This Episode Stinks! The Filthy History of Hygiene

Imagine you're nobility in the 1500s. You're rich, you're powerful, your face is caked in lead, and you smell like a haunted cupboard because you've bathed, like... twice this year. In this episode, we're diving nose-first into the gross, grimy, gloriously weird history of hygiene. We're talking poo sponges on a stick, lice wigs, perfumed everything, and the long, splinter-filled road to modern toilet paper.

Why did people think water would kill them? Why was brushing your teeth with wine a thing? And how did Versailles manage to be both luxurious and absolutely covered in human waste?

Spoiler: everyone smelled bad, really really bad!

 Join us as we unravel centuries of filth and full-body funk — and finally answer the question: How did we go from wiping with stones… to pink quilted clouds of two-ply heaven?

 Wash your hands, light a candle, and get ready to gag. This is Prying Minds — where the past stinks, and we're still nosy enough to sniff it.

Episode Transcript

(00:12):
Imagine your nobility in the 1500s.
You're rich, you're powerful, your face is caked and lead, and
you smell like a haunted cupboard because you bathe,
like, twice this year. This week we're diving nose
first into the gross, grimy, gloriously weird history of
hygiene. We're talking poo sponges on the

(00:32):
stick, lice wigs, perfumed everything, and the long
splinter filled road to modern toilet paper.
Why did people think water wouldkill them?
Why was brushing your teeth withwine a thing?
And how did Versailles manage tobe both luxurious and absolutely
covered in human waste? Spoiler, everyone smelled bad.

(00:55):
Really, really bad. Join us as we unravel centuries
of filth, fashion and full body funk and finally answer the
question, how did we go from wiping with stones to pink
quilted clouds of two ply heaven?
Wash your hands, light a candle and get ready to gag.
This is Rying Minds, where the AST stinks and we're still nosy

(01:18):
enough to sniff it. Hey B, how are you?

(02:12):
Good. How's it going, Liz?
It's good, good. I'm excited for today's episode.
I know because I didn't know what it was about.
It's a gross one. Until about two seconds ago when
you told me and I was like, what?
I just graduated my third. Kid, that's crazy.
Three down, one go I. Literally think of him as an 11
year old, still all your kids but especially him because he

(02:35):
was your youngest for so long. He was my first baby and now
he's all graduated. Let me tell you something that
happened at the graduation. No, I'm not bullying anyone.
I'm not shaming anyone, but I actually had to move seats

(02:55):
because someone in the seat right in front of us in the row
right in front of us. I think they forgot that they
would be sitting in close quarters with hundreds of people
because they skipped more than afew showers.
Was it your husband bad? It wasn't my husband.
My husband is. He usually doesn't smell, I
don't think, no. He doesn't.

(03:16):
He is an avid. Was it either?
Was it like sweat or? Everything.
It was not good. And I thought, well, maybe, you
know, I'm coming from a place ofprivilege where I have the means
to do that. I know a lot of people are
sensitive to smells, but body odor?

(03:37):
Oh man, it just. I feel like I've honestly have
been cursed with the nose of a hound because I will gag and
throw up if something smells bad.
I cannot handle it. So it got me thinking.
There is no way I would have survived history.
Yeah, you would have just had toget used to it.

(03:59):
I have people that I work with that they grew up on farms and
they still love on farms and I hate the smell of manure.
I don't know about you. So when they're around manure,
they don't even notice it because they grew up with that
being just the smell that is everywhere.
I. Don't know if I could go nose
blind to that. Maybe I'm just and then just

(04:21):
stuck up about smells. But everybody has a smell,
right? And you're nose blind to your
own smell. I'm going to tell you right now
if I ever smell, you can tell meand I won't be offended.
I want to know if I smell bad. I can't.
Think of a time when I'm like Liz girl and I would have told
you. I've never told anybody if they
smell bad, but I want to know. It's a hard.

(04:41):
Conversation. I used to work in a junior high
and I will say it was awful. Yeah, 12 year olds and 13 year
olds. Oh my.
OK, so did you get nose blind tothat?
No, exactly. No, and you can't cover up your
bad odor with perfume and deodorant.

(05:01):
It just mixes with the smell of well.
That's what our entire episode is about.
Today we're diving into a time when bathing was suspicious,
rotting teeth were a status symbol, and your lice probably
had lice. Just a quick disclaimer, this
episode is not for the faint of stomach, OK?

(05:23):
Maybe don't be eating while. You're definitely don't be
eating. Oh boy.
Yeah. OK.
Are you a germaphobe? What do you think?
Not like you, you're much more of a germaphobe than I am, but
I. I've never been described as a
germaphobe. You won't go in a swimming pool.
That is very true. But when you think about it,
swimming pools are pretty disgusting.
Yeah, but I am a little bit not not like you.

(05:47):
OK. I think your kids are all kind
of germaphobes. My kids are, yeah.
And where do you think they got that?
OK, so let's start our grimy journey.
We're going back to ancient Egypt now.
Believe it or not, Egyptians were obsessed with being clean,
not just because it felt nice, but because it was tied to

(06:08):
religion, status and survival. Which makes sense when you
realize ancient Egypt was kind of gross.
OK, so most ancient Egyptians bathe daily either in the Nile.
Yeah, or with water poured over them by their servants.
So they did do that. Well, it makes sense.
It's hot. You're sweaty sand.
Yes, instead of soap, they used a scrubby blend of ash, clay and

(06:32):
animal fat. It was kind of like a gritty
body wash. So that would clean you fairly
well though. Yeah, that would be good.
Make your skin feel soft. After scrubbing down, they would
slather on perfumed oils to moisturize your skin.
It would protect their skin fromthe brutal sun and avoid
smelling like, you know, sun baked swamp human in 100°.

(06:55):
Weather I do remember seeing documentaries where they're
buried. Some of the mummies have
perfumes with them and stuff. Exactly, it was a big part of
their lives and everyone, even the lower classes, they used
what were called scent cones. They were basically just fat
infused with incense that meltedslowly.
As they melted, they were released perfume throughout the

(07:16):
day, sort of like a sweaty candle.
Like a candle. For your scalp.
Was this fat like encapsulated by something?
Yeah, it was like a little fat hat.
I don't know why that's so funny, but they would wear it on
their head. Yeah, and then it would have
melt. I guess the sun was melting it.

(07:36):
Yeah, that's awesome. That is cool.
That's. Clever, huh?
Now let's talk about a truly ancient enemy.
Lice to dodge infestation. Priests and noble men and women.
They would shave their entire bodies, their heads included.
OK. The idea was no hair, no lice.
Yeah. Logical.

(07:56):
So perfumed wigs were worn. Why didn't they just wear a hat?
Because wigs looked cooler. They still wanted hair.
Yeah, they still want hair. So.
But really, they weren't for fashion.
I mean, they were for fashion, but it was also for
functionality, to protect their shiny bald heads.
And it's cool. If I could wear wigs, that would
be awesome One day. I have like you can't.

(08:17):
Share a little. Bob, I guess I.
Could. I've always thought that would
be pretty awesome to just have awig and you would never have to
do your hair because your wig would stay styled mostly, right?
Because you would take it off atnight and put it on.
Maybe a redhead one day, Blonde.Yeah, we should do that.
To shave our heads and wear different wigs?
Sure. That'd be fun.
Yeah. Cool.
OK. OK, we're probably do that.

(08:40):
No, I have thought about this a lot because hair is a lot of
maintenance. It is a lot of work and we both
have long thick hair. Yeah, and Dolly Parton has worn
wigs forever. She just has like a billion
different wigs. Yeah.
Yeah. They're expensive, though,
right? Good wigs.
Are expensive. Yeah, they are very expensive.
You might change your mind by the time we're done with this
episode. Yeah, get lice too.

(09:03):
OK, so bathroom business. Oh yes, from wigs to bathroom
business. We're back with Egyptians.
OK? Toilets did exist.
I mean, kind of. Wealthy homes had stone or wood
seats over pottery jars, and afterward they would wipe with
leaves, linen scraps or sand sand.

(09:24):
OK, sounds seems like the. Dumbest idea.
Yikes. You had to make do with what you
got and there was a lot of sand it.
Seems like leaves would be. A better I mean if you think
like cat litter. Yeah, but it falls through your
fingers. You.
Have to pack it up a little bit.And think no, never mind, I

(09:47):
won't get into traffic. Oh, the girl, just get into it,
'cause this ain't nothing, 'cause.
If you have, you know, have a loose bowel and then you have
sand to deal with that issue, Ohmy God.
Maybe it absorbed it, I don't know.
Just Chuck it up there. Sand.

(10:13):
Poor folks, they had to use the great eyed doors or whatever
secluded corner was handy. You know they didn't have a
toilet, which sucks. It sucks so bad to pop a squat
and pee. Yeah.
But if everybody did that, that's just.
What I know, but it just is, yeah.
Yeah, one of the oldest medical techs ever found is called the

(10:33):
Ebers Papyrus. It's from 1500 BCE and it
contains actual recipes for soapand deodorant.
So even back then Bo was a problem and they were trying to
come up with ways to combat it. Now for the curveball
circumcision. OK, we're going all over the

(10:54):
place here. Unlike many modern associations
of this practice with religion, Egyptians circumcision started
for a much more practical reason.
So we got to go back then. It's hot.
Egyptians wore very little clothing.
Sanga everywhere. I mean everywhere.

(11:15):
OK. Everywhere there was a lot of
infections happening at this time, so they would cut off
anything extra to prevent irritation that.
Seems extreme. Let's just cut it off.
It worked OK. Eventually, it evolved into a
religious requirement. In fact, men couldn't even enter

(11:35):
sacred spaces unless they were circumcised.
I've seen, I can't remember where it was, but a tribe where
after the circumcision the dad is supposed to eat the oh OK,
and they put it on a banana and eat the You should see your.
Face, I wasn't expecting banana.No, I watched a video of a.

(11:58):
Guy, why would it have to be a banana?
Why not a banana? Come on, but yeah, he subtle.
I know, and what was funny is this documentary that was there
and I sorry, I can't remember the tribe.
This was years ago that I watched it.
The dad is supposed to eat it, but he was.
Like is it cooked? No, it's right after the
circumcision. He's supposed to eat it right

(12:18):
after the dad is supposed to. And he was like, no, I'm going
to give the honor to the father-in-law.
So then the father-in-law had toeat it.
And it's like a grown man who got circumcised.
No, it's a baby. Oh, I don't know that that makes
it better. Yeah.
Oh my goodness. Isn't that crazy?
OK. Sorry this took a weird this
episode is weird. Already we're minutes and yeah,

(12:41):
yeah, OK, let's talk about the Greeks.
Doesn't get much better. Liz, have you ever walked into a
modern gym and immediately been hit with that sweaty smell?
Yeah. It's feet and.
Body odor and everything. Everything.
Yeah, well, we got the ancient Greeks to thank for that.
The Greeks basically invented that gym vibe but with more

(13:04):
nudity. Yeah, because they did.
The Spartans did it naked, right?
Yeah, the wrestle naked, that's.Dangerous.
In ancient Greece, fitness wasn't just a hobby, it was a
moral obligation, a way of life.For them, staying fit was tied
to virtue, self-discipline and honor.
So basically, if you weren't ripped back, then were you even

(13:27):
a good person? Okay, right.
That's how right they went hand in hand.
I mean the Greek. Diet is pretty good too, they
eat lots of fresh vegetables andfruits and stuff.
Yeah, they were all about physique.
Now enter the gymnasium. It was a full blown Wellness
complex with exercise yards, lecture halls and public baths.
Now this Wellness complex gymnasium wasn't just for

(13:50):
exercise, it was a social club. It was also a training ground
and public bath all in one. Greeks bathed simply for
aesthetic reasons, nothing else behind that.
Because of the smell. Nope.
So after a good workout or, you know, a round of naked
wrestling, men didn't shower. They would lather themselves in

(14:13):
olive oil. Because that sounds so.
Apparently. Gross.
Like imagine putting oil, olive oil all over your.
Body and you're sweaty. Yeah, it gets better.
They would take something calleda strangel.
It was a curved metal scraper. Oh.
OK. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and they would drag it across the skin, their entire
bodies, to remove the oil, the sweat, the dirt, and sometimes

(14:38):
even blood from the occasional battle wound or training
session. And just so we're clear, these
strituals were communal. You were scraping off your grime
with a tool that might have justgone down some guy's thigh.
So you would have to have another person.
You can't get your whole body. I mean you can get most of your

(15:00):
body. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe you had a buddy to your back, I don't know.
Will you striddle my back? Yep, get all those creases.
Sure, I would do that for you, but it really gets worse.
The back funk collected from this scraping process, It was

(15:21):
saved. Yep, the mix of oil, sweat,
dirt, blood and skin cells was believed to have medicinal
properties. Oh, don't tell, please.
Don't. So they would bottle it up and
sell it as healing salves and Athens potions.
You're getting a gift basket andyou find a little vial and it's

(15:41):
like Essence of Greg. Wow, that's really disgusting.
That is awful. Yep.
OK, so The funny thing is that soap existed at this time, but
it wasn't used for washing people.
Greeks used soap mostly to cleancooking utensils and to wash
laundry, but for their actual bodies they just used oil and

(16:03):
water. Maybe they just thought anything
from your body is natural. And whatever.
Sure, and I mean they didn't know about germs and viruses so
the oil scrape method felt fine to them.
I disagree because we know better.
Well. Even if it doesn't have germs,
that's disgusting. Like if it's a.
Perfect. Like bottle it up, sell it.

(16:25):
OK. To each their own.
Exactly. OK, so you know how we treat
bathing today? Like a private ritual?
It's a private thing, yeah. Do you take baths?
No, I'm not a bath person. I get really bored.
I've tried I I get bored. Like what do you do, sit there?
Yeah, in your felt, in your dirty water.
Well, some people treat taking abath like a sacred ritual.

(16:47):
Not us, they. Do a whole.
Candles, lock the doors, salts, maybe even a playlist called
Soothing Vibes, like the whole thing.
And you're just sitting in your grossness.
Yeah, I'm not a fan. Well, Greeks were.
In ancient Greece, bathing was asocial event.
Bath houses were basically the OG spa meets town hall.

(17:08):
So they would discuss serious town businesses while they're
bathing naked naked. How can you have much
conversation when the other person is naked I.
Couldn't. I guess it was just the norm.
Yeah, I guess if you're like, oh, that's Susan from down the
street. Exactly.
There's her butt. Among other things.
Exactly. Well, both men and women use

(17:31):
these. Not at the same time though.
Women bathed in the mornings andmen had the afternoon and
evenings. Have you ever been to a gym and
there's just people walking around naked in the locker room?
No, I never have. And it's like, why?
What where? I'm trying to change as fast as
possible. They don't care.
They just walk around like it doesn't matter.

(17:52):
Sure. My husband was in the Army and
he said there's always a guy that just walks around naked no
matter what. No reason.
They're not bathing, they're just naked.
I guess, I mean, it's a human body.
I'm not hung up on nakedness at all.
No, but it's. Whatever.
I don't throw it in my face though, in many ways.

(18:12):
I mean, you can turn the other way and not pay attention to it.
It's just. A body, yeah, I agree.
But it's also like, why are you trying to talk to me naked?
That is weird. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, it was a common way of
life. Yeah, if it's the norm, then
yeah, it's the norm. Yeah, and it wasn't just
bathing, because these bath houses also doubled as public
toilets, and again, privacy was not a thing.

(18:35):
So pictures, series of holes cutinto benches, people sat right
next to each other. No stall.
No divider. Basically booties to booties and
they would have full blown conversations while going number
12 and sometimes 3. I know they're just chatting it
up. I've been to some of these where
they're literally you're, you'rehip to hip.

(18:57):
Yes, and sometimes I I need someprivacy.
Sometimes. You know, well, well, no, like
even more privacy because I havea two-story house and I'll go
upstairs because I need my privacy.
You know what I mean? A door isn't enough.
TMI. This is great.

(19:18):
I mean personally I guess stage fright if someone walks past my
stall like these people were over here casually spilling the
tea mid poop. Yeah.
So you don't. You're not a public. #2 No, I
will literally turn around and go home before even considering
going #2. I I agree with you.

(19:38):
Unless it's like a single bathroom.
Or it's an emergency. Yeah, I do not when people go #2
in a public area. All right, so now you're done
with your business. If you were rich, you might get
a splash of salt water or vinegar on your private bits.
If you were not rich, you would reach for the wipe stone pile.
Yes, stones. The stones had to be just the

(20:00):
right shape and texture as to not injure the booty.
In the 1960s, archaeologists actually found small stone discs
near ancient Greek latrines. And here's my favorite part of
this whole thing. They found that people would
edge their enemies names onto the stone and then wipe with
them. OK, that is so petty and I am

(20:24):
here for it. You wipe my wipe with stone, you
mark. You know what she did?
I like the stone better than thesand, Yeah, but still, they
wouldn't clean you very well, I don't think.
Well, eventually the Greeks and later the Romans stepped up
their hygiene game, kind of. They invented the tersorium in
Greek or xylose pontium in Roman, and this was a communal

(20:49):
sea sponge tied to a stick. Communal, communal.
It was shared by everyone to wipe your tushy.
To give them credit, they would rinse the sponge in water
between uses. But let's be real, it was
communal and that sponge was basically a bacteria popsicle.
If one guy got intestinal worms,congratulations, everybody in

(21:14):
the bath house now does too and they're taking it home.
Romans came in and took the Greek idea and super sized it.
Romans saw the public bathing thing and said what if we build
a mall sized spa for literally everyone?
I like it. At their peak, ancient Rome had
over 900 bath houses. The biggest one could fit 3000

(21:39):
people all at once. Wow, now we're talking full city
blocks of marble columns, gardens, reading rooms, and even
even snack bars. It was a whole thing, except it
was filled with oil, grime and butt soup.
And sponges to share with other people.
Yeah, OK. Seven other people.

(21:59):
And here's the wild part. Everyone was allowed in it.
Slaves, citizen merchants, high-ranking rich people,
everybody. It was the most democratic thing
in Rome. Cleanliness for them was for the
masses, and so was the stench. Now you'd think all this bathing
would make Rome super hygienic, right?

(22:20):
Wrong. So, so wrong.
Because they didn't change the water regularly and people
weren't using soap. It was a swirling Stew of dirt,
sweat, oil, germs, and mystery brown floaters.
You can imagine, honestly, it was said that you'd come out
dirtier than you went in. So a Roman scholar wrote about

(22:42):
not going to the bath houses with an open wound because it
would lead to gangrene. And one of my favorite ancient
philosophers, Seneca, he hated bath houses.
To paraphrase, he says, imagine every kind of human noise, the
grunts of muscles, men lifting weights, the slapping of
masseuses, the splash of plunges, and worst of all, the

(23:06):
farting. He hated the lack of tranquility
and the noise was deafening. I mean 3000 people in this
largest. And it's marble and yeah.
Like, I feel you, Seneca. Yeah, I get stressed when
there's too much noise. No, I can't handle it.
And if there's one thing like Liz said, I loathe pools.

(23:28):
Being in an environment like that with like naked strangers
in a gross, disgusting pool and it's loud, it would quite
literally be my personal circle.Yeah, I would rather be.
Smelly. Yeah, that's what my hell I
imagine. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
OK, let's talk about the latrinescene, the toilets.

(23:49):
And I'm using toilets very generously here because in Rome,
for the average person, it meantusing a bucket, and it was
available at every corner, everyalley, for any passerby to use.
And when those buckets got full,they weren't dumped.
Oh no. Enter the fuller I.

(24:10):
Don't want to know? I told you this episode even.
Dumping a bucket would be terrible to have to do.
They don't, OK. We got this profession called a
Fuller. Do you know what a?
Fuller is. I have no idea.
It's someone who cleaned wool for a living.
To clean wool, you need ammonia.And guess what had ammonia?

(24:31):
Guess. I don't want to.
Yeah, do it. Guess.
I'm guessing urine. Urine.
So once the buckets were filled,the contents.
But don't the buckets have more than urine in them?
Yeah, and maybe there was a bucket for one and a bucket for
two. OK.
Or maybe it was just all one. I bet it was just all one this
borer Fuller had to drain. Yeah, yeah, probably.

(24:55):
So once the buckets were filled,the contents would be sold to
the fuller. So the fullers would literally
buy public P. Why would they have to buy it?
Because they needed. The money.
The government, let me tell you,Let me tell you the story.
They stand ankle deep in tubs ofstale urine.
As the demand of cloth skyrocketed in the Roman

(25:18):
society, Fullers found themselves ranking in some
serious money. P paid well, and it got so
lucrative that the Roman government issued A taxed P.
That's so ridiculous. I would just say everybody in my
neighborhood, give me your P andI'll.
It had to be a lot of P yeah, for a lot of cloth.

(25:38):
And the P collectors would have contracts with the government
with deadlines that could face steep fines if they were late
with their PE deliveries to the fullers.
I hate this whole thing, just soyou know.
The guys like, hey, sorry I'm late, the alley bucket wasn't
full yet. On the subject of urine, since
we're here, the Romans were so obsessed with keeping their

(26:02):
teeth white and their breath fresh that they were willing to
gargle just about anything. And by anything, I mean pee.
Human pee, animal pee, you name it.
I hate where this is going. Does this make your teeth
whiter? Weirdly, they were onto
something because urine containsthings like ammonia, phosphorus,

(26:22):
and potassium, minerals that nowwe know are meant to clean and
disinfect. So of course the Romans didn't
know why it worked. They just figured out it did.
Can I ask an obvious question? Who figured this out?
There's not a name, but someone somewhere decided I'm going to
see what happens. I'm going to brush my teeth with

(26:44):
this, gargle it. And then they told their
friends, like, how many test runs did that take?
I think I'd rather have yellow teeth.
Well, they loved it. Did they?
They kept using it. So they'd swish it like
mouthwash. Uh huh, Uh huh.
So Rome might have been the heart of civilization, but the

(27:04):
sights at the bath houses and the smells would have been
unbearable. No, ma'am, no thank you.
I'm. So grateful I live where I live
and when I live, you know? Yeah, I could not have done
this. I don't think there's any amount
of nose blindness that could have gotten me through that.
Now let's talk about the Mongols.

(27:25):
OK, you might know them best forconquering nearly everything in
their path, but did you know that they were also weirdly
obsessed with water? No, but it kind of makes sense.
They're in high altitude, so yeah.
Especially the big guy himself, Genghis Khan.
The man was ruthless in battle, but apparently loved a nice soak

(27:45):
in Hot Springs. That was one of his favorite
things to do. OK, me too.
Yeah. Even ruthless leaders need a
relaxing spa day right now. Khan wasn't just into using
water, he was borderline tyrannical about how it should
be respected. To the Mongols, water was
sacred, it was precious. If you polluted it, you could

(28:07):
literally die for it. No joke.
If someone washed their face andlet The Dirty water drip back
into the original water source, that was a death sentence.
That's a little extreme. I agree with not yeah not
getting water dirty but OK. Yeah, I mean, honestly, it's
kind of smart because that's oneway to keep the rivers free of

(28:28):
backwash and face skunk. And it really did prevent a lot
of contamination of the water supply.
There's a lot of evidence to support that clean water leads
to big empires. If you have a water source
that's clean and not contaminated by Giardia and all
those other things, that's wherethe empires are, yeah.
It makes sense now. Not everything was flowing

(28:49):
smoothly in the Mongol world, because let's talk about Gout.
Mongols had a major gout problem.
Interesting. Yes, probably their diet, right.
Yeah. Now gout is a painful type of
arthritis that usually attacks the toes.
And I think it's has to do with iron rich meat.

(29:09):
So like organ, organ, meat, organ.
That makes sense. OK, Yeah, Yeah, the iron pedals
in your toes, the lower extremities.
And back then, it could get really nasty if they didn't have
treatment. Now here's where things get a
little weird. 1 supposed Mongol remedy involved shoving your
foot inside the chest cavity of a dead horse or cow.

(29:34):
That's right. A dead horse foot bath.
OK? They believe that the heat and
pressure inside the animal's body would draw out the toxins
that caused the gout. OK, Now we don't know if it
worked. I'm going to say it didn't.
No. But I'm sure it made for one
heck of a visual. Like a foot inside a horse, OK?

(29:55):
Yeah, the pressure is going to push it out or something, OK.
That's just, I don't know. Who you could just wrap it.
I don't know. Somebody was like, I know what
I'll do. I'll stick it in a dead horse.
Yeah, you're limping into camp. Like my foot hurts, I'm in pain
and someone's like, hold on, letme go grab a horse.
There's a horse dead over. Here.
Yeah. So after the Greeks, the Romans,

(30:15):
and even the water worshipping Mongols, you would think that
humanity would keep riding that bath time wave, right?
Nope. Enter the Middle Ages.
Oh boy. Where Europe basically looked at
hygiene and said Oh no thanks, They didn't just fall off the
cleanliness wagon, they torched the wagon and blamed the devil.

(30:37):
OK so bath houses still existed in early medieval towns, but
they gradually started shutting down due to the plague,
syphilis, and the fact that a lot of these bath houses
moonlighted as brothels. There was a lot of shady
shenanigans happening. I didn't.
See that coming? Yeah, so suddenly bathing became

(30:59):
suspicious. The church started preaching
that nakedness led to sin and worse, that water opened your
pores, making you vulnerable to disease or demons.
I mean, there is disease in the water, sure.
I don't know about demons. Yeah, OK.
Well, it sounds like in those Roman baths.

(31:20):
Well. Sure, brothels.
Sure, live. There.
So yes, medieval people believedbathing could make you morally
impure and or possessed. Meanwhile, the streets were a
total poopocalypse every I mean everybody poops and with no
modern sewage system. Wait, this just didn't.
Everybody poops. You heard it here first, folks.

(31:45):
There was no modern sewage system, so it just sat there,
resulting in so much disease. So hygiene and medieval times
mostly meant splashing your facein cold water, stuffing your
clothes with lavender to mask the raw and try not to die of
flea bites. The upper classes might have had

(32:07):
a tub and hottish water. The middle class would still hit
up public baths while they stillcould.
But the lower class or the peasants, they had to haul their
water by hand from a well or river.
It typically was just a splash of cold water on their bodies
and the whole family would have to share it.

(32:30):
One tub, same water in age order.
Everybody just passed it down. So if you were the youngest.
You just got dirtier. You just got dirtier.
A lot of peasants basically saidscrew it and skip baths entirely
witch fair because they were working like 12 hour days just
to survive and then they had to haul water.
It was this whole elaborate thing.

(32:52):
So they were like, yeah, no, we're not so.
Their clothes probably aren't getting washed either.
OK, if you were lucky you would have more than one change of
clothing, but the average personhad one set of clothing.
They might have more Undergar, but generally speaking you only
had one set of clothing, and even the nobles at this time

(33:15):
were changing their clothing maybe once a week.
Let's talk toilets, OK? Castle, I feel like we've
already talked toilets a lot, but.
This is medieval. This is medieval times.
Castles had a fancy bench with ahole that dropped into a poop
pit. Now that was a luxury peasants
would use outhouses. They would share chamber pots or

(33:38):
do their business in literal buckets.
Now when it came time to empty those buckets, they would yell
Guardy Lou, which is French, or look out for the water.
But spoiler, it wasn't water, itwas poop.
They were throwing poop. Why wouldn't they say watch out
for the poop? Because Guardola was just

(34:00):
French, so it made us fancier. But.
It's not water. Is that where the term Lou comes
from? The yeah, yeah, yeah, it means
look out for the water so they just.
Threw it out. The streets of medieval towns
were basically slipping slides of feces and animal guts,
especially near butcher shops. I've also heard that this is

(34:20):
where the tradition of the womanwalking closer to the building
comes from and the man walking farther.
In the street. Because they were dumping their
poop out and the one farthest out would.
Probably get hit, yeah. So if he didn't move fast enough
after someone said. I thought I had a bad day
because of traffic. Can you imagine if you got hit

(34:40):
by poop? A poop bucket?
Cardi Lu on my head. Cardi Lu on your head.
Literally. Yeah.
Or you are dodging the stuff that just got all over the road.
So no toilet paper either. They would wipe with Moss, straw
or corn on the cobs. If they were feeling a little
spicy, that would work. You have enough corn that you're

(35:04):
using it to wipe your butt. Well, after you've eaten it.
Oh, minus the corn, just the cob.
Yeah, OK, corn cobs. I don't hate that.
No, I agree, I like the Moss. The Moss is probably what what I
would lean towards. Women specially had it rough.
Now menstruation was seen as shameful.
There was major religious pressure to hide the fact you

(35:27):
were menstruating and it was like.
That's the only reason that lifeis possible.
OK, nothing makes sense. So rags were common.
Brennan High School, she would say, Hey girl, you on the rag?
What if I had an attitude or something?
Well, that's where this came from.

(35:48):
Yeah. OK some may have used absorbent
Moss, and they created a pad of swords.
OK Historians think that they may have even used sticks
wrapped in cloth as a makeshift tampon.
OK Yeah. Most women just split into their
clothes. Yeah, because they don't have
anything absorbent. Yeah, Yeah, it.

(36:08):
Would just be the worst. Now medieval women, I'm not
kidding, had it rough. Like really really rough.
Between constant manual labor, malnutrition, a lot were dying
young from the plague or. Having babies, yeah.
A lot of women didn't live long enough to even experience what
we would consider nowadays a normal period.

(36:31):
Historians think many women backthen probably didn't menstruate
as often as we do today. Their bodies were basically like
Nope, not enough fuel to have a full reproductive schedule, but
these women powered through it all while they were harvesting
wheat at the crack of dawn. They were having kids at 14
years old, if they even made it through childbirth.

(36:52):
Honestly, legends you go medieval women.
I would say there's still stigmaabout talking about menstruation
still. Which is wild.
Yeah, more than half of the world's population is women.
It's like 51% to 49% men, and it's probably because women die
in childbirth more often, whatever.
But that means half of the population is being ignored for

(37:13):
what they're going through. Like what?
It should be a normal thing, I know.
And those feminine hygiene products are taxed like crazy.
What's up with that? I can't help it.
Yeah, I'll just go find some moth.
It's weird to be weird about themost normal human experience.
Yeah, the woman. But if you.
Don't know anything about it then it is a little bit scary I

(37:36):
guess. OK, and doctors, oh boy,
doctors. In medieval times, germ theory
was not a thing, so they would prescribe bloodletting, leeches,
enemas, or sweating to perch illnesses.
So they also thought a good vomit or violent poop meant that
you were perching evil or that you might have been possessed.

(37:59):
OK, I mean. The exorcist, she throws up.
Sure. Yeah, Exactly.
Exactly. Doctors, especially during the
plague, believed in the miasma theory.
Have you heard of that? I have but I don't know what it
is. So they believe that bad smells
equaled bad health and bad smells caused disease.

(38:21):
So hygiene and religion were deeply intertwined during this
time. People believe that cleanliness
was more of a spiritual and moral thing than an actual
medical necessity. So if you smelled nice, you must
be morally upright. But really, their lack of
understanding about the connection between filth and

(38:42):
sickness meant that no one was safe from parasites and diseases
because they were all dirty. So to protect themselves, people
would walk around with herb stuffed pomanders.
Have you heard of that? They were scented balls of herbs
and spices, sometimes in like a necklace.
Form. OK, so like a little ball of
potpourri. They would also tuck Lavender, a

(39:05):
Rosemary, into their clothes to ward off illness.
They also used sponges soaked invinegar.
Or even 1 noble woman allegedly sewed rose petals into her
corset so people wouldn't pass that around her because she
smelled so bad and then they would think she was a bad
person. Anything they could to not smell
as bad as they did now. The plague was wild times in the

(39:28):
worst way. Plague doctors wore those
terrifying bird beak masks and they would fill that beak with
herbs, not just for protection, but because the smell of death
was so intense that they needed like a build an air freshener.
So even kings weren't clean in the 15 and 16 hundreds.

(39:50):
Full immersion baths were considered dangerous.
Again, the logic was open pores equals invitation to disease or
worse. Instead, they would do what's
called dry wash, and it didn't work, so they would use linen
clothes. Or alcohol soaked rags that they

(40:10):
would dip in herbs or vinegar and they would use that to wash
themselves. So.
That's better than nothing. Better than nothing.
Yeah, get this, King Louis the 4th of France reportedly only
bathed twice in his entire life.Twice.
Yep, one of those times was during the Crusades.

(40:32):
So in the heat of battle, Louis would just change his linen
shirt every day and figured thatthe fabric would soak up all the
sweat and grime and keep the body clean.
That was the theory behind it. So Fast forward to a few
centuries to the time of the tutor, and in my head the tutors
are. So it's the age of.

(40:53):
Extravagance. Yeah, well, no.
Hygiene still hadn't gotten the memo by this time, and it's
still horrible, if not worse. Meet his royal meatiness, Henry
the Eighth of England. I've heard stories about his
grossness. OK, let's get into it.
Because he was a big guy. He was he ate like a renaissance

(41:14):
linebacker. I mean, records show he consumed
about 5000 calories a day of straight up red meat, white
bread and booze. He basically lived on beef,
mutton, venison and pies. It was said that if he had a
face. He ate it, yeah.
Vegetables. That was peasant food, or worse,
suspicious. And water, we know that water,

(41:36):
forget about it, was too risky. So he would wash all that food
down, all that meat with L or sweet wine.
Man, oh man. This wine first thing in the
morning. Unsurprisingly, the man was a
walk in medical emergency. As you can imagine, he had a
gout, rotting teeth, severe Constipation, and intense
flatulence. Honestly, Henry probably spent

(42:00):
half his day burping, farting, and try not to die of
indigestion like it was bad. Henry was also big on sweets,
especially as he got older, but his teeth were black and
decayed. Yeah, and by the time Queen
Elizabeth rolled around, RottingTeeth was a full on royal flex.
Because it meant you had access to sugary.

(42:20):
Food. Yes, yes, the fashion goal was
looking like your teeth are plotting your literal death and
falling out of your skull. I mean, that's.
This is so insane to me. I get.
Different fashion trends. And stuff.
And being fat was also a thing, like, yeah, because.
That man you could afford. But man, to to pretend, because
I think you have to be pretending.

(42:41):
Here we go. People actually darken their
teeth with soot just to look more like royal.
That is so stupid. Having rotten teeth was a status
symbol, So people are like, oh, look at me.
I'm so rich. My teeth look like I chewed on a
chimney. Like, I don't know.
Yeah. So that's not even close to the

(43:03):
worst of Henry's hygiene horse. Wait, the intense flatulence
that you said? Later in life, Henry had leg
ulcers that became infected and stink badly.
He had this festering, pus dripping leg sore.
It was a nasty infected oozing wound from an old jousting

(43:25):
injury that never healed properly.
He. Was in a joust.
Well, when he was younger it just never healed properly so it
would open the vegetable. I know.
We're drinking. Water.
Yeah. And how did the doctors treat
it? With sterile gauze?
No. You're in so fast.
No, no, it was the 1500s maybe like it was bad.

(43:46):
They stuffed rags in there like literal laundry rags that they
would dip in honey mustard or onions, frankincense and myrrh.
They were applied regularly to dry out the pus and reduce
inflammation. Now we know that honey does have
anti-inflammatory and onion has anti like infection fighting

(44:09):
properties so I kind of get it. But as The Dirty rags absorbed
the pus and infection they became unbearably rank.
Now on top of that, Henry's outfits were heavy fur lined and
layered. It was fancy.
So picture this, it's a bloated king.

(44:31):
He's sweating in a 40 LB fur lined outfit while leaking pus
into the Royal Air. And his teeth are rotting.
And his teeth are rotting out ofhis face and he's farting and
everything else. So the court was packed with
hundreds of bodies daily. It's hot.
There's no ventilation. There's candles burning,
fireplaces roaring. It was basically a crock pot of

(44:54):
sweaty nobles and king juice. It would have been.
It was. Probably the smelliest out of
everybody. Yeah, so Henry did change his
clothes multiple times a day, not to show off his fashion
sense, but because he was sweating buckets.
Why doesn't he wear lighter clothing?
Because he wanted to look fancy,Henry also had a personal

(45:16):
portable toilet called a close Stool, complete with a padded
seat and a chamber pot beneath. And let's not skip the weirdest
royal job in history. Have you heard of the Groom of
the Stool? No.
Let me tell you about the groom of the stool.
The groom of the stool was a coveted position in the court.
Usually someone very high-ranking was assigned to

(45:39):
assist the king with using the toilet.
And yes, that included wiping his dirty, stanky royal behind.
Why does he need help going to the bathroom?
He's a big guy now. That was someone's full time job
was literally to wipe Henry's poopy butt, and he had three or
four of these in his Royal Court.

(46:00):
And he was constipated a lot. When he did go was probably.
Not yeah. Not great.
Yeah. And not only was this not a
shameful job, it was actually a super powerful, trusted
position. It was an honor like
high-ranking noblemen wanted this job.
They fought for this job. OK, but if I had a choice

(46:23):
between cleaning wool with urineor emptying out a big hole with
all kinds of poop and pee and everything, or wiping the King's
butt, I'd wipe the King's butt every time.
Sure, and I'm sure we got Cnas and nurses thinking like I do.
Already do that all day long. Because honestly, that job
doesn't seem that bad to me. Yeah, I mean, I would rather do

(46:45):
the job I do do. Yeah, which is not wiping butts,
but not. Wiping butts.
But yeah, I I could do that. I guess I could do that too,
yeah. Although he's stinky and smelly
and constipated and flatulent, Idon't.
Yeah, and everything's just gross already.
But why was this a coveted job? Because when you're wiping the
King's butt, you're also whispering in his ear.
Right at the same time. Well, yeah, as you're wiping,

(47:08):
you're like, how are you doing? No, but you.
Could like just got a new car like what are you talking about?
No, they could be influential. Confidant.
Yeah, in fact, the Groom of the Stool had more influence than
some of his generals. They had regular time alone with

(47:32):
the king. They have them by sensitive
areas too. Yeah, exactly.
So they have to be trusted. Yeah, so they were some of his
most trusted advisors. They had access to his inner
thoughts, his moods. Yeah, and his butt.
Yeah, like he's constipated. He's sitting there for a long
time. So you could talk to him for a
long. That's true.
They were very, very influential.

(47:52):
Now, Groom of the Stools were often given land, money,
political favor and seats on thePrivy Council.
All just for wiping his butt. I see.
I would do that. I could see why it would be
coveted. Exactly by the end of his life,
Henry wreaked. There are actual records that
say his ulcerated leg wound was so foul smelling that courtiers

(48:15):
would gag if they were in the same room.
He smells so bad that some courtiers avoided his presence
entirely. And you know, it was bad when,
yes, men are thinking like, I'llskip seeing the king today,
like, my nose can't take it rather than try to get something
from him, right? So keen.

(48:36):
Henry the Eighth definitely stunk up the monarchy.
But let's talk about his daughter, Queen Elizabeth the
first. She basically came in and said
here, Dad, hold my potpourri. Because yes, Queen Elizabeth was
a brilliant strategist. She was a badass queen, but
according to history, she was stinky.

(48:56):
Well, she had a bad example. She did.
Some sources said she would bathe once every few weeks,
which is better than her dad. Now let's talk about Queen
Elizabeth. Iconic look.
You've seen it, right? Yep.
White porcelain skin, bright redlips, no eyebrows.
And it wasn't just fashion, it was actually strategy.
Her appearance projected power, purity, nobility, and it would

(49:21):
distance her from the sweaty peasants.
Common women look, right? It was also a great look for
hiding the effects of smallpox, stress, and aging.
Elizabeth used a white face paint called Venetian Ceruse and
it was made from white lead and vinegar, actual lead.

(49:45):
So she was slathering literal poison all over her face and
neck every single day to give her that white ghostly look,
which was a status symbol back then.
Because basically it just meant that if you were tan, I know we
love tan skin now, but if you were tan back then, it mean you
had to work outside. Therefore you were poor.
You were peasant right? So the lighter skinned you are,

(50:07):
the more high class you were. OK now as we know lead is super
toxic, which surprise led to skin corrosions, hair loss,
rotting teeth, and even possiblyneurological damage.
Over time, the makeup completelydestroyed her skin.
She started getting sores. There was wrinkles, skin

(50:30):
discoloration. What is a queen to do when your
makeup is eating away your face?You just add more makeup.
So to cover the sores, the scarring and the rotting skin,
Elizabeth would layer more cerusand more powder.
She then started wearing cloth patches or these things called
plasters on open wounds to coverup all the skin issues that she

(50:52):
was having. That sounds terrible.
These things were like the original pimple patches.
Think of that. They'd be the small pieces of
velvet or silk. They were often shaped into
stars, moons or circles, and sometimes you see those in
paintings. People started copying her.
Oh, and they would have like a little circle, a little star
that was just in these. Patches.

(51:13):
Yeah, a gaping wound on her. Yes, exactly.
These plasters were often scented with rose water or some
kind of musky smell, but it really did little to mask the
rotting flesh smell underneath. For her, yeah, she also wore
blush, which we see in those pictures, those bright red rosy
cheeks. But it was made of mercury

(51:34):
sulphide, which is another toxicsubstance.
Jeez, it was just this horrible.Toxic arsenic as well.
Might as well. Elizabeth also loved her sweets,
especially candied violets and sugar paste.
Sugar paste, Sugar paste just goright for it.
Sugar paste By her 50s, Elizabeth's teeth were

(51:54):
reportedly blackened, rotting stumps and she had a horrendous
breath. Her oral health got so bad it
caused intense chronic pain which started interfering with
her royal duties. She would stuff colored cloth in
her mouth to hide all the raw and would even avoid talking all
together during core audiences. At one point her advisors tried

(52:17):
to convince her to let a dentisttake out one of the decayed
tooths and she would flat out refuse 1 noble volunteer to have
his own tooth pulled out first just to show her that it wasn't
going to be that painful. And only after watching this
poor man suffer through it did she allow the procedure.
I mean their smiles were just rough rough.

(52:40):
Do you think that's why they never smiled or showed their
teeth in paintings? Maybe.
I mean, yeah, they had never would smile and pictures, Yeah.
All right, let's talk about lice.
Oh boy, OK. Everyone had it.
It was normal, even expected. Yeah.
To have lice like that was just part of life.
Kids, there's been a lice outbreak in your school, so

(53:02):
that's true. Even now.
So what they started doing, the nobles started to shave their
heads and they would wear huge wigs to cover up scalp sores or
hide full blown infestations. But the wigs were often worse
because they were never washed. They would just stuff them with

(53:23):
flour, starch, sometimes even crushed bone powder.
Now these wigs were also so flammable from the starch and
all the crap that's in it, and so heavy that some nobles would
faint or catch on fire. OK.
And the lice that weren't just headbound.
They would infest everything. Clothing, bedding, seems

(53:47):
undergarments. You're making me itchy.
I know. One time I talk about lice.
Lice. And so another awesome fancy job
was created. It was called the Nitpicker.
Servants were specifically hiredto remove lice with tweezers
from wigs and clothing. OK.

(54:07):
Yeah, so next time someone callsyou a.
Nitpicker, it's just from the. Wigs.
It used to be a real terrible, horrible job.
Yeah. All right, Liz, it's the 16th
century. Imagine you're a French king.
You've got power, mistresses, fancy clothes, and you smell
like a raccoon. Oh.
Boy. So enter his royal stinkness,

(54:28):
King Henry the 4th of France, which by the way, is not related
to King Henry the Eighth of England.
So this is. Later, yes.
OK, the man was legendarily filthy.
There are actual records, and I'm not kidding, where diplomats
straight up said he stinks like a wild animal. 1 poor guy said

(54:52):
Henry's breath could knock out aBuzzard off a dung heap.
Quote. Even his own wife, Quinn Margot,
was like, Nope, She supposedly wrote that he smelled so bad she
could not bear to be near him. Yeah.
So this king also reportedly bathed once a year.
OK, here's my issue with this. You are a king.

(55:12):
You could have as many baths as you want and you're choosing not
to. Right.
Henry really signed up to the idea that bathing was more
likely to make him sick, so why risk it?
So you don't smell like a raccoon.
But better than dying According to him.
So he stuck with like perfume and pray method.

(55:33):
He would just drowse himself in rose water and pray for the best
right logic. Logic.
So despite the mosque. That's putting it nicely, yeah.
He was weirdly very popular. The man had scores of
mistresses. French ladies were like, oh, La
La. That's good.
He's a king. It's not.
I know he has money. And yeah.

(55:55):
Power. Yeah.
People saw him as charismatic and manly, so I guess I don't
know. Yeah, if you're a king then Musk
work differently. Yeah, just like everything, once
you have money, then you could be an ogre and people don't care
because you have money. So the women were just after the
money and they didn't care that he stopped?
Yeah, I don't think I could do that.

(56:15):
I absolutely could you. I could go, OK, I have to deal
with the stinkiness for a couplehours, but then I get a bunch of
money. Yeah, I guess especially if
you're poor. That's why the billionaires that
we have today, they all have beautiful wives.
It's not because they're attractive or good people

(56:36):
because they have money. I guess that's true.
I could absolutely do it, yeah, but it would be gross to kiss
somebody that they're rotting out of their face.
OK. I don't know.
It would have to be a lot of money.
OK, so let's Fast forward to hisgrandson, King Louis the 14th,
also known as the Sun King. They all have all these

(56:57):
nicknames. I know the.
Sun King. None of them have like stinky
king or smelliest king which would be more appropriate but no
the Sun King. Is it SUN or SON?
SUN. Oh, OK.
Because he liked gold. Gold wigs.
The man was super extra. He moved into Versailles.

(57:19):
He wore the red heels, some say even higher than most drag
Queens would. OK.
So he's all about. Fashion.
Yes, he dazzled the world with what he made of Versailles
because he used to be a hunting lodge and he turned it into this
beautiful. Beautiful op palace, Yeah.
Gorgeous. Yeah.
His hygiene habits were questionable.

(57:42):
OK, the man hated bathing. Like many before him, he is
rumored to have taken a full immersion bath only twice in his
life. That's so disgusting.
They really stuck to the idea ofno bathing.
I love taking a shower. I love it.
Not if you think you're going todie from it.

(58:03):
Get over it. No.
Everybody dies. One of the times he took a bath
was because he had a skin infection.
Because he wasn't taking bath. And once because someone finally
convinced him that if he didn't,he might die because he was
sick. Can you imagine what his skin
probably felt like? Yeah.

(58:27):
Just gross. But old family traditions die
hard. Because yeah, he also believed
that bathing was risky. Again, water equalled death trap
logically. Can you imagine, like crevices,
how dirty those were? Should I not have said that?
No. You don't like the crevice of

(58:47):
your armpit? Like think about how gross all
the build up of everything in there.
This is so. Old family traditions die hard,
I'm telling you. Did he wipe himself with like,
clothes? Yes, Louis would just wipe down
with alcohol soaked clothes and drouse himself with perfume.
Now this King's daily routine was a public spectacle.

(59:10):
Louis had an incredibly regimented daily schedule.
His morning routine was part of a courtly ritual known as the
levee levee. Lev EE French levee.
Who was going with that levee? It's much less glamorous than I
made in town because about a dozen noblemen would attend him

(59:33):
waking up. They would watch him dress, they
would watch him brush his teeth and his teeth.
They were all so tragic. Go figure.
He would brush with crushed pearls, herbs and wine.
So that probably like destroyed his teeth.
Completely Yes. He had horrible gum disease.
Again, his breath reportedly smell like fermented sewage, but

(59:57):
at least his shoes were beautiful and fierce and his
whole outfit looked awesome. He'd just stink.
So part of this morning courtly ritual also involved being
present for the King's morning bowel movement.
Why are people so weird? This is.
Look, I need my time in the morning.
I don't want anybody seeing me. Well you got 12 people, at least

(01:00:21):
12 nobles every single morning. You could be handing him his
slippers 1 moment and then hear a royal splash the next.
Like why? Why?
But for nobles, being there again meant access to influence.
OK, be there, but let him poop alone.
Give. It a minute.
It was seen as a privilege to bepresent while he pooped.

(01:00:43):
In fact, people fought for spotsto be these people who got to
see him in the morning. OK, Yeah.
And Louis was obsessed with perfume.
He had personal perfumers makingcustom blends, and he would
spritz it on everything. His clothing, gloves, wigs,
pets, furniture, anything. So he knew that smell was
important. He knew he didn't want to smell

(01:01:05):
it. He didn't care about other
people smelling it, but he knew he didn't want to smell it.
And Versailles needed it, because this palace was both
glorious and absolutely disgusting.
Yes, Versailles was the height of courtly splendor at the time.
It had hundreds of rooms, mirrors, chandeliers, endless

(01:01:26):
gorgeous gardens. Again, the gold, the drama.
But it had 0 functioning bathrooms.
The place reeked. Absolutely reeked.
No toilets, no plumbing, just poop everywhere.
And they don't have like fans tolike.
No circulation so lavish partieswith over 5000 guests were
regular occurrence at the Palace. 100 hundreds of people

(01:01:49):
live there full time. That was the residence, yes.
Guests and courtiers would relieve themselves in hallways,
stairwells, corners of rooms, ina pot though behind a curtain,
basically anywhere. They were even reports of people
literally pooping in fireplaces.OK, hold on, people here.

(01:02:09):
There are chamber pots. There are.
Pots. I'm getting to it.
But if this exists, why are you not using it?
I'll answer that right now. Oh boy.
And despite being known as the Sun King, Louis the 14th ruled
over a court where in quote, thestench was omnipresent.

(01:02:30):
Is what, 1 court visitor? Yeah, if people are just pooping
in the. Hall OK, let's talk about that.
They were chamber pots. Many nobles wouldn't use them
because of two reasons. They were either already full to
the rim because staff couldn't dispose of the waste fast
enough, or because if you left aconversation to go pee, someone

(01:02:53):
might steal your political clout.
So folks, just wherever rather than lose their spot in a
conversation that would have been influential to them.
That's ridiculous. Crazy.
If I'm in a political discussionwith somebody and I'm a powerful
person, if they decide to poop in front of me, they lose their
position with me. The guy that leaves and comes

(01:03:15):
back, I I'll listen to him. Can you imagine?
Yeah. They're just like you're having
a discussion and they're like. They're looking at you in the
eyes. Bring over the chair.
They're eye contact with you. Did you have Taco Bell?
Staring at me. OK.
Awful. They're in line.

(01:03:36):
There are solutions to this. Dehydrate yourself a little bit.
OK, don't drink so much wine. Yeah, just like poop before you
go that you should do that anyway, right?
Poop before you leave your own house.
Well, how do you think they wiped lace?
Lace because they're oh really? Because they're rich.

(01:03:58):
Don't poop in a corner, but. Only lace for their.
Booties. They used lace, linen, or also
soft Moss. The nobles preferred lace.
I don't disagree, I think that would be nice.
I mean, doesn't lace have a lot of like holes in the fabric by
nature? Yeah, I guess so.

(01:04:19):
I don't know that I love that. But you could fold it a little
better. Sure, sure.
OK, Yeah. What if I told you the lace
might have come from their outfits?
So they just ripped off a piece of their outfit.
I don't know that I read they ripped it off.
Oh. There are a lot of layers you
oh, that's. It's so gross.
There are a lot of layers, it could be hidden.

(01:04:41):
Yeah, but then you would smell like your own poop.
Girl, that was. I guess they already all stung.
No one's going to know it's you.Walking around smelling you
bring it back and you you're telling your servant clean this
and it has your poop in it. Well, they're used to emptying
your chamber paw. They've been there, done that.
Yeah. OK.

(01:05:02):
So yeah, nothing says nobility like wiping your royal behind
with your lace outfit. Like poop stains?
Yeah, I mean, you could hide it between the layers.
I guess that was the thought behind it.
Yeah. So, Speaking of gross smells,
let's talk about the wigs. They got even bigger.

(01:05:22):
They were huge. In fact, they were powdered,
perfumed and infested with lice.What was the powder for?
Just to keep it not gross and oil.
Yep, that was kind of what was used to clean, to absorb dirt
and oil. And because they got bigger,
there was more room for infestation.
So outside of lice, there are reports that they were

(01:05:45):
occasional mice. That's a huge wig.
Huge wig. Have you seen those?
Yeah, I mean in in movies or whatever.
I mean, mice don't stand still, especially when disturbed.
Yeah, but maybe you had your wigoff in the corner, you know,
your poop corner. Yeah, and A and a mice gets in
there and then you put it back on to go to.

(01:06:07):
Yeah, yeah, you're making it sound simpler than it is.
It's gross. Despite the royal elegance,
rodents and bugs were a constantissue.
There are records that cockroaches infested the royal
kitchens and rats regularly crawled under banquet tables.
In fact, servants were expected to shoo the rats from under the

(01:06:27):
tables without breaking decorum.Yeah, and Louis let his many
dogs roam free in the palace, and they pooped anywhere and
everywhere they pleased because of course they did.
So did the people. Like, why wouldn't there be
dogs? So Versailles was full of
fountains and flowers, and it wasn't just for the vibes.

(01:06:48):
They were desperately trying to cover up the stench.
It stinks so bad that they installed perfumed fountains and
placed giant vases of potpourri,dried herbs, flowers and incense
in every hallway, every corner that they possibly could.
And the mixture of bad smell andgood smell is an even worse

(01:07:09):
smell, yeah, than what you started with.
Yeah, even after doing everything they could to mask
all the stink, visitors still complained.
In fact, one British ambassador said the palace was in, quote,
splendid to the eye but loath, loathsome to the nose quote.
Some rooms were so heavily perfumed that they caused

(01:07:30):
headaches and people fainted from the fent overload, but it
was still better than the reek of chamber pots.
Sweaty wigs. Unwashed.
Because how would they even air it out?
Because they don't have electricity to plug in a fan.
Yeah, there's no circulation. It's just sitting there.
Eventually, the filth of Versailles reached such a point

(01:07:51):
that parts of the palace were sofouled by human waste, rotting
food and dead rodents that the only solution was to burn the
waste in fireplaces or they would haul it out by the wagon
load. Wagon load of waste.
So yeah, the 16th and 17th centuries, it was all about
decay and disguise. So by the 19th century, let's

(01:08:14):
jump ahead. Soap gets a glow up, a major
glow up. Being clean finally becomes
trendy, but not just for health.It's now tied to morality and
respectability. So there's a shift in the way
people start thinking about cleanliness.
It was said a clean home means aclean soul.

(01:08:35):
If you were smelly, people assumed you were lazy or morally
questionable. So yeah, soap became the new
virtue signal. Homemade soap became a household
staple. Washing hands and face became a
normal daily thing. Indoor plumbing started slowly
creeping into wealthy homes. Now to be real.

(01:08:58):
Chamber pots in the 19th centurywere still a thing.
In fact, Queen Victoria herself used 1.
So you could still be a royal and still poop in a bowl that
you have under your bed. It still happened.
But then in 1857, an American entrepreneur named Joseph
Gayetti gives us a revolutionaryinvention, the commercial toilet

(01:09:21):
paper. 1857. So this Joseph, he marketed it
as medical paper. It was sold in flat sheets
soaked in aloe and it was supposed to prevent hemorrhoids.
Oh, there you go. That's clever.
Yeah, it wouldn't prevent hemorrhoids, but.
It would if you had them. It would help.
It would help, yeah, Yeah. In a very bold move, he printed

(01:09:45):
his name on every single sheet. Really.
A man committed to brand awareness.
The only problem? It was very expensive and it did
not gain any popularity. Most folks still preferred free
stuff by the end of 1870 throughthe 1890s.
We get the toilet paper roll in the format that we're used to

(01:10:10):
things to companies like Scott Paper Company.
Yay, yay. Hey, Scott Paper Company, I.
Know. Yeah.
Who knew at first these paper companies would sell it without
branding because they thought itwas too embarrassing to
advertise? Wow, that that's talk.

(01:10:32):
About Butts Store. Here in the business of wiping
butts. Yeah, and so they just wouldn't
advertise. By the early 1900s, perforated
roles became the standard and thus began the great Race to
softness. What year did you say that?
Happened 1900s, early 1900s. By the 1930s, a major

(01:10:53):
breakthrough toilet paper finally becomes splinter free.
Can you imagine a splinter? You heard that right.
Toilet paper used to be rough. Like splinter rough.
Wiping was a gamble back then. It's such a battle to get a
splinter out of a kids toe. Can you imagine how hard that

(01:11:16):
would? Be you had to be really brave to
go #2 and wipe really brave. Maybe I'd use sand.
Yeah, go back to Egyptian times,though.
It was safer. For the 1950s through the 1970s,
it was all about luxury. Ultra soft, quilted, even
scented. Yeah, I'm all down with all

(01:11:36):
these things, although scented. I don't.
I've never had. Scented toilet paper.
They even had colored toilet paper to match.
Decor. Their fuzzy toilet cover.
Yeah, bathrooms of the 70s, sixties and 70s were.
Yeah. OK, so it would match their
decor. All right, I'm going to give you
some fun toilet paper facts. Yay.
OK. OK, the average American uses

(01:11:59):
blank squares per day. 30. 57. Oh wow. 57 squares per day?
I thought that was excessive. That is a lot.
I I only use what I need? Depends on the situation.
Fair. Fair, fair.

(01:12:21):
I I don't feel like I'm excessive with my squares.
I'm not until. The paper's expensive nowadays.
No, I get so mad at my kids whenthey yeah, 10 squares and you're
like, oh, you, you just peed. You don't need 10 squares.
Yeah, exactly 57. How many times a day do you go
to the bathroom? And how many squares are you
using? I can't spare a square.
I can't spare any exactly. OK, another fact here.

(01:12:47):
Toilet paper is often one of thefirst items hoarded during a
crisis. We learned that during COVID.
Time today, 2020. Yeah, there is very few things
that will set me into a panic, but when I realize we're out of
toilet paper in the house, that's a blind panic for me.
We're the catalogues. What have we?
Yeah, I agree. I hoard it though.

(01:13:08):
I do. I always have lots and lots and
lots. Yeah, you never know.
I mean, you can use a a napkin. I've done the napkin game before
when I was younger. Paper towels.
Paper towels, yeah, which are more expensive than toilet
paper, so yeah, you got to cut those into coarse.
They're coarse too. They're not as soft.
Yeah, they're more like 1930s paper.
About a bidet situation. That's exactly where I'm going.

(01:13:30):
Oh, really? Some countries, like Japan,
parts of Europe and the Middle East, they prefer bidets.
I think I what I've never had a bidet never used.
A bidet. I grew up with a bidet.
And why don't you have one now? Because they're now standard,
Yeah, but there were. Standard Hook them onto your.
You can buy things that hook onto your toilet now.
We've talked about this. We had one.
Oh, it was too hard. It was.

(01:13:51):
Too powerful. Remember, we've had this
conversation. Down.
Even at the lowest setting it. Was like woo.
That is powerful. It was uncomfortably powerful,
so we bag the toilet paper. You need like the geriatric
bidet, Yeah. Like simmer down there, simmer

(01:14:15):
down. I like the flushable wipe.
Have you ever done that? Yeah, but that's very wasteful.
But I like a flushable. Wipe and then kind of pricey but
sometimes it calls for a flushable wipe.
I agree. So by the mid 20th century,
bathrooms had evolved from plague dense to wiping with
scented pink quilted clouds. I am all on board with this for

(01:14:38):
real. But it took literally centuries
of trial error and very painful wiping to get there.
But the real, real glow up came courtesy of science.
I believe in science. Germ theory save the day.
In the late 1800s, scientists finally looked under a
microscope and went Oh no, everything is disgusting and

(01:15:02):
there's germs everywhere. The discovery of bacteria
basically blew everyone's mind and that is what kicked off the
full blown soap revolution. Suddenly hand washing wasn't
just for surgeons, it was for everyone.
Toothbrushing became a daily habit and bathing.
By the mid 20th century, cleanliness wasn't just about

(01:15:24):
health. We now know that it had actual
scientific backing. Ads started selling hygiene as
sex appeal and health combined. Ads were like want to get a
date? Maybe stop smelling like
nobility back in the 1600s and then boom, the rise of

(01:15:45):
deodorant, minty toothpaste and smelly shampoos.
And then we moved into the age of antibacterial everything.
If it foamed, fizzed or promisedto kill 99.9% of germs is sold.
Hygiene got hot and so now we arrive at modern times where we

(01:16:06):
shower daily, hopefully news flash to the guy at graduation,
fear body odor like it's a moralfailure, and have entire store
aisles dedicated to butt wipes and beer shampoos, all thanks to
centuries of filth. Royal Funk, lace wipes and
scientific breakthroughs. So what have we learned on our

(01:16:28):
long, stinky stroll through the history of hygiene?
We are very lucky to live when we live.
Yes, we are for sure. I keep saying I couldn't live
through that, but then I think, what does that mean?
Would I just have fallen over dead?
No, I would have had to deal with with it.
So yeah, Liz, we've really gone from Moss pads and wiping with a
communal poop stick to arguing over whether the roll goes over

(01:16:50):
or under. Over.
I hate it when it's under. I hate it.
Oh no, I'm an under. No, you're incorrect.
The hotels always put it over. That's the correct way.
Yeah, You can see how much you're taking you.
Can see it from under. But I always take an extra
square at least when it's under I'm.
Very, very. I'm very passionate.

(01:17:11):
I would I even went I. I've never heard someone say
they're and you call me the weird one in this relationship.
No, I was at an appointment today and I went to the bathroom
and it was under and I switched at the place because I was like,
this is inappropriate. I am leaving right now.
I like to cancel my appointment.How dare you?

(01:17:35):
How uncivilized. And while today's hygiene might
seem obvious to everyone, it took centuries of gross trial
and very unfortunate era to get here.
So next time you light a candle in your bathroom, brush your
teeth without wine or brick dust, or enjoy a poop in
private, just give a little nod to history.
Because we might still be weird and messy, but at least we're

(01:17:57):
not pooping in fireplaces. Speak for yourself.
I don't tell you what to do on your Saturday night's list.
Good old Saturday nights poopingin the fireplace.
You do what you do. That's dangerous.
Oh man, well that is our episodeHygiene Through History.

(01:18:19):
Well, thank you B, that was enlightening and disgusting at
the. Same time disgusting.
So if you're disgusted, I did myjob well.
Luckily we're both like fine talking about poop and wiping
moms. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
On that, all right nosy friends,thanks for joining us on this
filthy journey through. Hygiene.
I hope you weren't eating. Maybe you were pooping while you

(01:18:41):
were listening. Yeah.
That would be appropriate. Yeah, very appropriate.
Go. Or you were cleaning the toilet
or something. Very appropriate.
Yeah. Yeah.
There you go. That was awesome, B, Thank you.
I don't. Know about also, but sure.
Well, thanks. Knowledge is great, yes.
Exactly. So until next time, stay nosy
and remember life's too short not to wonder about the weird
stuff. Catch you on the flippity flip.

(01:19:01):
Bye bye. Music.