206 "Don't Be Late!" Facing Weaknesses & Finding Strengths in Our Kids

Have you ever felt that sinking feeling when your child's weakness continues to cause issues for your child or for the family? I understand and have been there too! Take heart, mom friend, as those weaknesses may be important guides to our child's strengths. Yet, we still have to manage and finetune the weak spots. How do we do this all at the same time and in a way that doesn't squash your child's gifts?! We can do this TOGETHER! We can manage our child's weaknesses without trying to change their unique personalities. I'm Val Harrison, the Practically Speaking Mom, and I'll be sharing some of the strategies I've discovered, and I'm also going to share an embarrassing family memory in hopes that it helps you see that yours isn't the only imperfect family.  We are all beautifully flawed and, well, we might as well laugh about the mishaps! More so, I discuss how the habits we help our kids form today will shape their lives tomorrow and why a child's weaknesses can actually be a roadmap to their strengths.
Together, let's explore the importance of identifying and managing our children's weaknesses in a way that allows their strength to emerge! 

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Episode Transcript

Val Harrison (00:04):
THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND
HAS NOT BEEN EDITED! Welcome tothe Practically Speaking Mom
podcast.
I'm Val Harrison, thePractically Speaking Mom.
I'm your fellow intentional momfriend, walking this parenting
path with you each week.
Being intentional isn't easy,but it sure is worth it.
Galatians 6-9 says Let us notbecome weary in doing good, for

(00:25):
at the proper time we will reapa harvest if we do not give up.
So, my intentional parentfriend, let's get going with
more intentional right now.
So do you have any familyembarrassing moments?
We have several, of course.
I guess every family does.
But today I'm going to shareone of those more expensive

(00:49):
embarrassing moments for ourfamily.
We used to have this 15passenger van, which I hated
with all of my heart.
But we had just had our seventhchild and we were at the stage
of life where our kids often hadfriends with them.
So I wanted a vehicle bigenough that I could transport my
kids' friends and my kids, andthat we had plenty of extra room

(01:12):
when we would go on vacations.
So there was a point to the 15passenger van, but it was just
so big, it was just so long.
Well, we had one of our kidsthat just tended to be late.
You know, do you have a kidlike that that they're always
the last one in the vehicle andit doesn't matter.

(01:32):
It seems like no matter howmuch prep you do with them or
tell them to prep beforehand,they still end up being the last
one out the door and so late.
So every Sunday morning we werehaving problems with this, that
this one kid was making usreally late, and by the time
this one would come out the doorwe'd all been in the car for

(01:54):
some van, in the 15 passengervan for so long, and what was
doubly irritating to us parentswas when she would come out the
door.
Then she just like walk slowlyeven then, Like I would want to
say run, Sometimes I would sayrun, and she just didn't have

(02:18):
run in her.
Like they're just, you couldn'tturn the knob to the fast
forward version of this one.
So anyway, this one Sunday shewas, of course, late getting in
the car, and so Rich was justlike he wanted to get going as
fast as possible.
Now we had a driveway that wascircular, like you could go

(02:40):
forwards or you could gobackwards, and we didn't all
have a certain place where wealways parked.
And the 15 passenger was new tous, we weren't used to driving
it.
So we didn't.
We weren't used to its place inthe driveway.
You know what I mean.
Like you know how people tendto park where they park, and you
all get a family system.
We didn't have a system yet for15 passenger, so he put it in

(03:01):
reverse and took off and slammedright into our car behind it.
Well, so that happened and thatwas, of course, not fun.
But the next Sunday the sameexact thing happened again.
He hit the same car a secondtime in the 15 passenger.
So that was one of the moreexpensive, embarrassing moments

(03:28):
for our family.
But really, today's topic isabout that kiddo who's always
late.
So I want to know does yourfamily have one or two family
members who always are the lastones at the door?
No matter how you plan ahead orlay down the law, they just
can't get their shoes on, findtheir stuff and get out the door

(03:49):
.
What do you think is the mainreason?
Is it procrastination?
Is it poor time management?
Is it poor organizationmanagement?
Is it poor judgment aboutreality in general?
Is it distractibility?
You know what's the root causethere.
I'm going to talk to you aboutthis issue for a few minutes,

(04:11):
hoping that some of these thingsmight help you.
So, mama, no matter what yourchild's issue is whether it's
being late or something elsethat just keeps popping up,
causing frustration for the restof the family I would love to
help you remember a couple ofthings.
One, what they do today becometheir habits tomorrow.

(04:33):
Their habits tomorrow becometheir life patterns.
So it really is worth it for usto take the time to catch these
troubled spots and do what wecan to help them with those
trouble spots.
Now the second thing I want youto remember when it comes to
kids weaknesses.
Your child's weakness isusually a roadmap to their

(04:57):
strength, to what makes themunique and wonderful, and it's
really their uniqueness fromwhich their life messages are
going to come from.
So it's not that we want toturn them into some other
personality type or completelytake away that aspect of who
they are.
Instead, we just want to helpthem learn how to manage their

(05:22):
unique characteristics ineffective ways.
What helps them, what helps theworld around them, what helps
them to shine because of whothey are?
So sometimes that means thatthere are some bad habits
connected with those aspects ofthem, that those habits need to
go.
The habits are not helpful andthey need out of here.

(05:44):
But that doesn't mean that theactual personality aspect of
your child needs to change.
For example, let's say you havea really picky child.
Well, their pickiness is reallyan attention to detail that you
really want in the pilot inyour plane or as the person who
designed the bridge that you'redriving over.

(06:05):
You want somebody who has goodattention to detail.
But where attention to detailcan become a problem is when it
sounds a lot like grouchinessand discontentment.
If you have a kid who can spotginger, let's say like I have
two different kids of my sevenwho have very sensitive taste

(06:27):
buds, I mean I can try to hidesomething in there and they're
going to know it right away, Ithink before they even taste it.
A lot of times they know it.
So let's just say that it'sginger that they dislike.
Well, how are they going tohandle that?
They could say ooh, yuck, Ihate ginger, which is
discontentment and it's unkindto the chef.

(06:49):
Or they can say well, gingerisn't my favorite, but I'm not
going to let it ruin my day.
I'm not going to let it ruinthe atmosphere around me with
negativity about this food.
I mean, God did make ginger.
It does have a purpose in lifeand I don't need to reign on
everybody else's parade becauseit's not my thing.

(07:09):
So that is managing thatsensitivity, managing your gift
and not allowing it to offend ordestroy.
We have to use our gifts forgood.
Ok, so so far I've just told youtwo principles about weaknesses
in general, and I want to tellyou one more.

(07:30):
What needs to be refined inyour child will improve best if
you remember how it feels tohave a weakness of your own.
How do you respond best toweaknesses?
Is it by being nagged at?
Is it by, let's say, it's yourboss who's getting on you about
a weakness?
Does it motivate you when hesays why do you always do this?

(07:54):
What's wrong with you?
No, that's not motivating.
Definitely His words areharmful to your relationship.
So what can help?
Well, what we really want to dois partner with our kids in
this process of refinement.
The problem is the bad habit.
The problem is not your child.

(08:15):
Your child is not a problem.
Your child is not the problem.
The bad habit is the problem.
So let's partner together inovercoming the habit.
Now the first thing you want todo is figure out what's at the
root cause of this habit.
Why do they keep being late?
Well, when it comes to beinglate, I have found the only way

(08:40):
to help a child overcome thiscause.
I've had four different onesout of my seven that really did
have a problem with this andreally it requires at least.
What is required for us is, ifwe need to leave it seven, then
this one has to be ready at six,and what that allows is for me

(09:01):
to think in my mind for thathour from five to six, because
you know I've bumped up theirdeadline by an hour and they
have to be ready by six.
So from that five to six timeslot, I have to start seeing
part of my time as allotted forhelping this kid develop some
better habits.

(09:21):
I could say, okay, we need toleave it seven.
So I'm going to make my timefrom six to seven be focused on
this kid's habits.
That doesn't work.
And why that doesn't work isbecause now we've added in time
pressure to figuring out thishabit that needs to change, or
multiple habits that may need tochange related to the issue.

(09:42):
But when we bump it back anhour, we remove that time
pressure, which allows us all tothink more clearly and handle
it more objectively and be lessfussy about it, and they just
able to tackle it on a morepositive way.
So we're going to move thattime slot back an hour and then

(10:04):
I am going to.
My first objective is to figureout what's at the root of this.
Is it distractibility?
Is it lack of planning ahead?
Is it poor management of stuff?
If it's poor management ofstuff, I need to help them get
some better systems right.
If it is poor management oftime, then let's write out a

(10:24):
timeline.
Let's sit down together andteach this child how to map out
their time.
The other night we had acatillion that Emma was a part
of.
Like there was etiquetteclasses for eight weeks and then
it culminated in this reallyelegant dinner where we're all
supposed to use these certaintable manners.

(10:44):
And then there's a waltz thatshe does with a daddy, daughter
waltz and mother, son, and ithas aspect to it.
Well, so if we have to leave byI'm just teaching you what I
mean by writing out of theschedule Okay.
So if we needed to leave ourhouse by 530 for that event,

(11:06):
then I need to do a lot.
One hour for curling her hair,so 430 now, and special occasion
she just started high school.
So we're also going to take 30minutes on makeup and prior to
that she needs time to do otheraspects of getting ready and
prior to that she needs to steamher dress.

(11:27):
And so we're writing all ofthese things down and we're
working our way backwards and werealize to leave at 530 for
that event, we need to startgetting ready at three because
this is a big deal of it.
Obviously, not most events don'trequire an hour of curling your
hair, but the point is that weare teaching these skills to our

(11:47):
kids and so writing out thisschedule, working our way
backwards, that's an importanttime lesson for a child who has
trouble with time management.
But maybe they have stuffmanagement issues.
So you guys can evaluatetogether what's the biggest
factor of stuff that might be aproblem.

(12:10):
Is it a backpack that should bepacked the night before?
Is it a lunch that should bepacked the night before?
How long does it take us topack a backpack and pack a lunch
?
So what time do we need tostart doing that the night
before, Because you know ifthey're having trouble the day
of getting out the door on time,you know they're also having
trouble the night before workingon those things at a decent

(12:30):
time.
All of these issues areactually opportunities for us to
help our kids learn some goodlife skills.
That's really what intentionalparenting is all about is
equipping our kids for life,helping them overcome the
obstacles that might be standingin the way of an abundant life.

Rich Harrison (12:54):
And that abundant life for you and your family is
what Val is all about here onthe Practically Speaking Mom
podcast.
She is praying for your familyas you help your children face
their weaknesses and revealtheir strengths.
Next time, val welcomes herfriend Tiffany Deschner, mom of
four young children, to thepodcast to talk about her habits
to thrive in the midst of herbusy mom life.

(13:16):
Join them here as they arekeeping it real with Tiffany Val
as part of the series Habits toThrive.
We hope you always findencouragement and practical help
from this ministry.
If so, please share theseepisodes with a friend.
Also, val would love to connectwith you through Instagram and
Facebook at Practically SpeakingMom or engage in the weekly

(13:37):
discussion questions in Val'sprivate Facebook community
Intentional Mom, strong Family.
And we'll see you here nexttime on the Practically Speaking
Mom podcast the place forintentional moms to build strong
families.