September 26, 2025 • 19 mins
Three men sit around a table, sharing their raw, unfiltered stories of marriage dissolution. Their voices sometimes catch, sometimes strengthen as they reveal the moment they knew their marriages were over.
"I knew it was over like 10 years prior, like you just know," Will confesses, describing how he stayed in his 22-year marriage until a health crisis revealed his wife's true priorities. "The straw that broke the camel's back for me is when I got sick and I spent six months in the hospital and she wasn't there."
Andre's story carries a different weight – the shock of coming home to find his wife and daughters gone, disappeared to a battered women's shelter despite no physical abuse occurring. He describes years of "rearranging idols" in his marriage, constantly adjusting himself to make things work while battling what he later recognized as mental abuse. His powerful metaphor resonates with anyone who's ever twisted themselves into emotional pretzels trying to save a relationship.
The conversation delves into rarely discussed territory: men as victims of emotional abuse, the gendered differences in how people process relationship endings, and the surprising capacity for men to maintain unconditional concern for ex-partners long after divorce. As Andre observes, "A woman will leave their stability for happiness; a man will sacrifice his happiness for stability."
What emerges is a profound meditation on healing after betrayal. Each man shares how divorce, despite its devastation, ultimately freed them to grow into better versions of themselves. They speak of finding peace, raising children alone, building healthy new relationships, and discovering that sometimes, breaking ties is the most powerful form of self-care.
For anyone questioning a troubled relationship or healing from divorce, this conversation offers rare male perspectives on emotional vulnerability, recognizing abuse, and finding the courage to rebuild after everything falls apart. Listen, reflect, and remember – you can be powerfully broken without being defeated.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Barbara L Parker (00:00):
Welcome to Powerfully Broken Podcast, where
we talk about having unhealthyrelationships and overcoming
them to have a more empoweredlife and making sure we're
breaking ties with thosenegative relationships that are
negatively impacting our health.
Oh, powerfully broken, butnever defeated.
Brian Nordstrom (00:25):
Oh, barbara, bring the light.
What we ready now, when thestorm rolling and your spirit
low, heart feel heavy and you'removing slow.
Barbara L Parker (00:38):
Tears on your face but your heart.
Today we are talking aboutphysical health, mental health
and divorce and overcoming that,and on my panel today we have
Apostle Andre Dotson, will VanDyke and Brian Lorshaw.
Andre is a person who has runfor public office, is a boxing
(01:01):
coach and has overcome a life inthe streets.
Will is a veteran, a qualifiedbehavioral health specialist and
a phenomenal friend.
Brian is a Buddhist, a veteranand an artist.
I am Barbara Parker.
We join with Mary Kent as well,and we're going to just dive
(01:21):
right into this topic.
You guys, what was the pointwhere you decided that this
marriage is not going to last,whether you were the initiator
or the informed partner?
What did that journey look likefor you guys?
Will VanDyke (01:35):
Well for me, we had been married 22 years at the
time, but I knew it was overlike 10 years prior, like you
just know.
But we still had children and Ididn't want to leave my boys.
But the straw that broke thecamel's back for me is when I
got sick and I spent six monthsin the hospital and she wasn't
there.
So that's when I was like, yeah, no God, if you give me back my
(01:55):
sprig, I'm done with this.
And he got me back riding and Iwas done with that
(02:29):
no-transcript got it tastes too.
Brian Nordstrom (02:33):
It's like there's no way it was all me.
And then, long while I find outtwo years later that you know
which relieved a lot.
I mean, when I found it out, itwas like it was a, it was a
little age hub.
It was like I was so happy whensomeone told me that I was so
happy because it made me stopthinking.
Was I mentioning these things?
Was this really happening?
So I guess at that point I knewfor me that it was.
There was no doing back, therewas nothing not to go back to.
Barbara L Parker (02:54):
Yeah.
Apostle Andre Dodson (02:55):
But with me, I didn't even know.
It was like out of the blue.
Um, you know we had differences, but with them we it was never
nothing major.
So, uh, mental illness played agreat part in it.
You know, um, I tried to I callit this I was rearranging every
idol in my marriage just tomake sure that it wasn't me, you
(03:19):
know.
And then in a, in a time ofwhen I did think it was going to
be over you know I'm a littlespiritual, so, you know, I went
to the scripture, said be soulminded.
It didn't allow me to make adecision that I wouldn't been
able to live with.
So most of us, you know it saidbe soul minded.
And I wasn't sure if thedecision would be made, if I
(03:42):
regret, so I didn't entertain it.
That was probably about sixyears before the divorce ever
took place.
So I lived with it and keptrearranging idols, making sure
that I was adjusting myself,becoming trying to do the best
person I could for her.
But one day I came home andabout eight years later, her and
(04:06):
my daughters they wouldn't knowMe and my son was together.
We got there.
I told him to get his clothesout for school.
He said dad, my uniform is onmy bed and I don't know where my
other clothes is at.
So I go in my bedroom because Iused to just come right into
the house.
I'm gonna in the in the livingroom about to be.
I go in my bedroom.
We had a two you know a walk-incloset my side and hers and I
(04:30):
look her stuff was gone, my kidsstuff was gone.
Like hey man, what is thiscalled like?
What's going on?
She's like we're talking in themorning.
So they went into a uh a forbad women shelter.
At the time I didn't know whatthat mean.
So I'm like what is a batter?
What do you mean?
She ain't batter, you know.
(04:50):
But I did some research.
It was like if a woman was indomestic violence or abuse or
any of that, and so that waslike a shocker.
Like never beer, never put myhands on her, never committed
adultery, never did nothing likethat.
So what is it about?
Just come to find out.
That's what it was.
So it was more mental the wayshe dealt with things and
processed stuff and you know theword.
(05:16):
For my good, I'm here.
Yeah, you know, remarried, beenmarried for six years.
You know, beautiful marriage,beautiful marriage.
You know what I mean.
I raised my son.
He was 10 years old at thattime.
My son is 20.
I raised him, took him toschool, 13-time national champ.
I became a boxer coach, starteddoing things like that and
moved all my life.
Barbara L Parker (05:36):
I like what you said about rearranging the
idols in your marriage, thethings that we think make being
married work.
Like okay, well, maybe it's me.
I spent a lot of timegaslighting myself.
Like, maybe I's me.
I spent a lot of timegaslighting myself Like, maybe
I'm crazy, Maybe I'moverthinking this, Maybe, maybe,
maybe, maybe I made myself todeath just to make sure I can
(05:58):
have the mental wherewithal tostay.
So what is it like when youmake that shift I did all this
talking lying to myself.
When you come to yourself andbe like, why?
Apostle Andre Dodson (06:12):
did I do that to myself.
Well, you know what, yearslater, like now, the trend is
everybody hear about the wordnarcissist and they category it
men or some category it women Iwas going to abuse mentally.
So I would start believing whatam I doing?
You know what I mean.
So and then ask, also, as apastor, so you know if I'm, if I
(06:35):
have to administer, if I, if Ihug, if I, if you know, if I
agree, I stopped everything, allthese different things.
I just adjusted everything,trying to, you know, accommodate
something that wasn't there.
So when you fight in thatsituation, what you're doing is
(06:55):
you're fighting the ghost.
You know what I mean.
It's all in the head, it's allin the mind, it's all in the you
know and and so.
But what he do is attack youmentally because it makes you
feel like maybe it's somethingthat I'm doing, maybe it's
something that I did, and so youknow, it makes you stay, you
know, and, like he said, I haveI got six girls on.
One boy At that time only hadthree.
(07:16):
I had four girls and then I hadmy son.
So with my son, he was the onlyboy and it was like, wow, I got
a boy with this marriage.
You know, I've been been born aboy.
You know what I mean.
I don't want to leave.
I'd have had a situation withmy, with my other girls.
I wasn't in their lives, Iwasn't able to be there.
So now I could be there.
I got a good family, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(07:37):
So I used all that to stay inabuse, and not physical abuse,
it was mental abuse, you know.
So, um, and like I said, Irearranged everything, tried to
figure out where I go wrong.
What did I do?
Okay, let me try this, let metry that.
And once you do all that andyou know it's not you, you know
you just got to let go.
Mary Kent (07:56):
I'm going to interject and hit cause, because
you said the word thing wasabuse and for a lot of people,
when they think abuse, theysimply don't see men as being a
receiver of abuse.
I'll have him talk a little bitabout those signs and symptoms
for other men who may be indenial, because society as a
(08:19):
whole I mean most of the timesyou talk about abuse they don't
believe that a man can be abused.
They don't believe that a mancan be, because you're that
loving.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Follow at Queen BL Parker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast airingevery Friday at 9 am.
Apostle Andre Dodson (08:49):
I think this most men got to first find
out what a man is.
Once you become what we call atender warrior, you begin to see
yourself different and I didn'trecognize abuse until I was
able to let go of my ego.
Let go, you know, all the machothings that men have and
realize I'm being broken, I'mbeing hurt.
You know nothing is working.
(09:10):
I'm loving, you know.
And then at that time it was achange for me because I'm from
the streets.
So you know I went from.
You know doing whatever I wantto do, living the way I live to,
faithful, to being a man of God.
You know what I mean.
You know bringing home themoney, you know what I mean,
everything.
So it was like, wow, you knoweverything that I'm doing.
(09:31):
So once I made them adjustments,I wanted it more.
I wanted the relationship towork more than then.
I didn't want it to work.
You know what I mean.
And it was beyond the love orin love.
You know, I learned theprinciple.
One thing about marriageMarriage is a choice.
You know.
(09:53):
It's not about a feeling,because if you go about a
feeling, you're going to haveups and downs and you're going
to be in and out of arelationship.
So when I choose to make acommitment, that's what I went
for, so I was faithful to acommitment and not just an
individual.
So I think when people realizethat, and in that, because they
respect you enough, it makes youhave this, this, this love for
that that you won't change, itmakes you have this love for
them that you won't change.
Will VanDyke (10:11):
I got a quick question because I keep hearing
both of you guys say this youdidn't know that it was over.
Come more in depth with me onthat.
Who didn't want to know?
That's what I'm thinking,because it's kind of like when I
hear y'all say this, this iswhat comes to my mind.
It's kind of like walking intowork and everybody in the job
knows you're about to get fired,except for you.
Apostle Andre Dodson (10:33):
Right.
Brian Nordstrom (10:34):
Working in a nursery, I get that.
I just didn't want to know.
Yeah, because Learn all thesigns.
Apostle Andre Dodson (10:39):
Well, I said 70 years before that, okay,
I realized red flags.
I didn't know the incidentwould happen the way the
incident happened.
But you know what was going tohappen.
Well, I didn't know, I thoughtit would be more if I initiate.
But then I know my life is that.
You know.
He said that.
I know the plans and thethoughts that I had towards you.
They are good, without an evil,you know, with an expectant end
(11:01):
.
With that being said, I wouldhave never divorced.
So, god is good, I would havenever.
Even though things was the wayit was, I would have never been
the one to say that I want adivorce, because at that time
that's like abandonment.
I'm a pastor, I'm a this, butwe had ups and downs, but I
didn't know it was to the pointwhere she would leave.
Will VanDyke (11:22):
But I think that's the most me, though, me going
to relationships, not with thethought of it ending.
I don't think so.
I could be wrong, but I don'tthink so.
Like women are more into andyou'll hear, like it's like
click-sync I'm not happy whenthey're not happy, it's over.
It's over.
(11:43):
You can forget about it.
You know what I'm saying.
But we could be unhappy becauseI was miserable for at least 11
or 12 years of my marriage, butI stayed.
You know what I'm saying, yeah.
Apostle Andre Dodson (11:57):
So I don't know.
It's real.
You say that you got to look atit like this.
A woman will leave theirstability for what happens?
A man will sacrifice hishappiness for you know what I
mean just for the stability.
So you know, you definitelyright.
Like I said, though, with mymarriage at that time it was
more of a you know religion.
You know you're trying to makesure you don't go through this
(12:19):
divorce.
You know I'm a pastor.
It's this image is this, isthat.
But I also knew, when we firstgot together, I recognized
mental illness.
You get what I mean.
And then I did it for safetypurpose.
At this time we had two littlegirls.
Okay, you know what I mean.
We had my son, we had twolittle.
I'm not about to allow my kidsto be raised without me knowing
what I know is going on.
(12:40):
You know, you know, with withmy maid at the time.
So I covered her.
You know what I mean.
I stayed, stayed unhappy.
I was unhappy for a long time.
I wouldn't have divorced.
So I'm kind of grateful forwhat, what God did, because if
she wouldn't have left, I stillwould be miserable, because I
wanted to be able to stand anddo what we do and most men and a
(13:02):
lot of women won't agree.
But it's like he said men don'tget into marriage to to just
not be married.
Even if you got a mature manwho don't know how to be
faithful, they still will bewhat they believe faithful and
loyal to that woman Even if theydon't.
Whatever they do, you know whatI mean.
Now, women is different.
Women will lead you before theyever leave.
(13:24):
They've been gone mentallyanyway.
They get a second plan beforethey go.
It's like a security purpose.
You know I'm going to stay withhim until I get myself together
.
Then I look at it.
She went to a batter shelter, ahome shelter.
It gave her a new house.
It gave her a new car.
It gave her brand new furniture.
It did everything for her.
So her move was still her movefor selfishness.
(13:47):
But what I did was grew.
I was hurt, I was broken, but Ifound everything to not just
blame her.
I got that with myself and bydoing that now in my marriage I
became more mature man with mymarriage.
Now, because of everything thatI wasn't in that marriage, I
made sure I am not.
(14:08):
You know what I mean.
So I just wanted to be able to,to be the man that I needed to
be, not just for her.
So I got a hold before I got.
You get what I mean, so youknow that would make them
clarified.
Will VanDyke (14:20):
and I'm gonna be clear here I filed for my
divorce.
I did, and it wasn't forselfish reasons.
It was once I realized when Igot married I got married for
the purpose of we got each other.
Okay, no matter what, we goteach other.
When I spent six months in thehospital and she wasn't there, I
(14:41):
knew she didn't have me.
So why say, why?
Say, and you know I had a greatsupport system.
I knew she didn't have me.
So why say, why say, and youknow I had a great support
system, like my mom and dad isthe bombcom.
You know I was like 41, 42 atthe time.
I think I was like 40, 41.
And my dad told me, looked mein my face, he said Listen, lil'
(15:02):
William, you at an age rightnow and my kids was older, you
know they was.
I think my baby boy was inmiddle, I mean high school.
He was a freshman.
He was a freshman.
So my dad said he said listen,you, at a point in your life to
where you can start over, nomatter what, you are okay to
start over.
And my mom was always there.
(15:25):
So I had that support system towhere I felt like you know what
, no matter what I'm goingthrough, I'm going to be okay
because I got my mom and my dad.
Barbara L Parker (15:34):
I heard it said that once a man marries
somebody, even after the divorce, they still love them, no
matter what, absolutely that'sanother thing, because that's
something it's another topic butI want to share to the panel
and those who are listening.
Apostle Andre Dodson (15:52):
You know it, even if you go spiritual.
You know, um, our brother,about buddhism and the principle
of philosophy, but the ideologyin christianity is this that he
said that it's unconditionalthat Christ died for the church.
Men die to themselves forrelationships, because a man
(16:15):
desires is never just one, neverwhy.
Because we have this, this,this hunger, until we able to
yeah, most men, we get thathunger until we able to suppress
and mature, then we able tobecome the men.
So when the scripture says thatone, you know, die for the
(16:41):
church, which is for as well.
A woman don't loveunconditionally.
Men.
Do Women love conditionally?
How?
I know how I know that isbecause it's like this.
A man can see a woman that's ina waiting on a bus with five
kids, a bonnet, looking a mess,and a man will pull right up on
her, talk to her and in his mind, boom, I'm going to take care
(17:02):
of her, I'm going to help her,her, I'm a helper, I'm gonna do
this to do that.
A woman off rip, don't know.
Do you work?
You got a job, you know, youknow.
You know, do you think I should, can provide, and all these
different things.
Not saying all, I mean youalways have.
You know those who were thesections, you know them,
exceptions.
But my point I'm making is iswhen you love conditionally,
it's not in the mean to loveconditioning all the time.
(17:23):
It's an unconditional love thatmost can't understand.
To get to your question yes, Ibelieve they won't never be in
love with them people.
But love as far as wantingtheir best interest, men will
always be like that.
Women is this after they done.
Oh, he ain't no good girl.
I mean, he is just the worst ofthe worst and he was waiting
for 20 years.
He was waiting for 21.
How can you talk so down?
(17:44):
Why are you hating so much?
Most men can walk away andstill have the best interest of
that individual.
Like I will say this here I'mloving my wife, I'm in love with
my wife, me and my wife.
We rock together.
That's my partner.
We together for six years.
You know I have no.
When it comes to my children'smothers or when it comes to my
(18:05):
ex-wife, I have no bitterness inmy heart, regardless of what
she did.
You know what I mean.
I wish them the best.
I want the best for them.
You know what I'm saying, but Inever go backwards.
You get what I mean.
I'm in love with my wife andI'll be the better man for her,
because she's from Tibet.
Barbara L Parker (18:22):
Say that.
Tibet.
Yeah, man, I don't know why,it's so good Kicking the hell
out of this stuff.
I don't know what to do withthat idea.
A lot of times when we gothrough these journeys and I've
had these conversations withfemale friends and clients.
I don't know if y'all know thisI want to share a little secret
with y'all.
Speaker 6 (18:42):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,because you're not just
surviving, you're becoming, andthat's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(19:05):
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
Barbara L Parker (19:16):
Powerfully broken, but never defeated.
Welcome to Powerfully Broken Podcast, where
we talk about having unhealthyrelationships and overcoming
them to have a more empoweredlife and making sure we're
breaking ties with thosenegative relationships that are
negatively impacting our health.
Oh, powerfully broken, butnever defeated.
Brian Nordstrom (00:25):
Oh, barbara, bring the light.
What we ready now, when thestorm rolling and your spirit
low, heart feel heavy and you'removing slow.
Barbara L Parker (00:38):
Tears on your face but your heart.
Today we are talking aboutphysical health, mental health
and divorce and overcoming that,and on my panel today we have
Apostle Andre Dotson, will VanDyke and Brian Lorshaw.
Andre is a person who has runfor public office, is a boxing
(01:01):
coach and has overcome a life inthe streets.
Will is a veteran, a qualifiedbehavioral health specialist and
a phenomenal friend.
Brian is a Buddhist, a veteranand an artist.
I am Barbara Parker.
We join with Mary Kent as well,and we're going to just dive
(01:21):
right into this topic.
You guys, what was the pointwhere you decided that this
marriage is not going to last,whether you were the initiator
or the informed partner?
What did that journey look likefor you guys?
Will VanDyke (01:35):
Well for me, we had been married 22 years at the
time, but I knew it was overlike 10 years prior, like you
just know.
But we still had children and Ididn't want to leave my boys.
But the straw that broke thecamel's back for me is when I
got sick and I spent six monthsin the hospital and she wasn't
there.
So that's when I was like, yeah, no God, if you give me back my
(01:55):
sprig, I'm done with this.
And he got me back riding and Iwas done with that
(02:29):
no-transcript got it tastes too.
Brian Nordstrom (02:33):
It's like there's no way it was all me.
And then, long while I find outtwo years later that you know
which relieved a lot.
I mean, when I found it out, itwas like it was a, it was a
little age hub.
It was like I was so happy whensomeone told me that I was so
happy because it made me stopthinking.
Was I mentioning these things?
Was this really happening?
So I guess at that point I knewfor me that it was.
There was no doing back, therewas nothing not to go back to.
Barbara L Parker (02:54):
Yeah.
Apostle Andre Dodson (02:55):
But with me, I didn't even know.
It was like out of the blue.
Um, you know we had differences, but with them we it was never
nothing major.
So, uh, mental illness played agreat part in it.
You know, um, I tried to I callit this I was rearranging every
idol in my marriage just tomake sure that it wasn't me, you
(03:19):
know.
And then in a, in a time ofwhen I did think it was going to
be over you know I'm a littlespiritual, so, you know, I went
to the scripture, said be soulminded.
It didn't allow me to make adecision that I wouldn't been
able to live with.
So most of us, you know it saidbe soul minded.
And I wasn't sure if thedecision would be made, if I
(03:42):
regret, so I didn't entertain it.
That was probably about sixyears before the divorce ever
took place.
So I lived with it and keptrearranging idols, making sure
that I was adjusting myself,becoming trying to do the best
person I could for her.
But one day I came home andabout eight years later, her and
(04:06):
my daughters they wouldn't knowMe and my son was together.
We got there.
I told him to get his clothesout for school.
He said dad, my uniform is onmy bed and I don't know where my
other clothes is at.
So I go in my bedroom because Iused to just come right into
the house.
I'm gonna in the in the livingroom about to be.
I go in my bedroom.
We had a two you know a walk-incloset my side and hers and I
(04:30):
look her stuff was gone, my kidsstuff was gone.
Like hey man, what is thiscalled like?
What's going on?
She's like we're talking in themorning.
So they went into a uh a forbad women shelter.
At the time I didn't know whatthat mean.
So I'm like what is a batter?
What do you mean?
She ain't batter, you know.
(04:50):
But I did some research.
It was like if a woman was indomestic violence or abuse or
any of that, and so that waslike a shocker.
Like never beer, never put myhands on her, never committed
adultery, never did nothing likethat.
So what is it about?
Just come to find out.
That's what it was.
So it was more mental the wayshe dealt with things and
processed stuff and you know theword.
(05:16):
For my good, I'm here.
Yeah, you know, remarried, beenmarried for six years.
You know, beautiful marriage,beautiful marriage.
You know what I mean.
I raised my son.
He was 10 years old at thattime.
My son is 20.
I raised him, took him toschool, 13-time national champ.
I became a boxer coach, starteddoing things like that and
moved all my life.
Barbara L Parker (05:36):
I like what you said about rearranging the
idols in your marriage, thethings that we think make being
married work.
Like okay, well, maybe it's me.
I spent a lot of timegaslighting myself.
Like, maybe I's me.
I spent a lot of timegaslighting myself Like, maybe
I'm crazy, Maybe I'moverthinking this, Maybe, maybe,
maybe, maybe I made myself todeath just to make sure I can
(05:58):
have the mental wherewithal tostay.
So what is it like when youmake that shift I did all this
talking lying to myself.
When you come to yourself andbe like, why?
Apostle Andre Dodson (06:12):
did I do that to myself.
Well, you know what, yearslater, like now, the trend is
everybody hear about the wordnarcissist and they category it
men or some category it women Iwas going to abuse mentally.
So I would start believing whatam I doing?
You know what I mean.
So and then ask, also, as apastor, so you know if I'm, if I
(06:35):
have to administer, if I, if Ihug, if I, if you know, if I
agree, I stopped everything, allthese different things.
I just adjusted everything,trying to, you know, accommodate
something that wasn't there.
So when you fight in thatsituation, what you're doing is
(06:55):
you're fighting the ghost.
You know what I mean.
It's all in the head, it's allin the mind, it's all in the you
know and and so.
But what he do is attack youmentally because it makes you
feel like maybe it's somethingthat I'm doing, maybe it's
something that I did, and so youknow, it makes you stay, you
know, and, like he said, I haveI got six girls on.
One boy At that time only hadthree.
(07:16):
I had four girls and then I hadmy son.
So with my son, he was the onlyboy and it was like, wow, I got
a boy with this marriage.
You know, I've been been born aboy.
You know what I mean.
I don't want to leave.
I'd have had a situation withmy, with my other girls.
I wasn't in their lives, Iwasn't able to be there.
So now I could be there.
I got a good family, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(07:37):
So I used all that to stay inabuse, and not physical abuse,
it was mental abuse, you know.
So, um, and like I said, Irearranged everything, tried to
figure out where I go wrong.
What did I do?
Okay, let me try this, let metry that.
And once you do all that andyou know it's not you, you know
you just got to let go.
Mary Kent (07:56):
I'm going to interject and hit cause, because
you said the word thing wasabuse and for a lot of people,
when they think abuse, theysimply don't see men as being a
receiver of abuse.
I'll have him talk a little bitabout those signs and symptoms
for other men who may be indenial, because society as a
(08:19):
whole I mean most of the timesyou talk about abuse they don't
believe that a man can be abused.
They don't believe that a mancan be, because you're that
loving.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
This episode is proudly sponsored by BF
Empowerment Center.
Where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Follow at Queen BL Parker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast airingevery Friday at 9 am.
Apostle Andre Dodson (08:49):
I think this most men got to first find
out what a man is.
Once you become what we call atender warrior, you begin to see
yourself different and I didn'trecognize abuse until I was
able to let go of my ego.
Let go, you know, all the machothings that men have and
realize I'm being broken, I'mbeing hurt.
You know nothing is working.
(09:10):
I'm loving, you know.
And then at that time it was achange for me because I'm from
the streets.
So you know I went from.
You know doing whatever I wantto do, living the way I live to,
faithful, to being a man of God.
You know what I mean.
You know bringing home themoney, you know what I mean,
everything.
So it was like, wow, you knoweverything that I'm doing.
(09:31):
So once I made them adjustments,I wanted it more.
I wanted the relationship towork more than then.
I didn't want it to work.
You know what I mean.
And it was beyond the love orin love.
You know, I learned theprinciple.
One thing about marriageMarriage is a choice.
You know.
(09:53):
It's not about a feeling,because if you go about a
feeling, you're going to haveups and downs and you're going
to be in and out of arelationship.
So when I choose to make acommitment, that's what I went
for, so I was faithful to acommitment and not just an
individual.
So I think when people realizethat, and in that, because they
respect you enough, it makes youhave this, this, this love for
that that you won't change, itmakes you have this love for
them that you won't change.
Will VanDyke (10:11):
I got a quick question because I keep hearing
both of you guys say this youdidn't know that it was over.
Come more in depth with me onthat.
Who didn't want to know?
That's what I'm thinking,because it's kind of like when I
hear y'all say this, this iswhat comes to my mind.
It's kind of like walking intowork and everybody in the job
knows you're about to get fired,except for you.
Apostle Andre Dodson (10:33):
Right.
Brian Nordstrom (10:34):
Working in a nursery, I get that.
I just didn't want to know.
Yeah, because Learn all thesigns.
Apostle Andre Dodson (10:39):
Well, I said 70 years before that, okay,
I realized red flags.
I didn't know the incidentwould happen the way the
incident happened.
But you know what was going tohappen.
Well, I didn't know, I thoughtit would be more if I initiate.
But then I know my life is that.
You know.
He said that.
I know the plans and thethoughts that I had towards you.
They are good, without an evil,you know, with an expectant end
(11:01):
.
With that being said, I wouldhave never divorced.
So, god is good, I would havenever.
Even though things was the wayit was, I would have never been
the one to say that I want adivorce, because at that time
that's like abandonment.
I'm a pastor, I'm a this, butwe had ups and downs, but I
didn't know it was to the pointwhere she would leave.
Will VanDyke (11:22):
But I think that's the most me, though, me going
to relationships, not with thethought of it ending.
I don't think so.
I could be wrong, but I don'tthink so.
Like women are more into andyou'll hear, like it's like
click-sync I'm not happy whenthey're not happy, it's over.
It's over.
(11:43):
You can forget about it.
You know what I'm saying.
But we could be unhappy becauseI was miserable for at least 11
or 12 years of my marriage, butI stayed.
You know what I'm saying, yeah.
Apostle Andre Dodson (11:57):
So I don't know.
It's real.
You say that you got to look atit like this.
A woman will leave theirstability for what happens?
A man will sacrifice hishappiness for you know what I
mean just for the stability.
So you know, you definitelyright.
Like I said, though, with mymarriage at that time it was
more of a you know religion.
You know you're trying to makesure you don't go through this
(12:19):
divorce.
You know I'm a pastor.
It's this image is this, isthat.
But I also knew, when we firstgot together, I recognized
mental illness.
You get what I mean.
And then I did it for safetypurpose.
At this time we had two littlegirls.
Okay, you know what I mean.
We had my son, we had twolittle.
I'm not about to allow my kidsto be raised without me knowing
what I know is going on.
(12:40):
You know, you know, with withmy maid at the time.
So I covered her.
You know what I mean.
I stayed, stayed unhappy.
I was unhappy for a long time.
I wouldn't have divorced.
So I'm kind of grateful forwhat, what God did, because if
she wouldn't have left, I stillwould be miserable, because I
wanted to be able to stand anddo what we do and most men and a
(13:02):
lot of women won't agree.
But it's like he said men don'tget into marriage to to just
not be married.
Even if you got a mature manwho don't know how to be
faithful, they still will bewhat they believe faithful and
loyal to that woman Even if theydon't.
Whatever they do, you know whatI mean.
Now, women is different.
Women will lead you before theyever leave.
(13:24):
They've been gone mentallyanyway.
They get a second plan beforethey go.
It's like a security purpose.
You know I'm going to stay withhim until I get myself together
.
Then I look at it.
She went to a batter shelter, ahome shelter.
It gave her a new house.
It gave her a new car.
It gave her brand new furniture.
It did everything for her.
So her move was still her movefor selfishness.
(13:47):
But what I did was grew.
I was hurt, I was broken, but Ifound everything to not just
blame her.
I got that with myself and bydoing that now in my marriage I
became more mature man with mymarriage.
Now, because of everything thatI wasn't in that marriage, I
made sure I am not.
(14:08):
You know what I mean.
So I just wanted to be able to,to be the man that I needed to
be, not just for her.
So I got a hold before I got.
You get what I mean, so youknow that would make them
clarified.
Will VanDyke (14:20):
and I'm gonna be clear here I filed for my
divorce.
I did, and it wasn't forselfish reasons.
It was once I realized when Igot married I got married for
the purpose of we got each other.
Okay, no matter what, we goteach other.
When I spent six months in thehospital and she wasn't there, I
(14:41):
knew she didn't have me.
So why say, why?
Say, and you know I had a greatsupport system.
I knew she didn't have me.
So why say, why say, and youknow I had a great support
system, like my mom and dad isthe bombcom.
You know I was like 41, 42 atthe time.
I think I was like 40, 41.
And my dad told me, looked mein my face, he said Listen, lil'
(15:02):
William, you at an age rightnow and my kids was older, you
know they was.
I think my baby boy was inmiddle, I mean high school.
He was a freshman.
He was a freshman.
So my dad said he said listen,you, at a point in your life to
where you can start over, nomatter what, you are okay to
start over.
And my mom was always there.
(15:25):
So I had that support system towhere I felt like you know what
, no matter what I'm goingthrough, I'm going to be okay
because I got my mom and my dad.
Barbara L Parker (15:34):
I heard it said that once a man marries
somebody, even after the divorce, they still love them, no
matter what, absolutely that'sanother thing, because that's
something it's another topic butI want to share to the panel
and those who are listening.
Apostle Andre Dodson (15:52):
You know it, even if you go spiritual.
You know, um, our brother,about buddhism and the principle
of philosophy, but the ideologyin christianity is this that he
said that it's unconditionalthat Christ died for the church.
Men die to themselves forrelationships, because a man
(16:15):
desires is never just one, neverwhy.
Because we have this, this,this hunger, until we able to
yeah, most men, we get thathunger until we able to suppress
and mature, then we able tobecome the men.
So when the scripture says thatone, you know, die for the
(16:41):
church, which is for as well.
A woman don't loveunconditionally.
Men.
Do Women love conditionally?
How?
I know how I know that isbecause it's like this.
A man can see a woman that's ina waiting on a bus with five
kids, a bonnet, looking a mess,and a man will pull right up on
her, talk to her and in his mind, boom, I'm going to take care
(17:02):
of her, I'm going to help her,her, I'm a helper, I'm gonna do
this to do that.
A woman off rip, don't know.
Do you work?
You got a job, you know, youknow.
You know, do you think I should, can provide, and all these
different things.
Not saying all, I mean youalways have.
You know those who were thesections, you know them,
exceptions.
But my point I'm making is iswhen you love conditionally,
it's not in the mean to loveconditioning all the time.
(17:23):
It's an unconditional love thatmost can't understand.
To get to your question yes, Ibelieve they won't never be in
love with them people.
But love as far as wantingtheir best interest, men will
always be like that.
Women is this after they done.
Oh, he ain't no good girl.
I mean, he is just the worst ofthe worst and he was waiting
for 20 years.
He was waiting for 21.
How can you talk so down?
(17:44):
Why are you hating so much?
Most men can walk away andstill have the best interest of
that individual.
Like I will say this here I'mloving my wife, I'm in love with
my wife, me and my wife.
We rock together.
That's my partner.
We together for six years.
You know I have no.
When it comes to my children'smothers or when it comes to my
(18:05):
ex-wife, I have no bitterness inmy heart, regardless of what
she did.
You know what I mean.
I wish them the best.
I want the best for them.
You know what I'm saying, but Inever go backwards.
You get what I mean.
I'm in love with my wife andI'll be the better man for her,
because she's from Tibet.
Barbara L Parker (18:22):
Say that.
Tibet.
Yeah, man, I don't know why,it's so good Kicking the hell
out of this stuff.
I don't know what to do withthat idea.
A lot of times when we gothrough these journeys and I've
had these conversations withfemale friends and clients.
I don't know if y'all know thisI want to share a little secret
with y'all.
Speaker 6 (18:42):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,because you're not just
surviving, you're becoming, andthat's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(19:05):
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
Barbara L Parker (19:16):
Powerfully broken, but never defeated.
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