#28: Baddie and the Beast

NEW HOSTS UNLOCKED! Welcome Shrek and blonde Brynne to the pod! We're talking Washington (the state), cowboys, fun facts, and of course, shitting our pants. Strap in, ladies and gentlemen....this one's a wild ride!

P.S. We're all glad Brynne's dad is okay! Cheers to you, Mike :)

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ABOUT:

Brynne is the most scrumpt-diddly delicious bubblegum booty baddie to ever exist. Mario is a fast talking professional idiot. Together they’re a queen and a clown, “pretty and funny.” Explore the minds and the very real lives of a jester and his ladylove with their insane lore drops, toasty takes, and never ending madness. Laugh, cry, reminisce, learn, and grow with your favorite couple as they dive deep into any and all topics for your entertainment and education. New episodes every Wednesday! Enjoy :)

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Look, wash out what? Are you being washed out?
I look like a ghost. I don't know.
I don't like it. There's like no contrast between
my hair and my face. Speaking of ghosts, we almost
lost a listener. What?
Oh. My God.
What did I do? I know where you're going with
that. Oh yeah, we almost lost one of
our biggest fans of the Pretty Funny podcast, Bryn's Father.

(00:25):
My dad had a heart attack. He did.
A week ago today. And he didn't fight back.
He's alive. He's alive.
Well, no, I mean, but like, if your heart's going to attack
you, ladies and gentlemen, attack back, throw them hands.
Now's the time. Your left arm, you know, feels a
little, little sore. Maybe hit him with the right.

(00:45):
Mario told me while I was in theshower, Yeah.
She was shaving her legs. I get the news that you know
Bryn's dad. You know, he just couldn't keep
a beat. Yeah, he he called, he went in
and immediately went into surgery.
Yeah. And then I just, you know, I
kind of went into, for those of you who don't know, I was a
firefighter and I kind of went into this.

(01:07):
Yeah. You know, my bedside banner, my
customer service kicked in and Ijust kind of explained to you we
were in Washington visiting. Yeah, we were near him.
Honestly, yeah. Best time to have a heart
attack. Like what are the chances?
Imagine if we were like still inVegas and then he had a heart
attack there. I would have.
Immediately I know, but like it would have been 50.

(01:27):
Times more stressful so like. No, I will say also like my dad
has a big sense of humor about things.
And so do you so. The two days that.
We visited him. We were just cracking jokes,
hanging out like normal, like. Oh, we should have brought the
whole setup. We should have had a podcast
right there in the I. Love to have my dad on the
podcast. Yeah, no, he's a he's a trip.
He's a good time. He's funny.
I we, we love you, Mike. We're happy.

(01:49):
And we're happy you're still with us.
I love. You and anybody out there, you
know, maybe you are listening from a hospital, maybe you got
family in the hospital. Just know that it is OK to
smile. Every once in a while to crack a
joke that does help. Like, I'm not a doctor, I'm not,
you know, Grey's Anatomy or nothing like that.
But I truly do believe being somewhat of a great value.

(02:09):
Patch Adams in cracking jokes. Feeling your emotions is a very
powerful, very important thing to do, but at the same time, if
you stick around on them too long and don't try to find the
light in things, that's when youcome into a really dark place.
So it's good to have those lightmoments in those dark times.
And thank you, Michael, for not following that light down that.
Tunnel. Oh my God, Mario.

(02:31):
OK, roll the intro. Emma, hi.
We, oh, we're keeping this in the.
Podcast. What in the actual?
Who are you actually? Give me some ID No, give me

(02:54):
this. Where's Bryn?
Listen like 4 hours ago ID Yeah this.
Woman missing pinky toe I'm not Quentin Tarantino.
Keep your. Feet away from me.
OK, hold on. That's not how Bryn laughs.
That's not how Bryn laughs. Who are you?
No. OK, stop talking.

(03:14):
Mute her. Oh my God, hold on, this might
be some shit. Get undressed for a new purse.
OK, Sabrina Carpenter, calm down.
Chill out. Oh, actually do the intro thing.
Hold on. Let me keep going with this in a
second. Hi, guys.
I'm. Looking back to the Pretty Funny
podcast, I'm Bryn. And I'm Mario, thanks for
joining us. Thanks for listening, tuning in,

(03:35):
watching, listening. Whatever you're doing, just
don't be gooning. You know that means.
No, with how good I look right now, gooning is allowed.
I've had people goon to less of me.
I can confirm that I mean like what?
Listen to me. Exactly what video it is I.

(03:56):
Think, no, hold on, chill out. Whoa.
One thing at a time. First and foremost, four hours
ago, this blonde woman just emerges in my my place of house,
right? And I'm sitting there and I'm
genuinely like, is this mystiqueshapeshifter?
Who are you and what have you done with brand?
OK, speak for yourself. Have you looked in?

(04:17):
A mirror. Have you looked in a mirror?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
First off, still haven't seen any form of identification
whatsoever and have not seen thesupposed wig come off at all.
Maybe I did dye my hair. Or maybe you're somebody else.
I don't know. I never could confirm nor deny

(04:40):
you. Watched the video of me putting
the wig on my head. It doesn't change the fact that
you literally could be some sortof sorceress goddess siren
inhabiting the form, taking overusing Bryn, and this is your new
host body and you just got the hair wrong.
You know what I mean? It was like last minute and

(05:02):
you've been pretending to be Bryn ever since.
I've been so tired recently. It's been the the demon, the
entity, slowly. Taking me, can I, can I go full
misogynistic real quick? Like full, just like probably
the most disgusting thing ever. I'm a little nervous but OK.
You decide to, you know, turn into a blonde bombshell Marilyn
Monroe. You think it's rude that I did

(05:23):
this while I bought my period? Yes, I knew exactly where you
were going. With not that I'm a little bitch
and I'm like, EW, yucky. No, you would.
I don't want. To I'm just yeah, I know you
like okay, you're just gonna right.
Now too. Show up out of nowhere year and
a half. Being with you and all of a
sudden you're just this blonde version of you, which we still

(05:43):
have not confirmed. Where's the birth certificate?
I don't. Have it.
It's at my. OK, well, I sound like a fucking
I don't. I don't care.
Where are you from? Where are you immigrated from?
I. Showed you my ID.
My ID is brunette. Am I being so?
What was that proof for? Assuming you're from Sweden.
Why are you heavy on the racism right now?
Do you have something you need to talk about?
It's because you're a skin colorthat you've never been before.

(06:04):
I think it's because ever since.Hi guys, if you haven't noticed
I am an ogre. I am Shrek last episode.
Can we roll the clip? Yeah, I'll dress up like Shrek.
That'd be cool. Can you actually?
Someone wants to get in my swamp, so here we are.
I'm green. Does the carpet match the the
grapes? No it doesn't and I would be
disgusted if it did. Where were you?

(06:28):
That's not Bryn's laugh. Who are you?
What have you done with Bryn? Oh, and we've gone so far, Bryn.
If that's not you, this is just some blonde evil twin of yours
from a different dimension from the multiverse of Marionis in
like the blonde version of you from like planet 616 just showed

(06:50):
up and you're like. I'm the blonde Austin Power
fembot. Your ADHD is going absolutely
bonkers. I think it's because I'm
literally dressed like such, youknow, like Mount Rushmore of
childhood figures. For me, there's so much
nostalgia with Shrek. Yeah, I was Shrek for Halloween.
Look at right here. In that year, I think I was 9 or

(07:12):
10, 2004, 2005, Look at this. This is me as Shrek.
And then look at me now as Shrek.
Follow your dreams, kids. I wanted to be Shrek so damn
bad. And here I am.
I'm Shrek and I wanted. To be platinum blonde.
There you are, that you did it. I did do it.
I can do this again with other colors.
Too. I was in the musical Legally

(07:32):
Blonde in high school. Is this where I revealed that I
was a theater kid? I think we could maybe gather
that without. Where would you gather the
knowledge that I was a theater kid growing up?
How would you know that? Have you once again looked at
yourself in the mirror? I was never in Shrek.
I was in Beauty and the Beast and I was in Legally Blonde and
I was in I was the Lead in Arsenic and Old Lace.

(07:53):
I had an idea what if for like Ithink it would be like 2 months
straight after Halloween if I just do this would be a lot for
me to upkeep but it's just an idea if I did like the rainbow
of wigs like I did red then orange then yellow then green
then blue then purple. Whoa.
What if you did color me Monday for a whole month, but then at

(08:15):
the end of every Color Me Monday, you chose a wig color
and for that week of that month you wear a wig?
Does that make sense? So like let's say you do color
me Monday for the 1st of. The month, like the whole week.
May or March could be like colorme March, color me May.
It could be like an M month. Hold on, hear me out, hear me
out. I'm cooking, I'm cooking.

(08:36):
I. Used to do Color me monthly.
Pick a month that starts with anM.
May, March. Is there any more in October?
No November. No.
You do color me March or May, and every Monday you do color me
Monday, and at the end of that Monday you pull a pencil for
your hair. And then for that whole week

(08:57):
you're just wearing that wig. Whatever color it is, you wear
that wig. And then the.
Next week you change it. Every Monday you do it.
Different. I don't want to wear a wig for a
whole week. Wait so how much longer do I
have blonde Brin for the? Second, we're done with this
podcast. You have maybe 5 to 10 minutes.
I might pull it off. Can I break that up like over
the course of a week? Like how?

(09:18):
Actually, 10 minutes. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
I'm. Just that's what I'm saying,
like 10 minutes worth of blonde Brin that could last me.
What is that like a year? Like for at least just me being
satisfied You 10 minutes maybe. Like half.
Half of one session, yeah. It depends also, like just how

(09:38):
into it I am, because if you come up to me out of nowhere and
you're just like Ron riggling. So like I was saying, if you
come up to me and I have no likeyou're just you're coming out
here randomly up to me, I'm not like immediately going to be

(10:02):
ready. That's what I mean.
No, I know that. I know you know.
So how many like plays does it take you with me because for.
Sometimes I am, sometimes there's been times that.
Wait, you're. Not ready and I'm like.
That's what I mean. You do like one or two plays and
you're there. You're already like Catholic.
Hey, whoa, whoa. That was like one play

(10:23):
basically, and you were there. Like I have to do it was a four
plays, 5 plays, 6 plays at leastbefore you're even feeling it.
You know what I mean? If you can do 4 play in 4 plays,
good for you. That's good.
That's a good average whether you're a, you're a man or a
woman or a mixture of the two, you know what I mean?
Little Neapolitan action, Littleswirl.

(10:44):
It's called non binary and it's non binary thing.
Or trans it's. Literally like, not anyway.
In the ogre community. We don't worry about any of
these things cuz we're not bigoted, racist, misogynistic,
sexist, you know homophobic losers in the ogre community.
OK? We just straight up murder and
kill and eat our own in our own species cuz we're all green.

(11:08):
Just because we're hungry. Sometimes we're mad.
That's what ogres do. Do you want to tell everybody
what we're doing today? Yes, it's fun facts, ladies and
gentlemen. We're going to talk a little bit
more about what we've been up to.
Smokes wanted to talk. Hold on, come here.
Y'all didn't hear it but he means.
It's going to be fun facts today, okay?
Come here, smokes. It's going to be fun facts.

(11:29):
We got people right now activelysubmitting fun facts.
That's why it's important to follow us on all of our socials.
Pretty funny, official anything that says pretty funny.
Anything that says Mario or Brin, make sure you're following
because we're about to pull yourguys's fun facts to talk about
on this podcast. Maybe talk about some fun facts
of our own. But first, let's catch up on

(11:50):
some things that we've been up. To, like we said, Michael Brin's
father. So happy you're still with us.
We love you. We were in Washington.
We went up for that was rude smokes.
We went up for Labor Day weekendis rodeo weekend in my hometown
and it was fun. It was.
It was a lot of. Fun.
So much fun. Oh my God.

(12:11):
That was the second year we've gone to the rodeo.
Yeah. There's a little rodeo tradition
that you guys have there. Like my 27th but not to flex or
anything. Well, it's like a childhood
thing for you. Like, yeah.
She grew up in central Washington.
Oh my God, is this like puss? Like Puss in.
Boots. Oh, yo, hold my cat.

(12:31):
Hold my cat real quick. Yo, that's the last time.
Hold on. No, I'm not.
I'm being serious. I'm being serious right now.
You just bonked puss right in the head.
Is he OK? You want to bunk my pussy?
If he's, is he OK? Yeah, he's fine, Boobie.
He takes his boobs all the time.Look at him.

(12:53):
Does he look like he's distraught?
Honestly, I don't know Brynn. I don't speak Cat.
I don't think he'd be letting medo this if he was distraught.
I don't think he'd be too happy with this if he was distraught.
Look at his paws. What's he looking at?
Oh, I don't like there's a dark doorway.

(13:13):
I don't like dark doorways. They're scary.
And did we? Freak me out Other things to say
about Washington. Yes, we I'm trying to keep Mario
on track. I swear to God I can tell when
his 88 she is a little too. A little too high definition.
Definition D What I. Was going to say that.
Because it's the pig of Destiny Chow.

(13:35):
What's your favorite Tenacious Dsong?
I will not take no as an answer.You don't know what's the one
you play all the time. Gigapoo, as a rat was wait, no
wait, no no, that's the one can't.
You see, he's a man. Let me hear you applaud.
He is more than a man. He's a shiny golden God.
If you think it's time to fucking rock and fucking roll
out of control, And if you know it's time to fucking rock, it's

(13:56):
time to rock and suck your cock 'cause when you rule, you
fucking drool. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
He's done. He's OK.
He's so. Done with me right now.
Come here. Come to me.
He came. He came right on me.
I heard it. I heard it.

(14:17):
The one thing I will say, I wantto live in Washington for many
reasons. Yeah.
Main one being fucking coffee stands.
I know we've talked about them. I talk about them all the time.
That's all I need to say about it.
If I talk about it too much I'm going to get like way too into
it, but every. Growing in.
Washington. OK, well, I could talk about it
more. Alive every day of my life.

(14:37):
Well, there's caffeine on every corner.
Yeah, caffeine on every corner when you're in Washington.
The thing about growing up in Washington and moving away, for
anyone else that has done that like we have, you just don't
realize how good it is till it'sgone.
Yeah, I saw a TikTok today that like genuinely hurt my soul.
I didn't like it. I didn't favorite it.
I should have, but it was literally someone filming them

(15:01):
driving down the freeway in Vegas and being like what?
Like my drive home then versus and then it was them driving
home on like an Evergreen Washington Rd. and like versus
my drive home now. And I was like fuck.
Like driving through the hills of Vegas and like canyons, to me
it just looks like like what my home would look like if it was

(15:24):
hit by a a nuclear bomb. Yeah.
It's beautiful in its own way. It's just barren.
It's just empty. OK, smokes come.
Here, he's good. Look at him.
He's fine. He's OK.
He's not like my donkey. Looking at it, he's.
Not hurting anyone. Were ogres like actually like

(15:44):
spotted or like seen in the realworld where they're like
sightings, you know, like, you know what, you guys?
Oh yeah. Whoa, whoa, hold on.
Because, like, who inspired the myth of the ogre?
There's apparently I'm gonna butcher this.
There's an Okeechobee, Okeechobee, Okeechobee,
Okeechobee. Oke what?
Okeechobee Ogre. Okeechobee.

(16:05):
Real life ogre caught on camera.Oh, it's just, oh, it's just
your mom. Watch carefully.
A creature that looks very similar to humans, covered with
blue fur. It struggles to climb from the
water to the ground. It's very bizarre.
It scares the people watching from afar.

(16:28):
Everyone is wondering what this mysterious creature is.
The mysterious creature crawls from the water to the shore.
It suddenly dives into the jungle.
Why would you do that? Head out.
I wanted to see what it was. What?
Do you mean the surroundings? Because look at it, apparently,
yeah, there's been oversight things, but I think there's been
everything's been sighted. I thought I saw a UFO.

(16:49):
Oh wait, you mean you've seen? When we were in Washington, I
thought I saw a UF. O for a second.
Yeah, do you not remember this? No, you were.
A little toasty or you might nothave been out.
We were at your Yeah, your mom. We.
Were at your mom and we were outside because we were trying
to see the Northern Lights. Because they were.
And so I was looking up at the stars and what have you and I.

(17:10):
Swear what have. You.
I swear to God it was an airplane.
But if an airplane was like 3 times higher up in the sky than
it normally is. So a satellite.
But it was moving. Like a plane moving really fast.
I knew it wasn't. I literally said it.
And our friend Kylie was with usand she was like, that's just,
that's an airplane. Oh my God, we hung out with
Scotty. If you guys don't throw up a

(17:31):
photo of Scotty K Fitness. We love Scott, we love Scottie.
Oh my God. Scotty come out of the podcast,
go pira Scottie. Scotty you guys comment.
Scotty wait, I told them. What we did with Scotty.
Scotty doesn't know. Yeah.
We went to we went to karaoke inSeattle.

(17:52):
Oh my God, yes. It was so much fun.
I didn't actually sing anything.Yeah, no, I sang 2 songs with
Scotty. Yeah, sang some Creed.
I'm really, really good at karaoke.
Like so good. My go to song has always been
Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood and it just feels kind
of wrong to sing it now. OK I would like everyone to
comment their go to karaoke songs.

(18:17):
And dream guests that you guys want to see appear on the Pretty
Funny podcast. I'm not even exaggerating.
Anybody tag them, make them aware of our podcast.
Anybody you want to see on our podcast if they're cool down to
earth. Interesting.
And we genuinely fuck with them.They'll be here.
That's the best way I can describe.
It and we would love to have Scotty on but.

(18:37):
We. Oh my God, yes.
Karaoke with him and his fiance?Oh my God, yes.
And we'll be at their wedding shortly.
Oh yes, very. Excited.
Very excited indeed. And then the next night they
came over to your mom's and we. Your mom's your mom.
We went down to a river and through some rocks and then I

(19:00):
had to go home early because I was gonna shit my pants.
We literally sat at a riverbank and just threw rocks at sticks.
There's just like a bunch of driftwood because you know, when
the snow melts and all the runoff of the water, you know,
pushes all these trees and limbsand branches and madness down

(19:22):
all these rivers and they get lodged in these riverbanks.
And then, you know, when it's summertime and all that water is
dissipated and you're just in these rivers and big empty
riverbeds with like all this driftwood and stuff.
We're just down there climbing all over everything.
We're throwing rocks. It was a.
Lot of fun. Oh.
My God, it was just so much fun just sitting by a river throwing
rocks. Unfortunately, I I had been

(19:44):
dealing with diarrhea all day and while we were down there I
thought I was fine. I went before we left.
I was chilling and then like. Oh yeah, you had to take off.
An hour and I was like, can I dothis in the woods?
Probably not. You just had like a a poop in
the box, you know, just like Buddy of the Elf was down there.
Just you couldn't trust a fart. You were just, you know, hold

(20:05):
it. I could see you.
Just pinching it, thankfully. Well, yeah, because I was
sitting there and then I startedlike, doing like the uncomfy
like. Oh yeah, I could tell.
You know when you sit like perfectly.
On the shit position, like on the shit button.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying? When you're just sitting right
there and you're like, oh, can'tsit there.
Yeah, because it's just that perfect.
Maybe one of these days before Idial, just let one go just to

(20:26):
know what it feels like. You shit your pants three times
this year. What do you mean?
But that was against my will, like.
Literally I think we both have shit our pants and we both know
what it's like. You want to intentionally shit
your pants? It was against my will.
You want to? I was a victim of my bowels.
I didn't want to shit my pants then.

(20:47):
You want to though. I want to just one time shit my
pants and with. Like a solid turn, not like a.
Really send it know what it feels like Just every time I've
shit my pants I haven't wanted to it's in the worst timing.
I would love to shit my pants ina.
Convenient place where I could just be done with it and feel it
and well. I mean when you're old you
probably will like a couple times once you wear.

(21:08):
Diapers. Oh yeah, I'll confidence.
I'm not cleaning you up. We'll have someone else to help
us with that, maybe our kids. Who decides when diapers?
You know, stop. Like, why can't we wear them out
of convenience? Why can't I just wear one right
now? Why is it gross?
You would be stinky think. About how bad a baby right now
think. About how bad a baby's blowout
smells. I just, I just had a thought.
What? I will do this.

(21:30):
Are you going to wear a diaper just to shoot your pants?
I'm never going to tell you guyswhen, but I will ship my pants
on this podcast. I will wear a diaper, I'll sit
on the toilet. I'll do whatever I have to.
Bryn will know. Our lovely editor Emma might
know. Hopefully we can keep it from
her. But.
Don't do that. Don't do that.

(21:50):
Are. You holding the red flag?
Hold on. Could I follow my dreams?
Intentionally shitting your pants on camera.
And be proud. Of.
Me. No, but they will never know.
When I do it. I'll fucking know, that's what.
I just said. I should be like the number one
person that you care about shitting your pants in front of.
I know I make you comfortable. In front of the old you.

(22:11):
Have shit your pants in front ofme.
I'm gonna insert the picture. I'm gonna insert the picture.
Why are you talking to Emma? Because this is, do you remember
when we were driving home from Arizona and you pooped your
pants? Yeah, you waddled away and I
have a picture of a green shortswith a little wet spot.
Is it a waddle if I'm not choosing to waddle?
If it's against my will, it's against my little waddle.
I was walking and then the circumstances in my pants and I

(22:33):
had. To bring you underwear and
shorts. You had what a chore to rescue
me from my shitty. Situation I wanted you to come
out of the in and out bathroom butt ass fucking naked.
Did you no like animal style? This morning, my God, you woke
me up this morning and you came into the room and you weren't
wearing pants. You were just wearing a shirt

(22:55):
and your boxers were like hiked up.
And so I could not tell that youwere wearing underwear and it
looked like you were just pantsless standing there.
Well, it was a really baggy shirt.
Obviously. It was like a crop top.
Oh I hate how you just literallyproved what the fuck abuse you
just proved. That you are the real.

(23:16):
Bryn by giving an anecdotal thismorning that only she would
know, but at the same time you just.
Behaved in a way that Bryn neverwould.
I would. You would never throw a red flag
at me. Oh my God.
Oh I flinched. Wait, put the put.
Your hand down. Put the Barbie.
Put your hand down. Put the Billy Tyler's down.
Put your hand. Down No.

(23:37):
What do you do? Put.
Your hand down you're going to. Get it in my eye.
Close your eyes. Payback.
Put your hand down. Oh, Mario, the one time I let
you. OK, I guess I deserve it. close
your eyes. What are you doing it?
For learn from my mistake, closeyour eyes, I.
Don't want this thrown in my face.

(24:00):
The neighbors are going to call.And they're going to come here
and see Shrek. They're going to judge me before
they get to know me. I'm definitely getting blamed if
the cops show up here, Brain. I'm dressed like an ogre, what
I'm talking about. Like, am I most beautiful?
They're going to take my side nomatter what.
I ever tell you about the time that someone thought I was a

(24:21):
porn star? I was so brave on our flight
home from Washington. Wait, hold on.
No, your porn star story. I've got him locked in.
I was unlocked, now I'm about tolock in I.
Have to poop though though. Oh go poop, I'll tell this
little anecdote. Go.
Ahead I want to hear. I don't know it the one story I
don't know. Oh.

(24:41):
OK, whoa, easy tiger. So anyways, rare.
Rare God, you are so hot. You could really just like wreck
my entire life and I'd be like completely OK with it.
You know what hold on side note,I'm going to go full ADHD, but I
will bring it home ladies and gentlemen listening and watching

(25:04):
trust in me. I will get us there and we're
about to embark on this journey together.
OK, This is where he. Says to me every night when
we're in bed, go. And then 30 seconds later.
Wasn't that fun? Make sure to unfasten.
Did you like it? Did you like it?
What was I talking about? What was I talking about?

(25:25):
You were going to say something.You were going full ADHD.
You're talking about how hot I am.
I hate living in a generation oflike, nonchalantness and people
pretending like they're romantic, pretending like they
yearn, you know what I mean? Like we grew up watching.
These epic fantasies and whimsical, magical romantic love
stories and yet we're ashamed to, you know, express ourselves

(25:49):
to the fullest because like you come walking out this blonde
beautiful diva delicious vanillagoddess, look at you.
My God, I'm like literally goingto pass out staring at you like
you are so hot. I want you to like literally
crush me. This is this is what yearning
means. OK, I'm about to show you live

(26:11):
right here. I want you to take me and squish
me down to a little teensy tiny version of myself and then slide
me like a credit card betwixt your cheeks and then crush me.
Crush me. Bred squeeze.
And then jump off a building, cheeks first, right to the

(26:32):
pavement and and and squish me to the point I turn into a
little diamond And then wear me on your ring.
Exactly. Forever and be like, this is how
much I love this man. I squished him with all of my
might. Like, that's how I want to die.
That's how I want to go out. That's what I want.
That's what I yearn for. Find what you love and let it

(26:52):
kill you, Charles Bukowski, and let it.
Kill you. I don't know.
I mean looking like this, I'd beso OK with it.
Oh my God, like you make me. Feel like I've lived a fulfilled
wife because. Whoa, I'm literally looking at
her and she's so hot. Like I just like wife.
Like as I'm talking, I feel the fulfilled wife.

(27:16):
I just look at you and it's likesquirt, like you are so hot.
You look so good. You're so beautiful.
Maybe I'll let you hit. OK, cool.
I don't need much. I don't need much at all.
I. Mean, I think I should actually,
like, send you into cardiac arrest if I put on lingerie.
Oh, like this? Yeah, it's like, what's my

(27:37):
preference? What's my preference?
What's my? Go, you can get in my swamp and
I'll climb in your forest. Tell us about when you were a
porn star. Aurora from Sleeping Beauty.
Tell us about when you were a porn star.
Well, no, I just people would come over and I didn't realize
how, you know, it looked. I have a bunch.
Of story, I'm going to go poop. I just had a bunch of cameras
pointed at my couch with like lights and stuff and people

(28:00):
would come over and I never addressed it because I just
assumed people saw what I was doing online.
Meanwhile, you know, no one had any clue.
It's people would just come overand there's like rumors being
spread that, you know, I was doing weird shit.
People would come over and they'd be like, what does Mario?

(28:21):
Do with his spare time, you know, this guy that just, you
know, on his own in the military, stationed away from
home, he doesn't really hang outwith anybody like, and we go
over to his house and he's got abunch of cameras and lights
pointed at his couch, like. I feel like people thought I was
like Dexter or something. Like 50 Shades of Mario was

(28:42):
happening and I remember one dude came over because he was
dropping off a bed frame. For me and then.
His kid went to sit on the couchand he was like, don't sit on
that anyways. And I was like, hey man, like
that's when it's set in. And I was like, wait.
This kind of looks kind of looksweird, you know, And I've told

(29:06):
people that like I've met me in person, but don't really know
who I am. But I've seen other people be
like, oh, Mario High and they'relike, what do you do?
And I would say that I made videos online and then people
give me like, weird. Looks, you know, like anyways,
not that you know making videos online doing those things is
bad, you know, because like lookat me right now I mean I'm.

(29:32):
Curious. What would this be like?
Does anyone goon to me ever? Oh, I hope someday someone's had
to have Brynn. She just yelled.
She's pooping. Brynn's wearing these pants and
they just. Oh my.

(29:52):
God, what are those pants called?
You know, like when you know, like some crystal ball, voodoo,
black magic, hot topic. Goddess, you know, some like
Sagittarius Capri Sun asparagus,Mercury rising retrograde curly
above her bed. She has that tapestry.

(30:13):
You know what I'm talking about.We'll we'll have an image up
right now. OK, so those that pattern right
and then on pants and they're like the get me pregnant pants,
like those delicious bouncy, bouncy pants.
I've worn those pants before. They're comfy.
They're like yoga pants. For, you know, like if you're in

(30:33):
heat, you know, I put them on one time and she's she's wearing
these every every pair of pants Brynn wears right now are like
those pants because she's just like, Oh my God.
And like, I feel like just following her around while
she's, you know, wearing this, this wig, this blonde wig.

(30:53):
I'm like crashing out. I'm like, Oh my God, I feel like
I'm cheating on my girlfriend, but it is my girlfriend.
Why would I feel bad? She's changed her hair like 30
times since we've been together.I just prefer my girlfriend.
Does that make sense? That's what I'm.
Learning every time Bryn changesher hair or does a new look or
you know, like does some like weird crazy look or some
whatever Bryn and every flavor, that's what I prefer.
That's my type. Bryn was like, I want to wear

(31:16):
blonde and see if Mario prefers blondes or if he likes blondes
more than brunettes. And I'm like, no, I just like
this version of you. Let's throw up a picture of
Brynn right now with this wig on, right?
This $40 wig that she got overnighted from Amazon.
You think everybody on planet Earth can throw that wig on and
look like that? You know what I'd look like with

(31:36):
that, with that wig on? Actually, here we go, episode
what, two or three? Here we go.
Not everybody can throw that wigon and look like that.
Oh my gosh, she's the baddest, most scrum diddly, delectable,
delicious bubble gum booty Bettyof all time.
And here I am dressed like an ogre.
You know. What does that mean?
What does that mean? That Shrek CD?

(31:57):
Did everyone else have that? Oh my.
God, I love that Shrek CD Bryn'sback.
I was just talking about your pants.
I don't think I've told you thisstory.
Can I tell you a story real quick?
So you know those pants that like hex girls wear?
You know, hex girls from Scooby-doo?
When you're like dark hair, you're like a hex girl.

(32:19):
Yes and now when you're with this like light hair, you're
like an Austin Powers like fembot, you're like, you know
what I mean Like I'm. Hearing you.
Am I objectifying too much? Is this?
No, just like how does this relate to the pants?
I was with this girl one time, right?
This is. Yeah.
This is BB. This is before Bryn.

(32:41):
Do you want me to continue with this story?
My Lord? Here, would you like me to
continue with the story? I don't.
Know what that means? What was your ruling Overruled?
What? What are you?
No. What?
You're not. You have to say when you're
Bryn. I asked you.
You're putting little dents in the mallet hitter thingy.

(33:03):
You're not Bryn. My fingers abuse Bryn.
OK, whoa, OK, whoa. What is your ruling?
Should I continue with the story?
Make it quick. That's what Jane never said.
But it always happens. What?
Oh, so you know those pants thatlike hex girls wear?
Like, you know, Hot Topic hotties?

(33:25):
Like spooky baddies? Yeah, there's a name for them.
What are they? Called.
What are those pants called? They're not.
There's a pants. Slang name for them Yeah, they
have they're. Like the get me pricky.
Pants like I'm I'm going into heat.
Like the forbidden pants. Forbidden pants.
I think that's it. Actually, I think so too.
Forbidden pants. Those pants.
Forbidden leggings. Yes.

(33:45):
Oh, I'm so sorry. Should I get a pair for you?
Like for me, for you. For all of us, for everyone.
Brendan, I'll do it literally just so you can see, just
because you have talked to girlsbefore and I need to like
recreate your memories. I'm not toxic.
What? What do you mean recreate my
memories? I need to give you better ones.
You do. I mean, like I feel the same way

(34:07):
towards you, but like that's so like you already do all the
time, every day, every time you do anything with me, it's the
best memory of it. I'm.
Going to get a pair of these just.
Of those pants. Yeah, I'm so toxic.
What? This is giving very toxic
energy. I heard that this girl, I
haven't even heard the full story.
There's a girl and you mentionedthese pants and I immediately am

(34:28):
buying the pants to and you wantto like that's the most toxic
thing. Already I mean like.
At least I'm self aware. OK, but hold on, can I join in
on this conversation you're having with yourself?
Like literally anything that youdo.
Is immediately my favorite just because you're my favorite.
Like it's not even like a competition.

(34:49):
Like you can't compare yourself with anybody because I'm not
comparing you with anybody, you know what I mean?
Like you're having a competitionwith no one.
This imaginary person you're projecting.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
Does it? Kinda.
I'm never. Just wear the pants.
Honestly, I don't even know why I'm like fighting.
Like go for it, honestly. You know what?

(35:10):
Give me that better memory. Can you tell me the story
swiftly and then we can get intothe fun facts?
There I was with this girl before Bryn, OK.
Unfortunately. We'd been going out and it was
like a situation ship borderlinegateway drug to a relationship
situation. I don't know.
I'm saying I don't know. I just like we're hanging out,
we're having a good time. And there's this dude that just

(35:31):
keeps like pestering her, like texting her.
And she's made it abundantly clear to him that like she
doesn't want to be with this guy.
But like, you know, once a week,he just kind of like sends a
random like you up or like, what's going on?
Like how you doing? Or like, didn't see my last
text, like, you know, like thosevibes, right.
And so I was like, oh, let me talk to him.

(35:51):
Like, let me, let me see what I can do.
You know, I'm a, I'm a pretty funny guy.
I'm pretty creative, you know, let me, let me see where this
goes. So she hands me the phone and
I'm pretending to be her and my sole objective is to deter him
from wanting to talk to. Her.
Yes. And I'm not doing this in like a
a jealous douchey way mind you. I'm just pretending to be her in

(36:13):
like the worst way possible. Yeah, I'm messaging this dude
and he's like getting the hint but just kind of ignoring it,
you know what I'm saying? Like he said, something along
the lines of like, what are you?Wearing you know what I mean.
I made the mistake of saying anything like yoga pants
related. Yeah, You know what I mean?

(36:33):
And he said something a lot, I can't remember the exact
conversation, I'm paraphrasing, but it was something along the
lines of like, send me a pic of what you're wearing.
And I had the brain blast of like, give me a pair of your
pants. And she gave me a pair of those
forbidden tapestry crystal ball pants.
And I put them on and. Don't mind if I diddly do but
like full on bubble gum booty daddy you've.

(36:55):
Got a fat ass. I do.
I really do. You've got a donkey on you.
It'd be moving. Yeah.
It'd be jiggling. I think.
Nothing. 'S ever jiggled?
I put these. Pants on and we snap a couple
photos and. I think I just accidentally
looked a little too good, a little too thick.
Was he into it? Radio silence for, you know, a
few minutes, right? Yeah.

(37:16):
Nothing. Yeah.
And then he was like, thank you so much for that photo.
That did the trick. You know that did the job.
I don't know where you are. Dude.
But did he? Ever know that it was you?
No, I think I just. It's the funniest shit.
Imagine he follows you. Imagine he's out there just
thinking that like some bubble gum booty baddie sent him.

(37:40):
What if he's been using it for like 4 years?
Oh my God he's like God there's this thick photo, what does it
for you? Just this photo that girl sent
me once. Of.
This like thick forbidden pants juicy ass.
So when I get the pants, yes. Will you put them on?
What No the I thought the pants were what what now I have to

(38:00):
like one up myself and. Then I can goon do.
You want a goon? You too haven't.
You're like what? So like you heard that someone
wore those pants for me and you want to wear them, and then you
heard that I wore those pants for someone else and they got to
goon to it and now you want to? Wear her skin.
Are you like Joe? No.
Have you heard that from you? Have you heard that Beyoncé the.

(38:23):
What? Hold on, I can.
Wear her skin over mine, her hair over mine, her hands as
gloves. What is that?
What you? Is that what's playing in your
brain over? Time when I bought the pants.
Every time I bring up any other woman that have ever existed, is

(38:47):
that what plays in your brain? Much better than them, and I
know that. So yeah, the rodeo was really
fun. Oh my God.
You saw the guy who took my virginity.
Yeah, these dudes that were likeliterally wrestling beasts to
the ground saw. One of them.
What was he doing? I don't even think you actually

(39:08):
saw him. He was just my brother pointed
him out. He was like a couple rows in
front of us. Oh, he wasn't one of the rodeo
people. No, he was just like in the
stands. Yeah, no, I did walk past him at
one point when you were literally diarrhea ING on the
toilet and I was like. Yeah, I almost died at the
rodeo. I hadn't had nicotine in such.
A long My brother offered. Mario Azin.

(39:30):
Yeah, and Mario almost. My God.
I got out of the military, as we've talked about, and I quit
nicotine immediately. And then I'd been drinking and
smoking Mario Juana all day and had a couple drinks.
We're at the rodeo and fair food, had some fair food, and
your brother offers me a Zen. And as someone who smoked a pack

(39:52):
a day, believe it or not, for six years, believe it or not,
for six. Years.
I was on track to be one of these people.
Oh God. When I was smoking a pack of
Camel crush Blues every single day.
I could do a lot of. Voices and stuff by the way.
Should I do more of those? Do you guys want more voices?

(40:13):
You talking about the radio? So they literally are wrestling
these like calves and cows and bulls and Broncos to the ground
with their bare hands. And Bryn just goes, I lost my
virginity to that guy randomly in the drunken stupor of the
amazing night of watching these men and women just conquer these

(40:33):
beasts of the farm. Just like literally doing these
outstanding feats of grandeur like on the back of horses and
bulls and shit. It wasn't like AI lost my like
my brother showed me him and then I was like, oh God.
And I was like, well, have you ever wanted to know?
There he is. There he is.

(40:54):
I never you. I didn't even, I just looked out
at whatever you know. Cowboy was.
Cowboy was wrestling a cow and Iwas like, Oh yeah, that was
probably not memorable whatsoever.
Have I ever been with a cowboy? I'm a cowboy.
My aunt lived on a ranch and I rode on horses and went on

(41:15):
cattle drives and I know how to rope.
Yeah, but. And I.
Birthed calves As a child I was birthing calves.
Literally cranking them out. Like literally I did ranch, old
yeller, cowboy, western, Clint Eastwood shit.
I shot him out of those with a BB gun.
Shot a cowboy gun. Why?
What the fuck? Why?

(41:35):
We took the calf because the calf had gotten separated from
the real mother. Whoa, hold on. self-defense.
Got a full cow coming at me. What do you want me to do?
Shot it with ABB gun. It just bounced off.
It's a BB. What do you want?
Hold on. Whoa, calm down.
OK, There I am, the back of a pickup truck holding a calf

(41:56):
going. Yeah, like yelling so loud,
Right? And I'm holding it and it's
like. I've seen Jurassic Park, so here
I am, like a 8 year old holding like the wounded baby
triceratops from the back of thebumpy truck.
And like, literally all around me is just this gigantic,
endless cow. Pasture of all these cows.

(42:17):
Right. And out of nowhere, mind you,
I'm like literally 9101112. I don't know.
I'm a, I'm a smaller version of myself holding a living,
breathing calf the size of me. And this mother cow puts its
head over the side of the pickuptruck as it's going 5 mph.

(42:38):
And it goes like so loud, so loud right in my face as I'm
holding this calf. And I go and then my brother I,
I kind of throw the calf off to him, right?
And I take my Brier and I'm like.
Shot it in an animal through a baby animal.
It wasn't that cow's calf. It thought that it was, so we

(43:03):
had to bring the calf back to his real mother.
That was does. It matter.
Yeah, it matters. That's the calf's real.
Model drive away in the vehicle that you're in.
We were doing that. Oh, trust me.
My uncle was like stop shooting the cows, God damn it.
Stop shooting the cows. Be your.
Initial reaction. 'Cause I don't know, I thought I

(43:23):
was like Indiana Jones or something.
I thought I was just like I had my Red Rider BB gun with.
Me shoot a cow. No.
With ABB gun I. Don't think I was a kid.
I couldn't get my hands on a real cow.
So why did you have a gun? A real gun.
Like if I have a real gun brain,I'm a red rider on me, OK?

(43:43):
I was fighting for my life in the back of a pickup truck.
What do you want? I'm high as hell in the
bleachers of Brent's Rink, a dink hillbilly Hick town,
literally having the time of my life.
These dudes on the backs of these Broncos and these bowls.
And there was one point where there was fucking three people

(44:05):
and their whole mission was to rope, hold down, get on, ride a
wild horse around the arena. Let me say that one more time.
So we're at the rodeo, right? And they bring out normal people
that just signed up to be a partof the rodeo.
Three people to a group. So imagine you and pick two of
your best friends. If you don't have two of your

(44:26):
best friends, the next two. People you see after listening
to me talk about. This.
Those are the people on your team, OK?
And let me know how you fare against these overwhelming odds
Because these three people, thistrio, their objective was they
let a bunch of wild horses out into the arena.
And these three people that havelike just a rope get it around

(44:49):
the horse. They have to hold the horse.
One person has to get on the horse, survive the horse
bucking, and then the horse has to ride around the arena with
the person salon in for them to win.
So there's like 6 different groups of three trying to tame
these wild horses while they're literally being launched like 15

(45:10):
to 25 feet into the air. Like just getting beat the shit
by horses. And that leads me to my main
question, Brynn, how many versions of you would it take to
like, you know, take down a horse?
10. Ten, Yeah.
You think 10 of you could take down a horse?
Yeah. Horses are just so strong,
though. You just have all 10 of.

(45:31):
You just have to be. Yeah, like.
Aggressively though, or just like.
Yeah, Brynn, they were like tossing people like it was
nothing like those horses are sopowerful if there.
Was three of them, there'd be 10of.
Me. Yeah.
No, I think you could do it. I think 10 was a good number.
I thought you were going to say something.
You're very self aware in in allways.

(45:52):
Yeah, no. OK.
Ten. Yeah, I think 10 of you could do
it. How many do you think for you?
For me, honestly, I was going tosay about 10, like 5 to 10 of
me. Yeah, like I, I, I think so.
I think like 5 of you, 5 of me, we could definitely.
Just hold down a wild horse. I think they're not wild horses.
Well, maybe they they said they were wild horses.

(46:13):
They just go pick them up off the hill the day of.
What do discover? That you just like tie up all
these animals balls by the way, and then like that was makes
them like, you know, go crazy. If I tied up your balls, you
would probably get a little upset, right?
Yeah, the. Logic is pretty like.
I know, but like what? The dude was like, hey, like

(46:35):
that horse over there. I wonder if I could stay on it
if it really wanted to get. Me off the horse.
Probably tied their saddle wrongand accidentally tied their
balls a little bit and they werelike hey they don't like this.
They start bucking and then someone probably was like, what
if we intentionally tied their balls and then tried to see who
could stay on longer? You think that?

(46:57):
They like. That's the direct.
Line I know, but. Like the saddle.
The saddle goes right around thebelly of the horse.
You'd have to, like, fuck up. You'd have to like people.
Fuck up on much smaller things all the time.
I'm just saying like I feel likeif that's your theory then like
someone would have to be like putting like 3 saddles on the
horse to get to the point where it might tangle up with their.

(47:19):
Balls maybe? Have you seen a horse cock?
Have you seen a horse Dick? People saw like, hey, horses get
upset and buck. What's a way that we could upset
them to where we could ride themand try to stay on?
And like from all those, I'm just saying like all these
years, it's just always consistently been what?
We're going to do. What were they going to?
Do like stab them in the eye? What was that hand?

(47:42):
Moisture that was just stabbing them in the eye, I.
Don't think the horse would buck.
Stab them. I'm just saying, I feel like
there'd be better ways by now tolike, get the horse to buck or
the bowl to buck without, you know, tying up its balls.
No, probably not as like, I don't think it's very ethical.
That is one thing I'll say aboutrodeos is I enjoy them.

(48:03):
I've been in the since I was a kid.
Do they make me uncomfortable when I think about the animals?
Yeah. But we had such a good trip.
Home back to Washington and likewe like started this
conversation an hour ago about yeah we gatekeep Washington hard
because once you leave Washington you're like Oh my God
and it's. Our.

(48:24):
Home. So it's just well, I mean, but
like, it really is beautiful. It is so I'm.
Still trying to gatekeep it. I'm like, don't talk too much
about it right now. Yeah.
I mean, when I say beautiful, I mean in the way that you, like
would tell an ogre that it's beautiful.
You know what I mean? Like you're beautiful.
Honestly, do. You want to get into the fun
facts? We have been talking a lot of
this podcast. Maybe we should do like a little
teaser and then do the fun factsthe next episode.

(48:46):
Like maybe we do 2 weeks. Let's just do a couple, yes?
OK. And then next episode, if you
guys like this, if you want us to do a little a couple more,
we'll do a whole episode dedicated to it next week.
Yeah, and this is a really good reminder.
Again, I'm going to say it as many times as I can.
Follow us on everything. If you enjoy the podcast, make
sure you're following us on all of our socials.

(49:07):
It's the best. Way to get involved.
This is literally all the fun facts that you guys provided
within the last hour. We're going to do what we've
done before and just close your eyes, scroll and stop.
OK, so I'm going to stop. Stop.
Beavers used to be the size of brown bears.
Wait, hold the. Google is going to be our best.
Hold on, hold on. No, no, no, we don't even need
to Google this. I believe it immediately.

(49:28):
Yes, they did. Beavers were the when.
They were once the size of blackbears and rogue North America
before dying out around 10,000 years ago.
Did they just, like, run out of lumber because they were too
big? You know what I mean?
Like, I feel like deforestation,if they stayed that big would be
like the biggest problem ever. We'd have no air.
Like Beavers would have just destroyed all of the forest in

(49:50):
the woods. They were only the size of a
black bear, so they were. Only a Beaver the size of a
black bear a. 100 to 220. Pounds.
They wouldn't even be gnawing down trees.
They'd be going for like redwoods and and and getting
bored. 7 feet tall. They'd be chewing through us.
We'd wake up. Beavers would take over the
world if they were still that size.
How big were they? Like, how much did they weigh?

(50:11):
220 up to 220. 220 LB Beaver, 7 foot tall.
Kind of cute. They could have build like the
actual Hoover Dam back then. Rivers didn't exist back 10,000
years ago because Beavers were the size of black bears.
Do we think they actually lookedlike Beavers though?
I don't know. I wasn't there.
That's the thing about dinosaursis I never believe that they

(50:32):
look like how we think they look.
Like, I know we've talked, yeah,we've talked about that before,
like. But if it had like the same bone
structure and shit, that is really cool.
That's a good one. Do you have your fun fact list
too? I'll do another one.
I think we'll just use yours andthen.
Next, tell me when. Stop.
Bananas are radioactive. They contain potassium 40.

(50:52):
Well, I know they contain potassium.
Well, it's just got to be such. A low radioactive level that it
would never affect us, but that is insane.
Go ahead. Stop.
At 70, your heart will have beaten 2.5 billion times.
I turned 10,000 days old on November 10th.

(51:13):
Whoa. Wait, 2.5 billion art beats?
A lot, but like honestly kind oflike less than I would expect
when you're 70. That's so old, but so many years
of like. Yeah, you hear that, Mike?
OK, you got like a billion more fucking beats to go.
Why are you trying to like? If you're 35, you would have

(51:34):
like a billion more. OK, I don't know the math
exactly, Mike, but you have a lot more beats, OK, so maybe
tell your heart to chill out just a little bit, can I?
Do one. Yeah.
OK, so tell me when to stop. OK, stop.
Wombat poop is cube shaped. Oh really?
What is a wombat again? It's so.

(51:56):
Wombat poop. How do I need to sit?
How do I need to position myself?
How do I, you know, produce a cube?
My God. Oh, they really are cubes.
Oh, those look like sweet little.
Little streets. Millions of animals have sausage
shaped poos and millions more produce small round pellets, but
there's only one animal in the world that poos cubes.

(52:17):
Wombats. Why?
Oh, little little poop cubes. Oh, those look, those look good.
I'd eat one. Would you eat one?
Eaten. Horse poop you have on purpose.
OK, how did it taste? Like grass?
So like wombat, what do wombats eat?
Go ahead. I think also grass.
Well you eat wombat. Wombats are so cute I would eat

(52:38):
their poop. Whoa I have this like poop chart
pulled up the Bristol stool chart.
Yeah, your little sister was. Talking about whoa.
Type 1. Type 2.
Type 3. What type of poop are you
pooping right now? What's yours look like?
Mine are little hard pellets. Really.
Yeah, I said that earlier. I think Type 1's the best.

(52:59):
Are they supposed to be like little art dogs?
I think that's the healthiest. You want this with like rabbits
and deers and goats and like. That doesn't mean it's the
healthiest. It means I have too much fiber
because it's sinking down to thebottom.
You want your poop to float, butyou want it to be a solid log.
Oh, so you're like type 1 I feellike.
Type 3 and four are the best. Those are the best.
Yes, I'm like a combination. Between type 4 through type 6.

(53:20):
Yeah, you know what I mean. I'm constipated right now.
I have type 1. Yeah, I have that like perfect
poop sometimes where it's like the no wipe swipe.
It's just like nothing there. And that happens between like
Type 3 and Type 2 when it's likethose dry, hard, pebbly stuck
together poops. But like we just, we're on
vacation to Washington like we keep mentioning.

(53:41):
And I had so much type 6, type 7poops and like type 5.
No, I was like type. When I'm on vacation.
Entire time that we were there because I also get really bad
diarrhea when I travel. Yeah.
I used to have to take a modium as a child and I still do now.
Which shout out to Alaskan Airlines, Crystal, you know who
you are not. Bristol.

(54:03):
Not Bristol, not the Bristol stool chart, but Crystal, the
first class stewardess. Yeah, we fly first class.
My girlfriend's hot and rich. Of course we would.
And I'm terrified of flying, so it helps.
And I got so drunk before the flight.
I also got very drunk on the. Flight it helps so much Oh my
God. Like literally getting drunk
just cures old flight anxieties if.

(54:24):
Take it from me as someone who hates fucking flying.
Like literally you've seen me completely lose my mind, crash
out, have to like almost get wheeled off the plane like being
that scared of. Flying and we're not trying to
like recommend any like bad. No, no, no.
Go for it. Yeah, no.
If you're terrified of flying, drink away.
Drink up. If you're of age and safe and

(54:44):
you just. Drink.
If you need a drink, drink OK. If you're on a flight, it's
understandable. You're in a.
Claustrophobic tube in a in a inthe sky 30,000 feet up.
Never been that scared in a metal tube while it's bouncing,
tube while it's bouncing around.Never been that scared.
Drink up, no excuses. I don't care.
I'm not mad. Don't drink and drive.
Smoke and fly. Don't drink.

(55:06):
Don't drink and drive. Don't smoke and fly.
Do not smoke and fly. Drink and fly.
Yes. Yes, which is like me.
You have a ride home when you'renot the one flying.
Yeah. Did you see recently that there
was a pilot who got escorted offa plane because he was drunk?
No, like flying the plane. Yeah.
Yeah, 3 weeks ago pilot arrestedafter attempting to fly a

(55:26):
commercial plane. Yeah, there was also one in
January. If you drink and fly or conduct
or drive or sail. Or teleport, I don't fucking
know. You're an idiot.
Don't. Don't operate the shit while
you're drinking, you fucking dumbass.
No sympathy at all, you fucking you.

(55:48):
Fucking have everything bad thathappens to you.
Drinking passenger. Oh my God, smoking passenger.
If you're passengering, be whatever you got to be to get
through that. You know, I mean, maybe you're
you get seasick, maybe you get air sick, drive sick, car sick,
boat sick, teleport sick, basic whatever sick you get if you

(56:08):
need to drink a little bit before I.
Do it. Do it.
You have my permission. Just don't be operating the
fucking machinery. Who's your favorite or like
what's your favorite? Like maybe top three like
animated movies of all time? Like as I'm dressed as Shrek, I
feel like I gotta ask. All over in company OK Little
Mermaid OK Cinderella 3. Interesting.
OK, Yeah. I know it's I love it.

(56:30):
Can I guess you're 4? Did I say shark tail?
You didn't for this. Shark tails.
Shark tails. Damn, that's good.
And you've never seen Cinderella3.
You told me about Cinderella three like episode I don't know,
2 through 7, I don't even know. We we talked about it.
Is the the the wicked step witchwicked the evil stepmother

(56:51):
whatever finds the fairy God mother's wand and then goes back
in time and makes it so that oneof her daughters gets?
The Prince. And Cinderella never has her
fairy tale. OK, that's cool.
Yeah, OK. That's like.
Back to the future, Cinderella. Yeah.
Yeah, that's cool. I.
Don't know why I loved it so much I just I really.
There's this one scene I think Iliterally said this in one of

(57:13):
our early episodes. There's a scene where the Prince
jumps out of window and the first time I saw it, me and my
best friend decided to recreate it in front of our parents.
We worked on this routine all night and we're like standing
down here and everyone look. Oh, we hold it, that wig.
Yeah, take it off. Should I start taking off my
stuff? Actually killing.
Me. Hold on, we're going to start.
Winding down and taking off our disguises.

(57:35):
Oh my God my I have such a bad headache.
Also, can I order a Sonic burgerlike right now?
I'm Janice and I'm Judy. Look at you.
Honestly, you look fucking hot. Bald.
You look so hot no matter what. Oh, easy.

(57:56):
God damn, my Mount Rushmore of animated movies.
Shrek. Yeah, Shrek's got to be up
there. Or maybe hot take Shrek 2.
I mean like honestly, I think Shrek two in a lot of ways is
funnier and just like enhances the original Shrek one and Shrek
2. This I don't even know.

(58:17):
You guys debate in the comments.Let us know what you think.
Shrek one or Shrek 2? Any Shrek 3 lovers out?
There, what's your favorite Shrek?
Everyone comment, what's your favorite Shrek?
Let's all agree on which one's the best Shrek and are we
excited for Shrek 5? So Shrek is up there.
Ratatouille. Just popped into my brain.
I got there's. So many I didn't think.
About. Well, no.
Just like Ratatouille though, like if I don't know what to

(58:40):
watch, I can always put on Ratatouille.
It's it's a guaranteed banger. It's a good movie to fall asleep
to. It's a great movie to watch.
Ratatouille. That's a good second one, May.
I interrupt you for a second. Yeah, I know you're not probably
going to add to. Yours but you still look so
sexy. I just don't even understand.
It one that I showed. You.
Oh my God. Like an animated movie that I
showed you. Oh my, I'm I'm just adjusting to

(59:00):
the new you. Oh my God, I can't.
Hunchback of Notre Dame. You showed me that I'd never
seen it since I was with you. That was like one of those
movies I knew. Treasure Planet.
I still haven't watched. Growing up Catholic and having
never seen Hunchback. Cutie a Haley song.
Three stay lay his. Own welcome to the Catholic

(59:21):
Church, where we sing everythingeven though we don't have to.
We just sing, man. We're just going to sing
everything because we're just going to sing and we're just
going to sing. We're just going to.
Oh, wait, what is that? Is that twilight?
Yeah, you look so good still. How do you go from like fucking

(59:46):
Marilyn Monroe to Megan Fox in like a split second like.
It's. Called a wig.
Jesus Christ, this is You need to go take a shower.
Huh? We go shower.
I can wash this now. Let me wash the swamp off.
Shower. Huh.
It's giving like Charli XCX, youknow what I mean?
Like, you look good. Just look good all the time,

(01:00:06):
every time. OK, so we have Ratatouille.
We have Shrek. Shrek one, Shrek two.
Who knows? One of the Shreks, Puss in
Boots, The Last Wish. Actually, scrap Shrek.
We have fucking Puss in Boots The Last Wish.
That is one of the best animatedmovies to ever fucking grace our
screens, and it's from the Shrekworld so I'm just going to count
that. Puss in Boots.

(01:00:28):
The Last Wish Ratatouille is just the most satisfying, just
like beautiful edit of like the most delicious TikTok you've
ever seen cooking, you know whatI mean?
And just one long, beautiful, mystical, whimsical, magical The
animals can talk Pixar movie ratatouille Fucking love it,

(01:00:48):
sure. Coco, God damn it.
Hot take I I honestly think I might enjoy and watch and prefer
animated movies to live action. Like I just the the things you
can do and the things you could bring to life.
Like if I ever made a movie I might have to go with animated

(01:01:09):
just to bring some of my crazy concepts to life while it's like
hopefully some sort of low budget film.
I don't know how else to do it, but like you.
Want me to hand sketch everything?
Oh, can you? No.
What if we just released one movie that we worked on whole
life and it's animated and we drew every single frame of it?
You're. A good artist.
You too. People can draw.
More known, but. You know, I could draw a little

(01:01:30):
bit too I. Don't think yours is like known.
I'm just like a. Master of nothing and a
tradesman of all things, or whatever the phrase is.
What is it? I'm an expert at some stuff and
a none at all of the rest of it.I'm a no.
Hold on, let me don't Google this.
Hold on. I got this.
I'm a master of my fate and a captain of my no.

(01:01:53):
I master my sorrow, and I'm a soul.
Captain He. Masters his bait.
He masters his bait and souls his captain.
For his fate is his own and whatI'm trying to say.
Is that he's a masturbator. No, no, no.
I can do a lot of things really cool, but I can't do one thing
really good. The phrase that I'm trying to

(01:02:15):
say just continue to say everything but it in the
comments. I would really appreciate it.
Thank you. I made a grilled cheese last
night that I got from a TikTok recipe but still very good.
I did half of a jalapeno choppedup and then on the pan a little
sear on it and then. Like was this a fresh jalapeno
or is this like a pickled jalapeno jar?

(01:02:36):
Fresh jalapeno. I warmed up a little bit of
cream cheese and then I put someof the Kinder caramelized onion
butter, I think, and I put that in with the cream cheese and the
jalapenos. And then I buttered my bread,
put it on the grill. A lot of butter.
Like an obscene amount of. Butter.

(01:02:57):
You do make the best grilled cheeses ever grilled.
I freshly shaved cheddar onto that bitch.
I want a freshly. And then I cheddar shut it after
it was all toasted and melty. And then I put some flakies.
Can you let me talk about my fucking food?
And then I put some flaky salt on the bread once it was done,
cut it in half. You try to bite.
How was it? Oh, and bacon.

(01:03:20):
What the fuck, Bacon? There was precooked bacon in it
as well. No, I put it on the pan.
Oh, you cook you like, toasted it up a little bit in the pan.
Bacon. It was the best bite of grilled
cheese I've ever had. Yeah, I will say it that you, I
I we could start a food truck just making specifically
different styles and variations of grilled cheeses.

(01:03:41):
I'm, like, still adjusting to the Wednesday Adam's dark
cascading black bear. Just night, the Night's Watch
has ended. Haircut.
I want to like full transition, wash my face before my food gets
here so I can just we want to watch this is we're not going.
We're not going too deep in on this.
I want to watch that one new Netflix documentary about the

(01:04:03):
mom who was texting her daughterlike cyber bullying her.
I want to watch that or Harry Potter.
Oh, the one about the mom that'slike, you know, like catfishing
her daughter or being a weirdo. Whatever.
Yeah, let's watch it. Let us know whatever shows we
should be watching, shows you'reliking.
We're loving Peacemaker. We love Peacemaker.
We love. What other shows are we watching
right now? We haven't been watching a lot

(01:04:23):
of shows. Only Murders in the building.
Only Murders in the Building. Peacemaker.
That's. About it, right?
What's about it right now? I saw butterflies taste with
their feet, giraffes, hearts or the size of a basketball.
That's how. Basketball I.
Don't I? That's that's I'm going to stop
there. That's really cool.
OK, one more scroll we. Started talking about hearts we.

(01:04:44):
Finished one more scroll. Here we go, stop it.
Pig orgasms last 30 minutes. Now, Bryn, if your orgasm lasted
30 minutes, I mean, just like, just go ahead, don't even think
about it. What's going on?
What's going what's Let's huddleup, let's bring it in.
Elaborate because you just couldn't help yourself.
You. Just be my body would start like
seizing. You be in like a perpetual state

(01:05:05):
of orgasms or were you just how many, how many times would you
have to break out Jarvis or any of the array of electronic toys
that you need necessary when I'mnot there to, you know, satisfy
your needs? You were there for my longest.
I'm fairly positive it was what,like probably, I don't know, you
know, like 30 seconds. The correlation between me being

(01:05:27):
there for the longest time you've ever.
But like, at a point it's like Jesus, Well, I don't.
It's always like that, but it's like Jesus fucking Christ.
Like, OK, all right, all right, OK.
They say nice guys finish last. But in a good way.
Yeah, no, I know. Yeah.
Oh my God. 30 minutes. Was nice.
Like, I feel like if it lasted that long, I wouldn't have to do

(01:05:48):
it for like, you know, another. I'd have to wait like, you know,
a couple hours. No, I think the opposite.
I think I would like get addicted to it.
I know like a drug. Oh my God, they.
'D never hear from us again. Already sometimes I used to
every more anyway. Same.
Like everywhere. Like I was like.
But now we have each other to use so.
It's like once a week. No, it's more than that.

(01:06:11):
How much on average do you think?
The between the both of us, or just me, or just you?
You do without me. Let us know if you guys want to
do more fun facts. We still have all of your guys's
saved. Start commenting what themes you
guys want for the podcast especially.
For Halloween. Yeah, especially for Halloween.
We have some guests that are already lining up for our
Halloween episodes. We will be turning this into a

(01:06:33):
haunted podcast and talking about the most fun fucking shit
for all of the seasons. Thank you to everyone that's
tuning into the Pretty Funny podcast.
Send it off to your friends, it's time.
We got a show, folks, and we're having a good time doing it.
It's time to like, you know, be like, hey guys, so I have this
new podcast and you should listen to it because we're
having a blast doing it for. You guys to meet my podcast?

(01:06:54):
Yeah, I would like for you guys to meet the podcast I've been
listening to. Here it is.
It's the pretty funny podcast. If you made it this far in the
video, please comment Smash Burger.
Smash burger because. I'm about to go eat 1 and I mix.
DoorDash and. Smash, I'm like trying to pick a
DoorDash and Smash, I need to goget it off.
DoorDash and smash DoorDash and smash DoorDash and smash burger.

(01:07:19):
Make sure. Two follow us.
We're pretty funny.