March 10, 2025 • 31 mins
In this episode of the Practical Spirituality, Gareth and Kim examine the universal experience of feeling invisible, exploring why people often feel unheard or unseen by others. They discuss various scenarios—from the middle child overshadowed by siblings to the partner in a long-term relationship who no longer feels appreciated—revealing how these situations can deeply affect self-confidence and self-worth.
Our hosts explain that repeated experiences of this feeling can lead individuals to withdraw and stop sharing their perspectives, unintentionally reinforcing their own sense of being unseen. They highlight the paradox of seeking external validation: the more desperately someone looks for visibility, the less likely they are to find it. Instead, they emphasize the power of “seeing yourself first,” encouraging listeners to focus inward and develop self-validation before seeking recognition from others.
Throughout the episode, Gareth and Kim offer compassionate insights for transforming the pain of feeling invisible into an opportunity for spiritual growth. They discuss how building a relationship with oneself—independent of external approval—can pave the way toward peace and acceptance.
Become a Community Member at https://community.garethmichael.com/ to join our community and get early access to new episodes, answers to your personal questions and so much more.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast.
We are so excited to have youon this journey with us, where
we explore all elements of mind,body, emotions and soul through
the lens of everyday life.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello Kim.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I'm doing good this morning.
How are you doing?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm doing okay, pretty good.
I've got an interesting topicfor us.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I'm intrigued, go on.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Well, I'm speaking to a few of my clients this week
and it seems to be a themePeople that feel a sense of
invisibility.
So what I mean by that is theyfeel invisible, not like they're
being ignored, but that evenwhen they are talking, nobody's
paying attention to them.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Have you had anybody ever talk to you about that?
I think it hits home for myself, never mind other people.
I think it's a universalexperience at times to feel
unseen and unheard and I don'tthink it's really well.
Sometimes it's intentional byothers, as we all know.
But I think sometimes goingthrough life we can just feel
somewhat invisible and it's apretty hard thing to put your
(01:25):
finger on because of course ifyou call someone out on it,
they're not going to really knowwhat you mean or what you're
talking about.
But yet it's in.
As the saying goes, the devilis in the details at times.
But I guess everything we talkabout on this podcast is an
interesting reflection of whatit brings up in self when we do
sit with that feeling or thoseparticular thoughts, when
(01:46):
they're sparked.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well, I think it's such a range of things.
So you know, like if we weretrying to define exactly what
we're talking about.
It's that feeling like you'resitting with people and
everybody's having a discussionand you go to put your two cents
in and they just keep talkingas if you hadn't even spoken.
You know, I don't know aboutanybody else, but I came from a
(02:08):
family where it was like that.
So, but there's that, and thenthere is that sense of even when
people hear you, it's almost asif they don't care.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Or it doesn't count.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Or it doesn't count, yeah, and if anyone has ever
felt that, it's pretty yuck.
A lot of people that might feelit, for example, are what we
call the lost children.
You know, to generalize a wholelot.
We're talking about the middlechild syndrome because it's
usually the middle child thatfeels unseen and unheard.
(02:45):
One of the reasons I wanted totalk about it is, like I said,
I've had a few clients this weekthat have presented with it and
it just erodes people'sself-seem and self-confidence so
much when they feel like theirinput isn't valuable.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Well, it's hard not to take it personally, yes,
especially, as you mentionedearlier, when you're trying to
contribute to a conversation,that's when it becomes confusing
, because, especially if you'rearound people that, so to speak,
are your best friends or yourfamily or the people that love
you the most, but yet you feelinvisible and what you're saying
is kind of irrelevant at times,so to speak.
(03:25):
How does that not become verypersonal in how you feel about
yourself, or even how you thinkabout yourself on a day-in,
day-out basis?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Well, it has a huge impact.
It impacts your self-confidence, it impacts your self-esteem,
it impacts your self-worthbecause you think, well, nobody
wants to hear anything I have tosay, or no one even notices
that I'm present.
I know, as a child and Ichuckle about this quite often I
used to threaten to run awayall the time and I didn't think
(03:54):
anybody would even noticebecause the house was so busy
and everybody had their ownlittle things that they were
doing, so I didn't really thinkthey would notice if I was there
or if I wasn't there.
And so what does that do tosomebody?
When you grow up with thatfeeling and I know for me, I can
(04:14):
speak for myself, I know thatwhen that happened for me I
thought, well, it really doesn'tmatter what I do, because I
really didn't believe anybodycared.
Now I know today that that isnot true, but back then I didn't
know that.
And so it's not just comingfrom a big family or being a
middle child you can be thrustin situations where you might be
(04:38):
the shy one.
You go off to school, maybeyou're the youngest in the
classroom and everybody has alittle bit of an insight, and
you feel like you don't.
You start building the prooffor that.
So there's quite a fewdifferent ways that this kind of
plays out.
It's not just from big families.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
And I think there's also probably again simplifying
it two different ways ofexperiencing that.
There's the feeling invisible,that no one sees you, and
there's part of that.
That can be true, okay.
But then there's the other partof it where you know people are
intentionally making you feelinvisible as a power play which
I think can happen in work orespecially with colleagues or
(05:18):
bosses or even certain familymembers that you know that
they're doing it intentionally.
And then the other one is thatyou know people aren't doing it
intentionally and you just feelinvisible in a room, and I think
both are equally as bad indifferent ways, and I think we
can tell the difference in thosemoments when it's a power play
versus when it's just I feelinvisible right now in this room
now I would say we know that inthe workplace it's more of a
(05:40):
political game that's beingplayed.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
um, and those are the moments.
We definitely don't want to betaking it personally, but if
we've already run a history ofit, it snowballs into that
personal belief system that wehave, which makes it really
yucky, and so some people evenit gets so bad that some people
can't find their voice, becomesa real struggle to say anything
(06:04):
because they've just given up.
So if that's one of thosethings that happens and this is
what we're talking about whyexactly do we feel this way?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
As you were saying earlier, it can go back to
childhood.
It can go back to where youwere placed within the family.
It can go back to even, ofcourse, your relationships in
school.
But even say, in a relationship, in a marriage, if you're just
starting to feel invisible inyour with your partner, they
don't do the things they used todo or that they you feel you
(06:34):
don't feel appreciated anymorein the marriage.
I just think there's so manydifferent levels in which we can
begin to feel invisible.
I think it shows in differentways as we go through life, but
what it reflects is in sometimesis the confidence or the
relationship that we actuallyhave with ourselves and maybe
the tough reality at times ofhow we ourselves contribute to
(06:55):
having ourselves be invisible attimes, because it can be a
comfort zone, especially if wehave been running that or just
that's all.
We've known our reality for solong and we've never been taught
or shown how to change it.
So there's a part of it where,of course, it can be.
Especially if you're theyoungest on both sides of the
family and everyone's older andeveryone is always going to see
you as the baby, then in thatcircumstance it can be hard for
(07:18):
it to be any other way, because,especially if you're engaging
with these people for the restof your life, so there's some
narratives that of course comefrom external that continue to
contribute to that.
But then there's other ways inwhich, if we don't have
confidence in self, we don'twant to speak up or, as you said
, if we're shy, that can alsocontribute to it not changing as
(07:39):
we go through life and nothaving a confidence in ourselves
are also saying what's thepoint?
You know, what's the point of?
I think life is an interestingway of having us feel invisible
at certain times, because thatnaturally will bring up question
marks about ourselves, bring upnegative emotions that we need
to build a relationship with orlearn how to process that.
(08:02):
So I think, depending on theperson you're talking to and why
we feel invisible in the way wedo, can tell us a lot about
where the growth is neededwithin our lives, and that's why
I think it's a very layered orinteresting topic, but I still
think it's a universal thing.
We've all felt at some stage ofjust feeling unseen, unheard
and invisible in the room.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
And you know it really contributes to what we
talked about last week the storyin our head.
You know how we run a narrativeand if we're running that
narrative, I know as a child,all I wanted was to be heard.
I wanted to be seen and Iwanted to be heard.
Ask anybody today how I feelabout that.
I think it's almost just theopposite.
(08:41):
But it's interesting because Ihad to go through that whole
period of so desperately wantingto be seen and to be heard and
to be valued and what I have tosay to be valued.
And I do know today there's alot of people that do valued and
what I have to say to be valued.
And I do know today there's alot of people that do value
everything that I have to say,because that's what I do for a
living I help people, and sotherefore, there is a lot of
(09:03):
valuable information through thewisdom that I've gained and my
background.
Having said that, once I got tothe point where people actually
were seeing me and listening tome, it's like all of a sudden
okay, been there, done that, I'mdone.
Is that enough now?
And so it's a double-edgedsword.
And I said that example becauseI think what we don't realize
(09:26):
and you alluded to it in whatyou just said before it is so
multi-layered and it has to be.
And, for example, in my lifethere were so many spiritual
lessons and growth that I neededto learn because of the impact,
the negative impact of notbeing seen and heard had on me
(09:49):
that I still, today, have comeup and still working through.
So it's.
I think that is the part tounderstand, that it's.
It is multilayered and ithappens at different times for
different reasons, but it is.
Finally, you know, if you'rehere and you're listening to us,
it's probably time that youstart questioning what that's
(10:12):
about for you and how you what,what does it mean for you and
how you're going to move throughthat, because it can have a lot
of negative consequences, likeit really impacts relationships.
If you've been in arelationship with someone that
said you say, hey, where do youwant to go for dinner?
I don't care, I don't care, Idon't care, whatever, whatever
(10:33):
you know it's because usuallythat particular person doesn't
feel like their opinion is goingto matter anyway, so they back
out of it.
Yet then they think that nobodycares about what they think,
even when someone is directlyasking them that.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, yeah.
So one of the key areas that Ifind that this happens a lot to
people, gareth, is when therehave been, when there's been,
emotional neglect and so manypeople don't understand what
that means.
Because we have, you know, wehave a mom and a dad, and
they're in the house, we've gotfood on the table, we've got,
you know, a good bed to sleep in, we're going to school,
everything seems fine, but thoseemotional needs aren't met.
(11:17):
That sets up a whole string ofthings that happen for people
inside, especially thatnarrative that we've often
talked about, because eventhough our physical needs are
getting met, often thoseemotional needs aren't getting
met, and that's when theshutting down starts to happen.
And as that starts to happen,people then just kind of
(11:39):
snowball into these experiences,and every experience just adds
more weight to those internalbeliefs that they already have
about themselves and howunworthy or not seen, not heard,
not deserving of being heard,and so that can become a real
(11:59):
issue for people to start tostep out of it.
Or the middle child commonexample that is nobody's fault,
but it's what we start tobelieve about it.
Then the experiences that wehave that start to lead to the
growth that we actually need tohave and I know that's one of
the things that she would say tome is you know, this is where
our spiritual, emotional,physical growth starts to come
(12:22):
in, because these circumstanceshave been set up At the time.
It doesn't feel like it.
You know, and I can tell youquite honestly, I was married to
my ex-husband for almost 20years and when I was trying to
understand what the contract Ihad with him was, in the end, as
you guys have heard me say, Icame to that conclusion that I
(12:42):
was in a contract with him or hewas in a contract with me,
until I learned to find my voiceand stand and when, you know, I
could yell before we ended upsplitting up.
But what I mean by find myvoice is me valuing what I have
to say.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
But I think this is what's actually interesting
about what you're saying,especially when it comes to the
whole spiritual contract.
Part of it right, it's that Iknow, as you mentioned.
It's say, if we use an exampleof middle child syndrome right,
of how they experience the world, but if you talk to any eldest
of their house, they feltinvisible in a lot of ways
because the middle children andthe youngest got all the
(13:21):
attention.
Then if you talk to theyoungest, they're used to the
oldest or parts of the middlechildren getting attention.
So it's funny when you talk toany individual about their
perspective, those ways in whichthey felt or experienced that
they didn't get enough attentioncompared to x, everyone has
their evidence or their map ofthe world or and that's what's
(13:43):
interesting with the universalexperience of that I would agree
.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I would agree.
It's a.
It's always a slightlydifferent variation, but if we
have that lesson to to learn,it's going to show up one way or
another, no matter what we do.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So it's pretty interesting and I guess breaking
that cycle of believing thatyou're invisible or that you're
not valuable is one of thebiggest spiritual challenges
somebody will face as they'regoing through their growth,
because you get so convincedthat I don't count.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, that's definitely an interesting
challenge to go through in life,but I think it's funny when you
become aware of it, startquestioning it and then try to
put it into action, like mostthings we talk about in this
podcast, can you begin to buildyour own relationship with it?
Because, as we were talkingabout, of course, I'm the
youngest in my household andnaturally, when Michael came
into my life, I started spendingtime around individuals who
were older than myself.
(14:40):
So what made that an interestingdynamic is what I noticed is
that, even though I was awayfrom family and if I was out in
public with these friends whomight have been 20 years older
than me, if we were all havinglunch or dinner, what I started
to notice is that, even in thoseenvironments of waiters coming
over taking our order, I wasalways invisible because I
wasn't the oldest or even it wasequal to the people at the
(15:01):
table, because naturally, peopleprioritize the oldest at the
table or people who seem olderwhen it comes to taking orders
or even who pays.
It's like they and I'm notsaying that as a bad thing, I'm
just saying that is thesocieties that we live in, or
how they prioritize importanceor power or whatever you want to
, whatever wording you want toput that, to the assumptions
(15:21):
that people make, but it took mea while to actually realize
that a lot of the time it'sactually not personal to me.
These people don't know me.
They don't know where my roots,where I come from, my
background, nothing like that,and how being so, I had to work
with what parts of me are notokay with being visible.
And in those moments in thepast, how did my behaviors or
(15:42):
patterns change to try to proveto someone I didn't even know
that I was worthy of being seen?
Do you get what I mean Becausewe find ourselves starting to
behave differently to try toprove otherwise.
But then I actually came to anacceptance of it's okay being
invisible, and I think that'spart of the journey.
That people don't also talkabout is then, why is it so bad
being invisible at times versustrying to prove to the world why
(16:06):
you should be seen as we gothrough it?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
and I think, as you're saying, that when we're
trying to prove to the worldthat we need to be seen as we go
through it, and I think, asyou're saying, that when we're
trying to prove to the worldthat we need to be seen, we're
pushing our visibility furtherand further away.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
They don't tell you that detail.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
I know no one tells you that detail, do they?
And I think that is the wholetrick about a lot of this thing
in life is realizing that themore you want something without
understanding why you want it orunderstanding what its purpose
is in your life, the furtheryou're going to push it away.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I think that's going to hit a lot of people.
I know we've all heard it inour own ways before, but the
more we choose something as ifwe think it's the answer, it
couldn't be further from thetruth.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
And it takes so long to wake up to that and actually
see it.
That's what pisses me off aboutthe whole thing, because I go.
Why couldn't they just kind of,you know, one of those side
notes when you're like in yourteens?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Oh, by the way, you wouldn't have listened to that
note anyway.
Let's be honest.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Well, and the truth is, because we're in so much
pain, we don't, we really don't,because the pain is too great
to actually hear it.
There are so many things asI've tried to explain to other
people.
You know, I mentor a few peopleand they say you know, this
information is so good, it's sonew.
And I go, yeah, no, it's justnew to you today yeah, it.
(17:30):
It's not new, it's been there.
We just weren't ready to hearit, we weren't ready to
assimilate it, we were not readyto process it, and that's okay
too.
It's just recognizing that whenyou get to that point, when you
get to that point where you areseeking, seeking, seeking and
there's a sense of desperation,that is your clue to stop, yeah,
(17:52):
just to stop and go.
So here's what I would say topeople about feeling invisible
when are you not seeing you, andhow can you turn around and
start paying attention to you?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I just know that that answer is not going to be good
enough for some people.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
They're just going to say what I want to be seeing,
gonna say well, start seeingyourself first.
That's what I have to say.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah let's take a step back from this week's
episode and share with everyonewhat we've been up to behind the
scenes we're really excited tobe able to finally offer the
gareth michael community to eachof you.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
The community offers a range of benefits, including
access to our live events,weekly podcast episodes,
articles, self-checkingquestions, as well as a
community of individuals you canconnect with and interact with
along the way.
It's designed to offer yousupport, guidance and a safe
space on a day-to-day basis.
(18:51):
We'd love to have you join ourglobal community of like-minded
individuals.
That website address, again, iswwwgarethmichaelcom.
Now let's get back to thatepisode, shall we?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But again, it's true in what you're saying, because
the steps towards visibility isbeginning to see yourself in
ways in which you feel invisibletowards self, or the ways that
you're ignoring your own needs,and I think it's that the more
that the world sees us, the morethat actually gives us
ammunition to continue to ignoreourselves.
And mind, body, emotions are thethings we need to be looking at
(19:28):
.
Emotions are the things we needto be looking at.
So sometimes it's like, why islife isolating us in this way,
to have to sit with ourselves,to deal with these thoughts, to
deal with these emotions, todeal with our physical needs?
So, until we actually look atthat, why would life add to more
people seeing us which, to behonest, when more people are
involved in the scene, that addsto more drama in our lives,
(19:49):
which continues to take awayfrom ourselves.
So, if we don't have the skillsets to be able to deal with
people, because we don't reallyunderstand how to be able to
deal with ourselves and what ourown system is bringing up in us
, Exactly, and the saddest partis sometimes when we have that
desperate need to be seen and weget caught up in all that drama
because we're trying so hard tobe seen.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
That drama actually takes us further away from what
we want and it is in sitting inthat invisibility and really
kind of getting to know well,who am I really?
I cannot tell you, gareth, howmany people I ask what is it
going to be like when you're onthe other side of this and
(20:31):
there's not a clue and theyhaven't even contemplated that.
So if you could be seen, whatdo you want to be seen as?
What do you want to be seen for?
What do you want to be asyou're being seen?
What does that mean to you?
Because a lot of times we don'teven know that those questions
are frightening.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I'm triggered as you ask those questions.
Maybe I'll just stay invisible,Kim.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I don't know why that's so frightening.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Come on.
Too many deep questions.
It's too early in the morning.
Too many deep questions it'stoo early in the morning.
It's a deep topic, though yeahbut you know what I'm saying
because absolutely yeah, even insitting on that invisibility
and questioning why it's there.
(21:26):
What's it trying to teach us?
That it's not often personalwhen it comes from the external
world, but I think in doing that, it allows you to be more
present with the people who dosee you, because I think so much
time, if we're trying to getthat approval, trying to be seen
, trying to be heard, it takesus away from the people that
actually see us for who we areand appreciate us and love us
for what we bring to the tableand it's taken.
(21:48):
I think it takes a long time onthis journey to appreciate that
at its core, because we'rebuilding a world where we need
external validation all the timeand we feel like money gives us
power and money makes us alwaysbe seen.
And if I just had this, this andthis, then I'd be appreciating
love and adored and celebratedand it takes a long time for
life to be like nope for thatfor you to actually believe that
(22:12):
at its core Because I think wecan tell ourselves that, but
that doesn't mean that thatemotionally clicks with us to be
present and appreciative ofwhat we actually have today with
the people around us whoactually see us, but then how to
navigate the people who don't,and also be really truly okay
with that.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
I can't agree more with that because you, you know,
during this journey, when mykids were little and I was
really working on myself, I dida seminar with a guy named Dr
John Demartini and he brought upa really good point.
He made us pick one situationwhere we felt really bad about
(22:49):
something.
But the main question he askedat the same time was at that
time that bad person was sayingor doing whatever to you, how
many people around you weredoing the opposite, which is
such a great point, because Ihad to sit there with that big
question mark on my face goingwhat do you mean?
Nobody, he's like really nobody.
(23:18):
And the weirdest thing about itwas it was we had my incident
that I had picked.
We had invited people over fordinner, it was Thanksgiving
dinner and my ex had been sayingsomething to me, and so he said
well, at that moment when hewas saying something negative to
you, how many people weresaying positive things to you?
Well, I almost.
I just didn't want to answerthe damn question Because it was
like oh, because so many peoplein my life were telling me at
(23:41):
that time how good I was at somany different things, and while
I wanted to acknowledge that itwas the fact that this one
person, this one person,couldn't see what was valuable
about me, and that's where I gotfixated, which is what so many
people do.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
But, as you said, that goes back to the
conversation we were having lastweek on the narratives that we
need to believe about ourselvesand narratives that the world is
, so to speak, telling us aspart of this journey that the
world is, so to speak, tellingus as part of this journey.
And that's why it's like why doany of us become so fixated on
the negative, to the point of weactually can't even see any of
the positives in our lives?
(24:20):
But it's most definitelypresent in there, but it's the
part of us can't see it andparts of us don't want to see it
.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Well, I can tell you, at that seminar I didn't want
to see it, because as soon as heasked it I was like now I'm
just going to feel like anungrateful little you know what
spoiled brat.
So, but it is the truth of whathappens to us when we're
running a narrative or a programlike this.
Happens to us when we'rerunning a narrative or a program
(24:47):
like this, and, of course, itstill took me a little while to
start to work out, like I'mreally grateful for when I
started to realize oh wait, aminute, I've got to stop looking
outward.
It's time to look inward.
Because if we are starting totalk about those steps to
becoming visible, it is when youstart becoming visible to
yourself and recognizing whatyour own needs are, what builds
(25:09):
you up, what makes you feel good.
It's then that we start tobecome visible, because we're
actually tuning into ourselves.
That doesn't happen overnight,by the way, just by the course.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
But also part of, I think, the learning is that if
you know that people orindividuals are ignoring you,
there's a part in our own wisdomor growth that we have to
decide to let them and move on,because I think there's nothing
more that we realize in thislife as you go through life and
you're constantly trying tochange someone's view on you.
It doesn't work like that,mm-mm, mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
We have no control over anybody else's view on you.
It doesn't work like that.
We have no control over anybodyelse's view of us.
That is what is so mindboggling about the fact that we
work so hard at trying to doexactly that for most of our
life.
That should be like class 101in high school.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
We shouldn't dive into why they don't teach us
this.
That's right.
No, let's not dive into that,but it is true.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
It's incredible that we spend so much of our time and
our energy trying to get otherpeople to think a certain way,
when we have no control overwhat they're thinking.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
If we're going back to the once again, the spiritual
approach of it.
But when we do feel invisiblein these different ways, I think
it's important to start toquestion okay, why is this a
part of my journey?
Where is the growth in this?
For me, and like most things,it forces us back to self in
some way to be able to recognizewhere our needs are not being
met and the different ways inwhich we start developing a
(26:45):
relationship with ourselves.
In those different ways, and,like most things in this journey
, we do eventually, kim, have toget to a place of acceptance
with any of these areas, sorryto say, of the things that we
struggle with, because they arethere to teach us something.
So, therefore, if we'restruggling with this as an
example, then the journey iswhat is it trying to teach us
(27:08):
about ourselves?
because, more often than not, ifit's outside of our control, it
probably will be a constantthing that continues to appear
in our lives in different waysso it is constantly trying to
teach us something, and maybe weswitch the narrative in some
ways to be like, maybe it's okaybeing invisible, maybe it's
actually protecting us from alot, I can still engage with the
(27:28):
world, but if the world doesn'tsee me, there's actually a lot
of pros to that and not cons, aslong as I understand why it's
that way and how it can actuallywork for me.
So I take a lot of comfort in it.
Now that the people who aremeant to see me do see me, and
then the people who I want tosee me, I need a question why do
I need them or want them to seeme, and what does that say
about me?
So there's growth and you canstill go out there and live in
(27:51):
the world.
You're not hiding from theworld, but as you engage with it
and the triggers that come upalong the way, it really is
directing you or guiding you inthis path of the questions that
you still have about self.
So that's what I think aboutanything that we're struggling
with.
It tells us more aboutourselves more than it ever does
about the world around us.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I agree with that completely and I think if
there's any way that we can helppeople understand that this
topic, like we talk about withso many topics, is so
multi-layered that it's not amatter of going out there and
going, oh you know what, I'mjust going to start speaking up
more, or I'm going to, you know,have a more positive mindset
(28:32):
and that's going to changethings.
It's great to have those things, but we have to be able to
integrate it, believe it and,you know, accept what it has
come to teach us.
And that is the process thattakes those little steps by
little steps by little steps.
As so many people have heard mesay.
It just takes that time to getthere.
(28:55):
But when you get to that placewhere you're questioning and
you're starting to understand it, you start to see that need to
be seen and fall away becauseyou will be seen, or you won't
really care whether you're seenor not, because you feel whole
within yourself.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
So, in closing, I think what we're trying to say,
gareth, is, if you are feelingunseen or unheard by family and
friends or even workplace people, maybe the first step is taking
that focus off, trying to getseen by those people, and start
to turn that focus inward.
And as we do that and we startto change the narrative why we
(29:36):
want to look at that and startto question it then we can start
to understand ourself and lifein a different way.
And as we start to and it's notgoing to happen overnight, but
it's a great a different way,and as we start to and it's not
going to happen overnight, butit's a great place to start, and
once you start, it's a journeythat you're going to truthfully
be so grateful for, because onceyou're seeing you, once you're
(29:57):
hearing you, once you're lovingyou, life starts to change in
every area of your life andnobody else's narrative has to
change, because we can't changetheir narrative.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
And it is amazing when you get to a place in life
where you can enjoy being seenand unseen.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yes, Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,then you might want to check out
our online community.
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Connect with like-mindedindividuals through our app.
(30:32):
Navigate each step of thejourney together with us by
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To learn more about ourcommunity, please go to
wwwgarethmichaelcom.
Thanks again, and I hope youguys are having a lovely week.
Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast.
We are so excited to have youon this journey with us, where
we explore all elements of mind,body, emotions and soul through
the lens of everyday life.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello Kim.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I'm doing good this morning.
How are you doing?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm doing okay, pretty good.
I've got an interesting topicfor us.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I'm intrigued, go on.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Well, I'm speaking to a few of my clients this week
and it seems to be a themePeople that feel a sense of
invisibility.
So what I mean by that is theyfeel invisible, not like they're
being ignored, but that evenwhen they are talking, nobody's
paying attention to them.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Have you had anybody ever talk to you about that?
I think it hits home for myself, never mind other people.
I think it's a universalexperience at times to feel
unseen and unheard and I don'tthink it's really well.
Sometimes it's intentional byothers, as we all know.
But I think sometimes goingthrough life we can just feel
somewhat invisible and it's apretty hard thing to put your
(01:25):
finger on because of course ifyou call someone out on it,
they're not going to really knowwhat you mean or what you're
talking about.
But yet it's in.
As the saying goes, the devilis in the details at times.
But I guess everything we talkabout on this podcast is an
interesting reflection of whatit brings up in self when we do
sit with that feeling or thoseparticular thoughts, when
(01:46):
they're sparked.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well, I think it's such a range of things.
So you know, like if we weretrying to define exactly what
we're talking about.
It's that feeling like you'resitting with people and
everybody's having a discussionand you go to put your two cents
in and they just keep talkingas if you hadn't even spoken.
You know, I don't know aboutanybody else, but I came from a
(02:08):
family where it was like that.
So, but there's that, and thenthere is that sense of even when
people hear you, it's almost asif they don't care.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Or it doesn't count.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Or it doesn't count, yeah, and if anyone has ever
felt that, it's pretty yuck.
A lot of people that might feelit, for example, are what we
call the lost children.
You know, to generalize a wholelot.
We're talking about the middlechild syndrome because it's
usually the middle child thatfeels unseen and unheard.
(02:45):
One of the reasons I wanted totalk about it is, like I said,
I've had a few clients this weekthat have presented with it and
it just erodes people'sself-seem and self-confidence so
much when they feel like theirinput isn't valuable.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Well, it's hard not to take it personally, yes,
especially, as you mentionedearlier, when you're trying to
contribute to a conversation,that's when it becomes confusing
, because, especially if you'rearound people that, so to speak,
are your best friends or yourfamily or the people that love
you the most, but yet you feelinvisible and what you're saying
is kind of irrelevant at times,so to speak.
(03:25):
How does that not become verypersonal in how you feel about
yourself, or even how you thinkabout yourself on a day-in,
day-out basis?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Well, it has a huge impact.
It impacts your self-confidence, it impacts your self-esteem,
it impacts your self-worthbecause you think, well, nobody
wants to hear anything I have tosay, or no one even notices
that I'm present.
I know, as a child and Ichuckle about this quite often I
used to threaten to run awayall the time and I didn't think
(03:54):
anybody would even noticebecause the house was so busy
and everybody had their ownlittle things that they were
doing, so I didn't really thinkthey would notice if I was there
or if I wasn't there.
And so what does that do tosomebody?
When you grow up with thatfeeling and I know for me, I can
(04:14):
speak for myself, I know thatwhen that happened for me I
thought, well, it really doesn'tmatter what I do, because I
really didn't believe anybodycared.
Now I know today that that isnot true, but back then I didn't
know that.
And so it's not just comingfrom a big family or being a
middle child you can be thrustin situations where you might be
(04:38):
the shy one.
You go off to school, maybeyou're the youngest in the
classroom and everybody has alittle bit of an insight, and
you feel like you don't.
You start building the prooffor that.
So there's quite a fewdifferent ways that this kind of
plays out.
It's not just from big families.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
And I think there's also probably again simplifying
it two different ways ofexperiencing that.
There's the feeling invisible,that no one sees you, and
there's part of that.
That can be true, okay.
But then there's the other partof it where you know people are
intentionally making you feelinvisible as a power play which
I think can happen in work orespecially with colleagues or
(05:18):
bosses or even certain familymembers that you know that
they're doing it intentionally.
And then the other one is thatyou know people aren't doing it
intentionally and you just feelinvisible in a room, and I think
both are equally as bad indifferent ways, and I think we
can tell the difference in thosemoments when it's a power play
versus when it's just I feelinvisible right now in this room
now I would say we know that inthe workplace it's more of a
(05:40):
political game that's beingplayed.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
um, and those are the moments.
We definitely don't want to betaking it personally, but if
we've already run a history ofit, it snowballs into that
personal belief system that wehave, which makes it really
yucky, and so some people evenit gets so bad that some people
can't find their voice, becomesa real struggle to say anything
(06:04):
because they've just given up.
So if that's one of thosethings that happens and this is
what we're talking about whyexactly do we feel this way?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
As you were saying earlier, it can go back to
childhood.
It can go back to where youwere placed within the family.
It can go back to even, ofcourse, your relationships in
school.
But even say, in a relationship, in a marriage, if you're just
starting to feel invisible inyour with your partner, they
don't do the things they used todo or that they you feel you
(06:34):
don't feel appreciated anymorein the marriage.
I just think there's so manydifferent levels in which we can
begin to feel invisible.
I think it shows in differentways as we go through life, but
what it reflects is in sometimesis the confidence or the
relationship that we actuallyhave with ourselves and maybe
the tough reality at times ofhow we ourselves contribute to
(06:55):
having ourselves be invisible attimes, because it can be a
comfort zone, especially if wehave been running that or just
that's all.
We've known our reality for solong and we've never been taught
or shown how to change it.
So there's a part of it where,of course, it can be.
Especially if you're theyoungest on both sides of the
family and everyone's older andeveryone is always going to see
you as the baby, then in thatcircumstance it can be hard for
(07:18):
it to be any other way, because,especially if you're engaging
with these people for the restof your life, so there's some
narratives that of course comefrom external that continue to
contribute to that.
But then there's other ways inwhich, if we don't have
confidence in self, we don'twant to speak up or, as you said
, if we're shy, that can alsocontribute to it not changing as
(07:39):
we go through life and nothaving a confidence in ourselves
are also saying what's thepoint?
You know, what's the point of?
I think life is an interestingway of having us feel invisible
at certain times, because thatnaturally will bring up question
marks about ourselves, bring upnegative emotions that we need
to build a relationship with orlearn how to process that.
(08:02):
So I think, depending on theperson you're talking to and why
we feel invisible in the way wedo, can tell us a lot about
where the growth is neededwithin our lives, and that's why
I think it's a very layered orinteresting topic, but I still
think it's a universal thing.
We've all felt at some stage ofjust feeling unseen, unheard
and invisible in the room.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
And you know it really contributes to what we
talked about last week the storyin our head.
You know how we run a narrativeand if we're running that
narrative, I know as a child,all I wanted was to be heard.
I wanted to be seen and Iwanted to be heard.
Ask anybody today how I feelabout that.
I think it's almost just theopposite.
(08:41):
But it's interesting because Ihad to go through that whole
period of so desperately wantingto be seen and to be heard and
to be valued and what I have tosay to be valued.
And I do know today there's alot of people that do valued and
what I have to say to be valued.
And I do know today there's alot of people that do value
everything that I have to say,because that's what I do for a
living I help people, and sotherefore, there is a lot of
(09:03):
valuable information through thewisdom that I've gained and my
background.
Having said that, once I got tothe point where people actually
were seeing me and listening tome, it's like all of a sudden
okay, been there, done that, I'mdone.
Is that enough now?
And so it's a double-edgedsword.
And I said that example becauseI think what we don't realize
(09:26):
and you alluded to it in whatyou just said before it is so
multi-layered and it has to be.
And, for example, in my lifethere were so many spiritual
lessons and growth that I neededto learn because of the impact,
the negative impact of notbeing seen and heard had on me
(09:49):
that I still, today, have comeup and still working through.
So it's.
I think that is the part tounderstand, that it's.
It is multilayered and ithappens at different times for
different reasons, but it is.
Finally, you know, if you'rehere and you're listening to us,
it's probably time that youstart questioning what that's
(10:12):
about for you and how you what,what does it mean for you and
how you're going to move throughthat, because it can have a lot
of negative consequences, likeit really impacts relationships.
If you've been in arelationship with someone that
said you say, hey, where do youwant to go for dinner?
I don't care, I don't care, Idon't care, whatever, whatever
(10:33):
you know it's because usuallythat particular person doesn't
feel like their opinion is goingto matter anyway, so they back
out of it.
Yet then they think that nobodycares about what they think,
even when someone is directlyasking them that.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, yeah.
So one of the key areas that Ifind that this happens a lot to
people, gareth, is when therehave been, when there's been,
emotional neglect and so manypeople don't understand what
that means.
Because we have, you know, wehave a mom and a dad, and
they're in the house, we've gotfood on the table, we've got,
you know, a good bed to sleep in, we're going to school,
everything seems fine, but thoseemotional needs aren't met.
(11:17):
That sets up a whole string ofthings that happen for people
inside, especially thatnarrative that we've often
talked about, because eventhough our physical needs are
getting met, often thoseemotional needs aren't getting
met, and that's when theshutting down starts to happen.
And as that starts to happen,people then just kind of
(11:39):
snowball into these experiences,and every experience just adds
more weight to those internalbeliefs that they already have
about themselves and howunworthy or not seen, not heard,
not deserving of being heard,and so that can become a real
(11:59):
issue for people to start tostep out of it.
Or the middle child commonexample that is nobody's fault,
but it's what we start tobelieve about it.
Then the experiences that wehave that start to lead to the
growth that we actually need tohave and I know that's one of
the things that she would say tome is you know, this is where
our spiritual, emotional,physical growth starts to come
(12:22):
in, because these circumstanceshave been set up At the time.
It doesn't feel like it.
You know, and I can tell youquite honestly, I was married to
my ex-husband for almost 20years and when I was trying to
understand what the contract Ihad with him was, in the end, as
you guys have heard me say, Icame to that conclusion that I
(12:42):
was in a contract with him or hewas in a contract with me,
until I learned to find my voiceand stand and when, you know, I
could yell before we ended upsplitting up.
But what I mean by find myvoice is me valuing what I have
to say.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
But I think this is what's actually interesting
about what you're saying,especially when it comes to the
whole spiritual contract.
Part of it right, it's that Iknow, as you mentioned.
It's say, if we use an exampleof middle child syndrome right,
of how they experience the world, but if you talk to any eldest
of their house, they feltinvisible in a lot of ways
because the middle children andthe youngest got all the
(13:21):
attention.
Then if you talk to theyoungest, they're used to the
oldest or parts of the middlechildren getting attention.
So it's funny when you talk toany individual about their
perspective, those ways in whichthey felt or experienced that
they didn't get enough attentioncompared to x, everyone has
their evidence or their map ofthe world or and that's what's
(13:43):
interesting with the universalexperience of that I would agree
.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I would agree.
It's a.
It's always a slightlydifferent variation, but if we
have that lesson to to learn,it's going to show up one way or
another, no matter what we do.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So it's pretty interesting and I guess breaking
that cycle of believing thatyou're invisible or that you're
not valuable is one of thebiggest spiritual challenges
somebody will face as they'regoing through their growth,
because you get so convincedthat I don't count.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, that's definitely an interesting
challenge to go through in life,but I think it's funny when you
become aware of it, startquestioning it and then try to
put it into action, like mostthings we talk about in this
podcast, can you begin to buildyour own relationship with it?
Because, as we were talkingabout, of course, I'm the
youngest in my household andnaturally, when Michael came
into my life, I started spendingtime around individuals who
were older than myself.
(14:40):
So what made that an interestingdynamic is what I noticed is
that, even though I was awayfrom family and if I was out in
public with these friends whomight have been 20 years older
than me, if we were all havinglunch or dinner, what I started
to notice is that, even in thoseenvironments of waiters coming
over taking our order, I wasalways invisible because I
wasn't the oldest or even it wasequal to the people at the
(15:01):
table, because naturally, peopleprioritize the oldest at the
table or people who seem olderwhen it comes to taking orders
or even who pays.
It's like they and I'm notsaying that as a bad thing, I'm
just saying that is thesocieties that we live in, or
how they prioritize importanceor power or whatever you want to
, whatever wording you want toput that, to the assumptions
(15:21):
that people make, but it took mea while to actually realize
that a lot of the time it'sactually not personal to me.
These people don't know me.
They don't know where my roots,where I come from, my
background, nothing like that,and how being so, I had to work
with what parts of me are notokay with being visible.
And in those moments in thepast, how did my behaviors or
(15:42):
patterns change to try to proveto someone I didn't even know
that I was worthy of being seen?
Do you get what I mean Becausewe find ourselves starting to
behave differently to try toprove otherwise.
But then I actually came to anacceptance of it's okay being
invisible, and I think that'spart of the journey.
That people don't also talkabout is then, why is it so bad
being invisible at times versustrying to prove to the world why
(16:06):
you should be seen as we gothrough it?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
and I think, as you're saying, that when we're
trying to prove to the worldthat we need to be seen as we go
through it, and I think, asyou're saying, that when we're
trying to prove to the worldthat we need to be seen, we're
pushing our visibility furtherand further away.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
They don't tell you that detail.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
I know no one tells you that detail, do they?
And I think that is the wholetrick about a lot of this thing
in life is realizing that themore you want something without
understanding why you want it orunderstanding what its purpose
is in your life, the furtheryou're going to push it away.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I think that's going to hit a lot of people.
I know we've all heard it inour own ways before, but the
more we choose something as ifwe think it's the answer, it
couldn't be further from thetruth.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
And it takes so long to wake up to that and actually
see it.
That's what pisses me off aboutthe whole thing, because I go.
Why couldn't they just kind of,you know, one of those side
notes when you're like in yourteens?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Oh, by the way, you wouldn't have listened to that
note anyway.
Let's be honest.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Well, and the truth is, because we're in so much
pain, we don't, we really don't,because the pain is too great
to actually hear it.
There are so many things asI've tried to explain to other
people.
You know, I mentor a few peopleand they say you know, this
information is so good, it's sonew.
And I go, yeah, no, it's justnew to you today yeah, it.
(17:30):
It's not new, it's been there.
We just weren't ready to hearit, we weren't ready to
assimilate it, we were not readyto process it, and that's okay
too.
It's just recognizing that whenyou get to that point, when you
get to that point where you areseeking, seeking, seeking and
there's a sense of desperation,that is your clue to stop, yeah,
(17:52):
just to stop and go.
So here's what I would say topeople about feeling invisible
when are you not seeing you, andhow can you turn around and
start paying attention to you?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I just know that that answer is not going to be good
enough for some people.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
They're just going to say what I want to be seeing,
gonna say well, start seeingyourself first.
That's what I have to say.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah let's take a step back from this week's
episode and share with everyonewhat we've been up to behind the
scenes we're really excited tobe able to finally offer the
gareth michael community to eachof you.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
The community offers a range of benefits, including
access to our live events,weekly podcast episodes,
articles, self-checkingquestions, as well as a
community of individuals you canconnect with and interact with
along the way.
It's designed to offer yousupport, guidance and a safe
space on a day-to-day basis.
(18:51):
We'd love to have you join ourglobal community of like-minded
individuals.
That website address, again, iswwwgarethmichaelcom.
Now let's get back to thatepisode, shall we?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But again, it's true in what you're saying, because
the steps towards visibility isbeginning to see yourself in
ways in which you feel invisibletowards self, or the ways that
you're ignoring your own needs,and I think it's that the more
that the world sees us, the morethat actually gives us
ammunition to continue to ignoreourselves.
And mind, body, emotions are thethings we need to be looking at
(19:28):
.
Emotions are the things we needto be looking at.
So sometimes it's like, why islife isolating us in this way,
to have to sit with ourselves,to deal with these thoughts, to
deal with these emotions, todeal with our physical needs?
So, until we actually look atthat, why would life add to more
people seeing us which, to behonest, when more people are
involved in the scene, that addsto more drama in our lives,
(19:49):
which continues to take awayfrom ourselves.
So, if we don't have the skillsets to be able to deal with
people, because we don't reallyunderstand how to be able to
deal with ourselves and what ourown system is bringing up in us
, Exactly, and the saddest partis sometimes when we have that
desperate need to be seen and weget caught up in all that drama
because we're trying so hard tobe seen.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
That drama actually takes us further away from what
we want and it is in sitting inthat invisibility and really
kind of getting to know well,who am I really?
I cannot tell you, gareth, howmany people I ask what is it
going to be like when you're onthe other side of this and
(20:31):
there's not a clue and theyhaven't even contemplated that.
So if you could be seen, whatdo you want to be seen as?
What do you want to be seen for?
What do you want to be asyou're being seen?
What does that mean to you?
Because a lot of times we don'teven know that those questions
are frightening.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I'm triggered as you ask those questions.
Maybe I'll just stay invisible,Kim.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I don't know why that's so frightening.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Come on.
Too many deep questions.
It's too early in the morning.
Too many deep questions it'stoo early in the morning.
It's a deep topic, though yeahbut you know what I'm saying
because absolutely yeah, even insitting on that invisibility
and questioning why it's there.
(21:26):
What's it trying to teach us?
That it's not often personalwhen it comes from the external
world, but I think in doing that, it allows you to be more
present with the people who dosee you, because I think so much
time, if we're trying to getthat approval, trying to be seen
, trying to be heard, it takesus away from the people that
actually see us for who we areand appreciate us and love us
for what we bring to the tableand it's taken.
(21:48):
I think it takes a long time onthis journey to appreciate that
at its core, because we'rebuilding a world where we need
external validation all the timeand we feel like money gives us
power and money makes us alwaysbe seen.
And if I just had this, this andthis, then I'd be appreciating
love and adored and celebratedand it takes a long time for
life to be like nope for thatfor you to actually believe that
(22:12):
at its core Because I think wecan tell ourselves that, but
that doesn't mean that thatemotionally clicks with us to be
present and appreciative ofwhat we actually have today with
the people around us whoactually see us, but then how to
navigate the people who don't,and also be really truly okay
with that.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
I can't agree more with that because you, you know,
during this journey, when mykids were little and I was
really working on myself, I dida seminar with a guy named Dr
John Demartini and he brought upa really good point.
He made us pick one situationwhere we felt really bad about
(22:49):
something.
But the main question he askedat the same time was at that
time that bad person was sayingor doing whatever to you, how
many people around you weredoing the opposite, which is
such a great point, because Ihad to sit there with that big
question mark on my face goingwhat do you mean?
Nobody, he's like really nobody.
(23:18):
And the weirdest thing about itwas it was we had my incident
that I had picked.
We had invited people over fordinner, it was Thanksgiving
dinner and my ex had been sayingsomething to me, and so he said
well, at that moment when hewas saying something negative to
you, how many people weresaying positive things to you?
Well, I almost.
I just didn't want to answerthe damn question Because it was
like oh, because so many peoplein my life were telling me at
(23:41):
that time how good I was at somany different things, and while
I wanted to acknowledge that itwas the fact that this one
person, this one person,couldn't see what was valuable
about me, and that's where I gotfixated, which is what so many
people do.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
But, as you said, that goes back to the
conversation we were having lastweek on the narratives that we
need to believe about ourselvesand narratives that the world is
, so to speak, telling us aspart of this journey that the
world is, so to speak, tellingus as part of this journey.
And that's why it's like why doany of us become so fixated on
the negative, to the point of weactually can't even see any of
the positives in our lives?
(24:20):
But it's most definitelypresent in there, but it's the
part of us can't see it andparts of us don't want to see it
.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Well, I can tell you, at that seminar I didn't want
to see it, because as soon as heasked it I was like now I'm
just going to feel like anungrateful little you know what
spoiled brat.
So, but it is the truth of whathappens to us when we're
running a narrative or a programlike this.
Happens to us when we'rerunning a narrative or a program
(24:47):
like this, and, of course, itstill took me a little while to
start to work out, like I'mreally grateful for when I
started to realize oh wait, aminute, I've got to stop looking
outward.
It's time to look inward.
Because if we are starting totalk about those steps to
becoming visible, it is when youstart becoming visible to
yourself and recognizing whatyour own needs are, what builds
(25:09):
you up, what makes you feel good.
It's then that we start tobecome visible, because we're
actually tuning into ourselves.
That doesn't happen overnight,by the way, just by the course.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
But also part of, I think, the learning is that if
you know that people orindividuals are ignoring you,
there's a part in our own wisdomor growth that we have to
decide to let them and move on,because I think there's nothing
more that we realize in thislife as you go through life and
you're constantly trying tochange someone's view on you.
It doesn't work like that,mm-mm, mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
We have no control over anybody else's view on you.
It doesn't work like that.
We have no control over anybodyelse's view of us.
That is what is so mindboggling about the fact that we
work so hard at trying to doexactly that for most of our
life.
That should be like class 101in high school.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
We shouldn't dive into why they don't teach us
this.
That's right.
No, let's not dive into that,but it is true.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
It's incredible that we spend so much of our time and
our energy trying to get otherpeople to think a certain way,
when we have no control overwhat they're thinking.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
If we're going back to the once again, the spiritual
approach of it.
But when we do feel invisiblein these different ways, I think
it's important to start toquestion okay, why is this a
part of my journey?
Where is the growth in this?
For me, and like most things,it forces us back to self in
some way to be able to recognizewhere our needs are not being
met and the different ways inwhich we start developing a
(26:45):
relationship with ourselves.
In those different ways, and,like most things in this journey
, we do eventually, kim, have toget to a place of acceptance
with any of these areas, sorryto say, of the things that we
struggle with, because they arethere to teach us something.
So, therefore, if we'restruggling with this as an
example, then the journey iswhat is it trying to teach us
(27:08):
about ourselves?
because, more often than not, ifit's outside of our control, it
probably will be a constantthing that continues to appear
in our lives in different waysso it is constantly trying to
teach us something, and maybe weswitch the narrative in some
ways to be like, maybe it's okaybeing invisible, maybe it's
actually protecting us from alot, I can still engage with the
(27:28):
world, but if the world doesn'tsee me, there's actually a lot
of pros to that and not cons, aslong as I understand why it's
that way and how it can actuallywork for me.
So I take a lot of comfort in it.
Now that the people who aremeant to see me do see me, and
then the people who I want tosee me, I need a question why do
I need them or want them to seeme, and what does that say
about me?
So there's growth and you canstill go out there and live in
(27:51):
the world.
You're not hiding from theworld, but as you engage with it
and the triggers that come upalong the way, it really is
directing you or guiding you inthis path of the questions that
you still have about self.
So that's what I think aboutanything that we're struggling
with.
It tells us more aboutourselves more than it ever does
about the world around us.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I agree with that completely and I think if
there's any way that we can helppeople understand that this
topic, like we talk about withso many topics, is so
multi-layered that it's not amatter of going out there and
going, oh you know what, I'mjust going to start speaking up
more, or I'm going to, you know,have a more positive mindset
(28:32):
and that's going to changethings.
It's great to have those things, but we have to be able to
integrate it, believe it and,you know, accept what it has
come to teach us.
And that is the process thattakes those little steps by
little steps by little steps.
As so many people have heard mesay.
It just takes that time to getthere.
(28:55):
But when you get to that placewhere you're questioning and
you're starting to understand it, you start to see that need to
be seen and fall away becauseyou will be seen, or you won't
really care whether you're seenor not, because you feel whole
within yourself.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
So, in closing, I think what we're trying to say,
gareth, is, if you are feelingunseen or unheard by family and
friends or even workplace people, maybe the first step is taking
that focus off, trying to getseen by those people, and start
to turn that focus inward.
And as we do that and we startto change the narrative why we
(29:36):
want to look at that and startto question it then we can start
to understand ourself and lifein a different way.
And as we start to and it's notgoing to happen overnight, but
it's a great a different way,and as we start to and it's not
going to happen overnight, butit's a great place to start, and
once you start, it's a journeythat you're going to truthfully
be so grateful for, because onceyou're seeing you, once you're
(29:57):
hearing you, once you're lovingyou, life starts to change in
every area of your life andnobody else's narrative has to
change, because we can't changetheir narrative.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
And it is amazing when you get to a place in life
where you can enjoy being seenand unseen.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yes, Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,then you might want to check out
our online community.
We built it to offer you thecomfort of having a supportive
community by your side, nomatter where life takes you.
Connect with like-mindedindividuals through our app.
(30:32):
Navigate each step of thejourney together with us by
joining our Gareth Michaelcommunity.
Here are a few of the thingsyou're going to get.
You'll get exclusive real-timeaccess to live recording and
events.
Advanced access to each newepisode.
The opportunity to askquestions directly of Gareth and
I.
Input into what topics we coverin the show.
(30:56):
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To learn more about ourcommunity, please go to
wwwgarethmichaelcom.
Thanks again, and I hope youguys are having a lovely week.
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