June 14, 2023 • 21 mins
In this “Pain into Purpose” episode of Power of MoMMA’s Voices, we hear from Melissa Gordon Metzler about her traumatic twin-pregnancy experience, her desire to advocate to help others, the connection between advocacy and her therapy career, and how she found MoMMA’s Voices.
“So at that moment just kind of started connecting with myself, connecting with a higher power, and just really felt I needed to live. And I was gonna do whatever it took to get there.”
“We're here and on a mission to help other women to make sure that, that a story like mine doesn't live on for generations to come and we can, we can do better and, and learn from it.”
“I learned sharing my story was my healing adventure.”
About MoMMA's Voices
MoMMA’s (Maternal Mortality and Morbidity Advocates) Voices is the first-ever maternal health patient advocacy coalition established in 2018, to amplify the voices of people who have experienced childbirth complications or loss - especially those who have been historically marginalized - ensuring they are equipped and activated as partners with providers and researchers to improve maternal health outcomes.
This is a program of the Preeclampsia Foundation, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, and is supported by a grant through Merck for Mothers. For more information, visit mommasvoices.org and preeclampsia.org.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Bekah (00:01):
Hello, and welcome to today's episode from Power of
MoMMA's Voices.
My name is Bekah Bischoff and Iam the Program Manager.
Today we will highlight acertified patient family partner
and talk about her journey toadvocacy and to mama's voices.
We hope this will show ourlisteners that while we all have
different stories and advocacystyles, we are all a community
(00:22):
and we all contribute to betteroutcomes in maternal health.
I am so excited to introduce ourguest today, Melissa Gordon
Metzler.
Melissa is both a mental healthprovider and a HELLP syndrome
survivor.
She is now working as a marriageand family therapist, and we
really go way back and so.
(00:43):
So honored to have her with ustoday.
Melissa, I just wanna thank youso much for taking time outta
your schedule, your very busyschedule to be with us.
You have such a touching storyand I would love for you to
share a little bit about yourbirth story with us today.
Melissa (01:01):
Well, thanks Bekah for asking me to be on here to share
my birth story.
I am absolutely thrilled to be apart of MoMMA's Voices and to
have the opportunity to share mystory.
So I am a mama of three.
HELLP syndrome came roaring intomy life in 2012 with my first
birth.
I birthed twins.
(01:22):
So my first two April 2nd, 2012.
And basically the story goes, Ihad a somewhat normal pregnancy,
twin pregnancy.
So I was high risk right off thebat.
I was being seen by maternalfetal medicine just making sure
everything was looking good andthose twins were amazing.
(01:43):
Everything was looking good.
Every time I had an appointment,the non-stress tests were
passing.
But around 33 weeks, I juststarted to not feel well.
I was getting very swollen.
I was gaining weight.
Really fast.
Speaking to the doctors aboutit.
I was very grateful to bepregnant.
(02:05):
I've always wanted to be a momand have lots of kids.
So really kind of struggled withactivating my voice and kind of
sharing my distress because Inever wanted to seem ungrateful.
For everybody's help.
We're all so grateful to bepregnant and to be a mom.
Didn't wanna complain, so kindof lightly started to share my
symptoms.
(02:25):
And you know, the doctors keptreassuring me that it was just
normal twin pregnancy stuff.
But then as we were headingcloser towards like 35 weeks I
just knew something was really,really wrong and was definitely
advocating a little bit more formyself.
But the non-stress testscontinued to pass and the
(02:45):
doctors were pretty much justlike, Nope, you're okay.
And I was like, well, you know,things don't look okay.
Physically.
I'm very swollen.
And you know, my urine was verydark and they're like, Nope,
you're fine.
You know, drinking a lot.
Well, you can't be drinking thatmuch if it looks like this.
And just kind of kept quiet anddidn't really know what to do
with it.
I was 36 and a half weeks.
(03:08):
Thought I was in labor went tothe hospital and my doctor was
like, you know, walk, maybe youcan get yourself dilated, you're
not dilated enough.
And I was really, really sick atthat point.
I had gained 30 pounds in aboutthree days and could barely move
off my couch.
But I just kind of like whenthere's a will, there's a way,
(03:30):
and took that inner strength.
I did a lot of prenatal yogaalways work a lot on my mindset.
And walked and walked and walkedto the hospital.
Had the, my doctor had gone homeand the house doctor was on
staff and pretty much said tome, if you're walking like this,
you're not in labor.
And at that point I pretty muchsaid, well, I think I'm dying
actually and I'm takingeverything in me to walk cuz I
(03:52):
need these babies out.
I need them out right now, orI'm going to be dead.
And the doctor kind of laughedand told me I was a bit crazy
and if I wasn't dilated, I wouldbe on my way home.
Which is what happened.
Went home.
That night felt really sick.
I did a lot of vomiting whichfill actually the bathtub cuz
(04:14):
the toilet wasn't enough spaceand that was about a week of
that.
My mom had flown in from Floridaat that point cause we thought
we were having the babies andshe pretty much was like, we
need to get you a hospital.
And I said, Nope.
I'm tired of everybody tellingme that I'm dramatic and that
I'm okay and this is normal andyou know, if I die tonight then.
(04:34):
It's on everybody else, andhopefully we can all learn a
lesson.
And she kind of, it didn't sitwell with her, but she said,
well, you have your high-riskpregnancy appointment tomorrow
and let's just go over at theopening and not wait for the
time.
And so I, I did that.
I, you know, made it through thenight and went to the MFM
appointment.
And they took one look at me andI was very yellow at that point
(04:57):
and said, all right, we're gonnado the non-stress test, but you
don't look okay.
My appointments are actually allin the hospital that I
delivered, and we're gonna sendyou up to your ob gyn after
this, the twins, believe it ornot were completely fine.
Pass the non-stress test.
I got to my gynecologist, hetook one look at me and he said,
I thought you delivered thebabies other night when I saw
(05:18):
you at the hospital.
And I said, no, I'm stillpregnant.
He looked at my chart, said, goin the room, and came in and
said, how does today feel tohave those babies?
I said, well, I've been askingfor this because, to be quite
honest with you, I feel like I'mdying and something is really
wrong with me.
And he said, well, let's willyou over to the other side of
the hospital and we'll, we'regonna do a C-section, but
(05:40):
today's the day.
And I said, okay.
So I'll never forget thatwheelchair ride over there was
like, they have the people inthe hospital to try to make it
more comfortable.
A clown gave me a sticker.
I was just so excited to get mychildren out.
I knew I needed it and I wasjust happy that we can move
along.
And when I got to the room,there was about 10 doctors that
(06:01):
greeted me and I just knewsomething was not right.
My doctor came over and held myhand and said to me you know, I,
I'll feel guilty if I don't tellyou what had happened.
And I think you really need toknow basically when you were
here, the other night nobodyread your blood labs before you
left and your blood labs hadalready shown that you were in
(06:22):
renal failure, kidney failure,pretty much complete organ
failure.
You've lost most of yourplatelets, you would bleed out
right now if you even got a cut.
So we're gonna need to do acouple of blood transfusions.
We're gonna put you on mag dripwhich is probably the most awful
feeling in the world.
And let's get your husband here.
You might wanna talk to yourfamily.
(06:44):
The only way that we can savethe babies and save you is to
deliver, but your body is veryweak and we're all praying for a
miracle that you'll survive thesurgery.
So at that moment just kind ofstarted connecting with myself
connecting with a higher powerand just really felt I needed to
live.
And I was gonna do whatever ittook to get there.
(07:05):
And was just wanted the doctorsto do whatever it took to save
the babies.
I was on the mag drip for aboutfour days, so I have amnesia.
I don't remember.
I had general anesthesia.
Nobody was in the delivery room.
The babies were delivered April2nd, 2012 at four o'clock and
4:01 and I woke up Thursdayevening and met my babies for
(07:27):
the first time that I canremember at that point.
And.
I'd like to say that we had themost incredible miracle of our
lives.
I used to say that the birth ofmy first two was the worst day
of my life, but I can say 11years later it was the best day
of my life.
I woke up and we're here and ona mission to help other women to
(07:49):
make sure that, that a storylike mine doesn't live on for
generations to come and we can,we can do better and, and learn
from it.
So yeah, that's my birth story.
Bekah (07:59):
Oh my goodness.
Well, wow.
Thank you so much for sharingall of that.
I think it's so interesting.
You had all of the right tools.
You had the mfm, you had thenon-stress tests that were done.
You had mm-hmm.
Melissa (08:15):
All of
Bekah (08:15):
the access right, to all the great healthcare and things,
and you were still saying, I'mnot feeling well.
Something is not normal.
Still knowing something is notright and consistently being
dismissed, which is somethingthat we just hear so often.
I just think it's so interestingthat you had all of that.
So often it'll be, you know,we'll hear like, oh, well they
(08:36):
weren't with an MFM, or theydidn't.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
But you had all of that and youwere still saying, okay,
something is just not right.
And I'm so glad that you havefound your way to us.
I know that you know, you havelearned through your healing
journey, how to share your storyI'll let you talk about it.
(08:57):
I love how we both delivered inthe same year.
Mm-hmm.
I just think it's, I just lovedivine intervention when I see
it happen.
And so I would love for you totalk about how you found MoMMA's
Voices and really what got youinvolved in sharing your story
to begin with.
(09:18):
Yes, definitely.
Melissa (09:19):
So how I found MoMMA's Voices you know, I had said to
you, Bekah, and I can telleverybody listening now that
this is a big day for me forBekah and I to sit here
together.
So long story short, I was doingsomething for USA Today and
trying to find out why themorbidity rate is so high in the
s USA for women.
(09:39):
And as you said, we have accessto a lot of resources and I know
a lot of families don't have theaccess that I did because I had
come in high risk.
But, you know, I was presentingoutwardly.
Fine.
And because we don't do bloodtests to check our organs or you
know, our platelets while we'repregnant regularly, unless you
(10:00):
have an outward symptom.
And I was very healthy in mindand body, so my blood pressure
never rose.
So really, I was trying to be apart of this investigation.
I was very intrigued by it.
In the beginning it was veryhard for me to share my story.
It was a lot of trauma.
I was diagnosed withpost-traumatic stress disorder,
would shake to even think aboutit or to even share.
(10:21):
But with some good mental healthresources, I learned sharing my
story was my healing adventure.
And so, I decided to be on amission to share my story.
So when I had found out thatthere was an investigation
happening with USA Today and Iwas, you know, get me involved
at that point I just wanted toshare my story and to help
(10:42):
others to make this problembetter.
So I got involved with MoMMA'sVoices because I had the
wonderful opportunity to meetyou, Bekah.
During that investigation, wewere all interviewed and then
they had picked a handful of usafterwards to video record so US
A today could show us sharingour stories.
(11:03):
And after everything was saidand done the reporter had called
me and said, I need you to meetone other mom from this whole
investigation.
She said, you and Bekah are liketwo peas in a pod.
You need to meet you share asoul.
What she had shared with me, shesaid she's from the south and
blonde and, you know, you'rethis northeasterner and
brunette.
She was like, but the way youguys spoke of your story and
(11:24):
what you wanted to do afterwardswas just so aligned.
And so second, I had connectedvia Facebook and we would chat.
I was actually supposed to go toSummit.
I forget at the time what it wascalled or who it was through.
It was right before thepandemic, and I was actually
doing my clinical rotation and Icouldn't walk away.
I went back to school to be atherapist after all of this.
(11:46):
And you know, I said Bekah maybeanother year, and then the
pandemic happened, slightly losttouch, but then recently, Bekah,
I saw you posting on Facebookabout MoMMA's Voices and
reactivated my interests andsaid, yes, I need to get back
involved.
I need to share my story.
Bekah and a team through MoMMA'sVoice created this incredible
opportunity for other women likeus who have had traumatic birth
(12:10):
situations, to share our storiesand to help one another and
facilitate growth.
So we no longer see such highmorbidity and mortality rates.
So, that's my long story offinding MoMMA's Voices started
way back when in 2016, whenBecca and I were connected.
And then Refinding.
Seeing how much has grown sincethat investigation through
(12:32):
MoMMA's Voices.
Oh
Bekah (12:33):
my goodness.
It like literally gives megoosebumps.
It makes me cry to think aboutit because to all y'all that are
listening, we really like, Ithink we both would've said back
in 2016, even 2015 was kind ofwhen the interviews and That's
right.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Emails all that kinda started,like, I know for me, like I
said, like, oh, I'm just.
To mom.
Like I don't even have a story.
(12:54):
Like whatever, like I kind ofhad buried all of it and mm-hmm.
Didn't really ever talk aboutwhat had happened.
And then to be able to be onthis side of it and be connected
to someone like Melissa, who hada story so similar to mine, and
now we get to be involved inadvocacy work together.
It's just.
Oh my goodness.
(13:14):
There's just no word for it.
It's just so amazing to be onthe other side and see all that
has happened.
And kind of like what you saidwhen you started Melissa, that
you used to say it was the worstday of your life, but it was the
best.
And I can really say that thebest thing that happened to me
out of my experience was gettingto meet amazing people such as
yourself.
(13:35):
And those are friendships andbonds that just, they last a
lifetime because we carried thattrauma and all of that together.
And I would love to also say avery fun fact is that not only
did we deliver in 2012, not onlywere we part of the USA Today's
Deadly Deliveries investigativeseries, but we both share the
(13:56):
same birthday.
Yes.
It's like the stars have allaligned and it is amazing.
I would love for you as we kindof close out here in just a few
minutes, I'd love for you totalk about how you mentioned it
how you were unable to attendSummit when you wanted to
because of your professionalcareer and how things have kind
(14:17):
of shifted but merged togetherwith your love of advocacy work.
Could you talk a little bitabout that for us?
Melissa (14:24):
Absolutely.
So after the investigation andrealizing how essential my story
was, I realized.
How much purpose I found throughmy pain and how if my storm
could become somebody else'ssurvival guide, then it all made
everything worth it.
And I had a lot of realizationof actually how my mental
(14:46):
health, cuz I've always been amind and body person really
helped me to survive.
I started to realize how littlemental health are we provided
when we are, you know, givingbirth and it's such, oh my
goodness, we could do a wholeother podcast on that alone, but
just how much we need toincorporate the mental health
(15:06):
piece as well as, you know,while we're still growing and
shaping how we're physicallymaintained.
There's just not enough, butmental health should be just a
part of the standard as well.
So, you know, I really was justinspired to go back to school.
So I was a special educationteacher in my previous career,
but while I was still a teacher,I was inspired to go back and to
(15:27):
get my degree to become atherapist so I could help other
people find their purposethrough their pain.
And I realized like if everybodyhad access to sharing their
story, how much.
Healing could happen.
And so I do a lot of narrativework as a therapist and creating
the story and understanding thestory.
And then how do you utilize yourstory?
(15:48):
Because if we can utilize ourstory, as painful as it is, I
always tell my clients and mypatients, I say, you know what?
I'm so sorry for everythingyou've been through, but now
you're a part of a club, andthis is, you know, Bekah, I feel
like you can say this too, likethis club that we are all a part
of, unfortunate circumstanceshave happened to get us into it,
but we all live differently,most of us.
(16:10):
Right?
And if you can really createyour story and embrace your
story rather than pushing itdown or avoiding it or running
from it because it's so hard andit's so painful, once you
embrace it, you just get to liveso differently.
I know I live each day withpurpose and you know, I'm
grateful and I feel inspiredevery single day.
(16:32):
Because I'm just thankful that Igot to live and if I could
provide that for the communityand teach them how to do that
through therapy or, you know,work with other people like OB
GYNs and everybody at MoMMA'sVoices to help facilitate how to
find and access therapist.
I just think that's one morestep in the right direction to
(16:54):
allow for best case scenarios inchildbirth.
Bekah (16:59):
Thank you for sharing that.
I love how you've just been ableto to merge what you are
passionate about with yourprofessional skills and how it
just oh, it's just, it's soamazing when people find their
sweet spot, right?
And they find what they, mm-hmm.
Do what advice would you give tosomebody listening?
Because sometimes we have peoplelistening and they might think,
you know what?
(17:19):
I have not done anything inadvocacy.
I don't feel like I can do it.
Or maybe they found us andthey're not a certified patient
family partner.
What advice would you give tosomebody who's listening who
feels kind of that itch?
Like they wanna get involved?
Melissa (17:36):
I think it's very scary, right?
Because what brings most of ushere is pain and who wants to
sit in that?
And so I'll oftentimes say topeople, if you can pick
short-term pain, you'll havelong-term gain.
So just knowing that it's gonnabe hard, but what I love about
MoMMA's Voices and going throughthe patient partnering is how
(17:58):
much support you have whileyou're doing that.
Right?
And so there's no push for time.
You can pause, you can.
You know, access other peoplewho have gone through it if you
might need just a little bit ofsupport.
And so again, yes, I'm not gonnasay it's not difficult to crack
yourself open to go through thetraining or to, you know, reach
(18:20):
out and get involved inadvocacy, but I can promise you
the more you do it, the more youheal.
And then the more you inspireyourself, the more you inspire
others.
So, Every little step countstoo.
You know, you don't have to bethe person that's gonna stand up
and speak in front of 500people.
Maybe you're, you're the personwho gets to sit next to somebody
(18:41):
in a hospital that's coming outof a very hard situation and
just be there.
Right?
People say all the time, likenobody knows what to say or I
don't know what to say, and thenwe say people just need time.
Just need time and space.
And so again, maybe you wannashare your story, maybe you
wanna use your voice, or maybeyou, you want to just be there
(19:03):
for somebody.
So I think, I hope that answersyour question.
But I think honestly, there's somany ways to get involved, and
what I love about MoMMA's Voicesis if you're on the other side
listening, you don't have tofigure that out.
That's the beauty of MoMMA'sVoices.
MoMMA's Voices comes together tohelp facilitate that.
You get to share where you'recomfortable and then they
present to you opportunities.
(19:25):
So it's just really awesome.
I think sometimes what stops alot of us isn't just the pain,
but it's the where do I begin?
And MoMMA's Voices allows forthe logistical piece to not
matter so much, and you justpresent fully as you are and
where you're at.
Bekah (19:39):
Oh my goodness.
You could not have answered thatbetter.
So yes, absolutely.
You answered it absolutelybeautifully.
And I love how you said, youknow, you don't have to stand on
a stage and speak to 500 peopleto make a difference.
That you can do that in thesmall places.
Right, like the hospital waitingroom.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
You know, standing in line atthe grocery store sharing your
story, and there's so manydifferent ways that you can do
(20:02):
that.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here today and for being
so open to share about your painand this great purpose that you
have.
I know that this will be such aninspiring episode for all of our
listeners.
Thank you so much for tuning intoday.
Melissa (20:17):
Thank you.
Hello, and welcome to today's episode from Power of
MoMMA's Voices.
My name is Bekah Bischoff and Iam the Program Manager.
Today we will highlight acertified patient family partner
and talk about her journey toadvocacy and to mama's voices.
We hope this will show ourlisteners that while we all have
different stories and advocacystyles, we are all a community
(00:22):
and we all contribute to betteroutcomes in maternal health.
I am so excited to introduce ourguest today, Melissa Gordon
Metzler.
Melissa is both a mental healthprovider and a HELLP syndrome
survivor.
She is now working as a marriageand family therapist, and we
really go way back and so.
(00:43):
So honored to have her with ustoday.
Melissa, I just wanna thank youso much for taking time outta
your schedule, your very busyschedule to be with us.
You have such a touching storyand I would love for you to
share a little bit about yourbirth story with us today.
Melissa (01:01):
Well, thanks Bekah for asking me to be on here to share
my birth story.
I am absolutely thrilled to be apart of MoMMA's Voices and to
have the opportunity to share mystory.
So I am a mama of three.
HELLP syndrome came roaring intomy life in 2012 with my first
birth.
I birthed twins.
(01:22):
So my first two April 2nd, 2012.
And basically the story goes, Ihad a somewhat normal pregnancy,
twin pregnancy.
So I was high risk right off thebat.
I was being seen by maternalfetal medicine just making sure
everything was looking good andthose twins were amazing.
(01:43):
Everything was looking good.
Every time I had an appointment,the non-stress tests were
passing.
But around 33 weeks, I juststarted to not feel well.
I was getting very swollen.
I was gaining weight.
Really fast.
Speaking to the doctors aboutit.
I was very grateful to bepregnant.
(02:05):
I've always wanted to be a momand have lots of kids.
So really kind of struggled withactivating my voice and kind of
sharing my distress because Inever wanted to seem ungrateful.
For everybody's help.
We're all so grateful to bepregnant and to be a mom.
Didn't wanna complain, so kindof lightly started to share my
symptoms.
(02:25):
And you know, the doctors keptreassuring me that it was just
normal twin pregnancy stuff.
But then as we were headingcloser towards like 35 weeks I
just knew something was really,really wrong and was definitely
advocating a little bit more formyself.
But the non-stress testscontinued to pass and the
(02:45):
doctors were pretty much justlike, Nope, you're okay.
And I was like, well, you know,things don't look okay.
Physically.
I'm very swollen.
And you know, my urine was verydark and they're like, Nope,
you're fine.
You know, drinking a lot.
Well, you can't be drinking thatmuch if it looks like this.
And just kind of kept quiet anddidn't really know what to do
with it.
I was 36 and a half weeks.
(03:08):
Thought I was in labor went tothe hospital and my doctor was
like, you know, walk, maybe youcan get yourself dilated, you're
not dilated enough.
And I was really, really sick atthat point.
I had gained 30 pounds in aboutthree days and could barely move
off my couch.
But I just kind of like whenthere's a will, there's a way,
(03:30):
and took that inner strength.
I did a lot of prenatal yogaalways work a lot on my mindset.
And walked and walked and walkedto the hospital.
Had the, my doctor had gone homeand the house doctor was on
staff and pretty much said tome, if you're walking like this,
you're not in labor.
And at that point I pretty muchsaid, well, I think I'm dying
actually and I'm takingeverything in me to walk cuz I
(03:52):
need these babies out.
I need them out right now, orI'm going to be dead.
And the doctor kind of laughedand told me I was a bit crazy
and if I wasn't dilated, I wouldbe on my way home.
Which is what happened.
Went home.
That night felt really sick.
I did a lot of vomiting whichfill actually the bathtub cuz
(04:14):
the toilet wasn't enough spaceand that was about a week of
that.
My mom had flown in from Floridaat that point cause we thought
we were having the babies andshe pretty much was like, we
need to get you a hospital.
And I said, Nope.
I'm tired of everybody tellingme that I'm dramatic and that
I'm okay and this is normal andyou know, if I die tonight then.
(04:34):
It's on everybody else, andhopefully we can all learn a
lesson.
And she kind of, it didn't sitwell with her, but she said,
well, you have your high-riskpregnancy appointment tomorrow
and let's just go over at theopening and not wait for the
time.
And so I, I did that.
I, you know, made it through thenight and went to the MFM
appointment.
And they took one look at me andI was very yellow at that point
(04:57):
and said, all right, we're gonnado the non-stress test, but you
don't look okay.
My appointments are actually allin the hospital that I
delivered, and we're gonna sendyou up to your ob gyn after
this, the twins, believe it ornot were completely fine.
Pass the non-stress test.
I got to my gynecologist, hetook one look at me and he said,
I thought you delivered thebabies other night when I saw
(05:18):
you at the hospital.
And I said, no, I'm stillpregnant.
He looked at my chart, said, goin the room, and came in and
said, how does today feel tohave those babies?
I said, well, I've been askingfor this because, to be quite
honest with you, I feel like I'mdying and something is really
wrong with me.
And he said, well, let's willyou over to the other side of
the hospital and we'll, we'regonna do a C-section, but
(05:40):
today's the day.
And I said, okay.
So I'll never forget thatwheelchair ride over there was
like, they have the people inthe hospital to try to make it
more comfortable.
A clown gave me a sticker.
I was just so excited to get mychildren out.
I knew I needed it and I wasjust happy that we can move
along.
And when I got to the room,there was about 10 doctors that
(06:01):
greeted me and I just knewsomething was not right.
My doctor came over and held myhand and said to me you know, I,
I'll feel guilty if I don't tellyou what had happened.
And I think you really need toknow basically when you were
here, the other night nobodyread your blood labs before you
left and your blood labs hadalready shown that you were in
(06:22):
renal failure, kidney failure,pretty much complete organ
failure.
You've lost most of yourplatelets, you would bleed out
right now if you even got a cut.
So we're gonna need to do acouple of blood transfusions.
We're gonna put you on mag dripwhich is probably the most awful
feeling in the world.
And let's get your husband here.
You might wanna talk to yourfamily.
(06:44):
The only way that we can savethe babies and save you is to
deliver, but your body is veryweak and we're all praying for a
miracle that you'll survive thesurgery.
So at that moment just kind ofstarted connecting with myself
connecting with a higher powerand just really felt I needed to
live.
And I was gonna do whatever ittook to get there.
(07:05):
And was just wanted the doctorsto do whatever it took to save
the babies.
I was on the mag drip for aboutfour days, so I have amnesia.
I don't remember.
I had general anesthesia.
Nobody was in the delivery room.
The babies were delivered April2nd, 2012 at four o'clock and
4:01 and I woke up Thursdayevening and met my babies for
(07:27):
the first time that I canremember at that point.
And.
I'd like to say that we had themost incredible miracle of our
lives.
I used to say that the birth ofmy first two was the worst day
of my life, but I can say 11years later it was the best day
of my life.
I woke up and we're here and ona mission to help other women to
(07:49):
make sure that, that a storylike mine doesn't live on for
generations to come and we can,we can do better and, and learn
from it.
So yeah, that's my birth story.
Bekah (07:59):
Oh my goodness.
Well, wow.
Thank you so much for sharingall of that.
I think it's so interesting.
You had all of the right tools.
You had the mfm, you had thenon-stress tests that were done.
You had mm-hmm.
Melissa (08:15):
All of
Bekah (08:15):
the access right, to all the great healthcare and things,
and you were still saying, I'mnot feeling well.
Something is not normal.
Still knowing something is notright and consistently being
dismissed, which is somethingthat we just hear so often.
I just think it's so interestingthat you had all of that.
So often it'll be, you know,we'll hear like, oh, well they
(08:36):
weren't with an MFM, or theydidn't.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
But you had all of that and youwere still saying, okay,
something is just not right.
And I'm so glad that you havefound your way to us.
I know that you know, you havelearned through your healing
journey, how to share your storyI'll let you talk about it.
(08:57):
I love how we both delivered inthe same year.
Mm-hmm.
I just think it's, I just lovedivine intervention when I see
it happen.
And so I would love for you totalk about how you found MoMMA's
Voices and really what got youinvolved in sharing your story
to begin with.
(09:18):
Yes, definitely.
Melissa (09:19):
So how I found MoMMA's Voices you know, I had said to
you, Bekah, and I can telleverybody listening now that
this is a big day for me forBekah and I to sit here
together.
So long story short, I was doingsomething for USA Today and
trying to find out why themorbidity rate is so high in the
s USA for women.
(09:39):
And as you said, we have accessto a lot of resources and I know
a lot of families don't have theaccess that I did because I had
come in high risk.
But, you know, I was presentingoutwardly.
Fine.
And because we don't do bloodtests to check our organs or you
know, our platelets while we'repregnant regularly, unless you
(10:00):
have an outward symptom.
And I was very healthy in mindand body, so my blood pressure
never rose.
So really, I was trying to be apart of this investigation.
I was very intrigued by it.
In the beginning it was veryhard for me to share my story.
It was a lot of trauma.
I was diagnosed withpost-traumatic stress disorder,
would shake to even think aboutit or to even share.
(10:21):
But with some good mental healthresources, I learned sharing my
story was my healing adventure.
And so, I decided to be on amission to share my story.
So when I had found out thatthere was an investigation
happening with USA Today and Iwas, you know, get me involved
at that point I just wanted toshare my story and to help
(10:42):
others to make this problembetter.
So I got involved with MoMMA'sVoices because I had the
wonderful opportunity to meetyou, Bekah.
During that investigation, wewere all interviewed and then
they had picked a handful of usafterwards to video record so US
A today could show us sharingour stories.
(11:03):
And after everything was saidand done the reporter had called
me and said, I need you to meetone other mom from this whole
investigation.
She said, you and Bekah are liketwo peas in a pod.
You need to meet you share asoul.
What she had shared with me, shesaid she's from the south and
blonde and, you know, you'rethis northeasterner and
brunette.
She was like, but the way youguys spoke of your story and
(11:24):
what you wanted to do afterwardswas just so aligned.
And so second, I had connectedvia Facebook and we would chat.
I was actually supposed to go toSummit.
I forget at the time what it wascalled or who it was through.
It was right before thepandemic, and I was actually
doing my clinical rotation and Icouldn't walk away.
I went back to school to be atherapist after all of this.
(11:46):
And you know, I said Bekah maybeanother year, and then the
pandemic happened, slightly losttouch, but then recently, Bekah,
I saw you posting on Facebookabout MoMMA's Voices and
reactivated my interests andsaid, yes, I need to get back
involved.
I need to share my story.
Bekah and a team through MoMMA'sVoice created this incredible
opportunity for other women likeus who have had traumatic birth
(12:10):
situations, to share our storiesand to help one another and
facilitate growth.
So we no longer see such highmorbidity and mortality rates.
So, that's my long story offinding MoMMA's Voices started
way back when in 2016, whenBecca and I were connected.
And then Refinding.
Seeing how much has grown sincethat investigation through
(12:32):
MoMMA's Voices.
Oh
Bekah (12:33):
my goodness.
It like literally gives megoosebumps.
It makes me cry to think aboutit because to all y'all that are
listening, we really like, Ithink we both would've said back
in 2016, even 2015 was kind ofwhen the interviews and That's
right.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Emails all that kinda started,like, I know for me, like I
said, like, oh, I'm just.
To mom.
Like I don't even have a story.
(12:54):
Like whatever, like I kind ofhad buried all of it and mm-hmm.
Didn't really ever talk aboutwhat had happened.
And then to be able to be onthis side of it and be connected
to someone like Melissa, who hada story so similar to mine, and
now we get to be involved inadvocacy work together.
It's just.
Oh my goodness.
(13:14):
There's just no word for it.
It's just so amazing to be onthe other side and see all that
has happened.
And kind of like what you saidwhen you started Melissa, that
you used to say it was the worstday of your life, but it was the
best.
And I can really say that thebest thing that happened to me
out of my experience was gettingto meet amazing people such as
yourself.
(13:35):
And those are friendships andbonds that just, they last a
lifetime because we carried thattrauma and all of that together.
And I would love to also say avery fun fact is that not only
did we deliver in 2012, not onlywere we part of the USA Today's
Deadly Deliveries investigativeseries, but we both share the
(13:56):
same birthday.
Yes.
It's like the stars have allaligned and it is amazing.
I would love for you as we kindof close out here in just a few
minutes, I'd love for you totalk about how you mentioned it
how you were unable to attendSummit when you wanted to
because of your professionalcareer and how things have kind
(14:17):
of shifted but merged togetherwith your love of advocacy work.
Could you talk a little bitabout that for us?
Melissa (14:24):
Absolutely.
So after the investigation andrealizing how essential my story
was, I realized.
How much purpose I found throughmy pain and how if my storm
could become somebody else'ssurvival guide, then it all made
everything worth it.
And I had a lot of realizationof actually how my mental
(14:46):
health, cuz I've always been amind and body person really
helped me to survive.
I started to realize how littlemental health are we provided
when we are, you know, givingbirth and it's such, oh my
goodness, we could do a wholeother podcast on that alone, but
just how much we need toincorporate the mental health
(15:06):
piece as well as, you know,while we're still growing and
shaping how we're physicallymaintained.
There's just not enough, butmental health should be just a
part of the standard as well.
So, you know, I really was justinspired to go back to school.
So I was a special educationteacher in my previous career,
but while I was still a teacher,I was inspired to go back and to
(15:27):
get my degree to become atherapist so I could help other
people find their purposethrough their pain.
And I realized like if everybodyhad access to sharing their
story, how much.
Healing could happen.
And so I do a lot of narrativework as a therapist and creating
the story and understanding thestory.
And then how do you utilize yourstory?
(15:48):
Because if we can utilize ourstory, as painful as it is, I
always tell my clients and mypatients, I say, you know what?
I'm so sorry for everythingyou've been through, but now
you're a part of a club, andthis is, you know, Bekah, I feel
like you can say this too, likethis club that we are all a part
of, unfortunate circumstanceshave happened to get us into it,
but we all live differently,most of us.
(16:10):
Right?
And if you can really createyour story and embrace your
story rather than pushing itdown or avoiding it or running
from it because it's so hard andit's so painful, once you
embrace it, you just get to liveso differently.
I know I live each day withpurpose and you know, I'm
grateful and I feel inspiredevery single day.
(16:32):
Because I'm just thankful that Igot to live and if I could
provide that for the communityand teach them how to do that
through therapy or, you know,work with other people like OB
GYNs and everybody at MoMMA'sVoices to help facilitate how to
find and access therapist.
I just think that's one morestep in the right direction to
(16:54):
allow for best case scenarios inchildbirth.
Bekah (16:59):
Thank you for sharing that.
I love how you've just been ableto to merge what you are
passionate about with yourprofessional skills and how it
just oh, it's just, it's soamazing when people find their
sweet spot, right?
And they find what they, mm-hmm.
Do what advice would you give tosomebody listening?
Because sometimes we have peoplelistening and they might think,
you know what?
(17:19):
I have not done anything inadvocacy.
I don't feel like I can do it.
Or maybe they found us andthey're not a certified patient
family partner.
What advice would you give tosomebody who's listening who
feels kind of that itch?
Like they wanna get involved?
Melissa (17:36):
I think it's very scary, right?
Because what brings most of ushere is pain and who wants to
sit in that?
And so I'll oftentimes say topeople, if you can pick
short-term pain, you'll havelong-term gain.
So just knowing that it's gonnabe hard, but what I love about
MoMMA's Voices and going throughthe patient partnering is how
(17:58):
much support you have whileyou're doing that.
Right?
And so there's no push for time.
You can pause, you can.
You know, access other peoplewho have gone through it if you
might need just a little bit ofsupport.
And so again, yes, I'm not gonnasay it's not difficult to crack
yourself open to go through thetraining or to, you know, reach
(18:20):
out and get involved inadvocacy, but I can promise you
the more you do it, the more youheal.
And then the more you inspireyourself, the more you inspire
others.
So, Every little step countstoo.
You know, you don't have to bethe person that's gonna stand up
and speak in front of 500people.
Maybe you're, you're the personwho gets to sit next to somebody
(18:41):
in a hospital that's coming outof a very hard situation and
just be there.
Right?
People say all the time, likenobody knows what to say or I
don't know what to say, and thenwe say people just need time.
Just need time and space.
And so again, maybe you wannashare your story, maybe you
wanna use your voice, or maybeyou, you want to just be there
(19:03):
for somebody.
So I think, I hope that answersyour question.
But I think honestly, there's somany ways to get involved, and
what I love about MoMMA's Voicesis if you're on the other side
listening, you don't have tofigure that out.
That's the beauty of MoMMA'sVoices.
MoMMA's Voices comes together tohelp facilitate that.
You get to share where you'recomfortable and then they
present to you opportunities.
(19:25):
So it's just really awesome.
I think sometimes what stops alot of us isn't just the pain,
but it's the where do I begin?
And MoMMA's Voices allows forthe logistical piece to not
matter so much, and you justpresent fully as you are and
where you're at.
Bekah (19:39):
Oh my goodness.
You could not have answered thatbetter.
So yes, absolutely.
You answered it absolutelybeautifully.
And I love how you said, youknow, you don't have to stand on
a stage and speak to 500 peopleto make a difference.
That you can do that in thesmall places.
Right, like the hospital waitingroom.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
You know, standing in line atthe grocery store sharing your
story, and there's so manydifferent ways that you can do
(20:02):
that.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here today and for being
so open to share about your painand this great purpose that you
have.
I know that this will be such aninspiring episode for all of our
listeners.
Thank you so much for tuning intoday.
Melissa (20:17):
Thank you.
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