Episode 6: From Pleasing Everyone to Saving Myself: A Working Mom’s Wake-Up Call

 In this deeply personal episode of the Powerfully Broken Podcast, host Barbara L. Parker, MA, LPCC-S talks with Miriam White — nurse, qualified behavioral health specialist, mother, and model — about her journey from people-pleasing and unhealthy love to reclaiming her identity, confidence, and peace. 

What happens when a lifetime of people-pleasing collides with new motherhood and toxic relationships? Miriam's powerful journey of transformation will resonate with anyone who's ever struggled to put themselves first.

From the earliest years of her life, Miriam was conditioned to be the family caretaker. As the oldest child and first grandchild, nurturing others came naturally—until it nearly cost her everything. In this raw and honest conversation, she reveals the exact moment at age 30 when everything changed: "The day my son turned a year old, I just said that I could not please anybody but myself." That awakening began a courageous journey toward reclaiming her identity and establishing healthy boundaries.

Miriam doesn't shy away from the darkest moments of her story—losing her father unexpectedly, facing postpartum depression, and reaching the breaking point in her relationship with a narcissistic partner. Her candid admission that she called her mother for help when she feared what she might do if her ex wouldn't respect her boundaries highlights the critical importance of reaching out when you're struggling. The conversation offers invaluable insights about rediscovering yourself after trauma and relationships that diminish your sense of worth.

Perhaps most inspiring is Miriam's reflection on how books became her pathway to healing, teaching her to reestablish her personal "uniform," reclaim her confidence, and recognize her intrinsic value beyond physical appearance. Her message to her younger self—"continue to love yourself"—serves as a powerful reminder for anyone who has allowed others' opinions to shape their self-perception. Listen, subscribe, and share this episode with someone who might need to hear that they're not just surviving their struggles—they're becoming something powerful through them.

🔥 What you’ll discover in this episode:

• The hidden cost of growing up as a people-pleaser
• How motherhood became Miriam’s turning point for self-love
• The struggle of leaving a narcissistic relationship — and finding freedom
• Postpartum depression, grief, and rebuilding mental health
• 3 powerful lessons from an unlikely source that rebuilt Miriam’s confidence
• Why true healing begins when you choose yourself first

✨ If you’ve ever lost yourself in a relationship, struggled with confidence after motherhood, or felt trapped by other people’s expectations, this episode will remind you that brokenness is the place where power begins.

🔔 Don’t forget to Like, Comment, and Subscribe for new episodes every Friday at 9 AM EST.
 📲 Follow us: @powerfullybroken | @queenblparker
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#WorkingMoms #PostpartumDepression #ToxicRelationships #PowerfullyBroken #DivorceRecovery #WomensEmpowerment #MentalHealthAwareness #NotAnother1

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Hi, I'm Barbara Parker and we're here with
Powerfully Broken where.
We are here to build yourstrengths and not your
weaknesses, to help us withlearning more about how mental
health impacts her life and hashelped her to be on this course

(00:47):
of being a nurse, as well as inher relationships, how that has
all played a role in keeping hermind and her body healthy.
So thank you for being with ustoday.
Thank you.
So, miriam, tell me a littlebit about previously, when you
were on the show, you talkedabout your issues with being in

(01:09):
a relationship that was nothealthy for you.
So you said that some of thethings that went into that was
how you were raised and wantingto please your family and being
very collectivistic and right,and how you were raised like
it's about the family more sothan you.
So at what point did that shiftfor you, where it was not you

(01:31):
have to do everything to pleasethem, but that you learned you
had to put you first to saveyourself.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
So that's a good question.
So from the time that I wassmaller, when as as I was
growing up, it's always been, umI had to be the one to take
care of family members.
So, um, if anybody got sick, ifanybody, you know, my mother
was a nurturer.

(01:59):
So, of course, naturally of'mgoing to be the nurturer.
I was the oldest child, firstgrandchild, I think I was in my
30s when I woke up.
Like I said, I had my son late.
So I had him when I was 29years old, and I would say the

(02:20):
day that my son turned a yearold, so I was 30.
And I just said that I could notplease anybody but myself.
At that point it was, it was aneye opener, just because you
know you got this little personthat's dependent on you, and
then you're trying to peopleplease everybody else and it

(02:41):
doesn't flow the right way,because if people please are
over here and I'm trying toraise a child, there's something
that has to at some point sayokay, look, this is where my
focus is.
I'm trying to raise a goodchild.
It's a boy.
I'm probably going to be doingthis by myself because, like I
said, I did not even leave hisdad until he was a year old.

(03:02):
So the day he turned a year old, weaned off of me because I
breastfed, weaned off of me.
I was like yep, that that's it,I'm out, you know.
So that was when I woke up andI said I cannot, I don't care
what my mother says.
My father was already gone atthat time and I think losing my
father too made me kind of wakeup a little bit.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
But it was definitely my, my son, and having to raise
him so for for me, when mygrandmother died the way she
died she died so suddenly, Eventhough she was in her 70s it
caught me off guard and ittaught me that life is temporary
, Exactly, and that no day ispromised and you have to
capitalize on that day.

(03:41):
Is that kind of what youexperienced when your dad passed
to say, hey, I can't waste anymore time on other people's
wants and needs.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
I need to be feeding myself so the timing is the way
that it it actually was is likeI said.
I was in this relationship withthis guy.
He came home one day.
I was like, hey, we need tomove out of Cleveland.
And I was like, as long aswe're by a family member.
So I went to my father myfather.

(04:11):
Every time he saw me withoutsaying that he does not, he did
not agree with the relationshipthat I was in, like he didn't
like it for me.
He just always just came over,he was sliding me some money
because I was a stay at home,you know, housewife.
Basically he was sliding mesome money.
He, you know, you knowhousewife, basically he would
slide me some money.

(04:31):
He, you know, just made surethat he constantly checked on me
.
My father actually passed awaybefore I found out that I was
pregnant with my son.
So my dad passed away in Juneand I didn't find out I was
pregnant until like September,october.
So there was no um.
It wasn't that he away, it wasall of the stuff that he was
saying to me.
It was like you know, don't belike your mom, you're starting

(04:55):
to act like your mom, whichdrove me nuts because I'm a
daddy's girl, you know.
So it's like what, stop saying.
I sound like my mom.
I was like you know, thatdoesn't even make sense.
I'm trying to be like my daddy,like stop it sense.
I'm trying to be like my daddy,like, stop it.
So it was stuff like that thathe planted the seed and then

(05:16):
when I found that I was pregnantlike I said in my particular
relationship, it was fun untilit wasn't.
So that was the moment that Ifound that I was pregnant was
like this is no longer funanymore, you know, because now I
got a responsibility.
So now what am I going to do?
He planned the scene and itstarted growing up.
By the time my son was a hero.
It was like okay, that's it, Idon't care about my mom.
You know, I don't, I don't careabout none of this stuff that

(05:38):
she said.
She was always like you know,you sure you can work stuff out,
and it it literally clicked toher when I moved out the house.
He had an apartment that waslike paid up for like six months
that he put me in and he wasthere like all the time.
And I called my mother one dayand I was like Mom, I don't have

(06:00):
anything to lose, except for myson.
But I'm going to slip thisman's throat if he does not stop
coming over my house.
And that is what made her say,ok, she, she really wants to get
out of this and I'm going to goget her.
So she, of course, called himand let him know.
She was like I gotta come andget her because, like literally

(06:21):
she is, she's about to like flipout.
You keep on coming over there.
She's trying to leave you alone.
It's not going to be a goodthing.
So I packed my stuff up andthen he, he actually helped me
with his stuff.
You know, like get, geteverything together and stuff
like that.
And, like I said, now I callhim my best friend, but he would

(06:42):
to this day say I'm not yourfriend.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
So but you know, yeah so that is always a hard place
to be in, and I've been in itmyself.
Where you're like I'm done withthis relationship is not
working.
I cannot continue to put effortinto this and they decide.
Well, that's how you feel andI'm just going to keep coming

(07:06):
until I wear you down, Exactly,and we're going to be in this
relationship because it's what Iwant, even though I know I'm
not doing the things to help youfeel safe and loved in this
relationship.
Right?
So when you are at that pointof it's your freedom that you're
about to give up your life,your livelihood, your son,

(07:30):
everything Like.
How did you have the presenceof mind to reach out and ask
your mom for help?

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Like I said, I have a close knit family, so it was
literally I kept in touch withher and I just said, you know, I
knew that was my cry for help.
When I actually looked at himlaying on my couch and I was
like, if he come over here onemore day, just one more day.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to

(08:22):
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Powerfully Broken empowers you to overcome
unhealthy relationships thatnegatively impact your mental
health, because like I said, therelationship that we had in me
being a person that is anenabler, being with a narcissist
it was one of those thingswhere he felt like he can come

(08:48):
and go, you know as he pleased.
So I left the house because hewas never there.
So it was like why am I in thisbig house by myself?
Like I want to leave and Iwanted to move back to Cleveland
.
Like I said at that point, Ididn't have any foundation there
and I wanted to move back toCleveland.
Like I said at that point, Ididn't have any foundation there
.
My father had passed away and heused that opportunity to, and
then I found out I was pregnant.

(09:09):
So it was, I was already at astate of kind of like a
breakdown, and then I found outthat I was pregnant and then,
after I had my, my son, thepostpartum and then me, like my,
my father's not here, you know,he didn't even get to meet his

(09:29):
first biological grandchild, youknow, yeah, so, um, because he
was the granddad to all theother kids.
So it was, um, that postpartumactually broke me down even more
, which is where he capitalizedoff of that, because other than
that, he, you know, treated melike a queen.

(09:49):
But the reason why he did thatwas to break me down to the
point of you know, you're notgoing to leave me because I got
this, that and other.
When I was strong enough, I waslike I don't care about none of
this stuff.
And then, you know, as I gotinto my depression, it was like,
well, if I leave, then you know, I got this baby now and what

(10:11):
am I going to do?
And, like I said, I just got tothe point where I started
reading books.
That was my biggest thing Iread.
So at the time that I had myson and this will be Dayton, but
it doesn't matter Like butKamora Lee Simmons had wrote her
book, ok, so it was a couple ofyears old, but it was still,

(10:36):
you know, like something and Ihonestly, like that was my first
book that I started to read andthat reading that book actually
empowered me to read more booksabout, like, you know, like,
elevating myself, basically andgetting out of this slump.
And I still have that book tothis day.

(11:01):
What are three things?
You got three lessons that youwould like for people to know
that you got from that book,which seems like it's shallow,
but it's like, basically, whatimage do you have for yourself,
like when you go out every day?
What image are you portraying?
So with me it was.
I got to the point where I wasjust like frumpy mom I never had
been.
You know, when I walked out, myhair was always done, my nails

(11:22):
was always done.
You know, it was alwayssomething I never had been.
You know, when I walked out, myhair was always done and his
was always done.
You know, it was alwayssomething.
After I had my son and I justgot into that that slump of you
know I'm miserable it was.
You know, whatever I put on it,I didn't even care.
I started taking better care ofmyself.
So it was like, basically,what's your uniform?
Like, her thing was like thewhite T-shirt and the jeans and

(11:43):
the heels, you know, and it waslike, well, what's my uniform?
So mine was like the off theshoulder shirt and like the
tight jeans and the heels andstuff like that.
So I started doing that and then, if I had to say something else
, it was basically speaking upfor myself, knowing I don't

(12:03):
recall her saying anything aboutboundaries, but it was just
like, you know, you basicallyteach somebody how to treat you.
And when you teach them how totreat you, it's you take your
power back.
And so that would be the nextthing that I learned from just
you know, from like reading thatbook.

(12:24):
And then the last thing was youknow just to always be
confident.
Even if you don't feel likeyou're confident, like you know,
somebody's always going to besmarter than you, prettier than
you.
That's just the way that theworld is.
But as long as you are true toyourself and you know your

(12:44):
capabilities, like you know, youmight look nice and it might
get you in a room, but can youstay in a room if someone asks
you a question and it actuallyis thought-provoking?
Can you actually answer thatquestion?
Are you smart enough to stay ina room full of people that are
smart who just let you in justbecause you were something nice
to look at?
you know, and and that was likethe biggest thing, because, of

(13:06):
course, she was a model so, yeah, you know um, so those were
like the three takeaways fromthat so being a person of value
and not dealing objects exactly,exactly, and that most people
don't understand that, and I andI realized that it's more, is
something that we lost along theway, like, and I want to blame

(13:31):
social media, but at the sametime, I can't blame social media
, because at the time we hadFacebook.
I had not had Facebook until Iwas single again.
So, all through, you know, likemy relationships and stuff like
that, I had no social media.
Instagram had just came out.
I didn't even know how to workInstagram.
So, like I'm single, I'm comingout there and I was like you

(13:53):
know, like I have no idea what'sgoing on.
I'm a mom now.
You know, I have no idea whereto even start.
So it was basically, and thatawkward.
you know, when you have a kid,for some reason you go from sexy
to I don't even know what sexyis anymore you know, it's like
even if you get your body likeyour body snapped back, you
still go through this likeawkward stage, like exactly,

(14:21):
it's like it, exactly.
So it's like you know how doyou get that back?
So it was literally like I wasbuilding my confidence from
being made fun of in the eighthgrade.
You know, I'm saying like youknow, you're getting your
womanly body and all the boysare making fun of you and then
you blossom out of that and thenyou have a baby and then you're

(14:44):
back to eighth grade again, alot of blossom back out of that.
So, yeah, you know.
Some people say if I go back intime, I would change this, that
or the other.
And with everything that I havebeen through in my life, I
would not change anythingbecause it literally brought me
to where I am now.

(15:04):
So if I had to say anything tomy younger self, it would be
probably that, no matter what,to continue to love yourself,
because there are moments withinthat time that I allowed what

(15:25):
men said about me to actuallyshape the way that I looked at
myself.
And that is the biggest thing Iguess if I've regretted
anything from growing up.
It is like allowing a man tosay something to me that caused
me to question who I am andmyself, and with that

(15:47):
questioning, do questionablethings that I would not be proud
of.
So that's like the biggestthing, I think, if I had to say
anything to my younger self.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's awesome.
I appreciate you being sovulnerable and honest and open
about like struggling withmental health because of this
relationship that you couldn'tuntangle yourself from, and you
went through your journey ofdealing with being a mom and
trying to regain your confidenceas you are an emerging new
single adult in your 30s.

(16:22):
It's not an easy journey, so Iappreciate you talking about all
the different struggles and inaddition to that, you know I
always talk about you know, withPowerfully Broken, you're not
broken, but you're broken tounleash the power within.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
And you learn so many things because of that
relationship.
It now has made you into a muchbetter, healthier person.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
Exactly.
I want to thank you all forjoining us today and have a
wonderful life and be awesome.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings,it's about rediscovering who you
are, reclaiming your peace andrising stronger than ever,
Because you're not justsurviving, you're becoming, and
that's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.

(17:17):
Powerful Follow at Queen BLParker or at BF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, commentshare and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
Now back to our program.