Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:25):
Thank you for meeting
us on Powerfully Broken Podcast
, where we break unhealthyrelationships that negatively
impact our mental health.
Today on our show, we haveStephanie Brooks with us and
she's going to talk a little bitabout being a mother, a
minister, the kink community.
A lot of times when we're inrelationships, we have a hard
time talking about sex, what weenjoy, what we don't enjoy, what
(00:47):
we wish our partner would do,what we wish our partner would
stop doing, and so she's goingto tell us how to have some of
those open and honest dialoguearound sex in our relationship.
Thank you for being with ustoday.
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I think that it's
important to understand that
your identity and how you viewsex plays an important part in
your conversation.
If you are a person,particularly as a woman, that's
not comfortable with talkingabout it like he should just
know, like I don't want to sayor worse endure some piss, poor
(01:21):
sex your grocery list like ohgod, what did I just do here?
those, those all start in you.
You have to be comfortable withyou are as a woman and you have
to understand that nobody canread your mind, nobody knows how
to please you but you.
And if you don't communicatethose things, you're doing
(01:42):
yourself a disservice and thatperson, especially if they love
you.
Because one thing about a manif he loves you, he gonna look
in the scalp of your hair likewait a minute, okay, I think I
like that, and they're going todo whatever it takes.
And so you're the only personsitting there feeling a kind of
(02:03):
way, not communicating, becausewhen a man loves you, he wants
that information and he's goingto take that information, make
it his, and then it's going tomanifest later and you're going
to be like dang.
Why did I let all these otherdumb ass times go past when I
could have just said this iswhat I need, this is what I like
(02:25):
.
So to, I guess, just give youone thing to say what do you
need to do is know yourself, andI'm saying no, not just know
what you like physically.
I'm saying no, like okay,anthony, joe, bob, ralph,
whoever you're talking to,whoever you're talking to, this
is an awkward statement.
This is an awkward conversationfor me, but these are some
(02:48):
areas that we need to work onand, you know, if you're talking
to an emotionally intelligentman, he'll be able to sit back
and say, okay, baby, tell mewhat you need.
Now, if you're talking to adumb ass who doesn't have the
comprehension to understand that, don't take it personal.
This is not about what you'renot doing like that's see now,
yeah, just cut it off, just stopand reevaluate if it's the
(03:10):
person you're supposed to bewith, because your person is
going to want that information,that information like it's going
to be like, oh, okay because,men, they like to win, and
that's how they communicateaffection.
Yeah, at the end of the day,that is how a man communicates
affection.
So if he really loves you andthat's your person, he gonna be
(03:31):
like all right, let me, this isnot about me, this is about what
she needs.
So I could take it to the nextlevel.
And then, once he get thatinformation now when you sitting
there looking stupid after thefact, like, oh shit, I gotta go
to, I got to go to work, I gotto get these kids some food
Right, I got to take kids topractice Like this dude just
blew my whole brain back, right,because when they find the
(03:52):
button, they lay on it.
Once they have that information, that's really that's when they
unstoppable.
That's, the ticket Shows up inevery area.
Now you at the mall and theyfinding you sneakers or they
finding you look bad, yeah, it'slike.
Yeah, I got this, like I knowwhat to do.
Ok, so I could go on and onabout that.
Go ahead.
Next question Trauma.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Everybody is not
always open about being a
survivor of trauma when you'vebeen in a moment.
So, for example, there was amoment when and I've only had
this happen once, but it totallythrew me off I was sitting
there and I was reliving a rapewhile I was having sex with my
husband and I was like this ismy old bedroom, this is the old
(04:36):
person I was aware enough toknow that in the middle of that
flashback, that was not theperson I was with and that was
not the experience I was living.
Correct, but not everybody'sable to do that Right and
instead they may avoid havingsex altogether.
How do you have thatconversation of what is safe
play, what is not safe play,what is a trigger for you?
(04:58):
Because sometimes the triggersare subconscious it's smell,
it's touch, it's you know.
A lot of times people are likeI have one friend who she didn't
engage in oral because that washow she was molested multiple
times.
So having that conversation ofthis is a no for me.
So how do you engage in beingsexually open and free but
(05:19):
saying there are limits?
Speaker 3 (05:20):
This segment of the
Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,Because you're not just
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Follow at Queen BL Parker or atBF Empowerment.
(05:41):
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Now back to our program.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Now are we talking
about with your husband, Husband
friend.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So to me there's a
difference.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So, with your husband
, I feel like with your husband,
I would hope that they'vecreated a safe space for you to
be able to say look, while thiswas happening, I went back for a
minute, but I know that thisisn't so, and then, hopefully,
your husband is like OK, let'stalk about what happened, so we
(06:19):
don't do that again.
Right now, if you're talkingabout somebody you met or you're
dating and y'all have anexperience and you have a
flashback, you have to know isthis person safe to have this
conversation with?
Did they even know that I hadbeen traumatized Cause?
How many times do we just beout here doing some wild stuff
with somebody because theybrought that out in you for
(06:40):
whatever reason, right?
And they don't know nothingabout what you was traumatized
about, right?
So in that case, now, that's auser error, that's not their
fault, yeah, so now do you havethe ability to say like, hey,
this happened and you have to beable to discern, like, if I can
have that conversation withthat person, but either in
(07:00):
either, in any case for you, forthe person who has experienced
a traumatic situation andthey're in a situation during.
At some point in my life, I wasin a lifestyle and in that
lifestyle it was my job as adominant to get that information
.
I had to know if you were goingto be a submissive like, yes, I
(07:21):
want to open you up to whateverexperience you want to have,
whatever that is, I can do thatfor you.
But I needed to know thesebackstories so, as the dominant
that I made in my business and Idon't know if it was because I
was a counselor or just becausethat's just because of my
lifestyle I don't ever wantanybody to leave an experience
with me triggered Right, ever,like and even in.
(07:43):
So in that lifestyle there's athing called aftercare.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And, in aftercare,
even bringing that person back.
If I have the knowledge ofsomething that you experienced
or something that you knew,whatever, whatever, I would be
sick if you left me and youweren't okay, so you have to
know that.
Okay, I need a minute.
Let me call my close crew orlet me sit down for a second.
Let me whatever you need to doto bring your own self back.
(08:14):
That's imperative, especiallyif you haven't communicated it
to anybody who would know whatwas going on.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
So another thing that
we kind of breezed by in our
B-roll was being sanctified andhaving conversations around sex,
because there's so much shamein the church community around
being a sexual human being.
But God created that for us toenjoy.
But you know, in the context ofadultery, fornication, I rarely
(08:45):
have the conversations about,when it is in that sanctified
bubble, how to enjoy that andhow to then go from not feeling
comfortable having thoseconversations to emerge and move
that into a place of positivity.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
So there, there's
actually a lot of layers to that
, because in your once yousurrender to the fact that I'm a
child of God, I am his, he diedfor me, he rose for me and I am
saved.
If you are okay with that levelof relationship with your
(09:20):
heavenly father, you could staythere and nobody's going to mess
with you when you decide, whenyou start saying stuff like God,
if you're not in it, I don'twant it.
If this ain't the path you wantfor me, I don't want it.
If this person I don't care howgood they look, how they talk
and how much money if this isnot the person that you have
(09:41):
ordained as a destiny helper, asmy friend, as a relationship,
as an associate, as a businesspartner if you didn't bring this
person here, I don't.
So when you start talking likethat, now you have opened up the
realm, you've opened up theheavens and he's like, okay,
they serious.
Now you have to step into adifferent level of maturity
(10:03):
spiritually, right, yeah, sowhen it comes to sex, you have
to know and you have to trustyour relationship with your
heavenly father.
I know he made me like this.
Now, what I didn't understandand what I had to learn was your
journey of bisexuality, yourjourney of BDSM, your journey of
(10:23):
being a lesbian, your journeyof this.
All of that I had broughttogether and formed your
ministry, because now you canspeak to a certain group of
people who need to know they can.
First of all, you don't got tofeel no type of way about none
of that.
You are very okay with alleverything you did.
You okay Because guess what?
His hand was on you the wholetime, yeah, and you can speak to
(10:46):
a group of people whounderstand and are ready to
embrace the fact that I don'thave to be I could sit in the
first pew if I want to and bejust fine.
I don't have to feel no type ofway about nobody else got to
say about nothing that I wentthrough no choice, that I made,
nothing that I did.
(11:07):
And when you get to that levelof maturity and that type of
relationship with your heavenlyfather, you become what's called
unfuckwittable, because if you,you can't, you're going to tell
me nothing about him, not never.
And you're not going to tell meyou, there's nothing you can
(11:28):
say to me about nothing that Idid, because I dealt with it
with him.
He believed me he done,convicted me, wrapped me up,
brought me down, sat me down,girl.
Now, okay, see, you went toofar with that right there.
That was that with that rightthere.
That was.
That was not what I told you todo.
(11:48):
So you have to, once you decideyou're going to level up your
relationship with him.
And I say decide because it'salways been about a choice, it's
always.
He's always given us a choice.
So when you make the choice tosay I'm not going another step
unless it's you, I don't wantanother person here with me
unless you've put them there.
So give me the tools and skillsand what I need to know, oh, oh
(12:11):
, oh, look, you brought me apartner.
Okay, all right, so, all right.
So we're going to have this sexconversation, because guess
what?
I like?
Sex.
So what I need you to know isthis this is what I need you to
know, is this this is what Ineed you to know.
And so are these things you cando All right.
So let's move on.
Now we can get back.
(12:32):
That's really such a small part, because really, what I want to
know is your heart.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Really, what I want
to know is how you treat people
who don't matter.
Really, what I want to know isare you a generous, kind,
authentic, transparent person?
Yeah, and if you all thosethings and you can crack my back
, listen here, baby listen, hereI'm not going nowhere.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Can you tell us a
little bit about your ministry
and how people can get connectedand find you?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Okay, so the name of
my ministry is called women who
loves Christ ministries.
Okay, so the name of myministry is called Women who
Loves Christ Ministries.
I am on Instagram, women whoLoves Christ Ministries.
I am on Facebook, women whoLoves Christ Ministries.
Really, right now, going intofall, right now we're working on
doing the I ride around withthem in my car currently but
basically little gift bags.
(13:20):
So when I see people walkingaround with no gloves after a
couple of times of giving awaymy coat, giving away my kids
shoes, like now, I just try tobe prepared overall and so
that's that'll be the next bigthing you hear from women who
loves Christ.
Right now we're getting gloves,tissue, purell, just little
things that we keep in like aZiploc baggie and when you see
(13:42):
somebody, you just give them thebaggie.
I do ask if they want prayer.
If they don't, that's okay.
That doesn't mean I don't walkaway Like God, protect them, god
cover them, put a fence aroundthem, deliver them.
Like that doesn't mean I'm notgoing to say my own little
inside prayer, but I'm not goingto just impose like, hey, let
me give you this, but I got topray for you.
No, that's not how that works.
(14:03):
So, Women who Love ChristMinistries that was born as a
result of taking that next stepAwesome, thank you, you're
welcome.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
This episode is
proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
(14:38):
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.