February 3, 2025 • 45 mins
In this episode of the Practical Spirituality Podcast, Gareth and Kim delve into the complexities of motivation. They discuss how fear, trauma, and societal pressures can influence feelings of drive or stagnation, guiding listeners toward finding balance between intense motivation and the contentment that comes from inner peace.
Reflecting on their own experiences, Gareth and Kim confront the exhaustion caused by trying to meet unrealistic societal expectations. They encourage listeners to rethink the “playbook of life,” redefine success on their own terms, and discover fulfillment by stepping outside traditional norms.
Our hosts explore the discomfort that arises when challenging ingrained beliefs, and show how feeling stuck can become a catalyst for self-discovery. They emphasize creating supportive environments and looking out for internal cues before burnout sets in. By questioning social stigma, they guide listeners on a journey toward a more sustainable form of progress and a deeper level of self-understanding.
Become a Community Member at https://community.garethmichael.com/ to join our community and get early access to new episodes, answers to your personal questions and so much more.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast.
We are so excited to have youon this journey with us, where
we explore all elements of mind,body, emotions and soul through
the lens of everyday life.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello Kim.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
I'm doing good.
How are you doing this morning?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm doing okay this morning.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I have a question for you.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Are you feeling motivated?
Oh, that's such an interestingquestion hint, hint, the topic
of this week's episode I cantell it's going to be the topic
of this week's episode.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
You know I've just come off of a few days of
feeling unwell, so no, I am notmotivated at this moment let's
see can we turn that around bythe end of this episode.
Sure, let's hopefully we can,let's do that.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
So for this week's episode, we're going to be
talking about motivation andsometimes why we can feel
unmotivated, because I do thinkthat is a universal experience
we all go through, but it'snever talked out, like many of
the topics that we discuss onthis podcast, and I think there
might be some interesting anglesof having that open discussion
of why we go through thatexperience as human beings and
(01:31):
maybe what are some of thehidden messages behind
experiencing that itself.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Okay, so basically you're saying it's not just
laziness.
Is that what you're telling me?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Not all the time.
Okay, you have to add somewiggle room.
Sometimes it might be laziness,but no, not all the time.
Okay, you have to add somewiggle room.
Sometimes it might be laziness,but no, not all the time.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Okay, I'll be interesting to hear this episode
because it will probably lightup some bells for me.
So let's talk about why, on ourspiritual podcast, are we going
to cover lack of motivation orfeeling unmotivated.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Let's just dive right in, okay.
So I think, when it comes toeither being very motivated or
very unmotivated, there's prosand cons to both sides of it,
because when you see somebody'sincredibly motivated, incredibly
driven, of course that can be athing you want to support and
encourage in people, but thenwe've all seen in different ways
(02:24):
how that person could berunning from a lot also, or
trying to prove a lot of thingsto the world around them and to
themselves.
Okay Right, and then you'regoing to have someone who's
incredibly unmotivated, but theycould also have a lot of trauma
and difficult relationship withthemselves, with their mind,
their emotions, their body, andtherefore they're actually not
able to get into a space to bemotivated for themselves, even
(02:47):
in things they know they shoulddo or need to do for themselves
or the people around them.
It's very hard to understand.
Okay then, what is the middleground?
Because I think everyone intheir own way experiences
moments or periods of feelingmotivated or being motivated,
and then, of course, theopposite also.
So I think it's that when we'refeeling extremely motivated, it
(03:09):
gets to a stage where thatperson turns to burn out in some
way in mind, body, emotions,which life?
That's life's way of getting usto address or look at certain
things from our past or thingsgoing on in present day, and or
if we're feeling incrediblyunmotivated and we keep
repeating those same cycles,that's life's way of also
telling us that change is alsonecessary in a different way, to
(03:30):
explore self also.
So I think both, in their ownunique ways, get us to look at
certain areas of our lives andto create change present day.
That is needed.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Okay.
So in that you spoke to quite abit for me, in the fact that I
would say 90 of my life and themotivation in my life has been a
driving factor, is what what Iwould call it.
So it's what's got me out ofbed in the morning, it's got me
what's going, uh, and what wasbehind that?
(04:01):
Sometimes fear, sometimestrying to prove myself,
sometimes the trauma sometimes,but it was definitely a moving
away energy and moving it becamemoving towards something.
But I would say, when you havebeen using that for a long
(04:22):
period of time, when you stopusing that, it's a very big
pendulum swing.
Personal experience here.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Which I don't know if I've recovered from the other
side of the pendulum yet.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I feel like it's like a swinging wrecking ball.
It is like a swinging wreckingball.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
That is exactly what it feels like, Gareth.
And I mean we can laugh, butthat is what it feels like,
because it used to be not aproblem for me to be motivated,
but it was what drove me, youknow, and I think it was
probably more fear driven thananything else.
Yes, but now that that is notthere, it's like I can't light a
(05:04):
fire.
If my life depended on it, I'msure I could, but you know what
I'm saying.
It's like it's very hardbecause part of what's going on
and I know you and I are goingto talk about it, but I know
I've been through the emotionalburnout and I do feel like I've
done a lot of the work on theemotional burnout the drive is
(05:26):
not there anymore, and I thinkthat scares people.
If the drive disappears, whatthen motivates you?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Well, I think, depending on the person is that
if you're not extremelymotivated and you're not
extremely unmotivated and you'resomewhere in the middle, you
could argue you're actually atpeace, but that scares people
because they've never been therebefore, there before, right.
But yeah, we're still on thisjourney of growth in this
lifetime because you and I talkabout on this podcast.
So much is that, as long as wehave breath in our body, we're
here to grow in some way, shapeor form.
(05:55):
So I think, as we were talkingabout, if you take any
individual in different stagesin their life, when they're
extremely motivated or extremelyunmotivated, it's all excuse my
language a big mixing pot ofcrap in there, depending on
where that pendulum actuallyswings.
But depending on where thatpendulum is, exposes us to a
(06:15):
whole new world of experiencesas an individual and exposes us
to different people along theway that have a huge impact on
our present day and the peoplewe end up becoming.
So I think you can honestly saythat from a spiritual
perspective throughout lookingback on our own individual lives
.
But I think what's interestingabout it is that trying to
understand and listening to ourthe language of our mind, body,
(06:37):
emotions, present day, tounderstand why it is present
today in the way it is, let itbe being extremely motivated,
unmotivated or kind of likeyourself and in between place,
or what is the message here?
And how do I run and grow withthat?
And I think that's where a lotof us are at a loss, because
even when we're willing toexplore it, it kind of feels
like the message is being keptfrom me even when I'm trying to
(07:00):
look for it right?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
yes, yes, most definitely it feels like that,
and so I think it's veryinteresting for people who are
going through it, because if Iwasn't as aware as I am and done
the level of work on myself, Iwould probably just think that I
was very lazy or depressed orsomething was really wrong with
(07:24):
me if I was feeling thosefeelings, whereas I know that,
okay, this is a period ofsomething that's going on.
I need to pay attention to whatthat is and how is that
directly affecting what I meantto be growing from in this
moment?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
So I think it's amazing in all the different
ways we can weaponize beingmotivated and non-motivated to
run away from self Absolutely.
So the point is we can saywe're so motivated waking up
tomorrow, but we're busy doingall the wrong things because
we're avoiding the growth weknow we need to do that's going
to challenge us and actuallyforce us to face some of our
fears or to actually havecertain conversations.
(08:01):
Or the other side of it is thatif we're feeling depressed,
don't have an energy, want toavoid, then we're also not
necessarily growing in thatsense either and we're shutting
ourselves down.
So it's never ceased to amazeme with people I've worked with
and in my own life, of howcreative we can subconsciously
get in our own ways to avoid theareas that we need to grow in.
(08:21):
So therefore, I think itbecomes an interesting place to
be like if I'm questioning thisnow, in this time of my life, of
why I'm either motivated orunmotivated.
What are the potential thingsI'm actually running away from
not looking at?
And it doesn't mean diving intoall the emotional stuff, but I
mean, just as a logical thing,to begin questioning are there
(08:43):
certain things that I know I'mavoiding, or I know it's not
working, or patterns orbehaviors that no longer excite
me or are not doing anything forme, and have I actually sat
with myself to say, okay, can Itake ownership of that?
Or just look at it for what itis.
It doesn't mean trying to haveall the solutions of creating
all that change overnight.
You and I both know that's nothow it works, but so often we
(09:03):
get caught up in just theday-to-day runnings of any of
our lives.
We're just going from a to b toc to d, week to week.
So I think it's actually thefirst step is to take a step
back and, I think, try to takeownership.
Why is our system presenting itin this way now?
Is there patterns orfamiliarities of when this
showed up previously in my lifeand where would the changes have
(09:27):
happened then that actuallyevolved it into feeling more
motivated or neutral?
And the reason why I'm sayingthat is because you and I both
know with human behaviors andpatterns, they tend to repeat
many times throughout our lives.
So even if we might be undervery different circumstances
today, the ways in which ourmind, body, emotions actually
communicate with us doesn'tchange and evolve all that much,
(09:49):
but our interpretation of itcan, as we continue to grow
throughout life.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
What I would like to say to that is I think there's
some key common factors that weneed to talk about when it comes
to this lack of motivation thatyou're talking about, and of
course, for me it's always bestto break it down in, you know,
using my life as an example,because it just makes more sense
to me.
So if we're talking aboutemotional depletion, I can say
(10:17):
quite honestly, throughout mylife, because there was so much
fear for various reasons, thatthere was a lot of emotional
depletion and a lot of unmetemotional needs, both in
childhood, from the exteriorsources and also throughout my
life, from myself, not evenknowing how to meet those
(10:40):
emotional needs that I mighthave needed, you know, or how to
get support for myself or howto be connected, for lack of a
better way of saying it.
So that's one of the thingsthat could bring out.
Then from that always bleeds onthe burnout factor.
So for me I would be like abull in the China shop.
(11:01):
You know I'd go at it so hardfor so long that physically, my
body would just want to stop.
You know it'd just be like Ican't.
Or if I did stop, that's whenmy body would get sick, because
it would be like I'd push sohard for so long.
And I can even remember one ofthe one of my first teachers
saying to me you know, one of myfirst teachers saying to me you
(11:23):
know, it's not about pushingthe wheelbarrow uphill, it's
about stopping and finding outwhat you really want to do.
But I didn't know that, I wasjust constantly in the push
forward mode.
And then, of course, you know,as you and I both talked about
we always talk about how we allhave that negative self-talk
(11:45):
that it's not necessarily a badthing.
Sometimes it can be a goodthing, but most people don't
have a clue what to do with thatif they start to even recognize
it.
And then, like I said at thevery beginning, one of the other
factors comes down to that fearand that overwhelm.
So I can tell you as anex-addict and I say this all the
(12:07):
time when I hear people say itwhat's the point?
I go, oh, that's a war cry ofan addict, for sure.
Because it's like you feel likeyou try and try and try and try
and try.
You get nowhere.
So then you revert back to thatoverwhelmed.
Well, I don't know what thepoint is, because I don't seem
to be getting anywhere.
And that's just a few.
(12:30):
Those are just some of themajor ones that come up for me
when we've talked about thisover the years, and it is
breaking them.
But all four of those thingsare the four things I've listed.
Breaking them down and findingout where we each sit with each
one of those, if not all of themat the same time, is what I was
going to say.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Yeah, and I think that's why it is an interesting
topic, because it's such a largespectrum to cover of why anyone
can feel motivated orunmotivated or anything in
between.
And I think that's what'sinteresting, especially when
you're on that journey of at acertain age, we start exploring
(13:11):
self and questioning, becausethe reasons which a lot of us
were motivated or unmotivatedcome down to what we've been
exposed to, maybe some of thetraumas that we discussed there
that people can experience.
But then when we're followingthat playbook of life, of what's
expected from us, a lot of usare just following what we think
we have to do.
And therefore, when you get toa certain age where you're
starting to question thisplaybook isn't working for me
(13:32):
and we feel like we have to domore and more, then it comes up
I'm having a midlife crisis.
Why am I not motivated?
Why there's something missing?
So then it does force us backto actually have to question
this playbook we'd all beentaught to follow for such a long
period of our lives.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I couldn't agree more with that, because that seems
to be a huge thing.
You know, I know in the circlesthat I've run around in, we've
often said we've been sold theCinderella story or we've been
sold the success story.
You know, both being differentbut the same in some ways.
The Cinderella story is, youknow, I'm going to grow up and
meet my Prince Charming andeverything's going to be
(14:08):
wonderful and I'm going to haveget married and have 2.5 kids
and my life will be fantastic.
Or I have to get out there andbe a success and if I get to the
top of my career and then I'mearning X amount of dollars and
I can provide for my family andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
then that's when I'm going to besuccessful and happy.
And I'm not saying that theyare not formulas for success for
(14:32):
some people, because somepeople will do that and will be
very happy, but I would say themajority of people.
that is where they findthemselves questioning quite a
bit.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
But when the shoe doesn't fit.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yes when the shoe doesn't fit.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yes when the shoe doesn't fit, that's when you
know you're in trouble andbecause, as you said, it does
work for some people, it doesn'twork for everyone and that's a
really hard pill to swallow whenyou've invested so many years
of your life into trying to makethat shoe fit and you only end
up ever really hurting yourselfand sometimes hurting the people
around you unintentionally.
(15:07):
But that is a part of theexperience I think most of us
have been through in differenttimes in our life in different
ways.
So I think for a long time a lotof us were motivated to fit in
and to try to be normal and tryto be accepted, and that only
really takes us so far before werealize actually this isn't
feeding us internally, in whichwe were told how it should, and
(15:28):
that's where a few differentworlds start to collide because,
as you were saying, what wewere told versus it actually
being compared to our experienceof that reality is two very
different things.
So something's not adding upand we all have buried that fact
for a period of time.
But then it grows legs.
So I think that automaticallyaffects our ability to be
(15:53):
motivated or not motivated,because we can get more
motivated to run from it fasterand bury ourselves and do more
stuff, or we can, moreunmotivated because we're
depressed or we're leaning intocertain addictions or we're
trying to shut ourselves down insome ways.
But you don't hear many peopletalking about that middle ground
of actually.
(16:14):
What does that mean for self onthis journey?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Well, I think that's the bigger part of it.
When I started waking up tosome of this, just the reality
that that's not what life wasgoing to be like, was depleted
by motivation in quite a bigways.
Because it's that depletion ofthe emotional hope and and uh,
I've been working so hard forthis and now this isn't going to
(16:37):
happen.
Or you know, it's one of thethings I talk with some of my
clients so much about.
Is we get to a certain age andwe go wait a minute, I don't
have the white picket fence.
Or I have the white picketfence and I have the husband and
I have the kids, or the wifeand the kids.
Why am I feeling so bad insideof myself and why does it feel
(17:02):
so hard to get up and go to workevery day when I have what I'm
supposed to be excited about?
And I think that can be.
That's the emotional depletionin itself, because there's so
much confusion around waking upto some of these things that
we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
But once that clicks in your brain you can't go back.
Like a lot of the things wetalk about in this podcast, like
once it resonates it it changeseverything, but yet we don't
have all the information to knowhow to enact it.
So we kind of feel like in a noman's land, especially when we
have been running these patternsof behaviors for decades of our
lives and especially when thepeople around you or that you're
with on a day-to-day basis hadthat hasn't clicked for them in
(17:41):
the same way it just clicked foryou.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
That's challenging can be very challenging, so how?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
can that be motivating?
It's not.
That's not talked about.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It's not.
And then there's the factor ofand I'm not putting down
anybody's family, but I thinkit's really important.
We grow up in a culture and,depending on the culture that we
grow up in, there's a certainlevel of expectation.
Let's just say you're raised ina family that have two
workaholics.
Well, now you just grow upnaturally thinking that's what
(18:14):
you do is work all the time,because that's what a successful
person is, if that's what yourmodel was.
And then you start running someof those negative narratives if
you don't want to be working allthe time, because those people
that we grew up with seem toreally enjoy it and seem to is
the important factor here,because I don't know if anybody
(18:36):
really enjoys working all of thetime, because it can be very
addictive or it can be a runningaway thing.
Some people do enjoy it.
I'm just saying, when you getto that phase where this stuff
is starting to show up andyou're starting to question
yourself, it's amazing hownegative the narrative can get
(18:56):
and how quickly the emotionsfeel burnt out because you
haven't ever been dealing withthem, you don't want to deal
with them, and now we're lookingat changing the fundamental
belief system that we grew upwith?
And how do I do that?
Because that seems impossible.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
But I think that's what's interesting about it is
that we're motivated until we'renot and what I mean by that is
that was what I was sayingearlier is that it's like you
were happy in your marriageuntil you weren't Kim.
When we were motivated for thatperiod of time and it made
sense for us we were goingthrough, that was the journey we
(19:34):
were on with the experienceswe're meant to have with those
people.
But what a lot of us strugglewith is that when change comes
around, of when we start feelingunmotivated and it brings up
these emotions, we often don'tknow what to do with that,
because all of a sudden we'renow running off this playbook
that we've been trying to runwith and then we're confused
because it was like wait asecond, but this playbook worked
(19:56):
for a while.
So maybe this just is a phaseI'm going through that I can
bury, amongst other things butthis is my point is that when
we're motivated, it's anindicator of what's going on in
our lives and mind, body,emotions.
When we're unmotivated, it's anindicator of what's going on in
our lives and mind, body,emotions and the people around
us.
But when we don't know how toread those indicators, of course
(20:17):
we're going to feel lost, and Ithink that's when, like any of
us, we push ourselves intoextreme positions or into
extreme extreme cases in hopesto find a resolution of some
kind, but actually just ends upputting us through more
traumatic experiences andputting more stress and strain
on ourselves and the peoplearound us.
So you can see why people areconfused about the basis of
(20:42):
understanding what motivatesthem and what stops them from
feeling motivated or just atpeace in life.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Well, I also think the confusing factor.
I agree 100% with what you said, but I think the other
confusing factor that happensand I state this all the time
when I'm working with clients alot of our belief systems,
things that drive us, wereformed when we were very young,
and so we're trying to operateoff a system that worked when we
(21:12):
were, you know, five, six,seven, eight, nine or 10, you
know, and we were witnessingwhat we thought were our parents
being very happy or our parentsnot being very happy.
So we're either shooting forthat or trying to move against
that, and we're thinking that,because we started this quest at
such a young age, when we getto this point that you're
(21:32):
talking about and we don't knowhow to read the indicators,
we're completely lost becauseit's like, well, now what You're
telling me, that everythingthat I learned prior to this is
no longer working.
So how do I make anything workif I couldn't even make the
simple thing work that Iwitnessed growing up?
(21:53):
And I know I myself have feltthat at times in life.
And it can be very confusingbecause you're like, well, I
know we're all working on aspiritual journey here, but it
can get very confusing.
And how do you find that whichis going to shift that?
How can you start to shift thebelief systems?
(22:14):
How can you start to move intoa new modus operandus that is
going to work for you?
And how do you even begin tofind that for some people, it's
in admitting that the currentsystem that we're running isn't
working.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Why?
Because life's already beentrying to tell you in your own
way for an extended period oftime.
Now, now, and that is why.
Then you see, in any of oursystems and we can all look back
in our lives and have examplesof this, of when there are the
mental symptoms, the emotionalsymptoms, the physical symptoms
and I know you'd mention a fewas well but when we lose
(22:50):
interest in a lot of differentareas of life that we used to
bring us a lot of joy, and eventhat is with our partner, with
our kids, with our career, withthe basic of hobbies that used
to actually fulfill us in someway, if it's suddenly becoming
so much work in every which way,that is our system trying to
give us information aboutourselves that we don't know how
(23:10):
to read or recognize, as wewere talking about.
But then, as you mentioned atthe start of the podcast, was
even the physical symptoms offeeling fatigued or restlessness
, or just a detachment or aheaviness in the physical body.
I think is actually we justfeel weighed down about basic
day-to-day tasks, no matter whatwe do.
We just can't seem to shift it,and then I think this is the
(23:30):
one that most people are gonnais the emotional flags that come
along from it, of just the moodswings and irritability and not
really feeling connected toanything or anyone.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And I think it's really important to say here
that what a lot of people in ourmodern society think that we
need to do if we hit any ofthese things you just spoke
about is they want to throw thebaby out with the bathwater Okay
, well, it must be my whole life.
I need to get divorced, changemy life, I need to do an eat,
pray, love, blah, blah, blah.
I need to throw it all away andstart fresh again, and that is
(24:03):
not what we're saying.
You know, these are basicallylike warning lights.
If this is happening, then weneed to go deeper within
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, and we're also not saying this is all just to
do with motivation, as well,right right.
We're just saying how this ismulti-multi-layered, depending
on the person, and this is whyit needs the respect and it
deserves such.
It needs to be explored.
It's an indicator, I think, inpractical, day-to-day life
although there's a lot moregoing on underneath the surface
(24:35):
that we were never taught how torecognize and then, even if we
do or are able to recognize thatwe were never taught how to
recognize and then, even if wedo or are able to recognize that
we don't know how to deal withit or how to start that journey
with it, and that's a very scaryand intimidating process for
any person, especially at thestart, because, again, very few
people welcome change with openarms very few, very few.
(24:58):
And even when you recognizelife's all about change, you're
still met with resistance, nomatter how long you're on this
journey.
But I think understanding theseindicators and now being able
to enact some of these smallsteps that we're going to get
into can be incredibly helpful.
It's about diving into it,understanding it, being more
patient with it and creatingspace for self.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yes, and knowing I think we have to put the other
caveat in here of knowing thatthere can be a fine line.
Like you said, it'smulti-layered, it's not just
about motivation that if some ofthose things are happening for
you and you are looking at itand not finding an answer, of
course you want to seek outsidehelp because it could be an
indicator of other things.
(25:42):
But for this particularconversation we're just talking
about the motivational side ofthings.
And so then, you know, I'd loveto say it's like oh well, the
smoke alarm went off.
All I have to do is hit thebutton and stop it and say false
alarm and move forward, if it'sever that easy, you know.
And so it's not just a switch.
(26:03):
We're going to flip and thatwe're going to be back being
motivated.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, but I think that's what's interesting about
any area of our own lives isthat when these indicators come
up, it's because that's oursystem telling us oh look,
there's something new here tolearn about yourself.
Yes, and this is why it'shappening.
So, and that doesn't go away,and nor will that ever stop
until any of our last breath,and I think that if we had been
(26:29):
taught that since we were two,it would have helped, that's for
sure.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
It would have helped and I think, bearing in mind
that whenever we're learningsomething new or exploring
something new and I think,bearing in mind that whenever
we're learning something new orexploring something new, we
don't have the insight or theability to do it very quickly,
it's about, okay, this is ajourney of really unpacking,
finding out what it is thatreally needs to be looked at and
explored and maybe start tohave a shift in a different
(26:57):
direction, if that's what'sright for you, and that has to
happen in little, tiny babysteps most of the time.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Yep, let's take a step back from this week's
episode and share with everyonewhat we've been up to behind the
scenes.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
We're really excited to be able to finally offer the
Gareth Michael community to eachof you.
The community offers a range ofbenefitsareth Michael community
to each of you, the communityoffers a range of benefits,
including access to our liveevents, weekly podcast episodes,
articles, self-checkingquestions, as well as a
community of individuals you canconnect with and interact with
along the way.
It's designed to offer yousupport, guidance and a safe
(27:37):
space on a day-to-day basis.
We'd love to have you join ourglobal community of like-minded
individuals.
That website address again, iswwwgarethmichaelcom.
Now let's get back to thatepisode, shall we?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
But it also happens as we talked about even in some
of the previous episodes, kimthat it is a part of our
spiritual path into when thesethings unfold in front of us and
are meant to explore it, and Ithink that's another reason to
why we get very demotivatedabout our own lives is because
our energy doesn't want us toadd new experiences to our life
(28:17):
for new people.
When there's so much about whatwe currently haven't processed
that we need to do the journeywith, with the people around us
or from our past experiences ortraumas, that how, why would our
system motivate us to add tothat of which we don't already
understand?
And I think that's not sayingthat's the root of all way of
(28:37):
why motivation is lacking.
But I'm saying there's so manymulti reasons to why our energy
is asking us to do it now andnot 20 years ago.
But this is where being able tounderstand the language of self
and do that journey, you see, ofwhy in any given year, any of
any part of our lives, why themotivation fluctuates depending
on our experiences or the thingswe're dealing with.
(28:58):
Not dealing with takingresponsibility, with not taking
responsibility with you seewhere I'm going with this, but
that's where there's signalsthat we've never been.
It's a language we haven't beentaught, so that's why we
actually can't be angry atourselves or the people around
us, and thus we're having thatlittle bit of self-compassion
and, as you said, taking alittle step at a time becomes so
(29:18):
important to have patience, tolearn about ourselves, because
none of this has been taught tous, but that's where the growth
is in it for us all.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
And I think, the other factor to be aware of and
which I didn't understand formany years, because I started
getting clean and sober at sucha young age and, of course, I
wanted all the information thenand what I didn't know.
And I think it's so funny andcliche that we talk about
midlife crisis.
I don't really think it's amidlife crisis.
I think it's kind of a midlifewaking up period, and the reason
(29:51):
for that is, you know, in my20s, even though I wanted it all
, did I have the emotionalcapacity to understand it?
Had I had the experiences thatI needed to have within myself
and others, to have the patienceto look within?
Because at that stage I wasstill definitely blaming the
without.
So there's so many things thatgo into it, and some people do
(30:14):
start this journey earlier thanothers, and that's just because
that's what's right for them.
But if it's not happening atthe speed you want it to, to
understand that it is a processthat we go through, and it is a
process of unlearning andstarting to know ourselves.
Like if you had told me in mytwenties I mean, the only thing
(30:36):
I would have agreed with in mytwenties when, with what the
information that was coming atme was that maybe my spiritual
beliefs were different than whatmy parents believed and that I
knew that I could agree withthat but if you were to tell me
that I needed to change my workethics, I would have said no, no
, no, no.
I can't do that.
(30:56):
This is a core value.
I've got to go.
I've got to do it this way.
I didn't have that capacity toexplore what was driving it at
that point, and so I thinkthat's one of the things that
I'm saying that when our systemdoes start to set off the alarms
, and that we are starting tolook at it, understanding that
(31:19):
we're only going to be able togo as far as our emotional,
spiritual and physical maturityallows us to in those moments,
and then even that can be achallenge, because we're going
to start to challenge some ofhow we've been operating in the
world, what our belief systemsare, what our value systems are,
for a long period of time.
(31:41):
I don't think many people evenlook at that.
They just have inheriteddifferent belief systems and
values and believe well, this isgoing to work for my parents,
of course, it will work for me,of course.
This is what they taught me inschool, so I've just got to go
ahead and do it instead of goingwhat really works for you, and
I think that's a really, reallybig thing.
(32:03):
And then, if someone has beenrunning those negative
narratives, not like me at all,the ability to have compassion
while you're going through thislearning experience becomes
another one of those challenges,because we need to have
compassion while you're goingthrough this learning experience
becomes another one of thosechallenges, because we need to
have compassion.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
But I think this was so hard about.
Even what you're saying is thateven when we know we should
start questioning some of thethings we inherited from our
parents or we were taught inschool.
It's such the forbidden fruit ofwhat we want to ever ask why
and, as we both, both know thatbrings up a lot of fear in
ourselves and in other people.
And then there comes theconditioning and there comes the
(32:44):
change.
And that is a huge undertakingand but that is the journey for
a lot of people.
But you can understand theconfusion or the resistance and
why, why the why questions areso forbidden?
Because it automaticallycreates change and new
understandings that you know arethe making of any of us.
(33:05):
But with that it does come withits own waves.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
I'm just speaking for myself and what my journey had
been.
There's so many times when youjust go, I just really, can I
just go back to what I know,because that's easier, until you
get to that point.
Can I just go back to what Iknow, because that's easier,
until you get to that pointwhere you can't go back to what
you know.
And then it makes it even morefrustrating because you're like,
well, I can't go back and Ihave no idea how to go forward.
(33:30):
And so, and maybe that's part ofthat whole experience is,
sometimes we just have to sitwhere we are, and that is an
unfolding in itself.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Not being motivated.
Being motivated and being inthe middle, I actually think, is
a gift because it gives us thespace to actually process.
But when you don't know how toquestion what you need to be
processing while in that space,it can become confusing, it can
become purgatory yes, oh yeah,oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
That's a really.
Maybe that's what they mean bypurgatory we're not getting into
that no, we're not, but yes, itcan feel like that.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
I can attest to that it's like the logical mind
doesn't know where to go with itbecause it hasn't had the
training, so to speak, of wheredo I go with this.
It doesn't mean the experienceitself is wrong, but that's
what's interesting about thegrowth that's needed in that
moment in time.
But, once again, where does anyof us go when I go to Michael,
but where does the people go inorder to actually question what
(34:32):
is this about?
Do you know what I mean?
Because that's what we oftentalk about in any of these
episodes.
These are normal experiences weall go through in a given day
and we all accept we all gothrough them, but do any of us
talk to each other about it?
It's not.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
It's crazy how we don't.
It's crazy how people areridiculed or mocked, shamed or
whatever words you want to useif they are going to someone to
help them sort it out thatthere's somehow something wrong
with you, if you would like tohave some outside input as to
how to work through some ofthese things that you've been
banging your head against thewall for years on and haven't
(35:10):
come up with a solution.
But you wouldn't say that ifyou didn't know how to fix
something, because I knowtoday's society, you don't know
how to fix something because Iknow today's society you don't
know how to fix something.
First thing they do is go togoogle and then they go to
youtube and they're quite happyto get the health there from
somebody else who's already beenthrough it to find out what's
going on.
So why is it different?
When it comes to our personalgrowth as well, you know, and if
(35:32):
we could help shift thatmentality, just in itself would
be amazing.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, I think we should dive into where people
should start if they areexperiencing anything we talked
about there, either if they arefeeling extremely motivated,
very unmotivated in certainareas of their life, or maybe
there's an in-between purgatoryplace that we talked about is
that.
Where do we start in exploringthat for any of us as
(35:59):
individuals?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Well, you know, I know the first thing that some
people would say is to lean onfriends and family members, but
I don't think I would recommendthat, mainly because the first
thing they're going to tell youis you're probably depressed, go
to the doctor and get someantidepressants.
And that might not necessarilybe the case, but you do want to
reach out and start finding somesupport somewhere.
(36:23):
I think that would be one of thefirst steps because, like we
said, it is very multi-layered.
We want to make sure that we'reworking on the right thing at
the right time.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Yep, I think what I would say is that if we're
becoming aware of that realitywithin us, it's our system
preparing us for a change thatis needed in our time, in our
lives.
It signals that our system istelling us in mind, body,
emotions in different ways, formultiple of different reasons.
That is saying, can we pleasego explore this in a safe
(36:55):
environment with experts, withinformation that's going to help
make connections withinourselves to allow us to move
forward and grow.
That is why we're experiencingit in that way, because, as I
said, there's pros and cons tobeing unmotivated and there's
pros and cons to being extremelymotivated, and to me, it's that
, regardless of what signals arebeing sent, you have to
(37:17):
understand why they're beingsent and from what part of you
is it coming from.
Because I know, if I wake uptomorrow and I'm extremely
motivated, there's a part of methat knows, five days from now,
I'm going to be burnt out,because this is actually too
much for my system.
This isn't sustainable, right?
So why am I suddenly ready totake on the world today, knowing
my history four days from now?
(37:40):
good point this isn't going tobe sustainable.
So therefore, my system'sactually trying to tell me
something.
Even though this feels good tobe super motivated, it's like no
one ever questions why theyfeel happy.
It's like I'm just happy, soI'm going to enjoy it, but no
one's like why am I feeling thisincredible lightness and
happiness today?
But then the next day, ifthey're feeling down, sad or
depressed, they're all questionsof where this is coming from
(38:02):
and how do I get rid of it.
So this is where it's aboutbalancing the books, of
understanding both sides of thatequation, because you have that
responsibility to yourself, butI'm not saying that any of
those answers come naturally toany of us.
So therefore, starting smalland going to people that we can
trust and who do have a level ofexpertise to be able to guide
(38:24):
you in that process becomes veryimportant, as we talk about
often on this podcast.
But I do think also, it's onlywhen we have a level of routine
I know a lot of us do haveroutines in our day-to-day lives
of the disease that we have todo in a given day.
I think, actually, if we'retalking about motivation in this
particular episode, questioningwhat parts of the different
(38:45):
tasks on on our, on our givenday-to-day do we feel more
motivated to do versus lessmotivated to do, and actually
ask why is that?
It's a very simple exercise andit can be about the simplest
things of brushing your teeth,walking the dog, making food,
like do I feel motivated orunmotivated or feel nothing
about it?
I just think it's important toquestion, to explore in the
(39:10):
tiniest of ways, because theyare the small wins of
understanding self,understanding those signals and
indicators that we're talkingabout in this episode.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
It's not always about diving into the deep stuff from
the past, because we're tryingto make the communication with
self on a day-to-day basis todayeasier, and that could be such
a rewarding feeling for any ofus but I think it's also
questioning the times that so,for example, you have a goal or
(39:39):
something that you want to reachand you find yourself motivated
to do everything but that, andso you know that doesn't have to
be deep either.
It can indicate that there's afear.
It can indicate that you'removing in the wrong direction.
It can indicate that you justdon't understand the task at
(40:00):
hand.
It can indicate so manydifferent things.
But until we start asking thequestions as to why we're
avoiding that or more motivatedto do other things than this,
will we ever find answers towhat we're looking for?
And then, I think, will we everfind answers to what we're
looking for?
And then I think, you know,Garrett, the other thing is that
(40:21):
we've been taught not to do.
Is, you know, reallyacknowledging and starting to
give ourselves a pat on the backand celebrate when we do have
the little wins that feel good,and I'm not talking about goals
here either.
Oh, you know what?
I managed to do some self-caretoday.
I actually stayed in bed anextra half an hour because I was
tired.
Let me just give myself a paton the back here because I
(40:44):
actually took care of me today.
It's not an excuse to stay inbed all day.
It's just that reallycelebrating oh, I've never done
that before.
It's really good that I can seeI needed that extra 30 minutes
of sleep.
Whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
And wanting to actually question those
different patterns or behaviorsor routines that we have, even
in the smallest of ways, isshowing ourselves that we're
curious to want to make thosechanges, or we're listening to
those indicators.
And it is by trial and error aswell.
If we know we're repeating thesame thing over and over again,
it's not giving us big, betterresults than just even the
(41:23):
willingness to do something alittle different and give it a
go.
That is a small win.
And even you said, even if itis something about giving
ourselves that extra 30 minutesif we know our bodies are
depleted, or making more timefor ourselves in a different way
, or just having a curiosity towant to research a certain thing
of why do I do this or why do Ido that, or having questions to
explore mind, body, emotions.
(41:44):
By doing that, you're listeningto the indicators of what our
system is trying to send us andI always feel like our system
does reward us or thank us insmall ways when we actually take
the time to do that.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Yeah, and I think the other point is just like with
everything else in life, it'snever full on or full off.
It always comes with ups anddowns.
It always comes ebbs and flows,and that is just the normal
rhythm of life as we're growing.
And I think the key thing Iwould like to say, as someone
(42:18):
who was extremely motivated outof fear for a very long period
of time and also lived to veryhigh expectations it's not a
failure if the motivation ebbsat some point.
It could be one of yourgreatest successes, because it
might be the indicator that youfinally turn around and learn
(42:41):
something about yourself thatyou might not have ever learned
if you kept going the way you'vebeen.
So it's never.
You know, I love saying thatfailure is the first attempt in
learning, and so if you want tolabel it a failure, fine, but do
it with that acronym in mind,that, oh, it's here to teach me
something.
It's my first attempt atlearning.
(43:01):
That didn't work.
What do I need to change?
What do I need to dodifferently?
And then, how do I move forwardfrom there?
It's one of the key things Iwould like to say about it,
because we are so used tobeating ourselves up.
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
And I do think it's important to emphasize what
you're saying there, that it'snot failure when we feel
unmotivated or we don't want toturn up for life in certain days
, when certain tasks feel harderthan they did in the day before
.
As I was saying throughout thisepisode, I do feel as though it
is our system trying to get usto look at things from a
(43:36):
different perspective ordifferent angles.
So when we're feelingunmotivated or in that neutral
space, it's because our systemis asking for, like, a time out
of life or a break in order togive you a healing and
processing time.
But it's not your fault.
You don't know how to questionlife or what you've been through
when the energy or your systemputs you in that space to
(43:56):
process and I think it took me along time to learn that and
then, with that information,then, naturally, bit by bit, you
stop beating yourself up, youstop being hard on yourself, you
stop running that negative biasas much, and then, when it does
run, you know why it runs.
Yes, therefore, you can see thepurpose of motivation and
(44:17):
sometimes there are the lack ofwhen it comes to this human
experience or journey.
So, like any of these things,when you understand why it
happens.
It can be the gift of growthwhen understood.
Very well said.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,then you might want to check out
our online community.
We built it to offer you thecomfort of having a supportive
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(44:54):
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To learn more about ourcommunity, please go to
wwwgarethmichaelcom.
Thanks again, and I hope youguys are having a lovely week.
Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast.
We are so excited to have youon this journey with us, where
we explore all elements of mind,body, emotions and soul through
the lens of everyday life.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello Kim.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
I'm doing good.
How are you doing this morning?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm doing okay this morning.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I have a question for you.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Are you feeling motivated?
Oh, that's such an interestingquestion hint, hint, the topic
of this week's episode I cantell it's going to be the topic
of this week's episode.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
You know I've just come off of a few days of
feeling unwell, so no, I am notmotivated at this moment let's
see can we turn that around bythe end of this episode.
Sure, let's hopefully we can,let's do that.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
So for this week's episode, we're going to be
talking about motivation andsometimes why we can feel
unmotivated, because I do thinkthat is a universal experience
we all go through, but it'snever talked out, like many of
the topics that we discuss onthis podcast, and I think there
might be some interesting anglesof having that open discussion
of why we go through thatexperience as human beings and
(01:31):
maybe what are some of thehidden messages behind
experiencing that itself.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Okay, so basically you're saying it's not just
laziness.
Is that what you're telling me?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Not all the time.
Okay, you have to add somewiggle room.
Sometimes it might be laziness,but no, not all the time.
Okay, you have to add somewiggle room.
Sometimes it might be laziness,but no, not all the time.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Okay, I'll be interesting to hear this episode
because it will probably lightup some bells for me.
So let's talk about why, on ourspiritual podcast, are we going
to cover lack of motivation orfeeling unmotivated.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Let's just dive right in, okay.
So I think, when it comes toeither being very motivated or
very unmotivated, there's prosand cons to both sides of it,
because when you see somebody'sincredibly motivated, incredibly
driven, of course that can be athing you want to support and
encourage in people, but thenwe've all seen in different ways
(02:24):
how that person could berunning from a lot also, or
trying to prove a lot of thingsto the world around them and to
themselves.
Okay Right, and then you'regoing to have someone who's
incredibly unmotivated, but theycould also have a lot of trauma
and difficult relationship withthemselves, with their mind,
their emotions, their body, andtherefore they're actually not
able to get into a space to bemotivated for themselves, even
(02:47):
in things they know they shoulddo or need to do for themselves
or the people around them.
It's very hard to understand.
Okay then, what is the middleground?
Because I think everyone intheir own way experiences
moments or periods of feelingmotivated or being motivated,
and then, of course, theopposite also.
So I think it's that when we'refeeling extremely motivated, it
(03:09):
gets to a stage where thatperson turns to burn out in some
way in mind, body, emotions,which life?
That's life's way of getting usto address or look at certain
things from our past or thingsgoing on in present day, and or
if we're feeling incrediblyunmotivated and we keep
repeating those same cycles,that's life's way of also
telling us that change is alsonecessary in a different way, to
(03:30):
explore self also.
So I think both, in their ownunique ways, get us to look at
certain areas of our lives andto create change present day.
That is needed.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Okay.
So in that you spoke to quite abit for me, in the fact that I
would say 90 of my life and themotivation in my life has been a
driving factor, is what what Iwould call it.
So it's what's got me out ofbed in the morning, it's got me
what's going, uh, and what wasbehind that?
(04:01):
Sometimes fear, sometimestrying to prove myself,
sometimes the trauma sometimes,but it was definitely a moving
away energy and moving it becamemoving towards something.
But I would say, when you havebeen using that for a long
(04:22):
period of time, when you stopusing that, it's a very big
pendulum swing.
Personal experience here.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Which I don't know if I've recovered from the other
side of the pendulum yet.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I feel like it's like a swinging wrecking ball.
It is like a swinging wreckingball.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
That is exactly what it feels like, Gareth.
And I mean we can laugh, butthat is what it feels like,
because it used to be not aproblem for me to be motivated,
but it was what drove me, youknow, and I think it was
probably more fear driven thananything else.
Yes, but now that that is notthere, it's like I can't light a
(05:04):
fire.
If my life depended on it, I'msure I could, but you know what
I'm saying.
It's like it's very hardbecause part of what's going on
and I know you and I are goingto talk about it, but I know
I've been through the emotionalburnout and I do feel like I've
done a lot of the work on theemotional burnout the drive is
(05:26):
not there anymore, and I thinkthat scares people.
If the drive disappears, whatthen motivates you?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Well, I think, depending on the person is that
if you're not extremelymotivated and you're not
extremely unmotivated and you'resomewhere in the middle, you
could argue you're actually atpeace, but that scares people
because they've never been therebefore, there before, right.
But yeah, we're still on thisjourney of growth in this
lifetime because you and I talkabout on this podcast.
So much is that, as long as wehave breath in our body, we're
here to grow in some way, shapeor form.
(05:55):
So I think, as we were talkingabout, if you take any
individual in different stagesin their life, when they're
extremely motivated or extremelyunmotivated, it's all excuse my
language a big mixing pot ofcrap in there, depending on
where that pendulum actuallyswings.
But depending on where thatpendulum is, exposes us to a
(06:15):
whole new world of experiencesas an individual and exposes us
to different people along theway that have a huge impact on
our present day and the peoplewe end up becoming.
So I think you can honestly saythat from a spiritual
perspective throughout lookingback on our own individual lives
.
But I think what's interestingabout it is that trying to
understand and listening to ourthe language of our mind, body,
(06:37):
emotions, present day, tounderstand why it is present
today in the way it is, let itbe being extremely motivated,
unmotivated or kind of likeyourself and in between place,
or what is the message here?
And how do I run and grow withthat?
And I think that's where a lotof us are at a loss, because
even when we're willing toexplore it, it kind of feels
like the message is being keptfrom me even when I'm trying to
(07:00):
look for it right?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
yes, yes, most definitely it feels like that,
and so I think it's veryinteresting for people who are
going through it, because if Iwasn't as aware as I am and done
the level of work on myself, Iwould probably just think that I
was very lazy or depressed orsomething was really wrong with
(07:24):
me if I was feeling thosefeelings, whereas I know that,
okay, this is a period ofsomething that's going on.
I need to pay attention to whatthat is and how is that
directly affecting what I meantto be growing from in this
moment?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
So I think it's amazing in all the different
ways we can weaponize beingmotivated and non-motivated to
run away from self Absolutely.
So the point is we can saywe're so motivated waking up
tomorrow, but we're busy doingall the wrong things because
we're avoiding the growth weknow we need to do that's going
to challenge us and actuallyforce us to face some of our
fears or to actually havecertain conversations.
(08:01):
Or the other side of it is thatif we're feeling depressed,
don't have an energy, want toavoid, then we're also not
necessarily growing in thatsense either and we're shutting
ourselves down.
So it's never ceased to amazeme with people I've worked with
and in my own life, of howcreative we can subconsciously
get in our own ways to avoid theareas that we need to grow in.
(08:21):
So therefore, I think itbecomes an interesting place to
be like if I'm questioning thisnow, in this time of my life, of
why I'm either motivated orunmotivated.
What are the potential thingsI'm actually running away from
not looking at?
And it doesn't mean diving intoall the emotional stuff, but I
mean, just as a logical thing,to begin questioning are there
(08:43):
certain things that I know I'mavoiding, or I know it's not
working, or patterns orbehaviors that no longer excite
me or are not doing anything forme, and have I actually sat
with myself to say, okay, can Itake ownership of that?
Or just look at it for what itis.
It doesn't mean trying to haveall the solutions of creating
all that change overnight.
You and I both know that's nothow it works, but so often we
(09:03):
get caught up in just theday-to-day runnings of any of
our lives.
We're just going from a to b toc to d, week to week.
So I think it's actually thefirst step is to take a step
back and, I think, try to takeownership.
Why is our system presenting itin this way now?
Is there patterns orfamiliarities of when this
showed up previously in my lifeand where would the changes have
(09:27):
happened then that actuallyevolved it into feeling more
motivated or neutral?
And the reason why I'm sayingthat is because you and I both
know with human behaviors andpatterns, they tend to repeat
many times throughout our lives.
So even if we might be undervery different circumstances
today, the ways in which ourmind, body, emotions actually
communicate with us doesn'tchange and evolve all that much,
(09:49):
but our interpretation of itcan, as we continue to grow
throughout life.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
What I would like to say to that is I think there's
some key common factors that weneed to talk about when it comes
to this lack of motivation thatyou're talking about, and of
course, for me it's always bestto break it down in, you know,
using my life as an example,because it just makes more sense
to me.
So if we're talking aboutemotional depletion, I can say
(10:17):
quite honestly, throughout mylife, because there was so much
fear for various reasons, thatthere was a lot of emotional
depletion and a lot of unmetemotional needs, both in
childhood, from the exteriorsources and also throughout my
life, from myself, not evenknowing how to meet those
(10:40):
emotional needs that I mighthave needed, you know, or how to
get support for myself or howto be connected, for lack of a
better way of saying it.
So that's one of the thingsthat could bring out.
Then from that always bleeds onthe burnout factor.
So for me I would be like abull in the China shop.
(11:01):
You know I'd go at it so hardfor so long that physically, my
body would just want to stop.
You know it'd just be like Ican't.
Or if I did stop, that's whenmy body would get sick, because
it would be like I'd push sohard for so long.
And I can even remember one ofthe one of my first teachers
saying to me you know, one of myfirst teachers saying to me you
(11:23):
know, it's not about pushingthe wheelbarrow uphill, it's
about stopping and finding outwhat you really want to do.
But I didn't know that, I wasjust constantly in the push
forward mode.
And then, of course, you know,as you and I both talked about
we always talk about how we allhave that negative self-talk
(11:45):
that it's not necessarily a badthing.
Sometimes it can be a goodthing, but most people don't
have a clue what to do with thatif they start to even recognize
it.
And then, like I said at thevery beginning, one of the other
factors comes down to that fearand that overwhelm.
So I can tell you as anex-addict and I say this all the
(12:07):
time when I hear people say itwhat's the point?
I go, oh, that's a war cry ofan addict, for sure.
Because it's like you feel likeyou try and try and try and try
and try.
You get nowhere.
So then you revert back to thatoverwhelmed.
Well, I don't know what thepoint is, because I don't seem
to be getting anywhere.
And that's just a few.
(12:30):
Those are just some of themajor ones that come up for me
when we've talked about thisover the years, and it is
breaking them.
But all four of those thingsare the four things I've listed.
Breaking them down and findingout where we each sit with each
one of those, if not all of themat the same time, is what I was
going to say.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Yeah, and I think that's why it is an interesting
topic, because it's such a largespectrum to cover of why anyone
can feel motivated orunmotivated or anything in
between.
And I think that's what'sinteresting, especially when
you're on that journey of at acertain age, we start exploring
(13:11):
self and questioning, becausethe reasons which a lot of us
were motivated or unmotivatedcome down to what we've been
exposed to, maybe some of thetraumas that we discussed there
that people can experience.
But then when we're followingthat playbook of life, of what's
expected from us, a lot of usare just following what we think
we have to do.
And therefore, when you get toa certain age where you're
starting to question thisplaybook isn't working for me
(13:32):
and we feel like we have to domore and more, then it comes up
I'm having a midlife crisis.
Why am I not motivated?
Why there's something missing?
So then it does force us backto actually have to question
this playbook we'd all beentaught to follow for such a long
period of our lives.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I couldn't agree more with that, because that seems
to be a huge thing.
You know, I know in the circlesthat I've run around in, we've
often said we've been sold theCinderella story or we've been
sold the success story.
You know, both being differentbut the same in some ways.
The Cinderella story is, youknow, I'm going to grow up and
meet my Prince Charming andeverything's going to be
(14:08):
wonderful and I'm going to haveget married and have 2.5 kids
and my life will be fantastic.
Or I have to get out there andbe a success and if I get to the
top of my career and then I'mearning X amount of dollars and
I can provide for my family andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
then that's when I'm going to besuccessful and happy.
And I'm not saying that theyare not formulas for success for
(14:32):
some people, because somepeople will do that and will be
very happy, but I would say themajority of people.
that is where they findthemselves questioning quite a
bit.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
But when the shoe doesn't fit.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yes when the shoe doesn't fit.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yes when the shoe doesn't fit, that's when you
know you're in trouble andbecause, as you said, it does
work for some people, it doesn'twork for everyone and that's a
really hard pill to swallow whenyou've invested so many years
of your life into trying to makethat shoe fit and you only end
up ever really hurting yourselfand sometimes hurting the people
around you unintentionally.
(15:07):
But that is a part of theexperience I think most of us
have been through in differenttimes in our life in different
ways.
So I think for a long time a lotof us were motivated to fit in
and to try to be normal and tryto be accepted, and that only
really takes us so far before werealize actually this isn't
feeding us internally, in whichwe were told how it should, and
(15:28):
that's where a few differentworlds start to collide because,
as you were saying, what wewere told versus it actually
being compared to our experienceof that reality is two very
different things.
So something's not adding upand we all have buried that fact
for a period of time.
But then it grows legs.
So I think that automaticallyaffects our ability to be
(15:53):
motivated or not motivated,because we can get more
motivated to run from it fasterand bury ourselves and do more
stuff, or we can, moreunmotivated because we're
depressed or we're leaning intocertain addictions or we're
trying to shut ourselves down insome ways.
But you don't hear many peopletalking about that middle ground
of actually.
(16:14):
What does that mean for self onthis journey?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Well, I think that's the bigger part of it.
When I started waking up tosome of this, just the reality
that that's not what life wasgoing to be like, was depleted
by motivation in quite a bigways.
Because it's that depletion ofthe emotional hope and and uh,
I've been working so hard forthis and now this isn't going to
(16:37):
happen.
Or you know, it's one of thethings I talk with some of my
clients so much about.
Is we get to a certain age andwe go wait a minute, I don't
have the white picket fence.
Or I have the white picketfence and I have the husband and
I have the kids, or the wifeand the kids.
Why am I feeling so bad insideof myself and why does it feel
(17:02):
so hard to get up and go to workevery day when I have what I'm
supposed to be excited about?
And I think that can be.
That's the emotional depletionin itself, because there's so
much confusion around waking upto some of these things that
we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
But once that clicks in your brain you can't go back.
Like a lot of the things wetalk about in this podcast, like
once it resonates it it changeseverything, but yet we don't
have all the information to knowhow to enact it.
So we kind of feel like in a noman's land, especially when we
have been running these patternsof behaviors for decades of our
lives and especially when thepeople around you or that you're
with on a day-to-day basis hadthat hasn't clicked for them in
(17:41):
the same way it just clicked foryou.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
That's challenging can be very challenging, so how?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
can that be motivating?
It's not.
That's not talked about.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It's not.
And then there's the factor ofand I'm not putting down
anybody's family, but I thinkit's really important.
We grow up in a culture and,depending on the culture that we
grow up in, there's a certainlevel of expectation.
Let's just say you're raised ina family that have two
workaholics.
Well, now you just grow upnaturally thinking that's what
(18:14):
you do is work all the time,because that's what a successful
person is, if that's what yourmodel was.
And then you start running someof those negative narratives if
you don't want to be working allthe time, because those people
that we grew up with seem toreally enjoy it and seem to is
the important factor here,because I don't know if anybody
(18:36):
really enjoys working all of thetime, because it can be very
addictive or it can be a runningaway thing.
Some people do enjoy it.
I'm just saying, when you getto that phase where this stuff
is starting to show up andyou're starting to question
yourself, it's amazing hownegative the narrative can get
(18:56):
and how quickly the emotionsfeel burnt out because you
haven't ever been dealing withthem, you don't want to deal
with them, and now we're lookingat changing the fundamental
belief system that we grew upwith?
And how do I do that?
Because that seems impossible.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
But I think that's what's interesting about it is
that we're motivated until we'renot and what I mean by that is
that was what I was sayingearlier is that it's like you
were happy in your marriageuntil you weren't Kim.
When we were motivated for thatperiod of time and it made
sense for us we were goingthrough, that was the journey we
(19:34):
were on with the experienceswe're meant to have with those
people.
But what a lot of us strugglewith is that when change comes
around, of when we start feelingunmotivated and it brings up
these emotions, we often don'tknow what to do with that,
because all of a sudden we'renow running off this playbook
that we've been trying to runwith and then we're confused
because it was like wait asecond, but this playbook worked
(19:56):
for a while.
So maybe this just is a phaseI'm going through that I can
bury, amongst other things butthis is my point is that when
we're motivated, it's anindicator of what's going on in
our lives and mind, body,emotions.
When we're unmotivated, it's anindicator of what's going on in
our lives and mind, body,emotions and the people around
us.
But when we don't know how toread those indicators, of course
(20:17):
we're going to feel lost, and Ithink that's when, like any of
us, we push ourselves intoextreme positions or into
extreme extreme cases in hopesto find a resolution of some
kind, but actually just ends upputting us through more
traumatic experiences andputting more stress and strain
on ourselves and the peoplearound us.
So you can see why people areconfused about the basis of
(20:42):
understanding what motivatesthem and what stops them from
feeling motivated or just atpeace in life.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Well, I also think the confusing factor.
I agree 100% with what you said, but I think the other
confusing factor that happensand I state this all the time
when I'm working with clients alot of our belief systems,
things that drive us, wereformed when we were very young,
and so we're trying to operateoff a system that worked when we
(21:12):
were, you know, five, six,seven, eight, nine or 10, you
know, and we were witnessingwhat we thought were our parents
being very happy or our parentsnot being very happy.
So we're either shooting forthat or trying to move against
that, and we're thinking that,because we started this quest at
such a young age, when we getto this point that you're
(21:32):
talking about and we don't knowhow to read the indicators,
we're completely lost becauseit's like, well, now what You're
telling me, that everythingthat I learned prior to this is
no longer working.
So how do I make anything workif I couldn't even make the
simple thing work that Iwitnessed growing up?
(21:53):
And I know I myself have feltthat at times in life.
And it can be very confusingbecause you're like, well, I
know we're all working on aspiritual journey here, but it
can get very confusing.
And how do you find that whichis going to shift that?
How can you start to shift thebelief systems?
(22:14):
How can you start to move intoa new modus operandus that is
going to work for you?
And how do you even begin tofind that for some people, it's
in admitting that the currentsystem that we're running isn't
working.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Why?
Because life's already beentrying to tell you in your own
way for an extended period oftime.
Now, now, and that is why.
Then you see, in any of oursystems and we can all look back
in our lives and have examplesof this, of when there are the
mental symptoms, the emotionalsymptoms, the physical symptoms
and I know you'd mention a fewas well but when we lose
(22:50):
interest in a lot of differentareas of life that we used to
bring us a lot of joy, and eventhat is with our partner, with
our kids, with our career, withthe basic of hobbies that used
to actually fulfill us in someway, if it's suddenly becoming
so much work in every which way,that is our system trying to
give us information aboutourselves that we don't know how
(23:10):
to read or recognize, as wewere talking about.
But then, as you mentioned atthe start of the podcast, was
even the physical symptoms offeeling fatigued or restlessness
, or just a detachment or aheaviness in the physical body.
I think is actually we justfeel weighed down about basic
day-to-day tasks, no matter whatwe do.
We just can't seem to shift it,and then I think this is the
(23:30):
one that most people are gonnais the emotional flags that come
along from it, of just the moodswings and irritability and not
really feeling connected toanything or anyone.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And I think it's really important to say here
that what a lot of people in ourmodern society think that we
need to do if we hit any ofthese things you just spoke
about is they want to throw thebaby out with the bathwater Okay
, well, it must be my whole life.
I need to get divorced, changemy life, I need to do an eat,
pray, love, blah, blah, blah.
I need to throw it all away andstart fresh again, and that is
(24:03):
not what we're saying.
You know, these are basicallylike warning lights.
If this is happening, then weneed to go deeper within
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, and we're also not saying this is all just to
do with motivation, as well,right right.
We're just saying how this ismulti-multi-layered, depending
on the person, and this is whyit needs the respect and it
deserves such.
It needs to be explored.
It's an indicator, I think, inpractical, day-to-day life
although there's a lot moregoing on underneath the surface
(24:35):
that we were never taught how torecognize and then, even if we
do or are able to recognize thatwe were never taught how to
recognize and then, even if wedo or are able to recognize that
we don't know how to deal withit or how to start that journey
with it, and that's a very scaryand intimidating process for
any person, especially at thestart, because, again, very few
people welcome change with openarms very few, very few.
(24:58):
And even when you recognizelife's all about change, you're
still met with resistance, nomatter how long you're on this
journey.
But I think understanding theseindicators and now being able
to enact some of these smallsteps that we're going to get
into can be incredibly helpful.
It's about diving into it,understanding it, being more
patient with it and creatingspace for self.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yes, and knowing I think we have to put the other
caveat in here of knowing thatthere can be a fine line.
Like you said, it'smulti-layered, it's not just
about motivation that if some ofthose things are happening for
you and you are looking at itand not finding an answer, of
course you want to seek outsidehelp because it could be an
indicator of other things.
(25:42):
But for this particularconversation we're just talking
about the motivational side ofthings.
And so then, you know, I'd loveto say it's like oh well, the
smoke alarm went off.
All I have to do is hit thebutton and stop it and say false
alarm and move forward, if it'sever that easy, you know.
And so it's not just a switch.
(26:03):
We're going to flip and thatwe're going to be back being
motivated.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, but I think that's what's interesting about
any area of our own lives isthat when these indicators come
up, it's because that's oursystem telling us oh look,
there's something new here tolearn about yourself.
Yes, and this is why it'shappening.
So, and that doesn't go away,and nor will that ever stop
until any of our last breath,and I think that if we had been
(26:29):
taught that since we were two,it would have helped, that's for
sure.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
It would have helped and I think, bearing in mind
that whenever we're learningsomething new or exploring
something new and I think,bearing in mind that whenever
we're learning something new orexploring something new, we
don't have the insight or theability to do it very quickly,
it's about, okay, this is ajourney of really unpacking,
finding out what it is thatreally needs to be looked at and
explored and maybe start tohave a shift in a different
(26:57):
direction, if that's what'sright for you, and that has to
happen in little, tiny babysteps most of the time.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Yep, let's take a step back from this week's
episode and share with everyonewhat we've been up to behind the
scenes.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
We're really excited to be able to finally offer the
Gareth Michael community to eachof you.
The community offers a range ofbenefitsareth Michael community
to each of you, the communityoffers a range of benefits,
including access to our liveevents, weekly podcast episodes,
articles, self-checkingquestions, as well as a
community of individuals you canconnect with and interact with
along the way.
It's designed to offer yousupport, guidance and a safe
(27:37):
space on a day-to-day basis.
We'd love to have you join ourglobal community of like-minded
individuals.
That website address again, iswwwgarethmichaelcom.
Now let's get back to thatepisode, shall we?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
But it also happens as we talked about even in some
of the previous episodes, kimthat it is a part of our
spiritual path into when thesethings unfold in front of us and
are meant to explore it, and Ithink that's another reason to
why we get very demotivatedabout our own lives is because
our energy doesn't want us toadd new experiences to our life
(28:17):
for new people.
When there's so much about whatwe currently haven't processed
that we need to do the journeywith, with the people around us
or from our past experiences ortraumas, that how, why would our
system motivate us to add tothat of which we don't already
understand?
And I think that's not sayingthat's the root of all way of
(28:37):
why motivation is lacking.
But I'm saying there's so manymulti reasons to why our energy
is asking us to do it now andnot 20 years ago.
But this is where being able tounderstand the language of self
and do that journey, you see, ofwhy in any given year, any of
any part of our lives, why themotivation fluctuates depending
on our experiences or the thingswe're dealing with.
(28:58):
Not dealing with takingresponsibility, with not taking
responsibility with you seewhere I'm going with this, but
that's where there's signalsthat we've never been.
It's a language we haven't beentaught, so that's why we
actually can't be angry atourselves or the people around
us, and thus we're having thatlittle bit of self-compassion
and, as you said, taking alittle step at a time becomes so
(29:18):
important to have patience, tolearn about ourselves, because
none of this has been taught tous, but that's where the growth
is in it for us all.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
And I think, the other factor to be aware of and
which I didn't understand formany years, because I started
getting clean and sober at sucha young age and, of course, I
wanted all the information thenand what I didn't know.
And I think it's so funny andcliche that we talk about
midlife crisis.
I don't really think it's amidlife crisis.
I think it's kind of a midlifewaking up period, and the reason
(29:51):
for that is, you know, in my20s, even though I wanted it all
, did I have the emotionalcapacity to understand it?
Had I had the experiences thatI needed to have within myself
and others, to have the patienceto look within?
Because at that stage I wasstill definitely blaming the
without.
So there's so many things thatgo into it, and some people do
(30:14):
start this journey earlier thanothers, and that's just because
that's what's right for them.
But if it's not happening atthe speed you want it to, to
understand that it is a processthat we go through, and it is a
process of unlearning andstarting to know ourselves.
Like if you had told me in mytwenties I mean, the only thing
(30:36):
I would have agreed with in mytwenties when, with what the
information that was coming atme was that maybe my spiritual
beliefs were different than whatmy parents believed and that I
knew that I could agree withthat but if you were to tell me
that I needed to change my workethics, I would have said no, no
, no, no.
I can't do that.
(30:56):
This is a core value.
I've got to go.
I've got to do it this way.
I didn't have that capacity toexplore what was driving it at
that point, and so I thinkthat's one of the things that
I'm saying that when our systemdoes start to set off the alarms
, and that we are starting tolook at it, understanding that
(31:19):
we're only going to be able togo as far as our emotional,
spiritual and physical maturityallows us to in those moments,
and then even that can be achallenge, because we're going
to start to challenge some ofhow we've been operating in the
world, what our belief systemsare, what our value systems are,
for a long period of time.
(31:41):
I don't think many people evenlook at that.
They just have inheriteddifferent belief systems and
values and believe well, this isgoing to work for my parents,
of course, it will work for me,of course.
This is what they taught me inschool, so I've just got to go
ahead and do it instead of goingwhat really works for you, and
I think that's a really, reallybig thing.
(32:03):
And then, if someone has beenrunning those negative
narratives, not like me at all,the ability to have compassion
while you're going through thislearning experience becomes
another one of those challenges,because we need to have
compassion while you're goingthrough this learning experience
becomes another one of thosechallenges, because we need to
have compassion.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
But I think this was so hard about.
Even what you're saying is thateven when we know we should
start questioning some of thethings we inherited from our
parents or we were taught inschool.
It's such the forbidden fruit ofwhat we want to ever ask why
and, as we both, both know thatbrings up a lot of fear in
ourselves and in other people.
And then there comes theconditioning and there comes the
(32:44):
change.
And that is a huge undertakingand but that is the journey for
a lot of people.
But you can understand theconfusion or the resistance and
why, why the why questions areso forbidden?
Because it automaticallycreates change and new
understandings that you know arethe making of any of us.
(33:05):
But with that it does come withits own waves.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
I'm just speaking for myself and what my journey had
been.
There's so many times when youjust go, I just really, can I
just go back to what I know,because that's easier, until you
get to that point.
Can I just go back to what Iknow, because that's easier,
until you get to that pointwhere you can't go back to what
you know.
And then it makes it even morefrustrating because you're like,
well, I can't go back and Ihave no idea how to go forward.
(33:30):
And so, and maybe that's part ofthat whole experience is,
sometimes we just have to sitwhere we are, and that is an
unfolding in itself.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Not being motivated.
Being motivated and being inthe middle, I actually think, is
a gift because it gives us thespace to actually process.
But when you don't know how toquestion what you need to be
processing while in that space,it can become confusing, it can
become purgatory yes, oh yeah,oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
That's a really.
Maybe that's what they mean bypurgatory we're not getting into
that no, we're not, but yes, itcan feel like that.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
I can attest to that it's like the logical mind
doesn't know where to go with itbecause it hasn't had the
training, so to speak, of wheredo I go with this.
It doesn't mean the experienceitself is wrong, but that's
what's interesting about thegrowth that's needed in that
moment in time.
But, once again, where does anyof us go when I go to Michael,
but where does the people go inorder to actually question what
(34:32):
is this about?
Do you know what I mean?
Because that's what we oftentalk about in any of these
episodes.
These are normal experiences weall go through in a given day
and we all accept we all gothrough them, but do any of us
talk to each other about it?
It's not.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
It's crazy how we don't.
It's crazy how people areridiculed or mocked, shamed or
whatever words you want to useif they are going to someone to
help them sort it out thatthere's somehow something wrong
with you, if you would like tohave some outside input as to
how to work through some ofthese things that you've been
banging your head against thewall for years on and haven't
(35:10):
come up with a solution.
But you wouldn't say that ifyou didn't know how to fix
something, because I knowtoday's society, you don't know
how to fix something because Iknow today's society you don't
know how to fix something.
First thing they do is go togoogle and then they go to
youtube and they're quite happyto get the health there from
somebody else who's already beenthrough it to find out what's
going on.
So why is it different?
When it comes to our personalgrowth as well, you know, and if
(35:32):
we could help shift thatmentality, just in itself would
be amazing.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, I think we should dive into where people
should start if they areexperiencing anything we talked
about there, either if they arefeeling extremely motivated,
very unmotivated in certainareas of their life, or maybe
there's an in-between purgatoryplace that we talked about is
that.
Where do we start in exploringthat for any of us as
(35:59):
individuals?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Well, you know, I know the first thing that some
people would say is to lean onfriends and family members, but
I don't think I would recommendthat, mainly because the first
thing they're going to tell youis you're probably depressed, go
to the doctor and get someantidepressants.
And that might not necessarilybe the case, but you do want to
reach out and start finding somesupport somewhere.
(36:23):
I think that would be one of thefirst steps because, like we
said, it is very multi-layered.
We want to make sure that we'reworking on the right thing at
the right time.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Yep, I think what I would say is that if we're
becoming aware of that realitywithin us, it's our system
preparing us for a change thatis needed in our time, in our
lives.
It signals that our system istelling us in mind, body,
emotions in different ways, formultiple of different reasons.
That is saying, can we pleasego explore this in a safe
(36:55):
environment with experts, withinformation that's going to help
make connections withinourselves to allow us to move
forward and grow.
That is why we're experiencingit in that way, because, as I
said, there's pros and cons tobeing unmotivated and there's
pros and cons to being extremelymotivated, and to me, it's that
, regardless of what signals arebeing sent, you have to
(37:17):
understand why they're beingsent and from what part of you
is it coming from.
Because I know, if I wake uptomorrow and I'm extremely
motivated, there's a part of methat knows, five days from now,
I'm going to be burnt out,because this is actually too
much for my system.
This isn't sustainable, right?
So why am I suddenly ready totake on the world today, knowing
my history four days from now?
(37:40):
good point this isn't going tobe sustainable.
So therefore, my system'sactually trying to tell me
something.
Even though this feels good tobe super motivated, it's like no
one ever questions why theyfeel happy.
It's like I'm just happy, soI'm going to enjoy it, but no
one's like why am I feeling thisincredible lightness and
happiness today?
But then the next day, ifthey're feeling down, sad or
depressed, they're all questionsof where this is coming from
(38:02):
and how do I get rid of it.
So this is where it's aboutbalancing the books, of
understanding both sides of thatequation, because you have that
responsibility to yourself, butI'm not saying that any of
those answers come naturally toany of us.
So therefore, starting smalland going to people that we can
trust and who do have a level ofexpertise to be able to guide
(38:24):
you in that process becomes veryimportant, as we talk about
often on this podcast.
But I do think also, it's onlywhen we have a level of routine
I know a lot of us do haveroutines in our day-to-day lives
of the disease that we have todo in a given day.
I think, actually, if we'retalking about motivation in this
particular episode, questioningwhat parts of the different
(38:45):
tasks on on our, on our givenday-to-day do we feel more
motivated to do versus lessmotivated to do, and actually
ask why is that?
It's a very simple exercise andit can be about the simplest
things of brushing your teeth,walking the dog, making food,
like do I feel motivated orunmotivated or feel nothing
about it?
I just think it's important toquestion, to explore in the
(39:10):
tiniest of ways, because theyare the small wins of
understanding self,understanding those signals and
indicators that we're talkingabout in this episode.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
It's not always about diving into the deep stuff from
the past, because we're tryingto make the communication with
self on a day-to-day basis todayeasier, and that could be such
a rewarding feeling for any ofus but I think it's also
questioning the times that so,for example, you have a goal or
(39:39):
something that you want to reachand you find yourself motivated
to do everything but that, andso you know that doesn't have to
be deep either.
It can indicate that there's afear.
It can indicate that you'removing in the wrong direction.
It can indicate that you justdon't understand the task at
(40:00):
hand.
It can indicate so manydifferent things.
But until we start asking thequestions as to why we're
avoiding that or more motivatedto do other things than this,
will we ever find answers towhat we're looking for?
And then, I think, will we everfind answers to what we're
looking for?
And then I think, you know,Garrett, the other thing is that
(40:21):
we've been taught not to do.
Is, you know, reallyacknowledging and starting to
give ourselves a pat on the backand celebrate when we do have
the little wins that feel good,and I'm not talking about goals
here either.
Oh, you know what?
I managed to do some self-caretoday.
I actually stayed in bed anextra half an hour because I was
tired.
Let me just give myself a paton the back here because I
(40:44):
actually took care of me today.
It's not an excuse to stay inbed all day.
It's just that reallycelebrating oh, I've never done
that before.
It's really good that I can seeI needed that extra 30 minutes
of sleep.
Whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
And wanting to actually question those
different patterns or behaviorsor routines that we have, even
in the smallest of ways, isshowing ourselves that we're
curious to want to make thosechanges, or we're listening to
those indicators.
And it is by trial and error aswell.
If we know we're repeating thesame thing over and over again,
it's not giving us big, betterresults than just even the
(41:23):
willingness to do something alittle different and give it a
go.
That is a small win.
And even you said, even if itis something about giving
ourselves that extra 30 minutesif we know our bodies are
depleted, or making more timefor ourselves in a different way
, or just having a curiosity towant to research a certain thing
of why do I do this or why do Ido that, or having questions to
explore mind, body, emotions.
(41:44):
By doing that, you're listeningto the indicators of what our
system is trying to send us andI always feel like our system
does reward us or thank us insmall ways when we actually take
the time to do that.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Yeah, and I think the other point is just like with
everything else in life, it'snever full on or full off.
It always comes with ups anddowns.
It always comes ebbs and flows,and that is just the normal
rhythm of life as we're growing.
And I think the key thing Iwould like to say, as someone
(42:18):
who was extremely motivated outof fear for a very long period
of time and also lived to veryhigh expectations it's not a
failure if the motivation ebbsat some point.
It could be one of yourgreatest successes, because it
might be the indicator that youfinally turn around and learn
(42:41):
something about yourself thatyou might not have ever learned
if you kept going the way you'vebeen.
So it's never.
You know, I love saying thatfailure is the first attempt in
learning, and so if you want tolabel it a failure, fine, but do
it with that acronym in mind,that, oh, it's here to teach me
something.
It's my first attempt atlearning.
(43:01):
That didn't work.
What do I need to change?
What do I need to dodifferently?
And then, how do I move forwardfrom there?
It's one of the key things Iwould like to say about it,
because we are so used tobeating ourselves up.
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
And I do think it's important to emphasize what
you're saying there, that it'snot failure when we feel
unmotivated or we don't want toturn up for life in certain days
, when certain tasks feel harderthan they did in the day before
.
As I was saying throughout thisepisode, I do feel as though it
is our system trying to get usto look at things from a
(43:36):
different perspective ordifferent angles.
So when we're feelingunmotivated or in that neutral
space, it's because our systemis asking for, like, a time out
of life or a break in order togive you a healing and
processing time.
But it's not your fault.
You don't know how to questionlife or what you've been through
when the energy or your systemputs you in that space to
(43:56):
process and I think it took me along time to learn that and
then, with that information,then, naturally, bit by bit, you
stop beating yourself up, youstop being hard on yourself, you
stop running that negative biasas much, and then, when it does
run, you know why it runs.
Yes, therefore, you can see thepurpose of motivation and
(44:17):
sometimes there are the lack ofwhen it comes to this human
experience or journey.
So, like any of these things,when you understand why it
happens.
It can be the gift of growthwhen understood.
Very well said.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,then you might want to check out
our online community.
We built it to offer you thecomfort of having a supportive
community by your side, nomatter where life takes you.
Connect with like-mindedindividuals through our app.
Navigate each step of thejourney together with us by
(44:54):
joining our Gareth Michaelcommunity.
Here are a few of the thingsyou're going to get.
You'll get exclusive real-timeaccess to live recording and
events.
Advanced access to each newepisode.
The opportunity to askquestions directly of Gareth and
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(45:18):
To learn more about ourcommunity, please go to
wwwgarethmichaelcom.
Thanks again, and I hope youguys are having a lovely week.
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