February 25, 2025 • 19 mins
In this episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast, Teresa Rosario delves into the complexities of breakups, exploring the emotional turmoil and transformative journey that follows. She discusses recognizing the signs of an inevitable breakup, the grieving process, and the importance of self-awareness and personal growth. Teresa offers actionable steps for healing, emphasizes the significance of support systems, and addresses the potential for reconciliation while encouraging listeners to find closure and embrace new beginnings.
For reference:
Moonsoulchild: A Memoir
by Sara Sheehan
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm happy you're the never-luck I never thought forever was you
(00:06):
My skies are blue Dancing kind of weather back together like I wasn't into
Thought I was doomed But I moved through the hard-toed mood
I don't care what you do I'm happy you're the never-so-much better without you
(00:29):
Without you, without you I'll be you without you
Welcome back to the Prosecco Queens podcast, the place where we get real about life, love, and all the messy parts in between. I'm your host and forever dreamer, Teresa.
(00:50):
So tell me, how are we all holding up? It's rough out there, and I think we are all quite exhausted, but we can't let the pure exhaustion of it all make us forget that what we love and cherish the most is worth fighting for.
I've had some moments in the past few weeks where I found myself fighting way more than I should have, because I felt for myself and my kids it was worth it.
But then today, I could just add to the list of the days that someone might look at me and say, well, she's being a real witch, and trust me, self-awareness is key because me calling myself a witch was just being nice.
(01:21):
I know it was way worse, but sometimes letting go of people, ideas, dreams, relationships, jobs, etc. are going to cause these reactions, grief, anger, and acceptance if you're willing to face them, work through them, and conquer them.
Since our lives have so many transitions in them, whether planned or not, I want to focus on one that inevitably will affect literally everyone at some point in their lives.
(01:46):
So today, we're tackling a topic that most of us have faced at least once, and as I mentioned above, maybe you just haven't yet, and that's surviving a breakup.
If you tuned in last week, you caught my conversation with Lauren Fandriest titled Love Lies and Algorithms, Navigating Modern Romance to Find Your Perfect Match.
That episode was all about finding love in today's digital world, how to date with intention, how to know and avoid being in a situation chip, and a whole lot more.
(02:14):
But what happens when that love doesn't last? When do all those carefully curated texts, planned futures, and shared routines unravel?
That's what we're talking about today. How to survive and more importantly, how to thrive after a breakup.
In this episode, we're going to discuss the warning signs. When to fight and when to listen to your gut and not fight anymore.
The triggers that you will never see coming, and how to start feeling like yourself again.
(02:38):
Stick around, because I'm not only living proof that you can do better by yourself if you choose to, but that it is okay to leave it all out on the floor if that's what suits you.
And remember earlier, I mentioned I had some questionable actions, angers, and judgments this week, well I will definitely elaborate on that.
So let's start at the beginning of the possible end. How do you know when a breakup is inevitable?
(02:59):
Well, here are some red flags. Repeated patterns of disrespect, dishonesty, or infidelity. This is just dangerous.
Emotional disconnect when neither of you seem invested. More resentment than joy.
And avoiding difficult conversations instead of working through them.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. And if there is abuse of any kind, please do whatever you can. Find a support system and leave.
(03:23):
There is never any shame in that. I did it more than I would like to admit.
Remember, these behaviors may or may not mean immediate dismissal, because sometimes things can be worth trying to save.
Again, I will say this until I'm not breathing anymore.
Any kind of abuse should be left to the abuser to facilitate healing on their own. And not just words, actions.
Because we cannot change people. And let me just say this louder for the people in the back. We cannot change anybody.
(03:49):
But what if you're not sure if the relationship is worth saving? Ask yourself. Are both of you willing to work on it?
Do you still admire and respect each other? And lastly, can the core issue be fixed? Or is it a fundamental incompatibility?
At some point, we all may have to come to the reality that if something is worth saving, it's because both parties are fully invested in the relationship and put in the work.
(04:11):
Remember, a marriage or partnership should feel safe. And not like you're trapped in a cage trying to throw your arm off to get out.
And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit the truth to yourself and choose your own peace over staying in a life that is slowly breaking you.
If you feel a lingering emptiness with someone you share a house, a bed, and life with, and you feel you are constantly walking on eggshells, then acceptance is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
(04:38):
Let's be clear. Breakups are a form of grief. You're not just losing a person. You're losing a version of your life that you had mapped out.
Grief doesn't follow a straight line. It comes in waves. And sometimes when you think you're over it, a random Tuesday can bring you to your knees.
Adelting is often quiet mourning, grieving past lovers, friendships have faded, parents growing older, the version of yourself you once imagined, and the pieces of you that couldn't withstand the journey.
(05:03):
This is a common thread in my pot because grief is not just about dying and the dead. Loss is loss, and it's all relative.
Some people think it's holding on that makes you strong when sometimes it's letting go. In my experience, grief after a breakup isn't just about sadness. It's about transformation.
One thing that helps, perspective. Instead of just mourning what you lost, start redefining what you're gaining, self-awareness, clarity, and a new opportunity to build a life that actually aligns with who you are rather than who you're trying to be for someone else.
(05:33):
Give yourself grace. Grief is uncomfortable, but it's also necessary. It forces you to confront what you truly want and need moving forward. Lean into that discomfort and trust that clarity will come with time.
Unfortunately, some people were not put here to evolve. They are here to remind us of what it looks like if we don't.
So now you feel ready to face the world again. But let's talk about something that doesn't get enough attention. The psychological effects of heartbreak.
(05:58):
You're not crazy. We hear a lot about PTSD in the context of extreme trauma, but emotional trauma, especially from a deeply significant relationship, can be just as jarring.
Just a caveat here. I want to emphasize that even though we are focusing on romantic relationships, these principles can and still do apply to relationships in all areas of your life. Toxic is toxic in any form.
(06:20):
Okay, back to my point. Triggers. They can hit out of nowhere. A song, a scent, even a coffee shop you once visited together. And when they do, they transport you right back into that pain, especially when you were not even thinking about it.
Think about Shakira's post-breakup glow-up. She turned heartbreak into a global anthem and a career resurgence. Now, obviously for all of us, it's not going to be that spectacular and on a world scale.
(06:46):
But in reality, it is our world and that's important enough. The reality is breakups shake the foundation of who we thought we were with that person. It's normal to feel untethered for a while.
And let's be honest, we've all had those moments where we feel like specific songs were written specifically for us. The key is to acknowledge the pain without letting it consume you.
This takes a lot of work and it may never fully not consume you because emotional whiplash is real. One minute you feel empowered and independent, the next you're crying in your car because you saw a dog that looks like theirs.
(07:17):
It's okay. The key is recognizing that these swings are a part of the process, not a sign that you're backsliding. Healing isn't linear and you're allowed to have bad days.
So here's a pretty embarrassing story to drive home the point that we all have moments where our judgement is off. We are triggered and do not make great decisions.
I mentioned earlier that I wasn't having the greatest couple of weeks and I thought maybe speaking or seeing someone I hadn't in a while might just be what I needed.
(07:42):
So in a very weak moment, I texted my situation ship and we haven't spoken in almost three months. It wasn't hill cup or anything, but I felt I needed something comfortable and familiar in that moment and I just wanted to let him know I was thinking about him and I hope he was doing well.
So I sent the text, set the phone down, finished my dinner and then realized what I had done.
Well first, I gave away my power because I said I was never going to text again first and second, I realized that no matter how good we felt together, everything else was always a big old mess.
(08:10):
Hindsight is really wild like that. Now I can say that nothing came of it and I may or may not see or speak to him again, possibly one day.
But I had to finally take the step to start grieving that quote unquote relationship and I completely deleted his number and all contact info from my phone. So I'm not even tempted.
It does make me sad because we had a beautiful connection, but that doesn't override the glaring red flags.
(08:32):
This era is called keeping a good heart, but be more selective about who gains access to it.
So you may or may not have had a couple of slip ups and slip backs.
You have cried uncontrollably or did cartwheels depending on your situation, but now it's time to shift gears from surviving to thriving.
Let's talk about actionable ways to move forward. First, rebuild your support system. Surround yourself with people who love you, challenge you and remind you of your worth.
(08:57):
Think of it as your own personal board of directors for your well-being. Move your body.
No, I'm not saying you need to train for a marathon because that would be totally hypocritical of me, but getting outside, hitting the gym or even rolling out a yoga mat can help shift your energy.
And remember in the illustrious words of Reese Witherspoon as Elle Woods and Legally Blonde and Dorfins make you happy and happy people just don't shoot their husbands.
(09:18):
They just don't. Sure, it's a little dark, but it's definitely funny as hell and actually pretty relevant for this discussion.
Third, journal with a purpose. Write out what you're feeling, but also write future you letters.
Reminders of where you're going and how far you've come.
Don't forget to write those affirmations and affirmations as I've mentioned in other episodes and remind yourself how freaking badass you are.
(09:40):
Detox your space, delete old messages, clear out pictures and maybe even switch up your environment.
A small change like rearranging your furniture can give your brain a signal that things are shifting.
When I made my ex-husband leave, it was still a year later that I realized there were still some picks up in the living room area.
And my bruja prima Teresa, go listen to that episode, told me that the energy was so off and that I had to get rid of the picks.
(10:03):
I told her I felt guilty because of the kids, but she told me that I had to clear that energy cycle.
And lo and behold, when I told my daughter that, she actually volunteered to take them down herself.
I then told her it was my responsibility, but it also worked immediately.
You could feel the cleansed space.
In any situation, shifting energy can be the beautiful difference that you may need.
You can try something new, whether it's taking a solo trip or signing up for a class you've always wanted to take.
(10:28):
Rediscover the things that make you feel alive.
And lastly, laugh. Seriously.
Laughter has real healing properties.
Watch a stand-up comedy show, re-watch your favorite sitcom, or spend time with friends who always make you snort laugh.
Joy isn't just a bonus, it's a necessity for healing.
Breakups are also a great time to redefine what self-care actually means to you.
(10:50):
It's not just spa days and bubble baths, as I've mentioned before, it's fantastic as those are.
It's setting boundaries, saying no when you need to, full stop.
And learning to enjoy your own company, a theme of empowerment for all.
Alright, so now we're taking care of ourselves inside and out, handling our business, working and raising them kids,
possibly dating again, and then here comes the inevitable.
(11:12):
Let's talk about the most tempting post-breakup rabbit hole.
Getting back together.
It happens, sometimes it works, and no one's judging.
But before you enter the idea, ask yourself a few things.
What has changed?
If you're still the same people with the same problems, don't expect different results.
I heard this great quote that says, what you're not changing, you're choosing.
(11:33):
It's scary to venture into the unknown, but realize that maybe the ways you've been doing things so far hasn't really worked out.
Second, is it love or loneliness?
Missing someone is normal.
But nostalgia can be deceptive, and just because you miss them doesn't mean you should call them.
Remember my story from earlier?
And last, are they willing to do the work also?
Real reconciliation requires both the view to reflect and commit to doing things differently.
(11:57):
Because guess what?
They could just miss you too.
Here's a crazy example, but one that everyone knows.
Luka Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
Proof that sometimes, years apart and personal growth can lead to a rekindled love story.
But the key factor?
They weren't the same people they were when they first split.
And then, they still gonna make it work.
If you're considering a reunion, do it for the right reasons.
(12:18):
Not because it's the easiest option in the moment.
In that respect, it's gonna happen at some point possibly.
But if you do decide to get back with the Dex, brace yourself.
People will have opinions, friends, family, and even casual acquaintances may suddenly have a PhD in your relationship.
Some will be supportive, but others?
Not so much.
So here's how you handle it.
You acknowledge their concerns.
(12:40):
Don't let them dictate your choices.
See, the people who love you don't want to see you hurt again.
But at the end of the day, it's your decision.
Be honest with yourself.
Are you reconciling out of growth or out of fear of being alone?
Your plan's changed.
Your timeline is different.
Okay, real growth is not always constant movement.
Sometimes growth is staying still, deep rest, letting yourself settle, blossom, and seeing how much is already in your life and process that.
(13:07):
And third, set boundaries.
People keep bringing up the past, remind them that the present is different, and that you're focused on moving forward.
See, regret is tricky.
Sure, it's hard to imagine going from a 10-year relationship to one day,
what's your favorite color?
In some wonky restaurant somewhere.
But the only way to avoid it is to make decisions that align with your worth, not just what's easiest or most comfortable.
(13:29):
And just a side note, if I tell you to leave your man because he's emotionally or physically abusive to you,
it could also go for women as well.
And you end up not leaving or leaving and going back?
Feel free to never feel bad about still coming to me.
This should be a constant mindset for everybody.
A lot of people don't realize the psychological abuse that makes you stay in those relationships.
And I know them all too well.
(13:51):
I'll never support a relationship that I feel is harmful to someone, but I will always, always support you.
I have been blessed with support and I felt guilty every day for what I thought I was inflicting on my support system.
Even when they knew that just having these people around was a detriment to me, accepting and doing are two very different animals.
And it's a personal thing. Nobody can force it.
And the reality is, on the other hand, sometimes things just end.
(14:16):
No rhyme or reason and no closure.
Closure is a myth sometimes.
We think we need a final conversation, a neat resolution, an answer to why, but often we don't get it.
Sometimes closure is learning to accept that you may never fully understand why things ended the way they did.
The real power move? Finding peace without waiting for someone else to give it to you.
(14:37):
I am still working on this for myself every day.
The glow-up isn't in the new habits, the morning routine, or the external changes.
It's in the moment you realize you don't need to become someone else.
You just needed to come home to yourself.
I want to end with this.
There is a beautiful passage from a book called Moon Soul Child, a memoir.
And this passage is called Soul Escapade.
(15:00):
I know I healed when I understood that maybe I was just meant to be experienced.
That perhaps someone needed the love, light, and softness I catered to them more than I needed it to reciprocate.
I know the pain I felt was valid and it doesn't make it okay.
It doesn't make the time I wasted fade away.
But maybe I was the gift to their suffering.
(15:22):
I was the calm to their storm.
I was the light to their darkness.
I made them feel life-changing compared to their lifeless ways.
I provided a sanctuary of safety.
They made a home.
And maybe they found something in me they wanted for themselves.
A peaceful aura.
Healing energy in a pure heart.
Their identity was in question and they found the answer in me.
(15:44):
I could be upset with them utilizing my gifts.
Taking the best parts of me to create a better version of themselves while leaving me feeling empty.
Maybe the pain wasn't intentional and it wasn't personal.
Maybe they were lost and found something unimaginable in me.
They couldn't build up, pass it in to love me in the same lifetime while trying to love themselves.
The reason I found this passage so profound is because there are so many reasons relationships of all kinds end.
(16:09):
Some people are in your life for a real reason and some are just for a season.
Some are lessons and some are for blessings.
But one thing we can say for sure is that every encounter we have in our lives helps shape who we are.
And we have the power of what we do with that.
At the end of the day, breakups aren't just about endings.
They're about new beginnings.
Ones where you are the main character.
(16:30):
Not just a supporting role in someone else's story.
So take a deep breath.
Grab that glass of prosecco, tea, coffee, water, whatever.
And remember, your best love story starts with you.
If you've done the work and it still falls apart, except that you tried.
You can walk away knowing that you gave it your best.
And sometimes that's the real closure.
And whether you are a queen or a king listening, your sis got you if you need me, I'm there.
(16:54):
So if this resonated with you, DM me.
Share this episode.
And if you haven't already, subscribe and leave a review.
Join me next week where we have a special interview with Tamela Shaw,
creator and host of the codependent me podcast.
We will discuss codependency, her story of healing, thriving and how she is using her platform to uplift and empower.
As always, I can be reached on all social media at Prosecco Queens podcast.
(17:16):
I can be reached via email at Prosecco Queens podcast at gmail.com.
And you can listen to these episodes on YouTube and please subscribe at Prosecco Queens podcast.
Until next time, stay strong, stay open.
And most importantly, stay you.
Peace out.
(19:02):
Bye.
I'm happy you're the never-luck I never thought forever was you
(00:06):
My skies are blue Dancing kind of weather back together like I wasn't into
Thought I was doomed But I moved through the hard-toed mood
I don't care what you do I'm happy you're the never-so-much better without you
(00:29):
Without you, without you I'll be you without you
Welcome back to the Prosecco Queens podcast, the place where we get real about life, love, and all the messy parts in between. I'm your host and forever dreamer, Teresa.
(00:50):
So tell me, how are we all holding up? It's rough out there, and I think we are all quite exhausted, but we can't let the pure exhaustion of it all make us forget that what we love and cherish the most is worth fighting for.
I've had some moments in the past few weeks where I found myself fighting way more than I should have, because I felt for myself and my kids it was worth it.
But then today, I could just add to the list of the days that someone might look at me and say, well, she's being a real witch, and trust me, self-awareness is key because me calling myself a witch was just being nice.
(01:21):
I know it was way worse, but sometimes letting go of people, ideas, dreams, relationships, jobs, etc. are going to cause these reactions, grief, anger, and acceptance if you're willing to face them, work through them, and conquer them.
Since our lives have so many transitions in them, whether planned or not, I want to focus on one that inevitably will affect literally everyone at some point in their lives.
(01:46):
So today, we're tackling a topic that most of us have faced at least once, and as I mentioned above, maybe you just haven't yet, and that's surviving a breakup.
If you tuned in last week, you caught my conversation with Lauren Fandriest titled Love Lies and Algorithms, Navigating Modern Romance to Find Your Perfect Match.
That episode was all about finding love in today's digital world, how to date with intention, how to know and avoid being in a situation chip, and a whole lot more.
(02:14):
But what happens when that love doesn't last? When do all those carefully curated texts, planned futures, and shared routines unravel?
That's what we're talking about today. How to survive and more importantly, how to thrive after a breakup.
In this episode, we're going to discuss the warning signs. When to fight and when to listen to your gut and not fight anymore.
The triggers that you will never see coming, and how to start feeling like yourself again.
(02:38):
Stick around, because I'm not only living proof that you can do better by yourself if you choose to, but that it is okay to leave it all out on the floor if that's what suits you.
And remember earlier, I mentioned I had some questionable actions, angers, and judgments this week, well I will definitely elaborate on that.
So let's start at the beginning of the possible end. How do you know when a breakup is inevitable?
(02:59):
Well, here are some red flags. Repeated patterns of disrespect, dishonesty, or infidelity. This is just dangerous.
Emotional disconnect when neither of you seem invested. More resentment than joy.
And avoiding difficult conversations instead of working through them.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. And if there is abuse of any kind, please do whatever you can. Find a support system and leave.
(03:23):
There is never any shame in that. I did it more than I would like to admit.
Remember, these behaviors may or may not mean immediate dismissal, because sometimes things can be worth trying to save.
Again, I will say this until I'm not breathing anymore.
Any kind of abuse should be left to the abuser to facilitate healing on their own. And not just words, actions.
Because we cannot change people. And let me just say this louder for the people in the back. We cannot change anybody.
(03:49):
But what if you're not sure if the relationship is worth saving? Ask yourself. Are both of you willing to work on it?
Do you still admire and respect each other? And lastly, can the core issue be fixed? Or is it a fundamental incompatibility?
At some point, we all may have to come to the reality that if something is worth saving, it's because both parties are fully invested in the relationship and put in the work.
(04:11):
Remember, a marriage or partnership should feel safe. And not like you're trapped in a cage trying to throw your arm off to get out.
And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit the truth to yourself and choose your own peace over staying in a life that is slowly breaking you.
If you feel a lingering emptiness with someone you share a house, a bed, and life with, and you feel you are constantly walking on eggshells, then acceptance is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
(04:38):
Let's be clear. Breakups are a form of grief. You're not just losing a person. You're losing a version of your life that you had mapped out.
Grief doesn't follow a straight line. It comes in waves. And sometimes when you think you're over it, a random Tuesday can bring you to your knees.
Adelting is often quiet mourning, grieving past lovers, friendships have faded, parents growing older, the version of yourself you once imagined, and the pieces of you that couldn't withstand the journey.
(05:03):
This is a common thread in my pot because grief is not just about dying and the dead. Loss is loss, and it's all relative.
Some people think it's holding on that makes you strong when sometimes it's letting go. In my experience, grief after a breakup isn't just about sadness. It's about transformation.
One thing that helps, perspective. Instead of just mourning what you lost, start redefining what you're gaining, self-awareness, clarity, and a new opportunity to build a life that actually aligns with who you are rather than who you're trying to be for someone else.
(05:33):
Give yourself grace. Grief is uncomfortable, but it's also necessary. It forces you to confront what you truly want and need moving forward. Lean into that discomfort and trust that clarity will come with time.
Unfortunately, some people were not put here to evolve. They are here to remind us of what it looks like if we don't.
So now you feel ready to face the world again. But let's talk about something that doesn't get enough attention. The psychological effects of heartbreak.
(05:58):
You're not crazy. We hear a lot about PTSD in the context of extreme trauma, but emotional trauma, especially from a deeply significant relationship, can be just as jarring.
Just a caveat here. I want to emphasize that even though we are focusing on romantic relationships, these principles can and still do apply to relationships in all areas of your life. Toxic is toxic in any form.
(06:20):
Okay, back to my point. Triggers. They can hit out of nowhere. A song, a scent, even a coffee shop you once visited together. And when they do, they transport you right back into that pain, especially when you were not even thinking about it.
Think about Shakira's post-breakup glow-up. She turned heartbreak into a global anthem and a career resurgence. Now, obviously for all of us, it's not going to be that spectacular and on a world scale.
(06:46):
But in reality, it is our world and that's important enough. The reality is breakups shake the foundation of who we thought we were with that person. It's normal to feel untethered for a while.
And let's be honest, we've all had those moments where we feel like specific songs were written specifically for us. The key is to acknowledge the pain without letting it consume you.
This takes a lot of work and it may never fully not consume you because emotional whiplash is real. One minute you feel empowered and independent, the next you're crying in your car because you saw a dog that looks like theirs.
(07:17):
It's okay. The key is recognizing that these swings are a part of the process, not a sign that you're backsliding. Healing isn't linear and you're allowed to have bad days.
So here's a pretty embarrassing story to drive home the point that we all have moments where our judgement is off. We are triggered and do not make great decisions.
I mentioned earlier that I wasn't having the greatest couple of weeks and I thought maybe speaking or seeing someone I hadn't in a while might just be what I needed.
(07:42):
So in a very weak moment, I texted my situation ship and we haven't spoken in almost three months. It wasn't hill cup or anything, but I felt I needed something comfortable and familiar in that moment and I just wanted to let him know I was thinking about him and I hope he was doing well.
So I sent the text, set the phone down, finished my dinner and then realized what I had done.
Well first, I gave away my power because I said I was never going to text again first and second, I realized that no matter how good we felt together, everything else was always a big old mess.
(08:10):
Hindsight is really wild like that. Now I can say that nothing came of it and I may or may not see or speak to him again, possibly one day.
But I had to finally take the step to start grieving that quote unquote relationship and I completely deleted his number and all contact info from my phone. So I'm not even tempted.
It does make me sad because we had a beautiful connection, but that doesn't override the glaring red flags.
(08:32):
This era is called keeping a good heart, but be more selective about who gains access to it.
So you may or may not have had a couple of slip ups and slip backs.
You have cried uncontrollably or did cartwheels depending on your situation, but now it's time to shift gears from surviving to thriving.
Let's talk about actionable ways to move forward. First, rebuild your support system. Surround yourself with people who love you, challenge you and remind you of your worth.
(08:57):
Think of it as your own personal board of directors for your well-being. Move your body.
No, I'm not saying you need to train for a marathon because that would be totally hypocritical of me, but getting outside, hitting the gym or even rolling out a yoga mat can help shift your energy.
And remember in the illustrious words of Reese Witherspoon as Elle Woods and Legally Blonde and Dorfins make you happy and happy people just don't shoot their husbands.
(09:18):
They just don't. Sure, it's a little dark, but it's definitely funny as hell and actually pretty relevant for this discussion.
Third, journal with a purpose. Write out what you're feeling, but also write future you letters.
Reminders of where you're going and how far you've come.
Don't forget to write those affirmations and affirmations as I've mentioned in other episodes and remind yourself how freaking badass you are.
(09:40):
Detox your space, delete old messages, clear out pictures and maybe even switch up your environment.
A small change like rearranging your furniture can give your brain a signal that things are shifting.
When I made my ex-husband leave, it was still a year later that I realized there were still some picks up in the living room area.
And my bruja prima Teresa, go listen to that episode, told me that the energy was so off and that I had to get rid of the picks.
(10:03):
I told her I felt guilty because of the kids, but she told me that I had to clear that energy cycle.
And lo and behold, when I told my daughter that, she actually volunteered to take them down herself.
I then told her it was my responsibility, but it also worked immediately.
You could feel the cleansed space.
In any situation, shifting energy can be the beautiful difference that you may need.
You can try something new, whether it's taking a solo trip or signing up for a class you've always wanted to take.
(10:28):
Rediscover the things that make you feel alive.
And lastly, laugh. Seriously.
Laughter has real healing properties.
Watch a stand-up comedy show, re-watch your favorite sitcom, or spend time with friends who always make you snort laugh.
Joy isn't just a bonus, it's a necessity for healing.
Breakups are also a great time to redefine what self-care actually means to you.
(10:50):
It's not just spa days and bubble baths, as I've mentioned before, it's fantastic as those are.
It's setting boundaries, saying no when you need to, full stop.
And learning to enjoy your own company, a theme of empowerment for all.
Alright, so now we're taking care of ourselves inside and out, handling our business, working and raising them kids,
possibly dating again, and then here comes the inevitable.
(11:12):
Let's talk about the most tempting post-breakup rabbit hole.
Getting back together.
It happens, sometimes it works, and no one's judging.
But before you enter the idea, ask yourself a few things.
What has changed?
If you're still the same people with the same problems, don't expect different results.
I heard this great quote that says, what you're not changing, you're choosing.
(11:33):
It's scary to venture into the unknown, but realize that maybe the ways you've been doing things so far hasn't really worked out.
Second, is it love or loneliness?
Missing someone is normal.
But nostalgia can be deceptive, and just because you miss them doesn't mean you should call them.
Remember my story from earlier?
And last, are they willing to do the work also?
Real reconciliation requires both the view to reflect and commit to doing things differently.
(11:57):
Because guess what?
They could just miss you too.
Here's a crazy example, but one that everyone knows.
Luka Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
Proof that sometimes, years apart and personal growth can lead to a rekindled love story.
But the key factor?
They weren't the same people they were when they first split.
And then, they still gonna make it work.
If you're considering a reunion, do it for the right reasons.
(12:18):
Not because it's the easiest option in the moment.
In that respect, it's gonna happen at some point possibly.
But if you do decide to get back with the Dex, brace yourself.
People will have opinions, friends, family, and even casual acquaintances may suddenly have a PhD in your relationship.
Some will be supportive, but others?
Not so much.
So here's how you handle it.
You acknowledge their concerns.
(12:40):
Don't let them dictate your choices.
See, the people who love you don't want to see you hurt again.
But at the end of the day, it's your decision.
Be honest with yourself.
Are you reconciling out of growth or out of fear of being alone?
Your plan's changed.
Your timeline is different.
Okay, real growth is not always constant movement.
Sometimes growth is staying still, deep rest, letting yourself settle, blossom, and seeing how much is already in your life and process that.
(13:07):
And third, set boundaries.
People keep bringing up the past, remind them that the present is different, and that you're focused on moving forward.
See, regret is tricky.
Sure, it's hard to imagine going from a 10-year relationship to one day,
what's your favorite color?
In some wonky restaurant somewhere.
But the only way to avoid it is to make decisions that align with your worth, not just what's easiest or most comfortable.
(13:29):
And just a side note, if I tell you to leave your man because he's emotionally or physically abusive to you,
it could also go for women as well.
And you end up not leaving or leaving and going back?
Feel free to never feel bad about still coming to me.
This should be a constant mindset for everybody.
A lot of people don't realize the psychological abuse that makes you stay in those relationships.
And I know them all too well.
(13:51):
I'll never support a relationship that I feel is harmful to someone, but I will always, always support you.
I have been blessed with support and I felt guilty every day for what I thought I was inflicting on my support system.
Even when they knew that just having these people around was a detriment to me, accepting and doing are two very different animals.
And it's a personal thing. Nobody can force it.
And the reality is, on the other hand, sometimes things just end.
(14:16):
No rhyme or reason and no closure.
Closure is a myth sometimes.
We think we need a final conversation, a neat resolution, an answer to why, but often we don't get it.
Sometimes closure is learning to accept that you may never fully understand why things ended the way they did.
The real power move? Finding peace without waiting for someone else to give it to you.
(14:37):
I am still working on this for myself every day.
The glow-up isn't in the new habits, the morning routine, or the external changes.
It's in the moment you realize you don't need to become someone else.
You just needed to come home to yourself.
I want to end with this.
There is a beautiful passage from a book called Moon Soul Child, a memoir.
And this passage is called Soul Escapade.
(15:00):
I know I healed when I understood that maybe I was just meant to be experienced.
That perhaps someone needed the love, light, and softness I catered to them more than I needed it to reciprocate.
I know the pain I felt was valid and it doesn't make it okay.
It doesn't make the time I wasted fade away.
But maybe I was the gift to their suffering.
(15:22):
I was the calm to their storm.
I was the light to their darkness.
I made them feel life-changing compared to their lifeless ways.
I provided a sanctuary of safety.
They made a home.
And maybe they found something in me they wanted for themselves.
A peaceful aura.
Healing energy in a pure heart.
Their identity was in question and they found the answer in me.
(15:44):
I could be upset with them utilizing my gifts.
Taking the best parts of me to create a better version of themselves while leaving me feeling empty.
Maybe the pain wasn't intentional and it wasn't personal.
Maybe they were lost and found something unimaginable in me.
They couldn't build up, pass it in to love me in the same lifetime while trying to love themselves.
The reason I found this passage so profound is because there are so many reasons relationships of all kinds end.
(16:09):
Some people are in your life for a real reason and some are just for a season.
Some are lessons and some are for blessings.
But one thing we can say for sure is that every encounter we have in our lives helps shape who we are.
And we have the power of what we do with that.
At the end of the day, breakups aren't just about endings.
They're about new beginnings.
Ones where you are the main character.
(16:30):
Not just a supporting role in someone else's story.
So take a deep breath.
Grab that glass of prosecco, tea, coffee, water, whatever.
And remember, your best love story starts with you.
If you've done the work and it still falls apart, except that you tried.
You can walk away knowing that you gave it your best.
And sometimes that's the real closure.
And whether you are a queen or a king listening, your sis got you if you need me, I'm there.
(16:54):
So if this resonated with you, DM me.
Share this episode.
And if you haven't already, subscribe and leave a review.
Join me next week where we have a special interview with Tamela Shaw,
creator and host of the codependent me podcast.
We will discuss codependency, her story of healing, thriving and how she is using her platform to uplift and empower.
As always, I can be reached on all social media at Prosecco Queens podcast.
(17:16):
I can be reached via email at Prosecco Queens podcast at gmail.com.
And you can listen to these episodes on YouTube and please subscribe at Prosecco Queens podcast.
Until next time, stay strong, stay open.
And most importantly, stay you.
Peace out.
(19:02):
Bye.
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