October 3, 2025 • 21 mins
Men cry. Men break. Men heal. In this powerful roundtable, Brian D. Nordstrom Jr., Apostle Andre Dodson, and Will Van Dyke sit with host Barbara L. Parker, MA, LPCC-S & Co-Host Mary Kent to break the stigma around male emotions—especially for Black men—and talk boundaries, therapy, co-parenting, and choosing peace over chaos.
What happens when men's emotions are invalidated in relationships? Our raw, honest conversation with three men who've walked through relationship trauma reveals the hidden struggles many face behind closed doors.
The stigma against men expressing emotions runs deep in our culture. As one guest poignantly shares, "The only time you can show that you are human is if there's a loss of life." This emotional suppression creates devastating ripple effects through relationships, yet few talk openly about it.
These men courageously share their journeys from denial to acceptance about their failing relationships. "My friends had told me several times what was going on. I didn't want to hear, didn't want to see it," one guest admits. This resistance to seeing relationship problems keeps countless men trapped in cycles of pain and frustration.
The most powerful revelation comes when discussing healing. Against cultural norms urging men to "get another one" after breakups, our guests took radical paths of self-discovery. One spent five years intentionally single, focusing on therapy and personal growth. "Quit blaming other people. Find fault in yourself," he advises. This counterintuitive approach - taking responsibility rather than casting blame - transformed their ability to build healthy relationships later.
Communication emerges as the critical skill many men never learned. "I hid it through religion, I hid it through prayer," one guest shares about his former approach to relationship problems. Learning to express emotions clearly and set boundaries compassionately revolutionized his marriage.
Perhaps most importantly, these men challenge the stigma around therapy in the Black community. Their unanimous endorsement of counseling offers a powerful alternative narrative for men struggling with emotional issues. As one powerfully states, "I had to be broken to be as powerful as I am right now."
Join us for this essential conversation about vulnerability, healing, and finding strength through brokenness. Subscribe, share, and follow us @QueenBLParker or @BF_Empowerment for more transformative discussions on relationships and emotional health.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Barbara Parker (00:00):
Welcome to Powerfully Broken Podcast, where
we talk about having unhealthyrelationships and overcoming
them to have a more empoweredlife and making sure we're
breaking ties with thosenegative relationships that are
negatively impacting our health.
Powerfully broken, but neverdefeated.
Will Van Dyke (00:29):
Barbara bring the light.
Apostle Andre Dodson (00:32):
When the storm rolling and your spirit,
low Heart, feel heavy and you'removing slow Tears on your face.
Barbara Parker (00:38):
But your heart still Men are used to about
emotions Woosier, we even heardcry and bleed Say that but
there's this stigma of after aheart happens.
The only time you can show thatyou are human is if there's a
loss of life and when you'retelling a woman this hurt me and
(01:05):
for her not to understand thatyou are human just like she's
human as she has hers.
What would you say to men thatare going through that
experience of not having theirfeelings acknowledged and being
damaged by the person they'rewith?
Brian Nordstrom (01:22):
It's tough.
It's tough to even say whatthey should do because they're
not going to hear it.
I mean, my friends had told meseveral times what was going on.
I didn't want to hear, Didn'twant to see it.
So, no matter what you'resaying to them, if they're in
that point right there, they'renot going to hear until they're
going to hear.
So they want to hear until theyjust finally open up their eyes
(01:46):
and put that next foot forward.
They're not going to hear whatyou're saying to them.
At least I know I didn't.
Again, I know your guys'situation is much, much
different.
I had no children.
I had no children with my ex.
So that would make a situationa little bit different for me to
say I would stay, you know,because I didn't have any.
(02:07):
You know I can't.
So that's how it was with herand I.
Barbara Parker (02:11):
So I'm going to challenge you on that because
you did, because you're acultural attachment to that.
I did have emotional attachmentto them, but you had versed
them yourself, so that made ithard for you to leave that
situation.
Because even when you left thesituation, you did not leave
them financially.
Brian Nordstrom (02:27):
No, I didn't Right.
Barbara Parker (02:28):
You were still a provider, of a protector, even
outside of it.
Brian Nordstrom (02:31):
True true, but that's not the end-all decision
for me to stay or trying to stay, it was her.
When it finally, like I said,when somebody finally tells you,
you finally just hear it, it'slike bam and you get to a point
where, again, I raised my oneson.
He was one years old.
My other son, he's five yearsold.
(02:52):
Okay, they don't talk to me atall.
For what reason?
I have no idea, because Iwasn't the alienation of that
relationship.
But at the end of the day, likeyou said, if you're not happy,
you're not happy.
I know the way that you guyshave your faith is phenomenal
and you want to stick to thatbecause you made that vow.
But at the end of the day, Imean, you're still human, you
(03:18):
still have to be happy, becauseif you're not happy, you're
definitely not going to makethem happy, no matter how hard
you try.
Because I wasn't happy and Itried and tried and tried to
make her happy and it just wasnot working, was not working.
So at the end of the day, whenit comes to that question,
you're only going to hear itwhen you're ready to hear it.
So it doesn't matter whatanybody says to you, until
you're ready to hear, it Doesn'tmatter.
Will Van Dyke (03:35):
You know, him saying that kind of made me
think about, like when I wasmarried and I would tell my mom
because my mom like my bestfriend.
So I'd tell my mom because mymom like go back to rent.
So I'll tell my mom like no,I'm tired of this.
She'd be like wait, wait, youain't tired.
I'd be like no, what you mean,I'm not tired.
She'd be like because if youwas tired you wouldn't be
talking about it.
When you're tired, you're goingto do something about it.
(03:56):
So you're not tired.
Apostle Andre Dodson (03:57):
Yet I got to speak about current marriage
and how do you, from yourquestion, how you tell others
what not?
You know not to spay, you know,if these things is happening,
even in my current marriage, Ibelieve that we have to set
boundaries and in themboundaries.
(04:18):
This is what you do, you, you,you know.
It's explaining your emotions.
This is what I'm able to do nowthat I wasn't able to do then.
I hid it through religion, Ihid it through prayer, I hid it
through no, I'll do that now.
Whatever issue comes to thetable.
I'm talking about it Now.
She might.
When we first got there I couldtell she wasn't used to that.
(04:38):
She wasn't comfortable at allbecause at the end of the day,
I'm telling you what I dislike,day, I'm telling you what I
dislike and I'm telling you whatyou might not like.
You know what I mean.
My wife now told me one day shesaid she said you know what?
Oh boy, you say some stuff.
No man ain't never said to me.
I said because I might love youmore than any man you ever had
(04:59):
before.
I said because I love you iswhat I said, not that, and this
is another thing.
I don't want a new one, I don'tI want, I just want the one.
I have to hear what I'm saying.
You get what I mean.
So I've learned to communicate.
That's what I mean.
You know what I mean, you know.
And when you can communicatelike that See, because most
women do this, they deflect offtop.
(05:21):
Oh, if I'm all this and this,that there again go and get
another one.
No, no, no, no.
I don't want no other one, Iwant you and I want to stay with
you.
I just don't like when you do X, y and Z, because it makes me
feel like this and I don't wantto shut down because if I get
quiet.
Therefore, now something elsegot my attention.
It ain't got to be anotherwoman, it just got me constantly
(05:46):
thinking about how bad I don'twant to be here.
That's not healthy.
So I hold these conversationswith my wife now.
Will Van Dyke (05:49):
You know so.
But the key is she's able toaccept and departmentalize that
so that she can communicate backwith you healthy.
But if you get a woman thatcan't accept those things, you
got chaos now Because she'sgoing to come at you.
She's going to come at you.
You know what I'm saying.
(06:09):
When you're trying to come ather in a place of love to help
her learn how to treat you, thatain't what she hearing.
She's hearing something else.
Why is you coming for me andall you're trying to do is
explain where you fit, what youfeel, how?
What you just said or what youjust did makes me feel, but a
(06:30):
lot of women will feel attacked.
So now you've got a wholedifferent ballgame, it's a whole
different ballgame.
Barbara Parker (06:35):
Okay from the question do you choose peace
over chaos?
Apostle Andre Dodson (06:38):
It's how to take an answer for a phone
and it's the crazy thing.
You know what's crazy bro?
Will Van Dyke (06:44):
I did that for a.
The crazy part is I got so usedto a chaotic marriage that when
I started dating, that's what Iwas looking for was chaotic
Right.
Brian Nordstrom (06:55):
Yeah, you're trained that way and I'm not.
Apostle Andre Dodson (06:57):
Salvation, yeah, that's that's what she
was just saying that's wherethat's.
Just toxicity is toxic.
That and most people, like Isaid, my wife, was telling me in
our first years of marriage sheused to say you know, I ain't
used to this or I ain't used tothat.
And I told her.
I said, because it's where wecome from, you know cheating if
(07:26):
they was not coming home, youknow not not sharing financially
, and then you get a man who doall the opposite of them, things
you don't know how to receive.
This man, you know what I mean,was those men didn't know how
to express.
And, like I explained to herthrough my five years of being
single, after my divorce, I gotme together.
I didn't sit there and keepsaying what was wrong with that
woman.
I didn't.
I got to the point I don't carewhat's wrong with her, what was
(07:47):
wrong with me.
I accepted it.
I taught her how to treat me.
I told you know what I mean.
Everything I did.
So when I got into thisrelationship, I told her these
are the things that I'm notgoing to accept now.
It ain't always good, you know,sometimes she'll come against it
because, guess what, she do.
See it as you coming out, awoman is.
Let me say this a woman is notthe way a woman is fashioned and
(08:10):
wired.
Criticism they can't take it.
They don't want criticism.
If you criticize them, it morebreaks them.
So what they need to know isthat you're trying to have
healthy, intelligentconversations and not to say
that I'm criticizing you ormaking you feel because that's
the way they receive me.
They receive me that youcriticize and then you have to
(08:31):
explain.
But most men we used to didn'twant to.
It's a must-do.
You get what I mean.
We just say what we say and itis what it is.
I found myself no baby when Iwas saying it.
This is where I was me andsomething I would have never
done.
You know what I mean.
I'm not about to sit here andand go through these most, but
then it's the way you know.
I put in my head why wouldn't?
(08:53):
If this is who you love, whywouldn't you take the time out
to explain yourself, to make herunderstand if this is who you
love?
It's called work.
You got in a marriage.
It's worse.
You got to work.
You.
You got to in a marriage.
It's work.
You got to work.
You got to build.
You know, because it's easy towalk away and it's easy to do
something else.
I call this my second journey.
My wife is older than I am andyou know all our children is off
(09:17):
the house, you know, andeverything like that.
I said it's now about me andyou working on each other.
Everything that you didn't have, everything I didn't have, we
got to work on it.
But guess what?
Speaker 5 (09:35):
There was a lot of bumping because of my standards,
my upbringing, my principles.
This segment of the PowerfullyBroken Podcast is brought to you
by A Powerful Divorce, the bookby Barbara L Parker.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
Apostle Andre Dodson (09:50):
You know, and my wife was like I never got
with this before.
Will Van Dyke (09:54):
I'm going to get back to something with you, bro.
Okay, real talk.
First of all, I'm going to saythis Kids can destroy a marriage
, a relationship or anything, sothat goes without saying.
But you said something that waskey.
You said that for five yearsyou didn't get into a
relationship.
You got into you.
Right, absolutely.
(10:16):
But when you say that, like alot of us as men, we don't know
what that look like, we don'teven know what that entails Like
for me.
I knew that I had to get sometherapy, some counseling.
I needed a dog that wasn't inthe fight, although I had my mom
and my dad.
I needed a dog.
I needed somebody that I couldtalk to where I wasn't the dog
(10:40):
in the fight.
You know what I'm saying.
My parents are very supportive,very loving, and they both love
me dearly.
So I know talking to themthey're going to be biased.
You know what I'm saying.
I needed, in order for me to bethe best version of me, I needed
to talk to somebody that Iwasn't a dog in the fire.
You know what I'm saying.
So when you said gettingyourself together those five
(11:03):
years, you know we as men don'tknow what that look like.
See, women do it.
Women will separate and theywon't deal with nobody for years
.
Men, you know we get the worstadvice in the world from other
men.
Get you another one.
You know what I'm saying, andthat's the worst thing to do.
Apostle Andre Dodson (11:22):
I go back to the Jewelry Western Anglican
sitting there.
I know her father.
He come up in the church forthe other.
I remember her days on thealtar just screaming and yelling
.
I came to minister at thatchurch one time.
I've spoken to her life aboutsome things and what I did with
that divorce because of the 15years of marriage.
I passed it for 15 years.
So everybody be wondering, wow,how'd I passed it in 15 years?
(11:43):
So everybody be wondering, wow,I had a pastor.
You know I went through adivorce and and left.
She left the home, took my kids, did this, did that.
So what I did was got metogether.
When I say me together, went totherapy, ok, when she counseled
listen to this, not alone.
That, though I pray, I'verealized something, because the
prayer would have kept thatrelationship together.
(12:04):
Then it would have beentogether because sometimes you
don't know what's best for you.
You know what I mean.
What I did was what I did was.
So I got around others, I gotpeople to, I started getting
counseling.
You know I start puttingapplication with the
spirituality.
I start.
I start stop just, you know,looking for the God outside of
(12:25):
me and start seeing the one thatis within and wait, that
greater is he that's within me.
So I start, I start seeingscripture different.
It changed my ministry.
It changed everything and Ithought about when it came to
church.
It changed everything aboutpreaching, so it made me who I
am today.
So like, if you look at my bio,I'm city of life.
Back then it was speak lifeministry of the international
(12:46):
church.
It was deep Spent five minutes.
International church, you know,now is city of life.
I'm civilians against violence.
You know I'm a qualified healthbehaviorist as well, trauma and
intervention specialist, all thedifferent things, things that
religion would make you not goout of you, would.
You would try to box it intoreligion.
So I just did them things.
So that's what it looked like.
(13:06):
And guess what?
I kept my strength.
I went.
I wasn't selling it.
I I didn't want to, I didn'twant to mess around because I
understood whoever I lay with,that I was going to be with.
You know what I mean.
So you know and that's what Idid.
But I didn't have that strength25 years ago.
You know what I mean.
I ain't had them things.
So now, if I give it to any man,especially if you've been
(13:28):
through a divorce or you wentthrough anything.
What you need to do is reallyget you together.
Quit blaming on people.
Find fault in yourself.
Really get you together.
Quit blaming on people, findfault in yourself.
Grow from every situation thatyou went through because guess
what, even though that personmight have done the cause, you
still have some parts of whatwas going on that you can mature
, that you can grow.
It's something that he said thatwas powerful.
(13:50):
Even though he went to do thedivorce, he recognized that she
didn't have the investment inhim like he have in her.
So that gives that qualifiesbecause, according to even the
scripture, that's a man.
The time he needed her shedidn't come.
Are you understand what I'msaying?
Forget anything else.
(14:10):
Every other situation heprobably was able to look over,
but that right there, that's.
That's when God, like God, weneed to blame.
Yeah, we got to do somethingdifferent here.
You know, and, like I said, ifmy ex-wife wouldn't have made
the move she made, I probablywouldn't have met this beautiful
woman that I'm with now.
I probably, you know, none ofthem here for a thing the reason
why I asked that question, man?
Will Van Dyke (14:31):
because what I know is in our culture, right
African-American culture,especially black men, they don't
believe in going to talk tosomebody.
Man, you know what I'm saying.
So if nothing else got out onhere, I want the black men to
know it's okay.
You know, even like I gotpartners that they'd be like
(14:54):
they wise from, like they shouldgo to council.
They'd be like no, you ain'tgoing to tell me how to run.
It ain't even about that, bro.
It ain't about that.
It's about helping you be abetter man to whoever you with,
or to yourself or even to yourchildren.
But I strongly believe incounseling and therapy.
I really do, because it willhelp you if you allow it to.
(15:16):
But it's just in our culturethey just don't believe in it.
Apostle Andre Dodson (15:21):
You're right about coffee, because I
ain't believing.
And then I tried to cover itwith church.
You know I'm the pastor, I gopray, I seek a scripture, but
when I got counseling it was thebest thing ever.
When I went through againafterwards I went to therapy.
It was the best thing everbecause of it made me see it was
(15:42):
always me.
They never let me talk about it.
This is something I suggest too.
If you're in a relationship andyou do go to a counselor, don't
bring up what happened.
Bring up a solution that youdon't want this to happen.
And what I mean by this is thisI want to know how to love you
better.
I want to do.
(16:02):
But if I talk about a situation, it deflects what we really
here for, because now the sameemotions come back up.
Barbara Parker (16:11):
I disagree, and I'll tell you why.
I'm with you.
Because for me me as somebodywho's solution focused I need to
know what the problem is.
I even let my couple sometimesno yeah, yeah, do them.
Apostle Andre Dodson (16:23):
I understand when you keep on
repeating.
That's right.
You go there, tell them atfirst.
But you know how most peoplelike I'm not talking about our
culture or man like this, see,because what I'm saying is the
way when she did you, you keepdoing the same thing.
You already told the therapistwhat's going on.
You know what I mean.
You're trying to shift Blaine.
You don't want to take noaccount of that.
(16:44):
That's what I meant by that,because once you can see where
you went wrong, okay, I made youfeel that way when I did that,
I'm sorry.
Instead, I ain't making herfeel that way.
So one thing the counselor toldme one time.
He said how can you tell herhow you made her feel, even if
you don't agree with that atthat moment?
That's her feeling.
(17:05):
You get what I'm saying.
So who am I to ignore yourfeeling if I'm the one talking
about, for better or worse, anddeath do us part.
I was supposed to tend to that.
I didn't know that about forbetter or worse, and and and
devs do as guard you, I'msupposed to tend to that, right,
I didn't know it, I, I, I justknew I wasn't guilty of what she
was saying or or vice versa,you know what I mean with that
particular paradigm.
Barbara Parker (17:25):
When a man disregards a woman's feelings,
the problem is y'all both areliving at the same level
emotional intelligence and soshe disregards your feelings
when a you, when she makes thatkind of breach as well.
So now y'all just end up inthis cycle of continuous hurt
and no heal, absolutely.
So I appreciate all of y'allbeing here and being open and
(17:46):
honest about your struggles withbeing married, being divorced,
overcoming that and moving to abigger, better place.
And I just want to end with aquestion I'm going to close to
each of you what does powerfullybroken mean to you?
Brian Nordstrom (18:01):
To me, it means I had to be broken to be as
powerful as I am right now,because there's no way that I
would ever have my feet sittinghere, sitting here and being the
best man that I've ever been inmy life.
So that had to be completelybroken down, and I was as bottom
as I could have ever been in mylife.
So what it means to me isthat's the thing that had to
happen.
My suffering had to happen tomake me the king that I am right
(18:24):
now.
Will Van Dyke (18:25):
That's what's up.
You know, I got to piggybackoff of that.
Let's say for real, like,because I like for everything
that has happened in my life.
I never knew why.
You know what I'm saying, likethe hurt, the fault in myself,
like I never knew why it washappening.
But now I got this thing in myoffice and it says I remember
(18:47):
the days that I prayed for whatI have today and I never forget
that.
So to me, powerful and brokenis just basically what this man
just said.
I had to be broken to bepowerful, to be able to help
others or be able to help myselfor even my children.
So that's what it means.
Apostle Andre Dodson (19:06):
I'm with my new brothers here.
I feel before any resurrectionthere must be a death, and the
only way you get up with allpower is after you die.
And once you die to yourself,you become great.
And I got to say love is myportion.
I didn't allow nothing to breakme.
Love covered my two to four.
It also is it thinks only.
Things are just honest, pureand with me thinking like that,
(19:30):
I don't allow no infiltration orno negative thinking to come to
me because I operate in love.
So when I make a decision I'mnot wrong by my decision,
because my heart is pure andit's love.
But that's what makes themfarfever.
I love you, I'll be sure.
Brian Nordstrom (19:41):
I'll be sure.
Barbara Parker (19:46):
I just want to say I agree with you, because a
lot of times you have to divorceyourself from the mindset that
kept you in that broken place,and that is a process of
learning new techniques, newthought patterns, new habits,
and you know.
I just want to thank you guysfor sharing your story, because
there's somebody out here thatis going through that broken
(20:10):
place and cannot see the lightof tomorrow, and so I just pray
that everything that you guyshave said inspires them to keep
going another day to learn more.
Stay tuned and we hope to seeyou next week.
Speaker 5 (20:24):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
(20:48):
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.
Barbara Parker (21:01):
Powerfully broken, but never defeat.
Welcome to Powerfully Broken Podcast, where
we talk about having unhealthyrelationships and overcoming
them to have a more empoweredlife and making sure we're
breaking ties with thosenegative relationships that are
negatively impacting our health.
Powerfully broken, but neverdefeated.
Will Van Dyke (00:29):
Barbara bring the light.
Apostle Andre Dodson (00:32):
When the storm rolling and your spirit,
low Heart, feel heavy and you'removing slow Tears on your face.
Barbara Parker (00:38):
But your heart still Men are used to about
emotions Woosier, we even heardcry and bleed Say that but
there's this stigma of after aheart happens.
The only time you can show thatyou are human is if there's a
loss of life and when you'retelling a woman this hurt me and
(01:05):
for her not to understand thatyou are human just like she's
human as she has hers.
What would you say to men thatare going through that
experience of not having theirfeelings acknowledged and being
damaged by the person they'rewith?
Brian Nordstrom (01:22):
It's tough.
It's tough to even say whatthey should do because they're
not going to hear it.
I mean, my friends had told meseveral times what was going on.
I didn't want to hear, Didn'twant to see it.
So, no matter what you'resaying to them, if they're in
that point right there, they'renot going to hear until they're
going to hear.
So they want to hear until theyjust finally open up their eyes
(01:46):
and put that next foot forward.
They're not going to hear whatyou're saying to them.
At least I know I didn't.
Again, I know your guys'situation is much, much
different.
I had no children.
I had no children with my ex.
So that would make a situationa little bit different for me to
say I would stay, you know,because I didn't have any.
(02:07):
You know I can't.
So that's how it was with herand I.
Barbara Parker (02:11):
So I'm going to challenge you on that because
you did, because you're acultural attachment to that.
I did have emotional attachmentto them, but you had versed
them yourself, so that made ithard for you to leave that
situation.
Because even when you left thesituation, you did not leave
them financially.
Brian Nordstrom (02:27):
No, I didn't Right.
Barbara Parker (02:28):
You were still a provider, of a protector, even
outside of it.
Brian Nordstrom (02:31):
True true, but that's not the end-all decision
for me to stay or trying to stay, it was her.
When it finally, like I said,when somebody finally tells you,
you finally just hear it, it'slike bam and you get to a point
where, again, I raised my oneson.
He was one years old.
My other son, he's five yearsold.
(02:52):
Okay, they don't talk to me atall.
For what reason?
I have no idea, because Iwasn't the alienation of that
relationship.
But at the end of the day, likeyou said, if you're not happy,
you're not happy.
I know the way that you guyshave your faith is phenomenal
and you want to stick to thatbecause you made that vow.
But at the end of the day, Imean, you're still human, you
(03:18):
still have to be happy, becauseif you're not happy, you're
definitely not going to makethem happy, no matter how hard
you try.
Because I wasn't happy and Itried and tried and tried to
make her happy and it just wasnot working, was not working.
So at the end of the day, whenit comes to that question,
you're only going to hear itwhen you're ready to hear it.
So it doesn't matter whatanybody says to you, until
you're ready to hear, it Doesn'tmatter.
Will Van Dyke (03:35):
You know, him saying that kind of made me
think about, like when I wasmarried and I would tell my mom
because my mom like my bestfriend.
So I'd tell my mom because mymom like go back to rent.
So I'll tell my mom like no,I'm tired of this.
She'd be like wait, wait, youain't tired.
I'd be like no, what you mean,I'm not tired.
She'd be like because if youwas tired you wouldn't be
talking about it.
When you're tired, you're goingto do something about it.
(03:56):
So you're not tired.
Apostle Andre Dodson (03:57):
Yet I got to speak about current marriage
and how do you, from yourquestion, how you tell others
what not?
You know not to spay, you know,if these things is happening,
even in my current marriage, Ibelieve that we have to set
boundaries and in themboundaries.
(04:18):
This is what you do, you, you,you know.
It's explaining your emotions.
This is what I'm able to do nowthat I wasn't able to do then.
I hid it through religion, Ihid it through prayer, I hid it
through no, I'll do that now.
Whatever issue comes to thetable.
I'm talking about it Now.
She might.
When we first got there I couldtell she wasn't used to that.
(04:38):
She wasn't comfortable at allbecause at the end of the day,
I'm telling you what I dislike,day, I'm telling you what I
dislike and I'm telling you whatyou might not like.
You know what I mean.
My wife now told me one day shesaid she said you know what?
Oh boy, you say some stuff.
No man ain't never said to me.
I said because I might love youmore than any man you ever had
(04:59):
before.
I said because I love you iswhat I said, not that, and this
is another thing.
I don't want a new one, I don'tI want, I just want the one.
I have to hear what I'm saying.
You get what I mean.
So I've learned to communicate.
That's what I mean.
You know what I mean, you know.
And when you can communicatelike that See, because most
women do this, they deflect offtop.
(05:21):
Oh, if I'm all this and this,that there again go and get
another one.
No, no, no, no.
I don't want no other one, Iwant you and I want to stay with
you.
I just don't like when you do X, y and Z, because it makes me
feel like this and I don't wantto shut down because if I get
quiet.
Therefore, now something elsegot my attention.
It ain't got to be anotherwoman, it just got me constantly
(05:46):
thinking about how bad I don'twant to be here.
That's not healthy.
So I hold these conversationswith my wife now.
Will Van Dyke (05:49):
You know so.
But the key is she's able toaccept and departmentalize that
so that she can communicate backwith you healthy.
But if you get a woman thatcan't accept those things, you
got chaos now Because she'sgoing to come at you.
She's going to come at you.
You know what I'm saying.
(06:09):
When you're trying to come ather in a place of love to help
her learn how to treat you, thatain't what she hearing.
She's hearing something else.
Why is you coming for me andall you're trying to do is
explain where you fit, what youfeel, how?
What you just said or what youjust did makes me feel, but a
(06:30):
lot of women will feel attacked.
So now you've got a wholedifferent ballgame, it's a whole
different ballgame.
Barbara Parker (06:35):
Okay from the question do you choose peace
over chaos?
Apostle Andre Dodson (06:38):
It's how to take an answer for a phone
and it's the crazy thing.
You know what's crazy bro?
Will Van Dyke (06:44):
I did that for a.
The crazy part is I got so usedto a chaotic marriage that when
I started dating, that's what Iwas looking for was chaotic
Right.
Brian Nordstrom (06:55):
Yeah, you're trained that way and I'm not.
Apostle Andre Dodson (06:57):
Salvation, yeah, that's that's what she
was just saying that's wherethat's.
Just toxicity is toxic.
That and most people, like Isaid, my wife, was telling me in
our first years of marriage sheused to say you know, I ain't
used to this or I ain't used tothat.
And I told her.
I said, because it's where wecome from, you know cheating if
(07:26):
they was not coming home, youknow not not sharing financially
, and then you get a man who doall the opposite of them, things
you don't know how to receive.
This man, you know what I mean,was those men didn't know how
to express.
And, like I explained to herthrough my five years of being
single, after my divorce, I gotme together.
I didn't sit there and keepsaying what was wrong with that
woman.
I didn't.
I got to the point I don't carewhat's wrong with her, what was
(07:47):
wrong with me.
I accepted it.
I taught her how to treat me.
I told you know what I mean.
Everything I did.
So when I got into thisrelationship, I told her these
are the things that I'm notgoing to accept now.
It ain't always good, you know,sometimes she'll come against it
because, guess what, she do.
See it as you coming out, awoman is.
Let me say this a woman is notthe way a woman is fashioned and
(08:10):
wired.
Criticism they can't take it.
They don't want criticism.
If you criticize them, it morebreaks them.
So what they need to know isthat you're trying to have
healthy, intelligentconversations and not to say
that I'm criticizing you ormaking you feel because that's
the way they receive me.
They receive me that youcriticize and then you have to
(08:31):
explain.
But most men we used to didn'twant to.
It's a must-do.
You get what I mean.
We just say what we say and itis what it is.
I found myself no baby when Iwas saying it.
This is where I was me andsomething I would have never
done.
You know what I mean.
I'm not about to sit here andand go through these most, but
then it's the way you know.
I put in my head why wouldn't?
(08:53):
If this is who you love, whywouldn't you take the time out
to explain yourself, to make herunderstand if this is who you
love?
It's called work.
You got in a marriage.
It's worse.
You got to work.
You.
You got to in a marriage.
It's work.
You got to work.
You got to build.
You know, because it's easy towalk away and it's easy to do
something else.
I call this my second journey.
My wife is older than I am andyou know all our children is off
(09:17):
the house, you know, andeverything like that.
I said it's now about me andyou working on each other.
Everything that you didn't have, everything I didn't have, we
got to work on it.
But guess what?
Speaker 5 (09:35):
There was a lot of bumping because of my standards,
my upbringing, my principles.
This segment of the PowerfullyBroken Podcast is brought to you
by A Powerful Divorce, the bookby Barbara L Parker.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
Apostle Andre Dodson (09:50):
You know, and my wife was like I never got
with this before.
Will Van Dyke (09:54):
I'm going to get back to something with you, bro.
Okay, real talk.
First of all, I'm going to saythis Kids can destroy a marriage
, a relationship or anything, sothat goes without saying.
But you said something that waskey.
You said that for five yearsyou didn't get into a
relationship.
You got into you.
Right, absolutely.
(10:16):
But when you say that, like alot of us as men, we don't know
what that look like, we don'teven know what that entails Like
for me.
I knew that I had to get sometherapy, some counseling.
I needed a dog that wasn't inthe fight, although I had my mom
and my dad.
I needed a dog.
I needed somebody that I couldtalk to where I wasn't the dog
(10:40):
in the fight.
You know what I'm saying.
My parents are very supportive,very loving, and they both love
me dearly.
So I know talking to themthey're going to be biased.
You know what I'm saying.
I needed, in order for me to bethe best version of me, I needed
to talk to somebody that Iwasn't a dog in the fire.
You know what I'm saying.
So when you said gettingyourself together those five
(11:03):
years, you know we as men don'tknow what that look like.
See, women do it.
Women will separate and theywon't deal with nobody for years
.
Men, you know we get the worstadvice in the world from other
men.
Get you another one.
You know what I'm saying, andthat's the worst thing to do.
Apostle Andre Dodson (11:22):
I go back to the Jewelry Western Anglican
sitting there.
I know her father.
He come up in the church forthe other.
I remember her days on thealtar just screaming and yelling
.
I came to minister at thatchurch one time.
I've spoken to her life aboutsome things and what I did with
that divorce because of the 15years of marriage.
I passed it for 15 years.
So everybody be wondering, wow,how'd I passed it in 15 years?
(11:43):
So everybody be wondering, wow,I had a pastor.
You know I went through adivorce and and left.
She left the home, took my kids, did this, did that.
So what I did was got metogether.
When I say me together, went totherapy, ok, when she counseled
listen to this, not alone.
That, though I pray, I'verealized something, because the
prayer would have kept thatrelationship together.
(12:04):
Then it would have beentogether because sometimes you
don't know what's best for you.
You know what I mean.
What I did was what I did was.
So I got around others, I gotpeople to, I started getting
counseling.
You know I start puttingapplication with the
spirituality.
I start.
I start stop just, you know,looking for the God outside of
(12:25):
me and start seeing the one thatis within and wait, that
greater is he that's within me.
So I start, I start seeingscripture different.
It changed my ministry.
It changed everything and Ithought about when it came to
church.
It changed everything aboutpreaching, so it made me who I
am today.
So like, if you look at my bio,I'm city of life.
Back then it was speak lifeministry of the international
(12:46):
church.
It was deep Spent five minutes.
International church, you know,now is city of life.
I'm civilians against violence.
You know I'm a qualified healthbehaviorist as well, trauma and
intervention specialist, all thedifferent things, things that
religion would make you not goout of you, would.
You would try to box it intoreligion.
So I just did them things.
So that's what it looked like.
(13:06):
And guess what?
I kept my strength.
I went.
I wasn't selling it.
I I didn't want to, I didn'twant to mess around because I
understood whoever I lay with,that I was going to be with.
You know what I mean.
So you know and that's what Idid.
But I didn't have that strength25 years ago.
You know what I mean.
I ain't had them things.
So now, if I give it to any man,especially if you've been
(13:28):
through a divorce or you wentthrough anything.
What you need to do is reallyget you together.
Quit blaming on people.
Find fault in yourself.
Really get you together.
Quit blaming on people, findfault in yourself.
Grow from every situation thatyou went through because guess
what, even though that personmight have done the cause, you
still have some parts of whatwas going on that you can mature
, that you can grow.
It's something that he said thatwas powerful.
(13:50):
Even though he went to do thedivorce, he recognized that she
didn't have the investment inhim like he have in her.
So that gives that qualifiesbecause, according to even the
scripture, that's a man.
The time he needed her shedidn't come.
Are you understand what I'msaying?
Forget anything else.
(14:10):
Every other situation heprobably was able to look over,
but that right there, that's.
That's when God, like God, weneed to blame.
Yeah, we got to do somethingdifferent here.
You know, and, like I said, ifmy ex-wife wouldn't have made
the move she made, I probablywouldn't have met this beautiful
woman that I'm with now.
I probably, you know, none ofthem here for a thing the reason
why I asked that question, man?
Will Van Dyke (14:31):
because what I know is in our culture, right
African-American culture,especially black men, they don't
believe in going to talk tosomebody.
Man, you know what I'm saying.
So if nothing else got out onhere, I want the black men to
know it's okay.
You know, even like I gotpartners that they'd be like
(14:54):
they wise from, like they shouldgo to council.
They'd be like no, you ain'tgoing to tell me how to run.
It ain't even about that, bro.
It ain't about that.
It's about helping you be abetter man to whoever you with,
or to yourself or even to yourchildren.
But I strongly believe incounseling and therapy.
I really do, because it willhelp you if you allow it to.
(15:16):
But it's just in our culturethey just don't believe in it.
Apostle Andre Dodson (15:21):
You're right about coffee, because I
ain't believing.
And then I tried to cover itwith church.
You know I'm the pastor, I gopray, I seek a scripture, but
when I got counseling it was thebest thing ever.
When I went through againafterwards I went to therapy.
It was the best thing everbecause of it made me see it was
(15:42):
always me.
They never let me talk about it.
This is something I suggest too.
If you're in a relationship andyou do go to a counselor, don't
bring up what happened.
Bring up a solution that youdon't want this to happen.
And what I mean by this is thisI want to know how to love you
better.
I want to do.
(16:02):
But if I talk about a situation, it deflects what we really
here for, because now the sameemotions come back up.
Barbara Parker (16:11):
I disagree, and I'll tell you why.
I'm with you.
Because for me me as somebodywho's solution focused I need to
know what the problem is.
I even let my couple sometimesno yeah, yeah, do them.
Apostle Andre Dodson (16:23):
I understand when you keep on
repeating.
That's right.
You go there, tell them atfirst.
But you know how most peoplelike I'm not talking about our
culture or man like this, see,because what I'm saying is the
way when she did you, you keepdoing the same thing.
You already told the therapistwhat's going on.
You know what I mean.
You're trying to shift Blaine.
You don't want to take noaccount of that.
(16:44):
That's what I meant by that,because once you can see where
you went wrong, okay, I made youfeel that way when I did that,
I'm sorry.
Instead, I ain't making herfeel that way.
So one thing the counselor toldme one time.
He said how can you tell herhow you made her feel, even if
you don't agree with that atthat moment?
That's her feeling.
(17:05):
You get what I'm saying.
So who am I to ignore yourfeeling if I'm the one talking
about, for better or worse, anddeath do us part.
I was supposed to tend to that.
I didn't know that about forbetter or worse, and and and
devs do as guard you, I'msupposed to tend to that, right,
I didn't know it, I, I, I justknew I wasn't guilty of what she
was saying or or vice versa,you know what I mean with that
particular paradigm.
Barbara Parker (17:25):
When a man disregards a woman's feelings,
the problem is y'all both areliving at the same level
emotional intelligence and soshe disregards your feelings
when a you, when she makes thatkind of breach as well.
So now y'all just end up inthis cycle of continuous hurt
and no heal, absolutely.
So I appreciate all of y'allbeing here and being open and
(17:46):
honest about your struggles withbeing married, being divorced,
overcoming that and moving to abigger, better place.
And I just want to end with aquestion I'm going to close to
each of you what does powerfullybroken mean to you?
Brian Nordstrom (18:01):
To me, it means I had to be broken to be as
powerful as I am right now,because there's no way that I
would ever have my feet sittinghere, sitting here and being the
best man that I've ever been inmy life.
So that had to be completelybroken down, and I was as bottom
as I could have ever been in mylife.
So what it means to me isthat's the thing that had to
happen.
My suffering had to happen tomake me the king that I am right
(18:24):
now.
Will Van Dyke (18:25):
That's what's up.
You know, I got to piggybackoff of that.
Let's say for real, like,because I like for everything
that has happened in my life.
I never knew why.
You know what I'm saying, likethe hurt, the fault in myself,
like I never knew why it washappening.
But now I got this thing in myoffice and it says I remember
(18:47):
the days that I prayed for whatI have today and I never forget
that.
So to me, powerful and brokenis just basically what this man
just said.
I had to be broken to bepowerful, to be able to help
others or be able to help myselfor even my children.
So that's what it means.
Apostle Andre Dodson (19:06):
I'm with my new brothers here.
I feel before any resurrectionthere must be a death, and the
only way you get up with allpower is after you die.
And once you die to yourself,you become great.
And I got to say love is myportion.
I didn't allow nothing to breakme.
Love covered my two to four.
It also is it thinks only.
Things are just honest, pureand with me thinking like that,
(19:30):
I don't allow no infiltration orno negative thinking to come to
me because I operate in love.
So when I make a decision I'mnot wrong by my decision,
because my heart is pure andit's love.
But that's what makes themfarfever.
I love you, I'll be sure.
Brian Nordstrom (19:41):
I'll be sure.
Barbara Parker (19:46):
I just want to say I agree with you, because a
lot of times you have to divorceyourself from the mindset that
kept you in that broken place,and that is a process of
learning new techniques, newthought patterns, new habits,
and you know.
I just want to thank you guysfor sharing your story, because
there's somebody out here thatis going through that broken
(20:10):
place and cannot see the lightof tomorrow, and so I just pray
that everything that you guyshave said inspires them to keep
going another day to learn more.
Stay tuned and we hope to seeyou next week.
Speaker 5 (20:24):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
(20:48):
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.
Barbara Parker (21:01):
Powerfully broken, but never defeat.
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