When Loving Him Means Losing Me—Do I Stay or Go?!

When a partner reaches the heartbreaking point of saying, “I love him, but I feel I’m losing myself,” the question of staying or leaving becomes urgent. After 21 years of repeated betrayal, secrecy, and broken promises, one woman wonders how long she can endure the cycle. This PBSE episode (#296) unpacks that struggle, emphasizing that being lured back by charm is not weakness but love—and also highlighting how charm without change is manipulation and emotional abuse.

We examine the addict’s cycle of secrecy, discovery, promises, and relapse, and show how it traps both partners in a destructive spin. From the partner’s perspective, the cost of staying has shifted from compromise to self-abandonment. Using analogies like a failing business merger or an overdrawn bank account, we frame the critical question: at what point does loyalty become losing yourself? The markers include lack of honesty, no accountability, and the erasure of authentic identity.

Ultimately, partners must find clarity through boundaries, safe support, and honest reflection. Journaling, support groups, and evaluating whether growth or disappearance defines the relationship can provide direction. While ending a marriage is always a tragedy, the greater tragedy is staying in one where you are erased. The message is clear: you are worth safety, truth, and love—whether inside this relationship or beyond it.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   When Loving Him Means Losing Me—Do I Stay or Go?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services