September 5, 2025 • 21 mins
What does it truly mean to maintain your identity within a relationship? The Powerfully Broken Podcast tackles this question head-on as host Barbara Parker welcomes a diverse panel of guests to share their journeys through healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns.
The conversation takes a deeply personal turn when Stephanie Brent reveals her transformative realization: "I could still be a hundred percent me and still a hundred percent love God." This powerful statement sets the tone for an honest exploration of authenticity within both faith and relationships. The panel agrees that abandoning your true self doesn't honor God or strengthen your partnerships – quite the opposite.
When discussing advice for prospective brides, each guest offers wisdom shaped by their unique experiences. Joy emphasizes following your own path rather than others' expectations. Lauren stresses the value of pre-marital counseling, sharing how therapy revealed incompatibilities in her own relationship: "That's when I started to realize this isn't working." Meanwhile, Stephanie advocates for balancing psychological insights with spiritual guidance, reminding listeners to "filter what you're learning in therapy through what your heavenly Father says."
The most transformative segment challenges the harmful "other half" mythology many grew up with. Instead of seeking completion through another person, the panel promotes the healthier vision of "two circles that fit nicely together" – two whole individuals choosing partnership. As one guest poignantly observes, "God didn't want you to be unhappy every day of your life," dispelling the notion that suffering through bad marriages somehow honors commitment.
Whether you're navigating a relationship, healing from divorce, or seeking to understand healthy partnership dynamics, this episode offers candid insights to help you maintain your authentic self while building meaningful connections. Follow us at @QueenBLParker or @BF_Empowerment and subscribe for more conversations that transform brokenness into power.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Powerfully Broken Podcast.
I'm your host, Barbara Parker,and I have my panel of guests
who are going to speak abouthaving healthy relationships,
experiencing some unhealthyrelationship patterns, and are
going to help us go to that nextlevel in our relationship.
So we have Miriam White, who isa licensed nurse.
(00:22):
We have Stephanie Brent, who isour extraordinaire in all things
sexual minority pastoring andalso is a QBHS, if I'm not
mistaken.
And we have Lauren, who is thequeen of connections for all
(00:43):
things Marsh.
And we have Joy Jackson, who isthe founder of a business as
well as mother, wife and mentorto many, and we have our lovely
(01:07):
co-host who is always here, MaryKitt.
This episode is Bring the lightwhen the storm rolling.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
And your spirit.
Low Heart feel heavy and youmoving slow Tears on your face.
It's relationship with them.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I remember seeing you On that journey and I really
enjoyed Spending with Tia.
She was amazing and you hadsuch a light about you.
But, in addition to the lightthat Tia brought, you were on
this journey to be a pastor andI was like, wait, I know the
(02:02):
same Stephanie, right, and itwas like you were like I'm doing
this, this is the event.
You was on it, like you waslike I found the truth and I'm
going to let the whole entireworld know I found me, yeah, and
I was very okay with me and Istill am Like this is what you
(02:23):
get now.
Um, he, the duality part,because am I gonna go to Jamaica
and get ratchet?
I am 150 gonna do that?
Um, I don't have to.
What I under, what I came tolearn in that journey, was I
(02:44):
could still be a hundred percentme and I could still a hundred
percent love him, and that'sexactly the walk that you're
supposed to be on you.
He does not never want you toput who you are on the back seat
to honor him, because you'renot honoring him at that point.
You are not honoring him if youare walking in fear because of
(03:08):
what you think or what otherpeople.
That is not what he teaches,that is not anything from him.
And so when that journey thatyou met me on, when I understood
that, I was like, oh, heard,heard, and I was just full steam
ahead after that, I don't knowwhat to tell anybody around me,
(03:33):
but I trust him first, and soI'm going to always, you know, I
try not to be that friend.
I try not to be that friendlike well, did you pray on it?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
But I can't help it.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
So I will have one more question.
I know Joy has to cut loose.
I wanted to ask you guysbecause I know for me it was a
very after I got divorced.
Every time I saw a woman in awhite dress looking like she
wanted to get married, I wantedto be like don't you have no
idea what you're doing so forprospective brides, due brides.
(04:07):
What advice would you give?
I'll start with Joyce, sinceshe got out of the house.
I would say follow your heart,be on whatever path that you are
on and follow that path.
Not necessarily mine or yoursor yours or yours.
Follow your path, follow your,mine or yours or yours or yours.
Follow your path.
Follow your heart, follow yourtrue desire, just like we had to
(04:29):
go about our desire.
That's that person's path, thatperson's journey, whatever that
may be.
And marriage is still wonderful, marriage is still wonderful.
Examples of great marriages.
So there's still, to me, nothingwrong in hearing either people
say, well, I don't believe inmarriage, or I'll never support
people in marriage.
You know I did feel kind oflike, oh, what you want to do
(04:52):
that for when I got remarried,my dress is not right, it was
not, it was not.
Well, follow your heart, followyour path, be on your journey.
I still believe in you know, inorder to have babies, you know
it's kind of helpful to haveparents to be supportive, you
(05:14):
know.
So I'm not saying singlemotherhood, because I don't have
to be a single mother.
I have to live that journey.
But follow your heart.
Thank you, joy.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Bye, Hi Joy it was nice meeting you.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
It was nice meeting you.
Let's go, let's go, lauren'sgoing to go next.
I would definitely say pray andmake sure that you seek counsel
beforehand.
I do believe that that isanother thing that I didn't do
(05:51):
that could have possibly helpedme to realize the problems and
issues before we jumped thatroom, and I do believe that
counseling is definitelysomething that will kind of
change and shift your marriageor your relationship and help
you to enter into a better spacegoing forward.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, do you mean?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
wise counsel, or do you mean?
a counselor, I just want to makesure I heard you.
I think couples counseling,okay, counseling is definitely
important, but I do believe evenwhen we were going through it,
we were ready to go ahead and gointo couples counseling.
That's when things started tocome to light.
That's when I started torealize, ok, this is done, this
(06:32):
is not working, he's not doingthe work and I'm sitting here
doing all right, right, keepbringing this to you.
You're walking out, you change,change counselor, change
counselor.
If that stuff would havehappened beforehand, then I
already would have been like Ican't do this.
So I definitely would sayprayer and couples counseling
(06:53):
before you jump that road.
Yeah, for me, I think, doingthe counseling where the
counselor not only talks to youindividually but also as a
couple, so that you're growing,because we all come in with our
own stuff and we got to unpackit, because we continue patterns
that we don't even want, right?
(07:14):
And then your future spouse,spouse, start triggering you.
You're like you know what?
I ain't doing this, and thenyou stop speaking to them.
They like well, they neverspeak to me, so I ignore them.
And so it becomes this negativepattern that you have to break,
because it's actually childhoodissues influencing that main
issue.
So, yeah, I agree, definitelyagree.
(07:39):
I would tell her both, becausewhat happens from my perspective
with counseling is it becomesweaponized.
But you need scripture be a wayfor you to filter through what
you're learning and counselingthrough scripture to say okay,
(08:07):
so, okay, so that trauma didcause you to have an attachment
type codependency.
What does God say about that?
Because it's already happened,that is in the Bible, so you can
go.
You need both.
That's what I, that's, that iswhat I recommend to anybody, man
(08:29):
or woman like make sure you'regetting both, because if you are
just trying to operate off ofcounseling or therapy, that
means you're using just your ownknowledge base.
Or even if you're going to themost well-renowned therapists,
you're still using theirknowledge base, and it has to be
(08:50):
.
It has to be both.
You still need a scriptural.
You still need to be able tofilter what you're learning in
therapy through what yourheavenly father says.
That's what I would recommend.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Well, I will tell you , I don't have white dress
syndrome.
I really don't have like eitherway.
I just feel that most peoplethat go into a marriage like
they have to do it for them, anda lot of people do it because
(09:28):
of the way that they werebrought up, the way that you
know, family says that you needto do this, that or the other.
Like my grandmother and mygrandfather were together, my
mom and my dad were together, wedo have people in the family
that you know were divorced andeverything they didn't have.
You know, I for one did notever want to get married, you
(09:49):
know.
So that's why I said I don'thave like white dress syndrome.
But I would definitely say tomake sure that you're doing it
for you, to make sure that youknow yourself enough that you do
not lose yourself and yourpartner.
Because in my case, growing up,I was an enabler and a heavy
(10:13):
enabler, and I was married to anarcissist and narcissists love
enablers.
So you have to, and I knew that.
I recognize that because me andmy mother were kind of like in
the enabling relationship, whichis why I went from home to
marriage Um, never lived out onmy own or anything like that.
(10:34):
So that is the biggest thing.
Um, like I said, I was aware ofthe red flags.
I watched all the Lifetimemovies, you know, and somehow I
still went blindly into it, butit was fun.
It was all fun and games untilit wasn't you know.
So the more that you knowyourself and the more that you
(10:55):
can look at yourself and saythis is you know, this is what I
want, say this is you know,this is what I want, then I
think that it would turn outbetter.
But you also have to make surethat your partner knows
themselves that they're notdoing it because they think that
that is what they're supposedto do, or, you know, because
(11:19):
they were, you know, kind offelt like they were obligated to
do stuff, because men do stufffor different reasons than
females, of course you know.
And so you have to make surethat the reasonings are right,
because through sickness andhealth, good or bad, you are
with this person.
So you have to make sure thatyou know yourself and then from
(11:40):
that you would get to know yourpartner and I think that you'll
have a more lasting relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,Because you're not just
surviving, you're becoming, andthat's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(12:07):
Follow at Queen BL Parker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
And so my first marriage, my friends abandoned
me y'all Because they was tryingto let me be saved and have
time with my husband.
But I needed my friends Becausethere are certain things that
friends do that spouses don't.
They see your kid acting a fooland about to touch something
and be like don't you dare.
Oh, she said what to you.
(12:38):
You know so, where the spouseis just like doing something
else in the house and you'relike what they say I missed it.
But, your friend picked up onthat too.
Your child.
No, okay, I can't do that infront of this here auntie.
So like having that emotionalsupport and spending time with
(13:00):
your friends and still, you know, nurturing your relationship
but not neglecting yourself,because a lot of times you will
see moms start looking.
They used to be cute, havethemselves together.
Now they're here, looking alittle, it's falling out from
stress and they're like I'm justgoing to put this bun on and
(13:23):
don't.
Nobody say nothing to me.
And this bun ain't changed,even though my outfit did.
We're like why are you stillwearing that color?
That don't even match with whatyou're wearing.
And that's where your friendgroup comes in.
Come on, let's go get your hairdone.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Or let me get you together right now, Exactly Good
friends will be like excuse me,did you know that your toenail
polish was changed?
Baby, let me take you to go getyour hair done.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Meanwhile he looking like I'm not as attracted to her
anymore but he can't evenidentify what shifted and it's
that you abandoned who he fellin love with Exactly.
So you have to make sure thatyou're maintaining your identity
and what you love aboutyourself when you enter these
marriages.
Well, that's why, you know, I'mgoing in scripture, so that's
(14:13):
why, when two people get married, it's two whole people.
When, when, when god made eve asa help me, he didn't make eve
half of eve right.
She's 100 herself and Adam was100 himself, right?
So you, when you go into theserelationships or to these
(14:36):
marriages or and I'm guilty,stephanie, um, you know some of
sometimes you're looking intothis to this person to give you
to like, fill this version ofyou that you don't have yet,
yeah, when, that is not how thatworks.
So what you said is 100 correctand what you said is 100
(14:56):
correct.
When you said 100 correct, youhave to be able to stand on who
you are now, that that may notnecessarily look like already
owning an agency before you getremarried, but you at least need
to know your person that youmarry and needs to know this is
what she wants to do.
So how can I enhance her?
(15:19):
How can I step back and let herthrive and allow her to walk
into what she needs to walk into?
Because I don't, your, yourhusband, who God has for it's
not going to want to take awayfrom that, because what you have
is going to be what he has andit's going to come together and
that's going to magnify thekingdom for him.
(15:39):
But a lot of times we go intothese situations like, okay, so
I'm going to put you throughschool and I'm not going to do
nothing, and hopefully, once youget through school, now I can
you through school and I'm notgoing to do nothing, right, and
hopefully, once you get throughschool, now I can go through
school.
And no, that's not how hedesigned it.
That's really not.
That's really.
That's not how that's supposedto go.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
And you know what To piggyback off of that?
And I don't know if all of ushave went through this, but
we're all around the same age.
So when I was growing up it waslike, oh, you find your other
half, so it's like you're halfof this circle.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
You got to find your other half and then y'all
complete each other.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
And it's not that way .
It should be two circles thatfit nicely on top of each other
and that's why I say I was anenabler, and you know that is my
complete circle on top of anarcissist.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
That did not work.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
You know what I'm saying it was like his circle
was bigger than mine, so he likeexactly is not the life to live
.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Like so, yeah, I just want to say this Listening to
y'all reflected to me that whatI'm hearing you guys say and
I've never been there, but Icame from a perspective that
that half and half, that wastheir way of explaining it,
(17:15):
because they didn't have anotherway to it's to explain it
exactly um, staying, because alot of times they stayed in
marriages that weren't good.
They were married tonarcissists, they were married
to abusers.
They were yes, they were inthese gamblers and they had
these horrible lifestyles that alot of times growing up we
didn't know.
We didn't know until we gotolder and we can reflect or have
(17:38):
a conversation with my grandmaon something that we reflected
and understand a little betterabout what really was going on
at that time, and they it out.
And so I heard somebody on theradio and I can't think of a
radio show, it was at the timebut they were like they don't
make marriages like they used toand I'm like no, that's not a
(17:58):
bad thing either.
They don't, because I don'tthink it was God's design for
you to be with somebody and betortured and miserable.
Exactly, that's not.
Not if he loves you, right,right, exactly, that's him.
He didn't want you to be withan abuser, right, you know.
(18:20):
He didn't want you to beunhappy every day of your life.
That's correct.
Not for the sake of marriage,absolutely not, there was
supposed to be a form.
In my opinion this is my opiniona form of completion.
But that goes back to what yousaid about when God made Eve out
of Adam.
(18:41):
We have to consider andunderstand where he took that
piece from.
They said he took a piece ofhis rib, and what rib it was?
And it was close to his heartand that was down for a reason.
It wasn't a bone.
He could have took any bone.
It could have been a bone inthe foot, it could have been a
knee bone, it could have.
He could have got a bone fromanywhere.
But there's a reason that hepicked that particular bone
(19:04):
because your mate is supposed toperform a certain function.
They're supposed to guard yourheart right, they're supposed to
perform a certain function.
They're supposed to guard yourheart, right.
They're supposed to protect youand guard you and lift you up
and encourage you and supportyou.
Correct, excellent, correct.
And somewhere all of that gotlost.
For a lot of people it did, andso they made these cliches and
(19:26):
these sayings and these thoughtsand these feelings and they
taught it to all of us, right?
And we took all of that stuffto heart because we heard it so
much and it's kind of like thatsaying I don't know about y'all,
but I grew up a lot with don'tdo what I do, do what I say
right.
so, yeah, that's a real, that isdefinitely a real saying I know
(19:49):
from my granny.
Are we done, I'll be glad.
So I want to thank you all fortaking the time to be here and
speak openly about somethingthat is very stigmatized.
There's not a whole lot ofconversations about life after
divorce or hoping to love againor parenting, co-parenting, so I
(20:13):
appreciate everybody bringingall the information to the table
so somebody can get somefreedom and some knowledge and
some wisdom and live a morepowerful life.
And I just want to thank youall for tuning in to Powerfully
Broken and follow us onPowerfully Broken at BF
Empowerment and see you nextepisode.
(20:38):
Thank you, thank you All right.
Mike we got to turn the cameraoff.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
I'm so sorry.
This episode is proudlysponsored by BF Empowerment
Center, where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
And unlock their true potentialfor lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(21:12):
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.
Welcome to Powerfully Broken Podcast.
I'm your host, Barbara Parker,and I have my panel of guests
who are going to speak abouthaving healthy relationships,
experiencing some unhealthyrelationship patterns, and are
going to help us go to that nextlevel in our relationship.
So we have Miriam White, who isa licensed nurse.
(00:22):
We have Stephanie Brent, who isour extraordinaire in all things
sexual minority pastoring andalso is a QBHS, if I'm not
mistaken.
And we have Lauren, who is thequeen of connections for all
(00:43):
things Marsh.
And we have Joy Jackson, who isthe founder of a business as
well as mother, wife and mentorto many, and we have our lovely
(01:07):
co-host who is always here, MaryKitt.
This episode is Bring the lightwhen the storm rolling.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
And your spirit.
Low Heart feel heavy and youmoving slow Tears on your face.
It's relationship with them.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I remember seeing you On that journey and I really
enjoyed Spending with Tia.
She was amazing and you hadsuch a light about you.
But, in addition to the lightthat Tia brought, you were on
this journey to be a pastor andI was like, wait, I know the
(02:02):
same Stephanie, right, and itwas like you were like I'm doing
this, this is the event.
You was on it, like you waslike I found the truth and I'm
going to let the whole entireworld know I found me, yeah, and
I was very okay with me and Istill am Like this is what you
(02:23):
get now.
Um, he, the duality part,because am I gonna go to Jamaica
and get ratchet?
I am 150 gonna do that?
Um, I don't have to.
What I under, what I came tolearn in that journey, was I
(02:44):
could still be a hundred percentme and I could still a hundred
percent love him, and that'sexactly the walk that you're
supposed to be on you.
He does not never want you toput who you are on the back seat
to honor him, because you'renot honoring him at that point.
You are not honoring him if youare walking in fear because of
(03:08):
what you think or what otherpeople.
That is not what he teaches,that is not anything from him.
And so when that journey thatyou met me on, when I understood
that, I was like, oh, heard,heard, and I was just full steam
ahead after that, I don't knowwhat to tell anybody around me,
(03:33):
but I trust him first, and soI'm going to always, you know, I
try not to be that friend.
I try not to be that friendlike well, did you pray on it?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
But I can't help it.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
So I will have one more question.
I know Joy has to cut loose.
I wanted to ask you guysbecause I know for me it was a
very after I got divorced.
Every time I saw a woman in awhite dress looking like she
wanted to get married, I wantedto be like don't you have no
idea what you're doing so forprospective brides, due brides.
(04:07):
What advice would you give?
I'll start with Joyce, sinceshe got out of the house.
I would say follow your heart,be on whatever path that you are
on and follow that path.
Not necessarily mine or yoursor yours or yours.
Follow your path, follow your,mine or yours or yours or yours.
Follow your path.
Follow your heart, follow yourtrue desire, just like we had to
(04:29):
go about our desire.
That's that person's path, thatperson's journey, whatever that
may be.
And marriage is still wonderful, marriage is still wonderful.
Examples of great marriages.
So there's still, to me, nothingwrong in hearing either people
say, well, I don't believe inmarriage, or I'll never support
people in marriage.
You know I did feel kind oflike, oh, what you want to do
(04:52):
that for when I got remarried,my dress is not right, it was
not, it was not.
Well, follow your heart, followyour path, be on your journey.
I still believe in you know, inorder to have babies, you know
it's kind of helpful to haveparents to be supportive, you
(05:14):
know.
So I'm not saying singlemotherhood, because I don't have
to be a single mother.
I have to live that journey.
But follow your heart.
Thank you, joy.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Bye, Hi Joy it was nice meeting you.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
It was nice meeting you.
Let's go, let's go, lauren'sgoing to go next.
I would definitely say pray andmake sure that you seek counsel
beforehand.
I do believe that that isanother thing that I didn't do
(05:51):
that could have possibly helpedme to realize the problems and
issues before we jumped thatroom, and I do believe that
counseling is definitelysomething that will kind of
change and shift your marriageor your relationship and help
you to enter into a better spacegoing forward.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, do you mean?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
wise counsel, or do you mean?
a counselor, I just want to makesure I heard you.
I think couples counseling,okay, counseling is definitely
important, but I do believe evenwhen we were going through it,
we were ready to go ahead and gointo couples counseling.
That's when things started tocome to light.
That's when I started torealize, ok, this is done, this
(06:32):
is not working, he's not doingthe work and I'm sitting here
doing all right, right, keepbringing this to you.
You're walking out, you change,change counselor, change
counselor.
If that stuff would havehappened beforehand, then I
already would have been like Ican't do this.
So I definitely would sayprayer and couples counseling
(06:53):
before you jump that road.
Yeah, for me, I think, doingthe counseling where the
counselor not only talks to youindividually but also as a
couple, so that you're growing,because we all come in with our
own stuff and we got to unpackit, because we continue patterns
that we don't even want, right?
(07:14):
And then your future spouse,spouse, start triggering you.
You're like you know what?
I ain't doing this, and thenyou stop speaking to them.
They like well, they neverspeak to me, so I ignore them.
And so it becomes this negativepattern that you have to break,
because it's actually childhoodissues influencing that main
issue.
So, yeah, I agree, definitelyagree.
(07:39):
I would tell her both, becausewhat happens from my perspective
with counseling is it becomesweaponized.
But you need scripture be a wayfor you to filter through what
you're learning and counselingthrough scripture to say okay,
(08:07):
so, okay, so that trauma didcause you to have an attachment
type codependency.
What does God say about that?
Because it's already happened,that is in the Bible, so you can
go.
You need both.
That's what I, that's, that iswhat I recommend to anybody, man
(08:29):
or woman like make sure you'regetting both, because if you are
just trying to operate off ofcounseling or therapy, that
means you're using just your ownknowledge base.
Or even if you're going to themost well-renowned therapists,
you're still using theirknowledge base, and it has to be
(08:50):
.
It has to be both.
You still need a scriptural.
You still need to be able tofilter what you're learning in
therapy through what yourheavenly father says.
That's what I would recommend.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Well, I will tell you , I don't have white dress
syndrome.
I really don't have like eitherway.
I just feel that most peoplethat go into a marriage like
they have to do it for them, anda lot of people do it because
(09:28):
of the way that they werebrought up, the way that you
know, family says that you needto do this, that or the other.
Like my grandmother and mygrandfather were together, my
mom and my dad were together, wedo have people in the family
that you know were divorced andeverything they didn't have.
You know, I for one did notever want to get married, you
(09:49):
know.
So that's why I said I don'thave like white dress syndrome.
But I would definitely say tomake sure that you're doing it
for you, to make sure that youknow yourself enough that you do
not lose yourself and yourpartner.
Because in my case, growing up,I was an enabler and a heavy
(10:13):
enabler, and I was married to anarcissist and narcissists love
enablers.
So you have to, and I knew that.
I recognize that because me andmy mother were kind of like in
the enabling relationship, whichis why I went from home to
marriage Um, never lived out onmy own or anything like that.
(10:34):
So that is the biggest thing.
Um, like I said, I was aware ofthe red flags.
I watched all the Lifetimemovies, you know, and somehow I
still went blindly into it, butit was fun.
It was all fun and games untilit wasn't you know.
So the more that you knowyourself and the more that you
(10:55):
can look at yourself and saythis is you know, this is what I
want, say this is you know,this is what I want, then I
think that it would turn outbetter.
But you also have to make surethat your partner knows
themselves that they're notdoing it because they think that
that is what they're supposedto do, or, you know, because
(11:19):
they were, you know, kind offelt like they were obligated to
do stuff, because men do stufffor different reasons than
females, of course you know.
And so you have to make surethat the reasonings are right,
because through sickness andhealth, good or bad, you are
with this person.
So you have to make sure thatyou know yourself and then from
(11:40):
that you would get to know yourpartner and I think that you'll
have a more lasting relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
This segment of the Powerfully Broken podcast is
brought to you by A PowerfulDivorce, the book by Barbara L
Parker.
It's not just about endings.
It's about rediscovering whoyou are, reclaiming your peace
and rising stronger than ever,Because you're not just
surviving, you're becoming, andthat's powerful.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(12:07):
Follow at Queen BL Parker or atBF Empowerment.
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast.
Now back to our program.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
And so my first marriage, my friends abandoned
me y'all Because they was tryingto let me be saved and have
time with my husband.
But I needed my friends Becausethere are certain things that
friends do that spouses don't.
They see your kid acting a fooland about to touch something
and be like don't you dare.
Oh, she said what to you.
(12:38):
You know so, where the spouseis just like doing something
else in the house and you'relike what they say I missed it.
But, your friend picked up onthat too.
Your child.
No, okay, I can't do that infront of this here auntie.
So like having that emotionalsupport and spending time with
(13:00):
your friends and still, you know, nurturing your relationship
but not neglecting yourself,because a lot of times you will
see moms start looking.
They used to be cute, havethemselves together.
Now they're here, looking alittle, it's falling out from
stress and they're like I'm justgoing to put this bun on and
(13:23):
don't.
Nobody say nothing to me.
And this bun ain't changed,even though my outfit did.
We're like why are you stillwearing that color?
That don't even match with whatyou're wearing.
And that's where your friendgroup comes in.
Come on, let's go get your hairdone.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Or let me get you together right now, Exactly Good
friends will be like excuse me,did you know that your toenail
polish was changed?
Baby, let me take you to go getyour hair done.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Meanwhile he looking like I'm not as attracted to her
anymore but he can't evenidentify what shifted and it's
that you abandoned who he fellin love with Exactly.
So you have to make sure thatyou're maintaining your identity
and what you love aboutyourself when you enter these
marriages.
Well, that's why, you know, I'mgoing in scripture, so that's
(14:13):
why, when two people get married, it's two whole people.
When, when, when god made eve asa help me, he didn't make eve
half of eve right.
She's 100 herself and Adam was100 himself, right?
So you, when you go into theserelationships or to these
(14:36):
marriages or and I'm guilty,stephanie, um, you know some of
sometimes you're looking intothis to this person to give you
to like, fill this version ofyou that you don't have yet,
yeah, when, that is not how thatworks.
So what you said is 100 correctand what you said is 100
(14:56):
correct.
When you said 100 correct, youhave to be able to stand on who
you are now, that that may notnecessarily look like already
owning an agency before you getremarried, but you at least need
to know your person that youmarry and needs to know this is
what she wants to do.
So how can I enhance her?
(15:19):
How can I step back and let herthrive and allow her to walk
into what she needs to walk into?
Because I don't, your, yourhusband, who God has for it's
not going to want to take awayfrom that, because what you have
is going to be what he has andit's going to come together and
that's going to magnify thekingdom for him.
(15:39):
But a lot of times we go intothese situations like, okay, so
I'm going to put you throughschool and I'm not going to do
nothing, and hopefully, once youget through school, now I can
you through school and I'm notgoing to do nothing, right, and
hopefully, once you get throughschool, now I can go through
school.
And no, that's not how hedesigned it.
That's really not.
That's really.
That's not how that's supposedto go.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
And you know what To piggyback off of that?
And I don't know if all of ushave went through this, but
we're all around the same age.
So when I was growing up it waslike, oh, you find your other
half, so it's like you're halfof this circle.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
You got to find your other half and then y'all
complete each other.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
And it's not that way .
It should be two circles thatfit nicely on top of each other
and that's why I say I was anenabler, and you know that is my
complete circle on top of anarcissist.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
That did not work.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
You know what I'm saying it was like his circle
was bigger than mine, so he likeexactly is not the life to live
.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Like so, yeah, I just want to say this Listening to
y'all reflected to me that whatI'm hearing you guys say and
I've never been there, but Icame from a perspective that
that half and half, that wastheir way of explaining it,
(17:15):
because they didn't have anotherway to it's to explain it
exactly um, staying, because alot of times they stayed in
marriages that weren't good.
They were married tonarcissists, they were married
to abusers.
They were yes, they were inthese gamblers and they had
these horrible lifestyles that alot of times growing up we
didn't know.
We didn't know until we gotolder and we can reflect or have
(17:38):
a conversation with my grandmaon something that we reflected
and understand a little betterabout what really was going on
at that time, and they it out.
And so I heard somebody on theradio and I can't think of a
radio show, it was at the timebut they were like they don't
make marriages like they used toand I'm like no, that's not a
(17:58):
bad thing either.
They don't, because I don'tthink it was God's design for
you to be with somebody and betortured and miserable.
Exactly, that's not.
Not if he loves you, right,right, exactly, that's him.
He didn't want you to be withan abuser, right, you know.
(18:20):
He didn't want you to beunhappy every day of your life.
That's correct.
Not for the sake of marriage,absolutely not, there was
supposed to be a form.
In my opinion this is my opiniona form of completion.
But that goes back to what yousaid about when God made Eve out
of Adam.
(18:41):
We have to consider andunderstand where he took that
piece from.
They said he took a piece ofhis rib, and what rib it was?
And it was close to his heartand that was down for a reason.
It wasn't a bone.
He could have took any bone.
It could have been a bone inthe foot, it could have been a
knee bone, it could have.
He could have got a bone fromanywhere.
But there's a reason that hepicked that particular bone
(19:04):
because your mate is supposed toperform a certain function.
They're supposed to guard yourheart right, they're supposed to
perform a certain function.
They're supposed to guard yourheart, right.
They're supposed to protect youand guard you and lift you up
and encourage you and supportyou.
Correct, excellent, correct.
And somewhere all of that gotlost.
For a lot of people it did, andso they made these cliches and
(19:26):
these sayings and these thoughtsand these feelings and they
taught it to all of us, right?
And we took all of that stuffto heart because we heard it so
much and it's kind of like thatsaying I don't know about y'all,
but I grew up a lot with don'tdo what I do, do what I say
right.
so, yeah, that's a real, that isdefinitely a real saying I know
(19:49):
from my granny.
Are we done, I'll be glad.
So I want to thank you all fortaking the time to be here and
speak openly about somethingthat is very stigmatized.
There's not a whole lot ofconversations about life after
divorce or hoping to love againor parenting, co-parenting, so I
(20:13):
appreciate everybody bringingall the information to the table
so somebody can get somefreedom and some knowledge and
some wisdom and live a morepowerful life.
And I just want to thank youall for tuning in to Powerfully
Broken and follow us onPowerfully Broken at BF
Empowerment and see you nextepisode.
(20:38):
Thank you, thank you All right.
Mike we got to turn the cameraoff.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
I'm so sorry.
This episode is proudlysponsored by BF Empowerment
Center, where healing isn't justpossible, it's powerful.
Bf Empowerment Center helpsindividuals break barriers,
build healthier relationshipsand unlock their true potential
for lasting transformation.
And unlock their true potentialfor lasting transformation.
Follow at QueenBLParker or atBF Empowerment.
(21:12):
Don't forget to like, comment,share and subscribe to
Powerfully Broken Podcast,airing every Friday at 9 am.
Powerfully Broken empowers youto overcome unhealthy
relationships that negativelyimpact your mental health.
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