October 12, 2025 • 20 mins
Ever wondered how the person everyone leans on finds their own support? Stephanie Brooks—minister, mother, mental health advocate, and sexual minority advocate—joins us for a raw conversation about navigating life as both a support system for others and a human being with her own needs.
Stephanie unveils her powerful strategy for discerning when to process alone versus when to call in reinforcements. "Betrayal for me is one of those times when I need to isolate," she reveals, sharing how moments of deep hurt require space to recalibrate before determining who truly deserves proximity to your heart. With disarming honesty, she explains how she communicates her needs: "I need y'all to check on me. I need y'all to call." This ability to articulate vulnerability while maintaining strength offers a masterclass in emotional intelligence.
The conversation turns to identifying your true inner circle—those rare few who can be trusted with your full weight in crisis. Drawing wisdom from scripture, Stephanie notes how even Jesus had different tiers of relationships, bringing only three disciples to his most vulnerable moments in Gethsemane. She introduces the concept of "destiny partners" versus "taking friends," a profound framework for understanding which connections are meant for your journey ahead and which served a purpose for just a season. "Your ride-or-dies can't come with you into destiny," she explains, detailing how growth sometimes necessitates leaving certain relationships behind.
Ready to strengthen your discernment about who belongs in your inner circle? Listen now to gain life-changing insights about trusting wisely, healing thoroughly, and growing powerfully through life's challenges. Whether you're the "strong friend" everyone depends on or someone looking to build a healthier support system, this episode offers valuable wisdom for navigating relationships with greater clarity and purpose.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Thank you for joining us at Powerfully Broken Podcast, where
you break unhealthyrelationships that negatively
impact your mental health.
I have with me our lovelyStephanie Brooks, who is a
minister, a mother and a mentalhealth advocate, as well as a
sexual minority advocate.
Powerfully broken, but neverdefeated.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Barbara, bring the light when the storm rolling and
your spirit, low Heart, feelheavy and you're moving slow
Tears on your face, but yourheart still burning.
(00:43):
Thank you for joining us today .
Thank you for inviting me.
I love hanging out with you.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I know I love it.
(00:49):
We do.
That's real, from the beginningRight, even trick-or-treating
with the baby.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Okay, anyway, I forgot we didthat.
How are them kids?
Okay, they grow now.
So, yeah, we're in the game along time.
(01:09):
So I want to talk a little bitabout being that person that's
strong, that everybody goes tofor help.
They always lean on you, alwaysasking you questions, always
pulling on you.
You are the person who knowshow to get help and not just
crumble under all that pressure.
(01:30):
I will be like very stoic, I'mstrong, I don't need no help,
and then I'll be in a cornercrying so.
So teach me your ways.
Um, I do both.
Okay, I don't pretend like I'mnot affected.
I am vocal and then I go to myHeavenly Father, I take it to
(01:57):
Him.
I now I'm not communicative toevery single person that's going
on with me.
I don't do that Just because youknow everybody, if I share with
you, if I share with my sister,if I share with everybody, has
(02:17):
their own input and so I'm verysensitive to those inputs.
So I don't necessarily talk,talk to every single person, but
, um, there is one or two peoplewho I'll be like yeah, this
just took out my entireintestines and I need to
(02:41):
literally lay on your lap andcry, or I need to drink a bottle
of tequila, or I need to book atrip and sit on somebody's
beach and just stare in theocean for three days and not
talk.
Those are all real scenarios,those have all happened.
(03:01):
Yes, so like I, I guess Iembrace it.
And then once I'm like, okay,I'm feeling this, I take it to
my heavenly father.
Okay, so how do you know thedifference between when you want
to, you know, go it on your ownand you got this and get it
(03:24):
done and that tipping point ofeither offloading something or
asking for help.
And you know, sissy, you likenice gifts.
I need to know how to get nicegifts.
I think.
How do I know the difference?
I think how do I know thedifference?
I don't think.
(03:50):
I've never thought about that.
Give me, give me, give me threeseconds.
I don't know.
Okay, thank you, holy Spirit.
So my ability to kind of discernif I need to isolate and heal
or if I need to bring in myclose camp I need somebody with
(04:15):
me right now Is, first of all,the heaviness of what impacted
me, like betrayal of whatimpacted me.
Um, like betrayal, I had toisolate because now I don't even
know if you are okay to come inright now.
Like I need a minute to discernwho's supposed to be close.
So betrayal for me is one ofthose.
(04:36):
Okay, god, I don't know whatjust happened here.
I thought that this wassomebody who you put in my life.
I thought this was somebody Icould trust.
I thought that this wassomebody who you put in my life.
I thought this was somebody Icould trust.
I thought that this was a lifepartner.
I thought that this wassomething that you had your hand
on.
So clearly I was wrong.
(04:56):
But this is only a shock to me.
This ain't a shock to you.
You knew this was going tohappen.
So I'm going to sit here.
I'm going to sit here by myselfuntil you do your magic and
then I can go and communicate tomy, you know, to my immediate
camp, like, okay, this is whereI'm at, this is what you could
(05:19):
do to help, or there's nothingyou could do to help.
I'm good, I really am good,like, and that'd be the thing,
because I isolate and then Icome out and they're like you,
good, I'm cool, what's wrongwith you?
But it's really, honestly, it'sthat.
(05:40):
And then there are times wheresleep, it's that.
And then there are times whereI need y'all.
I need y'all this, um, this,this storm that I'm currently in
.
Yeah, I need my camp, like, Ineed y'all to check on me.
I need y'all to call.
I'd step, come get me.
When I messaged you about whatwas going on.
You're like what do I need todo?
Yeah, you know, and I didn'teven know.
(06:02):
I don't know, I don't know whatyou need to do.
Yeah, you know, and I didn'teven know.
I don't know, I don't know whatyou need to do.
I just know I need to like.
There are things.
When Tia passed away, people arelike what do you need me to do?
What can I do?
I don't know, but I know I needpeople close.
Yeah, like, and it's just, it'sthat's really kind of how, for
(06:25):
Stephanie, it works, yeah, itworks.
So it's not.
And then, well, go ahead.
Okay.
So you mentioned you're in acircle a couple of times.
So how do you know you're anassociate, you somebody I never
(06:48):
want to see again, and you areinner circle, you are someone I
can lean on and put my fullweight on and know that, no
matter what, you never gonnadrop me.
And I got your back like yougot mine.
How do you know who thosepeople are?
I hate to say trial and error,but that's really, um, that's
(07:09):
what it is.
Uh, so in scripture, jesus haddisciples and he had his 12 and
then he had his.
Come with me to the garden.
Yeah, and he was very selective.
He bought three.
Yeah, now they did go to sleep.
(07:31):
Yeah, they, they, they, and onewas a little bit himself.
He did cut the dude's ear off,but at the end of the day, um,
that discernment to know now howyou get that is really, by that
(07:53):
, the the history.
Like I know, I had somebody tellme recently like you never
switched up on me.
Yeah, you never.
It's been over 20 years and younever switched up on me.
I know I could call you for ababysitter.
I could call you for food, Icould call you for gas, I could
call you for a multitude ofthings, and it was never, ever
(08:18):
anything.
But I'm on my way, or, yes, orsometimes I can't do that, but I
could do this over here.
You know, um, so it could beproven history and it could be
your knowledge of them.
Yeah, it could be yourknowledge of them, like if you,
you know your girl group, your,your girl crew, like I
(08:40):
absolutely have, um, well, notso much anymore, but I had a
group of, like the ratchets,like we go outside, give the ip
right, you know, we have a goodtime, we're doing all the things
, because those are things thatwe like to do, yeah, but but
(09:00):
when?
When?
When they all left or when hetook them away, however you want
to look at it, you know thatwas one of those times when I
was like, oh okay, so yourretroference can't come with you
into destiny.
No, and also what he was doingin me Like, girl, you got to
stay out of VIP shaking your ass.
You passed that.
(09:22):
Like, go to VIP and get you abottle, you and your friends
critique the show and enjoy yourcompany.
Like you don't got to be alllike throwing money and doing
all this stuff.
You know, I mean, at some pointyou do have to transition and
it's okay.
(09:42):
And I had a hard time.
I had a hard time understandingthat like.
But you made me this way, god.
He was like I did for thatseason, yes, for that season.
So I'm growing some friendships, man.
I'm growing some friendships.
And so you asked how do youknow who to keep close?
That's how you know.
So, whenever something presentsitself and who's ever kind of
(10:10):
left standing, you know, youknow, you know.
And then, as you progress inyour walk with him, you ask him
are these destiny partners orare these taking their friends?
Is this my immediate group, oris this somebody I should be
cool with because we couldnetwork, we can make money, we
could be cool, we could go todinner, we can go to brunch, but
(10:32):
this ain't somebody I shouldcall in the middle of an
emergency.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,because you're not just
surviving, you're becoming, andthat's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(10:59):
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
(11:08):
So it's one of those things of we've known each other, like I
said, for a number of years.
Yes, you know how do I put this.
Sometimes, even with ourromantic relationships, we have
to learn after the fact thetruth of what we were living in.
(11:29):
And so you, I think you are oneof those things not, and I want
to say thing, as you're aninanimate object, but you
represent that I was living in arelationship where truth was
not present.
You were served to me on aplatter of.
I grew up with this personwhereas they had just met you,
(11:53):
and I'm like I don't find thatout until five, 10 years later.
And then there was always theselittle things coming up and so
figuring out, even with apartner, how to figure out, how
to trust that partner, becausesometimes they were able to hide
things from you and you didn'teven know who you really was
(12:13):
with, until people felt likethey were going to protect you
and not tell you.
And then, when you no longerhave to worry about are they
going to be mad at me fortelling them the truth?
They find out what the truth oftheir life was.
So have there been any momentsfor you that you feel like you
are in a romantic relationshipand you just woke up and was
(12:34):
like, ain't this about a dirtybitch, dirty bitch, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Um yes.
(12:57):
Uh, so what I will say now I guess in hindsight, two parts is
my picking abilities.
Yes, I was picking based on thefrequency that I was at in that
, in that timeframe, which wasin that time frame which was big
dick, have fun, and those wasmy two criterias.
If you can fuck me, good, andwe can have fun, I'm in count me
in, yeah, those, that was thebar.
(13:18):
That was like we good right here, you know, because he was very
he was very transparent, like Idon't got no money, I can't take
you on not nary vacation, Ican't buy you a car every two
years, which is who I had beenwith for the past five years.
I was getting whatever I wanted, I looked super good, hair
(13:40):
nails all the time but I didn'thave that person.
I didn't see him.
Yeah, so I met somebody who wasrunning me bath water, cooking
me dinner, rubbing my feet whenI got off work, but he was like
I don't have no money, I don't,I don't have it like that.
But when I tell you, I was like, well, who needs money?
Who cares?
Who is preaching so good rightnow?
(14:15):
Uh, yeah, so, um, my pickingability at that time in my life
were, um, on the frequency thatI was on, yeah.
Um, and so then, as once,obviously once I realized I
should say, marriage was thatmarriage ended?
And then you said how did?
(14:35):
When I woke up, what did I?
So what happened was um, I hada baby, I had my son when I was
31.
I got married when I was 30.
Now my ex-husband was sevenyears younger than me, so
(14:56):
obviously at 23, the stamina wasa little bit different.
He could do some things that at30, I wasn't acclimated to.
I would say I still his age wasnever.
I didn't care nothing aboutthat either.
Okay, well, whatever, we'rehaving fun.
I like you, you're easy on theeyes, we have a good time
(15:17):
together.
So it wasn't until I had my son.
And then, all of a sudden, myeyes opened to every single
thing.
I was like oh, okay.
But now I will say the moneypart.
When, when God says having awife is a good thing, the money
part came, we were not broke atall.
(15:38):
He was able like I didn't payfor nothing, I didn't pay no
bills, I didn't do nothing, Ijust woke up.
Well, that was when he proposed.
He said all you gotta do iswake up.
I got everything else.
And that's what he did when Iwent to school, he was like you
got four years, all you gotta dois go to school, don't worry
about these kids, these, thesehouses, bills, none of that.
He did all that.
Now, did he make five childrenduring that time?
(16:00):
He absolutely did, outside ofour marriage.
He did that.
So it was like, ah, now I'mhere, I'm married, though.
I'm married though, so.
But my eyes started opening towhat I had picked.
(16:21):
Just leave it at that.
My eyes opened to my choices,the hindsight being 2020.
Hindsight, hindsight for sure,that's what it was.
I gotta ask you this Sure, atsome point, was there a
trade-off?
Absolutely, but my, there was atrade-off.
(16:42):
At that time, I hid behind myHeavenly Father because at that
time, it was more important tome to honor my vows, and so I
let everything slide.
I don't care, I'm here for God,and I was not.
I was drinking, I was doing allGod, and I was not.
I was drinking, I was doing allthe stuff that I oh gosh,
there's so much.
So I was doing all this stuffCause I was acting out, trying
(17:04):
to feel where, but in my mind Iwas like no, I'm staying in this
marriage for God Cause I tookmy vows to God, like, and I took
my vows to God and that's notwrong.
That is not wrong.
That is not wrong because youdo take your vows to him.
However, that was a toxic personand because my what did you say
(17:25):
?
Your standard was down here.
Yeah, that's what I got.
So, yes, there absolutely was atradeoff and I had to say put
on your big girl painting stuff.
You're gonna have to go outhere and pay these bills and do
what you need to do because youcan't stay here.
Yeah, thank you, stephanie, forall your honesty and sharing
(17:48):
and you know, you're such awealth of knowledge, like I feel
like every time we get together, I learn so much, um, and
you're so warm and kind and allthe fuzzy things, which is why
we've been amazing friends,forever, yeah.
I agree with you.
No, so one of the things I wantto say about her, y'all before
we I don't know how this works,it doesn't go back on.
(18:09):
So I want to say, barb, youhave one of the things that I
have always admired about youand I have loved about you,
literally since the day I'm notgoing to mention his name met
introduced us, was your abilityto see a situation but step back
(18:35):
and like see the bigger picture.
And I know we don't have timeto go into how, because I could
give examples I didn'tunderstand.
We'll just make it.
I didn't understand how I washow I didn't understand how
impactful that would be untilright now, me talking to you,
because when we came and did thelast one and I was like this
(18:57):
girl just came here like on a on, like a wing and a prayer, and
it wasn't like bad, but you werethe time I got pushed back.
You got people here and you waslike we about to make this
shape, like we about to do this.
You was like like gave myjacket, get some coffee and
we're going to go and.
(19:17):
But you've always done that.
You've always done that withthem in any scenario.
In any scenario.
You have always done that and Iunderstand now how important it
is to give a person theirflowers when they're present,
because when they're not,because when they're not, they
still get their flowers, but ithas so much it doesn't carry as
(19:40):
much weight.
You have always taken somethingand made it yours and owned it
and ran with it and multipliedit and made it fruitful and made
it so.
It blessed other people and Ilove you for that.
I love you for that.
I love you for that.
I hate when y'all do this,because y'all be making me want
(20:01):
to cry.
You get so sweet, I'm emotional, but I'm not going to mess up
my makeup.
I appreciate it, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
(20:33):
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.
Thank you for joining us at Powerfully Broken Podcast, where
you break unhealthyrelationships that negatively
impact your mental health.
I have with me our lovelyStephanie Brooks, who is a
minister, a mother and a mentalhealth advocate, as well as a
sexual minority advocate.
Powerfully broken, but neverdefeated.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Barbara, bring the light when the storm rolling and
your spirit, low Heart, feelheavy and you're moving slow
Tears on your face, but yourheart still burning.
(00:43):
Thank you for joining us today .
Thank you for inviting me.
I love hanging out with you.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I know I love it.
(00:49):
We do.
That's real, from the beginningRight, even trick-or-treating
with the baby.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Okay, anyway, I forgot we didthat.
How are them kids?
Okay, they grow now.
So, yeah, we're in the game along time.
(01:09):
So I want to talk a little bitabout being that person that's
strong, that everybody goes tofor help.
They always lean on you, alwaysasking you questions, always
pulling on you.
You are the person who knowshow to get help and not just
crumble under all that pressure.
(01:30):
I will be like very stoic, I'mstrong, I don't need no help,
and then I'll be in a cornercrying so.
So teach me your ways.
Um, I do both.
Okay, I don't pretend like I'mnot affected.
I am vocal and then I go to myHeavenly Father, I take it to
(01:57):
Him.
I now I'm not communicative toevery single person that's going
on with me.
I don't do that Just because youknow everybody, if I share with
you, if I share with my sister,if I share with everybody, has
(02:17):
their own input and so I'm verysensitive to those inputs.
So I don't necessarily talk,talk to every single person, but
, um, there is one or two peoplewho I'll be like yeah, this
just took out my entireintestines and I need to
(02:41):
literally lay on your lap andcry, or I need to drink a bottle
of tequila, or I need to book atrip and sit on somebody's
beach and just stare in theocean for three days and not
talk.
Those are all real scenarios,those have all happened.
(03:01):
Yes, so like I, I guess Iembrace it.
And then once I'm like, okay,I'm feeling this, I take it to
my heavenly father.
Okay, so how do you know thedifference between when you want
to, you know, go it on your ownand you got this and get it
(03:24):
done and that tipping point ofeither offloading something or
asking for help.
And you know, sissy, you likenice gifts.
I need to know how to get nicegifts.
I think.
How do I know the difference?
I think how do I know thedifference?
I don't think.
(03:50):
I've never thought about that.
Give me, give me, give me threeseconds.
I don't know.
Okay, thank you, holy Spirit.
So my ability to kind of discernif I need to isolate and heal
or if I need to bring in myclose camp I need somebody with
(04:15):
me right now Is, first of all,the heaviness of what impacted
me, like betrayal of whatimpacted me.
Um, like betrayal, I had toisolate because now I don't even
know if you are okay to come inright now.
Like I need a minute to discernwho's supposed to be close.
So betrayal for me is one ofthose.
(04:36):
Okay, god, I don't know whatjust happened here.
I thought that this wassomebody who you put in my life.
I thought this was somebody Icould trust.
I thought that this wassomebody who you put in my life.
I thought this was somebody Icould trust.
I thought that this was a lifepartner.
I thought that this wassomething that you had your hand
on.
So clearly I was wrong.
(04:56):
But this is only a shock to me.
This ain't a shock to you.
You knew this was going tohappen.
So I'm going to sit here.
I'm going to sit here by myselfuntil you do your magic and
then I can go and communicate tomy, you know, to my immediate
camp, like, okay, this is whereI'm at, this is what you could
(05:19):
do to help, or there's nothingyou could do to help.
I'm good, I really am good,like, and that'd be the thing,
because I isolate and then Icome out and they're like you,
good, I'm cool, what's wrongwith you?
But it's really, honestly, it'sthat.
(05:40):
And then there are times wheresleep, it's that.
And then there are times whereI need y'all.
I need y'all this, um, this,this storm that I'm currently in
.
Yeah, I need my camp, like, Ineed y'all to check on me.
I need y'all to call.
I'd step, come get me.
When I messaged you about whatwas going on.
You're like what do I need todo?
Yeah, you know, and I didn'teven know.
(06:02):
I don't know, I don't know whatyou need to do.
Yeah, you know, and I didn'teven know.
I don't know, I don't know whatyou need to do.
I just know I need to like.
There are things.
When Tia passed away, people arelike what do you need me to do?
What can I do?
I don't know, but I know I needpeople close.
Yeah, like, and it's just, it'sthat's really kind of how, for
(06:25):
Stephanie, it works, yeah, itworks.
So it's not.
And then, well, go ahead.
Okay.
So you mentioned you're in acircle a couple of times.
So how do you know you're anassociate, you somebody I never
(06:48):
want to see again, and you areinner circle, you are someone I
can lean on and put my fullweight on and know that, no
matter what, you never gonnadrop me.
And I got your back like yougot mine.
How do you know who thosepeople are?
I hate to say trial and error,but that's really, um, that's
(07:09):
what it is.
Uh, so in scripture, jesus haddisciples and he had his 12 and
then he had his.
Come with me to the garden.
Yeah, and he was very selective.
He bought three.
Yeah, now they did go to sleep.
(07:31):
Yeah, they, they, they, and onewas a little bit himself.
He did cut the dude's ear off,but at the end of the day, um,
that discernment to know now howyou get that is really, by that
(07:53):
, the the history.
Like I know, I had somebody tellme recently like you never
switched up on me.
Yeah, you never.
It's been over 20 years and younever switched up on me.
I know I could call you for ababysitter.
I could call you for food, Icould call you for gas, I could
call you for a multitude ofthings, and it was never, ever
(08:18):
anything.
But I'm on my way, or, yes, orsometimes I can't do that, but I
could do this over here.
You know, um, so it could beproven history and it could be
your knowledge of them.
Yeah, it could be yourknowledge of them, like if you,
you know your girl group, your,your girl crew, like I
(08:40):
absolutely have, um, well, notso much anymore, but I had a
group of, like the ratchets,like we go outside, give the ip
right, you know, we have a goodtime, we're doing all the things
, because those are things thatwe like to do, yeah, but but
(09:00):
when?
When?
When they all left or when hetook them away, however you want
to look at it, you know thatwas one of those times when I
was like, oh okay, so yourretroference can't come with you
into destiny.
No, and also what he was doingin me Like, girl, you got to
stay out of VIP shaking your ass.
You passed that.
(09:22):
Like, go to VIP and get you abottle, you and your friends
critique the show and enjoy yourcompany.
Like you don't got to be alllike throwing money and doing
all this stuff.
You know, I mean, at some pointyou do have to transition and
it's okay.
(09:42):
And I had a hard time.
I had a hard time understandingthat like.
But you made me this way, god.
He was like I did for thatseason, yes, for that season.
So I'm growing some friendships, man.
I'm growing some friendships.
And so you asked how do youknow who to keep close?
That's how you know.
So, whenever something presentsitself and who's ever kind of
(10:10):
left standing, you know, youknow, you know.
And then, as you progress inyour walk with him, you ask him
are these destiny partners orare these taking their friends?
Is this my immediate group, oris this somebody I should be
cool with because we couldnetwork, we can make money, we
could be cool, we could go todinner, we can go to brunch, but
(10:32):
this ain't somebody I shouldcall in the middle of an
emergency.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,because you're not just
surviving, you're becoming, andthat's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(10:59):
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
(11:08):
So it's one of those things of we've known each other, like I
said, for a number of years.
Yes, you know how do I put this.
Sometimes, even with ourromantic relationships, we have
to learn after the fact thetruth of what we were living in.
(11:29):
And so you, I think you are oneof those things not, and I want
to say thing, as you're aninanimate object, but you
represent that I was living in arelationship where truth was
not present.
You were served to me on aplatter of.
I grew up with this personwhereas they had just met you,
(11:53):
and I'm like I don't find thatout until five, 10 years later.
And then there was always theselittle things coming up and so
figuring out, even with apartner, how to figure out, how
to trust that partner, becausesometimes they were able to hide
things from you and you didn'teven know who you really was
(12:13):
with, until people felt likethey were going to protect you
and not tell you.
And then, when you no longerhave to worry about are they
going to be mad at me fortelling them the truth?
They find out what the truth oftheir life was.
So have there been any momentsfor you that you feel like you
are in a romantic relationshipand you just woke up and was
(12:34):
like, ain't this about a dirtybitch, dirty bitch, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Um yes.
(12:57):
Uh, so what I will say now I guess in hindsight, two parts is
my picking abilities.
Yes, I was picking based on thefrequency that I was at in that
, in that timeframe, which wasin that time frame which was big
dick, have fun, and those wasmy two criterias.
If you can fuck me, good, andwe can have fun, I'm in count me
in, yeah, those, that was thebar.
(13:18):
That was like we good right here, you know, because he was very
he was very transparent, like Idon't got no money, I can't take
you on not nary vacation, Ican't buy you a car every two
years, which is who I had beenwith for the past five years.
I was getting whatever I wanted, I looked super good, hair
(13:40):
nails all the time but I didn'thave that person.
I didn't see him.
Yeah, so I met somebody who wasrunning me bath water, cooking
me dinner, rubbing my feet whenI got off work, but he was like
I don't have no money, I don't,I don't have it like that.
But when I tell you, I was like, well, who needs money?
Who cares?
Who is preaching so good rightnow?
(14:15):
Uh, yeah, so, um, my pickingability at that time in my life
were, um, on the frequency thatI was on, yeah.
Um, and so then, as once,obviously once I realized I
should say, marriage was thatmarriage ended?
And then you said how did?
(14:35):
When I woke up, what did I?
So what happened was um, I hada baby, I had my son when I was
31.
I got married when I was 30.
Now my ex-husband was sevenyears younger than me, so
(14:56):
obviously at 23, the stamina wasa little bit different.
He could do some things that at30, I wasn't acclimated to.
I would say I still his age wasnever.
I didn't care nothing aboutthat either.
Okay, well, whatever, we'rehaving fun.
I like you, you're easy on theeyes, we have a good time
(15:17):
together.
So it wasn't until I had my son.
And then, all of a sudden, myeyes opened to every single
thing.
I was like oh, okay.
But now I will say the moneypart.
When, when God says having awife is a good thing, the money
part came, we were not broke atall.
(15:38):
He was able like I didn't payfor nothing, I didn't pay no
bills, I didn't do nothing, Ijust woke up.
Well, that was when he proposed.
He said all you gotta do iswake up.
I got everything else.
And that's what he did when Iwent to school, he was like you
got four years, all you gotta dois go to school, don't worry
about these kids, these, thesehouses, bills, none of that.
He did all that.
Now, did he make five childrenduring that time?
(16:00):
He absolutely did, outside ofour marriage.
He did that.
So it was like, ah, now I'mhere, I'm married, though.
I'm married though, so.
But my eyes started opening towhat I had picked.
(16:21):
Just leave it at that.
My eyes opened to my choices,the hindsight being 2020.
Hindsight, hindsight for sure,that's what it was.
I gotta ask you this Sure, atsome point, was there a
trade-off?
Absolutely, but my, there was atrade-off.
(16:42):
At that time, I hid behind myHeavenly Father because at that
time, it was more important tome to honor my vows, and so I
let everything slide.
I don't care, I'm here for God,and I was not.
I was drinking, I was doing allGod, and I was not.
I was drinking, I was doing allthe stuff that I oh gosh,
there's so much.
So I was doing all this stuffCause I was acting out, trying
(17:04):
to feel where, but in my mind Iwas like no, I'm staying in this
marriage for God Cause I tookmy vows to God, like, and I took
my vows to God and that's notwrong.
That is not wrong.
That is not wrong because youdo take your vows to him.
However, that was a toxic personand because my what did you say
(17:25):
?
Your standard was down here.
Yeah, that's what I got.
So, yes, there absolutely was atradeoff and I had to say put
on your big girl painting stuff.
You're gonna have to go outhere and pay these bills and do
what you need to do because youcan't stay here.
Yeah, thank you, stephanie, forall your honesty and sharing
(17:48):
and you know, you're such awealth of knowledge, like I feel
like every time we get together, I learn so much, um, and
you're so warm and kind and allthe fuzzy things, which is why
we've been amazing friends,forever, yeah.
I agree with you.
No, so one of the things I wantto say about her, y'all before
we I don't know how this works,it doesn't go back on.
(18:09):
So I want to say, barb, youhave one of the things that I
have always admired about youand I have loved about you,
literally since the day I'm notgoing to mention his name met
introduced us, was your abilityto see a situation but step back
(18:35):
and like see the bigger picture.
And I know we don't have timeto go into how, because I could
give examples I didn'tunderstand.
We'll just make it.
I didn't understand how I washow I didn't understand how
impactful that would be untilright now, me talking to you,
because when we came and did thelast one and I was like this
(18:57):
girl just came here like on a on, like a wing and a prayer, and
it wasn't like bad, but you werethe time I got pushed back.
You got people here and you waslike we about to make this
shape, like we about to do this.
You was like like gave myjacket, get some coffee and
we're going to go and.
(19:17):
But you've always done that.
You've always done that withthem in any scenario.
In any scenario.
You have always done that and Iunderstand now how important it
is to give a person theirflowers when they're present,
because when they're not,because when they're not, they
still get their flowers, but ithas so much it doesn't carry as
(19:40):
much weight.
You have always taken somethingand made it yours and owned it
and ran with it and multipliedit and made it fruitful and made
it so.
It blessed other people and Ilove you for that.
I love you for that.
I love you for that.
I hate when y'all do this,because y'all be making me want
(20:01):
to cry.
You get so sweet, I'm emotional, but I'm not going to mess up
my makeup.
I appreciate it, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
(20:33):
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!