March 12, 2024 • 19 mins
Do you want to learn strategies to help kids develop grit and character through sports and LIFE? We talk with Brian and Jen Harbin of Grit.org about how they use sports to help kids become more physically, emotionally, and mentally resilient. They share strategies about :
** Using mantras to help kids push through challenges
** How to shift your focus from WINNING to personal growth
** Training kids to focus on the POSITIVE
Our Guests: Brian Harbin is the founder of Grit.org whose mission is to help kids and adults become mentally, physically, and emotionally resilient. Jen Harbin is a former 5-year collegiate rower and helps to lead Grit Camp as well as Grit.org's non-profit foundation called Faith, hope, and Lunges. They are the proud parents of 3 boys .
Website: Grit.org
Check out our website PsychEd4Peds.com for more resources.
Follow us on Instagram @psyched4peds
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (00:21):
Welcome back to PsychEd4Peds, the child
mental health podcast forpediatric clinicians and for all
of us taking care of kids, we'rehelping you help kids.
Today, we're going to be talkingabout how can we help transform
our kids into more resilient,gritty kids through sports.
And to do this, I'm very excitedto welcome Brian and Jen Harbin
(00:44):
from grit.org the organizationwhose mission is to help people
become more physically,emotionally and mentally
resilient and they're going totell us how they've learned to
use sports to train kids, agessix and older to become gritty
and to be able to respond tolife's many challenges.
(01:05):
In addition, they're going toshare with us some strategies
that we can use to help kidsbecome more physically, mentally
and emotionally resilient.
I'm so excited to have you guyshere and so excited to welcome
the esteemed Harbins of Brianand Jen Harbin fame.
Also parents of three adorablelittle boys.
(01:26):
So Brian, the tagline for yourcompany, grit.org is we help
people build more grit.
How do you define grit and whyis it so important to help kids
specifically build grit?
Definitely.
So grit is really, to me allabout preparing you for how to
respond when life gets hard.
(01:46):
Grit is important just becauseit applies to all aspects of
life.
And that's why we're sopassionate about it.
We call it building mental,physical, emotional resilience.
What we do@grit.org is we reallyput it into practice and we
really give kids a track to runon.
And develop it and build it andgrow it.
The thing that I thinkof@grit.org is perhaps the most
(02:07):
important, most valuable part toour family in particular.
It's definitely grit camp.
Grit camp is this amazing summersports camp that you guys came
up with designed to foster gritin kids.
What are the ages for greatcamp?
So grit camp is for kids age sixto 12.
And then we also have highschool counselors and college
(02:28):
counselors.
For Jen and I, we felt like thereal secret sauce to grit camp
is the counselors.
And it's not about havingsomeone 10 years older than you
as a mentor.
Hey, who's somebody one or twoyears older.
That's setting a good example.
This is going to help lift youup.
And the reverse is also true.
Hey, as an eight or nine yearold, Hey, who's her six or seven
year old that you can reallystep up and help be a leader for
(02:49):
them.
So really when we have a gritcamp, we have age six all the
way up through college students.
Brian Harbin (02:55):
We really use sports as a teaching tool
because it's really about takingwhat the moment is giving you
and how to find a way over it,under it, through it, and then
how to thrive in it.
And a big part of that is, isreally what you tell yourself in
the moment, whether things aregood or bad and how you frame
those experiences.
You talked about, using sportsas a teaching tool and like
(03:17):
you're in the moment and there'sa challenge and you have to
figure out a way over, under andthrough it.
And so when you're trainingthese counselors to approach
things in this way, how do youhelp them help the kids work
through these challenges insports?
That's a great question.
And that's where we fall back onthe grit creed.
And so really the core dNA ofgrit camp is what we call the
(03:40):
grit creed, which is our 12principles that we believe.
They're just time tested lifeand success principles.
Just about every situation thatyou encounter at camp, there's a
teachable moment in the gritcreed.
So we help them understand that,Hey, the answer lies in the grit
creed, and by exuding that andhelping reinforce that with the
(04:02):
kids, remind them of it.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (04:04):
And for our colleagues and listeners, their
grit, creed has these greatprinciples.
Things like.
I am not a problem.
Spotter.
I'm a problem solver.
And I can, I will.
And I I'm going to is my mantrain the face of adversity.
I will follow through with whatI say I will do.
I don't find an excuse.
(04:24):
I find a way.
Jen Harbin (04:26):
To add to what he was saying, on our training day
for all of our counselors, we gothrough all of this sort of
behavioral issues that you mightsee at camp on any given day, by
any given camper.
Whether it's, not reacting well,if you don't win or not wanting
to participate, or just havingan attitude of kind of
(04:47):
rebellion, there's all thesedifferent things that can pop
up.
And every single one of thesethings, we try to explain to
them why they're doing that,whether it's, I'm a little
afraid that I've never done thisbefore, or maybe I'm not very
active child.
And so I am putting a facade onof I'm too good for this because
I'm a little worried that Imight stand out amongst the
other kids, cause this is not mycomfort zone.
And so we're giving them howthey can handle each one of
(05:09):
these things that are justcompletely normal childhood
behavior.
And how they can bring that backto the grit creed.
To encourage them to, workthrough that.
So you're prepping the coachesin advance to understand that
behavior is an expression ofemotion.
The child's behavior doesn'tmean that they're a bad kid.
It's just describing thatthey're feeling stressed,
they're feeling uncomfortable.
(05:30):
And so I love that you'reanticipating here are the big
issues that could come up incamp and instead of just, just
saying no, that's wrong.
Try to understand theirmotivation and what they're
coming from and help them usethe principles to move forward
and over and under in, throughit.
And I wanted to piggyback onething on that as well.
And this is something that webelieve in at camp, but also I
think as a parent applies aswell as that, you really want to
(05:52):
find that spark, so for example,at camp, we have.
Pretty much any sport and gamethat you can imagine we have
there.
And cause I'm a big believerthat every kid needs to have
some type of physical activitydoesn't matter what it is, but
find something.
And I think as a parent, youwant to.
Be mindful and watch for what'sthat spark, when the kids have
free time, what's that ball orracket did they pick up that
(06:14):
they want to practiceindependently and that's that
spark that you're looking for.
You want to nurture that anddevelop it.
Because if they're into it, thenthey're going to learn more from
it because they want to do it.
And they're passionate aboutpracticing and getting better
and they can see the improvementand they can experience more of
those flow states that then can.
Overlap and other parts of theirlife.
(06:35):
And by exposing him to all thesedifferent things, not only are
you giving them this opportunitythat you described really well
to figure out what makes themexcited, what creates that spark
inside of them, But also you'repushing everybody out of their
comfort zone because the chancesare not everybody has played
ping-pong or you have much morerigorous sports than ping pong
there.
That's a big one.
They love that.
(06:56):
When you're learning somethingnew, it's uncomfortable.
And so what a wonderful way tohelp them work through that.
Jen, you gave the example ofsomebody not wanting to try
something because maybe they'venever done that activity or
picked up a lacrosse stick or,played kickball or whatever.
What specific part of the grit,creed would you help them work
through?
so I suppose it depends on thechild because we have a whole
(07:18):
range of kids that come to campthat love every sport that there
is, and that's all they want todo all summer.
All the way to kids whoseparents bring them to camp,
because they would rather justsit at home and play video games
all day and they want him to getoutside and get a little fresh
air.
And so we're trying to meet themwhere they're at.
And so for a child who has neverplayed kickball or is really
just not a very physically fitchild We'll meet them where
(07:41):
they're at and say, okay,listen.
I know you want to do X, Y, Z.
You can play this for 10 minutesand then I'll let you do X, Y,
Z.
After a lot of times, it'ssomething simple.
Like I want to, right wherewe're at, look around for some
bugs.
And so if you come and playkickball for 10 minutes, that
you've never done before, thatis pushing you out of your
comfort zone, then thiscounselor will walk around right
(08:01):
here while we're where we're allat outside.
And you can look for some bugsfor 10 minutes after that.
And so just getting them to justgrow a little bit more each day.
And so one of the things fromthe creed that we would use as
an example for that, justencouraging them to participate
would be I will try and try andtry again.
We're just going to keep tryingand that they say it and we just
encourage them to just beaccountable to that.
(08:22):
So that would be an example.
No, that's such a greatbehavioral modification strategy
because the kids overwhelmed, Idon't know what this is.
I'm not good at it.
And it feels a lot bigger andscarier than it is.
And you're breaking it down intolittle bite sized pieces and
saying.
You just have to do this it'stime limited, we'll start the
timer.
And then using what they want todo is a natural reward.
Instead of as a way out to avoidactivity.
(08:44):
A little carrot because they cancontrol that they can control
the next 10 minutes of anactivity, just like a little
gold period that they cancontrol.
And what we love so much aboutcamp.
Gosh, we, four summers now, andlast year we had 467 kids come
through and it's what we loveabout it is like every kid and
every week is so different.
A new kid comes and you want tofind what they get excited
about.
What's their currency?
(09:05):
What's going to get them excitedabout that you can use in a way
to get them to do somethingmaybe they don't want to do.
And, I know in a previousepisode you talked about.
Being focused on winning insports.
And I believe that sports reallyallows us to have all these
different types of experiences,much like traveling.
So for example, You know thatchampionship season, it's like
(09:25):
traveling to Paris.
It's somewhere that you want togo back to.
You enjoyed it and you want torevisit pictures and things like
that.
And then there's, just like theother night, two nights ago, we
saw our kids lose.
14 to zero in lacrosse and itwas rough.
Yeah.
And that's one of thoseexperiences
Brian Harbin (09:39):
like, you know, going to the corn palace in
South Dakota, you've checked thebox and Hey, I've been there.
Don't really want to go back toit maybe, but it's, again, one
of those experiences that youtake with you.
You build on it, grow from it.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (09:51):
And I think naturally any time we're playing
sports or our kids are competingin a game, we're thinking we
want to win.
And you're flipping that aroundand saying, yes, winning is one
of the experience, but it's onlyone of them and you need
everything from winning togetting beaten 14 to zero.
And everything in betweenbecause you learned something
(10:12):
from each of these experiences.
Yeah.
There's so much science behindlike you become what you think
about.
there was a dad recently that wewere talking about a football
game and he mentioned, aninterception that his son threw.
And I said, listen, you need tocontrol all, delete that.
It's one of those things.
Look, it was a mistake.
It happened just it's over anddone.
Let's not dwell on it.
Let's focus on what you did dowell and build on that.
(10:34):
Remember that, and those are themoments that you want to take
into the next one.
That's so good.
You're saying control altdelete, erase it from your
memory.
And when you have a goodexperience, you carry it, bring
that with you, carry it forwardto help you motivate and keep on
going.
It's really important tointentionally approach these
things, and the fact that at thegrit camp, you guys have peer
(10:55):
mentors and junior counselorsthat can help work with the kids
in the moment and say, yeah, ourteam just lost at kickball.
But we're going to forget it.
And now we're going to go andplay something else and we're
going to have so much fun or,wow you just learned a cool new
trait and you've never playedthe sport before.
That's amazing.
Now let's see what else you cando.
So to recap, it sounds like youguys have been so intentional
(11:16):
using these 12 principles ofleadership as mantras, and
you've trained your grit, campcoaches and your kids to use
these positive phrases, to pushthemselves and build grit and
get through hard experiences inthe context of sports.
So now let's shift gears andtalk a little bit more about how
we as parents can help supportand coach our own kids or the
(11:41):
kids on our teams to be moregritty and to have more
resilience through sports.
One of the really importantthings is your team culture.
And in lacrosse when you see thekids so many of them, they're
all the same height that youcan't tell them when they put
that helmet on.
You can't tell any of themapart.
And you don't know which numberis which, and they're constantly
rotating in and off the field.
One of our team parents made agrid of all of their Jersey
(12:06):
numbers and their name.
And handed those out to parentsso that I don't just have to
cheer for my child.
Like I know my child is number12, but now I can cheer for 22,
and so when they're out there,Whether they're winning or
losing, they hear all theseother parents cheering for them,
even in just that one play wherethey took a shot, even if they
missed it.
And that's such a huge part ofit their team culture I think a
(12:28):
lot of those little things.
Really add into it.
We support everybody.
And when you've got the ball,we're going to scream for you.
Regardless of whether you're ourkid or we know you are not, you
may not even hear us, but we canhear ourselves yelling for you.
And we think you can hear us.
And yeah, I think that counts.
Yeah.
What's so great about sports isthat so many times you focus on
(12:49):
the next play, right?
Something good happens.
Something bad happens.
What's our focus.
I that's one of my mantrasalways ask the kid during this
during the season before gamessaid, Hey, what's our focus.
And that was the next play andso much in life.
It's about being grounded in themoment.
and so before the game, knowingthat it's going to be a lot more
intense than what they were atpractice, the whole ecosystem of
(13:10):
game day, right?
It's.
It's very high pressure.
And so what I always do in thathuddle before the game is I get
a buy circled around and we gothrough some simple breathing
exercises.
Getting them to take a deepbreath.
Close the rise.
Here are the sounds here, thesmells and really just ground
themselves in the moment.
And there's a little, a coupleof tricks and trades about just
how to stay cool, calm,collected on the field.
(13:32):
How to stay grounded in themoment and stay relaxed and
loose and giving them thoselittle things that they can take
with them.
I just want to highlight some ofthe things you guys just said
that we, as parents can do tohelp our kids.
First of all, you both arereminding us to bring a lot of
positive energy to games throughcheering and then afterwards by
helping our own kids focus onsome of the highlights or the
positive things that happened.
(13:54):
And then encourage them tocontrol alt delete some of the
negative things.
And then Brian, you talked abouthelping our kids relax before
high stakes events or big gamesor competitions by doing deep
breathing exercises.
And finding ways to help themfeel cool, calm and collected
before they've got to start thegame or perform.
Virtually every season, we tryto have a little end of season
(14:16):
wrap-up party, like a teamparty.
And that's a huge thing.
I think that.
It's something really small, butit just has a huge impact on
them because it's a chance forthe kids to all hang out,
playing some fun games And Ithink my favorite part about
that is it's an opportunity forBrian and the other coaches too
individually recognize eachplayer for their strengths and
(14:39):
what they appreciate about eachone of them, because every
single one of these children aredifferent, unique, wonderful
people.
I think you guys are sointentional when you're as
coaches and as parents withthese team sports, to be very
honest.
I think the majority of usparents, like if we get assigned
or voluntold or volunteered tobe a coach, It's like, all
right, I got to show up and comeup with something.
(15:02):
Gatorade's.
Yeah.
I'll look at YouTube and seebasketball drills and we'll
figure it out, but you guys areso thoughtful about making this
such a positive experience forthe kids and, with the deep
breathing exercises and then ina larger scale at the end of the
season, making this end ofseason party, and we've been to
these end of season celebrationsand and probably the most
(15:22):
touching part is what you justdescribed as the speeches that,
coach Brian will get up forevery single player.
And he has thought about whattheir individual strengths are
and what their role is and sayssomething very personalized
about, this kid really.
Really played a key role at, indefense or in flag polling or,
recognizing where they, theirjourney across the season.
(15:45):
And then Jen, Jen, is thisamazing videographer.
At every single game she'ssomehow managed to capture on
her phone, like every play,every flagpole, every throw,
every touchdown, every extrapoint.
And.
And then she'll put togetherthis highlight reel at the end
of the season.
So all the kids get to see wow,This is my best drive, or this
is when I scored, or this iswhen we kept the other team from
(16:06):
crossing into the touchdownzone.
And I have to expand on thattoo, because Jen is on the
sideline getting all thosevideos, every single game.
And when we get home after gamesand it's been a long day at the
fields or the courts but whatshe has to do is go back and
delete all the bad plays.
Because so much in life, we haveto do the same with those
(16:26):
experiences.
Just like we talked about,there's some experiences we need
to delete.
And there are some that we needto save them.
She'll put a heart by them andthen, she'll compile these
videos and what's incredible tome.
Some of my favorite memorieshave been, she'll when she's
laying in bed with, Charlesputting them down, they'll turn
on a YouTube video and they'llpull up his highlight video from
(16:48):
last season from three seasonsago, four seasons ago.
And the beautiful thing aboutthat is he is now.
Reliving those experiences,seeing it, remembering, seeing
the smile, seeing his teammates,seeing all these little
victories that he had, hedoesn't even remember any of the
bad plays because they were alldeleted.
He's only seeing the good stuff.
And when it comes to mentalperformance and high achieving
(17:10):
athletes, that's what they do.
And again, it's not even aboutsports is about doing that in
all aspects of your life, butwe're doing it.
With sports as a teaching tool,in this example, Yeah.
It's the highlight reel.
First of all, I'm definitely nota professional photographer.
It's, you're giving me way toomuch credit.
I appreciate that.
Part of the reason that I dolike to take those video clips
is so that all the parents thatare there are able to just watch
(17:32):
live what's happening on thefield.
And then their child can watchthemselves later on to see that
moment again, but their parentscan be totally engaged watching
it.
What you're modeling is we'refocusing on the positive like
Brian was saying, we're savingthese mini videos of us doing
amazing things.
And we're literally deleting theones where we didn't do as well.
And we're just taking thatmoving forward.
(17:54):
We've talked about what can we,as parents do after games?
And I think our natural reactionas parents, is, we want our kids
to get better and so what wewant to do is tell them the ways
that they can improve or oh, Inoticed what they could fix over
there.
And we really need to work onour passes on the go because we
miss some of those, if and Andwhat you guys are modeling is as
(18:16):
parents, our job is to justbuild them up, show them the
highlight reels, help them tomove forward, build a sense of
confidence and also I help themknow that literally we see them
a couple of things there.
First of all, like one of thethings that really shocked me
when we first, was sewing afterhis very first season of
whatever sport it was maybe asoccer.
It shocked me.
(18:37):
That there was no team party.
Growing up as a kid.
I don't remember ever having aseason that a team party.
And I think that's one of thethings that as a community, as
parents, we have to bring backthe team party just for that
reason, because it's somethingthat's what the kids remember.
With camp, we've done the samething, right?
The very last thing on Friday isthe counselors bring up each kid
individually and they talk aboutthem and they talk about, why
(18:59):
they enjoyed having them as acamper that week, and then they
get their certificate.
And again, it's just bringingthat concept of the team party
back to Grit Camp, becauseagain, that's where the kids are
gonna remember.
Well, thank you to Jen and BrianHarbin.
We are going to go ahead andpause this conversation and
continue it next week.
Thanks to our colleagues andfriends for listening.
And we hope you'll tune in.
(19:19):
As we continue to talk about.
Building character and gritthrough youth sports.
Take care.
See you next week.
Welcome back to PsychEd4Peds, the child
mental health podcast forpediatric clinicians and for all
of us taking care of kids, we'rehelping you help kids.
Today, we're going to be talkingabout how can we help transform
our kids into more resilient,gritty kids through sports.
And to do this, I'm very excitedto welcome Brian and Jen Harbin
(00:44):
from grit.org the organizationwhose mission is to help people
become more physically,emotionally and mentally
resilient and they're going totell us how they've learned to
use sports to train kids, agessix and older to become gritty
and to be able to respond tolife's many challenges.
(01:05):
In addition, they're going toshare with us some strategies
that we can use to help kidsbecome more physically, mentally
and emotionally resilient.
I'm so excited to have you guyshere and so excited to welcome
the esteemed Harbins of Brianand Jen Harbin fame.
Also parents of three adorablelittle boys.
(01:26):
So Brian, the tagline for yourcompany, grit.org is we help
people build more grit.
How do you define grit and whyis it so important to help kids
specifically build grit?
Definitely.
So grit is really, to me allabout preparing you for how to
respond when life gets hard.
(01:46):
Grit is important just becauseit applies to all aspects of
life.
And that's why we're sopassionate about it.
We call it building mental,physical, emotional resilience.
What we do@grit.org is we reallyput it into practice and we
really give kids a track to runon.
And develop it and build it andgrow it.
The thing that I thinkof@grit.org is perhaps the most
(02:07):
important, most valuable part toour family in particular.
It's definitely grit camp.
Grit camp is this amazing summersports camp that you guys came
up with designed to foster gritin kids.
What are the ages for greatcamp?
So grit camp is for kids age sixto 12.
And then we also have highschool counselors and college
(02:28):
counselors.
For Jen and I, we felt like thereal secret sauce to grit camp
is the counselors.
And it's not about havingsomeone 10 years older than you
as a mentor.
Hey, who's somebody one or twoyears older.
That's setting a good example.
This is going to help lift youup.
And the reverse is also true.
Hey, as an eight or nine yearold, Hey, who's her six or seven
year old that you can reallystep up and help be a leader for
(02:49):
them.
So really when we have a gritcamp, we have age six all the
way up through college students.
Brian Harbin (02:55):
We really use sports as a teaching tool
because it's really about takingwhat the moment is giving you
and how to find a way over it,under it, through it, and then
how to thrive in it.
And a big part of that is, isreally what you tell yourself in
the moment, whether things aregood or bad and how you frame
those experiences.
You talked about, using sportsas a teaching tool and like
(03:17):
you're in the moment and there'sa challenge and you have to
figure out a way over, under andthrough it.
And so when you're trainingthese counselors to approach
things in this way, how do youhelp them help the kids work
through these challenges insports?
That's a great question.
And that's where we fall back onthe grit creed.
And so really the core dNA ofgrit camp is what we call the
(03:40):
grit creed, which is our 12principles that we believe.
They're just time tested lifeand success principles.
Just about every situation thatyou encounter at camp, there's a
teachable moment in the gritcreed.
So we help them understand that,Hey, the answer lies in the grit
creed, and by exuding that andhelping reinforce that with the
(04:02):
kids, remind them of it.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (04:04):
And for our colleagues and listeners, their
grit, creed has these greatprinciples.
Things like.
I am not a problem.
Spotter.
I'm a problem solver.
And I can, I will.
And I I'm going to is my mantrain the face of adversity.
I will follow through with whatI say I will do.
I don't find an excuse.
(04:24):
I find a way.
Jen Harbin (04:26):
To add to what he was saying, on our training day
for all of our counselors, we gothrough all of this sort of
behavioral issues that you mightsee at camp on any given day, by
any given camper.
Whether it's, not reacting well,if you don't win or not wanting
to participate, or just havingan attitude of kind of
(04:47):
rebellion, there's all thesedifferent things that can pop
up.
And every single one of thesethings, we try to explain to
them why they're doing that,whether it's, I'm a little
afraid that I've never done thisbefore, or maybe I'm not very
active child.
And so I am putting a facade onof I'm too good for this because
I'm a little worried that Imight stand out amongst the
other kids, cause this is not mycomfort zone.
And so we're giving them howthey can handle each one of
(05:09):
these things that are justcompletely normal childhood
behavior.
And how they can bring that backto the grit creed.
To encourage them to, workthrough that.
So you're prepping the coachesin advance to understand that
behavior is an expression ofemotion.
The child's behavior doesn'tmean that they're a bad kid.
It's just describing thatthey're feeling stressed,
they're feeling uncomfortable.
(05:30):
And so I love that you'reanticipating here are the big
issues that could come up incamp and instead of just, just
saying no, that's wrong.
Try to understand theirmotivation and what they're
coming from and help them usethe principles to move forward
and over and under in, throughit.
And I wanted to piggyback onething on that as well.
And this is something that webelieve in at camp, but also I
think as a parent applies aswell as that, you really want to
(05:52):
find that spark, so for example,at camp, we have.
Pretty much any sport and gamethat you can imagine we have
there.
And cause I'm a big believerthat every kid needs to have
some type of physical activitydoesn't matter what it is, but
find something.
And I think as a parent, youwant to.
Be mindful and watch for what'sthat spark, when the kids have
free time, what's that ball orracket did they pick up that
(06:14):
they want to practiceindependently and that's that
spark that you're looking for.
You want to nurture that anddevelop it.
Because if they're into it, thenthey're going to learn more from
it because they want to do it.
And they're passionate aboutpracticing and getting better
and they can see the improvementand they can experience more of
those flow states that then can.
Overlap and other parts of theirlife.
(06:35):
And by exposing him to all thesedifferent things, not only are
you giving them this opportunitythat you described really well
to figure out what makes themexcited, what creates that spark
inside of them, But also you'repushing everybody out of their
comfort zone because the chancesare not everybody has played
ping-pong or you have much morerigorous sports than ping pong
there.
That's a big one.
They love that.
(06:56):
When you're learning somethingnew, it's uncomfortable.
And so what a wonderful way tohelp them work through that.
Jen, you gave the example ofsomebody not wanting to try
something because maybe they'venever done that activity or
picked up a lacrosse stick or,played kickball or whatever.
What specific part of the grit,creed would you help them work
through?
so I suppose it depends on thechild because we have a whole
(07:18):
range of kids that come to campthat love every sport that there
is, and that's all they want todo all summer.
All the way to kids whoseparents bring them to camp,
because they would rather justsit at home and play video games
all day and they want him to getoutside and get a little fresh
air.
And so we're trying to meet themwhere they're at.
And so for a child who has neverplayed kickball or is really
just not a very physically fitchild We'll meet them where
(07:41):
they're at and say, okay,listen.
I know you want to do X, Y, Z.
You can play this for 10 minutesand then I'll let you do X, Y,
Z.
After a lot of times, it'ssomething simple.
Like I want to, right wherewe're at, look around for some
bugs.
And so if you come and playkickball for 10 minutes, that
you've never done before, thatis pushing you out of your
comfort zone, then thiscounselor will walk around right
(08:01):
here while we're where we're allat outside.
And you can look for some bugsfor 10 minutes after that.
And so just getting them to justgrow a little bit more each day.
And so one of the things fromthe creed that we would use as
an example for that, justencouraging them to participate
would be I will try and try andtry again.
We're just going to keep tryingand that they say it and we just
encourage them to just beaccountable to that.
(08:22):
So that would be an example.
No, that's such a greatbehavioral modification strategy
because the kids overwhelmed, Idon't know what this is.
I'm not good at it.
And it feels a lot bigger andscarier than it is.
And you're breaking it down intolittle bite sized pieces and
saying.
You just have to do this it'stime limited, we'll start the
timer.
And then using what they want todo is a natural reward.
Instead of as a way out to avoidactivity.
(08:44):
A little carrot because they cancontrol that they can control
the next 10 minutes of anactivity, just like a little
gold period that they cancontrol.
And what we love so much aboutcamp.
Gosh, we, four summers now, andlast year we had 467 kids come
through and it's what we loveabout it is like every kid and
every week is so different.
A new kid comes and you want tofind what they get excited
about.
What's their currency?
(09:05):
What's going to get them excitedabout that you can use in a way
to get them to do somethingmaybe they don't want to do.
And, I know in a previousepisode you talked about.
Being focused on winning insports.
And I believe that sports reallyallows us to have all these
different types of experiences,much like traveling.
So for example, You know thatchampionship season, it's like
(09:25):
traveling to Paris.
It's somewhere that you want togo back to.
You enjoyed it and you want torevisit pictures and things like
that.
And then there's, just like theother night, two nights ago, we
saw our kids lose.
14 to zero in lacrosse and itwas rough.
Yeah.
And that's one of thoseexperiences
Brian Harbin (09:39):
like, you know, going to the corn palace in
South Dakota, you've checked thebox and Hey, I've been there.
Don't really want to go back toit maybe, but it's, again, one
of those experiences that youtake with you.
You build on it, grow from it.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (09:51):
And I think naturally any time we're playing
sports or our kids are competingin a game, we're thinking we
want to win.
And you're flipping that aroundand saying, yes, winning is one
of the experience, but it's onlyone of them and you need
everything from winning togetting beaten 14 to zero.
And everything in betweenbecause you learned something
(10:12):
from each of these experiences.
Yeah.
There's so much science behindlike you become what you think
about.
there was a dad recently that wewere talking about a football
game and he mentioned, aninterception that his son threw.
And I said, listen, you need tocontrol all, delete that.
It's one of those things.
Look, it was a mistake.
It happened just it's over anddone.
Let's not dwell on it.
Let's focus on what you did dowell and build on that.
(10:34):
Remember that, and those are themoments that you want to take
into the next one.
That's so good.
You're saying control altdelete, erase it from your
memory.
And when you have a goodexperience, you carry it, bring
that with you, carry it forwardto help you motivate and keep on
going.
It's really important tointentionally approach these
things, and the fact that at thegrit camp, you guys have peer
(10:55):
mentors and junior counselorsthat can help work with the kids
in the moment and say, yeah, ourteam just lost at kickball.
But we're going to forget it.
And now we're going to go andplay something else and we're
going to have so much fun or,wow you just learned a cool new
trait and you've never playedthe sport before.
That's amazing.
Now let's see what else you cando.
So to recap, it sounds like youguys have been so intentional
(11:16):
using these 12 principles ofleadership as mantras, and
you've trained your grit, campcoaches and your kids to use
these positive phrases, to pushthemselves and build grit and
get through hard experiences inthe context of sports.
So now let's shift gears andtalk a little bit more about how
we as parents can help supportand coach our own kids or the
(11:41):
kids on our teams to be moregritty and to have more
resilience through sports.
One of the really importantthings is your team culture.
And in lacrosse when you see thekids so many of them, they're
all the same height that youcan't tell them when they put
that helmet on.
You can't tell any of themapart.
And you don't know which numberis which, and they're constantly
rotating in and off the field.
One of our team parents made agrid of all of their Jersey
(12:06):
numbers and their name.
And handed those out to parentsso that I don't just have to
cheer for my child.
Like I know my child is number12, but now I can cheer for 22,
and so when they're out there,Whether they're winning or
losing, they hear all theseother parents cheering for them,
even in just that one play wherethey took a shot, even if they
missed it.
And that's such a huge part ofit their team culture I think a
(12:28):
lot of those little things.
Really add into it.
We support everybody.
And when you've got the ball,we're going to scream for you.
Regardless of whether you're ourkid or we know you are not, you
may not even hear us, but we canhear ourselves yelling for you.
And we think you can hear us.
And yeah, I think that counts.
Yeah.
What's so great about sports isthat so many times you focus on
(12:49):
the next play, right?
Something good happens.
Something bad happens.
What's our focus.
I that's one of my mantrasalways ask the kid during this
during the season before gamessaid, Hey, what's our focus.
And that was the next play andso much in life.
It's about being grounded in themoment.
and so before the game, knowingthat it's going to be a lot more
intense than what they were atpractice, the whole ecosystem of
(13:10):
game day, right?
It's.
It's very high pressure.
And so what I always do in thathuddle before the game is I get
a buy circled around and we gothrough some simple breathing
exercises.
Getting them to take a deepbreath.
Close the rise.
Here are the sounds here, thesmells and really just ground
themselves in the moment.
And there's a little, a coupleof tricks and trades about just
how to stay cool, calm,collected on the field.
(13:32):
How to stay grounded in themoment and stay relaxed and
loose and giving them thoselittle things that they can take
with them.
I just want to highlight some ofthe things you guys just said
that we, as parents can do tohelp our kids.
First of all, you both arereminding us to bring a lot of
positive energy to games throughcheering and then afterwards by
helping our own kids focus onsome of the highlights or the
positive things that happened.
(13:54):
And then encourage them tocontrol alt delete some of the
negative things.
And then Brian, you talked abouthelping our kids relax before
high stakes events or big gamesor competitions by doing deep
breathing exercises.
And finding ways to help themfeel cool, calm and collected
before they've got to start thegame or perform.
Virtually every season, we tryto have a little end of season
(14:16):
wrap-up party, like a teamparty.
And that's a huge thing.
I think that.
It's something really small, butit just has a huge impact on
them because it's a chance forthe kids to all hang out,
playing some fun games And Ithink my favorite part about
that is it's an opportunity forBrian and the other coaches too
individually recognize eachplayer for their strengths and
(14:39):
what they appreciate about eachone of them, because every
single one of these children aredifferent, unique, wonderful
people.
I think you guys are sointentional when you're as
coaches and as parents withthese team sports, to be very
honest.
I think the majority of usparents, like if we get assigned
or voluntold or volunteered tobe a coach, It's like, all
right, I got to show up and comeup with something.
(15:02):
Gatorade's.
Yeah.
I'll look at YouTube and seebasketball drills and we'll
figure it out, but you guys areso thoughtful about making this
such a positive experience forthe kids and, with the deep
breathing exercises and then ina larger scale at the end of the
season, making this end ofseason party, and we've been to
these end of season celebrationsand and probably the most
(15:22):
touching part is what you justdescribed as the speeches that,
coach Brian will get up forevery single player.
And he has thought about whattheir individual strengths are
and what their role is and sayssomething very personalized
about, this kid really.
Really played a key role at, indefense or in flag polling or,
recognizing where they, theirjourney across the season.
(15:45):
And then Jen, Jen, is thisamazing videographer.
At every single game she'ssomehow managed to capture on
her phone, like every play,every flagpole, every throw,
every touchdown, every extrapoint.
And.
And then she'll put togetherthis highlight reel at the end
of the season.
So all the kids get to see wow,This is my best drive, or this
is when I scored, or this iswhen we kept the other team from
(16:06):
crossing into the touchdownzone.
And I have to expand on thattoo, because Jen is on the
sideline getting all thosevideos, every single game.
And when we get home after gamesand it's been a long day at the
fields or the courts but whatshe has to do is go back and
delete all the bad plays.
Because so much in life, we haveto do the same with those
(16:26):
experiences.
Just like we talked about,there's some experiences we need
to delete.
And there are some that we needto save them.
She'll put a heart by them andthen, she'll compile these
videos and what's incredible tome.
Some of my favorite memorieshave been, she'll when she's
laying in bed with, Charlesputting them down, they'll turn
on a YouTube video and they'llpull up his highlight video from
(16:48):
last season from three seasonsago, four seasons ago.
And the beautiful thing aboutthat is he is now.
Reliving those experiences,seeing it, remembering, seeing
the smile, seeing his teammates,seeing all these little
victories that he had, hedoesn't even remember any of the
bad plays because they were alldeleted.
He's only seeing the good stuff.
And when it comes to mentalperformance and high achieving
(17:10):
athletes, that's what they do.
And again, it's not even aboutsports is about doing that in
all aspects of your life, butwe're doing it.
With sports as a teaching tool,in this example, Yeah.
It's the highlight reel.
First of all, I'm definitely nota professional photographer.
It's, you're giving me way toomuch credit.
I appreciate that.
Part of the reason that I dolike to take those video clips
is so that all the parents thatare there are able to just watch
(17:32):
live what's happening on thefield.
And then their child can watchthemselves later on to see that
moment again, but their parentscan be totally engaged watching
it.
What you're modeling is we'refocusing on the positive like
Brian was saying, we're savingthese mini videos of us doing
amazing things.
And we're literally deleting theones where we didn't do as well.
And we're just taking thatmoving forward.
(17:54):
We've talked about what can we,as parents do after games?
And I think our natural reactionas parents, is, we want our kids
to get better and so what wewant to do is tell them the ways
that they can improve or oh, Inoticed what they could fix over
there.
And we really need to work onour passes on the go because we
miss some of those, if and Andwhat you guys are modeling is as
(18:16):
parents, our job is to justbuild them up, show them the
highlight reels, help them tomove forward, build a sense of
confidence and also I help themknow that literally we see them
a couple of things there.
First of all, like one of thethings that really shocked me
when we first, was sewing afterhis very first season of
whatever sport it was maybe asoccer.
It shocked me.
(18:37):
That there was no team party.
Growing up as a kid.
I don't remember ever having aseason that a team party.
And I think that's one of thethings that as a community, as
parents, we have to bring backthe team party just for that
reason, because it's somethingthat's what the kids remember.
With camp, we've done the samething, right?
The very last thing on Friday isthe counselors bring up each kid
individually and they talk aboutthem and they talk about, why
(18:59):
they enjoyed having them as acamper that week, and then they
get their certificate.
And again, it's just bringingthat concept of the team party
back to Grit Camp, becauseagain, that's where the kids are
gonna remember.
Well, thank you to Jen and BrianHarbin.
We are going to go ahead andpause this conversation and
continue it next week.
Thanks to our colleagues andfriends for listening.
And we hope you'll tune in.
(19:19):
As we continue to talk about.
Building character and gritthrough youth sports.
Take care.
See you next week.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!