October 25, 2024 • 37 mins
Deep in the waters of the Brazilian Amazon a mythical fish lurks. It can smell you and it will find you. Or at least your pee.
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Music:
Intro and Outro: Music Derived from "Barroom Ballet" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Transition Music: Frightmare by Jimena Contreras Accessed from Youtube Music Library
Alternative Intro Music: Black Mass by Brian Bolger Accessed from Youtube Music Library
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Sources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Friedrich_Philipp_von_Martius
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Hunter Hoover (00:16):
Either that, or I feel like his list nowadays would
just include, like, nine types of weeds,
a couple strains of weed, and, like, an
aspen tree or something. Uh,
welcome back to privy. Privy is
a podcast about bathrooms
recorded from my home
bathroom. I'm your host, hunter
(00:38):
Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
Welcome back, everyone, and welcome
back to spooky season.
Um, we're really kind of rounding out spooky season this
year. And for. For those who know,
a little peek behind the privy cast curtain here. Don't
look too close. You never know what you'll find. Oh,
(01:01):
my peacock is shedding. I hate
it when my peacock does that. This thing's.
Anyway, little peek behind the
privacast curtain. This is
a second recording. The first recording, um,
will be lost to time because
the technical difficulty, goblin got a hold of it. And
(01:23):
so, uh,
yes, we're going to do our best to bring the
same energy. Sometimes it's tough to bring the
same energy when you're doing a rerecord, I got to be
honest about that. But it's spooky season,
and, uh, there's all sorts of
spooky things out there. Spooky stuff, uh,
the creepity creepity skeletons. I got to be honest,
(01:45):
I've kind of dropped the ball in a big way. Um, for those
who don't know, this time of year is
spooky season, but it's also twist season. Justice for
the twist, um, wherein I
launch my campaign to drive people
kind of annoyed, but mostly just to
levy a grievance against the
(02:06):
song, the quote, unquote, the monster mash. The
song colloquially, um, known
by the culture as the monster mash. Now,
those with a keen ear will know that in the song the monster mashed,
the crypt keeper wakes up, and he asks, whatever happened to my
Transylvania twist? To which they all say, it's now
the mash. In other words, it was
incorrectly renamed against the crypt keeper,
(02:28):
the man who, uh, invented the dance
and the song thus named after the dance that it is
purporting to be causing in the monsters.
Um, he had no say
in his song and dance being
renamed, uh, and thus, it is kind of stolen
intellectual property, if you really think about it. Uh,
(02:48):
and so, justice for the twist. It's the Transylvania twist.
Make no mistake, those who
insist on calling it the monster mash,
they are not only wrong, um,
but they are spreading hate. So, I know
that's a thing that people fear nowadays,
so there's that. But it's spooky
season. And sometimes spooky
(03:11):
season, it finds us and the spooky of the
world can sometimes overlap with fun. There's,
like, fun spooky. I'm thinking of,
uh, you know, the vampires, the.
The goblins, um, the jack
o'lanterns, the
ghosts, the, like. You know, I
would say. I would say your traditional
(03:33):
Halloween monster group. I refuse to
say mash, but the traditional
Halloween grouping is pretty fun.
Uh, you know, and they have spooky
origins. Uh, there's some
creepity qualities in there. Um,
but in the past, for
spooky season, we have really leaned
(03:55):
into this kind of fun,
spooky type. We've talked about the
spooky world of bog bodies. That is, these bodies
that were left for dead, for lack of a better way of saying
it, in the bogs of Europe, we
talked about the piss prophets and the magic that
they perceived to be in our
(04:15):
urine. Good stuff.
Most recently, we have had a couple of
rounds, uh, of toilet
demons. We've looked at Bigfoot poop and the
like. And sometimes
these supernatural things, especially when
we start talking about bigfoots and toilet demonstration.
Sometimes those things can be somewhat
(04:37):
spooky in and of themselves. Uh,
and maybe you're one of these tough guys that's
like, I ain't afraid of
nothing. Casper. Yeah, right. The big,
green, goopy gobbler guy from. From
Ghostbusters. Yeah, right. I'm not a scared of
him. Um, and we get it, tough guy. Like, it's
fine. We are all impressed
(05:00):
by your incredible acumen
to resist being afraid of
anything. But
sometimes in this world,
the scariest things
are the ones that are real,
but they are shrouded in enough myth
and mystery to make
(05:22):
us ponder. And they are also
coupled with just the things that they'll do to
our bodies that
just kind of give us the creepity jeebities.
I guess that could be the case for Bigfoot.
Never really thought of that, I guess. You know, there's these
people that are like, I gotta go out and track down
(05:43):
Bigfoot. I need to find the guy,
and that's not me. I have no desire to find
Bigfoot. Um, I'm
moderately convinced that if a person finds
Bigfoot, it won't be, well, for them. Think of it like this.
When you're out and about, you don't actively, unless you're hunting
for them, but, like, whatever, but you don't.
(06:04):
If you. There's a bear, you leave it alone. Same with
the Bigfoots. Just leave them alone.
But we have one such topic today
of a
spooky, dare I say, horrifying
creature that is both shrouded in
mystery, uh, but also lends to
(06:26):
this horrifying aspect of worry
for our human bodies. As we
introduce this, we, of course, have to go back
and give a little bit of Runway up to this
week's episode.
In 17 hundreds, Germany coming out of the
(06:47):
scientific revolution of the 15 and 16.
Hundreds. Hundreds. German
apothecary and pharmacist Ernst
Wilhelm Mauritius, or Martius
Marcius, I don't know,
began, uh, came on the scene,
and in doing so, just confirming
(07:08):
the idea of natural medicine as an
apothecary, he set up a
botanical society in Regensburg,
Germany. Plant
scientists. You know, the scientific revolution
is going well when you're just trying to figure out all
the science you can get from all the very good plants.
Ernst had a son just before the turn of the
(07:30):
century named Carl
Karl. And like his dad,
Karl went on to study botany in
Erlangen. Karl earned a
PhD, and as a thesis
paper, he
published a catalog of the
plants that could be found in the
university's garden. Now, I know
(07:53):
this is not what he did, but in
my brain, when I hear that Carl,
as his thesis paper,
published a list of
the plants in the university
garden, uh, I just have in
my brain this idea that he just published, like, a
blank list. Like,
(08:15):
if this was done today, if somebody today was like, you
know what? For my senior thesis, for my big paper,
I'm gonna publish all of the plants in the garden. And then
as they look out at the concrete hellscape,
they realize, and I'm done. Either
that, or I feel like his list nowadays would just
include, like, nine types of weeds, a couple
(08:36):
strains of weed, and, like, an aspen
tree or something. And you can tell it's an aspen
by the way, because of the way it is. That's how you
know. But, yeah, for
his thesis paper, he published a list of the
university's plants. It's pretty neat. I'm sure
that he included a lot of
(08:56):
scientific information, maybe some descriptions,
maybe some discoveries, uh,
that he had made after he studied these plants.
But from this point, after earning his thesis for
publishing a list of plants, uh, he
went on and gained the attention of
more important people in the area of
(09:17):
Germany as it relates to botany and
other plant science.
Karl graduated from the university in
1814. Just three years after
graduating, the king of Bavaria sent him
and colleague Johann Baptist von
Spixley on an explorative
expedition to Brazil and the
(09:39):
amazonian rainforest.
So. So Carl and Johan and
their group of travelers, they, they
said, uh, that the cat dang peacock. Peacock
is just not agreeing with me. King Peacock needs to
chill out. But they
set out, uh, for Brazil, and
(10:01):
I got a note. When I think of Germany, I
don't think of many, like, explorative
expeditions to Brazil. But apparently this was a
thing. Like, apparently Germany was regularly
getting out there and doing the
explorative. I don't
know. I always would have thought, like,
spor the flip. Did he
(10:23):
say Spain or Portugal, also known
as sporuntugal?
Um, I would have thought that they would have got a hand
in the ball, and they probably did. But apparently Germany was
way up in the mix here.
They began their expedition in Rio de
Janeiro and traveled north to
Tabatanga, um, and while they did
(10:45):
so, they traveled along the
Amazon river, and they
explored many of the hooks and little tributaries that
the Amazon river took as it cut,
cut north. There's lots of plants out there.
Like, lots of plants. The Amazon
rainforest is literally slam full of
plants, chock full of them.
(11:08):
It makes Carl's university garden
just. Just look like a mud puddle. Do you know what
I mean?
And while exploring the Amazon rainforest would
probably be spooky enough, like, keep in
mind this is early 18 hundreds
electricity, not on the scene. And,
(11:29):
uh, you know, when you're out camping, when you're out in the middle of
nowhere in the dark, it's creepy.
It's spooky do gety, and
it'd be spooky enough. And these
expeditions were not for the faint of heart.
Carl Johan and their group had a three year
journey through the region of South
(11:49):
America, Brazil, particularly in the Amazon
river region. And upon
returning from Brazil and South America,
they would publish their works.
Carl wrote about many bushes and
plants and flowers that he found in the
region as he traveled. But as he traveled
(12:10):
throughout the region, he also gained a lot of
information via some of the animals.
Likewise, as he met natives and locals
throughout the area, he talked to many
of them, uh, to gain information from the
culture and learn about the societies that
lived along the Amazon river.
(12:30):
In this way, Carl Johan and their group learned many
things about all sorts of
different aspects of brazilian life. The
Amazon, the region, the animals. And they
learned all sorts of things in this way.
One of the things that they learned about was
a creature called the candiru.
(12:56):
The candiru, or the kanero, is
known as the toothpick fish
or as the vampire
fish. I know pretty spooky stuff
there. Vampire fish. I can't do the
vampire teeth. Very good. As the
story goes, while coral was
traveling throughout the region, and the natives in
(13:18):
the region were interacting with him and he
was getting information. They told him the
story about a fish that lives in the
Amazon river, the vampire fish, the
candiru. I want you to imagine
with me for a moment if you will. You're
living near the Amazon and you go
swimming. You know, you get ready to
(13:40):
go. You're probably not doing sunscreen in the early 18
hundreds, but nowadays, you know, you're getting at least an SPF
50 on that. But you get your usual
suspects. Swim trunks, check.
Rubber hair thingy, check.
Arm floaties, check and
check. Ladies, you got to cover the lady
bits, top and bottom, double check,
(14:03):
triple check. One for each side, you know what I'm
saying? And if you're really going to
get serious, you know, you got your goggles and you got your little
earplugs and maybe you got the little, you got the
little like nose thingies that you keep the water out
of your nose. Check, check and check.
And then, right, just, you know, as you're
finishing your preparation to go swim in the Amazon
(14:26):
river, you just get like a string or a
piece of vine or a small piece of leather
and you just tie off your
wiener
if cinching up your pee pee hole isn't your
flavor. Or ladies,
um, if you are not endowed in such a way,
(14:47):
you could also go the other method that Mauritius
noted from the locals that a number of
protective coverings for the genitals of both men
and women are implemented to protect
them from the vampire fish that lurks
beneath. We're protecting no, no
zones not nex from these vampires.
Uh, so keep in mind this protection
(15:09):
was probably pretty wild.
Some writings that he had,
uh, state things like leaves packed in
bits of fern, uh, but could
also be as much as like coconuts cut in
half, used to cover the zone, if you
will. Many of these are listed to
be worn also to ward off the bites of
(15:32):
piranhas. Um, live in the
Amazon. And here's the
deal. A lot of times
the Amazonian and the people of the region,
they were not just going to the river for fun.
They were not just going for a little afternoon swim. This
was where they bathed. They likely
gathered water from the area. Um,
(15:54):
it's more than just
swimming, if you will. Like, the river is
the bath. The river is the source of
some of the water that we might use for
use. I don't think the Amazon river is particularly
clean, but I'm sure they had figured out
boiling and other type things
(16:15):
as Carl and Johan.
You know what we're talking about rivers. It's time. It's
time. We got it. We got to keep things moist.
Oh,
speaking of coconut, I gotta say,
polar seltzer, if you're listening to this, I don't think you're listening to this,
(16:36):
but if you are, I gotta say
something. I got a bone to pick with you.
My understanding is you have released a
flavor that is described as like, creamy
coconut polar seltzer. And I can't find it
anywhere. And I'm sure, listener, you're thinking, well, Hunter,
why don't you just go on their website and buy it? You can't buy
(16:56):
the seltzer from Polar's website. I've looked on
Amazon, they don't carry the coconut flavor.
Um, and it would have been such a perfect pairing.
Coconut nether covers, coconut,
polar seltzer. It was a match made in the
Amazon. But today, alas, we have strawberry
and watermelon polar seltzer, it's very good. It's new to
me.
(17:19):
But polar, if you're listening, um,
um, you got, you got to
hook, you gotta tell me how I can get ahold of this stuff.
But, uh, the
locals gave him details about this
fish, stating that they
encourage people not to
(17:39):
pee in the river.
And as a result, Martius.
Martius meritus, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
butcher it. Carl took
this recommendation to mean
that the candiru vampire,
uh, fish is attracted to
(18:01):
urine. So if you're in the Amazon river,
don't pee because it's gonna attract this
fish. And you don't want the
vampire fish attracted to the
part of your body that is expelling urine.
Generally speaking, maritus
guest or Martius, it's impossible to know at
this point, guessed that it was the odor of the
(18:23):
urine that attracted the fish. Fish. And it makes you
wonder, can fish smell?
I mean, I guess they can. Like when you use power bait when you
go fishing, that stuff reeks. And I'm, and it's, it
says that is so the fish can smell it. But it's a weird thing
to think about because, like, I can't smell underwater,
but I guess fish can.
(18:44):
Um, what amazing creatures.
But if I try to smell underwater,
I
suffocate. But this is
the first time that concerns about this fish were
documented. Carl and Johann
returned from their, from their expeditions. They published their
works and this was the first time that
(19:06):
this fish was documented, though it
probably lives on and stories and
conversations of it for centuries amongst the
amazonian people and the people of Brazil.
Karl and his expedition are the
first time that it is written about and published
for others to read. The
(19:27):
second report about the candiru, the, uh,
vampire fish, is from a french scientist,
Francis de Castelnau. In
1855. Francis de
Castelnau states that an
uruguayan local noted the
fish being attracted to urine. So we have that as
(19:47):
a commonality. It's hard to tell, though, if, like,
if Martius's, uh,
comments about the urine are why others
think it's attracted to pee. It's hard to tell. Um, but
he notes that it's attracted even if you are peeing into
the river, not wiener submerged
or ladybit. P ladybit submerged.
(20:09):
And many of these other stories that begin to pop up
about the. The vampire fish, the
candiru, uh,
are from various european and american scientists,
and they're shared over the course of the next
150 to 200 years via
published scientific works. And the thing
(20:29):
that all of these accounts
have in common about the kendiru is that
this fish really loves urine.
Like, big fan. Can't get enough of it. It's
just constantly sniffing urine out in the water,
just, just really, just
huffing some urine and finding where it's
at. And the trouble
(20:51):
and the reason that this story
now greets us here in spoopkee season
is this. The fish's
anatomy, coupled with how
it is alleged to interact with humans
in and out of the water, is very troubling.
Dare I say, horrifying.
(21:12):
The candiru can grow up to 15
inches long. It's about that long. Size doesn't matter.
Just saying. They're very
thin. No, they're
bigger than a pencil, but they're not. They're kind of a long, narrow,
tube ish shaped fish.
Uh, and it is,
with the exception
(21:34):
of their thickness, is when they have fully
feasted on the blood of another fish. Usually
they trap them in their little gillies like
that, and that's how they extract the blood from
these other fish, vampire fish. Truly,
or as is the case
from our horrifying stories today,
(21:55):
they extract the blood and discharge of
blood from the wounds it inflicts on
the human urethra.
The most recent report we have of the candiru
getting stuck in a urethra is a
man in Itikoatara
(22:17):
who knows Brazil. It's impossible to know the name of
places. Um, in 1997, this
23 year old man named Silvio
claimed that the candiru
jumped from the water and followed his
stream of urine up to his pee pee hole, where
it entered and tried to get stuck in his
(22:37):
urethra. So it jumped
out of the water. He was thigh deep,
according to the report. And the fish exited the water to
do this and lodged itself in his wiener
hole. The spines on the back of
the fish, much like a fishhook where it goes in
and then it cannot be pulled out
because of the hook, the way it is hooked.
(23:00):
The spines on the back of the vampire fish, the
candiru, get stuck in the urethral
canal after it's entered. To just pull it out
is going to, for lack of a better way.
And though frustrating to say, rip things,
my understanding and my experience is this, as a, as a
man with a urethra, and really anybody
(23:21):
with one, is you want to keep the
ripping in that area of the body to a
minimum. Like, when it comes to pretty
much any part of the human body, you want almost no
ripping, but especially the
interior canals of
your nether region. Like, no
ripping is the perfect amount of ripping.
(23:44):
Silvio's story ends with Silvio going to the
doctor where he underwent a two hour
surgery to remove this fish
from his wiener.
It gives an entirely different meaning to the,
to the term fish stick.
Fish stick.
(24:05):
Settle down.
The report claims that once inside
his urethra, the candiru ate a hole
through the ventricle wall and burrowed its
way into the scrotum. Um, good. Dear, dear
Lord, have, lord have mercy.
How are we doing? Like,
(24:25):
have we entered saw level vampire fish
non through nutsack yet? Like, it's just truly
terrible. It's. Now,
I should tell you that the shared account from all the explorers
of the past related to this creature is that
it loves the smell of urine and pee. But they are also
told that this creature will, if you pee in the
(24:46):
water or if you just so happen to be unlucky
enough, the candiru will swim and try
to get stuck in your wiener hole or get
lodged into your lady part pp zone,
or just generally try to
extract blood from your nether region.
Very bad. And these
(25:06):
explorers, Carl, Johan,
Francis, they come back and they
report talking to doctors and the people in the area
where this is said to have happened.
And there were reports of doctors
having to cut, dear God,
(25:27):
to cut the fish out. Or in the worst
cases, full surgery. I don't know what that means
to me. Like, if, if full surgery is
not cutting the fish out of your
body, is that just mean they just ken doll you
and cut the losses? I don't know.
It seems bad. We can all agree this
(25:47):
seems bad. And if I was going to go
swimming in a river where this was even a
possibility, like,
it's spooky, it's
concerning. This is horror movie
saw level torture stuff.
Maybe the next time on, um, saw, he just needs to put him in a
(26:07):
box full of candiru fishes and see if they try
to orifice them. You know what I'm saying?
It's the fish that burrows its way into your pee pee
tube. You and your friends are going
swimming, and they're in the water and they shout,
I have to pee. And the legend of the candiru gets.
(26:29):
Once upon a time, there was a
small brazilian boy who went to the river with his
older brothers. They would go to the river for lots
of things, wash their clothes, get
water, bathe. But
sometimes it was nice to go to the river for an
afternoon play with the older brothers.
They've been to this river countless times. It's
(26:52):
where they swam. It's where they played.
One day, the boys playing in the water were playing a
game, and as they were doing so, uh, one of the older brothers
looks over and they see the younger brother making
what is, for lack of a better way of describing it,
the little kid now taking a pee face.
(27:13):
The brother paused, and the older brother's
frustrated that they share this river
with this little brother tried to move away in
frustration, knowing that his pee
stream has moved down the stream to where they
are. One day,
like so many other days before, the small
(27:33):
brazilian boy and his brothers go to the river to play.
And as they're playing, they're cutting up, they're splashing, they're
flopping around, they've got their coconut nut
garments on and the book.
One of the brothers looks over and he sees that the little brother
has paused, and the, and the brother says, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. You have to pee.
(27:54):
You have to get out of the river if you're going to pee.
And the younger brother, not understanding why,
asks, for what?
I peed in the river so many times before, and, uh,
nothing bad's happened. You just don't want to deal with
it. You just don't want my pee in the
river. The older brother, you can
(28:15):
just imagine, says, you know, the
candira, if you pee in the water,
it's gonna smell your pee and it's gonna come and
vampire the blood out of the inside of your pee
pee hole.
Scared for the, for the care of his urethra, the
younger brother was careful not to do so,
exited the water to do his business.
(28:39):
Now, do I know
that this is how the myth
of the Kundiru vampire fish spread? I do
not. I do not. But we can see it,
right? We can see how a story like this gets
propagated amongst the people. What
we do know is fluid
physics. Personal accounts
(29:01):
and lab tests have disproven much of
the Kundiru myth. First, the
candiru is not attracted to urine. This has
been almost unequivocally proven in a lab.
It does drink or feed on blood.
So that's fun. It's got that going for it.
As far as vampires go, it technically still checks
(29:21):
the box of loving to drink your blood.
Second, as much as we
might want it to try, a fish cannot
swim up a pea stream. It's not going to
happen. Fluid physics will not
allow the fish to do so.
Third, the diameter of the
(29:43):
candiru is so significantly
greater than the diameter
of a pp hole that
for the candiru to swim into
and enter that urethral canal via that
hole, it would need to open it
in order to do so. Now, I will note that this
(30:04):
could be possible for the lady parts,
but it still seems unlikely.
Fourth, every story we
have of the
vampire fish
vampiring a person in this very bad way
is secondhand. And the one modern
(30:24):
account we have about, uh,
stevia or whatever his head was,
uh, from the 1990s, uh,
has much data
disproving that. It leaves those reading it seriously
doubting the truth of the claim. The
story as it is, Silvio is his name.
Silvio's story seems a little more
(30:46):
larger than life.
Last, the myth of the
candiru is just kind of
counterintuitive. While the fish exists,
it doesn't make sense how it's going to swim into
my wiener hole, but here's what I'm
saying. We
can imagine, and we can see how
(31:07):
this story came about. For
a group of native Brazilians, you can see
why they reported to the european
explorers as they came through the area. This
is the river we wash in the. This is the river we do
our laundry in, and we get our water from. This is the river
we play in. And, uh, we don't want these
rando Europeans peeing in our
(31:29):
river. Tell them the story of the
candiru caught in the wiener cavity.
That'll spook them. That'll horrify them enough
to keep them from peeing in my river.
The fact that these Europeans took this
myth, took this story, and wrote it
down as scientific fact in the
(31:49):
scientific revolution, and brought it
back to Europe, where the legend of the vampire
fish in the candiru was spread not only
in the european continent, but into the american
people. And zeitgeist is
a wonderful, wonderful fact that
serves as a scientific prank. And
(32:09):
as a horrifying spoop key season story.
It circled all the way back, and the myth became
accepted understanding. That
is, until american marine
biologist Stephen Spott decided
he was going to get to the bottom of the
candiru story.
(32:30):
He did the work, and he figured it out.
It's a fish.
Yes, it does consume or parasite the blood
of other fish or organisms that it
traps in its gills while in the water.
But the idea that this fish is going to get
lodged in your urethral canal in
(32:50):
your zone is
unfounded. In fact,
in concluding his writings, Stephen
Spott wrote,
the odds of a person submerged in a
stream where the candiru live being attacked,
meaning the candiru gets lodged in your PP
hole. That was my editorial on that. He did not write the
(33:13):
heated. Steven Spot did not write pp
hole. That was my addition. Here
are about the same as being struck by
lightning while simultaneously
being eaten by a shark.
Not great odds. Not great odds, I'll admit.
But in the words of Lloyd Christmas.
(33:33):
So you're saying there's a chance.
And here's the thing. The
world is weird.
What lives in the back of our brain is
likely a smaller version of the. Is
there. Is there possibly a smaller version of the
kondiru who could accomplish this, this
human cavity excavating feat,
(33:57):
much like bigfoot, which I think is more proven
than the condiru wiener fish?
Um, the possibility of this, the
fact that there is even multiple
times that this has been said, might be
enough to keep us afraid.
And while you will likely never succumb to the
(34:18):
fate of the candiru, we here in America,
um, if you're listening to us from Brazil or the
Amazon, hello. I don't know how you came to
hear this show, but thank you for listening.
But if I'm ever in the Amazon, I don't
think I'm gonna risk blasting my stream straight
into the river. I'm gonna keep it
(34:38):
kosher. No sense in tempting fate
with the vampire fish.
This brings us to the end of another episode of
Privy and the end of another spoop gee
season here on the podcast we we
hope you enjoyed. I want to note, I believe my sister
(35:00):
in law is guilty of pulling a full candiru fish.
Kids peeing in the bottom of the shower and telling them that
it comes out the top. Move on her children.
Uh, so we're
all guilty of many things. We would
love for you to leave the show a rating and review. The five
star options are preferred. It helps people find the show.
(35:21):
Share the show with a friend online. You can share it direct
to social media. Text it to somebody. Cold
text to somebody. But for every rating and review
you leave us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify
podcasts, we will donate a dollar to wounded
warriors and living water international as a reminder to keep
pooping in the free world. That free world was not always
free. And there are parts of this world that are
(35:44):
perhaps less free and definitely have less access
to clean water, cleaner water for all, a freer world
for all. Uh, so leave us a rating review. We'll get those
things out there. Uh, we have a shop. It's a
limited release sticker shop. If you go to the
website privy dash, cast.com, at the top, there's
a shop thing and there's a few run stickers. I am
(36:04):
working on a better store. But for now, this is
how we're going to attempt and see what interest
exists. Follow us on social media
icast. You can follow Randy bowles. If you
darendybowles, you can follow me. Hunter,
I'm owlette Seven. Uh, send us an email
privycastmail.com dot. We'd love to hear from you,
uh, episodes, suggestions, comments, concerns if you want to be on the
(36:26):
show, if you have a podcast of your own and you want to do
like an episode swap, I'd love to talk to you about those
things. Privycastmail.com
hit us up. Uh, this brings us to the end of another episode of
privy. Thanks to kevin and poddington and all the other people for
our Halloween music, our intro and outro music, and all our segment
music this week. You can find their information down below.
(36:46):
This brings us to the end of another episode of privy. Thank you for
listening. Keep pooping in this free world. Own your stank.
Avoid the candiru fish. Don't let him vampire
you. And now, as always, don't
forget to flush.
Either that, or I feel like his list nowadays would
just include, like, nine types of weeds,
a couple strains of weed, and, like, an
aspen tree or something. Uh,
welcome back to privy. Privy is
a podcast about bathrooms
recorded from my home
bathroom. I'm your host, hunter
(00:38):
Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
Welcome back, everyone, and welcome
back to spooky season.
Um, we're really kind of rounding out spooky season this
year. And for. For those who know,
a little peek behind the privy cast curtain here. Don't
look too close. You never know what you'll find. Oh,
(01:01):
my peacock is shedding. I hate
it when my peacock does that. This thing's.
Anyway, little peek behind the
privacast curtain. This is
a second recording. The first recording, um,
will be lost to time because
the technical difficulty, goblin got a hold of it. And
(01:23):
so, uh,
yes, we're going to do our best to bring the
same energy. Sometimes it's tough to bring the
same energy when you're doing a rerecord, I got to be
honest about that. But it's spooky season,
and, uh, there's all sorts of
spooky things out there. Spooky stuff, uh,
the creepity creepity skeletons. I got to be honest,
(01:45):
I've kind of dropped the ball in a big way. Um, for those
who don't know, this time of year is
spooky season, but it's also twist season. Justice for
the twist, um, wherein I
launch my campaign to drive people
kind of annoyed, but mostly just to
levy a grievance against the
(02:06):
song, the quote, unquote, the monster mash. The
song colloquially, um, known
by the culture as the monster mash. Now,
those with a keen ear will know that in the song the monster mashed,
the crypt keeper wakes up, and he asks, whatever happened to my
Transylvania twist? To which they all say, it's now
the mash. In other words, it was
incorrectly renamed against the crypt keeper,
(02:28):
the man who, uh, invented the dance
and the song thus named after the dance that it is
purporting to be causing in the monsters.
Um, he had no say
in his song and dance being
renamed, uh, and thus, it is kind of stolen
intellectual property, if you really think about it. Uh,
(02:48):
and so, justice for the twist. It's the Transylvania twist.
Make no mistake, those who
insist on calling it the monster mash,
they are not only wrong, um,
but they are spreading hate. So, I know
that's a thing that people fear nowadays,
so there's that. But it's spooky
season. And sometimes spooky
(03:11):
season, it finds us and the spooky of the
world can sometimes overlap with fun. There's,
like, fun spooky. I'm thinking of,
uh, you know, the vampires, the.
The goblins, um, the jack
o'lanterns, the
ghosts, the, like. You know, I
would say. I would say your traditional
(03:33):
Halloween monster group. I refuse to
say mash, but the traditional
Halloween grouping is pretty fun.
Uh, you know, and they have spooky
origins. Uh, there's some
creepity qualities in there. Um,
but in the past, for
spooky season, we have really leaned
(03:55):
into this kind of fun,
spooky type. We've talked about the
spooky world of bog bodies. That is, these bodies
that were left for dead, for lack of a better way of saying
it, in the bogs of Europe, we
talked about the piss prophets and the magic that
they perceived to be in our
(04:15):
urine. Good stuff.
Most recently, we have had a couple of
rounds, uh, of toilet
demons. We've looked at Bigfoot poop and the
like. And sometimes
these supernatural things, especially when
we start talking about bigfoots and toilet demonstration.
Sometimes those things can be somewhat
(04:37):
spooky in and of themselves. Uh,
and maybe you're one of these tough guys that's
like, I ain't afraid of
nothing. Casper. Yeah, right. The big,
green, goopy gobbler guy from. From
Ghostbusters. Yeah, right. I'm not a scared of
him. Um, and we get it, tough guy. Like, it's
fine. We are all impressed
(05:00):
by your incredible acumen
to resist being afraid of
anything. But
sometimes in this world,
the scariest things
are the ones that are real,
but they are shrouded in enough myth
and mystery to make
(05:22):
us ponder. And they are also
coupled with just the things that they'll do to
our bodies that
just kind of give us the creepity jeebities.
I guess that could be the case for Bigfoot.
Never really thought of that, I guess. You know, there's these
people that are like, I gotta go out and track down
(05:43):
Bigfoot. I need to find the guy,
and that's not me. I have no desire to find
Bigfoot. Um, I'm
moderately convinced that if a person finds
Bigfoot, it won't be, well, for them. Think of it like this.
When you're out and about, you don't actively, unless you're hunting
for them, but, like, whatever, but you don't.
(06:04):
If you. There's a bear, you leave it alone. Same with
the Bigfoots. Just leave them alone.
But we have one such topic today
of a
spooky, dare I say, horrifying
creature that is both shrouded in
mystery, uh, but also lends to
(06:26):
this horrifying aspect of worry
for our human bodies. As we
introduce this, we, of course, have to go back
and give a little bit of Runway up to this
week's episode.
In 17 hundreds, Germany coming out of the
(06:47):
scientific revolution of the 15 and 16.
Hundreds. Hundreds. German
apothecary and pharmacist Ernst
Wilhelm Mauritius, or Martius
Marcius, I don't know,
began, uh, came on the scene,
and in doing so, just confirming
(07:08):
the idea of natural medicine as an
apothecary, he set up a
botanical society in Regensburg,
Germany. Plant
scientists. You know, the scientific revolution
is going well when you're just trying to figure out all
the science you can get from all the very good plants.
Ernst had a son just before the turn of the
(07:30):
century named Carl
Karl. And like his dad,
Karl went on to study botany in
Erlangen. Karl earned a
PhD, and as a thesis
paper, he
published a catalog of the
plants that could be found in the
university's garden. Now, I know
(07:53):
this is not what he did, but in
my brain, when I hear that Carl,
as his thesis paper,
published a list of
the plants in the university
garden, uh, I just have in
my brain this idea that he just published, like, a
blank list. Like,
(08:15):
if this was done today, if somebody today was like, you
know what? For my senior thesis, for my big paper,
I'm gonna publish all of the plants in the garden. And then
as they look out at the concrete hellscape,
they realize, and I'm done. Either
that, or I feel like his list nowadays would just
include, like, nine types of weeds, a couple
(08:36):
strains of weed, and, like, an aspen
tree or something. And you can tell it's an aspen
by the way, because of the way it is. That's how you
know. But, yeah, for
his thesis paper, he published a list of the
university's plants. It's pretty neat. I'm sure
that he included a lot of
(08:56):
scientific information, maybe some descriptions,
maybe some discoveries, uh,
that he had made after he studied these plants.
But from this point, after earning his thesis for
publishing a list of plants, uh, he
went on and gained the attention of
more important people in the area of
(09:17):
Germany as it relates to botany and
other plant science.
Karl graduated from the university in
1814. Just three years after
graduating, the king of Bavaria sent him
and colleague Johann Baptist von
Spixley on an explorative
expedition to Brazil and the
(09:39):
amazonian rainforest.
So. So Carl and Johan and
their group of travelers, they, they
said, uh, that the cat dang peacock. Peacock
is just not agreeing with me. King Peacock needs to
chill out. But they
set out, uh, for Brazil, and
(10:01):
I got a note. When I think of Germany, I
don't think of many, like, explorative
expeditions to Brazil. But apparently this was a
thing. Like, apparently Germany was regularly
getting out there and doing the
explorative. I don't
know. I always would have thought, like,
spor the flip. Did he
(10:23):
say Spain or Portugal, also known
as sporuntugal?
Um, I would have thought that they would have got a hand
in the ball, and they probably did. But apparently Germany was
way up in the mix here.
They began their expedition in Rio de
Janeiro and traveled north to
Tabatanga, um, and while they did
(10:45):
so, they traveled along the
Amazon river, and they
explored many of the hooks and little tributaries that
the Amazon river took as it cut,
cut north. There's lots of plants out there.
Like, lots of plants. The Amazon
rainforest is literally slam full of
plants, chock full of them.
(11:08):
It makes Carl's university garden
just. Just look like a mud puddle. Do you know what
I mean?
And while exploring the Amazon rainforest would
probably be spooky enough, like, keep in
mind this is early 18 hundreds
electricity, not on the scene. And,
(11:29):
uh, you know, when you're out camping, when you're out in the middle of
nowhere in the dark, it's creepy.
It's spooky do gety, and
it'd be spooky enough. And these
expeditions were not for the faint of heart.
Carl Johan and their group had a three year
journey through the region of South
(11:49):
America, Brazil, particularly in the Amazon
river region. And upon
returning from Brazil and South America,
they would publish their works.
Carl wrote about many bushes and
plants and flowers that he found in the
region as he traveled. But as he traveled
(12:10):
throughout the region, he also gained a lot of
information via some of the animals.
Likewise, as he met natives and locals
throughout the area, he talked to many
of them, uh, to gain information from the
culture and learn about the societies that
lived along the Amazon river.
(12:30):
In this way, Carl Johan and their group learned many
things about all sorts of
different aspects of brazilian life. The
Amazon, the region, the animals. And they
learned all sorts of things in this way.
One of the things that they learned about was
a creature called the candiru.
(12:56):
The candiru, or the kanero, is
known as the toothpick fish
or as the vampire
fish. I know pretty spooky stuff
there. Vampire fish. I can't do the
vampire teeth. Very good. As the
story goes, while coral was
traveling throughout the region, and the natives in
(13:18):
the region were interacting with him and he
was getting information. They told him the
story about a fish that lives in the
Amazon river, the vampire fish, the
candiru. I want you to imagine
with me for a moment if you will. You're
living near the Amazon and you go
swimming. You know, you get ready to
(13:40):
go. You're probably not doing sunscreen in the early 18
hundreds, but nowadays, you know, you're getting at least an SPF
50 on that. But you get your usual
suspects. Swim trunks, check.
Rubber hair thingy, check.
Arm floaties, check and
check. Ladies, you got to cover the lady
bits, top and bottom, double check,
(14:03):
triple check. One for each side, you know what I'm
saying? And if you're really going to
get serious, you know, you got your goggles and you got your little
earplugs and maybe you got the little, you got the
little like nose thingies that you keep the water out
of your nose. Check, check and check.
And then, right, just, you know, as you're
finishing your preparation to go swim in the Amazon
(14:26):
river, you just get like a string or a
piece of vine or a small piece of leather
and you just tie off your
wiener
if cinching up your pee pee hole isn't your
flavor. Or ladies,
um, if you are not endowed in such a way,
(14:47):
you could also go the other method that Mauritius
noted from the locals that a number of
protective coverings for the genitals of both men
and women are implemented to protect
them from the vampire fish that lurks
beneath. We're protecting no, no
zones not nex from these vampires.
Uh, so keep in mind this protection
(15:09):
was probably pretty wild.
Some writings that he had,
uh, state things like leaves packed in
bits of fern, uh, but could
also be as much as like coconuts cut in
half, used to cover the zone, if you
will. Many of these are listed to
be worn also to ward off the bites of
(15:32):
piranhas. Um, live in the
Amazon. And here's the
deal. A lot of times
the Amazonian and the people of the region,
they were not just going to the river for fun.
They were not just going for a little afternoon swim. This
was where they bathed. They likely
gathered water from the area. Um,
(15:54):
it's more than just
swimming, if you will. Like, the river is
the bath. The river is the source of
some of the water that we might use for
use. I don't think the Amazon river is particularly
clean, but I'm sure they had figured out
boiling and other type things
(16:15):
as Carl and Johan.
You know what we're talking about rivers. It's time. It's
time. We got it. We got to keep things moist.
Oh,
speaking of coconut, I gotta say,
polar seltzer, if you're listening to this, I don't think you're listening to this,
(16:36):
but if you are, I gotta say
something. I got a bone to pick with you.
My understanding is you have released a
flavor that is described as like, creamy
coconut polar seltzer. And I can't find it
anywhere. And I'm sure, listener, you're thinking, well, Hunter,
why don't you just go on their website and buy it? You can't buy
(16:56):
the seltzer from Polar's website. I've looked on
Amazon, they don't carry the coconut flavor.
Um, and it would have been such a perfect pairing.
Coconut nether covers, coconut,
polar seltzer. It was a match made in the
Amazon. But today, alas, we have strawberry
and watermelon polar seltzer, it's very good. It's new to
me.
(17:19):
But polar, if you're listening, um,
um, you got, you got to
hook, you gotta tell me how I can get ahold of this stuff.
But, uh, the
locals gave him details about this
fish, stating that they
encourage people not to
(17:39):
pee in the river.
And as a result, Martius.
Martius meritus, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
butcher it. Carl took
this recommendation to mean
that the candiru vampire,
uh, fish is attracted to
(18:01):
urine. So if you're in the Amazon river,
don't pee because it's gonna attract this
fish. And you don't want the
vampire fish attracted to the
part of your body that is expelling urine.
Generally speaking, maritus
guest or Martius, it's impossible to know at
this point, guessed that it was the odor of the
(18:23):
urine that attracted the fish. Fish. And it makes you
wonder, can fish smell?
I mean, I guess they can. Like when you use power bait when you
go fishing, that stuff reeks. And I'm, and it's, it
says that is so the fish can smell it. But it's a weird thing
to think about because, like, I can't smell underwater,
but I guess fish can.
(18:44):
Um, what amazing creatures.
But if I try to smell underwater,
I
suffocate. But this is
the first time that concerns about this fish were
documented. Carl and Johann
returned from their, from their expeditions. They published their
works and this was the first time that
(19:06):
this fish was documented, though it
probably lives on and stories and
conversations of it for centuries amongst the
amazonian people and the people of Brazil.
Karl and his expedition are the
first time that it is written about and published
for others to read. The
(19:27):
second report about the candiru, the, uh,
vampire fish, is from a french scientist,
Francis de Castelnau. In
1855. Francis de
Castelnau states that an
uruguayan local noted the
fish being attracted to urine. So we have that as
(19:47):
a commonality. It's hard to tell, though, if, like,
if Martius's, uh,
comments about the urine are why others
think it's attracted to pee. It's hard to tell. Um, but
he notes that it's attracted even if you are peeing into
the river, not wiener submerged
or ladybit. P ladybit submerged.
(20:09):
And many of these other stories that begin to pop up
about the. The vampire fish, the
candiru, uh,
are from various european and american scientists,
and they're shared over the course of the next
150 to 200 years via
published scientific works. And the thing
(20:29):
that all of these accounts
have in common about the kendiru is that
this fish really loves urine.
Like, big fan. Can't get enough of it. It's
just constantly sniffing urine out in the water,
just, just really, just
huffing some urine and finding where it's
at. And the trouble
(20:51):
and the reason that this story
now greets us here in spoopkee season
is this. The fish's
anatomy, coupled with how
it is alleged to interact with humans
in and out of the water, is very troubling.
Dare I say, horrifying.
(21:12):
The candiru can grow up to 15
inches long. It's about that long. Size doesn't matter.
Just saying. They're very
thin. No, they're
bigger than a pencil, but they're not. They're kind of a long, narrow,
tube ish shaped fish.
Uh, and it is,
with the exception
(21:34):
of their thickness, is when they have fully
feasted on the blood of another fish. Usually
they trap them in their little gillies like
that, and that's how they extract the blood from
these other fish, vampire fish. Truly,
or as is the case
from our horrifying stories today,
(21:55):
they extract the blood and discharge of
blood from the wounds it inflicts on
the human urethra.
The most recent report we have of the candiru
getting stuck in a urethra is a
man in Itikoatara
(22:17):
who knows Brazil. It's impossible to know the name of
places. Um, in 1997, this
23 year old man named Silvio
claimed that the candiru
jumped from the water and followed his
stream of urine up to his pee pee hole, where
it entered and tried to get stuck in his
(22:37):
urethra. So it jumped
out of the water. He was thigh deep,
according to the report. And the fish exited the water to
do this and lodged itself in his wiener
hole. The spines on the back of
the fish, much like a fishhook where it goes in
and then it cannot be pulled out
because of the hook, the way it is hooked.
(23:00):
The spines on the back of the vampire fish, the
candiru, get stuck in the urethral
canal after it's entered. To just pull it out
is going to, for lack of a better way.
And though frustrating to say, rip things,
my understanding and my experience is this, as a, as a
man with a urethra, and really anybody
(23:21):
with one, is you want to keep the
ripping in that area of the body to a
minimum. Like, when it comes to pretty
much any part of the human body, you want almost no
ripping, but especially the
interior canals of
your nether region. Like, no
ripping is the perfect amount of ripping.
(23:44):
Silvio's story ends with Silvio going to the
doctor where he underwent a two hour
surgery to remove this fish
from his wiener.
It gives an entirely different meaning to the,
to the term fish stick.
Fish stick.
(24:05):
Settle down.
The report claims that once inside
his urethra, the candiru ate a hole
through the ventricle wall and burrowed its
way into the scrotum. Um, good. Dear, dear
Lord, have, lord have mercy.
How are we doing? Like,
(24:25):
have we entered saw level vampire fish
non through nutsack yet? Like, it's just truly
terrible. It's. Now,
I should tell you that the shared account from all the explorers
of the past related to this creature is that
it loves the smell of urine and pee. But they are also
told that this creature will, if you pee in the
(24:46):
water or if you just so happen to be unlucky
enough, the candiru will swim and try
to get stuck in your wiener hole or get
lodged into your lady part pp zone,
or just generally try to
extract blood from your nether region.
Very bad. And these
(25:06):
explorers, Carl, Johan,
Francis, they come back and they
report talking to doctors and the people in the area
where this is said to have happened.
And there were reports of doctors
having to cut, dear God,
(25:27):
to cut the fish out. Or in the worst
cases, full surgery. I don't know what that means
to me. Like, if, if full surgery is
not cutting the fish out of your
body, is that just mean they just ken doll you
and cut the losses? I don't know.
It seems bad. We can all agree this
(25:47):
seems bad. And if I was going to go
swimming in a river where this was even a
possibility, like,
it's spooky, it's
concerning. This is horror movie
saw level torture stuff.
Maybe the next time on, um, saw, he just needs to put him in a
(26:07):
box full of candiru fishes and see if they try
to orifice them. You know what I'm saying?
It's the fish that burrows its way into your pee pee
tube. You and your friends are going
swimming, and they're in the water and they shout,
I have to pee. And the legend of the candiru gets.
(26:29):
Once upon a time, there was a
small brazilian boy who went to the river with his
older brothers. They would go to the river for lots
of things, wash their clothes, get
water, bathe. But
sometimes it was nice to go to the river for an
afternoon play with the older brothers.
They've been to this river countless times. It's
(26:52):
where they swam. It's where they played.
One day, the boys playing in the water were playing a
game, and as they were doing so, uh, one of the older brothers
looks over and they see the younger brother making
what is, for lack of a better way of describing it,
the little kid now taking a pee face.
(27:13):
The brother paused, and the older brother's
frustrated that they share this river
with this little brother tried to move away in
frustration, knowing that his pee
stream has moved down the stream to where they
are. One day,
like so many other days before, the small
(27:33):
brazilian boy and his brothers go to the river to play.
And as they're playing, they're cutting up, they're splashing, they're
flopping around, they've got their coconut nut
garments on and the book.
One of the brothers looks over and he sees that the little brother
has paused, and the, and the brother says, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. You have to pee.
(27:54):
You have to get out of the river if you're going to pee.
And the younger brother, not understanding why,
asks, for what?
I peed in the river so many times before, and, uh,
nothing bad's happened. You just don't want to deal with
it. You just don't want my pee in the
river. The older brother, you can
(28:15):
just imagine, says, you know, the
candira, if you pee in the water,
it's gonna smell your pee and it's gonna come and
vampire the blood out of the inside of your pee
pee hole.
Scared for the, for the care of his urethra, the
younger brother was careful not to do so,
exited the water to do his business.
(28:39):
Now, do I know
that this is how the myth
of the Kundiru vampire fish spread? I do
not. I do not. But we can see it,
right? We can see how a story like this gets
propagated amongst the people. What
we do know is fluid
physics. Personal accounts
(29:01):
and lab tests have disproven much of
the Kundiru myth. First, the
candiru is not attracted to urine. This has
been almost unequivocally proven in a lab.
It does drink or feed on blood.
So that's fun. It's got that going for it.
As far as vampires go, it technically still checks
(29:21):
the box of loving to drink your blood.
Second, as much as we
might want it to try, a fish cannot
swim up a pea stream. It's not going to
happen. Fluid physics will not
allow the fish to do so.
Third, the diameter of the
(29:43):
candiru is so significantly
greater than the diameter
of a pp hole that
for the candiru to swim into
and enter that urethral canal via that
hole, it would need to open it
in order to do so. Now, I will note that this
(30:04):
could be possible for the lady parts,
but it still seems unlikely.
Fourth, every story we
have of the
vampire fish
vampiring a person in this very bad way
is secondhand. And the one modern
(30:24):
account we have about, uh,
stevia or whatever his head was,
uh, from the 1990s, uh,
has much data
disproving that. It leaves those reading it seriously
doubting the truth of the claim. The
story as it is, Silvio is his name.
Silvio's story seems a little more
(30:46):
larger than life.
Last, the myth of the
candiru is just kind of
counterintuitive. While the fish exists,
it doesn't make sense how it's going to swim into
my wiener hole, but here's what I'm
saying. We
can imagine, and we can see how
(31:07):
this story came about. For
a group of native Brazilians, you can see
why they reported to the european
explorers as they came through the area. This
is the river we wash in the. This is the river we do
our laundry in, and we get our water from. This is the river
we play in. And, uh, we don't want these
rando Europeans peeing in our
(31:29):
river. Tell them the story of the
candiru caught in the wiener cavity.
That'll spook them. That'll horrify them enough
to keep them from peeing in my river.
The fact that these Europeans took this
myth, took this story, and wrote it
down as scientific fact in the
(31:49):
scientific revolution, and brought it
back to Europe, where the legend of the vampire
fish in the candiru was spread not only
in the european continent, but into the american
people. And zeitgeist is
a wonderful, wonderful fact that
serves as a scientific prank. And
(32:09):
as a horrifying spoop key season story.
It circled all the way back, and the myth became
accepted understanding. That
is, until american marine
biologist Stephen Spott decided
he was going to get to the bottom of the
candiru story.
(32:30):
He did the work, and he figured it out.
It's a fish.
Yes, it does consume or parasite the blood
of other fish or organisms that it
traps in its gills while in the water.
But the idea that this fish is going to get
lodged in your urethral canal in
(32:50):
your zone is
unfounded. In fact,
in concluding his writings, Stephen
Spott wrote,
the odds of a person submerged in a
stream where the candiru live being attacked,
meaning the candiru gets lodged in your PP
hole. That was my editorial on that. He did not write the
(33:13):
heated. Steven Spot did not write pp
hole. That was my addition. Here
are about the same as being struck by
lightning while simultaneously
being eaten by a shark.
Not great odds. Not great odds, I'll admit.
But in the words of Lloyd Christmas.
(33:33):
So you're saying there's a chance.
And here's the thing. The
world is weird.
What lives in the back of our brain is
likely a smaller version of the. Is
there. Is there possibly a smaller version of the
kondiru who could accomplish this, this
human cavity excavating feat,
(33:57):
much like bigfoot, which I think is more proven
than the condiru wiener fish?
Um, the possibility of this, the
fact that there is even multiple
times that this has been said, might be
enough to keep us afraid.
And while you will likely never succumb to the
(34:18):
fate of the candiru, we here in America,
um, if you're listening to us from Brazil or the
Amazon, hello. I don't know how you came to
hear this show, but thank you for listening.
But if I'm ever in the Amazon, I don't
think I'm gonna risk blasting my stream straight
into the river. I'm gonna keep it
(34:38):
kosher. No sense in tempting fate
with the vampire fish.
This brings us to the end of another episode of
Privy and the end of another spoop gee
season here on the podcast we we
hope you enjoyed. I want to note, I believe my sister
(35:00):
in law is guilty of pulling a full candiru fish.
Kids peeing in the bottom of the shower and telling them that
it comes out the top. Move on her children.
Uh, so we're
all guilty of many things. We would
love for you to leave the show a rating and review. The five
star options are preferred. It helps people find the show.
(35:21):
Share the show with a friend online. You can share it direct
to social media. Text it to somebody. Cold
text to somebody. But for every rating and review
you leave us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify
podcasts, we will donate a dollar to wounded
warriors and living water international as a reminder to keep
pooping in the free world. That free world was not always
free. And there are parts of this world that are
(35:44):
perhaps less free and definitely have less access
to clean water, cleaner water for all, a freer world
for all. Uh, so leave us a rating review. We'll get those
things out there. Uh, we have a shop. It's a
limited release sticker shop. If you go to the
website privy dash, cast.com, at the top, there's
a shop thing and there's a few run stickers. I am
(36:04):
working on a better store. But for now, this is
how we're going to attempt and see what interest
exists. Follow us on social media
icast. You can follow Randy bowles. If you
darendybowles, you can follow me. Hunter,
I'm owlette Seven. Uh, send us an email
privycastmail.com dot. We'd love to hear from you,
uh, episodes, suggestions, comments, concerns if you want to be on the
(36:26):
show, if you have a podcast of your own and you want to do
like an episode swap, I'd love to talk to you about those
things. Privycastmail.com
hit us up. Uh, this brings us to the end of another episode of
privy. Thanks to kevin and poddington and all the other people for
our Halloween music, our intro and outro music, and all our segment
music this week. You can find their information down below.
(36:46):
This brings us to the end of another episode of privy. Thank you for
listening. Keep pooping in this free world. Own your stank.
Avoid the candiru fish. Don't let him vampire
you. And now, as always, don't
forget to flush.
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