Postcard #4: Van Life Burnout: What No One Tells You About Full-Time Travel

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, hello.
Welcome back to Postcards INever Sent.
I'm your host, Krista, and I'mcurrently somewhere in a van
between Alaska and Argentina,both geographically and
emotionally.
This podcast is part traveldiary, part spiraling, and
mostly human AF.
This is where I say all thethings I never put into
captions, the conversations Iwas too scared to have, and the

(00:21):
thoughts I scribbled intonotebooks that never made it to
the mailbox.
I'm just trying to make sense ofit all and hopefully help you
feel a little more seen in theprocess.
Today's postcard is from FromBaja, the land of tacos, endless
coastline, and the slowest,chillest energy, I have tried
and failed to match.
In today's episode, we're gonnabe discussing burnout, slowing

(00:43):
down, and having major FOMO onthe road.
It's a real thing, I promiseyou.
Thank you for tuning in,wherever you're tuning in from,
whether it's on Spotify, ApplePodcasts, or elsewhere.
And a special thanks if you'refrom YouTube, because you can
actually see me, and this is thefirst time I'm actually filming.

(01:06):
me on camera doing this and i'mso not used to doing these long
long long talking segmentsusually i'm filming travel
videos sharing my adventureswhere i can actually think about
like two or three sentences andthen start recording myself
filming it but this is a reallyreally long thing so i have a

(01:26):
ton of notes on my mac so that ican remember everything that i
need to say so if i am lookingdown reading a little bit that's
why Before we get into it, I'mgonna share some updates on
where I'm at, what's been goingon, and just some random things
that's happened to me lately.
And if you don't care, well, toobad.
I'm gonna talk about it anyways.
But I'll try to remember to puta timestamp in so you know

(01:49):
exactly where to skip ahead toto get into the actual
nitty-gritty of this podcast.
I already have a feeling thatthis is gonna be a much longer
podcast than the last three, sograb a drink and get cozy.
And try to make sure it's one ofthose cute aesthetic drinks.
This is mine.
It's not very cute and aestheticat this point, but yeah, it's my

(02:10):
ice London fog.
Okay, so I know I said that thispodcast was a postcard from
Baja, the land of tacos, endlesscoastlines, yada, yada, yada,
but I'm actually in the mainlandnow, and I am so excited to be
in the mainland.
Baja was beautiful, absolutelystunning, amazing beaches,

(02:30):
amazing culture, just a really,really nice vibe.
but I was so stoked to come tomainland because I don't know, I
could be wrong about this, but Ifeel like mainland Mexico is
more authentic to the actualMexican culture, but I could be
totally wrong on that.
So yeah, I'm just excited to behere because it's so different

(02:54):
from Baja.
There's just so much more here.
Baja is all desert and beaches,beautiful and all.
And there's some like mountainsand stuff, but I'm so excited.
to see trees again, like actuallush trees.
I'm excited to see rainforestsand jungle and more wildlife.
So I'm super stoked to be in themainland.

(03:15):
We actually took the ferry, theTMC ferry to get here about a
week ago now, maybe less than aweek ago.
about a week ago, and it was apretty decent experience.
It was really humid on theferry, and very fumey, so it
made it really, really hard tosleep.
We got a pretty crappy sleep onthe ferry ride over, but it was

(03:38):
really cool.
We saw some dolphins, we sawsome sea turtles, and flying
fish, and some other things, andthe sunsets were really pretty.
And I didn't get seasick, sothat was great, and I'm about to
sneeze.
So we got to mainland, And we'dbeen told by some friends that
got here before us, we were toldby our friends Cora and Frankie

(04:01):
and Mitchell and Chrissy thatit's a lot more hot and humid
here in Mazatlan.
And well, we're an hour north ofMazatlan at this point, but we
were expecting the humidity andheat to just be so, so bad.
And we got here the first day,we were like, oh, it's, Not that

(04:21):
much worse than what we wereexperiencing in La Paz and some
other places in Baja.
But then at night, the humiditygets to like 90% or even
sometimes higher.
I don't know if it was just thefirst week we were here, but it
was insane.
And we were so excited to beable to be parked somewhere and

(04:44):
get a good night's rest afterhaving a crappy sleep on the
ferry.
We did not get a good night'ssleep.
We had like five fanssurrounding us.
We're kind of in town, and so wecouldn't keep the doors open
because, you know, that's kindof sketchy in a town.
But we have our overhead ceilingfan on, and we have these five
little mini fans just runningall night, and we're just like

(05:06):
so clammy and sweaty, and it'sso humid and gross.
But It was a struggle.
And that's one of the biggeststruggles we have is not having
an AC.
So that was fun.
And we were warned by my friendChrissy, be prepared to be
slapped in the face withhumidity.
When we first got here, we'relike, eh, it's not that bad.

(05:27):
It's the same.
it's really not it's reallyhumid and sticky here we've been
working on a really big youtubevideo it will be out soon i
really hope but it's our bigpan-american usa and canada part
of the adventure all in one biglong video well actually we have
to split into two partsotherwise it'd be like seven or

(05:49):
eight hours long i think thefirst part is going to be like
three and a half hours but ihave to record voiceovers And
unfortunately, doing thispodcast, I have this teeny tiny
little mic.
You guys on YouTube can see it.
But I'm in a room that's veryechoey right now.
And I feel like the audioquality is not going to be the

(06:09):
greatest.
So when I filmed my voiceoversand when I filmed my last
podcast, I was in the van, youknow, a little metal box with a
bunch of flat surfaces, not muchto absorb the echo, the sound
bouncing off of stuff.
So I'm in the van.
in 100 degrees, well, about 100degrees Fahrenheit, around

(06:30):
almost 40 Celsius.
And to help with soundabsorption, I have my comforter
over me, and the door's closed,the fan's off, so that there's
no background noise.
Like, I'm in this house here,and I have the AC off, so that I
don't have as much backgroundnoise, and I can feel it slowly

(06:52):
getting warmer.
but it'll take a little longer.
In the van, it's a differentstory.
It gets so hot in there so fast.
And so imagine, you know, it'slike 40 something Celsius or no,
not 40 something, 30 somethingCelsius, nearly 40, almost 100
degrees Fahrenheit.
Doors are closed, you know, theheat is just like building up

(07:14):
and getting so humid and I'munder a comforter recording
voiceovers for 40 minutes.
I was just like dripping insweat by that point, so I'm
really happy that we've takenthis short break from van life
to stay in a little house forfour or five days and be able to
have AC.
It feels so good to be in aplace where, you know, if we go
for a walk outside, we can justcome back in and we have AC and

(07:37):
we can get cool.
And we have a shower.
We can shower every single day.
It's great.
And I was telling Will how Icould totally live in a house
this small.
Like, I don't even know how todescribe the size of this house,
but there's one room right herethat I'm in.
And there's a tiny littlekitchen.

(07:57):
There's...
Cable in the middle.
And then there's a couch.
There's nothing else here.
And then there's an outdoorshower in one room.
It's with a tiny bathroom.
And then there's a bedroomthat's like an okay size.
And there's two double beds.
And I'm like, this feels sogreat.
But when you live in a van andyou're in a small, tiny living

(08:20):
space for so long, anythingbigger than that feels so
luxurious.
And I've really been enjoying...
swimming in the swimming pool.
I grew up with a swimming pooland I used to basically be in it
every day when I was a kid.
So I've been enjoying that aswell.
And I'm not the type of girlthat like sits by the pool with
my goggle, I don't know, with mygoggles.

(08:42):
Sits by the pool in my swimsuit,laying on a little chair,
getting a suntan.
You know, I sometimes do that,but I'm the girl that's like,
dude, hand me my goggles.
I'm gonna go do some handstands.
I'm gonna go swim underwater aslong as I can, holding my
breath, see how far I can go.
It's so much more fun that way.
Okay, okay, so...
Now to the whole point of thisepisode.

(09:04):
I swear this is going to be liketwo hours long.
I apologize in advance for that,but I've got a lot to say.
So one of the biggest lessonsthat I've been learning since
starting van life is theimportance of slowing down while
living this lifestyle.
It is so important becausetravel burnout is so real.

(09:27):
Like nobody tells you that theburnout is so real.
Everybody just basically showsthe highlights of everything.
But again, not everybody'straveling full time.
So most people who are travelingfull time don't really talk
about this as much.
Slowing down gives me majorFOMO.
But the thing is, is you willburn out and miss a heck of a

(09:49):
lot more if you ignore thesignals of your body telling you
to slow down.
And I've learned that the hardway.
So let me explain.
I've learned a few, I've learnedthat in a few different ways.
So when Will and I first movedinto the van, we were treating

(10:10):
this like it was a long-term,one week vacation i don't know
if that fully makes sense to youbut you know when you plan a one
or two week vacation and youjust have every day jam-packed
with all kinds of stuff to doyou want to get up as early as
possible you want to go on thathike you want to go see this
place you want to go eat at thisrestaurant do this and that and

(10:32):
like every day is just packedfull and by the end of the one
or two weeks you are justcompletely wiped Like you
almost, it's almost like you gohome after that and you need a
vacation from the vacation thatyou just had.
That's what it was like for us.
We were up for every sunrise at4 a.m.
because the sunrise rises reallyearly in Utah.

(10:53):
And plus I had to get ready.
I had to get fixed up so that Ican be on camera and be in
photos.
And then we would be up forsunset, which is late at at
least 10 p.m.
And then by the time we find aspot to stay for the night, it's
like 11 30 by the time you getwound down you do the last
little things before you have togo to bed it's so late and then

(11:15):
it ends up giving you like fourhours of sleep and then i
couldn't nap after that likeafter waking up in the morning
for sunrise it was justimpossible for me i can't do
that especially in utah whereit's super hot and Some days are
excessively hot and it's superhot in the van.
Once I wake up, my brain justcan't shut off.

(11:38):
And when I'm really hot, it'sreally hard to sleep.
So it's not like I can catch upon sleep after a four hour night
of sleeping.
After several weeks, maybe amonth of doing that, I really
wanted to slow down.
I really wanted to be able tosleep.
but it was really hard for Willto accept that.

(12:00):
It was really hard for him toaccept that we can't live life
on the road being up for everysunrise at 4 a.m.
and every sunset at 10 p.m.
and then just having likebasically no sleep.
You're never hitting that REM.
You're never hitting the REMsleep.
So you're never getting a goodamount of rest.

(12:23):
You're not waking up feelingrested and rejuvenated.
You're just becoming like wayovertired and so it was a lot of
push and shove for a while itwas a lot of disagreement and
there was some arguments therewas some pretty heated arguments
for a while there but i gotburnt out so quickly because of
it because of it because icouldn't have the rest that i

(12:43):
needed and it was so hard forhim to accept the fact that that
was not a sustainable way oftraveling so yeah i got so burnt
out so quickly um And I don'tknow if any of you have ever
been burnt out, but what itlooks like and feels like is
constant exhaustion, even aftersleeping.

(13:06):
When you wake up and you stillfeel so tired, like you could
sleep for 24 hours, but thensometimes you just can't.
You can't sleep for that long.
Some people can.
Some people are like, yeah, I'lljust crash out for 20 hours
straight, but...
If you're like me and you have abunch of other shit going on,
probably you're gonna have ahard time sleeping as much as
you need.
You start to feel emotionallynumb or unmotivated even when

(13:30):
you're in a beautiful place.
You start to not even wanna bethere.
At least for me personally,there was a point where I was
like, I don't even want to behere anymore.
I just want to be home in my ownbed.
I just want to sleep forever.
I don't care about the sunriseright now.
I just want to sleep.
That's how it felt for me.

(13:51):
You start to get irritable orsnapping over the smallest
things when you're burnt out.
And that's definitely somethingI dealt with quite a bit.
You get brain fog,forgetfulness, or trouble
focusing.
There's so many times where I'mtrying to look back at Utah or

(14:12):
Arizona or something else andI'm like, Will, what did we do
that day?
Or he'll bring something up andhe'll be like, oh, remember when
this happened?
And I'm like, I have no idea.
I don't remember because bynoon, my brain fog was just so
insane that that I couldn'tthink or process anything.

(14:33):
There would be times where he'dask me a question and I'm like,
I need like 10 minutes toprocess that.
Like I can't process right now.
Or he'll ask me, do you wantthis or this?
And I'm like, you just chooseplease because I don't know,
it's too hard.
It just got really hard to evenjust make decisions.
And you get a sense of dreadwhen it's time to move again or

(14:55):
plan something.
Like, I don't know, it's reallyhard to heal.
when your whole life is inmotion.
It's really hard to rest whenyour whole life is in motion.
The only way to rest is just bylike staying put and actively
just trying to chill.
You know, not like laying inbed, scrolling on your phone,
like just actually chill.

(15:17):
And when you're constantly onthe go, like, okay, tomorrow we
got to drive like two hours togo to another place.
Like you ever just go on a roadtrip, you drive a couple of
hours and you get back andyou're just so tired.
That's van life.
And that is, is not good foryour burnout um you also get a
feeling like you're never doingenough no matter how much you do

(15:38):
if you try to take a littlebreak you're just like i need to
be doing something i need to goi need to like be doing this
hike it's yeah you always feellike you're never doing enough
and then you start to gettension or pain in the body
which We're going to get tothat.
But something I've beenstruggling with for a long time,

(15:58):
I think I've been burned out forlike years.
But then when I started doingvan life, the burnout just got
more excessive because like Isaid, when your whole life is in
motion, it's like almostimpossible to heal.
It's impossible to get the restthat you need.
And so I have struggled withback pain and like shoulder and

(16:22):
neck pain, shoulder and neckpain, and jaw tension.
And it's like all the time, likemy back is sore right now.
It's like no matter what I do,I'm sore all the time.
And I'm sure it's not just dueto burnout.
It's due to a bunch of otherthings that I'm dealing with,
which I touched on in episodeone, the anxiety, depression,

(16:46):
hormonal imbalances, cortisolimbalances, all that kind of
crap.
That That all has to do withthis as well.
I mean, burnout triggers, we'llget into that after.
But it also causes you to getsick more often.
So you also heal more slowly.
And so, okay, I'm gonna explainhow that makes sense.

(17:09):
So you ever just like whenyou're burned out already and
then you get sick and you have acold that lasts like an entire
week and it just seems like itdoesn't go away?
That happens to me all the time.
will came to quebec to build outthe van where i live i live in
quebec and he ended up bringingcovid with him all he got was a

(17:32):
little sniffle and of course igot it too and i'm out for an
entire week just so sick so sosick and i'm locked up in my
room because it's covered rightand Yeah, for a whole week.

(17:53):
And then I had lingeringsymptoms for a good three weeks.
It was not fun.
And it's like that every time Iget a cold.
Like Will had, like I said, hehad the sniffles and it went
away in a couple of days.
But no, when I get sick, itlasts a long time.
Another example, just before westarted van life, I had an
ingrown hair on my leg, likeright there.

(18:16):
I think you can see that ifyou're watching from YouTube.
And it really hurt.
So funny story.
I go see Will with my ingrownhair.
I didn't know what it was.
And I showed Will and I waslike, this really hurts.
And he goes and pokes it.
Like, ow.
Like, it hurts so much.
And I'm like, why would you gopoke it?

(18:37):
I just said it hurt.
Like, genius.
Anyways, so that wasFebruary-ish, 2024.
So a year and a half ago.
I still have a lingering bruisefrom that.
It's still there.
It's very faint, but I can seeexactly where it was.

(18:58):
I don't know if it's permanent.
I don't know if it'll go away,but clearly it's taking a very
long time to heal, if it'll everactually go away.
So when I started to feel theburnout, I kept telling myself
that I needed rest.
And I kept telling Will, I needrest.
I need to sleep.
I need to be able to just relax.

(19:20):
Like, I don't want to get up forsunrise.
I don't want to be up forsunset.
I don't want a camera in myface.
I just want to be able to chilland enjoy this place without
having to do anything.
Like I said, that was really,really hard for him to accept.
And I mean, there was still apart of me that's like, I need

(19:42):
to do like 20 hikes.
I need to go on a hike today,but I need to rest.
I need to do this.
I need to do that.
And I'd be like, oh my gosh, Ineed to rest.
I really need to rest.
I'm so tired.
And then the other part of me islike, no, you gotta be doing
more.
You gotta go for a hike.
You gotta go create somecontent.
You know, there's like, my brainjust would not shut up.
Like it felt like if I rested, Iwasn't doing enough.

(20:05):
But if I went out and didsomething, Like, my internal
world wasn't going to improve inany way.
And it's really hard when youhave two very, very conflicting
emotions like that.
And also having a lot ofpressure from Will.
And by the way, Will's great.

(20:27):
I'm not trying to sound like I'mcomplaining about him.
This was just one of thestruggles we had in the
beginning.
And he's been so much better atit to the point now where if I'm
like, I just need to sleep, he'slike, okay, we're not doing
anything today.
That's totally fine.
Take the rest you need.
It's important.
But back then, it wasn't likethat at all.

(20:49):
I'm his first girlfriend likeever.
So one thing he had to learn washow to prioritize somebody over
him, like not over himself, butprioritize what somebody else
needs as well.
and that's been a long longlearning process for him but but
it's getting there it's gettingthere it's been a lot better now

(21:11):
um but that being said i totallyget it when you're in a place
that's as otherworldly andbeautiful as utah i don't know
if you guys have ever been therebut utah is one of the most
unique places in the us just thelandscapes are all wildly
different from Anything else,anywhere else.

(21:34):
And even within Utah, everythingis uniquely different to each
other.
And so it's really hard to beokay with missing a sunrise or
sunset.
But the thing is, is I justneeded a break for like one
night to be able to continue thenext day.
But when you're not allowed tohave the break when you ask for

(21:56):
it, you just get more and moretired.
That tiredness builds up.
The irritation builds up.
and you just get more burnt out,like more and more burnt out.
And when you lose that on sleepso much and don't get it when
you really need it, your bodyreally starts to keep score.

(22:17):
The one thing I knew was that Ineeded rest and it went on for
two months before we finallymade our way to Arizona where we
explored some slot canyons andsome other unique landscapes.
So Arizona is another reallyunique and special place.
And after doing a couple ofthings at a RV park for the RV

(22:43):
park, we were creating somecontent for them, I decided I
wanted to go on an adventure andkayak into a slot canyon because
I heard there was this secretentrance into Antelope Canyon.
And Antelope Canyon is areally...
popular, probably one of themost famous spots in Arizona,

(23:05):
Arizona, Arizona, Slot Canyonwise.
And this secret way untilAntelope Canyon isn't super
overtoured with thousands ofpeople every day like Antelope
Canyon is.
Like my guide at Antelope Canyontold me that one of the
Kardashians booked it out sothat she could be in there by

(23:26):
herself with like her family orsomething or some other people.
I don't know if that story'strue, but that's how busy it is.
She actually had to rent it outand make sure that there was
nobody else going to be there.
So I was excited to go on a newand epic adventure.
Because in Utah, we mostly woulddrive to a spot and then put up

(23:51):
the drone.
It was a lot of drone stuff.
And I love the adventure.
And so...
We decided we were going to gokayak into Antelope Canyon.
It's, I forget the distance, butit's a long kayak paddle and
it's a decent length of a hike.

(24:13):
So yeah, we did that.
But the thing is, is that day Ihad this weird little pinpointed
pain in my chest.
I don't know what causes it, butit's been happening to me for
years now.
I don't know, I don't rememberwhat ever caused it in the first
place.
But just out of nowhere, I'llget this pinpointed pain,

(24:36):
basically in the center of mychest.
And it's like a sharp pain, butit's not like super bad.
Like if I like twist myshoulders and I move my arms up,
I can feel it.
Like I can feel it kind ofpulling and being more sore when
I move.
But it would always go away in acouple of days.
So I'm like, okay, it's not abig deal.

(24:57):
It's back again, whatever.
As it, you know, it does.
It usually would go away, but itwould happen like at least once
a year, every year for like thelast four years or whatever.
And so, yeah, that washappening.
And I was like, yeah, it'll goaway.
No big deal.
So we made our way to the boatlaunch on Lake Powell in the

(25:20):
early AM where, and we were onthe water by around six.
I could be wrong in those times,but it was pretty early.
We wanted to go for aroundsunrise and I was finally stoked
to go on the real adventure.
And so we kayaked severalkilometers that day.
I don't remember the exactamount, but it was pretty far.
And we hiked several hours inthe Arizona heat.

(25:45):
I also don't remember how manykilometers that was.
And so it is a slot canyon.
It's not quite as slotty as thelower and upper antelope canyons
where you're kind of likeweaving your way through and
like, you know, turning to theside so that you can fit through
a little like slot or whatever.
And there are in this part ofantelope canyon, there are some

(26:10):
places where I'm using my upperbody strength to like pull
myself up.
And also keep in mind that I hadto use a lot of upper body
strength for the kayaking for along time.
And so as we made our wayfurther into the canyon, that
tiny pinpointed spot started tohurt more and more.

(26:34):
And I did this stupid thing oftrying to like stretch it out.
I'm like stretching as hard as Ican, pulling my hands back, you
know, like my chest actuallycracks.
I'm getting will to crack myback.
I'm just like trying to stretchit out.
I'm like, yeah, if I stretch itout, this little knot will go
away.
Well, it's not a knot.
It's not in my muscle.
I'm not going to stretch it out,apparently, as I found out

(26:55):
later.
But yeah, that was a reallystupid thing to do.
And it just got more and moreirritated.
So by the time we got back tothe kayaks, I told Will, like,
this is starting to really hurt,but I was still able to kayak.
It wasn't so sore that I wasn'table to kayak, but I was like, I
do not want to be kayaking withthis pain, but it was okay

(27:18):
enough that I was still able togo.
On the way back, the waves werebigger, and as we paddled, I can
just feel the pain getting worseand worse, and I'm like, this
really can't be good.
I was starting to worry more andmore, but thankfully I was still
able to paddle.

(27:39):
When we got back to the van, andas soon as we did, the pain
doubled.
It worsened so much.
so we went and found our spotfor the night my brain's kind of
like foggy on what exactlyhappened after we kayaked i want
to say we went and got food buti couldn't be wrong but at some

(27:59):
point we made our way and founda spot for the night and the
next morning when i woke up iwas in probably the worst pain
i'd ever been in i had shinglesbefore i had it on my forehead
that's why i have this gnarlyscar that i tell people is like
a a lightning bolt And this oneguy actually, this one time I

(28:19):
actually told this guy that Iwas attacked by a bear.
He believed me for a minute, butI told him after that it was
shingles.
And he's like, oh, like shinglesfell off the roof and hit you in
the head.
I'm like, no, like the chickenpox thing.
And he's like, oh, but yeah,shingles really hurts.
I don't know if any of you haveever had shingles, but it hurts

(28:44):
so much, so much.
But I don't know, I feel likecostochondritis hurts more.
But yeah, I could not pullmyself up out of bed.
The pain was so bad.
Will had to help me get upcarefully.

(29:05):
He actually had to hold my back,hold my neck, and sit me up.
And I couldn't put my arms up.
I couldn't even hold a cup ofwater because it hurts so much.
Will tried to give me a cup ofwater.
He did everything for me when Iwas going through this pain
because I couldn't, like I said,I couldn't even hold a cup of

(29:27):
water.
My drink right now, this wouldhurt way too much to be able to
hold.
And I'm gonna take a sip nowbecause it's so good.
But yeah, he did everythingaround the van.
Basically did all the cooking.

(29:47):
My camera died, so I have to goreset it back up.
Hopefully it's in focus.
I promise that wasn't a fart.
But yeah, what I mean by hebasically did all the cooking is
that he did do all the cooking.
He did all the cleaning.
He made sure I was comfortable,got water, went and did

(30:09):
groceries.
Everything.
It was just too hard for me tomove.
It was so painful.
And I don't know, like somepeople can be like overdramatic
about their pain, but for this,I definitely wasn't being
dramatic about it.
Some people get this pain worsethan others.

(30:30):
And I seem to have gotten itreally bad.
Like breathing hurt.
Sneezing hurt even more.
It was so painful.
Sneezing hurt so much.
And when I would finally get upand Will would help me out of
the van, whatever, walking hurt.

(30:51):
Every single step.
You know, there's a little bitof a bounce in steps.
So every little step, it waslike, ugh, ugh.
Like, it just hurt so much.
And I don't think Will realizedhow much pain I was actually in
for a while, at least not forthe first week that I suffered
from this, but he helped, hestill helped me and did

(31:14):
everything around the van.
I think he finally realized howbad it was when, you know, it'd
been a little while and I wasgetting out of the van and I hit
my head on the shelf gettingout.
Like I went to get out and thenI realized I forgot something.
and I'm really stiff and stuffand I get up and I hit my head
on the little shelf and I juststart screaming and crying.

(31:39):
I'm like, I'm so fucking sick ofthis.
I never wanna feel this painagain.
It hurts so much.
I'm just over at the bed with myhead down, crying and bawling my
eyes out and I think thatmight've been the moment where
he realized, oh, she's actuallyreally in pain.
She's not just milking this.
Like this actually really hurts.

(32:01):
And we did some looking one ofthe first days that I had it to
see what it could be, like whatthe heck could possibly be wrong
with me because surely it wasn'ta heart attack or a stroke
because it definitely wouldn'tlast that long and it wouldn't
be like a slight pain thatslowly, slowly, slowly gets
worse, you know?
Okay, so camera died again.

(32:23):
It didn't die, it just poweredoff.
Apparently it's beenoverheating, and so I decided to
close the curtain, turn on theAC, and let it cool off a little
bit.
I closed the curtain just enoughso that it blocks the camera
from sunlight, which I think iswhat was really triggering it to
overheat, so we're back inbusiness.

(32:45):
And I'm really warm.
It's getting really warm in herebecause the AC's off again.
It just creates so muchbackground noise, so.
Gotta do what you gotta do.
I'll just go jump in the poolafter.
So, like I said, we...
I don't even know where I was.
So, we did some looking intowhat the heck could be wrong
with me.
Okay, I already mentioned theheart attack thing and the

(33:07):
stroke and how it can't be thatbecause they probably don't last
too long.
But yeah, I thought somethingwas seriously wrong with me.
I honestly...
thought that maybe it could besomething fatal or maybe I had
like a broken rib or somethingbut I was like how could I have
a broken rib like I didn'treally do anything that extreme
to be able to hurt myself thatbad so after a lot a lot of

(33:29):
research we determined that itwas most likely costochondritis
and just so you know I don'trecommend self-diagnosing if you
think that something's wrongwith you go see a professional
seriously like don't learn fromme Do not learn from me.
Highly, highly do not recommend.
So we ended up making our way tothe California coast so we could

(33:54):
be somewhere that was a littlebit more cool with some breeze
because we were currently inNevada by that point and then in
Alabama Hills and it was justtoo hot and too uncomfortable to
be able to rest properly.
I don't like being sweaty andsticky and being in Nevada.
or Alabama Hills that time ofyear meant that I was gonna be

(34:16):
pretty sticky and sweaty.
And like, as a Canadian, I getreally hot easily.
I don't know, maybe it'spartially my hormonal imbalances
and cortisol imbalances, but I'mgonna blame part of it on being
Canadian.
When I'm somewhere that's hot,it's excessively hot for me and
I sweat.

(34:36):
way too easily.
And the coast was just so muchcooler and so much more
comfortable and allowed me to beable to rest a lot better but of
course my costo kept flaring upfull force so we looked into
more different ways to help istarted taking some painkillers
i was using this roll-on musclecoolant or muscle relaxant stuff

(35:00):
i was taking is it called domsdons i don't know i forget what
it's called but yeah some kindof like pill that's specifically
for um relaxing your muscles andstuff and i bought a a few
different types of supplementsthat I thought would help.
And eventually we came acrossthe back pod while watching some

(35:23):
YouTube videos.
And this person was strugglingwith costochondritis for years
and years and years, and itwould just not go away.
And you know, I'm in the midstof it and I'm like, oh my God,
my life is going to be ruined.
I'm never going to be able to gobackpacking again.
Like I'm going to suffer fromcostochondritis for the rest of
my life.
It's going to be a constant onand off pain.

(35:45):
I'm like freaking out.
Like, of course I don't wantthat.
That's like going to change mylife.
so much and in ways that I don'twant it to change and so yeah we
discovered the back pod througha YouTube video and this person
was like ever since I've had theback pod my costochondritis

(36:06):
hasn't been flaring up and I'vebeen kind of okay like It's
basically healed my cost ofcontritis, and if I feel it
coming back on, I just use theback pod again.
So I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to spend$80, spend mypretty pennies on this back pod
thing.
It's this weird, like, green,oval-shaped, like, dome-shaped

(36:26):
thing that you, like, lay on theground, and you lay on it, and
you place it in the middle ofyour back, and you just kind of,
like, lay there.
I think you lift your arm.
It's been a while since I'veused it.
So you, like, lift your arms upover your head, and you just,
like...
relax and let it basically likestretch out your ribs.
So essentially, costochondritisis your ribs kind of, like I

(36:51):
don't know the full terms forit, like I don't know the
scientific shit for it, but it'sbasically like your ribs kind of
like tighten up.
Yeah, that's the best way I canexplain it.
If you want to know whatcostochondritis is, go look it
up, because I suck at explainingit.
But yeah, so I got that, spentmy pretty pennies on it, and

(37:13):
used that for a few weeks.
And yeah, it went away after acouple of weeks of using it.
And it never came back.
Up until, so it's been like ayear now since I had
costochondritis.
It was like, I believe it was inApril that I got it.
May?
Maybe May.
And this May, like last month, Ihad that pain in my chest and I

(37:39):
did the stupid thing ofstretching it out and I felt it
getting worse and worse and Ilooked at Will and I was like,
I'm about to get full-blowncostochondritis again.
And I was so disappointed bythat.
I so did not want to havefull-blown costochondritis
again.
It was not something that Iwanted.
I'm covering my feet because mytoenails are not very beautiful
right now, so I'm kind of grossand gnarly.

(38:02):
But yeah, so...
I just felt it coming on and itgot worse and worse and I was
stupid by stretching it out ashard as I could.
So of course it gets reallypainful again, but it didn't get
nearly as painful as it did lasttime and it went away after a
couple of days without reallyhaving to do anything because I
was like, I need a few days torest and Will's like, okay,

(38:22):
we're just going to take it easyfor a few days.
I was like, okay, good.
And it went away in a few days.
So other than that, it hasn'tcome back full blown to the
point where I can't hold a cupor I can't do anything.
But every now and then I do getthat little sharp pain in my
chest, that pinpointed pain, andI just kind of take it easy and

(38:43):
let it be, make sure that itgoes away because I'm so
terrified to get costo again.
And you know, I think gettingcostochondritis by that point
was my body's way of sayinglike, okay, so you're not gonna
slow down.
Well, here you fucking go.
Here's a little pinpointed painin the middle of your chest.
Go ahead and push yourself.

(39:03):
Let your boyfriend push you too.
See what happens.
So of course I go kayaking andthen boom, my body's like, huh,
now you have to slow down.
I'm pretty sure it was literallymy body keeping score and being
like, okay, she's not going toslow down.
Her boyfriend's not going to lether slow down and she's not
stepping up enough to fight forthat.

(39:24):
Well, I kind of was fighting forit.
But here you go.
Now you have to rest because Youliterally can't do anything.
And I'm also gonna scare theshit out of you and make you
feel like you might die.
Like it was so scary.
I thought something wasseriously, seriously wrong with

(39:44):
me.
I mean, in that amount of painand in that area of your body,
you really do worry about it.
Slowing down was hard though.
Slowing down, like travelingslowly was something I knew I
wanted to do when I firststarted this.
But when you get into it, it'skind of hard to, Accept that you
need to slow down becausethere's so much to see in this

(40:05):
beautiful world.
There's so much in every placeand You don't want to miss it,
right?
and so I just always felt like Iwas missing out on so much by
slowing down So it was reallyhard to accept that and be like,
okay, i'm gonna slow down todaybut the thing is is When you get
burnt out or you're forced toslow down You're missing out on

(40:28):
more than you would have if youjust let yourself slow down and
rest.
And because of this, because ofcostochondritis forcing me to
slow down, I felt like I wasmissing out on so much.
I couldn't do much in Californiaand Washington, two states that
I wanted to explore so much.
I'd been to Washington before,but only spent a week there.

(40:50):
And then I'd been to Californiabefore, but I only went to my
friend's wedding and just kindof hung out with her.
at her apartment, I think.
And so I didn't really get toexplore California.
So I was so stoked going intothis trip for the West Coast.
Of course I was excited forUtah, but I love the mountains

(41:13):
so much.
And Washington was one of thoseplaces where I'm like, this is
where I need to be.
I love this place, I love themountains.
And now that I was there, burntout and forced to slow down by
costochondritis, it forced me tomiss out on so much.
I couldn't do much there andslowing down had become a
priority.

(41:35):
So I missed out on severalthings since then because of the
fear of doing it, such as likebackpacking.
When I went on my firstbackpacking trip in Washington,
Will carried literally 80% ofthe weight because we were
scared that out in the backcountry, the costochondritis
would flare up and he'd have tocarry absolutely everything and

(41:55):
then come back for me and helpme.
Because that's how bad it wouldhave been.
Like, I was so terrified.
But we went and did that onehike anyways.
And it stopped me from doing alot of other backpacking for a
long time.
And I love backpacking.
I hate carrying the weight.
I hate climbing up steep asshills, but I love being in the

(42:16):
backcountry.
And You know, being stuck outthere with costochondritis isn't
really exactly a great situationto be in.
And so a few months after movingmore slowly, we ended up in the
Yukon where we would go fromlike, we kind of like travel in
spurts.
So we'd move really quickly fora couple of weeks and then kind

(42:37):
of go slow for a week or so.
And honestly, that is stillreally hard on the body because
like you're pushing for twoweeks straight.
And then, of course, you need aweek to rest.
And eventually, we made it up toAlaska, where we started pushing

(42:57):
hard again because it wasautumn.
And, you know, in Alaska, thefall season is very short.
It goes by so quickly.
And, you know, it's sobeautiful.
So, of course, you want to seeall the places during the fall.
So we're doing everything in theautumn.
We're going hard.
We're going fast.

(43:17):
We're recording everything.
At this point, we're actuallydoing YouTube, so we're filming
videos in every place we're at.
I have a camera in my face allthe time.
We're up for sunrises, sunsets,you name it.
We're just moving nonstop.
And then, you know, there'stimes where we're having little
breaks, but we're still burntout from it.
Plus, we're cooped up in the vanby winter because it's just so

(43:39):
cold outside that we don'treally want to go out, but we
want to see the beauty.
And so we're pushing hard againin the winter because we're
trying to get the last littlebit of our adventures up there.
Like, you know, time is fleetingfor us.
We only have so much time leftbefore we head south.
Like, we get to see as much ofthis place in winter as
possible.

(43:59):
So again, moving fairly quickly,plus being in the van, plus
doing a bunch of work, editing,all that kind of stuff.
It was just crazy.
And the pace we were moving atin the beginning was...
too much and too exhausting likei said i got burnt out so fast

(44:20):
and we needed to learn that thiswas a lifestyle not a
never-ending one-week vacationwhere you try to fit in as much
as you can every single dayafter trips like that you come
home and you just feel exhaustedthis was not a one-week trip

(44:42):
This was a lifestyle.
This was everything, you know.
And like I said, I knew thatfrom the start that I wanted to
travel slow.
But it was so hard to convinceWill that it was important to
move slowly and to take ourtime.
And it hit me a hell of a lotharder than it hit him.

(45:06):
And I think that has a lot to dowith the anxiety, depression,
hormonal imbalances, all thatkind of stuff.
and everything else going oninternally.
I was crashing and burning everysingle day.
I had brain fog by noon.
I would wake up feeling tired.
I'd be up in the middle of thenight needing to pee.

(45:28):
I would struggle to sleep forlike three hours.
I was incredibly irritableamongst a billion other symptoms
of burnout and everything else Ilisted, the anxiety, hormones,
whatever.
And so at the end of Alaska, wewent home for the holidays for
two and a half months and got torest a lot, got to recoup.

(45:53):
I got my shit together and in mylast, not in my last podcast,
but in episode one, I talkedabout all the things I did to
get better and to get intobalance before we met back up on
the road and And we spent, whenwe met back up on the road, we
spent a month or so in theEastern Sierras area.

(46:14):
And we didn't really move much.
And, you know, it was nice tojust be in one spot for a
prolonged period of time and notfeel like I was gonna burn out.
After that, we hit the road toBaja.
And by then, I'm feeling prettygood.
I'm feeling like, you know, I'mnot waking up in the middle of
the night anymore.
I'm a little less irritable.

(46:36):
I, like my brain fog is kind ofgoing away.
Like I feel like 50, not 50%better, maybe like 35% better.
And so when we got to Baja, whenwe crossed the border to Baja, I
was like ready to go.
I'm like, yeah, new place, newcountry.
I'm ready to see all the things.

(47:00):
We started to get our routemapped out.
I had all these video ideaslined up.
I had all these like photoslined up, reels planned.
I was ready to hit every beachand capture sunrises and hike
all the trails and finally getmy content to perform on
Instagram.

(47:25):
Instagram.
Spoiler alert.
It never performed after.
It's still struggling, but youknow what it is what it is.
But yeah, we got to Baja, andI'm like, yeah, ready to go.
I'm going to see all the things,do all the things, do all the
hikes.
I'm feeling great.

(47:46):
I'm feeling better than I wasbefore.
It's time to do this.
But Baja was like, nah, that'snot going to happen.
Yeah, we get to places.
Service isn't the greatest.
In towns, everything justfeels...

(48:10):
so much slower except for thepeople driving the people are
speedy and you know there's justlocals sitting around not
rushing doing whatever there'sjust dogs napping in the middle
of the road not giving a care ifyou're driving by it just felt
like everything in baja was likeyo you need to like slow down

(48:31):
and chill like remember whathappened before well this place
is going to teach you a lessontoo But I was feeling antsy.
I was so excited to be in a newplace.
I'm like, this place is new,this is different, there's
beaches.
And we only have six months inMexico, so we gotta see as much

(48:52):
as we can.
It's a big country, of course.
Of course that's gonna be mymindset.
And I think life in Baja is alot slower, partially, or in
Mexico also, partially becauseof the heat.
Everything just needs to be doneslower in the heat.
Everything just works a littlemore slowly.
Like, you do something, like yougo for a walk in the heat, you

(49:15):
want to walk slow, otherwiseyou're going to be dripping in
sweat.
At least I will be.
And that's not fun.
I don't like being sweaty.
And, you know, so I resisted theslower-paced lifestyle that I
was seeing in the beginning.
And, you know, I was stillchecking for signals, still
wanting to get up for everysunrise and sunset.

(49:36):
I kept trying to...
you know, narrate the momentinstead of just kind of being in
it.
Like the voice inside my headwas loud.
It was like, okay, you only gotso much time here.
You're going to go on 20 hikes aday.
It's exaggerative.
You're going to go on 20 hikes aday.
You have to put the drone upevery day.

(49:58):
You have to take pictures everymorning.
You got to get pictures everysingle day.
Take pictures of every place yougo to.
You know, it was like, there's alot of pressure.
like you should be doing moredon't waste this time don't
waste this opportunity rest whoneeds that and it's that damn
inner critic i told you about inepisode number three postcard
number three i swear i can seemy inner critic just like

(50:23):
standing there and she's likeshe's got this like black blazer
on with a white tank underneathand she's got these like black
dress pants she's got her hairslicked back in a little
ponytail she's got her littleglasses on the end of her nose
she's got red lipstick and she'sholding her little clipboard

(50:44):
she's got a pen in her handshe's tapping it on the
clipboard while tapping her footon the floor just looking at me
taking notes and reading thingsoff of her list of all these
things that i need to do and allthese things that she's
critiquing me about god she'sjust i could i could just see
her there she needs to like takea step back so Will and I both

(51:04):
come from North America, soCanada and the US.
I know Mexico is part of NorthAmerica, but I come from Canada
and Will comes from the US.
And I'm sure a lot of you guyslistening out there are also
from either of those countries.
I know there's some listenersfrom other places in the world,
which is so cool.
But here in North America, asidefrom Greenland and Mexico, It's

(51:34):
such a busy culture.
Busyness equals value.
Everyone's so used to rushingand getting to the next thing
and scheduling and planningevery moment of every day.
And even on rest days, it's nota very chill culture.
We don't really do chill.

(51:55):
It's such a hustle culture.
And we kind of arrived in Bajaexpecting to keep that same
pace.
But it's so different.
You know, things are closedmidday.
Like, we'd go into town and we'dlook at Google Maps to see what
restaurants are open and wherewe can go, but then we'll drive

(52:16):
around and everything's actuallyclosed.
It's like, what?
Like, you're supposed to be openright now.
What are you doing?
Like, it's just so different.
Like, people just aren't in ahurry.
And...
You know, sometimes it's justlike we go to a restaurant and
it's closed and it's like, well,now what?

(52:36):
Like, this place is supposed tobe open.
That would rarely ever happen inCanada or the U.S.
And I mean, there's nothingwrong with that, but it's just
not what we were expecting atall.
And, you know, seeing this,like, I started questioning,
like, why is it that I feel soanxious that I'm doing nothing?
Like, if I take some time tojust rest or just chill and do

(52:57):
nothing, I feel like I'm wastingso much time because of the
hustle culture of Canada and theUS.
It really makes you always feellike you're not doing enough if
you rest.
Or you'll go out to the beach ona Wednesday and it'll just be
packed with locals.

(53:19):
And it's like, what are youdoing here?
Don't you got to be somewhere?
Don't you got to be doingsomething?
You know, like, and I guess likeany place you go, like there's
people that just take a day offto go to the beach or whatever.
But it just seemed like it wasjust more than usual, more than
I'd like seen before.

(53:39):
Baja has showed me that rest canbe part of the experience.
And it's not a pause from it.
Like, I don't know about you,but the best I feel when I'm
traveling is is when I can justgo to a spot and fully enjoy the
moment and not do anything.
If I'm on the beach just sittingthere and watching the sunset, I

(54:01):
feel so at peace.
I feel so happy to be there.
And I don't need anything elsein that moment.
I don't need to be doinganything.
That is the one time that mybrain just goes completely
silent.
And it's the same with all theother elements.
If I just sit in a forest by ariver, I just feel so at peace.
I feel so grounded.
I feel amazing.

(54:22):
If I'm sitting around a campfireand there's only a few people
and you know like we're havingconversations and stuff but
there's some moments where it'sjust like everyone's just kind
of thinking of what to say wellI just like stare at the fire
and I just zone right out and mymind is completely blank and
that like never happens.
My mind is always like chaosinside but when I'm just sitting

(54:45):
there fully in the momentlooking at where I am and
feeling it, feeling the elementsaround me, like I feel so
grounded and so at peace.
Baha has also showed me thatproductivity addiction runs deep
and it sneaks into van life too.
You always feel like you need tobe doing something.

(55:06):
You always feel like you need tobe productive, especially as a
creator.
Like I always feel like I needto be filming something or
taking photos or editingsomething, but You know, the
productivity addiction is hardto let go of, and it's hard to
feel okay not doing anything.
Baha has taught me that slownessisn't laziness.

(55:29):
It's wisdom and it's trust.
When you can slow down and allowyourself to really just be in
the moment, your mind goes alittle bit more clear, and it
allows you to find more clarityin situations.
It's also taught me that somedays are for naps, for oceans
and goggles, and not feelingguilty about it.

(55:53):
If you're on the road and youhave a lot of work to do, you
still need to take a break, youstill need to go out and enjoy
the beach, enjoy where you'reat, put your goggles on, go
snorkeling, do whatever, justenjoy where you are without
feeling the pressure to Documentit for other people like do it

(56:13):
for you do it for yourself I'vestarted to enjoy mornings with
no agenda and Evenings with nocontent plan.
Okay, that's kind of a lie Noagenda as in like, okay We're
gonna get up at 6 tomorrow to beready by 6 20 so that we can go
out and get sunrise and takephotos it's more of a Okay, I'm

(56:36):
just going to wake up when Iwake up and then I'm going to do
my morning routine, which is anagenda, but it's something
that's helping me.
And I don't let myself feelpressured if I wake up in the
morning and I'm like, okay, I'vedone this, this, this, and this
off of my daily list of thingsto do on my morning routine.

(56:59):
I don't feel like doing this,this, and this, so...
Maybe I'll switch it up tomorrowand do those tomorrow and skip
these things tomorrow.
You know, like, I don't put toomuch pressure on myself to get
it all done.
But I don't have the agenda of,you know, we got to be at a
place at a certain time and dothis and that.
Like, there's mornings whereit's just, we'll wake up when we

(57:19):
wake up, and that's fine.
And I've also learned to listenwhen my body says no.
Even if the beach lookedtempting...
where the plan was exciting.
If my body is not feeling it,probably not a good idea to do
it.

(57:40):
And yeah, so if I start gettingthat chest pain now, I know that
I need to rest and relax and notpush myself too hard.
Don't do stupid stretches,Krista.
Don't do stupid stretches whenyou feel that pain because it
always brings costochondritisback.
You discovered that last month.

(58:01):
Baha doesn't rush, andeventually if you stay long
enough, it starts to wear youdown in a good way.
You know, I started to drink mytea slower.
I've started to just slow downmy mornings and take my time
with my morning routine, doingthings that are going to help me

(58:22):
in the long run, that are goingto allow me to rest and quiet my
mind.
And You know, it's taking moretime for healing and watching a
sunset without the pressure ofcreating content and leaving the
camera in the van.
And in doing that, nothing fellapart.

(58:43):
Nothing fell apart.
Of course, there's still a lotof pressure to get stuff done
because, you know, this is mylife.
I do need to put content outthere because that's how I'm
going to make my income.
But it's still important torest.
It's still important to enjoythe moment, be in the moment,
and have these experiences.

(59:04):
What Baha taught me is thatslowing down isn't laziness.
It's a choice.
And it's a priority shift.
It's knowing that life is morethan the next goal, the next
email, the next content plan,perfect shot, whatever it may
be.
Days that have...

(59:25):
No agenda, but watching thelight change, feeling and being
fully in those moments.
I used to think that I had toearn rest, that I had to
accomplish something in order tobe able to do nothing.

(59:46):
But here, doing nothing issomething.
It's its own vibe.
And it's not a break from life.
It is life.
It's all a part of life.
You literally need rest to feelgood in life.
I think part of the reason whyit's so hard to slow down is so

(01:00:09):
much of our worth is tied tooutput, especially as a content
creator.
If I'm not posting, I'm notgrowing.
And if I'm not growing, I'm notgetting any reach.
And if I'm not posting, and I'mnot getting any reach, and I'm
not growing, it's harder to makemoney.

(01:00:30):
And that's a very real thing.
And sometimes it just feels likeI'm falling behind.
But then I look around, and Irealize that most peaceful
people I've seen in Baja, theydon't even have a phone.
They don't have a phone in theirhands, and they're not branding
their entire life.
They're just living their life.

(01:00:52):
They're living it fully.
They're not recording everysingle moment.
They're not taking pictures ofevery single thing.
Sometimes they just don't evenhave a phone.
And I love documenting my life.
I love taking pictures.
But some of it just feels toocurated to the point where it
has caused that burnout.
It has caused a lot offrustrations.

(01:01:14):
And I want to be able to livelife fully.
And slowing down to reduceburnout and to prevent burnout.
In doing that, it doesn't meanyou have to stop dreaming.
It just means you need to take adamn breath between all the
dreams.

(01:01:35):
But of course, with all of that,even though slowing down is so
important because burnoutfucking sucks, with that comes
major FOMO.
major, major FOMO on the road, Ifeel so much fear of missing out
on so many different things.

(01:01:55):
And I saw that when I was inWashington and I couldn't do
anything and I couldn't gobackpacking.
You know, I already told youabout that.
I'm not going to go into detailabout that again, but I mean,
yes, we're traveling full time,but everything in the van takes
so much longer.
So The dishes take longer.

(01:02:16):
We don't have hot running water.
You ever try to wash oily disheswith cold water?
It's not that fun.
It makes things take so muchlonger.
Doing laundry.
A lot of times when we decide,okay, through this town, we're
going to do laundry.
It takes us time to find a goodlaundromat.
And then we have to go andactually do the laundry.

(01:02:37):
Cleaning.
Cleaning takes longer.
I can't tell you how many timesa day we have to sweep the van
because we're trekking in sandall the time.
And then it gets...
all over the bed which is theworst part and I hate having
sand on the floor and like I'mstepping in it I don't it
overstimulates me I hate it somuch and every night when I go
to bed there's like sand underme and I can feel it like

(01:02:58):
scratching me I'm like okay Igotta get this off the bed so I
like sit up on my hands andknees on the bed and I'm like a
dog trying to like dig a hole inthe ground but I'm wiping all
the sand off the bed um and thenthere's you know, finding
things, like water.
It'll take us a while to driveacross town and find some water,
or look for a cheap restaurantto go eat at and find tacos, and

(01:03:23):
then we have to go drive to thatlocation, and we have to park,
and then we have to go walk toit, and...
um then there's the workingsituation sometimes we want to
go to a starbucks because wehave no ac in the van so then we
have to drive 20 minutes to astarbucks and then we have to go
in and we have to set up andthen in the van if we want to

(01:03:43):
work it's not as comfortable wehave to unpack everything set it
all up plug everything in andthen when we move locations we
have to pack it all up put it ina safe place so it doesn't break
And then it gets so hot and sohumid in the van.
I already went through thatearlier in this episode.
And, you know, we have lots ofediting to do to get YouTube

(01:04:03):
videos out.
We have photos to edit, whichtakes tons of time from
adventuring.
But we love it.
We love doing this.
We love sharing content.
And I love that I started thispodcast.
I mean, this might be a two-hourlong podcast, and I'm sitting
here doing this when I could beout enjoying the pool, but...
enjoying this i love it i feellike it's something i'm really

(01:04:25):
called to do so i still want todo it but it does take so much
time and you know passingthrough a town ends up taking a
full day it's not just like okaywe're gonna make a quick stop at
the grocery store no it takesforever it turns into a whole
day thing we gotta go dogroceries gotta drive to the
grocery store and then we haveto drive to find water and then

(01:04:46):
we have to drive to go findother things that literally
turns into a full day thing Thenthere's driving from location to
location You know when we moveto a new destination, you know,
sometimes it's a three-hourdriving day Sometimes it's only
an hour.
Sometimes it's less but moreoften than not it does take a
long time and then when you'removing every day you have to

(01:05:09):
pack everything up puteverything in a safe space and
Get ready to hit the road andsometimes that even takes half
an hour to get ready and do soThere's a lot of things in van
life that take up a lot of time.
And when you combine that andneeding to rest from your
travels and not do too much andslowing down, you lose a lot of

(01:05:35):
time to actually do all theadventures you want to do.
And you know, van life is great.
I love it.
I do not want to trade thislifestyle.
And I'm not trying to sound likeI'm complaining.
I do love it.
And there's so much amazingthings that come with it.
Like waking up in a new spotevery day, trying new foods,

(01:05:56):
immersing myself in newcultures, meeting new people,
making new friends like Cora andFrankie, Mitchell and Chrissy.
Like they're some of the coolestpeople I've ever met.
And I'm so glad that I met them.
We even went off plan.
to see a lot of places becausewe ended up spending time with
them and you know that took awayfrom actual adventuring but it

(01:06:19):
was so worth it because we hadso much fun with them but when
you add all that up it does takeaway from the adventure and
seeing the new places andthere's this invisible side of
van life that you don't reallysee and there's so much pressure
to make every day worthy of thislifestyle and there's so many

(01:06:46):
times where you know we're goingthrough a struggle and i feel
like i don't have the right tocomplain because i am living a
dream a lot of people want tolive but there's so many
struggles that come with it buti also feel like i can't
complain i don't have the rightto complain because i did choose
this life and you know van lifeisn't just freedom There's a lot

(01:07:08):
of decision making.
It's constant decision making.
Like, what are we going to eatfor dinner?
What kind of groceries do weneed to get?
Can we fit that in the fridge?
Do we have space for this?
Should we buy this?
Do we have space for this?
Can we afford this?
Can we afford that?
Where should we sleep tonight?
Is this a safe spot to sleep?

(01:07:29):
And then you drive to that placeand you're like, eh, I don't
really feel too great about thisplace.
And then you have to decidewhere to go after that.
There's so much decision-makingthat comes with it.
So much planning, logistics, andunpredictability that comes with
this lifestyle.
And it does make it tough.
And it may seem like we get toexplore and do this and that

(01:07:50):
every single day, but inreality, a lot of days we're
just kind of like chilling in acoffee shop or in the van,
getting some editing done.
And sometimes spiraling on thebeach.
I've had that happen a fewtimes, and yeah.
It's not exactly how I want tobe spending my time, but

(01:08:11):
sometimes it happens.
Sometimes there's just atrigger, and I'm just out for
the whole day.
But like I said, don't get mewrong.
There's a lot of struggles, butthere's so many great things
great things that come with vanlife i feel so lucky to be able
to live this lifestyle that somany people dream of doing
there's so much good stuff thatcomes with it it all completely

(01:08:33):
outweighs the bad stuff buttoday we're talking about
burnout and slowing down and howthat increases major fomo so
back to the major fomo i've hadto accept that with slowing down
That means I don't get to seeeverything I want to see.

(01:08:54):
And that's been really hard forme to accept.
I want to see so much of everyplace I visit.
I want to be able to say, I'vebeen there.
I've seen that country.
You know, I've been to Jamaica,but I went to a resort.
Did I really see Jamaica?
Did I really have an authenticJamaican experience?
No.
No, I didn't.

(01:09:14):
And no shame in anyone thatloves resorts.
That's fine.
That's your vibe.
You're chilling.
That's great and all, resortscan be fun, but I wanna immerse
myself in culture, try authenticfood, get lost in a city, meet
locals learn about their hiddengems learn about their culture

(01:09:35):
like everything i want to haveall those experiences i want to
go to local markets i want tosee all the beautiful landscapes
i don't want to just go to aresort eat at a buffet and sit
on a beach like i said no shamein anyone who loves that that's
totally fine and because this isa lifestyle and we only get so
much time exploring each countrythat means a lot of time gets

(01:09:58):
put into doing all of theseeveryday tasks that need to be
done and that creates less timeexploring and don't get me wrong
like exploring every day is veryexhausting i've discussed that a
few times already you also getmajor FOMO because you're
missing out on seeing reallycool places like you know i

(01:10:21):
missed out on seeing a reallycool waterfall swimming hole in
baja and other beautiful beachesor exploring cute towns.
And you kind of have to learn toaccept that over time.
And I think I've gotten betterat that.
By the time it got to the pointwhere we were going to go
deciding whether or not to visitthe swimming hole or not, I was

(01:10:41):
like, you know what?
I think I finally accepted thefact that we're not going to see
everything I want to see.
And that was one of the things Ireally wanted to do.
And it was really high on mylist to do in Baja, but we
passed over it anyways.
And I think I'm starting tolearn that it's okay.
And the FOMO is like, it isreally real.

(01:11:03):
Like you start to feel guiltyfor skipping must-see
destinations or experiences orcomparing your travels to other
people who are also traveling.
Oh, they did this and did that.
And I didn't get to do thatthing.
They seem to get to do it all.
But what we need to know orrealize is people who are doing

(01:11:24):
short-term travels, they are notseeing it all.
And people who are travelingfull-time are also not seeing it
and doing it all.
But we get this pressure tocapture and share everything.
And it leads to performance overpresence, which, you know, isn't
a good thing.
Like, I want to live and feel inthe moment.
And...

(01:11:45):
Yeah, it's just a lot ofstruggling to accept that you
can't see everything.
And feeling like you're wastingthe experience instead of
constantly exploring.
And you feel like you should beconstantly exploring.
And when you're missing awaterfall, it feels like you're
missing the waterfall.
Like, you almost feel like youneed to be there.

(01:12:06):
It's really hard to let go of.
But like I said, I've beengetting better at that day by
day.
And it's just a really weirdparadox of craving the stillness
and slowing down and alsofeeling like you're just falling
behind.
It's a lot of like, yeah, it's alot of paradox stuff going on
there.
But the travel burnout is realthough.

(01:12:27):
And if you push yourself toohard, it just won't be fun
anymore.
And this doesn't just apply tovan life.
It applies to every other partof life, no matter what you're
doing, what your job is.
If you're pushing yourself toohard, you're gonna end up
feeling like crap.
And you're gonna end up feelingforced to slow down, forced to

(01:12:49):
rest, and it's just so importantto take care of yourself.
You gotta listen to your body.
Know when you're starting tofeel tired and just learning to
rest.
So let's talk a little bit aboutwhat happens when you don't
listen to your body.
So your nervous system stays infight or flight even in relaxing

(01:13:13):
environments.
Have you ever gone somewhere andyou're just like, you're so
burnt out, you're so tired, andyou go somewhere to relax, but
all you can think is like, oh, Ishould be doing more, I should
be doing this, I should be doingthat, I need to go do this, I
need to make this phone call, Ineed to answer this message.
It's just so hard to relax atthat point.
You get increased cortisol,which leads to hormonal
imbalances.

(01:13:33):
and digestive issues and sleepdisruptions.
And I touch on all of that inepisode one, postcard number
one, because all of that isstuff that I've experienced.
The burnout highly, highlyincreased the hormonal
imbalances and my cortisol.
It was not fun.

(01:13:57):
You also process and integrateexperiences, dream rest, not
while in motion you cannot restfully when your whole life is in
motion you're in this littlemetal box traveling the world
like literally your life ismovement you can't rest properly

(01:14:17):
and heal when you're in a box soif you don't take time to slow
down if you're on the road youprobably will get burnt out so
When you don't listen to yourbody, it leads to chronic
stress, which also increasesinflammation in the body, which
worsens anxiety and depressionand physical pain.
I already told you about thephysical pain, my back, my neck,

(01:14:39):
my shoulders, my jaw.
I got costochondritis.
I had that ingrown hair that Istill have a bruise from from
over a year ago.
It just increases all that andmakes things so much worse.
I've been trying to eat ananti-inflammatory diet, but
being in Mexico is making itharder.

(01:15:01):
I think I might need to startgoing back to that diet because
I do feel myself getting moreand more tired as the days go
on.
You also stop trusting yourbody's signals until they become
too loud to ignore.
So that goes back to thecostochondritis.
My body was literally telling meto slow down and then eventually
it just got fed up with me.

(01:15:21):
And it's like, okay, here yougo.
Now you have to slow down.
You're gonna suffer.
You're going to suffer hardbecause you didn't listen the
first time I told you.
And then it can also buildresentment in your lifestyle and
towards your partner, even ifnothing big happened.
You just get so irritated.
You start to be like, I don'teven care about the damn sunset.

(01:15:43):
I just want to rest.
You just get so frustrated byit.
And you're like, I don't evenwant to do this anymore.
So if you love this lifestyleand you want to keep doing it,
don't burn yourself out.
Take the rest.
I keep telling you, take therest.
Just trust me on that.
It also prevents the everythingwas a blur feeling at the end of
your trip.

(01:16:03):
I can't tell you how many timesI mentioned this earlier that
Will's like, oh, you rememberthis thing then?
No, I do not remember this thingthat happened.
Like, I have no recollection ofit.
No idea.
Don't know what happened thatday.
Don't know what we did.
Completely gone.
Gone, gone, gone.
So what we need to do is learnto reframe rest.

(01:16:25):
So rest is actually a skill.
It's not just a state.
It's something that you have tolearn how to do.
And there's a huge differencebetween lazy rest and actual
active rest.
And lazy rest, it looks likelaying in bed, scrolling on your

(01:16:49):
phone, watching Netflix,scrolling through TikTok, um
just you know wasting time onthings you don't really need to
be doing active rest is morelike you know i'm gonna go out
and sit and watch the sunset i'mnot gonna look at my phone i'm
just gonna kind of be in thismoment and enjoy this beautiful
moment enjoy mother earth andthese beautiful colors that

(01:17:13):
light up in the sky look at howthe the clouds glow listen to
the waves crashing on the shorejust kind of like allowing all
of your senses to fully be thereand feel the moment and that's
why the the five sensestechnique to ground yourself is
one of those things that helpspeople calm down you know it's

(01:17:34):
like the okay name five thingsthat you can see in the room now
like look around and name thosefive things so okay I see those
really cool aesthetic littlelight bulbs I can see my
sunglasses on the table I seethis beautiful plant in the

(01:17:54):
corner I see this beautifulframed artwork on the wall and I
can see my shorts on the floorwhere they shouldn't be but
we're not going to focus on thatand then name four things you
can touch so or for things youfeel so right now i feel my hair

(01:18:17):
touching my shoulders i can feelthe weight of myself sitting on
this couch i can feel the mic inmy hands i can feel this weight
in my chest right now i can feelit it's a little heavy right now

(01:18:38):
don't know why couldn't tell youwhy So now name three things you
can hear.
So right now it's pretty quiet,but I can hear the wind outside
blowing the trees.
I can hear Will moving a littlebit in the next room.
And I think I can hear the wavescrashing on the shore very, very

(01:18:59):
faintly.
That's another one is trying tolisten to the furthest thing
that you can hear.
So number two, the last one, twothings you can smell.
So I can smell the salty air,and I can smell my London fog.
Now one thing you can taste, Ican taste the taste of my London

(01:19:22):
fog lingering on my tongue.
So, five things you can see,four things you can touch, three
things you can hear, two thingsyou can smell, and one thing you
can taste.
And just be there in thatmoment.
Go to the beach, feel the sandon your feet, Feel the breeze on
your face.
Hear the ocean waves.

(01:19:42):
See the beautiful view.
That is active rest.
Doing nothing on purpose.
It might look like reading abook for you.
It might be just sitting in ahammock outside.
It might be just going for anice little walk, enjoying the
scenery.
I mean, technically, you're notreally resting, but if you just

(01:20:04):
go for a nice, slow-paced walk,that works.
So here are some takeaways fromwhat I've learned about how
costochondritis forced me toslow down and how Baha has
taught me to slow down.
So I am shifting my routines andmy mindset and content creation

(01:20:27):
goals.
What I'm working on is...
Waking up without checking myphone right away.
Sure, I grab my phone to turnoff my alarm and then I go
straight to the Insight Timerapp but I don't check my
notifications.
I go to Insight Timer app and Iput on a morning meditation or

(01:20:50):
some breath work.
So I have a really nice, slow,long morning routine that allows
me to hit on every area whereI'm struggling with things.
I have something in my routineto help with cortisol.
I have something in my routineto help with hormones.
I have something in my morningroutine that helps with anxiety,
something with depression.

(01:21:11):
It's filled with a lot of reallygreat things that are good for
your soul, good for your mind,great for your body.
I've learned to let days be lessplanned because if it ends up
planned like one thing with vanlife is if you make a plan it's
probably not going to happen howyou want it it's not going to

(01:21:33):
happen to plan so letting daysnot be planned just kind of be
like this needs to get done thisneeds to get done but when it
gets done doesn't matter andthen this is one that i still
struggle with but creatingcontent that i enjoy and not
caring if it flops The Instagramalgorithm has hated me for a

(01:21:54):
long time.
I don't know what happened.
I've never bought followers inmy life.
I grew organically, but throughreels, like I kind of blew up at
one.
I didn't like blow up.
I have 50K, which is a decentamount, but I've been going
through and removing ghostfollowers.
So if eventually you see me downto 20K, that's why.

(01:22:14):
But at some point I grew from 5Kto 20K within like two weeks.
And then a few months later, Igrew from 20K to 50K within like
a week and a half or something.
So it grew really fast and Itook breaks here and there.
And then all of a sudden, likemy content just hasn't been
getting pushed to anybody.
Like, I feel like nobody seesit, but yeah, I need to learn to

(01:22:38):
just create content solelybecause I enjoy it and not
caring if it gets 20 likes or athousand likes.
But it's been a really bigstruggle.
and i'm learning to andsomething else that i'm doing is
trying to remember that if ineed to take a nap or if i need

(01:22:59):
to just rest and relax This napand rest is so much more
productive than anything elsethat I could be doing on my
entire to-do list because therest is what's going to be able
to let me complete all thesethings on my to-do list.
The rest is what's going toallow me to keep living this
life.
The rest is what's going toallow me to keep traveling and

(01:23:22):
see beautiful places.
And if I miss out on something,I just start reminding myself of
all the beauty that I still gotto experience and will still get
to continue experiencing.
Okay, so for this part, I'mgoing to read it right off my
Mac because this one I actuallyscripted out and typed out

(01:23:45):
exactly how I wanted it.
Like throughout this, I'm kindof just looking at bullet points
and just saying everything offthe top of my head, but this is
a little bit different.
This is my little postcardmoment.
So if I could write a postcardTo myself, back when I was
rushing and pressuring myself tosee and do everything, it would
say, you don't have to see itall to have lived well.

(01:24:09):
You don't have to capture everysunrise to remember how it felt.
You're allowed to rest, evenwhen the world looks its most
beautiful.
Your worth isn't tied to howmuch you do or how far you go.
Slow days aren't wasted.
They're the reason you can keepgoing.
Take the nap.
miss the hike, you're still onan adventure.

(01:24:30):
Thank you so much for listeningto this week's episode of
Postcards I Never Sent.
If you ever felt that quietpressure to do more, see more,
and prove that you're making themost of your life, even when
you're running on empty, I hopethis episode reminded you that

(01:24:51):
rest is all part of theexperience.
Not everything has to be earned.
Sometimes the most meaningfulmoments come from simply letting
yourself be.
If this episode resonated withyou, I'd love it if you left a
review or shared it with afriend who might need to hear
this.
I've got so many more stories,spirals, and soft revelations

(01:25:13):
coming your way in futureepisodes.
Until then, go take a nap, gotake a slow breath, let yourself
miss a sunset if you have to,And just remember that just
being here is enough.

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