#23: Extra Dirty Questions

Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
I sliced my finger really good, like really sharp knife set.
I just got just cutting up my avocado and like the other day
you cut. Straight through a pit of an
avocado. That's how sharp these knives
are. Like they're very sharp knives.
And I'll just slice it away. And I just saw, you know, some
blood. I don't.

(00:22):
Know I'm like normally fine withinjuries but this one for some
reason it was. Really not bad and I said I just
literally didn't want to drip all over the house, so I just
asked Brenda if she could bring me a paper towel or could you
hold this avocado real quick? I was like I'm.
Bleeding. It's whatever.
I I just, I think all I yelled was I'm bleeding.

(00:44):
No. And here's the thing about
Mario. So because he has dealt with a
lot of injuries, being a firefighter, he has seen a lot
of things. And so when he gets injuries, he
tends to downplay them, like no matter how hard they are, he's
always going to react. To.
I don't think I'm downplaying tothem so.
The way you called me to the kitchen and you were like, I,

(01:07):
there's just a little bit of blood, like I just cut myself a
little bit. And I was like, this could
literally be like he chopped thetip, his tip of his finger off
or he has like a paper cut. And I went in and there was
blood just all day on his fingerinto his hand and.
He could you. Just get me like A and I was
like. I was still trying to get the.
Bono out of the husk or the shell or the whatever it's

(01:30):
called onto my eggs and beef andmy hand was bleeding and I had
it over the. Egg, can you give me like a
Band-Aid or something? So I initially start to go
upstairs to get a Band-Aid. Then I remember that we have
band aids like on our stairs right now.
You remembered. Oh, you really came.
Down. And then I tried to get those
band aids and then I was like, Idon't know what to do.
And then you were asking me, youwere like try to get the ones

(01:51):
out of the first aid kit and youwere trying.
To find them and then. You told me to scoop out the
avocado and get you a plastic bag for the other half of the
avocado. And then literally as I walked
over, there was blood dripping out of your finger onto the
eggs. When you initially, when you
initially walked over, I could see on your face that I had made
a mistake. Yeah.
Involving you in this at all at any capacity.

(02:14):
Cause I thought you were OK withblood.
I think it was just of circumstance.
You weren't OK with the blood inthat moment.
And so I saw that register on your face and it's crazy how you
just described everything that happened.
All that happened was you took about four steps away and I was
just standing there like, oh, I shouldn't have shown her that,
like. My bad.
And so I was like, hey, Brian, can you just give me a Band-Aid?

(02:36):
And then you literally went. And.
Then you were just having like afull on anxiety attack.
What also. Like triggered that really hard
is when I was I know that I wasn't reacting to it like super
well, obviously. Yeah, no, by one of my initial
thoughts was like, how am I going to be a mother?
No. I know it's different but I
literally was like I'm not. No, I need to do a better job of

(02:59):
conveying to you exactly what's happening because you walked up.
And if I would have said Bryn, there's a lot of blood.
It's a really small cut. Like, don't even look at it
like, you know what I mean? Like I'm just so accustomed to
it and really is just the tiniest little nick.
It's just a. Very sharp blade, so it was
bleeding pretty good, but you. Agree with me that like if you
were to cut the tip of your finger literally off, you would

(03:21):
have probably reacted to it about the same way.
Yeah, no 100. Percent, which is where it gets.
Funny. Scary for me.
Because I never fully know what to expect.
Like if I cut myself even like that, I'd be crying and I'd be
like. Mario, I don't know what to.
Do and then like you would be prepared for it to be a lot and
then you'd see it and you'd be like, oh, it's.
Not no. I would be prepared no matter
what it was. I bought you that magazine about

(03:42):
First Aid because I know you're a little squeamish.
I did. It's downstairs.
I got her a magazine, and it's just like first aid stuff.
Yeah, because I know you. I have.
Really bad I have really bad like medical anxiety.
Yeah. And I'd, I've, I was a, a
firefighter in the, in the military for about 10 years.
So I didn't see as much as a civilian fire department would.

(04:03):
They work at a capacity way higher than we do.
Well, base dependent, but anyways, I digress.
I've seen some things and I've been on a lot of medicals.
I know I'm downplaying that part.
Yeah, for sure, because I know there's a lot of city
departments watching like. They work on an Air Force Base.
They don't do nothing. They don't even respond in that
thing, but like no, which is fine.

(04:25):
No, well, no, I'm just I've seena basic amount that.
Yes, the average EMTEMR paramedic firefighter would see.
So like obviously I'm a little. More comfortable more than me.
Well, that's what I'm saying. I'll be way more comfortable.
With it than you are and I've seen way more than the average.
Person, I don't want to think about this like I really just
would. It was the smallest little Nick.
That's all it was. And so why we're telling this

(04:48):
little anecdote is it's important to have healthy,
honest communication. No matter the circumstances, I
think that's what we pulled awayfrom.
This. Yeah.
I conveyed to you pretty well that I was.
I literally got tunnel vision. I don't think I told you that.
No, I could see on your. Face I was like, I literally, I
thought I was going to pass out.I just could have worded a
little bit better when you initially walked.

(05:10):
Up. I think it's just been a while
since I've seen blood. Yeah, that's not for me because
that's like a monthly occurrence.
Oh yeah. But.
Yeah, you have to deal with a lot of blood.
I. Do deal with a lot of blood
every month. When I was early in college.
I don't know why but for like a year there just kept being
instances where I would like slice my hand open.

(05:30):
It happened multiple times. I like cut the tip of my middle
finger off. There was another time that I
like literally swiped out glass from under a bed and got like in
between my fingers. All cut and thankfully it was
when my brother was an EMT and so I would literally just go
visit him and he would like wrapmy fingers up for me but it
happened like 3 or 4 times I gotbad cuts.
Your first year of college. See, I could just see right

(05:52):
through everything immediately. Why?
Young, pretty first year collegegirl?
Yeah. Older brother works at the fire
department. Most of the time when my brother
was working there was like 5060 year old men with him.
Was. Super into that.
And then secondly, I was a cook at the time, a fried cook, so I
was cutting a lot of vegetables.And then also on top of that,

(06:16):
the one where I that I wasn't doing what you're saying that
I'm doing, I'm discrediting yourclaims like when I scooped.
The glass out. From under my bed.
That's because I was drunk and knocked a glass candle off my
window sill and it shattered andwent out of my bed and I didn't
realize because I was drunk. What's that shrimp from shark
tail? It's true, it's true.

(06:38):
And the other thing is my sisterhad a baby and I took it over
after she passed away and the baby lost all its legs and arms
and I was just a stump. But I take care of it with my
wife and and it's growing and it's fairly happy and it's
difficult because I'm working a second shift to the factory to
put food on the table. But all that love I see in that
little guy's face makes it worthit in the end.

(06:59):
True story. It's so cool having just the
baddest, sexiest, best looking, you know, hottie, because when
you do stuff like that, it's like a magic trick.
You know what I mean? I've unlocked this new
character. Like when you just let the
weirdo out the freak out, which I applaud you because out of

(07:22):
everyone I've ever been with, not knocking nobody, but like
how quickly I was just able to be like the weirdest version of
myself with you. And I feel like you were with
me. Like the comfortability level
between the two of us when we first met was crazy.
Like it was. Like not even like love bombing,
not even like anything, just like.
We were very open. With each other like building

(07:45):
off of that. I showed Mario my poop for the
first time like a week ago. You know what, with that, we're
going to roll the intro and thenwe're going to get right into
that because it's going to be a good episode today, folks.

(08:12):
Got this shot glass in Gatlinburg, TN.
This one is from Seattle, WA andit's Pride and Mariners.
It was June, T-Mobile Park went to a Mariners game and there was
a fireworks. Show it was really cool.
Everything was gay. It was awesome.
It was amazing. In Seattle, you know.
They played Chapel Row. We have pride.

(08:32):
They played Chapel Row during the firework.
So celebration. Oh, and then this was Gatlinburg
Old Smokey. Moonshine shout out.
Very good. It was wonderful.
Like if you've ever been up at Gatlinburg, you can just go
moonshine hopping and try all the little distilleries and
absolutely. Oh wait, talk about your poop.
Wait, no, go ahead. Welcome back to the Pretty Funny
Podcast. I'm Brynn.
And I'm Mario, thanks for having.

(08:52):
Us and I showed Mario my poop like a week ago.
She did, and I don't know how wehaven't talked about that way
sooner. I don't know how I haven't made
a video about that, honestly. Actually, wow.
I It was so random. There's been so many other poops
that I could have showed you, but.
I was proud of the. Toilet for like 10 plus minutes
and then I called Mario into thebathroom.
No, no, no. I have so many questions.

(09:13):
Before we get to that point, like, seriously, Genuinely.
OK, So obviously at some point in our relationship, you decided
that you may be comfortable enough to show me your feces.
Yeah. Show me a floater.
Right. Hold on.
Yes. Yes.
At what point was that? Because it wasn't in that
moment. It had to have been before.

(09:34):
That yeah, you send me a lot of audio messages.
Yours, yes. And make me listen to them.
I don't make you listen. I I warn you what they are.
Yeah. If I'm in the bathroom and I
send you an audio message, Firstoff, assume the worst.
Second off, I always go Bran like do you I I just took a like
if you click on that, it's wild.Could you hear it Can.

(09:56):
I send it to you. So it was around that time
frame. You're like.
Maybe I'll return the. Yeah.
And that happened like a year ago for the first time I think
and then on top of. That so it's been a while, OK.
You have smelled. My.
Not that minor stinky ever they.Really.
Oh, they are. Do you remember last year you
walked into the guest bathroom downstairs?
We both did and you were like, did what?

(10:19):
Did you poop in here and not flush it?
And I went in there and there was like literally a tiny little
thing in there on some toilet paper that wasn't flushed.
And I was like, no, that wasn't me.
That was. It was me.
That could have been like a beautiful moment, but two of us.
I didn't realize in the no, in the moment I didn't realize.
And then I think it was either later that day or the next day I

(10:40):
did in there and I went to flushand it didn't flush all the way
and did the same thing that it had done that time.
And so I was like, oh, it must have been me when you were at
work that. Would have been a perfect like
Princess and the pea situation like it was on a little pillow
of toilet paper just sitting there you.
Know what I mean? And my second question to you is
how many poops came close? How many poops did you look at

(11:03):
before you decided on the one last week 'cause I know if you
decided that long ago to maybe possibly show me, include me in
that after tear gassing me a fewtimes.
OK, let's be crystal clear. Very stinky.
Like multiple times. Bryn the fan, the fan, turn the
fan on. You're just sitting here in this

(11:24):
stale air that I can cut through.
There was more than five, less than 10 other times that I
considered it like. Really.
But I think the do you. Remember any of them, any
candidates that almost made the cut?
Not specifically, but I know thereason why they weren't chosen.
Okay, this time you just so happened to be like 10 feet away

(11:46):
from me, right outside the door and the door was unlocked.
Previous times you either weren't at the house, you were
on a different story. So it was like of convenience
and quick. And yeah, you were right there.
And it was really funny. You're right at the legend.
You're going to jump. Before you think about it.
Should we describe what I showedyou and how I showed you?
Because we still haven't. My little Princess, my little

(12:07):
clam, my little oyster made me aPearl, OK?
And literally like a clam, she opened the toilet and she said,
look at this little Pearl I madeyou.
And I was like, what a perfect little pearly Pearl to show me.
Teensy teensy tiny. I worked so hard for it for like
10 plus minutes and it was the tiniest little Pebble you've

(12:29):
ever seen in your entire. Life, that's how the Earth feels
making a diamond. Brin OK.
And you did that. And then I called you in and I
was like, I explained you. I was like, you know how long
I've been in here, I just need to show you and I lean forward.
Now, how many people in your life that you've been in
relationships with have you shown there like, purposely been

(12:50):
like, come here and look at this?
I think my first ex-girlfriend, but also.
Was that a medical reason? Like look at this like is this
normal? No, we live together.
Oh, so you just why did you showmy why?
No, I'm jealous. I'm being probably.
Under the same circumstances. You just made a perfect little
Pearl. And how to show it off?
Something similar I'm sure. I want to be your first.

(13:10):
Well buba, you also have to keepin mind girls go to the bathroom
together. It's just relationship by well,
so if you're. Dating with a girl?
Yeah, because so my last girlfriend, I didn't show her,
but on our literal like second date, I think we were in a tiny
bathroom stall together and she was squatted down while I was
sitting on the toilet and I pooped with her right there.

(13:33):
Women feel really comfortable going to the bathroom with one
another. I feel like that's like a
community. Guys go into the bathroom and
it's like maybe a head nod or hello, maybe a small little
exchange or joke, and it's like,I'll meet you outside.
Like we're in here. Yeah, pee.
Poop, wash your hands, get out of here.
Like we're not there to hang out.
I feel like girls. I go into the stall.
Like a community. Lot like even me and your sister

(13:54):
when we were at the casino like a couple months ago, we went
into the big stall together. Yeah, it's like it's.
Just like I don't know what's easier.
I feel like that's way, Is it normal for like women to do that
'cause like, I feel like every single girl I've ever been with,
every girl I've ever talked to, it's like such a community
experience. Going to the bathroom, it's like
a hangout. In and a lot of times like you

(14:15):
hit vapes and you're like maybe that's what I mean selfie and
you share lip gloss or deodorantor perfume or whatever it is and
you kind of like and this isn't every girl either.
This is just. Well, no, I'm just saying in
your personal experiences, because of my personal
experiences, I have never just hung out in the bathroom.
It is also. Unless I was in like middle

(14:35):
school or high school like dodging class.
You don't that's The thing is like you're not really hanging
out in the bathroom like it's a good little chitchat time.
So like you'll go in together and then if you go into the same
stall together, it's because youguys are still talking and
you're like talking about what'sgoing on.
I. Would never do that with a dude
and. I would like take but like me
and your sister, for instance, when we were walking to the
bathroom, remember that like literal, I think fucking 18 year

(14:57):
old boy hit on me. Oh yeah.
And we told. You.
Oh, we got to give him a shout out.
And that happened and it was really funny.
And then we were like still talking about it when we went to
the bathroom. We were going to like hit our
rapes together and shit. So it just made sense.
Like it wasn't even said. We just like convened.
Yeah, see, we don't convene likethat in the men's room.
We just don't, you know what I'msaying?
Yeah, like it just doesn't happen.

(15:19):
Shout out to that guy because I remember you said some young
kid, 18 year old. I made a whole video about it
and I was like wait to shoot your shot when I was 18.
I would have never, ever had thegahonies or the guts to talk to
a 10 out of 10 star-studded celebrity paparazzi Batty.
You know what I'm saying? Like in a back.
Like genuinely. Yeah, I was like, that's

(15:40):
impressive. I don't know.
I thought he was going to ask mefor directions or something.
I don't typically expect to get hit on by Young.
Oh yeah, I remember being 18/19/20 going out with my
friends and all the shit we talked about how it was going to
go and then we show up there andit's literally just an excuse
fest afterwards. When you're like in the car

(16:02):
driving back, he's like, the place was stupid.
There's literally like 400 beautiful eligible women
everywhere and we're just standing in the corner soaking,
shitting our pants, not wanting to talk to anybody, not knowing
what to do, just scared out of our minds.
And then the whole drive back, the whole Uber place sucked.

(16:22):
Yeah, that was just stupid. Tried talking about one girl,
but like, she was, I don't even she they were up.
Yeah. I was so like, what a bunch of
let's just want to play Fortniteor something like like just
puking in the Taco Bell drive through and heading back to.
Actually so many times though. Play some video games and 2K and

(16:46):
Madden. That's how my nights always
ended up was like back at the dorms basically just like
playing video games with the boys just continuing like you
know what I mean? Just like having a good time.
Like it was just like. That was a lot of times how mine
would end, just with the girls. So when I heard a young 18 year
old walked right up to you and laid a line on you, you know

(17:06):
what I mean? Like I was like, that's
impressive. That took years of just being
comfortable failing, you know what I mean?
Being rejected dudes out there. Do you think that Peacock, that
chicken, that pigeon, whatever, when he puts on his little dancy
dance and he does the Macarena for his girl, you know what I'm

(17:27):
talking about. Do you think he.
Cares what anyone else thinks, you know what I mean?
He gets rejected all the time. There he is, everywhere he goes
have. Like a conscience or like guilt
or. That's what I'm saying.
And it's just like that. That bird just kind of flies
away. Cool, you know what I mean?
He's still out there. You hear him cawing, calling for

(17:49):
his long lost love. And every time someone shows up,
he does the same dancey dance. He don't care.
He don't care. Some of you dudes walk up to a
girl mutter, get rejected, and you're like, time goes on.
I tried so hard. You don't like, immediately just

(18:11):
in your dark Dang dungeon sayingthat women suck.
You know what I mean? Like, just be OK with rejection.
Yeah, it's just because you guysare so scared of being rejected
over and over again. Like, you just shoot your shot,
talk to everybody. Don't even worry about picking
up women. Just go to places and have a
good time with your friends. And guess what?

(18:32):
You can actually, actually, can you attest to this?
I'm going to ask you a question.There's two groups of dudes,
right? Group A, They're standing there
and they're all silently kind ofstaring out like meerkats.
You know what I mean? They're all holding their
drinks. And let me be clear, I've been a
part of both groups, OK? OK.
ANYWAYS, standing there like meerkats, holding their drinks,
looking out, murmuring to each other, turning, huddling up,

(18:55):
going and sitting at a table, playing it cool, right?
That's Group A. And then there's Group B.
In their shooting pool, they're playing darts.
They're they're hanging out around a table, they're
laughing, they're engaged with each other and having a good
time. You're there with your ladies or
you're there with yourself. Yeah.
Which group do you think you're gonna like want to gravitate

(19:16):
towards or like, hey, like they look like you wanna go like hang
out with those guys? Like which Group A or Group B?
Neither Group C and it is a combination of both of those.
I want a guy that's like talkingto his friends and like he's
very much paying attention to them.
But every like 30 seconds or so,I can tell you're looking at me,
you know, and you're inviting and I can tell that you want to
be talked to. If you're just playing with your

(19:38):
friends and you're just playing pool, you're not looking around.
I'm going to assume you're closed off.
Like I don't want to have to interrupt and like really put
myself out there. I need to know that you're
looking at me. OK, understood.
Anyways, Group B, you're still having a good time.
You're still having a good night, right?
And what? I failed to mention and I think

(19:59):
I was just showing the Ying and Yang of the situation, but one
group is very stoic, not doing anything, just staring off.
In creeps you. Know what I mean?
Like low key creeping, You can do that and not be creepy.
You really can't. Not fun, but that's what I mean.
And then obviously the other side was just people there
having a good time. Yeah, so like a little too.
Realistic. Yeah, just like there's a couple

(20:20):
people in Group B still looking around and winking and
explanations. To say that like, would you
rather go for someone who's likeactually having or someone who's
just standing there? And so I felt like I was OK to
take a long time to describe. Before I forget I wrote this
down, I know this episode so farhas been all over the place.
We're having a lot of fun just discussing things.

(20:42):
Before I forget, voice memos, folks.
Obviously we've been doing them.We haven't really dropped any
prompts of late. This is why we stress socials
are so important, like paying attention to our polls and.
What we're putting out there when we're live and on our short
form content like following us everywhere because now we have

(21:02):
some really good prompts that you guys suggested that we've
collected. And these are the prompts that
we want for voice memos moving forward for future episodes.
So right here is the link you can Click to drop some more
voice memos, some voicemails telling us your craziest,
wildest moonbeam ice cream. Good time, wonderful voice.

(21:22):
Memos that we love to use on this.
Podcast. So here are the prompts.
Your most epic. Would you rather's your most
epic? Put a finger downs your most
epic. Try not to cringe, try not to
laugh. Give us your best pick up lines.
And we want to hear your conspiracy theories, Ones you

(21:44):
entertain, ones you don't believe, ones you do believe.
We're definitely going to use more of those voice memos in the
future. And let us know what you guys
think about the voice memos in the comments.
And if you have any other prompts you'd like to see.
Now's a good time to comment on this episode.
So there you go. Yeah.
Do you want to tell everybody our weekend plans?
Yes. I'm so excited.
We are going to go to Arizona again, yes.

(22:07):
And included in that we are going to go to what?
I was like, like I was giving them the like, of course.
And then included in that, we are going to once again go to
medieval times. Yes, that is our first stop.
Every time we go, it is tomorrow.
I think for the rest of my life,as long as there is a medieval

(22:27):
times within a five mile radius of wherever I am.
You know what I mean? If I hear that there's one close
by. If I catch wind, if I see a
billboard. I'll go.
You know what I mean? Like that's just a rule I'm
setting for myself. Because it's a way cheaper
experience than having to go to like, Disneyland or something,
and you can just spend a couple hours of whimsy, you know,
somewhere fun. Yeah, I love fucking medieval

(22:50):
times. Let me tell you, it's a great
time. I'm very excited for Medieval
Times, we're gonna have a lot offun and I wanna like talk about
it again afterwards cuz I feel like we had a lot of opinions
last time and I would love to revisit that.
Yeah, for sure. But also tell the people what
I'm doing. Rin is choosing a new flavor,
folks, and so we're going to need you guys to guess that

(23:10):
flavor when she goes to the Build a Batty workshop to get
that hair color changed. When this comes out I'll have
had my hair dyed for like 2 weeks.
Oh, so just tell them. I'm going brunette.
We're just going to talk about the thought process behind our
hair color change that you guys are already well aware of.

(23:31):
Or if you're not watching, you're just listening and you've
never seen us anywhere else. Prince hair is now.
I currently have like a cherry cola red.
Yes, but it is now. Brunette.
It's brunette. Yes.
Chocolate. Yes.
What inspired you to go Brown? When my red grows out, my roots

(23:51):
get really bad a my natural hairfades and my extensions don't,
so it's very obvious where my extensions are and it irks me
and I hate having to dye my hairred like once a week or every
week and a half because our shower is stained.
My clothes get stained, it washes out, it stains my nails,
it stains my toenails. It's really fucking annoying.
I feel like I'm living with Jeffrey Dahmer most of the time

(24:13):
because all the showers, all thesinks, they're stained red.
It's like Prince constantly, like watching Bryn's like
constantly washing red dye off of her hands.
So. It's really annoying.
Hannibal Lecter. And then on top of all of that,
I just really want my natural hair color.
There's sometimes like I feel like I can't wear certain colors

(24:34):
with red hair, like I can't wearshades of red or pink or yellow.
Really, Red doesn't look good with it.
No, like I can. I'm literally wearing red right
now. I want brunette hair so that I
feel like I can wear any color that I want to.
For those of you who don't know extensions.
Are pieces of other people's is it always human or are?

(24:55):
They animal too, so synthetic. Which isn't.
Animal. Human.
Well, no. Do they use animal hair too?
No synthetic is made sometimes of like silk.
I'm just asking if they do extensions with animal hair.
Do they? I assume they did no?
Some sort of like alpaca yak? No, because think about it.
Horse, Cow. No animal fur, first of all.

(25:16):
Not well, I guess. Hair.
Oh, you'd be clashing. Hair types you can.
Have horsehair in your hair. Thick.
Oh well, what? Maybe you could if that was.
Your natural hair type, but I don't think that humans, I don't
think any human has like that thick of hair.
That's what I mean, but like, imagine a whole head of
horsehair. Eww, no.
It what type of hair? Would you choose if you had to

(25:38):
choose like an animal hair, you know what I mean?
Or an animal hide. Well hide is different, like
instead of skin. Yeah, like this sounds so messed
up. This is like.
This is like true crime. No, this is like a gateway drug
to some true crime Netflix documentary bullshit.
Like, I don't want to. I don't want to go down this

(26:00):
road. I don't want to talk about like.
Which kind of? Skins are best or which furs or
no which. Which hair is best, actually?
Oh well, I was going to say likefish skills for skin, but
really, yeah, I'm scared of fish, but they're pretty.
Oh, so like. Were there reflectiveness?
Yeah. Like iridescentness?
Yeah. Iridescent.
Yeah, it looks like a mermaid, but like my whole body.

(26:22):
Your shirt right now, you know what it looks like, what you
know when Alex the lion from Madagascar, like, envisions
everything at stake. Oh God, I look like one of the
stakes. Yeah, like that's how I like
look at you. That's how your clothes look on
you sometimes. Like a fucking Madagascar stake.
Be honest with me. Like just a juicy like filet

(26:43):
mignon, just like a rib eye. Why did?
You. Call me a little debo, which is.
Like the little circular fat short thing.
I'm just doing the best cuts of meat.
What do you believe me? Yeah, sorry for saying the most
expensive, delicious cut of meat.
It is my favorite, kind of. Teeing off with that one.
Yeah, I'm just saying. Delicious cuts of.
Meat. How would you be cooked?
Oh, your. Juice your waterlogged.

(27:04):
You're juicy, you're delicious. How am I cooked though?
You'd be chill out. You like, knew you're wearing a
steak sweater and now you're making me drool.
Do you want to take a bite? Yeah, I want to go on the
carnivore diet. That's like a Chihuahua.
You know what I mean? What did you ask me?

(27:24):
How'd you be cooked? Yeah, how I'd cook you.
What is this like the fucking audio book for Head Bundy?
Like this is not good. I don't, I know.
I feel like we're you. Know how would you cook me?
How would I cook you? Medium rare, medium for the
masses. But for me, I'm getting a nice

(27:44):
rare cut. You know what I mean?
Just a quick sear. Why not medium rare?
No, because I want it juicy. I want the flavor.
Pretty juicy. That's what I mean.
I said medium for the masses, but me personally, I'm going
rare or maybe medium rare. That's.
What I'm saying, why not just medium?
Rare. I want it a little bloody, OK?
Medium rare is a little bloody. I remember watching, like,

(28:08):
Animal Planet growing up back. I don't know if they still do
just show, like lions literally just eating gazelles.
Yeah, they used to just show, like, big cats.
You'd just be flipping through the channels as a kid.
And then it would just be like the leopard tackles the gazelle,
drags it by its teeth, biting the neck up into the tree, and

(28:28):
it can carry three times its body weight with its mandibles
up the tree. And you'd just be watching these
big cats. That's all Animal Planet was.
It was big cats eating shit. Do they still do that on Animal
Planet? I feel like they don't.
And it looked so good. That's what I'm trying to admit.
It did look good those those those like half eaten carcasses

(28:52):
that they were eating. Everyone knows that meme Ace
Ventura. When nature calls, you know when
you like. Did you watch?
Animal Planet or Discovery Channel or Nat Geo or any of
like how it's made or micro dirty.
Jobs or any of that stuff. Yes, all of that.
And then when I was in College in my Stoner era, I would watch

(29:14):
a lot. Disney has a lot of.
Oh yeah, like planet Earth. Oh yeah, that.
I love those big nature documentaries like the Chimp
Empire and Tiger King. I'm just getting a fucking hated
Tiger King. Really.
I'm not a big fan of watching OH.
It was disgusting, the mistreatment of animals, you

(29:35):
know what I mean? In any capacity in all these
sanctuaries that like are posingas sanctuaries.
However it works, it's crazy. To think that I feel like the
nation united for Tiger King thesame way that they unite now for
Love Island. Yeah, I wonder sometimes how
things can go the way they can go in this country.

(29:56):
And I remember we're the countrythat made, like, Ashe Trevino
famous, you know what I mean? Like we take these idiots and we
just platform them and we're like, look how stupid this
person is. Let's award the dumbest idiots
of all time and like watch theirtrain wreck of a life and
glorify it. And then we're like, how does

(30:17):
this person get elected? How do things go so terrible?
How do people make these decisions?
How did they vote this way or decide this way during something
as stupid as Love Island? I'm I'm like, of course they do.
Like we live in the country where we just see people.
Doing the most atrocious, horrible things or just being
the worst versions of themselves.

(30:39):
And we're like, yeah, let's get the popcorn out and root on this
absolute shit show. Like, it's honestly
disrespectful and disgusting andI'm not a fan of it.
Never have never understood it. And I've never like, pretended
like it was, you know, a cool thing.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
And not to go down that road right now because we're keeping
things a little. Lighter.
Yeah, sorry. So anyways, yeah, I would cook

(31:02):
you like medium rare. How would you cook meat?
I feel like you should go well done because there's a lot of a
lot of chemicals. No I like medium rare with maybe
like some garlic butter, Rosemary, thyme.
Very simple, basic, get a nice crust on it.
Filet mignon, garlic mashed potatoes on the side and some
asparagus. Maybe also some sauteed
mushrooms with some red pepper flakes on them.

(31:25):
Is it against a lot of putting my will that I want to be like
when I die? Yeah, cannibalism is illegal.
Oh. So unless you want me to like,
go to prison. I'm just saying if anyone will
try a bite. Like, you know, it's also like,
what's it called when you fuck up a corpse?

(31:45):
That's also a no no. Oh, like Victor Frankenstein?
Yeah. Yeah, they don't like them.
Desecration. Yeah, desecrating a body.
Yeah, you're not really supposedto do that.
OK, well, I mean, I just, I don't know.
I mean, like probably right now while you're alive, you could
like cut a chunk out and I couldeat it and probably no one would
notice. I would love for you to try a

(32:07):
cut of me and like Keith Lee to rape me.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
I can't put that on my will, huh?
No, that's. Too bad.
Keith Lee you just have if you want to try Mario.
Hey Keith Lee, if you want to collab, I got some.
You technically eat me all the time.

(32:30):
Not anymore. You just took a beautiful.
Thing and just just you, no, butwe're going to Arizona and we're
going to be a medieval times. I know I'm changing my higher.
Changing my higher. So you're just going back to

(32:50):
like natural here? Yeah, I just want to be like a
nice warm brunette. You were like, we met.
You were like short brunette. I had my natural hair.
I didn't have any extensions. Yeah, and that's who I fell in
love with. Yeah.
Not that I wouldn't have if you had any other hairstyle, but
then you went for like the, it was like the Oreo cheesecake.
I remember it was like split. Black with blonde streaky

(33:14):
highlights. Yes, it was like the the Billie
Eilish special, you know what I mean?
No, it looked more like Jlo. Jlo J.
Wow. Season 1.
Oh, yeah. Like the dipped swirl cone.
You know what I mean? Like Dairy Queen.
Yeah, it was very much that. And then you went.
Red but. Red Velvet.
Fish very layered a little lighter.

(33:35):
I have bangs yes, like Sabrina Carpenter hairstyle yes, but red
yes and then I went to short maroon and now I have very long.
Yeah, Maroon. Yeah.
And now you're going back to like, natural hair.
Yeah, very long though. Still, I'm gonna keep my 24
inch. My hair is like full mullet at
this point. Oh yeah, and knocking on wood, I

(33:57):
I do not want to go bald. The amount of.
Comments I get where it's like please don't go bald.
Is that like a? Is that like a slang for
something amongst the the? I don't think so.
It's just a thing that people say online.
I think it's like, I love you somuch, please don't go bald.
I did see someone comment like respond to one of those and it
was like, can we not do this? Like it's making fun of us who
are actually like going bald andlike alopecia and stuff.

(34:19):
I mean, I don't think it's bad to wish that people like, don't
go bald. Yeah, I just because someone.
Else is all the responses to it were like shut up, it's a funny
comment. I hope I don't go bald.
If that offends people that are already bald, I'm sure they
share the same sentiment. Like what the fuck?
I have two friends who have alopecia.

(34:40):
Who? Are I've met them bald?
Yeah, they're beautiful. Like.
They are beautiful and they would be the first to make those
jokes. Yeah, so I'm, it's like we hung
out and they were wonderful, amazing shows.
Three friends because I have those two that we hung out with
and then my other one. Oh, and I've never met her.
Yeah, yeah, but that's what I'm.It's like people that really
ruin. Wokeness or advocating, you know

(35:03):
what I mean is the people that just do it on other people's
behalfs. You know what I'm?
Saying. Like, like if anything, you
should just bring the attention to it to the people that are
actually involved in that and they're the ones that should be
commenting. You know what I'm saying?
The amount of times where like someone does something blatantly
wrong is getting cancelled for something and then.

(35:24):
You know, another race will stepup and be like, it's OK, you're
perfectly fine white people. And then like, you know what I
mean? And then meanwhile, the minority
of the people that were affectedare like, why are you telling
them that it's OK that they did that?
You know what I mean? Like it is OK and we appreciate
you apologizing but like but some.
Things are irredeemable, you know what I mean?

(35:45):
You do some. Shit, there's really no coming
back, you know what I'm saying? It's crazy how you like say or
do things and then it's just like, bye.
It's rightly so. Yeah, I was going to say that's
a good thing. No, that's rightly so.
Like I'm not like saying it's a bad thing.
I'm just saying like it is crazythough, like.
Yeah, people don't fuck around anymore.
That's what I'm saying. The fucking Coldplay concert.

(36:06):
Oh yeah. Well, we're filming this that is
still very, very, very, very, very, very relevant, and it
happened yesterday. Coldplay couple just happened.
Yeah, and like I said, in a world where it's literally never
been easier to cheat, talk abouta generational fumble on the.
Balcony at a concert if you're cheating and you're at a

(36:28):
sporting. Event A music event.
Yeah, First off, fuck you. Second off, when it's downtime,
commercials are rolling. You know what I'm saying?
They're putting the spotlight onthe crowd.
Maybe that's your cue to like, go to the bathroom.
Maybe I'll go get a hot dog. Like how dumb are you to be
hanging on the railing? Like the most referent, like.
Yeah, like, of course they're gonna film you, you idiots.

(36:51):
Of course, of course they're gonna film you.
Suffering succotash. We just took a little bit of a
break and decided that two podcasts ago, we played some
games, some drinking games on here, and we went and picked out
some more cards that we want each other to answer.
Yes. So that's going to be the rest
of this podcast, I think. We have a lot of question card

(37:12):
games that we use in general, literally practically nightly
with each other. Like we just got some more games
at the store the other day. Learning about each other and
talking about ourselves. Yes, and we're very competitive.
Oh. My God, there's a cat.
Oh my God, we haven't had a cat in here in forever.

(37:34):
Oh, it's Smokes. Can we get the cat Cam?
Can we get a close up on Smokes?There we go.
For our listeners, Smokes is in the house.
But we're just going to ask eachother questions.
Mario has a lot more for me thanI picked out for him.
Well, I mean like I would just want to like fun ones and these
are like the extra dirty ones. And I don't know, I just try to

(37:55):
find like ones that you'd enjoy.I'm very interested to see what
we picked for each other. Yeah, actually like the
different vibes. Yeah, interesting.
I'll let you go first because you have more to ask.
OK, which would be more upsetting, you being with
someone and them lying about being richer than they really
are, or them lying about being poorer than they really are?

(38:18):
What would be more upsetting? What would be more upsetting?
Them lying and being poorer thanthey really are because like,
why are you flexing when you have not a lot?
That's just, that's like, I feellike that's a really good show
of their personality. I thought you were gonna be
upset that they were just lying in general.
I thought that was the number one is like, but no.

(38:40):
But you said lying about being poor.
See but that's why I feel like if someones lying about how much
money they have in the sense that they have a lot more money.
Oh yes, but. Exaggeration, protecting
themselves, you know, when they're not trying to gloat and
like they're being a little moreconservative and like not
showing all their cards. Correct me if I'm wrong, but
like you're saying, if someone'slying about having more opposed

(39:05):
to lying about having less, likethere's a sense of humility.
Yeah, like if someones. Bragging about.
How much money they have and they're spending all of their
money on like expensive dinners or whatever it might be and like
pretending like they have all this money when they really
don't. I wouldn't like that because
they're depleting their assets. They're ruining their own
fucking lives and then they're trying to glow and blow and

(39:26):
fucking be a little whatever to me.
Like they're trying to like pufftheir feathers up and look all
good for me. And like in the sense that that
can be like respect, respectable.
Like if you want to like go all out and like you do want to
spend a little money on me, that's OK.
If you don't have that to, I don't know, but like.
Do you like someone to, like, live within their means?
Yeah. And like, just live how they

(39:47):
want to live and not try to put on a performance.
That's what I'm getting. Like this question.
I feel like that's what it's really getting at.
At the end of the day. It's like, do you want someone
that like puts on a show or maybe a facade or more
performative or like at least pretends to have more or like
acts like they have more? Or would you rather have someone
that's a little bit more reserved, someone that's a

(40:07):
little more frugal, lives withintheir means like.
I don't want someone to be like super frugal and constantly
like, like if we were to go out to dinner and be like, can you
Venmo me for half and then I find out you're a millionaire
like. Rude.
Yeah. Like it would be fun to be like
a secret millionaire. A billionaire, which, if you
are, you could tell me. You know how much money I have?

(40:28):
I've showed you. My do I?
Do I? Could have a lot of funds that
you don't know about but. Oh, wouldn't that be so cool
that. 'D be crazy, you've just.
What if I was like a millionaire?
What if I like won the lottery and you just don't know?
What if I haven't told anybody? I would know.
You would know. Yeah, there would be a
Millennium Falcon from Lego in our house as we speak.

(40:50):
There is no. There's no.
It's right. The big one, Mario.
Mario, the big one. You have the little one.
I'm talking the $1000 big boy. If you were rich, trust me, you
would not be buying that peasantass small Lego set, OK?
You'd be getting the big bad boyMillennium Falcon Mario,

(41:11):
wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?
Yes. I am going to allow you that
sounds so messed up immediately straight off the RIP, but I'm
going to allow you to yap for a decent amount of time with this
question. What?
Tell us about a crime you've already thought through how to
do in detail. Bryn Yeah, it would be easier to

(41:33):
ask what crime I haven't thoughtabout and how to get away.
OK, well you get 1. So what I'm asking you is
honestly, just pick a crime. I'll tell you how I'll get away
with it. Stealing.
A precious. Declaration of Independence.
A precious gem from the Utah Museum of Natural History.
OK, obviously, since you were sospecific.

(41:54):
God damn it Bryn, we did walk out of.
Them any crime. Well, I know, but we walked out
of the museum and I was like, those gems were so big.
I felt like a Bond villain. I felt like I was about to pull
a heist. I felt like an Ocean's 11 crew.
Member. You know what I mean?
And I what? You were way too specific with
that. Because now if the museum loses

(42:15):
its gem, they're gonna come breaking down my door.
Now I'm an extra in that story, in that movie, you know what I
mean? So you need to answer the
question. How would I do it?
I would say flat screen TV if that's easier.
How would I steal a flat screen TV?
Yeah, well, that'd be so easy. OK, do it.
First off, I feel like minimum wage workers nationwide could

(42:36):
give a shit less if someone takes a flat screen TV or if
they see anybody walking with a flat screen TV.
Do they just not have a cart? Where are they walking with it?
All I'd have to do is walk into the back of like a Walmart.
From a far distance that's undisclosed from camera, wearing
a uniform of some sort in a basic different facial disguise.

(43:00):
You know what I mean? Walk into the back of the
Walmart like I own the place, grab the flat screen and walk
right back out. I guarantee no one would stop
me. No one would care.
No one would question nothing. So what about all the security
cameras and your identifiable tattoos?
Covered up whatever uniform I picked.

(43:23):
Walmart uniforms I thought were.No, I would put on a warehouse
uniform with a pair of. Gloves leather with a baseball
cap. And what about like tracking
your car as it leaves the Walmart and.
Like that's what I'm saying, I'dpark from a far undisclosed
location. You could still track you.
I feel like with most security cameras like.
All I'd have to do is find a blind spot.

(43:44):
Eventually there will be a blindspot, and as long as I'm in that
blind spot. Have the blind spot, yes.
OK, if I can just pack a disguise or a day's worth of
essentials that I'm going to need to pull off this heist in a
blind spot. Well, and what about the
greeters at Walmart who you haveto walk through and show your
receipt to? Well.
I know for a fact I could at least get out the back.

(44:06):
OK. You OK?
Yeah, I'm like confident I couldjust walk into the back of
pretty much any retail gigantic Target or a Walmart, cameras
included, and as long as someonesteps out for a smoke break or I
just am standing next to a largetruck or just slip in from where

(44:26):
the trucks do their off. Dumps.
You know what I mean? You.
Know how long it's going to takebefore someone notices ATV
missing from that billion dollar?
Yeah, I'm sure they wouldn't really care too much either.
Yeah, anyway. You are granted total legal
immunity for 12 hours. The floor is yours.
What am I doing? Yeah. 12 hours.

(44:47):
You got 12 hours. So I don't have time to get to
the Louvre. Whoa, what?
I don't know, maybe you're next to the Louvre when the 12 hour
happens. What are you planning on doing
best case scenario? Stealing a lot of artwork.
Whoa, like a lot of artwork? Pulling a heist?
Like a lot of artwork, yeah. Oh damn us in our obsession with

(45:09):
museums and art. I would be stealing gowns and
gems from. The Victorian era.
Like actual genuine fucking dress up the way I want to.
I don't care if you hate the fact that Kim Kardashian wore a
Marilyn Monroe's dress. I also think that it was
disrupting, you know, like art and history.
And like I think it was fucked up but like I would be stealing

(45:33):
clothing. Wait, you're saying you agree
that it was messed up that Kim Kardashian wore the Marilyn
Monroe dress, but if you were given the same opportunity, you
don't know if you could trust yourself like you might do it?
Legal immunity. Well, Speaking of Kim
Kardashian, where's her closet? I know she has an entire
warehouse of all of her clothes.I'm finding it.
I'm getting in there. I'm taking everything I want.

(45:55):
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Talk about Bling Ring. Have you watched Bling Ring?
Do you know the story? You don't know the story about
Alexis. Oh my God.
Hold on. OK, I knew I cooked picking some
of these questions. I'm going to give my summary of
it, sorry if this is maybe bad or not as factual as it maybe
should be, but a group of friends in the I believe early

(46:19):
2000s broke into a whole bunch of A listers homes like Paris
Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, etcetera and stole a whole bunch of their
jewelry and outfits and accessories.
And what? Yeah, And they would literally
break into these homes in the hills and, like, just hang out,
take a whole bunch of like, designer products.

(46:40):
Oh my God. And then they eventually got
caught. Not.
Trying to glorify that at all. That's horrible.
That's horrific. You should not do that.
But you're just saying that likeif you had 12 hours of immunity,
you would just raid some closets.
Yeah. I feel like there's a lot worse
things you could do, you know what I mean?
If you have 12 hours immunity. So the fact that you just want
to like I. Just want to play dress?
Up. Yeah, you want to just Yeah, it

(47:01):
could be worse. That's a good thing.
I I take that as a green flag that that's the crime that you
chose. I'd also probably like hit up a
Sephora or two. OK.
So you're just you're like resupplying to the Max.
Yeah, OK, I got you. Yeah, OK.
Fair enough. I don't think there's like, I
guess I could steal money from abank, but like, well, I mean

(47:21):
like if I steal clothes and stuff and designer products, I
can resell them for a lot of money.
So like I'm kind of making moneyand then it's like, what am I
going to spend the money on? Also the same stuff that I could
just steal. My final answer I never really
thought about crime before, but now that we got this little
Bonnie and Clyde thing going, I would learn how to how to
bankrupt a Macy's. Like, I'll go after a Nordstrom,

(47:43):
you know what I mean? And how to do it?
I know how to do it. I could steal.
I could steal everything. From a crate&barrel.
A crate&barrel? Oh yeah, that'd be a good one.
OK, I got my idea. You want to hear my idea?
Anthropology. Yeah.
So here we go, Amazon. OK.
Flesh colored skin suit, like a green screen scoots, flesh

(48:05):
colored like green screen suit. You know what I mean?
Like head to toe, completely covered.
There I am, standing in a Nordstrom or a Macy's or a
Crate&barrel or wherever you want me, and they call me the
mannequin, the mannequin Robber,the.
Man, I can. Rob the man I can rob.
I would literally. Be a Batman villain so quickly

(48:26):
for you. Like I would be called the
mannequin. They'd call me mannequin because
I would just hide in retail stores and I'd be the mannequin
and I'd just hide there and no one could tell that I was a
mannequin. And then as soon as the store
closed down, you'd just see me turn and look at the camera.
And then I would gather as much as I possibly can, a prank out

(48:47):
of there A. Full other movie level, imagine
a man who like was so focused ondoing this he worked out his
body exactly so that it matched up to like a typical mannequin.
Wow. And like shaved himself so none
of the hair would poke through. Oh my God, are like he.
Really got like surgeries to make his cheekbones like fuller
to match. OK, this.
All right, If you're listening and watching this, this is your

(49:09):
one freebie, OK? Like.
It's just a race at this point. Who's gonna write this movie or
this TV series first? Me or you?
The mannequin. Or Like, he would be a good side
character in like a, you know, like an Ocean's 11 squad.
Yeah. It's like, we got one dude.
And it's like, what does he do? And it's like he's just.
Cuz he's the most the shape of adude ever.
Or he just like this, he's just the shape of a mannequin.

(49:31):
So like he's really good at likeposing as a statue.
You could. Shape shift, but you could only
shape shift into a mannequin. Not bad, Not bad.
Like a crash test dummy. You're just in the factory.
You know what I mean? It's a very.
It'd be funny to do a superhero movie, but like, very specific
powers. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Like, yeah.
Like I could shape shift into a mannequin.

(49:53):
It's like, whoa, that's pretty cool.
It's like, yeah, you know, I do 8 hours a day at Old Navy, so.
It's like you can't move, like you can't get hurt, but like you
also can't move. Yeah.
Will you ask me another? One.
Oh yeah, I'll ask you. Sorry, what elderly person are
you the most sexually attracted to?
Green light go. I want to hear it.
What the fuck is his name? Oh, OK, I thought for sure it'd

(50:17):
be a woman. Really.
It's a dude. Interesting.
I you're going to hate me for not knowing.
Oh, I know who it is. Can I guess?
Well, yeah, it's going to be right here in the second I'm.
Going to look at the camera and Melvin.
Why can't I find it? I know his fucking name.
If you're listening, you can't see the cool little subtitle

(50:39):
that just happened to I guess. Who'd you guess?
Walton Goggins. Yes, but no, it's not.
I was thinking of Jeff Goldblum.Damn, that's a good I'm not even
mad at it. Oh, Jeff Goldblum, he's had swag
for the last. 60. Years.
I love Jeff. Goldblum.
Oh, that's such a good answer. Jeff Goldblum is kind of like a
sexy. Christopher Walken, you know

(50:59):
what I mean? Yeah.
He has a very distinctive voice and cadence of the way that he
talks. You know what I mean?
Christopher Walken, you're sexy too, man, you know, You know,
But like, yeah, Jeff Goldblum, you've never.
And OK, she said. Jeff Goldblum, right?
She has never seen Jurassic Park.
I know this is from Jurassic Park.
Look at it. You've never seen him walk up to

(51:21):
that big pile of Dino shit and take his glasses off.
You have no idea the swag. Damn, I've watched the fly
though. He's in the first two Jurassic
Park movies. I thought you were going to be
way more impressed by what I just said.
That's cool that you saw the fly, Jeff Goldblum.
Is in the first young. Well, no, I know, but I'm just
saying like, you got to see him at Jurassic Park.
I feel like that's peak sexy. Jeff Goldblum.

(51:43):
This is kind of following it because we're talking about old
people. OK.
What do you think prehistoric people would use as their
version of porn? If The Cave drawings.
Was there cave drawer? Hold on, hold on.
How what was like the oldest pornography caveman just.
Look up oldest pornography. I just looked up.

(52:08):
Mario, why would you do that? I looked up caveman porn in my
innocent. Brain thought it would take me
directly. How?
To. You know, draw actually.
You know what drawing I just really quickly ask my follow up
question. God damn it.
Because it ties into this reallywell.
I can't find anything on if the caveman drew pornography on The

(52:31):
Cave walls. I did find some very interesting
links of, you know, demonstrations of what that
might look like, but. If anyone has any information on
that, please comment or share. Can I ask my follow up question?
Yeah. Which dinosaur do you think is
the sexiest? Oh.
Sexiest dinosaur is the Parasrolefis.

(52:53):
Hold on. Am I supposed to act like you
didn't just look up how to pronounce that?
Like you just know that off the top.
I do listen to me. When I tell you that it was the
first dinosaur I thought of and I knew immediately which one I
thought was the sexiest, that istrue.
Behind the scenes that I look itup just to make sure I got the
name right, yes. Why?

(53:14):
Why do? It has a ponytail and you like
when I have a ponytail. First off, let's throw up an
image of it. You see that right there?
Look at him. Is it because him?
I said look at it first creatureon Earth billions and millions
of years ago with lip filler. Look at those.
I mean look at those perky pucker UPS.

(53:34):
You see that look, It's just allday long.
Just like that. And it's like kind of like a
amphibious creature with the short arms and those.
Look at those long legs and. Because it has a ponytail and a
big fatty. Look at that, it's.
Got a fat fat fat. Fat rump.
It's got those long legs. It's got that nice ponytail in
those lips, just like that. You know what I mean?

(53:56):
I'm like, it's a sexy dinosaur. It really is.
And listen to them. Hold on, there's more.
You. Have the audio right here.
Look at this. These even sound good.
Listen to this. Do you want me to sound like
that? I just think it's a cool kind of
cool. Ask me a question.

(54:18):
It sounds like heels, you know what I mean?
Walking like a. Clacking down a hallway.
Everything about the dinosaur issexy.
Am I right? Am I wrong?
Am I wrong for sure? No, you are right.
Actually that's a very good answer.
I'm. Very, thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Ask me a question. Yes, yeah.
I wish we could interview the cats for this next one, but if

(54:40):
you were physically able to lickyour own crotch, would you do
it? Regular 1000%.
You would. Yeah.
Why I don't I don't know. That's why I want to ask the
cats. Like, I don't think I feel like
if it really was that great, a lot more animals would just be

(55:00):
like, like non-stop all the. Time you.
Second of all, both of them are fixed.
I'm not fixed. I still go into heat once a
month. Oh, so you'd just be EW, yeah.
I don't know but the image of like me walking into the
bedroom. And you're just like.
You're just head pops up like one of the zombies and 28 days

(55:20):
later just EW. You would though.
Yeah, me too. But no, I don't know if I could.
EW, that's a lot of like. The end of that and what?
I couldn't just because. A little different between the
two of us, you know what I mean?Yeah.
I got, I got stuff down there, this.
Is a little more like invasive. That's what I mean.
I got stuff to deal with. I don't want to, you know what I

(55:43):
mean? Like, yeah, yours is just a nice
simple oh, I'm done with my meal, let me lick the plate.
You know what I'm saying? Mine.
I got full on leftovers down there, you know what I'm saying?
Like I got it's still in the go box.
Disgusting. Mario, I got a full to go box
down there and I don't want to deal with all that.
I deal with that. Don't make it a gross thing or

(56:04):
else I won't deal with that anymore.
If I think about it in a gross way, I'm not going to.
Like if I think about you, I could think about you in a gross
way. Too true.
It's your pee pee hole. Bryn Well, no.
It's for those of you who don't know.
There's actually OK. Have you ever pursued someone
who is already in a relationship?
How'd that work out for you? Oh.

(56:27):
Unknowingly. OK, I was going out with this
girl one time. We've been on a couple dates.
I really liked her a lot. We're on a double date,
actually. And the the couple that we were
with started getting beat up at Dave and Buster's.
Oh, yeah. It was wild.
Yeah. It's like one of the craziest
dates I've ever been on. I had to break up a fight at

(56:49):
Dave and Buster's. OK, all the security guards, I
can still see their faces. They're just standing there, but
they're stupid little headsets. And I remember going like.
Thanks for the help guys anyways.
I don't know the training or thelevel of security they have at
Dave and Buster's. You know what I mean?
But. Not a lot to my knowledge.
Anyways, wasn't involved myself,but what was the question?

(57:10):
Name the sexiest thing about each person in this room.
Wait. That's me and you.
Is that my figurines included? I think Donkey's sexiest feature
is his personality. You know what I mean?
I feel like that's how he was able to beg that big Batty
dragon, you know what I'm saying?
I feel like I'm donkey, you knowwhat I mean?
Like, because you're the baddestin the land, you're ferocious.

(57:33):
I'm the dragon. Yeah, you got that red velvet
hair. You're huge.
And so the. Sexiest thing about donkey is
that he's like you. Yeah, for sure.
And then SpongeBob sexiest thingabout him that that nose, you
know what I'm saying? It is long Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo. Like he's.
Sexiest thing about? Batman, his money for sure, his

(57:55):
fighting capabilities, his code that he abides by, his martial
arts skills. And like, I can say a lot of
sexy things about Batman. Like he's literally just, he's
like Tony Stark, except he outsources his tech.
You know what I mean? He doesn't develop it himself.
So he's a billionaire Playboy? That I asked this question to
hear what's sexy about me and you have been going off about

(58:16):
Batman. Chewbacca literally has that
long hair, you know what I'm saying?
And he just purrs. Like Can you imagine the noises
that Chewbacca can make or a Chewbacca get?
I don't know what a girl Chewbacca is called or a Wookie.
There's a Wookie in a what's a woman Wookie called?
Is it just Wookie? I I feel like wookies don't

(58:38):
specify gender You. Know what I mean?
Yeah, who else we got here? We got the Hulk.
What's next about that Hulk? That big green cucumber, am I
right? Am I missing anybody?
Heimlich, I'm a beautiful butterfly.
Anyways, Brynn, are you kidding me right now?

(59:00):
What's the sexiest quality aboutyou specifically?
I got to narrow it down to 1. Yeah.
Specifically sexy. Like do I get full reign to just
be a pig right now? I think I have a fatter ass than
people might realize. I'm being so serious I never
show off my ass but like. What's my catch phrase?

(59:21):
I don't know. Bubble gum?
Booty Batty. It's pretty pretty.
It's it's. Yeah, it's pretty.
Let me hype it up for you, but like y'all.
Think I got the. She got the Grande Mama chichi's
and she got, as the Germans would call it, the popo.
OK, that's actually how you say button ger.
I took two year in minor shula ekava einspa Yara off Deutsche.

(59:45):
I got a fat ass. I got a big fat ass.
A honky tonk boot donkey donk. No, but actually like, is that
what you would say? Yeah, just being like a straight
pig. I think it would be your boob.
I literally went to say butt andthen there's a little Mario in
my brain that was like, don't forget about the boobs.

(01:00:07):
Like just threw a note to the front of my head in the
teleprompter. Went boot.
Because I don't know. Sometimes it's the basement,
sometimes it's the attic. I think for you, most times it's
the basement. That.
But you just, you know what you'd do with it.
The instigator, that's what we should call the not the
instigator, the instinct Gator, you know what I'm saying?

(01:00:28):
Because it's that little, that little booty of wear.
Like Bowie shorts? You just throw it around.
I'm being a slut. You know you're throwing it
around at night. Don't act like you don't.
You do that little wiggle, pounce, you're just readjusting.
You're like dead asleep. You're super comfortable and
then you just want to throw thattangerine.
At me on occasion. I do it on purpose obviously.

(01:00:50):
I know, and I'm saying that's all it takes.
But like 90% of the time I really, I'm just trying to get
comfortable and you're like, youknow what you're doing.
And I'm like no. Let's just be real.
If you rub your shoulder on me, yeah, If you rub your toes on
me, I'd be like. What the fuck are you?
Doing yeah, no, the toes. You don't.
If you just like kind of even like a little too much with your
nose, just give me that little tickle.
Yeah, I'd probably be like, like, I feel like a bug, you

(01:01:10):
know what I'm saying? At athlete's foot right now.
Should pee on it. That's actually the remedy.
I know I used to. When I was.
Yeah, when I was in like elementary school and did dance.
You'd pee on your feet, Yeah. How good are you at?
Aiming your pee as a woman. Not at all.
So you can't aim at whatsoever like, you know, like.
A little like a general region. If you give me like a square

(01:01:30):
foot, I can. Get it in there.
Any chance of like writing a letter?
Like even like a lowercase L? Just like a straight line?
Like what's? Like squat and move my hips
which like I could probably but like not really.
I can't like aim it. It's not like a pen.
You know your pee hole better than I would.
So is there any chance you couldliterally like a hose, like put

(01:01:51):
your thumb at the end of it and like control the spray pattern
or make it more of it like, you know what I mean, like.
No. There's nothing like that, no
opportunity because like. No, I've been raised.
With a nozzle, you know what I'msaying?
Like it's just been like easy going so.
Think about it like yours is like, you know how when you have
a hose attached to a spigot on the side of the House, of
course, and you can just kind of, yeah, I just have the

(01:02:12):
spigot. I know, but you could.
Still put your thumb over the spigot and still control the
spray a little bit. So do have you ever tried that?
You ever tried that? It's not big like my thumb is
the size of it. That's what I'm saying.
So you can adjust it maybe? Sure.
If I maybe just maybe you got like a jet setting, you got like
a mist setting, you have like a shower setting.

(01:02:33):
You never know. You ever turn the the the top of
a nozzle to all the different sprays grab?
And like. Whatever you got to do, you
should try it out if you get thechance.
Have you ever said, have you ever set something on fire that
you weren't supposed to? What were the consequences?
Show back home we were all around the fire having a good
time and every once in a while, you know, sometimes someone

(01:02:55):
throw a soda in it or your can and blow up get real hot.
It's called a blevy boiling liquid evaporating vapor
explosion. That's why things blow up
containers because of the boiling vapors on the inside and
then they explode. Anyways you throw a beer in a
fire, it's going to it's going to blow up after a while cause a
ruckus. He he ha ha.

(01:03:17):
One time one of my friends put awhole gallon paint bucket in the
bonfire and tell nobody about 100 yards away.
My dad came outside to tell us to quiet down, and I said we're
quieted down, Dad, we're windingdown and behind me like a
Michael Bay explosion in the movie The Paint.
Bucket went off. So what did you do that was cool

(01:03:39):
when you lit something on fire? I just remember seeing the glow
of the explosion of the paint bucket in the fire and it was
like. You haven't done.
Anything like daylight? You were just near.
It. I mean, we used to have really.
Crazy you had a cool friend who did it.
I'm just saying I was there and it was like.
I would say the craziest thing I've done lighting things on
fire is, I mean, I don't even want to suggest these things.
I don't even want to get in trouble.

(01:04:00):
But like, we'd obviously make big bonfires with like.
Pallets and stuff and like we would stack them up and then
we'd see you could stand on the pallets the longest.
We did a lot of dumb stuff we had, like firework wars.
Yeah. So like lighting fireworks?
And shooting them at. Shoot them at each other and
throwing them like they're like,we did a lot of dumb stuff with
pyrotechnics. We used to put mosquito spray

(01:04:21):
all over our hands and then try to like flame on and light it.
You know what I mean? Kids do not try.
This I will say I asked you thisquestion because I have a really
good answer for it. What's your answer?
When I was in 7th grade, I triedto smoke cigarettes with my best
friend, and we did so by walkingdown to a neighborhood and

(01:04:42):
picking up a whole bunch of usedcigarette butts.
And then we took them back to myroom, laid out a piece of
printer paper, emptied all of them into the printer paper,
rolled it up, and then Scotch taped it shut.
And you tried smoking it? Yeah, we went into the bathroom
and tried to smoke it and my momlike within 30 seconds was like
bread. Bread doesn't smell like

(01:05:03):
cigarettes. Why would you smoke it inside?
We had the window open. You could just go outside in the
woods and do it, or like literally anywhere.
Why would you do it inside your house with your mom there, even
as a 12 year old? Listen, mistakes were made.
What? I just thought like it wouldn't.
I don't know. You can't shit where.
You eat. I didn't know how cigarettes

(01:05:24):
worked that well. Clearly.
If all the Ding Dong ditching and Tom Foluria did as a child,
we learned very quickly you haveto do it in neighboring
neighborhoods. You can't shit where you eat.
You're going to like Ding Dong ditch your neighbor.
So I do you even Ding Dong ditchanymore?
There's like rain cameras everywhere.
I would love to get Ding Dong ditched.
You know what I yeah, I like go to the door like.

(01:05:47):
Yeah, laughing and running down the street.
They're like hiding in the ditchacross the street, you know?
These kids. It's like, oh gosh darn it, you
rascals just see their eyes fromhere on up.
I hope the kids are still doing tomfoolery and shenanigans, you
know what I mean? I do too.
There was so much of it when I was growing up.
If you guys, that's also, you know what?
I'm going to add another prompt.Give us your most nostalgic

(01:06:10):
childhood memory. I want to hear your most like
nostalgic childhood memory or like your core memory, like one
of your main core memories. Just something from your
childhood that defines who you are, or like defined a
generation. I think that's a really good
one. I also, because I think we're
wrapping up here, I want to say if you've made it this far,

(01:06:31):
comment Ding Dong. Ding Dong.
Ding Dong. I like that a lot actually.
Just a reminder, all our promptsthat we want for the voice memo.
Like we just said, nostalgic thing.
Childhood memories, core memories.
Would you rather put a finger down?
Try not to cringe, try not to laugh.
Pick up lines, conspiracy theories.
Call in, say what you're going to talk about and talk about it,

(01:06:52):
and we will feature you on this podcast.
We'll also post them on our story because it's going to take
us a long time to do that many. So kind of as they come, we will
post them on our funny, on our funny, on our story.
So make sure to go follow us at Pretty Funny Everywhere.
Pretty funny, Official. Pretty funny.
While you're there, you can likerate US and subscribe and like
and like, you know, do all of those things.

(01:07:12):
Like we always say, we're very coachable, we're very
approachable. Tell us what you like and what
you're not liking. I know this podcast was very
free form, pretty fun, pretty whimsical, pretty ADHD, pretty
all over the place, but I feel like we talked about some
important things. Yeah, like you need to see
fucking Jeff Goldblum in the 1stand 2nd Jurassic Park.
Yeah series. What the You're still.

(01:07:33):
He's still pulled up on the screen and I.
Keep looking. At her.
She's just looking. Is that how you want me to end
up looking, Jeff Goldblum? Fucking.
The big glasses and delicious face.
And people that just. Age.
Well, good for you, you know what I mean.
He's got a full head of hair too.
The hair is important, folks. Oh God, Jeff Goldblum, I love
you. OK, we'll catch you all next

(01:07:53):
week, but in the meantime, make sure too.

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