February 11, 2025 • 12 mins
In this episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast, I explore the concept of 'rose-colored glasses'—the illusions we create about ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. I discuss the origins of these perceptions, the pain that comes with facing reality, the role of empathy in our understanding of others, and the importance of setting boundaries. Ultimately, I encourage listeners to embrace clarity and self-awareness, reminding you that true freedom comes from seeing the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello my lovely Prosecco Queens and Kings, I see you too.
(00:29):
Welcome back to another episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast where we sip, spill, and sometimes
take a hard gulp of truth. Because let's be real, not everything goes down as smoothly as a good
glass of bubbly. I'm Teresa, your host, the forever dreamer, your friend, and your partner in this
wild ride we call life. And today, oh today, we're diving into a topic that's equal parts liberating
(00:53):
and uncomfortable. This following episode is based on the experiences I have lived and some of those
people around me, the constant struggle I face every day to see things for what they are and to
try and adjust. Remember, I am in no way a therapist or medical doctor. Duh. So I encourage you to
seek help if anything I speak on is triggering in any way. We're talking about something that we
(01:16):
all have worn at some point and some of us may still have on. Those famous, fabulous, and sometimes
dangerously deceptive rose-colored glasses. And what happens when you take off the rose-colored
glasses in your life? You know what I mean. The ones that make your ex seem like a misunderstood
poet instead of a walking red flag. The ones that make you think, oh my kid would never do that right
(01:39):
before you get a call from the school. The ones that make you believe that people's intentions
always match their actions. Yeah, those glasses. We're talking personal, parenting, relationships,
and the outside world. Where do these glasses come from? Why do we wear them? And what happens
when they finally come off? More importantly, what do we do next? So today we're taking them off.
(02:03):
For good. We're going to talk about where these glasses come from. While we cling to them like
they're designer frames, the real danger of not recognizing them, what happens when they finally
come off, and the sweet, sweet freedom that follows. So grab your glass of prosecco or your
coffee or tea or let's be honest, your emotional support water bottle and let's get into it.
(02:25):
So let's start with the obvious. Where do these glasses even come from? Let's be real. None of us
are born seen life clearly. For most of us, it starts early. We come into this world squinting,
screaming, and completely relying on the people around us. And in those early years,
we're handed a pair of rose color glasses by the world. Society, family, culture, and even our own
(02:47):
need for security shaped the way we see the world. Maybe we grew up believing love conquers all,
that people always have good intentions, or that if we just try hard enough, we can change someone.
Sound familiar? For some of us, it starts with fairy tales, you know, the happily of rafters,
where the prince is always charming and the villain is always obvious. For others, it's how
(03:08):
we're raised, being told to see the good in everyone, to get the benefit of the doubt,
and to believe that people mean well. And let's not forget society, which loves to romanticize
the struggle, love conquers all, family is everything. And if you just work hard enough,
people will change. Those glasses aren't just accessories, they're survival tools. They help
(03:28):
us cope, keep the peace, and sometimes keep us from facing painful truths. But here's the kicker.
When we refuse to acknowledge we're wearing them, they go from helpful to harmful. They're not
reality. And when we don't acknowledge that, we set ourselves up for some serious disappointment,
and sometimes even danger. Picture this, you're driving a car with a dirty windshield,
(03:51):
but you keep convincing yourself the road is clear. You can still move forward,
but eventually something or someone is going to get hurt. So why do we hold onto these glasses
like our lives depend on them? Well, one word, comfort. Seeing the world the rules color glasses
feels good. It makes us feel safe. It allows us to believe in the best version of people,
(04:14):
of situations, and of our own choices. It also gives us an illusion of control,
because if we believe hard enough, if we love enough, if we just keep trying,
things will turn out okay, right? Wrong. The hard truth, keeping those rose color glasses
on for too long doesn't protect us. It blinds us. In relationship, rose color glasses let us excuse
(04:37):
bad behavior because they have a good heart. So it blinds us to toxic relationships. It blinds
us to people's true nature, and it blinds us to our own bad habits. In parenting, they make us
believe our kids are immune to mistakes we made because kids are so resilient. And in the outside
world, they convince us that ignoring problems makes them disappear. And if you didn't know before,
(05:00):
I hope you damn sure see that now. And that, my friends, is where the real danger lies.
And then one day, bam, the glasses fall off. And if you're lucky, you'll see things for what they
really are. Now, that is not an easy process. And the transition is truly painful. It will take grief
and processing that grief to cope and move on. Oh, honey, this is the moment when reality smacks
(05:23):
the crap out of you. First, it stings like stepping into bright sunlight after being in a dark room.
It's uncomfortable. It's painful. And sometimes it's downright infuriating. And trust me, I can vouch
for that. You might feel betrayed, embarrassed, or even angry at yourself for not seeing things sooner.
But then, oh yes, then comes the freedom. Because once those glasses come off, you stop living in
(05:48):
a fantasy and start building a life based on truth. You stop excusing, enabling, and waiting for change.
Instead, you take control. The freedom to set boundaries without guilt. The freedom to stop
making excuses for people who don't deserve them. The freedom to trust yourself, your gut, your instincts,
your experiences. And most importantly, the freedom to see the world as it is, not as you wish it was.
(06:15):
Because that, that's the power. Now, let's talk about a tricky little thing called empathy.
Now, we know I've talked about empathy in other episodes, and if you haven't heard them, please
go back and listen. Trust me. I believe it's worth it. So why does this fit in with this theme?
Because if you're part of the Prosecco Queen's fam, I know you've got a big heart. And big hearts,
they come with big blind spots. I've expressed in many of my episodes how I allowed my rose
(06:39):
color glasses to literally make me believe that not only could I change and control everything
around me, but I believe that if I did that, then the partners in my life would want to change for me,
and for us, and for the lives we built. I fought and fought to literally my own detriment. And each
time I had to really learn the hard way that it doesn't matter what you give of yourself
(07:00):
and how hard you fight because you can only do so much for someone else. Seeing people for who
they are instead of who you thought they were can be truly a heartbreaking eye opener. You only live
for them, the memories of the past and the dreams and visions of the future. And this does not apply
only to relationships. This is to everyone and everything in our lives. We are all completely
(07:22):
imperfect, but that's where the self-awareness comes in. And some people just don't get it,
and some only when it's too late. Most people only make changes in their lives if and when
something hits them directly in their pockets or directly in their households. This usually is only
true with somebody who actually has and displays empathy. Empathy is beautiful. It helps us connect,
(07:44):
understand, and love. It makes us kind, patient, and forgiving. And like I said in my last episode,
there is really not enough of that in this world that we're living in now. But here's the problem.
When it's displaced and misplaced, it becomes a weapon against us. And when paired with rose-colored
glasses, it can be dangerous. There's a difference between understanding someone and accepting their
(08:10):
behavior. And well, that brings us to how many times have you justified someone's behavior because
you quote unquote understood why they did it? How many times have you excused red flags because
they quote unquote didn't mean to hurt you? Empathy can make you overlook red flags. Empathy
can make you excuse bad behavior because you quote unquote understood why someone is the way they are.
(08:32):
Empathy can make you put yourself last in the name of being nice or because you felt bad for
someone else. Empathy should never be an excuse for enabling bad behavior, period. And that leads me
to something crucial. So listen carefully because here's the difference between character and behavior.
Character is who someone truly is. Behavior is what they do. Seems kind of obvious, right?
(08:58):
Because someone can have a good heart and still make bad choices. We're all human.
Someone can mean well and still hurt you repeatedly. That's a little different. And someone can say
they love you, but their actions will tell you the truth. And God knows I've been there more
than I'm more times than I want to even admit. And guess what? Behavior is what affects you.
(09:20):
Behavior is what dictates your experience. So no matter how good someone is deep down,
if their actions hurt you, that matters. When the glasses come off, we stop making excuses for
people's behavior just because we believe in their character. And that, that's another way we take our
power back. So what happens when the glasses are off? And we can finally see a little clearly.
(09:44):
Well, like I've mentioned before, you set boundaries instead of making excuses and enforce
said boundaries. No more of making any excuses for people's actions. And unfortunately, this goes
for your kids as well. And I'm definitely learning. That's really easier said than done. But it's
important. You stop waiting for potential and start embracing reality. I've always been the
(10:07):
biggest culprit of this. Give yourself grace. You didn't know what you didn't know. But now, you do.
Surround yourself with clarity. Choose people who show up, not just people who say the right things.
People who hold you accountable. People who help you see things clearly. And trust yourself.
You are not being negative or cynical for seeing things as they are. That's wisdom, baby. It's
(10:32):
not easy, but it's worth it. Because living in truth, even when it's uncomfortable, is still better
than living in a beautiful lie. And look, if you ever feel yourself reaching for those glasses again,
because it happens, just remember this, clarity isn't cold. It's kind to yourself, to your future,
the life you deserve. And sidebar to all of us parents out there that struggle with rose color
(10:55):
glasses with our children. Let's try to remember that no matter how good of a job you may be doing,
our children are their own people. And we cannot control the choices they make. All we can do is
hope we give them the right information, love, and safety that they deserve. And to us moms who
have unfortunately inadvertently allowed our kids to grow and see and experience things maybe they
shouldn't have, try to forgive yourself and do better. Talk to your children. Let them see you're
(11:20):
human. And just as you hope they learn from their mistakes, we can learn from ours. They didn't come
with manuals and we didn't either for our parents. Alright, my loves, that's our episode. I hope this
gave you something to think about, whether it's a relationship, your parenting style, or how you
view the world. And if you're feeling a little exposed right now, well good. That means growth
(11:42):
is happening. As always, if this resonated with you, if you're feeling some type of way right now,
let's keep the conversation going. Dm me. Share this episode with your bestie. And if you haven't
already, subscribe and leave a review. Join me next week where we have a special interview with
Lauren Fondriest, a professional dating coach, where we will talk all things from online dating,
(12:03):
situationships, clearing your own way to love, and much more. As always, I can be reached on all
social media at Perseco Queens podcast. I can be reached via email at Perseco Queens podcast at
gmail.com. And you can also listen to these episodes on YouTube and subscribe at Perseco
Queens podcast. And most importantly, remember, you will never see the world through rose
(12:23):
color glasses. You will not see the world in full color. So until next time, keep your glasses full,
your standards higher, and your vision clear. Peace out.
Hello my lovely Prosecco Queens and Kings, I see you too.
(00:29):
Welcome back to another episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast where we sip, spill, and sometimes
take a hard gulp of truth. Because let's be real, not everything goes down as smoothly as a good
glass of bubbly. I'm Teresa, your host, the forever dreamer, your friend, and your partner in this
wild ride we call life. And today, oh today, we're diving into a topic that's equal parts liberating
(00:53):
and uncomfortable. This following episode is based on the experiences I have lived and some of those
people around me, the constant struggle I face every day to see things for what they are and to
try and adjust. Remember, I am in no way a therapist or medical doctor. Duh. So I encourage you to
seek help if anything I speak on is triggering in any way. We're talking about something that we
(01:16):
all have worn at some point and some of us may still have on. Those famous, fabulous, and sometimes
dangerously deceptive rose-colored glasses. And what happens when you take off the rose-colored
glasses in your life? You know what I mean. The ones that make your ex seem like a misunderstood
poet instead of a walking red flag. The ones that make you think, oh my kid would never do that right
(01:39):
before you get a call from the school. The ones that make you believe that people's intentions
always match their actions. Yeah, those glasses. We're talking personal, parenting, relationships,
and the outside world. Where do these glasses come from? Why do we wear them? And what happens
when they finally come off? More importantly, what do we do next? So today we're taking them off.
(02:03):
For good. We're going to talk about where these glasses come from. While we cling to them like
they're designer frames, the real danger of not recognizing them, what happens when they finally
come off, and the sweet, sweet freedom that follows. So grab your glass of prosecco or your
coffee or tea or let's be honest, your emotional support water bottle and let's get into it.
(02:25):
So let's start with the obvious. Where do these glasses even come from? Let's be real. None of us
are born seen life clearly. For most of us, it starts early. We come into this world squinting,
screaming, and completely relying on the people around us. And in those early years,
we're handed a pair of rose color glasses by the world. Society, family, culture, and even our own
(02:47):
need for security shaped the way we see the world. Maybe we grew up believing love conquers all,
that people always have good intentions, or that if we just try hard enough, we can change someone.
Sound familiar? For some of us, it starts with fairy tales, you know, the happily of rafters,
where the prince is always charming and the villain is always obvious. For others, it's how
(03:08):
we're raised, being told to see the good in everyone, to get the benefit of the doubt,
and to believe that people mean well. And let's not forget society, which loves to romanticize
the struggle, love conquers all, family is everything. And if you just work hard enough,
people will change. Those glasses aren't just accessories, they're survival tools. They help
(03:28):
us cope, keep the peace, and sometimes keep us from facing painful truths. But here's the kicker.
When we refuse to acknowledge we're wearing them, they go from helpful to harmful. They're not
reality. And when we don't acknowledge that, we set ourselves up for some serious disappointment,
and sometimes even danger. Picture this, you're driving a car with a dirty windshield,
(03:51):
but you keep convincing yourself the road is clear. You can still move forward,
but eventually something or someone is going to get hurt. So why do we hold onto these glasses
like our lives depend on them? Well, one word, comfort. Seeing the world the rules color glasses
feels good. It makes us feel safe. It allows us to believe in the best version of people,
(04:14):
of situations, and of our own choices. It also gives us an illusion of control,
because if we believe hard enough, if we love enough, if we just keep trying,
things will turn out okay, right? Wrong. The hard truth, keeping those rose color glasses
on for too long doesn't protect us. It blinds us. In relationship, rose color glasses let us excuse
(04:37):
bad behavior because they have a good heart. So it blinds us to toxic relationships. It blinds
us to people's true nature, and it blinds us to our own bad habits. In parenting, they make us
believe our kids are immune to mistakes we made because kids are so resilient. And in the outside
world, they convince us that ignoring problems makes them disappear. And if you didn't know before,
(05:00):
I hope you damn sure see that now. And that, my friends, is where the real danger lies.
And then one day, bam, the glasses fall off. And if you're lucky, you'll see things for what they
really are. Now, that is not an easy process. And the transition is truly painful. It will take grief
and processing that grief to cope and move on. Oh, honey, this is the moment when reality smacks
(05:23):
the crap out of you. First, it stings like stepping into bright sunlight after being in a dark room.
It's uncomfortable. It's painful. And sometimes it's downright infuriating. And trust me, I can vouch
for that. You might feel betrayed, embarrassed, or even angry at yourself for not seeing things sooner.
But then, oh yes, then comes the freedom. Because once those glasses come off, you stop living in
(05:48):
a fantasy and start building a life based on truth. You stop excusing, enabling, and waiting for change.
Instead, you take control. The freedom to set boundaries without guilt. The freedom to stop
making excuses for people who don't deserve them. The freedom to trust yourself, your gut, your instincts,
your experiences. And most importantly, the freedom to see the world as it is, not as you wish it was.
(06:15):
Because that, that's the power. Now, let's talk about a tricky little thing called empathy.
Now, we know I've talked about empathy in other episodes, and if you haven't heard them, please
go back and listen. Trust me. I believe it's worth it. So why does this fit in with this theme?
Because if you're part of the Prosecco Queen's fam, I know you've got a big heart. And big hearts,
they come with big blind spots. I've expressed in many of my episodes how I allowed my rose
(06:39):
color glasses to literally make me believe that not only could I change and control everything
around me, but I believe that if I did that, then the partners in my life would want to change for me,
and for us, and for the lives we built. I fought and fought to literally my own detriment. And each
time I had to really learn the hard way that it doesn't matter what you give of yourself
(07:00):
and how hard you fight because you can only do so much for someone else. Seeing people for who
they are instead of who you thought they were can be truly a heartbreaking eye opener. You only live
for them, the memories of the past and the dreams and visions of the future. And this does not apply
only to relationships. This is to everyone and everything in our lives. We are all completely
(07:22):
imperfect, but that's where the self-awareness comes in. And some people just don't get it,
and some only when it's too late. Most people only make changes in their lives if and when
something hits them directly in their pockets or directly in their households. This usually is only
true with somebody who actually has and displays empathy. Empathy is beautiful. It helps us connect,
(07:44):
understand, and love. It makes us kind, patient, and forgiving. And like I said in my last episode,
there is really not enough of that in this world that we're living in now. But here's the problem.
When it's displaced and misplaced, it becomes a weapon against us. And when paired with rose-colored
glasses, it can be dangerous. There's a difference between understanding someone and accepting their
(08:10):
behavior. And well, that brings us to how many times have you justified someone's behavior because
you quote unquote understood why they did it? How many times have you excused red flags because
they quote unquote didn't mean to hurt you? Empathy can make you overlook red flags. Empathy
can make you excuse bad behavior because you quote unquote understood why someone is the way they are.
(08:32):
Empathy can make you put yourself last in the name of being nice or because you felt bad for
someone else. Empathy should never be an excuse for enabling bad behavior, period. And that leads me
to something crucial. So listen carefully because here's the difference between character and behavior.
Character is who someone truly is. Behavior is what they do. Seems kind of obvious, right?
(08:58):
Because someone can have a good heart and still make bad choices. We're all human.
Someone can mean well and still hurt you repeatedly. That's a little different. And someone can say
they love you, but their actions will tell you the truth. And God knows I've been there more
than I'm more times than I want to even admit. And guess what? Behavior is what affects you.
(09:20):
Behavior is what dictates your experience. So no matter how good someone is deep down,
if their actions hurt you, that matters. When the glasses come off, we stop making excuses for
people's behavior just because we believe in their character. And that, that's another way we take our
power back. So what happens when the glasses are off? And we can finally see a little clearly.
(09:44):
Well, like I've mentioned before, you set boundaries instead of making excuses and enforce
said boundaries. No more of making any excuses for people's actions. And unfortunately, this goes
for your kids as well. And I'm definitely learning. That's really easier said than done. But it's
important. You stop waiting for potential and start embracing reality. I've always been the
(10:07):
biggest culprit of this. Give yourself grace. You didn't know what you didn't know. But now, you do.
Surround yourself with clarity. Choose people who show up, not just people who say the right things.
People who hold you accountable. People who help you see things clearly. And trust yourself.
You are not being negative or cynical for seeing things as they are. That's wisdom, baby. It's
(10:32):
not easy, but it's worth it. Because living in truth, even when it's uncomfortable, is still better
than living in a beautiful lie. And look, if you ever feel yourself reaching for those glasses again,
because it happens, just remember this, clarity isn't cold. It's kind to yourself, to your future,
the life you deserve. And sidebar to all of us parents out there that struggle with rose color
(10:55):
glasses with our children. Let's try to remember that no matter how good of a job you may be doing,
our children are their own people. And we cannot control the choices they make. All we can do is
hope we give them the right information, love, and safety that they deserve. And to us moms who
have unfortunately inadvertently allowed our kids to grow and see and experience things maybe they
shouldn't have, try to forgive yourself and do better. Talk to your children. Let them see you're
(11:20):
human. And just as you hope they learn from their mistakes, we can learn from ours. They didn't come
with manuals and we didn't either for our parents. Alright, my loves, that's our episode. I hope this
gave you something to think about, whether it's a relationship, your parenting style, or how you
view the world. And if you're feeling a little exposed right now, well good. That means growth
(11:42):
is happening. As always, if this resonated with you, if you're feeling some type of way right now,
let's keep the conversation going. Dm me. Share this episode with your bestie. And if you haven't
already, subscribe and leave a review. Join me next week where we have a special interview with
Lauren Fondriest, a professional dating coach, where we will talk all things from online dating,
(12:03):
situationships, clearing your own way to love, and much more. As always, I can be reached on all
social media at Perseco Queens podcast. I can be reached via email at Perseco Queens podcast at
gmail.com. And you can also listen to these episodes on YouTube and subscribe at Perseco
Queens podcast. And most importantly, remember, you will never see the world through rose
(12:23):
color glasses. You will not see the world in full color. So until next time, keep your glasses full,
your standards higher, and your vision clear. Peace out.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!