February 21, 2024 • 47 mins
Ever found yourself spellbound by the whirlwind romances an dramatic fallouts of reality TV? This week on Positively Midlife, we peel back the curtains with our guest Laura Heinrich to reveal our own obsessions with shows like "Indian Matchmaker" and, "Married at First Sight" the latest sensation "The Golden Bachelor."
For the weekly obsessions, Tish dishes the lowdown on a kitchen gadget she just can't live without , while Ellen share her latest cozy fashion find - a hoodie that's become my her go to for work from home and California's relentless winter rain. Not to be outdone, our guest Laura brings her flair to the table with an Amazon ring set that's as stylish as it is affordable.
We've all seen it: strangers marrying at first sight, the search for love and hopeful midlife singles navigating the matchmaking maze. But what hooks us to these shows is the raw, unscripted dance of human connection—something we all crave, especially as we may bring our midlife wisdom to the shows. Our guest Laura adds texture to our musings, agreeing that the lens of reality TV might be more scripted that we think. Yet, we can't help but marvel at the surprising success stories that emerge, sparking a lively debate on the role of arranged marriages in today's world. Laura kicks off with insight into her favorite reality show MAFS-Married at First Sight and how decision day is quickly arriving for season 17. Tish shared why she binges the Indian Match Maker on rainy weekends. And Ellen shares why she both loved and hated the Golden Bachelor.
Rounding off our open conversation into the realm of televised reality matchmaking and love, we toss around the concept of a reality show featuring none other than us—podcasters in the throes of midlife! Do you think it could work? And we tease the promise of co-host Ellen as the new "The Golden Bachelorette," we part with a GREAT reminder to find joy in every step of the midlife life's journey, and who knows, maybe even one reality TV episode at a time.
Obsessions:
Tish: Chicken shredder
Ellen: Anrabess zip sweatshirt
Laura: Qudo stacking rings
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to the Positively Midlife Podcast.
Today we are indulging in atopic that's a little bit fun,
really relatable and a guiltypleasure for many of us reality
TV.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh, that's so right, ellen.
And let's be honest, whodoesn't love a good reality TV
binge right, especially on thoserainy days?
You know, it's like a littleescape from our normal daily
routines and I personally am ahuge fan of the Indian
matchmaker.
It's vibrant culture, the dramaand just it has all these
(00:45):
really great heartfelt momentsthat just pull you right into
their stories.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You know I've watched that one, but you know I could
not get enough of the goldenbachelor that just went on.
And I did start watchingMarried it First Sight with our
guest who's going to be ontonight's show, and there's
something about the mix of hopeand love and, just, I mean,
sheer unpredictability.
You really don't know what'sgoing to happen.
(01:13):
Those make me come back tothese series again and again.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
You know, and of course, like the golden bachelor
, which took the series into adifferent direction when they
decided to focus on a 72 yearold bachelor for the first time,
because it's always been theseyoung people, and so that was
really refreshing addition tothat particular show and really
kind of brought in, I think, alot more midlife participants
(01:43):
and people watching it.
Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I know I can't wait to chat about that, but before
we get into deep because youknow we could talk jump right
into this.
Let's get to our weeklyobsessions and Tish, what do you
got for me this week?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You know I've got kind of a little silly one.
I have not been into kitchengadgets like I used to years ago
when I did a lot more cookingfor the family, but I've been
getting more involved in doingmeal preps once a week, you know
, kind of prepping things forthe rest of the week.
And there's something aboutchicken to me that it tastes
(02:23):
different in the different waysyou cut it or prepare it, right.
So sometimes you just need thatshredded chicken thing.
Well, they have this new gadgetwhere you take the chicken
breast that you poached orcooked or whatever, and you put
it on these little spikes, put atop on it and just turn it and
(02:44):
it has perfectly shreddedchicken.
Oh wow, so many things youcould do with that, so many
different sauces and things youcould add to it.
But to me it just tastesdifferent than when you chop it
up, you know.
So that's why obsession forthis week is a kitchen, a
chicken shredder.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
You know I like shredded chicken in, like
enchiladas, when you're doingthat kind of thing.
So you're right, there are somerecipes or things that you
prepare that you want shreddedchicken for, absolutely.
I will check that out.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Shredded chicken sucks up a lot more sauces, so
when you have something that'ssaucy, that's a perfect time to
have the shredded, as opposed tocubed or chopped Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Well, what about?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
you, Ellen?
What is your obsession for thisweek?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Well, in sunny California it has been raining
relentlessly for I swear itseems like months, but it's been
at least a couple weeks and soI've been really into kind of
these cozy sets you know whereyou're in like these sweats
almost sweats, but they're alittle nicer than that, like you
(03:57):
could actually go out and havea drink with a friend.
And there is this verybeautiful full zip hoodie, but
it has like a really nice kindof crisscross collar on it and
it comes in about 10 colors andit's on Amazon and it looks like
something that is fromLululemon.
(04:19):
I mean they have just done sucha nice job on this.
So you know, I'm just goingit's called the Arabesque Full
Zip Hoodie and it is sobeautiful and super cozy for
this time of year.
I know we want spring, but it'snot spring.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You know, I just like that elevated casual stuff, you
know, and instead of going outon a regular, just, you know,
your kid's sweatshirt, somethinga little nicer and stuff.
So I love that that you broughtthat into the mix.
And, let's face it, even as theweather's going to get nicer,
where you are up in SanFrancisco you still have cool
(04:56):
nights.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, and we do.
I mean, we're layering all thetime, so this piece will be a
seasonless piece, like allseason piece.
Now I know we have our guest,laura, and she came prepared
with an obsession this week.
So before we introduce her,laura, maybe you want to jump in
with your obsession for theshow.
What do you got for me?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Hey there, ellen and Tiss.
So nice to be here today.
Thanks for inviting me, and Ilove your obsessions, and when I
was invited to this show, Iasked Ellen if I could bring one
on for myself.
And what I'm going to talkabout today is this beautiful
ring set that I bought on Amazonfrom a vendor called Kudo and
(05:39):
you know I'm not necessarily aflashy ring where, you know, I
just have my wedding band but Ifell in love with these rings.
They're they sort of walk theline between classy and a little
bit flashy, because there is abeautiful stone in each of these
rings.
They come in a lot of differentcolors with a simple gold band,
and they're absolutely gorgeous.
(06:01):
So this is my obsession.
I bought three of them becauseI couldn't decide which stone I
wanted, of course, and so highlyrecommend.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Can you wear them all together, or is it really just
one at a time kind of ring?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah, you can stack them as a matter of fact, if you
could go on there and look atthem, they show them stacked on
people's fingers.
I think they're kind of big tostack three, but I have worn
them with two stacked andthey're gorgeous together.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
It's sort of a luminescent color.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Yeah, really pretty.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I love that idea of stacking them, but I'm with you,
laura, I'm not sure I couldstack three rings, but two
sounds beautiful Nice.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh, I love that.
Well, again we have our guestLaura.
Laura is a colleague and afriend of the podcast and we
just want to welcome you to ourshow.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Thank you, guys.
It's so great to be here.
For those of you who don't know, ellen and I have been personal
friends and business colleaguesfor literally decades.
I'm literally decades, and Isay that I'm a proud midlifer.
I have had a long career in B2Btechnology marketing.
I have twin boys who are now 18years old and they're seniors.
(07:18):
So I'm facing the empty nestlike you guys talk about a lot.
I'm a huge fan of the show, sothanks so much for having me on
tonight.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Welcome, Laura, and it's true decades.
I like how you said.
We've known each other decades.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Okay, so today's episode, we're going to share a
little bit about each of ourfavorite reality TV shows, right
, and why we love them, why wehate them and what keeps us
coming back for more.
Right, that's really what it is.
What keeps us coming back formore?
And again, I'm going to betalking about my obsession with
(08:02):
the Indian matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
What about you, Laura ?
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I have had this obsession about a show called
Married at First Sight.
It's now in its 17th season andI can't believe I've been
watching it since season one.
Wow, Every time I meet peopleor I have a new group at work, I
try and find other people whohave been obsessed with it.
I could talk about it with them.
But yeah, I'm really a big fan.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I can verify that because Laura did get me to
watch this season after manyyears of trying.
So I think I can add to some ofthe things you're going to chat
about with Married at FirstSight.
But I am going to talk aboutthe Golden Bachelor.
I loved the show.
I hated the show.
It broke in my mind by havingthis 72-year-old bachelor and
(08:57):
all of the women wereage-appropriate and fabulous
that he had to choose from.
So I'm going to chat about theGolden Bachelor.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I love that we each pick something on our own that
really revolves around findingthat match or finding that mate
and stuff in our lives.
So that's so funny.
But I have a question for bothof you what do you think was the
first reality show?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
The first one I remember watching was Survivor,
I think the tribe has spoken.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I was thinking of that too, Ellen.
Yeah one of those survivalshows.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Well, I'm going to tell you, you need to turn the
years back quite a bit, becausethe first reality show out there
was Candid Camera.
You forgot about it.
Right, we think of realityshows as just being this new
phenomenon, but Candid Camerawas considered one of the first
(10:01):
reality shows out there, wherethey just went out and took
people by surprise and gotreal-life reactions and stuff.
So we forgot about where kindof that came from.
But yes, there's been a hugeburst onto the scene with lots
and lots of reality shows, sothere's something that keeps
pulling us all in.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I have to say that, just doing a little research on
this, on why people love it,it's really that people want
that voyeuristic view into otherpeople's real lives and I think
that that nature it just reallydraws us in and it's the drama
and the emotions and the fightsand the making of it.
(10:46):
They're so relatable.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
And now I'm not sure, I'm notalways convinced how much is
truly unscripted with theseshows.
I always have a feeling it's acombination of an outline and a
script and then some unscriptedkind of where things go.
But I always find that the moreunscripted it feels to me, the
(11:16):
more that I love them.
But let's talk about why wethink that these shows hold such
a special place in our hearts,especially at midlife.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Well, pitch, if I could jump in, one thing I like
about these shows especially theones that I like and sounds
like you guys do too, wherewe're talking about
relationships and love is I liketo see that other people have
similar types of, maybestruggles that I've gone through
or emotions that I've had.
It's very validating for me tosay, oh, I'm not the only one
(11:55):
that had that problem.
There's other people out thereand I find that very reassuring
somehow, and when people do finda happy ending or another way
to their true love, that's alsovery validating.
But that's one of the reasons Iwas so drawn to this married at
first sight is to see how otherpeople are struggling and to
(12:17):
say, oh, I'm not the only onethat goes through this.
That's part of it, for meanyway.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
You know, laura, I agree with you on that and I
always feel like I'm rooting forthe underdog too on these shows
.
Right, I think we really wantpeople to find love and to make
that connection, and I do thinkit's also really interesting
that three of us all chose showsabout relationships, you know,
(12:44):
and I think as we navigatemidlife, we're maybe a little
more in tune with our emotions,maybe a little wiser, and I
think on some level, that makesthese even more compelling.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah, I absolutely agree with both of you and I
also think there's this aspectof escapism right.
Watching these shows allows usto step into a different world,
you know, away from our ownresponsibilities and decisions
and the monotony of you knowjust day-to-day life.
Right.
(13:16):
For me, it's always a way ofjust relaxing and unwinding, and
which I think is something weall need from time to time, and
there's this also part of it forme is living a little
vicariously through some ofthese characters.
I mean, I definitely felt likeI was at the Bachelor mansion.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
This time I was called in Bachelor, so I do feel
like it is a lot of livingvicariously.
What about you, Laura?
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Well, I think that's part of it.
Vicarious Living.
It's also, you know, let's faceit, we're usually more advanced
in our relationships with someof these people, with the
exception of the Golden Bachelorcourse.
But I find it's very funny towatch what some of these folks
are going through at MeridaFirst Sides to say you know, I'm
yelling at the TV, don't do it,watch out you know that's a
(14:13):
trap.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I love that.
So, there's a bit of that.
You know, having the wisdom andlooking back and watching these
things unfold is kind ofentertaining sometimes.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
It's true.
I love that idea that we holdsome wisdom and knowledge around
relationships that we can helpthem through, or we can easily
think we do from afar.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Exactly From our CDs.
It's like that, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Monday morning quarterback.
This is what I would have doneand it would have worked out.
So tell us a little bit youknow about Merida First Sides.
For those who haven't seen theshow, oh, yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
So for those of you who haven't seen it, let me just
give you the premise of itquickly.
Usually they focus on one cityand they invite singles to
participate in the process andthey literally get thousands of
applicants which is sointeresting who want to
essentially marry a strangerSight unseen, it's unbelievable,
right.
(15:17):
And they, from these applicants, this team of experts,
interview them and they assesstheir readiness to be in a
committed relationship and fromthere they create maybe five or
six matches and they vet thisover like a six month process.
They notify the winners, whothen tell their families.
(15:41):
And I often thought about whatif my kids ever came home and
said guess what, mom, I'm in aMarriott, stranger at the altar?
I think I would have a heartattack.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Please go buy a dress now, mom.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Yeah, exactly Exactly .
So these folks thatparticipated in this literally
know nothing about this person.
They have never met them, theydon't know their name and the
first time they see them is whenthey're at the altar getting
married.
It's a real marriage too, witha real marriage certificate, and
the show follows them for abouteight weeks, I think, something
(16:13):
like that Until the end theydecide if they want to stay
together or if they want to geta divorce.
So it's absolutely fascinatingto me.
I think one of my big takeawaysfrom this show is that there is
a huge population of people outthere and all of these big
cities looking for a strong,committed relationship, and they
(16:35):
show the applicants coming inand what they hope and dream
about, and they really all feellike normal people.
To me they're just reallylooking for that one true love,
and what's mixed to show kind ofcharming and optimistic at the
beginning is that you realizethere's a lot of people out
there just looking forconnection.
(16:56):
I think that's one of thethings I find most drawing about
the show.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
When you think about these dating sites where it's
strictly a visual to take it tothe other extreme.
I think that's what's sofascinating for me about them is
to see okay, take thatcompletely out of the equation
and know what happens.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah, I mean in a way , I was going to say in a way
it's like the ultimate arrangedmarriage right, but it's not
arranged by your parents, it'sarranged by these three experts.
So it's wild, that's right.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I mean, you can just tell from these, from what they
say, that these are people thatat the end of their rope with
online dating or other measuresand they're willing to put the
fate of their future in thehands of these all use quotation
marks experts here becausethey're so frustrated by any
other means that are currentlyavailable to them.
(17:56):
So it's a real commentary ondating and relationships in our
society right now.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I think, yeah, there's another show that I
watched that's similar.
It's called Love is Blind andthey go into these little pods
and they talk through a screenwall, but they don't see each
other.
So at least they get to knowthe person before they see them.
But there's still a lot ofobstacles and challenges with
(18:23):
that.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
You know, laura, over these 17 seasons have the
experts gotten better atmatching people.
I mean, do you see improvementor is it still kind of the same?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
You know what?
I just think it's kind of acrapshoot to be, honest.
I mean, depending on the season, there's some they get right.
Usually there's one or two thatstay together and there have
been couples that have stayedtogether for many years that
have had children, so it hasworked on occasion.
Most of the time, probably thething that's the most
(18:58):
entertaining about it are theones that crash and burn.
To be honest, that's probablythe thing that gets the biggest
rating.
So, what is it?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
about these that makes you want to watch them
over and over from season toseason.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Well, I think the personalities are so interesting
.
I mean there is the commontheme of people looking for
connection and love.
I mean that's why everyonestarts out so pure in their
intentions, but the reality hitsquite quickly.
I mean sometimes right at thealtar right.
I mean 17 seasons and this isthe first one where someone went
(19:35):
down the aisle and said no.
That's pretty amazing when youthink about all the people.
This is the very first timesomeone went down the aisle and
said no.
Now they did in the seasoneventually match the person with
another bride and that, atleast for the moment, seems to
be going pretty well.
(19:57):
But it's sort of watching itfrom that initial point of
optimism to see what reality ofbeing married is like to these
folks.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Now could either of you see yourselves, if you were
single, saying, yes, I'm goingto try to be on that show.
Do you think other midliferswould say, yeah, I'm in, I'll do
this?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
To me as a single.
Well, I'm single, so I'm justgoing to put that out there.
So, unlike the bachelor thatwe're going to get to, where you
get to know the people, I thinkat midlife there is no freaking
way I would do this, knowinghow hard marriage is and how
many things can go wrong whenyou've known that person, I'm
(20:48):
going to say hell, no for me.
But Laura, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yeah, I would echo that.
Alan Plus, I think I happen tobe married, but I also have a
lot of single friends and thepool of single men that I see.
I wouldn't want to take achance to be honest.
Yes, oh, great that.
I would want a lot of vettingand more than three experts on
(21:14):
that job for me.
I would put that way.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
You know what the appealing part is, especially if
you've been through and I wentthrough a lot of years of dating
very unsuccessfully, a lot ofcrash and burn, and you get to a
point where you're like, well,the experts couldn't do any
worse than I've been doing, sowhy do I try that?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Yeah, that's what a lot of them say, exactly those
words, yeah, and for some peoplelike I said, it does work out.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
I do have to just say that I follow one couple from
married at first sight on socialmedia, Jamie and Doug.
I think they were from one ofthe first seasons and they seem
so happy.
They have two children and shejust announced that they're
having a third baby and they arereality TV folks.
(22:09):
They let it all hang out onsocial media and they're very
authentic and I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
But kind of going into this idea of you know there
are a lot of people feel likethey don't have a good feel of
how they can pick the rightpartner, and so that kind of
lends itself to this Indianmatchmaker show that I love to
watch and I just one rainy day Istarted binging it and I just
(22:41):
couldn't, I just couldn't turnit off right and I found it was
so fascinating, drawn into thecultural aspects.
Yet there's a modern approachto it as well.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
You know, tish, I've watched this too and I just
absolutely adore the matchmakerherself.
She's such a great part of thatshow.
I do want to just bring in astat here, because you know we
love our stats A November 2023article in Bride magazine,
something the three of usprobably haven't looked at in
years.
(23:15):
They report that while the USdivorce rate is around 40 to 50%
, only 4% of arranged marriagesend in divorce, and I bet the
Indian matchmaker really toutsthat stat.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
I was blown away when I heard that stat.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
And that's incredible yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
And it makes you ask the question why is it
successful, right?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Yeah, what's the show all about, tish?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
So the Indian matchmaker her name is Seema
Taparya and she is a matchmakerfrom Mumbai in India.
She does matchmaking in India,but she also does matchmaking in
the United States and probablyyou know other places as well.
But she goes all over andshe'll meet somebody who wants
(24:09):
to, you know, find somebody, andtypically it's within the you
know the Indian culture.
And she'll go and meet withthem and, more than not, she's
meeting with them with theirparents.
The parents are there and thesiblings are there and the other
in-laws are there, and it'slike a whole thing.
(24:31):
And she'll start asking themand she'll say tell me what
you're looking for in a lifepartner she always calls them
life partners Tell me whatyou're looking for in a life
partner.
And they will start to givethis huge list this outrageous,
they got to be this tall,they've got to be a doctor,
they've got a lot of superficialthings.
(24:53):
And the longer the list goes,she starts like Seema, that's
her name, right.
She starts twisting up her faceand she'll say you're only
going to get like 60, 70% ofthat.
That's it Like.
And she really starts workingwith these young people to say
stop thinking that one person isgoing to have just absolutely
(25:14):
everything, and if they don'thave every box ticked you've got
to move on.
So you know.
But it also gets into what theIndian social norms are.
They use astrology.
You know the caste system isvery much alive in India and
that transcends sometimes to theUS.
(25:35):
So that's another, you know, aconsideration that she needs to
use.
She really pushes them to notworry about appearance.
You know she's like she pushesand pushes family values.
Family values, what are theirvalues?
(25:56):
And I think that's what reallywarmed me to her, that I'm like
you know we're such asuperficial society and maybe
that's where we're going wrong,you know.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I have to say, tish, that one thing I did note was
how it's a family process rightfor the beginning and she does
just cut these young they're allyoung, they're all you know, in
their 20s and 30s down Like sheis very direct with them, as
you said, and I think that youknow she really tries to pull
(26:35):
them to focus on, like you weresaying.
You know, looks may fade butyou know, is he a kind person
and you know, are your familiescompatible?
That's a big piece of it aswell, and so she brings in so
many different things but shedoes not suffer fools with these
young people and I think theycall her auntie you know auntie.
(26:59):
And so she's even become part oftheir family.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
And I'm kind of curious Tish to how much
individual choice do the actualparticipants have, or is the
decision made by the family?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
It's very curious and it really depends on how
traditional the family is.
There have been some where themother, like the boy's mother,
puts her foot down.
This is going to be the onelet's go, and her thing is if
you have at least 60%compatibility, move it forward.
(27:36):
Take the next step.
Move it forward until it'suntil you figure out that it's
not for you're going to.
But in the culture it is reallywhat they feel is best is when
you think that this is good,let's get married.
And some of them aren't gettingmarried within two, three weeks
(27:57):
, a month or so.
I mean, it's pretty fast whenit happens, but you do.
They do require that thefamilies are on board and you've
seen these young people whowere brought up here in the
United States and the fathersays no and the daughter goes
okay, and they just move on tosomebody else.
(28:18):
It's very much.
Don't waste each other's time.
If you don't think there'sanything that's going to come of
it, just move on, move forward.
She's she.
She on one episode was reallyfascinating because the one girl
she was seeing one guy and theyweren't communicating how they
(28:40):
felt about each other.
So it kind of like petered offand she ends up dating this
young guy and Seema told her no,this is not a good match, this
is, he is too young for you.
And she, she went forward withit and it crashed and burned and
she come back and she was likeyou know, auntie, you were right
(29:03):
.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
And she goes.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I know I was right.
I told you it's too young.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Seema probably has a pretty good success rate, I
would guess.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
You know, I don't know what her success rate is,
but I think she does really welland when they're open to this
idea, or at least it gets someof these young people to stop
thinking that they're going tocheck every box, physical, all
these superficial things andsome family and religious things
(29:32):
, but she's like, focus onwhat's important the values.
Do you have the same religiousvalues?
Do you have the same familyvalues?
Does your family like them?
Do, does her family like you?
You know that kind of thing.
So if you haven't seen it,you've got to watch it, because
it's good, it's really good.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
You know, I just I just have to add, though, I
think, that that when the peoplecome to Auntie Seema, they are
ready, like Laura was saying onmarried.
At first sight they are ready.
They have made that kind ofmind shift too.
You know, I'm done dating, Iwant to, I want to move towards
(30:17):
marriage, and I think that's oneof the things that really makes
that show interesting, because,you know, you really see that
the whole family gets behind it.
But this woman brings years andyears of experience across
continents to this, to this, tothe process.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
And what they sprinkle into the episodes is
they will show you people whohave had arranged marriages and
you hear and they'll say, oh, we, you know, 42 years ago, 35
years ago.
And they're laughing andthey're.
You can just tell the affectionthat's there and it makes you
(30:59):
stop in your tracks and say, youknow, maybe arranged marriages
aren't so crazy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I know sitting here talking tonight I'm like, well,
it probably could have workedbetter than what I did.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
But but I think, like you know, back in the day you
met people through your family,through your friends, and it was
, you know, kind of semiarranged and stuff like that.
But we're so far apart fromfamilies now and there isn't
that setting people up mentalityanymore, so I don't know.
(31:40):
I think we should be bringingmaybe some of this back for sure
.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Well, tish, you know it makes me think about how my
parents met.
I mean they met at a churchdance.
I mean it was a communitychurch event, and I think
there's less and less of thatsort of community spirit in the
places where we live, where younaturally meet people.
I think work has taken theplace of some of that.
I met my husband at work andnow, with everyone working from
(32:06):
home, that makes it even moredifficult, right?
So there's less and less ofthese sort of communal places
where we go, we're all stuck infront of our computers or
laptops or phones all the time,where you actually meet people
and have those kinds of thingsin common.
It makes it much more difficult.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
I agree with you, Laura.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
It absolutely makes it much more difficult these
days and I think you know thatcan really be the appeal of
getting married at first sightor using a matchmaker.
But I want us to move to talkabout the golden batch.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I think we're ready.
Yeah, the golden batch.
Okay, bring it on, ellen.
What is this golden bachelorall about?
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Well, I do feel like many of us have seen the
bachelor and the bachelorette,and that's where there's either
a bachelor or a bachelorette and20 or 25 potential mates for
them boyfriends and girlfriends.
But you know, that franchise orseries I think was getting a
(33:09):
little stale and this year, forthe first time actually in 2023,
end of last year they had agolden bachelor and he was 72
years old, a very nice lookingman, and they matched him.
There were 22 women that he hadat the house.
(33:31):
They're always in this gorgeoushouse somewhere in the hills of
California and he was a widowerwith two grown children, and I
think that when I first heard ofthis, I was like, hmm, I gotta
watch that.
You know, here's a guy, 72, andI was so hopeful that they
(33:51):
wouldn't have like 30 and 40year old women, but they have a
great girl.
Yeah, the women were between 60and 75.
And every single woman, withexception of one, was amazing.
So I think again, what happensin the house is all the women
(34:14):
are supportive at the beginningand, one by one or few at a time
, he gives the ones he wants tostay arose during this rose
ceremony and the other ones haveto go home.
And he had such a great choice.
And what was great about thistoo, and interesting is they did
things like skydiving andpickleballing, and you know
(34:37):
they're out and about doing alot of activities on this show
and he eventually narrows itdown to two women that I feel he
led on both of them.
This is the part of the showthat I didn't really like.
But and then in the end hechooses one and he proposes to
(34:57):
them.
So this time he proposed to theone lady that I think I was
surprised at between the two,but both every woman he had to
choose from, as I said, with theexception of one nasty gal, I
think were really great matchesfor him.
(35:17):
I don't know, titian Laurie,did you watch the show?
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Oh you got that watch , did you?
Speaker 3 (35:25):
I did.
I had the same feeling, ellen,like I was very curious to see
what sort of women they wouldmatch him with, you know, if
they would have sort ofage-appropriate women.
And they did, and they were allfabulous.
Seriously, there was some greatlike you'd want to go there and
be their friends kind of gals,and so, yeah, I mean I think he
(35:47):
did leave on a few at the end.
It kind of made me a little bitangry because he had a few
unnecessary broken hearts.
I thought at the end there thaton his road to choosing his
bride but it was kind offascinating to watch, you know
it was I think my kids were like, yes, what is that show about?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
I thought it was fascinating.
You know I'm not a bachelor orbachelorette fan.
You know, this idea ofknowingly dating somebody who's
dating other people in front ofyour face is really offensive to
me.
And it becomes this and Ireally sit because I've seen
(36:32):
them before and I'm like, areyou trying to win or are you
trying to meet this person?
And the line was never reallyclear.
It became this fight to winthis person's affection and I'm
like it just to me.
I'm not a fan, yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
You know, it's fun to say that because I think this
group of women, unlike thenormal younger franchise, they
had the maturity that the othergroup wouldn't have brought to
that equation.
Tish, I think, did a good jobof resisting those kinds of
behaviors, but you could tellthey were very uncomfortable
(37:15):
with it too, and it led to a lotof tensions in the house.
I understand exactly whatyou're saying there, that that's
not a very comfortable thing.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
You know, if I had gone out with them, say, one
night, and we had this romanticthis, I thought there was a
connection.
And then the next night somewoman walks in and says it was
amazing and we did this and Iand he's a love Am.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I huh yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Not a fan.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Obviously the Golden Bachelor would not be for you.
But all of these women knewthat, and I think that's where
the drama comes in, because atthe beginning they're all like,
oh, I can handle it and oh,that's great, you're getting to
spend some time with him.
And then a couple of themreally gotten it, you know, and
(38:06):
some of them Maybe had to gohome because of a family
emergency, and that's the dramawhen watching it on TV that you
like.
But I can see that it would bereally uncomfortable, I think
about, if it were, say, ourcollege group of friends?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
right, those were the women.
And after a while I would thinkit would become more of a
competition between the girls ofwho was going to get ahead and
it would really be about theperson.
That's what I'm saying, anyway,yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I mean, what stood out to me was that there were 22
amazing women for that one guyright, and I think that that's
what I always think about datingat midlife that it seems like I
know a lot of great women whoare out in the dating pool.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
So the producers of the show Ellen could be
available to be the bachelorette.
So, oh, you make a superbachelorette Ellen.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, I mean listen, let's find out more.
I would do it, I would love 22men fighting over me.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
And wouldn't your boys just absolutely love that
you were doing that.
I think Will might die.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I definitely think it would be pretty cringy, as
Laura said, for my kids.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
You know.
But, ladies, I wanted to see ifwe could briefly talk about the
real housewives.
You know, and I'm not shockedthat none of us picked.
You know that series inparticular.
Speaker 3 (39:50):
No, absolutely not hard.
No on that one.
I really have a strong opinionabout it.
That I feel, like you know, formidlife women it is just such a
disservice and depicts us inways that I feel are, first of
all, not real.
(40:10):
I mean, I don't go aroundfighting with my friends, or you
know the way that those folksare portrayed.
And portrayed sorry, and so Ireally resent that.
The way that they haveconstructed that whole franchise
, I'm not a fan of it.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Laura, I'm going to jump in and say I too am not a
fan of it and I find those womenreally reprehensible, their
behavior, and it doesn't pull mein.
You know how I was saying likethe drama on the Gold Bachelor
or married it for a site pullsyou in.
There's something about thereal housewives that really,
(40:50):
really repels me, and it doesn'tmatter what city they're in.
And I agree it really does givemidlife women, you know, a bad
rap that we're all you knowhaving plastic surgery and
getting drunk and getting infights and stealing each other's
men.
Really really bad Tish.
Did you ever watch?
Speaker 2 (41:11):
the I used to watch.
I used to watch a differentseries and I felt it was more of
a scripted series than anunscripted series and it seemed
like the bad behavior got themmore airtime and it encouraged
more and more outlandish badbehavior, one on top of another.
(41:33):
But you have to admit that themost iconic moment of reality TV
was in the first season finaleof the Real Housewives of New
Jersey, when Teresa Judasflipped the table.
I mean, that was just like thatwas the epitome of this.
(41:56):
Reality TV is going in a baddirection, right, but there was
just I mean that was justcraziness, right, but it was
like that car accident.
You can't look away.
I couldn't look away.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
I know, and that seems so tame.
Now you know, 10 years on fromher flipping that table, I think
even more crazy things havehappened, especially on the Real
Housewives franchise.
But yeah, I do think that youand Laura and I, we all picked
love rather than mayhem.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Yes, I like that too.
Yeah, very good.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
So I'm wondering, Tish, will you watch Married at
First Sight?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yes, I have watched Married at First Sight, I
watched the Love is Blind and Ieven watched the Swedish version
of Love is Blind, where I hadto read the subtitles on it
because I wanted to see was itdifferent over in Sweden?
(43:05):
Like, were you know?
How did you know?
How was it?
It really wasn't much differentthan it was you know here.
So, yeah, so I do like those.
I find it curious to see howpeople react when they finally
see each other and they start,you know, letting the real them,
(43:26):
you know, come out.
It's a little painful to watchwhen you see one person really
who's taken by somebody and theother person it's just not there
for them and there's just no.
There's just no nice way totell somebody they don't
(43:47):
reciprocate those feelings.
Yeah, Ouch.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Well, you know, as I said, I have been watching
Season 17 with Laura of Marriedat First Sight and we're getting
inching closer and closer toDecision Day, right, laura,
where the couples decide if theywant to stay married, and I'm
sure there's been some prettycrazy hurt feelings on Decision
(44:11):
Day in the past, right?
Speaker 3 (44:13):
Oh yeah.
But Ellen, I got to say if Ihad to think of prediction,
right, I'm going to say there'smaybe one of those that are
going to stay together.
Maybe one of them the season.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Yeah, if they're lucky, if they're lucky I'm
going for a goose egg that noneof the five couples stay
together, so I'm going to justput that out there.
Speaker 3 (44:38):
Maybe I'll be surprised I hope so, but you
know, when I yeah, when I thinkabout the couples this season,
it's probably a good thing.
A lot of them go their separateways.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
I'll say I definitely agree.
So you know one thing I have tojust say as we kind of wrap up
the podcast tonight.
You know we encourage everyoneto embrace reality TV guilty
pleasures, and we should haveguilty pleasures.
I'm just going to say realityTV pleasure because it is a
(45:12):
little bit of everything.
It's drama, it's love, it'sfriendship, it's adventure and
life lessons and I think youknow midlife first, we need a
little bit of tuning out tosomething that is fun and really
goes to the human spirit.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Well, I think that's well said.
Alan for sure.
But I was really thinkingshouldn't they have a new
reality series called the realpodcasters of midlife?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Because I think we can be available for that one
right.
And.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
I think I am with that for the new season of the
golden bachelorette.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
I love it and but I think you know, just on that
note, this is a good time tojust wrap up today's episode of
the Positively Midlife and youknow, we just hope that you are
out there enjoying a littlereality TV, confessional or
whatever, and remember, it's allabout just finding joy,
(46:22):
embracing life's journey,opening yourself up to new ideas
and cultures and whatnot, andyou can do that one reality
episode at a time.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
That's right, and a big thank you to our amazing
guest Laura for bringing Marriedit First site to the show
tonight.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Thank you, thank you both so much, so much fun.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
All right, Thanks for tuning in and till next time.
Keep finding the positives inmidlife.
Until next week, midlifers.
Welcome back to the Positively Midlife Podcast.
Today we are indulging in atopic that's a little bit fun,
really relatable and a guiltypleasure for many of us reality
TV.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh, that's so right, ellen.
And let's be honest, whodoesn't love a good reality TV
binge right, especially on thoserainy days?
You know, it's like a littleescape from our normal daily
routines and I personally am ahuge fan of the Indian
matchmaker.
It's vibrant culture, the dramaand just it has all these
(00:45):
really great heartfelt momentsthat just pull you right into
their stories.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You know I've watched that one, but you know I could
not get enough of the goldenbachelor that just went on.
And I did start watchingMarried it First Sight with our
guest who's going to be ontonight's show, and there's
something about the mix of hopeand love and, just, I mean,
sheer unpredictability.
You really don't know what'sgoing to happen.
(01:13):
Those make me come back tothese series again and again.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
You know, and of course, like the golden bachelor
, which took the series into adifferent direction when they
decided to focus on a 72 yearold bachelor for the first time,
because it's always been theseyoung people, and so that was
really refreshing addition tothat particular show and really
kind of brought in, I think, alot more midlife participants
(01:43):
and people watching it.
Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I know I can't wait to chat about that, but before
we get into deep because youknow we could talk jump right
into this.
Let's get to our weeklyobsessions and Tish, what do you
got for me this week?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You know I've got kind of a little silly one.
I have not been into kitchengadgets like I used to years ago
when I did a lot more cookingfor the family, but I've been
getting more involved in doingmeal preps once a week, you know
, kind of prepping things forthe rest of the week.
And there's something aboutchicken to me that it tastes
(02:23):
different in the different waysyou cut it or prepare it, right.
So sometimes you just need thatshredded chicken thing.
Well, they have this new gadgetwhere you take the chicken
breast that you poached orcooked or whatever, and you put
it on these little spikes, put atop on it and just turn it and
(02:44):
it has perfectly shreddedchicken.
Oh wow, so many things youcould do with that, so many
different sauces and things youcould add to it.
But to me it just tastesdifferent than when you chop it
up, you know.
So that's why obsession forthis week is a kitchen, a
chicken shredder.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
You know I like shredded chicken in, like
enchiladas, when you're doingthat kind of thing.
So you're right, there are somerecipes or things that you
prepare that you want shreddedchicken for, absolutely.
I will check that out.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Shredded chicken sucks up a lot more sauces, so
when you have something that'ssaucy, that's a perfect time to
have the shredded, as opposed tocubed or chopped Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Well, what about?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
you, Ellen?
What is your obsession for thisweek?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Well, in sunny California it has been raining
relentlessly for I swear itseems like months, but it's been
at least a couple weeks and soI've been really into kind of
these cozy sets you know whereyou're in like these sweats
almost sweats, but they're alittle nicer than that, like you
(03:57):
could actually go out and havea drink with a friend.
And there is this verybeautiful full zip hoodie, but
it has like a really nice kindof crisscross collar on it and
it comes in about 10 colors andit's on Amazon and it looks like
something that is fromLululemon.
(04:19):
I mean they have just done sucha nice job on this.
So you know, I'm just goingit's called the Arabesque Full
Zip Hoodie and it is sobeautiful and super cozy for
this time of year.
I know we want spring, but it'snot spring.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You know, I just like that elevated casual stuff, you
know, and instead of going outon a regular, just, you know,
your kid's sweatshirt, somethinga little nicer and stuff.
So I love that that you broughtthat into the mix.
And, let's face it, even as theweather's going to get nicer,
where you are up in SanFrancisco you still have cool
(04:56):
nights.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, and we do.
I mean, we're layering all thetime, so this piece will be a
seasonless piece, like allseason piece.
Now I know we have our guest,laura, and she came prepared
with an obsession this week.
So before we introduce her,laura, maybe you want to jump in
with your obsession for theshow.
What do you got for me?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Hey there, ellen and Tiss.
So nice to be here today.
Thanks for inviting me, and Ilove your obsessions, and when I
was invited to this show, Iasked Ellen if I could bring one
on for myself.
And what I'm going to talkabout today is this beautiful
ring set that I bought on Amazonfrom a vendor called Kudo and
(05:39):
you know I'm not necessarily aflashy ring where, you know, I
just have my wedding band but Ifell in love with these rings.
They're they sort of walk theline between classy and a little
bit flashy, because there is abeautiful stone in each of these
rings.
They come in a lot of differentcolors with a simple gold band,
and they're absolutely gorgeous.
(06:01):
So this is my obsession.
I bought three of them becauseI couldn't decide which stone I
wanted, of course, and so highlyrecommend.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Can you wear them all together, or is it really just
one at a time kind of ring?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah, you can stack them as a matter of fact, if you
could go on there and look atthem, they show them stacked on
people's fingers.
I think they're kind of big tostack three, but I have worn
them with two stacked andthey're gorgeous together.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
It's sort of a luminescent color.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Yeah, really pretty.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I love that idea of stacking them, but I'm with you,
laura, I'm not sure I couldstack three rings, but two
sounds beautiful Nice.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh, I love that.
Well, again we have our guestLaura.
Laura is a colleague and afriend of the podcast and we
just want to welcome you to ourshow.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Thank you, guys.
It's so great to be here.
For those of you who don't know, ellen and I have been personal
friends and business colleaguesfor literally decades.
I'm literally decades, and Isay that I'm a proud midlifer.
I have had a long career in B2Btechnology marketing.
I have twin boys who are now 18years old and they're seniors.
(07:18):
So I'm facing the empty nestlike you guys talk about a lot.
I'm a huge fan of the show, sothanks so much for having me on
tonight.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Welcome, Laura, and it's true decades.
I like how you said.
We've known each other decades.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Okay, so today's episode, we're going to share a
little bit about each of ourfavorite reality TV shows, right
, and why we love them, why wehate them and what keeps us
coming back for more.
Right, that's really what it is.
What keeps us coming back formore?
And again, I'm going to betalking about my obsession with
(08:02):
the Indian matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
What about you, Laura ?
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I have had this obsession about a show called
Married at First Sight.
It's now in its 17th season andI can't believe I've been
watching it since season one.
Wow, Every time I meet peopleor I have a new group at work, I
try and find other people whohave been obsessed with it.
I could talk about it with them.
But yeah, I'm really a big fan.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I can verify that because Laura did get me to
watch this season after manyyears of trying.
So I think I can add to some ofthe things you're going to chat
about with Married at FirstSight.
But I am going to talk aboutthe Golden Bachelor.
I loved the show.
I hated the show.
It broke in my mind by havingthis 72-year-old bachelor and
(08:57):
all of the women wereage-appropriate and fabulous
that he had to choose from.
So I'm going to chat about theGolden Bachelor.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I love that we each pick something on our own that
really revolves around findingthat match or finding that mate
and stuff in our lives.
So that's so funny.
But I have a question for bothof you what do you think was the
first reality show?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
The first one I remember watching was Survivor,
I think the tribe has spoken.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I was thinking of that too, Ellen.
Yeah one of those survivalshows.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Well, I'm going to tell you, you need to turn the
years back quite a bit, becausethe first reality show out there
was Candid Camera.
You forgot about it.
Right, we think of realityshows as just being this new
phenomenon, but Candid Camerawas considered one of the first
(10:01):
reality shows out there, wherethey just went out and took
people by surprise and gotreal-life reactions and stuff.
So we forgot about where kindof that came from.
But yes, there's been a hugeburst onto the scene with lots
and lots of reality shows, sothere's something that keeps
pulling us all in.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I have to say that, just doing a little research on
this, on why people love it,it's really that people want
that voyeuristic view into otherpeople's real lives and I think
that that nature it just reallydraws us in and it's the drama
and the emotions and the fightsand the making of it.
(10:46):
They're so relatable.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
And now I'm not sure, I'm notalways convinced how much is
truly unscripted with theseshows.
I always have a feeling it's acombination of an outline and a
script and then some unscriptedkind of where things go.
But I always find that the moreunscripted it feels to me, the
(11:16):
more that I love them.
But let's talk about why wethink that these shows hold such
a special place in our hearts,especially at midlife.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Well, pitch, if I could jump in, one thing I like
about these shows especially theones that I like and sounds
like you guys do too, wherewe're talking about
relationships and love is I liketo see that other people have
similar types of, maybestruggles that I've gone through
or emotions that I've had.
It's very validating for me tosay, oh, I'm not the only one
(11:55):
that had that problem.
There's other people out thereand I find that very reassuring
somehow, and when people do finda happy ending or another way
to their true love, that's alsovery validating.
But that's one of the reasons Iwas so drawn to this married at
first sight is to see how otherpeople are struggling and to
(12:17):
say, oh, I'm not the only onethat goes through this.
That's part of it, for meanyway.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
You know, laura, I agree with you on that and I
always feel like I'm rooting forthe underdog too on these shows
.
Right, I think we really wantpeople to find love and to make
that connection, and I do thinkit's also really interesting
that three of us all chose showsabout relationships, you know,
(12:44):
and I think as we navigatemidlife, we're maybe a little
more in tune with our emotions,maybe a little wiser, and I
think on some level, that makesthese even more compelling.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah, I absolutely agree with both of you and I
also think there's this aspectof escapism right.
Watching these shows allows usto step into a different world,
you know, away from our ownresponsibilities and decisions
and the monotony of you knowjust day-to-day life.
Right.
(13:16):
For me, it's always a way ofjust relaxing and unwinding, and
which I think is something weall need from time to time, and
there's this also part of it forme is living a little
vicariously through some ofthese characters.
I mean, I definitely felt likeI was at the Bachelor mansion.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
This time I was called in Bachelor, so I do feel
like it is a lot of livingvicariously.
What about you, Laura?
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Well, I think that's part of it.
Vicarious Living.
It's also, you know, let's faceit, we're usually more advanced
in our relationships with someof these people, with the
exception of the Golden Bachelorcourse.
But I find it's very funny towatch what some of these folks
are going through at MeridaFirst Sides to say you know, I'm
yelling at the TV, don't do it,watch out you know that's a
(14:13):
trap.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I love that.
So, there's a bit of that.
You know, having the wisdom andlooking back and watching these
things unfold is kind ofentertaining sometimes.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
It's true.
I love that idea that we holdsome wisdom and knowledge around
relationships that we can helpthem through, or we can easily
think we do from afar.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Exactly From our CDs.
It's like that, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Monday morning quarterback.
This is what I would have doneand it would have worked out.
So tell us a little bit youknow about Merida First Sides.
For those who haven't seen theshow, oh, yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
So for those of you who haven't seen it, let me just
give you the premise of itquickly.
Usually they focus on one cityand they invite singles to
participate in the process andthey literally get thousands of
applicants which is sointeresting who want to
essentially marry a strangerSight unseen, it's unbelievable,
right.
(15:17):
And they, from these applicants, this team of experts,
interview them and they assesstheir readiness to be in a
committed relationship and fromthere they create maybe five or
six matches and they vet thisover like a six month process.
They notify the winners, whothen tell their families.
(15:41):
And I often thought about whatif my kids ever came home and
said guess what, mom, I'm in aMarriott, stranger at the altar?
I think I would have a heartattack.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Please go buy a dress now, mom.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Yeah, exactly Exactly .
So these folks thatparticipated in this literally
know nothing about this person.
They have never met them, theydon't know their name and the
first time they see them is whenthey're at the altar getting
married.
It's a real marriage too, witha real marriage certificate, and
the show follows them for abouteight weeks, I think, something
(16:13):
like that Until the end theydecide if they want to stay
together or if they want to geta divorce.
So it's absolutely fascinatingto me.
I think one of my big takeawaysfrom this show is that there is
a huge population of people outthere and all of these big
cities looking for a strong,committed relationship, and they
(16:35):
show the applicants coming inand what they hope and dream
about, and they really all feellike normal people.
To me they're just reallylooking for that one true love,
and what's mixed to show kind ofcharming and optimistic at the
beginning is that you realizethere's a lot of people out
there just looking forconnection.
(16:56):
I think that's one of thethings I find most drawing about
the show.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
When you think about these dating sites where it's
strictly a visual to take it tothe other extreme.
I think that's what's sofascinating for me about them is
to see okay, take thatcompletely out of the equation
and know what happens.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah, I mean in a way , I was going to say in a way
it's like the ultimate arrangedmarriage right, but it's not
arranged by your parents, it'sarranged by these three experts.
So it's wild, that's right.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I mean, you can just tell from these, from what they
say, that these are people thatat the end of their rope with
online dating or other measuresand they're willing to put the
fate of their future in thehands of these all use quotation
marks experts here becausethey're so frustrated by any
other means that are currentlyavailable to them.
(17:56):
So it's a real commentary ondating and relationships in our
society right now.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I think, yeah, there's another show that I
watched that's similar.
It's called Love is Blind andthey go into these little pods
and they talk through a screenwall, but they don't see each
other.
So at least they get to knowthe person before they see them.
But there's still a lot ofobstacles and challenges with
(18:23):
that.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
You know, laura, over these 17 seasons have the
experts gotten better atmatching people.
I mean, do you see improvementor is it still kind of the same?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
You know what?
I just think it's kind of acrapshoot to be, honest.
I mean, depending on the season, there's some they get right.
Usually there's one or two thatstay together and there have
been couples that have stayedtogether for many years that
have had children, so it hasworked on occasion.
Most of the time, probably thething that's the most
(18:58):
entertaining about it are theones that crash and burn.
To be honest, that's probablythe thing that gets the biggest
rating.
So, what is it?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
about these that makes you want to watch them
over and over from season toseason.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Well, I think the personalities are so interesting
.
I mean there is the commontheme of people looking for
connection and love.
I mean that's why everyonestarts out so pure in their
intentions, but the reality hitsquite quickly.
I mean sometimes right at thealtar right.
I mean 17 seasons and this isthe first one where someone went
(19:35):
down the aisle and said no.
That's pretty amazing when youthink about all the people.
This is the very first timesomeone went down the aisle and
said no.
Now they did in the seasoneventually match the person with
another bride and that, atleast for the moment, seems to
be going pretty well.
(19:57):
But it's sort of watching itfrom that initial point of
optimism to see what reality ofbeing married is like to these
folks.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Now could either of you see yourselves, if you were
single, saying, yes, I'm goingto try to be on that show.
Do you think other midliferswould say, yeah, I'm in, I'll do
this?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
To me as a single.
Well, I'm single, so I'm justgoing to put that out there.
So, unlike the bachelor thatwe're going to get to, where you
get to know the people, I thinkat midlife there is no freaking
way I would do this, knowinghow hard marriage is and how
many things can go wrong whenyou've known that person, I'm
(20:48):
going to say hell, no for me.
But Laura, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yeah, I would echo that.
Alan Plus, I think I happen tobe married, but I also have a
lot of single friends and thepool of single men that I see.
I wouldn't want to take achance to be honest.
Yes, oh, great that.
I would want a lot of vettingand more than three experts on
(21:14):
that job for me.
I would put that way.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
You know what the appealing part is, especially if
you've been through and I wentthrough a lot of years of dating
very unsuccessfully, a lot ofcrash and burn, and you get to a
point where you're like, well,the experts couldn't do any
worse than I've been doing, sowhy do I try that?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Yeah, that's what a lot of them say, exactly those
words, yeah, and for some peoplelike I said, it does work out.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
I do have to just say that I follow one couple from
married at first sight on socialmedia, Jamie and Doug.
I think they were from one ofthe first seasons and they seem
so happy.
They have two children and shejust announced that they're
having a third baby and they arereality TV folks.
(22:09):
They let it all hang out onsocial media and they're very
authentic and I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
But kind of going into this idea of you know there
are a lot of people feel likethey don't have a good feel of
how they can pick the rightpartner, and so that kind of
lends itself to this Indianmatchmaker show that I love to
watch and I just one rainy day Istarted binging it and I just
(22:41):
couldn't, I just couldn't turnit off right and I found it was
so fascinating, drawn into thecultural aspects.
Yet there's a modern approachto it as well.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
You know, tish, I've watched this too and I just
absolutely adore the matchmakerherself.
She's such a great part of thatshow.
I do want to just bring in astat here, because you know we
love our stats A November 2023article in Bride magazine,
something the three of usprobably haven't looked at in
years.
(23:15):
They report that while the USdivorce rate is around 40 to 50%
, only 4% of arranged marriagesend in divorce, and I bet the
Indian matchmaker really toutsthat stat.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
I was blown away when I heard that stat.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
And that's incredible yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
And it makes you ask the question why is it
successful, right?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Yeah, what's the show all about, tish?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
So the Indian matchmaker her name is Seema
Taparya and she is a matchmakerfrom Mumbai in India.
She does matchmaking in India,but she also does matchmaking in
the United States and probablyyou know other places as well.
But she goes all over andshe'll meet somebody who wants
(24:09):
to, you know, find somebody, andtypically it's within the you
know the Indian culture.
And she'll go and meet withthem and, more than not, she's
meeting with them with theirparents.
The parents are there and thesiblings are there and the other
in-laws are there, and it'slike a whole thing.
(24:31):
And she'll start asking themand she'll say tell me what
you're looking for in a lifepartner she always calls them
life partners Tell me whatyou're looking for in a life
partner.
And they will start to givethis huge list this outrageous,
they got to be this tall,they've got to be a doctor,
they've got a lot of superficialthings.
(24:53):
And the longer the list goes,she starts like Seema, that's
her name, right.
She starts twisting up her faceand she'll say you're only
going to get like 60, 70% ofthat.
That's it Like.
And she really starts workingwith these young people to say
stop thinking that one person isgoing to have just absolutely
(25:14):
everything, and if they don'thave every box ticked you've got
to move on.
So you know.
But it also gets into what theIndian social norms are.
They use astrology.
You know the caste system isvery much alive in India and
that transcends sometimes to theUS.
(25:35):
So that's another, you know, aconsideration that she needs to
use.
She really pushes them to notworry about appearance.
You know she's like she pushesand pushes family values.
Family values, what are theirvalues?
(25:56):
And I think that's what reallywarmed me to her, that I'm like
you know we're such asuperficial society and maybe
that's where we're going wrong,you know.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I have to say, tish, that one thing I did note was
how it's a family process rightfor the beginning and she does
just cut these young they're allyoung, they're all you know, in
their 20s and 30s down Like sheis very direct with them, as
you said, and I think that youknow she really tries to pull
(26:35):
them to focus on, like you weresaying.
You know, looks may fade butyou know, is he a kind person
and you know, are your familiescompatible?
That's a big piece of it aswell, and so she brings in so
many different things but shedoes not suffer fools with these
young people and I think theycall her auntie you know auntie.
(26:59):
And so she's even become part oftheir family.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
And I'm kind of curious Tish to how much
individual choice do the actualparticipants have, or is the
decision made by the family?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
It's very curious and it really depends on how
traditional the family is.
There have been some where themother, like the boy's mother,
puts her foot down.
This is going to be the onelet's go, and her thing is if
you have at least 60%compatibility, move it forward.
(27:36):
Take the next step.
Move it forward until it'suntil you figure out that it's
not for you're going to.
But in the culture it is reallywhat they feel is best is when
you think that this is good,let's get married.
And some of them aren't gettingmarried within two, three weeks
(27:57):
, a month or so.
I mean, it's pretty fast whenit happens, but you do.
They do require that thefamilies are on board and you've
seen these young people whowere brought up here in the
United States and the fathersays no and the daughter goes
okay, and they just move on tosomebody else.
(28:18):
It's very much.
Don't waste each other's time.
If you don't think there'sanything that's going to come of
it, just move on, move forward.
She's she.
She on one episode was reallyfascinating because the one girl
she was seeing one guy and theyweren't communicating how they
(28:40):
felt about each other.
So it kind of like petered offand she ends up dating this
young guy and Seema told her no,this is not a good match, this
is, he is too young for you.
And she, she went forward withit and it crashed and burned and
she come back and she was likeyou know, auntie, you were right
(29:03):
.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
And she goes.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I know I was right.
I told you it's too young.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Seema probably has a pretty good success rate, I
would guess.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
You know, I don't know what her success rate is,
but I think she does really welland when they're open to this
idea, or at least it gets someof these young people to stop
thinking that they're going tocheck every box, physical, all
these superficial things andsome family and religious things
(29:32):
, but she's like, focus onwhat's important the values.
Do you have the same religiousvalues?
Do you have the same familyvalues?
Does your family like them?
Do, does her family like you?
You know that kind of thing.
So if you haven't seen it,you've got to watch it, because
it's good, it's really good.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
You know, I just I just have to add, though, I
think, that that when the peoplecome to Auntie Seema, they are
ready, like Laura was saying onmarried.
At first sight they are ready.
They have made that kind ofmind shift too.
You know, I'm done dating, Iwant to, I want to move towards
(30:17):
marriage, and I think that's oneof the things that really makes
that show interesting, because,you know, you really see that
the whole family gets behind it.
But this woman brings years andyears of experience across
continents to this, to this, tothe process.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
And what they sprinkle into the episodes is
they will show you people whohave had arranged marriages and
you hear and they'll say, oh, we, you know, 42 years ago, 35
years ago.
And they're laughing andthey're.
You can just tell the affectionthat's there and it makes you
(30:59):
stop in your tracks and say, youknow, maybe arranged marriages
aren't so crazy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I know sitting here talking tonight I'm like, well,
it probably could have workedbetter than what I did.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
But but I think, like you know, back in the day you
met people through your family,through your friends, and it was
, you know, kind of semiarranged and stuff like that.
But we're so far apart fromfamilies now and there isn't
that setting people up mentalityanymore, so I don't know.
(31:40):
I think we should be bringingmaybe some of this back for sure
.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Well, tish, you know it makes me think about how my
parents met.
I mean they met at a churchdance.
I mean it was a communitychurch event, and I think
there's less and less of thatsort of community spirit in the
places where we live, where younaturally meet people.
I think work has taken theplace of some of that.
I met my husband at work andnow, with everyone working from
(32:06):
home, that makes it even moredifficult, right?
So there's less and less ofthese sort of communal places
where we go, we're all stuck infront of our computers or
laptops or phones all the time,where you actually meet people
and have those kinds of thingsin common.
It makes it much more difficult.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
I agree with you, Laura.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
It absolutely makes it much more difficult these
days and I think you know thatcan really be the appeal of
getting married at first sightor using a matchmaker.
But I want us to move to talkabout the golden batch.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I think we're ready.
Yeah, the golden batch.
Okay, bring it on, ellen.
What is this golden bachelorall about?
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Well, I do feel like many of us have seen the
bachelor and the bachelorette,and that's where there's either
a bachelor or a bachelorette and20 or 25 potential mates for
them boyfriends and girlfriends.
But you know, that franchise orseries I think was getting a
(33:09):
little stale and this year, forthe first time actually in 2023,
end of last year they had agolden bachelor and he was 72
years old, a very nice lookingman, and they matched him.
There were 22 women that he hadat the house.
(33:31):
They're always in this gorgeoushouse somewhere in the hills of
California and he was a widowerwith two grown children, and I
think that when I first heard ofthis, I was like, hmm, I gotta
watch that.
You know, here's a guy, 72, andI was so hopeful that they
(33:51):
wouldn't have like 30 and 40year old women, but they have a
great girl.
Yeah, the women were between 60and 75.
And every single woman, withexception of one, was amazing.
So I think again, what happensin the house is all the women
(34:14):
are supportive at the beginningand, one by one or few at a time
, he gives the ones he wants tostay arose during this rose
ceremony and the other ones haveto go home.
And he had such a great choice.
And what was great about thistoo, and interesting is they did
things like skydiving andpickleballing, and you know
(34:37):
they're out and about doing alot of activities on this show
and he eventually narrows itdown to two women that I feel he
led on both of them.
This is the part of the showthat I didn't really like.
But and then in the end hechooses one and he proposes to
(34:57):
them.
So this time he proposed to theone lady that I think I was
surprised at between the two,but both every woman he had to
choose from, as I said, with theexception of one nasty gal, I
think were really great matchesfor him.
(35:17):
I don't know, titian Laurie,did you watch the show?
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Oh you got that watch , did you?
Speaker 3 (35:25):
I did.
I had the same feeling, ellen,like I was very curious to see
what sort of women they wouldmatch him with, you know, if
they would have sort ofage-appropriate women.
And they did, and they were allfabulous.
Seriously, there was some greatlike you'd want to go there and
be their friends kind of gals,and so, yeah, I mean I think he
(35:47):
did leave on a few at the end.
It kind of made me a little bitangry because he had a few
unnecessary broken hearts.
I thought at the end there thaton his road to choosing his
bride but it was kind offascinating to watch, you know
it was I think my kids were like, yes, what is that show about?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
I thought it was fascinating.
You know I'm not a bachelor orbachelorette fan.
You know, this idea ofknowingly dating somebody who's
dating other people in front ofyour face is really offensive to
me.
And it becomes this and Ireally sit because I've seen
(36:32):
them before and I'm like, areyou trying to win or are you
trying to meet this person?
And the line was never reallyclear.
It became this fight to winthis person's affection and I'm
like it just to me.
I'm not a fan, yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
You know, it's fun to say that because I think this
group of women, unlike thenormal younger franchise, they
had the maturity that the othergroup wouldn't have brought to
that equation.
Tish, I think, did a good jobof resisting those kinds of
behaviors, but you could tellthey were very uncomfortable
(37:15):
with it too, and it led to a lotof tensions in the house.
I understand exactly whatyou're saying there, that that's
not a very comfortable thing.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
You know, if I had gone out with them, say, one
night, and we had this romanticthis, I thought there was a
connection.
And then the next night somewoman walks in and says it was
amazing and we did this and Iand he's a love Am.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I huh yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Not a fan.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Obviously the Golden Bachelor would not be for you.
But all of these women knewthat, and I think that's where
the drama comes in, because atthe beginning they're all like,
oh, I can handle it and oh,that's great, you're getting to
spend some time with him.
And then a couple of themreally gotten it, you know, and
(38:06):
some of them Maybe had to gohome because of a family
emergency, and that's the dramawhen watching it on TV that you
like.
But I can see that it would bereally uncomfortable, I think
about, if it were, say, ourcollege group of friends?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
right, those were the women.
And after a while I would thinkit would become more of a
competition between the girls ofwho was going to get ahead and
it would really be about theperson.
That's what I'm saying, anyway,yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I mean, what stood out to me was that there were 22
amazing women for that one guyright, and I think that that's
what I always think about datingat midlife that it seems like I
know a lot of great women whoare out in the dating pool.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
So the producers of the show Ellen could be
available to be the bachelorette.
So, oh, you make a superbachelorette Ellen.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, I mean listen, let's find out more.
I would do it, I would love 22men fighting over me.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
And wouldn't your boys just absolutely love that
you were doing that.
I think Will might die.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I definitely think it would be pretty cringy, as
Laura said, for my kids.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
You know.
But, ladies, I wanted to see ifwe could briefly talk about the
real housewives.
You know, and I'm not shockedthat none of us picked.
You know that series inparticular.
Speaker 3 (39:50):
No, absolutely not hard.
No on that one.
I really have a strong opinionabout it.
That I feel, like you know, formidlife women it is just such a
disservice and depicts us inways that I feel are, first of
all, not real.
(40:10):
I mean, I don't go aroundfighting with my friends, or you
know the way that those folksare portrayed.
And portrayed sorry, and so Ireally resent that.
The way that they haveconstructed that whole franchise
, I'm not a fan of it.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Laura, I'm going to jump in and say I too am not a
fan of it and I find those womenreally reprehensible, their
behavior, and it doesn't pull mein.
You know how I was saying likethe drama on the Gold Bachelor
or married it for a site pullsyou in.
There's something about thereal housewives that really,
(40:50):
really repels me, and it doesn'tmatter what city they're in.
And I agree it really does givemidlife women, you know, a bad
rap that we're all you knowhaving plastic surgery and
getting drunk and getting infights and stealing each other's
men.
Really really bad Tish.
Did you ever watch?
Speaker 2 (41:11):
the I used to watch.
I used to watch a differentseries and I felt it was more of
a scripted series than anunscripted series and it seemed
like the bad behavior got themmore airtime and it encouraged
more and more outlandish badbehavior, one on top of another.
(41:33):
But you have to admit that themost iconic moment of reality TV
was in the first season finaleof the Real Housewives of New
Jersey, when Teresa Judasflipped the table.
I mean, that was just like thatwas the epitome of this.
(41:56):
Reality TV is going in a baddirection, right, but there was
just I mean that was justcraziness, right, but it was
like that car accident.
You can't look away.
I couldn't look away.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
I know, and that seems so tame.
Now you know, 10 years on fromher flipping that table, I think
even more crazy things havehappened, especially on the Real
Housewives franchise.
But yeah, I do think that youand Laura and I, we all picked
love rather than mayhem.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Yes, I like that too.
Yeah, very good.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
So I'm wondering, Tish, will you watch Married at
First Sight?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yes, I have watched Married at First Sight, I
watched the Love is Blind and Ieven watched the Swedish version
of Love is Blind, where I hadto read the subtitles on it
because I wanted to see was itdifferent over in Sweden?
(43:05):
Like, were you know?
How did you know?
How was it?
It really wasn't much differentthan it was you know here.
So, yeah, so I do like those.
I find it curious to see howpeople react when they finally
see each other and they start,you know, letting the real them,
(43:26):
you know, come out.
It's a little painful to watchwhen you see one person really
who's taken by somebody and theother person it's just not there
for them and there's just no.
There's just no nice way totell somebody they don't
(43:47):
reciprocate those feelings.
Yeah, Ouch.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Well, you know, as I said, I have been watching
Season 17 with Laura of Marriedat First Sight and we're getting
inching closer and closer toDecision Day, right, laura,
where the couples decide if theywant to stay married, and I'm
sure there's been some prettycrazy hurt feelings on Decision
(44:11):
Day in the past, right?
Speaker 3 (44:13):
Oh yeah.
But Ellen, I got to say if Ihad to think of prediction,
right, I'm going to say there'smaybe one of those that are
going to stay together.
Maybe one of them the season.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Yeah, if they're lucky, if they're lucky I'm
going for a goose egg that noneof the five couples stay
together, so I'm going to justput that out there.
Speaker 3 (44:38):
Maybe I'll be surprised I hope so, but you
know, when I yeah, when I thinkabout the couples this season,
it's probably a good thing.
A lot of them go their separateways.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
I'll say I definitely agree.
So you know one thing I have tojust say as we kind of wrap up
the podcast tonight.
You know we encourage everyoneto embrace reality TV guilty
pleasures, and we should haveguilty pleasures.
I'm just going to say realityTV pleasure because it is a
(45:12):
little bit of everything.
It's drama, it's love, it'sfriendship, it's adventure and
life lessons and I think youknow midlife first, we need a
little bit of tuning out tosomething that is fun and really
goes to the human spirit.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Well, I think that's well said.
Alan for sure.
But I was really thinkingshouldn't they have a new
reality series called the realpodcasters of midlife?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Because I think we can be available for that one
right.
And.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
I think I am with that for the new season of the
golden bachelorette.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
I love it and but I think you know, just on that
note, this is a good time tojust wrap up today's episode of
the Positively Midlife and youknow, we just hope that you are
out there enjoying a littlereality TV, confessional or
whatever, and remember, it's allabout just finding joy,
(46:22):
embracing life's journey,opening yourself up to new ideas
and cultures and whatnot, andyou can do that one reality
episode at a time.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
That's right, and a big thank you to our amazing
guest Laura for bringing Marriedit First site to the show
tonight.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Thank you, thank you both so much, so much fun.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
All right, Thanks for tuning in and till next time.
Keep finding the positives inmidlife.
Until next week, midlifers.
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