Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the
Practically Fertile Podcast.
I'm Adrienne Wee, doctor ofacupuncture and Chinese medicine
, functional medicinepractitioner and functional
nutritionist.
I specialize in using anevidence-based method, blending
principles of East Asianmedicine and modern functional
medicine, to help women optimizefertility and get pregnant.
(00:22):
I believe in a world whereevery woman who wants to be a
mother becomes one.
If you're tired of being toldthat you're infertile and you
want to take the right steps toget pregnant naturally and
quickly, this podcast is for you.
So you've been doing everything100% eating the right foods,
(00:43):
sleeping, working out just theright amount and you're still
getting that big fat negativeevery month.
For some people they have a wayof shaking it off be sad for a
little while and then they moveon.
But maybe initially you werelike that too, but then every
month it's the same thing Anegative pregnancy test and you
start to feel discouraged,defeated and you're losing hope.
(01:06):
Then the disappointment turnsinto depression and sadness and
anger and fear.
It seems like the one thingthat nature intended for you to
do should be really easy to comeby, and it's not, friend.
This is not the time to Google.
What more can I do to getpregnant?
This is the time to work onsomething that's often neglected
(01:30):
and that's mindset.
And why is mindset so important?
Well, it drives your story,your decision-making and
ultimately, it shapes the paththat you take.
If you're in a depressed oranxious state, then you're not
able to make good decisions.
Being in this state of mindmakes you really negative and
(01:50):
resentful and miserable.
You make excuses and you losehope.
On the other hand, when you'rehappy, you're going to be in a
better position to make betterdecisions, to want to take
action, to get results, andyou're going to look at life
from an entirely differentperspective.
Just think about it the timeswhen you were really happy, you
(02:12):
were looking at the worldthrough rose color lenses.
To be clear, I'm definitely notsaying that you have to be
happy all the time, and I'm notsaying that, if you're sad, that
you should just pretend thateverything is fine and put on a
smiley face.
That's what I call toxicpositivity.
But if we don't have a way ofgetting ourselves out of the
(02:33):
negative state of mind, thenwe're going to spiral further
into this deep, dark abyss.
Depression affects the HPA axis,the hypothalamus pituitary
adrenal axis.
It keeps the cortisol levelshigh, and we talked about
cortisol a lot.
That triggers a chain reactionfor events like hormone
(02:55):
disruption, menstrual cycledisruption, inflammation.
Women with untreated depressionhave lower pregnancy rates,
according to some studies.
While getting on anantidepressant might be
necessary and sometimes to getthrough a very difficult time in
your life I'm definitely notopposed to it you also need to
find other ways to cope.
(03:17):
I've been through a lot of bigfat negatives with my patients
and the thousands of women I'vecome across on my podcast and
online programs and social media.
What I don't want to see is youlosing hope and stop fighting
for what you want.
The sadness, anxiety, fear andanguish trigger thoughts like
(03:39):
what's wrong with me?
Am I ever going to get pregnant?
Why is it so easy for others?
And the worst thought of it allwhy do I even bother?
And right there, when you startthinking, that is when you stop
trying and you stop fightingfor what you want, and that's
what I'm afraid of.
So if getting something thatyou've always dreamed of, but
(04:03):
you're having a hard timedealing with the big fat
negatives every month, then Iwant to give you the tools to
transport yourself out of thesad, depressed, fearful state of
mind, shake it off, feelempowered and keep fighting,
because it always seemsimpossible till it's done.
You're going to look back atthis when you're holding your
(04:24):
baby in your arms and think I'mso glad I never gave up.
So I have this framework.
I'm going to share it with you.
It's very effective for thosewho use it.
It'll come naturally to youafter using it a few times.
You can use this in everydaylife.
It's not meant to replacetherapy.
It's really a tool for you touse on a daily basis whenever
(04:47):
you're experiencingdisappointment.
So let's go through the steps.
First step is to embrace thedisappointment and all of the
emotions that come up.
Just fully embrace it.
Start by acknowledging all theemotions that come up.
Don't hold back.
Embrace it.
Start by acknowledging all theemotions that come up.
(05:08):
Don't hold back.
A lot of times when we feelcertain emotions, we have this
other voice inside our headsgoing you shouldn't feel this
way.
Oh, you're being so negative.
Why can't you just be happy?
So if it feels like an internalpower struggle, it really is.
We have two parts of the brainOne is the logical and one's the
emotional and this is abuilt-in survival mechanism to
(05:30):
prevent us from hurtingourselves Anyway.
So when you have this internalstruggle, it's a miserable
feeling because you have theseemotions and you want to fully
express them, because you shouldbe able to, but then you're
bogged down by this other parttelling you that you should just
be happy.
So we can't just turn ouremotions off like a switch.
(05:52):
The people who can do that aresimply sweeping it under a rug
and sooner or later it explodes.
And what makes us human is wehave emotions.
So we can't deny ourselves thebasic function as a human.
But on the other hand, if wedon't have a way of getting
ourselves out of the emotion,that's when it really becomes a
(06:14):
problem.
That train of thought justkeeps going and going and going
and pretty soon you're spiralinginto a more and more depressive
and negative state.
So at some point we had to puta stop to it and then switch our
mind to a more positive state.
What I want you to do is allowyourself a set time to dwell on
(06:35):
it, to be sad, to cry, to vent,to think life sucks.
This is not fair.
What's wrong with me?
It can be 30 minutes, it can bean hour, it could be the whole
day, but I don't recommendlonger than a day.
I think an hour is probablybest, but take the day if you
need to, but know that there'san end to this and that tomorrow
(06:57):
is another day and you aregoing to be one step closer to
your goal.
So, after you let yourself havesome time to embrace your
emotions, the next thing I wantyou to think about is all the
progress you've made.
If you journal, write them down.
If you just want to think aboutthem in your head, then do that
(07:18):
.
I think journaling helps, justbecause you can go back and see
how much progress you've made.
Why is this step important?
Most people ignore theimportance of it.
If you don't congratulateyourself on the small wins,
you're going to think thatnothing is working, when in
reality, something is workingand you need to acknowledge the
(07:41):
slightest things.
Maybe it's making through thewhole week without a salad,
maybe your period was lesspainful, you didn't have to take
any medication, or it could beyou and your husband had a major
emotional breakthrough.
Whatever it is, you have tohave to have to celebrate the
little wins.
(08:01):
I do this a lot with mypatients.
They're disappointed and afterallowing them to feel the
sadness, I would get out mynotes and go over everything
that has improved.
You had more cervical mucusthis month.
You didn't get up to use thebathroom at night, you didn't
have bloating.
And then this person all of asudden says you're right, I
didn't think about all that.
(08:22):
So take the time to think aboutall the progress you've made.
If you're in my program, that'swhy we use the Fertile Cycle
Checklist, the unique fertilityprofile assessment, regularly.
It's getting feedback aboutyour progress.
Okay, next step three You'regoing to stop the
comparison-itis.
(08:43):
Comparing yourself to otherswill offer no value whatsoever
to your journey.
This is a huge trap.
Comparing yourself to othersbring on this comparison
hangover.
You feel tired, you feel down,you feel unmotivated Because
what's the point?
Nothing you're doing is working.
So this is probably really hardto do, because we naturally
(09:07):
want what we don't currentlyhave and it's painful when
things work out for others butnot for ourselves.
You don't know this about me,but I went through a three-month
Facebook detox last year.
I was in the middle of workingon my program and it wasn't
going well.
I was overworked, stressed andI felt at times it was the
(09:27):
biggest mistake I've made.
I follow all these people whoare, or are appearing to be,
rocking it.
They're super successful.
They have everything I wantedor at least on the surface they
did.
But at that time I felthorrible about myself.
I felt like I was the biggestloser, that I didn't have it all
figured out.
So I swore off Facebook andInstagram for three months and
(09:50):
it changed my life.
The difference is that I washyper-focused on myself for
three months and I worked hardon personal development so that
I can be strong enough to handlethose situations when I feel
the comparison blues.
So, long story short, I do feellike I'm much better at
handling social media.
I don't compare myself to othersas much, or if I do, I get over
(10:13):
it very quickly because I havemy blinders on and I know that
I'm going to eventually get towhere I want to be and compared
to where I was a year ago, Ionly care about whether or not
I'm improving steadily, and Iwant you to put the blinders on
too and walk your own path.
We never know, underneath thefacade, what their lives are
(10:35):
really like behind the curtains.
Okay, so, after you stopcomparing yourself to the friend
or neighbor who's pregnant, thenext step is to focus on what
you can control.
It's easy to get caught up inthis coulda, shoulda, woulda
thing, but when you keepfocusing on things that are not
in your control, you're going todrive yourself bananas and
(10:55):
you're going to bring on a lotof unnecessary anxiety.
So this month didn't work.
Okay, what could you havecontrolled and what wasn't in
your control?
And some of you are nottracking your cycle as closely
as how I'm describing it, butsome of you are.
You want to figure out whereyou went wrong, because
everything seems perfectly so.
Why didn't it work?
If this is you, it helps togroup things into two piles.
(11:19):
One is controllable things dietand lifestyle.
You have choices for those.
You choose what to put in yourbody, on your body, and what you
want to do with your life.
But there are also a lot ofthings that you can't control.
You can't control the sperm andthe egg actually meeting up.
To a certain extent you can,but you did all that you could
(11:43):
and you had intercourse when youwere supposed to, so that's all
that mattered.
The rest, there's very littlethat you need to worry about.
You can't take back the spermand you can't take back the egg,
so just let it be.
But maybe the things that youcould have controlled you didn't
.
So that brings me to the laststep, and that's to come up with
(12:03):
your new plan and make onething a priority for the next
month.
Part of that feeling of nothaving control is trying to do
too many things at once.
So take an inventory of whatyou could have done but didn't
do and make that a priority thismonth.
That is the last step.
(12:23):
Maybe you slacked on theself-care that typically helps
you with stress management.
Maybe you slacked on the80-care that typically helps you
with stress management.
Maybe you slacked on the 80-20principle on diet, whatever it
is and this step is not to addmore stress, because I don't
want you to then feel bad aboutyourself during this process the
point is to figure out whereyou need improvement and then
(12:43):
move on.
Maybe it's really working onnutrition, but maybe just one
part of it Eating more calories,more fat.
Maybe it's working on yourmindset, but maybe just one part
of it Eating more calories,more fat.
Maybe it's working on yourmindset, making it a priority to
meditate every day.
Maybe it's working on yourlifestyle Say no to parties on
weekends, remember.
Just pick one thing to work on.
Take small actions, becausemany small actions equal big
(13:06):
results.
Rome wasn't built in a day, andif you have no idea where to
start and what to work on, youcan reach out to me.
You can join my program when itlaunches.
We can do a one-on-one.
My method isn't for everyone,but if you want a different
approach to getting pregnantthat involves using highly
personalized medical system,then I'm your girl.
(13:26):
So if you need help, medicalsystem, then I'm your girl.
So if you need help, I'm herefor you.
All right, friends, before wewrap up, I want to make sure
that you know that the steps inthis framework do not need to be
completed in one day.
You might spend a few days oneach step, or a few hours.
It's whatever amount of timeyou need to feel like you're
(13:48):
ready to move on to the nextstep.
As with anything, the more youpractice it, the quicker it'll
become second nature to you.
So, to recap, when your heartsinks after the big fat negative
, here are the five steps tohelp you rise above the negative
emotions and take action.
Step one is to fully embraceyour emotion.
(14:10):
Don't fight it.
Let it all out and then let itall go after a certain set
amount of time.
Otherwise you're going to keepspiraling.
Step two is to acknowledge allthe progress you've made.
Don't skip the step, becauseotherwise you're going to feel
like nothing is working whensomething is working.
Otherwise, you're going to feellike nothing is working when
(14:32):
something is working.
Step three is to stop thecomparisons to others and walk
your own path.
Step four is to focus on whatyou can control and let go of
what you couldn't control, andthen step five is to pick one
thing to focus on in theupcoming month.
All right, fertile friend,that's all I have for today.
If you feel like you'relearning a lot and you like what
(14:52):
I have to say, please don'tforget to leave me a five-star
review.
I appreciate this in advancebecause it's going to help
others find this podcast andhelp me help more people.
Thanks again for tuning in.
Until next time, take care ofyourself and your amazing body.
You are one fertile cycle awayfrom getting pregnant.