March 3, 2025 • 36 mins
In this episode of the Practical Spirituality Podcast, Gareth and Kim examine the stories we tell ourselves and how these narratives influence our lives. They discuss how childhood experiences and ingrained beliefs can shape decisions and relationships further on in our lives. By exploring the origins of these beliefs, they illustrate how questioning these narratives can lead to profound personal growth.
The hosts guide listeners through common struggles involving negative self-talk and offer practical tools to dissolve limiting beliefs. They explain how to identify persistent negative narratives and reframe them for a healthier mindset.
Whether listeners are on a personal journey of self-discovery or simply curious about the impact of thought patterns, this episode provides guidance on engaging more effectively with one’s inner voice. Listeners are encouraged to question the narratives governing their lives and to open themselves up to meaningful transformation. Through this approach, they can find a path toward greater empowerment and healing.
Become a Community Member at https://community.garethmichael.com/ to join our community and get early access to new episodes, answers to your personal questions and so much more.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast.
We are so excited to have youon this journey with us, where
we explore all elements of mind,body, emotions and soul through
the lens of everyday life.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello Kim.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I'm doing good this morning.
How are you doing?
I'm doing pretty good thismorning For this week's episode.
We've talked in this podcastabout negative thoughts,
negative thinking, positivethoughts, positive thinking, why
those things are a part of anyof our human reality and our
experience while on this planet.
But I think another angle todive into it, which is a bit
(00:52):
more complex, you could say, isthe stories that we tell
ourselves or the differentnarratives that we run in our
day-to-day lives to shape ourreality.
And I think it goes back tosome of the comments you've made
in previous episodes about, saythe, as you would describe, the
map of the world that I meanthis would have, or how we
navigate this world.
So I think this is worthinteresting to talk about.
(01:16):
Basically, the different storieswe tell ourselves in a
day-in-day basis, such as whatwe assume other people are
thinking about us.
The different stories we tellourselves to stop ourselves from
taking certain actions in lifeand, yes, that might be
fear-based or there might bedifferent other emotions present
but the different stories thatwe tell ourselves on an ongoing
(01:37):
basis that we take as absolutetruth.
That dictates a lot of ourdecisions, but yet we've never
really had the opportunity toquestion these stories, their
roots, why they're there, whatare they protecting us from?
I just think that wholeconversation of mapping out the
world and our map of the worldis maybe one we could dive into
further.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I think it's a good topic because I think it is also
one that most people don'tthink about until they're on
this journey, and even well intothis journey.
It's not widely discussed abouthow the narrative gets there
and why the narrative is there,and how do you change that
narrative if you have a strongnarrative running and that is
(02:21):
interesting because it's eitherwhat's going to keep us stuck or
it's what's going to allow usto start to grow how that story
is running in our head.
So I think it's a veryimportant topic.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
And the reality is that narrative, or the multiple
that runs throughout life.
It impacts us all in mind, body, emotion, soul, and each of
them play a role in who we'vebecome today and the person and
the people we will become movingforward.
But, I think, as you were sayingthere, we've never had the
ability to take a step back andactually question what are the
current ones we're runningActually, what's it trying to
(02:55):
show us or teach us aboutourselves, the roots and what
does the future mean with thosenarratives when we begin to sit
down and question them?
Present day mean with thosenarratives, when we begin to sit
down and question them presentday face to face Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And even when people are on this journey, they really
struggle with understanding, nomatter how much work they've
done.
Sometimes that story or thatnarrative or those stories and
narratives come back.
And why is it that they comeback?
So you know, I have a wholetake on that.
(03:27):
So you know, a lot of times Ilike to say the narrative
originates in the fact, usuallythe different experiences that
happen to us in those first fewyears of our life, when we don't
have an analytical mind, we areabsorbing the world, you know,
through that part of our life.
When we don't have ananalytical mind, we are
absorbing the world through thatpart of our mind that just
(03:48):
takes everything literally.
But at the same time, since wedon't have the ability to
decipher, there are certainthings I want to say, certain
beliefs that are formed, andthose particular beliefs are
what form the narrative.
And most people don't everquestion the beliefs.
(04:10):
How true are they?
You know, they spend theirwhole life trying to resolve the
belief or the story, but theyhave no idea of where it came
from and whether it's true orwhether it's not yeah, yeah,
because we take it as factualtruth, as you said, because from
a very young age, especially ofus, where the narratives come
from.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
We don't know any different and a lot of us have
never been supported to be ableto question whether it's true or
not.
But what is true is that we'vecontinued to add to these
narratives throughout lifethrough experience.
A lot of people have beentelling us to believe, basically
without ever the ability to askwhy, or is that accurate, or
does that work for me, or whatdoes that mean for me moving
(04:51):
forward.
So that's why I was saying atthe start of by trying to
explain the angle of thisparticular episode, because it's
not as simple as just definingpositive thinking, negative
thinking.
It's both of that andeverything in between, of how we
navigate our day-to-day livesand the different narratives
that encourage us but alsoprotect us also.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Well, they do, and it is very different than those
things.
And so the way that I would,the vocabulary that I would use,
is there are.
We have belief systems and wehave core beliefs.
And I say those core beliefshappen to be ideas that we've
picked up, that we believe to betrue, that have solidified in
(05:36):
our brain because we've toldthat story over and over and
over again so many times, andthe difference between positive
thinking and negative thinkingis so.
The best way to explain this isto give you an example of one of
my clients.
So I have a client who, whenthey were five years of age,
their parents wanted to go intoa store and she has a little
(05:59):
brother that was three years ofage.
Parents asked her to sitoutside the store and watch the
little brother.
Well, hello, we all know howwell the attention span of a
five-year-old and athree-year-old are.
Parents are in the store, theycome out she's still sitting
there and they're like where'syour brother?
(06:21):
And he had wandered off.
So he had wandered off.
It probably took them two orthree hours before they found
the little boy.
So the father, in his fear,lost the plot at the young girl.
So from that experience.
The fear she felt about herlittle brother, how she felt she
was in trouble, how she felt itwas her fault, has well in her
(06:43):
mind solidified.
I did something wrong, andthat's why Dad is angry at me.
But as she went through life shecontinued to tell that story
I'm wrong and she would look forproof of it.
And then of course she wouldfind the proof and then of
course Dad would be upset withher.
And after that goes on for acertain period of time, every
(07:06):
relationship she enters, nomatter what it is, something
happens Instantly.
There's the story it must be myfault, I've done something
wrong, whether it's her fault orwhether it's not.
Whether there's clear evidencethat it's not, that becomes the
story.
Clear evidence that it's not,that becomes the story.
And the other interesting partabout this, I think, is what
(07:29):
happens then is we start to tryand resolve the lie that we
believed in childhood.
So it sets up a whole pattern.
This is where it gets reallyinteresting for you and I,
(07:51):
because it sets up this wholepattern of if you're running one
of these narratives like, themost common one is I'm not good
enough or I'm not capable.
You know there's quite a few ofthem, but if you're running one
of those, then you spend yourentire life trying to prove that
you are good enough, but thefact that you were not good
enough was a lie in the firstplace.
So how do you prove that a lieisn't true?
And you run around in thatcircle constantly trying to
prove the narrative but it'salso the narrative.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Even though it's uncomfortable, has also been a
comfort zone, because it's alsoall we've ever known.
So it's not uncommon for us toself-sabotage, to create the
evidence that doesn't exist tostart with yeah which is exactly
what we're saying.
So like, as you said, it's ahow do you expect anyone to
navigate this on their own?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I don't know.
I don't know, because I did tryfor quite a long time.
And here's the very interestingthing Even after you start on
this journey, there are very fewpeople that are able to help.
You see that you're running anarrative in your head and you.
(08:54):
This is why we say it's whatshapes our life, because if we
buy the story hook, line andsinker, then we're constantly
looking for those proofs.
Anchor, then we're constantlylooking for those proofs, and
then we go.
I don't know why I don't getahead, or I don't know why I
don't find love, or I don't knowwhy, whatever the story
supports at that particularpoint in time, and it's it.
(09:18):
It's fascinating that it takesus to a certain point before we
are even able to begin toquestion the story.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I feel like that's part of the journey they don't
mention.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I get it the fine print, kind of like it's a
contract.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
There's a lot of fine print.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yes, and, yeah, how are we supposed to know about
all that fine print?
Like, I can tell you honestly,I didn't understand this because
in my teaching I was taughtthat we all have beliefs You've
heard me talk about, you know,the map isn't the territory, and
everybody's map is different.
(09:58):
And we all have differentbeliefs, of course, because of
our culture, because of where wewere raised, because of the era
that we were raised in, theschooling that we went to, the
people we hung out with.
So we all have these differentbeliefs.
We all think we're talkingabout the same thing and quite
often we're never talking aboutthe same thing, but that's
(10:18):
beside the point.
No one ever told me that someof those have become rock solid
and they were based on a lie tostart with.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, but I think what's really tough about this
process, or becoming the termsof thought, especially when
starting off, is that even whenyou explain that beautifully and
perfectly to someone, to theirlogical mind, we both know the
emotional belief and the tiesthat come along with it.
Because even when somethingmakes sense to us logically, it
does not mean that we're able tosimply just let it go.
(10:48):
Only if it was so simple.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
It's very true, because our whole life has been
built on it.
That's the interesting thing.
We've built our whole life onthe narrative.
So, whether that's, I alwaysfail, I'm always wrong, I'm not
good enough.
They don't't understand mebecause we've spent so much time
looking for the proof.
(11:11):
It's you know, in psychologythey call it that cognitive
dissidence like the truth is infront of us, but we have so much
proof otherwise we're not goingto believe the proof that's
been put in front of us I wasjust about to say we don't know
who to believe we don't, wedon't, and so that believe we
don't, we don't, and so thatbecomes quite a conundrum.
You know, and I just want ourlisteners to know, we are not
(11:31):
always here just to pop yourbubble and tell you that life
really sucks, because there is away out of this, because every
week we come on here and we gookay, so what about this?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Because every week we come on here and we go okay, so
what about this?
Most things are sort ofdepressing practical
spirituality.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
But I think when we talk about practical
spirituality, this is one of thethings that we're talking about
.
Until we have the ability toexplore everything we believed
to be true before and I thinkyou, it's true, it's everything
we believed before, correct?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
yep, yep, this is practical spirituality, because
we all experience this as humanbeings and therefore but no one
talks about it yet as somethingwe all go through it's easy to
hide and into a lot of differentthings, but when something like
this and the narratives we allrun which we all do run in
different ways if we all do that, then that is a part of the
spiritual experience here, butyet no one talks about it.
(12:35):
So it's not that we're tryingto be depressing or trying to
bring anything down.
I think by actually finallytalking about it, you and I have
experienced how much it beginsto really open you up, to
question why and that's where wedo find that inner growth, our
inner voice and understandingour own individual journeys, and
that's why we're so passionateabout having these conversations
(12:56):
that were never presented to usbefore.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Absolutely true and I can tell you as someone who
does this work well andtruthfully into my work, went to
a, I went to some seminar and Iwas listening to a guy talk and
he started talking about thesenarratives, the stories we tell
ourselves, or the core beliefs,and how, how, in the world of
personal growth, it's handled ina wrong way because we treat it
(13:23):
like any other belief, but thatwe haven't realized.
The more that we focus ontrying to change it, the bigger
it becomes, and that becomes areally big deal when it comes to
our personal growth, becausearen't we taught to go, look at
these things?
But if we look at them and Ithink that's why this logical
explanation becomes reallyimportant you know, I wouldn't
(13:47):
say we want to go in and look atthe stories, but we definitely
want to question the stories.
We don't want to focus so muchon the meaning behind the story,
but we want to be able to go.
Oh, hang on, you know what isit about that?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
that I believe to be true and I think so when we're
doing that journey, especiallywhen we want to understand this
narratives, maybe we're at thatstage in our journeys where it's
time to question it.
You see, like a lot of thingsyou and I talk about, it's a
process.
So first of all, of course, youhave to educate the mind what
it needs to know.
(14:25):
Then you start to go throughthe emotional process, which
means most likely going into thepast, going into the childhood
stuff, going into the family,friends, friendships,
relationships, of how thosenarratives created and how those
things were, shall we say,verified over the decades.
And then you go into thephysical part of it, which we
both understand as well, as ifthere was physical trauma of
(14:47):
some kind, of how the body holdsthese different things within
us.
That's a journey.
And then there's the spiritualunderstanding of why we would
have put ourselves through allof this in the spiritual
contracts.
So I'm saying it is an absolutejourney of mind, body, emotion,
soul.
But I think it's that you haveto respect the order.
At times you do that processand to make the most sense of it
(15:07):
, but you can't really skipcertain steps because, at the
end of the day, if the minddoesn't understand, we're going
to find ways to spook ourselvesand to run away from it and to
go back to what we know, even ifwe know it's not working for us
.
As I was saying earlier, it'scomforting in the fact that it's
familiar, even if we don't likeit, and that goes with any of
the narratives that we run, bothpositive and negative.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Absolutely.
You know, how do you start torecognize what is the narrative
that you're running?
What?
Well, what are the narratives?
Because it's never just one.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
This is going to be a very long episode.
Should you go first or should I?
But I think an easy identifierand I won't say easy, but it's
that say, as some of theexamples that you mentioned
earlier in passing it's like ifwe keep finding ourselves saying
I'm not good enough, or thethings I'm always feeling, or I
(16:03):
can never seem to getrelationships right, the things
that'm always feeling or I cannever seem to get relationships
right, the things that areconstantly repeating themselves
in our day-to-day lives, ormonth-to-month or year-to-year,
we can see those patterns of doI keep finding myself in those
relationships or do I not keepgetting those jobs I keep going
for, or I keep chasing the lovefrom my parents.
(16:24):
But the point is, if you look atanyone, you can see where those
patterns I keep chasing thelove from my parents.
But the point is, if you lookat anyone, you can see where
those patterns and behaviors andnarratives are repeating within
their lives.
So I think we're allconsciously aware of it, but
we've just never been asked toquestion it, because I don't
think if you ask anyone, ifyou'd ask anyone on the street,
I think they could quickly tellyou right away in some ways of
(16:46):
what do they find the negativethings keep repeating in their
lives and what are the story orwhat is the narrative they keep
repeating?
But then if you ask them when'sthe last time someone asked you
that question or asked youabout it, they'd probably say
never.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Right, and when was the last time anyone asked you
to question it?
Now, and if you do, and in thebeginning, if you do question
the narrative, the first thingthat happens is you start to
supply all the proof as to whythat narrative is true, and in
that process, you've reconvincedyourself all over again.
This is why the narrative istrue.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Let's take a step back from this week's episode
and share with everyone whatwe've been up to behind the
scenes.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
We're really excited to be able to finally offer the
Gareth Michael community to eachof you.
The community offers a range ofbenefits, including access to
our live events, weekly podcastepisodes, articles,
self-checking questions, as wellas a community of individuals
you can connect with andinteract with along the way.
It's designed to offer yousupport, guidance and a safe
(17:51):
space on a day-to-day basis.
We'd love to have you join ourglobal community of like-minded
individuals.
That website address, again, iswwwgarethmichaelcom.
Now let's get back to thatepisode, shall we at
garethmichaelcom Now?
Speaker 1 (18:07):
let's get back to that episode, shall we?
I do think a lot of us areconsciously aware of the fact
that these narratives arerunning.
Why?
Because we do live with themevery single day and they are
dictating nearly all of ourdecisions every single day also,
but I think it's that none ofus ever really ever asked about
it or to even talk about it, andnone of us ever really ever
asked about it or to even talkabout it, and none of us are
(18:28):
even really that aware that wecan do something about it.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Well, even if we become aware of them, like I can
tell you one of mine, I'm notshy about some of the narratives
that I have run my entire lifeand God knows I've got quite a
few of them, but one of the mainones are people always leave.
I mean, you recognize that one.
It's the first thing I go to.
Almost every single time You'remad at me, you're going to
(18:54):
leave.
That's just the way it is.
Notice how I just said that.
That's just the way it is,because of all of the proof that
is run.
So not being to recognize, oreven when I did start to
recognize that story that I'mtelling myself, it didn't matter
who came into my life becausethe proof was there.
(19:17):
And even when I started toquestion it, that proof, it's
been solidified for so manyyears.
Proof, it's been solidified forso many years.
There is a want to hope for itto be different.
Now, one of the key things thatI've picked up and you and I
talk about it.
You know I logically understandwhy that is there.
(19:38):
I understand that that was partof the journey that I had to go
through and there has beenincredible growth and learnings
around myself and learning tolike myself and learning to love
myself.
It is dropping all those proofs.
That tends to be thechallenging part after they've
(19:59):
been there and solidified for solong so people can tell me I'm
not going anywhere and withinless than a second I can hear my
mind going oh yeah, we'll see.
We'll see.
And I'm saying that because Iwant people to understand that
we're not up here saying, oh,all you got to do is change the
(20:19):
narrative, because we know it'snot as simple as just going in
and changing the narrative.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
But I think it's having the ability to understand
that the narrative is going tobe triggered within us when
exposed to those examples.
But now we've been educated tounderstand what to do when those
narratives are triggered, howto question them and how to
balance the books internally, soto speak, and mind, body
emotions.
Does it mean that it's an easyexperience?
(20:46):
No.
Does it mean it's a niceexperience?
No.
But at least we have our ownmap of the world now, of how to
navigate this, instead of theone we were given in our
childhood.
So we're adding to this mapinstead of just being told this.
Is it no deal with it?
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And the other thing thathappens when we're questioning
the narrative, when you havethat blanket load of proofs,
it's also then looking for theproofs of the opposite of the
story.
Because that is one of the keythings in questioning the story
is to say, well, people alwaysleave.
(21:20):
Well, do they really?
Yeah, always every time youknow, like how and when have
they not left?
And I can guarantee you mostpeople go well, that didn't
count, that's different.
Do you know what I mean?
And so we dismiss the oppositeproof of what the narrative is,
(21:42):
and I think that's one of thereasons it's so important for us
to bring it up.
And I think that's one of thereasons it's so important for us
to bring it up, because we'resaying how does your story
dictate or basically shape yourreality?
And this is how it does it.
Because until we're ready toreally sit down and have that
relationship with ourselves andwith what this story means to us
(22:04):
, whatever the story is becausethere's countless ones it's not
till then that we can go oh,okay, well, maybe people don't
always leave.
And how many times have I leftto preempt them leaving?
Because there is another sideof the story that well, we don't
(22:25):
even want to look at that,because it doesn't fit the
narrative.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
This doesn't sound fun, kim.
I don't know if we want toexplore this.
Can we burn this map of theworld please?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well, plenty of times I've wanted to trust me.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
But I think this is where, again, when it comes back
to, we all run this and we allhave our versions of this.
How can this not be afascinating conversation to have
, which means there is growthwithin it when we are exposed to
question it, to grow with it,and it doesn't mean that's a
perfect process that's going toguarantee results.
(23:04):
But, like anything, when we'rewilling to question it and
explore it, it we always comeout with more knowledge about
self than we had before.
Because what you and I arenever going to say to the
listeners that, oh, once you dothis, it'll be all cleaned up,
and you're never going to, it'snever going to get triggered
again, or these narratives arenever going to come back.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Well, it's just not true.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
But that doesn't mean that this is depressing.
That does not mean that this isdepressing, that does not mean
that this is all negative, we'renot worth doing.
The journey I'm saying is thatwe've all been given a map of
the world, as we were talkingabout before, but now that it's.
But it's interesting how lifeexposes us to certain
experiences that bring us onthis journey to have to question
(23:51):
because of that rock bottomthat we've hit a few times and
that wasn't a fan favourite fromlast week is what I'm hearing
constantly, so maybe I shouldnot use the term rock bottom.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
When we're talking about it, you know, when you're
looking at it for the first time, it does seem big and
overwhelming and huge.
But if you think about it,you've been questioning other
people's narratives or storiesyour entire life and we've been
able to see where other peopleare buying into their story and
that it's not true.
(24:28):
So if we can see it in others,it means there's a part of us
that is ready to explore it.
And, to be really honest withyou, this has been of all the
things that I've had to explorein my growth.
This is one of the areas whereit's taken me longer, I will
admit to that, but it's not beenas harsh as some of the other
(24:50):
things in questioning thatnarrative that I run and
questioning why I run thenarrative that I run, and so I
guess you know it's abouthelping people understand there
comes a real piece when you'vedone this work, you know,
because it's like, sure, doesthe narrative still run?
Oh, yep, there's my old friend.
(25:11):
It's been a whole 30 secondssince you've been hanging out
and I'm buying into that storytoday, you know, because here's
here's something that is kind ofI think.
I heard someone coined thisphrase the other day and I loved
it.
All we are is changing andwe're always changing.
(25:34):
All we are is change and we'realways changing.
So we've been changing sinceconception.
With things like what we'retalking about today, questioning
the narrative and how it shapesour life, it's just another
area that is meant to change andif you're not questioning yet,
(25:54):
you're not ready to do thatchange at this point.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
It is true, and I think us going through life and
questioning this and being metwith so much evidence in our own
experiences.
It's so true, but it's neverwhat anyone wants wants to hear
and it's definitely what wenever wanted to hear you know
what I'm trying to say.
Yes, because even when a part ofthis feels that, that there's
something about it that sitsright with us, there's always a
(26:20):
part of us that can end upkicking and screaming because of
the conditioning, because weall want that silver bullet,
because we all feel like we'vebeen through enough hardship, we
all feel like we've we'veinvested enough.
Like when?
Where does it end?
I think that's when people arewhen does it get easier when it
comes to exploring, doing thiswork?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I think it gets easier.
So, as someone who's been onthis journey for a little while,
I think it starts to get easier.
When we come to that place of Ialmost want to trip on this
word when we come to that placeof understanding, I shall say no
, say it.
When we get to that place ofacceptance and accepting that we
(27:05):
are on a journey of growth andso, therefore, it's all again
the narrative.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
How we look at it.
It's how we frame it up.
Is it really that difficult?
You know, because we're goingthrough it anyway.
I personally found banging myhead against the wall more
difficult than doing thequestioning.
I have been told I'm an odd one, though, so I understand most
people might like banging theirhead against the wall, but I
(27:34):
personally didn't like that.
So you know it is interesting,and a lot of people do say when
does it ever end?
It just changes and becomes alot easier as you start to have
that relationship with self andthat relationship with all parts
of yourself.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
I couldn't agree more and I think when we do find
ourselves saying those exactwords being when is this going
to end that within itself justtells us more about what we need
to explore to get relief inwhat we're actually talking
about, of what we still don'tunderstand about self.
So I do feel like life isconstantly giving us direction
or redirection, but we justhaven't been taught how to
(28:13):
actually read it as as that andwhat to do with that information
.
Because if we're strugglingwith something, that means
there's a narrative running this, having a struggle with our
sense of reality, which was anarrative given to us at some
stage because we weren't bornwith it exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
That's very true, and so this is why this
conversation is so huge.
Where did we get the assumptionthat life was going to be
smooth?
Where did we pick that up?
And I had a client client theother day that had a huge
session, and I get a message inbetween sessions saying oh, it's
been a bit bumpy, I probablyneed a top up.
(28:53):
Blah, blah, blah and I'm likeokay, so can I ask you this when
have you ever tried somethingnew and it didn't have its bumps
along the way?
Because that is part of it.
Until we master it, it's bumpy.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
See, we all have that experience and that evidence of
that being true.
But why do we ignore that whenwe all know that's true?
It's really impressive, Kim.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
I know we do a very good job at it, don't we?
Speaker 1 (29:29):
We're all Oscar-winning actors I say that
to my clients all the time likewe're really good at pretending
things should be one way when weknow it's a different way
exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
So I guess one of the things that we want to leave
our listeners with is howamazing our life is when we
start to question these things,when we come to some
understanding about thesestories that we're telling
ourself.
You know when I was able tostart saying, oh, that's my
(30:00):
story, it's not me, bigdifference, because I used to
think it was me, and I imagineso many people think this map of
the world that we have,whatever is involved in it, is
who I am.
But basically it is just thestory that we're telling ourself
.
So if we don't like the story,we can really, and so it's not a
(30:24):
matter of just changing thestory.
We have to understand why wewere running the story in the
first place, and when we havehad a complete relationship with
that story, then we have abetter chance of telling ourself
a new story.
But we can't just jump straightto the new story.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
But the reason why we're not allowed to do that is
because, as we often talk about,our journeys are here for
growth and, I think, because weall are destined to have these
blind spots to the truth that weknow, or a sense of reality and
that are true to our experience.
The blind spots I actually feelare guided by our own energy to
(30:59):
expose us to more experiencesthat make each of our own paths
unique as they are, because thisis what continues to be
fascinating, I think, aboutelements of this season.
We're all talking about similarexperiences.
All go through as human beings,yet our exposure and experience
to those exact things are allcompletely different, completely
(31:21):
different, yet it's hard toargue that we don't all go
through it well, people thinkthey don't go through it because
the narrative they're tellingthemselves sometimes is
different.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
But they might not go through it exactly the same way
I do or you do.
We're all going through it inour own way, however that looks,
and that's what becomes reallyfascinating.
I find it to be such afascinating topic because once
you start questioning some ofthe stories and what you believe
(31:55):
to be true and you start tohave an understanding even
though that still rears its uglyhead it doesn't have as much
power over you when you knowit's just the story, and then
eventually you create that newstory.
When you finish with the oldstory, you get to do the same
(32:15):
process all over again, but itbecomes far more interesting
because you understand theprocess in a different way than
instead of feeling like you werein a fight to begin with.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah, so it's no longer raising its ugly head,
it's just a head.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
I prefer story.
There's that old story again,there it is, and I often put it
in the corner and go you canjust sit over there because I'm
not playing today, I'm notreading the story today.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
But I think that's what's interesting about it is
that people do have thatexpectation that once through
the work, that these storiesstop popping up.
They do pop up but we don'tnecessarily believe them or lean
into them or they don't dictateor control us anymore.
But we have an awarenessbecause they're always going to
(33:06):
be a part of us why they've madeus who we are today.
So we're not trying to deleteelements of us, but that doesn't
mean that we have to believethem anymore, especially when
we've had all the relevantexperiences that we've needed to
have with those narratives tobe the people we are.
That's brought us on thisadvanced journey, but it's also
a time where we can recognize it, but it doesn't have to dictate
(33:28):
who we become moving forward.
So the reason I want to bring upthis topic or the subject for
this morning's episode, issimply because, once again, it's
something we all go through andwhen any of us are asked to
actually start to question anyof this, it's amazing what it
can bring up as part of ourjourney when given the
(33:49):
opportunity to, because it's notas simple as as if we're all
resisting this all of the time.
So sometimes we've never beenasked the question.
Yeah, sometimes it can be thatsimple, and therefore, what I
want to put out to our listenersis that what are the different
narratives or stories that youtell yourself on an ongoing
basis that maybe you're somewhataware of but never have
(34:09):
actually just asked the questionof, and whether I need to
believe it?
I want to believe it.
I don't have a choice, it'sjust what immediately comes to
mind.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
I think, then, it's only then that we can start to
really find out because you know, we have lots of good stories
too, and I think it's importantto point that out as well what
stories are supporting us andwhat stories are not supporting
us as we talked about at thestart of this conversation, is
too simplified to say it's justpositive thinking or negative
thinking.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
It's more that we're all running narratives that do
have a positive influence on usand sometimes a negative
influence on us, but we neverhave been given the opportunity
to actually ask what are these,where they come from, is it
still benefiting us and what canwe learn about ourselves from
exploring it?
And that's what I want all ofour listeners this morning to
actually have the opportunity to, in their own time, if they're
(35:02):
meditating, if they're writingjournaling, to actually question
what are some of the narrativesor stories that are ongoing in
my day-to-day life that might behelpful for me to explore
presently.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,then you might want to check out
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(35:37):
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To learn more about ourcommunity, please go to
wwwgarethmichaelcom.
Thanks again, and I hope youguys are having a lovely week.
Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast.
We are so excited to have youon this journey with us, where
we explore all elements of mind,body, emotions and soul through
the lens of everyday life.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello Kim.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I'm doing good this morning.
How are you doing?
I'm doing pretty good thismorning For this week's episode.
We've talked in this podcastabout negative thoughts,
negative thinking, positivethoughts, positive thinking, why
those things are a part of anyof our human reality and our
experience while on this planet.
But I think another angle todive into it, which is a bit
(00:52):
more complex, you could say, isthe stories that we tell
ourselves or the differentnarratives that we run in our
day-to-day lives to shape ourreality.
And I think it goes back tosome of the comments you've made
in previous episodes about, saythe, as you would describe, the
map of the world that I meanthis would have, or how we
navigate this world.
So I think this is worthinteresting to talk about.
(01:16):
Basically, the different storieswe tell ourselves in a
day-in-day basis, such as whatwe assume other people are
thinking about us.
The different stories we tellourselves to stop ourselves from
taking certain actions in lifeand, yes, that might be
fear-based or there might bedifferent other emotions present
but the different stories thatwe tell ourselves on an ongoing
(01:37):
basis that we take as absolutetruth.
That dictates a lot of ourdecisions, but yet we've never
really had the opportunity toquestion these stories, their
roots, why they're there, whatare they protecting us from?
I just think that wholeconversation of mapping out the
world and our map of the worldis maybe one we could dive into
further.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I think it's a good topic because I think it is also
one that most people don'tthink about until they're on
this journey, and even well intothis journey.
It's not widely discussed abouthow the narrative gets there
and why the narrative is there,and how do you change that
narrative if you have a strongnarrative running and that is
(02:21):
interesting because it's eitherwhat's going to keep us stuck or
it's what's going to allow usto start to grow how that story
is running in our head.
So I think it's a veryimportant topic.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
And the reality is that narrative, or the multiple
that runs throughout life.
It impacts us all in mind, body, emotion, soul, and each of
them play a role in who we'vebecome today and the person and
the people we will become movingforward.
But, I think, as you were sayingthere, we've never had the
ability to take a step back andactually question what are the
current ones we're runningActually, what's it trying to
(02:55):
show us or teach us aboutourselves, the roots and what
does the future mean with thosenarratives when we begin to sit
down and question them?
Present day mean with thosenarratives, when we begin to sit
down and question them presentday face to face Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And even when people are on this journey, they really
struggle with understanding, nomatter how much work they've
done.
Sometimes that story or thatnarrative or those stories and
narratives come back.
And why is it that they comeback?
So you know, I have a wholetake on that.
(03:27):
So you know, a lot of times Ilike to say the narrative
originates in the fact, usuallythe different experiences that
happen to us in those first fewyears of our life, when we don't
have an analytical mind, we areabsorbing the world, you know,
through that part of our life.
When we don't have ananalytical mind, we are
absorbing the world through thatpart of our mind that just
(03:48):
takes everything literally.
But at the same time, since wedon't have the ability to
decipher, there are certainthings I want to say, certain
beliefs that are formed, andthose particular beliefs are
what form the narrative.
And most people don't everquestion the beliefs.
(04:10):
How true are they?
You know, they spend theirwhole life trying to resolve the
belief or the story, but theyhave no idea of where it came
from and whether it's true orwhether it's not yeah, yeah,
because we take it as factualtruth, as you said, because from
a very young age, especially ofus, where the narratives come
from.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
We don't know any different and a lot of us have
never been supported to be ableto question whether it's true or
not.
But what is true is that we'vecontinued to add to these
narratives throughout lifethrough experience.
A lot of people have beentelling us to believe, basically
without ever the ability to askwhy, or is that accurate, or
does that work for me, or whatdoes that mean for me moving
(04:51):
forward.
So that's why I was saying atthe start of by trying to
explain the angle of thisparticular episode, because it's
not as simple as just definingpositive thinking, negative
thinking.
It's both of that andeverything in between, of how we
navigate our day-to-day livesand the different narratives
that encourage us but alsoprotect us also.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Well, they do, and it is very different than those
things.
And so the way that I would,the vocabulary that I would use,
is there are.
We have belief systems and wehave core beliefs.
And I say those core beliefshappen to be ideas that we've
picked up, that we believe to betrue, that have solidified in
(05:36):
our brain because we've toldthat story over and over and
over again so many times, andthe difference between positive
thinking and negative thinkingis so.
The best way to explain this isto give you an example of one of
my clients.
So I have a client who, whenthey were five years of age,
their parents wanted to go intoa store and she has a little
(05:59):
brother that was three years ofage.
Parents asked her to sitoutside the store and watch the
little brother.
Well, hello, we all know howwell the attention span of a
five-year-old and athree-year-old are.
Parents are in the store, theycome out she's still sitting
there and they're like where'syour brother?
(06:21):
And he had wandered off.
So he had wandered off.
It probably took them two orthree hours before they found
the little boy.
So the father, in his fear,lost the plot at the young girl.
So from that experience.
The fear she felt about herlittle brother, how she felt she
was in trouble, how she felt itwas her fault, has well in her
(06:43):
mind solidified.
I did something wrong, andthat's why Dad is angry at me.
But as she went through life shecontinued to tell that story
I'm wrong and she would look forproof of it.
And then of course she wouldfind the proof and then of
course Dad would be upset withher.
And after that goes on for acertain period of time, every
(07:06):
relationship she enters, nomatter what it is, something
happens Instantly.
There's the story it must be myfault, I've done something
wrong, whether it's her fault orwhether it's not.
Whether there's clear evidencethat it's not, that becomes the
story.
Clear evidence that it's not,that becomes the story.
And the other interesting partabout this, I think, is what
(07:29):
happens then is we start to tryand resolve the lie that we
believed in childhood.
So it sets up a whole pattern.
This is where it gets reallyinteresting for you and I,
(07:51):
because it sets up this wholepattern of if you're running one
of these narratives like, themost common one is I'm not good
enough or I'm not capable.
You know there's quite a few ofthem, but if you're running one
of those, then you spend yourentire life trying to prove that
you are good enough, but thefact that you were not good
enough was a lie in the firstplace.
So how do you prove that a lieisn't true?
And you run around in thatcircle constantly trying to
prove the narrative but it'salso the narrative.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Even though it's uncomfortable, has also been a
comfort zone, because it's alsoall we've ever known.
So it's not uncommon for us toself-sabotage, to create the
evidence that doesn't exist tostart with yeah which is exactly
what we're saying.
So like, as you said, it's ahow do you expect anyone to
navigate this on their own?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I don't know.
I don't know, because I did tryfor quite a long time.
And here's the very interestingthing Even after you start on
this journey, there are very fewpeople that are able to help.
You see that you're running anarrative in your head and you.
(08:54):
This is why we say it's whatshapes our life, because if we
buy the story hook, line andsinker, then we're constantly
looking for those proofs.
Anchor, then we're constantlylooking for those proofs, and
then we go.
I don't know why I don't getahead, or I don't know why I
don't find love, or I don't knowwhy, whatever the story
supports at that particularpoint in time, and it's it.
(09:18):
It's fascinating that it takesus to a certain point before we
are even able to begin toquestion the story.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I feel like that's part of the journey they don't
mention.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I get it the fine print, kind of like it's a
contract.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
There's a lot of fine print.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yes, and, yeah, how are we supposed to know about
all that fine print?
Like, I can tell you honestly,I didn't understand this because
in my teaching I was taughtthat we all have beliefs You've
heard me talk about, you know,the map isn't the territory, and
everybody's map is different.
(09:58):
And we all have differentbeliefs, of course, because of
our culture, because of where wewere raised, because of the era
that we were raised in, theschooling that we went to, the
people we hung out with.
So we all have these differentbeliefs.
We all think we're talkingabout the same thing and quite
often we're never talking aboutthe same thing, but that's
(10:18):
beside the point.
No one ever told me that someof those have become rock solid
and they were based on a lie tostart with.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, but I think what's really tough about this
process, or becoming the termsof thought, especially when
starting off, is that even whenyou explain that beautifully and
perfectly to someone, to theirlogical mind, we both know the
emotional belief and the tiesthat come along with it.
Because even when somethingmakes sense to us logically, it
does not mean that we're able tosimply just let it go.
(10:48):
Only if it was so simple.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
It's very true, because our whole life has been
built on it.
That's the interesting thing.
We've built our whole life onthe narrative.
So, whether that's, I alwaysfail, I'm always wrong, I'm not
good enough.
They don't't understand mebecause we've spent so much time
looking for the proof.
(11:11):
It's you know, in psychologythey call it that cognitive
dissidence like the truth is infront of us, but we have so much
proof otherwise we're not goingto believe the proof that's
been put in front of us I wasjust about to say we don't know
who to believe we don't, wedon't, and so that believe we
don't, we don't, and so thatbecomes quite a conundrum.
You know, and I just want ourlisteners to know, we are not
(11:31):
always here just to pop yourbubble and tell you that life
really sucks, because there is away out of this, because every
week we come on here and we gookay, so what about this?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Because every week we come on here and we go okay, so
what about this?
Most things are sort ofdepressing practical
spirituality.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
But I think when we talk about practical
spirituality, this is one of thethings that we're talking about
.
Until we have the ability toexplore everything we believed
to be true before and I thinkyou, it's true, it's everything
we believed before, correct?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
yep, yep, this is practical spirituality, because
we all experience this as humanbeings and therefore but no one
talks about it yet as somethingwe all go through it's easy to
hide and into a lot of differentthings, but when something like
this and the narratives we allrun which we all do run in
different ways if we all do that, then that is a part of the
spiritual experience here, butyet no one talks about it.
(12:35):
So it's not that we're tryingto be depressing or trying to
bring anything down.
I think by actually finallytalking about it, you and I have
experienced how much it beginsto really open you up, to
question why and that's where wedo find that inner growth, our
inner voice and understandingour own individual journeys, and
that's why we're so passionateabout having these conversations
(12:56):
that were never presented to usbefore.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Absolutely true and I can tell you as someone who
does this work well andtruthfully into my work, went to
a, I went to some seminar and Iwas listening to a guy talk and
he started talking about thesenarratives, the stories we tell
ourselves, or the core beliefs,and how, how, in the world of
personal growth, it's handled ina wrong way because we treat it
(13:23):
like any other belief, but thatwe haven't realized.
The more that we focus ontrying to change it, the bigger
it becomes, and that becomes areally big deal when it comes to
our personal growth, becausearen't we taught to go, look at
these things?
But if we look at them and Ithink that's why this logical
explanation becomes reallyimportant you know, I wouldn't
(13:47):
say we want to go in and look atthe stories, but we definitely
want to question the stories.
We don't want to focus so muchon the meaning behind the story,
but we want to be able to go.
Oh, hang on, you know what isit about that?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
that I believe to be true and I think so when we're
doing that journey, especiallywhen we want to understand this
narratives, maybe we're at thatstage in our journeys where it's
time to question it.
You see, like a lot of thingsyou and I talk about, it's a
process.
So first of all, of course, youhave to educate the mind what
it needs to know.
(14:25):
Then you start to go throughthe emotional process, which
means most likely going into thepast, going into the childhood
stuff, going into the family,friends, friendships,
relationships, of how thosenarratives created and how those
things were, shall we say,verified over the decades.
And then you go into thephysical part of it, which we
both understand as well, as ifthere was physical trauma of
(14:47):
some kind, of how the body holdsthese different things within
us.
That's a journey.
And then there's the spiritualunderstanding of why we would
have put ourselves through allof this in the spiritual
contracts.
So I'm saying it is an absolutejourney of mind, body, emotion,
soul.
But I think it's that you haveto respect the order.
At times you do that processand to make the most sense of it
(15:07):
, but you can't really skipcertain steps because, at the
end of the day, if the minddoesn't understand, we're going
to find ways to spook ourselvesand to run away from it and to
go back to what we know, even ifwe know it's not working for us
.
As I was saying earlier, it'scomforting in the fact that it's
familiar, even if we don't likeit, and that goes with any of
the narratives that we run, bothpositive and negative.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Absolutely.
You know, how do you start torecognize what is the narrative
that you're running?
What?
Well, what are the narratives?
Because it's never just one.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
This is going to be a very long episode.
Should you go first or should I?
But I think an easy identifierand I won't say easy, but it's
that say, as some of theexamples that you mentioned
earlier in passing it's like ifwe keep finding ourselves saying
I'm not good enough, or thethings I'm always feeling, or I
(16:03):
can never seem to getrelationships right, the things
that'm always feeling or I cannever seem to get relationships
right, the things that areconstantly repeating themselves
in our day-to-day lives, ormonth-to-month or year-to-year,
we can see those patterns of doI keep finding myself in those
relationships or do I not keepgetting those jobs I keep going
for, or I keep chasing the lovefrom my parents.
(16:24):
But the point is, if you look atanyone, you can see where those
patterns I keep chasing thelove from my parents.
But the point is, if you lookat anyone, you can see where
those patterns and behaviors andnarratives are repeating within
their lives.
So I think we're allconsciously aware of it, but
we've just never been asked toquestion it, because I don't
think if you ask anyone, ifyou'd ask anyone on the street,
I think they could quickly tellyou right away in some ways of
(16:46):
what do they find the negativethings keep repeating in their
lives and what are the story orwhat is the narrative they keep
repeating?
But then if you ask them when'sthe last time someone asked you
that question or asked youabout it, they'd probably say
never.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Right, and when was the last time anyone asked you
to question it?
Now, and if you do, and in thebeginning, if you do question
the narrative, the first thingthat happens is you start to
supply all the proof as to whythat narrative is true, and in
that process, you've reconvincedyourself all over again.
This is why the narrative istrue.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Let's take a step back from this week's episode
and share with everyone whatwe've been up to behind the
scenes.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
We're really excited to be able to finally offer the
Gareth Michael community to eachof you.
The community offers a range ofbenefits, including access to
our live events, weekly podcastepisodes, articles,
self-checking questions, as wellas a community of individuals
you can connect with andinteract with along the way.
It's designed to offer yousupport, guidance and a safe
(17:51):
space on a day-to-day basis.
We'd love to have you join ourglobal community of like-minded
individuals.
That website address, again, iswwwgarethmichaelcom.
Now let's get back to thatepisode, shall we at
garethmichaelcom Now?
Speaker 1 (18:07):
let's get back to that episode, shall we?
I do think a lot of us areconsciously aware of the fact
that these narratives arerunning.
Why?
Because we do live with themevery single day and they are
dictating nearly all of ourdecisions every single day also,
but I think it's that none ofus ever really ever asked about
it or to even talk about it, andnone of us ever really ever
asked about it or to even talkabout it, and none of us are
(18:28):
even really that aware that wecan do something about it.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Well, even if we become aware of them, like I can
tell you one of mine, I'm notshy about some of the narratives
that I have run my entire lifeand God knows I've got quite a
few of them, but one of the mainones are people always leave.
I mean, you recognize that one.
It's the first thing I go to.
Almost every single time You'remad at me, you're going to
(18:54):
leave.
That's just the way it is.
Notice how I just said that.
That's just the way it is,because of all of the proof that
is run.
So not being to recognize, oreven when I did start to
recognize that story that I'mtelling myself, it didn't matter
who came into my life becausethe proof was there.
(19:17):
And even when I started toquestion it, that proof, it's
been solidified for so manyyears.
Proof, it's been solidified forso many years.
There is a want to hope for itto be different.
Now, one of the key things thatI've picked up and you and I
talk about it.
You know I logically understandwhy that is there.
(19:38):
I understand that that was partof the journey that I had to go
through and there has beenincredible growth and learnings
around myself and learning tolike myself and learning to love
myself.
It is dropping all those proofs.
That tends to be thechallenging part after they've
(19:59):
been there and solidified for solong so people can tell me I'm
not going anywhere and withinless than a second I can hear my
mind going oh yeah, we'll see.
We'll see.
And I'm saying that because Iwant people to understand that
we're not up here saying, oh,all you got to do is change the
(20:19):
narrative, because we know it'snot as simple as just going in
and changing the narrative.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
But I think it's having the ability to understand
that the narrative is going tobe triggered within us when
exposed to those examples.
But now we've been educated tounderstand what to do when those
narratives are triggered, howto question them and how to
balance the books internally, soto speak, and mind, body
emotions.
Does it mean that it's an easyexperience?
(20:46):
No.
Does it mean it's a niceexperience?
No.
But at least we have our ownmap of the world now, of how to
navigate this, instead of theone we were given in our
childhood.
So we're adding to this mapinstead of just being told this.
Is it no deal with it?
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And the other thing thathappens when we're questioning
the narrative, when you havethat blanket load of proofs,
it's also then looking for theproofs of the opposite of the
story.
Because that is one of the keythings in questioning the story
is to say, well, people alwaysleave.
(21:20):
Well, do they really?
Yeah, always every time youknow, like how and when have
they not left?
And I can guarantee you mostpeople go well, that didn't
count, that's different.
Do you know what I mean?
And so we dismiss the oppositeproof of what the narrative is,
(21:42):
and I think that's one of thereasons it's so important for us
to bring it up.
And I think that's one of thereasons it's so important for us
to bring it up, because we'resaying how does your story
dictate or basically shape yourreality?
And this is how it does it.
Because until we're ready toreally sit down and have that
relationship with ourselves andwith what this story means to us
(22:04):
, whatever the story is becausethere's countless ones it's not
till then that we can go oh,okay, well, maybe people don't
always leave.
And how many times have I leftto preempt them leaving?
Because there is another sideof the story that well, we don't
(22:25):
even want to look at that,because it doesn't fit the
narrative.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
This doesn't sound fun, kim.
I don't know if we want toexplore this.
Can we burn this map of theworld please?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well, plenty of times I've wanted to trust me.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
But I think this is where, again, when it comes back
to, we all run this and we allhave our versions of this.
How can this not be afascinating conversation to have
, which means there is growthwithin it when we are exposed to
question it, to grow with it,and it doesn't mean that's a
perfect process that's going toguarantee results.
(23:04):
But, like anything, when we'rewilling to question it and
explore it, it we always comeout with more knowledge about
self than we had before.
Because what you and I arenever going to say to the
listeners that, oh, once you dothis, it'll be all cleaned up,
and you're never going to, it'snever going to get triggered
again, or these narratives arenever going to come back.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Well, it's just not true.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
But that doesn't mean that this is depressing.
That does not mean that this isdepressing, that does not mean
that this is all negative, we'renot worth doing.
The journey I'm saying is thatwe've all been given a map of
the world, as we were talkingabout before, but now that it's.
But it's interesting how lifeexposes us to certain
experiences that bring us onthis journey to have to question
(23:51):
because of that rock bottomthat we've hit a few times and
that wasn't a fan favourite fromlast week is what I'm hearing
constantly, so maybe I shouldnot use the term rock bottom.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
When we're talking about it, you know, when you're
looking at it for the first time, it does seem big and
overwhelming and huge.
But if you think about it,you've been questioning other
people's narratives or storiesyour entire life and we've been
able to see where other peopleare buying into their story and
that it's not true.
(24:28):
So if we can see it in others,it means there's a part of us
that is ready to explore it.
And, to be really honest withyou, this has been of all the
things that I've had to explorein my growth.
This is one of the areas whereit's taken me longer, I will
admit to that, but it's not beenas harsh as some of the other
(24:50):
things in questioning thatnarrative that I run and
questioning why I run thenarrative that I run, and so I
guess you know it's abouthelping people understand there
comes a real piece when you'vedone this work, you know,
because it's like, sure, doesthe narrative still run?
Oh, yep, there's my old friend.
(25:11):
It's been a whole 30 secondssince you've been hanging out
and I'm buying into that storytoday, you know, because here's
here's something that is kind ofI think.
I heard someone coined thisphrase the other day and I loved
it.
All we are is changing andwe're always changing.
(25:34):
All we are is change and we'realways changing.
So we've been changing sinceconception.
With things like what we'retalking about today, questioning
the narrative and how it shapesour life, it's just another
area that is meant to change andif you're not questioning yet,
(25:54):
you're not ready to do thatchange at this point.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
It is true, and I think us going through life and
questioning this and being metwith so much evidence in our own
experiences.
It's so true, but it's neverwhat anyone wants wants to hear
and it's definitely what wenever wanted to hear you know
what I'm trying to say.
Yes, because even when a part ofthis feels that, that there's
something about it that sitsright with us, there's always a
(26:20):
part of us that can end upkicking and screaming because of
the conditioning, because weall want that silver bullet,
because we all feel like we'vebeen through enough hardship, we
all feel like we've we'veinvested enough.
Like when?
Where does it end?
I think that's when people arewhen does it get easier when it
comes to exploring, doing thiswork?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I think it gets easier.
So, as someone who's been onthis journey for a little while,
I think it starts to get easier.
When we come to that place of Ialmost want to trip on this
word when we come to that placeof understanding, I shall say no
, say it.
When we get to that place ofacceptance and accepting that we
(27:05):
are on a journey of growth andso, therefore, it's all again
the narrative.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
How we look at it.
It's how we frame it up.
Is it really that difficult?
You know, because we're goingthrough it anyway.
I personally found banging myhead against the wall more
difficult than doing thequestioning.
I have been told I'm an odd one, though, so I understand most
people might like banging theirhead against the wall, but I
(27:34):
personally didn't like that.
So you know it is interesting,and a lot of people do say when
does it ever end?
It just changes and becomes alot easier as you start to have
that relationship with self andthat relationship with all parts
of yourself.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
I couldn't agree more and I think when we do find
ourselves saying those exactwords being when is this going
to end that within itself justtells us more about what we need
to explore to get relief inwhat we're actually talking
about, of what we still don'tunderstand about self.
So I do feel like life isconstantly giving us direction
or redirection, but we justhaven't been taught how to
(28:13):
actually read it as as that andwhat to do with that information
.
Because if we're strugglingwith something, that means
there's a narrative running this, having a struggle with our
sense of reality, which was anarrative given to us at some
stage because we weren't bornwith it exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
That's very true, and so this is why this
conversation is so huge.
Where did we get the assumptionthat life was going to be
smooth?
Where did we pick that up?
And I had a client client theother day that had a huge
session, and I get a message inbetween sessions saying oh, it's
been a bit bumpy, I probablyneed a top up.
(28:53):
Blah, blah, blah and I'm likeokay, so can I ask you this when
have you ever tried somethingnew and it didn't have its bumps
along the way?
Because that is part of it.
Until we master it, it's bumpy.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
See, we all have that experience and that evidence of
that being true.
But why do we ignore that whenwe all know that's true?
It's really impressive, Kim.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
I know we do a very good job at it, don't we?
Speaker 1 (29:29):
We're all Oscar-winning actors I say that
to my clients all the time likewe're really good at pretending
things should be one way when weknow it's a different way
exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
So I guess one of the things that we want to leave
our listeners with is howamazing our life is when we
start to question these things,when we come to some
understanding about thesestories that we're telling
ourself.
You know when I was able tostart saying, oh, that's my
(30:00):
story, it's not me, bigdifference, because I used to
think it was me, and I imagineso many people think this map of
the world that we have,whatever is involved in it, is
who I am.
But basically it is just thestory that we're telling ourself
.
So if we don't like the story,we can really, and so it's not a
(30:24):
matter of just changing thestory.
We have to understand why wewere running the story in the
first place, and when we havehad a complete relationship with
that story, then we have abetter chance of telling ourself
a new story.
But we can't just jump straightto the new story.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
But the reason why we're not allowed to do that is
because, as we often talk about,our journeys are here for
growth and, I think, because weall are destined to have these
blind spots to the truth that weknow, or a sense of reality and
that are true to our experience.
The blind spots I actually feelare guided by our own energy to
(30:59):
expose us to more experiencesthat make each of our own paths
unique as they are, because thisis what continues to be
fascinating, I think, aboutelements of this season.
We're all talking about similarexperiences.
All go through as human beings,yet our exposure and experience
to those exact things are allcompletely different, completely
(31:21):
different, yet it's hard toargue that we don't all go
through it well, people thinkthey don't go through it because
the narrative they're tellingthemselves sometimes is
different.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
But they might not go through it exactly the same way
I do or you do.
We're all going through it inour own way, however that looks,
and that's what becomes reallyfascinating.
I find it to be such afascinating topic because once
you start questioning some ofthe stories and what you believe
(31:55):
to be true and you start tohave an understanding even
though that still rears its uglyhead it doesn't have as much
power over you when you knowit's just the story, and then
eventually you create that newstory.
When you finish with the oldstory, you get to do the same
(32:15):
process all over again, but itbecomes far more interesting
because you understand theprocess in a different way than
instead of feeling like you werein a fight to begin with.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah, so it's no longer raising its ugly head,
it's just a head.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
I prefer story.
There's that old story again,there it is, and I often put it
in the corner and go you canjust sit over there because I'm
not playing today, I'm notreading the story today.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
But I think that's what's interesting about it is
that people do have thatexpectation that once through
the work, that these storiesstop popping up.
They do pop up but we don'tnecessarily believe them or lean
into them or they don't dictateor control us anymore.
But we have an awarenessbecause they're always going to
(33:06):
be a part of us why they've madeus who we are today.
So we're not trying to deleteelements of us, but that doesn't
mean that we have to believethem anymore, especially when
we've had all the relevantexperiences that we've needed to
have with those narratives tobe the people we are.
That's brought us on thisadvanced journey, but it's also
a time where we can recognize it, but it doesn't have to dictate
(33:28):
who we become moving forward.
So the reason I want to bring upthis topic or the subject for
this morning's episode, issimply because, once again, it's
something we all go through andwhen any of us are asked to
actually start to question anyof this, it's amazing what it
can bring up as part of ourjourney when given the
(33:49):
opportunity to, because it's notas simple as as if we're all
resisting this all of the time.
So sometimes we've never beenasked the question.
Yeah, sometimes it can be thatsimple, and therefore, what I
want to put out to our listenersis that what are the different
narratives or stories that youtell yourself on an ongoing
basis that maybe you're somewhataware of but never have
(34:09):
actually just asked the questionof, and whether I need to
believe it?
I want to believe it.
I don't have a choice, it'sjust what immediately comes to
mind.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
I think, then, it's only then that we can start to
really find out because you know, we have lots of good stories
too, and I think it's importantto point that out as well what
stories are supporting us andwhat stories are not supporting
us as we talked about at thestart of this conversation, is
too simplified to say it's justpositive thinking or negative
thinking.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
It's more that we're all running narratives that do
have a positive influence on usand sometimes a negative
influence on us, but we neverhave been given the opportunity
to actually ask what are these,where they come from, is it
still benefiting us and what canwe learn about ourselves from
exploring it?
And that's what I want all ofour listeners this morning to
actually have the opportunity to, in their own time, if they're
(35:02):
meditating, if they're writingjournaling, to actually question
what are some of the narrativesor stories that are ongoing in
my day-to-day life that might behelpful for me to explore
presently.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,then you might want to check out
our online community.
We built it to offer you thecomfort of having a supportive
community by your side, nomatter where life takes you.
Connect with like-mindedindividuals through our app.
Navigate each step of thejourney together with us by
(35:37):
joining our Gareth Michaelcommunity.
Here are a few of the thingsyou're going to get.
You'll get exclusive real-timeaccess to live recording and
events.
Advanced access to each newepisode.
The opportunity to askquestions directly of Gareth and
I Input into what topics wecover in the show.
Access to exclusive content notavailable anywhere else.
(36:00):
To learn more about ourcommunity, please go to
wwwgarethmichaelcom.
Thanks again, and I hope youguys are having a lovely week.
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