
So it is still May.
Okay, this is the last Thursdayin May and we are participating
(03:33):
in Mental Health AwarenessMonth, one of the most important
months, because we have gottento a point to where now, in 2025
, we want to uphold, we want tocome together and we want to now
address the importance ofmental health.
(03:53):
Ain't that something, man?
It took a lot of trauma, uhbuild up to get to the point of,
okay, you know what Mentalhealth is a thing.
Yeah, people are reallystruggling.
They're not, they're not actinganymore.
You remember that little windowwhere they were saying people
playing crazy?
No, no, folks are really goingthrough some things yeah, it's
(04:14):
not an act it is not a gameeither.
So let's jump in, man.
I want to talk about um, mentalhealth.
When it comes to the family,you know the relationships in
the family, the dynamic of thefamily, and we'll just jump
right in, jay.
So even when you was youngerbecause you weren't with me when
(04:37):
you was young, you was withyour mom Did anyone you know in
that family dynamic?
Did they ever teach you how toprocess emotions or were they
like you know what?
Just be a man, don't show anytype of weakness and just keep
(04:59):
it moving.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, that was pretty much the gist of it.
Yeah, that was pretty much thegist of it, not crying and
throwing fits and stuff likethat.
It was just suck it up.
That was really it.
Get back up, scrape the dirtoff, it's all good.
(05:24):
So processing emotions, now Ican't.
I can't say I can't say thatwas.
That was really a big pointgrowing up.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Yeah, and I have to have to be honest on my behalf,
of course.
You know one brother, twosisters, mom and dad in the
house.
Even with that dynamic, westill did not really have any
education on how to processemotions.
You know, I mean the siblingsare going to tease each other.
(05:57):
What you crying for?
Stop crying like a baby.
You know that type of thing.
And then you know, even withthe parents, you know they had
so much on their plate it'salmost like they banked on us
teaching each other or orfiguring it out.
And you know, to whatever thatmeans, it's almost like well,
(06:20):
how did you handle it?
Are you just passing down themethodology through the
generations?
Or, you know, did you not knowyourself?
Were you still navigating?
You know, where was it in thehierarchy in the household?
Because you don't understand it.
(06:40):
A lot of folks, especially uspeople of color, we was in
survival mode.
We was more concerned about,you know, trying to get money in
the house, make sure that thelight stayed on that, um, you
know we had heat air.
You know a lot of thenecessities and basics, just as
(07:00):
a family, you know.
So it's almost like what do youdo with your emotions?
Do you suppress them, just tokind of get by?
You know what do you do?
And, man, I think that thatrepresents a lot of families.
I think it represents a wholelot of families.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, I definitely agree 100%.
I know for me personally,although I didn't I wasn't
specifically taught.
You know how to express theseemotions of anger, sadness,
stress, and really, now that Irecall you up, it was a bit
(07:44):
confusing.
You know what I'm saying Notknowing how to deal with anger
or not knowing, and a lot oftimes when you're a child, you
may be getting punishment orchastised for reasons that you
don't understand.
You know, just for something,that maybe you did something
that was out of line but youdidn't understand at the moment,
(08:06):
and so you have these emotions,you have these feelings of
sadness or whatever the case is,and I remember, you know days
where you know it would justkind of be like I would just be
upset, mad, sad or whatever,until it just subsided.
Maybe I took my nap and then Iwoke back up and it was all good
(08:28):
.
You know what I'm saying.
Time to eat, right, but it'slike that's dangerous because
you know that's not a good,healthy habit or a good way to
process.
But I will say one developmentthat came from me was writing.
(08:48):
I did always rely on writingthings like poetry or journals
or whatever the case is.
I would write a lot.
Growing up I had journals justfilled with whatever I was
thinking.
So I did use that as a vesselto express myself and kind of
(09:09):
get my feelings.
But I know everybody isn't,they're not writers or they
don't have that in them, but Ijust know.
For me that was one thing, butI think it's super important.
Family is so important becausefamily is your first exposure to
you.
Know how you're going toregulate your emotions.
(09:31):
You know mom, dad, brother,sister.
You're looking at them.
You're looking around andwatching other people react to
whatever situations you know.
So you, you, you're going tomimic that, or you're going to.
At least you know form a basisof all.
Right, it's okay to respond toX with Y, because I saw my
brother or my sister or my momdo it.
(09:53):
You know what I mean.
So that's going to be yourbasis and it's not always going
to end.
And, like you said, if theyhaven't, if they, if they're
just mimicking what they sawgrowing up and it just becomes
our anger, stress, sadness,happiness, when we want to, you
(10:27):
know, explode, or when we wantto go off on somebody, like
what's the best way to do it?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Yeah, man, that's so important and even in hindsight
it makes you think there weremoments that you probably went
through three or four feelingswithin a five minute period.
Right, you crying, now you'remad, now you're sad, and you
(10:56):
know once you kind of realizethat, okay, I can kind of get
over it temporarily.
Now you happy Right Within fiveminutes.
Man, isn't that incredible.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And then your mama gonna come to you and apologize,
or she.
Well, she might not apologize,but she gonna come in and tell
you the food ready or some typeof you know, that's what I'm
saying.
Like, I'm confused, Like youwere just mad at me a couple
minutes ago.
Now you shower me with love,and it was it's crazy, man.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Well you're talking about.
Well you know, I didn't reallywant to do it.
Well, I can't tell mama, right,I felt like you gave it your
all just now hurt me.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I'm hurt right now I got the marks to prove it man,
you know what?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
uh, one thing that I do believe people of color have
mastered is channeling theirenergy, whether it's the
frustration, whether it is, youknow, being super excited
through other things youmentioned.
You know writing, journaling,you know some people channel it
(12:02):
through sports, right?
You know some people channel itthrough sports, right, some
(12:30):
channel it through you-to.
So if you consistently mad,consistently sad, and you got
there shooting jumpers, you know, at eight years old yeah, you
keep doing that these 16, youprobably gonna make varsity
right, you channeled it rightman, hey, your jumper probably
going to be wet, right so, let'sjust be real about it, right so
?
but I do want to.
(12:50):
I wanted to mention that.
But at the same time, jay, howdo we actually set boundaries
with family without feeling likethe victim, you know, or even
not even a victim maybe, likethe villain, like how do you?
How do villain, like, how doyou, how do you?
How you set boundaries, man,yeah, like, look, I ain't no
punk.
(13:10):
But this is how I really feel,though right.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So, nah, that's, that's a good one.
It's like, uh, you know it's.
It's hard to say no to to yourparents.
It's hard to to try to protectyour peace and your emotions or
whatever, without feeling likeyou're a victim or like you're
betraying.
Always taught like you know.
(13:35):
Respect your elders.
You know respect mom, respectyou know any pretty much anybody
that was, you know, older.
So I really had issues.
I don't want to say I hadissues, but I definitely thought
(13:58):
twice before.
I was, you know, feeling like Iwas about to say something that
was sticking up for myself ormaybe that might have been out
of line or something like that.
Because I'm like man, I had toweigh my options first, because
it also could come with somepunishment if this ain't the
right multiple choice answerright here.
Rob Markman, yeah, yeah, youknow what I mean.
(14:19):
So I think it's definitely hard.
But as far as setting boundaries, I think you got to.
You know, you got to be able toidentify first.
You got to be able to know.
And how do we get to thatknowing?
Well, it's conversations likethis next generation that you
(14:49):
know what the difference isbetween, you know, setting a
boundary and being disrespectful, or setting a boundary and just
understanding that you'resetting the parameters for
something that's making youuncomfortable or that's
infringing upon your mentalstate.
It's going to have to, and itcan be a thin line.
(15:09):
I'm not going to lie.
It can be a thin line and itcould be something that also
could be misinterpreted, but atthe end of the day, you have to
make it concrete.
It has to be something concrete, you know it has to be some
concrete.
So, explaining basically yourfeelings right, you know, to a
child like your feelings, Ithink that's where it's going to
(15:31):
come from Setting boundaries onhow you feel and the manner in
how you express it, becausethere can be ways to do it to
where it's not disrespectful.
You get what I'm saying.
Like you can't, you can say allright, you know this is making
me feel a certain type of way orI'm not comfortable with that.
Basically, there's differentphrases that we could use, or or
(15:54):
you know that we could teachour children to use that aren't
going to count as disrespect butcan also signal all right, you
know, as a parent or as an adult, maybe I did overstep an
emotional boundary or some typeof boundary to make this child
feel uncomfortable, because atthe end of the day, that's not
(16:14):
what you want.
Like you know, we want to raiseour kids to believe in
themselves and to not ever downon them, right?
So you should never feel likeit's okay to overstep.
Of course, discipline is acompletely different thing.
We're just speaking on mentalhealth and things like that.
(16:35):
So I think just kind of havingthat conversation around
boundaries is eventually goingto, you know, kind of trickle
down to where we see, see itaccepted more later down the
line, or at least more parentsbeing more open to allowing
their children to, you know,express themselves in a
different kind of way.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, man, that's really good.
You know, when we talk aboutthe history and the dynamic of
family, you know there may belimited time and opportunities
to where they created astructure of openness to talk
(17:18):
about mental health, to talkabout the freedom to express
yourself, to talk about howeveryou're feeling.
It's OK to feel that way, butlet's navigate through that so
you can get some betterunderstanding, because that's
also an opportunity to see wherethere are some generational
(17:39):
situations that you can addressright away.
If you have, you know, peoplein the family that have always
been, you know, to themselves,you know, super anxious and
dealing with anxiety and stufflike that, and then you have
other people in there, it maymake them feel a lot more
comfortable to talk about it, sothey don't feel like they're
(18:02):
isolated, right, that somethingis just wrong with them or
something is wrong with themwhen, all actuality, you know
it's a thing you know andbecause there hasn't been
methods and tools and things inplace to deal with it, then you
just, you just cover it up foras long as you possibly can,
(18:24):
hopefully not until you snap.
But when you think about it,those things get repressed and
things happen later on in lifebecause it's been covered so far
deep down that when they becomeolder, that's when they're able
(18:44):
to express themselves in thatway, and that way could be, you
know, through anxiety or through, you know, fighting or whatever
the case is just kind of goingthrough.
You know different situationswhen it comes to that mental
health.
So creating a safe space for theconversation, I think is so
(19:07):
important, especially in ourcommunity, in our culture.
That's not something that I feellike, that's not something that
was common, because if it wascommon, it would.
It would, uh, we would havebetter results in our community,
exactly so we know whatfamilies actually do have those
(19:29):
conversations.
They do have a open door policyor open communication policy,
because it may be our friends orour friends of friends.
When we go over their house andyou know they sit down at the
table and at dinner they talkabout how they feel and what
they're grateful for, like, comeon now, you know there's some
(19:49):
households that do that and thensome you eating, watching TV
with the tray, and then somebodyelse in a room upstairs, mom
and dad, you know, on theirphone or on their laptop.
You know the difference in whenit comes to family dynamic, on
how they operate when it comesto, uh, just having healthy
(20:13):
habits of checking on thefamily's morale and mental space
, yeah, yeah, I think also, youknow one of the key things that
you mentioned is kind of likethis understanding or this kind
of like this cycle or this cyclebreaking.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Really you know what I mean being able to identify
and then speaking up so thatother family members will be
more comfortable, or you can atleast understand something.
Family members will be morecomfortable or you can at least
understand something.
You know what I mean.
Like we deal with at least forme from what I've seen you know
(20:56):
a lot of black households inparticular.
You know we're dealing withdifferent types of patterns.
You know like verbal abuse,things like that controlling
behavior A lot of folks dealwith.
You know some stuff likeaddictions.
You know emotional neglect it'slike there's a whole host of
different things when it comesto you know just these kind of
(21:18):
generational things that couldbe passed down but becoming
something like a break in thatcycle, which you know it's kind
of like cliche nowadays, but Istill feel like it's a good time
because, like I was speakingabout earlier, like the only way
to make that change is toinstill a new mindset and a new
(21:40):
paradigm in the generationthat's coming up, so they don't
even even, you know, think thatsame way they're not replicating
.
Uh, you know some of thosethings that they, that you know
that that we might have seengrowing up.
You know what I mean.
So, um, you know, on the subjectof just, you know how how do we
(22:02):
go about making that change?
It has to be somebody to tomake that, to bridge the gap and
really make that, make thatconnection and stay rooted in
the, in the healing.
You know, stay committed to it.
You know our family, we, wealways gonna love.
(22:23):
You know, we love them to death.
But got to stop making excusesand saying stuff like oh, that's
just how they are.
Or you know what I mean.
You know how they are.
No, it's not okay, because bysaying that you're teaching the
younger generation that you know, all right, well, if I, I'm
(22:44):
like this, then this is just howI am.
Well, no, if, if you behave ina particular way, there's ways
that you can assess yourbehavior, become self-aware, and
there's different things thatyou can do so that you know
you're not casting a negativelight moving forward.
(23:06):
You know people have to doself-assessments, especially
when you start to notice thatyou're affecting the family
members around you.
Friends, you know whoever, likeI know folks that you know they
just they live by that Likethis is who I am, this is how I
(23:27):
am, and they burn bridges andrelationships have suffered
because of it.
You know, and it didn't have tobe like that.
It doesn't have to get to thatpoint, because folks love you
and people are willing to giveyou a chance time and time again
.
But you know, you have to beconscious and you have to want
to do the work as well.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah, something that I thought would be extremely
important to talk about is thatstrong family member.
When we talk about mentalhealth, you have to address
having that strong family member, the one that is the go-to of
(24:10):
you know when it comes to okay,you know what they're going to
be, the one that I talk to abouteverything.
They're going to be the one tohave limited to no emotion when
everybody else is sad and theyhave to rally the troops.
Everybody else is sad and theyhave to rally the troops.
Man, that strong family memberoften can be neglected because
(24:31):
they're always strong that theydon't need to be consoled or
they don't need an opportunityto just, you know, release.
So I want to ask you what?
Because you know who thatstrong family member is.
It doesn't have to be oneperson, but having that strong
family member in your experiencewhen?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
did you see them break down?
Or how did you see them breakdown before?
Yeah, that's a good one.
You know I've seen a few strongfamily members break down.
You know, folks that Ipersonally would go to and, you
(25:24):
know, lean on at times, but ofcourse I was, you know, you know
, much younger, so I didn'talways completely understand,
especially at the time of seeingthese these, these kind of
these breakdowns of whateverstress and pressure they were
under.
But you know, I definitely haveseen it and at the time, you
(25:48):
know, I didn't really know, Ididn't really know what to make
of it.
You know it was hard for me topiece together what I was seeing
and in a few of the particularinstances I'm talking about it
was just kind of like, you know,like some yelling and some
screaming and some, you know,kind of like like, like you know
(26:09):
, that movie scene wheresomebody just look, they lose it
.
They didn't lost it yeah youknow that it's the, it's the
final straw, like I've had.
I've witnessed those type ofmoments, um, you know, in my
family by some strong peoplethat I never thought I would see
that from them.
You know what I mean.
(26:30):
But I haven't, you know, Ireally haven't went back and
spoke on it.
I feel like it's somethingmaybe I should do or maybe just
go back and kind of like, youknow, give flowers or, you know,
thank them for being strong inthat regard, especially for me.
You know, I never, like I said,I was so much younger so I
(26:50):
didn't really grasp it at thetime, you know.
But in retrospect, you know,with now being kind of one of
the first times, I'm really kindof thinking back on it like
dang, like I can only imagine,you know, I could only imagine,
you know what they were goingthrough.
So definitely important to reachout to those people and always
(27:12):
just check in.
You never know what somebody isgoing through, whatever family
member, especially the strongones you know, that are always
looking out for you, alwaysasking you how you doing.
You know what I mean Asking how, you know how, how everything
is holding up.
Those are always the main onesthat need to be, that need to be
(27:34):
checked on.
So if there's any reminder thatyou get, you know, always take
that one.
This is one of those remindersto to check in on, on those
people like that this is one ofthose reminders to check in on
those people like that.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah, it's a lot of pressure of being that go to
person that everyone relies onand you just never know when,
when, that moment of releasecomes your way, because there's
not always clear signs that youneed to release.
(28:06):
Sometimes it's certain moments.
Sometimes you know, you createit in your head and you start
processing and reflecting andthe next thing you know, you
know you're having a moment.
So, man, great words, man,great words.
So I think that this questionwas really interesting that I
wanted to discuss and ask you doyou think that it's okay to
(28:29):
take some space away from yourown folks, your own parents,
your kids maybe, let me add, thekids right for your mental
health?
Do you think that that's okayto do that?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
100%.
I am an advocate for hey, thismight not even be the right term
.
This was social distancing withmental health distancing.
You know I need mental healthdistance right now.
Now I think you know, I think Ihonestly think that's going to
(29:04):
be one of the key ways and yougot it.
I feel like you kind of have toidentify when the right time is
to do it.
It has to be in a state whereyou just know that there's not
going to be anything beneficialor healthy from being around.
Because, on the contrast, I doalso believe that in a lot of
(29:29):
ways to get over whatever mental, mental anguish, then, yeah,
you need some distance, healthydistance.
(29:51):
You know what I'm saying.
Don't go and leave.
You know, two, three weeks andcan't nobody find you, then
disappear somewhere.
But you know, I think a good 20, 24 hours, maybe two days, just
to kind of reset, come back toyour senses.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that.
I think that could be.
You know, that could be one ofthe things that stops the snap.
(30:14):
That could be something thatstops that.
You know that final straw thatbroke the camel's back, maybe a
lot of times.
If we can take time away fromall the noise and things like
that to help us reset the meterand all right, now we can come
back and you still may have todeal with some stuff, but at
(30:34):
least you're not about to boilover at that point.
So, yeah, don't feel guilty,don't feel bad.
If you need a break, you need abreak.
Everybody needs a breaksometimes.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
So, yeah, 100 agree with that one yeah, and
communication will be extremelyimportant because I think that
will help dismantle any type ofyou know, ambiguity or any type
of confusion, because it can bemisconstrued Like why don't you
(31:08):
want to be around?
You know I'm, I'm your parent,I'm your, you know, I love you,
I care about you, I want to bethere for you, and so sometimes,
you know, you just need somereprieve.
So I think it's super cool, man, to just be able to articulate
that.
I think that that would be moreeffective versus, like you
(31:29):
mentioned, just kind of dipping.
You know you're just MIA man,you pop back out, you happy, you
want to take folk out to dinnerand stuff.
What the heck you been doing,man, whatever you been doing, I
want some of it, right, right,but just kind of being able to
navigate that, and it may be anopportunity for other people to
(31:55):
take on that type of measures tosee if that works for them.
It's OK to take a break.
Don't feel forced to deal withthings that are beyond your
control.
And you know, with that beingsaid, man, do you think that we
can really like break this, whatthey consider generational
(32:20):
curses, without breaking somefamily connections?
You have the old school, youhave more old-fashioned, uh, old
, traditional um, methods, um,and things that people just felt
like you know this, this isjust what we do, you know.
We just, uh, we just, you know,smoke cigarettes or we just,
you know, go to alcohol, youknow, and that'll knock the, you
(32:44):
know that that'll knock off thesting, and you know, no, uh,
big deal with that.
So, man, so do you feel like wecan really break generational
curses, you know, withoutwithout losing some of those
family connections?
Speaker 2 (33:01):
yeah, I do.
I, as a matter of fact, I thinkit's inevitable.
I think that we've reached aparadigm shift where people
understand, you know especiallynow that we've created the
vocabulary around that we kindof understand.
You know how to identify, labelwhat it is people are going
through.
So, instead of you know callingsomebody, you know how to
(33:21):
identify and label what it ispeople are going through.
So, instead of you know callingsomebody, you know lazy or
unambitious or whatever the caseis, or crazy, just flat out
calling them crazy.
We kind of have a lot morenuance and understanding as far
as to what people are goingthrough and what could be going
on in their head.
But I do believe it's going tocome at a cost.
(33:44):
I feel like, like I said, thatshift, that split and just that
whole mindset, yeah, there'sgoing to be some people from the
older generation that justplain are not going to
understand and it's going to behard to explain or try to
(34:05):
convert.
But to be honest, and actuallynot even just from the older
generation, because there'sstill people that are
conditioned you know what I'msaying in this generation, that
still think that same way, whatI'm saying you know, and in this
generation that still thinkthat same way.
(34:26):
But I feel like the shift iscoming where, moving forward,
we'll have more thoughtconscious parents and children
that understand that.
You know there's more than oneway to skin a cat.
There's more than one answer,you know, to the problem.
So we kind of have to weigh it.
You know it's going to be hard,but communication, I mean, I
(34:52):
don't know it is tough, becauseI definitely could see scenarios
where that kind of can drive awedge, because there's a lot to
explain and there's a lot tounderstand.
But just, you know, justthrough faith, man, that's the
only way.
But at the end of the day, it'salready starting.
(35:14):
You know, we've already kind ofbegun to change and really
understand, to change and reallyunderstand.
So you know, I think that thedays of, like you said, what did
you say?
Sipping the alcohol, I thinkthat's kind of those are going
to become older sayings, olderadages.
(35:37):
So, yeah, we making it happen,though it's making it happen.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
The 90 babies.
We got it.
We doing this Black and brownfamilies.
(36:17):
Historically there's always.
Even in that methodology, youhave to do your due diligence
right, because therapists needbe a soundboard, being able to
just listen about differentperspectives, getting a better
understanding of how you becamewho you are and how other people
experience have molded them tothem being who they are and
(36:39):
understanding that, respectingthat and knowing that you know
we can coexist with, withdifferent perspectives.
But as long as we respect eachother and we know that there's
no wrong answer Right, you dothings your way, I do things my
way and as long as we respecteach other, we can continue to
(37:01):
communicate, we have a brightfuture and not shy away from a
(37:24):
lot of the tough topics, becauseI would rather learn about
issues that my family has hadwithin a family huddle than a
doctor walking out the room andsaying, hey, this is what's
going on and this is whathappened, this is why they broke
down, this is what we found tobe issues.
I would rather at least be ableto contribute in some type of
way for the family and do mypart.
And you know, keep it within,keep it tight.
I think that long term and thatthat's the answer.
(37:45):
And we can.
We can go way beyond beingsilenced and being shameful and
not willing to express ourselves, for the feel, fear of being
judged.
And so, man, I'm glad that wewas able to have this type of
conversation Not an easyconversation.
(38:05):
You know, this isn't anythingthat we rehearsed.
We didn't really have any notesor anything like that.
We just knew that there weresome things that we need to
address when it comes to thefamily dynamic and dealing with
mental health.
So, man, jay, how do you feel?
Man?
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Feels good.
You know, phil feels like I wassaying.
You know some of these.
I kind of had some flashbacksof my childhood some flashbacks
of, you know, some familymembers.
you know some things thatprobably might have been buried
in the you know in the memory.
So you know it's good to have aconversation about it and bring
(38:43):
it back to the forefront.
You know, I definitely feellike I need to check on some
folks and do my rounds and justmake sure I'm present and I
encourage people to do the samething.
Mental health is serious.
You don't know what somebody'sgoing through, but you know
checking in could make all thedifference.
Just make yourself available.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, absolutely so.
We appreciate you guys rockingwith us.
You know that's going to endour talk for May being Mental
Health Awareness Month and goinginto June.
You have to know and respectthat it's Men's Health Month.
It's Men's Month, so we aregoing to be having some special
guests next month, so just tapin, Let us know how you're
feeling.
If there's anybody that youwant us to chop it up with, go
(39:29):
ahead and let us know in thesocial media outlets and make
sure that you give us a shout onour website and get on that VIP
list.
Of course that's pops and sunconversationscom.
That's pops with an S and sunconversations with an Scom.
Look, we'll see you guys nextepisode.
(39:52):
Signing off.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Peace.
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