#19: It's Mario's Birthday!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Spoiler alert, it's my birthday.Dirty, flirty and 30 baby. 30,
Flirty and thriving. You have a fork in your pocket.
Oh, thank you for asking. It's yours.
What? That wasn't scripted?
What the fuck? What do you Mary Poppins?

(00:25):
Kind of did. You have this up your ass.
What is? How did you?
What the fuck that was so randomI was like.
Why is there? Just is there a card or
something? What's in it?
Is it alive? Is this to kill it?
What is it? No.
For auditory listeners, bring a hand in a box.
Well, she had a fork sticking out of her pocket.
And I noticed it immediately andI was like, you have a fork in

(00:46):
your pocket. And then she pulled what looks
to be some sort of pastry out ofher ass, and I just opened it.
Carrot cake, my favorite. Oh I oh, oh, this looks good.
Oh my God. I.
Almost dropped it, can you see that I love carrot cake so much.

(01:07):
Are you not surprised that I just had that?
Yeah. Where did you?
When did you? How did you?
I doordashed it a while ago. You did I feel like.
I'm so plumbious. I feel like you could walk like
a Shetland pony, like in a clownand like, what do you have
hidden back here? What else is up your ass
anyways? You hopefully later.

(01:28):
Oh, I thought it was my birthdaybut OK hold on let me try bite.
Is it good? Is it good?
Yes. Oh, it's so good.
You want to try bite? You want to get your own or do
you want me to give you one there you.
Go. I got it halfway.

(01:49):
Carrot cake is so good I love the cream cheese filling I love
cheesecake, I love carrot cake Ilove savory pastries, salty oh,
it's so delicious, so good. Anyways, it's my birthday
episode. We're going to be talking about
what we've been up to, what we did for Bryn's birthday, our
beautiful editor Emma before we she has a note that.

(02:10):
She would like us to share. With yeah, share with all you
guys calling in. Emma feels very bad picking and
choosing for voicemails and she's very sorry if you don't
hear your voice, but there's just so many and we appreciate
all of them. Oh, thank you guys.
Yeah. Thank you guys so much for
building this beautiful little community that we have in
participating so much and whether it's on our socials,

(02:32):
doing polls, answering questions, or calling into our
voice box. Or joining the live.
Joining the live premiere, just all the support.
We love you guys so much. Let's roll the intro and then
we're going to get right into it, yeah.

(02:57):
If they put alcohol into Capri Suns, Capri Sun, I don't even
want to say it. I mean, you know what I'm going
to say. Yeah.
Makes sponsor me, make me your spokesman, make me the flow from
progressive. But like for Capri Sun, I'll be
the Jacob State Farm for Capri Sun, who would be your like

(03:17):
brand? You know what I mean?
Like on your NASCAR? Welcome back to the Pretty Funny
Podcast. I'm Ben.
I'm Mario. Thanks for joining us.
I think it'd. Be like Sephora.
Okay, so like pick your top brands that you would choose to
be the rap on your NASCAR. Like what are the brands that

(03:37):
you would go? I'm going to sound like such an
influencer right now because I'mgoing to say Sephora Revolve.
You got to think about like, theoutfits of what the car is gonna
look like. You know, like NASCAR jackets.
Black and white. The striped it'll almost be like
a referee or like a zebra. If I'm OK with that.
Or just black and white like a domino.
Look, wait, I was trying to think of like a food.
Oh, Cheba Hut. Oh, Cheba Hut, you would drive?

(04:01):
Yeah, the Cheba Hut car or ChebaCheba, I don't know, but it's
fucking delicious. I used to know and then you
always said it the wrong way andthen I started saying it the
wrong way and then I lost which way was right and wrong.
The Hut is so goddamn good I. Think it's Chiba Hut.
Dude, I don't care. I don't know.
You say Cheba, I say Chiba. It gives me a chuba.
You know what? I'm.

(04:21):
Oh my God, I love it. I love Chiba Hut.
It's so good. Oh, it's Chiba.
It's. Chiba, Yeah.
OK. Chiba Hut.
I love Chiba Hut. Oh, that's a good pick.
So Sephora, Ulta. Chiba Hut.
Two more. Pick two more.
We'll do five. Pick two more.
Go quick. Go.
Red Bull. That's a good one.
Tito's. And Tito's.
Oh yeah, the Tito's car, Yeah. That would be.

(04:43):
What would yours be? The Vroom Vodka Me Mountain Dew
Pacifico. So not Capri Sun.
Oh, it would be sorry. Let me.
Restart the spokesman. Yeah, Capri Sun, Choose me.
Who would you pick? Anybody else?
All these other drinks. Capri Sun, Mountain Dew

(05:06):
Pacifico. Why are they all drinks?
Am I an alcoholic? Only like one of those was
alcohol. But I was talking about how I
want a Capri Sun to be an alcohol.
Oh, true. Not to give away my spoiler
secret that they can steal the secret Krabby pack I'm.
Sure, they've had the thought. What if they haven't?
What if someone that works for Capri Sun is listening to this

(05:28):
right now and they go, what if we put alcohol in the pouches?
OK, but The thing is I feel likepuh puh.
Alka sun, Alka sun, you know? Like Capri Suns are directed
towards kids or like kids are their biggest market?
Yeah, but now we've grown up andI want alcohol in my Capri Sun.

(05:50):
Then put alcohol in your Capri Sun.
I know, I actually. Can I could just add like?
AI just want it there, yeah anyways.
Yeah, I was just hit by a train.What do you what do you mean I?
Forgot that we had some candies.Oh yeah, we did.
I no. What?

(06:11):
I hate it but. OK, it's my birthday podcast.
We're a little fucked up. No, it literally just like.
It is hit you. Isn't it fun?
Like smacked me in. The face, it's like.
Mid sentence. We were watching Jurassic World
last night and I took two of them and it hit me like mid
movie. I was crying.

(06:32):
If you haven't seen Jurassic World yet, it is like the Scary
Movie franchise made another Jurassic Park movie.
I'm not even exaggerating. It was like the room, you know?
Oh, hi Mark. I did not hit her.
I did not. The dialogue was like the room.
It was like AI generated. It felt like it was being read
off cue cards. It was like an SNL sketch, like

(06:52):
the whole thing. You know what I mean?
Yeah, It was like a parody. It was so bad, it was terrible.
Go see it if you want to see it.Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Formulate your own opinions. That's just my opinion.
All I wanted to do for my birthday was just go see all the
movies that are coming out. I'm so excited to see Superman,
James Gunn and James Gunn we trust, yes, I think he's going
to create an amazing yes. He's going to create a beautiful

(07:12):
DC Universe. And then Tony Hawk Pro Skater,
the new Tony Hawk game. Yeah, which you've never played
the game. 3 and 4, right? Yeah, it's three and four like
combined. Yeah, I think I used to watch my
brother play Tony Hawk when I was little, but I never.
Played. Oh yeah, We played Tony Hawk
Underground on the PS2, Like endlessly so.
And this week, which we're aboutto get into right now, we were

(07:33):
in Utah for the X Games and we met Tony Hawk twice and he
signed a skateboard for us and it was really cool.
He's a GOAT. He's a GOAT.
Yeah, he looks like such a regular dude.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it.
Sit down and just shoot the shitwith him for sure.
Called him Mr. Hawk. Yeah, and it.

(07:53):
I remember in the moment he was like 1 foot away from him, from
us, and you're like, hey, Mr. Hawk, can I get your signature?
Please. And I was like, I called him a
legend. I'm not going to call him.
I don't know him like that. No, but I've never heard Tony
Hawk referred to as Mr. Hawk. He's Mr. Hawk until he.
Says hey. You can call me Tony.
He's Mr. Hawk, you know what I'msaying?
I give him that respect. He's a legend.

(08:14):
You kept calling him Tony Stark too.
Oh, yeah. And then afterwards, I kept, I
was like Peter Parker after he got the Mr. Stark.
Yeah, like I literally kept saying Tony Stark.
And every time I talk to anybodyabout it, I was like, yeah, I
met Tony Stark. It was.
He's one of the four great Tonys.
We only have three more to collect.

(08:35):
We got Tony Hawk, Tony Stark, Tony Bennett.
Who? Tony the Tiger.
Who's Tony Bennett? He's a singer like Frank
Sinatra, and being Crosby, he was like back in the day, Tony
Bennett. I'm sure I'd recognize.
I think he sings some, I don't know.
Names like that. That's OK.
I'm not well versed. It was Bryn's birthday.
Yeah. And we celebrated that while we

(08:57):
were in Utah. Did you have a good birthday?
Yeah. Was it fun?
Yeah. It was a lot of fun.
We scootered around downtown on the Lime scooters.
Yeah, which are amazing and fun and great.
I had like a three hour nap. I had a three hour nap.
What? No, you didn't.
I know you took it with me, you were there, but yeah, I know.

(09:19):
And then I got all my presents and it was just a really chill,
very fun day. Yeah, we were just eating at all
those awesome places. Utah's cool.
It's just kind of got like a. Mormon vibe to it.
Just a little bit, yeah. It's a little.
Interesting. It feels like chaperoned, you
know what I mean? I felt like an innie.
Have you seen Severance? Like, that's how I felt, like

(09:40):
walking around Utah. Like they scan your ID's.
You can only hold one drink at atime.
Like anywhere that has that muchrules where I'm like, is this
like a high school dance or are we, like, at a bar?
Like, what are we doing? Like, I just had those vibes for
whatever reason. Yeah.
Wherever also because like we live in Las Vegas, they're very
different liquor laws. Yeah.

(10:02):
General vibe is kind of polar opposite.
Yeah, it's kind of a culture shot going there.
I don't know, but it was cool. It's a beautiful city.
Oh yeah, beautiful area. Did we go to the museum on your
birthday? No we went like 2 days or the
day before my. Birthday.
Oh, I thought it was on your birthday.
No, the Utah Natural History Museum.
Yeah, the Museum of Natural History.

(10:22):
Or whatever. Yeah, it's so.
Oh my God. I know it was really.
Cool, that was better than any Jurassic Park movie I've ever
seen and I love the original 3 Jurassic Park movies.
Which I need to watch, but the fossil they had so many fossils.
Walking around and seeing like the actual bones of all of these
dinosaurs. I think it was a couple episodes

(10:43):
ago, the defense against the Dark Hearts episode.
Yeah, we were talking about Dragons.
We were talking about Dragons and if they're real, there was a
whole wall of Triceratops skulls, and I literally felt
like I was at Castle Lee Rock oron Dragonstone, like in the
throne room with all the the dragon heads.
Like, look at that. Like they are so intricate, so

(11:04):
detailed. They're all different.
We literally told each other we're like, which one would you
ride if they were like Dragons? We're like watching them and
then looking at all the giant bones.
Yeah. Or the T Rex, the Raptor.
What was the Brontosaurus? Yeah, the brontosaurus that has
like the longest tail. Oh, the yeah.
No, it was. Like wrapped like around us on
the lookway. It was so cool.
They had the Ice Age exhibit. Oh yeah, we literally saw Sid.

(11:27):
Manny, Diego. One of the hallways that they
had just had a whole bunch of cases of gems.
Yeah, that was those. Were surprisingly amazing, like
I've never looked at rocks like that, diamonds, gems and it like
they had these huge cuts of diamonds.
I can't believe I didn't take pictures.
Of the gems, yes, yeah. Because we went case by case and

(11:47):
I pointed out all my favorites. That was like the first real big
museum I've ever, like, been to.Really.
Well, yeah, that had, like, actual dinosaur bones in, like,
a full woolly mammoth. And like, like, it was like a
legit museum. I felt like Ben Stiller was
about to come out. You know what I mean?
Like, I thought, like, Robin Williams would come running by.
Like, it felt like those vibes. Like, I've never been to a

(12:07):
Museum of that caliber. I have but I'm trying to
remember like what museums because I've been to a lot of
museums and ones that have fossils like that like Natural
History museums but I can't remember where they all are.
But it just makes me want to learn like so much more and it
makes me realize how small we truly are.
Do you have a museum in your hometown?

(12:29):
Yeah, I volunteered at it for my.
Do you have a senior project? Does everybody have a senior
project? Yeah.
Is that like my small town of Arlington, WA's Pioneer Museum
for my senior project? Like giving tours?
I did a mural for mine, but I was going to say we should go to
each other's hometown museums. Oh, I could literally give you

(12:49):
like a full tour. It'd be fun.
I did it for like 2 months. Yeah.
I gave tour, like, to the 12 people that came and saw me
while I was there. Thank you so much.
But it was cool. Like, I learned all about my
hometown. Yeah.
And like the industry and like the animals and the wildlife and
just like the history. It was cool.
Like, that is a good idea. We should do that.
The one in Ellensburg I've been to a lot.

(13:12):
They have a whole room and the entire wall in the room.
It's all like the creepy old dolls.
It's like a giant doll collection.
EW, yeah, it's like Annabelle's bitches are just like.
Like a wall of them. EW yeah, that's disgusting.
I know, but it's. Cool.
No, it's not. I thought you were the one who
wanted to go like with Sam and Colby and do haunted houses.

(13:33):
And stuff I do, but like, yeah, with them because they're
professionals. See some dolls.
No, that literally sounds like aStephen King book.
They're not haunted we know of. Any dolls haunted?
If the doll doesn't have someonetending to it, the haunting
begins. That's when it starts becoming
cursed. As soon as the doll is abandoned

(13:56):
by the boy or girl or kid or adult that plays with it
constantly, that's when it sits there.
We all have seen dolls sitting on the shelves and they sit
there like this, and then just slowly they become more and more
cursed the longer they sit on that shelf.
That's how it happens. It's like Toy Story.
Wait so do they get possessed bya spirit or do they like come?

(14:20):
To they just get petty and mean because they're sitting there.
Do you guys already had for 50 years?
So they already had a spirit before they were abandoned.
Yeah, when the kid was playing with it, it was like a happy
spirit. And then imagine three years of
the best times of your life, andthen you sit on a shelf for 120
years in a museum. Why is it, yeah, I'd want to
murder some people? Too.

(14:40):
Why is it just dolls that get spirits?
Do all toys get spirits? No, just dolls.
Why? What about like the clapping
monkey that's possessed? Or like there are other totems
that are possessed? If it's creepy, then sure it
can. Be this spirit happens.
I know that's, I mean, I don't know how I know, but that's my

(15:02):
theory. That's my theory about dolls and
why dolls are so scary. Am I wrong?
A. Little, I guarantee.
I didn't watch the full Annabelle movie, but I guarantee
that's what. Happened.
Pretty sure they get possessed by demons like demons latch on
to them as like their way of communicating with the world.
Well, yeah, I feel like dolls definitely let demons in because

(15:24):
they're like yeah, fuck this bitch.
So they do already have a soul. Yeah, of.
Course, but other toys don't. But still, some toys can also
get possessed. Are you like, fighting for toys
rights right now? Are you like, an activist for
toys? Which ones have souls and which
one are you discriminating against?
Like, I don't fucking know, No. I'm trying to like your logic,

(15:45):
doesn't make any sense. Yes it does.
Why do dolls have souls but other toys don't but other toys
can get possessed? If it's creepy enough, or it was
played with enough, or it has enough of a personality, then I
feel like the toy can be possessed.
Do you think Kitty's possessed Kitty?
Your your little Kitty. Stuffed animal.
She went to grab her cat. This is Kitty.

(16:07):
Kitty definitely is going to haunt us.
Someday. You're going to come back and
kill us. Possessed.
For sure. Yeah.
Get her away from me. No.
Look at her. You.
How long have you had that? 24 years.
OK, so hear me out. You got that cat after a house
burned down and you love that cat.
Yeah. And you held that cat and you're

(16:27):
a little kid. And it was Jesse the cowgirl,
you know, from toy store when Somebody Loves You.
Yeah. Every like that was you and
Kitty. Yes, and then at some point you
became a little asshole and you left Kitty on the bed and the
only time you'd see Kitty is when you sleep at night.
True. And then eventually you move
out, you leave Kitty behind. Or even if you took Kitty with

(16:48):
you, both equally jarring and scarring.
You know why? Because Kitty through your
college years. I don't even want to know it.
Kitty, don't make that face. Kitty's seen him.
I slept with Kitty until I movedhere.
Kitty just loved you. Kitty has seen.
Kitty has seen us. Kitty has seen us in this.

(17:09):
I know me and Kitty have a weird.
Kitty's been in a basket for like a year now.
Yeah, just listening to the sounds and commotion from our
bedroom in the corner. Kitty's seen some shit.
Look at Kitty. Can Kitty sleep with us?
I don't know, I feel like I'm going to wake up and Kitty's
going to be like around my neck.That's how I used to sleep with
Kitty. Oh, like that?
Yeah, like. Yeah, that cat, definitely.

(17:34):
I feel so bad for her. She's a.
Sweetheart, I had to replace her.
Nose and I bit it on God. What?
Did you use it to clean the baseboards?
Like what you what? This looks like the toy that
gave everybody the avian flu andpulling it on the apes.
No, you know, if the Kitty wasn't mad and resentful before.

(17:56):
I think after my description of what it's been through, it's
actually scaring me. Really.
Oh, God, it's going to kill me. Hold it up to the camera.
Look at its little empty, soulless eyes.
It's like a great white shark. Look at those eyes.
Oh, I'm definitely going to wakeup.
And the last thing I'm going to.See, like that?

(18:17):
Like what are you crying? I was laughing.
If I had a stuffed animal from my childhood room all the way up
till now in every room, in everybed I've ever slept in, yeah,
that's going to be the most possessed disgusting creature of
all time. If Kitty could talk, are you?
Kidding me? It's only been like my adult

(18:38):
life that she hasn't been washed.
Oh yeah, because things get so much more normal when you become
an adult. No, I know.
I'm just saying like at one point in time she was washed.
You it's 24 years old and it's throw them in the washing
machine right now it's. A her.
Throw the cat Kitty in the washing.

(19:01):
You act like you. I know, but what if I OK no but
like actually dead ass. What if I wash her and then she
like falls apart or like I don'twash her properly?
Like I would need to put her in a delicate's bag on like a very
mild. Or we could just put her in the
sink. A little detergent.
I'm also scared what if she getsfilled with water somehow and
then molds? My mom used to wash her.

(19:21):
I'm scared to wash her. The amount of juices that are
probably already in Kitty, I think a little water and soap
aren't going to hurt Kitty. What?
OK, this is your birthday episode.
Why are we talking about my my Kitty?
Well. Not to be confused with your
Kitty. Yeah, I have multiple Kitty.

(19:42):
I have Kitty. What if some of my Kitty.
And then I have my Kitty cuz isn't that what I used when I
was saying? Like someone asked what I do to
make myself feel more confident and I said I have a good Kitty.
Oh God, yeah. EW, I don't like that word for
like female. My little Kitty.
Hearts. My little pee pee.
I feel like Kitty is like pee pee, you know what I mean?

(20:04):
No, I feel like Kitty has like some sick twisted.
What's the best sling term for vagina?
Go guys that say like kitten like how are you my kitten?
What? God, have you ever talked to an
actual human being, called you kitten or said kitten in their
vernacular? Did you have sex with this
person, man? No, I didn't.

(20:26):
Yes you did. No, I the way you just looked at
me for a second. Did he call?
You no, I it was not one particular person.
There's been like multiple people that have said kitten.
What do you mean? Even like in my DMS and shit.
Oh yeah, I'm not trying to kink shame.
If that's a term of endearment you're comfortable with and you
like saying Kitty or kitten, yougo for it.

(20:47):
I want to crawl inside my own body and die.
If someone ever called me kitten, that's for me.
What's your favorite slang term for a vagina?
A vagina? A ha ha pussy?
Next question. Like to call this shit pussy.
Pussy what? What's your favorite slang term

(21:11):
for vagina going? To.
Cry again, pussy. Pussy.
What are you so vagina? To say it normally, there's not
a good way to say it normally. Just say it, pussy.
Just say it you like put a little.
Pussy. That's better.

(21:33):
I'm crying. I need a tissue.
I know, I know. I have a tissue bone.
But you had a good fun birthday.The museum was so cool.
Yes. It just makes me feel real small
and stupid. And that's why I hate
narcissistic people. Museums make me hate
narcissistic people. How are you going to pretend
like you know everything when asa human species, we've only been

(21:57):
here for no time at all? Yeah, for like a millisecond.
We're still so prehistoric too. The whole time I was there, I
was like, wow, so this is like human evolution all the way up
to this point. And then 1000 years from now, if
we're still here, you know what I mean?
Like we'll have our own exhibit of like this time frame.
Yeah, you know what I mean. At the end of the Ice Age, one

(22:18):
that we were looking at, sorry. It was like this was the
technological boom. It was like they had like
iPhones and like electric cars and like all this like.
Yeah, like rounded it out at theend and it's like now you are
here. Yeah.
Yeah, like we're gonna look likefucking Cavemen someday.
It's gonna like show. Like there were influencers and
podcasters that just learned like, you know what I mean?

(22:38):
Like there's gonna be like, eww,how are you gonna act like you
know the whole fucking world when we don't even know why the
fuck we're here? And there's nothing more of a
mystery than the world. And like when I go to museums
and the more I learn, the DumberI feel and the more I want to
learn. And then when I meet people that
are just fucking, they just knowit all.

(23:01):
But they're like, we're all idiots.
And once we accept that, we could grow pussy.
Did you like all your presents? I did.
Should I tell everyone what theywere?
Yeah, go ahead and tell them when I got you.
You got me the spray tan machineand a tent and then a Fortnite
Lego bus that I get to build, that I'm very excited to build
and little lights. Yeah, like a LED light for the

(23:23):
Fortnite bus to make it like, yeah.
And then I love BMO cuz my initials are BMO, so you got me
a little BMO makeup brush ace. Yeah, from Inventor time.
Yes. Oh yeah, yeah.
And then the little BMO NintendoSwitch holder.
And then he got me APS 5 so thatwe can play Fortnite together.
Yeah, we're gonna start streaming here very soon.
We're like trying to get that all hooked up cuz we, we game.

(23:45):
I feel like every couple should fucking game.
Yeah, we got the new Nintendo Switch to.
Yeah, we got the new Switch to with Mario Kart World.
That we were just. Playing the Knockout tour.
It's so fun. It's so much fun, it's crazy.
Has anybody gotten gold first onall the races in the Knockout
Tour? We have.
We also got. It we haven't yet.

(24:06):
I know we're like trying. We got it like a month after.
We were, Yeah. We don't have all the builds.
I already unboxed my birthday presents from Bryn, and let me
tell you, I don't think I'll ever need a gift from anybody
ever again. Like I'm not.
It was the equivalent of like you proposed.
I felt like I was being proposedto, like that's how good the
gifts were. Yeah, we filmed it and you guys

(24:27):
should be able. To go watch it already, if you
click right here, it's ready to go.
If you want to watch me unbox all of my presents, it's a funny
ass video. I did.
You did so like that's the wholereason we did it.
We like chose to do an unboxing video of it.
Yeah, and if you've been following me in my manholes, I
love unboxing things. It was just you're happy because

(24:48):
I really I long and hard about all of them.
Yeah, no, it was incredible. It was like Inception, like
level stunt that you pulled, like getting everything that I
didn't even know that I wanted. I didn't even finish all the
stuff that you got me. You got me a card game.
I should have found that. And then you got me.
Oh, my God, I just had it. Oh, the cocktail book.

(25:10):
Yeah. Yeah, I think that was
everything. I think I covered it all.
I love that we both have summer birthdays.
I've always loved having a summer birthday.
Same. I've always loved the attention
more. That was the only thing that
bothered me because, you know, when you're at school, Yeah,
yeah. In like the kid that it was
their birthday, they just automatically got attention all
fucking day. Yeah, and they got.

(25:32):
I wanted that so bad. Yeah.
You sing to them, Everyone singswhatever.
I also wanted that. Every time someone came in with
a fucking note. Well, Mario, we have a whole
bunch of people celebrating yourbirthday and giving you
attention. I know I want that.
Do you want that? Yeah.
I wanted that. OK, want it.
You do want that? What are we you?
Kitty. We're off.

(25:53):
We begin. Hey guys, male caller here I am.
I just finished episode 18 and Mario said that you guys need
more male callers, so here I am.I hope I am in time for Mario's
birthday episode and if so, happy birthday Mario.
I hope you have an awesome day. Thank you so much for being such
a huge inspiration and just being so unapologetically you

(26:16):
all the time. I genuinely care about about you
guys and like feel like you guysare my friends because your
content makes me feel that way. Like you guys bring us along for
your daily life. And I just really appreciate it
and really appreciate you guys. And the podcast is another way
to just kind of make me feel that even more.
I'm a truck driver and that can be a little lonely sometimes.

(26:40):
Despite the fact that my lovely wife lets me call her whenever I
want. Every once in awhile she'll get
busy. So when she's busy, I get to
hang out with you guys essentially while I drive.
So I really appreciate that. And I also don't know if there's
a prompt, but at the end of the episode, Mario said he would
like the male viewers perspective of the podcast.

(27:00):
And I seriously love it. I definitely am more on the
feminine side of men when it comes to that.
I'm like, very, very secure in my masculinity, and I am not
afraid to show my feminine side.But either way, I still think
the podcast is amazing. I love how unhinged you guys are
and just that you're so authentic.

(27:23):
Like, your guys's relationship reminds me a lot of me and my
wife, and I just really appreciate that.
So yeah, I love you guys. Happy birthday, Mario.
Bye. I fucking love that, thank you
so much. Oh my God it would be so
endlessly monotonous. I could imagine just doing the
same thing over and over again, like driving.
Being a trucker. Being a trucker, like the same

(27:44):
routes, but you do get to see a lot of this beautiful country
and if you have a good podcast to listen to or like when we
were doing long distance and we were driving like 6 hours.
Oh yeah, every other day, like. Podcast non-stop driving in
between California and Vegas. And we would call each other all
the time. Yeah.
Thank you so much for calling inand for the birthday wish.
And I know that there's dudes watching.

(28:05):
I know that there's guys listening.
And I really appreciate you calling it.
We just haven't heard from you guys.
Yeah. And that's so great to hear.
And I wanted to hear your guys'sperspective.
And yeah, all you made my birthday wish come true.
And so happy that we can remind you of your guys's relationship.
And love you guys. That's awesome.
Thank you. Thank you.

(28:25):
Hi, Emma. Hi Brynn.
Hi, Mario. I'm Jade and.
Then Max. Max is my roommate and my best
friend and we have been sending each other your videos.
Mario forever. Mario, since I found out that
you are July cancer immediately I went and looked up your
birthday because I just had a feeling and I was right.
We have the same birthday. Happy birthday.

(28:46):
Fun fact for you, we both share a birthday with Topher Grace,
who's from That 70s Show, and he's also he also played Venom
in the third original Spider Manmovie, so that one was for you.
Happy birthday to us. I love you.
Anyways, here's Max. So I had a question for you
Mario, as the self-proclaimed like funny guy jokes to a

(29:07):
gesture of the group. I just wanted to ask you like
what the darker side of that looks like for you because I
know it takes a lot of energy and a toll on you and if you're
always looked of your group or partner friends as the person to
cheer people up like how you deal with the demons and the
deeper side of that dynamic. I love you both and I even watch

(29:31):
Calorie Mondays all the freakingtime.
You guys are hilarious and thankyou.
Happy birthday. Mario.
Happy birthday Mario. Anyways, my dog has been a
menace this whole time. I've been trying to record this
so I will send you a picture of my pup.
Love you. Happy birthday.
Thanks. Bye.
OK, wait, we have the pictures of the pup.
Oh, my gosh. You guys listened and you sent

(29:52):
pet pics. Yeah.
Oh, look at them. Oh, my gosh.
Hold on. Slow down.
Jesus, let me look. I already looked at that.
They're so adorable. Yeah, I looked.
At them like a day ago when Emmasent us the voicemails.
And Max, I'm gonna assume that'syou in the photo holding a
Pacifico, which I said earlier is my favorite beer.

(30:14):
So well done, Sir. I see you, and they're so
beautiful. Thank you so much.
Very cute. Thank you so much for including
your pet pictures and letting usget a visual.
Love pets always and forever. Wow, great question that we will
get to in a second. I wanted to say yeah, that was
wonderful. Oh my God, Little yeah.

(30:36):
Yeah, I feel like we have to address this in parts.
Yeah. No, First off, thank you guys so
much for calling in and for the birthday wish, obviously.
And that makes me so unbelievably happy.
Like, this is just so nice. Yeah, my gosh.
I love that she sent in a fun fact and it was about your
birthday. We have the same birthday, so
happy birthday to you, too. That's freaking awesome.

(30:57):
And Topher Grace. Yeah, the Sam Raimi, Toby
McGuire, Spiderman, you'll see right there.
Oh. Oh, he's in a Take Me Home
tonight. You know, Take Me Home Tonight,
the 80s movie. I don't know if you actually
watch it. Chris Pratt in a Ferris.
If you have not seen this movie with Topher Grace.
Oh, my God, it is. Yeah.

(31:17):
It's so fucking funny. It's such a good movie.
Oh, yeah. He's been in a couple, I think
Christopher Nolan movies and stuff.
You said something about being acancer and we have the same
birthday and brand all the time.Talks about like doing my charts
and all that. And you know what, if you want
to be our correspondent and you know a lot about the Zodiac
stuff, feel free to call in and just let me know what our shared

(31:41):
heritage in the Zodiac astrologyculture is like.
You could just say everything that's going on for us and then
that's how I know maybe we couldplay it every once in a while.
Wait, but you guys would have a different chart?
You have the same zodiacs because you're born at different
times in. Different the time plays into
it. Different.
Yeah, Where? You're by yeah, because this way
that OK, OK, well, so never. So we can't do that.

(32:05):
We can't just share. Unless someone has like all the
same placements as you which is really rare.
Well, it's not rare, but like rare that you would know
somebody like me and Tana have all the same placements, which
is crazy. But Tana Mojo, Yeah.
Oh, it's interesting. But that caller, just because
they have the same birthday as you doesn't mean that they're
going to have the same chart as you.
Never mind. Let's not do that.

(32:26):
To answer your question, Max, yeah, no, I've always kind of
been, you know, the clown, the jester, the funny guy in
whatever group in in all the circles I've ever been.
And actually, a lot of the time I'm the least funny person I
know. And there's so many people in
those friend groups and circles that are way funnier than me.
But I do find a lot of joy beinglike the class clown, the center

(32:50):
of attention, making other people laugh and giggle.
And that's been a part of my life.
And what I do in my spare time when I'm not doing that, and
Bryn can attest to this, is literally just obsessively plan
my next big laugh. Like, yeah, like that's actually
kind of what I live for, honestly.

(33:11):
And it's really easy for me to make other people smile and
laugh and giggle. And I can kind of crack the code
on that pretty pretty quickly. Whenever I meet somebody that's
like one of my first objectives is like, what can I do to make
this person laugh or happy? And I'm kind of realizing that
now as I'm saying it, which is, which is funny, But at the same

(33:34):
time, it's really hard to make myself happy a lot of times.
And I depend on other funny people or like movies or like
shows or comedians to like make me laugh.
Yeah. Or people in my life that are
super funny or that I can have those conversations with.
I don't know. If it wasn't for the support
system that I have and my familyand my friends, I don't know

(33:57):
where the hell I'd be. Like, honestly.
Yeah. Like a lot of the times where I
got really deep and dark, it wasjust the only reason I was here
was because for the sake of other people and how it would
affect them if I wasn't, you know what I mean?
So just recently within the lastlike 5 years, I'd say like was
like no, let me do things for me.

(34:18):
And it's only made everything else I do in life, whether it be
entertaining or be funny or anything like that, that much
better, you know what I mean? So great question.
I wanted to get a Pagliacci tattoo, but that was like 2 on
the nose, you know what I mean? Yeah, You know, that's sort of
the Pagliacci of the clown, likeyou've.
Told me. Remind me?

(34:38):
Though Yeah, just like the the guy that goes into the town
doctor, the therapist, and he's like, I'm really sad.
They're like, oh good dudes, Pagliacci.
Oh the clown. You know, just go see him.
He'll cheer you. Up also so you could tell them.
Well, yeah, that's what that's the whole story.
I mean, it's at the beginning ofa Watchman if you've seen that
movie, really good iteration storytelling of that.

(34:59):
And it's one of the best comic book adaptations of all time.
Zack Snyder's best work by far until The Great Fall Off.
What am I talking about at this point now?
No, I said. Just to tell the Pagliacci
story. Well, I did kind of That's
that's. The guys I.
Did very uncomfortable and stressed out talking about
myself and my emotions. The guy gets really depressed
and goes to the town doctor and the doctor.

(35:21):
I just said yeah. Yeah, I know.
And the. Yeah, but you didn't say the
whole part. The doctor's like you should
really go say Pagliacci, the town, the clown, cuz like
that'll tear you. Up what I said you.
Didn't say the whole point that the guy was Pagliacci.
Oh, I did. I left out that one.
Yeah, you didn't say like the whole big point of the story.
Because that's the problem, Doctor.
I'm Pagliacci. Yes, I thought I did say.
Well, I was just like I assumed everyone knew that story.

(35:43):
I'm so sorry. I'm just talking about my
feelings and sadness and darkness and now I'm getting all
flustered and listen to me, I don't.
Anyways, yeah, it's a great question.
And I'll that answered it. Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
Let's go to the next one. You're what?
You telling me? I just want to say happy

(36:03):
birthday to Mario. You're a funny guy.
I can't lie to you. Your laughs.
Every, every single time I hear the wheezing that, you know,
like the kind of that birds that, like, sound kind of laugh.
I can't lie to you. It makes me piss myself
laughing, right. Oh, my God.
And Britain, I can't lie to you.Let me tell you something.

(36:26):
You see my man Mario? Yeah.
Do not fumble that. Don't fumble it.
Yeah, this man. Amazing chef's kiss.
Don't fumble it. Anyways, happy birthday to
Mario. And happy late birthday to Ben.
You are genuinely the most funniest people I've ever seen.

(36:48):
Like, on socials like this year so far.
I can't lie to you. You laugh, honey.
You know, generally, my dear, But yeah, have a good one.
I won't fumble him, I promise. Yeah, how could you fumble this
catch over here looking like that?
Catch. Oh, that was the funniest shit.
Sometimes I feel like British people don't speak English, you

(37:10):
know what I mean? Ever get kind of confused?
Yeah, they have different like vernacular.
Well, yeah, it's just sometimes I can like track it all and I
understand it, just sometimes I'm like, wait, what?
You got like a little lost therefor a.
Second, Oh, yeah, for sure. When there's so many, like,
inmates going on. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm just like in and out. I just don't know how to
understand. No.

(37:30):
But I love that so much. Thank you so much for calling
in. And thank you for all the
compliments. Yeah.
And for saying happy birthday. I felt like he got flustered
when he said like M Brynn. I could hear him getting like
nervous over the phone. You know what I'm?
Saying not to fumble you. Yeah, like I could hear him,
like get nervous. He was a little like, I feel
like no matter where you from orwho you are, that's like proof

(37:52):
right there that like it's always intimidating talking to
you. You are the cat.
You know what? I'm saying it's very
intimidating. It's very intimidating.
I'm not intimidating. Yeah, you are.
Intimidating. Oh my God, am I me?
Did you choose me first of all? No, I don't want to come across.
I don't want to come across. Oh my God.

(38:44):
Literally, it's intimidating. Talk to you and you go, yeah,
you're fucking hot. If you like girls and you got a
pair of balls, talking to you isintimidating.
Like, doesn't matter how nice and how big of a dork you are

(39:06):
once we get to know you. But yeah, spoiler alert, when I
met you, I was very intimidated.So what the fuck?
For our auditory listeners, Brynmade a face.
She went, I go, it's true. And she goes, fine.

(39:27):
She made this face. If you say so.
Oh my God, like I am. I am fluent and Batty.
Oh. My God.
Why does this make me laugh so hard?
Anyways, although so fucking funny, I love how he said.

(39:49):
So rude right now. Yeah, it looks like you just had
like a allergy attack. Anyway, I won't fumble Mario.
Great advice. Honestly all I want for my
birthday is a big booty hoe. All I would like to acquire for
my birthday is a big booty hoe. All I would like to have for my

(40:09):
birthday. My Felice Couplianos is a big
booty whore. I was just telling everyone how
much I would adore, love to havea ginormous rear-ended whore and

(40:33):
you just. Call me a whore.
Slang is so important. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Like we have to come up with
easier, funner ways to say things.
The next one. Yes.
OK, let's do it. Hi Mario, you don't know me, but
I know you. I followed you on TikTok now for
about 2:00-ish years and this isthe song that's just been on my

(40:56):
heart and I feel like I got to sing it.
So you can go ahead and turn this up.
Here is my song. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birth, birth, birth,
birth. Happy birthday to you.

(41:17):
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, birthday.
Hey. Go Mario.
Hey, go, Mario. Hey, let's see how far you go.
It's your birthday, don't you know?
So let's get low. You lose with it.
Get low with it. Hit the floor with it.
Go, go, go, Mario. Go, go, go, Mario.

(41:40):
It's OK. Wait to see how far you go.
It's your birthday, Don't you know?
So let's get low. Happy birthday, birthday, happy
birthday, happy birthday. My birthday is actually also

(42:03):
coming up July 21st and it's going to be my 21st.
Let's go. So excited.
Happy birthday from Tamia to Mario.
Also Bryn. Hey girl, you don't know me
either, but I know you and I love you and if you ever wanted
to leave, no, I'm just kidding. I.
Ain't talking. Where am I?

(42:25):
I'm just fine. Let me stop.
Let me stop. OK love y'all.
Bye. My favorite human being.
Yeah, I. Never like that was the greatest
birthday present of all time. The way it just kept going and
kept like I'm still feeling it right now.
Oh my God, I love her. I love that.
That was amazing. That made my that was so that

(42:47):
was great clip that clip that chat.
I don't think I've ever seen youdance so passionately.
That was I just unlocks another gear in me.
I love that so much. To Mia, Happy birthday to you
21. Oh yeah.
It's honestly all downhill from 21, just for a little bit,
because all the wonder and whimsy and moonbeam ice cream is

(43:09):
just kind of taken out of birthdays because we've talked
about this before. Yeah.
Well, just after 21, it's just like that's kind of the last, I
think. It's kind of cool.
Well, that's what I'm saying. But like. 30. 21 birthday is by
far the best birthday in my opinion, or at least it was for
me. And then it still can be fun
after that. But I really hope you have a

(43:30):
great 21 run. Drink a shot for me.
Fucking hope you have as good asa birthday as I'm having and
plan on having because that was fucking wonderful.
You deserve the whole world. That was great.
Wait, what year did you turn 21 in?
I was trying to do the math on when you turned 21 because it
was nine years ago. Not like go fuck yourself.

(43:58):
I just feel like I got struck bylightning.
I'm so sorry. I feel like I just got.
Oh, I'm sorry. Someone just stabbed me.
No, I think turning, turning, Sorry, it's a good thing.
I turned 21 nine years ago. You just ruined my whole fucking
birthday, he says. Christ, Oh my God.
I'm so sorry, I just. No, turning 30 is great.

(44:19):
I'm really excited. That was nine years ago.
Yeah, I'm just like a old fat fucking loser.
Do you want to dance again? Do you want me to play the song
again? I just want to dance again.
I just want to dazzle the file. I'm crashing out.

(44:43):
I'm realizing how old 30 is so I'll never be in my 20s again.
I'm going to be dating a woman in my 20s.
No in. My no, when people are like,
hey, so like, oh, your girlfriend, whatever.
I'm like, yeah, she's in my she's she's in my 20s.
She's in your 20s. She's in her 20s.
I don't even know what to say. Again, I'm brand new to this
you. I'm going to be 30.

(45:04):
Fuck you're. Going to be in your 30.
I'm going to be dating a man in his 30s.
That's me. Yeah.
Oh. I hate that.
You're so old. You.
No, it's great, actually. Fuck you it.
Makes me feel so much better than having turned 27 because
I'm like, I feel like I don't feel like I'm getting old
because you're. No, you're aging out fast.

(45:26):
Yeah, the older I'm getting, you're right there with me.
We're both getting old. No, I'm not Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm not going to break up with you.
Calm down. Jesus Christ.
You're getting old. You're getting old.
I'm 27, calm down Mr. 30 year old.
I'm still fertile, I think. I hope.
I think it just, it just dusts down there now.

(45:47):
I feel like an old man. It's like baby powder EW.
You think about what that would,Never mind.
I'm so sorry, Emma. Don't.
Oh my God, what that would turn into.
I'm turning 30 turn. My uterus into a balloon?

(46:12):
What? Because it's.
Best. Let's just cut that ring.
Awesome. Good.
These next clips are questions. For me, yes, these are all
broken down into section sections, but we're in the
question section. Excited.
OK, OK. One time for the birthday bitch,

(46:34):
2 times for the birthday bitch. Happy birthday Mario.
So as someone who has so many collections and collectibles, my
question for you is what is the coolest thing that you have
gotten on your birthday that maybe as a kid that you still

(46:55):
have now and like make condition?
First off, the coolest gifts I've ever received on my
birthday. I just opened them right before
we started recording this and you can watch that video right
here right now. Brynn got me the best gifts.
I don't even know how to describe them.
My reaction? If you watch the video, you

(47:18):
should watch the video. Says it all.
If you've watched any of my manholes, any of my own boxings,
this was by far my favorite one.Yeah, you guessed what all of
them were before because you were blindfolded and you guessed
well. But you can go.
Watch. They were literally the best
gifts ever and I cannot thank you enough.
But one from your childhood. From my childhood.
My best birthday gift ever. Like do you have any in mint

(47:39):
condition? I can go check everything is
literally right there. It is actually like 2 feet
outside of the. Door.
I know. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God. I know what it is.
Hold on. Mario knows what it is.
He's he's running and grabbing as we speak.
Did you find it? Yeah.
Yeah. Don't look.
Oh, OK, eyes are closed. I just went and grabbed my

(48:02):
childhood toy that I got on my birthday that I still have to
this day that I love and cherishand here I'm just going to hold
it up. I don't know where it is.
It was lost and I played with them so much but I believe it
was my 6th birthday. I was given a Shrek and donkey
figurine. I still have the donkey, if we

(48:24):
could zoom in on that, and it's in mint condition and it's just
a, it's just a donkey, you know,But I don't know how many of
these were made. And I played with it so much and
the Shrek 1 and I don't know, I just the first thing I thought
of when she asked that, I was like, it's my little donkey
figurine that I got when I was six years old.
Yeah, yeah. It came out in 2001, so.

(48:45):
You were. Six.
I was 60. That's crazy.
Yeah, I was turning 6 years old and I got this, and it was the
first. Shrek was literally the first
movie that was quotable, you know what I mean?
Like when I was in like middle school.
For you, yeah. For you, I remember there was
like, Step Brothers and Superbadand like Anchorman and all these
Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey and Chris Farley

(49:07):
and I could go on and on and on.But like, quotable movies.
The first movie I remember as a kid just watching and then
quoting it because I thought it was funny, was Shrek.
Yeah, it changed the game and itwas such a memorable movie.
And I went inside with my brother and my dad, and then I
got this donkey figurine. Can I see donkey?
Yeah, that was my favorite toy from my childhood.

(49:28):
And that was such a great question.
Maybe I'll leave him out. You should put him you.
Should put him, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, let me see if I can put him somewhere.
I don't know. I'll just put him right there.
Oh, that was such a great question.
And I love everyone. That's like singing and this is
so much fun. But there you go.
That was my answer. Nice.
OK, Hey. What is up my guy?

(49:50):
Happy birthday Mario, hope it's going to be the best year yet.
And I had a genuine question. Because in your past videos
you've said that whoever you endup dating is never allowed to
eat off of your plate because that's disgusting, you never
allow it, blah blah blah. You let Brynn eat off of your
plate is a real question. I'm genuinely curious.
And why did you ever say that? Because that's honestly rude.

(50:11):
Couples share food you weirdo. And also I had a question, what
would be the weirdest gift you could ever receive?
Or the weirdest gift you have received?
Anyways, happy birthday, anotheryear closer to death, 1 foot in
the grave. You're doing great.
Bye. I love that.
Yeah. I really love that message.

(50:31):
Thank you so much. That was beautiful all the way
to the end. I love the way that you address
the birthday and acknowledge death creeping closer because it
is a fact and it's a different way to acknowledge saying happy
birthday that not everyone says,and I love that.
Yeah, it was great. What was the first question she
had? I can eat off of your plate.

(50:52):
I think I remember the video that she's referencing and I
made a whole rant about how like, I will order you the whole
menu. You know what I mean?
You don't need to take one fry off my plate.
You don't need to, like, colonize my plate, Christopher
Columbus, and just take without asking.
I'll get you whatever you want. The whole menu is just what I

(51:12):
order. I want to be full and I want to
eat it all. And it's nothing against you.
Take everything. I don't care.
It's just I want to eat what I order for me.
Yeah. And it's like, do you want some
fries too? Because I'll order you some
fries. Like, I know you're going to
take one of my fries. I just want to eat it all.
I remember the video. That's what I was saying.
Like it's OK to take one or two fries, but not like over half
the fries or like half the. Yeah.

(51:35):
And I think it's just like if wewent on our first date and the
vibes were not there. And I remember I went out on a
date with a girl and the vibes were not there and we're just
talking. But she was doing like
girlfriend privilege things. Like I'm just gonna like, take
fries off your plate and be all like.
And I was like in my brain, you know what I mean?
I was like, you're not even vibing like that.

(51:55):
Like you're not close. You're like a.
Stranger to me still. Like, get your fingers out of my
plate, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, obviously it didn't
work out, but you know what I'm saying?
Well. Yeah, cuz like, don't just
expect things from other people right off the bat if you don't
know them. I'm just a little piggy, chubby,
fatty, and I like to eat my foodand I love it.
And it's, I'm, I'm a foodie, youknow what I mean?
Like, I take food very seriouslyand yeah, I feel like I was a

(52:18):
little defensive. I put some walls up when it came
to the food. That's.
OK, if you like were to eat mostof my food, I would also get
upset with you now, let alone onour first date.
It wasn't you breaking into my heart.
It wasn't you tearing down the walls of my heart.
It was my stomach. Yeah, because my heart was open.
It was just my stomach that was closed off.

(52:39):
Bless you. Thank you.
You know what I'm saying? Heart.
Break it, brain damage it, but stomach don't take food from it.
That's how I feel. You know what I mean is that,
but I apologize for saying that couples do share and that's not
the propaganda or rhetoric I want pushed out.
And I will say that, you know, share your food.

(53:01):
And if you don't feel comfortable sharing your food
with somebody, probably not the one for you, you know what I'm
saying? She had the second part.
Oh, the second question was whatwas it?
No, no, no, no, no. That was your weirdest toy that
I ever got. Yeah.
For your birthday. For my birthday, weirdest toy, I
think. Is it out there?

(53:21):
Probably. I might be able to go run, grab
it. I remember when I was in high
school for a birthday present, Igot tickets to a Big and Rich
concert. Oh, yeah.
You know, I never really listened to Big and Rich, nor
was in the country, but I got tickets to a Big and Rich
concert for my birthday. Saved a horse ride a cowboy.
Like it was just, I don't know, I was there and I, it was just

(53:42):
weird. It just didn't make sense for
you. Yeah, my first concert was a big
and rich concert, you know what I'm saying?
Like. You had no interest in Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. It's like if I took.
You to. I feel like that counts.
Yeah, it was kind of weird. It's like if I took you to the
Wiggles, you know what I mean? Like, I just like, I remember
when I got the tickets, I was like big and rich.
I was like, yeah, I was like, who's which ones?

(54:05):
I was like, save a horse, right?And I was like, yeah, that one
song I kind of heard maybe one time when I was a kid.
OK. Yeah, Yeah.
No. Cool.
OK. Yeah, that's OK.
You know what I mean? That's fun though, Yeah.
Doesn't sound like a yacht, Yeah.
It was a great time. Thank you so much for those
tickets. Yep, those are good.

(54:26):
What? That's fine.
Sorry. Big and Rich, I don't know if
you're still performing. Big and Rich are still alive and
active. They continue to make music,
tour and maintain their officialwebsite.
Well, maybe I got to go back. It's a.
Trio, I just didn't really know him then cool.
I'm sure they're great guys. OK, you want to do the next one?
Save a horse, radical boy. Yeah.

(54:46):
About bang banging. Yeah.
Hi, Mario. Hi, Bryn.
It's Preston from North Carolina.
Happy fucking birthday, Mario. You are the funniest dude I've
ever seen on social media. I hope you guys are having a
great day. Mario, I do have one question
for you. How you get your mustache
looking so damn good. And when are you going to put a
ring on it? All right, I'll talk to you all

(55:06):
later. Bye.
Well, you just got to let it grow.
Don't touch it. When I was in the military, of
course, it couldn't be over 1/4 inch in bulk.
And extend past the lip line. But now that I'm free of the
empire, I can do whatever I wantwith my mustache.
And it has come in very nice andI just kind of let it grow.
You know, you want to keep it even.
It doesn't really matter how it's going or what it's doing.

(55:28):
Just make sure that it's symmetrical on both sides and
make sure there's no strays and you're pretty much good.
You then from that point on, you're just letting it grow out.
It's as long as you want the flavor saver to be the old womb
room. You've never seen me without a.
Mustache, I just have gotten very long.
Now they're really like I can curl.
It do the little. Curling up a little if I got

(55:53):
some wax wonky. If I had some wax, I could curl
it. Yeah, because you've done it a
couple of times. No, it's gotten very funny.
I think it's just about keeping it even and symmetrical.
And then it says full you have alittle mustache, you have a big
mustache wherever you want. Looks good, I there is going to
be someday that I'll see you without it.
You've never seen me without a mustache.
I think I haven't been without amustache.

(56:15):
Oh, I can see it. Wait, I.
Wonder if I like cover it with my finger.
I can like fill in the blanks with my brain.
You look good. November of 2022.
You know, like November. Yeah.
Shave November. Mustache.
Yeah. I grew up my mustache in 2022.
That was like 2 1/2 years ago. Yeah, and I've literally not
shaved it since. Yeah, let it.

(56:36):
It's taken. Part of your face now.
It's taken all shapes and sizes and it was under military
regulations for some time and now it's just kind of doing its
own thing and I've never put it down, you know what I mean?
I've never, it's never bit anybody.
There's been no problems. No one's come and try to take it
off my face. It's just there now sometimes

(56:56):
and I'm terrified. I don't know what I would look.
It would be like a huge shock honestly, sometimes.
I make you like trim it. A little bit, yeah.
Yeah, it can be a little much. It can be a.
Little I woke up the other day in this big part right here.
I was sucking on it. I was sucking on it was in my
mouth and I was like, I was likekind of sucking on it, you know?

(57:16):
And I was sleeping like I drove over and I was sucking.
Yeah, I was. Swear to God, I was sucking.
My mustache. You don't suck your thumb, you
suck your mustache. Yeah, I bait your mustache like
one of our first times hanging out.
And I think you. Oh my God.
Yeah, threw me across. The room almost through hands
almost like that was insane. I did it.
It's so bad, it was like that was I literally almost just like

(57:42):
launched. You that was on top.
Yeah, I thought you were killingme.
Yeah, I'm. Sorry I didn't know it would
hurt. I was thinking I mean like
obviously pulling hair hurts butlike.
So, like, I remember it was like, literally one of the first
or second times you had ever saton my lap.
Yeah. And for whatever reason, you're
like, kissing. And you just saw my mustache and

(58:03):
you decided to bite it. And it was like, ow picture,
like biting your mustache and just, like, pulling me around.
But it hurts so bad. And you just yanked it and it
went, I remember you just like you bit it and pulled a little
bit and I like yelled because itreally did hurt.
And it's and then you're like, I'm so sorry.

(58:24):
Like and I was like what? What?
What? Why would you do that?
Why there? Why?
I don't know interest of that and then I like.
You're like, OK, will it really hurt like?
Please. I was like, do you?
Remember anymore? Yeah, I was like, please don't
bite my mustache ever again. No, it was so awkward because it
was. We did not hate out.

(58:44):
I remember you slowly, I think you slowly, like, climbed off my
lap. Just yeah, I didn't know.
It was really awkward. Yeah, it was just awkward.
Well, it just hurt. No, I.
Know I felt bad. I did not.
Obviously I did not mean to hurtyou.
Yeah, no, it was like everything.
So embarrassed like fuck. Fucking.
Hurt. I'm sorry.
Really bad. Can you do it again sometime

(59:05):
please? Don't like when you pull like a
nose hair picture like a whole like you ever pop a zit right at
the? Edge of your lip and.
It's very sensitive area and like you just bit the IT hurt.
It hurt for whatever reason it. Hurt.
I want to do it. I don't.
Know, but please don't buy my mustache anymore, OK?
And the second question is when you're going to put a ring on
it? Yeah.
If you've been watching my shortform content, I just started a

(59:27):
new series I'm calling Proposal Prep because I really do have a
lot of plans to get mentally, spiritually, physically,
emotionally, financially in shape, so to speak.
Yeah. I feel like, why is it always so
hush hush and secretive and like, oh, is he gonna propose?
What is he gonna propose? Yeah.
But like, why isn't it an open conversation?

(59:48):
Like honestly, I don't mean. Like for it to be hush hush,
like I really appreciate that. I kind of know, obviously.
I feel like every relationship at a certain point talks about
marriage, yeah, and whether that's where it's going.
And I feel like out of all the situation, relationships, mating
and dating I've ever done my entire life, you know, like it's

(01:00:09):
all led to this and it's always been in search for that
soulmate, for that person you'resupposed to be with.
I feel like if marriage is a taboo subject for you to talk
about in your relationship, thenyou're not going to get married.
Yeah, I don't know what point, you know what I mean?
Like, you should talk about. I'm not saying there's a
timeline to it. Yeah, but I'm just saying at a

(01:00:29):
certain point, when things are going really good with some,
with somebody better than they've ever gone before, and
you're madly in love, like, obviously that's going to be
brought up. Yeah.
And if it's because the feelingsaren't mutual and it's like,
hey, I'm not there yet, I don't want to talk about that, then
great. But like, I feel like after a
couple years, a year, whatever, at a certain point, it's just a

(01:00:50):
part of the vernacular. It's something that you're going
to talk about. Because you talk about future
plans in general or like, yeah, you might not, but like.
I literally tell you. Should.
Yeah. And so it's like we know when
we're going to like where we're going to live, when we're older
and kind of like when we're going to retire, when we're
going to have kids, when we wantto get married.
Like we talk about these things.It's crazy how we can talk about

(01:01:11):
everything openly with everyone on social media in our lives and
whatever and then it's like, butlike propose but like, is he
going to propose soon? Is he going to like what have
you guys talked about? Like talk about that.
It's like, yeah, like hopefully within like the next year, like
I very much like to do that. Or like year or two, I don't

(01:01:32):
know, like just whenever it really works.
And I want to be in a certain like head space, financial
space, physical space, like emotional space.
Like I want to be the best me I can be, the best man I can be
before I do so. Like I have goals and things
before then that I want to reachbefore I do that because I want
to lay the groundwork for our relationship and for the rest of

(01:01:54):
our lives and I want to document.
Like we both have an agreement on like some form of a timeline
and we know that like I know youwant to do all those things.
Agreement is crazy. Hold on.
It's not the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence.
We signed something. I'm just kidding.
No, but I also have things that I want to like do.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, so like we don't have

(01:02:18):
a timeline on it, but we do havelike a general idea for both of
us. Yeah, yeah.
No, obviously you want to do allof those things before you
propose to me. And I also have a lot of goals
that I want to achieve and like be at a certain point in my life
too, which I don't need to be like same thing you said, like
we just both want to be on the best paths possible.
So there's not like a specific or time that it's like you have

(01:02:41):
to propose within the next year or like.
And we're very open and honest with each other and realistic
about our life. We acknowledge the fact that at
any point this could all go to shit.
Like it really can. I don't know who gets the
podcast in the breakup or the divorce.
Like, I don't know. Like, figure that out actually.
We do. We really.
Do we actually have to? For like a business standpoint,

(01:03:03):
you know what I mean? Partnership.
Yeah, we actually have to discuss that.
Yeah. And we're very open and
realistic. And if things for whatever
reason aren't gonna work now in that time.
And that's why I want to, like explore that and make sure that
we really know each other on alllevels and that we're
comfortable with each other and confident in each other.
And that's what we've been doingand working on and like.

(01:03:23):
If we want to get married, we'regoing to be together forever.
I know that would be that. I know that is end goal for both
of us. So it's like why would we need
to have a marriage by a certain time or like rush anything at
all if we know we're going to betogether forever?
But also, if you were to proposeto me tomorrow, I'd say yeah.
Yeah, and I'm not trying to procrastinate anything either.

(01:03:45):
Well, OK, calm down. No, I just and.
You can propose to me tomorrow and I say yes and.
Right now, actually. No, as much as I want to, I want
to do it right. As much as I want to, I want you
to do it right. I.
Want to do it right? I want to, yeah.
And at the same time, I don't want to take too long.
I don't want to overthink it even though we're obviously

(01:04:08):
talking about it more than we ever have in this moment because
this is a podcast. So I don't want it to sound like
we are over analyzing it even though I'm still like ranting
about it. I don't even know.
I've never yapped like this before.
What do you? Mean you've never yapped like
this before. I don't know, I feel like I'm
really like on I'm. Like you yap more than this

(01:04:29):
every other 5 minutes. I don't know the exact date when
I'm going to put a ring on it, but it's something that we talk
about all the time. We have so many goals and things
that we want to do, and we want to make sure that we're doing
everything right, obviously, because we do have a lot of
people watching us too. And we've made our relationship
a huge part of our personality and we've put it online.

(01:04:50):
And there's so many variables and factors that go into that.
And there's so many different opinions and things we're not
even looking for, but people arelike telling us how they feel
about us 24/7, 365 days a year, whether we're good for each
other or whether we're not, whether we want to see it or
whether we don't. Like it's just there and it
exists. All of that said, I feel like

(01:05:10):
just our relationship between mebeing in the military, between
me getting out of the military, between me pursuing social media
and entertainment, and you doingthe same thing and like us
meeting and you moving and like us moving in together.
There's been so many steps and stages behind the scenes with
us. Yeah.

(01:05:31):
You know what I mean? And it's like, I feel like
proposing is just like the next goal in my brain.
And there's yeah. Things that I want.
I like it what you're saying. Yeah.
You know what I like? It started off as like we.
Yeah, like, we hung out. Then we started like, there's
natural. Yeah, there's.
Been so. And we're at different.
We're like the natural next stepis.
Yeah, that's where I feel like I'm at.

(01:05:51):
And now I'm like, analyzing that.
And I'm going, OK, like, I want to look like Miguel, the
bombshell at the end of that aisle.
That's what you deserve to see. And so I want to lose some
weight. Yeah.
Yeah, that is. That is what I deserve to.
See, no, but like, I want that. That's something that I
personally want, you know what Imean?
And like. And I want the same for myself.

(01:06:13):
And like also just, we've also talked about like mentally, we
want to make sure that we're, wejust want to be the best
versions of. Ourselves.
You haven't even seen me withouta mustache.
I think that's like the whole point.
There's still things that you don't even know about me.
You ready for the next one? Yeah, OK, I'm going to eat my
carrot cake. Happy birthday Mario from down
under. I'm from Australia and I've been

(01:06:34):
a fan of you guys for so long. I literally watch your videos
all the time whenever I'm feeling espresso depressor.
But I just wanted to know what Mario's favorite kind of cake is
to eat like on his birthday. Aside from friends I guess.
Whatever. Big booty baddy.
Love you guys. We did not play on that.

(01:06:56):
No, I'm actually fucking pissed.No, because in the beginning it
was the fork in your pocket. Yeah, Yeah.
And I was like, what's the fork in your pocket?
And you're like, it's for the cake.
And I swear to God, she went to go grab a sweatshirt.
We came back in here and I was like, I'm just gonna like, eat
the cake while we do the next one, and it's carrot cake.

(01:07:17):
Yeah, it is. It's not scripted.
We don't know what these are before carrot cake is the
answer. Yeah.
OK, let's go to the next one. Hi guys.
My name's Haley from Massachusetts.
I was just calling to say happy birthday.
Mario, do you have any movies orTV shows that you traditionally

(01:07:40):
watch every year on your birthday?
Because I watch Pirates every year on my birthday.
We just watched the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.
Oh yeah and did a whole podcast on it not long ago.
Love Pirates for my birthday this year.
Superman comes out on it. Yeah.
So that we. Just saw that giant pile of AI

(01:08:01):
generated dog shit. Jurassic, Jurassic World,
whatever. Yeah, it was so bad.
The rebirth was so terrible. But like, the Superman comes out
of my birthday and that's my biggest plan is I just want to
like play Tony Hawk Pro Skater and go see Superman.
Yeah, but you don't have one that you watch every year on
your. Birthday.
No. It's funny because we've been to
the movies for my birthday. I don't know how many times in

(01:08:24):
my life, like gone to the movies.
Like I was just talking about Shrek and I'd be curious like
when that came out because I think it was pretty close to my
birthday. Like the summer blockbuster has
always been intriguing to me. Like I applied to the Marysville
Regal in Washington state, I think 300 times, like trying to
get a job at a movie theater. It was my dream job.

(01:08:46):
And I remember seeing The Dark Knight, like either on or right
around my birthday for my birthday.
And then The Dark Knight Rises, same thing.
And then we're seeing Superman for my birthday.
Yes. This year so nothing in
particular, but I do go to the movies a lot on my birthday.
I love that question. Do you listen to a movie on your

(01:09:09):
birthday? Why you left?
No, it's just such a long way tosay.
That was not summarized at all that.
Was that was bad? That was the longest answer.
Let me just answer this really quick.
So back in 2001 Shrek came out and I'm pretty sure I saw that

(01:09:32):
around my birthday the next year.
Do you passionate about? Going to the movies on my
birthday, Yeah. All I had to say was I like
going to the movies on my birthday.
Saw The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rise is about to see
Superman. I could have just said that.
I think we know. And me just describing how I
could have summarized it is making it longer.
OK, we're. Learning.

(01:09:54):
We're learning and going on thispodcast.
Hi, Brenda. Mario, this is Sophie.
I just wanted to say, first of all, I love you guys.
You guys are so cool and funny. And Brent, you're literally
gorgeous. Hi, can I get over it?
And Mario, I literally love you so much.
Happy birthday, by the way. A question that I had for you

(01:10:15):
guys was, if you were to be any kind of paranormal or mythical
creature, what would you be? And like, what would you use
your like abilities for? If you have yours to go for it,
I'm thinking. You're taking it really
seriously. I'm just going to go with the
first thing that popped into my head, which was a fairy.
You want to be like a Tinkerbell?
Yeah, that'd be cool. I used to watch.

(01:10:37):
She was a fairy. Watching like Tinkerbell and
friends and playing Tinkerbell online you.
Just want to be a fairy. Yeah, well, you've been down to
West Hollywood and you are by and it was June, so I'd want to
be. Sasquatch.
No Yeti, no dragon, no elf wizard.

(01:10:58):
Maybe. Maybe a wizard?
Ghost. No demon.
Be kind of fun. Honestly, yeah.
Would you rather be a demon or an Angel?
Like would you rather be a demonon the?
Shoulder an Angel. I don't really want to torture
people. No, no, no, no thank you.
Is that? What?

(01:11:19):
Yeah, that's what. They do.
They torment souls and. They're kind of bad guys
typically. It'd be kind of fun to be a
demon though, no? In what way?
What would you get to do? With the demon, so much fucking
fun scaring people. OK, so Ghost.
My ADHD is going crazy. I have like every single
character and all of literature and all of cinema, just like in

(01:11:42):
my brain. Like choose me, Mario, I'm a
Centaur, Choose me, Mario, I'm afun.
Choose me, I'm a wizard. Mario be me.
I'm a troll. Like that's literally what's
going on in my brain. I can't choose one.
Troll Goblin. I'd be a troll.

(01:12:04):
I'd be a good little goblin. Give me a ball, ogre.
An ogre would be fun, Yeah. I could see myself being like a
fun witty. No, that'd be stupid.
I don't be a fucking ogre. What the fuck?
You're the dumbest ever. You're not going to be Shrek.
No, no. Yeah, what the fuck?
I don't really fucking you. No.

(01:12:26):
I was like, I guess I missed thewhole point of Shrek.
Like fucking you. Put your donkey thing away, you
don't deserve it. No, I love Shrek.
Shrek and get it. He's got that big dad, Bill.
From you. Not from me, I'm just saying

(01:12:47):
like I know there's a large community of people, not me.
I have no idea that fine Shrek very hot sounds.
Like you. Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
You know what I mean? Have you seen that video?
Yeah, I have, yeah. I don't know.
OK that question was so good I'mgoing to need 3 business fucking
days to come up with an answer and do a whole elimination

(01:13:09):
bracket. I'm not exaggerating at all.
I'm going to hear about this forthe rest of the day, He pursed
so loud. I'm so surprised that Mike
can't. You're Cosmo.
He. Sounds like a boat motor.
So crazy. Did he just knock over donkey?

(01:13:31):
Yeah, OK. Hi guys.
I'm Paula from Venezuela. I love seeing you.
I love your videos. I love your podcast.
I wish you a happy birthday, Mario.
I wish you have the best life ever with your BBD.
Bobby D delicious girlfriend. Brain never broke up because

(01:13:53):
that will be horrible, horrible for me.
Horrible. OK, never broke up.
And if you were broke up, I'm a child divorce and I'm staying
with Brain, OK, she's staying with me I.
Completely understand. Honestly, if we broke up, I'd
probably try to stay with her too.
I'd be choosing her side. I'd be like, she's right.

(01:14:17):
I'd be right there with all you guys.
Like you would go online and beg.
What was his name? Mcbroom one dude.
Oh yeah, awesome. I'd.
Definitely be in like an RV outside your house writing new
songs. I love you bitch.
I never gonna stop loving you. Hi Brennan Mario, I just wanted

(01:14:38):
to come on and say that you guysare really doing great things
with this podcast. Like I and myself has have been
struggling recently just with like mental stuff and just
putting on your podcast like is makes me laugh.
Like I will rewatch episodes just to get like my joy and for

(01:15:03):
the day. But I just wanted to come in and
say that I know this is supposedto be for birthday stuff, but
you just give everybody the bestpresent by being yourselves.
And I just wanted to say that. So I love you both and I know
you love us. So I just want to let you know
that that is very much reciprocated, no?

(01:15:24):
Because I've always talked abouthow, like, I think the most
important thing you could do is just be unapologetically
yourself, the best of your ability, and just strive to be
the best you that you can be. Yeah, sometimes it's hard,
sometimes it's easy. There's things that you could be
more open about, and there's things that can be a little bit
more embarrassed about or whatever the case may be.
But like, that's what you shouldalways be striving towards.
No, it's very. I love what she was saying and

(01:15:47):
yeah damn that's so nice. It's very sweet to know that we
have helped her with her mental health as well.
Yeah, like we've talked about that before.
I always just think that that's really cool, Cosmo.
I always just think that that's really.
Cool for our visual what? For our audio listeners.
For our visual listeners. Keeps jumping up.
That's the sound of good mental health right there, baby.

(01:16:09):
Actually cats purring does. It is supposed to be like
calming. Can you hear it a little closer?
Good job guys. Good boy.
He's like, OK, I'm done. That's all I have to say.
That's for your mental health. I wish humans purred.

(01:16:31):
Like what was the what would be this?
Oh, we're going to say what's like a human purr?
What's the equivalent? Moan.
No, because he's not having an orgasm.
He's just happy. No, but like, think about it,
you kind of moan sometimes, likewhen you eat.
Like I guess something feels. Good like a back rub or like?
Oh shit. Yeah, or even like, if something
makes you happy, you're like, oh.

(01:16:53):
I can see that, but he just. Yeah.
I guess that's just a grin. I wish cats could just smile.
Smiling's so much easier than just making noise, you know what
I mean? That's very.
Stupid help themselves, say my precious.

(01:17:15):
You. Now it's close.
Why am I purring into the fucking?
You know that noise, that where you go where that part where you
go so taut, that's where it starts.
And then you just fuck with that.

(01:17:36):
You fuck with that and then eventually it's.
Stupid. Or you can like soften it and
it's Ohana or ohana kaluana. Kalua.
King's Hawaiian rose. Wait, can you quack like Donald

(01:17:56):
Duck? Oh, that's not oh, that's good.
Oh, that's like your human part.That's your human part.
Oh yeah, I like when it's barking back at me like that's
when Bird. Purse when Mario's hitting from

(01:18:18):
the back and I'm just. Whenever bird's really happy and
we're cuddling and we're late toget away tonight, OK, hold on.
Be really nonchalant about it, though.
Go. Why were you trying to sound so

(01:18:50):
old? Like do it again.
No. Do it again.
OK, hold on. I'm telling you how I got there.
Oh yeah. No, that's what you did.
You said you OK, Come on, come on.
Stop building into the microphone.

(01:19:14):
That's been my ears only. No, you kind of get up there and
pitch. Sometimes you think it's laughs.
The only thing. That's how I pitched.
Let us know what your noises would be if you purred, what
your purred noises would be, andtry to Please don't try

(01:19:35):
relaxing, please don't send, OK?Hi, Mario and Bree.
Happy birthday, Mario. Just wanted to say thank you for
getting me. My name's Bren.
It's OK. Bren mispronounced Bren.

(01:19:55):
She's a Bree. And Bren immediately was like,
oh, it's. Fine.
OK, go ahead, Bree. Happy birthday, Mario.
Just wanted to say thank you forgetting me through chemo a
couple years ago. I've been in remission for like
a year and a half now. Have a great birthday.

(01:20:28):
You can call me whatever you want.
We're. Such assholes, we deserve the
time. I whatever, I am so happy that
you're in. Remission.
We're such assholes. Oh my God, so.
Sorry you're so happy to hear that you're doing better and

(01:20:49):
you're in remission, and that weand our comedy and joy and
laughter could bring you happiness during that troubling
time in your life. Yes, I hope that you got a good
kick out of that. Yeah, her name's Brynn.
Yeah. So happy that for a year and a

(01:21:15):
half you've been in remission. And I can hear kids, I can hear
family around you. And I'm sure that they're very
happy to have you here. We're happy to have you here.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. So sorry for God.
No. We love that you're here.
I hope that. Yeah.
We hope that You got a good laugh at that.
I don't. Do you wanna hold this one all?

(01:21:39):
Right, this is like the big one.Okay, I'm gonna play this one.
Here we go. Happy birthday, Mario.
Mario, I'm a mommy. And I hope you have a good
birthday. Hey Mario, happy birthday,
you're so cool. Happy birthday from down under.
I hope you have a good one mate.Hey Mario, Bobby from Fort
Riley, KS, just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

(01:21:59):
Enjoy. Happy birthday Mario, I hope you
have the best day ever. And you shouldn't really be
wanting for anything since you have the baddest bubble gum
booty baddie on the absolute block.
Happy birthday, just wanted to tell you.
That I am very proud of you how you guys use your platform.
Happy birthday Mario, you have always been such an inspiration

(01:22:19):
to me and I'm so proud of how far you've come in the last few
years. Just wanted to come on here and
say happy birthday Mario and hope you have many more
birthdays. Happy birthday Mario, if I ever
need a good laugh or having a bad day I know I could just
watch your videos. Happy birthday Mario, I hope you
have a great day. Happy birthday Mario, you and

(01:22:40):
Bryn have just made social mediaso so much better.
I wanted to wish Mario a happy birthday.
Happy birthday Mario. As someone who's followed you
all the way across this ocean going through similar stuff,
you've been a real inspiration to me.
So I hope this year ahead is thebest 1 yet.
Hope you have an amazing day today.

(01:23:01):
Happy birthday Mario. I love that you don't take life
so serious and that you just bring happiness to so many
people. Happy birthday Mario.
Happy birthday, Mario. Happy birthday, Dolphin King.
Happy birthday my boy. Happy birthday Mario, Happy
birthday Mario. Happy birthday Mario.
And make sure to follow him. He's pretty funny because I use
Anniversary Mario from France, Happy birthday Mario from Bern,

(01:23:25):
Switzerland, Happy Happy birthday Mario all the way from
Spain. Happy birthday Mario from the
the United Kingdom. Go on.
Happy birthday Mario, have a great day.
I just want to say happy birthday to Mario from Cosmo.
Yes I have the same name as yourguys cat.
Happy birthday Mario, I hope your birthday is amazing.

(01:23:46):
Happy birthday Mario, what day is today?
It's Mario's birthday. Happy birthday Mario.
I just want you to know that you're a big inspiration to all
of us and please never stop being you Mario.
Happy birthday all the way from Alberta, Canada.
Thanks for keeping us laughing the way you do.

(01:24:07):
Love you buddy. Happy birthday Mario, never stop
being you. Happy birthday to my favorite
retired Air Force firefighting content creator.
Hi Mario, happy birthday. I just wanted to thank you so
much for putting out all the amazing and hilarious content
that you and I hope you have an awesome day.
Happy birthday Mario, I hope youhave a day full of love.
Hello Mario, good Sir, wish you a happy birthday and hope you

(01:24:30):
have a great day. First Mario I want to
congratulate you about your birthday and 2nd I want to
congratulate you about your wonderful girlfriend.
You have set up this standard inyour saving my hopes for men.
I just want to say happy birthday and I hope you have a
great one my dude. Hey, Mario, Happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Mario, Happy

(01:25:00):
birthday to you. Have a good.
Day. Hey Mario, I'm Brandon.
I just want to wish Mario happy birthday.
Happy birthday Mario, I hope youhave an amazing and amazing
birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day
with your scrum diddly deliciousbubble gum booty buddy
girlfriend for it. Happy birthday, you're an
amazing person, really cool and funny, just down to earth person

(01:25:23):
you are. I just love you and brand so so
very much and I hope you have a very, very happy birthday from
me and my boyfriend. Say it's your birthday.
My birthday to you. Happy birthday Mario.
Wishing you the best day ever because of how amazing you make

(01:25:45):
everyone else's day. Just wanted to wish Mario happy
birthday. I'm always rooting for you.
Hi, my name's Annie. Can I wish Mario happy birthday.
Happy birthday. Have a great birthday.
Happy birthday, Mario. You are pretty funny.

(01:26:06):
Fuck. Oh man, thank you.
All I can say is you guys sound like my people.
He's really cool. For whatever reason, just
listening to you guys it just like I feel like I know you
guys. It feels really personal, feels
really real feels cool, man. It, it it's so cool how like so

(01:26:32):
many people from all over the world, which I can't even wrap
my brain around in all differentages, young and old.
It's really cool knowing that I've reached you or made you
laugh or made you smile at some point.
And I was like the coolest earthly present ever.

(01:26:52):
Love that so much. Thank you, Emma, beautiful
editor for splicing all that together.
And it just it's beautiful. It's beautiful, guys.
Thank you so much for calling insaying happy birthday.
Damn. I wasn't.
I like do everything in my powerto like, I don't know, find the

(01:27:12):
joke and the comedy and things and just like laugh it off.
And even through that, I'm just trying to play it cool.
Just trying to, you know, I don't know.
And it was really cool just letting all your guys's
beautiful birthday wishes wash over me and just kind of let
that go and just be in the moment and hear all you guys.

(01:27:36):
So that's cool. Thanks for.
Thank you. I'm a mess.
I'm fucking. That's cool.
That's really cool. Yeah.
I'm going. To cry.
I can watch you cry. I was just really cool.
I know. Doesn't it feel nice?
Yeah. No, I like I watched you, yeah.
You want to be saw my eyes out. I watched you listen to everyone

(01:27:58):
give you birthday wishes, and itwas really emotional and I felt
like crying and whatever. And right when this one started,
I was like, OK, I know what to expect with this.
Yeah. It is different when it's for
you though. And just at a certain point, it
just kind of clicked and I really felt it.
And that was beautiful. I mean shit like.
Thinking about all those people that took their time out of

(01:28:19):
their day. I know it's like not easy, you
know? Like clicking on links and going
from 1 profile to another and going all the way through with
going to our website and leavinga voice memo, you know, like
I've ordered shit online. It's annoying as fuck.
So the fact that there's so manypeople that, you know, click

(01:28:43):
that link and have followed us all the way to here to the point
where we're this close and we'rebuilding this really cool
community. It's just a big overwhelming
feeling. And thank you guys all so much
for calling in and wishing me a happy birthday.
I'm I'm speechless for once. I feel like you put yourself out
there and whatever you put into the world, you get back.

(01:29:06):
And I've worked really hard overthe last, I don't know how many
years and thousands of videos tojust kind of put positivity and,
you know, happiness and laughterand joy into the world.
And like listening to all these beautiful people from all over
the world, all different ages. And you guys all just sound so
radiant and jubilant, just like fucking.

(01:29:27):
I don't even know what words to describe.
Just glowing. Awesome happiness and cool to
feel that back. It's cool to get it back.
But everybody loves you. I love you guys so much.
I'm a mess. We got to end this.
Is it? I was going to say, we're good
birthday. Good birthday episode.
Great birthday, and I mean. It's not done yet.

(01:29:48):
Also, go watch him open his presents.
Yeah, no, I've, yeah. Geez, I feel spoiled.
I feel I've never fuck. I was alone for such a long
time. Oh God.
I don't know, I was just I was just alone making videos, you
know, for a long time. Fuck, I'm a fucking mess.

(01:30:13):
And I got millions of people following me and people calling
in and saying happy birthday andI got the love of my life and
I'm making a podcast with her. Like and watch the fucking
video. You just see this shit.
She got me. Holy fuck.
I like, it's overwhelming. Like I'm I could die right now.

(01:30:33):
I'm just the most grateful I've ever been.
I appreciate it so much. Means the world to me.
Fuck guys, I love you all if you're watching this.
We love you all. So much.
I love you, I fucking love you, I love you from wherever you're
at, whoever you are. Thank you so much.
This best birthday ever, Fuck really is.

(01:30:55):
You want to go take a breath outside?
Yeah. OK.
We love you guys so much. Thank you everybody who called
in. Oh well, you know what to do.
Jesus Christ, Yeah, make sure tofollow us.
Well, make sure to follow us on all our socials.
We got to lock in. We got to lock in like comment.
Comment it's a me if you made itthis far in the episode.

(01:31:18):
Yeah, it's a me. It's a.
Me. Yeah, make sure to follow us.
We're pretty funny. I love you guys.
Thank you.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#19: It's Mario's Birthday!

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#19: It's Mario's Birthday!

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