January 17, 2024 • 30 mins
Imagine discovering a simple way to infuse each day with a little more happiness—would you try it? That's exactly what we explored with the Big Joy Project from UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, and our latest episode is bursting with the joys and laughs we collected along this seven-day journey. We're spilling all about how micro acts of joy, ranging from watching breathtaking nature clips to laughing with loved ones, have transformed our daily outlook. We even delve into the surprising delights of our latest obsessions, like indoor games that light up our living rooms with laughter, and the life-altering choice to switch to colored contacts, making our midlife adventures that much more vibrant.
But the journey doesn't stop with laughter; it's also about the profound impact of kindness and gratitude. Join us as we unpack how these small, yet powerful acts have rippled through our lives, nudging us towards a more joy-filled existence. With heartfelt anecdotes of family life, the challenges of parenting, and the warmth of deep conversations, we offer up a slice of our lives while inviting you to create moments of happiness in your own. Discover practical steps to nurture joy, resilience, and a grateful heart by tuning into our conversation—a heartfelt mix of personal stories, laughter, and the wisdom of embracing each day's potential for joy.
Website: www.thepositivelymidlifepodcast.com
Email: postivelymidlifepod@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ellen (00:03):
Welcome back to the Positively Midlife podcast.
Today we're diving intosomething truly transformative
our participation in the Big JoyProject from UC Berkeley's
Greater Good Science Center.
Say that three times fast, tish.
Tish (00:19):
I don't know if I can today, but that's right, ellen.
Thinking about joy and how wecan get more of it in our lives
has really been a great way tokick off 2024.
So the question is what is theformula for joy?
Ellen (00:36):
I think we all want to know what that formula is and
maybe today we'll answer alittle bit.
But you and I, we participatedin the Greater Good in Action
initiative called the Big JoyProject.
That challenged us to exploremicro acts of joy and I know you
and I love micro anything right.
Micro acts of joy for justseven minutes a day, for seven
(00:59):
days.
Tish (01:01):
You know, and this doing, this participating, really
sparked something special.
You know, when you shared theBig Joy Project with me, I
immediately jumped on boardright, you did, you did.
You know, because I think atthat moment I was really
searching for something thatcould increase my joy,
especially with how sick I havebeen over the holidays.
Ellen (01:22):
Oh Tish, I know it was really being sick.
I was in a funk too, because Iknow you know this, but to our
listeners, one of my sons has achronic illness and he had
pneumonia over the holidays, andso when I saw this Big Joy
Project I really thought we bothcould use a jolt of joy.
I like that a jolt of joy.
(01:45):
But before we get into the BigJoy Project and what we thought
of it and how it went, you knowI need to know what you're
obsessed with this week.
What is it?
Tish (01:55):
Well, I think this is really kind of coming out of the
Big Joy Project, this idea offinding little places to add joy
in your life, and I think oneof the biggest places for me has
always been laughter, I think.
When things get tough for me, Ilike just to make light of it,
joke or whatever, but it justchanges my mood about what's
happening.
So I think right now I'm kindof obsessed with doing games
(02:19):
that can bring joy right, and soI thought it would be really
fun to get these new dartssystem.
They're called pop darts, youknow like.
You know the darts that they'vemade illegal, that you throw in
the grass and they stabbed, andsometimes you stabbed your
friends growing up.
But these are actually meant tobe played indoors.
So, as you know is the weatheris not so great.
(02:40):
This would be good, see, Ithink you could do it outdoors
during, you know, the niceweather too.
But you throw the darts on thetable and there's like one
little piece that you're tryingto get close to.
So you can do it as teams.
You can do just two people orwhatever, but I think anytime
you bring in some type of sillygame, that doesn't take a lot of
thought or, you know, orconcentration.
(03:02):
I think that is just a recipefor laughter and just another
little place to add joy in yourlife.
So that's my obsession is tofind fun games.
Ellen (03:15):
I love it.
You know this game soundsparticularly fun, but my kids,
which we all know are kids oradults, they still will play
sorry and Jenga over theholidays, and I mean the
laughter you're right that wehave while playing a game.
And how compelling if somepeople are.
You know it, you know it.
Tish (03:41):
Well, what about you, Ellen?
What is your obsession for thisweek?
Ellen (03:46):
Well, I also chose an obsession that is bringing me a
great amount of joy and you'regoing to crack up, but it is
learning how to use coloredcontacts here at midlife,
because I love it.
I am so joyful every time I putthese in and do not have to put
(04:06):
glasses on and off 500 times aday.
I'm telling you I had a littleproblem at the beginning.
It was a big learning curve.
Tissue, you help me out bygetting the colored contacts and
I am now obsessed.
I'm popping them in and out ofmy eyes.
And to anyone out there who issick and tired of readers, as
(04:29):
fun and funky as they are, trythem, you can do it.
Tish (04:34):
You know, I gotta get back to the doctors, because if you
need, like the bifocal ortrifocal situation which I do
you know a lot of people our agedo you have to have one eye
that addresses the reader.
Yes, and you have to have oneeye that addresses the far away.
And so my context is I did getcolored ones too, and we promote
the colored ones because, forgoodness sakes, I'm blind, and
(04:58):
when I had the clear ones I gotcouldn't, I didn't know if they
were in or out, and so it was anissue.
So that's why I went with thecolor ones.
It wasn't really to have a newcolor, but it was just to be
able to see if I had in my eye.
But I think it's reallyimportant when you go in and
that's what I need to do is goback in and tell them I want one
really strong for the readingand one that is going to address
(05:18):
the far away, and your bodywill naturally adjust to them.
And you have right, yeah.
Ellen (05:23):
I mean it's amazing, and he had to pop up in degree of
strength that one of my eyes acouple times, so it didn't come
right away, but I have to say Iam so pleasantly surprised at
how much I love it.
Tish (05:38):
And of course, you and I both matched our natural eye
color, so it wasn't them we werechanging our eye color, but you
know I had, I had to changemine completely, which was crazy
, yeah, because mine arenaturally green and any of the
green shades in the contactstore looked the same as my eye.
I couldn't tell if they were inor out.
(05:58):
Oh, so I got this likeyellowish green eye color, which
is kind of weird.
So I actually have blue ones.
So it's weird.
That's right, yeah.
Ellen (06:09):
I mean, but highly, highly recommended.
And you know, when I wasthinking about joy, I have to
say this is something that isbringing me great joy, so I
thought I would pass it on and Ican put a link to the contacts
that I think we're both usingthe same contacts.
But yeah, yeah, well, let's getback to the Big Yo-I project,
(06:30):
tish, because I think we wereboth super excited to kick our
year off with this.
And I mean, who doesn't haveseven minutes a day for seven
days to get more joy in theirlife?
Right, exactly?
Tish (06:45):
So you've got it, ellen.
You know we were part of andnow this is an ever growing
project.
I don't know when they'recutting it off, but currently
today there have been 88,174participants in 207 countries
that have completed 356,641.
(07:08):
You know, we love our facts.
We love our facts, micro actsof joy, and I know, for me,
being part of this big joyprocess has really has increased
my joy, and you all know that Ilove research and facts.
Right, we do so.
I was really happy to learnthat the research is really
(07:29):
clear about this.
Happiness, resilience,connections, kindness are skills
that can be taught anddeveloped over time with
practice, and after seven days,they're going to give you a
whole printout that shows yourown data in graphs on what has
(07:51):
changed in terms of your joy.
Ellen (07:54):
I love that part.
I mean, we love facts and welove data, and who doesn't love
a report either?
But I did not know before wedid this tish, that happiness
and resilience and connectionand kindness are skills that can
be taught and learned.
That was really kind ofrevolutionary for me, especially
(08:17):
joy, and you know who doesn'twant more joy in their life.
So if it's a skill you canlearn, why not take some time to
learn it?
Tish (08:27):
Absolutely so.
I want to give everyone like aquick overview of what this big
joy project is.
Ok, and it's created byresearchers from 14 universities
.
People can cultivate their joyby improving happiness in just
seven days.
You know, feeling happy hasproven health benefits that we
(08:50):
can really see and chart,actually from decreasing
hypertension to cardiovascularrisk, to just improving overall
mental health outcomes and justgeneral life satisfaction.
Ellen (09:08):
That's amazing, tish.
I mean when I hear that toreally understand that a skill
you can learn can have that manybenefits.
And I'm just going to add on toyour description of the Big Joy
Project to say it's run by UCBerkeley out here in Berkeley,
california, and it's studies itpowers a study that we're part
(09:32):
of, as you said at the beginning, from the data.
So I feel kind of good thatwe're helping science as well by
participating, and I think thatanything we can do to help
science, to help them understandjoy and help us feel more joy,
is just a really wonderful thingto participate in.
Tish (09:54):
I like that.
We're participating in a study,but what surprised me, what I
wasn't expecting from doing this, was we don't have to wait for
everybody's results to be in tosee what the results are.
They're going to tell you yourindividual results as you add to
this big collective as well.
So for me that was pretty cooland I'd like to get to the
(10:16):
process here.
So every day, for seven days,you're going to tell how you are
feeling.
You're going to learn somethingand do a micro act of joy.
Right, and again, not a bigtime commitment, you know.
Seven minutes every day, youknow, and they range from
watching a nature video to doingsomething kind, and this is all
(10:41):
in a way of shifting yourperspective.
You want to shift yourperspective through these micro
acts and once, like I said, andonce you finish, you're going to
get your report on kind ofwhere you started and how doing
these small micro acts affectedyou.
So what would you say, ellen,going through these seven days,
(11:06):
what did you like most and why?
Ellen (11:10):
Well, I think what's interesting, Tish, is that we
found out that not everybodydoes the seven days in the same
order, which we did not realizeright.
Right Until I was like on thefirst day I loved the first
exercise.
You actually listen to a clipof people laughing and what
(11:30):
happens?
I don't know if this happenedto you, but I just started
laughing too.
I felt lighter.
I noticed I was smilinglistening to this.
It was so contagious and at theend of the two minutes I think
it was, or three minutes I feltbetter for laughing and it
reminded me why, when I wasyounger, I used to love to go
(11:53):
see comedy, go to open micnights, and just really belly
laugh.
And I had this idea.
We have an open mic night in mytown.
I can literally walk there inless than 20 minutes and there
are a lot of people tellingjokes and funny acts and things.
And it was something for me toconsider.
I need to see more comedy andbe around more laughter.
(12:19):
So I really did enjoy theprocess of reading myself before
doing the exercise, doing theexercise and then thinking about
how I felt.
Again.
It felt really good to be intouch with my joy, my
contentment.
What about you, tish?
Tell me a little bit aboutwhere you felt.
(12:39):
You know the happiest.
Tish (12:41):
Yeah, I think for me it was about embracing mindfulness,
you know, taking those fewmoments each day to focus on my
breath, my senses, my and justbe present in the moment.
You always hear people talkabout be present in the moment,
but it's like when you get intothat quiet space where you're
(13:01):
very aware of your surroundingsand your feelings and you're not
just rushing through life, andI think that made the world a
difference for me to increase myoverall joy when I found the
simplicity of being fullypresent was a key part to that.
Ellen (13:21):
I love that.
You know, so often in our liveswe multitask, especially as
women, especially as midlifewomen.
Right, it's something we'vebeen so good at doing for years
and years at least we thinkwe're good at it right, and so
really having your fullattention on this and I felt the
(13:41):
same way, I felt like I reallywas present because I knew it
was just seven minutes right,again, it's the time commitment
to it.
I think they're really ontosomething with that seven
minutes for seven days and Ilove that you felt really
present.
You know, one of the days therewas a beautiful nature video
(14:03):
and I think that day wassomething about awe.
What did you think of thenature video of Yosemite?
Tish (14:10):
You know, for me there's something very humbling about
something so majestic asYosemite, right, and so the
pristine beauty that makes youjust pause for a moment and
really appreciate the greatnessof what is around us.
Again, it's all about thisYou're always rushing through
(14:32):
stuff and stop and smell theroses kind of moment, but when
you're hit in the face withsomething as awe-inspiring as
Yosemite, it just makes you stopand just really appreciate that
kind of, you know, wonderness.
And so, yeah, I think for methere was something about that
(14:53):
pause to see something greaterthan myself that really brought
me joy.
Ellen (15:01):
I love that, Tish, and you know I live close enough to
Yosemite to actually go there ina weekend, and it reminded me
of how close some reallybeautiful places in the world
are and to try and takeadvantage but that, just how
much nature can calm you andsoothe you but also, through
(15:24):
that process, bring just thisjoy and wonder of how great it
is.
You know, for me the beauty ofthis project too was in the
variety of micro acts that wedid and choose from.
So one day I sent a quickmessage to a friend.
Another day I went and had aguilty, guilt-free pleasure of a
(15:45):
slice of my favorite cake.
After it I thought why nottreat myself you know, no guilt
and to kind of thank you, ajoyful thank you, of getting
myself through the holidays.
Tish (15:58):
Oh yeah, you know.
It's funny that you mentionedthat, alan, because one of the
micro acts that really resonatedwith me was incorporating
laughter into the day, andwhether it's through watching a
comedy skit or you knowhilarious meme with a friend,
but you know, laughter really iswhat lights up my day.
Ellen (16:19):
Right, right, I love that and it's so true, tish.
And you know, what'sfascinating is how these small
acts, things like laughing orbeing one with nature, create a
ripple effect.
So I noticed my mood kind ofshift after doing my seven
minutes, how my interactionswere better after doing it, how
(16:41):
even my overall outlook on life,and I love that we were doing
this as part of our, like,january kickoff, the year Right.
Tish (16:51):
Absolutely, oh, definitely .
You know, I just find thatspending time laughing with
friends, family, even coworkers,right, just elevates my mood
for the rest of the day.
It's like these micro actsbecome catalysts to find more
joy, fulfilled existence in mylife.
And even more incredible is themassive citizenship project on
(17:14):
joy.
Ellen (17:16):
It's so true, and I love laughing with you too.
We have a lot of laughs here onthe podcast A lot of times.
Tish (17:23):
Laugh or cry.
Laugh or cry right.
Ellen (17:25):
Many times around technical issues, but you know,
our experience of, along withthousands of others, really is
contributing to this wealth ofdata, to better understand it,
and it's empowering to me, too,to know that our, our little
seven minutes a day is part ofsomething larger and could
really impact people movingforward about how joy is
(17:48):
understanding, how it'sunderstood and how it's
cultivated.
So, tish, let's share thethemes for the seven days with
our listeners.
It might catch someone'sinterest here to also
participate in the Big Joyproject.
And just to say it's free andit's available online, right so
and it's still open.
Tish (18:09):
I think that's important.
No, even because we'vecompleted ours.
It's still open right now.
But so you jump on this.
This is a good one.
Ellen (18:17):
Yeah, yeah.
So the intro is to share alaugh and it's to make a
gratitude list, so I enjoyedboth of those things.
And again, this is not anextensive gratitude list, it's a
short punch list of gratitudeand you and I love to journal
and I know a lot of times ourjournaling comes around to
gratitude lists, but I reallyenjoyed that.
Tish (18:40):
Right.
I love how they start with thelaughter and they build on it
from there.
You know the gratitude, youknow another day that's going to
be is about celebratinganother's joy, right, I think
that is so important in thebuilding of joy in your life.
It's not self-centered, it'soutreaching.
It's when you connect withsomebody else who's feeling
(19:04):
joyful or you appreciate wherethey're at, it just comes back
at you, right.
You get all that energy back.
And then three was to dwell inawe.
Ellen (19:17):
That was the Yosemite video was kind of the thing
during that day, right.
One other day was to dosomething kind.
So this idea of spreading joyand I know, tish, you've told me
in the past that you've donesome pay it forward things, you
know, either at a coffee shop orbeen the beneficiary of that
and again, just that littlemicro joy, it takes you out of
(19:41):
yourself and it allows you toreally have that great feeling
of being that catalyst of joy.
And then the other day, dayfive, for me at least, was to do
something kind and nothingfeels better than to just a
little kindness and I knowyou've talked about this before
just telling someone you liketheir hat or their hair looks
(20:03):
great, or you know, just somelittle kind thought can go such
a long way.
Tish (20:10):
Oh, absolutely, when you, when you can brighten someone
else's day in, and it can't beinsincere, it has to be sincere.
People know, right yeah, thatyou just make somebody feel good
.
You can see when they puff outthe chest a little bit and their
head goes a little higher andstuff like that.
So, yes, I think, I think thekindness again focus outward
(20:30):
Right and the benefits will comeback at you, right, yeah?
So day six tune into whatmatters.
And day seven you are a forceof good.
Ellen (20:42):
I love that.
You know it's like.
May the force be with you, butthe idea that you are capable
and able to spread joy and to bepart of this ripple effect is,
to me, one of the most powerfulpieces of this.
Like you said, and tuning intowhat matters, it really helps
you quiet your mind and focus onwhat matters to you and how
(21:06):
that can bring you joy.
Tish (21:08):
You know.
So if you're listening to allthis and you're wondering how do
I embark on my own journeyright towards joy, we really
want to encourage everyone toexplore the greater good in
action website, which, and theBig Joy Project, and we're going
to put links for these in ourshow notes.
So if you're not sure how tofind it, just go to the show
(21:29):
notes and it will have links andstuff there for you.
And they offer a variety ofevidence-based practices to
cultivate joy, gratitude,resilience and much more.
Ellen (21:43):
I love that tish and remember finding joy at midlife
doesn't require grand gesturesand we've said this many times
today or massive changes.
I love that idea of micro right, micro joy.
Sometimes it's just in thesmallest moments a really great
conversation with a friend, acup of tea with some silence, or
(22:05):
dancing, you know, likenobody's watching you.
I also read an article recently, tish, on summoning joy.
Tish (22:14):
Tell us about it, ellen.
You know, I think one of themost profound days for me when I
was celebrating another's joy,right, and this was a
conversation that I had with myyoungest, so it was, like you
know, ask somebody a questionand he happened to be around, so
I called him in and I asked him, you know, what he thought was
(22:34):
something that was awe-inspiringto him or something he felt
that he had done great.
And he starts sharing with meabout his experience last summer
with being a lacrosse coach andpart of that exercise was to
really delve in and ask themmore questions and more
questions.
Now, I knew about hisexperience, but I hadn't asked
(22:56):
him some of the deeper questions.
Like you know, what did it makeyou feel like and why was it
important to you?
And just to see his joyincreasing while I'm talking
about something that reallyinspired him and it really
showed me firsthand the power ofsharing somebody else's joy.
(23:17):
You know, taking that time tostop and to listen.
Ellen (23:22):
You know, tisha, I love that and you're a few years
ahead of me and mothering, andone of the things you've taught
me is that when your kids wantto talk, you stop everything
else, you drop everything elseand you listen and listen, and
listen.
So that is such a great exampleof that, but really digging
(23:43):
into his pride, his success andhis joy.
I love hearing about thatconversation with Liam and it's
going to encourage me to have afew of those with my kids.
Tish (23:56):
You know, there's some things that surprise me about it
.
You know, like I knew he wasexcited about it, I knew he
would, but to hear the words youknow, and I thought, why didn't
I never ask those questions?
And I thought, you know, I'mgoing to make sure that I ask
more questions.
So I learned more about whatsome, what inspires somebody
(24:18):
else.
Ellen (24:19):
I love that and, again, I think part of this big joy
project was the idea of kind ofstopping all the other noise and
focusing on something, and Ithink that that's really
beneficial.
You know, just back to this ideaof summoning joy, I found this
article by Moira Aron Mele Ihope I pronounced that right.
(24:41):
It was on LinkedIn and she saysshe used it with mantra and I
also think that having likelittle mantras are really good
as well and they've helped me inmy life.
But it's like you know, to justsettle yourself, be in the
moment, close your eyes andthink of a time when you felt
great joy it could be any joy,it could be big joy, small joy
(25:03):
and bring that moment like tothe front of your mind, to be
really present in that moment,kind of see it, think about how
it smelled back then and imprintit in your body.
So when you're there, say I'mopen to joy, I'm cultivating joy
, I'm feeling joyful, and youcan repeat this mantra as much
(25:24):
as you want, and then you openyour eyes at the end of it and
check in and see how you feel.
Tish (25:31):
I like this mantra, alan.
I think it's powerful.
I mean, we've all seen whenwe're the negative.
Ellen (25:37):
Nancy right, yeah.
Tish (25:39):
But sometimes we forget to stop and really embrace joy and
call it into our lives.
But I'm definitely going to trythis mantra for sure.
Ellen (25:50):
You know I tried it and it was amazing.
The moment that I went back toI was 10 years old and I was on
a vacation to Lake Champlainwith my parents sitting on a
dock and there was brightsunshine and big clouds and blue
sky and, you know, lots oflittle bees buzzing and I
(26:11):
thought, wow, that was such amoment of joy.
Maybe I didn't appreciate inthe moment as much as I
appreciate looking back at it.
So I would encourage you andall of our listeners to do that
and just this I'm open, I'mcultivating and I'm feeling joy
kind of mantra.
Tish (26:30):
You know, what struck me about what you just said to Alan
is the detail you brought to it.
Did you smell?
How did you feel?
Was the sun on your face?
Yeah, I think the more that youcan capture all those details
when you bring that thoughtforward, I think the more you're
going to capture that joy inyour life.
(26:51):
Right, and I think that'sreally what this journey through
the Big Joy Project hasenlightened for both of us.
Right, it says something thatwe'll continue to explore and
share on the Positively Midlifepodcast, and I just am so
excited to kind of share thisproject and really encourage
(27:13):
people to participate, because Ithink we can get really busy
with life and forget to call joyto us.
And this is going to remind you, this is going to give you some
little tips and tricks onbringing joy to you.
And one of the things for theproject is they want, they want
you want you to participate, toshare it with at least three
(27:36):
people.
So we're sharing it with a lotmore than three, but I really
want to do this as a call toaction to if you feel you need
some more joy in your life.
You know, and who doesn't, youknow, do these things seven
minutes.
Can you invest seven minutes orseven days into doing this and
(27:58):
say you forget a day?
No worries, no worries.
At the end they're going to letyou go back to say you missed
day two.
Day two is like I was thinkingthat I could.
It's okay, they're going to letyou at the end, go back and
finish any of the sessions thatyou haven't, and I loved the
messaging they had from that too.
It was like, okay, you missedyesterday, don't worry about it,
let's just keep moving along.
(28:18):
And it so.
It didn't.
It wasn't one of these.
Oh, I blew it, I failed, Ididn't get to because I missed a
day and I had to go back and Iliked that.
It was like this non-pressurething, but it because the focus
wasn't about finishing, you know, completing being successful.
(28:39):
It was about bringing joy in,and you don't bring that in with
over expectations.
Ellen (28:45):
Right or high pressure, but you know, to everybody
listening today, thanks fortuning in.
And remember, embrace microacts of joy.
You know, try the big joyproject, try the joy mantra we
just talked about.
These just might transform yourlife in ways you've never
imagined.
Tish (29:05):
And until next time, we want you to stay positive.
We want you to find joy inevery day moments, no matter how
big, no matter how small.
Ellen (29:17):
That's right Till next week midlife.
First, don't forget check outthat big joy project.
Welcome back to the Positively Midlife podcast.
Today we're diving intosomething truly transformative
our participation in the Big JoyProject from UC Berkeley's
Greater Good Science Center.
Say that three times fast, tish.
Tish (00:19):
I don't know if I can today, but that's right, ellen.
Thinking about joy and how wecan get more of it in our lives
has really been a great way tokick off 2024.
So the question is what is theformula for joy?
Ellen (00:36):
I think we all want to know what that formula is and
maybe today we'll answer alittle bit.
But you and I, we participatedin the Greater Good in Action
initiative called the Big JoyProject.
That challenged us to exploremicro acts of joy and I know you
and I love micro anything right.
Micro acts of joy for justseven minutes a day, for seven
(00:59):
days.
Tish (01:01):
You know, and this doing, this participating, really
sparked something special.
You know, when you shared theBig Joy Project with me, I
immediately jumped on boardright, you did, you did.
You know, because I think atthat moment I was really
searching for something thatcould increase my joy,
especially with how sick I havebeen over the holidays.
Ellen (01:22):
Oh Tish, I know it was really being sick.
I was in a funk too, because Iknow you know this, but to our
listeners, one of my sons has achronic illness and he had
pneumonia over the holidays, andso when I saw this Big Joy
Project I really thought we bothcould use a jolt of joy.
I like that a jolt of joy.
(01:45):
But before we get into the BigJoy Project and what we thought
of it and how it went, you knowI need to know what you're
obsessed with this week.
What is it?
Tish (01:55):
Well, I think this is really kind of coming out of the
Big Joy Project, this idea offinding little places to add joy
in your life, and I think oneof the biggest places for me has
always been laughter, I think.
When things get tough for me, Ilike just to make light of it,
joke or whatever, but it justchanges my mood about what's
happening.
So I think right now I'm kindof obsessed with doing games
(02:19):
that can bring joy right, and soI thought it would be really
fun to get these new dartssystem.
They're called pop darts, youknow like.
You know the darts that they'vemade illegal, that you throw in
the grass and they stabbed, andsometimes you stabbed your
friends growing up.
But these are actually meant tobe played indoors.
So, as you know is the weatheris not so great.
(02:40):
This would be good, see, Ithink you could do it outdoors
during, you know, the niceweather too.
But you throw the darts on thetable and there's like one
little piece that you're tryingto get close to.
So you can do it as teams.
You can do just two people orwhatever, but I think anytime
you bring in some type of sillygame, that doesn't take a lot of
thought or, you know, orconcentration.
(03:02):
I think that is just a recipefor laughter and just another
little place to add joy in yourlife.
So that's my obsession is tofind fun games.
Ellen (03:15):
I love it.
You know this game soundsparticularly fun, but my kids,
which we all know are kids oradults, they still will play
sorry and Jenga over theholidays, and I mean the
laughter you're right that wehave while playing a game.
And how compelling if somepeople are.
You know it, you know it.
Tish (03:41):
Well, what about you, Ellen?
What is your obsession for thisweek?
Ellen (03:46):
Well, I also chose an obsession that is bringing me a
great amount of joy and you'regoing to crack up, but it is
learning how to use coloredcontacts here at midlife,
because I love it.
I am so joyful every time I putthese in and do not have to put
(04:06):
glasses on and off 500 times aday.
I'm telling you I had a littleproblem at the beginning.
It was a big learning curve.
Tissue, you help me out bygetting the colored contacts and
I am now obsessed.
I'm popping them in and out ofmy eyes.
And to anyone out there who issick and tired of readers, as
(04:29):
fun and funky as they are, trythem, you can do it.
Tish (04:34):
You know, I gotta get back to the doctors, because if you
need, like the bifocal ortrifocal situation which I do
you know a lot of people our agedo you have to have one eye
that addresses the reader.
Yes, and you have to have oneeye that addresses the far away.
And so my context is I did getcolored ones too, and we promote
the colored ones because, forgoodness sakes, I'm blind, and
(04:58):
when I had the clear ones I gotcouldn't, I didn't know if they
were in or out, and so it was anissue.
So that's why I went with thecolor ones.
It wasn't really to have a newcolor, but it was just to be
able to see if I had in my eye.
But I think it's reallyimportant when you go in and
that's what I need to do is goback in and tell them I want one
really strong for the readingand one that is going to address
(05:18):
the far away, and your bodywill naturally adjust to them.
And you have right, yeah.
Ellen (05:23):
I mean it's amazing, and he had to pop up in degree of
strength that one of my eyes acouple times, so it didn't come
right away, but I have to say Iam so pleasantly surprised at
how much I love it.
Tish (05:38):
And of course, you and I both matched our natural eye
color, so it wasn't them we werechanging our eye color, but you
know I had, I had to changemine completely, which was crazy
, yeah, because mine arenaturally green and any of the
green shades in the contactstore looked the same as my eye.
I couldn't tell if they were inor out.
(05:58):
Oh, so I got this likeyellowish green eye color, which
is kind of weird.
So I actually have blue ones.
So it's weird.
That's right, yeah.
Ellen (06:09):
I mean, but highly, highly recommended.
And you know, when I wasthinking about joy, I have to
say this is something that isbringing me great joy, so I
thought I would pass it on and Ican put a link to the contacts
that I think we're both usingthe same contacts.
But yeah, yeah, well, let's getback to the Big Yo-I project,
(06:30):
tish, because I think we wereboth super excited to kick our
year off with this.
And I mean, who doesn't haveseven minutes a day for seven
days to get more joy in theirlife?
Right, exactly?
Tish (06:45):
So you've got it, ellen.
You know we were part of andnow this is an ever growing
project.
I don't know when they'recutting it off, but currently
today there have been 88,174participants in 207 countries
that have completed 356,641.
(07:08):
You know, we love our facts.
We love our facts, micro actsof joy, and I know, for me,
being part of this big joyprocess has really has increased
my joy, and you all know that Ilove research and facts.
Right, we do so.
I was really happy to learnthat the research is really
(07:29):
clear about this.
Happiness, resilience,connections, kindness are skills
that can be taught anddeveloped over time with
practice, and after seven days,they're going to give you a
whole printout that shows yourown data in graphs on what has
(07:51):
changed in terms of your joy.
Ellen (07:54):
I love that part.
I mean, we love facts and welove data, and who doesn't love
a report either?
But I did not know before wedid this tish, that happiness
and resilience and connectionand kindness are skills that can
be taught and learned.
That was really kind ofrevolutionary for me, especially
(08:17):
joy, and you know who doesn'twant more joy in their life.
So if it's a skill you canlearn, why not take some time to
learn it?
Tish (08:27):
Absolutely so.
I want to give everyone like aquick overview of what this big
joy project is.
Ok, and it's created byresearchers from 14 universities
.
People can cultivate their joyby improving happiness in just
seven days.
You know, feeling happy hasproven health benefits that we
(08:50):
can really see and chart,actually from decreasing
hypertension to cardiovascularrisk, to just improving overall
mental health outcomes and justgeneral life satisfaction.
Ellen (09:08):
That's amazing, tish.
I mean when I hear that toreally understand that a skill
you can learn can have that manybenefits.
And I'm just going to add on toyour description of the Big Joy
Project to say it's run by UCBerkeley out here in Berkeley,
california, and it's studies itpowers a study that we're part
(09:32):
of, as you said at the beginning, from the data.
So I feel kind of good thatwe're helping science as well by
participating, and I think thatanything we can do to help
science, to help them understandjoy and help us feel more joy,
is just a really wonderful thingto participate in.
Tish (09:54):
I like that.
We're participating in a study,but what surprised me, what I
wasn't expecting from doing this, was we don't have to wait for
everybody's results to be in tosee what the results are.
They're going to tell you yourindividual results as you add to
this big collective as well.
So for me that was pretty cooland I'd like to get to the
(10:16):
process here.
So every day, for seven days,you're going to tell how you are
feeling.
You're going to learn somethingand do a micro act of joy.
Right, and again, not a bigtime commitment, you know.
Seven minutes every day, youknow, and they range from
watching a nature video to doingsomething kind, and this is all
(10:41):
in a way of shifting yourperspective.
You want to shift yourperspective through these micro
acts and once, like I said, andonce you finish, you're going to
get your report on kind ofwhere you started and how doing
these small micro acts affectedyou.
So what would you say, ellen,going through these seven days,
(11:06):
what did you like most and why?
Ellen (11:10):
Well, I think what's interesting, Tish, is that we
found out that not everybodydoes the seven days in the same
order, which we did not realizeright.
Right Until I was like on thefirst day I loved the first
exercise.
You actually listen to a clipof people laughing and what
(11:30):
happens?
I don't know if this happenedto you, but I just started
laughing too.
I felt lighter.
I noticed I was smilinglistening to this.
It was so contagious and at theend of the two minutes I think
it was, or three minutes I feltbetter for laughing and it
reminded me why, when I wasyounger, I used to love to go
(11:53):
see comedy, go to open micnights, and just really belly
laugh.
And I had this idea.
We have an open mic night in mytown.
I can literally walk there inless than 20 minutes and there
are a lot of people tellingjokes and funny acts and things.
And it was something for me toconsider.
I need to see more comedy andbe around more laughter.
(12:19):
So I really did enjoy theprocess of reading myself before
doing the exercise, doing theexercise and then thinking about
how I felt.
Again.
It felt really good to be intouch with my joy, my
contentment.
What about you, tish?
Tell me a little bit aboutwhere you felt.
(12:39):
You know the happiest.
Tish (12:41):
Yeah, I think for me it was about embracing mindfulness,
you know, taking those fewmoments each day to focus on my
breath, my senses, my and justbe present in the moment.
You always hear people talkabout be present in the moment,
but it's like when you get intothat quiet space where you're
(13:01):
very aware of your surroundingsand your feelings and you're not
just rushing through life, andI think that made the world a
difference for me to increase myoverall joy when I found the
simplicity of being fullypresent was a key part to that.
Ellen (13:21):
I love that.
You know, so often in our liveswe multitask, especially as
women, especially as midlifewomen.
Right, it's something we'vebeen so good at doing for years
and years at least we thinkwe're good at it right, and so
really having your fullattention on this and I felt the
(13:41):
same way, I felt like I reallywas present because I knew it
was just seven minutes right,again, it's the time commitment
to it.
I think they're really ontosomething with that seven
minutes for seven days and Ilove that you felt really
present.
You know, one of the days therewas a beautiful nature video
(14:03):
and I think that day wassomething about awe.
What did you think of thenature video of Yosemite?
Tish (14:10):
You know, for me there's something very humbling about
something so majestic asYosemite, right, and so the
pristine beauty that makes youjust pause for a moment and
really appreciate the greatnessof what is around us.
Again, it's all about thisYou're always rushing through
(14:32):
stuff and stop and smell theroses kind of moment, but when
you're hit in the face withsomething as awe-inspiring as
Yosemite, it just makes you stopand just really appreciate that
kind of, you know, wonderness.
And so, yeah, I think for methere was something about that
(14:53):
pause to see something greaterthan myself that really brought
me joy.
Ellen (15:01):
I love that, Tish, and you know I live close enough to
Yosemite to actually go there ina weekend, and it reminded me
of how close some reallybeautiful places in the world
are and to try and takeadvantage but that, just how
much nature can calm you andsoothe you but also, through
(15:24):
that process, bring just thisjoy and wonder of how great it
is.
You know, for me the beauty ofthis project too was in the
variety of micro acts that wedid and choose from.
So one day I sent a quickmessage to a friend.
Another day I went and had aguilty, guilt-free pleasure of a
(15:45):
slice of my favorite cake.
After it I thought why nottreat myself you know, no guilt
and to kind of thank you, ajoyful thank you, of getting
myself through the holidays.
Tish (15:58):
Oh yeah, you know.
It's funny that you mentionedthat, alan, because one of the
micro acts that really resonatedwith me was incorporating
laughter into the day, andwhether it's through watching a
comedy skit or you knowhilarious meme with a friend,
but you know, laughter really iswhat lights up my day.
Ellen (16:19):
Right, right, I love that and it's so true, tish.
And you know, what'sfascinating is how these small
acts, things like laughing orbeing one with nature, create a
ripple effect.
So I noticed my mood kind ofshift after doing my seven
minutes, how my interactionswere better after doing it, how
(16:41):
even my overall outlook on life,and I love that we were doing
this as part of our, like,january kickoff, the year Right.
Tish (16:51):
Absolutely, oh, definitely .
You know, I just find thatspending time laughing with
friends, family, even coworkers,right, just elevates my mood
for the rest of the day.
It's like these micro actsbecome catalysts to find more
joy, fulfilled existence in mylife.
And even more incredible is themassive citizenship project on
(17:14):
joy.
Ellen (17:16):
It's so true, and I love laughing with you too.
We have a lot of laughs here onthe podcast A lot of times.
Tish (17:23):
Laugh or cry.
Laugh or cry right.
Ellen (17:25):
Many times around technical issues, but you know,
our experience of, along withthousands of others, really is
contributing to this wealth ofdata, to better understand it,
and it's empowering to me, too,to know that our, our little
seven minutes a day is part ofsomething larger and could
really impact people movingforward about how joy is
(17:48):
understanding, how it'sunderstood and how it's
cultivated.
So, tish, let's share thethemes for the seven days with
our listeners.
It might catch someone'sinterest here to also
participate in the Big Joyproject.
And just to say it's free andit's available online, right so
and it's still open.
Tish (18:09):
I think that's important.
No, even because we'vecompleted ours.
It's still open right now.
But so you jump on this.
This is a good one.
Ellen (18:17):
Yeah, yeah.
So the intro is to share alaugh and it's to make a
gratitude list, so I enjoyedboth of those things.
And again, this is not anextensive gratitude list, it's a
short punch list of gratitudeand you and I love to journal
and I know a lot of times ourjournaling comes around to
gratitude lists, but I reallyenjoyed that.
Tish (18:40):
Right.
I love how they start with thelaughter and they build on it
from there.
You know the gratitude, youknow another day that's going to
be is about celebratinganother's joy, right, I think
that is so important in thebuilding of joy in your life.
It's not self-centered, it'soutreaching.
It's when you connect withsomebody else who's feeling
(19:04):
joyful or you appreciate wherethey're at, it just comes back
at you, right.
You get all that energy back.
And then three was to dwell inawe.
Ellen (19:17):
That was the Yosemite video was kind of the thing
during that day, right.
One other day was to dosomething kind.
So this idea of spreading joyand I know, tish, you've told me
in the past that you've donesome pay it forward things, you
know, either at a coffee shop orbeen the beneficiary of that
and again, just that littlemicro joy, it takes you out of
(19:41):
yourself and it allows you toreally have that great feeling
of being that catalyst of joy.
And then the other day, dayfive, for me at least, was to do
something kind and nothingfeels better than to just a
little kindness and I knowyou've talked about this before
just telling someone you liketheir hat or their hair looks
(20:03):
great, or you know, just somelittle kind thought can go such
a long way.
Tish (20:10):
Oh, absolutely, when you, when you can brighten someone
else's day in, and it can't beinsincere, it has to be sincere.
People know, right yeah, thatyou just make somebody feel good
.
You can see when they puff outthe chest a little bit and their
head goes a little higher andstuff like that.
So, yes, I think, I think thekindness again focus outward
(20:30):
Right and the benefits will comeback at you, right, yeah?
So day six tune into whatmatters.
And day seven you are a forceof good.
Ellen (20:42):
I love that.
You know it's like.
May the force be with you, butthe idea that you are capable
and able to spread joy and to bepart of this ripple effect is,
to me, one of the most powerfulpieces of this.
Like you said, and tuning intowhat matters, it really helps
you quiet your mind and focus onwhat matters to you and how
(21:06):
that can bring you joy.
Tish (21:08):
You know.
So if you're listening to allthis and you're wondering how do
I embark on my own journeyright towards joy, we really
want to encourage everyone toexplore the greater good in
action website, which, and theBig Joy Project, and we're going
to put links for these in ourshow notes.
So if you're not sure how tofind it, just go to the show
(21:29):
notes and it will have links andstuff there for you.
And they offer a variety ofevidence-based practices to
cultivate joy, gratitude,resilience and much more.
Ellen (21:43):
I love that tish and remember finding joy at midlife
doesn't require grand gesturesand we've said this many times
today or massive changes.
I love that idea of micro right, micro joy.
Sometimes it's just in thesmallest moments a really great
conversation with a friend, acup of tea with some silence, or
(22:05):
dancing, you know, likenobody's watching you.
I also read an article recently, tish, on summoning joy.
Tish (22:14):
Tell us about it, ellen.
You know, I think one of themost profound days for me when I
was celebrating another's joy,right, and this was a
conversation that I had with myyoungest, so it was, like you
know, ask somebody a questionand he happened to be around, so
I called him in and I asked him, you know, what he thought was
(22:34):
something that was awe-inspiringto him or something he felt
that he had done great.
And he starts sharing with meabout his experience last summer
with being a lacrosse coach andpart of that exercise was to
really delve in and ask themmore questions and more
questions.
Now, I knew about hisexperience, but I hadn't asked
(22:56):
him some of the deeper questions.
Like you know, what did it makeyou feel like and why was it
important to you?
And just to see his joyincreasing while I'm talking
about something that reallyinspired him and it really
showed me firsthand the power ofsharing somebody else's joy.
(23:17):
You know, taking that time tostop and to listen.
Ellen (23:22):
You know, tisha, I love that and you're a few years
ahead of me and mothering, andone of the things you've taught
me is that when your kids wantto talk, you stop everything
else, you drop everything elseand you listen and listen, and
listen.
So that is such a great exampleof that, but really digging
(23:43):
into his pride, his success andhis joy.
I love hearing about thatconversation with Liam and it's
going to encourage me to have afew of those with my kids.
Tish (23:56):
You know, there's some things that surprise me about it
.
You know, like I knew he wasexcited about it, I knew he
would, but to hear the words youknow, and I thought, why didn't
I never ask those questions?
And I thought, you know, I'mgoing to make sure that I ask
more questions.
So I learned more about whatsome, what inspires somebody
(24:18):
else.
Ellen (24:19):
I love that and, again, I think part of this big joy
project was the idea of kind ofstopping all the other noise and
focusing on something, and Ithink that that's really
beneficial.
You know, just back to this ideaof summoning joy, I found this
article by Moira Aron Mele Ihope I pronounced that right.
(24:41):
It was on LinkedIn and she saysshe used it with mantra and I
also think that having likelittle mantras are really good
as well and they've helped me inmy life.
But it's like you know, to justsettle yourself, be in the
moment, close your eyes andthink of a time when you felt
great joy it could be any joy,it could be big joy, small joy
(25:03):
and bring that moment like tothe front of your mind, to be
really present in that moment,kind of see it, think about how
it smelled back then and imprintit in your body.
So when you're there, say I'mopen to joy, I'm cultivating joy
, I'm feeling joyful, and youcan repeat this mantra as much
(25:24):
as you want, and then you openyour eyes at the end of it and
check in and see how you feel.
Tish (25:31):
I like this mantra, alan.
I think it's powerful.
I mean, we've all seen whenwe're the negative.
Ellen (25:37):
Nancy right, yeah.
Tish (25:39):
But sometimes we forget to stop and really embrace joy and
call it into our lives.
But I'm definitely going to trythis mantra for sure.
Ellen (25:50):
You know I tried it and it was amazing.
The moment that I went back toI was 10 years old and I was on
a vacation to Lake Champlainwith my parents sitting on a
dock and there was brightsunshine and big clouds and blue
sky and, you know, lots oflittle bees buzzing and I
(26:11):
thought, wow, that was such amoment of joy.
Maybe I didn't appreciate inthe moment as much as I
appreciate looking back at it.
So I would encourage you andall of our listeners to do that
and just this I'm open, I'mcultivating and I'm feeling joy
kind of mantra.
Tish (26:30):
You know, what struck me about what you just said to Alan
is the detail you brought to it.
Did you smell?
How did you feel?
Was the sun on your face?
Yeah, I think the more that youcan capture all those details
when you bring that thoughtforward, I think the more you're
going to capture that joy inyour life.
(26:51):
Right, and I think that'sreally what this journey through
the Big Joy Project hasenlightened for both of us.
Right, it says something thatwe'll continue to explore and
share on the Positively Midlifepodcast, and I just am so
excited to kind of share thisproject and really encourage
(27:13):
people to participate, because Ithink we can get really busy
with life and forget to call joyto us.
And this is going to remind you, this is going to give you some
little tips and tricks onbringing joy to you.
And one of the things for theproject is they want, they want
you want you to participate, toshare it with at least three
(27:36):
people.
So we're sharing it with a lotmore than three, but I really
want to do this as a call toaction to if you feel you need
some more joy in your life.
You know, and who doesn't, youknow, do these things seven
minutes.
Can you invest seven minutes orseven days into doing this and
(27:58):
say you forget a day?
No worries, no worries.
At the end they're going to letyou go back to say you missed
day two.
Day two is like I was thinkingthat I could.
It's okay, they're going to letyou at the end, go back and
finish any of the sessions thatyou haven't, and I loved the
messaging they had from that too.
It was like, okay, you missedyesterday, don't worry about it,
let's just keep moving along.
(28:18):
And it so.
It didn't.
It wasn't one of these.
Oh, I blew it, I failed, Ididn't get to because I missed a
day and I had to go back and Iliked that.
It was like this non-pressurething, but it because the focus
wasn't about finishing, you know, completing being successful.
(28:39):
It was about bringing joy in,and you don't bring that in with
over expectations.
Ellen (28:45):
Right or high pressure, but you know, to everybody
listening today, thanks fortuning in.
And remember, embrace microacts of joy.
You know, try the big joyproject, try the joy mantra we
just talked about.
These just might transform yourlife in ways you've never
imagined.
Tish (29:05):
And until next time, we want you to stay positive.
We want you to find joy inevery day moments, no matter how
big, no matter how small.
Ellen (29:17):
That's right Till next week midlife.
First, don't forget check outthat big joy project.
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