# 334 Love (Oxytocin Response) or Fear (Stress Reaction)

What if you could shift your child’s behavior not with consequences, but with calm? What if the most powerful tool you have is love—biochemically speaking? In this eye-opening episode, Colleen O’Grady welcomes trauma and adoption expert Bryan Post to unpack the neuroscience behind stress and connection in parenting. Bryan explains how fear-based reactions (driven by cortisol) and love-based responses (driven by oxytocin) shape our children’s behaviors—and our reactions to them. Drawing from his own story as an adoptee, Bryan introduces the concept of “stress-sensitive children,” emphasizing that behaviors we label as “bad” often stem from unhealed trauma and unconscious grief. Through vivid stories and science-backed insights, Bryan offers simple, powerful shifts moms can make—starting with breathing—to transform stress into connection. Bryan Post is one of the nation's leading experts on child behavior, trauma, and adoption. An adoptee and former foster child himself, Bryan founded Fear to Love LLC and developed the Fear to Love Method, a neuroscience-based, love-focused approach to parenting children with challenging behaviors. He’s a therapist, speaker, and bestselling author of From Fear to Love and co-author of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control. He is also the creator of Bondify the first AI-powered trauma-informed parenting support app. All behavior arises from a state of stress. Underneath every meltdown or defiance is a nervous system overwhelmed by fear, often from unexpressed trauma or grief—sometimes passed down for generations. Oxytocin is the antidote to cortisol. Just as stress creates fear-driven behaviors, connection creates calm. Nurturing relationships, not consequences, help regulate the brain. Breathe first. Respond second. When parents slow down and breathe, they can shift their vibration from fear to love. That energy change alone can stop a four-year tantrum cycle in its tracks. Learn more at https://www.bryanpost.com/ Follow on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/bryanpostofficial/?hl=en Check out https://bondify.ai/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices