37. You Do You with Denise Gillispie

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How often have you thought to yourself, I am the only one struggling with this in my life? Never forget, we are all on our own journeys toward recovery and improvement and it is important to be who we are and to own it. 

In today’s episode, host Jason Ramsden has a conversation with Denise Gillispie, a special education teacher in Maryland, a mother of two and someone who has struggled with addiction to alcohol and food. Denise shares her journey toward sobriety, how she handles her recovery and how she is helping others to move forward in their lives.

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(00:03):
not to be ashamed of them, andthat it's okay. It's okay to
say, You know what? I don't Idon't know how to do this, or I
or I'm scared to do this, andthat it's okay. I don't have to
be wonderwoman for all the timefor all the people.

Jason Ramsden (00:21):
Hi, I'm Jason Ramsden and I believe we can all
work on leading a more positiveand intentional life. And this
show details my journey bysharing my learning stories and
conversations with guests. Ifyou want to lead a more
intentional life, focus on beingthe best you possible. Please
subscribe today. Now, let's getinto today's episode. Hello, my

(00:41):
positivity posse and welcome toanother episode of positivity on
fire. Today, I had the pleasureto reconnect with a longtime
friend of mine, DeniseGillespie. Denise is a special
education teacher in Maryland, amother of two and also someone
who has struggled with addictionto alcohol and food. In today's
episode, Denise shares herjourney towards sobriety how she

(01:02):
handles her recovery and how sheis helping others to move
forward in their own lives. I'mhonored that Denise had the
courage to share her story onthe show today. And I hope that
it speaks to you in the way thatit spoke to me. Nice Gillespie
my girlfriend. Welcome topositivity on fire. How the heck
are you?

Denise Gillespie (01:21):
I am fabulous.
It is awesome to be here and tospend some more time with you.

Jason Ramsden (01:27):
It is really good to see your face too. I know
we've talked on the phone. Yes.
Connected elsewhere on socialbut it's so good to see your
face. I mean most people don'tknow you and I go way back way
back 35 plus years all the wayto college. Oh my golly more
than that now. Yeah, I know wewant speak. Exactly. We won't
talk about that. But I'm

Unknown (01:49):
35 years.

Jason Ramsden (01:51):
Well

Denise Gillespie (01:52):
already two years 32 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm
sorry.

Jason Ramsden (01:56):
No, you're fine.
Okay. No, but so not when yougraduated or when I graduated.
Or freshman

Unknown (02:02):
Yes. Okay, sorry sorry.

Jason Ramsden (02:06):
It's been a long time my dear friend. Well it's
good to see you and I'm excitedto have you share with my
listeners a little bit aboutyour life and your journey when
we caught up a couple of monthsago I had no idea so I'm sitting
here saying my good friend andhe had no clue kind of weigh in

(02:27):
on in your life count me out asa good friend. I was just a guy
from way long ago you've been ona journey my friend yes I

Denise Gillespie (02:34):
have yes I have it has been it has been
quite a quite a road notnecessarily the road I thought I
was going to be taking but butuh yeah glad we're the road
ended up let's put it that wayso

Jason Ramsden (02:46):
but that's life right? Nobody's absolutely Tell
me what what's your life motto?
having gone through what youwent through and we'll get into
that a little bit I know you'llshare your story but what what's
your life motto these days?

Denise Gillespie (02:59):
These days in a nutshell it's pretty much you
do you boo like that I am aspecial ed teacher and so and
that's what I tell my kids I sayyou do you boo because I grew up
always doing what I thoughteverybody else wanted me to do
and becoming the person Ithought I was supposed to be and

(03:23):
it has taken me a good 45 yearsto just you know kind of stop
and say what is it what is itthat I want? What is it that I
want to do? And to be able tokind of take that that idea of
you know, it's okay to do what Iwant to do and you do you boo
you know and that it's okay andit's not selfish. It's important

(03:45):
to do what I want to do and totake that time so yeah, so I
even have a T shirt because youknow I love a T shirt that has a
message you know and I say youdo you boo it's it's short and
simple. And to the point

Jason Ramsden (03:58):
it which fits perfectly in with your shirt,
right? Obviously listeners can'tsee I can't see it. It says her
shirt says mom, myth legend,which actually fits right in
with you. Do you, boo.

Unknown (04:09):
You do you boo.

Jason Ramsden (04:11):
I love it. Yeah.
And how did that? How did thatcome to pass? What? What was the
defining moment where you werelike, you know what, I am going
to no longer try and fit intothe mold of what somebody else
wants me to believe the or, orthe mold of what I believe
somebody else wants me to be.
What was the turning point foryou?

Denise Gillespie (04:30):
It was probably when I went to rehab,
you know it was and that wasover five years ago. It was May
17 2016. And I was at thedarkest point of my life. I was
in a deep, deep, deep stage ofalcoholism where it had taken

(04:51):
over everything in my life and Ifought getting help because in
my mind it was like well How canI go away, and, and take care of
myself, I'm a mother, I'm ateacher, I I've got obligations,
you know, I was I was so warpedin my thinking, right. And then

(05:11):
it was kind of like, when I justhad no fight left in me. And I
said, I have to go away, Iphysically had to leave my
little cocoon, and I had to justgo and focus on myself. And I
had to step away from mychildren, my relationship, my
job, my mother, and put all ofmy energy into myself, I had to

(05:37):
do me, you know, for the firsttime in my life, and I had to be
okay with it. And it didn'tjust, you know, like, I didn't
just go to rehab, and it was,Oh, it was all, you know,
miracles, it still takes me thatlittle extra step to say, Okay,
this is what I need, and to takethat time for myself. Because if

(05:58):
if mommy's not, you know, allput together and other things,
other things are affected. And Iunderstand that now, I didn't
understand that then. So I, youknow, to take that time, and to
get myself in check andunderstand what it is that I was
dealing with, and why I wasdealing with it. So that was
probably, you know, that thatmoment that day, I can even

(06:21):
remember that night before, youknow, saying, I have to do this,
I gotta I gotta do me,

Jason Ramsden (06:26):
you got to do you and, and again, and make a
change that is going to kind ofpropel you and move you forward
in your life. And, and I know,you know, when we talked right,
you were telling me a little bitabout how you saw yourself as
one person, because that's whatyou thought people wanted to
see. Right. And I know lots ofpeople, for those who listen to

(06:49):
the show fall into that samecategory of they, they're trying
so hard to be something orsomeone for someone else. That
or, or they spend all their timehelping other people that they
never spend time helpingthemselves. And the whole crux
of this show, right? positivity,no fire, ordinary people,

(07:12):
extraordinary positivity, whichyou've come to be Now, you may
not have been in that spotbefore. Right? You're there.
You're there now. So tell me alittle bit about what you've
learned about yourself in theprocess of recovery, and over
the last five years, and thenwe'll talk a little bit about
what you're doing now. But whathave you learned about yourself?

Denise Gillespie (07:32):
Well, I learned that and it was kind of
ironic, because I went intospecial education. And the
reason one of the reasons why Iwent into special education was
because I wanted to be thatvoice for kids who couldn't
speak for themselves. And, andthen in my process, I realized,
well, how ironic is that?
Because I couldn't speak formyself, but I could do it for

(07:54):
everyone else. You know, I couldbe like you said I could I could
help anybody who who neededsomething. But I couldn't help
myself. And that was really, youknow, and that was like a
humbling thing to kind of comeand realize that yes, I in fact,
do need help. And I in fact, ambroken. I've learned my

(08:15):
limitations. And they learnednot to be ashamed of them, you
know, and that it's okay. It'sokay to say, you know what, I
don't I don't know how to dothis, or I or I'm scared to do
this. And that it's okay. Idon't have to be wonderwoman for
all the time for all the people.

(08:39):
I mean, and when I say WonderWoman, I used to wear the Wonder
Woman costume in my classroom. Imean, that was legit. I was
Wonder Woman, because like yousaid, I thought that's what
other people wanted to see. Theywanted to see that image of
perfection. So I had to queue tokeep that illusion up. So
really, it's like just justrecognizing that I'm not

(09:00):
perfect, and it's okay not to beperfect. And that that's
probably the biggest thing. AndI have two daughters now. 16 and
21. And that's probably thebiggest thing. I want them to
know that Guess what? Mommy'snot perfect. And mommy has made
mistakes. But I own up to them.
You know, as I say, and now thething is, what do we what do we
do from this point on? Yes,stuff has happened to all of us.

(09:24):
But where do we go from here?
That's more important thanwhat's happened in the past.

Jason Ramsden (09:30):
Absolutely. 100%.
Right. But I like to say tofolks, and I've said it on the
show before. Your past defineswho you are in this moment. But
what you do today will determinewho you will be tomorrow. And
that's I love that you talkabout we're not we're not
perfect. One of my favoritethings is that we're all

(09:51):
imperfectly perfect. Yep. Yeah.
I feel like that's kind of whatyou came to realize. As part of
your journey is that you'reright, you were not perfect. And
that's okay. Like it's okay.
Right? And so spread thatmessage to people to let them
know, hey, the way you are rightnow is perfect. It may be in

(10:11):
perfectly perfect, right? Butthat's okay.

Denise Gillespie (10:17):
Yeah. And what I've come to realize too is that
in my speaking out about myimperfections, kind of like what
you say with that, if you canimpact one person, it's like I
say those things, because theremight be one person out there
who needs to hear that. And if Ican get that message to that
person, then that's why I sharemy story. Just last month, I'm

(10:42):
Facebook, I actually had to goto a celebration of life not had
to, but a young friend of minewho didn't win the battle, you
know, lost the battle ofaddiction at the age of 26 went
to a celebration of life. Andwhen I came home, somebody had
posted on Facebook, that it wasNational Recovery Month, you
know, you know how we everybodygets a month now. So apparently,

(11:03):
September is National RecoveryMonth, and somebody had made
this post and they posted theirsobriety date and pre made
message that went with it. So Iwas like, You know what, I'm
doing it, and I put mine upthere. And I got over 300 likes
and comments, and just, andeverything was positive about
that. And if you would have toldme that over five years ago,

(11:27):
that I would have a been able toshare the fact that I was an
alcoholic. And the fact that Iwould be supported by people,
you know, people that I'm closewith people that I'm not close
with people who just are like,Oh, my gosh, thank you. That's,
that's huge. That's huge. Andit's just by sharing that, you
know, there's no, it's takestakes the shame out of it. I

(11:49):
think that's part of it, too, isa growing up, we're of the same
generation where it's like, myfamily didn't talk about things.
And if something was botheringyou, or something was wrong, we
just kept it to ourselves,because we didn't want the other
people to hear it know about it,you know, we had to create that
illusion of the perfect family.
Well, that's where a lot of mystuff, kind of snowball, then it
grows inside of you. And now Ijust I let it all out. If you're

(12:11):
if you got two years, you'regonna hear my story.

Jason Ramsden (12:18):
But it's good. I think it's important for people
to realize that if they're goingthrough something right now,
whether it is they're in a badplace, and they need to recover
from it, or if it's if it'srelationship based, or if it's
confidence at work, and weeverybody goes through
something. I think the morepeople share their stories,
absolutely, the better off we'llbe as as a human race. And it's

(12:41):
not just our generation, I thinkpeople today kids today don't
want to share they don't want tobe seen as different or, or
other struggling. But that's notthe case. Right? Everybody's
going through it right now, youtalked a little bit about your
journey, what motivates youright now, like, your biggest
motivator in life to kind ofkeep pushing you forward, to

(13:04):
stay sober, to stay on the pathto recovery? What is that

Denise Gillespie (13:08):
I'm probably the biggest motivation are my
two girls, my daughters, like Isaid, my mother growing up
wasn't a very strong person,like with self confidence. And
so that was my model. And then Igrew up again, not having a
voice. So my motivation is to beas strong as I can and to be, be

(13:32):
the best model that I can be,again, not perfect, but just the
best model that I can be, of, oftruth, living living my truth,
and that it's okay. And my mompassed away in December of last
year, and she her biggest fearbefore she passed away, she
said, Denise, please. She says,promise me that when I die, you

(13:54):
won't. You won't be sad anddrink, you know, and I says My
wife is mom. I said, first ofall, I know as an alcoholic, I
can't make promises because Idon't know what tomorrow is
gonna bring. So I won't makethat promise. I said, I just can
tell you that, you know, I'll bestrong and I'll stay connected.
And but that's still that's inthe back of my mind, you know,

(14:16):
not wanting still to disappointmy mom, you know, but again,
it's probably just, you know,those two girls knowing what,
knowing what I had put themthrough and the chaos that I
brought into their lives, andseeing their faces, probably the
hardest thing was them coming tosee me when I was in rehab, and

(14:38):
we had a session and then themhaving to leave, you know,
having to see them walk away,leaving mommy at rehab. That's a
look I never want to see again.
And it was genuine it's I'm notsaying that they were doing
anything to make me feel bad.
They they were hurt, they werebroken. And that was because of
my doing and so I just I don'twant to be the source of pain in

(15:02):
my children's lives, I want tobe the source of healing and of
love. And so that's where weare, we're stronger than we've
ever been. We are as you know,we have an open, honest
relationship sometimes, youknow, my 21 year old and like,
okay, rein the honesty back alittle bit. Mommy doesn't need
to know everything, you know,but I love that, that they could

(15:25):
come to me and say I have aproblem, you know what I mean?
And and we can have that opendialogue. I mean, they they are
my, you know, my breath and mylungs and the, you know, my
heartbeats. So

Jason Ramsden (15:37):
have they expressed to you at all, what
their journey has been like foryou, I mean to you in terms of
where you are now. Tell me alittle bit about the difference
between like, when they were1116 and now 16 and 21.

Denise Gillespie (15:50):
And, and it's, it's been a journey for all of
us because again, I was of theillusion like, Oh, I you know, I
did my, I did 35 days betweendetox and rehab, and then came
home and was like, okay, youknow, mommy's fixed. And, and it
wasn't, wasn't everything wasn'tfixed. I mean, they were still,
you know, so it took a few yearsfor us to kind of get into our

(16:13):
group. Now, it's like, onholidays, they make me cards.
And it sounds something sosimple, but the fact that they
take the time and they write mea message and they'll say,
You're the strongest person Iknow. And again, it's like, Here
I am the broken alcoholic, butthey they see that they see that

(16:33):
strength. And and it means somuch that simple stuff, like you
know, I mean, you'll appreciatethis but like, when it's their
birthdays, I'm like, Where doyou want to go for dinner and
they're like, we want you tocook for us. Being able to be
present for my children is thebest gift that I can I can give
them and so you know, and that'swhat I just keeps me strong and

(16:57):
we've had bumps, you know,especially my 21 year old,
she's, she's had a journey aswell, trying to come out of the
chaos, you know, learning how todo come out of that chaos and
live a quote unquote, normallife, but but she's doing it and
for her to understand that herpath might not be the same path
that her friends are on. Again,it's okay because it's her path.

(17:21):
And she's the only one that isthat is driving that path, she's
the only one deciding whichdirection her path is going in.

Jason Ramsden (17:30):
I love that you bring that up because it reminds
me of a quote that says preparethe child for the path, not the
path for the child. And we arewe're all on different paths we
we may be some of us may beheaded in the same direction.
But the paths that we take toget there are going to be unique
to us based upon our ownexperiences based upon our life

(17:52):
based upon what we've seen anddone etc. So that's good that
you're you've got that mindsetand that girls are taking that
from you. I can only imaginethat they're going to be a lot
stronger later in life becauseof your journey, not in spite of
it.

Denise Gillespie (18:09):
It's funny that you say that because I
always that's exactly what Ialways tell them I said you're
going to do this in spite ofyour past or in spite of what we
may have gone through as afamily so those in spite of is a
phrase we're always saying

Jason Ramsden (18:25):
where do you drop positivity from now?

Denise Gillespie (18:28):
I guess I'm definitely my my support in
recovery. I have a sponsor, Ihave a home group. So it's
definitely that community ofsupport. We say that when you
when you go into a room, it'syou look around and you say I
want what what they have becauseyou see you see the the sobriety

(18:53):
and you see what life can be.
And so you know again, it's likeI know what my life can be now
My life is becoming that youknow each day I try to just be
grateful for what I have andit's definitely taken a turn
where it's like less is more andjust like I look forward to now

(19:13):
I have five more years in thecounty for teaching and it's
like I just want to enjoy mytime I don't want to work until
I'm 65 you know I want to enjoymy time it doesn't mean I need a
large house It just means I needI need a house you know I need a
home for my loved ones to cometo and for us to just enjoy our

(19:35):
time. And so I it's kind of justlike want to be positive because
and let me tell you this, thisis not the way I am each and
every day. I mean I've got myyou know it ebbs and weights for
sure. But you just learn how toput that positivity first. If
you look around my house I haveI have signs everywhere. Like

(19:58):
you See I wear them you know?
Yeah, you know and and i thinkback to Saturday Night Live Do
you remember Stuart Smalley evenlook in the mirror and say, you
know, I'm smart, gosh, darn it,people like me. And I used to
think, who can do that? That isso cheesy and hokey. But now I

(20:19):
have signs everywhere, you know,in my bathroom, you're
beautiful, you know, like, letgo, like God's up there. I mean,
it's just, I just kind of takeit in, because life is better
when you're positive to look atthe good pieces, you know, and
there are there's going to becrap, life's not always better
roses. But if you can focus onthe good stuff that's gonna keep

(20:39):
you going.

Jason Ramsden (20:40):
No, absolutely.
And I think in talking to otherpeople on the show, happiness or
positivity is a mindset. Somepeople are more inclined to be
that way. But when you look atkind of the research on positive
psychology, and being a positiveperson, your circumstances
actually don't make up a lot ofthat pie, right? The piece of

(21:02):
the pie. It is your DNA, likewhat's built into you as part of
it. But it's also what you do ona daily basis to overcome
that's, that's the biggestcontributor to a positive
mindset. So I love that you'vekind of had this journey and
you're on that path there. Butnow you're also helping people

(21:24):
as well. To have a positivemindset about something totally
different than recovery. Right?
Tell me about what you tell theaudience what you're up to now?

Denise Gillespie (21:35):
Well, it it is, it's kind of it is different
than recovery, but it is verysimilar in the kind of the
methodology of it. I have had avery poor relationship with food
all my life. Food was always asource of comfort for me, it was
always my my go to you know, andbeing Italian, you know, I said,

(21:55):
we, we grieve with food, wecelebrate with food foods, like
a religion, if you're Italian.
It's like, you know, Sundaydinners was like a holiday it
was you know, you ate as muchfood on Sunday than you did at
Thanksgiving, even to the pointwhere 10 years ago, I had
gastric bypass surgery because Iwas up to over close to 300
pounds, I was I think 286 was myhighest. So I just never learned

(22:16):
how to properly eat, I live toeat, I didn't eat to live. And
so almost two years ago, itwould be two years in November,
I was at school and facultyrooms are always filled with
treats and from the PTA, and Iwas walking out with a rice
krispie treat in my hand. Andthere was this couple who I had
been watching on Facebook, youknow how you stalk people, when

(22:39):
you see them, you know, and theywere they were in this health
journey, you know, and I waswatching them, like, you know,
eating my chips, like, Oh, thatlooks good. And they were in the
hallway, and I hit the ricekrispie treat behind my hand and
they were like, hey, and I waslike, Hi, you know, and they
were like, Oh, you know, we theycould tell that I was stalking
them. Because you could see whenyou like, you know, people keep

(23:00):
track of that stuff. So theycalled me that night and shared
with me the program that theywere following the optive via
program and I was like, youknow, here we go another program
like and and literally Jasonlike I've done it all you name a
program, I've done it. So I waslike, well might as well let's
try another program. And and itwas great. It was like I was

(23:23):
very successful my first monthand then Josh, my coach turns to
me and he goes, how aboutcoaching? And I was like
coaching? Like who am I thatcoach? Like, Have you not heard
my story like I have, I don'tdeal well with food like for,
you know, 45 years, he's likeyou would be a great coach,
because people want to see yourreal person going through this
journey. Plus, it'll keep youaccountable. So it's like, Well,
okay, and I didn't tell myhusband because I didn't want to

(23:45):
hear Oh, you're trying somethingelse, you know, that stinking
thinking in my head. So I signedup. And sure enough, just again,
by sharing my story and puttingit out there it was people would
be like, what are you doing, andI share the program with them?
Well, then it became this newthing for me, like I was getting
this joy of helping people ontheir health journey. And it was

(24:06):
a joy because of the pandemicwere teaching. I wasn't getting
that joy in teaching because itwas so stressful. And it was
like Wow, it started to feelthat again of being able to, to
help people and you know, andand it's an amazing program
because we don't, it's not adiet. It's a health and wellness
program. And it really taught mefor the first time how to

(24:30):
really, you know, fuel my bodyand what my body needs and how
to eat properly and hydrate.
And, and I said it's like I'velost 45 pounds in four months,
but I've maintained it now foralmost two years, which to me is
more telling than the actualweight loss. So again, by

(24:52):
coaching, it keeps meaccountable. And again, you have
a coach so it's kind of likehaving a sponsor. You know
You're in a we have a big book,which is like our Bible of
recovery in optive via we have alife book. And again, it's a lot
of self reflection. And youknow, Why, what's our Why? Why

(25:12):
are we on this journey? So it iskind of like parallel. It's It
was kind of interesting. Andmaybe that's why I took to it.
So, you know, it's like, it justfelt like the island of misfits,
you know, like I felt at home init. It was like, Yes, this is
my, these are my people.

Jason Ramsden (25:29):
So they're just people, not misfits. We're all
just pure

Denise Gillespie (25:33):
misfits. Now, that's the theme. Yes.

Jason Ramsden (25:37):
And so but you found your group to be connected
to which is a big part of kindof turning that corner to with
mindset and positivity. Likewhen you find your people, you
You definitely feel like okay,like I can, I can be myself I
can share my story, and kind ofmove forward with my life.
Right? Oh, that's great. So youmentioned a minute ago, your

(25:59):
knowing your why, what is yourwhy,

Unknown (26:02):
for what part of my life Jason's.

Jason Ramsden (26:05):
So I'm always focused on forward facing. So
what is your why right now?

Denise Gillespie (26:12):
Wow. My husband and I just celebrated
our one year wedding anniversarybeen together nine years though,
he now knows a sober Deniselonger than he knows a drunk
Denise, which was, which was apretty big event in our house.
So we kind of you know, we've,we've come into this thing late
in life, me and him. And again,it goes back to I want to enjoy

(26:34):
my family, you know, that's mywhy I want to be the best
version of myself. You know, soI can live as long as possible
in it have the best quality oflife, you know, my, my mom's
quality of life towards the endwas not good. And so I don't
want the rest of my family tosee that struggle in me, I want

(26:57):
to be as present. And, and, andI have a little grandbaby now
who's just one, you know, Iknow. And she's so squishy. And
so. So again, it's just wantingto enjoy my time and be happy,
you know, and not have to worryand stress about things that

(27:18):
that just takes up time. Timeaway from the important things
and the important things, youknow, all have names, gab,
Kylie, Michael, Nellie, thoseare the important things.

Jason Ramsden (27:28):
I love it. If you could look at your entire life,
what would you do differently?
If you knew nobody would judgeyou? Hmm.

Denise Gillespie (27:38):
Probably speak up for myself, you know, and
from an from an earlier stage,and and just be confident in who
I am. And what I had to say.
Because that's probably the cruxof everything is that I live
such a fear based life, afraidof what might happen or afraid
of what somebody might say. Soyeah, just to be able just to

(28:02):
speak, and that sounds sosimple, but yeah, just it's not
like one event, it's just to beable to speak up and to voice my
own opinions, and my own wantsto say, this is what I want, and
be okay with that,

Jason Ramsden (28:17):
what I want, and be okay with that. That's like a
super, super point. I love that.
What I want and to actuallyvoice what you want, because
there's so many people who don'ttake the time serving the needs
of others, where they're notreally taking the time to serve
their own needs. And that's abig part of my message for folks
to is like, you have to takecare of yourself, take care of

(28:40):
yourself, and you use all ofyour energy to take care of
others, your cup is empty andwhen our cup is empty, we're not
good. Now we're kind of at our,our worst when our cup is empty.

Denise Gillespie (28:54):
And it's hard.
Like I said, it doesn't, itdoesn't happen all the time.
100% but you know, you just haveto keep yourself in check and
know that it's it's, it's okay.

Jason Ramsden (29:07):
I mean, there everybody has those days, right?
Absolutely. I wish I wish showon positivity. But there's some
days I'm just sitting in thechair, you know, basically
looking at my life and you know,whatever has happened, and I'm
like, just stuck on that. And Iand it takes me a minute to kind
of get myself together to say,you doing right? You have a
great life. Yeah. Okay, sodidn't work out well. Big deal.

(29:28):
Go out and make why work bettertomorrow?

Denise Gillespie (29:31):
Yeah, yeah, it's that stinking thinking
that's what we call it. Youknow, it's just to get out of
that stinking thinking. And it'sfunny too, because I'll say that
to my my 16 year old who youknow, again, as a 16 year old,
they thinks the entire world islooking at them. And you know,
and I'm like, do you understandI said that's your own. you're
projecting that on yourself. Isaid, People don't know what

(29:54):
shorts you're wearing. Or if youwore them last Tuesday. I said
who can As I said, you're alittle, you know, and I say
it's, it's a little pompous ofyou to think that everybody is,
you know, all eyes gazed uponyou. I said, I said, you just
got to get out of that. And soit's hard. It's hard.

Jason Ramsden (30:12):
It is so hard, because people do think they're
all eyes and attention or focuson them, right? This group is
everybody's attention is focusedon itself. Absolutely. All we
focus on is worrying about whatother people are thinking. And
it's a scam that it takes us,you know, 4045 50 years to get
to a point where we're like,that doesn't matter anymore.

Unknown (30:33):
Isn't it true? Yes, I know.

Jason Ramsden (30:35):
I know. You want to be able to teach the kids now
to say like, let it go. Like beyou be who you want to be? And
yeah, that's right. That bringsit all right, back. You, you you
Who needs a weekend ready towrap up? I love this question.
Fill in the blank for me. Okay,happiness is a

Denise Gillespie (30:58):
I was gonna go with like a warm cup of coffee
or the beach but but it's likeit's like it's it's a state of
mind. I mean, if your mind is ina good place, you'll be happy.
And so it's it's getting out ofthat just happiness is a state
of sounds kind of hokey, though,doesn't it? I think I want to go
with the warm cup of coffee onthe beach.

Jason Ramsden (31:22):
That's fine, too.
A warm cup of coffee on thebeach is good. Yeah, the Jersey
Shore like in September. Yeah,right. Right. When it's like
maybe a little chilly and yougot the cup of coffee and you're
catching the sunrise?

Denise Gillespie (31:35):
Yeah, it's just kind of it's it's like
happiness. It's, it's it's sosubjective. You know, but it is
it's like it's it's what it'swhat's in here, your heart. You
know what I mean? And, yeah,

Jason Ramsden (31:50):
a warm cup of coffee on the Jersey Shore. But

Denise Gillespie (31:53):
see now I'm already Jason warrior, like,
Okay, well, I'm doing mystinking thinking I'm a warm cup
of coffee. Like, is in coffeealready bored? Like, why do you
have to, you know, like, I'mdoing exactly what I

Jason Ramsden (32:04):
was thinking, thinking, you know, an iced
latte could be really good inthe summertime. So you're okay
with that? It's good. It works.
Okay. I'm doing me, my friend,if people wanted to connect with
you to learn more about yourstory and what you're up to? And
how can they find you? Where canthey find you online?

Denise Gillespie (32:22):
I am on Facebook, Denise Gillespie. And
I'm also on Instagram, althoughI have to say I'm not a very
instagramming person. Like I'mon it to look at other people.
Like I literally think I've donelike two posts and my daughter,
like made me do both of them. SoFacebook is probably the best

(32:43):
way. Yeah, if anybody'sinterested in in optive via and
learning about that, you know,Denise Gillespie on on Facebook,
and I could talk about yourhealth journey and see if
there's any way I could help.
That would be wonderful.

Jason Ramsden (32:56):
That would be awesome. I appreciate that. And
it just popped into my head. Yousaid instagramming. And I
thought guy that'd be a greathandle for a grandmother. All
day. I know like if I try. Well,my friend, I'll tell you
something, mom, and a big guywould be super proud of you. Oh,

(33:19):
thank you, really. So I'm soglad to have reconnected with
you and have absolutely learnedtogether. It was wonderful.
Pleasure. My pleasure. I know mylisteners would take a lot away
from this episode. So thank youfor being here today.

Unknown (33:34):
Thank you very much for having me.

Jason Ramsden (33:39):
Here are the three things I learned from my
conversation with Denise today.
One, we are all on our ownjourneys toward recovery and
improvement, too. It isimportant to be who we are and
to own it. And three, do notforget to check in on your
friends and family. You neverknow the struggles they may be
facing. If you liked today'sepisode, please give us a five

(34:01):
star rating wherever you listen.
And please share this episode asword of mouth is the way this
shows message grows. Andfinally, as I close every show,
thank you for being here today,my friends, your gift of time
listening to this show means theworld to me. And as always be
well be happy be you. And untilthe next time maybe your quest

(34:22):
for positivity begin today.

Denise Gillespie (34:28):
I grew up again, not having a voice. So my
motivation is to be as strong asI can and to be be the best
model that I can be. Again, notperfect, but just the best model
that I can be of, of truthliving living my truth.

Jason Ramsden (34:47):
For more of my positivity quest, follow me at
underscore j y Ramsden onInstagram tik tok and Twitter.
If you liked today's episode,please give us a five star
rating and review on yourfavorite podcast app or visit
chaser, calm and search forpositivity on fire. Positivity
on fire is a production ofimpact one media LLC. All rights

(35:09):
reserved.