March 13, 2025 • 16 mins
Angela (she/her) is a pansexual transgender woman and the former General Manager of Transgender Victoria, living in Gippsland.
In this episode, Angela shares her deeply personal journey of self-discovery, from coming out as pansexual to embracing her identity as a transgender woman a year later. She reflects on navigating depression, self-doubt, and societal ignorance, and how transitioning transformed her life for the better. Angela also discusses her father's initial resistance to her coming out, his journey toward becoming an ally, and her advocacy for creating safer, more inclusive spaces for the LGBTQIA+ community in regional Victoria.
Trigger Warnings: Depression, self-harm, transphobia, and familial conflict.
If this content may be triggering for you, please seek support from a loved one or one of the helplines at the bottom of this description.
This podcast is released every Friday and could not have been possible without the support of our local community partners, Midsumma and the Fairer Victoria portfolio of the Victorian State Government.
Episode Credits
Producer, Interviewer & Editing: Helene Thomas
Co-Producer: Ashlee Hints
Music & Underscoring: Mieke Louise
Want to know more about Pridefinder?
www.midsumma.org.au/victorias-pride/pridefinder-podcast/
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Music Credits
Original jingle and underscoring music written, composed, recorded and produced by Mieke Louise, a queer singer/songwriter and advocate from regional Victoria.
You can find out more about Mieke's coming music releases on their instagram @miekesmusik or on Spotify
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(03:05):
So I was born in Frankston, but I moved here when I was around six,
and then was raised here and lived here for pretty much all the rest of my life.
I did a short stint in Melbourne, but for the rest of everything else I was being out here.
What do you love about here the most?
Oh look, the nature. I really, really like them, you know, close to the mountains, close to the beach,
things are slow paced, it's just really relaxing.
(03:27):
One of the questions that I've been asking everybody who comes in here is,
where are you at in your self-love journey?
Well, my self-love journey is really, really interesting, because I like to split it into two
parts. So one part is sexuality and one part is gender, and then how that encapsulates for me.
Because outside of that, I think I'm fairly okay.
So for me, I came out as pansexual five-ish years ago, after a couple of failed attempts,
(03:54):
so I kind of tried to come out a few times and I actually had some really bad backlash.
So I came out about five years ago into an awesome company that has been really,
well, really supportive around some really, really supportive friends.
And then a year later, I came out as transgender. And for me, it was a huge shift in my life,
(04:14):
and it has helped me learn more about me and feel more comfortable with me.
And as a result, I feel more comfortable around others, being with others and helping
and making the world a better place.
What was life like for you before coming out?
It was really challenging. So for me, when I was younger, I went through a really bad
period of depression, anxiety, just general stress.
(04:36):
I went through a lot of struggles around my identity. I didn't know why, though.
So for me, it was I didn't really like myself. I hated myself. I didn't know why. I just did.
And then when I kind of got a bit older, I kind of went, hang on, this is what's bothering me.
But I still didn't have the words for it or the understanding for it.
(04:57):
And then when I got a little bit older again, so probably early 20s,
I started to despise myself for it. I started to sit there and be like,
no, I'm wrong. I'm gross. I'm disgusting because
I grew up in the same world everyone else did where, you know,
LGBTI people are marginalised and treated poorly.
So for me, I also kind of had a bit of that mindset.
Then about, I think it was like 23, 22, I went through another really bad bout of depression,
(05:23):
struggled a lot with my identity.
I got to the point of being hospitalised as a result of self harm. And then that's when I was
like, no, I've got to do something about this. I've got to change my life and I've got to find out
what I need to do to do that. Met some amazing people who were part of the community who
simply by existing acted as like a beacon of hope to go, oh, you can do this and you can live a good
(05:46):
life. So I did. I changed. I came out and life's been so much better ever since.
Was it at some point did it become clear to you that this is what you needed to do?
Like before that, was it a bit like, I just don't know. But yeah, when did it sort of start to
crystallise?
So I remember like, not the exact date, but I remember around the exact time. So
(06:09):
I was around about 14. I remember playing a video game and by the end of it, I went, oh, I want to
be just like that woman in the game. I want to be just like her. And I got to a point where I was
like, I wish I could be her. And then when I was about 16, 17, I kind of had this thought in my
brain of going, I want to walk down the street and people see me and go, oh, that's a pretty lady.
(06:32):
And that's all I wanted. But I didn't know what transgender was. So when I was, I think 23,
my best friend heard that story and they pulled me aside and went, hon, you're transgender. And I
said, no, I'm not because of all these other reasons. And they went, you're silly. If you want
to be that person, you can be that person. And that really set me on the way of going that way.
(06:56):
What were the, when you said for these other reasons, I can't, what were they?
For me, it was at the time, I didn't feel comfortable getting bottom surgery
or getting other surgeries. And I also at the time was mainly interested in women.
So I was like, am I, am I really able to do this? You know, I feel like I'm not transgender because
that's what transgender people do. And then I learned after that, that no, there are many
(07:20):
different transgender people in this world that go through many different experiences.
Beautiful. How amazing that those people were there for you right in that critical
time. Yeah, absolutely. And there were some amazing people that I surrounded myself
with and we're very good friends with and still very good friends with to this day.
And your family live here in Gippsland?
Yeah, so my, at the moment just my dad and my uncle live in Gippsland. And my brother
(07:45):
has actually recently joined the defence force. But yeah, I've been raised here my whole life.
And how have your family been around your transition and coming out and your story?
Well, yeah, it's really interesting. So to start off, my dad was a little rocky. I think,
you know, the, when I first came out, I was a bit of a shock to him. And I remember it very, very
(08:05):
well that he said that he didn't agree. You know, he just didn't think that I was. And he was coming
from a place of care. And I just didn't feel comfortable being trans around them. But he's
now a huge ally. He's teaching people about LGBTI inclusion. He's educating himself and learning
more about ways that he can be better and has been fantastic. My uncle is amazing. My uncle has done
(08:32):
very similar in a sense of educating themselves and finding out more. And then my brother who I
wasn't necessarily close to, but obviously I cared a lot about. Amazing from the get go. I called him
and the first thing he said was, I was one of the sister. Wow. What happened with your
father? Like, what was it that made him, you know, become more understanding and accepting and be an
(08:53):
ally? I think my dad's a person who wants to learn and wants to understand things. So
I think he went away and he learned. And then as a person who was able to teach themselves and learn
and gather these resources, was able to go, you know what, this isn't bad. The other side of it is,
and I'm not sure if fully if this is what made it change. But obviously my father saw what I was like
(09:15):
prior to transition. So he saw that I wasn't doing very well. I was living at home. I wasn't able to
keep jobs for long periods of time. I was struggling with various mental health concerns. And then
seeing me post transition, where I'm getting into, you know, really good career, I'm finishing a uni
degree, I'm getting my own home. I'm making friends and having a partner and all these things that
(09:38):
are really, really good in life and seeing me visibly happy. I think that's where he's gone.
You know what? Yeah, this makes sense. Amazing. So now you're currently General
Manager of Transgender Victoria. Yep. And how long have you been in this role?
So I've been in the role since May last year. And it's been a really, really fun time.
How did you get this role?
(10:00):
So I was actually volunteering with Transgender Victoria prior as part of their committee.
And then when we were, you know, we had some internal staff changes and the position came
up and I thought, hmm, I want to give back to my community as much as possible. I want to be able
to help my community as much as possible. This is a really lovely new position to look at. So I
spoke to some people and then yeah, I ended up in the role. What do you love most about what you do in this role?
(10:25):
Oh, working with community. The amount of people I get to meet, see, hear from is
absolutely amazing. There are some beautiful people out there and there are some amazing people.
It's just so lovely to get to meet so many. What have you noticed over the
last few years in terms of how people are treated in the LGBTQIA+ community?
I think it's getting better. You know, it's a bit of a double edged sword because on one hand,
(10:50):
I think being able to walk around as myself is something that I'm much more comfortable with doing.
It's, I feel safer. I feel that the general population is safer. The other side of the
sword though is that there are a lot of people who are trying to be more vocal to try and shut down
and stop LGBTI people from existing. And those people can be very vocal, can be in positions of
(11:14):
power and can be very, very hard to hear from. So you hear, I think I'm hearing more anti trans,
anti LGBTI rhetoric than I was. But at the same time, I think most people are safer to be around.
Are there things that you have in mind that you would like to achieve while you're in
(11:34):
this role as general manager of Transgender Victoria? Yeah, so one of my biggest
interests is to try and get better support and services out into regional Victoria. So at the
moment, a lot of the services support and the knowledge is held in Melbourne or in Narrm.
To be able to get that out into regional areas so people feel like they are not alone, people feel
(11:56):
that they can be themselves and be those signs of hope that I saw others to be for me is something
that I really care about. I have this small belief as well that a lot of the anti side of things is
coming from a place of ignorance. And I know that in regional areas, in a lot of regional areas,
and it is getting better, but LGBTI people aren't talked about in schools. It's not talked about in
(12:21):
community clubs. It's not talked about in workplaces. The local hospitals don't have the
rainbow stickers on the windows when you walk in. So if we can make that better, and we can
educate people and make it very clear that these people exist, we can get better outcomes for
people in the regions as well. We can alleviate some of that ignorance. Yeah. How do you
(12:43):
see the difference between it? Because you said that you work sometimes in Melbourne.
So the things that are happening in the bigger city compared to the regional areas, like what can
be done specifically to help regional areas? More celebration, more visibility, more days like,
you know, the poor party here today. The more that we exist and show ourselves in community,
(13:08):
the more that we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. So I have this
magic wand that I got I bought in a shop in Wonthaggi. And it's handmade felt. And I'd like
to ask you if you could have one wish, what would it be? I want to alleviate the ignorance of the
world. Perfect. And I also have a question jar. So this question jar is full of questions
(13:34):
that have been written by people before you. Yeah. So if you'd like to rummage for a question,
I will just randomly grab one and see what it says. Do you want to read the question? Or should I?
You can read it. Do you hydrate your body? Oh, that actually was the last one.
(13:54):
Okay, we can do another one. I'll go to the bottom. We'll grab this one.
How do you celebrate being part of the community? That's a really good question.
For me, it's just by existing, you know, so many people before me, unfortunately,
(14:15):
have stopped existing. So for me, if I'm existing, and I'm visible, and I'm out,
and I'm proud, and I'm clear, I'd say myself I celebrate.
Beautiful. Thank you so much for coming in, Angela. It's been really,
it's a pleasure to meet you. Thanks & Outro 00:14:35,680--> 00:15:58,080 Thank you for listening to Pridefinder Season 2. New episodes are released weekly. The Pridefinder podcast is part of a project commissioned during the 2023 and 2024 Midsumma Festival as part of the Victorian Government's initiative, Victoria's Pride. It could not have been possible without the support of our local community partners, Midsumma and the Fairer Victoria portfolio of the Victorian State Government. The conversations are frank, honest and reflect the language, thoughts, history and opinions of the individual. Views may not be shared by Midsumma or the Victoria State Government. Original jingle and underscoring music is written, composed, recorded and produced by Mieke Louise, a queer singer-songwriter and advocate from regional Victoria. You can find out more about Mieke's upcoming music releases on their Instagram at Mieke's Music. That's M-I-E-K-E-S M-U-S-I-K. Thank you to Ashlee Hints, Community Engagement Manager at Midsumma Festival for coordination of this podcast and editorial support. I'm Helene Thomas. Until Next Time
So I was born in Frankston, but I moved here when I was around six,
and then was raised here and lived here for pretty much all the rest of my life.
I did a short stint in Melbourne, but for the rest of everything else I was being out here.
What do you love about here the most?
Oh look, the nature. I really, really like them, you know, close to the mountains, close to the beach,
things are slow paced, it's just really relaxing.
(03:27):
One of the questions that I've been asking everybody who comes in here is,
where are you at in your self-love journey?
Well, my self-love journey is really, really interesting, because I like to split it into two
parts. So one part is sexuality and one part is gender, and then how that encapsulates for me.
Because outside of that, I think I'm fairly okay.
So for me, I came out as pansexual five-ish years ago, after a couple of failed attempts,
(03:54):
so I kind of tried to come out a few times and I actually had some really bad backlash.
So I came out about five years ago into an awesome company that has been really,
well, really supportive around some really, really supportive friends.
And then a year later, I came out as transgender. And for me, it was a huge shift in my life,
(04:14):
and it has helped me learn more about me and feel more comfortable with me.
And as a result, I feel more comfortable around others, being with others and helping
and making the world a better place.
What was life like for you before coming out?
It was really challenging. So for me, when I was younger, I went through a really bad
period of depression, anxiety, just general stress.
(04:36):
I went through a lot of struggles around my identity. I didn't know why, though.
So for me, it was I didn't really like myself. I hated myself. I didn't know why. I just did.
And then when I kind of got a bit older, I kind of went, hang on, this is what's bothering me.
But I still didn't have the words for it or the understanding for it.
(04:57):
And then when I got a little bit older again, so probably early 20s,
I started to despise myself for it. I started to sit there and be like,
no, I'm wrong. I'm gross. I'm disgusting because
I grew up in the same world everyone else did where, you know,
LGBTI people are marginalised and treated poorly.
So for me, I also kind of had a bit of that mindset.
Then about, I think it was like 23, 22, I went through another really bad bout of depression,
(05:23):
struggled a lot with my identity.
I got to the point of being hospitalised as a result of self harm. And then that's when I was
like, no, I've got to do something about this. I've got to change my life and I've got to find out
what I need to do to do that. Met some amazing people who were part of the community who
simply by existing acted as like a beacon of hope to go, oh, you can do this and you can live a good
(05:46):
life. So I did. I changed. I came out and life's been so much better ever since.
Was it at some point did it become clear to you that this is what you needed to do?
Like before that, was it a bit like, I just don't know. But yeah, when did it sort of start to
crystallise?
So I remember like, not the exact date, but I remember around the exact time. So
(06:09):
I was around about 14. I remember playing a video game and by the end of it, I went, oh, I want to
be just like that woman in the game. I want to be just like her. And I got to a point where I was
like, I wish I could be her. And then when I was about 16, 17, I kind of had this thought in my
brain of going, I want to walk down the street and people see me and go, oh, that's a pretty lady.
(06:32):
And that's all I wanted. But I didn't know what transgender was. So when I was, I think 23,
my best friend heard that story and they pulled me aside and went, hon, you're transgender. And I
said, no, I'm not because of all these other reasons. And they went, you're silly. If you want
to be that person, you can be that person. And that really set me on the way of going that way.
(06:56):
What were the, when you said for these other reasons, I can't, what were they?
For me, it was at the time, I didn't feel comfortable getting bottom surgery
or getting other surgeries. And I also at the time was mainly interested in women.
So I was like, am I, am I really able to do this? You know, I feel like I'm not transgender because
that's what transgender people do. And then I learned after that, that no, there are many
(07:20):
different transgender people in this world that go through many different experiences.
Beautiful. How amazing that those people were there for you right in that critical
time. Yeah, absolutely. And there were some amazing people that I surrounded myself
with and we're very good friends with and still very good friends with to this day.
And your family live here in Gippsland?
Yeah, so my, at the moment just my dad and my uncle live in Gippsland. And my brother
(07:45):
has actually recently joined the defence force. But yeah, I've been raised here my whole life.
And how have your family been around your transition and coming out and your story?
Well, yeah, it's really interesting. So to start off, my dad was a little rocky. I think,
you know, the, when I first came out, I was a bit of a shock to him. And I remember it very, very
(08:05):
well that he said that he didn't agree. You know, he just didn't think that I was. And he was coming
from a place of care. And I just didn't feel comfortable being trans around them. But he's
now a huge ally. He's teaching people about LGBTI inclusion. He's educating himself and learning
more about ways that he can be better and has been fantastic. My uncle is amazing. My uncle has done
(08:32):
very similar in a sense of educating themselves and finding out more. And then my brother who I
wasn't necessarily close to, but obviously I cared a lot about. Amazing from the get go. I called him
and the first thing he said was, I was one of the sister. Wow. What happened with your
father? Like, what was it that made him, you know, become more understanding and accepting and be an
(08:53):
ally? I think my dad's a person who wants to learn and wants to understand things. So
I think he went away and he learned. And then as a person who was able to teach themselves and learn
and gather these resources, was able to go, you know what, this isn't bad. The other side of it is,
and I'm not sure if fully if this is what made it change. But obviously my father saw what I was like
(09:15):
prior to transition. So he saw that I wasn't doing very well. I was living at home. I wasn't able to
keep jobs for long periods of time. I was struggling with various mental health concerns. And then
seeing me post transition, where I'm getting into, you know, really good career, I'm finishing a uni
degree, I'm getting my own home. I'm making friends and having a partner and all these things that
(09:38):
are really, really good in life and seeing me visibly happy. I think that's where he's gone.
You know what? Yeah, this makes sense. Amazing. So now you're currently General
Manager of Transgender Victoria. Yep. And how long have you been in this role?
So I've been in the role since May last year. And it's been a really, really fun time.
How did you get this role?
(10:00):
So I was actually volunteering with Transgender Victoria prior as part of their committee.
And then when we were, you know, we had some internal staff changes and the position came
up and I thought, hmm, I want to give back to my community as much as possible. I want to be able
to help my community as much as possible. This is a really lovely new position to look at. So I
spoke to some people and then yeah, I ended up in the role. What do you love most about what you do in this role?
(10:25):
Oh, working with community. The amount of people I get to meet, see, hear from is
absolutely amazing. There are some beautiful people out there and there are some amazing people.
It's just so lovely to get to meet so many. What have you noticed over the
last few years in terms of how people are treated in the LGBTQIA+ community?
I think it's getting better. You know, it's a bit of a double edged sword because on one hand,
(10:50):
I think being able to walk around as myself is something that I'm much more comfortable with doing.
It's, I feel safer. I feel that the general population is safer. The other side of the
sword though is that there are a lot of people who are trying to be more vocal to try and shut down
and stop LGBTI people from existing. And those people can be very vocal, can be in positions of
(11:14):
power and can be very, very hard to hear from. So you hear, I think I'm hearing more anti trans,
anti LGBTI rhetoric than I was. But at the same time, I think most people are safer to be around.
Are there things that you have in mind that you would like to achieve while you're in
(11:34):
this role as general manager of Transgender Victoria? Yeah, so one of my biggest
interests is to try and get better support and services out into regional Victoria. So at the
moment, a lot of the services support and the knowledge is held in Melbourne or in Narrm.
To be able to get that out into regional areas so people feel like they are not alone, people feel
(11:56):
that they can be themselves and be those signs of hope that I saw others to be for me is something
that I really care about. I have this small belief as well that a lot of the anti side of things is
coming from a place of ignorance. And I know that in regional areas, in a lot of regional areas,
and it is getting better, but LGBTI people aren't talked about in schools. It's not talked about in
(12:21):
community clubs. It's not talked about in workplaces. The local hospitals don't have the
rainbow stickers on the windows when you walk in. So if we can make that better, and we can
educate people and make it very clear that these people exist, we can get better outcomes for
people in the regions as well. We can alleviate some of that ignorance. Yeah. How do you
(12:43):
see the difference between it? Because you said that you work sometimes in Melbourne.
So the things that are happening in the bigger city compared to the regional areas, like what can
be done specifically to help regional areas? More celebration, more visibility, more days like,
you know, the poor party here today. The more that we exist and show ourselves in community,
(13:08):
the more that we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. So I have this
magic wand that I got I bought in a shop in Wonthaggi. And it's handmade felt. And I'd like
to ask you if you could have one wish, what would it be? I want to alleviate the ignorance of the
world. Perfect. And I also have a question jar. So this question jar is full of questions
(13:34):
that have been written by people before you. Yeah. So if you'd like to rummage for a question,
I will just randomly grab one and see what it says. Do you want to read the question? Or should I?
You can read it. Do you hydrate your body? Oh, that actually was the last one.
(13:54):
Okay, we can do another one. I'll go to the bottom. We'll grab this one.
How do you celebrate being part of the community? That's a really good question.
For me, it's just by existing, you know, so many people before me, unfortunately,
(14:15):
have stopped existing. So for me, if I'm existing, and I'm visible, and I'm out,
and I'm proud, and I'm clear, I'd say myself I celebrate.
Beautiful. Thank you so much for coming in, Angela. It's been really,
it's a pleasure to meet you. Thanks & Outro 00:14:35,680--> 00:15:58,080 Thank you for listening to Pridefinder Season 2. New episodes are released weekly. The Pridefinder podcast is part of a project commissioned during the 2023 and 2024 Midsumma Festival as part of the Victorian Government's initiative, Victoria's Pride. It could not have been possible without the support of our local community partners, Midsumma and the Fairer Victoria portfolio of the Victorian State Government. The conversations are frank, honest and reflect the language, thoughts, history and opinions of the individual. Views may not be shared by Midsumma or the Victoria State Government. Original jingle and underscoring music is written, composed, recorded and produced by Mieke Louise, a queer singer-songwriter and advocate from regional Victoria. You can find out more about Mieke's upcoming music releases on their Instagram at Mieke's Music. That's M-I-E-K-E-S M-U-S-I-K. Thank you to Ashlee Hints, Community Engagement Manager at Midsumma Festival for coordination of this podcast and editorial support. I'm Helene Thomas. Until Next Time
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