26. Opening the Door to Vulnerability

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Vulnerability -- definitely a word that makes people cringe with fear. And yet, vulnerability is the single most important way for you to grow as a person.

In today’s episode, host Jason Ramsden shares insights on what he needs to do to be more vulnerable and how that might help you be more vulnerable in your own life. 

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Articles
Brene Brown: How Vulnerability Can Make Our Lives Better by Dan Schawbel (forbes.com)
How to Embrace Vulnerability As Your Greatest Strength by Tony Fahkry (medium.com)

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leading a more positive andintentional life. And this show
details my journey by sharing mylearning stories and
conversations with guests. Ifyou want to lead a more
intentional life, focus on beingthe best you possible, please
subscribe today. Now, let's getinto today's episode. Well,
hello, my positivity posse coachJay here with another episode of

(00:24):
positivity on fire. I'm excitedto be here with you today and
appreciate the time that yougive to this show. Today we're
talking about opening the doorto vulnerability. And we'll
start today's show with a quotefrom Rene brown that says if we
want greater clarity in ourpurpose, or deeper and more

(00:45):
meaningful lives, vulnerabilityis the path. And while that is
certainly true, first, we haveto have the courage to open the
door to being vulnerable, sothat we can be on the right
path. If you're a Rene brownfan, you know the power of her
work, if you have not knownabout Dr. Bernie Browns work,
just do a quick Google search,check her out. She does lots of

(01:07):
amazing things withvulnerability. But one of the
things she says is that thedifficult thing with
vulnerability is that would bethe first thing that I would
look for in you. And of course,the last thing that I'm willing
to show you, though, in you,it's courage and daring, but in
me, it's a weakness. And that'show many people see being

(01:28):
vulnerable. But in order to kindof put ourselves on a better
path to having a greater life,to have a more fulfilled life,
we have to open the door tovulnerability. And to be honest,
vulnerability is not a sign ofweakness, it's not. And yet many

(01:48):
of us are afraid to show itwe're afraid to open the door to
vulnerability. But once you dothat, once you open the door to
being vulnerable, it can be yourgreatest strength. And as you
know, when I share topics forthe show, it's often because
it's something that I'm thinkingabout myself. And as a super

(02:09):
private person, I have not beenas vulnerable as I could have
been or should have beenthroughout my adult life. But it
is something that I'm workingon. And that's that's what we're
going to be talking about alittle bit today. So today's
show is released on June 19.
That's today's episode number26. And it is being released
while I'm wrapping up a trip aseven day trip through the

(02:31):
waters of Alaska. So if I'mgoing to talk about being
vulnerable, not a bad place tostart, is spending seven days in
the last great frontier toexperience what the world around
us really has to offer. Whatdoes untouched land look like?
What does the power of naturehave that it can show me how to

(02:53):
be vulnerable. And I lookforward to sharing some of that
when I returned from the trip,because I feel like I'm going to
have a lot of great lessonsabout life from this trip. But
the reason I'm talking aboutvulnerability today is that when
this trip wraps up, we are justa few short days from moving
from North Carolina, toMassachusetts, and I mentioned

(03:17):
this before on this show, mywife is taking on an amazing new
position as a leader of anorganization, and I'm wrapping
up 30 years in education. Andnow I'm on this new journey, new
journey to start a media companyto see it grow, to offer
coaching, to obviously continuethis podcast to offer insights,

(03:39):
all in an effort to help othersget better. What I'm realizing
as part of my own journey, isthat I can't help others improve
their lives, unless I'm willingto improve my own. And being
more vulnerable with what Ishare. And how I got to be where

(04:00):
I am in my life is I have to bewilling and able to let down my
guard to commit to my personalgrowth and to share that journey
with you. And that's that's oneof the reasons I started this
show. And I hope over timeyou've seen that growth. And I
hope that it's helped you insome way. And I think the very
first step about opening thedoor to vulnerability is to

(04:23):
start to consider your painpoints in life. And what I mean
by that is not only recognizethem, but look at them as a way
to build upon yourself. Don'tlook at the pain and struggle
you may have gone through yourlife as something that you need
to close out and something thatyou need to put behind you. Some
of the people that I know thathave made the greatest strides

(04:44):
in life have used experiences intheir past life to make an
incredible future forthemselves. They're leveraging
what they have learnedby their pain. They have
leveraging it by beingvulnerable. They're leveraging
it by Sharing in a way that notonly helps them but helps those
around them as well. So thequestion that I'll most likely

(05:06):
fall back on while on my trip,and in preparation for returning
and moving is going to befocusing a lot on when was the
last time I really, trulyallowed myself to be seen to be
seen for who I am, to be seenfor what I believe in to be seen
for what I'm working on in mylife. And I'm going to encourage

(05:28):
you to do the same thing, I gotit, it's frightening. There's
probably a lot of anxiety aroundrevealing your true self to
others, to pulling off the mask,if you will, to show people how
you really are what you reallythink. And in reality, being
vulnerable is truly a form ofcourage and growth. Nothing

(05:54):
more. being vulnerable, is aform of courage and growth. And
as a coach, I see this firsthandin my clients as I work with
them. They have to feelcomfortable enough to work with
me to be vulnerable about whatthey're trying to fix or make
better than their lives, butthey also have to be vulnerable

(06:16):
about their strengths and whatthey're willing to leverage to
move forward. Now you may bethinking to yourself, oh,
vulnerability is a choice. It'ssomething I have to choose to do
or not to do. And I agree withthat to a certain extent. But I
also believe, especially now,especially as things are opening
up, and we're coming out of thepandemic, I really believe that

(06:39):
being vulnerable is going to bea key part of everyone's
reality. Moving forward, wespent a lot of time inside and
secluded from others, and notsharing our experiences, not
letting people into how we dealtwith the pandemic, how we dealt
with remote work, how we dealtwith teaching kids in, in

(07:02):
helping kids learn from home,how we dealt with our lives
during lockdown, I think willwill be a detriment to society
if we don't open up about ourexperiences and share what it
meant to be faced with someuncertainty in our lives. And I

(07:22):
think as well being beingvulnerable has a lot to do with
having really good relationshipsin our lives if we can't trust
others, to have knowledge aboutour hopes, our fears, our

(07:42):
dreams, if we can't open up toothers, it makes it really
difficult to move forward to goafter those dreams to focus on
those hopes to alleviate thosefears. Because we can't live
life alone, it's just notpossible. We need others around

(08:05):
us that believe that beingvulnerable, is courageous, and
that they in turn can bevulnerable with us. So what are
some ways that you can show upas being vulnerable? Well, there
are certain key phrases that youcan use to show that you're
being vulnerable. I don't know,when asked with a question you

(08:26):
can say I don't know. You canalso say I made a mistake, or
I'm sorry for causing you thispain. Or I'm scared. I am
struggling with this right now.
I'm not sure where to turn nextfor help. All of these are signs
of someone being vulnerable. Andwhen we have the capacity to do

(08:49):
that, and we're not judged forit, like we don't get judged for
sharing our vulnerabilities,then we grow stronger. So as
we're talking about opening thedoor to vulnerability, one of
the things that we can do isjust start to share phrases that
allow people to know that we'rebeing vulnerable without telling
everything that may be going on.

(09:12):
But we're we're opening the doorto being vulnerable. We're using
those key phrases to open thedoor to a conversation that may
allow us to be more vulnerabletoday or tomorrow or next week,
depending on the response of theperson that you're sharing with.
Now, the key to unlocking thedoor to be more vulnerable, is

(09:33):
you have to be honest withyourself. You can't say to
yourself, that you know what,I'm good the way that I am that
you can't admit to yourself thatyou can be better yet that you
say to yourself that you knowI'm not going to learn from my
mistakes or I'm not going toknowledge making my any mistakes

(09:56):
in my life. The truth is we allmake mistakes. We All don't do
things well. And the morereadily that we can share those
with others, that we can pointto something that we didn't do
well, that we can be honest withourselves, and truly look inside
of ourselves to have anunderstanding of what it means

(10:17):
to admit a mistake in what itmeans to realize that you know
what i can be honest withmyself, I can share things with
others, and not get hurt by it.
vulnerability is tough, there'sno doubt about that. But once
you find the courage to open thedoor to vulnerability, you'll
start to gain the confidence inyourself, that will allow you to

(10:39):
move down the path of beingvulnerable more regularly. And
here's something I read recentlyfrom Adam Grant. He said, You
know what vulnerability is notthe opposite of resilience, no,
rather, vulnerability buildsresilience. So when you reveal
your struggles, you when youshow your humility and your

(11:03):
humanity, you're opening thedoor to new sources of support
and strength, you're opening thedoor to being vulnerable. So one
of the things that I'll beexamining in future episodes, is
pivoting. I'm starting a newcareer, I'm launching a company.
And so I'm going to have to bevulnerable, in how I go about my

(11:26):
work. In order for me to be abetter coach, in order for me to
be someone who really trulybelieves in impacting one or
impacting 1 million, there is nodifference in that, that I am
going to have to open up and behonest with who I am and how I

(11:46):
operate. In order to be betterfor you. That's my ultimate goal
is to help you be better, whichmeans I have to help myself be
better. So some of the topicsI'll be considering while I'm on
my trip, and bringing back toyou, his shortcomings as a human
shortcomings. As a leader, Ispent lots of time leading

(12:09):
people in organizations, and I'mgoing to reflect on what I did
well, what I didn't do well,what I should have done better,
in order to share those thoughtswith you, so that you can glean
some insights and hopefullyapply them to your your own life
as well. And it won't be easy.

(12:29):
You know, I've said before, I'ma super private person, and
being vulnerable is going to bea very difficult task for me.
And I understand in order togrow, in order to continue to
grow in order to continue to getbetter, I'm going to have to
share those insights with you.
Because in reality, I'm notperfect, you're not perfect,

(12:50):
there's no such thing as aperfect human being. So I'm
going to have to embrace thosevulnerabilities for the benefit
of both of us. So what are somethings I'm going to do in order
to open myself to beingvulnerable? First, I'm going to
accept that I'm,I'm worthy, I'm going to accept
that I'm worthy of being someonewho can contribute to this

(13:12):
world, someone who can provideinsights is someone who can help
others grow up going to realizethat yes, I'm worthy of that
task that I can make it happen.
I'm going to start to thinkabout the things that maybe
perhaps that I'm not good atthat maybe I'm a little
squeamish or skittish abouttackling, and finding people who

(13:33):
can back me up in those doingthe research to determine, hey,
here's something that I'm notgood at, I need help in this
area. I'm also gonna work oncutting out the negative
chatter, that I'm going to stopmyself when I start to doubt
myself. And I'm also going toconsider what would it be like,
if, for instance, I'm notsuccessful in any of these new

(13:54):
endeavors, I'm gonna have totrust that I can deal with the
outcome of my work, no matterwhat happens, no matter how it
progresses, whether it'ssuccessful or not successful,
that I'm able to deal with theoutcome. When I have down days,
I'm going to have to sharewhat's wrong and how that's not

(14:15):
working with others. I'm notgoing to keep it inside, I'll
share it here. I'll share itwith other people in my life,
I'm going to commit to beingmore vulnerable, to help you and
to help me. And I have toremember and you should remember
as well, that being vulnerable,doesn't mean that you're giving
away any power to anybody else.
You're actually empoweringyourself. You're empowering

(14:38):
yourself to be a more exquisitehuman being because of your
vulnerability, not in light ofyour vulnerability. And I think
Finally, that being vulnerablemeans that you can only move
forward from here that you canonly go up From hear that you

(14:58):
have the capability to makechange in your life, to share
with others to show a side ofyou that you've never shown
before, which will allow you tobecome stronger, better for
yourself, for others, andultimately, for the world around

(15:20):
you. And so as we wrap uptoday's episode, while I'm
traveling and thinking aboutways that I'm going to be
vulnerable in the future, Iwould appreciate it if you
thought about ways that you canbe vulnerable as well. And if
you have the courage to share,do so drop me a line at Jason at

(15:41):
positivity on fire, calm, let'sconnect, let's talk about the
things that you may bevulnerable about. Let's see if I
can help in any way shape orform. And let's go on this
journey to being vulnerabletogether. It's not an easy task.
But if you're up for it, I'dlove to hear from you. Well,
thank you once again for being apart of this show. Thank you.

(16:05):
For those of you who are loyaland constant listeners, I super
appreciate all the time that youspend with me I say it every
single time that I close out theshow is that your gift of time
listening to this show means theworld to me, there's no greater
gift than the time that you cangive to somebody else. And just
remember the well be happy, beyou and until the next time, may

(16:28):
your quest for positivity begintoday. If you like today's
episode, please go to podchaser.com search for positivity
on fire and leave a five starrating and review. For more on
my positivity quest. Follow meat positively underscore j on
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(16:50):
dot means slash Jason Ramsden.
Have an amazing day.