March 18, 2025 • 61 mins
What do you do when you’ve been told that IVF is the only option and without it you can’t ever get pregnant? There is absolutely nothing against IVF; it is necessary a lot of times, and it’s always a personal decision, but it can be very devastating when you feel like there are no other options.
I have invited Tara, onto the podcast today,
Tara, is now a fertility coach working with me on my programs. I met her a few years ago when I released the first version of my online program. Tara was dealing with PCOS, endometriosis, and male factor infertility. The odds were not in her favor.
But she got pregnant naturally, not just once but three times.
Tara will share how she got pregnant, and how she overcame some of the most difficult challenges that are lot of you are facing now.
Follow me on instagram @dradriennewei
Website: www.adriennewei.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Practically Fertile Podcast.
I'm Adrienne Wee, doctor ofAcupuncture and Chinese Medicine
, functional MedicinePractitioner and Functional
Nutritionist.
I specialize in using anevidence-based method, blending
principles of East Asianmedicine and modern functional
medicine to help women optimizefertility and get pregnant.
(00:22):
I believe in a world whereevery woman who wants to be a
mother becomes one.
If you're tired of being toldthat you're infertile and you
want to take the right steps toget pregnant naturally and
quickly, this podcast is for you.
What do you do when you've beentold that IVF is the only
(00:42):
option and without it you can'tever get pregnant?
Absolutely nothing against IVF.
It's necessary a lot of timesand it's always a personal
decision, but it can be verydevastating when you feel like
there are just no other options.
I have invited onto the podcasttoday Tara.
(01:03):
She is now a fertility coachwho is working with me on my
programs, and some of you mighthave had a free discovery call
with her to learn more aboutacupuncture.
I met her a few years ago whenI released the first version of
my online program.
She is going to share with youher story in the podcast.
(01:23):
She is going to share with youher story in the podcast, but
basically she was dealing withPCOS, endometriosis and male
factor infertility.
The odds were not in her favor,but she got pregnant, naturally
not once, but three times.
The reason I wanted her to comeon the podcast isn't to share
(01:44):
things like I ate these threethings and then I had sex.
On these days, those types oftips will be different for
everyone, so what worked for hermight not work for you.
I can tell you to eat a steak,but if you don't eat meat, that
won't work.
I actually wanted her to talkabout the challenges she had
faced, which a lot of you arefacing as well right now, like
(02:07):
how do you eat healthier if youdon't even like to cook?
How do you respond to aninvitation to a baby shower?
It's more important to me thatyou learn about how to overcome
these obstacles.
That's a way more valuable toolthat can be applied to any
situation.
So I don't want to spoil herstory here too much, so let's
(02:30):
dive in and hear from Tara andher journey to becoming a mother
of three.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Welcome to the podcast, Tara.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
It's been quite a while since you were on my last
podcast, but you are the firstguest on this podcast, this
rebranded, practically Brutalpodcast.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I love that.
I'm excited to share my storywith people we have spoken with
before, but also a new audiencethat we have.
I think it'll be a lot of funtoo.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, so we've known each other for quite a while and
I definitely want you to shareyour story, just to get us
started, because it's seemedlike to a lot of people from the
outside you were dealing with alot PCOS, endometriosis, male
factor and I think to a lot ofpeople it seemed like it was an
(03:23):
impossible situation and youwere told that you had to do IVF
.
So just kind of kick us off andstart from the beginning and
tell us about your journey.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Sure, yeah.
So we were trying to conceivefor a little over two years and
our journey started off with thevery conventional treatments,
right so the hormonal therapies,monitored cycles, all of those
types of things, and even that'sour TTC journey.
(03:59):
But even before that right,even before that, right so I was
diagnosed with PCOS, and thiswas right when we got married,
and you know, that's seven yearsago now.
So I think PCOS has beennormalized a little bit more, at
least understood a little bitmore.
But at the time and maybepeople still do feel this way I
(04:21):
truly felt like that PCOXdiagnosis meant I would never be
able to have children.
For me it was very irregularcycles, high testosterone, and
all of these pieces were only tobe regulated by medication or
birth control, and obviously alot of those pieces aren't
(04:43):
conducive to trying to conceive,right.
So going back on wasn't goingto help anything.
So that was really reallydifficult.
And soon after I was diagnosedwith endometriosis and I started
on monitored cycles and Clomid,and the Clomid made my ovaries
(05:07):
over respond.
So then we moved to Letrozole,which didn't work for me at all.
I didn't respond to thatmedication whatsoever and it was
very defeating.
That's really what it felt like, um, we really weren't getting
anywhere, like we really weren'tgetting anywhere.
(05:32):
So they actually didn't eventest anything to do with my
husband until I had already done, I think, three medicated
cycles, and at that point wefound out that his numbers were
not ideal by any means and Ihadn't even come across any
other form of medicine.
At this point, right, I hadn'tmet you, I didn't know about
(05:54):
traditional Chinese medicine, sothis was the only way I knew
how to fix anything or how tomove forward, and it was getting
to the point where it almostfelt impossible which I think
you mentioned when you firstintroduced me and that was
really, really overwhelming tofeel like.
(06:14):
Okay, so now we have this otherfactor and our next suggestion
was let's do more medicatedcycles and we can do IUI and we
could do trigger shots, andhopefully that'll overcome the
numbers that we're seeing fromthe male factor side as well,
because we can control that alittle bit more.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Sorry, do you remember how low the sperm count
was?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So actually, his sperm count was very high.
Okay, the motility andmorphology that were very low.
Um, I don't remember them theexact numbers, though I should
have had them for us, but okay,yes, but thankfully his count
was very high, which helped us.
But at the same time, even whenthey did the sperm washing,
(07:00):
they weren't getting what theyneeded because of his morphology
and motility.
So, yeah, so yeah.
So that was very difficult and Ireally didn't know what to do
next and in the meantime, I wasresearching online, trying to
(07:21):
find other ways that this couldwork.
What else could we possibly do?
And that's when I discoveredyou, which was very exciting for
me, and I started listening toyour first podcast and I started
learning about what Chinesemedicine was and what that meant
for our fertility and how thatcould help us, and I started
dabbling.
Right, I didn't really knowanything yet, but I was learning
(07:45):
, and in the meantime, we werestill doing our medicated cycles
and I started to incorporate alittle bit of the things that I
was learning from you and yourpodcast and everything.
And I just wasn't going all inyet I don't think I really knew
how.
And that's when you releasedyour program and at that same
(08:10):
time that you released yourprogram, we had to see a
specialist for my husband,because we were getting to the
point where they wouldn't do anymore medicated cycles for me,
and he saw a specialist, andafter they looked at his numbers
and determined he actually hada varicocele that was inoperable
, they said we're sorry, butwith all of the contributing
(08:33):
factors, you guys need to go toIVF.
And we're like what, how did weget to IVF?
Right, we didn't even try IUI,or are there other stepping
stones?
Your only option here is IVF.
We're like okay.
So this came at actually a verygood time, though, because it
(08:57):
was when you started your onlineprogram.
So I was actually reallystarting to deep dive into what
traditional Chinese medicine wasand what we could do.
That wasn't this conventionalmedicine treatment that was all
I knew existed prior to thispoint in time scheduled our IVF
(09:26):
consultation for months out,because at that point, that's
the soonest they could even getus in.
So we were we were months andmonths away from that, and in
the meantime, you know, myhusband and I I showed him what
I was learning and I said youknow, I think we need to do this
, and thankfully he's supersupportive and he was on board
right away.
Why not, of course, right.
(09:47):
So let's, let's go all in.
And once we did that, you knowwe we started working with you
directly and, like I said, my,my PCOS made for my cycles to be
very irregular.
So up until this point point,my cycle was 152 days long and
(10:07):
we were having a hard timemonitoring that and getting that
to even be regular with Clomidand with those other medications
.
So that was a huge piece andobviously I had a lot of
inflammation.
I didn't know about insulinresistance.
I didn't know about thesepieces resistance.
I didn't know about thesepieces.
And I started to implement yourpersonalized protocol which was
(10:36):
giving me the diet, nutritionand lifestyle changes and
putting the control back on me,right.
So this whole process feltcompletely out of control.
I couldn't control PCOS orendometriosis, I couldn't
control the fact that my husbandhad a varicocele, that we were
dealing with this sperm qualityissue.
But what I could control, Icould control my lifestyle, I
could control my diet, I couldcontrol these other pieces,
(10:57):
these other recommendations thatyou were helping me through,
and it kind of put our fertilityback into our hands and that
felt really good.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So I'm going to talk in specifics in just a little
bit.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
But yes, I know I didn't want to go too deep yet,
but, that being said, after wedid that, after we really
implemented these plans for bothof us and I think that might
have been a challenge we've hadto overcome, which we can talk
about too, if you'd like butonce both of us really went all
in for about three months, wereally started to see our bodies
(11:36):
start to improve from anoverall health and wellness
standpoint, which I think is sobeautiful about Chinese medicine
right, it's something that youtalk about quite a bit.
It is about our end goal ofgetting pregnant, right, but
it's about that generationalhealth and wellness that you can
provide by getting your bodyreally to where it needs to be.
And I think we really achievedthat and accomplished that
(11:58):
together.
And, after implementingeverything for three months, we
actually found out that we werepregnant and it was before our
IVF consultation and my son isfive now.
He'll be six this year and wehave a second son who is going
(12:21):
to be three, and we are third onthe way.
And it's so very excitingbecause it all started here and
it all started with us makingthese changes and just on that
incredible, overwhelming anddefeating journey that just
turned around.
Right that did a complete 180.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, so now you're about to be boy mom to the four
with three boys and your baby'sdue in July, so that's so
exciting.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
It's so exciting and it's funny because you know this
time around was a big surpriseand you know, starting off on
this journey, you never thinkthat that's a possibility, right
?
It all feels like it has to beso very planned because that's
the only way for it to beachieved or accomplished.
(13:12):
And here we are.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, and also in the meantime, your husband never
got the varicocele surgery.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
No, they would not do the operation.
What was?
Speaker 1 (13:24):
the reason for that?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Sure, so it wasn't bad enough for them to consider
that the operation would besuccessful once they got in
there.
I don't know enough about themedical terms or anything, but I
think that it wasn't bad.
How they explained it to us wasit wasn't bad enough.
(13:46):
So if they would have gone inthere, um, they could have
downgraded it kind of to whereit was, that's kind of, but it
was bad enough, I guess, in thelocation and what it was doing,
that it was impacting his spermquality quite incredibly.
So that's like the worst ofboth worlds.
(14:06):
It's not bad enough, so youdon't need surgery, but right,
there's really nothing you coulddo about it then and you're
like wait a minute where doesthe endometriosis piece come in?
Sure, I think that's a greatquestion.
So when I did have my my periodwhich, of course, we said my
cycles were irregular, but whenit did happen it was so heavy
(14:27):
and painful I also had painduring intercourse quite
frequently, and I did getsurgery in between that whole
process to remove thatendometriosis, they found that
it wasn't affecting my uterus,as it was as much as it was
affecting other areas of my body, so it was growing elsewhere
(14:50):
more frequently.
The effects it was havingbecause of that, though, were
the pain during intercourse andthen you know those heavy
periods so, and it was causing alot of inflammation and a lot
of pain for me, and that wasthat was difficult.
On top of it all, right, right,and you're increasing, of
course, the amount ofintercourse you're having
because you're trying toconceive and you have to do it
(15:10):
at specific times.
So if that just happened to beat a time where my body felt
inflamed, it didn't feel goodeither, because then it felt
forced and we had to overcomethat too.
What do we do?
We give up this cycle, and thathad to become okay, right,
because I had to overcome thattoo.
Like, what do we do?
We give up this cycle and thathad to become okay.
Right, because I had to listento my body telling me that.
(15:31):
You know, my body isn't feelinggood enough for this right now
and the pain that was associatedwith endometriosis.
This could have been the bestcycle on paper.
My hormones looked great, itwas actually a regular cycle and
it was hurting me right, likeduring the medicated cycles and
things like that, but I hadn't.
Once we really started to makethose changes that I talked
(15:53):
about, I really truly believedthat.
I know it can't be measured,but that inflammation was
starting to reduce and my bodywas starting to respond better.
So I wasn't getting those painsas frequently, so we didn't
have those issues as often.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah, it can't be measured, but in a way it can be
, because you were feeling adifference, like your quality of
life was improving drastically,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And I mean that's a great way to measure it to me.
I don't need it to be measuredon paper by numbers.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
How do you measure your?
You know happiness yes, that'sa great point, awesome.
So definitely sounded like youwent through a lot, and I think
you know that saying it alwaysseems like it's impossible until
it's done.
Right At first, you're like I'mnever going to get pregnant and
(16:47):
and that was actually the samething that my doctor said to me
when I was diagnosed with PCOSwas, I don't know.
This means that you can getpregnant or not, I don't know.
Just take some birth controlpills.
And, like you said, like rightnow, so much more is known about
this condition, so I'm reallyhappy about that.
So a plug in if you have notheard my podcast on PCOS, go
(17:11):
ahead and listen to it now.
So back to your journey andyour story.
Let's start with the hardestthing that you felt you had to
do.
What was the hardest part aboutthis journey?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
And you know I love that.
You asked that because it wasreally the mindset shift, right.
So you're just it goes off,exactly what you said.
It's ingrained that it's you'renot going to be able to get
pregnant or that it has to bequick.
Right, you're not going to beable to get pregnant.
With PCOS, endometriosis andinfertility.
We were actually told that youwill only get pregnant through
(17:50):
IVF and you're also like oursociety, I think, is looking for
very quick fixes, so you expectthis to happen quickly, right?
You expect, okay.
Well, this should have happenedby now and I think, getting
over this, this should havehappened already.
(18:10):
I want this to happen tomorrow,not that that part really goes
away, obviously, and this I'mnot going to be able to get
pregnant.
Those three mindset pieces forme really needed to be overcome,
and I think it was number one ashift in perspective and really
understanding that you knowpatience and consistency are key
(18:32):
.
So the shift in perspectivejust had to come from myself
sitting down and thinking whatis it for me that is going to
help me overcome this?
And I utilize Chinese medicinekind of in a powerful way.
Right, it gave me power.
I mentioned that before it puteverything back in my hands.
(18:58):
Yes, and I know we'll talk aboutthis a little bit more making
certain diet changes, makingcertain lifestyle changes, that
wasn't easy.
I don't want to.
I don't want that to bemisconstrued by any means, but
putting those things in my hands, in the way of I can control
these things, did bring someease to that and then, at the
(19:20):
same time, helped me overcomethat huge mindset piece of I
can't get pregnant.
No, there is an underlying rootcause here which I began to
understand and I began to learn,and I have discovered it and I
have somebody who is helping melearn how to treat that and to
treat my body.
I just now have to do it and so, of course, in my husband.
(19:43):
So I was grateful that he waswilling and open to to do that
as well.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
It's very empowering to know the why behind your
struggles, because beyond thePCOS, the endo, the male factor,
what's on paper, there's reallya entire range, sub, whatever
you call it, like another realmof things like there's a lot
(20:13):
happening below the iceberg.
That is the reason that'scontributing to all of your
struggles that people don't talkabout something as simple as
are you getting enough sleep,and I know that some people
might be like, well, I'll sleepwhen I'm dead.
And I know that some peoplemight be like, well, I'll sleep
when I'm dead, which I'm alwayslike.
Oh no, don't say that, but thatis a sign of inflammation.
(20:43):
If you're having issuessleeping and then not sleeping
can contribute to moreinflammation.
A specific event triggersomething that caused you to
draw a line in the sand and sayI'm going to control my mindset,
or is it gradual?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I think I don't know if you'll like my answer because
I want to say both.
I think one was learning, right.
I think there was a learningcurve.
I needed to believe in Chinesemedicine and to do that, I
needed to learn about it, andonce I learned about it, like it
just clicked.
But I think that also thatother piece and unfortunately
(21:23):
for me, it was them saying youcan only get pregnant through
IVF.
And that was unfortunate because, had I allowed myself right,
because we do have this control,we do have the power to be able
to make these decisions for ourminds, right, for our bodies I
(21:45):
allowed an outside contributingfactor to tell me that and to
make that decision for me,rather than me making that
decision on my own.
And I think that's a reallyimportant piece.
And the me now would have saidno, there's.
No, I'm not, I'm not acceptingthis.
Before you know, a year beforewe even were told we were
(22:06):
referred to IVF Um, I know's gotto be something else out there
then, but the me then didn'tknow that.
And so maybe I can be the menow for everybody else saying
that there is another piece outthere, that you can make that
(22:26):
decision for yourself, you don'tneed somebody else to make that
decision for you or wait forthat outside contributing factor
to say, okay, you better getthe ball rolling here, you
better do something now rightLike you should be pregnant at
the one-year mark, and if you'renot, then there's something
wrong with you.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I mean, who's to say that it has to be the one-year
mark?
Why can't it be like five-yearmark?
Speaker 2 (22:47):
right, oh, there are no timelines here, and I think
what's really important is, youknow there's also.
There's nothing that's alsosaying you can't put go all into
(23:08):
something else sooner.
Right, there's.
No, we don't have to follow thefull conventional medicine way
of going about fertility.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, like why can't you get your hormones tested
immediately?
Why do we have to wait untilyou have three miscarriages to
test certain hormones?
It just seems so silly to methat you have to.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
And I think with PCOS that's a big piece right.
So until we were married andpossibly we weren't trying to
conceive yet, but possibly onthe verge of that, right I was
just saying I think it's timefor me to get off birth control.
That's the first time they eventested my testosterone.
So I was on birth control forthis exponential amount of time
and they suspected I had PCOSwithout actually telling me that
(23:50):
and didn't make thosedeterminations until they did
the tests for that with anultrasound and with blood work
until I'm ready to say I'm readyto get off birth control.
They could have done thatsooner, so I could have set my
body up for success in adifferent way sooner, right, and
(24:10):
it didn't need to be pregnancyI wasn't ready for pregnancy yet
, but it could have been health,health and overall wellbeing,
right.
And you know, I I feel likethat was taken away from me in
that way and that was reallyfrustrating.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
So this, this mindset piece, you drew the line in the
sand and you're like I'm notgoing to let this control me and
you felt more empowered,Absolutely.
How did you deal with thingslike I'm sure a lot of people
out there are dealing with thesame things when people kept
pestering you about hey, whenare you going to get pregnant,
(24:47):
or are you guys even trying?
When are you going to have kids?
How did you deal with that?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
That's a great question.
So I think there's twoapproaches to that right and
it's whatever makes you feelcomfortable.
For me personally, I'm anoversharer, so if you were going
to ask me that question, I wasgoing to share, I was going to
tell you.
Actually, you know, we've been,we've been trying for quite a
long time and it's been a reallydifficult journey and this is
(25:16):
what we've been doing.
And you wouldn't believe theresponses I received in the way
of shock and realize, and itwasn't to make anyone feel bad,
but it was to there's otherthings that exist, bad, but it
was to there's other things thatexist.
(25:38):
It's not easy for everybody tojust get pregnant.
And I think as soon as I sharedthe parts of the story that I
was comfortable sharing,everyone kind of took a step
back from that.
But before I was at that pointwhere I did feel fully
comfortable sharing, there weretimes where I had to formulate
an answer and I did that priorto going somewhere and I would
(26:00):
think, okay, what am Icomfortable saying?
And for me that answer waswe're trying and we'll get there
when we do, and just eitherwalking away from the
conversation or shifting gearsif possible, and it was the best
I could do.
(26:21):
I will say having a supportsystem during that was really
helpful.
So my husband, if he was in themiddle of the conversation,
could do the shifting of gearsor right, or say you know,
that's not just, that's notsomething we're discussing right
now, or somebody else couldtake control of the situation.
So for me, being really openand honest with my support
system obviously my husband wasa part of that, but the
(26:43):
additional support system wehave his mom and my mom are
really supportive.
So if we were ever insituations where we were all
together or somebody was askingthose questions, it was really
helpful to have somebody elsestep in too.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah, definitely.
And what about baby showerinvitations and Facebook
pregnancy announcements whenother people are getting
pregnant around you but you'restill trying?
How did you overcome that?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I set my own boundaries right.
So what did that look like?
Was that boundary in thatmoment that if I recently we did
in between have a chemicalpregnancy, and while I don't
consider that a full miscarriageby any means, it made something
(27:32):
more difficult in the timingand I set my own boundary.
So if it was that I had alreadyRSVP to a baby shower, but now
this happened on on my end and Ijust didn't feel like that was
a safe space for me, I reachedout to the individual and I
explained that I didn'tnecessarily say anything about
the chemical pregnancy, but Ijust said that you know, we're
(27:53):
dealing with our own infertilitybattle right now and as much as
I would love to support you,I'm not in the right space to do
that, um, but please know thatyou know I am so excited for you
and I, you know, I can't waitto.
I'm so excited for you and I,you know I can't wait to meet
your baby and be there for you.
(28:16):
I just can't be there right nowKnowing that that boundary was
okay to have.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
And you didn't lose any friends over that right?
Speaker 2 (28:26):
No, I didn't and honestly, this is really hard.
But if I did, did they careabout my journey that much
either?
Right, I'm not approaching itin a way of like I'm just not
going to be there.
I don't want to be there foryou.
I want nothing to do with this.
That wasn't my approach.
My approach came from kindnessand from you know where we were
(28:48):
struggling and I needed to setthis boundary for myself and for
my husband, and if that's whatthat looked like, that should be
okay, right.
So, and it's hard it's hard toaccept that because now you're
you're going through thisjourney where you need support
and you need to be normal andyou need to feel like things are
(29:10):
normal around you to be normaland you need to feel like things
are normal around you.
So it is hard to accept if youlose a friend during that
process I thankfully did not, um, but I could see how people
would and that has to besomething that you have to know
you're okay with, and if you'renot, that's okay to set a
different boundary, butdefinitely sit down like with
(29:30):
your husband or your partner.
I think that was the mosthelpful for me and we set our
boundaries.
Here's something that reallywould bother me, or here's
something that really impacts me.
How do we handle that?
How do we handle that together?
What is my response going to be?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
And I think what you're doing is prioritizing you
, prioritizing yourself, yourmental health, and if you are
not doing that and you're notstrong, then it's very hard to
deal with other pieces of thejourney.
Other parts of the journey andI feel like a lot of my patients
(30:05):
deal with this too is they feelbad if they don't go, but at
the same time, if they feel likeif they go, they'll just be
completely devastated, it'll betriggering, they'll feel sad and
depressed.
So it's exactly like you saidyou have to draw boundaries that
(30:26):
you're comfortable with, and ifyour decision is to go to the
baby shower, then you have to beokay with that too, and if your
decision is not to go to thebaby shower, that's totally okay
, right?
So the point is is to find outwhat works for you and don't
feel bad about it.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Absolutely Yep Right.
Write it down.
If you have to journal about it, sit down with your partner,
talk about it.
What?
Speaker 1 (30:49):
does that?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
look like, so that when you go to make that
decision, you're comfortablemaking it right Whatever it is,
and it can be either.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
And it's okay to turn off somebody's notification for
a little bit if all they'reposting is their baby pictures
or maternity photos or somethinglike that.
So I think you know the pointhere is to really prioritize you
, prioritize your feelings, yourhealth, and if other people
(31:19):
don't agree with you or you losefriends over it, then, like
Tara said, they're not reallyyour friends.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
I'm sorry but they're not, I know, and it's so hard
because, right, it may besomething that they don't
understand either.
Yeah, but if you feelcomfortable, maybe that and it's
a friendship you want topreserve obviously sit down and
have that conversation with them.
Yeah, people offer more grace.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I think, than we, we give everybody credit for Cause
there's that fear that you'regoing to be, it's that fear that
they're going to get mad at you.
And and you know, we don't wantto let people down and if we
don't do certain things andwe're not being, we're not being
the supportive friend.
But then when you talk about ityou're like, oh my God, they're
actually really understanding.
I'm so glad I told them.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Right, or maybe you needed support in return, right,
it doesn't need to be givingthe support.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
And we never know what they're going through,
because they might come out andsay, oh yeah, I had 10
miscarriages.
I mean that's extreme, but Iactually did meet a woman who
went through 11 IVFs.
So finally, you know the thelast one that she did like she
(32:34):
got pregnant.
This was a few years ago, butit's you just don't know what
they're going through.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Yeah, you have no idea.
So that ended up beingsuccessful for her Right.
So anyway.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
so moving on to the next piece is so now you got
your mindset straight and youhad to make a bunch of changes.
Some of the stuff it's likecompletely different than what
you grew up with.
Absolutely how, what was yourdiet like growing?
Speaker 2 (33:04):
up a great question.
We, um, I grew up in a veryGerman household and, um, it was
also a, you know, coming from,like, demographically, the type
(33:26):
of foods that my family grew upwith.
You know, not just me but, um,my mom and her mom, and the type
of foods they would make werereally high in carbs, processed,
high in fats, all of thosetypes of things, because, of
course, they were less expensive.
And even if we were past thatpoint, those stayed as staples
(33:49):
to our diet shade, as staples toour diet, and unfortunately,
that meant that there was a lotof that.
So there was a lot of a lot ofdairy, a lot of carbs, processed
foods.
Obviously, you know, I'm a 90skid too, so, like everything
else aside, you know you'rethinking about those types of
foods.
You know your thing about thosetypes of foods pop tarts,
(34:11):
hamburger helpers, and there'snothing like, yeah, absolutely
there's nothing.
There's no fault to anybodywith that, right?
So there was, that was just thenorm there.
There wasn't anything andanything else that was being
given.
It wasn't a focus on fresh andwhole foods, and while I wasn't
(34:44):
necessarily eating all of thosethings regularly, still I was
definitely eating way moreprocessed foods, easy things,
things that were not necessarilyalways cooking at home.
I don't really love to cook.
I still don't.
I'm really thankful that myhusband does, because on the
days that I don't, um, I'mreally grateful that he he takes
over Um and more often than notnow he is the one that cooks
(35:06):
for us, which is wonderful.
But, that being said, gettingrid of those pieces was
difficult.
Right, because those thingswere highly contributing to my
factors in my body.
Right, I know that processedfoods, a lot of sugars, aren't
(35:27):
great for anybody, but with PCOSand endometriosis they're going
to increase insulin resistanceand really contribute to that
inflammatory factor.
So I had to get rid of them andthat wasn't easy.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
What were okay.
So, besides the fact that yougrew up with this, these foods
were convenient.
What else was particularlydifficult about making these
changes?
For example, did you feel likecleaner foods or less processed
(36:04):
foods tasted bad?
Worse, like your taste budscouldn't get used to them?
Was it?
Did you feel like making thesechanges because you didn't have
time?
Like it was hard?
You know what were some of theother challenges surrounding
having to make these changes.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Absolutely Time management and actually cooking
them.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I think a lot of people can relate to that.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Meal planning is not my favorite either, so no, I am
not a planner when it comes towhen it comes to meals like that
.
I want to eat what I'm hungryfor and even if I do plan it, by
the time I get around to eatingit, probably not hungry for it,
right?
So that was a huge piece, stillis.
And the second piece to that isI don't like to cook.
(36:54):
Yeah, so what I had to do was,number one, find meals that I
was comfortable cooking.
Number one, find meals that Iwas comfortable cooking, that I
(37:29):
felt were easy and that I couldenjoy for a few days.
So leftovers became great for me, for lunches especially.
So cooking extra of whatever itwas that I was making so
helpful and beneficial.
So, honestly, like looping inmy husband, because I was so you
know well, I was so glad thathe was so willing to cook,
because there were things thatyou get sick of eating the same
thing over and over, which iswhat I do, because it was easy.
Um, so he, when, when we did ittogether as a team, it really
helped because he cooked thethings that I didn't want to
(37:51):
cook, but it really helped todiversify what we were eating.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Give me an example.
What type of food Did he cookthe protein, and then you made
the side dishes.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yes, or I really don't like cooking chicken.
I know that's a personalpreference, but I just really
don't like cooking chicken.
So anytime we would have that,he would have it prepped and
ready.
So even if we knew I wasgetting home early enough, I can
just put it in the oven becausehe had it marinating.
Something like that made itreally simple for us, and I love
(38:26):
that you brought that up,because I think this is
something that really helped usovercome just a lot of
challenges with TTC.
So you feel like it's yourfocus, like it's your thought
all day long, and what got ridof that was focusing more on
things like this how could wemake meals together?
Now, we were trying to justbuild a new routine over cooking
(38:49):
foods in our home.
That, while it was stilldirectly related to trying to
conceive it wasn't that didn'tthen have to be our focus.
Our focus was on how can we eathealthier, how can we nourish
our bodies, and how can we dothat in a timely manner that fit
both of our schedules or in away that we have something that
(39:10):
we could eat and enjoy right.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, it's also like bonding and feeling and spending
time together without it havingto be hey, I'm ovulating, this
is the time that we're going tospend together, right?
It's like you guys are spendingquality time without making it
so obviously, be about trying toconceive.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Oh, absolutely.
And if it were to be a daywhere we knew we were both going
to get home a little bitearlier maybe it was the weekend
he would focus on the maincourse and I could focus on
dessert or I could focus on thesides, like you said.
And I think the other piece wasreally just breaking everything
down into smaller, manageablesteps.
It didn't have to be thisgourmet meal that we were making
(39:59):
, right, so that's anothermisconception I had going into
it.
Well, how am I going to makethis?
I'm not a chef, right?
Looking at a recipe that hadall of these ingredients and all
of these steps, really, whenyou break the recipe down, you
don't need all those ingredientsto achieve the same outcome.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Yeah, because you don't have to cook like Bobby
Flay, you don't have to be aniron chef.
In fact, the recipes I'm like Ithis is way beyond my skill set
.
I'm happy just to do a littlestir fry, you know, and call it
a day, Exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Find a new recipe or just adjust the recipe you have
to fit what you have.
Mm, hmm, I found that gettingrid of the processed sides was
really hard for us, whether thatbe certain types of pastas or
(40:56):
like ready sides, or how we werecooking our rice or eating
French fries and that just tooka shift in because it's actually
just as quick to make homemadefrench fries even realize, but
it is just as quick yeah, I meanI um, I buy the alexia brand
(41:16):
sometimes and, yeah, the oven,so it's still fries but it's
baked, and absolutely hugedifference and I think you don't
realize.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
It's not like oh, now I can't ever have french fries
again, and I think that all ornothing perspective makes the
eating nutrition piece of itdifficult too um, because you're
like, you're going into itthinking I'm gonna have to cut
out coffee, I'm to have to cutout coffee, I'm going to have to
cut out alcohol, I'm going tohave to.
There goes my social life.
(41:48):
I can't have a cheese dip, Ican't have a sandwich if I want
to, right, and I feel like thenalready there's this resistance
to well, it's just not going towork for me.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
No, absolutely.
And taking those small stepsfirst.
So, like what felt easy, right,we didn't go from no, all these
processed foods, processedsides, to then, all of a sudden,
we were cooking for ourselvesevery single day.
That wasn't it, but we setachievable goals, right?
Yep, what did that look like?
Well, you know, maybe that wasonly a couple of meals that week
(42:28):
, maybe that was two to threedinners for that week, but then,
because we cooked the dinnertwo to three times, we typically
had lunch, so we didn't have toworry about lunch.
Then it wasn't like oh, now,what are we going to make for
lunch?
We just made extra and we hadthat for lunch already.
So now, that took care of apretty decent amount of our
(42:48):
meals, right To start.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
People struggle with lunch, and I remember you were.
I'm always telling people ifTara can do it, being in the
sales job, driving around allday and have a hot lunch, then
you can do it too.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Oh my gosh, I know I was like what am I going to eat
for lunch?
I can't eat a hot lunch, and Ihad it in my head, no matter
what you said, that I could nothave this hot lunch.
I really just had to find theright type of thermos to be able
to put it in and how to preheatit, and all of this is and what
healthy snacks to take, becausewhen you're driving and
(43:28):
traveling you just want to eatthe whole time.
I mean, your car was youroffice.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Yeah, right, so like you just had to drive around all
day, right?
Speaker 2 (43:37):
So that was definitely a challenge.
Um, and having those preparinglike I don't want to call them
snacks, but they are snacks,preparing snacks for the week
was so helpful.
That just had me so ready and Ididn't, you know, when I
stopped at a gas station Iwasn't buying junk.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
Yeah, Um.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
I already had, planning is the key, right it is
.
It is at the end of the day,but I will say I I found a way.
So for me, meal planning,snacks was important, right?
I didn't necessarily.
Now, we plan our groceries thatwe purchase.
We planned the groceries wewere going to purchase but we
didn't then meal plan.
But we had an idea of whatmeals we could make.
(44:21):
So it doesn't have to be mealplanning in the sense of this is
what I'm eating for breakfastand lunch and dinner.
But maybe when you're goinggrocery shopping, planning out,
here are the meals that we canmake for the week and maybe the
only meal that's 100% planned isthe day you know you're both
getting home late and that'sokay.
(44:42):
So I think letting go of thatreally like tight, like okay.
This paper I wrote on thispaper that I have to have this
for breakfast, lunch and dinnerGetting rid of that took away
all the pressure of it.
Just be more flexible,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Maybe you feel like eating out that day, maybe
you're like screw it, I'm justgoing to do takeout, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
It's okay.
And what was really great aboutthat and I think what is a
little what was lacking for meanyway was I would feel like, oh
, I don't want to do thatbecause I was putting so much
pressure on it, but because Iwas so committed in other ways,
like in everything else I wasdoing, it actually allowed me to
(45:28):
be free on the days that wewanted to do takeout.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
And.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
I could say, oh, I feel really comfortable doing
this because I know I'venourished my body this whole
week, or I've nourished my bodyall day, or tomorrow I'm just
going to go back to my normaldiet, but this is easy for us
right now and it made it reallyjust like comfortable.
I didn't even think twice aboutit anymore.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Well, it's good to you know to say this too is,
once you start making changesthat are very positive for your,
for your body, your body startsto heal and we'll be able to do
, you know, we'll be able to do,you know, have a cheat meal and
your body will recover, it willrebound, like in your case it's
.
We're going to go do takeoutand maybe, maybe I have pasta
(46:16):
with a cream sauce, but I knowthat tomorrow my body will
recover from it, because Ididn't bombard my body day in
and day out with all these typesof foods, right, day in and day
out with all these types offoods, right?
So so I think it's alsoimportant to know that just
because you do that, it doesn'tmean that you're going to go
back a hundred steps.
It's not.
Your body is going to be ableto, to heal itself and recover.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Absolutely, and I think that's what is so
important too, because as wewere going through this journey,
you know, nothing happenedovernight, but neither did the
conventional medicine treatmentsRight.
So, like I think it's like youknow, I I trusted the process
and as I kept moving through it,I would see changes in my body,
(47:02):
I would be more energized, Istarted having less pains with
the endometriosis, my cycles andI know I didn't mention this
kind of in my story, but I thinkthis is like my favorite piece.
First off, your cycle never hasto be a perfect 28-day cycle.
But for me, my cycles, regulatedeven through now to 33, 33 to
(47:25):
35 day cycles, which from 152days just felt so unachievable,
yeah, um.
And here I am, you know,managing this PCOS still, and
I'm able to have regular cycles,um, and get pregnant, yeah,
(47:45):
after the first time.
Yeah, so it's those takingthose small steps that then
you're taking bigger steps asyou keep going and then you
start to see your body shift andchange.
You're like this I'm feelinggood, my body is really loving
this.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
And I also I want to make sure that we talk about
this when you, you told me thatwhen you started doing the
NutriSync protocol which, to it,is a little intense and
intimidating at first because itrequires you to eat according
to your archetype and the timeof the cycle and, um and and
(48:21):
that's something that we'reworking on, by the way it's just
making it very easy for peopleto know exactly what to eat.
But back then, when I firststarted the first version of the
NutriSync, you told me astrategy that really helped you
keep track of what you have toeat.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
It did?
Yeah, because we were given allthe food lists for each pattern
and then manage them, like yousaid, through the different
phases of the cycle and throughour patterns.
But what I did first was I hadtwo predominant patterns for
myself, two primary patterns,and so I printed it all out and
(49:00):
I just threw everything elseaway except my two patterns.
I printed it all out and I justthrew everything else away
except my two patterns and Iknew that, okay, this is also
for this phase and this is alsofor this phase, and that's what
I focused on.
I looked at my one pattern for acertain part of my cycle and my
other pattern for the next, andonce I really got into the
(49:21):
swing of that, I started toincorporate the others and that
was really, really useful for me.
And then I just reprintedeverything out and I had
everything that I needed infront of me.
But that was a way for me tosay, okay, let's move this other
stuff away and cut out theother things that are kind of
(49:41):
overwhelming me, and I'm justgoing to focus on what I know is
my primary Chinese medicinepattern and I'm going to focus
on just those foods and doingthe best I can with that and
once I felt like really goodabout that and, like I said, I
kept it simple.
So I picked a protein, I pickedmy veggies and then whatever
(50:03):
you know, little like sidestarch or what have you that
like a fruit or something, yeah,and.
I focused on just choosingsomething from each part of the
list and it just made it sosimple.
And once I got into the swingof that, I was like, oh okay, I
can do this for every phase ofthe cycle, and then I just
reprinted everything out, but itjust really made it simplified
(50:26):
for myself.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah, and then you can just go to a grocery store
with that list and say I'm goingto buy these five types of
veggies and these two types ofprotein for the week, or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
And that's what.
Yeah, that's a great example ofwhat I was trying to explain
earlier, because it was a way tomeal plan without actually
having to write down what you'rehaving every day.
Do the overwhelming part ofmeal planning that I feel is
overwhelming.
Some people love that and itmakes it easier.
It just isn't for me.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
We had a member in our very first program.
She was so organized and sheshared her NutriSync Excel
spreadsheet with me and how shemeal plans.
It's like down to the spicethat she is going to use.
And I was like, wow, I'm really, really impressed.
But that's her style.
(51:16):
You don't have to do that right.
You could just like I'm likeyou, I'll just go to the grocery
store and I'll just be like, ohyeah, maybe I'll have a ribeye
or something you know, and I'lljust grab them.
And then I'm like, huh, whatgoes well with ribeye?
Well, how about some spinach?
And I'll grab some spinach.
And it doesn't mean you'rebeing lax.
Speaker 2 (51:40):
You're going to get the same result, it's just of
how, how you can approach it foryou.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
Hey, those two foods are perfect for the blood
deficiency right when you'rehaving your period.
Those two foods are perfect anddone, that's dinner.
And then make an extra piece ofred lye for lunch or something.
And I know I maybe sound likeI'm oversimplifying it, because
I do realize that for a lot ofpeople, meal planning and
figuring out what to eat is very, very difficult, so I'm
(52:05):
definitely not oversimplifyingit.
But I've also had a lot ofpractice and experience, and I
do practice what I preach.
So in order for me to teachsomething, I had to practice it
too.
So, anyway, so what else?
Give me, like?
Give us one more thing that youfelt it was extremely difficult
(52:27):
at the time and you were ableto overcome it, and that other
people may be struggling with aswell.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
Okay, I want to make sure I give you something a
little bit different than I hadalready talked about.
I don't want to reiterate anyof those things.
I think those things I think.
So, as I know I said, mypartner was super willing, like
my husband's, super willing toto make the changes, but I think
(52:55):
, also prioritizing him just asseriously as myself, that was a
really big piece, because a lotof people don't talk about male
factor infertility and I knowthat that was a part of our
journey but that existed andthat was a big reason we were
referred to IVF for us and forme.
(53:18):
I was making all these changesand it's not like he wasn't also
eating with me, but what elsewas he doing that was
contributing for his body, right, and I think working together
to improve his lifestyle wasreally important.
And you know I don't want tospeak for all men, but I feel
like you know, the men have adifferent lifestyle and are
(53:41):
eating different types of foodsand maybe working out more or or
maybe wearing certain uniformsfor work or whatever that looks
like.
And there's these other piecesthat he had to adapt to and make
changes to as well, and while Isaid he was really.
It's not that he was never notsupportive of the journey, but
he was skeptical of some of thechanges or or maybe a little bit
(54:01):
reluctant to make them asquickly as me, and I think that
was another piece of it.
That was that was difficult forus to do, but I think when we
sat down and kept doing ittogether regularly, it really it
really turned things around.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
How did you have that conversation Like hey Steven,
you have to do this too, or wasit just?
Was he just kind of like, ohyeah, let's do it?
Speaker 2 (54:29):
Um, I think both right.
There were some pieces where hewas like, yeah, let's just,
let's do it.
Um, uh, he trusted my researchand that piece of it.
But I think the other part ofit was I did share some of you
know what I had been learningand I brought him in on those
things, right, if there wassomething we were learning in
(54:50):
the program at the time that Ifelt was really beneficial to
him, I said you know, let'slearn this together, right, like
we're doing this together.
I think it was also the otherpiece of sitting down and
talking out like why we wantedthis, what we wanted from it,
right.
So you talked about creating,like focusing on that why in the
beginning, and I think it'sreally important to have our own
(55:13):
why.
But I think the why with yourpartner is huge because you're
both referring back to that.
So when there's somethingthat's a little bit difficult or
something that's not somethingyou're used to, you both have
that to refer back to.
So he didn't do like an actualactivity discovering his why,
(55:39):
which he very well could have.
He didn't need to, that's just.
It didn't match his personality, but didn't mean that he wasn't
thinking about it.
No, exactly, we talked about ittogether and that's Yep,
exactly.
And that was still in the backof his mind.
That was still a big part of it, and it was also him developing
solutions, not just me saying,ok, here's what you're going to
(56:02):
do.
It was how can we make thiswork, like similar to what we
did with the nutrition part ofthings.
How are we going to make thiswork together?
Um, and also ways like here'swhat I'm suggesting.
So some things, especially witha varicose seal, had to be a lot
of change in clothing, um, anduh, a change in routine when it
(56:25):
came to working out or what hewas wearing for work and those
type of things, and that'sharder for men to adjust to.
I totally understand that.
It was more of like okay, howcan I help you do that Right?
So me supporting him just asjust as well, I'm like I'm
willing to help you find theright pieces, that that fit for
you or that that feel good.
(56:46):
What clothing feels good?
Um, what makes your workoutstill feel good, even though
here's what your routine isgoing to look like, post-workout
, that type of thing?
Uh, we just, I think, sittingdown and doing it together,
rather than me just doing it alland saying here's what you have
to do, I think made a hugedifference, because he
understood why he was doing it.
Speaker 1 (57:06):
Yeah, like it's.
It's less of a well, you justhave to do this, but rather like
this is the reason why we'redoing this.
And then what is your personallie for wanting to be a father
Right?
Speaker 2 (57:20):
Absolutely, and I think also bringing him in on
the education piece, so bringinghim in to say, hey, learn this
with me, right?
Speaker 1 (57:26):
So because I know he's probably like what Tara,
your liver, your liver's actingup again.
Speaker 2 (57:49):
Especially now you know he'll come out with things
surrounding it.
I'm like, oh, you did learn alot about that, oh.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
I love it.
I mean, you know.
So we're wrapping up here and Ifeel like you provided so many
valuable insights, and that'sexactly what I wanted is is not
so much exactly what three foodsyou were eating, but how you
are able to overcome thesechallenges and some tips and
tricks that hopefully ourlisteners can implement as well.
(58:20):
And know that, no, you don'thave to cook anything fancy to
get pregnant.
You don't have to, you know,have 20 ingredients in a meal in
order for this to be a fertilemeal, and sometimes the best
things are very simple and right.
And I think, go back to thevery beginning, when you said
(58:41):
the hardest challenge you had toovercome was the mindset piece,
beginning when you said thehardest challenge you had to
overcome was the mindset piece.
And one final piece of advicefor our listeners do you feel
like that mindset shift in thebeginning was crucial in helping
you getting over some of theobstacles and roadblocks along
(59:01):
the way later on?
Speaker 2 (59:02):
Absolutely, it totally was.
And, like I said, for me thatwas grasping onto something that
was within my control.
And what was really cool wasthat happened to be Chinese
medicine, and that can be truefor anybody.
It gave me pieces that I couldcontrol, that I knew were
contributing to the health andwellness of my body and my
fertility to the health andwellness of my body and my
(59:29):
fertility and it's just reallyreally cool.
Speaker 1 (59:34):
It's just like a beautiful piece of it, I, I, it
was just really cool that thatgave me that, that strength and
you were able to maintain thislifestyle for Colson and then
now your third baby, who willfind out the name soon,
hopefully.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
I don't even know yet .
Speaker 1 (59:49):
Now you're like, okay , we'll figure it out later.
I think I heard Colson in thebackground, so I'm going to let
you go, Sorry.
Congratulations on your thirdpregnancy and thank you so much
for sharing your stories fromyour journey with us, and I just
, I really hope that.
(01:00:09):
I really hope our listenerscould, you know, walk away with
some aha moments and if you arelistening and you have any
questions, please reach out toTara and or me.
Tara is now working with me asa fertility coach.
She knows the ins and outs ofmy program and I would love for
you to get a coaching sessionwith her if you feel like you're
(01:00:32):
really stuck and you just needsomebody who can help you
overcome an obstacle.
Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Well, thank you, tara .
Thank you so much for having me.
I love being here and I lookforward to working with
everybody that we come acrossacross and I hope that my story
resonates with somebody, and Ihope that this brought somebody
peace and hope today as well.
Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
Absolutely, I will talk to you soon.
Talk to you soon, bye, bye.
Welcome to the Practically Fertile Podcast.
I'm Adrienne Wee, doctor ofAcupuncture and Chinese Medicine
, functional MedicinePractitioner and Functional
Nutritionist.
I specialize in using anevidence-based method, blending
principles of East Asianmedicine and modern functional
medicine to help women optimizefertility and get pregnant.
(00:22):
I believe in a world whereevery woman who wants to be a
mother becomes one.
If you're tired of being toldthat you're infertile and you
want to take the right steps toget pregnant naturally and
quickly, this podcast is for you.
What do you do when you've beentold that IVF is the only
(00:42):
option and without it you can'tever get pregnant?
Absolutely nothing against IVF.
It's necessary a lot of timesand it's always a personal
decision, but it can be verydevastating when you feel like
there are just no other options.
I have invited onto the podcasttoday Tara.
(01:03):
She is now a fertility coachwho is working with me on my
programs, and some of you mighthave had a free discovery call
with her to learn more aboutacupuncture.
I met her a few years ago whenI released the first version of
my online program.
She is going to share with youher story in the podcast.
(01:23):
She is going to share with youher story in the podcast, but
basically she was dealing withPCOS, endometriosis and male
factor infertility.
The odds were not in her favor,but she got pregnant, naturally
not once, but three times.
The reason I wanted her to comeon the podcast isn't to share
(01:44):
things like I ate these threethings and then I had sex.
On these days, those types oftips will be different for
everyone, so what worked for hermight not work for you.
I can tell you to eat a steak,but if you don't eat meat, that
won't work.
I actually wanted her to talkabout the challenges she had
faced, which a lot of you arefacing as well right now, like
(02:07):
how do you eat healthier if youdon't even like to cook?
How do you respond to aninvitation to a baby shower?
It's more important to me thatyou learn about how to overcome
these obstacles.
That's a way more valuable toolthat can be applied to any
situation.
So I don't want to spoil herstory here too much, so let's
(02:30):
dive in and hear from Tara andher journey to becoming a mother
of three.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Welcome to the podcast, Tara.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
It's been quite a while since you were on my last
podcast, but you are the firstguest on this podcast, this
rebranded, practically Brutalpodcast.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I love that.
I'm excited to share my storywith people we have spoken with
before, but also a new audiencethat we have.
I think it'll be a lot of funtoo.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, so we've known each other for quite a while and
I definitely want you to shareyour story, just to get us
started, because it's seemedlike to a lot of people from the
outside you were dealing with alot PCOS, endometriosis, male
factor and I think to a lot ofpeople it seemed like it was an
(03:23):
impossible situation and youwere told that you had to do IVF
.
So just kind of kick us off andstart from the beginning and
tell us about your journey.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Sure, yeah.
So we were trying to conceivefor a little over two years and
our journey started off with thevery conventional treatments,
right so the hormonal therapies,monitored cycles, all of those
types of things, and even that'sour TTC journey.
(03:59):
But even before that right,even before that, right so I was
diagnosed with PCOS, and thiswas right when we got married,
and you know, that's seven yearsago now.
So I think PCOS has beennormalized a little bit more, at
least understood a little bitmore.
But at the time and maybepeople still do feel this way I
(04:21):
truly felt like that PCOXdiagnosis meant I would never be
able to have children.
For me it was very irregularcycles, high testosterone, and
all of these pieces were only tobe regulated by medication or
birth control, and obviously alot of those pieces aren't
(04:43):
conducive to trying to conceive,right.
So going back on wasn't goingto help anything.
So that was really reallydifficult.
And soon after I was diagnosedwith endometriosis and I started
on monitored cycles and Clomid,and the Clomid made my ovaries
(05:07):
over respond.
So then we moved to Letrozole,which didn't work for me at all.
I didn't respond to thatmedication whatsoever and it was
very defeating.
That's really what it felt like, um, we really weren't getting
anywhere, like we really weren'tgetting anywhere.
(05:32):
So they actually didn't eventest anything to do with my
husband until I had already done, I think, three medicated
cycles, and at that point wefound out that his numbers were
not ideal by any means and Ihadn't even come across any
other form of medicine.
At this point, right, I hadn'tmet you, I didn't know about
(05:54):
traditional Chinese medicine, sothis was the only way I knew
how to fix anything or how tomove forward, and it was getting
to the point where it almostfelt impossible which I think
you mentioned when you firstintroduced me and that was
really, really overwhelming tofeel like.
(06:14):
Okay, so now we have this otherfactor and our next suggestion
was let's do more medicatedcycles and we can do IUI and we
could do trigger shots, andhopefully that'll overcome the
numbers that we're seeing fromthe male factor side as well,
because we can control that alittle bit more.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Sorry, do you remember how low the sperm count
was?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So actually, his sperm count was very high.
Okay, the motility andmorphology that were very low.
Um, I don't remember them theexact numbers, though I should
have had them for us, but okay,yes, but thankfully his count
was very high, which helped us.
But at the same time, even whenthey did the sperm washing,
(07:00):
they weren't getting what theyneeded because of his morphology
and motility.
So, yeah, so yeah.
So that was very difficult and Ireally didn't know what to do
next and in the meantime, I wasresearching online, trying to
(07:21):
find other ways that this couldwork.
What else could we possibly do?
And that's when I discoveredyou, which was very exciting for
me, and I started listening toyour first podcast and I started
learning about what Chinesemedicine was and what that meant
for our fertility and how thatcould help us, and I started
dabbling.
Right, I didn't really knowanything yet, but I was learning
(07:45):
, and in the meantime, we werestill doing our medicated cycles
and I started to incorporate alittle bit of the things that I
was learning from you and yourpodcast and everything.
And I just wasn't going all inyet I don't think I really knew
how.
And that's when you releasedyour program and at that same
(08:10):
time that you released yourprogram, we had to see a
specialist for my husband,because we were getting to the
point where they wouldn't do anymore medicated cycles for me,
and he saw a specialist, andafter they looked at his numbers
and determined he actually hada varicocele that was inoperable
, they said we're sorry, butwith all of the contributing
(08:33):
factors, you guys need to go toIVF.
And we're like what, how did weget to IVF?
Right, we didn't even try IUI,or are there other stepping
stones?
Your only option here is IVF.
We're like okay.
So this came at actually a verygood time, though, because it
(08:57):
was when you started your onlineprogram.
So I was actually reallystarting to deep dive into what
traditional Chinese medicine wasand what we could do.
That wasn't this conventionalmedicine treatment that was all
I knew existed prior to thispoint in time scheduled our IVF
(09:26):
consultation for months out,because at that point, that's
the soonest they could even getus in.
So we were we were months andmonths away from that, and in
the meantime, you know, myhusband and I I showed him what
I was learning and I said youknow, I think we need to do this
, and thankfully he's supersupportive and he was on board
right away.
Why not, of course, right.
(09:47):
So let's, let's go all in.
And once we did that, you knowwe we started working with you
directly and, like I said, my,my PCOS made for my cycles to be
very irregular.
So up until this point point,my cycle was 152 days long and
(10:07):
we were having a hard timemonitoring that and getting that
to even be regular with Clomidand with those other medications
.
So that was a huge piece andobviously I had a lot of
inflammation.
I didn't know about insulinresistance.
I didn't know about thesepieces resistance.
I didn't know about thesepieces.
And I started to implement yourpersonalized protocol which was
(10:36):
giving me the diet, nutritionand lifestyle changes and
putting the control back on me,right.
So this whole process feltcompletely out of control.
I couldn't control PCOS orendometriosis, I couldn't
control the fact that my husbandhad a varicocele, that we were
dealing with this sperm qualityissue.
But what I could control, Icould control my lifestyle, I
could control my diet, I couldcontrol these other pieces,
(10:57):
these other recommendations thatyou were helping me through,
and it kind of put our fertilityback into our hands and that
felt really good.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So I'm going to talk in specifics in just a little
bit.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
But yes, I know I didn't want to go too deep yet,
but, that being said, after wedid that, after we really
implemented these plans for bothof us and I think that might
have been a challenge we've hadto overcome, which we can talk
about too, if you'd like butonce both of us really went all
in for about three months, wereally started to see our bodies
(11:36):
start to improve from anoverall health and wellness
standpoint, which I think is sobeautiful about Chinese medicine
right, it's something that youtalk about quite a bit.
It is about our end goal ofgetting pregnant, right, but
it's about that generationalhealth and wellness that you can
provide by getting your bodyreally to where it needs to be.
And I think we really achievedthat and accomplished that
(11:58):
together.
And, after implementingeverything for three months, we
actually found out that we werepregnant and it was before our
IVF consultation and my son isfive now.
He'll be six this year and wehave a second son who is going
(12:21):
to be three, and we are third onthe way.
And it's so very excitingbecause it all started here and
it all started with us makingthese changes and just on that
incredible, overwhelming anddefeating journey that just
turned around.
Right that did a complete 180.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, so now you're about to be boy mom to the four
with three boys and your baby'sdue in July, so that's so
exciting.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
It's so exciting and it's funny because you know this
time around was a big surpriseand you know, starting off on
this journey, you never thinkthat that's a possibility, right
?
It all feels like it has to beso very planned because that's
the only way for it to beachieved or accomplished.
(13:12):
And here we are.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, and also in the meantime, your husband never
got the varicocele surgery.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
No, they would not do the operation.
What was?
Speaker 1 (13:24):
the reason for that?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Sure, so it wasn't bad enough for them to consider
that the operation would besuccessful once they got in
there.
I don't know enough about themedical terms or anything, but I
think that it wasn't bad.
How they explained it to us wasit wasn't bad enough.
(13:46):
So if they would have gone inthere, um, they could have
downgraded it kind of to whereit was, that's kind of, but it
was bad enough, I guess, in thelocation and what it was doing,
that it was impacting his spermquality quite incredibly.
So that's like the worst ofboth worlds.
(14:06):
It's not bad enough, so youdon't need surgery, but right,
there's really nothing you coulddo about it then and you're
like wait a minute where doesthe endometriosis piece come in?
Sure, I think that's a greatquestion.
So when I did have my my periodwhich, of course, we said my
cycles were irregular, but whenit did happen it was so heavy
(14:27):
and painful I also had painduring intercourse quite
frequently, and I did getsurgery in between that whole
process to remove thatendometriosis, they found that
it wasn't affecting my uterus,as it was as much as it was
affecting other areas of my body, so it was growing elsewhere
(14:50):
more frequently.
The effects it was havingbecause of that, though, were
the pain during intercourse andthen you know those heavy
periods so, and it was causing alot of inflammation and a lot
of pain for me, and that wasthat was difficult.
On top of it all, right, right,and you're increasing, of
course, the amount ofintercourse you're having
because you're trying toconceive and you have to do it
(15:10):
at specific times.
So if that just happened to beat a time where my body felt
inflamed, it didn't feel goodeither, because then it felt
forced and we had to overcomethat too.
What do we do?
We give up this cycle, and thathad to become okay, right,
because I had to overcome thattoo.
Like, what do we do?
We give up this cycle and thathad to become okay.
Right, because I had to listento my body telling me that.
(15:31):
You know, my body isn't feelinggood enough for this right now
and the pain that was associatedwith endometriosis.
This could have been the bestcycle on paper.
My hormones looked great, itwas actually a regular cycle and
it was hurting me right, likeduring the medicated cycles and
things like that, but I hadn't.
Once we really started to makethose changes that I talked
(15:53):
about, I really truly believedthat.
I know it can't be measured,but that inflammation was
starting to reduce and my bodywas starting to respond better.
So I wasn't getting those painsas frequently, so we didn't
have those issues as often.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah, it can't be measured, but in a way it can be
, because you were feeling adifference, like your quality of
life was improving drastically,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And I mean that's a great way to measure it to me.
I don't need it to be measuredon paper by numbers.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
How do you measure your?
You know happiness yes, that'sa great point, awesome.
So definitely sounded like youwent through a lot, and I think
you know that saying it alwaysseems like it's impossible until
it's done.
Right At first, you're like I'mnever going to get pregnant and
(16:47):
and that was actually the samething that my doctor said to me
when I was diagnosed with PCOSwas, I don't know.
This means that you can getpregnant or not, I don't know.
Just take some birth controlpills.
And, like you said, like rightnow, so much more is known about
this condition, so I'm reallyhappy about that.
So a plug in if you have notheard my podcast on PCOS, go
(17:11):
ahead and listen to it now.
So back to your journey andyour story.
Let's start with the hardestthing that you felt you had to
do.
What was the hardest part aboutthis journey?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
And you know I love that.
You asked that because it wasreally the mindset shift, right.
So you're just it goes off,exactly what you said.
It's ingrained that it's you'renot going to be able to get
pregnant or that it has to bequick.
Right, you're not going to beable to get pregnant.
With PCOS, endometriosis andinfertility.
We were actually told that youwill only get pregnant through
(17:50):
IVF and you're also like oursociety, I think, is looking for
very quick fixes, so you expectthis to happen quickly, right?
You expect, okay.
Well, this should have happenedby now and I think, getting
over this, this should havehappened already.
(18:10):
I want this to happen tomorrow,not that that part really goes
away, obviously, and this I'mnot going to be able to get
pregnant.
Those three mindset pieces forme really needed to be overcome,
and I think it was number one ashift in perspective and really
understanding that you knowpatience and consistency are key
(18:32):
.
So the shift in perspectivejust had to come from myself
sitting down and thinking whatis it for me that is going to
help me overcome this?
And I utilize Chinese medicinekind of in a powerful way.
Right, it gave me power.
I mentioned that before it puteverything back in my hands.
(18:58):
Yes, and I know we'll talk aboutthis a little bit more making
certain diet changes, makingcertain lifestyle changes, that
wasn't easy.
I don't want to.
I don't want that to bemisconstrued by any means, but
putting those things in my hands, in the way of I can control
these things, did bring someease to that and then, at the
(19:20):
same time, helped me overcomethat huge mindset piece of I
can't get pregnant.
No, there is an underlying rootcause here which I began to
understand and I began to learn,and I have discovered it and I
have somebody who is helping melearn how to treat that and to
treat my body.
I just now have to do it and so, of course, in my husband.
(19:43):
So I was grateful that he waswilling and open to to do that
as well.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
It's very empowering to know the why behind your
struggles, because beyond thePCOS, the endo, the male factor,
what's on paper, there's reallya entire range, sub, whatever
you call it, like another realmof things like there's a lot
(20:13):
happening below the iceberg.
That is the reason that'scontributing to all of your
struggles that people don't talkabout something as simple as
are you getting enough sleep,and I know that some people
might be like, well, I'll sleepwhen I'm dead.
And I know that some peoplemight be like, well, I'll sleep
when I'm dead, which I'm alwayslike.
Oh no, don't say that, but thatis a sign of inflammation.
(20:43):
If you're having issuessleeping and then not sleeping
can contribute to moreinflammation.
A specific event triggersomething that caused you to
draw a line in the sand and sayI'm going to control my mindset,
or is it gradual?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I think I don't know if you'll like my answer because
I want to say both.
I think one was learning, right.
I think there was a learningcurve.
I needed to believe in Chinesemedicine and to do that, I
needed to learn about it, andonce I learned about it, like it
just clicked.
But I think that also thatother piece and unfortunately
(21:23):
for me, it was them saying youcan only get pregnant through
IVF.
And that was unfortunate because, had I allowed myself right,
because we do have this control,we do have the power to be able
to make these decisions for ourminds, right, for our bodies I
(21:45):
allowed an outside contributingfactor to tell me that and to
make that decision for me,rather than me making that
decision on my own.
And I think that's a reallyimportant piece.
And the me now would have saidno, there's.
No, I'm not, I'm not acceptingthis.
Before you know, a year beforewe even were told we were
(22:06):
referred to IVF Um, I know's gotto be something else out there
then, but the me then didn'tknow that.
And so maybe I can be the menow for everybody else saying
that there is another piece outthere, that you can make that
(22:26):
decision for yourself, you don'tneed somebody else to make that
decision for you or wait forthat outside contributing factor
to say, okay, you better getthe ball rolling here, you
better do something now rightLike you should be pregnant at
the one-year mark, and if you'renot, then there's something
wrong with you.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I mean, who's to say that it has to be the one-year
mark?
Why can't it be like five-yearmark?
Speaker 2 (22:47):
right, oh, there are no timelines here, and I think
what's really important is, youknow there's also.
There's nothing that's alsosaying you can't put go all into
(23:08):
something else sooner.
Right, there's.
No, we don't have to follow thefull conventional medicine way
of going about fertility.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, like why can't you get your hormones tested
immediately?
Why do we have to wait untilyou have three miscarriages to
test certain hormones?
It just seems so silly to methat you have to.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
And I think with PCOS that's a big piece right.
So until we were married andpossibly we weren't trying to
conceive yet, but possibly onthe verge of that, right I was
just saying I think it's timefor me to get off birth control.
That's the first time they eventested my testosterone.
So I was on birth control forthis exponential amount of time
and they suspected I had PCOSwithout actually telling me that
(23:50):
and didn't make thosedeterminations until they did
the tests for that with anultrasound and with blood work
until I'm ready to say I'm readyto get off birth control.
They could have done thatsooner, so I could have set my
body up for success in adifferent way sooner, right, and
(24:10):
it didn't need to be pregnancyI wasn't ready for pregnancy yet
, but it could have been health,health and overall wellbeing,
right.
And you know, I I feel likethat was taken away from me in
that way and that was reallyfrustrating.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
So this, this mindset piece, you drew the line in the
sand and you're like I'm notgoing to let this control me and
you felt more empowered,Absolutely.
How did you deal with thingslike I'm sure a lot of people
out there are dealing with thesame things when people kept
pestering you about hey, whenare you going to get pregnant,
(24:47):
or are you guys even trying?
When are you going to have kids?
How did you deal with that?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
That's a great question.
So I think there's twoapproaches to that right and
it's whatever makes you feelcomfortable.
For me personally, I'm anoversharer, so if you were going
to ask me that question, I wasgoing to share, I was going to
tell you.
Actually, you know, we've been,we've been trying for quite a
long time and it's been a reallydifficult journey and this is
(25:16):
what we've been doing.
And you wouldn't believe theresponses I received in the way
of shock and realize, and itwasn't to make anyone feel bad,
but it was to there's otherthings that exist, bad, but it
was to there's other things thatexist.
(25:38):
It's not easy for everybody tojust get pregnant.
And I think as soon as I sharedthe parts of the story that I
was comfortable sharing,everyone kind of took a step
back from that.
But before I was at that pointwhere I did feel fully
comfortable sharing, there weretimes where I had to formulate
an answer and I did that priorto going somewhere and I would
(26:00):
think, okay, what am Icomfortable saying?
And for me that answer waswe're trying and we'll get there
when we do, and just eitherwalking away from the
conversation or shifting gearsif possible, and it was the best
I could do.
(26:21):
I will say having a supportsystem during that was really
helpful.
So my husband, if he was in themiddle of the conversation,
could do the shifting of gearsor right, or say you know,
that's not just, that's notsomething we're discussing right
now, or somebody else couldtake control of the situation.
So for me, being really openand honest with my support
system obviously my husband wasa part of that, but the
(26:43):
additional support system wehave his mom and my mom are
really supportive.
So if we were ever insituations where we were all
together or somebody was askingthose questions, it was really
helpful to have somebody elsestep in too.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah, definitely.
And what about baby showerinvitations and Facebook
pregnancy announcements whenother people are getting
pregnant around you but you'restill trying?
How did you overcome that?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I set my own boundaries right.
So what did that look like?
Was that boundary in thatmoment that if I recently we did
in between have a chemicalpregnancy, and while I don't
consider that a full miscarriageby any means, it made something
(27:32):
more difficult in the timingand I set my own boundary.
So if it was that I had alreadyRSVP to a baby shower, but now
this happened on on my end and Ijust didn't feel like that was
a safe space for me, I reachedout to the individual and I
explained that I didn'tnecessarily say anything about
the chemical pregnancy, but Ijust said that you know, we're
(27:53):
dealing with our own infertilitybattle right now and as much as
I would love to support you,I'm not in the right space to do
that, um, but please know thatyou know I am so excited for you
and I, you know, I can't waitto.
I'm so excited for you and I,you know I can't wait to meet
your baby and be there for you.
(28:16):
I just can't be there right nowKnowing that that boundary was
okay to have.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
And you didn't lose any friends over that right?
Speaker 2 (28:26):
No, I didn't and honestly, this is really hard.
But if I did, did they careabout my journey that much
either?
Right, I'm not approaching itin a way of like I'm just not
going to be there.
I don't want to be there foryou.
I want nothing to do with this.
That wasn't my approach.
My approach came from kindnessand from you know where we were
(28:48):
struggling and I needed to setthis boundary for myself and for
my husband, and if that's whatthat looked like, that should be
okay, right.
So, and it's hard it's hard toaccept that because now you're
you're going through thisjourney where you need support
and you need to be normal andyou need to feel like things are
(29:10):
normal around you to be normaland you need to feel like things
are normal around you.
So it is hard to accept if youlose a friend during that
process I thankfully did not, um, but I could see how people
would and that has to besomething that you have to know
you're okay with, and if you'renot, that's okay to set a
different boundary, butdefinitely sit down like with
(29:30):
your husband or your partner.
I think that was the mosthelpful for me and we set our
boundaries.
Here's something that reallywould bother me, or here's
something that really impacts me.
How do we handle that?
How do we handle that together?
What is my response going to be?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
And I think what you're doing is prioritizing you
, prioritizing yourself, yourmental health, and if you are
not doing that and you're notstrong, then it's very hard to
deal with other pieces of thejourney.
Other parts of the journey andI feel like a lot of my patients
(30:05):
deal with this too is they feelbad if they don't go, but at
the same time, if they feel likeif they go, they'll just be
completely devastated, it'll betriggering, they'll feel sad and
depressed.
So it's exactly like you saidyou have to draw boundaries that
(30:26):
you're comfortable with, and ifyour decision is to go to the
baby shower, then you have to beokay with that too, and if your
decision is not to go to thebaby shower, that's totally okay
, right?
So the point is is to find outwhat works for you and don't
feel bad about it.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Absolutely Yep Right.
Write it down.
If you have to journal about it, sit down with your partner,
talk about it.
What?
Speaker 1 (30:49):
does that?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
look like, so that when you go to make that
decision, you're comfortablemaking it right Whatever it is,
and it can be either.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
And it's okay to turn off somebody's notification for
a little bit if all they'reposting is their baby pictures
or maternity photos or somethinglike that.
So I think you know the pointhere is to really prioritize you
, prioritize your feelings, yourhealth, and if other people
(31:19):
don't agree with you or you losefriends over it, then, like
Tara said, they're not reallyyour friends.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
I'm sorry but they're not, I know, and it's so hard
because, right, it may besomething that they don't
understand either.
Yeah, but if you feelcomfortable, maybe that and it's
a friendship you want topreserve obviously sit down and
have that conversation with them.
Yeah, people offer more grace.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I think, than we, we give everybody credit for Cause
there's that fear that you'regoing to be, it's that fear that
they're going to get mad at you.
And and you know, we don't wantto let people down and if we
don't do certain things andwe're not being, we're not being
the supportive friend.
But then when you talk about ityou're like, oh my God, they're
actually really understanding.
I'm so glad I told them.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Right, or maybe you needed support in return, right,
it doesn't need to be givingthe support.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
And we never know what they're going through,
because they might come out andsay, oh yeah, I had 10
miscarriages.
I mean that's extreme, but Iactually did meet a woman who
went through 11 IVFs.
So finally, you know the thelast one that she did like she
(32:34):
got pregnant.
This was a few years ago, butit's you just don't know what
they're going through.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Yeah, you have no idea.
So that ended up beingsuccessful for her Right.
So anyway.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
so moving on to the next piece is so now you got
your mindset straight and youhad to make a bunch of changes.
Some of the stuff it's likecompletely different than what
you grew up with.
Absolutely how, what was yourdiet like growing?
Speaker 2 (33:04):
up a great question.
We, um, I grew up in a veryGerman household and, um, it was
also a, you know, coming from,like, demographically, the type
(33:26):
of foods that my family grew upwith.
You know, not just me but, um,my mom and her mom, and the type
of foods they would make werereally high in carbs, processed,
high in fats, all of thosetypes of things, because, of
course, they were less expensive.
And even if we were past thatpoint, those stayed as staples
(33:49):
to our diet shade, as staples toour diet, and unfortunately,
that meant that there was a lotof that.
So there was a lot of a lot ofdairy, a lot of carbs, processed
foods.
Obviously, you know, I'm a 90skid too, so, like everything
else aside, you know you'rethinking about those types of
foods.
You know your thing about thosetypes of foods pop tarts,
(34:11):
hamburger helpers, and there'snothing like, yeah, absolutely
there's nothing.
There's no fault to anybodywith that, right?
So there was, that was just thenorm there.
There wasn't anything andanything else that was being
given.
It wasn't a focus on fresh andwhole foods, and while I wasn't
(34:44):
necessarily eating all of thosethings regularly, still I was
definitely eating way moreprocessed foods, easy things,
things that were not necessarilyalways cooking at home.
I don't really love to cook.
I still don't.
I'm really thankful that myhusband does, because on the
days that I don't, um, I'mreally grateful that he he takes
over Um and more often than notnow he is the one that cooks
(35:06):
for us, which is wonderful.
But, that being said, gettingrid of those pieces was
difficult.
Right, because those thingswere highly contributing to my
factors in my body.
Right, I know that processedfoods, a lot of sugars, aren't
(35:27):
great for anybody, but with PCOSand endometriosis they're going
to increase insulin resistanceand really contribute to that
inflammatory factor.
So I had to get rid of them andthat wasn't easy.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
What were okay.
So, besides the fact that yougrew up with this, these foods
were convenient.
What else was particularlydifficult about making these
changes?
For example, did you feel likecleaner foods or less processed
(36:04):
foods tasted bad?
Worse, like your taste budscouldn't get used to them?
Was it?
Did you feel like making thesechanges because you didn't have
time?
Like it was hard?
You know what were some of theother challenges surrounding
having to make these changes.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Absolutely Time management and actually cooking
them.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I think a lot of people can relate to that.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Meal planning is not my favorite either, so no, I am
not a planner when it comes towhen it comes to meals like that
.
I want to eat what I'm hungryfor and even if I do plan it, by
the time I get around to eatingit, probably not hungry for it,
right?
So that was a huge piece, stillis.
And the second piece to that isI don't like to cook.
(36:54):
Yeah, so what I had to do was,number one, find meals that I
was comfortable cooking.
Number one, find meals that Iwas comfortable cooking, that I
(37:29):
felt were easy and that I couldenjoy for a few days.
So leftovers became great for me, for lunches especially.
So cooking extra of whatever itwas that I was making so
helpful and beneficial.
So, honestly, like looping inmy husband, because I was so you
know well, I was so glad thathe was so willing to cook,
because there were things thatyou get sick of eating the same
thing over and over, which iswhat I do, because it was easy.
Um, so he, when, when we did ittogether as a team, it really
helped because he cooked thethings that I didn't want to
(37:51):
cook, but it really helped todiversify what we were eating.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Give me an example.
What type of food Did he cookthe protein, and then you made
the side dishes.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yes, or I really don't like cooking chicken.
I know that's a personalpreference, but I just really
don't like cooking chicken.
So anytime we would have that,he would have it prepped and
ready.
So even if we knew I wasgetting home early enough, I can
just put it in the oven becausehe had it marinating.
Something like that made itreally simple for us, and I love
(38:26):
that you brought that up,because I think this is
something that really helped usovercome just a lot of
challenges with TTC.
So you feel like it's yourfocus, like it's your thought
all day long, and what got ridof that was focusing more on
things like this how could wemake meals together?
Now, we were trying to justbuild a new routine over cooking
(38:49):
foods in our home.
That, while it was stilldirectly related to trying to
conceive it wasn't that didn'tthen have to be our focus.
Our focus was on how can we eathealthier, how can we nourish
our bodies, and how can we dothat in a timely manner that fit
both of our schedules or in away that we have something that
(39:10):
we could eat and enjoy right.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, it's also like bonding and feeling and spending
time together without it havingto be hey, I'm ovulating, this
is the time that we're going tospend together, right?
It's like you guys are spendingquality time without making it
so obviously, be about trying toconceive.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Oh, absolutely.
And if it were to be a daywhere we knew we were both going
to get home a little bitearlier maybe it was the weekend
he would focus on the maincourse and I could focus on
dessert or I could focus on thesides, like you said.
And I think the other piece wasreally just breaking everything
down into smaller, manageablesteps.
It didn't have to be thisgourmet meal that we were making
(39:59):
, right, so that's anothermisconception I had going into
it.
Well, how am I going to makethis?
I'm not a chef, right?
Looking at a recipe that hadall of these ingredients and all
of these steps, really, whenyou break the recipe down, you
don't need all those ingredientsto achieve the same outcome.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Yeah, because you don't have to cook like Bobby
Flay, you don't have to be aniron chef.
In fact, the recipes I'm like Ithis is way beyond my skill set
.
I'm happy just to do a littlestir fry, you know, and call it
a day, Exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Find a new recipe or just adjust the recipe you have
to fit what you have.
Mm, hmm, I found that gettingrid of the processed sides was
really hard for us, whether thatbe certain types of pastas or
(40:56):
like ready sides, or how we werecooking our rice or eating
French fries and that just tooka shift in because it's actually
just as quick to make homemadefrench fries even realize, but
it is just as quick yeah, I meanI um, I buy the alexia brand
(41:16):
sometimes and, yeah, the oven,so it's still fries but it's
baked, and absolutely hugedifference and I think you don't
realize.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
It's not like oh, now I can't ever have french fries
again, and I think that all ornothing perspective makes the
eating nutrition piece of itdifficult too um, because you're
like, you're going into itthinking I'm gonna have to cut
out coffee, I'm to have to cutout coffee, I'm going to have to
cut out alcohol, I'm going tohave to.
There goes my social life.
(41:48):
I can't have a cheese dip, Ican't have a sandwich if I want
to, right, and I feel like thenalready there's this resistance
to well, it's just not going towork for me.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
No, absolutely.
And taking those small stepsfirst.
So, like what felt easy, right,we didn't go from no, all these
processed foods, processedsides, to then, all of a sudden,
we were cooking for ourselvesevery single day.
That wasn't it, but we setachievable goals, right?
Yep, what did that look like?
Well, you know, maybe that wasonly a couple of meals that week
(42:28):
, maybe that was two to threedinners for that week, but then,
because we cooked the dinnertwo to three times, we typically
had lunch, so we didn't have toworry about lunch.
Then it wasn't like oh, now,what are we going to make for
lunch?
We just made extra and we hadthat for lunch already.
So now, that took care of apretty decent amount of our
(42:48):
meals, right To start.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
People struggle with lunch, and I remember you were.
I'm always telling people ifTara can do it, being in the
sales job, driving around allday and have a hot lunch, then
you can do it too.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Oh my gosh, I know I was like what am I going to eat
for lunch?
I can't eat a hot lunch, and Ihad it in my head, no matter
what you said, that I could nothave this hot lunch.
I really just had to find theright type of thermos to be able
to put it in and how to preheatit, and all of this is and what
healthy snacks to take, becausewhen you're driving and
(43:28):
traveling you just want to eatthe whole time.
I mean, your car was youroffice.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Yeah, right, so like you just had to drive around all
day, right?
Speaker 2 (43:37):
So that was definitely a challenge.
Um, and having those preparinglike I don't want to call them
snacks, but they are snacks,preparing snacks for the week
was so helpful.
That just had me so ready and Ididn't, you know, when I
stopped at a gas station Iwasn't buying junk.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
Yeah, Um.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
I already had, planning is the key, right it is
.
It is at the end of the day,but I will say I I found a way.
So for me, meal planning,snacks was important, right?
I didn't necessarily.
Now, we plan our groceries thatwe purchase.
We planned the groceries wewere going to purchase but we
didn't then meal plan.
But we had an idea of whatmeals we could make.
(44:21):
So it doesn't have to be mealplanning in the sense of this is
what I'm eating for breakfastand lunch and dinner.
But maybe when you're goinggrocery shopping, planning out,
here are the meals that we canmake for the week and maybe the
only meal that's 100% planned isthe day you know you're both
getting home late and that'sokay.
(44:42):
So I think letting go of thatreally like tight, like okay.
This paper I wrote on thispaper that I have to have this
for breakfast, lunch and dinnerGetting rid of that took away
all the pressure of it.
Just be more flexible,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Maybe you feel like eating out that day, maybe
you're like screw it, I'm justgoing to do takeout, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
It's okay.
And what was really great aboutthat and I think what is a
little what was lacking for meanyway was I would feel like, oh
, I don't want to do thatbecause I was putting so much
pressure on it, but because Iwas so committed in other ways,
like in everything else I wasdoing, it actually allowed me to
(45:28):
be free on the days that wewanted to do takeout.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
And.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
I could say, oh, I feel really comfortable doing
this because I know I'venourished my body this whole
week, or I've nourished my bodyall day, or tomorrow I'm just
going to go back to my normaldiet, but this is easy for us
right now and it made it reallyjust like comfortable.
I didn't even think twice aboutit anymore.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Well, it's good to you know to say this too is,
once you start making changesthat are very positive for your,
for your body, your body startsto heal and we'll be able to do
, you know, we'll be able to do,you know, have a cheat meal and
your body will recover, it willrebound, like in your case it's
.
We're going to go do takeoutand maybe, maybe I have pasta
(46:16):
with a cream sauce, but I knowthat tomorrow my body will
recover from it, because Ididn't bombard my body day in
and day out with all these typesof foods, right, day in and day
out with all these types offoods, right?
So so I think it's alsoimportant to know that just
because you do that, it doesn'tmean that you're going to go
back a hundred steps.
It's not.
Your body is going to be ableto, to heal itself and recover.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Absolutely, and I think that's what is so
important too, because as wewere going through this journey,
you know, nothing happenedovernight, but neither did the
conventional medicine treatmentsRight.
So, like I think it's like youknow, I I trusted the process
and as I kept moving through it,I would see changes in my body,
(47:02):
I would be more energized, Istarted having less pains with
the endometriosis, my cycles andI know I didn't mention this
kind of in my story, but I thinkthis is like my favorite piece.
First off, your cycle never hasto be a perfect 28-day cycle.
But for me, my cycles, regulatedeven through now to 33, 33 to
(47:25):
35 day cycles, which from 152days just felt so unachievable,
yeah, um.
And here I am, you know,managing this PCOS still, and
I'm able to have regular cycles,um, and get pregnant, yeah,
(47:45):
after the first time.
Yeah, so it's those takingthose small steps that then
you're taking bigger steps asyou keep going and then you
start to see your body shift andchange.
You're like this I'm feelinggood, my body is really loving
this.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
And I also I want to make sure that we talk about
this when you, you told me thatwhen you started doing the
NutriSync protocol which, to it,is a little intense and
intimidating at first because itrequires you to eat according
to your archetype and the timeof the cycle and, um and and
(48:21):
that's something that we'reworking on, by the way it's just
making it very easy for peopleto know exactly what to eat.
But back then, when I firststarted the first version of the
NutriSync, you told me astrategy that really helped you
keep track of what you have toeat.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
It did?
Yeah, because we were given allthe food lists for each pattern
and then manage them, like yousaid, through the different
phases of the cycle and throughour patterns.
But what I did first was I hadtwo predominant patterns for
myself, two primary patterns,and so I printed it all out and
(49:00):
I just threw everything elseaway except my two patterns.
I printed it all out and I justthrew everything else away
except my two patterns and Iknew that, okay, this is also
for this phase and this is alsofor this phase, and that's what
I focused on.
I looked at my one pattern for acertain part of my cycle and my
other pattern for the next, andonce I really got into the
(49:21):
swing of that, I started toincorporate the others and that
was really, really useful for me.
And then I just reprintedeverything out and I had
everything that I needed infront of me.
But that was a way for me tosay, okay, let's move this other
stuff away and cut out theother things that are kind of
(49:41):
overwhelming me, and I'm justgoing to focus on what I know is
my primary Chinese medicinepattern and I'm going to focus
on just those foods and doingthe best I can with that and
once I felt like really goodabout that and, like I said, I
kept it simple.
So I picked a protein, I pickedmy veggies and then whatever
(50:03):
you know, little like sidestarch or what have you that
like a fruit or something, yeah,and.
I focused on just choosingsomething from each part of the
list and it just made it sosimple.
And once I got into the swingof that, I was like, oh okay, I
can do this for every phase ofthe cycle, and then I just
reprinted everything out, but itjust really made it simplified
(50:26):
for myself.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah, and then you can just go to a grocery store
with that list and say I'm goingto buy these five types of
veggies and these two types ofprotein for the week, or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
And that's what.
Yeah, that's a great example ofwhat I was trying to explain
earlier, because it was a way tomeal plan without actually
having to write down what you'rehaving every day.
Do the overwhelming part ofmeal planning that I feel is
overwhelming.
Some people love that and itmakes it easier.
It just isn't for me.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
We had a member in our very first program.
She was so organized and sheshared her NutriSync Excel
spreadsheet with me and how shemeal plans.
It's like down to the spicethat she is going to use.
And I was like, wow, I'm really, really impressed.
But that's her style.
(51:16):
You don't have to do that right.
You could just like I'm likeyou, I'll just go to the grocery
store and I'll just be like, ohyeah, maybe I'll have a ribeye
or something you know, and I'lljust grab them.
And then I'm like, huh, whatgoes well with ribeye?
Well, how about some spinach?
And I'll grab some spinach.
And it doesn't mean you'rebeing lax.
Speaker 2 (51:40):
You're going to get the same result, it's just of
how, how you can approach it foryou.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
Hey, those two foods are perfect for the blood
deficiency right when you'rehaving your period.
Those two foods are perfect anddone, that's dinner.
And then make an extra piece ofred lye for lunch or something.
And I know I maybe sound likeI'm oversimplifying it, because
I do realize that for a lot ofpeople, meal planning and
figuring out what to eat is very, very difficult, so I'm
(52:05):
definitely not oversimplifyingit.
But I've also had a lot ofpractice and experience, and I
do practice what I preach.
So in order for me to teachsomething, I had to practice it
too.
So, anyway, so what else?
Give me, like?
Give us one more thing that youfelt it was extremely difficult
(52:27):
at the time and you were ableto overcome it, and that other
people may be struggling with aswell.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
Okay, I want to make sure I give you something a
little bit different than I hadalready talked about.
I don't want to reiterate anyof those things.
I think those things I think.
So, as I know I said, mypartner was super willing, like
my husband's, super willing toto make the changes, but I think
(52:55):
, also prioritizing him just asseriously as myself, that was a
really big piece, because a lotof people don't talk about male
factor infertility and I knowthat that was a part of our
journey but that existed andthat was a big reason we were
referred to IVF for us and forme.
(53:18):
I was making all these changesand it's not like he wasn't also
eating with me, but what elsewas he doing that was
contributing for his body, right, and I think working together
to improve his lifestyle wasreally important.
And you know I don't want tospeak for all men, but I feel
like you know, the men have adifferent lifestyle and are
(53:41):
eating different types of foodsand maybe working out more or or
maybe wearing certain uniformsfor work or whatever that looks
like.
And there's these other piecesthat he had to adapt to and make
changes to as well, and while Isaid he was really.
It's not that he was never notsupportive of the journey, but
he was skeptical of some of thechanges or or maybe a little bit
(54:01):
reluctant to make them asquickly as me, and I think that
was another piece of it.
That was that was difficult forus to do, but I think when we
sat down and kept doing ittogether regularly, it really it
really turned things around.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
How did you have that conversation Like hey Steven,
you have to do this too, or wasit just?
Was he just kind of like, ohyeah, let's do it?
Speaker 2 (54:29):
Um, I think both right.
There were some pieces where hewas like, yeah, let's just,
let's do it.
Um, uh, he trusted my researchand that piece of it.
But I think the other part ofit was I did share some of you
know what I had been learningand I brought him in on those
things, right, if there wassomething we were learning in
(54:50):
the program at the time that Ifelt was really beneficial to
him, I said you know, let'slearn this together, right, like
we're doing this together.
I think it was also the otherpiece of sitting down and
talking out like why we wantedthis, what we wanted from it,
right.
So you talked about creating,like focusing on that why in the
beginning, and I think it'sreally important to have our own
(55:13):
why.
But I think the why with yourpartner is huge because you're
both referring back to that.
So when there's somethingthat's a little bit difficult or
something that's not somethingyou're used to, you both have
that to refer back to.
So he didn't do like an actualactivity discovering his why,
(55:39):
which he very well could have.
He didn't need to, that's just.
It didn't match his personality, but didn't mean that he wasn't
thinking about it.
No, exactly, we talked about ittogether and that's Yep,
exactly.
And that was still in the backof his mind.
That was still a big part of it, and it was also him developing
solutions, not just me saying,ok, here's what you're going to
(56:02):
do.
It was how can we make thiswork, like similar to what we
did with the nutrition part ofthings.
How are we going to make thiswork together?
Um, and also ways like here'swhat I'm suggesting.
So some things, especially witha varicose seal, had to be a lot
of change in clothing, um, anduh, a change in routine when it
(56:25):
came to working out or what hewas wearing for work and those
type of things, and that'sharder for men to adjust to.
I totally understand that.
It was more of like okay, howcan I help you do that Right?
So me supporting him just asjust as well, I'm like I'm
willing to help you find theright pieces, that that fit for
you or that that feel good.
(56:46):
What clothing feels good?
Um, what makes your workoutstill feel good, even though
here's what your routine isgoing to look like, post-workout
, that type of thing?
Uh, we just, I think, sittingdown and doing it together,
rather than me just doing it alland saying here's what you have
to do, I think made a hugedifference, because he
understood why he was doing it.
Speaker 1 (57:06):
Yeah, like it's.
It's less of a well, you justhave to do this, but rather like
this is the reason why we'redoing this.
And then what is your personallie for wanting to be a father
Right?
Speaker 2 (57:20):
Absolutely, and I think also bringing him in on
the education piece, so bringinghim in to say, hey, learn this
with me, right?
Speaker 1 (57:26):
So because I know he's probably like what Tara,
your liver, your liver's actingup again.
Speaker 2 (57:49):
Especially now you know he'll come out with things
surrounding it.
I'm like, oh, you did learn alot about that, oh.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
I love it.
I mean, you know.
So we're wrapping up here and Ifeel like you provided so many
valuable insights, and that'sexactly what I wanted is is not
so much exactly what three foodsyou were eating, but how you
are able to overcome thesechallenges and some tips and
tricks that hopefully ourlisteners can implement as well.
(58:20):
And know that, no, you don'thave to cook anything fancy to
get pregnant.
You don't have to, you know,have 20 ingredients in a meal in
order for this to be a fertilemeal, and sometimes the best
things are very simple and right.
And I think, go back to thevery beginning, when you said
(58:41):
the hardest challenge you had toovercome was the mindset piece,
beginning when you said thehardest challenge you had to
overcome was the mindset piece.
And one final piece of advicefor our listeners do you feel
like that mindset shift in thebeginning was crucial in helping
you getting over some of theobstacles and roadblocks along
(59:01):
the way later on?
Speaker 2 (59:02):
Absolutely, it totally was.
And, like I said, for me thatwas grasping onto something that
was within my control.
And what was really cool wasthat happened to be Chinese
medicine, and that can be truefor anybody.
It gave me pieces that I couldcontrol, that I knew were
contributing to the health andwellness of my body and my
fertility to the health andwellness of my body and my
(59:29):
fertility and it's just reallyreally cool.
Speaker 1 (59:34):
It's just like a beautiful piece of it, I, I, it
was just really cool that thatgave me that, that strength and
you were able to maintain thislifestyle for Colson and then
now your third baby, who willfind out the name soon,
hopefully.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
I don't even know yet .
Speaker 1 (59:49):
Now you're like, okay , we'll figure it out later.
I think I heard Colson in thebackground, so I'm going to let
you go, Sorry.
Congratulations on your thirdpregnancy and thank you so much
for sharing your stories fromyour journey with us, and I just
, I really hope that.
(01:00:09):
I really hope our listenerscould, you know, walk away with
some aha moments and if you arelistening and you have any
questions, please reach out toTara and or me.
Tara is now working with me asa fertility coach.
She knows the ins and outs ofmy program and I would love for
you to get a coaching sessionwith her if you feel like you're
(01:00:32):
really stuck and you just needsomebody who can help you
overcome an obstacle.
Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Well, thank you, tara .
Thank you so much for having me.
I love being here and I lookforward to working with
everybody that we come acrossacross and I hope that my story
resonates with somebody, and Ihope that this brought somebody
peace and hope today as well.
Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
Absolutely, I will talk to you soon.
Talk to you soon, bye, bye.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.