February 12, 2024 • 25 mins
Season Five is here! Let's talk heart-to-heart! Now is the best time to share with your kids from your heart about love, dating, and marriage. Do you have your philosophies and principles figured out about these topics? I'm here to help! Your philosophy will impact the words you say, the jokes you make, and the guidance you give your kids years before they're even dating, so don't wait to figure it out! Let's talk about it TOGETHER! Navigating the maze of romantic relationships can often feel like an untamed wilderness for parents, but fear not, we can take this adventure together!
Join us, as we continue the journey as intentional parents building strong families TOGETHER!
Here's links to earlier episodes about parenting principles regarding dating and marriage (episodes with ** were the ones that we shared clips in this episode):
**#125 "Family Bonding Activity & Wisdom-giving about Love, Dating, and the Meaning of Marriage
#97 Modesty, Pitfalls from the Purity Movement, and Treasuring Sexuality
#96 Val & Abby Share Keys to Waiting with Grace, Part 2
#95 Conversation with a Teen about Guarding Your Heart, Part 1
**#72 Teach Your Kids the Truth about Love, Dating, and Marriage
**
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
val harrison (00:00):
THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND
HAS NOT BEEN EDITED FOR ACCURACY.
Welcome to the PracticallySpeaking Mom podcast.
I am Val Harrison, thePractically Speaking Mom, so
very glad to be here with youtoday.
I have been taking a break, assome of you know.
Those of you who follow thispodcast closely know that I had
been on a break for the holidays, and here it is February.
I am back and I have someannouncements first, but I will
(00:24):
tell you what today's theme isabout, because this is the month
of February.
We will be spending today onthe topic of romantic
relationships and ourperspective as parents about
this topic with our kids, how toprepare them for these
relationships.
So let's get started with moreintentional right now.
(00:48):
First of all, I want to sayhello.
I have missed you.
I have been on break throughthe holidays and I am so glad to
be back in the studio andvisiting with you today.
I miss connecting with myaudience, all of you.
(01:09):
I appreciate you all so much,both that you listen and give me
feedback.
Feedback is awesome and yourquestions are awesome, so that I
know the needs of our listenersand can address those different
questions, which I often dothrough Instagram or Facebook.
Instagram at practicallyspeaking mom.
(01:31):
Facebook public page atpractically speaking mom or our
private Facebook group,intentional mom strong family,
which we have been doing, a sixweek mom's fasting one meal on
Mondays, a six week version ofthat together in the intentional
mom strong family Facebookgroup.
(01:51):
And what a blessing that hasbeen to know that other moms are
praying for me and my familyand that I'm praying for your
families and you know thatthere's over 1000 moms in that
Facebook group and just to knowthat there is prayer going on
for all the moms there and theirfamilies just has really
(02:14):
touched my heart.
Over the last six weeks I havealso been contacted by different
moms saying wow, this ispowerful, as in, the enemy of
our family really doesn't wantour family to be strong.
So when Monday rolls around, Ijust am kind of experiencing a
(02:35):
spiritual battle going on iswhat some of these moms have
been saying.
And what a great blessing thatyou have fought through that and
stuck with it.
So just we're going to battleon our knees for the strength of
our families and it is so worthit.
That is wrapping up Well, maybeit is even wrapped up by the
(02:58):
time you are listening to this,but maybe we'll do that again.
In fact, give me feedback aboutthat.
Do you want to do the Mondayfast meal for our families?
You want us to continue that inour Facebook group, so let me
know Now.
Today we are talking about howto talk to our kids about
(03:21):
romantic relationships and whyit matters because it's the
month of February.
Every February, I like to do anepisode about romantic love
because I firmly believe thatour children need to hear more
training about what healthyromantic relationships look like
.
They are bombarded continuallywith negative perspectives about
(03:47):
marriage and they need to knowthat it can be great when we do
it God's way.
It can be great when we arecaring more about the other than
ourselves, and there's so manythings and, honestly, today is
not even about the details thatmake up a healthy relationship.
(04:09):
That's not where we're goingtoday.
Instead, I want to deal withthis question that Rich and I
were asked by one of our kidsone day when they were in
college.
So we have three married kids,and then we have a Son that's
been dating someone quite awhile, another son that's been
(04:30):
dating someone some months, andThen two daughters, a daughter
in college and a daughter inhigh school.
So that's where our family isat In the season of life.
We kind of have a whole widegamut of where they're at with
relationships.
But one of our kids, when theywere college age, ask the
(04:52):
question how do you know when isthe right time to get engaged?
And what I wanted to do todayis answer that question to all
of you to plant some seeds inyour Mind, to help you be
thinking about what is yourparenting principle about?
Dating and engagement and andmarriage?
So our answer to that was thiswhen engagement comes, it is all
(05:20):
about the wedding during thatengagement and then, when
marriage comes early marriage isreally like going into the
frying pan.
There are so many things thatyou're adjusting to, getting
used to and trying to figure outbetween the two of you.
Like is he gonna get frustratedif I don't remember to clean
(05:41):
off the knife before I put it inthe dishwasher?
And is she gonna get frustratedthat he doesn't shut the closet
doors?
And I mean there's a milliondifferent things like that that
you're figuring out together.
You're figuring out how tocombine finances and keep track
of bills and keep a house andcoordinate schedules and have
(06:01):
someone with you in the houseall the time.
Like there's so many differentangles of that and it's kind of
like being in the frying pan andthere's a lot of stress
associated with that.
What you would not want to dois wait till you're engaged or
married to figure out how toCommunicate well with each other
(06:24):
, how to problem solve together,how to make decisions tough
decisions together, how toforgive, how to confess, how to
repeat, how to hear oneanother's frustration in a
productive way, how to haveconflict in a healthy way, how
(06:44):
to Manage that.
You have this personality typeand he has this personality type
.
Or you don't have matching lovelanguages or forgiveness styles
.
Or Maybe one of you is amorning person in the evening
person and maybe you are Aperson who has a really high
value of security and he has areally high value of fun.
(07:05):
And how do you get that to mesh?
There's so many things to befiguring out.
Of course, the most importantones where are you at
spiritually?
How?
What kind of Spiritualdisciplines do you keep like?
Are you in the word a lot?
How well do you know the word?
Is the word of God your bottomline for?
(07:27):
For decision-making?
What is your bottom line fordecision-making?
And also when you are when youneed to share something that you
don't want to share, but youknow it's important.
Do you hide that?
You tend to be one who hidesthat.
Like, is self-preservationHigher on your list than
transparency?
What about?
(07:48):
Are you able to receive thenews from someone you care about
that something is frustratingthem, that involves you?
Like, how do you respond tothat?
There's so many things there.
And what's your principlesabout finances?
Like, are you a hey, it mightbe gone tomorrow, let's spend it
(08:09):
today.
Or are you a?
We are not spending nothinguntil we get our retirement
money plugged in and Gettingsending aside a college fund for
our kids that we haven't hadyet?
You know, like, what kind of afinancial person are you?
There's so many decisions,there's so many aspects about
(08:29):
another person that that is whatthe dating time is for.
It's for seeing how we connecton a whole bunch of levels, how
we handle conflict, how we learnto compromise.
How do our priorities line upare we good at?
(08:54):
Let's say that I am a serviceminded person and I'm a
peacemaker.
So when you have a suggestion,I'm just going to be quiet and
go with it, because I want peaceand I want to serve you and I
know you'd be blessed if I justgo along with your idea.
Well, that's not bringing allof me to the table.
(09:16):
So that means the relationshipis missing some of me, it's
missing some of my input.
Is that a healthy relationship?
I mean, if I hold back and holdback and hold back, then does
that create a relationship?
And where the other person ismaking all the decisions?
(09:37):
And if that pattern continues,how is it going to impact how
parenting happens?
There's so many things for usto consider and that's what the
dating time is for.
I am a big believer that itwould be better to have pre
marital counseling before youget engaged, because during that
(10:02):
counseling you are goingthrough all kinds of things your
parenting perspective and yourfinances perspective and just
all kinds of things.
And why would you get engagedand commit to be married to this
person forever If you haven'ttalked through all of those key
things in depth, like with a lotof time to be able to?
(10:27):
You know, maybe you have aninitial conversation and you
think you're on the same page,but the more you think about
that, you realize wait a minute,I didn't think about this
aspect or this aspect Likethere's a lot of things to go
over before you really know thatit's the right thing to do, to
make a lifelong commitment tosomeone.
(10:48):
A marriage relationship isgoing to impact your life,
obviously, in a gazilliondifferent ways.
I know that sounds exaggerating, except that it's kind of true.
Every aspect of our life isgoing to be impacted forever
from whom we choose to marry.
(11:11):
So we shouldn't take it lightly.
Not only should we not takethat decision lightly, but as
parents, we don't want to takelightly the role that we can be
playing in helping our kids getan appropriate perspective about
the point of dating.
It is not about romance.
Yes, that isn't an element ofit, but it should not be the you
(11:38):
know, 50% or more focus of itAll of our marriage.
We should be dating our spouseand we should be nurturing the
romantic relationship with ourspouse and, yes, we want to
start that during dating.
But there is so, so, so muchmore that we need to be doing.
(12:03):
Dating should not just be aboutfeelings.
Dating should be about figuringsome things out.
So not until you have felt thisis my principle with it rich
and eyes.
Not until you feel like youhave gone through all of these
(12:23):
major aspects of life andfigured out how you interconnect
regarding those things, and notuntil you feel like your
relationship is at a veryhealthy place where you are
interdependent, not codependent,not one of you dependent and
(12:46):
the other one independent, notboth of you independent, but
healthily interdependent andputting God first.
And you know, I don't today'snot about all of the details of
what I believe is goodingredients and important
ingredients as much as it is.
(13:07):
I just wanted to talk to youabout that philosophy regarding
dating, engagement and marriage,so I wanted to share that today
for the month of February Nexttime.
I am so excited to share withyou something that I call
(13:27):
clarity for the mission ofmotherhood and little inside
secret there.
It's actually about wholeness.
How do we focus on wholeness asa mom?
How can it be our driving focusto bring clarity to all of the
rest of the responsibilitiesthat we have as moms?
(13:48):
And I will explain whatwholeness is and how it impacts
everything, including ourinternal peace.
So join me here next time, and Ineed to make an announcement
too, and that is this as youknow, I am working on my fifth
book, which the working title ofthat is your love becomes their
(14:11):
strength, answering the sixquestions of your child's heart
at every age.
It's about?
Am I worth treasuring, am Iworth protecting, am I worth
knowing, am I worth affirming,am I worth including and am I
worth restoring?
I've got a lot this season toshare with you about those
topics.
I'm looking forward to that.
(14:33):
But I also need you to knowthat I'm not going to be putting
out a podcast weekly Duringthis time of writing this book.
I just need to only put out apodcast when God lays it clearly
on my heart, record this andget it published.
(14:53):
I am just in finding that Icannot wear all of these hats at
the same time, because I really, really want to get this book
done.
It's just taken me too long.
So, anyway, I wanted to giveyou a little bit of that behind
the scenes info.
So I don't know how often itwill be.
(15:15):
I'm guessing that sometimesthere'll be several little
podcasts in a row and they might, you know, fall several in a
week, or once a week, or theremight only be one podcast for
that month.
You know it.
Just, it's just going tocompletely vary, and I am
learning about myself that Ilike to tell you the plan and
(15:38):
then I want to stick to the planbecause I think that's a good
way to have a relationship, andI do think that that is true,
and so I try to do that with allof you, but I am finding that I
need to stop making thatcommitment in the midst of this
season.
So it's just going to be asurprise entering your little
(15:59):
podcast world when the time isright.
But I do have a lot that I amlooking forward to sharing with
you during this season.
Season five, the PracticallySpeaking Month podcast, is here,
and we have a lot of greatthings to share with you.
I have my little list made.
(16:21):
I just need to um request thatyou and I ride the waves
together a little bit in seasonfive so that my real focus can
be on finishing up the book.
I am praying for you, moms,that this will be a month of
God's blessing upon your familyand that you will take advantage
(16:44):
of the month of February toreally teach your kids about
what does a healthy marriagelook like, what do healthy
relationships look like?
What should we be doing and notdoing in dating?
Start young and teaching thisinfo to your kiddos.
And another great time to focuson that is around your
(17:04):
anniversary.
If you're married, thenanniversary month is a great
time to just focus on some ofthe principles that you have
found to be important formarriage.
I will put in the show notes alist of marriage episodes and a
list of the February romanticrelationship topics episodes
(17:28):
that we have done so far on thepodcast, and I will see you next
time right here on thePractically Speaking Mom podcast
, the place for intentional momsto build strong families.
See you next time.
THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND
HAS NOT BEEN EDITED FOR ACCURACY.
Welcome to the PracticallySpeaking Mom podcast.
I am Val Harrison, thePractically Speaking Mom, so
very glad to be here with youtoday.
I have been taking a break, assome of you know.
Those of you who follow thispodcast closely know that I had
been on a break for the holidays, and here it is February.
I am back and I have someannouncements first, but I will
(00:24):
tell you what today's theme isabout, because this is the month
of February.
We will be spending today onthe topic of romantic
relationships and ourperspective as parents about
this topic with our kids, how toprepare them for these
relationships.
So let's get started with moreintentional right now.
(00:48):
First of all, I want to sayhello.
I have missed you.
I have been on break throughthe holidays and I am so glad to
be back in the studio andvisiting with you today.
I miss connecting with myaudience, all of you.
(01:09):
I appreciate you all so much,both that you listen and give me
feedback.
Feedback is awesome and yourquestions are awesome, so that I
know the needs of our listenersand can address those different
questions, which I often dothrough Instagram or Facebook.
Instagram at practicallyspeaking mom.
(01:31):
Facebook public page atpractically speaking mom or our
private Facebook group,intentional mom strong family,
which we have been doing, a sixweek mom's fasting one meal on
Mondays, a six week version ofthat together in the intentional
mom strong family Facebookgroup.
(01:51):
And what a blessing that hasbeen to know that other moms are
praying for me and my familyand that I'm praying for your
families and you know thatthere's over 1000 moms in that
Facebook group and just to knowthat there is prayer going on
for all the moms there and theirfamilies just has really
(02:14):
touched my heart.
Over the last six weeks I havealso been contacted by different
moms saying wow, this ispowerful, as in, the enemy of
our family really doesn't wantour family to be strong.
So when Monday rolls around, Ijust am kind of experiencing a
(02:35):
spiritual battle going on iswhat some of these moms have
been saying.
And what a great blessing thatyou have fought through that and
stuck with it.
So just we're going to battleon our knees for the strength of
our families and it is so worthit.
That is wrapping up Well, maybeit is even wrapped up by the
(02:58):
time you are listening to this,but maybe we'll do that again.
In fact, give me feedback aboutthat.
Do you want to do the Mondayfast meal for our families?
You want us to continue that inour Facebook group, so let me
know Now.
Today we are talking about howto talk to our kids about
(03:21):
romantic relationships and whyit matters because it's the
month of February.
Every February, I like to do anepisode about romantic love
because I firmly believe thatour children need to hear more
training about what healthyromantic relationships look like
.
They are bombarded continuallywith negative perspectives about
(03:47):
marriage and they need to knowthat it can be great when we do
it God's way.
It can be great when we arecaring more about the other than
ourselves, and there's so manythings and, honestly, today is
not even about the details thatmake up a healthy relationship.
(04:09):
That's not where we're goingtoday.
Instead, I want to deal withthis question that Rich and I
were asked by one of our kidsone day when they were in
college.
So we have three married kids,and then we have a Son that's
been dating someone quite awhile, another son that's been
(04:30):
dating someone some months, andThen two daughters, a daughter
in college and a daughter inhigh school.
So that's where our family isat In the season of life.
We kind of have a whole widegamut of where they're at with
relationships.
But one of our kids, when theywere college age, ask the
(04:52):
question how do you know when isthe right time to get engaged?
And what I wanted to do todayis answer that question to all
of you to plant some seeds inyour Mind, to help you be
thinking about what is yourparenting principle about?
Dating and engagement and andmarriage?
So our answer to that was thiswhen engagement comes, it is all
(05:20):
about the wedding during thatengagement and then, when
marriage comes early marriage isreally like going into the
frying pan.
There are so many things thatyou're adjusting to, getting
used to and trying to figure outbetween the two of you.
Like is he gonna get frustratedif I don't remember to clean
(05:41):
off the knife before I put it inthe dishwasher?
And is she gonna get frustratedthat he doesn't shut the closet
doors?
And I mean there's a milliondifferent things like that that
you're figuring out together.
You're figuring out how tocombine finances and keep track
of bills and keep a house andcoordinate schedules and have
(06:01):
someone with you in the houseall the time.
Like there's so many differentangles of that and it's kind of
like being in the frying pan andthere's a lot of stress
associated with that.
What you would not want to dois wait till you're engaged or
married to figure out how toCommunicate well with each other
(06:24):
, how to problem solve together,how to make decisions tough
decisions together, how toforgive, how to confess, how to
repeat, how to hear oneanother's frustration in a
productive way, how to haveconflict in a healthy way, how
(06:44):
to Manage that.
You have this personality typeand he has this personality type
.
Or you don't have matching lovelanguages or forgiveness styles
.
Or Maybe one of you is amorning person in the evening
person and maybe you are Aperson who has a really high
value of security and he has areally high value of fun.
(07:05):
And how do you get that to mesh?
There's so many things to befiguring out.
Of course, the most importantones where are you at
spiritually?
How?
What kind of Spiritualdisciplines do you keep like?
Are you in the word a lot?
How well do you know the word?
Is the word of God your bottomline for?
(07:27):
For decision-making?
What is your bottom line fordecision-making?
And also when you are when youneed to share something that you
don't want to share, but youknow it's important.
Do you hide that?
You tend to be one who hidesthat.
Like, is self-preservationHigher on your list than
transparency?
What about?
(07:48):
Are you able to receive thenews from someone you care about
that something is frustratingthem, that involves you?
Like, how do you respond tothat?
There's so many things there.
And what's your principlesabout finances?
Like, are you a hey, it mightbe gone tomorrow, let's spend it
(08:09):
today.
Or are you a?
We are not spending nothinguntil we get our retirement
money plugged in and Gettingsending aside a college fund for
our kids that we haven't hadyet?
You know, like, what kind of afinancial person are you?
There's so many decisions,there's so many aspects about
(08:29):
another person that that is whatthe dating time is for.
It's for seeing how we connecton a whole bunch of levels, how
we handle conflict, how we learnto compromise.
How do our priorities line upare we good at?
(08:54):
Let's say that I am a serviceminded person and I'm a
peacemaker.
So when you have a suggestion,I'm just going to be quiet and
go with it, because I want peaceand I want to serve you and I
know you'd be blessed if I justgo along with your idea.
Well, that's not bringing allof me to the table.
(09:16):
So that means the relationshipis missing some of me, it's
missing some of my input.
Is that a healthy relationship?
I mean, if I hold back and holdback and hold back, then does
that create a relationship?
And where the other person ismaking all the decisions?
(09:37):
And if that pattern continues,how is it going to impact how
parenting happens?
There's so many things for usto consider and that's what the
dating time is for.
I am a big believer that itwould be better to have pre
marital counseling before youget engaged, because during that
(10:02):
counseling you are goingthrough all kinds of things your
parenting perspective and yourfinances perspective and just
all kinds of things.
And why would you get engagedand commit to be married to this
person forever If you haven'ttalked through all of those key
things in depth, like with a lotof time to be able to?
(10:27):
You know, maybe you have aninitial conversation and you
think you're on the same page,but the more you think about
that, you realize wait a minute,I didn't think about this
aspect or this aspect Likethere's a lot of things to go
over before you really know thatit's the right thing to do, to
make a lifelong commitment tosomeone.
(10:48):
A marriage relationship isgoing to impact your life,
obviously, in a gazilliondifferent ways.
I know that sounds exaggerating, except that it's kind of true.
Every aspect of our life isgoing to be impacted forever
from whom we choose to marry.
(11:11):
So we shouldn't take it lightly.
Not only should we not takethat decision lightly, but as
parents, we don't want to takelightly the role that we can be
playing in helping our kids getan appropriate perspective about
the point of dating.
It is not about romance.
Yes, that isn't an element ofit, but it should not be the you
(11:38):
know, 50% or more focus of itAll of our marriage.
We should be dating our spouseand we should be nurturing the
romantic relationship with ourspouse and, yes, we want to
start that during dating.
But there is so, so, so muchmore that we need to be doing.
(12:03):
Dating should not just be aboutfeelings.
Dating should be about figuringsome things out.
So not until you have felt thisis my principle with it rich
and eyes.
Not until you feel like youhave gone through all of these
(12:23):
major aspects of life andfigured out how you interconnect
regarding those things, and notuntil you feel like your
relationship is at a veryhealthy place where you are
interdependent, not codependent,not one of you dependent and
(12:46):
the other one independent, notboth of you independent, but
healthily interdependent andputting God first.
And you know, I don't today'snot about all of the details of
what I believe is goodingredients and important
ingredients as much as it is.
(13:07):
I just wanted to talk to youabout that philosophy regarding
dating, engagement and marriage,so I wanted to share that today
for the month of February Nexttime.
I am so excited to share withyou something that I call
(13:27):
clarity for the mission ofmotherhood and little inside
secret there.
It's actually about wholeness.
How do we focus on wholeness asa mom?
How can it be our driving focusto bring clarity to all of the
rest of the responsibilitiesthat we have as moms?
(13:48):
And I will explain whatwholeness is and how it impacts
everything, including ourinternal peace.
So join me here next time, and Ineed to make an announcement
too, and that is this as youknow, I am working on my fifth
book, which the working title ofthat is your love becomes their
(14:11):
strength, answering the sixquestions of your child's heart
at every age.
It's about?
Am I worth treasuring, am Iworth protecting, am I worth
knowing, am I worth affirming,am I worth including and am I
worth restoring?
I've got a lot this season toshare with you about those
topics.
I'm looking forward to that.
(14:33):
But I also need you to knowthat I'm not going to be putting
out a podcast weekly Duringthis time of writing this book.
I just need to only put out apodcast when God lays it clearly
on my heart, record this andget it published.
(14:53):
I am just in finding that Icannot wear all of these hats at
the same time, because I really, really want to get this book
done.
It's just taken me too long.
So, anyway, I wanted to giveyou a little bit of that behind
the scenes info.
So I don't know how often itwill be.
(15:15):
I'm guessing that sometimesthere'll be several little
podcasts in a row and they might, you know, fall several in a
week, or once a week, or theremight only be one podcast for
that month.
You know it.
Just, it's just going tocompletely vary, and I am
learning about myself that Ilike to tell you the plan and
(15:38):
then I want to stick to the planbecause I think that's a good
way to have a relationship, andI do think that that is true,
and so I try to do that with allof you, but I am finding that I
need to stop making thatcommitment in the midst of this
season.
So it's just going to be asurprise entering your little
(15:59):
podcast world when the time isright.
But I do have a lot that I amlooking forward to sharing with
you during this season.
Season five, the PracticallySpeaking Month podcast, is here,
and we have a lot of greatthings to share with you.
I have my little list made.
(16:21):
I just need to um request thatyou and I ride the waves
together a little bit in seasonfive so that my real focus can
be on finishing up the book.
I am praying for you, moms,that this will be a month of
God's blessing upon your familyand that you will take advantage
(16:44):
of the month of February toreally teach your kids about
what does a healthy marriagelook like, what do healthy
relationships look like?
What should we be doing and notdoing in dating?
Start young and teaching thisinfo to your kiddos.
And another great time to focuson that is around your
(17:04):
anniversary.
If you're married, thenanniversary month is a great
time to just focus on some ofthe principles that you have
found to be important formarriage.
I will put in the show notes alist of marriage episodes and a
list of the February romanticrelationship topics episodes
(17:28):
that we have done so far on thepodcast, and I will see you next
time right here on thePractically Speaking Mom podcast
, the place for intentional momsto build strong families.
See you next time.
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