#12: Reacting to Your Worst Dates

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
If you can splice. Oh, I just oh, I just stump my
toe. Oh no the fucking camera ow oh I
just stump my toe so bad. Oh I stump my toe so hard.
Is everything recording? Did I click record?
Do I look stupid? When the pigs in the crib, I'll
drop it like it's hard. What?
Roll the intro. Welcome back to the Pretty Funny

(00:34):
Podcast. I'm Britt.
And I'm Mario. And I'm so excited right now.
We really are. Guys, we finally set up our call
box after weeks of telling you that we would, we finally did
and we very last second thought of kind of a prompt kind of.
It's a good prompt. It's really good, but it was

(00:56):
very last second. I think I commented it on the
live premiere of our last podcast.
Oh yes. And I believe I said I wanted
your worst dating stories or worst fate first date stories.
Yes, yes, we just want tea and we want to react to it.
And everyone that was in the live premiere, everyone that saw
that comment, we were astounded with how many people left voice

(01:19):
messages. And our beautiful editor, Emma
sent them all to us. We have not heard these before.
And we're going to give you our answers.
We're going to react to these. And I don't even know how many
they're there are. There's a lot I.
Think I kept seeing the e-mail notifications 'cause I have
access to the e-mail, yeah. And I think there was like 30-40
plus, yeah, which is insane. If you're watching this in the
live premiere right now, we appreciate you.

(01:41):
We have so much fun. Every Wednesday, 9:00 AM we all
get together and there's like a couple hundred of us and we're
just watching the premiere together, commenting and stuff.
It's so fun and everyone that's there, we we really appreciate
you. It's very.
So just know that half the time Mario is on the toilet replying
to you guys. Yes, and I'm I'm proud of.
That cause it's early in the morning.
That is my toilet time. That's it is.

(02:02):
Toilet time. So any we just want to get right
into this. We're.
Very excited, we've been leadingand teasing this for a while now
I feel like. Yes.
And I think eventually it'll getto a point where this just kind
of becomes like an end of the episode segment.
Almost or the whole episode, we don't know.
Yeah. Like maybe we'll do one, one a
month, one truth or truth a month, and we're still figuring

(02:23):
things out. I know that.
Easy on us. Yes, yes.
I, I have nothing else to say. I've, I just want to get
started. Are you ready for the first one?
Ready for the first one again? For our audio listeners, we have
a bunch of recordings from our fans, our followers, and our
audience of their worst. Or maybe first, Maybe both.

(02:45):
Dating and I think we also had people ask us if they want
advice. Yes, OK.
So we'll just be reacting to them.
And we're going to try to shut the fuck up while they play.
Oh yeah, with no interrupting anymore.
We've been working on this, we've been practicing this,
we've seen your guys's comments.We're going to get professional
at being conversational this andyou guys deserve that.
We appreciate you guys tuning in.

(03:05):
So yes, let's get it going. OK, here comes the first one.
If I know how to work my phone. OK, hold on, let's try this.
Ready. Yep.
Hey, Bryn and Mario. But Bryn's a little bit, well, a
lot of it prettier. So my question is, is it too

(03:27):
much to ask your husband to senda goodnight I love you text when
he's out of town? Like when he gets to his room
after he's been hanging out withthe guys or whatever the case
is. Is that too much to ask?
Because apparently it is too much to ask to my own husband

(03:49):
and he says that I'm just insecure and I need to get over
it. But it's just a simple request.
So I don't know. What are your thoughts, Bren?
What are your thoughts? Mario, what are what is your
thoughts on that from the man's point of view?
OK, thanks. Love you.
Bye girl. Oh.

(04:15):
My. God, I don't think you realize
how serious this actually is. If this which I'm going to treat
it, obviously I believe you. I believe you.
I believe you immediately. I'm on your team.
What? Yeah, that's actually insane.
Yeah, you, I obviously if it's not obvious, sorry, we mean that
it is so valid for you to ask ofthat it should not have to be

(04:36):
something that you ask for in the 1st place.
And the fact that you do and he doesn't.
Yes, your answer is yes, you arevalid.
There's absolute. I don't even.
There's no excuse. I literally would not have dated
Mario if he didn't do that. Then we we're doing long
distance. From from the man's perspective,
a man, we've talked about this before on the podcast.

(04:58):
These like alpha, elite, masculine, traditional men,
right. If you're too tired, if you do
so much throughout the day providing for the family and you
want to hold that against your significant other and you're so
burdened and you have such a bigmasculine, traditional role to
play in the family that you can't type a little simple

(05:22):
goodnight. I love you.
Text from wherever you're texting from because, you know.
Yeah, from me personally, I was in the fire department in the
military, OK. And I had some very, very busy
days. I had some very long days and.
You literally made sure to FaceTime me every single night
without a question like I would.There was one time you were a

(05:42):
couple hours late to it and I lost my shit.
Yeah. Well, that was, I think that was
the day before my birthday. I went full ADH, high definition
D and I was just playing Mario Kart.
We did like a 48 race series. But regardless, regardless, you
are valid. That is absolutely insane.
What the fuck? Trust your gut on that one.

(06:03):
Have either a way bigger conversation or maybe consider
leaving him. I don't.
Know I literally how else do I say this play him this right.
Right. You're a fucking loser.
Love your fucking wife. I'm so sick of the trope like
and you hear it in stand up, youhear it in comedies, hear it in
film, hear it all the time of like my life, like literally

(06:24):
like I hate my life. You know what I mean?
Like this is how annoying my wife is.
And if you've been following, ifyou've been scrolling with me
for a while, you know, I don't advocate that at all.
That's never been my style of humor whatsoever.
I think the manliest thing that you can do is be emotionally
available, be able to communicate your feelings, be

(06:44):
able to show your emotions, and if if someone else makes fun of
you, like for showing your emotions or doing any of ABCDEFG
what I just said, then fuck them.
Literally, They're less of a manthan you because you're manly
enough to stand up for yourself and show who you truly are and
be unapologetically yourself. Aside from that they're

(07:06):
literally like obviously should not be any bad connotations to
saying goodnight I love you to your wife.
Exactly. There should be no weird social
anything about. That it's the bare minimum.
It's the minimum. It's the minimum that is like,
not even the bare minimum. That's just the standard.
That's what you should be doing.Like, it shouldn't even be a
debate. The fact that you had even had
to ask us. Yeah, is embarrassing for him.

(07:28):
For him not. For you.
Not for you. You're valid.
I'm so sorry. I talked with my hands.
Yeah, we. But no, you're absolutely valid.
Leave him. Leave him.
OK, let's do the next one, OK. Whoa, that was a strong start.
We're going to move on to the second one now.
This is so exciting. OK, here we go.
So this is a question for the both of you, for Bran and Mario,

(07:52):
what is your opinion on ghosting?
Have you ever ghosted anyone or have you ever been ghosted?
I want to hear both sides, please.
I have done ghosting. I have been ghosted.
I think it's honestly a big partof modern relationships and you

(08:13):
know what, no hard feelings, maybe hard feelings.
I think it also depends on like how long you guys were talking,
if you were actually dating or like whatever the case may be.
But if you're just kind of in the talking phase, maybe you've
gone on a couple dates, maybe you hooked up a couple of times
and the other person just isn't feeling it anymore, honestly.
However they choose to depart, you know what I mean?

(08:33):
If it's early on, if it's early on, like I cannot stress that
enough. If you guys just started
talking, it's been a couple weeks, the vibes aren't even
really there and they just end up almost forgetting to talk to
you. Almost those sort of vibes, like
don't take it personal, just move on.
You know I see this now but alsoback to when I was dating before

(08:53):
you I would crash the fuck out if someone ghosted me so.
But were you with them for a while?
No, because oh, I was like, Nope, I've been ghosted.
And I don't really take it personal because it's like, OK,
you're clearly stressing the fact that you don't want to be
with me or talk to me anymore. And maybe you're not
confrontational. Maybe you don't have the social
skills. Maybe you just don't feel

(09:14):
comfortable talking about it forwhatever reason, whether it's
just you're anxious. No, but like I like I always
with gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, you know, it's like adult goggles on and like thinking
like reasonably that is the correct answer and that is how
everyone should honestly view itin my opinion.
It's a childish. To do it is a childish thing to
do, but if they're doing that toyou, that is an immediate reason

(09:35):
why you shouldn't be with them. But it's like literally them
show. Up on it, yeah.
That's them showing their true colors and it's just like, bye.
Ghosting happens. I wouldn't recommend it.
Have I done it? Yes.
To protect myself. I've done it.
I remember I ghosted a girl once.
She was a super freak. She really was.
She's a super freak. Super freak.

(09:56):
She's super freaky. Ow.
She was a super freak and she knew how to speak Dothraki.
She was just all over the place.And I was very infatuated, but
she kind of stressed me out because she was such a wild
card, if that makes sense, You know what I mean?
And she would send me essays of,like, wanting to be with me.

(10:18):
Yeah. And I mean, like, this is, like,
week one. Yeah.
And I'm all for, like, love at first sight.
I'm all for, like, being over the top, borderline love
bombing. It's like.
That other paragraph. That's why, I mean, like, if
that's the vibe, but the vibe wasn't there.
And I was getting, like these really big long messages early
on. Yeah.
And I can tell she was really, really into me.
And it wasn't that I wasn't intoher.
It was just I needed a little bit more time to develop that

(10:41):
relationship. Yeah.
She kind of felt for me quick and I wasn't really falling.
For her, it was a little like a jarring and probably over.
Exactly ghosted her for like thefirst week or two didn't think
anything of it and then I got a random text for her and she said
sorry I've been missing I was injail and like she I left her on
red but she like kind of she I had to get the.

(11:03):
Tea. You know what I mean?
Like. I don't know if it was just like
a a thing to kind of get me to talk to her again.
Yeah. I still don't know to this day
but like it got me to message her back.
I did not continue ghosting because I was like, what do you
mean you were injured? What?
Happened. Yeah.
No, I've ghosted my fair share of people.
Yeah, she rolled her car into a golf course.

(11:24):
So I think that put her in jail.And I don't, I don't remember
her name. Like, I hope you're doing good.
Like, no, no hard feelings. I hope you're doing great and
living your best life. But wild card, you know what I
mean? This.
I was a little intimidated if anything.
Wait, can I tell him by a story of it's very quick of the guy
that I ghosted, like right kind of before?

(11:44):
We started just do it. You don't even have to.
Ask. He was a great guy, honestly.
Honest to God. Very sweet man.
Like very nice, very chivalry. Like he was a good guy.
We went to a hockey game. He put mustard all over his
popcorn. And then yeah, what?
Yeah. Did he think it was like butter
packets? No, I.

(12:04):
No, have you? Ever tried mustard on popcorn?
And I was like, no. And then he put it all over his
popcorn. And then I was sitting there and
I was like, I thought we were going to share this, but like,
all right. And then?
Was it good it? Wasn't like bad It was.
Just like now, I kind of want totry.
It it's just like what you wouldexpect.
But like when I want popcorn at like a hockey game, I just want
popcorn. Anyway, he takes me home, I get
he like gets out of the car, opens my door for me.

(12:24):
I stand up and I go to like kindof stay by and like he goes to
kind of. It was just the most awkward
kiss I have ever had in my entire life.
Like so fucking awkward. They're so, so icky, so weird.
And I just never texted him and I don't think he ever texted me.
He might actually know that's a lie.
He texted me a couple times after that but I just.
Never is that a When does it become ghosting?

(12:46):
When you just stop replying to them.
Oh, OK. Like you just ignore them, OK?
Yeah, we're not messing around. There we go.
We got some mustard. You already got some on there.
Yeah. You have to make sure you
actually get one with mustard onit.
It's got mustard on it. Look at that.
That's a barely no pick up this one.
OK, I'm not trying to hide from it.
I. Feel like you are?

(13:07):
No. I'm not.
OK, Here we go. Oh, there we go.
You see that? Right there, Right there.
Cheers. Try it.
OK, that's actually it's not good.
No, but it's not bad. But it's like actually
manageable like if you. That's like if you're at like a

(13:28):
stadium though, you just. Had another one.
I like popcorn. If you like mustard.
Yeah, of course. That's that's a whole new
distribution system delivery. Memories of him.
Of the guy, it's not gross, it'smanageable.
If you like mustard, you'd actually very much like that.
That's a that's a good delivery mechanism of mustard and

(13:51):
popcorn. To your taste bud.
Ready because I've recorded thiseight times.
I got to make this. I'm going to talk really fast.
We're going to go ADHD style. OK so Long story short, I'm the
friend that dates people from humor.
OK? It's not on purpose.
I'm not intentionally trying to like make people laugh at me.
It's just my daily life sucks. So I went On this date with one
of these people that I was coworkers with who I no longer
work there. OK so like ex coworker, we go on

(14:13):
a date, it's going really well. He comes over we're hooking up.
He tells me he's in love with me.
OK since then it has spiralled. I told him I needed space.
It was too much. He told me I love you 3 minutes
into US hooking up. I just got it like that.
I don't know. Long story short, I stopped
talking to him. I blocked him because he's
making me uncomfortable. He won't give me space. 2 weeks
later I find out that he quote UN quote has cancer.
He does not have cancer. I can't emphasize this enough.

(14:36):
He faked having cancer for like 2 weeks bro.
For like 2 weeks. The story kept changing on like
what kind of cancer he had when he got diagnosed, when his
surgery was. And then he's like oh the doctor
told me I'm 100% cured of cancer.
You can't be 100% cured of cancer.
That's not a thing. So he lied about having cancer.
So I blocked him again. I said go fuck yourself ever
since. I haven't talked to him since

(14:56):
then. But ever since then, like all of
my coworkers that I was friends with at this job that I no
longer work at are always texting me being like this man's
lying again. This man's lying again.
He's lying about having a girlfriend he's lying about.
Long story short, allegedly he lost his virginity to me and I
think it made him crazy. That's not my fault.
Can I say something? Oh my God.

(15:18):
Yo, I don't know how to say this.
This might be the wrong take. We might have to cut this, but
girl, you're probably throwing that shit on him in a way that
he's never like you. He you, he didn't lose his
virginity. You conquered his virginity.
You know what I'm saying? You got that bomb ass.

(15:40):
You know, you, I, I just you didThe Dirty work and he literally.
I'm so proud of you, yeah. He was he.
Kind of feels good sometimes making a guy go crazy.
Have you done that? Yeah, I believe it.
My God, if you left me to answeryour question.

(16:02):
Would you fake Kevin? I did the same thing.
That's exactly how me We haven'ttold that story yet, but that's.
Exactly. First, I love you well.
Yeah, I was. Three sometimes.
I was 3 minutes into us getting physical, so no, we'd already
been done for about two minutes and 30 seconds.
And then I was like, you know what I love?
I love you. No, no, but that all.

(16:24):
Serious. Fucking funny.
Yeah, that is. That is also your storytelling.
Storytelling skills I love please.
Call in every week and keep us updated.
He sounds like he's just a compulsive liar, which like
again, good. Good for you for blocking him.
Get the get away. He sounds, he sounds like he got
Princess laid for the first timeand all he's used to is as Han

(16:46):
Solo, you know what I'm saying? And you gave him the season
finale, you know what I'm saying?
Like the Grand Opera Orchestra premiere.
Bitch, that Kitty knows how to meow.
Yeah. So he you kind of overwhelmed
them. I mean, honestly, in a way, good
for you. It kind of feels good to make
guys go crazy sometimes. And now that he is crazy, just

(17:09):
be cautious of that. Be safety, take care of
yourself. Do everything that you do to
protect yourself at all times. Yeah, he owes you nothing.
Contact the authorities if it gets a little too crazy.
OK If. It comes to that.
I'm a Fleshlight. I don't know.
Here is the next one. My worst date ever was with this
guy that I met on Tinder. We met up at a Mexican

(17:31):
restaurant and he ordered for meand he ordered something that I
don't eat. I didn't eat it, but the ick
there, it's not that he ordered for me, it's that he didn't ask.
So he just like ordered this food and was like, I like it.
So it was just weird. And so for whatever reason,
despite dinner not going well, we decided to go ahead and go to

(17:53):
the movies together. Like carpool and we were going
to see the new live action Aladdin movie.
This is important. So we get in his car.
It's a junky little SUV. It's probably older than me.
And the transmission is so messed up.
It only goes 55 miles an hour. So we're on the highway and like

(18:13):
everybody's passing us up. It was horrible.
We go to the movie, it's so weird.
They start singing and he's likeleaning on my knee singing in my
face. And it was just so weird.
And I was like like leaning towards the girl to my left
because I was just like please get me away from him.
And I went to the restroom. I came back and he goes ha ha I
thought you left. And I was like, I wish I could.

(18:35):
Anyway, after it was over, I blocked him and that's it.
The end. I see him in the grocery store
sometimes. Oh my God, that seems like the
worst Disney adult of all time. You know what?
I mean, but also like the ordering your food for you.
I looked at the camera and I went red flag.
We might have to. That might be a new thing that

(18:57):
we have to do is get red flags and green flags.
So I hold up just as we're like,yeah, OK.
I really want to know what he ordered for you.
Like I want to know what the dish was the.
Balls the balls to like. Order it for someone that you
don't know, you know what I mean?
Or not even the balls. God, what?
No, I'm not going to confuse stupidity for bravery like the
balls on this. No, it was stupid.

(19:18):
It was the dumbest shit ever. At the very least, like ask if
like that's something that they want or like have a conversation
about it and then like maybe once you know what they want to
order, then you can order for them when the service is there.
But even then, sometimes, like Ihonestly really like, like I
enjoy ordering for the table sometimes or like I enjoy
ordering. Giving suggestions like oh I've

(19:40):
been here before like this, that.
No, but I'm saying like reading off like I'll say your order
sometimes when we're out at restaurants, like it's really
fun if I know like. After I told you or like you
know. Exactly, if I know what you're
gonna eat, that's like totally fine to do the singing during a
lot or like leaning all up on you and singing.
Honestly the only movie I think I would be OK with people like

(20:00):
singing through. Would be when Era's tour was in
theaters. Well, yeah, cuz that's like
encouraged. Yeah, and it was like a like
constant. Like Wicked, I think they had
like a premiere where it was like you could sing along, but.
Even then, I don't want to be next.
If you were in the theater of Wicked with me and you were
going. That was pretty good, honestly.

(20:21):
What? No, I deserve to die.
We can. Can we say that or no?
I don't like to. I don't.
I just like. Kind of, yeah.
We're not saying that everyone that did that deserves to die.
Honestly, if I hit it that good,can you even be?
No, no, no, no. I gotta say something.
I guess not acceptable. As a dude, it's put on us at a

(20:43):
young age to do the move, you know what I mean?
Yeah, And I remember how nervousI was.
It truly is nerve wracking reaching for a hand doing the
stretch in the arm. Do you remember any good ones
from your childhood? The stretch in the arm, the one
where it's like, how many shoulders are there?
There's. A123.
Oh wait, no, you have to go 123.Four.

(21:03):
Yeah, let's count shoulders. Yeah.
Or like, if I was a pirate, would you keep a parrot?
Right here. Right here.
Right here. I've had a couple of those done
to me now that I think my. Movie theater date was like my
go to cuz I love going to the movies.
You know, I got to the movies asoften as I possibly can.
So at a young age when I startedgoing on dates, it was always
the typical dinner movie. Parents pick us up.

(21:24):
Yeah, I'm saying so like the fish is this big.
Actually, it was this big and then it was this big.
I feel like there's an acceptable amount of like,
uncomfortableness that comes with a movie first date.
It's gonna be a little like, Oh my God, our legs touched and
like, yeah, but it shouldn't be the motherfucker leaning up on
you singing Aladdin. That's why I'm saying I feel
like this dude obviously, like, missed out being like the mascot

(21:49):
at the Disneyland. You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah. He's like, he really want to be
a Disney Prince. He's got like, yeah, four years
of theater school behind him and.
He don't like don't the workers at Disney say that they're like
friends with Mickey or some shitlike that?
I don't know. No, they say they're friends
with whoever. Yeah, who?
Like. So if he dressed up as Aladdin
at Disneyland, then he would sayI'm friends with Aladdin, yes.

(22:09):
Yeah, yeah. So like he Long story short, he
just seems like the biggest Disney adult I've ever heard of
in my life. Because like, I know I feel like
a very confident dude. And especially when I go out, I
feel like I'm very forward. You've been out on a couple
first dates with me. You know, I mean, like, I'm
pretty confident. I'm pretty.
We haven't even told you guys about our first date.
I know, but I'm just saying likeI I feel like I carry myself

(22:29):
very well and I'm very outspokenand I'm kind of outgoing,
whatever, but I still get nervous like putting my arm
around somebody or like reachingfor a hand at the movies.
This guy, date one, I gotta givehim a little bit of respect.
He's ready. Just to like full on hand.
Actually no, don't put your fucking hand on her knee.
What the fuck that's weird. Don't put your hand on her leg
if you were to. Win.
It wasn't there and he was touching her.

(22:51):
It was that he was like leaning on her singing and she was
literally leaning away like her body language.
Yeah, that's what, Yeah. He obviously had no social cues.
Yeah, Kudos, kudos, kudos. He's obviously passionate about
it and I give him that, but obviously he hasn't had enough
people telling him like he's fucking annoying in his life,
you know what I mean? Yeah, like I've been bullied
enough. Yeah, like I got bullied a lot

(23:12):
and I know it could be a lot, but like.
I have a fun idea babe. Why don't we just stay inside?
I know that. Whatever.
Sorry, I was quoting Sprint and Carpenter.
No, I really do have a. What was your question?
Did she have a question? No, she was just saying her
first date, her worst first date.
Are you playing ready? Ready.
Do you want to play? It no, you just play it.
Ready. Hi, Bryn.

(23:32):
Hi, Mario. My name's Madeline.
I'm from North Carolina, I'm going to go with one of my worst
dating stories. I was dating this one guy like a
couple years ago and I'll never forget.
It was our first date and I I always say like I'll bring my
own money or ioffer at least to pay for my calf or whatever.

(23:55):
Tell me why the dude forgot his entire wallet.
So I actually ended up paying for the. 1st.
Date. I don't know if you know the
whole cliche, you know, man paysfor a date, you know, whatever.
But for the man to leave his wallet, I thought that was kind
of crazy. Did he leave his wallet or did
he leave his wallet? Well, I'd love to give the dude

(24:19):
the benefit of the doubt, yeah, but regardless, whether he
actually did forget it or not, it's just not a good first
impression. Especially like nowadays when
Apple Pay. Yeah, you got Venmo, you got all
this stuff away. I'm just saying like and if I
did truly forget my wallet I would be mortified but at the
same time I would be beyond apologetic.

(24:40):
I'd find some other way to pay. I would literally move heaven
and earth like making it crystalclear that this was a mistake
and I would pay it back double just to like show that I truly
forgot it. And regardless, it still shows
like a lack of responsibility and it's kind of a bad first
impression. And it's like it kind of makes
you the kooky for forgetful guy.It's like the stoic cool on.

(25:02):
Top of a shit guy. I will also say when it comes to
the stigma around like men pay for first dates or for dates in
general, like you do typically pay for all of our dates.
Yeah, there's been a couple of times that I have.
The dude should pay. The dude should pay.
Yeah, and that obviously like all also depends on your morals
and your your ideas about misogyny and fucking society and
all of that. And we could talk this down

(25:24):
into. The ground the dude should pay.
But if you think that he should pay and I, I'm kind of assuming
that he was maybe on the same page then like that it's just
awkward. It is just.
Awkward. The best way I can say it is
like me personally, I feel like dudes should pay.
Do you do you? You might feel the same way, or
lean a bit more towards like. I've paid on 1st dates.
I understand that, but like you could understand that dynamic.

(25:47):
Oh yeah, yeah. Well.
Like when we when we first went on a date, I remember I kind of
had the mindset of like, OK, we'll eat, we'll split bill.
And I remember you. I think I like mentioned that to
you or something before we even met up and you were like,
absolutely not like I no, do not.
He was like, no, no, no, no, no.Mario was like, do not touch the
bill. Like I will actually cut your
hands off down to. That the best way I can describe
it is she's the most strongest, independent, humblest, hard

(26:12):
working, built her own empire, amazing, beautiful bubble gum
booty Batty of all time, right? And without me, she can pay for
a meal, she can open a door, shecan do these basic things.
And I acknowledge that and I tell her that and I make sure
that she knows that that's how Ifeel about her and I uplift her

(26:34):
and I empower her. So then when it comes time for
me to open the door and I'm like, get the fuck away from the
door, she doesn't take it personal.
She's like, oh, he doesn't thinkI'm not capable of it.
I'm like, you go to reach for your wallet and I'm like, what
the fuck are you doing? And I.
Like paid for it. Big conversation when you first
started dating. And I feel like even now,
sometimes we'll kind of be like.That's my personal beliefs and

(26:55):
that's fine. If someone else feels different
as a dude and you explain that and you're like, hey, either
financially I can't do this or Ibelieve that it should be equal.
Whatever your reasoning is, if your counterpart that you're
with feels differently about it,you just have to respect that
just so you would expect them torespect you.
Yeah, the same way she was prepared to pay for her half, he

(27:17):
should have been at least prepared to pay for his half.
And whether it was he forgot hiswallet, which is what happened.
I must. Well, yeah, we'll assuming he's
he's truthful in that that he really did forget.
But again, Venmo exists, Zelle, Cash App, PayPal.
And being annoyed with that, like, oh, you really did forget
your wallet. Completely valid.
You know what I mean? Like I, I especially.
Nowadays where like, I know a lot of people are struggling and

(27:40):
like, yeah, money's tight like that and.
Things are expensive. It would be extremely
frustrating. Yeah.
Oh yeah. Like I completely.
Yeah. But the dude should pay.
Mario's misogynistic OK? It comes to that, yeah.
OK, so this is for both of you. What?
Do you do as a woman when you don't feel sexy?

(28:01):
I'm so sorry I had to pause it, but the way she started this is
for both of you as a woman. Did she say that?
We're not going to start. Hold on, Hold on.
I'm so sorry. OK, so this is for both of you.
What do you do as a woman when you don't feel sexy?

(28:27):
And you have those insecure times because we all know, we
all go through it. What do you do, Bryn, to help
boost your self-confidence? And Mario, what do you do to
help her feel like she's that itlittle sex kitten again?
I love sex. Kitten I love.

(28:48):
My little. Sex kitten?
No. So I'll I'll answer this first
because I was asked first. Ladies first.
I have been very insecure lately.
I've talked about this on the podcast before.
I've gained weight. My body has changed.
I say it to you all the time. We'll honestly go to get down
and dirty and I'll literally be like, I'm so fat like.

(29:11):
Just like that. No, I think.
There we are looking at each other, just eye to eye, face to
face, and she goes I middle flat.
I do. I literally do.
No, but OK, you have to think about it this way.
And honestly, this is something that you told me.
So this is also kind of answering your part of the
question a little bit. This was when we kind of first
started dating too. And I remember you, it was a

(29:31):
little corny. You went on a whole rant about
how I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
And I was like, oh, this was when I was wearing those orange
pajamas. You're wearing orange pajamas.
And I put my hair and. I was at work and you put your
hair in a ponytail and you just tell me about your day.
But you were going about it so nonchalantly.
And yeah, it was not like orange.
It was like a tangerine strawberry, kind of like that
Red Bull. Yeah, that was from Fenty

(29:52):
anyway. Savage X Fenty.
Anyway, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,yes.
OK Mario went on this whole little rant about how I was the
most beautiful girl in the world, and I was kind of like,
OK, yeah, like, I know, I know. Thank you.
Like it, I get it. And then you kind of again, a
little corny, but like, I fucking ate it up.
You went off on a tangent about how like I wasn't just the most

(30:14):
beautiful girl in the world because of my looks and that
like you genuinely thought I wasthe most attractive woman
because of my personality and because of my intelligence and
the way I react to things and myintelligence when it comes to my
emotions. And like you literally went on
and on for God knows how long about how beautiful I am as a
person. That has stuck with me in a lot
of ways. And so like, especially even

(30:35):
though when it when it gets downto like getting down and dirty,
AI have that locked and loaded in my brain.
So I know that BI got a great rack.
No matter how fat I get, I have good donkeys.
Wait, no, I have a good donkey and I have good Buzzukis.
And then stop it. I am not going to lie, I have a

(30:58):
good Kitty. No, I hate the way I saw that.
OK. Can confirm we don't have to go
this in I. Know, but like this is genuinely
what makes me feel sexy is like I know that you enjoy it.
I have. I know that it's a good one.
I know that it is. It's it's good.

(31:19):
It's great. OK, OK.
She's beautiful and amazing. Like I just keep that in mind
and I'm like honestly if my armsare a little fat, fuck it I have
a. It's true.
I'm just letting you go. Good Apple, Apple.

(31:39):
Apple is good. Am I wrong?
You're going to look at me and you're going to tell.
Me wrong. You said so much.
What are you doing? So yeah, as a woman, What the
fuck? No.

(31:59):
So what do you do to make me feel sexy when maybe I'm not
feeling so sexy? I just state the obvious.
Yeah, whenever she's not feelingsexy, all I do is talk about
her. And the cool thing about Bren is
ever since I met her, if you've been following me for a while,
it just kind of rolls off the tongue.
She's my muse. I mean, I just look at her and I
go the cascading red velvet waterfall of hair in this

(32:23):
wonderful little jumpsuit you'rewearing that makes you look like
Batty Douglas, you know what I'msaying?
And you're wearing my hat, the Miller Lite hat, and it makes
you look like a Miller Lite girl.
And then you're wearing the headphones and I'm like, Oh my
God, she games. And you got this little cut off
shorts and you got all this madness going on down here that
they can't see. All they have to do is just
start talking about you or lack thereof.

(32:44):
And you, it just becomes out as compliments because I'm just
describing you and you're beautiful.
Yeah, you also, I'm gonna like, we're being open and honest
right now. You also will like physically
like you'll run up behind me andlike grab me.
No, that sounds aggressive. Obviously not aggressively.
Like grab my fucking hip. Pretty aggressively, honestly.
Or just like fucking gnaw on me.Or like literally not

(33:07):
aggressively attack me. Not a fine.
Get what I'm saying? Like positively, aggressively
attack. Me, the best way I can put it is
she just exists and all I have to do is hold a mirror up to her
and remind her of who she is andit's that easy as a dude.
And if she doesn't feel up to snuff, as a man, it should be

(33:29):
your job to show her at all times that you truly do love her
emotionally, physically, spiritually in any possible way.
And you have no question of that.
Yeah. So it's like, it's hard to deny
what I'm saying when I truly am obsessed with you.
And ladies, find a guy that is Yeah, if you're not, if you're
with somebody. But he acts upon it.

(33:50):
That's. What I mean, if you got a guy
and he's not making you feel sexy, he's not making you feel
loved, he's not. Mounted by the way.
That's what like in any way thatis the best way I could describe
it is there's love languages, there's however you want to do
it, right. If you're not feeling the love
in the way that you know you deserve or you want to feel,
move on. Find someone else that will do

(34:11):
it because eventually, inevitably, like what we have.
I'm crazy about her and you. Deserve that.
And you deserve that. And you deserve that.
And that's all we have to say about.
Her and everyone deserves everything all of the time.
That's a little bit. Of everything, all of the time.
OK, next one. So this is in regards to the
worst dating story. So about gosh 1011 years ago I

(34:36):
was dating this guy and I found out that he had been sleeping
with my best friend who was a lesbian.
And when I confronted him about it first he said it didn't count
because it was just anal sex. And then I broke up with him.

(35:00):
And then I confronted her. Yeah, she said the same thing.
I said you're a lesbian. And she said, well, I wasn't
technically having sex with him because it was just anal sex.
It counts. That wasn't a question, you know
that. But like that counts as.
If you're if you're seeking any sort of validation.

(35:20):
I mean that gay guys like technically don't have sex.
Like what is their logic? There there's immediately a
million holes you can poke in the logic of both of their
arguments between the lesbian and your ex cheating boyfriend
if. You say lesbian.
Lesbian. What am I saying?
You combine the words lesbian and.
Lesbian lesbian lesbian The straight guy.

(35:43):
So they truly believe in the poophole loophole.
Yes. Is that a thing?
Yeah, in the Christian community, in like the Mormon
community, all that soaking and all that wildness.
Yeah, but that's. Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Did you hear about the epidemic?You can Google this.
You can pull this up. As I'm saying this soaking in

(36:04):
Utah, I believe there was a crabs epidemic in armpits.
You look this up. Hold on, I want to pull.
This up when I was younger I used to think that Mormons could
only have sex with their ears. Also, I'm sorry I'm so sorry.
EW on multiple levels EW for you.

(36:28):
The fact that it's your best friend.
Oh my God. And was he still having sex with
you while doing like after doinganal with.
I don't even know if I want to ask that you.
A rumor is spreading that BYU isdealing with an outbreak of
armpit crabs. This was published in 20220.
My God. I don't know if this is real.
All allegedly trying to avoid doing The Dirty, I swear to God.

(36:52):
People, I just counts. People will do crazier stuff to
avoid just having vaginal intercourse, where in my
opinion, sometimes it's more extreme than sex.
You know what I mean? Yeah, like just why are we
overthinking this? If you want to have sex, if
you're attracted to somebody, just do it.
Unless it's you know your girlfriend's best friend and
you're doing anal. That's a, that's a really, all

(37:15):
that said, very sorry that you went through that.
Yeah. Oh my God.
For you, you. Ex-boyfriend and best friend,
kind of a double, damn double homicide.
Like losing both of them, you know what I mean?
And then such a grotesque way. I'm so sorry that you had to go
through that. Yeah, EW EW.
Eww. Our apologies on his behalf.

(37:35):
Whoever you are out there, you know.
He doesn't feel like he needs toapologize for anything.
Jesus. And they can Skywalker play the
next recording. First of all, I love you guys so
much and there's no way that I can condense this down because
it's absolutely terrible throughand through.
There were so many bad moments on the state, but I'm going to
narrow it down to 1 because I have 90 seconds.

(37:57):
This man whom upon first seeing him in person, didn't match any
of his photos. And I wanted to run away
immediately. And I was like, no gonna do it
for the plot. Plus, my sister dropped me off.
I don't have a choice, right? I'm in it to win it now.
And so there's all these red flags, but the one that stuck
out to me the most was that we finally go out to dinner, which
we changed the place that we were originally going to go for

(38:19):
whatever reason. And then when we get to the
place, sit down, whatever, we order food and he sends back the
$200 snake. And then not only that, but he
stares them down in the kitchen the entire time.
And then when he changes his direction, decides to look at me
again, he goes, by the way, I'vebeen meaning to ask you.

(38:42):
And I'm like, I hate this already.
And then decides now's a good time to ask me if my father was
ever in my life. And I told him very bluntly, no,
he was not, but it's OK, I'm fine.
He just didn't want me, like he didn't want kids.
Reaches over the table, grabs myhand, squeezes it and says, you
know what? Well, I'm really glad that
you're here. Like, like he's talking me down

(39:07):
from the ledge. I've never wanted to leave a
date faster in my entire life. I'm so sorry.
I also thought you were going tosay when he reached out across
the table and held your hand that he was going to say, it's
OK, I'm your daddy now. I had that voucher.
I think the biggest take away from this is, ladies, trust your
gut. Yeah, fellas, trust your gut.

(39:29):
If you were going on a date witha stranger, trust your gut.
There was I'm not trying to victim shame you're.
OK to leave a date, but yeah. Leave.
Yeah. You saying that you're doing it
for the plot. Sometimes it's not worth doing
it for the plot when it's a stranger, a man, someone that's
staring down people in the kitchen, you know what I mean?
Kind of threatening vibes. Doing some Alpha Red pill, but
Andrew Tate shit. Asking about fathers.

(39:50):
But also it's completely OK thatyou didn't decide to do that.
Him acting like a little weirdo is still not your fault 100% and
I'm so sorry he's not had to deal with that.
It's not that I'm like saying that any of this is your fault,
that you had to do that that's all his fault, but I'm just
saying, ladies, trust your gut. Like right when you get that
like sense of danger, just like go with you.

(40:12):
You. The only reason I'm even
bringing it up is because you brought up two instances before
you guys even went into the building together that he
catfished you. This girl has learned her
lesson. Oh my God I forgot about the
catfish part. That's why I'm saying like there
was the catfish and then there was like the vibes were off and
then went inside and. Then I I will say I'm fully like
I honestly in her position probably would have done the
same. Thing yeah, and I've done things

(40:33):
for the plot, but I'm just for safety reasons, just being the
older brother here, you know what I mean?
Just like if you see something, say something just because,
like. But aside from all that, aside
from whatever. What a fucking weirdo.
What a freak. The dad thing too.
Oh my God, what the fuck? Your dad's still in your life?

(40:55):
I just. I also.
Want to know how different he looks in his pictures?
Like are we talking like a wholedifferent person?
I've had that happen, not in person thank God, but like I
matched with someone on Hinge one time and then we start
snapchatting it and I was like you're not.
But that never ever ever ever ifsomething really horrible had
happened or anything. Never your fault, never excuses

(41:16):
anything. And I'm sorry you.
Know that as. Well, and I I just want to make
that very, very clear. Yeah, that was just my initial
response because like, holy fuck, that's.
I don't like that at all. I don't like that at all.
Later you can't tell if. I have to shit my pants.
It might be the burrata. Go go try.
No, I just no, because then I have to take my body suit off
and it's just a whole thing. You know when you hold in shits

(41:38):
they become bad dreams. Can I play 1?
It's my turn you. I know you've played Lego.
I can hear it. OK.
It's #19 Oh. Yeah, 19's Prince magic number.
Yes. OK, here we go.
Yep. I was travelling in Europe and

(41:58):
forgot my camera at a hostel in Germany.
So I agreed to meet up with thisAustralian in Amsterdam to get
it back because he was going to pick it up and meet up there.
But then I needed a place to stay in Amsterdam because
everywhere was booked up for that weekend.
So I matched with a guy on Tinder so that I would have

(42:18):
somewhere to stay and this guy picked me up from the train
station and then him and his friend took me sailing through
the north of Holland. And they didn't have money to
pay the shoe. A guy lowers the shoe and you're
supposed to put money in it so that they left the bridge for
you. So they scammed every bridge

(42:40):
man. And then we it wasn't windy that
day, so we're using the motor and I had to pee so bad because
I didn't want to pee off the side of the boat like the boys
were doing. Oh my God I feel like this.

(43:02):
I'm listening to an anxiety attack.
This is crazy. And so we were motoring the boat
as fast as it would go and we hit a sandbar and came to a
complete stop and one of the guys flew through the air and
kicked me in the head and knocked me out.
And when I came to I didn't pee my pants.
But then we were stuck and I still had to pee really bad.

(43:23):
So then miraculously, no other boat was on the water that day,
but a boat showed up and just, like, pulled us off of it.
And I was able to, like, get to land and pee.
Then it was just like, yeah, a quick three day date in
Amsterdam with a really hot guy and a good what?
I feel like she's still talking,I feel.

(43:47):
Like she's still talking. There was so much.
That's great, Katie. What the fuck?
Where did what? I feel like I just watched like
6 episodes of a limited series, you know what I mean?
That was so much information. Yeah, wow.
I will say using Tinder instead of Airbnb to get a place to

(44:12):
stay, you know what I mean? Like, do girls do that?
They're like, oh, I need a placeto stay, so I'm just going to
swipe right. That's kind of it.
Interesting, I know that some girls do it just to get free
food, like if they're. Home Jesus.
Imagine Jeffrey Dahmer if he hadtoday's technology.
He would just door. Dash No, but I thought that was
going to be where the where the story was going that you were

(44:33):
like with a bad guy from Tinder.Jeffrey Dahmer would just be
door dashing bitches Dahmer. Dashing what?
The fuck? I don't even know.
I feel like we should just move on like that was a wonderful.
Great on its own. What the fuck?
That was. Crazy.
Yeah, she just was already mid story when it started, sister.

(44:56):
Had a baby and I took it over because she passed away and then
the baby lost its legs and its harbors and now he's nothing but
a stump but I still take care ofher with my wife.
We need to track her down. We need to have her on the
podcast. If you see Mario on his laptop,
it's just so he's taking notes so he doesn't interrupt, OK?
OK, go ahead. So I went on a date with a guy

(45:19):
and he in the middle of the day told me that the only reason we
had matched was because he felt like I was unattractive enough
to have a personality. And that was probably like one
of the worst things someone had said to me.
And I kind of just told him thatlike he needed to grow about 3
inches in every direction in order to speak to me that way

(45:41):
and just left. And it was probably the worst
dating experience I had. But I also dated this guy for
like 3 months who had to ask hisgrandma every time we hung out.
And we're like 2425. Why do you have to ask your
grandma if we have to like if wecan hang out?

(46:03):
And then he would tell me that he lied to her and be like, Oh,
well, I'm hanging out with this other friend.
Like, why are you hiding me fromyour grandma?
Like, I get that you live with her, but Jesus Christ, you're an
adult. Oh God, this is funny.
First part I no notes. No, you did amazing.
Yeah, I mean like I have nothingelse to say.

(46:25):
That's the way to do. It also what guy says that to
someone What who who in general says that to someone else.
Like you're ugly enough that I. Mean I've said a few times like
so I grew up kind of ugly and that's a totally different
thing. I kind of have OK, I'm just
making sure. Like I have said plenty of times
that I'm happy that I went through my ugly phase because
now I feel like I have a better personality from it.
That is a very common thing. But to tell someone else that

(46:52):
point blank period is just insane to comment on someone
that looks negatively in one wayor the other.
Yeah, even if you're trying whata like just an absolute bomb of
a compliment also. The grandma's boy.
Mama boys freak me the fuck out.Yeah, and I've known a few and
it's just like. But that's what I'm saying is
like Grandma's boy is like. That's wild.

(47:12):
That's like actually crazy. So you turn 18, in my opinion,
you're just on your own. You should be making your own
decisions. You should start really striving
to not let any outer influences,your parents, your family, your
friends, kind of manipulate yourlife.
Like that's when you should be really striving to be
independent and going out on your own.
Me in my mid 20s, even talking to my grandma and I fucking love

(47:34):
my grandma. Yeah.
What are you doing, dude? Maybe it's like his only He
maybe doesn't even have parents.Name his grandma.
He's his mom. I don't know the whole
situation, but when you're in your mid 20s your mom could stop
wiping your fucking ass. OK, I don't know.
Or your grandma. You're your grandma.
You're ready. Yeah.
All right. So when I was in high school, I

(47:56):
was a senior, 17 years old. I had a friend that was a couple
years older than me already in the Air Force.
I think he was 19 at the time. And we had on and off, liked
each other, and we had gone to school together.
But he moved away and joined themilitary, all that stuff.
So I am just minding my business.
One day I get a phone call from him.
And so I pick up. I'm like, hey, what's going on?

(48:18):
And he was like, hey, I need youto do me a favor.
And I'm like, OK, what's up? And he starts off with, I need
you to marry me. And I'm like, huh, Skip, Pardon.
And he's like it, it's all, it'sall just on paper.
I, I have a ring that I'll send you in the mail.

(48:39):
You'll, you'll get $500 a month from me.
You know, like I, like, I'm willing to do all this for you.
I just need you to marry me on paper because I really want to
get out of the barracks early. And I'm just sitting on my bed
just fucking dumbfounded. And I'm like no, I'm still in
high school and you're you're 19.

(49:01):
I'm not even graduated dude. And I hung up on him and then I
called my best friend to tell her what had happened and come
to find out he had called her about 20 minutes before he
called me very much to the same response.
And he is not welcome at my parents house anymore to say.

(49:24):
Oh, I have so much to say. For those of you who don't know,
in 2014 I enlisted the United States Air Force at the age of
18. And up until last year, the past
ten 11-12 years of my life, I'vebeen active duty in the United
States Air Force. And anyone that's served or

(49:45):
knows someone's that's served, listening to that story, it
might be shocking to the civilian world.
It's like a daily occurrence in the military.
I don't know how it's to describe it, but it's so real.
And sometimes it's the opposite way where there's people praying
on the military searching for that first and 15th paycheck

(50:05):
baby, looking for that healthcare, whatever.
But there are people that literally will get married or
marry each other, what they called tech school weddings.
Because you go to boot camp, everyone knows boot camp.
You go to boot camp and then yougo to your school of trade.
I was a firefighter, so into thefire Academy.
I knew people in the fire Academy that met each other at
the fire Academy only a couple months and got married.

(50:30):
Like, I'm not joking, like the military.
We need to do this. Like literally just leads to a
whole other podcast episode on its own because I have some lore
when it comes to marital statuses and changes in things
that I've been through in the military and but any Oh.

(50:50):
Put it away. Anyways, we'll get into that
another day. But what I'm saying is it's
unfortunate how not shocking this was the part about this guy
really wanna get out of the dorms, you know what I mean?
Trying to lock it down and he's calling everyone from his
hometown and the underage girls.Wait, yeah, hold on, hold on a

(51:10):
second. Because I think obviously you're
used to this. You were in the military.
You obviously understand even not the.
Pedophile version of it. I should have clarified that at
the very beginning. But even I am like not that
shocked by it. The second you said military I
was like OK yeah, but like in general regardless for US
civilians, Fucking wild. Yeah, no, it's crazy.

(51:31):
What? What?
I I don't even. I can't imagine being a senior
in high school. I was 17, a senior in high
school. I cannot imagine a guy that was
like 2 grades above me calling me and then being like hey do
you want to like marry me? I literally.
And then on top of that, hold on, I talked to my best friend

(51:53):
and he did this shit to her before.
This dude, 19 year old dude going to his first duty station
after boot camp and his trade school and he finds out he
doesn't have to live in the dorms, he can get a housing
allowance, he can move off base,he doesn't have to stay in the
barracks with everybody else. A lot of people don't know this.

(52:14):
In the military, we don't fall under the same laws as civilians
do. Once you sign your life away,
you're under the Uniform Code ofMilitary Justice, the UCMJ.
In those laws that you abide by being a service member, being an
armed service member, it is a legal to cheat on your spouse.

(52:35):
A lot of people don't know that when you're married in the
military for this exact reason, it is illegal to cheat on your
spouse. Same rules obviously do not
apply to civilians for this exact reason.
Because this 19 year old kid, this is the real.
Explanation. He's the benefits.
He's going through his contact list of all his hometown girls,
just calling each one, seeing ifanybody will just sign just so

(52:56):
he can get a housing allowance, Bah and be able to move off
base, that's what. He's doing that's.
Actually, what he's doing. My question who comes first
alphabetically, you or your friend?
Yes. Oh, that's such AI guarantee.
She's higher up on the alphabet.I swear to God, I guarantee it.
Unless he's bouncing around, unless he's just going, you

(53:17):
know, through a memory. But if he's going by contact
list, Oh yeah, he's just, he's calling.
I'm just curious to know who alphabetically came first.
That's great. Yeah, that's that's my theory.
I'm sticking to it. I'm so sorry.
First of all, I hate out every single one of these.
It's like, so sorry you went through that.
Like, yeah, I'm so like. Well, we did ask for like,
worst. Yeah, we did.

(53:37):
We. Did OK.
We have three more. A few summers ago, I was
interning in Dallas and while I was there, I was kind of
recently single. So I was on the dating apps and
everything, and I had matched with this one guy who was like
super artsy. And I was just kind of very
excited to go out with him. And we were messaging.
We seem to be getting along verywell.

(53:59):
And he asked me if I wanted to go to Applebee's because they
were having rum buckets. And I was like, fuck yeah, I
love a good rum bucket. So I agree to go to Applebee's
with this guy. I get there 1st and I park kind
of right by the front door. So I'm texting him I'm like hey
I'm here let me know when you'rehere.
And I see him drive past me and he parks and he like starts to

(54:23):
walk over. So I get out of my car and I go
and greet him. I'm like hi like nice to meet
you. And while I am going in for a
hug, he looks straight at my tits and in the most 12 year old
boy fashion ever goes, those arehuge.
But at this point it was alreadytoo late.
My arms are already open. We're already going in for the

(54:43):
hug. So we hugged.
And then we go into the restaurant for a date.
And the whole time that we're there, pretty much he's trauma
dumping on me about his crazy ex.
Yeah, and then he apologizes later for greeting me tits
first. But to be fair, my bio did say

(55:04):
my tits are as big as my personality.
Can you handle both? But yeah.
Wait a second. OK.
The way that the story was framed all the way to that
point, like she's coming open armed, tits out, and he goes
first is racing. But like, her having that in the
bio. Yeah.
And then him showing him go, oh,they are huge.

(55:24):
Yeah. That kind of.
I wrote down. Did you marry him?
No. Did you marry him in Applebee's
rum buckets? OK, yeah, hear me out though.
Even if it was you and we like knew each other decently well
before we met up in person. And like, I'm literally famous
for my boobs. Yes.
And now it's like plenty of other things too.
But like, I got famous for my boobs.

(55:44):
It's you. The first time we hung out and
you looked the like first thing you said to me.
Beat that boy with a bat like. No, yeah, but like, literally
what she said the first thing you said to me, like if I go to
give you a hug to say hi and you're like, oh, those are
great. I'm getting in my car and I'm
driving back to California. I know he seems like a guy I
want to root for. He's got Applebee's rum.

(56:06):
Like drunk, he. Seems fun.
He seems like he's. Wait, that's actually a valid
question because you guys were going to drink?
Was he drunk already? I don't know.
Not that that excuses anything, but that sounds like something a
drunk dude would say. I know it just it sounds like he
was a little too free spirited. Again, first impressions are
important if you are a goofy dude right?
I say shit like that to you on the daily.

(56:26):
Well, yeah, but now we're. Like, I know I just like you
said, I wouldn't tee off with itimmediately.
That's my first pitch. Fastball.
I'm not doing that when we're meeting.
Yeah, that's what kind of lets me like these dudes, they're
like, hey, let's go get rum buckets at Applebee's free
spirited. You guys both seem like a happy
go lucky dude. But that's why it's important to
be chivalrous and mindful and show that you care and be a

(56:48):
gentleman because you can get tothat point.
We objectify each other all the time.
We say the most outlandish shit to each other all day long.
I'm saying shit about everything.
Do you think what I've said online the most?
Scrum diddly delectable, delicious bubble gum booty,
Batty Gucci, gorgeous coddess that is like the Disney Plus
version of what I say on the daily to this woman?

(57:09):
You know what I mean? Like it's like once, but you
have to earn that. You have to get to that point.
You got to earn their trust. If you came right.
Swinging down yes of course so it's like guys what I.
Have to pee so bad, right? You have to go pee, go pee, go
pee. I'm so sorry.
It's OK. It's OK.
All I'm saying dudes is like you're letting me down with
every story I hear. Where are the dude callers?

(57:30):
What? Not one dude is called?
Did we get one dude caller? Oh man, why is it always the
dudes ruining the first dates? Oh my God, actually just told
Brynn this story. I was on a date with this girl
and me and Bryn were just in theexact same area and we're

(57:52):
walking around and we walked right in the same spot I was on
a date with an other girl. It reminded me of the story.
I actually told it on my page a while ago.
It did very well. If you've already seen it, if
you already heard it, here we goagain.
But I was leaving, was with thisgirl, we were at some, we were
at this bar arcade place, we're leaving, we're walking around,
we're just talking. We're having a great time.

(58:14):
And it's very reminiscent of thestory we just heard and we just
talked about because she was crossing the street without
looking. That's how wrapped up in
conversation we were. And there was literally a car
coming and I went to grab her tokind of pull her back and I
yanked her hair just a little bit.
It was a complete accident. It was not intentional at all.
I was literally seeing a moving vehicle coming at her and I

(58:37):
pulled her back and she went like she kind of yipped, you
know what I mean? It just like a like a Chihuahua
that gets accidentally kicked. I don't know.
She made like this yipping sound.
I felt horrible, but she was apologizing too.
She was like, Oh my God, like I wasn't paying attention this and
that. Whatever, it's OK.
How was your pee? Great, you're telling about the

(58:58):
girl when you yanked her hair out of her head.
Yes, and so see I was just. Anyways, Long story short, we
started walking again and I was like oh, didn't think I was
going to be pulling your hair. First date.
I know, I know. And I was killing it.
I just jumped the gun too soon. It was a terrible thing to say.
I was like, honest. It's reminiscent of what this

(59:19):
guy did. Does that not make sense?
A. Little bit yeah.
A. Little bit not as it.
Was almost like a joke that didn't land.
Yeah, it was just not, I don't know.
It's still unexcusable, kind of gross, but.
I know I'm really, I'm just being honest.
It was like it was kind of funnyto you, so it is kind of funny.
I was just like, I cope with comedy, so I just try to, you
know? What I mean like to the girl, it
seems like it was funny to her. Yeah, I just.

(59:40):
So then yeah, no, I oh, I get what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She.
Did that's what I mean? She gave me that pause Look.
I remember she looked at me like, yeah, like where she was
like, did you just say that? And I was like, and then she
like, laughed because it was kind of funny in the moment.
But I I felt I could feel the tension and the vibe.
I was like, oh, I did this too soon.
I shouldn't have said that. Does that make sense?
So like hearing that guy's story, I'm like, bro, you just

(01:00:02):
jumped the gun. It's just too soon.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
OK. Anyway, we'll go to the next
one. No, you're good.
We have two more. Hi Brendan.
Mario, I'm Savannah. My boyfriend and I have been
watching those videos for a while now and we love y'all.
Our relationships actually like kind of really closely near each
other. So we really liked that.
I think we even started dating the same week that y'all did.
But yeah, I was just like a super independent career woman

(01:00:23):
and I fell in love with a mustachioed Air Force man.
He never thought he'd be in a long term relationship again and
all that stuff. So we really like that
similarity. But now we found our soul mates,
so yay. But my question is kind of about
maintaining identity when you'rea civilian in a relationship
with somebody in the military. I'm about to move in with my

(01:00:44):
boyfriend, which means that I'm going to be moving across the
country and living with him, which, you know, I like to poke
fun at him because I'm like, youknow, I can quit my job and you
you legally can't. So I have to be the one that
goes over that way. But I I put myself through
school and I worked really hard to get my career.
We're both 28 or 2728. And so I, I'm finding it

(01:01:08):
difficult the concept of like myidentity being reduced to
military wife or military spouse.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a military wife
or military spouse at all. But I am a hyper independent
person and it really freaks me out to think about essentially
being defined by my partner's career.
I want to celebrate his career, but I also want to be known as

(01:01:31):
who I am and I was wondering if you guys had any advice about
that? Damn.
Yeah, that's such a good. Honestly, I thought you called
in for a second because like that whole first thing that she
said, yeah, about like that was you want to talk about mirrored
image, like behind the scenes, That's exactly what was going on
between US. So it gets even freakier at the

(01:01:52):
fact that you could watch us andyou're like, wow, that's a very
similar relationship. What you were describing is
exactly what we were going through.
And I'm so glad you asked this question.
Great question. Is it?
Do you want to start? Firstly, I obviously we aren't
married so I never really had tolive through that.
Secondly, I thankfully do have like with my career, it's very
public. So like I feel like my identity

(01:02:16):
is a little more. Established.
Established and like able for meto keep it my own and like I was
known who I was before I was with Mario.
And then on top of all of that, I knew that you were getting out
of the military and you are now out of the military.
And so I knew that that was going away.
So I never really had to like consider the fact that like
maybe I would be a military spouse because I knew I wasn't

(01:02:39):
going to be and like, well, I might be established publicly.
I think that like you, obviouslyyou said that you went to
school, you're very proud of your career and stuff.
Keep that mentality. I think the biggest thing, the
most important thing is that youstill see yourself almost as an
individual and you still understand that, like you are

(01:03:01):
something without that title. It's going to fall on your man,
the actual active service memberin the military, because there's
people in the military that makethe military their entire
identity and that's their whole world revolves around it.
And it's a job where that becomes very prevalent because

(01:03:24):
you truly do sign your life away.
If you want to take time off, ifyou want to go do this, you got
to do that. You have to make sacrifices and
it's something you have to factor into every decision that
you make. And you being with your man and
supporting him, you have to makethose sacrifices as well.
You're just as much a part of that as he is.

(01:03:45):
And it's something that a lot oflike family members and friends
and spouses of active armed service members, they deserve
just as much respect and admiration and thanks as the
service members because they're making the exact same
sacrifices. Just like you flying all the way
across the country to be with him and you being there with him

(01:04:06):
through everything that he goes to, if he deploys, if he's at
work, if you guys can't go visitfamily.
It's a huge stress that you haveto take on as a burden.
So it's very, very, very, very easy for that to become your
entire identity. And I feel, I believe me
personally, I never made the military my entire identity.
Obviously with what you're seeing right now and what I was

(01:04:28):
doing while I was in, if you scroll through my videos, you'll
be like, oh, he was doing all this while he was an active duty
military member. Try to find a certain amount of
time a day that you can have strictly to yourself and for
yourself. Not your husband, not anybody
else. Nothing.
Whether it is 10 minutes or an hour a day where you literally
aren't thinking about anything else other than your fucking

(01:04:50):
self and be selfish and take that time for yourself.
Because again, when you're talking about your independency
and how you don't want your identity to get lost into this
stereotypical role, you are the one person who is in charge of
that. At the end of the day, it
doesn't matter how other people view you.
As long as you keep your view ofyourself, then that's what

(01:05:12):
you're going to believe and no one else can really like, fuck
that up for you. Yeah, 100, like, don't feel like
you're going to lose yourself just because you're moving
across the country and you're living with him and you're away
from friends and family and you're still obviously doing
what you want to do. And just like you said, you're a
very independent person and you know what you want to do and

(01:05:33):
you're doing your own thing, whatever that is.
Just keep doing that. Stay true to that, and that will
always shine through no matter where you're at.
I feel like where you're concerned is if you just kind of
let that old go. Yeah, You were just like, OK,
I'm just going to fall into thisrole and I'm just going to like,
you have to work at it. He's got to work at it.
You both really have to be a team.

(01:05:55):
It's unfair because when you're a civilian and you're not
serving in the military and you meet someone in a relationship,
there's so many factors and variables you do not have to
consider. You guys can see each other.
You don't have to worry about it.
You have normal jobs, like you didn't sign your life away.
You can't get shipped overseas at any point.
You know, I mean, like, there's all those things.
You don't have that unnecessary level of stress.

(01:06:17):
You kind of signed on with him to endure that stress.
So you're going to have to work at it, he's going to have to
work at it, and you're going to have to put time to yourself.
Yeah, just try to be selfish like when you can be obviously
in a positive way. Yes, you made a big sacrifice
for him. But be selfish so.
Be selfish for yourself when youneed to be and he should respect

(01:06:38):
that. And he should encourage you to
do things beyond your traditional or your your role as
a serve service member's wife. And there's so many things on
base and other people that are going through the exact same
thing. And there's so many resources.
You'll see when you get there. There's like, especially in the
Air Force, like the squadrons and all the flights and

(01:06:59):
squadrons that I've been a part of in the Air Force did such a
good job building a little community with each other and
doing activities that are off base that are not military
created military related. Know that you're not alone.
And when you get there, there's going to be other people that
are going through the exact samething that you're going through.
And although it will become a big part of your identity, just

(01:07:22):
don't get lost in it. Don't think that that's all that
there is to you. And know that it's temporary.
Eventually you guys will be likeus.
Yeah, we're we'll have all the time in the world together.
Also make sure while you're telling yourself and reminding
yourself in like keeping in mindhow important your job is and
your career is and how importantyour individuality is and
celebrating that, make sure thatyour man is also doing that.

(01:07:46):
And recognizing your. That you also work hard and you
also have your own career and you have your job and it is just
as important as his is. Yeah, he needs to recognize you
for what you're doing and who you are and support you
enthusiastically and give you that respect in space.
Yeah, as much as you support him, he should be supporting
you. Exactly.
And we're not talking just like monetarily or whatever the fuck.

(01:08:08):
Like, yeah, we're talking just like emotionally and.
Physically, whatever. Really hope that answers your
question. Awesome question.
Thank you. Thank you both for your service.
Thank you both. Seriously.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,it's the last one we've made it.
We've made it. We've made it.
I'm so excited. I'm going.
To go win on Fortnite after this.
OK, ready. Hey Mario and Bryn, long time

(01:08:32):
listener, first time caller. Love you both separately.
Now you're together and it's even better.
So really loving the podcast. My question for you is what is
your favorite thing about each other And no body parts?
Just what is your favorite thingin the relationship about each
other that you guys like? OK, keep it up, keep doing

(01:08:54):
podcast. Love you guys.
Bye. Well.
OK well I was. I love that question until she
said no body parts. Now what else the fuck am I
supposed to talk about? I know what I'm going to say.
OK, no, no, I didn't mean to make a joke.
That's a beautiful question. Thank you so much for calling.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting all
this time. Yes, beautiful question.
Oh my God, Love you. Love you, Love you so much.
First of all, obviously there's so many things that I love about

(01:09:15):
you and it's hard to narrow it down to 1 and that's crazy.
But if I had to choose, I think I would say your determination,
whether it comes to your career or our relationship or literally
anything, you are a very determined person.

(01:09:36):
And I think it's a really, really good quality that you
have. And I think it helps us out a
lot. And I think it helps you out a
lot. And like, I don't know, I think
it's just a really, really positive quality that like I
also sometimes maybe don't see in myself.
So like, it's really nice to have a round.
It's beautiful, like. That's great, Katie.
No, no, no, that's, no, I, I feel like that's a, that's a

(01:09:58):
huge compliment. Like I've never had anybody be
like your determination. You're the first person to ever
describe me that way. And it means a lot.
And I'm like, oh, OK. Like I'm glad that shines
through. But like, I mean like, I don't
know, like, you know how? I am, yeah.
I know you have also like reallybig goals and you see a lot of

(01:10:18):
potential in a lot of things, whether again, it's like us or
your career or like fucking whatever you're making for
dinner. Like you are very, I say this
constantly. You are a very, very passionate
person and I think that that stems from your determination to
be good and do good and succeed in every aspect of your life.

(01:10:40):
And I think it's just a beautiful thing to witness and
to like, even if I get fucking annoyed with it sometimes,
honestly, it's nice. And I know that, like our
relationship in a lot of ways, honestly probably wouldn't be as
good as it is if you weren't so determined.
I feel like mine's so selfish and I am because I've never, I
mean, it's like literally what you're doing right now.

(01:11:00):
It's my favorite thing selfishlyabout you.
And I feel like you're the oh, I'm like, am I going to cry?
I don't want to cry. You can cry.
We've talked about this. I know, but like, I feel like
you're the first person to take me seriously.
I think you're the first person to accept my absurdity, to make

(01:11:23):
me feel seen. And when I tell you these big
crazy aspirations and dreams andthings I want to do and goals
that I have, which are crazy, like I want to be the next
George Lucas. I want to be the next James
Gunn. I want to create like, you know
like. Movies that I'm compassionate.
Yeah, you're very compassionate.You're very empathetic.
You see people and you bring outthe best in people.

(01:11:45):
And like when I tell you these things, you entertain it and you
make these really silly big dreams feel real and tangible,
and that helps with my determination to do and
accomplish these. Things, I think I genuinely
believe that they are. No, and that's why I'm like, but
for the longest time in my life,and that's where I'm getting
emotional is even with like my closest friends and family

(01:12:09):
sometimes and my family's beyondsupportive and my friends are
beyond supportive. But like you've never given me
the vibe that what I'm saying islike far fetched.
Does that make sense? Like from the gecko, I've always
told you what I want to do and what I what I want to accomplish
and what my goals are. And I've become the best version

(01:12:29):
of myself just being with you. And I feel like my favorite
thing about you is you see people, you see the potential in
them, and you give them the benefit of doubt.
You're so kind and you're so empathetic and you bring out the
best and everybody you interact with, like nobody ever has
anything negative to say about you because you're too busy
giving everyone else the glass full treatment.

(01:12:50):
Yeah. Does that make sense?
Like I think I'm going to say something that we've talked
about before that you've said about me before, not to like
speak my own compliment. No, no, no, no.
Please do. But like I do give people the
benefit of the doubt like crazy.I always like see the best in
people and I always expect the best from people.
Oh, my God, You're the angels advocate.
You know, there's like the devil's advocate where it's like

(01:13:11):
I'll always play the negative. Like let me be devil's advocate.
Yeah, you truly are like the angels advocate.
I am because. Like it's just funny because
I'll call myself the devil's advocate, but it literally.
Is, but it's all positive. When I'm playing devil's
advocate, it's always like. When I'm like pitching you a
crazy idea for a video of something that I want to do, you
immediately are like, well, logistically we're going to have

(01:13:31):
to plan this and we have this scheduled.
But like you take it serious immediately, no matter how crazy
it is. And like, you're not even like
putting it down, but you're finding the variables that I
need to consider and to actuallyaccomplish this.
You're like, my favorite thing about you is I feel like I'm on
a team. I feel like, yeah, I found my
best friend, my soul mate, the person I'm supposed to be with.
And I feel like you make me feellike we're truly, truly meant to

(01:13:54):
be. Yeah.
Like I, I, I know I've said like7 favorite things I think at
this point, but it does like my favorite thing about you is just
as cringy and corny as it is, islike everything that you do.
I don't know, I just, I'm inspired by you, but you inspire
me. I have really.

(01:14:16):
Good makeup on right now. I cannot cry it off.
You inspire me, you inspire me and you help with my
determination and you keep me ontrack just by being you for how
supportive you are. What a beautiful face to make
you look. Hold on, Emma, you're going to
have to put this up. You look like the Indiana Jones
Nazi that's face melted when they open the Ark of the
Covenant. So back to how much you love me

(01:14:38):
and everything that you love about me.
We could do a whole episode on it.
Honestly. You could just sit there.
I got two big reasons why I loveyou, OK?
No body parts, she said. No body parts.
Oh, that wasn't one rule. No.
What else do I love about you? Your family?
The fact that you're from Washington.
So the location in which I came from and other people.

(01:15:01):
So nothing that has to do with. Me.
No, I just. I was about to say how open you
are to trying new foods. Oh, yeah.
I mean, that's my least favoritething about anybody.
If you're a picky eater, yeah, Oh my God, I will judge you.
I will make you feel bad. We just went for so long and I
am. I could do this all night.
I could literally. I could do 30 more of these

(01:15:22):
right now. OK, but that's all the ones that
are beautiful. Editor Emma, can we throw a
picture of Emma up? If.
She's comfortable. If you're comfortable with it,
throw a picture of yourself up. Let's give a round of applause.
Everyone. Thank Emma in the comments.
Watch her put a picture of like Emma Stone or something.
Oh, that'd be fun. It's like Emma Stone is our
editor. This was way too much fun.

(01:15:43):
Thank you to everyone that tunesinto the live premieres 9:00 AM
on Wednesdays. And we'll, we'll.
First, announce our next becausewe want to do these voice
recordings at least in a couple at the end of every episode, we
will announce our next topic during the live recording and
then we'll put it on our storieslater but like.
The prompts for what? The questions, Yeah, the the

(01:16:03):
prompts will be available. So keep your eyes out.
Make sure you're following us onall of our socials.
If you've made it this far, please comment Barada.
Oh, that's the safe word. Yeah.
OK. And I know how we're going to
close off this episode and then we're just going to roll the
outro, OK? There was a voice message that
our editor Emma sent us that wasbeautiful that we listen to.

(01:16:24):
That's not necessarily somethingthat we're going to respond to,
but it's a really nice voice measure someone sent us and I
think we should just play it to to end the episode.
Hey Brendan, Mario, it's Van. I typically watch you guys on
YouTube and when you guys streamthe podcast live on Wednesdays,
I comment the little pink hearts.
So that's me. I just want to let you guys know

(01:16:45):
that I basically watch every single one live.
I love the topics. You guys are so great.
I started following Mario on TikTok back when he was single
and his little like catch phraseat the end was a follow me.
I'm pretty funny, so I think it's so cute that your podcast
name is pretty funny. Bryn is so pretty and so funny,

(01:17:05):
so it fits her just as well. Yeah.
I just wanted to say that you guys are awesome.
And now that you have the link, I just wanted to drop you guys a
message because it was up just so you know that people were
going to use it. I love all the topics so far.
I definitely want to listen to some of the artists that you
guys mentioned from your Coachella podcast.
I literally just watched the second one yesterday.
But yeah, I love watching them live on YouTube and like I said,

(01:17:28):
I was Van with the little pink hearts.
Love you guys. See ya.
We love you. We.
Love you so much we were that made our whole.
It was the nicest. Message that was the first voice
message that we listened to we dropped the voice box for people
to leave voice messages and it just melted us and I was like,
we have to play it on the pocketso yeah, we see you in your pink
cards hi Dan, make sure you're following us on all of our

(01:17:50):
socials keep your eyes out for the.
Subscribe. Leave us more voice messages,
whatever you want. There's going to be more.
Yeah, we'll do. Everything rate US five stars
make sure to share, make sure toclip make sure to do whatever
you. Want and also make sure to
follow. Us, we're pretty funny.

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#12: Reacting to Your Worst Dates

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