November 6, 2023 • 38 mins
Ever wondered how to balance an organized home while raising kids? That's what we're chatting about this week with the delightful Tiffany Deschner, a mom of four who shares some helpful nuggets of wisdom with us about joy in the midst of housekeeping and enjoying quality time with her kids. "Let's Get Real w/ Tiff and Val" is an occasional series, this time it overlaps with our ongoing theme of Habits to Thrive - where everyday intentional moms share their habits to thrive with our listeners.
In episode 207, we talk about the challenges of fostering productivity in our everyday life. Tiffany shares with us about 'blessing her future self' and her clever way of anchoring new habits into existing routines. She even lets us in on her strategy of using time tracking to handle her tasks efficiently. Sprinkled in this rich conversation is a thought-provoking discourse on the impact of social media on our lives, along with Tiffany's recommendation of Wendy Speake's 40-day social media fast for reclaiming control.
Hear how Tiffany motivates her daughters to take ownership of their spaces and how her husband's organized nature serves as the perfect foil to her spontaneous spirit - a balance that keeps their home in harmony. Tune in and let's journey together.
Want to hear more from Let's Get Real with Val & Tiff? Listen to episodes 70, 71, 73.
Want to hear more from the HABITS TO THRIVE series? Listen to episodes 192, 172.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rich Harrison (00:04):
THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND
WAS NOT EDITED FOR ACCURACY.
Today on the PracticallySpeaking Mom podcast, Val
welcomes back her friend,Tiffany Deschner.
She and her husband have threegirls aged 10 and under and
recently welcomed baby Cole totheir family.
Whenever Tiffany joins Val onthe podcast, you can count on
lots of joy and honesty fromthis mom.
Discussion In this episode iscertainly no exception.
(00:25):
It is jam-packed with practicalideas and so much fun.
So pull up your seat at thetable for episode 207, Keeping
it Real with Tiffany Val as partof the series Habits to Thrive.
Val Harrison (00:40):
Well, it's fun to have you back.
Tiffany Deschner (00:42):
Well, thanks for having me.
It's always fun to chat withyou and I enjoy listening to
your podcast, and I know ithelps many, many women.
My name is Tiffany Deschner.
I have been married to Josh for15 years.
Our oldest daughter just turned10, and every age has been fun
and challenging, and God uses itto grow me into who he wants me
(01:05):
to be as well.
Val Harrison (01:06):
So yeah, yeah, and I think you will find these
years of teenagers that's coming, that it's challenging, yes,
but the older the kids get, itjust gets more awesome.
Tiffany Deschner (01:19):
So it's fun to see how your relationship
changes as they get older and tosee who they are becoming and
their strengths and, yeah, it'sbeen fun.
Val Harrison (01:30):
That's what I love .
I love seeing all of thesepieces that God put in, or that
we put in and that the kids putin, coming together to see them
just blossoming in life, andit's really rewarding.
While you are on our theme ofhabits to thrive, as I was
(01:50):
praying about who does God want,on these episodes, he
definitely brought you to mind.
You have just always beenfocused on joyfully doing what
God has planned for your life,and I love that combination of
trusting in him and choosing joy.
(02:10):
You're great at that, I'm sureeverybody who knows you would
say that about you too.
Tiffany Deschner (02:15):
Well, I appreciate you always speaking
life into my life.
He's always been a greatcheerleader for me and I always
appreciated that.
My oldest has gotten into a lotof before school and after
school clubs, which I was notanticipating.
And so last summer I kind ofput my housekeeping and stuff by
(02:36):
the wayside and just did theminimum so I could spend time
with the girls and not just feellike I'm cleaning all the time
and I was like I'll catch up inthe fall.
Well then the fall got busy too, so I didn't have a lot of
catch up time.
But what I found is that habitsthat I created a lot from last
year.
But a few years ago we movedfrom Texas to Kansas and I
(03:02):
didn't realize when we movedthere we lived there for a
couple of years how much wemoved from our basement storage
into our attic storage in Texas.
And then when we moved backinto our house, we were moving
to a bigger house with morestorage, but it was full and I
felt like I really needed to getrid of a lot of the stuff in
(03:24):
our storage, because what takesup the space in your home takes
up your time and you might noteven need it.
And then you feel like you'reconstantly cleaning, but all
you're actually doing is pickingup and maintaining the stuff
that you really don't need inyour house.
So I started trying todeclutter my house.
It was in 2019 and we weregoing to have our third baby, so
(03:46):
I was determined to have our atleast our storage area
decluttered before I had her,because, you know, a baby brings
in a lot more and school agedchildren bring in a lot more.
So I knew I needed to tacklethat, because it was just
weighing on my mind, and Ireally dove into that and what I
found is that there are a lotof mindsets attached to stuff in
(04:06):
your home and you know stuffthat you hang onto for the rainy
day that probably may not everhappen, and you know it's good
to be prepared, but just havingan abundance of stuff, it just
was heavy on me, and so I beganto declutter and I would get
frustrated because it was like Iwould have a goal and I
wouldn't make the goal.
But then I had to realize that Iwas making progress and focus
(04:30):
on the small tasks at hand.
You know decluttering this onebox.
So I realized theperfectionistic mindset wasn't
serving me and that I needed tofocus on progress over
perfection and also God reallyworked with me just on different
attachments I had to differentthings and you know, is holding
(04:51):
onto this thing really worth mytime or taking care of it?
And so just really getting realwith myself on that.
And I'm still working on that,because my biggest hurdle right
now is my closet, because youknow, with having kids and then
your body changes, but a lot ofthis stuff I have on my closet
I've had since I was pregnantwith Brooke, who is now 10, so
(05:11):
it needs to go, but it's it'shard to let go of that, but that
helped a lot.
All of that.
To say that decluttering myhouse helped a lot.
I started to move through thebathrooms and even just in the
bathrooms, if you dig throughyour drawers and your cabinets,
there's so much trash.
That's just in there.
Val Harrison (05:28):
I know, I know we try different formulas and we're
like we don't like it and wehang on to it.
I don't know what.
I think this guest is going tocome that's going to use all
this stuff for us.
Yes, yes.
I am so about decluttering.
To the last few years we havealso lived in a house that we're
remodeling and every time weremodel a space I take that
(05:52):
opportunity to go througheverything in that space and
like my goal is minimal and doesit serve multiple functions and
doesn't make me really happy.
Like it's functional and makesme happy, then it wins.
It gets to say so.
Saturday we're remodeling.
We're turning part of ourlaundry room into a guest
(06:13):
bathroom, so I was going throughall the pantry that was in
there that we had to get rid ofand I have these literally.
It's fake fruit that I have onmy own too for decades and
they've been put away and.
I told Rich Saturday I can dothis.
Tiffany Deschner (06:32):
I know I can't oh my gosh, isn't it funny, the
stuff we hang on to I know well.
And then the other thing Iwanted to do is be really
intentional with the stuff Ireally liked because, like you
know, stuff from ourgrandparents or things that were
special to me they shouldn'tjust be left in a box.
And we kind of created thisarea that I wasn't really sure
(06:53):
what to do with and kind of madeit.
We call it our memories area,but it has, like Josh's
granddad's Bible that was givento us and a mirror that I
remember my grandma having and anecklace she had given me, and
just different things like thatthat could be left in a box or
they could be enjoyed and theyare special to us.
It's just fun to see that stuffand have it actually out in our
(07:15):
house and displayed, andbecause if it's just going to
sit in a box, then I'm justleaving it for my kids to deal
with us.
Yes, yes, but anyways, to getpractical the things, I feel
like I was in a really goodroutine last year at this time,
but I also was really focused onthat routine and I feel like it
took up a lot of time to dothat.
(07:36):
Well, I was just kind offocused on creating routines
that worked, and it workedreally well.
And then summer came around andI just kind of did the bare
minimum, like I said, so I couldspend time with my kids and
while they were out of schooland go do things.
But some of those habits didstick and they were, you know,
daily habits, like making surethat they're just doing the
(07:57):
dishes right away, don't letthem sit and they sink.
Just take the five minutes todo the dishes from each meal.
And Well, I guess figuring outwhat habits are kind of your you
could say domino areas.
So if you take your domino it'sgoing to knock down the rest.
So doing my by doing the dishes, if I don't do my dishes, then
(08:17):
stuff's going to pile up on thecountertop and you know it kind
of knocks down dominoes in thewrong way.
It creates a bigger mess formyself.
But if I do the dishes then thesink's clean and, you know,
something happens that I need touse a sink and I'm not taking
stuff out of the sink to use it.
Or another area for me is ourback.
I wouldn't really even call ita room, basically a pass-through
(08:40):
, more like a hallway.
That is our laundry area andalso kind of a little mud room
area, but it's really tight andit can get cluttered really fast
.
So by going through there andmaking sure, because if that
area is cluttered then it spillsonto my counters and my kitchen
and so that is a what I wouldsay domino area.
For me is having that picked upwhere the girls hang their
(09:01):
backpacks and their jackets, andtaking care of school papers
right away.
I try to go through those rightaway as soon as they come in,
because they come in with a lotof stuff, and so we recycle what
we definitely don't need, andthen I have a mailbox for each
of them for stuff that we wantto keep or stuff that they may
be attached to, and then we gothrough that kind of quarterly.
Val Harrison (09:23):
But I'll tack on to what you're saying about
keeping the things that the kidslike.
For a while Almost, it was likea daily battle of let's get rid
of this paper, let's choosewhich paper.
Today and I figured out withsome of my kids that are highly
attached to things, to do whatyou said of just put it in a
folder or put it in a cubby andhave a set occasional time where
(09:48):
we select, and then it's onetime of the wrestling match with
them and because it's there'smore of it, they recognize too
at that point, yeah, I don'twant to keep this much so yeah,
yeah, like there was a recentschool kind of a project, but it
really like there really wasn'tanything specific to my child
(10:09):
or there wasn't any kind of art.
Tiffany Deschner (10:11):
I have a hard time throwing away art, like
drawings that they do, but Icould tell that they had worked
hard on it and so I saved itbecause I didn't, you know, want
her to be like where's thatproject at?
And two weeks, and you reallylike like I recycled it.
But so I say you know the stuffthat, but the five math sheets
they bring home they're nottheir practice sheets, they're
(10:32):
not gonna, they don't have anyattachment to or things like
that.
But I have found that stayingon top of that, before it was
just like pile and pile and pileand pile, and sometimes you
know it's real life over here,so we do have a pile of stuff to
go through.
But something that I found, so II have kind of the type of
person I would like I'm gonnawake up tomorrow and be a
(10:54):
completely different person, youknow, have the perfect morning
routine and I'm going to do allof the things, and what I
realized is that was really justsetting myself up for failure,
because that's not realistic.
That's not who I am.
So how I created these habitswas just to focus on one and,
like, for three weeks, justfocus on doing the dishes every
(11:15):
time for three weeks and then,once it becomes a habit, it
doesn't really seem like a bigdeal.
Then move on to the next one.
And the laundry was another one, and last year at this time I
was doing one load of laundry aday.
So staying on top of that andanchoring my habit to an
(11:35):
existing habit, so I try to getthe girls on the bus and do the
dishes clean up.
It makes my mind feel at easewhen my countertops are clean
and to wake up and just have mycountertops clean.
So at night I always try tomake sure my countertops are
clean and our coffee set to bemade in the morning, so I can
wake up and get my coffee in thekitchen's clean and that's my
(11:58):
day upright.
That was one mindset I had seentoo is just setting your future
self up for success.
You're not going to want to dothe laundry tomorrow, so why
would you save it for yourtomorrow self when you can do it
today and bless your tomorrowself by her not having to do
that?
And when I wake up and mycoffee's made, I'm just so
(12:20):
thankful for my yesterday's help, or my husband, who also will
set that too.
Val Harrison (12:25):
I love, that concept Bless your tomorrow self
.
Tiffany Deschner (12:29):
That's awesome .
How can you be a blessing toyourself?
Because tomorrow comes with itsown things, you know.
So that was one of the mindsetsthat really helped me was
setting my future self up forsuccess and being a blessing to
myself.
How can you bless yourself bydoing what needs to be done
today, Today, yeah, Because youdon't want to do it anymore
(12:50):
tomorrow than you do today.
A lot of times it's worse.
So, anchoring your habit to anexisting habit so I was saying
when the girls get on the bus, Itry to clean up the countertops
and then go to my bathroom andjust wipe down their bathroom
sink every day just helps a lot.
And in like five minutes whichis something else that, if
(13:11):
you're having a hard timesetting habits, is timing
yourself on how to do something.
Hanging up the load of laundrythis morning took me less than
four minutes.
It's something I could have putoff and thought about all day
long, you know.
And the same with my unloadingmy dishwasher.
It took me four minutes.
And how often do I sit and Iwaste way more than four minutes
(13:32):
just thinking about how I don'twant to do it, when I could
just get up and do it, and sothings that you don't want to do
.
Time yourself doing it and youmight.
You're probably fine that.
Wow, this really is ridiculousthat I have been putting this
off over this four to eightminute task.
And another thing I haveanchored to a habit is when I
(13:56):
give my kid as a bath which isjust my youngest at this point I
will obviously safely andcontinuing to supervise her I
will try to clean my bathroomwhile she's in the bathtub
because I am right there withher, but I can.
Sometimes I can get the wholebathroom cleaned.
Sometimes it's just thecountertops cleaned, but she
(14:17):
takes a bath multiple times aweek and so you know at some
point it's going to be totallyclean.
Yeah, that's a great idea, justkind of using those pockets of
time that you have, that youcould be sitting and scrolling
social media or obviously, ifshe wants my attention, I'm
going to sit there and talk withher and sit, but a lot of times
she's playing with her toys andhe doesn't really care if I'm
(14:39):
in there or not.
But I need to be in there.
So I might as well make thosefew minutes useful, and
sometimes I just kind of rotatethe task that the counter got
done last time I might do thetoilet this time or rotate
whatever needs to be done.
Those are my main habits.
I think that I started.
That really helped.
I also have a robot vacuum,which I love.
Val Harrison (14:59):
Oh, me too.
Tiffany Deschner (15:02):
Let's just have a name?
No, but it is a member of ourfamily.
Val Harrison (15:07):
Well, ours has a name.
It's Van.
It's short for I don't know,something off the periodic table
and my names are pets and otherthings, according to the
periodic table.
So, but Van gets in troubleplenty Like I don't know.
It's magnetized towardswhatever I'm doing or chairs
(15:28):
that it wants to, you know, takeforever at, but I couldn't make
it without my yeah, yeah forsure, cause just with kids and I
don't know what I, I don't knowhow I had, how I live without
it.
Tiffany Deschner (15:41):
It's totally worth the investment, totally
worth the investment.
But one thing I had mentioned isscrolling social media and that
was another huge impact to mylife is that I had deleted
Facebook from my phone and itwas embarrassing how many hours
I found in my day and I was likeI don't know how I'm going to
live without it.
I'm going to be doing it in myday and I didn't think I was
(16:04):
spending that much time, butit's really easy to waste, you
know, five, 10 minutes here andthere when you could be doing
something to set yourself up forsuccess and I just really is
sucking your time away.
And one thing that I did tohelp eliminate that and the Lord
really worked on my heartthrough doing this process and
actually I'm getting ready tostart it again.
(16:25):
Tomorrow is the 40 day socialmedia fast by Wendy speak.
I got the journal, was it?
And it was very transformative,not only in finding hours of my
day and helping me to setmyself up for success and just
be more, a more present mom, butit also was like this mental
weight that I didn't know wasthere Just was lifted and it was
(16:48):
like a freedom.
I don't know how to explainother than, I guess, focusing on
the right things and thehelpful things and stripping
that distraction away to allowGod to speak to my heart.
Val Harrison (17:01):
I love that.
So glad you brought that up andwe'll be sure and put the link
to that in the show notes.
And something I'm thinking of,as you're saying, that is, while
we moms wrestle with that issue, we want to help our kids not
be in that same boat.
You know when, when we allowthem to have habits related to
(17:22):
technology, like almostdependent on technology, it's
also a weight on them.
It's also robbing theirchildhood and they're growing up
time.
So when we have wrestling withanything in life, really chances
are our kids have some othersimilar thing they're wrestling
(17:43):
with.
We need to think of it from theangle of I don't want to be
burdened with this.
You know habit, a negativehabit.
I don't want to be burdenedwith these social media issues.
So I can be a good example, soI can spend my time the way I'm
supposed to, so I can help mykids spend the time the way
(18:05):
they're supposed to.
So now that's awesome.
Tiffany Deschner (18:09):
It just gives you more intentionality really
in your life.
And it was just so much noiseand, I think, the weight of
comparison which I wouldn't havethought I really struggled with
.
But then when it wasn't there,I was just living my own life.
You know, you're just livingyour own life.
You're not even thinking aboutreally what, how other people
are living their lives.
(18:30):
And the other thing I noticed isthat social media gives you a
false sense of connectivity.
You know, when you're not onsocial media, you're kind of
feel like you're in the dark.
You don't know what, what isgoing on with your friends
unless you're reaching out andspeaking to them.
But it I think it was just afalse sense of friendship
(18:50):
because you think you have allof these friends and you know
you're sharing your life withthese people, but really you've
lost that intimate connection.
So that was another thing.
Once you start doing the socialmedia fast, a lot of other stuff
gets brought up and the Lordmay ask you to give up other
things.
Actually, another thing hespoke to my heart was about I
(19:12):
was spending too much timelistening to podcasts and, you
know, just like leaving someopen space for him to speak to
my heart like leaving that roomfor margin and not having my
ears always having something inthem.
And podcasts are a great thing,they're great resources.
I listened to all sorts ofuplifting things, but first I
needed to do I do the Biblerecap plan and podcast, and so
(19:38):
that was I needed to do.
That first and foremost.
That needed to be the firstthing If I was going to listen
to anything.
It needed to be that.
But then just limiting, youknow, not constantly having a
podcast going, because Iremember thinking, man, I wish I
could have like a speaker in myshowers, have to take a break
from podcasts.
And so the Lord just kind ofspoke like hey, you know you're
(19:59):
listening to good stuff, butyour ears are constantly full of
good things but alsodistractions from hearing his
voice.
Val Harrison (20:08):
Yeah, I'll put a link to Bible recap in there too
, because it is awesome.
It is so good.
I'm glad you're still there.
Tiffany Deschner (20:17):
Oh, yes, this is my third trip through and I
realized that I get a lot moreout of it.
If I listened to the Bible, Ijust hear it so much better and
so much clear and it sticks withme more.
So that was something I foundthrough that process.
I do read the actual Bible withother Bible studies and such,
but eliminating this idealversion of how it needed to be
(20:40):
done, basically.
But when listening works bestfor me, yeah, and I love on you
version that you can choosedifferent ways that it's read
and different Bible versions andfind what kind of works for you
and what can keep yourattention.
But I've loved it.
I've learned so much from aBible recap and I've grown so
much and I plan to do it everyyear.
(21:00):
That's awesome, yeah.
One thing I also wanted to saysince we were talking, we kind
of switched gears.
But back to habits is I think Iread this in the book Atomic
Habits.
It said you know your life is aseries of habits.
They're either positive habitsor negative habits.
But so you have to look at thehabits you've created in your
(21:21):
life and see whether or notthey're working for you, and if
they're not working for you,then be mindful to change it,
you know.
Work on that, but not try to dotoo much at one time.
Focus on one habit at a time,otherwise it gets overwhelming
and you throw it out the windowand decide you aren't a person
that can have positive habits.
But you can slowly but surelyand I wouldn't say I'm more of
(21:45):
like a spontaneous person, so ithas been harder for me to
create habits, but it has beenso life-giving to have positive
habits in place.
And once they're habits, and itdoesn't necessarily feel like
work, it's just something you doand you move on.
Val Harrison (22:01):
Do you have habits for your kids?
Tiffany Deschner (22:04):
Well, that is something we're working on
picking their stuff up and youknow, when you get something out
, put it away, and I honestlywasn't good about doing that in
the younger years because it wasjust easier for me to do it.
However, when I started thisjourney, I was pregnant with our
(22:25):
third and so I knew better.
I knew how capable she was, Iknew how she could help me and
so you know she'll see mecleaning and she wants to clean
with me and sometimes I'm likeit's so much easier when she
doesn't help me.
But knowing Josh and I werejust talking about that the
other day knowing that it's aninvestment in her future and,
(22:45):
you know, in our household.
So that is something I amworking on with the girls.
At first I kind of was like adrill sergeant, like I'm
changing and everyone needs tochange with me, and I realized
that wasn't really the rightapproach.
So we do talk about less in theroom is less to manage?
A couple of times a week I havethem go just tidy up their room
(23:08):
and we actually recently gotthem loft beds with desks
underneath.
I don't know if it's becausethey have a little more, have
some storage in there and somespace.
The rooms are really stayingmore clean than they had been
and mostly when they need to gotidy up the room, it is just
close on the floor, so it takesthem five minutes.
(23:29):
So I'm trying to teach themthat, but I do need to
incorporate their help.
I think part of that was myperfectionist mindset.
Yeah, so that's something thatwe're working on.
I wouldn't say we have anyfantastic habits right at the
moment, but we're working on it.
Yeah, I can see my oldest has.
It's funny because we had putthe share room my two oldest and
(23:52):
we had put my oldest in thebasement for the month of
December and she was alwayssaying that my middle was the
messy one, but for that month ofDecember their room stayed
relatively clean and thebasement was a disaster, which
was me as a kid.
So you know I can't get too madat her for that.
But I am trying to teach herthese principles of maintaining
(24:16):
your stuff and having your spaceand I did the same thing with
my.
Val Harrison (24:21):
my two oldest daughters shared a room and all
the years I thought it was mymiddle one that was really messy
, partly because of herpersonality.
But when they finally gotseparate rooms, I was completely
wrong.
I just so apologized to themiddle one because I really I
thought it was her all that time.
Tiffany Deschner (24:43):
Yeah, I know.
That's why I was shocked too.
I was like wait a minute, thiscan be right.
Val Harrison (24:51):
So here's a question.
I know your personality and youhave mentioned this a couple of
times in this episode is morespontaneous and laid back.
I know your husband is a verystructured person, so I would
love to hear just a little bitof that dynamic, because I know
(25:11):
over the years there have beenmany times where you have said
Josh is helping me on that.
You know like he's the oppositeof you, so can you talk to us
about that?
Tiffany Deschner (25:23):
in a marriage, yeah, we have a sign in our
bedroom that says you keep mesafe, I'll keep you wild, and I
think that describes this verywell.
Yeah, he's been an anchor in mylife and times when I him and
God, of course, but he's also attimes kept me anchored to God
in my life, when you knowdifferent seasons of hard things
(25:46):
that you go through when you'vebeen dating since you were 16.
But Josh is really organizedand I drove him crazy for a
really long time.
Val Harrison (25:56):
I think those differences like I kind of like
your sign those differences caneither be something that causes
you to bad heads all the timeand you can tug of war against
each other, because of yourdifferences or you can laugh
about them and recognize thegood in them and you know, kind
(26:18):
of celebrate that difference.
Rich and I, we a little bittease each other about our
differences.
I mean lighthearted teasing.
It's not sincere teasing, butit keeps it lighthearted for us
so that we don't get asfrustrated.
Tiffany Deschner (26:34):
Yeah, josh will often say I am notorious
for procrastinating andoverbooking myself, and so he'll
be like so what is your day,look like tomorrow?
And I'll say things he's likenow how are you going to do this
, this and this, and a 30 minutewindow.
It's very realistic for you.
(26:55):
So, and then we kind of laughabout it and, yeah, it's a good
balance for sure, because if wewere both like me, it would be
chaos.
But I always tell people I'mthe fun one and I'm the one
who's the best.
But he's a lot of fun too, andit's fun to see him be a girl
dad, because we get the sight ofhis personality that nobody
(27:17):
else gets to see and the sillyfun loving.
I mean, it can't be easy beingthe only male and, you know, for
girl household.
So we're going to church oneday.
He's like look at that shed,look at that shed.
I'm like why are you soobsessed with people sheds?
He's like, well, these girlsare going to grow up to be
either be in my shed or someoneelse's shed.
(27:39):
I'm going to need a break.
But his personality has beenperfect to balance all of the
girl things all of the emotionsand he has a way of breaking the
ice when girls are in theiremotions and sometimes
(27:59):
he'll say I don't know how to.
Is this like a chocolatechocolate?
No, he does a great job.
I've been thankful for.
You know him in my life and Iknow that he appreciates he's
been wanting to get rid of allof my stuff, that we've been to
what, that we have moved fromKansas to Texas, back to Kansas,
(28:22):
to Texas and back to Kansas.
So anytime that I fill up adonation box he's very quick to
volunteer to take it.
He's like something else thatneeds to go.
But it's been kind of funnybecause, developing these habits
, sometimes I'm a little bitmore strict on our house than he
is.
(28:42):
He's like I, the house looksgreat, I don't know, we live
here.
So you know, I think sometimesI'm a little bit.
I have to watch that now thatI've kind of gone through this
transformation, that I'm notlike going overboard and people
still do have to live here.
But my mind is more clear andmore calm if things are kind of
(29:04):
in order.
Val Harrison (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking when you
were talking about like thedishes being out.
When I get that way, where Ilike leave some out, I am less
happy with like.
I feel worse about me, I feelworse about the house, and
they're not going away.
So you know why am I thinking.
Leaving them there is in anyway, you know, a good thing.
Tiffany Deschner (29:27):
Well, when you wake up, and when you wake up
to that it's like ugh.
Like this morning I walked outin the kitchen was clean and
just feels.
It just feels fresh and new andjoyful.
And along with that I also dopick up our, our living room
nightly I guess one kind ofhabit I have with that.
So we actually have like an, abookshelf and I have four tabs.
(29:51):
The bookshelf has Quinn's, likeboard books and like the little
kid board books and that'swhere we have them.
And then I have four baskets ofcertain categories.
So it's like the Minnie Mouseand little figurines and one
little basket and tea party andanother basket, instruments and
another basket and then I can'tthink of what's in her other
(30:13):
basket, but basically like thatcategories.
So that's easy for them to pullout, play with and then clean
up and put away, which that doesget done most of the time
because they know where to putit and it has a clear spot to go
.
But then I also have to.
They're like a decorative,antique, sturdy container and I
(30:34):
have a big one and a little oneand so I'll just throw
miscellaneous items in there andperiodically I'll go through
there.
But that kind of is just likeusually, an open space that you
can just kind of throw somerandom things in and then it's
clean, and so then you can wakeup to a clean living and a clean
space and we can relax in aclean space, and so that's one
(30:55):
thing that really works well forus is those four little buckets
and then those two kind ofrandom ones that you can just
throw whatever in, and a lot oftimes I go through there and a
lot of it ends up gettingdonated actually, because it's
like, okay, this has just beenout, but we're not really
actually playing with it.
It just gets drugged out, sowe'll just go ahead and set that
aside and someone else canenjoy it more than we can.
Val Harrison (31:19):
Yeah, yeah.
So any questions for me today.
Tiffany Deschner (31:24):
Wait, was trying to think of that and
maybe it would be helpful to thelistener is you know, when you
haven't given your kidsresponsibilities and their 10
and eight, how do you go aboutgiving them responsibilities or
creating habits for them withoutseeming like a drill sergeant?
I think that's been justfinding that balance of teaching
(31:47):
and training, but not goingoverboard.
Yeah.
Val Harrison (31:51):
So anytime I'm introducing a change in
lifestyle, I often have to startwith an apology, you know.
You know God's been showing methat this is an area I've been
missing and I want to correctthat.
So this is going to feeluncomfortable at first and
(32:12):
different, and what we don'twant to do is resist each other
on this and make it a tug of war, me forcing you, when this is
what we need to do.
So this change is going to behappening and I am sorry that I
didn't have it implementedbefore.
That would be kind of astandard way that I introduce a
(32:34):
big change and that's notnecessarily chores or something.
It could be that I've beenletting them get away with
something that either it didn'tseem a big deal at the time and
it grew to bigger, or it didn'tget bigger and I really started
thinking it through.
You know of well, wait a minute, if I let that go, this and
this and this, you know.
(32:55):
So anyway, it could be anynumber of things like that.
If I was helping them withresponsibility and chores and
that really hadn't beensomething we've been talking
about recently, I'm pretty sureI would do it from an angle of
taking a piece of paper, havingeach of them they're old enough
to write, which you have to,that are and dividing their
(33:15):
paper into four parts body, god,people and mind.
Well, I'm trying to put this inlittle kid words, but it's the
Luke 2.52 thing that I talkabout so much.
Jesus grew in wisdom, so that'dbe mind.
Jesus grew in stature, that'sbody.
Jesus grew in favor with manthat is, people, social and
(33:38):
favor with God, so I would haveeach of them divide their paper
into four parts and let'sbrainstorm together what's the
top habit we need to work on inthis area.
And that's become such a partof our conversation now that I
was cleaning out the closet theother day and I found a piece of
(34:00):
paper of riches that he haddivided a piece of paper into
four quadrants and in the middleof it was his goal, which was
for his job to feel moremeaningful to him, and so he
divided that paper then intofour quadrants and had a goal in
all four of those areas for hiscareer.
(34:20):
Even that you can turn intothose four parts to help make
sure that you are being balanced, that you're growing in all of
the areas, which is really aboutkeeping our priorities, in
order to that just kind of givesthem, your kids, a framework of
growing in balance and that,and in other words, growing in
(34:42):
all the four categories of life,continually evaluating these
four areas.
So yeah, we could overwhelmthem with implementing a whole
bunch of chores and stressing meout and stressing them out and
making a wrestling match, butstarting from the framework of
we're being good stewards ofthis life God has given us.
(35:05):
So let's start a new habit inour God time, or you know what's
going right in our God time andlet's keep doing that.
You know, I'm not necessarilysaying that you have to create a
new habit and all four areas,but just having their mindset on
that and helping them see thebenefit of that.
(35:26):
So where do chores fall in on aline like that?
Well, it can be a combination ofthings.
One of those things is thesocial component of our family
life.
We want to value our timetogether and we are a little
community and every communityrequires everybody giving their
(35:49):
best effort and caring about thecommunity, and that's what we
are as a family, and so we allhave to chip in.
So let's make a list togetherof what are the chores that need
to happen at our house.
Maybe we'll make this list on awhiteboard so it's more fun, or
maybe we'll all have differentcolors of construction paper and
(36:10):
we'll write them on that andwe'll stick them on the wall or
whatever, while we're doing thislittle brainstorming
conversation.
And then we're going to dividethese up between us and we're
going to start owning thesedifferent parts and at first,
since you guys aren't used tothem, we'll just pick one each
for you guys to add.
But we will gradually be addingmore, partly for our
(36:32):
community's sake and partly foryour sake, because you need to
be a person who's in the habitof taking care of your life.
And so us doing this is thathabit.
You know we're working togethertowards that goal.
Tiffany Deschner (36:46):
Yeah, no, that's perfect.
I guess another thing thatmight go along with that is
getting your kids out the doorto leave, to go somewhere, for
example, for us at school in themorning, getting your kids out
the door without being aconstant nag.
Val Harrison (37:03):
Yeah, in something like that I would probably be
talking with the older ones,like let's figure out what's the
number one if we made one shiftin the mornings, one aspect of
that?
You know we're probablyprocrastinating 10 things, but
what's one of them that we couldshift?
Let's focus on the one, whichis really what you said earlier,
(37:24):
of just changing one habit.
Well, thank you so much forsharing all these and I look
forward to having you on again.
Tiffany Deschner (37:31):
Yes, thanks for having me Always fun.
Val Harrison (37:34):
Okay, bye, bye, bye.
Rich Harrison (37:36):
We hope you've been blessed by Val's
conversation with her goodfriend Tiffany today.
If you'd like to hear more fromthem, head back to episodes 70,
71 and 73 to listen to theirfirst three episodes of Getting
Real with Tiff and Val.
To learn more about Val'sministry and resources, head to
her website,practicallyspeakingmomcom.
(37:56):
She counts it an honor to spendthis time with you and hopes
that it blesses you even morethan it blesses her.
Join her again next time on thePractically Speaking Mom
podcast for intentional moms tobuild strong families.
She counts it an honor to spendthis time with you and hopes
(38:18):
that it blesses you even morethan it blesses her.
Join her again next time on thePractically Speaking Mom
podcast for intentional moms tobuild strong families.
THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND
WAS NOT EDITED FOR ACCURACY.
Today on the PracticallySpeaking Mom podcast, Val
welcomes back her friend,Tiffany Deschner.
She and her husband have threegirls aged 10 and under and
recently welcomed baby Cole totheir family.
Whenever Tiffany joins Val onthe podcast, you can count on
lots of joy and honesty fromthis mom.
Discussion In this episode iscertainly no exception.
(00:25):
It is jam-packed with practicalideas and so much fun.
So pull up your seat at thetable for episode 207, Keeping
it Real with Tiffany Val as partof the series Habits to Thrive.
Val Harrison (00:40):
Well, it's fun to have you back.
Tiffany Deschner (00:42):
Well, thanks for having me.
It's always fun to chat withyou and I enjoy listening to
your podcast, and I know ithelps many, many women.
My name is Tiffany Deschner.
I have been married to Josh for15 years.
Our oldest daughter just turned10, and every age has been fun
and challenging, and God uses itto grow me into who he wants me
(01:05):
to be as well.
Val Harrison (01:06):
So yeah, yeah, and I think you will find these
years of teenagers that's coming, that it's challenging, yes,
but the older the kids get, itjust gets more awesome.
Tiffany Deschner (01:19):
So it's fun to see how your relationship
changes as they get older and tosee who they are becoming and
their strengths and, yeah, it'sbeen fun.
Val Harrison (01:30):
That's what I love .
I love seeing all of thesepieces that God put in, or that
we put in and that the kids putin, coming together to see them
just blossoming in life, andit's really rewarding.
While you are on our theme ofhabits to thrive, as I was
(01:50):
praying about who does God want,on these episodes, he
definitely brought you to mind.
You have just always beenfocused on joyfully doing what
God has planned for your life,and I love that combination of
trusting in him and choosing joy.
(02:10):
You're great at that, I'm sureeverybody who knows you would
say that about you too.
Tiffany Deschner (02:15):
Well, I appreciate you always speaking
life into my life.
He's always been a greatcheerleader for me and I always
appreciated that.
My oldest has gotten into a lotof before school and after
school clubs, which I was notanticipating.
And so last summer I kind ofput my housekeeping and stuff by
(02:36):
the wayside and just did theminimum so I could spend time
with the girls and not just feellike I'm cleaning all the time
and I was like I'll catch up inthe fall.
Well then the fall got busy too, so I didn't have a lot of
catch up time.
But what I found is that habitsthat I created a lot from last
year.
But a few years ago we movedfrom Texas to Kansas and I
(03:02):
didn't realize when we movedthere we lived there for a
couple of years how much wemoved from our basement storage
into our attic storage in Texas.
And then when we moved backinto our house, we were moving
to a bigger house with morestorage, but it was full and I
felt like I really needed to getrid of a lot of the stuff in
(03:24):
our storage, because what takesup the space in your home takes
up your time and you might noteven need it.
And then you feel like you'reconstantly cleaning, but all
you're actually doing is pickingup and maintaining the stuff
that you really don't need inyour house.
So I started trying todeclutter my house.
It was in 2019 and we weregoing to have our third baby, so
(03:46):
I was determined to have our atleast our storage area
decluttered before I had her,because, you know, a baby brings
in a lot more and school agedchildren bring in a lot more.
So I knew I needed to tacklethat, because it was just
weighing on my mind, and Ireally dove into that and what I
found is that there are a lotof mindsets attached to stuff in
(04:06):
your home and you know stuffthat you hang onto for the rainy
day that probably may not everhappen, and you know it's good
to be prepared, but just havingan abundance of stuff, it just
was heavy on me, and so I beganto declutter and I would get
frustrated because it was like Iwould have a goal and I
wouldn't make the goal.
But then I had to realize that Iwas making progress and focus
(04:30):
on the small tasks at hand.
You know decluttering this onebox.
So I realized theperfectionistic mindset wasn't
serving me and that I needed tofocus on progress over
perfection and also God reallyworked with me just on different
attachments I had to differentthings and you know, is holding
(04:51):
onto this thing really worth mytime or taking care of it?
And so just really getting realwith myself on that.
And I'm still working on that,because my biggest hurdle right
now is my closet, because youknow, with having kids and then
your body changes, but a lot ofthis stuff I have on my closet
I've had since I was pregnantwith Brooke, who is now 10, so
(05:11):
it needs to go, but it's it'shard to let go of that, but that
helped a lot.
All of that.
To say that decluttering myhouse helped a lot.
I started to move through thebathrooms and even just in the
bathrooms, if you dig throughyour drawers and your cabinets,
there's so much trash.
That's just in there.
Val Harrison (05:28):
I know, I know we try different formulas and we're
like we don't like it and wehang on to it.
I don't know what.
I think this guest is going tocome that's going to use all
this stuff for us.
Yes, yes.
I am so about decluttering.
To the last few years we havealso lived in a house that we're
remodeling and every time weremodel a space I take that
(05:52):
opportunity to go througheverything in that space and
like my goal is minimal and doesit serve multiple functions and
doesn't make me really happy.
Like it's functional and makesme happy, then it wins.
It gets to say so.
Saturday we're remodeling.
We're turning part of ourlaundry room into a guest
(06:13):
bathroom, so I was going throughall the pantry that was in
there that we had to get rid ofand I have these literally.
It's fake fruit that I have onmy own too for decades and
they've been put away and.
I told Rich Saturday I can dothis.
Tiffany Deschner (06:32):
I know I can't oh my gosh, isn't it funny, the
stuff we hang on to I know well.
And then the other thing Iwanted to do is be really
intentional with the stuff Ireally liked because, like you
know, stuff from ourgrandparents or things that were
special to me they shouldn'tjust be left in a box.
And we kind of created thisarea that I wasn't really sure
(06:53):
what to do with and kind of madeit.
We call it our memories area,but it has, like Josh's
granddad's Bible that was givento us and a mirror that I
remember my grandma having and anecklace she had given me, and
just different things like thatthat could be left in a box or
they could be enjoyed and theyare special to us.
It's just fun to see that stuffand have it actually out in our
(07:15):
house and displayed, andbecause if it's just going to
sit in a box, then I'm justleaving it for my kids to deal
with us.
Yes, yes, but anyways, to getpractical the things, I feel
like I was in a really goodroutine last year at this time,
but I also was really focused onthat routine and I feel like it
took up a lot of time to dothat.
(07:36):
Well, I was just kind offocused on creating routines
that worked, and it workedreally well.
And then summer came around andI just kind of did the bare
minimum, like I said, so I couldspend time with my kids and
while they were out of schooland go do things.
But some of those habits didstick and they were, you know,
daily habits, like making surethat they're just doing the
(07:57):
dishes right away, don't letthem sit and they sink.
Just take the five minutes todo the dishes from each meal.
And Well, I guess figuring outwhat habits are kind of your you
could say domino areas.
So if you take your domino it'sgoing to knock down the rest.
So doing my by doing the dishes, if I don't do my dishes, then
(08:17):
stuff's going to pile up on thecountertop and you know it kind
of knocks down dominoes in thewrong way.
It creates a bigger mess formyself.
But if I do the dishes then thesink's clean and, you know,
something happens that I need touse a sink and I'm not taking
stuff out of the sink to use it.
Or another area for me is ourback.
I wouldn't really even call ita room, basically a pass-through
(08:40):
, more like a hallway.
That is our laundry area andalso kind of a little mud room
area, but it's really tight andit can get cluttered really fast
.
So by going through there andmaking sure, because if that
area is cluttered then it spillsonto my counters and my kitchen
and so that is a what I wouldsay domino area.
For me is having that picked upwhere the girls hang their
(09:01):
backpacks and their jackets, andtaking care of school papers
right away.
I try to go through those rightaway as soon as they come in,
because they come in with a lotof stuff, and so we recycle what
we definitely don't need, andthen I have a mailbox for each
of them for stuff that we wantto keep or stuff that they may
be attached to, and then we gothrough that kind of quarterly.
Val Harrison (09:23):
But I'll tack on to what you're saying about
keeping the things that the kidslike.
For a while Almost, it was likea daily battle of let's get rid
of this paper, let's choosewhich paper.
Today and I figured out withsome of my kids that are highly
attached to things, to do whatyou said of just put it in a
folder or put it in a cubby andhave a set occasional time where
(09:48):
we select, and then it's onetime of the wrestling match with
them and because it's there'smore of it, they recognize too
at that point, yeah, I don'twant to keep this much so yeah,
yeah, like there was a recentschool kind of a project, but it
really like there really wasn'tanything specific to my child
(10:09):
or there wasn't any kind of art.
Tiffany Deschner (10:11):
I have a hard time throwing away art, like
drawings that they do, but Icould tell that they had worked
hard on it and so I saved itbecause I didn't, you know, want
her to be like where's thatproject at?
And two weeks, and you reallylike like I recycled it.
But so I say you know the stuffthat, but the five math sheets
they bring home they're nottheir practice sheets, they're
(10:32):
not gonna, they don't have anyattachment to or things like
that.
But I have found that stayingon top of that, before it was
just like pile and pile and pileand pile, and sometimes you
know it's real life over here,so we do have a pile of stuff to
go through.
But something that I found, so II have kind of the type of
person I would like I'm gonnawake up tomorrow and be a
(10:54):
completely different person, youknow, have the perfect morning
routine and I'm going to do allof the things, and what I
realized is that was really justsetting myself up for failure,
because that's not realistic.
That's not who I am.
So how I created these habitswas just to focus on one and,
like, for three weeks, justfocus on doing the dishes every
(11:15):
time for three weeks and then,once it becomes a habit, it
doesn't really seem like a bigdeal.
Then move on to the next one.
And the laundry was another one, and last year at this time I
was doing one load of laundry aday.
So staying on top of that andanchoring my habit to an
(11:35):
existing habit, so I try to getthe girls on the bus and do the
dishes clean up.
It makes my mind feel at easewhen my countertops are clean
and to wake up and just have mycountertops clean.
So at night I always try tomake sure my countertops are
clean and our coffee set to bemade in the morning, so I can
wake up and get my coffee in thekitchen's clean and that's my
(11:58):
day upright.
That was one mindset I had seentoo is just setting your future
self up for success.
You're not going to want to dothe laundry tomorrow, so why
would you save it for yourtomorrow self when you can do it
today and bless your tomorrowself by her not having to do
that?
And when I wake up and mycoffee's made, I'm just so
(12:20):
thankful for my yesterday's help, or my husband, who also will
set that too.
Val Harrison (12:25):
I love, that concept Bless your tomorrow self
.
Tiffany Deschner (12:29):
That's awesome .
How can you be a blessing toyourself?
Because tomorrow comes with itsown things, you know.
So that was one of the mindsetsthat really helped me was
setting my future self up forsuccess and being a blessing to
myself.
How can you bless yourself bydoing what needs to be done
today, Today, yeah, Because youdon't want to do it anymore
(12:50):
tomorrow than you do today.
A lot of times it's worse.
So, anchoring your habit to anexisting habit so I was saying
when the girls get on the bus, Itry to clean up the countertops
and then go to my bathroom andjust wipe down their bathroom
sink every day just helps a lot.
And in like five minutes whichis something else that, if
(13:11):
you're having a hard timesetting habits, is timing
yourself on how to do something.
Hanging up the load of laundrythis morning took me less than
four minutes.
It's something I could have putoff and thought about all day
long, you know.
And the same with my unloadingmy dishwasher.
It took me four minutes.
And how often do I sit and Iwaste way more than four minutes
(13:32):
just thinking about how I don'twant to do it, when I could
just get up and do it, and sothings that you don't want to do
.
Time yourself doing it and youmight.
You're probably fine that.
Wow, this really is ridiculousthat I have been putting this
off over this four to eightminute task.
And another thing I haveanchored to a habit is when I
(13:56):
give my kid as a bath which isjust my youngest at this point I
will obviously safely andcontinuing to supervise her I
will try to clean my bathroomwhile she's in the bathtub
because I am right there withher, but I can.
Sometimes I can get the wholebathroom cleaned.
Sometimes it's just thecountertops cleaned, but she
(14:17):
takes a bath multiple times aweek and so you know at some
point it's going to be totallyclean.
Yeah, that's a great idea, justkind of using those pockets of
time that you have, that youcould be sitting and scrolling
social media or obviously, ifshe wants my attention, I'm
going to sit there and talk withher and sit, but a lot of times
she's playing with her toys andhe doesn't really care if I'm
(14:39):
in there or not.
But I need to be in there.
So I might as well make thosefew minutes useful, and
sometimes I just kind of rotatethe task that the counter got
done last time I might do thetoilet this time or rotate
whatever needs to be done.
Those are my main habits.
I think that I started.
That really helped.
I also have a robot vacuum,which I love.
Val Harrison (14:59):
Oh, me too.
Tiffany Deschner (15:02):
Let's just have a name?
No, but it is a member of ourfamily.
Val Harrison (15:07):
Well, ours has a name.
It's Van.
It's short for I don't know,something off the periodic table
and my names are pets and otherthings, according to the
periodic table.
So, but Van gets in troubleplenty Like I don't know.
It's magnetized towardswhatever I'm doing or chairs
(15:28):
that it wants to, you know, takeforever at, but I couldn't make
it without my yeah, yeah forsure, cause just with kids and I
don't know what I, I don't knowhow I had, how I live without
it.
Tiffany Deschner (15:41):
It's totally worth the investment, totally
worth the investment.
But one thing I had mentioned isscrolling social media and that
was another huge impact to mylife is that I had deleted
Facebook from my phone and itwas embarrassing how many hours
I found in my day and I was likeI don't know how I'm going to
live without it.
I'm going to be doing it in myday and I didn't think I was
(16:04):
spending that much time, butit's really easy to waste, you
know, five, 10 minutes here andthere when you could be doing
something to set yourself up forsuccess and I just really is
sucking your time away.
And one thing that I did tohelp eliminate that and the Lord
really worked on my heartthrough doing this process and
actually I'm getting ready tostart it again.
(16:25):
Tomorrow is the 40 day socialmedia fast by Wendy speak.
I got the journal, was it?
And it was very transformative,not only in finding hours of my
day and helping me to setmyself up for success and just
be more, a more present mom, butit also was like this mental
weight that I didn't know wasthere Just was lifted and it was
(16:48):
like a freedom.
I don't know how to explainother than, I guess, focusing on
the right things and thehelpful things and stripping
that distraction away to allowGod to speak to my heart.
Val Harrison (17:01):
I love that.
So glad you brought that up andwe'll be sure and put the link
to that in the show notes.
And something I'm thinking of,as you're saying, that is, while
we moms wrestle with that issue, we want to help our kids not
be in that same boat.
You know when, when we allowthem to have habits related to
(17:22):
technology, like almostdependent on technology, it's
also a weight on them.
It's also robbing theirchildhood and they're growing up
time.
So when we have wrestling withanything in life, really chances
are our kids have some othersimilar thing they're wrestling
(17:43):
with.
We need to think of it from theangle of I don't want to be
burdened with this.
You know habit, a negativehabit.
I don't want to be burdenedwith these social media issues.
So I can be a good example, soI can spend my time the way I'm
supposed to, so I can help mykids spend the time the way
(18:05):
they're supposed to.
So now that's awesome.
Tiffany Deschner (18:09):
It just gives you more intentionality really
in your life.
And it was just so much noiseand, I think, the weight of
comparison which I wouldn't havethought I really struggled with
.
But then when it wasn't there,I was just living my own life.
You know, you're just livingyour own life.
You're not even thinking aboutreally what, how other people
are living their lives.
(18:30):
And the other thing I noticed isthat social media gives you a
false sense of connectivity.
You know, when you're not onsocial media, you're kind of
feel like you're in the dark.
You don't know what, what isgoing on with your friends
unless you're reaching out andspeaking to them.
But it I think it was just afalse sense of friendship
(18:50):
because you think you have allof these friends and you know
you're sharing your life withthese people, but really you've
lost that intimate connection.
So that was another thing.
Once you start doing the socialmedia fast, a lot of other stuff
gets brought up and the Lordmay ask you to give up other
things.
Actually, another thing hespoke to my heart was about I
(19:12):
was spending too much timelistening to podcasts and, you
know, just like leaving someopen space for him to speak to
my heart like leaving that roomfor margin and not having my
ears always having something inthem.
And podcasts are a great thing,they're great resources.
I listened to all sorts ofuplifting things, but first I
needed to do I do the Biblerecap plan and podcast, and so
(19:38):
that was I needed to do.
That first and foremost.
That needed to be the firstthing If I was going to listen
to anything.
It needed to be that.
But then just limiting, youknow, not constantly having a
podcast going, because Iremember thinking, man, I wish I
could have like a speaker in myshowers, have to take a break
from podcasts.
And so the Lord just kind ofspoke like hey, you know you're
(19:59):
listening to good stuff, butyour ears are constantly full of
good things but alsodistractions from hearing his
voice.
Val Harrison (20:08):
Yeah, I'll put a link to Bible recap in there too
, because it is awesome.
It is so good.
I'm glad you're still there.
Tiffany Deschner (20:17):
Oh, yes, this is my third trip through and I
realized that I get a lot moreout of it.
If I listened to the Bible, Ijust hear it so much better and
so much clear and it sticks withme more.
So that was something I foundthrough that process.
I do read the actual Bible withother Bible studies and such,
but eliminating this idealversion of how it needed to be
(20:40):
done, basically.
But when listening works bestfor me, yeah, and I love on you
version that you can choosedifferent ways that it's read
and different Bible versions andfind what kind of works for you
and what can keep yourattention.
But I've loved it.
I've learned so much from aBible recap and I've grown so
much and I plan to do it everyyear.
(21:00):
That's awesome, yeah.
One thing I also wanted to saysince we were talking, we kind
of switched gears.
But back to habits is I think Iread this in the book Atomic
Habits.
It said you know your life is aseries of habits.
They're either positive habitsor negative habits.
But so you have to look at thehabits you've created in your
(21:21):
life and see whether or notthey're working for you, and if
they're not working for you,then be mindful to change it,
you know.
Work on that, but not try to dotoo much at one time.
Focus on one habit at a time,otherwise it gets overwhelming
and you throw it out the windowand decide you aren't a person
that can have positive habits.
But you can slowly but surelyand I wouldn't say I'm more of
(21:45):
like a spontaneous person, so ithas been harder for me to
create habits, but it has beenso life-giving to have positive
habits in place.
And once they're habits, and itdoesn't necessarily feel like
work, it's just something you doand you move on.
Val Harrison (22:01):
Do you have habits for your kids?
Tiffany Deschner (22:04):
Well, that is something we're working on
picking their stuff up and youknow, when you get something out
, put it away, and I honestlywasn't good about doing that in
the younger years because it wasjust easier for me to do it.
However, when I started thisjourney, I was pregnant with our
(22:25):
third and so I knew better.
I knew how capable she was, Iknew how she could help me and
so you know she'll see mecleaning and she wants to clean
with me and sometimes I'm likeit's so much easier when she
doesn't help me.
But knowing Josh and I werejust talking about that the
other day knowing that it's aninvestment in her future and,
(22:45):
you know, in our household.
So that is something I amworking on with the girls.
At first I kind of was like adrill sergeant, like I'm
changing and everyone needs tochange with me, and I realized
that wasn't really the rightapproach.
So we do talk about less in theroom is less to manage?
A couple of times a week I havethem go just tidy up their room
(23:08):
and we actually recently gotthem loft beds with desks
underneath.
I don't know if it's becausethey have a little more, have
some storage in there and somespace.
The rooms are really stayingmore clean than they had been
and mostly when they need to gotidy up the room, it is just
close on the floor, so it takesthem five minutes.
(23:29):
So I'm trying to teach themthat, but I do need to
incorporate their help.
I think part of that was myperfectionist mindset.
Yeah, so that's something thatwe're working on.
I wouldn't say we have anyfantastic habits right at the
moment, but we're working on it.
Yeah, I can see my oldest has.
It's funny because we had putthe share room my two oldest and
(23:52):
we had put my oldest in thebasement for the month of
December and she was alwayssaying that my middle was the
messy one, but for that month ofDecember their room stayed
relatively clean and thebasement was a disaster, which
was me as a kid.
So you know I can't get too madat her for that.
But I am trying to teach herthese principles of maintaining
(24:16):
your stuff and having your spaceand I did the same thing with
my.
Val Harrison (24:21):
my two oldest daughters shared a room and all
the years I thought it was mymiddle one that was really messy
, partly because of herpersonality.
But when they finally gotseparate rooms, I was completely
wrong.
I just so apologized to themiddle one because I really I
thought it was her all that time.
Tiffany Deschner (24:43):
Yeah, I know.
That's why I was shocked too.
I was like wait a minute, thiscan be right.
Val Harrison (24:51):
So here's a question.
I know your personality and youhave mentioned this a couple of
times in this episode is morespontaneous and laid back.
I know your husband is a verystructured person, so I would
love to hear just a little bitof that dynamic, because I know
(25:11):
over the years there have beenmany times where you have said
Josh is helping me on that.
You know like he's the oppositeof you, so can you talk to us
about that?
Tiffany Deschner (25:23):
in a marriage, yeah, we have a sign in our
bedroom that says you keep mesafe, I'll keep you wild, and I
think that describes this verywell.
Yeah, he's been an anchor in mylife and times when I him and
God, of course, but he's also attimes kept me anchored to God
in my life, when you knowdifferent seasons of hard things
(25:46):
that you go through when you'vebeen dating since you were 16.
But Josh is really organizedand I drove him crazy for a
really long time.
Val Harrison (25:56):
I think those differences like I kind of like
your sign those differences caneither be something that causes
you to bad heads all the timeand you can tug of war against
each other, because of yourdifferences or you can laugh
about them and recognize thegood in them and you know, kind
(26:18):
of celebrate that difference.
Rich and I, we a little bittease each other about our
differences.
I mean lighthearted teasing.
It's not sincere teasing, butit keeps it lighthearted for us
so that we don't get asfrustrated.
Tiffany Deschner (26:34):
Yeah, josh will often say I am notorious
for procrastinating andoverbooking myself, and so he'll
be like so what is your day,look like tomorrow?
And I'll say things he's likenow how are you going to do this
, this and this, and a 30 minutewindow.
It's very realistic for you.
(26:55):
So, and then we kind of laughabout it and, yeah, it's a good
balance for sure, because if wewere both like me, it would be
chaos.
But I always tell people I'mthe fun one and I'm the one
who's the best.
But he's a lot of fun too, andit's fun to see him be a girl
dad, because we get the sight ofhis personality that nobody
(27:17):
else gets to see and the sillyfun loving.
I mean, it can't be easy beingthe only male and, you know, for
girl household.
So we're going to church oneday.
He's like look at that shed,look at that shed.
I'm like why are you soobsessed with people sheds?
He's like, well, these girlsare going to grow up to be
either be in my shed or someoneelse's shed.
(27:39):
I'm going to need a break.
But his personality has beenperfect to balance all of the
girl things all of the emotionsand he has a way of breaking the
ice when girls are in theiremotions and sometimes
(27:59):
he'll say I don't know how to.
Is this like a chocolatechocolate?
No, he does a great job.
I've been thankful for.
You know him in my life and Iknow that he appreciates he's
been wanting to get rid of allof my stuff, that we've been to
what, that we have moved fromKansas to Texas, back to Kansas,
(28:22):
to Texas and back to Kansas.
So anytime that I fill up adonation box he's very quick to
volunteer to take it.
He's like something else thatneeds to go.
But it's been kind of funnybecause, developing these habits
, sometimes I'm a little bitmore strict on our house than he
is.
(28:42):
He's like I, the house looksgreat, I don't know, we live
here.
So you know, I think sometimesI'm a little bit.
I have to watch that now thatI've kind of gone through this
transformation, that I'm notlike going overboard and people
still do have to live here.
But my mind is more clear andmore calm if things are kind of
(29:04):
in order.
Val Harrison (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking when you
were talking about like thedishes being out.
When I get that way, where Ilike leave some out, I am less
happy with like.
I feel worse about me, I feelworse about the house, and
they're not going away.
So you know why am I thinking.
Leaving them there is in anyway, you know, a good thing.
Tiffany Deschner (29:27):
Well, when you wake up, and when you wake up
to that it's like ugh.
Like this morning I walked outin the kitchen was clean and
just feels.
It just feels fresh and new andjoyful.
And along with that I also dopick up our, our living room
nightly I guess one kind ofhabit I have with that.
So we actually have like an, abookshelf and I have four tabs.
(29:51):
The bookshelf has Quinn's, likeboard books and like the little
kid board books and that'swhere we have them.
And then I have four baskets ofcertain categories.
So it's like the Minnie Mouseand little figurines and one
little basket and tea party andanother basket, instruments and
another basket and then I can'tthink of what's in her other
(30:13):
basket, but basically like thatcategories.
So that's easy for them to pullout, play with and then clean
up and put away, which that doesget done most of the time
because they know where to putit and it has a clear spot to go
.
But then I also have to.
They're like a decorative,antique, sturdy container and I
(30:34):
have a big one and a little oneand so I'll just throw
miscellaneous items in there andperiodically I'll go through
there.
But that kind of is just likeusually, an open space that you
can just kind of throw somerandom things in and then it's
clean, and so then you can wakeup to a clean living and a clean
space and we can relax in aclean space, and so that's one
(30:55):
thing that really works well forus is those four little buckets
and then those two kind ofrandom ones that you can just
throw whatever in, and a lot oftimes I go through there and a
lot of it ends up gettingdonated actually, because it's
like, okay, this has just beenout, but we're not really
actually playing with it.
It just gets drugged out, sowe'll just go ahead and set that
aside and someone else canenjoy it more than we can.
Val Harrison (31:19):
Yeah, yeah.
So any questions for me today.
Tiffany Deschner (31:24):
Wait, was trying to think of that and
maybe it would be helpful to thelistener is you know, when you
haven't given your kidsresponsibilities and their 10
and eight, how do you go aboutgiving them responsibilities or
creating habits for them withoutseeming like a drill sergeant?
I think that's been justfinding that balance of teaching
(31:47):
and training, but not goingoverboard.
Yeah.
Val Harrison (31:51):
So anytime I'm introducing a change in
lifestyle, I often have to startwith an apology, you know.
You know God's been showing methat this is an area I've been
missing and I want to correctthat.
So this is going to feeluncomfortable at first and
(32:12):
different, and what we don'twant to do is resist each other
on this and make it a tug of war, me forcing you, when this is
what we need to do.
So this change is going to behappening and I am sorry that I
didn't have it implementedbefore.
That would be kind of astandard way that I introduce a
(32:34):
big change and that's notnecessarily chores or something.
It could be that I've beenletting them get away with
something that either it didn'tseem a big deal at the time and
it grew to bigger, or it didn'tget bigger and I really started
thinking it through.
You know of well, wait a minute, if I let that go, this and
this and this, you know.
(32:55):
So anyway, it could be anynumber of things like that.
If I was helping them withresponsibility and chores and
that really hadn't beensomething we've been talking
about recently, I'm pretty sureI would do it from an angle of
taking a piece of paper, havingeach of them they're old enough
to write, which you have to,that are and dividing their
(33:15):
paper into four parts body, god,people and mind.
Well, I'm trying to put this inlittle kid words, but it's the
Luke 2.52 thing that I talkabout so much.
Jesus grew in wisdom, so that'dbe mind.
Jesus grew in stature, that'sbody.
Jesus grew in favor with manthat is, people, social and
(33:38):
favor with God, so I would haveeach of them divide their paper
into four parts and let'sbrainstorm together what's the
top habit we need to work on inthis area.
And that's become such a partof our conversation now that I
was cleaning out the closet theother day and I found a piece of
(34:00):
paper of riches that he haddivided a piece of paper into
four quadrants and in the middleof it was his goal, which was
for his job to feel moremeaningful to him, and so he
divided that paper then intofour quadrants and had a goal in
all four of those areas for hiscareer.
(34:20):
Even that you can turn intothose four parts to help make
sure that you are being balanced, that you're growing in all of
the areas, which is really aboutkeeping our priorities, in
order to that just kind of givesthem, your kids, a framework of
growing in balance and that,and in other words, growing in
(34:42):
all the four categories of life,continually evaluating these
four areas.
So yeah, we could overwhelmthem with implementing a whole
bunch of chores and stressing meout and stressing them out and
making a wrestling match, butstarting from the framework of
we're being good stewards ofthis life God has given us.
(35:05):
So let's start a new habit inour God time, or you know what's
going right in our God time andlet's keep doing that.
You know, I'm not necessarilysaying that you have to create a
new habit and all four areas,but just having their mindset on
that and helping them see thebenefit of that.
(35:26):
So where do chores fall in on aline like that?
Well, it can be a combination ofthings.
One of those things is thesocial component of our family
life.
We want to value our timetogether and we are a little
community and every communityrequires everybody giving their
(35:49):
best effort and caring about thecommunity, and that's what we
are as a family, and so we allhave to chip in.
So let's make a list togetherof what are the chores that need
to happen at our house.
Maybe we'll make this list on awhiteboard so it's more fun, or
maybe we'll all have differentcolors of construction paper and
(36:10):
we'll write them on that andwe'll stick them on the wall or
whatever, while we're doing thislittle brainstorming
conversation.
And then we're going to dividethese up between us and we're
going to start owning thesedifferent parts and at first,
since you guys aren't used tothem, we'll just pick one each
for you guys to add.
But we will gradually be addingmore, partly for our
(36:32):
community's sake and partly foryour sake, because you need to
be a person who's in the habitof taking care of your life.
And so us doing this is thathabit.
You know we're working togethertowards that goal.
Tiffany Deschner (36:46):
Yeah, no, that's perfect.
I guess another thing thatmight go along with that is
getting your kids out the doorto leave, to go somewhere, for
example, for us at school in themorning, getting your kids out
the door without being aconstant nag.
Val Harrison (37:03):
Yeah, in something like that I would probably be
talking with the older ones,like let's figure out what's the
number one if we made one shiftin the mornings, one aspect of
that?
You know we're probablyprocrastinating 10 things, but
what's one of them that we couldshift?
Let's focus on the one, whichis really what you said earlier,
(37:24):
of just changing one habit.
Well, thank you so much forsharing all these and I look
forward to having you on again.
Tiffany Deschner (37:31):
Yes, thanks for having me Always fun.
Val Harrison (37:34):
Okay, bye, bye, bye.
Rich Harrison (37:36):
We hope you've been blessed by Val's
conversation with her goodfriend Tiffany today.
If you'd like to hear more fromthem, head back to episodes 70,
71 and 73 to listen to theirfirst three episodes of Getting
Real with Tiff and Val.
To learn more about Val'sministry and resources, head to
her website,practicallyspeakingmomcom.
(37:56):
She counts it an honor to spendthis time with you and hopes
that it blesses you even morethan it blesses her.
Join her again next time on thePractically Speaking Mom
podcast for intentional moms tobuild strong families.
She counts it an honor to spendthis time with you and hopes
(38:18):
that it blesses you even morethan it blesses her.
Join her again next time on thePractically Speaking Mom
podcast for intentional moms tobuild strong families.
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