Episode 290 of the PBSE Podcast explores a powerful question submitted by a betrayed partner whose addict husband is in active recovery but refuses to discuss his past. The discussion centers on what real intimacy requires—emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the willingness to be known. While many addicts hold back due to fear, shame, or cultural conditioning, we unpack how these barriers undermine authentic connection in relationships. Intimacy is described as a process of “emotional disrobing,” where both partners share parts of themselves in increasing depth to build emotional closeness.
We argue that the past is never truly in the past—it shapes our present behaviors, beliefs, and relationships. Refusing to share one’s past doesn’t make it irrelevant; it only creates confusion and distance. For a partner to heal and understand the addict’s behaviors, context is essential. Without that, partners are left guessing and often interpret behavior as hatred or rejection rather than unhealed trauma. Disclosure doesn’t excuse past harms, but it provides meaning and supports empathy, healing, and deeper trust.
Ultimately, a couple can technically survive without full transparency, but they cannot thrive. Choosing to withhold emotional truths places a glass ceiling on the relationship’s potential. Vulnerability is scary, but it’s the only path to real, lasting intimacy. Through formal disclosure processes, safe conversations, and daily acts of honesty, couples can build something far deeper than simple sobriety—a relationship rooted in truth, empathy, and enduring connection.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Can I Have a Healthy Relationship with my Addict Partner without him Sharing His Past?
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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