Episode 20: No More Girl-on-Girl Crime: Rewriting the Script for the Next Generation

Episode Description:

You’ve probably heard the phrase from Kelly Ripa, “Don’t commit crimes against other women”—and today, we’re unpacking exactly what that means.

It starts young. One day you’re telling your friend she’s “prettier” than the girl who got the boy, thinking you’re being loyal… but underneath, we’re taught to compete, to compare, and to quietly tear each other down. As adults, it shows up everywhere: the subtle judgment, the gossip masked as concern, the moments where someone else’s win feels like our loss.

In this episode, we’re breaking down:
 ✨ Where this mindset starts—and how culture fuels it
 ✨ The sneaky ways it follows us into adulthood (especially on social media)
 ✨ Real tools to rewrite the narrative, for ourselves and our daughters

We’ll share stories, unpack our own experiences, and talk about what it means to raise the next generation differently—with less comparison, more collaboration, and space for every woman to shine.

This one’s for anyone who’s ready to celebrate other women—and stop the quiet competition, once and for all.

💡 Episode Highlights:
• How “girl-on-girl crime” starts young—and why it sticks
• The cultural pressure to believe there’s only room for one successful woman
• Backhanded compliments, gossip, quiet judgment: how we keep the cycle going
• Real ways to shift your language, build others up, and model better for our girls
• The link between self-worth and how we treat other women

🎯 Takeaway Challenge:
Pick one woman this week—compliment her, recommend her, repost her, send the text. Let’s normalize support, not silent comparison.

🎀 PINK SPOTLIGHT ROUND UP:
We thought it only made sense to keep this week’s Pink Spotlights on theme—there’s room for everyone to shine.

• Kristina’s Pick: The Shop.My app. Christina convinced her to finally start using it to share her outfits and favorite finds—and now she’s hooked. If you’ve ever wanted to make it easier to share (or shop) the things you love, this one’s for you. You can apply to share here too!

• Christina’s Pick: Her Himalayan cats, Mischa and Minka (Minka turns five the day after this episode airs!). In a world that loves to pit cats vs. dogs… here’s your reminder: there’s room to love them all. These girls have been her quiet support system through the early, messy seasons of motherhood—and that deserves some pink spotlight energy.

Join the Conversation:
💞 Follow us on Instagram: @prettyinpinkagain
🎧 Subscribe and leave a review—it helps more women find this show! 

Hey PIPAS! Send us a text for episode feedback, ideas, and questions!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'm Christina.
And I'm t and this is the Prettyand Pink Again podcast where
Motherhood meets rediscovery.
Hi.
Hello.
It's been a while.
I know it's been a couple weeks.

(00:22):
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
I know.
We're gonna do a little catchup.
Oh yeah.
Not just a little catch up.
I know.
A long, I feel like it's been alot.
I know.
So it's been, you had the lastday of school.
Yeah.
And quite a first splash, we'llcall that.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, last summer I thought I hadLyme disease and I was sick and

(00:43):
I was dying the entire summer.
I did have it, but I think whathappened to me was I was so
thrown off by the kids beingdone with school, being home
with me.
I never got into the rightroutine.
I was so frazzled by the lack ofroutine.
And half of my kids werefrazzled.
And I just think that ourenergies did not mix.

(01:05):
And now, this summer, going intothis summer, I knew that was
gonna happen.
So this past week I felt all ofthose same symptoms again.
Same feeling.
It's a transition.
It's just like I'm sure like itinto school.
It's like the same, but it'sit's the opposite.
It's the opposite though.
What's coming next today?
Where am I supposed to be?
Why is mom screaming at me to dochores and laundry and this and
that, and they're sleeping lateand then they're up late,

(01:26):
whatever.
Like the transition.
Hard.
Yeah.
But.
I don't think that I am dying ofsome rare, illness.
I just, my, like the nerves of anew week I know.
Or a new like routine are justgetting to me.
I know.
And then tell them what happenedwith Mila.
Oh my god.
The meal stir.
So if you haven't already heard,my husband's a hand surgeon we

(01:46):
say bon tempos do not go on themonkey bars.
Bon tempos do not go ontrampolines.
We have a trampoline in ourbackyard so we don't follow that
rule.
But seriously, bon tempos do notgo on monkey bars.
Every one of my friends knowsthis'cause lots of my friends,
their kids have broken theirarms, have gone and seen Nick,
nick's either had to reset it orfix it or whatever.
It's this like whole big mess.
So meals fell off the monkeybars on Thursday, Friday was the

(02:11):
last.
She loves the monkey barsthough.
She loves the freaking monkeybars.
She loves them.
Like every time I'm with her,she's Hey, let me show you
something on the monkey bars.
I know it's the worst.
She loves it.
So she fell off the monkey bars.
Oh.
And Nick was away and I waslike, I didn't even wanna look
at her.
'cause I was yelling at herlike, get off the monkey bars.
We were at a golf club thatwe're not even members of, and I
was like, just get off themonkey bars.

(02:32):
And she fell off the monkey barsand broke her arm.
So Nick wasn't even home for 20seconds.
He was away on a trip with hisfriends.
And Mila was like, dad my arm.
So Nick and her went in the car,went to his office in their
bathing suits, and sure enough,her arm was broken.
Oh.
So Monday morning, seven 30, wewere in his office getting a
purple waterproof cast.

(02:52):
So nothing like that to kickoff.
This was like day one, summerbreak, like she couldn't even
give it a beat.
No, but so last week JennyMcPhee said the funniest thing.
She was like, that's very onbrand.
So my babysitter Sophia says, ohmy god, Mila broke her arm the
first day of summer.
That is so on brand.
On brand.
For her it's like it's, and, butit's like sad because I feel

(03:16):
like she did it doing somethingthat she loves so much.
She, yeah.
She didn't learn our lessonbecause this past weekend we
were down at the beach and therewas a playground there and my
mother said, your daughter wenton the monkey bars again.
She's one arm.
How did she go on the monkeybars?
Oh my.
With the cast.
On.
She is something else, but, andyeah, she's like dangling, like
one arm, like an actual monkey,one arm.

(03:36):
Oh my God.
But anyway, so that's how oursummer started.
But she's at farm camp rightnow.
So cute.
So she's very excited.
Yeah.
So is that what you have to doduring the summer?
It's like you just load them upwith camps.
It's just like camp this weekand another camp this week.
All right.
So you can play it either way.
I've done both.
So I like to sprinkle in somecamps.

(03:58):
I'm a big fan of like half daycamps.
Because then it like wipes'emout.
Yeah.
And then the afternoon, then wecan still do stuff.
But for the little ones, theyare doing like a ton of like
camps.
And then the older two are doingmore clinics, like they're doing
a golf clinic, a tennis clinic.
I got Joseph a job.
He's volunteering on Fridays.
He's teaching tennis lessons tokindergarten first graders.

(04:21):
But last week was just like thefirst week of trying to figure
out, it's hard what?
Where everybody wanted to be.
What everybody wanted to do.
Like the new rhythm.
The new rhythm.
Yeah.
Like Vincent wanted to go toLake Compounds, so we were at
Lake Compounds one day.
Like it's hard.
I feel like that must be trickybecause it's, it feels like it's
for a long time, but it's reallynot.

(04:41):
So I bet you by the time you,get into this new like way of
living, it's like time to goback to school and so you're
just like, yeah.
Like pivoting once again andlike you have to get back into a
new routine.
I, so I think we, we do betterwith a busy fall routine.
Yeah.
But the summer routine, the kidswanna have a 90 summer, right?
Yeah.
They wanna do lemonade stands.
I know.
And go biking and hang out withtheir cousins.

(05:02):
I wanna have a 90 summer too.
I know.
Guess what?
It is 2025 and we can't justhave a nineties summer.
I know.
I feel like the 90 summer islike really trending, but I'm
like, is it successful?
Are people successfully having a90 summer?
I don't know.
We tried to have one last weekand I almost had a nervous
breakdown.
Yeah.
We're gonna try again next week.
We need to get some of theseparents on that gave us the

(05:24):
nineties summer and be like, howdid you do it?
I guess it's just a differentworld.
Do you know what, in thenineties, my nineties summer
was, my mom went to work and Iwatched Jerry Springer at my
grandma's house.
Yeah.
And I thought that was prettyawesome, but I don't know.
And just rode on your bikes andYeah, rode on bike, came home
for dinner when they asked, andit's I don't know.
I just, I can't even imaginegetting to that point now.

(05:46):
We just live in a very differentrole.
I feel like the millennials Ifeel like I, I love that this
movement is happening, but Iwanna know, is it successfully
happening or is this like a,like an aspiration, an aspir
aspiration to are people, maybeyou guys can let us know if
you're going with this ninetiessummer vibe, is it successful?
Have you done it before?

(06:07):
Do you do it that way?
Or is it like you hope your kidshave a 90 summer?
I wanna know people who arelike, maybe we need to have
someone on the podcast.
With a 90 summer we were havinga day of a 90 summer last week.
Like Vincent invited the wholeneighborhood over for a whiffle
ball game.
Cute.
And then they were riding theirbikes back and forth and that
was very nineties solid.
But then the next morning when Iwanted them to clean up the

(06:28):
balls in the yard and they werescreaming at me and yelling at
me.
That felt very 20, 25.
Yeah.
When I had to then gentleparent.
And then that went out thewindow.
I know.
Ugh.
And I'm like, great up theballs.
We just got back from our trip.
Oh yeah.
We had a little staycation.
So it wasn't very far.

(06:49):
I like I wanna call it a trip,but it really was, we drove an
hour to the Connecticut shore,and so we stayed at a beach
house.
On the beach.
And it got me really thinking,because it was very hard in
ways, but then it was easier insome ways.
And I was like, I feel like weneed to come back and
reconfigure our house becausethis house.

(07:11):
Obviously it was right on thebeach.
So my first thought was I was alittle bit worried about it
being so close to the water.
But there was a deck, and thedeck was gated in all.
So there was containment, therewas a barrier, was containment.
Okay.
So I said, wow, I think thatthis is the first time in
probably three summers, becausethe first summer that I was a
mom, Leo was super little.
He was born in the spring.

(07:33):
So he was still like not movingthat first summer.
There was, we would just plophim places so I could sit and
enjoy things.
But since then, he's been on themove.
And so I was like, this is thefirst.
Time we've been in warm weatherwhere we could actually be
outside and sit down while thekids were playing and doing
something.
And it was because of thecontained deck.

(07:55):
And I was like, this is a gamechanger.
We have a patio at our house,and then the kids play on the
driveway a lot, but it's just,there's but you're playing on
the driveway?
We're playing on the driveway.
And you can't even look awaybecause somebody's gonna run
down the driveway on the patio.
It's there's just so manyhazards.
There's no contain containmentand there's just stone
everywhere.
The blue stone, it's likesomebody could trip on a piece

(08:16):
that comes up.
It just, it feels like I'malways looking for danger.
Like everywhere I turn and it's,there's no relaxation.
There's no breath that I couldtake.
And so this was the first time Iwas like, this is.
The best.
We had a nice view, we wereoutside because we could be.
And all of us were outside.
Nice.
And so it was just like a veryindoor outdoor, really nice.

(08:39):
We did have some like coldweather and actually the first
second we walked into the house,Leo had a fever 102.
I'm like, here we go.
Like why does this have tohappen to us?
And so of course Layla ended upgetting sick like a couple of
days later.
So you had a vacation trip.
But no, I think it helped, Ithink like being in the air and
like being able to go outsidewithout it being a production to

(09:02):
get outside.
We got some fresh air, so it wasa little cooler the first few
days that we were there.
Okay.
And it was a little rainy andmisty, but we were still able to
get outside.
And I think that helped becausetheir sickness was not as
annoying as it typically is athome.
Like it was, they recovered alittle faster.
I think it was the sun, the saltair.
And so I thought that was gonnabe like the downfall of our

(09:24):
trip.
They ended up recovering midwaythrough.
They were good to go.
And then the sun came out.
It was just beautiful.
And so we had, so are yougetting a beach house?
I'm ready.
Like I know I think we're gonnatry to make that like a thing,
at least for the next couple ofsummers is Oh, I love that.
Renting a beach house.
I liked being on the water.
It was just like no fuss.
Yeah, you're right there.

(09:46):
There was no like loading thecar, driving to the beach or
going to the pool, it was justit was easy.
And yeah.
It took the workout.
You were just left with fun.
Yeah.
Yes.
And so what are you gonna dodifferent now at your house?
I don't know, but we were like,we need to sit down and map this
out.
So I don't know if that meanslike fencing a part of our yard
in or so.
Or maybe building a little bitof a deck somewhere or
something.

(10:06):
But I was like, this is just,it's nice.
And you know what, I think thatthe kids.
Felt that we were a little bitmore comfortable and so they
were less fussy and less daring.
Because I think they were justlike able to play and do their
thing without us like having tohover and they weren't looking
for boundaries.
There were actual boundaries.
There were, yes.
So then we didn't have to belike, don't do that.

(10:27):
Don't, get down, don't do, orlike lunge and grab them.
It was just very refreshing.
Oh.
So I was like, a new personthere.
Come back home.
Literally walk through the door.
I'm like, don't touch that.
Don't I know.
Yesterday when I texted you andI didn't hear back from you, I,
when I like voice texted you, Iwas like, and I know you're
probably in the middle ofgetting home and to reality
unpacking all of that.

(10:48):
So I.
Don't think I'm gonna hear backfrom you today, but just
following up.
Yeah, it was a really good time.
I'm really glad that we went andit wasn't like, because it
wasn't a huge like travel, wehad to pack the car.
There was a lot to pack.
There's still a lot, like I saidto you, it was like we were
moving for the summer, right?
Because you still have to bringall the things.

(11:10):
Yeah.
And so we could have gone foreight weeks with the amount of
stuff that we had to bring.
So just going for that week, itwas like, you still need the
same amount of stuff, but that'slike half the battle is like
packing, getting there, settingeverything up.
And then we were in a reallygood rhythm there, and I was sad
to come back, but that makes mehappy.
I know.
That's the, I hope, think that'sthe best type of vacation

(11:31):
because that has not happenedwith us.
Usually I'm like, oh, I cannotwait to get home, so it was
really nice.
I know the Connecticut shorelineis really nice and it's so
convenient.
There's so many like nice placesdown there.
Yeah.
So if you're not from, if you'renot from Connecticut.
Yeah.
I think that my, I guess myoverall like message from that
would be, don't overcomplicateanything like this was more of a
staycation for us.

(11:51):
Because we could drive down andmake that a day trip to go to
the beach, it would ne nevernecessarily be on my mind to go
and stay somewhere that's soclose.
Like normally we go somewhereand we're like, we wanna go to
Newport, or we wanna go to theCape.
We wanna go to Martha's Vineyardor Nantucket and we like
overcomplicate everything.
And so this was, I would justsay don't overcomplicate it.
Go somewhere close and make iteasy on yourself, but get a

(12:13):
change of scenery.
And like without the travel day.
Mm-hmm.
But you're like dipping your toein the water and like still
getting a change of scenery, butthen not making it like super
complicated for yourself.
So I liked that.
I at first was gonna write thatoff.
Like I was like, why are wegonna go somewhere that's so
close?
But it ended up working out.
Okay.
So success.

(12:34):
Success.
Yay.
I love it.
Yeah.
Good.
So yeah, I'm coming back.
I love that for you feeling likea little bit more confident and
okay, we could do this.
Good.
I love that.
We went down Friday and Saturdaynight we went down to my one
sister has in-laws in Clinton.
And we stayed in Clinton.
And then my other sister hasin-laws in old Lyme.
Oh yeah.
So we went down to Old LimeSaturday and it was just fun.

(12:56):
Like you said, change of scene.
Yeah.
Change of pace speech.
That's sometimes that's had alittle need.
Yeah.
Like a little girls weekend.
Yeah.
And without it like taking overand making it like too much of a
production.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I'm all about like theminimizing the production and
like you Oh, I like that.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
So it was really fun.
Good.
Love it.
So Christina, you said thatyou've been getting a lot of

(13:19):
questions in the same vein.
Yes.
So I've been through our throughour Pretty and Pink again.
Instagram, and then my ownInstagram kind of relating to
the podcast as these podcastepisodes have been coming out.
Mm-hmm.
And we've been like talkingfreely about some of these
topics.
Something that's coming over andover again is navigating female

(13:39):
friendships in this season oflife.
And so I think that this canreally pertain to being like
graduating out of this, yourchildhood and maybe college
friends and like navigating howsome of those friendships maybe
change and maybe evenintegrating like newer

(14:01):
friendships.
Because if you become a mom, ifyou're an adult and you're
meeting new people, likenavigating that.
So it seems like the topics thatpeople have wanted us to talk
about are about friendships ingeneral, but.
I thought that it's beeninteresting that's been
something that people have askedabout, like over and over again.
And I've spent time in my dmslike going back and forth and

(14:22):
I'm like, this is fascinating.
When I brought it up to you, yourelated it to a quote that you
had heard from Kelly Rippa.
Yes.
So I was listening to the KellyRipper's podcast last week, and
she had Aria Baldwin on.
And she's another person who themedia portrays as one person.
But then when you really peelback the layers, she's actually

(14:45):
something entirely different.
And so Kelly Rippa said, I donot commit girl on girl crime.
I love that.
And I was fascinated by whatthat meant to her and what it
meant to her and what it meantto.
Hi, were the same, but they tookit to two different places.
So Kelly said, I do not commitgirl on girl crime if.

(15:07):
Another female actress gets apart over me.
I will not say I'm better thanher and I'm prettier than her.
I'm not gonna put her down.
I'm gonna put myself in anuncomfortable situation of
saying maybe I'm just not goodenough.
Yeah.
Or maybe she was better.
I'm not immediately gonna go toputting her down.
Yeah.
And I thought, wow, that takes avery strong and evolved person

(15:31):
to think that way.
Yep.
And hilarious said from Alec,from a mom point of view, she
has daughters herself.
We have daughters.
Mm-hmm.
And when your daughter gets herheartbroken from the first time
by a boy because he likesanother girl, instead of, your
gut reaction and I wanna talkabout these gut reactions,
right?
Yeah.
Like your gut reaction is tolike shit on that other girl

(15:54):
always.
That other girl is not as cuteas you are, as nice as you or
whatever.
But you're all, you're teachingyour daughters to commit girl on
girl, these girl on girl crimeswithout even meaning to do it.
Because it's usually coming froma place of you're not doing it
to really shit on the othergirl.
You're doing it to build someoneelse up.
But why does it have to come atthe expense of putting someone

(16:14):
else down?
Right.
So I agree, but I guess when youjust by hearing that out loud
and realizing that I do that.
I do that more than I wanna doit.
I don't wanna do it anymore.
And if I do it and I catchmyself doing it, I wanna stop.
You wanna change it and I wannachange it.
And so there are certain thingsthat as you evolve in your life,
like as you evolve with yourfriends and you wanna stop

(16:37):
behaviors that you're doing,sometimes you have to also stop
friendships or pause friendshipsbecause.
I think it's only normal tosometimes take on some behaviors
of friends.
And that could be really good.
I have some friends that I'vemet that have just changed me so
much in such a good way.
Like even you have changed me somuch in such a positive way.

(16:59):
You've helped me become so muchmore organized and thoughtful
and methodical.
Like I'm just saying thatthere's a lot of different
people can change you people,different people can bring out
different things.
Agree.
And you, and I think that Iloved that, like when you said
that,'cause we had spoken aboutpotentially how we could talk
about this in a bigger way anddissect it a little bit.

(17:20):
And I loved that.
Immediately you thought of thatquote because I was like that.
I think that we do that aswomen.
And here we are sittingadmitting that we do that.
Yeah.
As women.
And we don't mean to, and it'snot coming from a negative place
all of the time.
But we want to change because.
First of all, I feel like theworld would be so much more of a

(17:43):
happier place if like womencould just really get along, and
then secondly, I think it'simportant for the next
generation to see that type ofbehavior.
I think if you can model adifferent behavior, something
that's not as toxic, much morehealthy, then they don't know
any different.
They won't know to treat women adifferent way, if they're seeing

(18:05):
their mom, women, that they'resurrounded by older women that
are role models, women that arerole models for them.
If they see that's how they'retreating other women, then
they'll treat women that way.
And so I think that this issomething that like, once again,
our generation has to stop.
I feel like our generation isreally the generation that's
seeing a lot of things and likeraising their hands and like

(18:28):
trying to do better.
And this is something that Ithink that we can do better at.
Yeah.
And teach generations to come,how to like, stop this and
behave a different way.
It's a very thought provokingquote and it's a very thought
provoking I guess way ofreframing you can't change
somebody overnight.

(18:48):
No.
But sometimes just putting a newthought on your radar is enough
to help you stop yourself whenyou are gonna Maybe just
self-awareness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little more self awareness.
Yeah.
And I think sometimes if you'reaware, and I'm sure everybody
listening because you had saidwhen that was, that podcast was
very impactful.
So if something that we saymaybe resonates so that maybe
you don't change right away, butyou're aware of the behavior.

(19:11):
Alright, so I didn't get aninvitation to a birthday party.
I was actually okay with it.
And I thought I would have fomo.
I was okay with it.
I was like, no that's actuallyokay.
And then I had another friendsay to me, I can't believe you
didn't get invited this andthat.
That was so rude.
And I said, no, like you arestarting a problem now.
There is no problem now you arethe problem.

(19:34):
There was no problem before.
But you know how easy it is toget sucked into that.
It is.
And say, oh you are right.
Oh, now my feelings are hurt.
Oh, this or that.
Do you, would you haveconsidered yourself.
I guess because now we're inour, almost, we're in our late
thirties, almost 40, which iscrazy.
Would you consider yourself moreof a kind of chameleon type of

(19:57):
person?
Do you go group to group andchange a little bit of your
behaviors and like who you are?
Like depending on the group.
So if for example, if like youwere going into a group and
everyone was talking shit aboutsomeone, do you jump in?
Geez, that's a pretty loadedquestion.
I think it's only.
Normal for me to talk about atopic that's on the table.

(20:20):
And I think if like a topicabout politics is on the table,
I'm gonna weigh in a little bitabout what I know.
I think if it's a topic aboutchildren, I'm gonna weigh in a
little bit about I know.
And if it's a topic aboutanother female, unfortunately
I'm gonna weigh in on that too.
And I don't like that part ofmyself, but I, it's very
natural.
I think I, I think it's verynatural.
And I think, unfortunately, yep,I do that.

(20:41):
And I think I have a lot ofdifferent friend groups and I
think I play the same role inall of my friend groups.
I like my space, so I like to beon the outskirts of all of my
friend groups too.
I don't like to be the centerfront and center.
Yeah.
But I think you find out how youfeel about certain
conversations.
Like you leave a party or anevent or a breakfast or wherever

(21:03):
you know, work and you're like,oh man, I don't like how those
conversations felt.
Eventually you're gonna learnnot to have that conversation
again.
I think that what you said is sotrue, a lot of it's just like
how we're naturally wired andit's also about fitting in a
certain way and it's, it's notoh, it's the cool thing to talk
shit about somebody, but it'ssometimes it's.

(21:24):
It's like you said, like youjust you're not gonna sit there
like a mute, you're not gonnasit there and not participate.
And then it's also harder to bethe one that's guys, okay, we
really shouldn't be talkingabout somebody right this way.
And I, and that doesn't reallyhappen, I think.
No.
So I think it's natural.
I think if I didn't like howsomething was going, I would
just walk away, kind of removeyourself.
I think I would just removemyself.

(21:45):
But I think that a topic thathas come up in my messages is I
guess navigating how hard thisis.
And I guess when you startgetting older, I think this sort
of naturally happens.
And I always remember likehearing things like, oh, when
you're in your thirties, youjust don't give a shit as much.
You just don't care as muchabout what other people think.

(22:06):
And yes, I think that's true.
You care more about what youthink of yourself and how that
feels, which is very true.
But I also think that if you addhaving kids and a family into
your life, it creates a layer ofthere now there's just something
else for you to take care of.
And to worry about and to Iguess eat up like the what, the

(22:29):
remaining energy that you have.
I think that becomes lessappealing and you're a little,
you theoretically should be alittle bit more comfortable with
yourself to just be like, okay,I don't, like you said I don't
really wanna be here, I don'tlike the way this conversation's
going.
You remove yourself from it.
When you have kids, you justdon't have energy for it.
And you've put your energy into.

(22:50):
Your children and your spouse.
'cause that's what you valuemost.
That's what you wannaprioritize.
And when you wanna incorporatefriendships into that, it's
typically either you havefriendships that are separate,
that you have like girl time,then you form these new friends
that are almost become likefamily friends where you could
do things together and shareyour time together.
And typically when you havefriends like that, you wanna

(23:12):
have shared values because thekids have to align the husbands,
the wives.
That's a highly covetedfriendship when you can have
friends that, share family time.
For sure.
And those are the friendshipsthat I enjoy the most now
because my time is blend ittogether.
My time is valuable.
Your time is valuable.
My friend's time is valuable.

(23:34):
We have work time, we havefamily time, we have kids'
activity time, and then we havesocial time.
And the social time is limited.
So if you can.
Blend it together.
I think that's pretty amazing.
And my kids are not gonna see mehaving caddy fights and talks,
and if I don't wanna behave acertain way in front of my kids.

(23:56):
I was gonna say, I think thatpart of it becomes that you put
a responsibility on yourself tobe better than that.
Yeah.
And that's how I find myselftrying to behave.
Or you're just, again, back tothat self-awareness, like when
you have little people watchingwhat you're doing, you're way
more aware of what you're doingand like the negative behaviors

(24:17):
that you may be doing that youmay have just done in the past.
You're just like, someone'swatching me they're literally
absorbing all of this.
And it's a weight on you of Iwanna behave a different way.
Like sometimes I, I like, it'slike you're biting your tongue,
like where you're like, I wouldbehave a certain way, but I
can't do that right now.
I think some of it it's acomplicated, multi-layered kind

(24:41):
of answer of like, why, I guessas you are into your thirties,
maybe even your late twenties, Ifeel like you just want to phase
out of that behavior.
Yeah.
And why it doesn't appeal.
I find myself, since becoming amom, I feel like I've always
been a girl's girl i've had alot of the same friendships like

(25:02):
my entire life and, or like theentire like season since
starting that life.
I have friendships from collegethat I met, like at the
beginning of college, andthey're still some of my dearest
friends.
I have friendships fromchildhood that are still some of
my dearest friends.
So I feel like I've always beenable to maintain those
relationships.

(25:23):
And I've always appreciatedwomen a lot.
And I've always been a girl'sgirl.
I'm not like a guy's girl, I'vealways been a girl's girl.
But I find since becoming a momthat I really like love on other
women.
And I find myself like reallyrespecting a lot of other women
and like what they're goingthrough and I'm finding myself
way less judgmental, way morecompassionate.

(25:45):
I just feel like it, it hassoftened me so much in a really
good way.
And it also has put up a wallfor caddy bullshit like when
you're around people and theydon't bring out a good side of
you I shut down faster than Idid before.

(26:05):
Yeah.
So I feel like I've always beenlike that'cause I'm a sensitive
person, but like now I feel likeI'm softer, but then also
harder.
Yeah.
Like, if I don't like the vibeof something, it's gone.
Yeah.
Like it's gone.
I think, I think sensitivitycomes in all different forms and
I think that when you become amother for the most part you

(26:26):
become quite empathetic.
Empathetic, that's the perfectword.
Yep.
And I just think it just, youend up taking on the feelings of
your children.
Yep.
And then that also carries overto you take on the feelings of
the other people around you.
So like for instance, I can putoff nervous energy sometimes
when I'm nervous I could putthat onto somebody else and they

(26:48):
may not wanna be around that.
And that is okay.
I can put off other energysometimes that might make
somebody feel very comfortableand wanna share things with me
that I would never share withanybody else.
When somebody shares informationwith me, I feel like it's so
special that somebody wanted totell me something personal that
I like that is just so specialthat I just wanna hold it tight.

(27:08):
My energy shifts, other people'senergy shifts.
And I think that with that shiftof energy also is another shift
of friendships.
There is sometimes women thathave very like intense energy
and like competitive energy andthose would make really great
friends to play tennis with.
Didn't know.
Oh yeah, there, that's a goodpoint.
There are other friends thatlike just are philosophical, and

(27:32):
have like interesting viewpointson the world.
And those are great friends too.
I think that you have to look atwomen having multiple parts.
It's not one person is one thingto, in your life for like
specific things and specificmoments that you would want
certain like I guess becauseeverybody is so multifaceted.
Yes.
So it's like sometimes, like yousaid, like appreciating that,

(27:53):
yes.
Appreciating that and like whatit brings out of you and placing
those people and being able tolike, give and take accordingly
with when it jives with yourlife.
And somebody is gonna give andtake for me too.
But as long as that jive feelslike it is a give and take, and
it is not just like you aredepleting all of my energy.

(28:15):
'Cause my energy needs to besaved for me.
I like my energy and then I liketo save it for my husband and my
kids.
Do you feel like you take on arole in a friendship?
I know people always talk aboutsex in the city.
Yes.
And those like four.
Roles.
Yes.
And I just I just actuallylistened to Alex Cooper's
podcast.
Oh, she interviewed SarahJessica Parker.

(28:36):
Oh yes.
I've been wanting to do that.
Yep.
Oh my god, what a terrific,first of all, she's a terrific
interviewer.
Yeah, she's amazing.
Oh, that's been on my list.
'cause I knew, I was so excitedand they, she talked about all
of these different roles andthis show was filmed in the
early nineties, it's 30 years.
Episode was right, or almost 30years, nineties.
So like to have a character,like a, like a Samantha back

(28:57):
then, like that was that's socool.
Huge.
Cool.
That was huge.
But people always at least mygirlfriends always joke oh,
who's more like this?
Who's more like that?
And I think if you really thinkabout it, you could take on all
of those personas for sure in aweek.
I think that I am a little ofeverybody, but like you
definitely for some reason infriendship groups.
It's very natural for someone tobe the smart one.

(29:22):
Yeah.
Someone to be the wild one.
Yes.
Someone to be the pretty one.
Someone to be the alpha.
And I think that gets reallyexhausting.
Sure.
I think, and I think that it'salso not true.
It's not, it's just type castingsomebody Yeah.
For that.
And I think it gets messy thatway.
And it also limits your socialinteractions.

(29:42):
Yeah.
If there can only be one ofeach.
Yeah.
And I think it breedsunnecessary competition within a
group sometimes.
And it's not really likeaccurate, like it's not really,
it's, I feel like it's just veryone dimensional.
Yeah.
And then it creates this likegirl on girl crime we were
saying like even sitting heretoday, somebody could be

(30:03):
watching us and be like, oh, Ithink that one's prettier than
the other one.
Or I think that one's thinnerthan the other one.
Or I think this it could justbe, I like listening to this one
better.
It doesn't have to be becausethat one is something negative.
Like we could, you could justsay good about one Yes.
And say nothing about another.
I relate to this one more.

(30:24):
Therefore, I like listening toher viewpoint more.
It doesn't have to be I likethis one, so I don't like this
other one.
It's just, I think that it'salmost just eliminating that
second part of the negativity.
And it's reframing your mind todo that.
Yeah.
I like that a lot.
Yeah.
It's hard.
Nick Nicholas gets a lot ofquestions sometimes about

(30:47):
referrals.
Would you see somebody, and Nickhas always said to me.
Never say a bad thing aboutanother physician.
Never say anything bad.
You can say good, you can sayall the good you want.
We never say anything bad abouta physician.
It's a code.
We never say anything bad.
And I was like, oh wow, that issuch an upstanding code.
Women should maybe start livingby that same, by that code.

(31:09):
Just say positive.
Throw it in as much positive asyou can.
You know what, and I think thatus, again, going back to the
generational thing, we only haveour generation to relate to and
to like, yeah.
That's where we grew up.
So it's hard to know, what otherpeople think and what they're
surrounded by.
But if you think about us beingborn in the eighties, really

(31:31):
having a childhood in thenineties.
And early two thousands.
If you think back to the mediamessaging back then and like
the.
Body.
Oh my God.
Shaming.
Like Bill Clinton.
That whole scandal was going onwhen we were in the nineties.
With Monica Wind.
How everyone shamed her and herbody.
Yes.
There was lots of shaming andyou couldn't stand in a grocery

(31:51):
line without seeing a nastytabloid about somebody.
It was either somebody's outlike drinking, and oh, she's a
drunk and somebody's on thebeach.
Oh, how dare she be on a beachlooking like that?
That was the messaging that wewere surrounded by from like the
highest.
And I also think that's when,like this was before social
media.
That's when like media waseverything.
It was how you got all yourinformation.

(32:13):
So that was the messaging thatwe were inundated with as young
girls.
And so it's like, how could weexpect ourselves to behave any
other way except that, becausethat's what we were born and
lived by.
Which is crazy.
I know.
It's, and I think it's come along way, but again, I think it
goes back to it's like it's howwe're programmed to think about

(32:37):
things, right?
We're looking for new, we'rerediscovering like our
self-worth and how ways that wedefine our self-worth.
And I think that oftentimes whatwe criticize in others is what
we fear for in ourselves.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
And a, that's a nicer way ofsaying you are just jealous of

(33:01):
that girl.
Yes.
Yes.
This is just, this is actuallyjust like a softer way of saying
like what in somebody else.
Sometimes you might see inyourself or what you fear you
don't have in yourself, what youdon't have.
When I look at another personthat maybe I wanna be in that
place.
And maybe that's a good thing.
Maybe that could be a goodconversation.
Wow, I love how you have gottento this point.

(33:24):
But maybe, sometimes it's hardto say that to somebody.
It is.
So what the natural reaction isto be nasty to that person, ice
them out.
Yep.
And then you're labeled beingjealous of them.
And I think there's a lot ofstrength in owning your own
insecurities, right?
So a lot of it is coming fromlike an insecure place.
So if somebody has somethingthat maybe you want, the first

(33:46):
thing is to put them down,right?
So that you feel better aboutyourself.
And instead of looking up to awoman and saying oh wow, like I
so admire this about you.
Because if you say that tosomebody, you know how nice that
must feel.
And then it like brings youtogether.
I've seen this, in my youth, Isaw this like when girls would
fight over boys or like thesoccer team.

(34:10):
I remember I didn't make asoccer team when I was in
seventh grade, and my parents, Ithink still hold a grudge over
that.
I've moved on.
I'm, but that was what was beingsaid to me, right?
This was fixed or this was that.
Instead of saying T you knowwhat, you didn't practice all
summer like the other girls.
You gotta try this, and this.
That would've been actualhelpful.

(34:30):
It's like constructive criticismor constructive feedback.
Constructive feedback.
'cause I think, yeah, I,'causeI, I'm like, thinking back, it's
making me think back on likechildhood and just even the
position that I'm in now.
Mm-hmm.
Where it is.
I grew up dancing.
I grew up in theater, so it'slike you're competing for roles,
you're competing for the frontspot and you're competing for

(34:51):
captain, you're competing forall of these things.
And I feel like it builds a lotof like really good character,
but it brings out a lot of likenegativity because.
There's only so many spots forcertain things.
There's only so many roles forcertain things.
And so it is it's veryinteresting, like looking back

(35:11):
and then even as an influencernow I've been doing this for
almost 15 years and I have acore group of friends that I
wouldn't even consider I feellike sometimes you consider them
peers, oh, they do the samething as you or colleagues if
you wanna call them that.
I have a core group that havemoved way beyond that and are

(35:35):
friends, like we are bestfriends outside of influencing
and blogging.
And.
The way we get pitted againsteach other.
My friend Marissa from Style cuswho just started her podcast,
she has a beautiful first threeepisodes.
You should go listen to her.
We have overcome that and I,she's gonna come on the podcast
soon too, and we wanna talkabout, let talk about that

(35:57):
because we've been able tonavigate literally being in
direct quote unquote competitionwith each other all the time.
And we've put that aside andit's like there's room for both
of us.
It doesn't have to be one or theother.
It doesn't, just because she'ssuccessful at something doesn't
mean I'm not successful atsomething.

(36:19):
And I think that me and herspecifically, that friendship
we've gone through so much evenlike online trolls, it's
incredible.
I feel like we've gone throughall of that and we have like
battle scars to prove it.
Like our friendship hassurpassed that bs.
You know what I mean?
And there's room for everybody.

(36:41):
And I've found that's a lot ofgrowth.
Like I've had to overcomecertain tendencies.
There is room for both of us.
It's not one captain, it's notone front spot.
There's room for everybody.
So I think that sometimesgrowing up in that, like
competitive, well you just gavea backstory about the last 25
years of your life where that isthe environment where that you

(37:02):
did grow up in.
So then you pivot to a female ofdominated, a female dominated
industry for sure.
Where now you think you'recompeting.
In some situations you are, abrand is gonna pick two people.
It's either gonna be you or yourfriend.
How do you navigate that?
Navigate working.
Having an income, yourlivelihood, and also navigating

(37:25):
a healthy friendship with thisfriend.
It's hard every single time.
Yes.
And not getting sucked into Yep.
That it's constant work and it'sconstant assurance and trust and
it's just being, It's having toovercome being uncomfortable
with parts of yourself, oh yeah,for sure.
Oh, yeah.
My closest friends, I can have atemper tantrum in front of and

(37:48):
yell at them.
And then be like, sorry aboutthat.
Yeah.
Like I had a temper, I had afight with my best friend the
other day for sure.
And I yelled and screamed at herlike a child in front of our
children, and the kids were likelooking at us like, oh, what is
happening right now?
And then she said to my husband,I think your wife hates me.
And Nick was like, if she hatedyou, she would not have a temper

(38:10):
tantrum in front of you.
She would've had a tempertantrum in private.
Like to me, or like to her momor her sisters.
Like I'm just saying like thatis, I guess that's my love
language.
That's how I show the peoplearound me that I love them.
And sometimes it's hard.
It is when Yep.
You, you know, Communicatedifferently with your friends or
you expect something differentlyoutta your friends.

(38:32):
And you just said it though.
I think that so much of it isjust owning up to Yes.
If you do something out ofcharacter, if you do something
that might offend somebody else,own it.
Right.
And apologize.
Yes.
And I think, so that's sometimesnavigating female friendships.
I think as you get a little bitolder, there's not time and
energy where you can just sit onthe phone and, and talk things

(38:56):
through for hours and hours at atime.
To, come back to things like,you have to take accountability
for certain behaviors.
And we've all gone through hugetransformations, whether you've
had kids or not, just going andgrowing through life.
But I think that the friendshipsthat last are the ones that
you're held accountable for.

(39:16):
Like the ones that.
You can be the worst version ofyourself, but you own it.
And you come back from it.
I have a lot of friendships fromgrowing up in elementary school.
I have some friendships fromhigh school.
I do not have a lot fromcollege.
I have one or two.
And I think if I think back tocollege, I was probably not the
best version of myself.
I was probably hanging out withpeople that were either like, we

(39:39):
were just partying all the time.
We were in college friends,social friends.
Those are not friendships thatare gonna withstand the test of
time.
Or I had friends that were just,in my major and we were
studying.
I have two really good friends,Danielle and Dave, that I still
keep in touch with.
And that's really it.
A lot of my friendships havecome from.
Doing things together.
So my two friends from home thatI'm closest with, we did feeder

(40:03):
and dance together, and then mygirlfriend's from college, we
danced together.
And then I do have two othergirlfriends that I lived with.
And so I feel like when you havethat commonality that's, those
are my circles.
When you have that commonalityof sharing to do something
together, it helps withstandthings.
Like at the end.
And they're not just socialfriends because you were friends
on, you were doing somethingtogether, right?

(40:25):
Like you were actually likeworking and, and learning how to
work together and.
Teammates or, doing somethingtogether.
I think that kind of helps buildthat comradery.
I think that's why that's soimportant, right?
That's why as much as wecomplain and shit on activities,
they are so important for kids.
Mm-hmm.
And that's what can come out ofit.
It's that's something that youcould think of when you're

(40:46):
chauffeuring your kids aroundtown.
It's like it's teaching andhelping to withstand
friendships, right?
Like over time I feel like ithelps so much.
But it's so true.
It's so hard to navigate thosefriendships as they change,
right?
Because your lives are changingand you may grow apart from
certain people and.
As you age and as you go throughthings in life, you might look

(41:09):
back and be like, that was atoxic friendship.
Or maybe I wasn't a really goodfriend, or maybe I wasn't, I was
maybe a toxic person in thatperson's life.
I try not to be a toxic personin everybody's life, but I'm
sure I have played one inanother person's life.
Of course.
If I made that, if I wasn'tmaking that person feel great
every day.
Yep.
And that's okay.
Maybe it wasn't my intention.
It doesn't always have to besomebody's intention.

(41:30):
But if it's how you feel, youhave to sit in that feeling.
For sure.
Regardless of the intention.
For sure.
Whether it's good or bad.
Yep.
And now I have daughters, one ofmy daughters is on a dance team.
We had the dance party lastnight and one thing that I love
so much about this dance team isit's more the girls learning how
to dance and move their bodies.
They, the older girls take careof the little girls.
They set an example.

(41:51):
They have to help each other,they have to love each other.
They don't compete against eachother.
They compete as a team.
And it is very.
Much.
And still day one, the womanthat owns the program and runs
the program has the girl sign asocial code of conduct.
And it says even though maybesometimes you are technically
competing against each other, ifyou're just in the same category

(42:12):
and you're the same age andyou're both doing a solo that's
maybe hip hop, even though shereally tries hard not to ever
have multiple categories wherethat could happen, we are
competing as a team.
And I love that.
And also I've taught mydaughter, you may not actually
jive with every girl on thatteam, and that is okay too.
But this is how we're gonnacreate, you have to learn to
work together create, createhealthy boundaries.

(42:32):
This is how you create yourdistance from somebody.
This is how you reset.
This is how you talk to thatperson, I think that what I
think the message is, is thatit's, you want to teach.
Younger girls, our daughters,these things to hopefully like
break that generational cycle.
Yeah.

(42:53):
But you have to model ityourself, right?
Yeah.
It's, it doesn't always comenatural.
It doesn't, but I think that'spart of growth.
I really feel like I've growntremendously in that area.
In both, I would say good waysand bad ways.
And I don't mean my growth hasbeen bad.
I mean that I have grown in alot of ways and it's okay to let

(43:18):
certain things go because of thegrowth, to recognize behavior
patterns that you don't wanna bearound.
Like you said if I'm makingsomebody feel badly about
themselves or if they're makingme feel badly about themselves,
then that's not an okaysituation then.
That's, then that's it, and justbeing okay with that, I guess

(43:39):
like a good takeaway would sayif you're trying to model this
to your daughter or to yourselfby saying instead of just me
being like, Bon temples aren'tmean, don't be mean.
Those words have no meaningbehind it.
No.
Another way needs to be like,let's take a step back.
Let's pause.
Are you feeling right now?
You're feeling like overworked,you're feeling agitated, this

(44:01):
person, and you clearly aren'tjiving right now.
Maybe you can leave it there.
You are feeling agitated.
You're feeling overwhelmed.
That is okay.
Take a step back.
Some people make me feelagitated and overwhelmed.
Let's not now do the same thingback to that person.
And you also don't have to makeit a thing, right?
It's just okay, yeah, that'sokay.
Like you have to just be, it'slike going back to what we talk

(44:24):
about all the time on thepodcast is just like rolling
with things.
Mm-hmm.
Like That's okay.
You're not meant to have closeknit relationships with every
single person on the planet.
Right.
But you're also not allowed togo through life being a straight
a-hole to everybody.
So it's like kind of findingthat balance of being okay, like
learning to just deal withpeople.

(44:45):
Like just learning to be right.
Like with certain people andbeing okay with you're not gonna
be liked by everybody.
You're not gonna be best friendswith everybody.
And learning how, I think evento not make things a thing like.
It's just okay, so just take astep back.
Remove yourself from thesituation.
You don't have to be enemies.
Sometimes, but you have to befriends.

(45:06):
Yeah.
Sometimes giving it light isworse.
I don't know.
My therapist had told me likesomething that I was working
through, she's like, don't evenrepeat the story.
'cause if you even repeat thestory, you've given it light.
Yeah.
You've given it energy.
You can break it down enough toyourself.
You don't have to always breakeverything down with another

(45:26):
person and run it by somebodyelse.
Because even that.
Could make it bigger than it hasto be.
My husband, Raja has, that's hiskind of thing is, he has said
that to me on like multipleoccasions because I tend to like
harp on things.
That's like definitely somethingthat I'm working through.
It's definitely something that Iam, I would say I'm coming on
the other side of because I'mnot giving things energy that

(45:49):
don't need energy.
I'm just which I think is hugegrowth from where I've come.
I used to walk on eggshellsaround certain people and oh,
they're mad at me.
Or oh, I did, like maybe thisdidn't go the way I wanted it to
go.
Or I may have said something orthey did something, but I didn't
address it.
And so there's just, and likeright now I'm just kind of like.

(46:09):
That's, that's okay.
We're moving on, but we're notgonna give it any more energy.
And so I think that's, thatcomes with age and just
experience, right?
Where you're just like, it'sokay.
We're moving on.
It doesn't need ev not everysingle thing in life, which is
crazy because we talk so muchabout like therapy and the
importance of being aware ofyour feelings.
Mm-hmm.

(46:29):
But not everything needs to, noteverything deserves like.
Your undivided attention.
And I agree.
Stress.
And I love that you said that.
Yeah.
Because it's not everythingneeds to be a thing.
No.
And'cause that's the, I thinkthat's sometimes the direction
we're going in is that you'relike, oh, like I need to work
through every possible no fightand every, and it no, you don't

(46:53):
sometimes you just need to stepaway and move on.
Mm-hmm.
And not everything needs thatsort of attention and energy
from you, because that's alsotoxic, like you're saying, like
rehashing things constantly.
And if you have to do that overand over again with people, with
whoever, it's not worth yourenergy.
You have to know when to backoff.

(47:13):
What are other common girl ongirl crimes?
I remember when I was a kid, agirl on girl crime would be like
copying another girl.
Like If a girl got like a pairof sneakers and you got the same
pair of sneakers oh my God, shecopied me.
She got the same pair ofsneakers.
Can you believe that?
And I can almost see this nowhappening with my daughters
because there are some girlsthat are like territorial of

(47:35):
like certain clothes.
And like my daughter was like,oh, she doesn't want me to, she
has that dress so I can't haveit.
And I don't model that with myfriends.
I think it's like a joke nowwhen a friend has something.
Yeah.
I'm like, where did you get thatscreenshot?
I'm getting that.
I love that.
But I think that the girl ongirl crime is not copying.
It's because I think that's lookat what I do for a living.

(47:57):
I'm an influencer.
It's like I, my job is to getpeople to copy what I'm doing.
'Cause you're sharing it.
And I'm sharing it.
You hope that people copy whatyou're doing.
The crime is when you don't givecredit for something.
That's when I think it's acrime.
I don't think it's a crime tocopy.
I think it's a crime to act likeyou discovered it.

(48:17):
That's the crime that sends youright to freaking jail in my
book.
Because especially if you likeblatantly saw it on somebody
else, like you would say towhoever I just got that too
because I saw it on you.
And I think that's, no, that'snot a crime, right?
That is like complimenting,that's also making somebody feel
very validated, like by oh,great, like they saw something.

(48:39):
It's a compliment, right?
Like it's a compliment ifsomebody likes something and
then they wanna do it and theycompliment you and say, I saw
this on you.
There's no better feeling in theworld, right?
It's a crime to.
Pretend that you did it first.
That's when I'm like, that'salso lying.
So it's lying, but it'sfraudulent.
I'm just saying that's somethingthat has evolved in my life for

(49:01):
sure.
Because when I was probably 10years old, I was probably too
embarrassed to say, yeah, I sawthem on you when I wanted to get
them.
So I said nothing.
So I probably committed thatcrime and pissed that girl off
and pushed her away from me.
But now as I've evolved intobeing a little bit more
confident Yes.
And I'm not as insecure, you cansay it I can say oh my God,
where is this from?
I want it right now.
Yeah.
And I'd be like, I'm gonna getall of it.

(49:23):
Glad give you gladly.
Yep.
I would gladly tell you like,you don't gate, keep the
information.
But it's a, yeah.
I definitely don't like, andthat gets under my skin and that
I think will always get under myskin, but it's also because of
the type of role that I'm inwhere there's always gonna be
certain things Yep.
That get under your skin.
For sure.
But that I, that's just like onethat like for sure sticks out to

(49:43):
me that is like an evolution ofthis.
Yep.
Girl on girl.
I think all crime, another girland girl crime that's common is
like gossip masked as concern,right?
Does that not always happen?
I feel like it's an easy way tocover up that you are literally
talking shit about somebody.
Yeah.
It's funny, I had a friendrecently that I was concerned

(50:06):
about and I said, what is thepurpose of me bringing it up so
I can let the, my, her otherfriends know that I'm concerned
and then we can talk about her?
Maybe in this case, I'm justgonna keep it to myself and I'm
just gonna tell her I'mconcerned.
When I'm concerned now you go tothe person.
I just go to the person.
Because I think that other way,even if maybe you're not.

(50:27):
If your intention is not to belike, oh, let's gossip, that's
what it's gonna turn into forsure.
So I think breaking that cycleis great.
I think that, and then that, Ithink that exact scenario can
apply to again, like workingthrough issues.
I think it's different if you'regoing to somebody, so say you
were concerned about thatfriend, right?
And you.

(50:47):
Wanted advice on how to approachsomebody, right?
If you were like, listen, I'mgonna go to Christina and ask
her what's going on?
Is she okay about this thing?
Did you notice anything?
Like, how do you think I shouldapproach her about it?
That's fine, right?
I don't think that's a crime.
That's like genuine concern.
And maybe trying to approach thesituation delicately.
And like being, I guess justaware of, you know, like I feel

(51:09):
like, you don't wanna say thatoh, you can never go to another
person about somebody else.
But if you're mad at somebody orif you're concerned about
somebody and then you go around,right?
Like you leave the group chatand you start a new group chat
just to talk about those things.
Unless it's for advice on how tohandle the situation, it's a
crime.
Yeah, I agree.

(51:30):
And then I would think thatanother one is I think just
judgment over things.
And I know since becoming a mom.
I feel like, I feel this morethan ever is like the judgment
on how you do things as aperson, as a mother, I feel like
that's a crime.
And I used to do it beforebecoming a mom, and now I can

(51:54):
confidently say that I don't.
I think that judgment is just anormal part of life.
But I think.
You can judge thingsdifferently.
You can, compare, you can share,you can find a commonality
within anybody.
But when you draw a judgmentline and you're over here and

(52:15):
I'm over here, then that's whattears people apart for sure.
And that kind of silent sneer isnot healthy or just the, again,
the I'm doing this better, or I,like I, I really find myself
like, again, being empatheticand very compassionate towards
everybody's situation.
Who the f am I to judge you?

(52:35):
I'm not living your life, and soI really like, I can confidently
mm-hmm.
say that is something that Ihave grown.
I don't judge, especially moms Ifeel like we've all been there,
we've all done things that wesaid that we weren't gonna do.
We've all become people.
We swore we weren't going to be,and I just don't.
Like to sit there and judgesomebody else for choices that

(52:58):
they're making for themselves,for their family.
And I honestly think it likesays and speaks a lot about who
you are as a person if you dothat.
It's one thing to again, thinkit, it's another thing to show
that outward, whether it'sinactions or words.
Yeah.
Your, even your thoughts are areflection on your own
insecurities.

(53:18):
Yeah, they are.
I think sometimes that's betterthan hold it in, if you're like
I've been so guilty of thatwhere I've thought it, like I, I
rarely have said things, butI've thought it, but I'm trying
to retrain myself to not, andnot even have those immediate
thoughts.
No.
And I think that just goingthrough everything that I have
gone through the last couple ofyears I just feel like I am in
no position to judge anotherperson like I have been.

(53:41):
In the thick of things.
I have gone through things thathave been very difficult.
They've shaken me to my core andI do not even feel that.
I I don't even give myself theprivilege to judge, especially
another mom right now.
I feel extreme compassion and Iliterally wanna like, hug all
the moms in the world becausethat's just how I feel.

(54:03):
So I really hope that I continuewith that, yeah.
It's evident that's how you leadand that's, that shift has
occurred because I think it'svery easy to do the other, you
know, to do the other.
For sure.
Like how, what are things thatwe can do?
'cause we're saying likemodeling that behavior.
But we're, we've talked a lotabout the negative, like what
not to do, but what should wedo?

(54:24):
Yeah.
So instead all right, so I'llgive you an example.
So my oldest son is 12.
He wanted to take honorsclasses.
Next year in middle school, twoof his friends were getting into
honors classes.
We are not gonna compareourselves to those friends.
We're not gonna even talk aboutthem.
We're not gonna talk about whatthey got on their test.

(54:45):
We are only focusing on you,focusing on ourselves.
But you can realize, hey, thoseboys are doing X, Y, and Z and
they're working hard, they'rehaving a tutor.
You wanna also get in, you'regonna use that as healthy,
motivation.
Motivation.
'Cause you want that same thingtoo.
We're not gonna shit on yourfriend.
Mm-hmm.
And say, oh you deserve to getin and not him.

(55:07):
And we're not even gonna bringother people into these
conversations.
So the messaging is focus onyourself and if we're gonna
focus on negative behaviors,which are natural, like those
negative behaviors, sometimes Ithink it's just how we're wired.
Yeah.
It's just like natural to dothat.
You correct it.
Yeah.
We're just gonna correct it andwe're not gonna bring it in.
And my husband and I are gonnahave a lot of debriefing alone

(55:29):
if we can ever freaking be alonein this house about.
How we are gonna try to continueto model that too.
'cause it's not healthy.
It's not healthy.
So you wanna acknowledge youremotion, right?
You wanna acknowledge, I amfrustrated, I am angry.
I am sad, I don't like this.
But we don't have to, like yousaid earlier, not everything has
to be a thing.

(55:49):
We can be, you can befrustrated, you can be mad.
You can feel jealous.
Yes.
You can still feel those naturalfeelings.
Feel these feelings.
But it's what you do after thatjealous feeling.
Feeling jealous is normal.
I think it is.
I think it's, you don't have tosit in it and live in jealousy
forever.
I think we used the word for thefirst time, the mo, it's
motivational sometimes to wantthings and to aspire to be a

(56:11):
certain way.
Yeah.
But when it starts taking overand becoming a negative thing,
that's when you have toredirect.
And that's when you have tofigure it out.
Because I think a lot ofuncomfortable feelings can be
productive.
They even Meg said anxiety canbe helpful and productive.
You need it.
You need some of it to function.
You need some of these things tomotivate yourself, but it's how

(56:33):
do you handle it after thatfeeling?
Like you said, I love what youjust said.
Acknowledge emotions withoutredirecting them towards
judgment.
Yes.
Love it.
That's, I think that's, so we'retaking accountability for maybe
ways that we've behaved in thepast.
We're obviously not sitting upon our high horse No.
Saying that we haven't donethese things.
We've all done these things.

(56:54):
But I think that growth is soimportant and I think that
navigating all of this, is whatwill make you a better person.
And especially in this season oflife.
That's what we're all aimingfor.
It's just something that we allare aiming for right now here.
Is just this new thought, thisextra layer of my thought

(57:15):
process.
I love it.
So I think our takeaway and likeour call to action this week
will be like.
We're gonna be the ones onceagain that hope to break this
cycle.
Like us millennial moms, usmillennial women, we're gonna be
the ones to hopefully stop thiscycle.
So I think as cheesy as thissounds we should pick one woman

(57:36):
to celebrate maybe this week.
Right?
Oh my God, I love that..
Like just to pick somebody.
Your life and celebrate her andactually do it to her.
Just give somebody a compliment,recommend her to somebody.
Like I feel like that those likewords are so powerful.
Like reposting people like thatare putting themselves out

(57:57):
there.
You guys cannot even understandhow grateful we are when you
guys repost or when you tellother people about our podcast.
Like you're, that's doingexactly what we're talking
about.
And I'm not saying that toself-promote us, but that's like
when people are puttingthemselves out there and doing
cringey things online, celebratethem, like something, repost

(58:21):
them, give them a comment, givethem a compliment.
Like even, you don't even haveto do it publicly, but just
reach out and Right.
Don't be like a robot.
You know what I mean?
Just be a person.
And.
And I'm not saying you can't bedirect and you can't have
conflict and you can't say, Idon't like something.
You can say all of those thingstoo, but it's the sneaky

(58:43):
criticism and the gossip and thebackhanded compliments.
Yep.
And the, I think it's easy to dothose things.
Comparison.
Yes.
It's somehow easier that we'retrying to remove Yes.
It's celebrate the good andvocalize the good.
I think it's easy to vocalizethe bad.
Yes.
And I think that spend more timein vocalizing the good, vocalize

(59:03):
the good'cause I think itingrained in us to say what
we're feeling about beingnegative.
It's even easier to do thatright now because we're all like
very in our feelings, right?
But reframe that.
Yeah.
If you instead of saying thenegative thing, hold in the
negative thing, but say thepositive thing.
Train your brain to do that.
So on a different note, what isyour pink spotlight for the

(59:27):
week?
So if you guys are new here, Ialways have to tell because we
get new listeners every week,but our pink spotlight is our
closing segment where we sharesomething that is making life a
little bit better this week.
And it's, it could be like aperson, place, tip, mantra,
anything.
And so what is yours this week?
All right, so mine is in thesame vein.

(59:47):
Okay.
So I am not a.
Social influencer or life shareas a career.
But through this podcast andlike just using social media
more and more, I've just beenlike sharing more of what, yeah,
I'm doing.
I feel like it's all, it'scoming.
Natural blending under thisumbrella of Pippa and so you
sent me a link for the shop myapp.
Which I so appreciate and I'vebeen linking all of my outfits

(01:00:11):
and all of my skincare and allof my stuff that I like on the
shop, my app every day.
And I'm having so much fun'causeit's like a fun place to hold
it.
I actually listened to a podcasta few weeks ago about the
difference between shop my andLTK.
So there's a lot of differences.
Yeah.
In shop my, I guess LTK was atech.
Tech funded brand?

(01:00:32):
Yes.
So they had a lot of technologybehind it.
Yes.
Their technology is and isstill, I think so like it's like
top-notch.
Yes.
Top tier.
Shop my, just did a big round ofthat.
They just got funding from atech company.
So theirs is coming, but likeyou can't post videos and things
like that on Shop Mind.
Because they don't have theirown app.
TK you can,'cause they don'thave their own right app yet for

(01:00:53):
the user.
They have it just for thecontent creator.
But there's all these other likegreat perks that they offer
somebody like me who's just.
Starting.
Yeah.
And I've been using it and Ithink it's great and I love it.
And you don't need a followinglike on LTK, it's like your F
they give you like a following.
Like who is following your shopon LTK.
Yeah.
And it's another like metric andshop.
My is really just an affiliateplatform.

(01:01:15):
Yep.
And it allows, it hold you, itholds all your links in one
place.
Yeah.
It holds all of your links inone place.
And so it doesn't matter.
You don't have to have afollowing.
Again, speaking to the, there isroom for everybody at the table.
Like everyone is an influencerif you think about it.
You know what I mean?
Everybody has things to share,so why shouldn't you make money
sharing things that you love ifyou are recommending things?

(01:01:36):
So of course I said as soon as Istarted using that platform and
I was finding a lot of successon it.
The first thing I thought of waslike, who can I share this with?
And who else can benefit fromthis?
Again, like not gatekeepingthings share.
Yes.
So yeah, I'm happy that youjoined and yeah, it's been
great.
I love it too.
That's what I use to link all ofmy outfits.
And I think anybody can at leastapply for it.

(01:02:00):
So we can put that in the shownotes.
If you don't have to have a bigfollowing.
It could just be, if you want alittle like side gig, right?
That's how it starts.
I just sent it to my sisterMarissa, because she works at
Travelers.
She's an actuary.
She wears the cutest freakingoutfits every day.
So cute to work cute.
And everybody's always like,where's that from?
Where's that from?
And she's like, why shouldn'tyou?
She's loft, consignment store,Amazon, this and that.

(01:02:22):
And everybody's always askingher, yeah, where are your cute,
inexpensive outfits from?
Guess what?
That's how I got my start, youknow?
so it's I, again, I just feelput yourself out there and don't
feel like things are toocringey.
Like I think that kind of goeson.
Yeah.
The topic that we've beentalking about, like if you want
something, if you want toexplore, like being an

(01:02:44):
influencer, like you have tojust start and you can't worry
about what other women are gonnasay.
Like you can't.
Yeah.
I think that just speaks to whatwe've been talking about.
Also like this podcast, likewhen we were starting this
podcast, we weren't telling alot of people that we were gonna
be doing it.
No.
We just held the information toourself.
'cause sometimes you can't holdinformation to yourself.
Yeah.
You shouldn't always have tofeel like you have to tell

(01:03:05):
everybody what's going on.
No, just like when you're havinga baby, you don't have to tell
everybody what you're gonna namethe baby.
So you're gonna have to heartheir opinions.
Sometimes if you wanna getstarted, just get started.
Don't share because then youdon't have to deal with what
other people are gonna say toyou.
Because it's not always gonna begood.
I know.
It's true.
It's not always gonna be good.
And sometimes you have more of afilter for the good and the bad
or whatever.
Yeah.
I think sometimes when you knowyou are doing something, like we

(01:03:25):
didn't care what anybody wasgonna say.
We knew we were gonna do this.
And so we weren't looking foranybody's approval or feedback
for it.
No.
We knew that this was somethingthat we were passionate about
and wanted to do.
But to, so again, I think tothat point, you're right.
You don't always have to shareevery single thing.
You don't always have to share.
If you wanna start sharing onshop my Yep.
Christina will send you a code,an invitation from the Pippa.

(01:03:46):
I'll put it in the show notes sothat you can apply and do it.
Do it.
Why not Literally put yourselfout there.
There is room post foreverybody.
Post your stuff.
Post your life.
I wanna celebrate your goods.
And then also post your 90summer fail.
Yeah, because I wanna say thattoo.
Or your 90 summer success.
Yes.
Yes.
You wanna hear the 90 summer, somine is going to be a little bit
offbeat for this, but I have, Irealized how I have not shared

(01:04:08):
them.
My other children on thispodcast so my, oh my god, my
cats.
You guys, we not, how aboutthis?
If you've been following me, Ithink I did talk about it in our
intro, but if you guys have not,if you don't follow me, if you
go over to my Instagram, myHimalayan cats are literally my
pride and joy of my life.
I was always a dog person and.

(01:04:31):
My, so one of them, Misha is 13and a half.
Minka is our COVID kitty.
We got her during COVID andshe's turning five.
And so that's why I, that's whythey're in my pink spotlight
this week but your little COVIDkitty is five.
My little COVID kitty is five,and they, I really, I'm such an
animal person, and I've alwaysbeen like a very big dog person.

(01:04:53):
I always grew up with dogs.
I know every time Romeo comeshere, he goes right to you.
Yes.
I must goes right to you.
I have that good like animalenergy, I feel like some people
have like good kid energy wherelike kids love them.
Like animals love me.
Kids don't really love me.
Animals love me, so I just, Ilove them so much and I feel
like we do not give like petsenough credit and we obviously
had both of them for so longbefore even having Leo, and I

(01:05:17):
remember so many people wouldsay to me like, oh, you're gonna
wait until you have the kids.
Like it's gonna change things.
And it used to piss me off whenpeople would say that because I
would be like, I didn'tunderstand like what that would
mean.
And honestly, my love for themhas only grown because I feel
like it's so unconditional.
And they're just like littleride or dies.

(01:05:39):
Like they I literally could nothave gotten through this.
Like young chapter of motherhoodwithout them, like Mika, who's
our, the one that's turningfive.
And I have a funny story'causeI'm gonna share it.
Mika's turning five.
She literally, I don't thinkthat I did one middle of the
night feed without her.
I don't think that, like when mydaughter who had colic was like

(01:06:01):
screaming in the middle of thenight and all I could do was
like, walk around the kitchenisland, like over and over
again.
They just followed you around.
She stood on the island andwatched me and just was like
making direct eye contact withme.
It's okay, I'm here.
And I literally I am just likesuch an animal person and I just
love them so much.
Like they've, they're just thebest.

(01:06:23):
And I hate when people shit oncats because I just, I know I'm
like such a dog person, but Ialso don't, back goes back to
the story, right?
Like it, why does it have to beone or the other?
It doesn't.
Just because you like dogs.
So why don't you have a dog?
We would love to get a dog.
I just, I don't wanna addsomething currently.
Oh, okay.
I just, we're gonna wait untilthe kids are a little bit older
until they can it'll be like thekid's dog, but, and then you'll,

(01:06:45):
I have a dog.
I would a dog, but I love dog.
The reason we couldn't get a dogwas because we lived in a condo
and they only allowed cats.
And so that was I googled whatis the most doglike cat and a
Himalayan was one of theoptions.
And so that's how we got it.
Stop.
That was what came up.
So funny story though, if youI'll post a picture of them so
that you guys can see.
'cause we have two himalayans orso we thought.

(01:07:07):
So one of them is very fluffyand that's our older one, Misha.
And then one of them is not sofluffy and that's Minka.
And she's a Himalayan, exceptshe never got fluffy.
And so she must have had arecessive gene or something.
So when we took her to like thevet for the first time, or like
it was probably a little bitlater because she wasn't
fluffing up like our other one.
And.

(01:07:27):
They would say, oh, it must havejust been like a recessive gene
or something where she justdidn't get long hair.
So she's a shorthairedHimalayan, which is, people say
it's the lazy man's Himalayanbecause you don't have to deal
with the long fur like, like theknots and all that.
Perfect for you.
And what's so funny is that whenwe were just at our vet the last
time, she said something aboutthe, she goes, you know what I

(01:07:51):
really just don't think thatshe's a Himalayan.
An exotic short-haired Persianwith seal point marking.
So she has like the dark.
Extremities.
Like her ears, her tail,everything is dark.
It's like a seal color.
And I just think that'shysterical.
And then she goes, but maybe shejust identifies as a Himalayan.
And I said, oh my God, that isthe funniest thing.

(01:08:13):
'Cause people say that to me,they're always like, is she
Himalayan?
Like I get that question all thetime.
And I'm like, she is.
You share them, Milan?
Yeah.
Media.
And I always say Himalayans and,but no.
So we found out that no, she'stechnically a Persian and she
has short hair and so she's likean exotic Persian with short
hair.
So just so funny.
But we're gonna call herHimalayan because she identifies
as one.

(01:08:33):
Oh my God.
So that's just my little story.
So she will, MLE will be fiveon.
Friday so the day after thiscomes out.
So everyone go wish her happybirthday.
I always post a montage ofvideos of them.
I know your cat content is sogood.
Love.
They're everything.
Followers like it too.
They do, they're very investedin the girls.
They're his, I call them thegirls.
They, and that's why everyone'salways like the girls.

(01:08:55):
I'm like the cats, they're thegirls.
I'm obsessed.
And so I feel like I haven'treflected that on here enough.
I'm like a cat lady.
Yeah.
Like now I'm a cat lady.
Yeah.
You are proud.
You've always been.
Yeah.
I love it.
You've always been.
Thank you guys so much fortuning in.
You.
This was a really good episode.
Yes, it was.
I'm glad we got to talk aboutthis.
I, so now I'm going to continueto rac try to practice what I
preached in this episode.

(01:09:16):
I love it.
Me too.
And share this into our day.
Same.
Love it.
Bye bye.